I see what you did there.ÂDear KTC:
I'm filing a DMCA!!!
Haha, nice story man.
(exercising and having vigorous sex with each other)And that folks, is what quitting is all about
Today's installment of the Narrative Series is the first in what has become known as the "Moustache Ride" series. We have a special member in the April group that goes by the name of Auburn. He likes to beat his pork sword frequently which quickly became a problem in a glass house. When Auburn started advertising free moustache rides the group decided to take action. Originally posted on March 21, 2012.We gotta call the Ghost Busters!!
(Coach Steve and several other members of the glass house of April are hanging out in the living room talking about how to ask Auburn to stop beating the pork sword in the open and giving free moustache rides to gmann)
Tstahr: Seriously guys, I can't take this shit anymore
Coach Steve: Look, we just need to level with him and ask him to use the shower curtains we bought for his room
Crockett: Fuck that. We already asked like 5 times
(Everyone goes silent as the front door slams and they all hear footsteps in the hallway and turn to see Hipster standing in the doorway)
BWB: Sup Hip?
Dethan: Yeah how's it goin der Hip?
Hipster: {avoiding eye contact} Hi
(Silence in the room.....Hipster eventually walks upstairs to his room)
Dethan: Does he always do that?
BWB: Yeah
Dethan: Feckin A
Tstahr: Anyways, about the exposed pork sword...
Crockett: And the moustache rides! That shit is out of control
BWB: I agree. The gheyness in this house has reached a critical level
Tstahr: Why do you always talk like you're at a power plant?
BWB: What do mean? I'm at all systems go!
Tstahr: That's what I mean
BWB: Whatever
Tstahr: I'm serious, we can't just have gmann hanging around here whenever he wants
Dethan: Maybe its time to ask him take down the feckin huge sign hanging out his window that says "Free Moustache Rides"?
Coach Steve: I have noticed a lot of quitters walking by the house lately. Didn't know we were advertising moustache rides
BWB: I think sometimes they come to watch him beat the pork sword
(Dr Vadge pokes his head in from the kitchen)
Vadge: I saw the Nic whore peaking in the windows last night
Dethan: I thought that was your motha!
Vadge: That's fucked up dude
Dethan: That's what she said! Ha!
Crockett: That doesn't even make sense
Dethan: You know what Crockett? I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind.....
(Right at that moment jjprice comes running down the stairs with his weight belt still around his waist. He is out of breath and pale in the face...as if he'd seen a ghost)
jjprice: Guys I saw him! I swear it was him!!
Tstahr: You been working out too hard again jj?
jjprice: I swear to you! I saw his face!
Coach Steve: You saw who's face?
(jjprice pauses, looks over Coach Steve's shoulder, and points to the picture hanging above the glass fireplace)
jjprice: {whispering} twoscore......
BWB: That's impossible
jjprice: It was him, I know it
Tstahr: Couldn't have been him. He's no longer with us
Dethan: You must have been mistaken
jjprice: You guys think I'm crazy don't you?
Crockett: Well...yes. That and I think you're a sorry little bitch
jjprice: Fuck you guys. You'll see
(jjprice punches the wall and runs outside)
Dethan: You guys think he's for real?
Crockett: Fuck ghosts! They don't exist
BWB: I don't know man. I've noticed some pretty strange things happening down at the live chat house lately
Coach Steve: I've seen it too Beast. They call it the "Hatethebear" The Elders say its the spirit of twoscore
Dethan: Feckin creepy. Wicked Pissa
Tstahr: I've seen it too
Dethan: Here?
Tstahr: Yeah. Upstairs. I didn't want to say anything, figured you guys would think I'm crazy.....
(The room falls silent as the quitters in the glass house of April exchange cautious glances and look upon the picture of twoscore now hanging crooked above the glass fireplace........)
Very well said Coach.Why would you stop posting roll after reading all the cave stories and one of their reasons for caving is not staying connected with their group and posting roll daily.
This is a war, and the push to 100 days is just the first battle in a war that most never have the courage or character to attempt. You are all to be commended.
Never forget those first days, the hell, the sickness, and dispair, and every step it took to get here. When you forget where you came from you lose sight of where you are heading. At that moment you lose. Be it tomorrow, six months, or six years from now.
I challenge each of you to post to 200. I know you all of you won't do it. Some will think you don't need this place anymore, some will think you are cured, some will just loose interest. I need your daily promise as much as you need mine (like it or not). I at least admit it. I can't imagine 10,000 angry MF's raining down on me for being a liar. Nor will I allow that to happen with my promise everyday.
There are many types of freedom. Freedom from addiction is one. You have taken a step in the right direction, now it is time to take the next step.
Never Again.
Razd -927-
Thats right!!Quote from: razd611Very well said Coach.Why would you stop posting roll after reading all the cave stories and one of their reasons for caving is not staying connected with their group and posting roll daily.
This is a war, and the push to 100 days is just the first battle in a war that most never have the courage or character to attempt. You are all to be commended.
Never forget those first days, the hell, the sickness, and dispair, and every step it took to get here. When you forget where you came from you lose sight of where you are heading. At that moment you lose. Be it tomorrow, six months, or six years from now.
I challenge each of you to post to 200. I know you all of you won't do it. Some will think you don't need this place anymore, some will think you are cured, some will just loose interest. I need your daily promise as much as you need mine (like it or not). I at least admit it. I can't imagine 10,000 angry MF's raining down on me for being a liar. Nor will I allow that to happen with my promise everyday.
There are many types of freedom. Freedom from addiction is one. You have taken a step in the right direction, now it is time to take the next step.
Never Again.
Razd -927-
Is/was your goal to quit just until you reached HOF? 100 day is a drop in the bucket compared with the rest of your life. If the average man lives to 72, I've got 25 more years or 9125 more days.
So am I going to pound my chest with pride for making it to 100 days? No.
I'll high five everyone I see but at the end of the day, I'm still a recovering nicotine addict looking for one more day of quit
(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the glass house of April 12 and parks next to PTW's truck. "What is sex cavating anyways?" me mutters to himself as he climbs out of his car. He notices that the front door of the glass house of April is open and several quitters are gathered in the hallway looking at something on the wall and rabbling amongst themselves)I seriously love the quit like fuck installments.
Coach Steve: {walking up the steps} What's going on now?
Texasjack: Coach MFN Steve!! {turning to the group} Guys! Coach MFN Steve is here!!
(All of the quitters in the front hallway turn and begin to cheer)
nv0311: {throwing his dirty laundry in the air in an apparent celebration} Yaaah! We're saved!
Coach Steve: You bet, what's up?
Texasjack: I don't know Coach, seems like some mystery dude posted a HOF speech while no one was looking
Coach Steve: What? How is that possible?
Texasjack: That's what we're trying to figure out
(Coach Steve begins wadding his way through the crowded hallway in order to see what everyone is talking about and suddenly feels someone pinch his ass)
Coach Steve: {turning to see who it was} What the..?
(Coach Steve locks eyes with Rated, who winks and blows him a kiss. Without saying a word, Coach Steve catches the kiss with his hand and places it on his cheek}
Tstahr: You guys are so ghey
Rated: {looking at Tstahr} You wanna piece of this?
Tstahr: Sure why not..
(Rated proceeds to fireman carry Tstahr up the stairs to his room)
Coach Steve: {shaking his head} Maybe I did write gay porn in a former lifeÂ….?
(Coach Steve is unable to make his way through the extremely crowded hallway to see what everyone is gawking at when RenegadeMMA busts in through the front door)
RenegadeMMA: Well IÂ’ll be damned, you boys look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Coach Steve: RobÂ…what up man?
RenegadeMMA: Not much CoachÂ…hey, do you mind posting for me today?
Coach Steve: You bet
RenegadeMMA: Thanks, IÂ’ve got to head back to the gym to beat the shit out of some Asian people
Coach Steve: {raising his eyebrows} Just Asian people?
RenegadeMMA: {confused look} Yeah why?
Coach Steve: OkÂ…..do you mind helping me clear the way a bit here before you go?
RenegadeMMA: You got it!
(RenegadeMMA proceeds to donkey punch and jumping round house kick a swath through the crowded hallway. By the time Coach Steve gets to the Wall of Fame he finds RenegadeMMA has put Hipster in a brutal figure four)
Hipster: Ahhhhh!! Public savagery!!! Help me Mcarmo and Luby!!!
(Luby is seen peeking into one of the windows in the living room, looking to his left and right, and then descending as if he were doing the fake elevator trick)
Coach Steve: {tapping RenegadeMMA on the shoulder} ThatÂ’s quite enough Rob
RenegadeMMA: But Coach this dude tried to buy me a Zima!
Coach Steve: HeÂ’s just trying to be nice and buy the new HOFers drinks
RenegadeMMA: {releasing his grip on Hipster} Oh, my B dudeÂ….
Hipster: What is it with you savages? Do you people know boundaries?
Vadge: No, but Cbird knows about rear entry solutions
JJ Price: {adjusting his weight belt and looking at PTW} He sure doesÂ…Â…
PTW: What the fuck dudeÂ…..again? Why do people always look at me when they say shit like that?!?
Coach Steve: Alright now what the fuck isÂ…Â….?
(Coach Steve stops mid sentence as he sees what everyone is rabbling aboutÂ…a napkin with writing on it that has been taped to the Wall of Fame)
Coach Steve: Who the fuck is Dennis?
Vadge: You donÂ’t remember Ole DJ?
Dethan: Yeah, he feckin posted in April like 3 times and then leftÂ…nevah heard from his ass again dere
Coach Steve: {reading the napkin} Who gives a fuck about home brews?
BWB: {raising his hand} I do Coach, but IÂ’ll also drink rice water
Coach Steve: And what in the hell does “pinch the bear” mean?
Auburn: Think it means to flog the pork sword?
Coach Steve: You would say thatÂ…so why does this guy get to post a speech?
Cbird: Not sure, IÂ’ve requested an explanation from the Admins
(Just then, the group hears a loud *poof* and Chewie appears in the living room. He is holding a small yellow sticky note and he proceeds to walk up to the Wall of Fame and tape the sticky note on the wall)
Chewie: {looking at Coach Steve} I put your HOF coin in the mail, thanks for your order
Coach Steve: UhÂ…..thanks
Chewie: Be quit! See ya!
(Chewie vanishes with a *poof*)
Coach Steve: {looking at the sticky note} You gotta be fucking kidding me!
BWB: First Dennis? Now Clay? IÂ’m going to have a fucking meltdown!
JJ Price: Where do these guys come from?
(Just then, Moondawggy and IRISH walk into the house followed by SWJ and his hooligan monkey squad)
Moondawggy: Well boys, we got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that SWJÂ’s hooligan monkey squad shit all over the front porch and proceeded to pelt old Euty with fecal matter while he was on his way to the KTC strip club
BWB: KTC has a strip club?
Texasjack: Damn right, supportin them single mothers!!
Coach Steve: Yeah I think Fizzle is dancing there these days..
Texasjack: Fizzle? She sounds hot!
Vadge: WellÂ…..sheÂ’s not fatÂ…Â…
Coach Steve: Anyways, whatÂ’s the good news?
IRISH: {brushing SWJÂ’s fro out of his face} The good news is that before SWJÂ’s monkey shat on the porch they did a little reconnaissance for usÂ…
BWB: What do you meanÂ…?
SWJ: My monkey hooligan squad have used their unrivaled stealth powers to find out where Dennis and Clay are hiding out
Coach Steve: Where exactly is that?
Moondawggy: WeÂ’re pretty sure theyÂ’re holed up in the old dilapidated November 2005 house of asbestos
Coach Steve: IsnÂ’t that place condemned? No oneÂ’s lived there since 2008
Cbird: No Coach, itÂ’s perfect, no one would think to look there
SWJ: Everyone but my hooligan monkey squadÂ….
Coach Steve: {dodging fecal matter} Thanks SWJ
SWJ: DonÂ’t thank me, thank my hooligan monkey squad. By the way, have I told you guys the story of Big Red?
Coach Steve: {looking out the window at the dilapidated November 2005 house} Save that thought SWJÂ….
Moondawggy: What are you thinking Coach?
Coach Steve: IÂ’ve got a plan to flush these fuckers out, but weÂ’re gonna need all hands on deckÂ…..
(Coach Steve begins to diagram his plan of attack for the group on the random white board sitting in the front hallwayÂ…..)
{Back to the Future style} To be continuedÂ…Â…Â….
MT- stick around - it only gets better- the quit and also the demented mind of Coach Steve and his cast of not ready for prime time playersQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the glass house of April 12 and parks next to PTW's truck. "What is sex cavating anyways?" me mutters to himself as he climbs out of his car. He notices that the front door of the glass house of April is open and several quitters are gathered in the hallway looking at something on the wall and rabbling amongst themselves)I seriously love the quit like fuck installments.
Coach Steve: {walking up the steps} What's going on now?
Texasjack: Coach MFN Steve!! {turning to the group} Guys! Coach MFN Steve is here!!
(All of the quitters in the front hallway turn and begin to cheer)
nv0311: {throwing his dirty laundry in the air in an apparent celebration} Yaaah! We're saved!
Coach Steve: You bet, what's up?
Texasjack: I don't know Coach, seems like some mystery dude posted a HOF speech while no one was looking
Coach Steve: What? How is that possible?
Texasjack: That's what we're trying to figure out
(Coach Steve begins wadding his way through the crowded hallway in order to see what everyone is talking about and suddenly feels someone pinch his ass)
Coach Steve: {turning to see who it was} What the..?
(Coach Steve locks eyes with Rated, who winks and blows him a kiss. Without saying a word, Coach Steve catches the kiss with his hand and places it on his cheek}
Tstahr: You guys are so ghey
Rated: {looking at Tstahr} You wanna piece of this?
Tstahr: Sure why not..
(Rated proceeds to fireman carry Tstahr up the stairs to his room)
Coach Steve: {shaking his head} Maybe I did write gay porn in a former lifeÂ….?
(Coach Steve is unable to make his way through the extremely crowded hallway to see what everyone is gawking at when RenegadeMMA busts in through the front door)
RenegadeMMA: Well IÂ’ll be damned, you boys look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Coach Steve: RobÂ…what up man?
RenegadeMMA: Not much CoachÂ…hey, do you mind posting for me today?
Coach Steve: You bet
RenegadeMMA: Thanks, IÂ’ve got to head back to the gym to beat the shit out of some Asian people
Coach Steve: {raising his eyebrows} Just Asian people?
RenegadeMMA: {confused look} Yeah why?
Coach Steve: OkÂ…..do you mind helping me clear the way a bit here before you go?
RenegadeMMA: You got it!
(RenegadeMMA proceeds to donkey punch and jumping round house kick a swath through the crowded hallway. By the time Coach Steve gets to the Wall of Fame he finds RenegadeMMA has put Hipster in a brutal figure four)
Hipster: Ahhhhh!! Public savagery!!! Help me Mcarmo and Luby!!!
(Luby is seen peeking into one of the windows in the living room, looking to his left and right, and then descending as if he were doing the fake elevator trick)
Coach Steve: {tapping RenegadeMMA on the shoulder} ThatÂ’s quite enough Rob
RenegadeMMA: But Coach this dude tried to buy me a Zima!
Coach Steve: HeÂ’s just trying to be nice and buy the new HOFers drinks
RenegadeMMA: {releasing his grip on Hipster} Oh, my B dudeÂ….
Hipster: What is it with you savages? Do you people know boundaries?
Vadge: No, but Cbird knows about rear entry solutions
JJ Price: {adjusting his weight belt and looking at PTW} He sure doesÂ…Â…
PTW: What the fuck dudeÂ…..again? Why do people always look at me when they say shit like that?!?
Coach Steve: Alright now what the fuck isÂ…Â….?
(Coach Steve stops mid sentence as he sees what everyone is rabbling aboutÂ…a napkin with writing on it that has been taped to the Wall of Fame)
Coach Steve: Who the fuck is Dennis?
Vadge: You donÂ’t remember Ole DJ?
Dethan: Yeah, he feckin posted in April like 3 times and then leftÂ…nevah heard from his ass again dere
Coach Steve: {reading the napkin} Who gives a fuck about home brews?
BWB: {raising his hand} I do Coach, but IÂ’ll also drink rice water
Coach Steve: And what in the hell does “pinch the bear” mean?
Auburn: Think it means to flog the pork sword?
Coach Steve: You would say thatÂ…so why does this guy get to post a speech?
Cbird: Not sure, IÂ’ve requested an explanation from the Admins
(Just then, the group hears a loud *poof* and Chewie appears in the living room. He is holding a small yellow sticky note and he proceeds to walk up to the Wall of Fame and tape the sticky note on the wall)
Chewie: {looking at Coach Steve} I put your HOF coin in the mail, thanks for your order
Coach Steve: UhÂ…..thanks
Chewie: Be quit! See ya!
(Chewie vanishes with a *poof*)
Coach Steve: {looking at the sticky note} You gotta be fucking kidding me!
BWB: First Dennis? Now Clay? IÂ’m going to have a fucking meltdown!
JJ Price: Where do these guys come from?
(Just then, Moondawggy and IRISH walk into the house followed by SWJ and his hooligan monkey squad)
Moondawggy: Well boys, we got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that SWJÂ’s hooligan monkey squad shit all over the front porch and proceeded to pelt old Euty with fecal matter while he was on his way to the KTC strip club
BWB: KTC has a strip club?
Texasjack: Damn right, supportin them single mothers!!
Coach Steve: Yeah I think Fizzle is dancing there these days..
Texasjack: Fizzle? She sounds hot!
Vadge: WellÂ…..sheÂ’s not fatÂ…Â…
Coach Steve: Anyways, whatÂ’s the good news?
IRISH: {brushing SWJÂ’s fro out of his face} The good news is that before SWJÂ’s monkey shat on the porch they did a little reconnaissance for usÂ…
BWB: What do you meanÂ…?
SWJ: My monkey hooligan squad have used their unrivaled stealth powers to find out where Dennis and Clay are hiding out
Coach Steve: Where exactly is that?
Moondawggy: WeÂ’re pretty sure theyÂ’re holed up in the old dilapidated November 2005 house of asbestos
Coach Steve: IsnÂ’t that place condemned? No oneÂ’s lived there since 2008
Cbird: No Coach, itÂ’s perfect, no one would think to look there
SWJ: Everyone but my hooligan monkey squadÂ….
Coach Steve: {dodging fecal matter} Thanks SWJ
SWJ: DonÂ’t thank me, thank my hooligan monkey squad. By the way, have I told you guys the story of Big Red?
Coach Steve: {looking out the window at the dilapidated November 2005 house} Save that thought SWJÂ….
Moondawggy: What are you thinking Coach?
Coach Steve: IÂ’ve got a plan to flush these fuckers out, but weÂ’re gonna need all hands on deckÂ…..
(Coach Steve begins to diagram his plan of attack for the group on the random white board sitting in the front hallwayÂ…..)
{Back to the Future style} To be continuedÂ…Â…Â….
Think you guys might invite the Platoon over the the April house for the fourth of July?
That could be an interesting party.
Crockett: Maybe you should've gotten a better soapbox that didn't suck?Hole - lee - shiaaaaat, That's Funny 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
That whole post was great. Thanks Steve.QuoteCrockett: Maybe you should've gotten a better soapbox that didn't suck?Hole - lee - shiaaaaat, That's Funny 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
(Coach Steve climbs atop the glass soapbox of April 12 to address a concept that plagues newbs and long time quitters alike.....the concept of forever or the rest of your life)good post Coach Steve. I've been really struggling with why there are so many who come to this site, use and appreciate the tremendous resources here but fail to grasp this concept. It's like they truely are here to just stop. They are also purposely leaving the door cracked open (practically planning) for a future cave.
First of all, as most of you reading this should already know, the concept of quitting forever is not the means here at KTC. The means is to make your promise not to use nicotine one day at time. This is the "means to an end" with the end goal being the rest of your life. As I've recently described to a newb, your addict brain can grasp the concept of one day at a time while the concept of forever may seem daunting and unendurable.
Although we preach the concept of one day at time for good reason, it still troubles me that people have such a difficult time with the concept of quitting for the rest of your life. For those quitters that choose to lament about the concept of quitting forever, I must ask you why you came here in the first place? Certainly it wasn't to just quit for 100 days or 200 days. No....you posted Day 1 so that you could free yourself from the chains of your nicotine addiction for the rest of your life. Did you not? Was that not the ultimate goal? If so, then why is it that the thought of achieving the ultimate goal (albeit one day at a time) simultaneously creates a sense of anxiety?
I cannot for the life of me understand why the concept of forever is such a downer for some quitters. Lets think of it in different terms. For those of you that are married you remember the "till death do you part" words that you repeated to one another during the ceremony. Did you want a divorce on Day 10 because the concept of forever was too much to handle? Did your spouse look at you and say, "It's ok honey, just take it one day at a time?" For those of you that have children, when your first child was born did you run away on Day 15 because the concept of having a child for the rest of your life was too much to handle? I hope you answered "NO" to all of the above questions. If so, then why do you balk at the concept of quitting for the rest of your life?
I believe the answer lies in concept of addiction and the whispers of the nic bitch. This is why it is important to focus on quitting one day at a time as the "means" to the "end" of quitting for the rest of your life. The nic bitch is much less convincing if you force it to convince you one day at a time that you are not able to achieve your ultimate goal. After all, that is what the addiction is doing to your brain.....attempting to convince you that you can't stay quit. However, you must not let your addiction convince you that the ultimate goal is unachievable. In order to achieve the ultimate goal, you must quit one day at a time while simultaneously embracing the concept of the rest of your life.
Aside from feeding your addiction, what do / did you really enjoy about dipping?I liked the texture and the flavor.....kodiak
Be careful, it's a trick question.
So you liked to "pinch the bear?" What do you enjoy the most about being quit?Quote from: CoachAside from feeding your addiction, what do / did you really enjoy about dipping?I liked the texture and the flavor.....kodiak
Be careful, it's a trick question.
Aside from feeding your addiction, what do / did you really enjoy about dipping?I enjoyed....... the being a rebel of it!
Be careful, it's a trick question.
Well Said!!!!!!!Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve climbs atop the glass soapbox of April 12 to address a concept that plagues newbs and long time quitters alike.....the concept of forever or the rest of your life)good post Coach Steve. I've been really struggling with why there are so many who come to this site, use and appreciate the tremendous resources here but fail to grasp this concept. It's like they truely are here to just stop. They are also purposely leaving the door cracked open (practically planning) for a future cave.
First of all, as most of you reading this should already know, the concept of quitting forever is not the means here at KTC. The means is to make your promise not to use nicotine one day at time. This is the "means to an end" with the end goal being the rest of your life. As I've recently described to a newb, your addict brain can grasp the concept of one day at a time while the concept of forever may seem daunting and unendurable.
Although we preach the concept of one day at time for good reason, it still troubles me that people have such a difficult time with the concept of quitting for the rest of your life. For those quitters that choose to lament about the concept of quitting forever, I must ask you why you came here in the first place? Certainly it wasn't to just quit for 100 days or 200 days. No....you posted Day 1 so that you could free yourself from the chains of your nicotine addiction for the rest of your life. Did you not? Was that not the ultimate goal? If so, then why is it that the thought of achieving the ultimate goal (albeit one day at a time) simultaneously creates a sense of anxiety?
I cannot for the life of me understand why the concept of forever is such a downer for some quitters. Lets think of it in different terms. For those of you that are married you remember the "till death do you part" words that you repeated to one another during the ceremony. Did you want a divorce on Day 10 because the concept of forever was too much to handle? Did your spouse look at you and say, "It's ok honey, just take it one day at a time?" For those of you that have children, when your first child was born did you run away on Day 15 because the concept of having a child for the rest of your life was too much to handle? I hope you answered "NO" to all of the above questions. If so, then why do you balk at the concept of quitting for the rest of your life?
I believe the answer lies in concept of addiction and the whispers of the nic bitch. This is why it is important to focus on quitting one day at a time as the "means" to the "end" of quitting for the rest of your life. The nic bitch is much less convincing if you force it to convince you one day at a time that you are not able to achieve your ultimate goal. After all, that is what the addiction is doing to your brain.....attempting to convince you that you can't stay quit. However, you must not let your addiction convince you that the ultimate goal is unachievable. In order to achieve the ultimate goal, you must quit one day at a time while simultaneously embracing the concept of the rest of your life.
We all came here to quit tobacco (I presume). The goal is forever, the implementation is 1 day at a time. They go hand in hand.
i will not say i am quit forever and i don't have to.... i will quit today and do that tomorrow and 'forever" will get worked out in the proces....Quote from: TonySelleWell Said!!!!!!!Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve climbs atop the glass soapbox of April 12 to address a concept that plagues newbs and long time quitters alike.....the concept of forever or the rest of your life)good post Coach Steve. I've been really struggling with why there are so many who come to this site, use and appreciate the tremendous resources here but fail to grasp this concept. It's like they truely are here to just stop. They are also purposely leaving the door cracked open (practically planning) for a future cave.
First of all, as most of you reading this should already know, the concept of quitting forever is not the means here at KTC. The means is to make your promise not to use nicotine one day at time. This is the "means to an end" with the end goal being the rest of your life. As I've recently described to a newb, your addict brain can grasp the concept of one day at a time while the concept of forever may seem daunting and unendurable.
Although we preach the concept of one day at time for good reason, it still troubles me that people have such a difficult time with the concept of quitting for the rest of your life. For those quitters that choose to lament about the concept of quitting forever, I must ask you why you came here in the first place? Certainly it wasn't to just quit for 100 days or 200 days. No....you posted Day 1 so that you could free yourself from the chains of your nicotine addiction for the rest of your life. Did you not? Was that not the ultimate goal? If so, then why is it that the thought of achieving the ultimate goal (albeit one day at a time) simultaneously creates a sense of anxiety?
I cannot for the life of me understand why the concept of forever is such a downer for some quitters. Lets think of it in different terms. For those of you that are married you remember the "till death do you part" words that you repeated to one another during the ceremony. Did you want a divorce on Day 10 because the concept of forever was too much to handle? Did your spouse look at you and say, "It's ok honey, just take it one day at a time?" For those of you that have children, when your first child was born did you run away on Day 15 because the concept of having a child for the rest of your life was too much to handle? I hope you answered "NO" to all of the above questions. If so, then why do you balk at the concept of quitting for the rest of your life?
I believe the answer lies in concept of addiction and the whispers of the nic bitch. This is why it is important to focus on quitting one day at a time as the "means" to the "end" of quitting for the rest of your life. The nic bitch is much less convincing if you force it to convince you one day at a time that you are not able to achieve your ultimate goal. After all, that is what the addiction is doing to your brain.....attempting to convince you that you can't stay quit. However, you must not let your addiction convince you that the ultimate goal is unachievable. In order to achieve the ultimate goal, you must quit one day at a time while simultaneously embracing the concept of the rest of your life.
We all came here to quit tobacco (I presume). The goal is forever, the implementation is 1 day at a time. They go hand in hand.
Keep your eye on the prize!
