KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: sgtclub on September 17, 2014, 04:43:00 PM
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Today is Day 7. I would have introduced myself earlier, but this site is seriously fucking hard to navigate in a fog.
My story is not unique. I'm 43. I can't remember when I had my first dip, but it was probably around the age of 13. I know by the age of 15 it was a tin a day habit. Skoal long cut the last decade or so. Before that Kodiac, Cope, etc. You all know the drill.
I've known I am an addict for probably the last 20 years. I never really tried to quit nic. Sure, I've switch delivery systems for a few months here and there (cigarettes, nic gum, the patch, etc.), but never tried to quit. I can't say for certain, but until 7 days ago, I don't think a day went by over the last 28 years when I didn't do nicotine.
About 6 months ago I've started really getting sick of being a slave. I hadn't even realized it before, but I finally woke up to the amount of time and energy I was spending planning, hiding, worrying etc. and really didn't like it. I wanted to be FREE!!!! In fact, when I quit, I started with a little mantra/breathing exercise, where I take a deep breath in and think "FREE" and then blow it out and think "DOM" - it's working for me as a good reminder for my reasons for quitting.
So I quit dipping August 25, and started in on NRT for a couple of weeks. My plan was to follow the standard 12 week cessation program, but a couple of weeks in, I said fuck it and went cold turkey. Boy was I fucking ignorant. I really had no respect for the drug and everything that came along with withdrawing from it. Day 1 was fine. But days 2, 3 and 5 were fucking awful.
The last 2 days have been OK, but my attention span is short and I can't really focus very well. The funny thing is that I have no desire for a dip and I don't have cravings. I just want to feel normal again. I want my skin to stop tingling. I want to get out of the fog. I want to be able to focus again. I want to stop having this fucking oral fixation.
All in good time I guess.
Anyway, that's all I got for now. Thanks for listening
Club
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Club you have come to the right place and congrats on surviving the first few days in the fog alone. Now that the bitch is out of your system its all about the mind games. Read all you can and post frequently especially
if WHEN you hit a rough patch. We post roll everyday and then keep our word not to use. Not easy but very simple. Be sure to read the welcome center and let us know if you have questions.
QUIT HARD!
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Club,
Yeah quitting sucks, but you'll never have a harder 7 day stretch than what you've already gone through, provided you don't cave. But as intros go, your intro tells me you get it. Everyone wants to quit dipping, the true quitters want to quit being a slave to nicotine. So from here, use this site and post roll everyday. The strongest quits here are the most active here...and that is no coincidence. Take posting roll seriously, and you'll take your quit seriously. Welcome aboard.
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Congrats, I'm right there with ya. I didn't start quite as early but was a can to 1.5 cans a day then kinda cut it back without even realizing it to just under a can a day and a few months ago was down to around 3/4 a can a day. I'm on day 3 and today has been the worse so far. I want a dip more than anything, but am trying my hardest to fight back the cravings
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SGT,
Just remember that even though it may feel like it at the time, quitting nicotine has never actually killed anyone. Remember how bad this period feels right now and use that to build your resolve to never again. Read as much as you can, as knowledge is power and you need some power to continue kicking the addiction to the curb. The theory is simple....quit for today, today only. tomorrow will be dealt with in due time. Post your promise to your fellow quitters; do it early in the day to take the option to use nicotine off the table. Honor that promise; repeat. Gather up some numbers of your quit brothers and sisters; you'll never know when you need to reach out.
Even though you're past the physical part, the mental games are just beginning as your brain rewires itself to shut down those extra dopamine receptors it built when you were flooding your body with nicotine. It's going to take awhile to kill those little bastards off, so you're just gonna have to get used to the fog....it does get better, but even now (I hit 100 days quit today) there are days I feel like you do now. Those will happen less and less, trust me.
One day at a time. That's the only way to do this successfully.
Quit on.
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Today is Day 7. I would have introduced myself earlier, but this site is seriously fucking hard to navigate in a fog.
My story is not unique. I'm 43. I can't remember when I had my first dip, but it was probably around the age of 13. I know by the age of 15 it was a tin a day habit. Skoal long cut the last decade or so. Before that Kodiac, Cope, etc. You all know the drill.
I've known I am an addict for probably the last 20 years. I never really tried to quit nic. Sure, I've switch delivery systems for a few months here and there (cigarettes, nic gum, the patch, etc.), but never tried to quit. I can't say for certain, but until 7 days ago, I don't think a day went by over the last 28 years when I didn't do nicotine.
About 6 months ago I've started really getting sick of being a slave. I hadn't even realized it before, but I finally woke up to the amount of time and energy I was spending planning, hiding, worrying etc. and really didn't like it. I wanted to be FREE!!!! In fact, when I quit, I started with a little mantra/breathing exercise, where I take a deep breath in and think "FREE" and then blow it out and think "DOM" - it's working for me as a good reminder for my reasons for quitting.