Damned good quote there TCope!! One day at a time brother, a system that will not fail!Quote from: razd611i will not say i am quit forever and i don't have to.... i will quit today and do that tomorrow and 'forever" will get worked out in the proces....Quote from: TonySelleWell Said!!!!!!!Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve climbs atop the glass soapbox of April 12 to address a concept that plagues newbs and long time quitters alike.....the concept of forever or the rest of your life)good post Coach Steve. I've been really struggling with why there are so many who come to this site, use and appreciate the tremendous resources here but fail to grasp this concept. It's like they truely are here to just stop. They are also purposely leaving the door cracked open (practically planning) for a future cave.
First of all, as most of you reading this should already know, the concept of quitting forever is not the means here at KTC. The means is to make your promise not to use nicotine one day at time. This is the "means to an end" with the end goal being the rest of your life. As I've recently described to a newb, your addict brain can grasp the concept of one day at a time while the concept of forever may seem daunting and unendurable.
Although we preach the concept of one day at time for good reason, it still troubles me that people have such a difficult time with the concept of quitting for the rest of your life. For those quitters that choose to lament about the concept of quitting forever, I must ask you why you came here in the first place? Certainly it wasn't to just quit for 100 days or 200 days. No....you posted Day 1 so that you could free yourself from the chains of your nicotine addiction for the rest of your life. Did you not? Was that not the ultimate goal? If so, then why is it that the thought of achieving the ultimate goal (albeit one day at a time) simultaneously creates a sense of anxiety?
I cannot for the life of me understand why the concept of forever is such a downer for some quitters. Lets think of it in different terms. For those of you that are married you remember the "till death do you part" words that you repeated to one another during the ceremony. Did you want a divorce on Day 10 because the concept of forever was too much to handle? Did your spouse look at you and say, "It's ok honey, just take it one day at a time?" For those of you that have children, when your first child was born did you run away on Day 15 because the concept of having a child for the rest of your life was too much to handle? I hope you answered "NO" to all of the above questions. If so, then why do you balk at the concept of quitting for the rest of your life?
I believe the answer lies in concept of addiction and the whispers of the nic bitch. This is why it is important to focus on quitting one day at a time as the "means" to the "end" of quitting for the rest of your life. The nic bitch is much less convincing if you force it to convince you one day at a time that you are not able to achieve your ultimate goal. After all, that is what the addiction is doing to your brain.....attempting to convince you that you can't stay quit. However, you must not let your addiction convince you that the ultimate goal is unachievable. In order to achieve the ultimate goal, you must quit one day at a time while simultaneously embracing the concept of the rest of your life.
We all came here to quit tobacco (I presume). The goal is forever, the implementation is 1 day at a time. They go hand in hand.
Keep your eye on the prize!
TCOPE
As for the 120 day funk, I'm going to button down the hatches and prepare for the worst. I'm making a conscious effort to ween myself off of the fake dip. Quite frankly I'm just tired of shoving shit in my lip. My quit is growing stronger though. The more days I put under my belt, the more I cherish my new found freedom. It is so nice not to have to clean 4 nasty spit bottles out of my car that reek from sitting in the hot vehicle. I'm happy that I don't have to spit in those nasty bottles when I don't have an empty spitter. I'm happy that the inside of my car isn't caked with dried tobacco droppings. I'm happy that I don't have 5 cans sitting on the kitchen counter for my step sons and wife to look at every day. I'm glad I don't have 5 empty plastic bottles sitting next the sink just so I can always have a clean spitter. I'm glad I don't stop at gas stations to buy a bottle of water just to pour it out so I have a clean spitter. I'm glad that I don't have to avoid conversations with people because I'm dipping. I'm relieved that I no longer contemplate my slow painful death from cancer every day. I'm relieved that I no longer contemplate what it's going to be like to not have a lower jaw. I'm relieved that I don't have to stress dentist appointments anymore. I'm glad that my baseball players no longer have to watch their coach dip in front of them. I'm glad that I've met dozens of crazy fuckers that are going through the exact same shit I'm experiencing. I'm glad that I now get the feeling that I'm helping others with their quits. These are but a few of the things that I cherish about my new found freedom. 120 day funk? Bring it on bitch, I'm ready for your games.Inspiring as always.
All of this because my dentist told me that my gum tissue looked like shit and my wife told me to try out this website she thought would help me quit....Killthecan.org.
For those of you playing the home game:
W E Q U I T L I K E F U C K
As for the 120 day funk, I'm going to button down the hatches and prepare for the worst. I'm making a conscious effort to ween myself off of the fake dip. Quite frankly I'm just tired of shoving shit in my lip. My quit is growing stronger though. The more days I put under my belt, the more I cherish my new found freedom. It is so nice not to have to clean 4 nasty spit bottles out of my car that reek from sitting in the hot vehicle. I'm happy that I don't have to spit in those nasty bottles when I don't have an empty spitter. I'm happy that the inside of my car isn't caked with dried tobacco droppings. I'm happy that I don't have 5 cans sitting on the kitchen counter for my step sons and wife to look at every day. I'm glad I don't have 5 empty plastic bottles sitting next the sink just so I can always have a clean spitter. I'm glad I don't stop at gas stations to buy a bottle of water just to pour it out so I have a clean spitter. I'm glad that I don't have to avoid conversations with people because I'm dipping. I'm relieved that I no longer contemplate my slow painful death from cancer every day. I'm relieved that I no longer contemplate what it's going to be like to not have a lower jaw. I'm relieved that I don't have to stress dentist appointments anymore. I'm glad that my baseball players no longer have to watch their coach dip in front of them. I'm glad that I've met dozens of crazy fuckers that are going through the exact same shit I'm experiencing. I'm glad that I now get the feeling that I'm helping others with their quits. These are but a few of the things that I cherish about my new found freedom. 120 day funk? Bring it on bitch, I'm ready for your games.Great post and I can so relate to all those new found freedoms!!!!
All of this because my dentist told me that my gum tissue looked like shit and my wife told me to try out this website she thought would help me quit....Killthecan.org.
For those of you playing the home game:
W E Q U I T L I K E F U C K
100 Days Ago......that's a pretty cool read. Just wanted to give props. Way to stay quit and determined each and every fucking day.
100 days ago I was on Day 25 and just coming out of my first real heavy funk. Things were still a bit foggy, but were clearing up for the most part. The HOF seemed so far away so I just decided to keep on quitting one day at a time until it got easier to think about the HOF. I had just started to get to know Cbird65 and Dethan33 as we were working on the April 12 spreadsheet together. I was also just getting to know Moondawggy after we met in live chat one evening and he tried to convince me that the 2score fiasco was a conspiracy and that KTC was the fraternal organization of conspirators. Glad I didn't subscribe to that train of thought, although Moon retracted his conspiracy theory when he sobered up. It was around this time that I made my first cold call to Dethan. He texted me and it was clear that he was experiencing a serious crave. I decided to pick up the phone and dial his number instead of texting him back. It was good to talk to my first quit brother on the phone!
100 days ago the glass house of April 12 was not yet spawned and the narratives that NOLAQ dearly loves and cherishes were not yet in existence. CNC was yet to embrace the QLFevolution and Wastepanel was just some guy with a scary avatar that texted me a lot about my quit. Being asked to be the HOF engineer for May 2012 was not a thought that had crossed my mind. I had not yet blurted out "We Quit Like Fuck" in the live chat room.
A lot of things change in 100 days, but some things do not. I am still the arrogant fuck that writes stuff just to "stroke his own ego" and I still piss people off on occasion. But most importantly, I am just as dedicated to my quit now as I was 100 days ago. There are several things that 100 days can change, my quit resolve and determination are not one of them.
100 days ago, one day at a time.
I'm so Fucking proud of man.Quote from: Coach100 Days Ago......that's a pretty cool read. Just wanted to give props. Way to stay quit and determined each and every fucking day.
100 days ago I was on Day 25 and just coming out of my first real heavy funk. Things were still a bit foggy, but were clearing up for the most part. The HOF seemed so far away so I just decided to keep on quitting one day at a time until it got easier to think about the HOF. I had just started to get to know Cbird65 and Dethan33 as we were working on the April 12 spreadsheet together. I was also just getting to know Moondawggy after we met in live chat one evening and he tried to convince me that the 2score fiasco was a conspiracy and that KTC was the fraternal organization of conspirators. Glad I didn't subscribe to that train of thought, although Moon retracted his conspiracy theory when he sobered up. It was around this time that I made my first cold call to Dethan. He texted me and it was clear that he was experiencing a serious crave. I decided to pick up the phone and dial his number instead of texting him back. It was good to talk to my first quit brother on the phone!
100 days ago the glass house of April 12 was not yet spawned and the narratives that NOLAQ dearly loves and cherishes were not yet in existence. CNC was yet to embrace the QLFevolution and Wastepanel was just some guy with a scary avatar that texted me a lot about my quit. Being asked to be the HOF engineer for May 2012 was not a thought that had crossed my mind. I had not yet blurted out "We Quit Like Fuck" in the live chat room.
A lot of things change in 100 days, but some things do not. I am still the arrogant fuck that writes stuff just to "stroke his own ego" and I still piss people off on occasion. But most importantly, I am just as dedicated to my quit now as I was 100 days ago. There are several things that 100 days can change, my quit resolve and determination are not one of them.
100 days ago, one day at a time.
I think you should be arrogant in your quit. Unless I pass you in days quit, you can be a proud and cocky quitter and lead the charge of staying quit. Confident, true and experienced quitters should pound their chest!!!!!
I remember the qlf, I forget who the hell you were talkin to but it went somethin like "hey, were April, we quit like fuck"...pure epicness (is that a word? Fuck it, it is now)Quote from: Mthomas3824I'm so Fucking proud of man.Quote from: Coach100 Days Ago......that's a pretty cool read. Just wanted to give props. Way to stay quit and determined each and every fucking day.
100 days ago I was on Day 25 and just coming out of my first real heavy funk. Things were still a bit foggy, but were clearing up for the most part. The HOF seemed so far away so I just decided to keep on quitting one day at a time until it got easier to think about the HOF. I had just started to get to know Cbird65 and Dethan33 as we were working on the April 12 spreadsheet together. I was also just getting to know Moondawggy after we met in live chat one evening and he tried to convince me that the 2score fiasco was a conspiracy and that KTC was the fraternal organization of conspirators. Glad I didn't subscribe to that train of thought, although Moon retracted his conspiracy theory when he sobered up. It was around this time that I made my first cold call to Dethan. He texted me and it was clear that he was experiencing a serious crave. I decided to pick up the phone and dial his number instead of texting him back. It was good to talk to my first quit brother on the phone!
100 days ago the glass house of April 12 was not yet spawned and the narratives that NOLAQ dearly loves and cherishes were not yet in existence. CNC was yet to embrace the QLFevolution and Wastepanel was just some guy with a scary avatar that texted me a lot about my quit. Being asked to be the HOF engineer for May 2012 was not a thought that had crossed my mind. I had not yet blurted out "We Quit Like Fuck" in the live chat room.
A lot of things change in 100 days, but some things do not. I am still the arrogant fuck that writes stuff just to "stroke his own ego" and I still piss people off on occasion. But most importantly, I am just as dedicated to my quit now as I was 100 days ago. There are several things that 100 days can change, my quit resolve and determination are not one of them.
100 days ago, one day at a time.
I think you should be arrogant in your quit. Unless I pass you in days quit, you can be a proud and cocky quitter and lead the charge of staying quit. Confident, true and experienced quitters should pound their chest!!!!!
100 days ago, F U C K C O A C H S T E V E was just a poorly spaced explative. . .Quote from: wastepanelI remember the qlf, I forget who the hell you were talkin to but it went somethin like "hey, were April, we quit like fuck"...pure epicness (is that a word? Fuck it, it is now)Quote from: Mthomas3824I'm so Fucking proud of man.Quote from: Coach100 Days Ago......that's a pretty cool read. Just wanted to give props. Way to stay quit and determined each and every fucking day.
100 days ago I was on Day 25 and just coming out of my first real heavy funk. Things were still a bit foggy, but were clearing up for the most part. The HOF seemed so far away so I just decided to keep on quitting one day at a time until it got easier to think about the HOF. I had just started to get to know Cbird65 and Dethan33 as we were working on the April 12 spreadsheet together. I was also just getting to know Moondawggy after we met in live chat one evening and he tried to convince me that the 2score fiasco was a conspiracy and that KTC was the fraternal organization of conspirators. Glad I didn't subscribe to that train of thought, although Moon retracted his conspiracy theory when he sobered up. It was around this time that I made my first cold call to Dethan. He texted me and it was clear that he was experiencing a serious crave. I decided to pick up the phone and dial his number instead of texting him back. It was good to talk to my first quit brother on the phone!
100 days ago the glass house of April 12 was not yet spawned and the narratives that NOLAQ dearly loves and cherishes were not yet in existence. CNC was yet to embrace the QLFevolution and Wastepanel was just some guy with a scary avatar that texted me a lot about my quit. Being asked to be the HOF engineer for May 2012 was not a thought that had crossed my mind. I had not yet blurted out "We Quit Like Fuck" in the live chat room.
A lot of things change in 100 days, but some things do not. I am still the arrogant fuck that writes stuff just to "stroke his own ego" and I still piss people off on occasion. But most importantly, I am just as dedicated to my quit now as I was 100 days ago. There are several things that 100 days can change, my quit resolve and determination are not one of them.
100 days ago, one day at a time.
I think you should be arrogant in your quit. Unless I pass you in days quit, you can be a proud and cocky quitter and lead the charge of staying quit. Confident, true and experienced quitters should pound their chest!!!!!
Coach watching you and April has strengthen my quit and too and I thank you, you're a true inspiration, not just some jackass who walks around thinkin your shit don't stink, spouting off whatever the fuck you want. Keep rockin it and quittin like fuck brother!
FU!
Ahhh, I remember that night well. The birth of the QLF revolution. :wub:Quote from: wastepanelI remember the qlf, I forget who the hell you were talkin to but it went somethin like "hey, were April, we quit like fuck"...pure epicness (is that a word? Fuck it, it is now)Quote from: Mthomas3824I'm so Fucking proud of man.Quote from: Coach100 Days Ago......that's a pretty cool read. Just wanted to give props. Way to stay quit and determined each and every fucking day.
100 days ago I was on Day 25 and just coming out of my first real heavy funk. Things were still a bit foggy, but were clearing up for the most part. The HOF seemed so far away so I just decided to keep on quitting one day at a time until it got easier to think about the HOF. I had just started to get to know Cbird65 and Dethan33 as we were working on the April 12 spreadsheet together. I was also just getting to know Moondawggy after we met in live chat one evening and he tried to convince me that the 2score fiasco was a conspiracy and that KTC was the fraternal organization of conspirators. Glad I didn't subscribe to that train of thought, although Moon retracted his conspiracy theory when he sobered up. It was around this time that I made my first cold call to Dethan. He texted me and it was clear that he was experiencing a serious crave. I decided to pick up the phone and dial his number instead of texting him back. It was good to talk to my first quit brother on the phone!
100 days ago the glass house of April 12 was not yet spawned and the narratives that NOLAQ dearly loves and cherishes were not yet in existence. CNC was yet to embrace the QLFevolution and Wastepanel was just some guy with a scary avatar that texted me a lot about my quit. Being asked to be the HOF engineer for May 2012 was not a thought that had crossed my mind. I had not yet blurted out "We Quit Like Fuck" in the live chat room.
A lot of things change in 100 days, but some things do not. I am still the arrogant fuck that writes stuff just to "stroke his own ego" and I still piss people off on occasion. But most importantly, I am just as dedicated to my quit now as I was 100 days ago. There are several things that 100 days can change, my quit resolve and determination are not one of them.
100 days ago, one day at a time.
I think you should be arrogant in your quit. Unless I pass you in days quit, you can be a proud and cocky quitter and lead the charge of staying quit. Confident, true and experienced quitters should pound their chest!!!!!
Coach watching you and April has strengthen my quit and too and I thank you, you're a true inspiration, not just some jackass who walks around thinkin your shit don't stink, spouting off whatever the fuck you want. Keep rockin it and quittin like fuck brother!
FU!
MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS'clap' 'clap'
I am an addict which means I am weak. Although I am weak as an individual, I gain strength from other quitters. I gain strength from quitters that I have never met in person, and probably will never meet in person. None of that matters. We all fight the same fight on a daily basis.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
The first time in 50 days that I had experienced a crave. I was coaching my travel baseball team in our first full tournament of the summer season. The game was going well until the 5th inning when the wheels fell off and we gave up a handful of runs on errors and walks. Coaching is hard enough, but watching your team literally give the game away is almost too much to bear at times. I take pride in coaching my team so I take losses very personally. This one hurt. We had a break between games and I took off in my car looking for something to eat. I had an extreme moment of weakness. I felt embarrassed over the loss and the Nic Bitch took that opportunity to turn up the volume in my head. "Just one pinch Coach," she whispered in my ear. Then a bit louder, "C'mon Coach, just one will make you feel better." Then even louder, "You're assistant coach has a can in his pocket, all you need to do is ask for one." About then I got a text from a fellow member of the QLF Crew, RenegadeMMA. He usually just asks me to post roll for him since he doesn't own a computer, but this time he texted me something else. I looked at my phone and read his text, "Do you ever use fake chew? If so you should try Oregon Mint Snuff."
Now over the past few weeks I've made an effort to cut back on the amount of fake chew I'd been shoving in my lip. One reason was my concerns regarding the sugar in most fake chews and I was just tired of feeling the urge to put something in my lip. I had a can of Jake's Mint Chew, but that stuff just isn't that good, IMO. So I'm driving down the road and I see a Smoker Friendly. They usually carry Smokey Mtn so I stopped in for a can. Come to find out they also carried Oregon Mint Snuff. What makes this really interesting is that I've never been in a store that carried Oregon Mint Snuff in my area. Yet I was 45 minutes away from where I live and they had it in stock. The crave subsided just as quickly as it came and I went back to the fields for our second game that day. When I got home that night, I told my wife these exact words, "Without KTC, I would have caved today."
Her response was, "Good, I'm glad I found that site for you."
Me too honey, me too.....
WE Quit Like Fuck
Good to know that rock stars like you still crave. As a leader to us younger pups, you may have quit for you; now you have a responsibility to remain quit for all.Quote from: CoachMOMENTS OF WEAKNESS'clap' 'clap'
I am an addict which means I am weak. Although I am weak as an individual, I gain strength from other quitters. I gain strength from quitters that I have never met in person, and probably will never meet in person. None of that matters. We all fight the same fight on a daily basis.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
The first time in 50 days that I had experienced a crave. I was coaching my travel baseball team in our first full tournament of the summer season. The game was going well until the 5th inning when the wheels fell off and we gave up a handful of runs on errors and walks. Coaching is hard enough, but watching your team literally give the game away is almost too much to bear at times. I take pride in coaching my team so I take losses very personally. This one hurt. We had a break between games and I took off in my car looking for something to eat. I had an extreme moment of weakness. I felt embarrassed over the loss and the Nic Bitch took that opportunity to turn up the volume in my head. "Just one pinch Coach," she whispered in my ear. Then a bit louder, "C'mon Coach, just one will make you feel better." Then even louder, "You're assistant coach has a can in his pocket, all you need to do is ask for one." About then I got a text from a fellow member of the QLF Crew, RenegadeMMA. He usually just asks me to post roll for him since he doesn't own a computer, but this time he texted me something else. I looked at my phone and read his text, "Do you ever use fake chew? If so you should try Oregon Mint Snuff."
Now over the past few weeks I've made an effort to cut back on the amount of fake chew I'd been shoving in my lip. One reason was my concerns regarding the sugar in most fake chews and I was just tired of feeling the urge to put something in my lip. I had a can of Jake's Mint Chew, but that stuff just isn't that good, IMO. So I'm driving down the road and I see a Smoker Friendly. They usually carry Smokey Mtn so I stopped in for a can. Come to find out they also carried Oregon Mint Snuff. What makes this really interesting is that I've never been in a store that carried Oregon Mint Snuff in my area. Yet I was 45 minutes away from where I live and they had it in stock. The crave subsided just as quickly as it came and I went back to the fields for our second game that day. When I got home that night, I told my wife these exact words, "Without KTC, I would have caved today."
Her response was, "Good, I'm glad I found that site for you."
Me too honey, me too.....
WE Quit Like Fuck
Great victory coach!!!
The few craves I have seem to happen in similiar fashion, they flare up and make me a little crazy then its something quick and easy that turns my attention away and the crave is gone......
I have had many moments were I thank my sister-in-law for finding this site and I am sure I will have many more!
Quit on QUITER!!
It's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.You know I'm quit with ya!
Please take what you need and leave the rest. 'Finger'
It's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.Coach,
Please take what you need and leave the rest. 'Finger'
It's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.I came here to quit.
Please take what you need and leave the rest. 'Finger'
It will do no good for me to say I support you because it will only bring more grief upon both if us. Just know that we are both quit today and it's more than I can say I was before I found this site. So to quote the opening theme from an old classic, you tale the good and you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life.Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.I came here to quit.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.  'Finger'
Then I stayed here to stay quit.
Then I stayed here to help others quit.
Nothing more; nothing less!
Wasn't there a rumor that Jo was a hermaphrodite?Quote from: KeddyIt will do no good for me to say I support you because it will only bring more grief upon both if us. Just know that we are both quit today and it's more than I can say I was before I found this site. So to quote the opening theme from an old classic, you tale the good and you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life.Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.I came here to quit.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.   'Finger'
Then I stayed here to stay quit.
Then I stayed here to help others quit.
Nothing more; nothing less!
By the way Jo was the hottest on that show, although some in April may argue it was George Clooney.
Quit hard/QLF
I don't recall, but that just adds another level to the kinkyness.Quote from: JamesoWasn't there a rumor that Jo was a hermaphrodite?Quote from: KeddyIt will do no good for me to say I support you because it will only bring more grief upon both if us. Just know that we are both quit today and it's more than I can say I was before I found this site. So to quote the opening theme from an old classic, you tale the good and you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life.Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.I came here to quit.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.   'Finger'
Then I stayed here to stay quit.
Then I stayed here to help others quit.
Nothing more; nothing less!
By the way Jo was the hottest on that show, although some in April may argue it was George Clooney.
Quit hard/QLF
It's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.The war is Over if you want it to be.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.  'Finger'
I am QLF with Coach and I am happy to hear he and all of the bad asses are still QUIT!!Quote from: jjpriceI don't recall, but that just adds another level to the kinkyness.Quote from: JamesoWasn't there a rumor that Jo was a hermaphrodite?Quote from: KeddyIt will do no good for me to say I support you because it will only bring more grief upon both if us. Just know that we are both quit today and it's more than I can say I was before I found this site. So to quote the opening theme from an old classic, you tale the good and you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life.Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.I came here to quit.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.   'Finger'
Then I stayed here to stay quit.
Then I stayed here to help others quit.
Nothing more; nothing less!
By the way Jo was the hottest on that show, although some in April may argue it was George Clooney.
Quit hard/QLF
Ditto what he said!Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.Coach,
Please take what you need and leave the rest.  'Finger'
You had my back when I was getting beat down pretty good. I damn sure quit with you .....
x3 but I'm not kissing you again! 'crackup'Quote from: BuddyDitto what he said!Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.Coach,
Please take what you need and leave the rest.   'Finger'
You had my back when I was getting beat down pretty good. I damn sure quit with you .....
Love ya 'Kiss'
Maybe a little 'bj'Quote from: Bigwhitebeastx3 but I'm not kissing you again! 'crackup'Quote from: BuddyDitto what he said!Quote from: CoachIt's like the title says, I just came here to quit. I didn't come here to be a leader, I didn't come here to inflate my ego, I didn't come here to cyber bully people, I didn't come here to be a fucking punching bag for raging quitters, I didn't come here to write stupid fucking narratives, I didn't come here to entertain people, I didn't come here piss people off, I didn't come here to run people off the site, I didn't come here to motivate people, I didn't come here to be loved, I didn't come here to be a sexist prick, I didn't come here to be a scapegoat for someone else's excuses, I didn't come here to get PM's telling me how fucking egotistical and arrogant I am, I didn't come here to be told what I can or cannot say, I didn't come here to become a better person, I didn't come here to meet new people, I didn't come here to be one of the cool kids, I didn't come here for any of those reasons. I just came here to quit, fuck the noise.Coach,
Please take what you need and leave the rest.   'Finger'
You had my back when I was getting beat down pretty good. I damn sure quit with you .....
Love ya 'Kiss'
Make Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I'll second that!Quote from: tsmith17Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I have taken the pitcher of Quit Like Fuck kool-aid and drank it straight down and realize without the accountability the site brings to the table I would be nicotene's bitch again......
I am Quit Like Fuck with you today Coach!!!
This is a problem with every group, there was a big discussioin in FU over this topic. Even the great Bruce thought, I think I'll make to a year then step back or leave the site. A couple of weeks ago I found this little gem, and it really helped me figure out shit...i believe I actually posted it in your group too CoachQuote from: Grizzly25I'll second that!Quote from: tsmith17Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I have taken the pitcher of Quit Like Fuck kool-aid and drank it straight down and realize without the accountability the site brings to the table I would be nicotene's bitch again......
I am Quit Like Fuck with you today Coach!!!
464 days quit and still posting roll every day.Quote from: Wt57This is a problem with every group, there was a big discussioin in FU over this topic. Even the great Bruce thought, I think I'll make to a year then step back or leave the site. A couple of weeks ago I found this little gem, and it really helped me figure out shit...i believe I actually posted it in your group too CoachQuote from: Grizzly25I'll second that!Quote from: tsmith17Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I have taken the pitcher of Quit Like Fuck kool-aid and drank it straight down and realize without the accountability the site brings to the table I would be nicotene's bitch again......
I am Quit Like Fuck with you today Coach!!!
When should I leave KTC? (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2450)
I feel like I'm in that episode of South Park where Butters keeps trying to hatch some deviant plan but his little sidekick keeps saying, "The Simpsons already did that in episode # whatever."Quote from: Bruce317464 days quit and still posting roll every day.Quote from: Wt57This is a problem with every group, there was a big discussioin in FU over this topic. Even the great Bruce thought, I think I'll make to a year then step back or leave the site. A couple of weeks ago I found this little gem, and it really helped me figure out shit...i believe I actually posted it in your group too CoachQuote from: Grizzly25I'll second that!Quote from: tsmith17Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I have taken the pitcher of Quit Like Fuck kool-aid and drank it straight down and realize without the accountability the site brings to the table I would be nicotene's bitch again......
I am Quit Like Fuck with you today Coach!!!
When should I leave KTC? (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2450)
Some folks need KTC every day and others do not.
This is the ONLY way that worked for me so why fix something that isn't broke.
Good discussion in here. You guys rock.
:tinfoil:Quote from: MilesI feel like I'm in that episode of South Park where Butters keeps trying to hatch some deviant plan but his little sidekick keeps saying, "The Simpsons already did that in episode # whatever."Quote from: Bruce317464 days quit and still posting roll every day.Quote from: Wt57This is a problem with every group, there was a big discussioin in FU over this topic. Even the great Bruce thought, I think I'll make to a year then step back or leave the site. A couple of weeks ago I found this little gem, and it really helped me figure out shit...i believe I actually posted it in your group too CoachQuote from: Grizzly25I'll second that!Quote from: tsmith17Great post Coach, I say before I came to KTC I was a worthless nicotene addict......Quote from: CoachMake Your DecisionWe have put too much work into our quits to leave now. I'm going stick with what got me to this point in my quit and that is posting roll everyday. Nice post coach, I couldn't agree with you more. Stay quit like fuck brother.
I've noticed a disconcerting trend in my HOF group lately. More and more quitters straying from the site, putting more and more days in between their posts. Some return with the lame ass excuse of "I just needed a break from the site for awhile, still quit!" Well yippee!! No...check that....fuck that!! When I hear someone say they need a break from the site that was never very involved in the first place it makes me laugh. You need a break from what? You need a break from the only method that has helped you quit successfully for the past however many days? I call BS.
Then there are those that are straying for other reasons. The ones that are still thinking like dippers and not quitters. After 150+ days of quitting, why does having a dip still seem like the answer to your problems? Maybe it's not that, maybe you're just tired of being quit. No wait, that doesn't make sense either.....
The only logical answer to all of this tomfoolery is the addiction. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after finding out how great it is to be quit. How else could a HOF quitter go astray after learning about the extreme health risks associated with smokeless tobacco? The answer is the addiction. The addiction never relents, it is with us always. Some find the strength to fight the addiction only temporarily. Then those deviant thoughts begin creeping back into your head. You allow yourself to forget everything you learned on KTC. But why? Why do quitters remove the most effective weapon they have in their arsenal? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
For those of you out there, no matter what day you are on, here me when I tell you that staying involved on KTC is the best defense you have against this addiction. To those of you who think you can do it on your own, you are wrong. To those of you who are straying from the site, come back to us. You've already made the best and most difficult decision of your life.....don't turn back now, there is far too much at stake.....YOUR life.
Make your decision once and only once.
I have taken the pitcher of Quit Like Fuck kool-aid and drank it straight down and realize without the accountability the site brings to the table I would be nicotene's bitch again......
I am Quit Like Fuck with you today Coach!!!
When should I leave KTC? (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2450)
Some folks need KTC every day and others do not.
This is the ONLY way that worked for me so why fix something that isn't broke.
Good discussion in here. You guys rock.
Except in this case I'm Butters, Chewie is the Simpsons and Bruce is my sidekick.
(Coach Steve gets down on his knees, raises his fists to the sky and yells, "Damn you Chewie! Damnnnnnnn Youuuuuu!!!")
I'm going to play off of Wastepanel's boggle with the umpire and work the baseball theme here. The Pregger (my pregnant wife) and the step sons and I attended MY first minor league baseball game since I quit. A Durham Bulls (TB AAA Affiliate) game to be exact. In the past, my time would have been spent ninja dipping in public throughout the game. But this time, not only did I not have to dip, but I actually got selected to do the dumbass Sumo wrestling in between innings. We attended the game as part of my younger step son's little league team event. The team won some drawing with the league and got to warm up throwing on the field about 45 minutes before game time. It was their usual throw the ball wherever and go chase it routine.Good stuff Coach!!
The irony of this particular ballpark is that it is located directly across the street from the former Lucky Strike factory / American Tobacco warehouse in Durham, NC. For those not familiar with this complex, which btw is a gorgeous and artfully renovated complex, it is centered around a well known tobacco processing warehouse that once produced Lucky Strike brand cigarettes. Being a history major, I love the socio-economic history of the place, but there is no getting around the fact that the entire place glorifies tobacco one way or the other. As a quitter, the place gives me the chills.
Anyways, back to the Sumo wrestling. As another team dad and I are suiting up and waiting to be called to the field for our Sumo "wrestling" (The first 2 rounds are planned and the 3rd is a 'free for all'), we smell the distinct odor of cigarette smoke. Mind you, we are in the passageway from the visiting clubhouse to the visitor's dugout. I made a comment about cigarette smoke and the "promo" guy said something about "Oh yeah, they always do that kind of stuff...." I'm thinking damn, that's fucked up. You're telling me smokeless tobacco isn't enough? Some of these guys actually need to go into the clubhouse to get their Marlboro Red fix in between innings too? Not to mention the guy that walked by twice with a big fatty in his lip. Fuck dude, did you just pick up what I put down?
Fuck that, I'm quit. My twins will be born in the next 3 months. They will never see their daddy dip...one day at a time. We Quit Like Fuck.
Sumo QLF.Quote from: CoachI'm going to play off of Wastepanel's boggle with the umpire and work the baseball theme here. The Pregger (my pregnant wife) and the step sons and I attended MY first minor league baseball game since I quit. A Durham Bulls (TB AAA Affiliate) game to be exact. In the past, my time would have been spent ninja dipping in public throughout the game. But this time, not only did I not have to dip, but I actually got selected to do the dumbass Sumo wrestling in between innings. We attended the game as part of my younger step son's little league team event. The team won some drawing with the league and got to warm up throwing on the field about 45 minutes before game time. It was their usual throw the ball wherever and go chase it routine.Good stuff Coach!!
The irony of this particular ballpark is that it is located directly across the street from the former Lucky Strike factory / American Tobacco warehouse in Durham, NC. For those not familiar with this complex, which btw is a gorgeous and artfully renovated complex, it is centered around a well known tobacco processing warehouse that once produced Lucky Strike brand cigarettes. Being a history major, I love the socio-economic history of the place, but there is no getting around the fact that the entire place glorifies tobacco one way or the other. As a quitter, the place gives me the chills.
Anyways, back to the Sumo wrestling. As another team dad and I are suiting up and waiting to be called to the field for our Sumo "wrestling" (The first 2 rounds are planned and the 3rd is a 'free for all'), we smell the distinct odor of cigarette smoke. Mind you, we are in the passageway from the visiting clubhouse to the visitor's dugout. I made a comment about cigarette smoke and the "promo" guy said something about "Oh yeah, they always do that kind of stuff...." I'm thinking damn, that's fucked up. You're telling me smokeless tobacco isn't enough? Some of these guys actually need to go into the clubhouse to get their Marlboro Red fix in between innings too? Not to mention the guy that walked by twice with a big fatty in his lip. Fuck dude, did you just pick up what I put down?
Fuck that, I'm quit. My twins will be born in the next 3 months. They will never see their daddy dip...one day at a time. We Quit Like Fuck.
Next time have that asshole suit up and sumo wrestle him!
Fuck U.S. Tobacco for everything they are, were, or will be!
Coach do you have pictures?Quote from: Grizzly25Sumo QLF.Quote from: CoachI'm going to play off of Wastepanel's boggle with the umpire and work the baseball theme here. The Pregger (my pregnant wife) and the step sons and I attended MY first minor league baseball game since I quit. A Durham Bulls (TB AAA Affiliate) game to be exact. In the past, my time would have been spent ninja dipping in public throughout the game. But this time, not only did I not have to dip, but I actually got selected to do the dumbass Sumo wrestling in between innings. We attended the game as part of my younger step son's little league team event. The team won some drawing with the league and got to warm up throwing on the field about 45 minutes before game time. It was their usual throw the ball wherever and go chase it routine.Good stuff Coach!!
The irony of this particular ballpark is that it is located directly across the street from the former Lucky Strike factory / American Tobacco warehouse in Durham, NC. For those not familiar with this complex, which btw is a gorgeous and artfully renovated complex, it is centered around a well known tobacco processing warehouse that once produced Lucky Strike brand cigarettes. Being a history major, I love the socio-economic history of the place, but there is no getting around the fact that the entire place glorifies tobacco one way or the other. As a quitter, the place gives me the chills.
Anyways, back to the Sumo wrestling. As another team dad and I are suiting up and waiting to be called to the field for our Sumo "wrestling" (The first 2 rounds are planned and the 3rd is a 'free for all'), we smell the distinct odor of cigarette smoke. Mind you, we are in the passageway from the visiting clubhouse to the visitor's dugout. I made a comment about cigarette smoke and the "promo" guy said something about "Oh yeah, they always do that kind of stuff...." I'm thinking damn, that's fucked up. You're telling me smokeless tobacco isn't enough? Some of these guys actually need to go into the clubhouse to get their Marlboro Red fix in between innings too? Not to mention the guy that walked by twice with a big fatty in his lip. Fuck dude, did you just pick up what I put down?
Fuck that, I'm quit. My twins will be born in the next 3 months. They will never see their daddy dip...one day at a time. We Quit Like Fuck.
Next time have that asshole suit up and sumo wrestle him!
Fuck U.S. Tobacco for everything they are, were, or will be!
Quote from: tsmith17Coach do you have pictures?Quote from: Grizzly25Sumo QLF.Quote from: CoachI'm going to play off of Wastepanel's boggle with the umpire and work the baseball theme here. The Pregger (my pregnant wife) and the step sons and I attended MY first minor league baseball game since I quit. A Durham Bulls (TB AAA Affiliate) game to be exact. In the past, my time would have been spent ninja dipping in public throughout the game. But this time, not only did I not have to dip, but I actually got selected to do the dumbass Sumo wrestling in between innings. We attended the game as part of my younger step son's little league team event. The team won some drawing with the league and got to warm up throwing on the field about 45 minutes before game time. It was their usual throw the ball wherever and go chase it routine.Good stuff Coach!!
The irony of this particular ballpark is that it is located directly across the street from the former Lucky Strike factory / American Tobacco warehouse in Durham, NC. For those not familiar with this complex, which btw is a gorgeous and artfully renovated complex, it is centered around a well known tobacco processing warehouse that once produced Lucky Strike brand cigarettes. Being a history major, I love the socio-economic history of the place, but there is no getting around the fact that the entire place glorifies tobacco one way or the other. As a quitter, the place gives me the chills.
Anyways, back to the Sumo wrestling. As another team dad and I are suiting up and waiting to be called to the field for our Sumo "wrestling" (The first 2 rounds are planned and the 3rd is a 'free for all'), we smell the distinct odor of cigarette smoke. Mind you, we are in the passageway from the visiting clubhouse to the visitor's dugout. I made a comment about cigarette smoke and the "promo" guy said something about "Oh yeah, they always do that kind of stuff...." I'm thinking damn, that's fucked up. You're telling me smokeless tobacco isn't enough? Some of these guys actually need to go into the clubhouse to get their Marlboro Red fix in between innings too? Not to mention the guy that walked by twice with a big fatty in his lip. Fuck dude, did you just pick up what I put down?
Fuck that, I'm quit. My twins will be born in the next 3 months. They will never see their daddy dip...one day at a time. We Quit Like Fuck.
Next time have that asshole suit up and sumo wrestle him!
Fuck U.S. Tobacco for everything they are, were, or will be!
The topic of cavers has been discussed ad nauseam on KTC, but I still feel compelled to ring in on the subject. In this instance, it's not so much the act of caving that I want to focus on, it's the effect that cavers have on other quitters.'clap' 'clap'
First of all, thanks to my quit brother Wastepanel I now understand the difference between a "caver" and a "retread." WP is a retread, perhaps the most famous (or infamous) retread currently roaming the halls of KTC. He returned as a caver, but managed to change his entire perspective and dedicate himself to his quit. This is what is takes to evolve from a "caver" to a "retread." Long story short, a caver can elevate himself or herself to the level of a retread, but it must be done through dedication and commitment to the program.
My first experience with a caver was on Day 3. We had a guy post a Day 1 in April 12 that had apparently caved several times in the past. This particular time he posted his Day 1 along with his lame excuse as to why he couldn't keep the cancer turds out of his mouth. As per the usual, the experienced quitters chimed in with the "Big 3" questions that every caver must answer. Like many cavers, he fell silent and could not conjure up any answers to these questions. This, in turn, led the experienced quitters to begin questioning the integrity of April 12. At that point, I felt compelled to stand up and defend the integrity of my group. Even on Day 3, my attitude was that I came here to quit and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone or anything get in my way. Especially a fucking serial caver. So I spoke up and asked this caver to refrain from posting in April 12 until he got his shit straightened out and answered the Big 3 questions. I've actually gone back to re-read this post and I stand by what I said. Now the reactions I received from this post were all over the board. The experienced quitters praised such "leadership" while others in my group chose to criticize me for speaking out on behalf of the group. Those that criticized offered their opinion that I should "just focus on my own quit" and not concern myself with such things as 'us' or 'we'. According to the critics, there was no "we" only "you" and "I". I disagreed then and I disagree now. As I stated in my HOF speech, without the "WE" there is no accountability. Cavers do not see nor do they understand the benefit of "We." The only thing cavers understand is "Me" or "I".
The past few weeks have seen an inordinate amount of cavers returning to post Day 1. Some of these cavers once boasted hundreds of quit days under their belt. The fact that these cavers have returned is not altogether upsetting to me. What has upset me over the past few weeks is the reaction I'm seeing from strong quitters when they see a former brother or sister return to post a Day 1. I'm deeply troubled by the fact that most cavers seem to only be focused on themselves, and they do not comprehend the effect that their cave has on others. A recurrent theme that I see with cavers is their unwavering selfishness. Some silently post a Day 1 and try to sneak under the radar. Some are sarcastic. Others are defiant. Still others prefer to play the victim while everyone is "busting their ass" for caving. But the common thread is and will always be selfishness. Cavers selfishly believe that their failure only affects one person, them. This is not true. Cavers affect everyone they have touched whether it be past or present. Cavers affect those people that supported them in the past and the people that they once supported, yet some of them carry on as if its none of our business.
Several people also warn of complacency in your quit. In my opinion, complacency is selfishness. Complacency is selfishly thinking that you are better than your addiction. Complacency is selfishly thinking that you are better or stronger than your quit brothers and sisters. Complacency is selfishly thinking that you can do this on your own. Complacency is selfishly forgetting why you came to KTC in the first place.
Such thoughts do not and will not cross my mind. I need KTC and all of my quit brothers and sisters now just as much as the day I first registered.
WE Quit Like Fuck
Day 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.Coach don't ever be one of them too me! You are one I've always looked up too!
I look up to Coach Steve. True story. Keep it up brother.Quote from: Bruce317X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
Keep on Keeping on Quiter!!!!!
Nice quit brother. Good words, all. 'clap'Quote from: Grizzly25I look up to Coach Steve. True story. Keep it up brother.Quote from: Bruce317X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
Keep on Keeping on Quiter!!!!!
Rock star!Quote from: tsmith17Nice quit brother. Good words, all. 'clap'Quote from: Grizzly25I look up to Coach Steve. True story. Keep it up brother.Quote from: Bruce317X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
Keep on Keeping on Quiter!!!!!
Keep on quittin' on Dude! I'll quit w/you any and every day of the week.Quote from: ZamRock star!Quote from: tsmith17Nice quit brother. Good words, all. 'clap'Quote from: Grizzly25I look up to Coach Steve. True story. Keep it up brother.Quote from: Bruce317X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
Keep on Keeping on Quiter!!!!!
I'm right there with you Bro. Been an amazing ride so far. And this is just the beginning. Proud to quit with you every day.Quote from: Mthomas3824Keep on quittin' on Dude! I'll quit w/you any and every day of the week.Quote from: ZamRock star!Quote from: tsmith17Nice quit brother. Good words, all. 'clap'Quote from: Grizzly25I look up to Coach Steve. True story. Keep it up brother.Quote from: Bruce317X2!Quote from: CoachDay 181Don't lose focus, don't forget you're an addict and NEVER forget day 1.
Wow. That number seemed so distant not so long ago. Posting roll and quitting one day at a time has gotten me here along with keeping in constant communication with my quit brothers both in good times and in bad. I will never forget what brought me here. I will never betray those that have stood beside me in this journey. Several quitters have failed in that time frame. Some have returned to post a Day 1, others have not.
If I was to ask myself what I am most surprised about on Day 181, it would be the fact that I now have more quit days than several people I looked up to in my early quit. So be it.
Quit Like Fuck.
You're a badass Steve and I'm glad to have you here brother!
QLF
Keep on Keeping on Quiter!!!!!
Day 202True story. QLF with Coach Steve today.
Believe it or not, it does, in fact, get better.....much better.
Quit Like Fuck.
I'm not in the same league as you yet Coach Steve, but I am still quitting like fuck with you!!!Quote from: CoachDay 202True story. QLF with Coach Steve today.
Believe it or not, it does, in fact, get better.....much better.
Quit Like Fuck.
Indeed coach so much better!Quote from: tsmith17I'm not in the same league as you yet Coach Steve, but I am still quitting like fuck with you!!!Quote from: CoachDay 202True story. QLF with Coach Steve today.
Believe it or not, it does, in fact, get better.....much better.
Quit Like Fuck.
It gets better !!Quote from: kstampflyIndeed coach so much better!Quote from: tsmith17I'm not in the same league as you yet Coach Steve, but I am still quitting like fuck with you!!!Quote from: CoachDay 202True story. QLF with Coach Steve today.
Believe it or not, it does, in fact, get better.....much better.
Quit Like Fuck.
Gladly Quit Like Fuck with you coach
Couldn't agree more!Quote from: Grizzly25It gets better !!Quote from: kstampflyIndeed coach so much better!Quote from: tsmith17I'm not in the same league as you yet Coach Steve, but I am still quitting like fuck with you!!!Quote from: CoachDay 202True story. QLF with Coach Steve today.
Believe it or not, it does, in fact, get better.....much better.
Quit Like Fuck.
Gladly Quit Like Fuck with you coach
Freedom is an amazing thing !
STAY QUIT
Greg
butt hurtBeautiful....I anticipate seeing this everywhere... HAHAHA.
I will never for the life of me understand the "I just don't want to think about dip" mindset. I think about it everyday, but in a way that I relish the fact that I'm quit. I see someone smoking and I feel bad for them. I see some 19 yr old kid buying dip in front of me at the C-store and I think to myself, "When will he realize he has a serious problem, if ever?" Yesterday, while walking out of the grocery store, I saw an old lady sitting in a single cab pickup with a 3 or 4 yr old in the middle seat and she was just puffing away. Parked in the fire lane no less. Yes, I live in an area with a lot of white trash rednecks. Makes me think to myself, how bad do you need the nic fix that you will sacrifice the health of a child? Makes me proud to be quit. So yeah, I like thinking about it each day. Reminds me that I've made the best decision of my life, and why I post roll early each day.Afuckingmen man, reminders are everywhere. My favorite, dude was leaving the gym in front of me after running on the treadmill for about an half hour, first thing he does, light one up. Pathetic, never again
Quit Like Fuck.
Playing golf last week there was a kid in the clubhouse hanging around who was 16 or 17. He starts packing a can and his buddy behind the counter who looks 12 says something like "that's b.s. dude - he knows I can't dip in here." So I tell them I dipped for over 25 years and today was the first round of golf I'd played in that long without dipping. I was cool with them b/c I dipped or had dipped and we were joking and talking golf......until I said "You should quit now - while you are a young guy. Don't be like me". The look on these kids face was like 'Finger' . I mean they couldn't fathom the idea of quitting. It's a shame man. I was the same way. Tobacco companies grabbing kids like that (like I was) and glamorizing it. I mean those kids looked at me like I suggested they start sucking each others dicks. It's everywhere....it's bullshit.Quote from: CoachI will never for the life of me understand the "I just don't want to think about dip" mindset. I think about it everyday, but in a way that I relish the fact that I'm quit. I see someone smoking and I feel bad for them. I see some 19 yr old kid buying dip in front of me at the C-store and I think to myself, "When will he realize he has a serious problem, if ever?" Yesterday, while walking out of the grocery store, I saw an old lady sitting in a single cab pickup with a 3 or 4 yr old in the middle seat and she was just puffing away. Parked in the fire lane no less. Yes, I live in an area with a lot of white trash rednecks. Makes me think to myself, how bad do you need the nic fix that you will sacrifice the health of a child? Makes me proud to be quit. So yeah, I like thinking about it each day. Reminds me that I've made the best decision of my life, and why I post roll early each day.Afuckingmen man, reminders are everywhere. My favorite, dude was leaving the gym in front of me after running on the treadmill for about an half hour, first thing he does, light one up. Pathetic, never again
Quit Like Fuck.
- Day 210 -How do I broadcast this to all of the pinned groups? You are still the balls Coach.
For those of you that are yet to join, consider this, the price of admission is one promise per day, and the reward, should you choose to stay the course, is freedom from your addiction.
That needs to go to the Words of Wisdom. Short, sweet, and 100% true.Quote from: Coach- Day 210 -How do I broadcast this to all of the pinned groups? You are still the balls Coach.
For those of you that are yet to join, consider this, the price of admission is one promise per day, and the reward, should you choose to stay the course, is freedom from your addiction.
Moon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
If I remember correctly, he grew weary of the tomfoolery..... :rolleyes:Quote from: gmannMoon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
Tell him that I'm in a new group now so it's safe to come back.Quote from: CoachIf I remember correctly, he grew weary of the tomfoolery..... :rolleyes:Quote from: gmannMoon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
Sent sext last month, but no reply. He wasnt ever very fond of the SLB list. :rolleyes:Quote from: pavethewayTell him that I'm in a new group now so it's safe to come back.Quote from: CoachIf I remember correctly, he grew weary of the tomfoolery..... :rolleyes:Quote from: gmannMoon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
Got a response. He's quit. I think he worked for the sheep's anus division of PETA or something like that.....Quote from: crockettSent sext last month, but no reply. He wasnt ever very fond of the SLB list. :rolleyes:Quote from: pavethewayTell him that I'm in a new group now so it's safe to come back.Quote from: CoachIf I remember correctly, he grew weary of the tomfoolery..... :rolleyes:Quote from: gmannMoon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
FUCSQuote from: ERDVMGot a response. He's quit. I think he worked for the sheep's anus division of PETA or something like that.....Quote from: crockettSent sext last month, but no reply. He wasnt ever very fond of the SLB list. :rolleyes:Quote from: pavethewayTell him that I'm in a new group now so it's safe to come back.Quote from: CoachIf I remember correctly, he grew weary of the tomfoolery..... :rolleyes:Quote from: gmannMoon? Anyone heard from him?The occasional sext. Was still quit last I heard but that must have been August.
FUCS
I love you too you big ghey. And thank youHOF Speech: Part DeuxI've written a HOF speech, you can find it here (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6349) if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.
Day 300
My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.
And now for the thank you notes:
Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.
Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.
CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.
ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.
Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.
Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.
Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.
Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.
Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.
Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.
RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.
Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.
MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.
Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.
Even though the adopt-a-quitter program that brought us together is now defunct, you have still been an awesome guide through my first 92 days of quit. I really appreciate all of the advice you've been able to give and for the encouragement!HOF Speech: Part DeuxI've written a HOF speech, you can find it here (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6349) if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.
Day 300
My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.
And now for the thank you notes:
Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.
Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.
CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.
ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.
Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.
Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.
Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.
Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.
Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.
Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.
RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.
Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.
MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.
Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.
Great job brother!HOF Speech: Part DeuxI've written a HOF speech, you can find it here (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6349) if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.
Day 300
My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.
And now for the thank you notes:
Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.
Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.
CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.
ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.
Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.
Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.
Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.
Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.
Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.
Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.
RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.
Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.
MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.
Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.
Yep,HOF Speech: Part DeuxI've written a HOF speech, you can find it here (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6349) if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.
Day 300
My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.
And now for the thank you notes:
Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.
Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.
CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.
ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.
Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.
Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.
Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.
Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.
Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.
Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.
RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.
Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.
MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.
Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.
(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...Quote from: Coach(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
Now that is funny :PQuote from: LubyTo think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...Quote from: Coach(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
Don't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.Quote from: redyotaNow that is funny :PQuote from: LubyTo think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...Quote from: Coach(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
I'm just glad it worked out for you all.Quote from: tazbutaneDon't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.Quote from: redyotaNow that is funny :PQuote from: LubyTo think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...Quote from: Coach(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
This was nothing dude, stick around for awhile and you'll see some real fireworks.Quote from: 30yrAddictI'm just glad it worked out for you all.Quote from: tazbutaneDon't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.Quote from: redyotaNow that is funny :PQuote from: LubyTo think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...Quote from: Coach(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)I'm wet
gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…
I still think it should have been deleted 'na na'
(Coach Steve and the QLF Crew are gathered in the Glass House of April 12 preparing to watch the KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits on the Dramatron)Awesome as always. Made me laugh, made my quit stronger, thank you.
BWB: I canÂ’t believe weÂ’ve all made it this farÂ….
CS: YepÂ…still got a house full of quitÂ…..
Texasjack: House full of quit is right!
CS: TJ, do you mind getting up for a second, my legs are falling asleep
(TJ gets off of Coach SteveÂ’s lap)
TJ: IÂ’m hungry anywaysÂ….IÂ’m gonna go make some kettle corn
Tstahr: Oh kettle corn is my favorite!
Auburn: I thought I was your favorite?
Tstahr: OhÂ…heheÂ….you know what I meantÂ….
Bren: {walking into the room} SoÂ…Â…can anybody tell me why thereÂ’s a bunch of elephantÂ’s strung together and hanging from the walls?
CS: I believe those are VadgeÂ’s new years decorationsÂ…
Pave: :horrorsurprise:
CS: Speaking of VadgeÂ…Â…where is that guy?
BWB: Last I checked he was lurking in the pre-HOF groups trying to show off his shorn scrotum
(Just then, the groups hears noises coming from the upstairs work out room)
Tstahr: WhatÂ’s going on up there?
BWB: Smack is deadlifting and Cbird is working out on the Vigorliptical
CS: The Vigorliptical?
BWB: ThatÂ’s what he calls itÂ….
Rated: Shhh! Everyone quiet down the Parade is starting!
(The Intro music strikes up on the Dramatron and the Parade announcers, J2B and Razd, come on screen)
J2B: Good morning quitters and happy New Years Day to you all! Welcome to the 2013 KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits!
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B, weÂ’re here on a beautiful day here in KTC Land! As we speak the first group float is approachingÂ….
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ….letÂ’s see what group this isÂ….ah yes itÂ’s the December 2006 group led by Eutychus and Fran Pro!
BWB: I guess they gotta let these guys go first so they can have an early dinner?
Razd: The December 2006 “St. Nic O Frees” started out on LITE and made the eventual transition to KTC
J2B: ThereÂ’s a lotta quit in that group Razd!
Razd: Right-a-roony J2B! Their theme this year is “Please Don’t Curse in My Presence” and let’s check out the float……it looks like Euty is washing out another quitter’s mouth with soap…
J2B: That silly Euty! He sure doesnÂ’t like those potty mouthed quitters!
Razd: Great stuff! Ok folksÂ…..our next float hails from the June 2010 Honeybadgers
J2B: Those Honeybadgers sure donÂ’t give a shitÂ…..
Razd: Good call J2B! This year’s theme for the Honeybadgers is “The Spirit of Danvers in the 80’s” and as you can see here their float is designed to resemble a Pontiac Firebird
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WowÂ….they really went all out this yearÂ….
BWB: Is that Nolaq?
CS: Where?
BWB: The guy in the back of the floatÂ…..is he handing out two-sided color brochures?
CS: Damn sure looks like itÂ…..
(Just then, IRISH, Ranger5 and j1501 walk into the room)
IRISH: Sorry weÂ’re late guys but traffic is hell out there!