So I quit dipping August 25, and started in on NRT for a couple of weeks. My plan was to follow the standard 12 week cessation program, but a couple of weeks in, I said fuck it and went cold turkey. Boy was I fucking ignorant. I really had no respect for the drug and everything that came along with withdrawing from it. Day 1 was fine. But days 2, 3 and 5 were fucking awful.
The last 2 days have been OK, but my attention span is short and I can't really focus very well. The funny thing is that I have no desire for a dip and I don't have cravings. I just want to feel normal again. I want my skin to stop tingling. I want to get out of the fog. I want to be able to focus again. I want to stop having this fucking oral fixation.
All in good time I guess.
Anyway, that's all I got for now. Thanks for listening
Club
You can do this man. Being quit is a moment by moment endeavor. Sometimes you need to thig about it more than others. You are currently there. Make the decision. Move on. Make it again. Move. String those moments togethers, and you're quit.
Do you understand how our program works?
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Club - Know that you are not alone. Same story, different person. We have ALL been thru the same BS that you're going thru. Read other peoples intros and you'll see that's true.
Post roll EDD (every damn day). It's your promise to yourself and us that you WILL NOT use Nic in any form for that day. Sleep, wake up and repeat.
Welcome aboard!!! If we can all do it, so can you!!
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Club you have come to the right place and congrats on surviving the first few days in the fog alone. Now that the bitch is out of your system its all about the mind games. Read all you can and post frequently especially if WHEN you hit a rough patch. We post roll everyday and then keep our word not to use. Not easy but very simple. Be sure to read the welcome center and let us know if you have questions.
QUIT HARD!
Thanks for the support
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Even though you're past the physical part, the mental games are just beginning as your brain rewires itself to shut down those extra dopamine receptors it built when you were flooding your body with nicotine. It's going to take awhile to kill those little bastards off, so you're just gonna have to get used to the fog....it does get better, but even now (I hit 100 days quit today) there are days I feel like you do now. Those will happen less and less, trust me.
One day at a time. That's the only way to do this successfully.
Quit on.
I have a question about that - why does everyone say that the physical part is only a few days, when everything I've read here (and felt personally) suggests that is not the case - that there are physical issues to deal with for many weeks/months to come. I'm not talking about cravings; those I understand are mental. But the fog, for example, is physical, not mental.
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You can do this man. Being quit is a moment by moment endeavor. Sometimes you need to thig about it more than others. You are currently there. Make the decision. Move on. Make it again. Move. String those moments togethers, and you're quit.
Do you understand how our program works?
Yea, I think so. More or less. Post roll, be accountable, and hold others accountable. Do, don't try.
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Even though you're past the physical part, the mental games are just beginning as your brain rewires itself to shut down those extra dopamine receptors it built when you were flooding your body with nicotine. It's going to take awhile to kill those little bastards off, so you're just gonna have to get used to the fog....it does get better, but even now (I hit 100 days quit today) there are days I feel like you do now. Those will happen less and less, trust me.
One day at a time. That's the only way to do this successfully.
Quit on.
I have a question about that - why does everyone say that the physical part is only a few days, when everything I've read here (and felt personally) suggests that is not the case - that there are physical issues to deal with for many weeks/months to come. I'm not talking about cravings; those I understand are mental. But the fog, for example, is physical, not mental.
Your body is addicted to the nicotine for a short period of time. It's getting rid of the mental thoughts that takes forever...I just finished eating...put in a dip, I'm on a long drive...put in a dip, I'm doing yard work, etc. The rewriting of your brain where it associates dipping with what you are doing takes a long time. But the physical withdrawal symptoms do not last long.
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Even though you're past the physical part, the mental games are just beginning as your brain rewires itself to shut down those extra dopamine receptors it built when you were flooding your body with nicotine. It's going to take awhile to kill those little bastards off, so you're just gonna have to get used to the fog....it does get better, but even now (I hit 100 days quit today) there are days I feel like you do now. Those will happen less and less, trust me.
One day at a time. That's the only way to do this successfully.
Quit on.
I have a question about that - why does everyone say that the physical part is only a few days, when everything I've read here (and felt personally) suggests that is not the case - that there are physical issues to deal with for many weeks/months to come. I'm not talking about cravings; those I understand are mental. But the fog, for example, is physical, not mental.