Cbird: Yeah ADMIN has several streets blocked off for the Parade
(Surprised, the group turns to see Cbird standing in the doorway wearing a grey tank top, jogging shorts and a towel draped around his neck)
Cbird: {grabbing the towel with both hands and flexing} HowÂ’s the Parade so far?
CS: You missed Euty and the Honeybadgers
Cbird: Darn! WellÂ….I had to feel the vigor for first time in 2013. So where is Vadge?
CS: DunnoÂ…..last we heard he was peddling his hairless sac to the newbs
Cbird: FiguresÂ…..
(Just then, J2B yells “whoa, what do we have here?” as the camera pans to dalgyboy streaking down the Parade route in nothing but indoor soccer shoes and his favorite football club’s scarf)
Tstahr: Oh myÂ…Â…
Razd: Whoa is right J2B! And here come the MODS to restore some order andÂ…what is this? The streaker just juked Kdip out of his shoes with a nifty soccer maneuver! What a show!
J2B: ThatÂ’s one white ass Razd!
Razd: ItÂ’s almost blinding J2BÂ….
(The camera rapidly pans back to the Parade)
J2B: Sorry for the interruption folks, we need to get you back to the Parade and our next float is the October 2011 group!
Razd: Good call J2BÂ…..the Oct 11 group is also known as the Inglorious Basterds of Quit and includes the likes of Wastepanel, Luby and Colonel No Cope among others
J2B: What a great group Razd!
Razd: Right you are J2B! This year’s theme is “Tugging and Erecting Poles” which is obviously a salute to CNC’s newfound career as a guy that climbs poles in chaps
CS: Hey Beast thereÂ’s your buddy!
BWB: FUCS
Rated: Isn’t he the guy that called everyone ‘sailor’?
Cbird: ThatÂ’s the guy
Texasjack: {eating kettle corn} I remember those days fondly, jakemartin still scares the shit out of me
CS: As well he shouldÂ…..and RWBÂ….and everyone elseÂ….this fight never stops!
Cbird: {raising his glass of whey protein blaster smoothie} Vigor to that!
(Back to the Parade)
J2B: Oh what a pleasant surprise we have here folksÂ…as the Oct 11 float passes we can see Luby in the back with his binoculars looking out at the crowd
Razd: Correctamundo J2B! Ole Peepers is a crowd favorite here today!
J2B: He sure isÂ…..and here comes our next groupÂ…itÂ’s the August 12 Nic Kickassers!
Razd: I believe theyÂ’re the Nic Kickaxers J2BÂ…
J2B: Correct you are Razd! The Nic Kickerbutts are a small but proud group represented here today by Ziesmer and Want2Quit. Their theme this year is “Size Doesn’t Matter”
Razd: I think I get it J2B, their group is small but strong!
J2B: Good one Razd! Now for a brief break we’ll go now to our very own gmann who is dressed in a way that makes him seem ”cooler” than he has in previous narratives
J2B: Nice outfit G!
Gmann: Thanks guys, it felt great to finally shed all that pink. IÂ’m standing here with some of the April 13 quitters that are experiencing the Parade of Quits for the first time {talking to the April 13 quitters} Well how bout it boysÂ…do you like the Parade?
April 13 Quitters: {collectively} Yeah!!
Gmann: {interviewing Phil 16} Which float is your favorite so far?
Phil16: Oh I kinda like them allÂ…so many colors and stuff, but if I had to pick a favorite so far itÂ’s June 2010 Honeybadgers!
Gmann: And how about you?
Nickald: The Inglorious Basterds for sure! That Peepers guy is awesome..whoo hooo!
Gmann: Well there you have it gentlemen, one vote for the Honeybadgers and one for the BasterdsÂ…..back to you guys
Razd: Thanks gmann for that on the spot reportingÂ…..boy itÂ’s great to see those April 13 quitters out and about isnÂ’t it J2B?
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ…..and speaking of April groups we have April 2008 Dip Quits! Nothing but quit up in there!
Razd: 5 years J2B! Great stuff! Their theme this year is “Lilac”
J2B: Right you are Razd, apparently Lilac is some sort of inside joke involving jpine
Razd: Maybe weÂ’ll get an explanation on that later J2B but for now thereÂ’s Mule and Buckfever waiving to the crowdÂ…..and what a surprise jpine is giving everyone the middle fingerÂ….
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Remember when he tried to take over the Adopt a Quitter thread Coach?
CS: Yeah I remember TerryÂ…that just wasnÂ’t meant to beÂ…..
Pave: {throwing an empty Bud Light Platinum aluminum bottle at the Dramatron} Booooo! That guyÂ’s still a jerk!
(Pave reaches into his cooler and grabs another BL Platinum (http://i.imgur.com/P1BYN.gif))
J2B: Back to the action here folksÂ….tell us whoÂ’s next Razd
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B!
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
Razd: Right again J2B! Next up is February 2012 represented by Bruce and MCarmo
J2B: This group of quitters is also known as the February Underground and is known for itÂ’s provocative Question of the DayÂ…
Razd: Righteo J2B! Their theme this year is “How Much Does Bruce Love Tony Romo?”
J2B: ThatÂ’s an easy one Razd! Full homo!
Razd: 10-4! J2B knows a little something about this next groupÂ….itÂ’s May 2011
J2B: You bet Razd, itÂ’s my pleasure to present the May 2011 3-Ballers!
Razd: GeeÂ….I wonder what your theme is this yearÂ…let me guessÂ…3 Balls? And we have our first balloon of the dayÂ….is that a testicle?
J2B: Sure is RazdÂ…a third testicle in fact
Razd: How can you tell?
J2B: Well you see how this testicle is more round than egg shaped? ThatÂ’s so it can fit nicely behind the other 2 balls without impeding walking or running
Razd: IÂ’ll take your word for it J2B!
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Hey! ArenÂ’t Coach and Cbird honorary 3 ballers?
CS: Say what?
Tstahr: Yeah youÂ’re on their list CoachÂ….
CS: {feeling his sac} Well IÂ’m be damnedÂ…never noticed that beforeÂ…
Cbird: It fits in there nicely, how do you think I was able to run a marathon in jogging shorts with 3 balls?
Rated: TMI!
CS: I just thought it was your vigor
Cbird: Well, yeah that too
(Back to the Parade)
Razd: Speaking of MayÂ…..we have May 2012 up next!
J2B: Another great May group RazdÂ….also known as the B.O.M.B!
Razd: Indeed J2B! This year’s theme for the B.O.M.B is “2x4’s and Wood Screws” which harkens back to their early days in CS’s narratives!
J2B: Great stuff Razd! Well folks thatÂ’ll just about do it for todayÂ…..waitÂ….IÂ’m told we have one more floatÂ…
Razd: Who could it be?
J2B: ItsÂ….its April 2012!
Razd: Oh what a treat J2B! The Bumping Bastards of April 2012 call themselves the Glass House or the QLF Crew
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WaitÂ….no one told us weÂ’d have a float this year! SoÂ….if weÂ’re hereÂ…then who is running the float?
BWB: Hollee shitÂ…Â…look who it isÂ…..
(The group turns to the Dramtron and sees Hipster peddling his Rickshaw towing 3 large inflated elephantÂ’s walking together. Vadge is riding in the Rickshaw passing out hurt vagina cream to the crowdÂ…)
Razd: This is quite the scene here folksÂ…those guys in April 12 sure do quit like fuck!
J2B: They sure do Razd! Their theme this year is “Doing the Elephant Walk”
Razd: IÂ’m not even sure I know what an elephant walk is J2B
J2B: Trust meÂ…..you donÂ’t want to know
Razd: I’ll take your word for it J2B! That concludes our coverage today but before we leave you, we’re gonna take you down to gmann again…still looking ‘cool’ gmann!
Gmann: Thanks again guys! The scene down here is quite heart warming….new and old quitters alike are taking turns rubbing Vadge’s hurt vagina cream on each other and then ‘hugging it out’
Razd: That soundsÂ…..a littleÂ…you know?
Gmann: Only if youÂ’re not into that sort of thing Razd! ItÂ’s quite inspiring to see quitters helping each other with screwing up roll or roll bumps and keeping the focus on posting roll daily, and most importantlyÂ….the quit
J2B: Well said GÂ….well said!
(Back to the Glass House)
BWB: Hey Coach remember when you were a giant dick about posting roll?
CS: Yeah I remember BeastÂ…I now know its about posting roll every damn day and staying quit like fuck!
Rated: {raising his Michelob Ultra} I propose a toast to the Glass House of April 12!
(Just then, Bluebonnetman walks into the room holding his Heineken high)
BBM: Did you boys forget about me?
CS: No sir Blue! You wanna make the toast?
BBM: Sure thingÂ….boys and girls raise your glassÂ….hereÂ’s to a free and clean 2013! Fuck Craves! QLF!
QLF Crew: {collectively} QLF!!
(Following the toast silence falls on the group as Coach Steve stands up and walks to the window. Gazing out at the April 13 habitat for humanity, CS turns to the group and says, “Boys….we got work to do.” As CS turns back to the window, he sees Peepers (http://i.imgur.com/ylRz8.gif)…….)
THE ENDÂ….for now.
'crackup'
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
You bet you bottom dollar there JB. Well Done Steve.Quote from: Coach'crackup'
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
Awesome. keep rocking it CS.
That is truly applausable stuff right there you high fivin' mo fo.Quote from: jost2brownYou bet you bottom dollar there JB. Well Done Steve.Quote from: Coach'crackup'
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
Awesome. keep rocking it CS.
Hipster 383 in california, most certainly the toughest tests ever over the past 2 weeks,,, must say, missing dipping considering the circumstances i am in...quit with jenner jordan chap and louskin with mcarmo, and april 2012CS: {storming back out onto the front porch} What the fuck? We're at a fucking year and he's missing dip?!
I think a lot of people are full of shit with all these feel good posts. Can the power of positive thinking and positive talk really get us out of this fucking hole we have dug so deep. I want to dip so bad right now I cant stand it. The mental aspect is every damn bit as hard as that physical withdrawal was. I was practiced at that part, 100 times over. It hurts but at least it has an end. Seems like there is no end to this nightmare. I just want to feel normal again. Cant think beyond today.This is normal coming from a new quitter, but not from someone on Day 383.
Day 402'worship'
Upon reading through the titles of several Intro threads, I am struck by the amount of times I see the words "attempt" or "try" or "hope" or people wishing God will quit for them.
Here are some examples of this ass fuckery:
"A serious attempt to quit"
"Quitting for real this time"
"Quitting....again"
"I quit again for the last time"
"Please help me figure out how to quit"Â *Note - This is one of my favorites. As if don't put fucking tobacco in your mouth isn't obvious enough!
"Lord let this be the last time, 6th try at this"
"Hello....quitting today! For real" *For reals? No, JK LMAO...douche.
"day 1 here it goes" *Like you're about to get on a fucking water slide or something?
"Day 1...here we go" *Enjoy the water slide fuckface.
"This is it! Last time I quite!" *Not quite there yet dude.....
"We Quit Like Fuck" * Oh wait that's mine....yeah....thats what I came here to do and I do it EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
Day 402DAMN :wood
Upon reading through the titles of several Intro threads, I am struck by the amount of times I see the words "attempt" or "try" or "hope" or people wishing God will quit for them.
Here are some examples of this ass fuckery:
"A serious attempt to quit"
"Quitting for real this time"
"Quitting....again"
"I quit again for the last time"
"Please help me figure out how to quit" *Note - This is one of my favorites. As if don't put fucking tobacco in your mouth isn't obvious enough!
"Lord let this be the last time, 6th try at this"
"Hello....quitting today! For real" *For reals? No, JK LMAO...douche.
"day 1 here it goes" *Like you're about to get on a fucking water slide or something?
"Day 1...here we go" *Enjoy the water slide fuckface.
"This is it! Last time I quite!" *Not quite there yet dude.....
"We Quit Like Fuck" * Oh wait that's mine....yeah....thats what I came here to do and I do it EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
Those titles sound like hope and try instead of badass quit........Quote from: CoachDay 402DAMN :wood
Upon reading through the titles of several Intro threads, I am struck by the amount of times I see the words "attempt" or "try" or "hope" or people wishing God will quit for them.
Here are some examples of this ass fuckery:
"A serious attempt to quit"
"Quitting for real this time"
"Quitting....again"
"I quit again for the last time"
"Please help me figure out how to quit"Â *Note - This is one of my favorites. As if don't put fucking tobacco in your mouth isn't obvious enough!
"Lord let this be the last time, 6th try at this"
"Hello....quitting today! For real" *For reals? No, JK LMAO...douche.
"day 1 here it goes" *Like you're about to get on a fucking water slide or something?
"Day 1...here we go" *Enjoy the water slide fuckface.
"This is it! Last time I quite!" *Not quite there yet dude.....
"We Quit Like Fuck" * Oh wait that's mine....yeah....thats what I came here to do and I do it EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the Glass House of April 12 and notices Cbird, BWB and ERDVM sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch. They are all wearing a white bath robe and running shoes)Hey Coach. Nice meeting you in chat yesterday. Funny shit on this thread. Did you buddy hipster get his shit together??
Cbird: Look guys....its the Pretty Pony!
Vadge: I thought he was the Salvage Pony?
BWB: Whatever he is, he sure does love those casa de prostitutes!
CS: What the fuck are you guys talking about?
Cbird: Nothing el jefe
CS: Right......well I'm gonna head inside and post roll...
Cbird: {sipping his coffee} Your buddy stopped by earlier than usual this morning
CS: My buddy?
BWB: Hip.....
CS: And......?
Cbird: You'll see.....
(Coach Steve enters the Glass House and checks out the roll page)Quote from: HipsterHipster 383 in california, most certainly the toughest tests ever over the past 2 weeks,,, must say, missing dipping considering the circumstances i am in...quit with jenner jordan chap and louskin with mcarmo, and april 2012CS: {storming back out onto the front porch} What the fuck? We're at a fucking year and he's missing dip?!
Vadge: Uh oh Coach is pissed!
CS: Damn right I'm pissed! There's more conviction in posts by guys in April 13 on Day 5!
Cbird: So what are you going to do about it?
CS: {storming back inside} I'll show you what the fuck I'm gonna do!
Vadge: Can't miss this!
(Cbird, Vadge and BWB follow CS into the Glass House where they see him drag the Glass Soapbox over to the roll post wall and take out a red Sharpie)
Cbird: You sure about this Coach?
Vadge: Yeah.....you remember what happened last time right?
CS: I don't care about public savagery....this is bullshit!
Cbird: Fair enough.....just don't say I didn't warn you..
CS: Duly noted...
Vadge: Don't you mean Dooley noted....?
BWB: {chuckling} Good one Vadge
Cbird: Yeah you guys are flippin comedians
(Coach Steve proceeds to write Hipster a little note........)
My Dearest Hipster
You posted Day 383 today which is an outstanding accomplishment. However, you really need to stop being a little bitch about this quitting thing. I've noticed your posting has become sporadic and you're posting late at night. Can't believe I'm giving a refresher course to someone about to hit the 4th floor but here goes........wake up, post roll, keep your promise, repeat. It's one thing to say that you've hit a funk or you're dealing with a lot of stress, but to say that you actually miss dip.....give me a fucking break. While we're on that point, please explain what in the world you miss about dipping? Yeah we're all addicts and there will always be that little tiny Nic voice in the back of our minds telling us that just one is possible. I get that.....but my quit drowns that bitch out. Whenever that little bitch lets out a peep, my quit bows up and tells her to crawl back into her hole and shut the fuck up. You see....it's kind of like that guy that tries to celebrate after scoring a touchdown when his team is losing 63-7. The other team can simply point to the scoreboard. Well that's the Nic Bitch.....she tries to speak up and I just point to the 367 on April 12's roll page.
For some perspective, here's a post from the Intro thread of a new quitterQuote from: Its_Got2HappenI think a lot of people are full of shit with all these feel good posts. Can the power of positive thinking and positive talk really get us out of this fucking hole we have dug so deep. I want to dip so bad right now I cant stand it. The mental aspect is every damn bit as hard as that physical withdrawal was. I was practiced at that part, 100 times over. It hurts but at least it has an end. Seems like there is no end to this nightmare. I just want to feel normal again. Cant think beyond today.This is normal coming from a new quitter, but not from someone on Day 383.
(Coach Steve puts the cap on the red Sharpie and climbs down from the Glass Soapbox)
Vadge: Hey Coach, let me see that marker
CS: Why?
Vadge: Just give me the damn marker!
CS: Ok geez...here....
Vadge: Thanks
(Vadge takes the cap off and sniffs the marker)
Vadge: There...that's better
BWB: What the fuck Vadge?
(Just then, the group hears the sound of a bicycle horn)
Vadge: {panicking} Oh shit....he's here...I've gotta hide
(Vadge tries to hide in a trash can in the hallway next to some random Korean chick) (http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9yzlftL741qahisxo5_250.gif)
BWB: Are you fucking high?
Vadge: Shhh.....don't tell him I'm here!
(Just then, Hipster walks into the front door and is startled to see everyone standing in the hallway)
Hipster: {putting his hands in his pockets} Oh....hi fellas
(Awkward moment ensues (http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5czc2xkvy1rnvlqy.gif))
Cbird: Sup Hip?
Hipster: {shuffling his feet} Oh nothing......what are you doing in a trash can ERDVM?
Vadge: I'm not here....
Hipster: But I can see you.....
BWB: Don't worry about Vadge...he's all high on marker fumes
Hipster: So....why do you guys call him Vadge?
Cbird: Because he's a vagina doctor!
Hipster: Oh...hehe.....I thought he was a Vet
Cbird: Well....he is a Vet
Hipster: But you just said he's a vagina doctor?
BWB: It's a joke Hip....
Hipster: Oh..I see...it just seems mean headed to call people names
BWB: We're not calling him names Hip...it's his KTC nickname
(Just then, Hipster notices Coach Steve's note on the wall....)
Hipster: I see your public savagery of me has returned....
CS: It's not public savagery dammit! You said you missed dip ferfuckssake!
Hipster: Coach......your anger.....it's over whelming
Cbird: {trying not to laugh} Yeah Coach.....your anger....
CS: Don't start Cbird!
Hipster: Well guys.....I have to go pick up some quitters in my Rickshaw.....
CS: See ya around Hip
Hipster: Maybe...maybe not....this public savagery will not soon be forgotten
CS: That's great Hip.....
(Hipster walks out of the front door and honks his horn once)
Vadge: Is he gone?
CS: Yes Vadge....he's gone
Vadge:{wiping his forehead} Phew! Glad he didn't see me!
CS: Dude....seriously..he totally saw you. Give me back my Sharpie before you kill anymore brain cells
Vadge: Just one more sniff?
CS: No!
Vadge: {handing back the marker} Ok fine...savagerer....
(Vadge strips off his robe and heads out for a jog) (http://www.mostwatchedtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Hurricane-Horseman.gif)
(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
I knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
Narratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
Does this make page 59?? bird hears the theme of Rocky in the far distance...Quote from: wastepanelNarratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
I think one of these a week is mandatory!Quote from: LubyDoes this make page 59?? bird hears the theme of Rocky in the far distance...Quote from: wastepanelNarratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
goodbye for now.....
LOVEQuote from: CBird65I think one of these a week is mandatory!Quote from: LubyDoes this make page 59?? bird hears the theme of Rocky in the far distance...Quote from: wastepanelNarratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
goodbye for now.....
Great stuff Coach Steve!
[LIKE BUTTON]Quote from: Grizzly25LOVEQuote from: CBird65I think one of these a week is mandatory!Quote from: LubyDoes this make page 59?? bird hears the theme of Rocky in the far distance...Quote from: wastepanelNarratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
goodbye for now.....
Great stuff Coach Steve!
Just to clarify....Quote from: CleanFuel[LIKE BUTTON]Quote from: Grizzly25LOVEQuote from: CBird65I think one of these a week is mandatory!Quote from: LubyDoes this make page 59?? bird hears the theme of Rocky in the far distance...Quote from: wastepanelNarratives make me moist! Peepers approves.Quote from: pavethewayI knew I felt a disturbance in the force.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
BRAVO!! (http://cdn.lastangryfan.com/wp-content/uploads/citizen-kane-clapping.gif)
goodbye for now.....
Great stuff Coach Steve!
Yeah, I'm pressing it.
FUCS
...rabbits do NOT like thermometers in their little rabbit vaginas...And now we know... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pele5vptVgc)
Cause Knowledge is Power (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjNM4eItNRA)Quote...rabbits do NOT like thermometers in their little rabbit vaginas...And now we know... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pele5vptVgc)
I prefer these GI Joe PSA's (http://youtu.be/cO8lHGXWMzo?t=16s)Quote from: wastepanelCause Knowledge is Power (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjNM4eItNRA)Quote...rabbits do NOT like thermometers in their little rabbit vaginas...And now we know... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pele5vptVgc)
G.I. Joe Harlem Shake (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMpVzRq4Ktw)Quote from: SirDerekI prefer these GI Joe PSA's (http://youtu.be/cO8lHGXWMzo?t=16s)Quote from: wastepanelCause Knowledge is Power (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjNM4eItNRA)Quote...rabbits do NOT like thermometers in their little rabbit vaginas...And now we know... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pele5vptVgc)
In tribute to today reaching 500, IÂ’d like to be able to script a narrative but we both know that ainÂ’t happening!'clap'
Instead, I offer a heartfelt thank you that IÂ’m sure the Gheys here will twist, but thank you none the less!
Congrats to a leader and someone I consider my friend! true story
Quit Like Steve see what I did there
'worship'
Half commas make me horny.Quote from: CBird65In tribute to today reaching 500, IÂ’d like to be able to script a narrative but we both know that ainÂ’t happening!Â'clap'
Instead, I offer a heartfelt thank you that IÂ’m sure the Gheys here will twist, but thank you none the less!Â
Congrats to a leader and someone I consider my friend!  true story
Quit Like Steve  see what I did there
'worship'
congrats Steve - QLS as he QLF
Congratulations Coach Steve!!!!Quote from: SirDerekHalf commas make me horny.Quote from: CBird65In tribute to today reaching 500, IÂ’d like to be able to script a narrative but we both know that ainÂ’t happening!Â'clap'
Instead, I offer a heartfelt thank you that IÂ’m sure the Gheys here will twist, but thank you none the less!Â
Congrats to a leader and someone I consider my friend!  true story
Quit Like Steve  see what I did there
'worship'
congrats Steve - QLS as he QLF
But so do narratives.
Very proud of you bud.
Who is Coach Steve? YouÂ’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
2 in the goo - 4 in the stink Like Fuck! +/- wing sauce (Carolina style)Quote from: KKLJINC500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
Memphis, Kansas City. Texas or Carolina style - gimme someQuote from: Eric712 in the goo - 4 in the stink Like Fuck! +/- wing sauce (Carolina style)Quote from: KKLJINC500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
Nice 5x100 Sir!!!Quote from: ERDVMMemphis, Kansas City. Texas or Carolina style - gimme someQuote from: Eric712 in the goo - 4 in the stink Like Fuck! +/- wing sauce (Carolina style)Quote from: KKLJINC500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
whats that you say.... NARRATIVE oh yeah!!!!
all this talk is making me hungry. Gimme a slap of pink and a stack of stinkQuote from: CBird65Nice 5x100 Sir!!!Quote from: ERDVMMemphis, Kansas City. Texas or Carolina style - gimme someQuote from: Eric712 in the goo - 4 in the stink Like Fuck! +/- wing sauce (Carolina style)Quote from: KKLJINC500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
whats that you say.... NARRATIVE oh yeah!!!!
Mix and match sauces.
:wub: Full homoQuote from: razd611all this talk is making me hungry. Gimme a slap of pink and a stack of stinkQuote from: CBird65Nice 5x100 Sir!!!Quote from: ERDVMMemphis, Kansas City. Texas or Carolina style - gimme someQuote from: Eric712 in the goo - 4 in the stink Like Fuck! +/- wing sauce (Carolina style)Quote from: KKLJINC500, that close to Memorial Day? You must have planned it that way. In all seriousness, congrats Boss!Quote from: pavethewayWho is Coach Steve? You’re about to be told.BAM! Congrats coach
I am not too young, but not yet too old.
IÂ’m the po-ten-tate, whatever that means
I make all the ladies cream in their jeans.
I do not eat fruits. I have big man-hoots.
I donÂ’t own any pairs of cowboy boots.
I am the goat herder, the big fat galloot
I dance to Def Leppard in my Barbaloot suit.
I can clap one butt cheek effortlessly
I can drink 15 beers without taking one pee.
Without me, thereÂ’s no laughter and there is no sun.
No one to tell you to go GitÂ’rÂ’dun.
IÂ’ll kick your shins, IÂ’ll eat your school lunch
IÂ’ll look at a porn mag while I take a crunch.
IÂ’ll chug a milk gallon and barf in your beer
I drive a girly, silver, small Cavalier.
Banana in the tailpipe? Yeah, that was me.
Stapler in Jello? Who else could it be?
If you engage in pranks with Coach Steve,
IÂ’ll dip my bean bag in your herbal green tea.
IÂ’ve shat myself, maybe once or thrice
I have to admit, it was kind of nice.
IÂ’ll drink too much and fall asleep in your shower
My favorite song is Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
I am the straw that stirs up the drink.
I put two in the goo, and four in the stink.
IÂ’m Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka, all rolled into one
I eat bumblebees and nails on a ciabatta bread bun.
Yes, I saw Swat in the theatre alone
My favorite baseball player is Figgins (Chone)
I like crappy music, I donÂ’t like NASCAR
I didn't even have to study to pass the bar.
Now you know who Coach Steve is.
No onesÂ’ banter is as witty as his.
*Note.....I am not as witty as Coach so I adapted this from another message board. I just felt the need to hijack this thread today and thought this would be appropriate. Grats on 500.
whats that you say.... NARRATIVE oh yeah!!!!
Mix and match sauces.
Well Done Coach!
(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
I missed you, and I really hope you start leaping into cavers bodies before they make their mistakes. I really like where this is going.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
Thank you Coach.Quote from: CBird65I missed you, and I really hope you start leaping into cavers bodies before they make their mistakes. I really like where this is going.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
I see what you did there....clever. But then that's always been your way. Applause ensues.Quote from: wastepanelThank you Coach.Quote from: CBird65I missed you, and I really hope you start leaping into cavers bodies before they make their mistakes. I really like where this is going.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
I needed that!
Have a super duper quit weekend.
Cheers.
Made my day to just have made into a CS Post!! Not sure if that is good or bad but it is something!! Congrats on the 500!!Quote from: 30isEnuffI see what you did there....clever. But then that's always been your way. Applause ensues.Quote from: wastepanelThank you Coach.Quote from: CBird65I missed you, and I really hope you start leaping into cavers bodies before they make their mistakes. I really like where this is going.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
I needed that!
Have a super duper quit weekend.
Cheers.
Speaking of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
I love that coach Steve was inside me! Wait.... What?Quote from: CBird65Speaking of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
Tim Curry had a stroke yesterday,
http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/ (http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/)
you captured my essence- well done.Quote from: razd611I love that coach Steve was inside me! Wait.... What?Quote from: CBird65Speaking of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
Tim Curry had a stroke yesterday,
http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/ (http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/)
Great shit as always, and great half comma. Proud as fuck to quit like fuck with you.
Wow. I made it into a CS story, I'm honored. Congrats on 500!!!Quote from: Lubyyou captured my essence- well done.Quote from: razd611I love that coach Steve was inside me! Wait.... What?Quote from: CBird65Speaking of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Quote from: Coach(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)Let's Do The Time Warp Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q)
CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..
(The EndÂ….bitches)
Tim Curry had a stroke yesterday,
http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/ (http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/)
Great shit as always, and great half comma. Proud as fuck to quit like fuck with you.
nice narrative. very nice 500.
(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
Coach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:
Whatever you can do would be appreciated.Quote from: ERDVMCoach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:
okay coach....just threw down $200....let me know if you need more to get us over the top...Quote from: CleanFuelWhatever you can do would be appreciated.Quote from: ERDVMCoach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:
index.php?showtopic=5883 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5883)
Part Twostop poking me dude! 'crackup'
(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles
To be continuedÂ…Â…
Hey mj, that's what your mom said last night 'crackup'Quote from: CoachPart Twostop poking me dude! 'crackup'
(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles
To be continuedÂ…Â…
(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'Quote from: KKLJINCI don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
:wub:
Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!Quote from: CBird65I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'Quote from: KKLJINCI don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
:wub:
its amazing what they can do with micro dot technology 'crackup'Quote from: Mthomas3824Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!Quote from: CBird65I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'Quote from: KKLJINCI don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
:wub:
Guilty! When my wife saw my junk for the first time, she said, "Now who is that going to please?" I said, "Me!" She doesn't do me out of mercy she does it because she like to laugh. Talk about a happy ending for both of us. 'winker'Quote from: LionHeartedGirlits amazing what they can do with micro dot technology 'crackup'Quote from: Mthomas3824Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!Quote from: CBird65I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'Quote from: KKLJINCI don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
:wub:
when KTC hits meets the fund raising goal for the Spit Out - maybe we can get them to contribute to your hair plugs too :oQuote from: CBird65Guilty! When my wife saw my junk for the first time, she said, "Now who is that going to please?" I said, "Me!" She doesn't do me out of mercy she does it because she like to laugh. Talk about a happy ending for both of us. 'winker'Quote from: LionHeartedGirlits amazing what they can do with micro dot technology 'crackup'Quote from: Mthomas3824Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!Quote from: CBird65I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'Quote from: KKLJINCI don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stampQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00
Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here (http://blog.killthecan.org/2011/05/thoughts-on-the-summit/). klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you
:wub:
(Sorry for Hijacking you page Coach, I have a small penis is my only excuse. Time to go get a sports car.)
Part Twoheard we were trying to raise some money -
(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles
To be continuedÂ…Â…
$4,296 as of June 25. (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5883&st=0)Quote from: CoachPart Twoheard we were trying to raise some money -
(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles
To be continuedÂ…Â…
how's that going and how do we get involved?
LOVE this...cant wait for a full report from the conferenceQuote from: CBird65$4,296 as of June 25. (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5883&st=0)Quote from: CoachPart Twoheard we were trying to raise some money -
(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles
To be continuedÂ…Â…
how's that going and how do we get involved?
Part 3We gotta be getting close !!!
(Coach Steve awakens to the sound of a bell ringing outside the Glass House of April 2012. “What the hell is that…?” he mutters as he hops out of bed, throws on some clothes and heads downstairs. As he gets into the front hallway he passes Ranger5 posting roll)
Ranger5: Mornin Coach!
CS: Mornin RangerÂ….do you know what in the hell is going on with the bell?
Ranger5: I dunnoÂ…something about getting some donations maybe?
CS: Ok thanks
(CS heads outside and sees Cbird sitting on the front porch sipping his coffee)
Cbird: Mornin sleepy head!
CS: Dude whereÂ’s that bell coming from?
(Cbird points to the street in front of the Glass House where pavetheway and ERDVM are ringing bells next to a red coffee can)
CS: What are they doing?
Cbird: What do you think theyÂ’re doing?
CS: I dunnoÂ….thatÂ’s why I asked
Cbird: Well KTC wants to send 2 representatives to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana, right?
CS: YeahÂ…Â…
Cbird: And itÂ’s not free, right?
CS: YeahÂ…Â…
Cbird: Do I really need to explain this to you? ArenÂ’t you the one writing this story?
CS: WriterÂ’s block I guessÂ…..
Cbird: Well unblock your head and get to work!
ERDVM: {from the street} ThatÂ’s what your mom said last night!
Cbird: Dammit CoachÂ….do you see what youÂ’ve started?
(Just then, the crew sees Euty riding his Hoverround up the sidewalk towards the quittersÂ….)
Euty: {shaking his fist} Hehhhh! WhatÂ’s that infernal racket?!
PTW: Sorry EutyÂ….itÂ’s just a bell
Euty: Dang whippersnappers! ItÂ’s not enough that I have to listen to your potty mouths all dayÂ…now youÂ’re ringing bells!
(Just then, Keddy and Kdip roll up in a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Euty: Good, itÂ’s the MOD squatters! {pointing at everyone else} Put these quitters on review!
Keddy: {stepping out of the car} Actually weÂ’re the MOD squadÂ…Euty what are you talking about?
Euty: IÂ’m sick and tired of this place being overrun by hooligans!
Kdip: Ok, okÂ…what seems to be the problem?
Euty: All of this potty mouthery! You knowÂ….quit like fffffff, like ffffffÂ…oh like fudge, you know what I mean!
Keddy: But Euty, some people prefer a little attitude to their quitÂ…I think QLF is just as expression of that mindset
Euty: Damn kids these daysÂ….what ever happened to quit like friends?
ERDVM: {chuckling} Quit like friends?
Euty: ThatÂ’s right DrÂ…Â…what do they call you Â….Badge?
ERDVM: ItÂ’s Vadge actually
Euty: Of course it isÂ…..donÂ’t you people know how to speak like adults?
(Just then, jpine drives up on his golf cart)
jpine: What are you assholes doing?
Euty: Cover your ears!
ERDVM: Morning jpine!
jpine: Are you the leader of this group?
PTW: FU jpine!
jpine: {looking at PTW} Oh so youÂ’re the leader of this group, huh? You speak for everyone?
CS: Really jpine? DidnÂ’t we do this like a year ago?
Keddy: Ok everybody needs to calm down
jpine: What are you 2 MOD turds doing here anyways?
Kdip: Well we came to see Coach SteveÂ…
jpine: For what?
Keddy: WeÂ’re two of the finalists to attend the Spit Summit
Jpine: WhatÂ’s the shit summit?
Kdip: Spit summitÂ…itÂ’s a forum for professionals in the smokeless tobacco field to come together and learn of best practices, and share success stories
Keddy: They also learn about prevention and cessation approaches that work and become aware of the latest in field research
Jpine: So tell meÂ….do any of these people actually know anything about quitting?
Keddy: According to Chewie, he and klark were the only quitters there last year
(Just then, Kubiak drives up in a convertible Chrysler Sebring…cdmavs and ericfrompitt are also in the car. The license plate says “BICURIS”)
Kubiak: What are you tools doing over here?
CS: Talking about the National Spit Summit
Kubiak: What in the hell is a Spit Summit?
Ericfrompitt: WaitÂ….IÂ’ve heard of this beforeÂ…arenÂ’t we trying to send representatives or something?
Keddy: ThatÂ’s correct
PTW: IÂ’ve got a great ideaÂ….we should send jpine and Euty!
Jpine: Great idea buttface
ERDVM: Hahaha! What do you think of that EutyÂ…..Euty?
(Euty has fallen asleep on his hoverround)
Kdip: {shaking Euty} EutyÂ…wake upÂ….weÂ’re sending you to the Spit Summit with jpine
Euty: {startled} Boobies!
Cdmavs: Did he just say boobies?
Kubiak: I believe he didÂ….I hope theyÂ’re nice boobies
Keddy: OkÂ….letÂ’s move alongÂ…nothing to see here
(Just then, Mthomas rides up on his Segway)
Mthomas: Saw there was a commotion over hereÂ….thought IÂ’d offer my 2 cents. So what are we talking about?
Cbird: Tattoos
Mthomas: Oh goodyÂ….{unzipping his fly} IÂ’ve got one to show everybodyÂ…
Kdip: {holding up his hands} Whoa, whoa, whoaÂ….letÂ’s not get too carried away
Mthomas: {zipping up his fly} Oh…hehe….I understand. Maybe it’s best to just describe it….it says “QLF’h”
Jpine: Is that in 2 pt font?
Mthomas: Very funny jpine! So I was taking a leak next to Gmann the other day…..he snuck a peak and asked me what it stood for? I told him it says “Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!”
PTW: QLFEDDYBASOB
ERDVM: NiceÂ…Â…
(Just then, KKLJINC walks up and throws a $100 bill in the red coffee can)
KKLJINC: Love the Quit Like Fuck statement!
CS: Thanks bro!
Cbird: So how much more do we need?
Keddy: Hold on IÂ’ll call ChewieÂ…..{dialing on his phone}Â….Hey Chewie, itÂ’s Keddy. Oh not badÂ….just hangin with Coach Steve and the gang in the 2012 Quit Groups. So we all wanted to know where youÂ’re at on the fundraising for the Spit SummitÂ…..uh huh, uh huh, yeahÂ…I sure will, thanks!
Cbird: WellÂ…..
Keddy: It looks like weÂ’re at $4,296 as of yesterday
ERDVM: And we need what?
Keddy: $5,000
PTW: So weÂ’re almost there?
Kdip: Yup almostÂ…..man I get that tingling sensation in my loins whenever I think about going out to Montana!
CS: Did you just say loins?
Kdip: YeahÂ….tingly loins, what?
CS: UmÂ….nothing. DonÂ’t you have to win a talent show competition first?
Kdip: DonÂ’t worry about that CSÂ…..
Keddy: Whatever kdipÂ…..youÂ’re no match for my talent!
CS: Which is what exactly?
Keddy: I’m going to sing “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly….in Ancient Greek!
CS: {sarcastically} YeahÂ…..sounds like a winner
(Just then, Wastepanel and Gmann drive up in the pink Volkswagon Beetle)
Mthomas: Gmann! Wanna see my tattoo again?
Jpine: I donÂ’t think he brought his reading glasses
ERDVM: {chortle} OoopsÂ….oh well, I guess thatÂ’s my one laugh at a jpine joke this floorÂ…..donÂ’t have another one till the 6th floor
Wastepanel: What seems to be the boggle here?
Euty: Finally someone who can drive these ruffians out of this neighborhood!
Wastepanel: UmÂ….Euty, weÂ’re not in your neighborhood
Euty: Nonsense! The December 2006 St. Nic-O-Frees house of brick is right overÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Over where Euty?
(Euty points towards the February 2012 Underground House where Bruce is watering the plants in Crocs and a purple tank top)
Bruce: {waiving} Hey quitters!
Mookieblaylock: Bump
Bruce: Bump for what?
Mookieblaylock: IÂ…umÂ…..never mind
Gmann: FUCS
CS: For what?
Gmann: This is my first line in the Spit Summit NarrativesÂ….what a shame
CS: IÂ’m sorry GmannÂ…would you like a tampon to dry your tears?
Gmann: FUCS
(Just then, 2mch2lv4 and Lionheartedgirl ride up on pink ATVs)
2mch: So LHGÂ….tell me why do the boys get to have all the fun?
LHG: I guess no one pays attention to girls unless youÂ’re posting suggestive pics and talking about threesomes?
2mch: Amen sister!
LHG: {high fiving 2mch} Girl power!
Gmann: {going for a high five Yeah! Girl powerÂ….umÂ…wait, what?
CS: Nice one Gmann
Wastepanel: So CoachÂ….are you still looking for the 5 finalists?
CS: Found all of ‘em except for one
Wastepanel: Well look no further
CS: WaitÂ….youÂ’re the 5th finalist?
Wastepanel: Did the sun melt IcarusÂ’s wings?
CS: I guess soÂ…..does this mean IÂ’m finished with the Spit Summit narratives?
Gmann: Not so fast CSÂ…..we still have a talent show to determine the winner
CS: Ah yesÂ….how could I forget about the talent show, so remind me when that is supposed to happen?
Wastepanel: Early next week at the KTC Quitatorium
CS: IÂ’ll be there!
(The quitters disperse as ERDVM and PTW continue to ring their bells next to the red coffee can (http://store.killthecan.org/donations-and-games/donations/2013-smokeless-summit-donation))
Just dropping by to say....Your mom just dropped by last night
'bang head'Quote from: MjollnirJust dropping by to say....Your mom just dropped by last night
'crackup'Quote from: Coach'bang head'Quote from: MjollnirJust dropping by to say....Your mom just dropped by last night
So edgy!Quote from: Mjollnir'crackup'Quote from: Coach'bang head'Quote from: MjollnirJust dropping by to say....Your mom just dropped by last night
And like taking candy from a baby 'Crazy'Quote from: Evil_WonSo edgy!Quote from: Mjollnir'crackup'Quote from: Coach'bang head'Quote from: MjollnirJust dropping by to say....Your mom just dropped by last night
(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the Glass House of April 12 and sees Gmann's VW Beetle parked in his spot....except now it's painted Salmon. "FUGM," Coach Steve mutters to himself as he backs his car out and parks on the street. As Coach Steve climbs the front steps he sees Cbird, ERDVM, Pavetheway, Texasjack and Bigwhitebeast sitting on the front porch)For the record - It stands for NoOneLikesAQuitter.
CS: You guys waiting for me?
Pave: Not really...we're just talking about my pee pee
CS: Your pee pee? I was on vacation last week...did I miss something?
Texasjack: Wait....no one told Coach about Pave's pee pee?
Pave: You'll have to ask Vadge...he seems to know more about it than I do
ERDVM: Well maybe that's because your pee pee problem is also found in llamas
Bigwhitebeast: Pave has a llama pee pee?
CS: What the fuck guys....?
Cbird: Coach I'm still not sure what is going on with Pave's llama pee pee
CS: I'm beginning to wonder whether I even want to know?
(Just then, Tstahr walks out of the house)
Tstahr: Did I hear llama pee pee?
Pave: {burying his head in his hands} Dammit.....
CS: What the hell Pave?
Pave: {flustered} Guys! Enough with the pee pee stuff!
Texasjack: Uh oh....looks like someone is getting 'pissed' off! {nudging Vadge with his elbow} See what I did there?
ERDVM: Yeah I get it...the llama doesn't think it's very funny though
Texasjack: What llama?
ERDVM: {pointing} That llama (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFEP973GVP0/T6VSrc2-_UI/AAAAAAAABG0/Gmx3j8UrTAk/s320/llama-stare.gif)
Bigwhitebeast: Hahaha! I think TJ offended the llama!
CS: So I see Gmann is back to parking in my space again...is he here?
Cbird: Yeah he's inside
CS: Doing what?
Cbird: I think he's playing checkers with Hipster
CS: Checkers with Hipster huh?
Cbird: Yeah...he also said he wanted to talk to you
CS: About what?
Cbird: I dunno...he just pulled up, got out of the VW Beetle and started asking about a narrative
(Just then, Gmann walks out of the house)
Gmann: Just the man I was looking for!
CS: That's funny, you're just the ghey I was looking for!
Gmann: Coach....words hurt
CS: I know...FUAGM
Gmann: FUAGM?
CS: FU Admin Gmann
Gmann: That hurts Coach....so how about a narrative for the newest ADMIN?
ERDVM: {sarcastic clap} Yaaaah for new ADMIN, tell Remy I said hello
Gmann: Very funny Vadge...you know ADMIN's have feelings too
ERDVM: Really? I wasn't aware of such 'feelings'. I thought ADMIN have two settings...quiet and telling you to shut up
Gmann: Cutting me deep Vadge...
(Just then, the PM notification alerts ERDVM to a new message)
ERDVM: {checking his phone} Oh look...it's a new message from Keddy
CS: Why don't you read it?
ERDVM: {reading the message} My Dearest ERDVM, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please do not disparage the ADMIN. Thanks, Keddy
CS: Do you get those PM's often?
ERDVM: More than you can imagine
CS: Wow, you must be some kind of asshole!
ERDVM: I think I'm on some type of wanted poster in Remshot's bathroom...like he stares at me while he's pooping cause I make him angry and he can push harder
(The PM notification pings on ERDVM's phone again)
ERDVM: Oh wait...this one's from Mjollnir
Cbird: This oughta be good...
ERDVM: Dear Badge, Please do not speak of Remshot using the restroom....it's inappropriate. I will mute you if you continue this behavior, this is your last warning. Thanks, Mjollnir
CS: Uh oh....someone is gonna earn themself a trip to the principal's office
Cbird: Yeah...and you'd better not mention any beef that you have with newer groups refusing to remove the line between their group and the supporters!
(Just then, the Pm notification on Cbird's laptop pings)
ERDVM: You know what that means...
Cbird: Yep...it's a PM from Mjollnir
Texasjack: {peeing off the porch into the bushes} Are we still talking about Pave's llama pee pee?
(Just then, Luby aka Peepers jumps out of the bushes where TJ is peeing)
Luby: Dude! Watch where you're draining that thing...can't you see I'm peeping here?
Texasjack: Oh shit....my bad Peepers!
Luby: That's ok...do you guys have a towel or something?
Gmann: {taking something out of his back pocket} All I have is this salmon handkerchief
Luby: I guess that'll have to do
CS: {to Cbird} So what does your PM say?
Cbird: Oh right. It says...Dear Cbird65, Please do not disparage other quit groups, they are free to do as they please with their own group, even if it is a bit over the top, ridiculously extravagant and/or generally ineffective. Thanks, Mjollnir
ERDVM: Nice one...
Cbird: {slamming down his laptop screen} Makes my vigor erupt!
CS: Well he's right about one thing...
Cbird: What's that?
CS: All of the colors, silly group names, games, questions of the day, buddy systems, etc. are generally ineffective when it comes to the actual quit
Pave: You can say that again!
CS: {fist bump w/ Pave} Damn right. It takes nothing but stone cold balls quit every damn day to make a group like April 12
ERDVM: I feel an acronym coming on....
Pave: You mean...SCBQEDD?
ERDVM: That's the one!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: Oh look guys...I got one from NOLAQ!
Bigwhitebeast: He's my fav...read it Coach!
CS: Dear Coach Turd, Please refrain from creating any more acronyms, we are already tired of being asked what QLF stands for. Thanks, NOLAQ
Texasjack: Isn't NOLAQ an acronym?
CS: Sure is...
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Also an acronym...
Tstahr: Maybe we should change our name to the Acronyms of April 12?
(A record scratches and everyone stops and stares at Tstahr)
Bigwhitebeast: Really?
Tstahr: What....?
Bigwhitebeast: The Acronyms of April?
Tstahr: Yeah....so?
Pave: The AOA?
Bigwhitebeast: {slapping Pave on the shoulder} Dammit pave don't encourage him!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: {looking at his phone} Uh oh....
Cbird: Who is it?
CS: It's from Wastepanel, and I'm pretty sure I know what he wants
Pave: Which is what exactly?
CS: He probably wants to know when they're gonna get the final narrative for the Spit Summit {checking the PM} Yep, I was right
Bigwhitebeast: So...when is that going to be done?
CS: Well I've already submitted 2 and they were both rejected...
Cbird: What do you mean rejected?
CS: The first one involved me being captured by Instigator and his minions. Gator was the villain and he swore revenge upon the ADMIN for 'ruining him'
Pave: Sounds like a killer plot line...
CS: It was ok....but it took like 7-8 hours over a span of 3 days to write the damn thing
ERDVM: Geez-us....it takes you that long to write these things?
CS: Not all of them, like this one might take 2-3 hours depending on if I get distracted by other stuff. Plus I was really forcing the creativity at that point in the Spit Summit narratives so what was going on paper wasn't exactly high quality
Tstahr: {rubbing Coach Steve's back} Coach don't be so hard on yourself
CS: It's just how I work Tstahr....if the narrative doesn't make me laugh or want to read it again then it's probably not entertaining for other readers. At that point it's borderline garbage
Gmann: Coach, this is some of the lamest shit I've ever heard...
CS: Oh yeah thanks for reminding me Gmann....you had a decent part in the first Spit Summit Finale
Gmann: I know...{sighing}...but we just couldn't risk delving up bad memories
CS: Yeah....water under the bridge or something like that right G?
Gmann: Something like that yeah...
CS: So anyways...then I go about writing a whole other narrative. The second one had a softer Scooby Doo theme and the villan was an obscure quitter that not many people would remember
Bigwhitebeast: Who was it Coach?
CS: Let's just say...pinch the bear
Pave: Dennis!
CS: Right...
Pave: What a douche that guy was!
ERDVM: Home brew!
CS: Yeah the home brew was part of the plot, but the end was the best part in my opinion. That was where Euty ended up being the 'man behind the mask' and his plan was to rid KTC of all of the potty mouthed quitters
Cbird: That sounds epic!
CS: Not really...the second narrative was worst than the first one. You see, when I'm not enjoying what I'm writing the plot quickly goes to shit and gets real unoriginal...
(Coach Steve pauses and looks at Tstahr)
CS: Dude you've been rubbing my back for over a minute, can you please stop?
Tstahr: Oh...sorry Coach
Gmann: So.....?
CS: So what?
Gmann: So when are you going to finish the Spit Summit narratives?
CS: I'm not going to...the creative juice has left my body
Texasjack: My creative juice leaves my body every night, Am I right guise? {elbowing BWB}
Bigwhitebeast: {furrowing his brow} Just stop...
(Just then, Luby comes out from the glass house after cleaning up in the bathroom)
Luby: So what did I miss?
Gmann: Coach is telling us his sob story about the Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Oh that's right....so Coach when is the narrative coming out?
Texasjack: {chortle} Coming out....
Bigwhitebeast: Seriously?
CS: Sorry to disappoint Peeps, but no Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Damn that sucks...so how do we find out who won the talent show?
CS: Oh that's simple, I can tell you who won the....
Gmann: {quickly covering CS's mouth with his hands} What Coach means is he doesn't know who won the talent show...{winking} right Coach?
Pave: Why did you just wink at him?
Gmann: Wink at who?
Pave: At Coach...what in the hell is going on here?
{Just then, the PM Notification pings on Pave's phone}
Pave: {checking his PM} What the...?
CS: Who is it?
Pave: It's from Keddy. Dear Pavetheway, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please stop asking about who won the talent show. Thanks, Keddy
Bigwhitebeast: So I guess we'll never find out who wins?
Cbird: Does it even matter anymore...didn't Copehater just donate another $1000?
CS: Yes he did....which puts them well over their goal
Luby: So then why can't we find out who is going to represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
Gmann: Gentlemen...in due time
Bigwhitebeast: In due time my ass! We deserve to know now!
(The quitters begin to crowd in on Gmann demanding to know who will be representing KTC at the Spit Summit. Just then, Gmann whips out a MOD Review Taser Gun and waves it at the quitters while he backs away)
Gmann: Alright, nobody make any sudden moves or you'll get put on review...
CS: Just hear us out....
Gmann: {backing towards the VW Beetle and opening the door with his free hand} NO! You listen to me...I'm gonna get in my car and drive away...we'll pretend like none of this ever happened
(Gmann gets into the salmon colored VW Beetle and peels out of the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012)
Texasjack: He's changed....
CS: I know TJ...I know...
Luby: So Coach, can't you just tell us who is going?
CS: Oh yeah, I suppose I can....the two representatives for KTC at the 2013 Spit Summit are . . . . . . . . . . . . . (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKQMY6x4e5U)
(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the Glass House of April 12 and sees Gmann's VW Beetle parked in his spot....except now it's painted Salmon. "FUGM," Coach Steve mutters to himself as he backs his car out and parks on the street. As Coach Steve climbs the front steps he sees Cbird, ERDVM, Pavetheway, Texasjack and Bigwhitebeast sitting on the front porch)Peepers approves! Needed that today, thanks.
CS: You guys waiting for me?
Pave: Not really...we're just talking about my pee pee
CS: Your pee pee? I was on vacation last week...did I miss something?
Texasjack: Wait....no one told Coach about Pave's pee pee?
Pave: You'll have to ask Vadge...he seems to know more about it than I do
ERDVM: Well maybe that's because your pee pee problem is also found in llamas
Bigwhitebeast: Pave has a llama pee pee?
CS: What the fuck guys....?
Cbird: Coach I'm still not sure what is going on with Pave's llama pee pee
CS: I'm beginning to wonder whether I even want to know?
(Just then, Tstahr walks out of the house)
Tstahr: Did I hear llama pee pee?
Pave: {burying his head in his hands} Dammit.....
CS: What the hell Pave?
Pave: {flustered} Guys! Enough with the pee pee stuff!
Texasjack: Uh oh....looks like someone is getting 'pissed' off! {nudging Vadge with his elbow} See what I did there?
ERDVM: Yeah I get it...the llama doesn't think it's very funny though
Texasjack: What llama?
ERDVM: {pointing} That llama (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFEP973GVP0/T6VSrc2-_UI/AAAAAAAABG0/Gmx3j8UrTAk/s320/llama-stare.gif)
Bigwhitebeast: Hahaha! I think TJ offended the llama!
CS: So I see Gmann is back to parking in my space again...is he here?
Cbird: Yeah he's inside
CS: Doing what?
Cbird: I think he's playing checkers with Hipster
CS: Checkers with Hipster huh?
Cbird: Yeah...he also said he wanted to talk to you
CS: About what?
Cbird: I dunno...he just pulled up, got out of the VW Beetle and started asking about a narrative
(Just then, Gmann walks out of the house)
Gmann: Just the man I was looking for!
CS: That's funny, you're just the ghey I was looking for!
Gmann: Coach....words hurt
CS: I know...FUAGM
Gmann: FUAGM?
CS: FU Admin Gmann
Gmann: That hurts Coach....so how about a narrative for the newest ADMIN?
ERDVM: {sarcastic clap} Yaaaah for new ADMIN, tell Remy I said hello
Gmann: Very funny Vadge...you know ADMIN's have feelings too
ERDVM: Really? I wasn't aware of such 'feelings'. I thought ADMIN have two settings...quiet and telling you to shut up
Gmann: Cutting me deep Vadge...
(Just then, the PM notification alerts ERDVM to a new message)
ERDVM: {checking his phone} Oh look...it's a new message from Keddy
CS: Why don't you read it?
ERDVM: {reading the message} My Dearest ERDVM, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please do not disparage the ADMIN. Thanks, Keddy
CS: Do you get those PM's often?
ERDVM: More than you can imagine
CS: Wow, you must be some kind of asshole!
ERDVM: I think I'm on some type of wanted poster in Remshot's bathroom...like he stares at me while he's pooping cause I make him angry and he can push harder
(The PM notification pings on ERDVM's phone again)
ERDVM: Oh wait...this one's from Mjollnir
Cbird: This oughta be good...
ERDVM: Dear Badge, Please do not speak of Remshot using the restroom....it's inappropriate. I will mute you if you continue this behavior, this is your last warning. Thanks, Mjollnir
CS: Uh oh....someone is gonna earn themself a trip to the principal's office
Cbird: Yeah...and you'd better not mention any beef that you have with newer groups refusing to remove the line between their group and the supporters!