Club - I'm not sure what it is, but I get a good sense from you. Like you know that nic isn't fucking around, but neither are you. The freedom is there and yours for the taking. All you have to do is make that promise and keep it for one full day, each and every day, and that freedom will slowly start to grow and eventually it will flourish. One important thing to keep in mind, however: you are every bit an addict today as you were 7 days ago and as you will be for the rest of your life. The one overarching factor that is entirely within your control today and from this day forward is the choice you make to an active "using" addict or a recovering non-using addict. While you will never be truly free of the fact that you are an addict, that sense freedom you crave will still be yours if you ride this quit every day, one day at a time. I'm not trying to be a downer - I want to be honest with you so that you accept and embrace what lies ahead.
As for the part about the physical vs. the mental, I find that this distinction is a bit of a misnomer. It is technically true that due to the half-life of nicotine, it is generally flushed from your system within 72 hours of cessation. There are other by-products of nicotine, such as cotinine, that have a much longer half-life and can stay in your system for a few weeks. That's all well and good, but to say that it's "all mental" 3 days after you quit is doing an incredible disservice to the exact level and scale of insidiousness that we have cultivated via this nicotine addiction. To start, every time nicotine entered your bloodstream and broke the blood/brain barrier, that would trigger a flood of dopamine to your neural receptors. You, me, and we all spent years packing our lips full of cat turds over and over again in order to satisfy our brain's receptors increasing appetite for more and more dopamine. The more nic we ingested, the more our brain grew new receptors to demand and harvest that precious dopamine. Just because there are zero traces of nicotine left in your body after 3 or 4 days doesn't mean that all of those receptors are going to instantly accept that the gravy train is over and go dormant. They are like little baby birds, wailing and chirping for mama to come bring them another fat, juicy worm. That is the essence of addiction.
The good news for you is that after the first 7 days, the worst, most relentlessly brutal days of your quit are behind you. That's not so say tomorrow is going to be a cakewalk, but bit by bit it will slowly start getting better. There's a well-established path here, and it really isn't overly productive to get consumed with what day 8 will feel like vs day 21 vs day 100. Just focus on being quit today and the other pieces will begin to fall into place.
Post up roll if you haven't already, and PM me for digits. Building up your network of contacts will be an absolutely VITAL component of your ongoing quit plan.
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Finally, a glimpse of the future.
For the first time in 9 days:
my head isn't incessantly pounding
I don't feel concussed
I'm not completely enveloped in a fog
I'm not gnawing on seeds like a wood chipper
my skin isn't crawling
I know this is temporary and symptoms will return, but it's really nice to get a glimpse of what the future holds.
rock on
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Finally, a glimpse of the future.
For the first time in 9 days:
my head isn't incessantly pounding
I don't feel concussed
I'm not completely enveloped in a fog
I'm not gnawing on seeds like a wood chipper
my skin isn't crawling
I know this is temporary and symptoms will return, but it's really nice to get a glimpse of what the future holds.
rock on
There are even better days ahead but the only way to get there is one day at a time. Keep quitting and it will keep getting better. One day at a time. Quit like fuck every damn day.
Great advice from a lot of great quitters here. Read and read some more on this site. Use Live Chat. Feed your quit every damn day.
You can do this.
Quit on
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sgtclub, you are the man for owning up to the fact that you are an addict man. It took me over 15 years of poisoning myself to realize this. Just like you, I dedicated every day of my life to somehow fitting in this habit that was killing me. Between spending all my money to alientating my loved ones, I was reaching the point of literally choosing dip over any fucking happiness.
Long story short, you need to do this for yourself and never look back. By coming here you have given yourself the greatest chance possible to succeed because now you are accountable to not only yourself but all of us when you post roll and make the promise every day.
PM me if you need anything at all or just want to share stories about how much of a fuck up nicotine can make you (I have about a million).
Welcome Brother!!!! I quit with you every day in December.
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sgtclub, you are the man for owning up to the fact that you are an addict man. It took me over 15 years of poisoning myself to realize this. Just like you, I dedicated every day of my life to somehow fitting in this habit that was killing me. Between spending all my money to alientating my loved ones, I was reaching the point of literally choosing dip over any fucking happiness.
Long story short, you need to do this for yourself and never look back. By coming here you have given yourself the greatest chance possible to succeed because now you are accountable to not only yourself but all of us when you post roll and make the promise every day.
PM me if you need anything at all or just want to share stories about how much of a fuck up nicotine can make you (I have about a million).
Welcome Brother!!!! I quit with you every day in December.
Great choice Club!
Glad you're here.
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Your head is in the right place, Sgt. Right now, those glimpses are just that. Glimpses. Temporary breaks in the dark clouds. Those breaks will get longer and longer. Keep attacking your addiction head-on and soon you will be in a place where it is mostly bluebird skies with a few intermittent clouds here and there.
You are all over this one, so keep on fighting.
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One area I haven't seen discussed is sex. Is it my imagination or does sex actually improve?