(Just then, the Pm notification on Cbird's laptop pings)
ERDVM: You know what that means...
Cbird: Yep...it's a PM from Mjollnir
Texasjack: {peeing off the porch into the bushes} Are we still talking about Pave's llama pee pee?
(Just then, Luby aka Peepers jumps out of the bushes where TJ is peeing)
Luby: Dude! Watch where you're draining that thing...can't you see I'm peeping here?
Texasjack: Oh shit....my bad Peepers!
Luby: That's ok...do you guys have a towel or something?
Gmann: {taking something out of his back pocket} All I have is this salmon handkerchief
Luby: I guess that'll have to do
CS: {to Cbird} So what does your PM say?
Cbird: Oh right. It says...Dear Cbird65, Please do not disparage other quit groups, they are free to do as they please with their own group, even if it is a bit over the top, ridiculously extravagant and/or generally ineffective. Thanks, Mjollnir
ERDVM: Nice one...
Cbird: {slamming down his laptop screen} Makes my vigor erupt!
CS: Well he's right about one thing...
Cbird: What's that?
CS: All of the colors, silly group names, games, questions of the day, buddy systems, etc. are generally ineffective when it comes to the actual quit
Pave: You can say that again!
CS: {fist bump w/ Pave} Damn right. It takes nothing but stone cold balls quit every damn day to make a group like April 12
ERDVM: I feel an acronym coming on....
Pave: You mean...SCBQEDD?
ERDVM: That's the one!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: Oh look guys...I got one from NOLAQ!
Bigwhitebeast: He's my fav...read it Coach!
CS: Dear Coach Turd, Please refrain from creating any more acronyms, we are already tired of being asked what QLF stands for. Thanks, NOLAQ
Texasjack: Isn't NOLAQ an acronym?
CS: Sure is...
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Also an acronym...
Tstahr: Maybe we should change our name to the Acronyms of April 12?
(A record scratches and everyone stops and stares at Tstahr)
Bigwhitebeast: Really?
Tstahr: What....?
Bigwhitebeast: The Acronyms of April?
Tstahr: Yeah....so?
Pave: The AOA?
Bigwhitebeast: {slapping Pave on the shoulder} Dammit pave don't encourage him!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: {looking at his phone} Uh oh....
Cbird: Who is it?
CS: It's from Wastepanel, and I'm pretty sure I know what he wants
Pave: Which is what exactly?
CS: He probably wants to know when they're gonna get the final narrative for the Spit Summit {checking the PM} Yep, I was right
Bigwhitebeast: So...when is that going to be done?
CS: Well I've already submitted 2 and they were both rejected...
Cbird: What do you mean rejected?
CS: The first one involved me being captured by Instigator and his minions. Gator was the villain and he swore revenge upon the ADMIN for 'ruining him'
Pave: Sounds like a killer plot line...
CS: It was ok....but it took like 7-8 hours over a span of 3 days to write the damn thing
ERDVM: Geez-us....it takes you that long to write these things?
CS: Not all of them, like this one might take 2-3 hours depending on if I get distracted by other stuff. Plus I was really forcing the creativity at that point in the Spit Summit narratives so what was going on paper wasn't exactly high quality
Tstahr: {rubbing Coach Steve's back} Coach don't be so hard on yourself
CS: It's just how I work Tstahr....if the narrative doesn't make me laugh or want to read it again then it's probably not entertaining for other readers. At that point it's borderline garbage
Gmann: Coach, this is some of the lamest shit I've ever heard...
CS: Oh yeah thanks for reminding me Gmann....you had a decent part in the first Spit Summit Finale
Gmann: I know...{sighing}...but we just couldn't risk delving up bad memories
CS: Yeah....water under the bridge or something like that right G?
Gmann: Something like that yeah...
CS: So anyways...then I go about writing a whole other narrative. The second one had a softer Scooby Doo theme and the villan was an obscure quitter that not many people would remember
Bigwhitebeast: Who was it Coach?
CS: Let's just say...pinch the bear
Pave: Dennis!
CS: Right...
Pave: What a douche that guy was!
ERDVM: Home brew!
CS: Yeah the home brew was part of the plot, but the end was the best part in my opinion. That was where Euty ended up being the 'man behind the mask' and his plan was to rid KTC of all of the potty mouthed quitters
Cbird: That sounds epic!
CS: Not really...the second narrative was worst than the first one. You see, when I'm not enjoying what I'm writing the plot quickly goes to shit and gets real unoriginal...
(Coach Steve pauses and looks at Tstahr)
CS: Dude you've been rubbing my back for over a minute, can you please stop?
Tstahr: Oh...sorry Coach
Gmann: So.....?
CS: So what?
Gmann: So when are you going to finish the Spit Summit narratives?
CS: I'm not going to...the creative juice has left my body
Texasjack: My creative juice leaves my body every night, Am I right guise? {elbowing BWB}
Bigwhitebeast: {furrowing his brow} Just stop...
(Just then, Luby comes out from the glass house after cleaning up in the bathroom)
Luby: So what did I miss?
Gmann: Coach is telling us his sob story about the Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Oh that's right....so Coach when is the narrative coming out?
Texasjack: {chortle} Coming out....
Bigwhitebeast: Seriously?
CS: Sorry to disappoint Peeps, but no Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Damn that sucks...so how do we find out who won the talent show?
CS: Oh that's simple, I can tell you who won the....
Gmann: {quickly covering CS's mouth with his hands} What Coach means is he doesn't know who won the talent show...{winking} right Coach?
Pave: Why did you just wink at him?
Gmann: Wink at who?
Pave: At Coach...what in the hell is going on here?
{Just then, the PM Notification pings on Pave's phone}
Pave: {checking his PM} What the...?
CS: Who is it?
Pave: It's from Keddy. Dear Pavetheway, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please stop asking about who won the talent show. Thanks, Keddy
Bigwhitebeast: So I guess we'll never find out who wins?
Cbird: Does it even matter anymore...didn't Copehater just donate another $1000?
CS: Yes he did....which puts them well over their goal
Luby: So then why can't we find out who is going to represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
Gmann: Gentlemen...in due time
Bigwhitebeast: In due time my ass! We deserve to know now!
(The quitters begin to crowd in on Gmann demanding to know who will be representing KTC at the Spit Summit. Just then, Gmann whips out a MOD Review Taser Gun and waves it at the quitters while he backs away)
Gmann: Alright, nobody make any sudden moves or you'll get put on review...
CS: Just hear us out....
Gmann: {backing towards the VW Beetle and opening the door with his free hand} NO! You listen to me...I'm gonna get in my car and drive away...we'll pretend like none of this ever happened
(Gmann gets into the salmon colored VW Beetle and peels out of the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012)
Texasjack: He's changed....
CS: I know TJ...I know...
Luby: So Coach, can't you just tell us who is going?
CS: Oh yeah, I suppose I can....the two representatives for KTC at the 2013 Spit Summit are . . . . . . . . . . . . . (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKQMY6x4e5U)
This is great stuff. lolQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve pulls into the driveway of the Glass House of April 12 and sees Gmann's VW Beetle parked in his spot....except now it's painted Salmon. "FUGM," Coach Steve mutters to himself as he backs his car out and parks on the street. As Coach Steve climbs the front steps he sees Cbird, ERDVM, Pavetheway, Texasjack and Bigwhitebeast sitting on the front porch)For the record - It stands for NoOneLikesAQuitter.
CS: You guys waiting for me?
Pave: Not really...we're just talking about my pee pee
CS: Your pee pee? I was on vacation last week...did I miss something?
Texasjack: Wait....no one told Coach about Pave's pee pee?
Pave: You'll have to ask Vadge...he seems to know more about it than I do
ERDVM: Well maybe that's because your pee pee problem is also found in llamas
Bigwhitebeast: Pave has a llama pee pee?
CS: What the fuck guys....?
Cbird: Coach I'm still not sure what is going on with Pave's llama pee pee
CS: I'm beginning to wonder whether I even want to know?
(Just then, Tstahr walks out of the house)
Tstahr: Did I hear llama pee pee?
Pave: {burying his head in his hands} Dammit.....
CS: What the hell Pave?
Pave: {flustered} Guys! Enough with the pee pee stuff!
Texasjack: Uh oh....looks like someone is getting 'pissed' off! {nudging Vadge with his elbow} See what I did there?
ERDVM: Yeah I get it...the llama doesn't think it's very funny though
Texasjack: What llama?
ERDVM: {pointing} That llama (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFEP973GVP0/T6VSrc2-_UI/AAAAAAAABG0/Gmx3j8UrTAk/s320/llama-stare.gif)
Bigwhitebeast: Hahaha! I think TJ offended the llama!
CS: So I see Gmann is back to parking in my space again...is he here?
Cbird: Yeah he's inside
CS: Doing what?
Cbird: I think he's playing checkers with Hipster
CS: Checkers with Hipster huh?
Cbird: Yeah...he also said he wanted to talk to you
CS: About what?
Cbird: I dunno...he just pulled up, got out of the VW Beetle and started asking about a narrative
(Just then, Gmann walks out of the house)
Gmann: Just the man I was looking for!
CS: That's funny, you're just the ghey I was looking for!
Gmann: Coach....words hurt
CS: I know...FUAGM
Gmann: FUAGM?
CS: FU Admin Gmann
Gmann: That hurts Coach....so how about a narrative for the newest ADMIN?
ERDVM: {sarcastic clap} Yaaaah for new ADMIN, tell Remy I said hello
Gmann: Very funny Vadge...you know ADMIN's have feelings too
ERDVM: Really? I wasn't aware of such 'feelings'. I thought ADMIN have two settings...quiet and telling you to shut up
Gmann: Cutting me deep Vadge...
(Just then, the PM notification alerts ERDVM to a new message)
ERDVM: {checking his phone} Oh look...it's a new message from Keddy
CS: Why don't you read it?
ERDVM: {reading the message} My Dearest ERDVM, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please do not disparage the ADMIN. Thanks, Keddy
CS: Do you get those PM's often?
ERDVM: More than you can imagine
CS: Wow, you must be some kind of asshole!
ERDVM: I think I'm on some type of wanted poster in Remshot's bathroom...like he stares at me while he's pooping cause I make him angry and he can push harder
(The PM notification pings on ERDVM's phone again)
ERDVM: Oh wait...this one's from Mjollnir
Cbird: This oughta be good...
ERDVM: Dear Badge, Please do not speak of Remshot using the restroom....it's inappropriate. I will mute you if you continue this behavior, this is your last warning. Thanks, Mjollnir
CS: Uh oh....someone is gonna earn themself a trip to the principal's office
Cbird: Yeah...and you'd better not mention any beef that you have with newer groups refusing to remove the line between their group and the supporters!
(Just then, the Pm notification on Cbird's laptop pings)
ERDVM: You know what that means...
Cbird: Yep...it's a PM from Mjollnir
Texasjack: {peeing off the porch into the bushes} Are we still talking about Pave's llama pee pee?
(Just then, Luby aka Peepers jumps out of the bushes where TJ is peeing)
Luby: Dude! Watch where you're draining that thing...can't you see I'm peeping here?
Texasjack: Oh shit....my bad Peepers!
Luby: That's ok...do you guys have a towel or something?
Gmann: {taking something out of his back pocket} All I have is this salmon handkerchief
Luby: I guess that'll have to do
CS: {to Cbird} So what does your PM say?
Cbird: Oh right. It says...Dear Cbird65, Please do not disparage other quit groups, they are free to do as they please with their own group, even if it is a bit over the top, ridiculously extravagant and/or generally ineffective. Thanks, Mjollnir
ERDVM: Nice one...
Cbird: {slamming down his laptop screen} Makes my vigor erupt!
CS: Well he's right about one thing...
Cbird: What's that?
CS: All of the colors, silly group names, games, questions of the day, buddy systems, etc. are generally ineffective when it comes to the actual quit
Pave: You can say that again!
CS: {fist bump w/ Pave} Damn right. It takes nothing but stone cold balls quit every damn day to make a group like April 12
ERDVM: I feel an acronym coming on....
Pave: You mean...SCBQEDD?
ERDVM: That's the one!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: Oh look guys...I got one from NOLAQ!
Bigwhitebeast: He's my fav...read it Coach!
CS: Dear Coach Turd, Please refrain from creating any more acronyms, we are already tired of being asked what QLF stands for. Thanks, NOLAQ
Texasjack: Isn't NOLAQ an acronym?
CS: Sure is...
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Also an acronym...
Tstahr: Maybe we should change our name to the Acronyms of April 12?
(A record scratches and everyone stops and stares at Tstahr)
Bigwhitebeast: Really?
Tstahr: What....?
Bigwhitebeast: The Acronyms of April?
Tstahr: Yeah....so?
Pave: The AOA?
Bigwhitebeast: {slapping Pave on the shoulder} Dammit pave don't encourage him!
(Just then, the PM notification on Coach Steve's phone pings)
CS: {looking at his phone} Uh oh....
Cbird: Who is it?
CS: It's from Wastepanel, and I'm pretty sure I know what he wants
Pave: Which is what exactly?
CS: He probably wants to know when they're gonna get the final narrative for the Spit Summit {checking the PM} Yep, I was right
Bigwhitebeast: So...when is that going to be done?
CS: Well I've already submitted 2 and they were both rejected...
Cbird: What do you mean rejected?
CS: The first one involved me being captured by Instigator and his minions. Gator was the villain and he swore revenge upon the ADMIN for 'ruining him'
Pave: Sounds like a killer plot line...
CS: It was ok....but it took like 7-8 hours over a span of 3 days to write the damn thing
ERDVM: Geez-us....it takes you that long to write these things?
CS: Not all of them, like this one might take 2-3 hours depending on if I get distracted by other stuff. Plus I was really forcing the creativity at that point in the Spit Summit narratives so what was going on paper wasn't exactly high quality
Tstahr: {rubbing Coach Steve's back} Coach don't be so hard on yourself
CS: It's just how I work Tstahr....if the narrative doesn't make me laugh or want to read it again then it's probably not entertaining for other readers. At that point it's borderline garbage
Gmann: Coach, this is some of the lamest shit I've ever heard...
CS: Oh yeah thanks for reminding me Gmann....you had a decent part in the first Spit Summit Finale
Gmann: I know...{sighing}...but we just couldn't risk delving up bad memories
CS: Yeah....water under the bridge or something like that right G?
Gmann: Something like that yeah...
CS: So anyways...then I go about writing a whole other narrative. The second one had a softer Scooby Doo theme and the villan was an obscure quitter that not many people would remember
Bigwhitebeast: Who was it Coach?
CS: Let's just say...pinch the bear
Pave: Dennis!
CS: Right...
Pave: What a douche that guy was!
ERDVM: Home brew!
CS: Yeah the home brew was part of the plot, but the end was the best part in my opinion. That was where Euty ended up being the 'man behind the mask' and his plan was to rid KTC of all of the potty mouthed quitters
Cbird: That sounds epic!
CS: Not really...the second narrative was worst than the first one. You see, when I'm not enjoying what I'm writing the plot quickly goes to shit and gets real unoriginal...
(Coach Steve pauses and looks at Tstahr)
CS: Dude you've been rubbing my back for over a minute, can you please stop?
Tstahr: Oh...sorry Coach
Gmann: So.....?
CS: So what?
Gmann: So when are you going to finish the Spit Summit narratives?
CS: I'm not going to...the creative juice has left my body
Texasjack: My creative juice leaves my body every night, Am I right guise? {elbowing BWB}
Bigwhitebeast: {furrowing his brow} Just stop...
(Just then, Luby comes out from the glass house after cleaning up in the bathroom)
Luby: So what did I miss?
Gmann: Coach is telling us his sob story about the Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Oh that's right....so Coach when is the narrative coming out?
Texasjack: {chortle} Coming out....
Bigwhitebeast: Seriously?
CS: Sorry to disappoint Peeps, but no Spit Summit narrative finale
Luby: Damn that sucks...so how do we find out who won the talent show?
CS: Oh that's simple, I can tell you who won the....
Gmann: {quickly covering CS's mouth with his hands} What Coach means is he doesn't know who won the talent show...{winking} right Coach?
Pave: Why did you just wink at him?
Gmann: Wink at who?
Pave: At Coach...what in the hell is going on here?
{Just then, the PM Notification pings on Pave's phone}
Pave: {checking his PM} What the...?
CS: Who is it?
Pave: It's from Keddy. Dear Pavetheway, Thank you for all of the energy you put into this place, but please stop asking about who won the talent show. Thanks, Keddy
Bigwhitebeast: So I guess we'll never find out who wins?
Cbird: Does it even matter anymore...didn't Copehater just donate another $1000?
CS: Yes he did....which puts them well over their goal
Luby: So then why can't we find out who is going to represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
Gmann: Gentlemen...in due time
Bigwhitebeast: In due time my ass! We deserve to know now!
(The quitters begin to crowd in on Gmann demanding to know who will be representing KTC at the Spit Summit. Just then, Gmann whips out a MOD Review Taser Gun and waves it at the quitters while he backs away)
Gmann: Alright, nobody make any sudden moves or you'll get put on review...
CS: Just hear us out....
Gmann: {backing towards the VW Beetle and opening the door with his free hand} NO! You listen to me...I'm gonna get in my car and drive away...we'll pretend like none of this ever happened
(Gmann gets into the salmon colored VW Beetle and peels out of the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012)
Texasjack: He's changed....
CS: I know TJ...I know...
Luby: So Coach, can't you just tell us who is going?
CS: Oh yeah, I suppose I can....the two representatives for KTC at the 2013 Spit Summit are . . . . . . . . . . . . . (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKQMY6x4e5U)
If you wanna know why, just ask.
Happy Friday FU List:Then let me be the first to say FUCS!
FU2mch
FUJ2B
FUGM
FULine
FUWP
'Finger'
If I left anyone off the list, FU2.
FUeveryone. :)Quote from: CoachHappy Friday FU List:Then let me be the first to say FUCS!
FU2mch
FUJ2B
FUGM
FULine
FUWP
'Finger'
If I left anyone off the list, FU2.
'Finger'
ps. happy friday
'Finger'Quote from: T-CellFUeveryone. :)Quote from: CoachHappy Friday FU List:Then let me be the first to say FUCS!
FU2mch
FUJ2B
FUGM
FULine
FUWP
'Finger'
If I left anyone off the list, FU2.
'Finger'
ps. happy friday
'FU'Quote from: Scowick65'Finger'Quote from: T-CellFUeveryone. :)Quote from: CoachHappy Friday FU List:Then let me be the first to say FUCS!
FU2mch
FUJ2B
FUGM
FULine
FUWP
'Finger'
If I left anyone off the list, FU2.
'Finger'
ps. happy friday
FUPTGW
FUVADGE
FUTJ
FUAUBARN
FUBGWB
FUCBIRDO
OHHHHHHH....and one gigantic FU to CS 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger'
yes, z 'Finger'Quote from: gmann'FU'Quote from: Scowick65'Finger'Quote from: T-CellFUeveryone. :)Quote from: CoachHappy Friday FU List:Then let me be the first to say FUCS!
FU2mch
FUJ2B
FUGM
FULine
FUWP
'Finger'
If I left anyone off the list, FU2.
'Finger'
ps. happy friday
FUPTGW
FUVADGE
FUTJ
FUAUBARN
FUBGWB
FUCBIRDO
OHHHHHHH....and one gigantic FU to CS 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger'
Cause I like to be different.
Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Boom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
And your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
nice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Missed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
ditto....600 and counting is definitely quit like fuckQuote from: traumagnetMissed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Congrats CS!!!!!Quote from: Lubyditto....600 and counting is definitely quit like fuckQuote from: traumagnetMissed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Just wanted to say congrats on six hundo!Quote from: Mthomas3824Congrats CS!!!!!Quote from: Lubyditto....600 and counting is definitely quit like fuckQuote from: traumagnetMissed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
You're the RockStar of Quit Coach Steve.Quote from: jhaenel23Just wanted to say congrats on six hundo!Quote from: Mthomas3824Congrats CS!!!!!Quote from: Lubyditto....600 and counting is definitely quit like fuckQuote from: traumagnetMissed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
600 units of quit is awesome.Quote from: cdmavs41You're the RockStar of Quit Coach Steve.Quote from: jhaenel23Just wanted to say congrats on six hundo!Quote from: Mthomas3824Congrats CS!!!!!Quote from: Lubyditto....600 and counting is definitely quit like fuckQuote from: traumagnetMissed this by a couple days, my peeper skills are slipping. You da man Coach Steve, you da man.Quote from: T-Cellnice work coach keep pounding the intros you have much to share.Quote from: ERDVMAnd your ox is strong like quit... CongratsQuote from: tsmith17Your quit is strong like ox...Quote from: Evil_WonBoom. Six bills like a boss. 'archer'Quote from: CBird65Six bill bumpYes. Badassery. Congrats.
grats my friend
Thank you for being here and being quit.
You have made me laugh so hard that the nic bitch simply walks the fuck away!
Love you Man! :)
Well this was buriedÂ….found it under the Glass Soapbox...KTC as a group "Oh boy, we are gonna be in for another treat."
#679 today. Fuck you nic bitch. 'Finger'
I'm feeling a narrative coming onÂ….too soon? :ph43r:
Well this was buriedÂ….found it under the Glass Soapbox...Hell no it is not too soon, rip the bandaid off CS!
#679 today. Fuck you nic bitch. 'Finger'
I'm feeling a narrative coming onÂ….too soon? :ph43r:
OH gawd newbies prepare you are going to piss yourselves. kick out a narrative CS.Quote from: CoachWell this was buriedÂ….found it under the Glass Soapbox...Hell no it is not too soon, rip the bandaid off CS!
#679 today. Fuck you nic bitch. 'Finger'
I'm feeling a narrative coming on….too soon? :ph43r:
(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
I hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
Awesome Truth CS!Quote from: Bigwhitebeast(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
'crackup'
Let the healing begin.Quote from: Mthomas3824Awesome Truth CS!Quote from: Bigwhitebeast(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
'crackup'
Saved and saving my life every a.m. the KTC way!
Peepers approvedQuote from: 30isEnuffLet the healing begin.Quote from: Mthomas3824Awesome Truth CS!Quote from: Bigwhitebeast(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
'crackup'
Saved and saving my life every a.m. the KTC way!
Fuck yeah CS! Or something like that...Quote from: wastepanelPeepers approvedQuote from: 30isEnuffLet the healing begin.Quote from: Mthomas3824Awesome Truth CS!Quote from: Bigwhitebeast(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
'crackup'
Saved and saving my life every a.m. the KTC way!
FUCS.....
Fuck yeah CS! Or something like that...
Thanks and FU2Razd! 'Finger'Quote from: T-CellFUCS.....
Fuck yeah CS! Or something like that...
There, I fixed it for you T-Cell.
That's awesome Coach.Quote from: LubyFuck yeah CS! Or something like that...Quote from: wastepanelPeepers approvedQuote from: 30isEnuffLet the healing begin.Quote from: Mthomas3824Awesome Truth CS!Quote from: Bigwhitebeast(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)Quote from: CBird65Damn Bucky Bucktoothed Penis Head 'na na' 'crackup'Quote from: BruceI hear the secrets that you keepQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve wakes up in his room on the second floor of the Glass House of April 2012. "Morning wood again?" Coach Steve mutters to himself as he looks under the covers. He sits up and props his legs over the side of the bed as he stretches. "Welp, time to go post roll first thing!" says Coach Steve as he walks out into the Glass Hallway and makes his way down the stairs to the Foyer. Coach Steve passes Bigwhitebeast on his wayÂ…)First of all, you damn well Z drives a Prius. Second, the amount of gheyness is too damn high. Thirdly....you do kinda look like a penis with teeth
CS: Good morning BWB!
BWB: {giving CS a dirty look} What are you doing?
CS: {puzzled look} Just on my way to post roll
(As CS approaches the roll page on the wall of the Glass Foyer he turns and looks back at BWB who is still glaring at him)
CS: {to himself} PfftÂ….maybe Beastie is having a bad day?
(CS proceeds to write his name on roll and as he turns around he sees BWB, Cbird, Vadge and Pavetheway standing there glaring at him)
Pavetheway: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Vadge: I didn't expect this from you CoachÂ….
CS: {throwing up his hands} Alright what in the hell is everyone talking about? All I'm doing is posting roll!
Cbird: Well then what's that in your lip?
CS: My lipÂ….?
(CS touches his finger to his lip and realizes he has a fat wad of cat turds shoved in his lip)
CS: GuysÂ….it must be fakeÂ…right?
BWB: Check his pockets
(Vadge and Pavetheway frisk CS and find a can of Kodiak Wintergreen in the pocket of his PJ pants)
Cbird: Do you want to explain something Coach?
CS: GuysÂ….I swear it isnÂ’t mineÂ…
(Vadge and Pavetheway grabs CS by the arms and drag him out of the Glass House)
CS: Guys, please stop, this is all a misunderstanding! IsnÂ’t this place all about forgiveness?
BWB: Tell that to the ADMIN!
CS: Nooooooooooo
(The scene flashes back to CSÂ’s room as he sits up in bed yelling, startled awake by what was only a horrible dip dreamÂ…Â…)
CS: {checking his lip with his tongue} ItÂ’s goneÂ….it wasnÂ’t real
Cbird: You posted roll while dipping again didnÂ’t you?
CS: {startled} Oh manÂ….you scared the crap out of me! How long have you been there?
(Cbird is sitting in the corner of CSÂ’s room wearing a bath robe and running shoes and holding a cup of coffee. The morning sun is streaming beams of light through the shades, but CbirdÂ’s face is covered by shadows}
Cbird: {leaning into the light} You had that dream again didnÂ’t youÂ….the one where you posted roll while dipping?
CS: YeahÂ….how did you know?
Cbird: You were talking in your sleepÂ…well, more like yelling in your sleep
CS: ManÂ….thatÂ’s the third one this month
Cbird: ThatÂ’s okÂ….it keeps you vigorant
CS: DonÂ’t you mean vigilent?
Cbird: NoÂ…I meant vigorant
(CS and Cbird just kind of stare at each other for a moment with puzzled looks)
CS: {getting out of bed and putting on his pants} Ok well IÂ’m going to head downstairs to post roll. You coming withÂ….?
(As CS turns back Cbird has vanishedÂ….)
CS: I hate it when he does thatÂ….
(CSstuffs his oversized cock into his boxer briefsputs on a shirt and heads downstairs to post roll. He passes BWB on his wayÂ….)
CS: Why are you looking at me weird?
BWB: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth?
CS: A penis with teeth?
BWB: YeahÂ….
CS: CanÂ’t say that IÂ’ve ever been told that BeastieÂ…
BWB: OhÂ…ok thenÂ….well you look like a penis with teeth
CS: {confused look}OkÂ…Â…..
(Just then, the doorbell rings and Vadge comes running into the glass foyer from the living room)
Vadge: ItÂ’s probably for meÂ….I ordered lots of hurt vagina cream. Wanted to stock up considering the circumstances in November 13
CS: What circumstances?
Vadge: What do you mean ‘what circumstances’?
Texasjack: {walking in from the kitchen} Did someone say circumcision?
Vadge: Circumstances TJÂ….circumstancesÂ…
TJ: OhÂ…hahaÂ….c-ya! {walking back into the kitchen}
BWB: Vadge I donÂ’t think CS is caught up on current events
(The doorbell rings again and Vadge opens the door to pick up his order)
Vadge: {closing the door} So CoachÂ…you really donÂ’t know what weÂ’re talking about?
CS: Not a clueÂ…
BWB: Why donÂ’t you take a little walk on down to November 2013 and see for yourself?
CS: Maybe I willÂ…
(After posting roll, CS heads out of the Glass House walking past Tstahr and Auburn playing Twister in the front yard)
Tstahr: Where ya going Coach?
CS: Headed down to November 2013 to check out whatÂ’s going on
Tstahr: OkÂ…see ya! Hey Aubbie thatÂ’s not fairÂ…you canÂ’t use the pork sword!
Aubbie: I win!
Tstahr: Dammit that doesnÂ’t count!
Aubbie: DonÂ’t be a sore loser, the pork sword hates sore losers
CS: UhhhÂ…..IÂ’ll see you guys laterÂ….
Tstahr: Bye Coach!
(CS makes his way down 2012 HOF Groups Boulevard and hears a familiar honk as Ziesmer pulls up in his golf cart)
Z: Where ya headed Coach?
CS: November 13
Z: Go fuck yourself
CS: ButÂ….you just asked me where I was going
Z: IÂ’m sorryÂ…I wasnÂ’t listeningÂ….where did you say you were going?
CS: Like I said IÂ’m headed to NovÂ….
Z: {interrupting} Go fuck yourself
CS: Seriously?
Z: Coach, let me give you a piece of adviceÂ…
CS: OkÂ…Â…
Z: You really need toÂ…..
CS: IÂ’m listeningÂ….
Z: Â….go fuck yourself
CS: Dammit!
Z: Hahahahahaha! In all seriousness Coach, I can give you a lift to November 2013, I was just headed there myself
CS: ThanksÂ….
(As CS starts to step into the golf cart Z hits the gas pedal and rams the arm rest into CSÂ’s ass)
CS: {rubbing his ass} Dammit Z!
Z: Hahahahaha! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with teeth when youÂ’re angry?
CS: ThatÂ’s the second time today actually
Z: Coach DickteethÂ…it has a nice ring to it donÂ’t you think?
CS: Can we please just go?
Z: Fine, fineÂ…..
(Z turns the golf cart onto KTC Boulevard and heads towards the 2013 Quit Groups. As they turn into the 2013 Quit Groups Subdivision, CS sees a throng of quitters gathered outside of November 2013, being held back by yellow police tape and barricades. Two large moving trucks are parked in the driveway. CS steps out of the golf cart and walks over to jost2brown, wastepanel and gmann, who are leaning on the hood of a MOD Squad Crown Vic)
Gmann: Well, well, wellÂ….look who decided to show upÂ…FUCS
CS: Good to see you as always GmannÂ….so what in the hell is going on here?
J2B: We had a situation last nightÂ….we dealt with it, and this is the aftermath
CS: A situation?
WP: The “B” word
CS: OhhhÂ…Â…thatÂ’s what everyone is talking about. I remember when that happened to someone in April 2012. Pretty much the same reaction weÂ’re seeing hereÂ….
WP: YepÂ….what was that guyÂ’s nameÂ….2legit2quit?
Gmann: I think it was TwoscoreÂ….man that guy was something else!
CS: Yeah he wasÂ….but we had a few guys leave over that situation
J2B: ThatÂ’s what weÂ’ve got here tooÂ…thus the moving trucksÂ….
CS: You know what thoughÂ….I texted one of those guys that left KTC. I think it was a few months after Twoscore got the boot, just wanted to see if he was still quit
WP: AndÂ…..?
CS: It took him awhile to respond, but all I got back was “I’m not quit”
Gmann: FiguresÂ…..
CS: Yeah I also remember some of the guys that really didnÂ’t want to stay with KTC, but they stuck around anyways because they realized this place kept them quit every damn day
WP: Amen to that!
CS: Troof. I wonÂ’t name any names, but those guys who stuck it out are knocking on the door to the 7th floor
Gmann: Hells yeah!
CS: {peering over the crowd} So tell meÂ….why does the November 2013 group only have a foundation? Where is their house?
J2B: Remember CoachÂ….KTC provides the foundation for all of the quit group houses. ItÂ’s up to the individual groups to build their house the way they want it
CS: So itÂ’s a metaphor for November 2013 not having found their identity as a group?
J2B: Something like that
(Just then, Evil Won runs up to the group)
Evil Won: SirsÂ….we have multiple quitters proclaiming they are leaving KTC. Things are really getting hairy in there. OhÂ…hi Coach, did they show you the new soapbox?
CS: The what?
WP: {giving Evil Won a look} WellÂ….since Evil was nice enough to spoil the surpriseÂ…we have something to show you
(WP pops the trunk of the MOD Squad Crown Vic and motions CS to look inside. As CS peers his head into the trunk, WP slowly –and dramatically-- lifts a blanket covering….a brand new Soapbox!)
CS: For me?
J2B: Go aheadÂ….pick it up
CS: {picking up the Soapbox} Holy crap its really light
Gmann: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} YessirÂ….lightweight polymer plastic, check out the inscription
CS: {reading} FUCSÂ….
Gmann: YesÂ….
CS: Holy shit it has a handle?
J2B: YupÂ….we all got tired of you dragging that heavy Glass Soapbox around everywhere you went
CS: So then what do I call this oneÂ….Lightweight Polymer Plastic Soapbox doesnÂ’t have the same ring to it
Gmann: What aboutÂ….FUCS Soapbox?
CS: {rubbing his chin} You know whatÂ….I like it!
WP: SoÂ…..time for a speech?
CS: {looking at the FUCS Soapbox} Oh yeahÂ…..
(CS carries the FUCS Soapbox through the crowd towards the November 2013 cinderblock foundation. As he passes, T Cell, Zam, Kubiak, traumagnet, Sir Derek and others are overheard whispering amongst themselves)
T Cell: FUCSÂ….
Zam: The Zengineer has arrived folks
Kubiak: Is it just me, or does CS kinda look like a penis with teeth?
Sir Derek: What exactly does a penis with teeth look like?
Traumagnet: Like CS apparently
Sir Derek: Oh yeahÂ…that makes sense
(CS continues through the crowd carrying the FUCS SoapboxÂ…as he reaches the November 2013 quitters, they all just stop and stare at CS)
Brinkhoffs: Who in the hell are you?
CS: IÂ’m Coach Steve
(Just then, Zak walks out from the back of the moving truckÂ…he freezes when he sees CS standing there with the FUCS Soapbox)
Zak: Who the fuck are you?
CS: WellÂ….like I was telling this nice gentlemanÂ…IÂ’m Coach Steve
Zak: What do you want?
CS: Just a little bit of your time and attentionÂ…then you can go about your merry way
Zak: Who says our way is merry?
CS: Well playedÂ….I just wanna talk
Zak: Then talkÂ…
CS: AlrightyÂ….IÂ’ll just put this down and get started
(CS steps onto the FUCS Soapbox and clears his throatÂ…)
CS: These are trying times quittersÂ….but you must band together as a group. No one quitter is greater than the whole
Zak: DonÂ’t listen to this guy! HeÂ’s just another one of those ADMIN hired blowhards!
CS: Now hold on there ZakÂ….first of all, the ADMIN doesnÂ’t hire blowhardsÂ….they already have Gmann
(The crowd laughsÂ….except for the newer quitters, they donÂ’t get the joke)
CS: Second, IÂ’m not some hired ADMIN stoogeÂ…in fact, no one who has spoken their opinion in your group is a hired stooge. We speak of the integrity of roll call because it has saved our lives. There is no other way to put it. KTC has given us freedom from the can, a freedom that saves lives
T Cell: Fuck yeah Coach!
CS: It’s a simple recipe quitters…post roll, keep your promise, repeat daily. The “keep your promise” part has been glazed over a bit by those of you wanting to leave
Zak: But people donÂ’t get banned from AA!
CS: TrueÂ…but what if someone showed up drunk to AA? What then? You canÂ’t help someone be sober if theyÂ’re drunk, right? The fundamental aspect of this program is no different. All we ask is that you be quit to post roll
Zak: FUCK YOU!!! I QLFEDD WITH PADDY!!
CS: Alright dudeÂ…let me just say that leaving KTC is risking your life. Stay, and you have a chance, along with your fellow Novemberites, to build your own group. Believe me, you guys get through this together, you can get through anything
Zak: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CS: Just go read through April 2012 if you really wanna know. The real fireworks begin somewhere in Feb or March 2012. Now IÂ’m tiredÂ….IÂ’m going to sleep
(CS steps off the FUCS Soapbox and makes his way back through the crowdÂ….towards the Glass House of April 2012)
Chipblue: You guys are fucking weirdÂ….
Kubiak: YesÂ….yes we are
When you're talking in your sleep
Damn 80's flashback!
'crackup'
Saved and saving my life every a.m. the KTC way!
I didn't think it was really my place to step in being a newer quitter and what not.We are all on the same day....... Today.
I am not sure which one to go withand now people are even helping me search the internet for pictures of Coach Steve (http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2011/12/0be87e42c07f326a703d516551059132.jpg) thanks darkie maker! 'winker' 'winker'
Coach Steve 1 (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NfW4olSDjbU/UV2B5g5ehcI/AAAAAAAAAhY/53HUwvB76To/s1600/penis-costume.jpg)
Coach Steve 2 (http://www.pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20-naked-mole-rat-penis-with-teeth.jpg)
'oh yeah'
'crackup'Â 'crackup'Â 'crackup'Â 'crackup'
decisions decisionsQuote from: BigwhitebeastI am not sure which one to go withand now people are even helping me search the internet for pictures of Coach Steve (http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2011/12/0be87e42c07f326a703d516551059132.jpg) thanks darkie maker! 'winker' 'winker'
Coach Steve 1 (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NfW4olSDjbU/UV2B5g5ehcI/AAAAAAAAAhY/53HUwvB76To/s1600/penis-costume.jpg)
Coach Steve 2 (http://www.pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20-naked-mole-rat-penis-with-teeth.jpg)
'oh yeah'
'crackup'Â 'crackup'Â 'crackup'Â 'crackup'
Alright boys and girlsÂ…I wanted to wait until day 700 to post some thoughts but I just can't hold it in any longer.Do unto others as you'd NEED them do unto you.
Excuses
When it comes to the quit, excuses are the rationalization of caving. Approximately 99.9% of cave explanations contain at least one excuse. Some contain so many excuses that it's difficult to imagine that person taking any responsibility for their own actions. Let's say that againÂ…taking responsibility for your own actions. That's what the quit is all aboutÂ…understanding that putting dip in your lip is a choice. Sometimes life dictates the choices we make and forces us to choose one thing over the other. However, the quit is not one of those things in life, we have complete, 100% control over our addiction. You just have to believe it.
Addiction
Read between the lines of all the excuses put forth on KTC and you'll notice a common theme. At some point, the person making the excuse will refer, indirectly or directly, to their addiction. Are we all addicts? Of course, but does that give us an excuse to cave? No, it doesn't. Here's why. The point of labeling our nicotine use as an addiction is simple. It shows us that we cannot partake in casual use or have "just one." The only way to quit is nicotine cessation in all forms. To excuse caves because we are addicts does no one any favors. All that does is create a cycle of excuses, each cave excused and forgiven just as the last until this place loses it's sole purposeÂ…to BE quit.
Support
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
I agree- Please DON'T give me unconditional support. I'd find another forum for that. I am an addict and I cannot cave or i start back at square 1. I understand this and I seek the support of people who will help me NOT to cave rather than to help me feel ok about myself if/when I cave. That would almost assure that I would cave eventually- and I don't want that.Quote from: CoachAlright boys and girlsÂ…I wanted to wait until day 700 to post some thoughts but I just can't hold it in any longer.Do unto others as you'd NEED them do unto you.
Excuses
When it comes to the quit, excuses are the rationalization of caving. Approximately 99.9% of cave explanations contain at least one excuse. Some contain so many excuses that it's difficult to imagine that person taking any responsibility for their own actions. Let's say that againÂ…taking responsibility for your own actions. That's what the quit is all aboutÂ…understanding that putting dip in your lip is a choice. Sometimes life dictates the choices we make and forces us to choose one thing over the other. However, the quit is not one of those things in life, we have complete, 100% control over our addiction. You just have to believe it.
Addiction
Read between the lines of all the excuses put forth on KTC and you'll notice a common theme. At some point, the person making the excuse will refer, indirectly or directly, to their addiction. Are we all addicts? Of course, but does that give us an excuse to cave? No, it doesn't. Here's why. The point of labeling our nicotine use as an addiction is simple. It shows us that we cannot partake in casual use or have "just one." The only way to quit is nicotine cessation in all forms. To excuse caves because we are addicts does no one any favors. All that does is create a cycle of excuses, each cave excused and forgiven just as the last until this place loses it's sole purposeÂ…to BE quit.Â
Support
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
I'd need my ass kicked. Thanks to all of you who'd kick it. But not today, cuz I quit this morning.
well said CS! Way too many people showing up here just looking for a magic painless way to quit and believing caving is inevidable. Bullshit. Anyone can be/stay a quitter, but you have to want it AND maintain it every day.Quote from: gmannI agree- Please DON'T give me unconditional support. I'd find another forum for that. I am an addict and I cannot cave or i start back at square 1. I understand this and I seek the support of people who will help me NOT to cave rather than to help me feel ok about myself if/when I cave. That would almost assure that I would cave eventually- and I don't want that.Quote from: CoachAlright boys and girlsÂ…I wanted to wait until day 700 to post some thoughts but I just can't hold it in any longer.Do unto others as you'd NEED them do unto you.
Excuses
When it comes to the quit, excuses are the rationalization of caving. Approximately 99.9% of cave explanations contain at least one excuse. Some contain so many excuses that it's difficult to imagine that person taking any responsibility for their own actions. Let's say that againÂ…taking responsibility for your own actions. That's what the quit is all aboutÂ…understanding that putting dip in your lip is a choice. Sometimes life dictates the choices we make and forces us to choose one thing over the other. However, the quit is not one of those things in life, we have complete, 100% control over our addiction. You just have to believe it.
Addiction
Read between the lines of all the excuses put forth on KTC and you'll notice a common theme. At some point, the person making the excuse will refer, indirectly or directly, to their addiction. Are we all addicts? Of course, but does that give us an excuse to cave? No, it doesn't. Here's why. The point of labeling our nicotine use as an addiction is simple. It shows us that we cannot partake in casual use or have "just one." The only way to quit is nicotine cessation in all forms. To excuse caves because we are addicts does no one any favors. All that does is create a cycle of excuses, each cave excused and forgiven just as the last until this place loses it's sole purposeÂ…to BE quit.Â
Support
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
I'd need my ass kicked. Thanks to all of you who'd kick it. But not today, cuz I quit this morning.
Support*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
I really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
Hell yes!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
Coach you are right on the money.Quote from: jlud007True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
The KTC plan if followed is fail proof! If you fail, you failed. Get support to prevent a cave. Don't expect us to pitty screw you after you fail. Its not a turn on to kiss a cavers ass. It's offensive.
Nothing to see here. Except the awesomeness we call CS.Quote from: Mthomas3824Coach you are right on the money.Quote from: jlud007True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
The KTC plan if followed is fail proof! If you fail, you failed. Get support to prevent a cave. Don't expect us to pitty screw you after you fail. Its not a turn on to kiss a cavers ass. It's offensive.
It better be conditional based, and for me it is. And know why? because it means that someone is serious about following through.
So I give my support to those who mean that they really want to quit above all else and enjoy the freedom of life. Because if you want to enjoy that 'other' then I cannot support that (besides I don't want to be any way tied to an accomplice to suicide as that is what it would be doing).
I'm going to make a social analogy here if nobody minds. Its day 64ish for me and i can finally think clearly enough to form an argument.Quote from: SirDerekNothing to see here. Except the awesomeness we call CS.Quote from: Mthomas3824Coach you are right on the money.Quote from: jlud007True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
The KTC plan if followed is fail proof! If you fail, you failed. Get support to prevent a cave. Don't expect us to pitty screw you after you fail. Its not a turn on to kiss a cavers ass. It's offensive.
It better be conditional based, and for me it is. And know why? because it means that someone is serious about following through.
So I give my support to those who mean that they really want to quit above all else and enjoy the freedom of life. Because if you want to enjoy that 'other' then I cannot support that (besides I don't want to be any way tied to an accomplice to suicide as that is what it would be doing).
Some of that awesomeness arriving on the 7th Floor !!Well done!
7th Floor like F*ck?
'clap' Nice job CoachQuote from: CBird65Some of that awesomeness arriving on the 7th Floor !!Well done!
7th Floor like F*ck?
'BanDog'Next Up!!!!!
Couldn't leave you without some loving too!
A little love back atcha CS!Quote from: Pinched'BanDog'Next Up!!!!!
Couldn't leave you without some loving too!
'zombie' 'boob'
CS often times give me a big quit stiffie. Anyway...Quote from: Evil_WonI'm going to make a social analogy here if nobody minds. Its day 64ish for me and i can finally think clearly enough to form an argument.Quote from: SirDerekNothing to see here. Except the awesomeness we call CS.Quote from: Mthomas3824Coach you are right on the money.Quote from: jlud007True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
The KTC plan if followed is fail proof! If you fail, you failed. Get support to prevent a cave. Don't expect us to pitty screw you after you fail. Its not a turn on to kiss a cavers ass. It's offensive.
It better be conditional based, and for me it is. And know why? because it means that someone is serious about following through.
So I give my support to those who mean that they really want to quit above all else and enjoy the freedom of life. Because if you want to enjoy that 'other' then I cannot support that (besides I don't want to be any way tied to an accomplice to suicide as that is what it would be doing).
As a society of decent people we (the collective) find it appropriate to establish safety nets. These nets are in place to protect us from the misery of unfortunate circumstances. Lately, our elected representatives have found it prudent to enlarge the safety net so that, let's say, I earn $45K in NYS I can get financial assistance with my heating bill. Im sure at first glance that looks great on paper and on the evening headlines, but what no one mentions is that with every dollar of assistance we are robbing people of self worth. This isnt a political argument right or left. Fuck, Im a fiscally conservative, socially liberal, atheist. What it is, is an observation of basic human nature. If you eternally provide for someone, they will never do so for themselves.
Quitting is the same. I can't issue you quit stamps. I can't pay your monthly quit bill. I can't provide quit housing at a reduced rate. You have to do it on your own.
What we (the KTC collective) can do, is show folks how to quit. If you fight like hell for yourself, that success is yours. You, and you alone, own it!
I have no interest in caver welfare.
-Grizzfall
ok, Zam's fault for replying...Quote from: GrizzfallCS often times give me a big quit stiffie. Anyway...Quote from: Evil_WonI'm going to make a social analogy here if nobody minds. Its day 64ish for me and i can finally think clearly enough to form an argument.Quote from: SirDerekNothing to see here. Except the awesomeness we call CS.Quote from: Mthomas3824Coach you are right on the money.Quote from: jlud007True this! You want charity? Go to Church! You want to quit? Then do it!Quote from: NolaqI really like this CS. I think it gets lost sometimes, if you don't use the support when you most need it.... like when your talking yourself into a cave. Why should it continue to be given freely? There is something of a healthy fear and the need to not disappoint all my quit brothers that have helped me that keeps me looking for the way to stay quit in a time of need, not folding like a chump.Quote from: CoachSupport*Fistbump*
Support is another word thrown around quite often on KTC. Several times I've read about AA support and why it's better than what we do here. Other times I've read about how our support should be unconditionally given, no matter how many times someone has caved. Why they say? Because we are addictsÂ…I say bullshit. My support is conditional. It's conditioned upon the fact that each day we put our name and quit day on roll call and keep our promise to ourselves and each other. Unconditional support is enabling the addict, and enabling the addict is accepting their bullshit excuses. Fuck that.
The idea of "unlimited tries" or "do overs" weakens us as a whole, there should absolutely be a point for a serial stopper to move along to another less "vigorant" program.
The KTC plan if followed is fail proof! If you fail, you failed. Get support to prevent a cave. Don't expect us to pitty screw you after you fail. Its not a turn on to kiss a cavers ass. It's offensive.
It better be conditional based, and for me it is. And know why? because it means that someone is serious about following through.
So I give my support to those who mean that they really want to quit above all else and enjoy the freedom of life. Because if you want to enjoy that 'other' then I cannot support that (besides I don't want to be any way tied to an accomplice to suicide as that is what it would be doing).
As a society of decent people we (the collective) find it appropriate to establish safety nets. These nets are in place to protect us from the misery of unfortunate circumstances. Lately, our elected representatives have found it prudent to enlarge the safety net so that, let's say, I earn $45K in NYS I can get financial assistance with my heating bill. Im sure at first glance that looks great on paper and on the evening headlines, but what no one mentions is that with every dollar of assistance we are robbing people of self worth. This isnt a political argument right or left. Fuck, Im a fiscally conservative, socially liberal, atheist. What it is, is an observation of basic human nature. If you eternally provide for someone, they will never do so for themselves.
Quitting is the same. I can't issue you quit stamps. I can't pay your monthly quit bill. I can't provide quit housing at a reduced rate. You have to do it on your own.
What we (the KTC collective) can do, is show folks how to quit. If you fight like hell for yourself, that success is yours. You, and you alone, own it!
I have no interest in caver welfare.
-Grizzfall
I LOVE the irony of someone railing on someone for being too harsh, then preaching about "unconditional" support. Also, saying you can give "unconditional" support makes as much sense as saying you can have "just one." Nice points counselor.
Congrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
gees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Did someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Congrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
Hey congrats on two years 'oh yeah'Quote from: Grizzly25'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
Coach Steve like fuck... Sorry I'm a couple days late bro! Nice work!!Quote from: Mthomas3824Hey congrats on two years 'oh yeah'Quote from: Grizzly25'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
thanks for paving the way coach..Quote from: Dave1903Coach Steve like fuck... Sorry I'm a couple days late bro! Nice work!!Quote from: Mthomas3824Hey congrats on two years 'oh yeah'Quote from: Grizzly25'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
Congrats to you coach. Must be time for a visit to the glass house.Quote from: Morgan1thanks for paving the way coach..Quote from: Dave1903Coach Steve like fuck... Sorry I'm a couple days late bro! Nice work!!Quote from: Mthomas3824Hey congrats on two years 'oh yeah'Quote from: Grizzly25'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
Bravo!!! Well done CS!!!Quote from: kanaCongrats to you coach. Must be time for a visit to the glass house.Quote from: Morgan1thanks for paving the way coach..Quote from: Dave1903Coach Steve like fuck... Sorry I'm a couple days late bro! Nice work!!Quote from: Mthomas3824Hey congrats on two years 'oh yeah'Quote from: Grizzly25'oh yeah' Rock Star of quit. Congrats.Quote from: LubyCongrats Like Fuck on the 2 years Quit Like Fuck!Quote from: ZamDid someone say "lube"Quote from: CBird65Oh baby...save me me soma that CBird...pas the lube, I'm up next!Quote from: Evil_Wongees getting bumped to bumpQuote from: razd611congrats.Quote from: T-CellCongrats on 2 years CS! 'Cheers'Atta Boy!!!
'BanDog' + 'BanDog' + 'BanDog'
one for each yr + one to grow on
Coach Steve like fuck
F U C K C O A C H S T E V E (and rice beer.... :ph43r:)'crackup'
'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Congrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
congrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
That's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
grats CS! 'Cheers'Quote from: doc2quit4good'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog' Because of this guy 1000's of quitters do not get their required daily intake of potassium, or do they?Quote from: doc2quit4good'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
'BanDog'Quote from: Pinched'BanDog' Because of this guy 1000's of quitters do not get their required daily intake of potassium, or do they?Quote from: doc2quit4good'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
A day late and a couple bricks short....but, congrats CS. 800 is awesome.Quote from: srans'BanDog'Quote from: Pinched'BanDog' Because of this guy 1000's of quitters do not get their required daily intake of potassium, or do they?Quote from: doc2quit4good'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
801 is even better! Congrats Coach, proud to QLF, eddQuote from: derk40A day late and a couple bricks short....but, congrats CS. 800 is awesome.Quote from: srans'BanDog'Quote from: Pinched'BanDog' Because of this guy 1000's of quitters do not get their required daily intake of potassium, or do they?Quote from: doc2quit4good'BanDog' Going Nanner deep Quit!Quote from: jaynellieThat's a whole lot of 'ghey' bangin going on... Congrats Csteve on 8th floor!!!Quote from: Zam'BanDog' gottsa gets me sum of that......... 'zombie'Quote from: rtpope'BanDog' save some a that for me....nice 800 bro.Quote from: traumagnetcongrats. 8th floor must be nice. Looks like a long way from the ground, but I'll join you one day :)Quote from: Diesel2112'BanDog' 8inch penis w teeth in the glass house w glass slippers nice jobQuote from: CBird65Nice 8 hundy!!! You guys are fucking bananas...Quote from: Mthomas3824'BanDog' aaaahhhhhQuote from: grizzlyhasclaws'BanDog' Stay Ghey! Congratulations on being a level 8 HOFlammer.Quote from: jlud007'BanDog'Quote from: wastepanelCongrats on 800 CS.Quote from: Evil_Won'BanDog' Congrats on 800'BanDog'
Full homo.
'BanDog'
The 8th Floor is looking better !
Wake up. Post roll. Stay Quit. Repeat Daily.Gotta love words of wisdom from the 8th floor.
Sometimes the easiest instructions are the hardest to follow.
Quit for yourself....like fuck.
Wake up. Post roll. Stay Quit. Repeat Daily.On a LF-scale of 1 to 10, I score this post a 9.5 LFs based on quality of content.
Sometimes the easiest instructions are the hardest to follow.
Quit for yourself....like fuck.
Wake up. Post roll. Stay Quit. Repeat Daily.'BanDog'
Sometimes the easiest instructions are the hardest to follow.
Quit for yourself....like fuck.
'BanDog' Only response possible except QLF.Quote from: CoachWake up. Post roll. Stay Quit. Repeat Daily.'BanDog'
Sometimes the easiest instructions are the hardest to follow.
Quit for yourself....like fuck.
^^only response necessary^^
Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topicsTIFFS
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...were you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...{pointing in one direction} follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topicsI am NOT losing my touch! I got a faulty shipment of fictional smoke bombs. Brilliant as always CS!
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...were you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...{pointing in one direction} follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
You could do a whole narrative on cbird's phone.Two of the truest statements ever uttered on KTC.....FUGM
FUCS
CS, You should write a whole novel about the KTC world. There are a lot of loonies here. (Myself included that would pay to read that book)(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part One[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...were you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...{pointing in one direction} follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
(As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....
I love have an alter ego!Quote from: CoachCS, You should write a whole novel about the KTC world. There are a lot of loonies here. (Myself included that would pay to read that book)(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part One[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...were you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...{pointing in one direction} follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
(As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....
This is pretty funny stuff and I don't even know the backstory to all of this!
Good shit CS - Keep it coming!!!Quote from: rdadI love have an alter ego!Quote from: CoachCS, You should write a whole novel about the KTC world. There are a lot of loonies here. (Myself included that would pay to read that book)(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part One[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...were you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...{pointing in one direction} follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
(As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....
This is pretty funny stuff and I don't even know the backstory to all of this!
'BanDog' of course I picked 'door #2' 'drool'(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part 1[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...where you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...[/b]{pointing in one direction}[/b] follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Click for Part 2[/url](As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....Following an extended pause of epic proportions, Coach Steve and the gang find themselves sitting in the living room of the May 2011 House of Quit
CS: Hey guys...
Pavetheway: Seriously....weren't we just standing on the railroad tracks talking about klark?
CS: Yes...
ERDVM: {puzzled look} So....then why are we here now?
CS: To be completely honest....I haven't the slightest fucking clue why we're here
PTW: Very funny Coach....{walking towards the kitchen} What house is this anyways.....I wonder if they have any Bud Light Platinum
Texasjack: {holding a picture frame} Maybe this will tell us what house this is?
ERDVM: TJ?
TJ: Yes Dr. Vadge?
ERDVM: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: {looking down and then back at ERDVM} You know....I can't remember
ERDVM: {throwing TJ a blanket} Here...you look cold...and give me that picture
(ERDVM wipes away a thick coating of dust to reveal a picture of J2B, LarryDrummer, 30yraddict and ODAAT hanging out in Tijuana)
CS: Oh, we're in the May 2011 House
TJ: I should've known with all this wood wall paneling from the 70's
PTW: {returning from the kitchen with a beer} Yeah.....but how did we get here?
CS: I told you I don't know....
PTW: C'mon Coach quit fucking with us....I gotta get back to work
CS: For reals Mike....I got no control over this one...
Bigwhitebeast: {peering out of the curtains} It looks weird out there...
ERDVM: What do you mean....weird?
BWB: {closing the curtains and looking at ERDVM} You know.....weird
ERDVM: No...I don't know that's why I asked dick turd
BWB: Did you just call me a dick turd?
ERDVM: Pretty sure I did
BWB: What exactly is a dick turd?
(Just then, the group hears a commotion in the back of the house)
PTW: {freezes} Tell me you guys heard that....
ERDVM: I'm sure dick turd heard it
CS: It's probably just one of the May 2011 quitters
(Suddenly, LarryDrummer storms out of the back of the house)
LD: Dammit! I've had it with this reverse scroll, can't find the most recent post bullshit! What was wrong with the old boards?!
CS: Hi Larry
LD: {stopping his rant to stare at Coach} The fuck are you doing here?
CS: I'm not sure
LD: Not sure...? Well you walked in here didn't you?
CS: I can't recall actually walking into your house....we kind of just appeared in your living room
LD: Well where were you before?
Texasjack: {holding a fishbowl} On the railroad tracks
LD: Ok.....two questions, why aren't you wearing pants and why are you holding ODAAT's fishbowl?
TJ: {looking down at the fishbowl} I have a thing for goldfish...
LD: And the pants....?
TJ: I'm allergic to pants...
PTW: I can vouch for that much....
LD: {turning to Pave} Who the fuck are you?
PTW: {hands on hips} I am pave the mother fucking way and I am a sex cavator!
LD: Good enough for me...{looking around}....so what are all you other assholes doing in my living room?
CS: Like I said....we're not sure what happened......
(Just then, some sort of portal into another dimension opens up in the living room and Sir Derek comes flinging through the wormhole onto the couch)
LD: Holy fart nuggets!
CS: {to Sir D} You alright man?
Sir Derek: {rubbing his head} Damn...I don't know what happened.....one minute I'm scrolling through the James Gordon thread and the next minute I'm getting flung through cyberspace into this living room....
TJ: This shit is trippy yo
Sir Derek: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: Prolly cuze the wormhole stole my pants brah
ERDVM: So you're a frat bro now?
TJ: I am what the moment calls for brah
BWB: {sitting down on the recliner} I'm having a mental meltdown right now....
CS: {raising his hands} Ok...everybody just calm down....lets figure out what the fuck is happening here....
Choose Your Own Ending
[/i][url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #1[/url]CS: SD, you said you were just hanging out in May 2014 right?
Sir D: Yeah....what's your point Coach?
CS: Well.....don't they have that phenomenon known as the James Gordon Vortex?
Sir D: I suppose....but it's just a myth....right Coach?
CS: No....no myth.....the legend of Gordon is very real....I've even heard that the quitters of May 2014 have devised a new system for measuring the quit days....they call it, Gordograms
TJ: {in awe} Gordograms...?
CS: {Blake Griffinesque} That's right TJ....Gordograms
ERDVM: So then how did we end up here?
CS: It must be the Gortex...it sucks you in and spits you out in reverse Gordometry
BwB: My head is spinning faster than when I learned Coach Steve was a liberal
LD: Wait.....? You're a liberal....? Fuck you
CS: Ok guys....just think of the Gortex as the liberal media. It's spinning every story into some web of lies until it decides it wants to spit something out to the general public. Except....in this case....the Gortex is the liberal media and the living room of the May 2011 house is the general public
LD: Oh I totally get it now...
CS: Really?
LD: No....not really you commy bastard
(Just then, the portal to another dimension reappears and sucks the entire group in.....they spin round and round finally ending up in the group of May 2014)
Sapper: Well, well, well...I figured you'd arrive approximately 5.4939203 Gordon's ago....maybe I'm losing my touch[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #2[/url]CS: Thank you for choosing Alternate # 2...I suppose someone had to do it
You: Do what?
CS: {pulling back a curtain} Just go in....trust me it's completely safe
You: Ok
(You pass beneath the curtain and enter the room beyond...it's a backlight room and you can barely make out someone standing in the corner. As your eyes being to adjust you realize....)
You: Are you naked?
Gmann: Yes.....you have chosen....poorly
Can you paint a mural and send it to me via jpg so I can save it as my new screensaver?Quote from: Coach'BanDog' of course I picked 'door #2' 'drool'(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part 1[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...where you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...[/b]{pointing in one direction}[/b] follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Click for Part 2[/url](As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....Following an extended pause of epic proportions, Coach Steve and the gang find themselves sitting in the living room of the May 2011 House of Quit
CS: Hey guys...
Pavetheway: Seriously....weren't we just standing on the railroad tracks talking about klark?
CS: Yes...
ERDVM: {puzzled look} So....then why are we here now?
CS: To be completely honest....I haven't the slightest fucking clue why we're here
PTW: Very funny Coach....{walking towards the kitchen} What house is this anyways.....I wonder if they have any Bud Light Platinum
Texasjack: {holding a picture frame} Maybe this will tell us what house this is?
ERDVM: TJ?
TJ: Yes Dr. Vadge?
ERDVM: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: {looking down and then back at ERDVM} You know....I can't remember
ERDVM: {throwing TJ a blanket} Here...you look cold...and give me that picture
(ERDVM wipes away a thick coating of dust to reveal a picture of J2B, LarryDrummer, 30yraddict and ODAAT hanging out in Tijuana)
CS: Oh, we're in the May 2011 House
TJ: I should've known with all this wood wall paneling from the 70's
PTW: {returning from the kitchen with a beer} Yeah.....but how did we get here?
CS: I told you I don't know....
PTW: C'mon Coach quit fucking with us....I gotta get back to work
CS: For reals Mike....I got no control over this one...
Bigwhitebeast: {peering out of the curtains} It looks weird out there...
ERDVM: What do you mean....weird?
BWB: {closing the curtains and looking at ERDVM} You know.....weird
ERDVM: No...I don't know that's why I asked dick turd
BWB: Did you just call me a dick turd?
ERDVM: Pretty sure I did
BWB: What exactly is a dick turd?
(Just then, the group hears a commotion in the back of the house)
PTW: {freezes} Tell me you guys heard that....
ERDVM: I'm sure dick turd heard it
CS: It's probably just one of the May 2011 quitters
(Suddenly, LarryDrummer storms out of the back of the house)
LD: Dammit! I've had it with this reverse scroll, can't find the most recent post bullshit! What was wrong with the old boards?!
CS: Hi Larry
LD: {stopping his rant to stare at Coach} The fuck are you doing here?
CS: I'm not sure
LD: Not sure...? Well you walked in here didn't you?
CS: I can't recall actually walking into your house....we kind of just appeared in your living room
LD: Well where were you before?
Texasjack: {holding a fishbowl} On the railroad tracks
LD: Ok.....two questions, why aren't you wearing pants and why are you holding ODAAT's fishbowl?
TJ: {looking down at the fishbowl} I have a thing for goldfish...
LD: And the pants....?
TJ: I'm allergic to pants...
PTW: I can vouch for that much....
LD: {turning to Pave} Who the fuck are you?
PTW: {hands on hips} I am pave the mother fucking way and I am a sex cavator!
LD: Good enough for me...{looking around}....so what are all you other assholes doing in my living room?
CS: Like I said....we're not sure what happened......
(Just then, some sort of portal into another dimension opens up in the living room and Sir Derek comes flinging through the wormhole onto the couch)
LD: Holy fart nuggets!
CS: {to Sir D} You alright man?
Sir Derek: {rubbing his head} Damn...I don't know what happened.....one minute I'm scrolling through the James Gordon thread and the next minute I'm getting flung through cyberspace into this living room....
TJ: This shit is trippy yo
Sir Derek: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: Prolly cuze the wormhole stole my pants brah
ERDVM: So you're a frat bro now?
TJ: I am what the moment calls for brah
BWB: {sitting down on the recliner} I'm having a mental meltdown right now....
CS: {raising his hands} Ok...everybody just calm down....lets figure out what the fuck is happening here....
Choose Your Own Ending
[/i][url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #1[/url]CS: SD, you said you were just hanging out in May 2014 right?
Sir D: Yeah....what's your point Coach?
CS: Well.....don't they have that phenomenon known as the James Gordon Vortex?
Sir D: I suppose....but it's just a myth....right Coach?
CS: No....no myth.....the legend of Gordon is very real....I've even heard that the quitters of May 2014 have devised a new system for measuring the quit days....they call it, Gordograms
TJ: {in awe} Gordograms...?
CS: {Blake Griffinesque} That's right TJ....Gordograms
ERDVM: So then how did we end up here?
CS: It must be the Gortex...it sucks you in and spits you out in reverse Gordometry
BwB: My head is spinning faster than when I learned Coach Steve was a liberal
LD: Wait.....? You're a liberal....? Fuck you
CS: Ok guys....just think of the Gortex as the liberal media. It's spinning every story into some web of lies until it decides it wants to spit something out to the general public. Except....in this case....the Gortex is the liberal media and the living room of the May 2011 house is the general public
LD: Oh I totally get it now...
CS: Really?
LD: No....not really you commy bastard
(Just then, the portal to another dimension reappears and sucks the entire group in.....they spin round and round finally ending up in the group of May 2014)
Sapper: Well, well, well...I figured you'd arrive approximately 5.4939203 Gordon's ago....maybe I'm losing my touch[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #2[/url]CS: Thank you for choosing Alternate # 2...I suppose someone had to do it
You: Do what?
CS: {pulling back a curtain} Just go in....trust me it's completely safe
You: Ok
(You pass beneath the curtain and enter the room beyond...it's a backlight room and you can barely make out someone standing in the corner. As your eyes being to adjust you realize....)
You: Are you naked?
Gmann: Yes.....you have chosen....poorly
Damn, CS. You've got way too much time on your hands. Awesome story. Glad I didn't read the 2nd alternate ending.(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part 1[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...where you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...[/b]{pointing in one direction}[/b] follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Click for Part 2[/url](As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....Following an extended pause of epic proportions, Coach Steve and the gang find themselves sitting in the living room of the May 2011 House of Quit
CS: Hey guys...
Pavetheway: Seriously....weren't we just standing on the railroad tracks talking about klark?
CS: Yes...
ERDVM: {puzzled look} So....then why are we here now?
CS: To be completely honest....I haven't the slightest fucking clue why we're here
PTW: Very funny Coach....{walking towards the kitchen} What house is this anyways.....I wonder if they have any Bud Light Platinum
Texasjack: {holding a picture frame} Maybe this will tell us what house this is?
ERDVM: TJ?
TJ: Yes Dr. Vadge?
ERDVM: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: {looking down and then back at ERDVM} You know....I can't remember
ERDVM: {throwing TJ a blanket} Here...you look cold...and give me that picture
(ERDVM wipes away a thick coating of dust to reveal a picture of J2B, LarryDrummer, 30yraddict and ODAAT hanging out in Tijuana)
CS: Oh, we're in the May 2011 House
TJ: I should've known with all this wood wall paneling from the 70's
PTW: {returning from the kitchen with a beer} Yeah.....but how did we get here?
CS: I told you I don't know....
PTW: C'mon Coach quit fucking with us....I gotta get back to work
CS: For reals Mike....I got no control over this one...
Bigwhitebeast: {peering out of the curtains} It looks weird out there...
ERDVM: What do you mean....weird?
BWB: {closing the curtains and looking at ERDVM} You know.....weird
ERDVM: No...I don't know that's why I asked dick turd
BWB: Did you just call me a dick turd?
ERDVM: Pretty sure I did
BWB: What exactly is a dick turd?
(Just then, the group hears a commotion in the back of the house)
PTW: {freezes} Tell me you guys heard that....
ERDVM: I'm sure dick turd heard it
CS: It's probably just one of the May 2011 quitters
(Suddenly, LarryDrummer storms out of the back of the house)
LD: Dammit! I've had it with this reverse scroll, can't find the most recent post bullshit! What was wrong with the old boards?!
CS: Hi Larry
LD: {stopping his rant to stare at Coach} The fuck are you doing here?
CS: I'm not sure
LD: Not sure...? Well you walked in here didn't you?
CS: I can't recall actually walking into your house....we kind of just appeared in your living room
LD: Well where were you before?
Texasjack: {holding a fishbowl} On the railroad tracks
LD: Ok.....two questions, why aren't you wearing pants and why are you holding ODAAT's fishbowl?
TJ: {looking down at the fishbowl} I have a thing for goldfish...
LD: And the pants....?
TJ: I'm allergic to pants...
PTW: I can vouch for that much....
LD: {turning to Pave} Who the fuck are you?
PTW: {hands on hips} I am pave the mother fucking way and I am a sex cavator!
LD: Good enough for me...{looking around}....so what are all you other assholes doing in my living room?
CS: Like I said....we're not sure what happened......
(Just then, some sort of portal into another dimension opens up in the living room and Sir Derek comes flinging through the wormhole onto the couch)
LD: Holy fart nuggets!
CS: {to Sir D} You alright man?
Sir Derek: {rubbing his head} Damn...I don't know what happened.....one minute I'm scrolling through the James Gordon thread and the next minute I'm getting flung through cyberspace into this living room....
TJ: This shit is trippy yo
Sir Derek: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: Prolly cuze the wormhole stole my pants brah
ERDVM: So you're a frat bro now?
TJ: I am what the moment calls for brah
BWB: {sitting down on the recliner} I'm having a mental meltdown right now....
CS: {raising his hands} Ok...everybody just calm down....lets figure out what the fuck is happening here....
Choose Your Own Ending
[/i][url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #1[/url]CS: SD, you said you were just hanging out in May 2014 right?
Sir D: Yeah....what's your point Coach?
CS: Well.....don't they have that phenomenon known as the James Gordon Vortex?
Sir D: I suppose....but it's just a myth....right Coach?
CS: No....no myth.....the legend of Gordon is very real....I've even heard that the quitters of May 2014 have devised a new system for measuring the quit days....they call it, Gordograms
TJ: {in awe} Gordograms...?
CS: {Blake Griffinesque} That's right TJ....Gordograms
ERDVM: So then how did we end up here?
CS: It must be the Gortex...it sucks you in and spits you out in reverse Gordometry
BwB: My head is spinning faster than when I learned Coach Steve was a liberal
LD: Wait.....? You're a liberal....? Fuck you
CS: Ok guys....just think of the Gortex as the liberal media. It's spinning every story into some web of lies until it decides it wants to spit something out to the general public. Except....in this case....the Gortex is the liberal media and the living room of the May 2011 house is the general public
LD: Oh I totally get it now...
CS: Really?
LD: No....not really you commy bastard
(Just then, the portal to another dimension reappears and sucks the entire group in.....they spin round and round finally ending up in the group of May 2014)
Sapper: Well, well, well...I figured you'd arrive approximately 5.4939203 Gordon's ago....maybe I'm losing my touch[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #2[/url]CS: Thank you for choosing Alternate # 2...I suppose someone had to do it
You: Do what?
CS: {pulling back a curtain} Just go in....trust me it's completely safe
You: Ok
(You pass beneath the curtain and enter the room beyond...it's a backlight room and you can barely make out someone standing in the corner. As your eyes being to adjust you realize....)
You: Are you naked?
Gmann: Yes.....you have chosen....poorly
:WastedPanel:Narrative like fuck.... 'boob'
Good things happen to those that wait.Quote from: wastepanel:WastedPanel:Narrative like fuck.... 'boob'
Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Nice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
:WastedPanel:Quote from: ERDVMNice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
How'd I miss shirtless hug day?Quote from: Diesel2112:WastedPanel:Quote from: ERDVMNice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
Late congrats Bud!!Quote from: wastepanelHow'd I miss shirtless hug day?Quote from: Diesel2112:WastedPanel:Quote from: ERDVMNice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
Congrats, man.
Nice job!Quote from: gmannLate congrats Bud!!Quote from: wastepanelHow'd I miss shirtless hug day?Quote from: Diesel2112:WastedPanel:Quote from: ERDVMNice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
Congrats, man.
'boob'
'Popcorn'
'na na'
'BanDog'
Nice 9Bills!!!Quote from: Grizzly25Nice job!Quote from: gmannLate congrats Bud!!Quote from: wastepanelHow'd I miss shirtless hug day?Quote from: Diesel2112:WastedPanel:Quote from: ERDVMNice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLFQuote from: T-Cell'BanDog' Liketh the FuckethQuote from: SAM83'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!Quote from: derk40Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!Quote from: BruceCongrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'Quote from: CBird65'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CSQuote from: copingwithoutcopenCongrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!full on bro.... full on!
'BanDog'
p.s. FUCS
Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.
Congrats, man.
'boob'
'Popcorn'
'na na'
'BanDog'
Alternate ending #2 is the funniest thing I've ever read on any of CS narratives.(http://javascript:void%280%29;)
- Click for Part 1[/url]Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics
CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...where you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...[/b]{pointing in one direction}[/b] follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....
[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Click for Part 2[/url](As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)
Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....Following an extended pause of epic proportions, Coach Steve and the gang find themselves sitting in the living room of the May 2011 House of Quit
CS: Hey guys...
Pavetheway: Seriously....weren't we just standing on the railroad tracks talking about klark?
CS: Yes...
ERDVM: {puzzled look} So....then why are we here now?
CS: To be completely honest....I haven't the slightest fucking clue why we're here
PTW: Very funny Coach....{walking towards the kitchen} What house is this anyways.....I wonder if they have any Bud Light Platinum
Texasjack: {holding a picture frame} Maybe this will tell us what house this is?
ERDVM: TJ?
TJ: Yes Dr. Vadge?
ERDVM: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: {looking down and then back at ERDVM} You know....I can't remember
ERDVM: {throwing TJ a blanket} Here...you look cold...and give me that picture
(ERDVM wipes away a thick coating of dust to reveal a picture of J2B, LarryDrummer, 30yraddict and ODAAT hanging out in Tijuana)
CS: Oh, we're in the May 2011 House
TJ: I should've known with all this wood wall paneling from the 70's
PTW: {returning from the kitchen with a beer} Yeah.....but how did we get here?
CS: I told you I don't know....
PTW: C'mon Coach quit fucking with us....I gotta get back to work
CS: For reals Mike....I got no control over this one...
Bigwhitebeast: {peering out of the curtains} It looks weird out there...
ERDVM: What do you mean....weird?
BWB: {closing the curtains and looking at ERDVM} You know.....weird
ERDVM: No...I don't know that's why I asked dick turd
BWB: Did you just call me a dick turd?
ERDVM: Pretty sure I did
BWB: What exactly is a dick turd?
(Just then, the group hears a commotion in the back of the house)
PTW: {freezes} Tell me you guys heard that....
ERDVM: I'm sure dick turd heard it
CS: It's probably just one of the May 2011 quitters
(Suddenly, LarryDrummer storms out of the back of the house)
LD: Dammit! I've had it with this reverse scroll, can't find the most recent post bullshit! What was wrong with the old boards?!
CS: Hi Larry
LD: {stopping his rant to stare at Coach} The fuck are you doing here?
CS: I'm not sure
LD: Not sure...? Well you walked in here didn't you?
CS: I can't recall actually walking into your house....we kind of just appeared in your living room
LD: Well where were you before?
Texasjack: {holding a fishbowl} On the railroad tracks
LD: Ok.....two questions, why aren't you wearing pants and why are you holding ODAAT's fishbowl?
TJ: {looking down at the fishbowl} I have a thing for goldfish...
LD: And the pants....?
TJ: I'm allergic to pants...
PTW: I can vouch for that much....
LD: {turning to Pave} Who the fuck are you?
PTW: {hands on hips} I am pave the mother fucking way and I am a sex cavator!
LD: Good enough for me...{looking around}....so what are all you other assholes doing in my living room?
CS: Like I said....we're not sure what happened......
(Just then, some sort of portal into another dimension opens up in the living room and Sir Derek comes flinging through the wormhole onto the couch)
LD: Holy fart nuggets!
CS: {to Sir D} You alright man?
Sir Derek: {rubbing his head} Damn...I don't know what happened.....one minute I'm scrolling through the James Gordon thread and the next minute I'm getting flung through cyberspace into this living room....
TJ: This shit is trippy yo
Sir Derek: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: Prolly cuze the wormhole stole my pants brah
ERDVM: So you're a frat bro now?
TJ: I am what the moment calls for brah
BWB: {sitting down on the recliner} I'm having a mental meltdown right now....
CS: {raising his hands} Ok...everybody just calm down....lets figure out what the fuck is happening here....
Choose Your Own Ending
[/i][url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #1[/url]CS: SD, you said you were just hanging out in May 2014 right?
Sir D: Yeah....what's your point Coach?
CS: Well.....don't they have that phenomenon known as the James Gordon Vortex?
Sir D: I suppose....but it's just a myth....right Coach?
CS: No....no myth.....the legend of Gordon is very real....I've even heard that the quitters of May 2014 have devised a new system for measuring the quit days....they call it, Gordograms
TJ: {in awe} Gordograms...?
CS: {Blake Griffinesque} That's right TJ....Gordograms
ERDVM: So then how did we end up here?
CS: It must be the Gortex...it sucks you in and spits you out in reverse Gordometry
BwB: My head is spinning faster than when I learned Coach Steve was a liberal
LD: Wait.....? You're a liberal....? Fuck you
CS: Ok guys....just think of the Gortex as the liberal media. It's spinning every story into some web of lies until it decides it wants to spit something out to the general public. Except....in this case....the Gortex is the liberal media and the living room of the May 2011 house is the general public
LD: Oh I totally get it now...
CS: Really?
LD: No....not really you commy bastard
(Just then, the portal to another dimension reappears and sucks the entire group in.....they spin round and round finally ending up in the group of May 2014)
Sapper: Well, well, well...I figured you'd arrive approximately 5.4939203 Gordon's ago....maybe I'm losing my touch[url=javascript:void%280%29;]- Alternate Ending #2[/url]CS: Thank you for choosing Alternate # 2...I suppose someone had to do it
You: Do what?
CS: {pulling back a curtain} Just go in....trust me it's completely safe
You: Ok
(You pass beneath the curtain and enter the room beyond...it's a backlight room and you can barely make out someone standing in the corner. As your eyes being to adjust you realize....)
You: Are you naked?
Gmann: Yes.....you have chosen....poorly
Sorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.shooting blanks already?
Sorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.Fucker! I just spent 40 fucking minutes reading that fucking thing!
'roflmao'Quote from: CoachSorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.Fucker! I just spent 40 fucking minutes reading that fucking thing!
'Finger'
Dont mess with my emotions!Quote from: Nolaq'roflmao'Quote from: CoachSorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.Fucker! I just spent 40 fucking minutes reading that fucking thing!
'Finger'
I'll re-post the narrative, but with fair warning....I drafted it last summer and it was supposed to be the final installment of the KTC Spit Summit fundraising efforts. Instead I had to draft that terrible Scooby Doo piece of shit. Oh, and the formatting is screwed up which makes it hard to read. I was trying to fix it, so I could re-save it, but posted it accidentally.Quote from: razd611Dont mess with my emotions!Quote from: Nolaq'roflmao'Quote from: CoachSorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.Fucker! I just spent 40 fucking minutes reading that fucking thing!
'Finger'
Whatevs. I can't read that shit anyway, you know that...Quote from: BruceI'll re-post the narrative, but with fair warning....I drafted it last summer and it was supposed to be the final installment of the KTC Spit Summit fundraising efforts. Instead I had to draft that terrible Scooby Doo piece of shit. Oh, and the formatting is screwed up which makes it hard to read. I was trying to fix it, so I could re-save it, but posted it accidentally.Quote from: razd611Dont mess with my emotions!Quote from: Nolaq'roflmao'Quote from: CoachSorry....in the words of May 14, dry fire.Fucker! I just spent 40 fucking minutes reading that fucking thing!
'Finger'
Here's that forgotten/rejected narrative.Who's the winner CS....who's the winner?!?!
Finale
Coach Steve is standing in front of the KTC Quitatorium watching as Colonel No Cope and his crew raise the banner for the 2013 National Spit Summit Talent Show Contest
CS: {cupping his hands} CNC!
CNC: {lowering his bucket} What do you want shit stain?
CS: Good to see you too CNC, just wanted to say helloÂ….itÂ’s been awhile
CNC: Yeah it hasÂ…..I guess all you bandwagon fans and sailors got a little worried about CNC?
CS: Not worriedÂ….just expect you to post roll every damn day
CNC: Yeah I’m sure…you know Coach, you remind me of a guy I met in Bangkok back in ‘85
CS: Really?
CNC: Sure doÂ…of course that was back when I was a male stripper
CS: Tell me, what exactly about me reminds you of this guy?
CNC: Well for startersÂ….you both dig my ass-less lineman chaps
CS: TroofÂ….
CNC: But most of all, you both like to jerk me around while IÂ’m trying to work!
CS: IÂ’m not even sure how to respond to thatÂ…
CNC: How bout you donÂ’t respond and save that fancy vocabulary for someone who cares!
CS: That cuts me, cuts me deep
CNC: I knowÂ….IÂ’m sorry
CS: Are you really sorry?
CNC: YeahÂ….IÂ’m sorry youÂ’re a pansy ass that canÂ’t take a joke!
(Just then, Luby aka Peepers hits up CNC on the walkie talkie)
Luby: Colonel! I told you to tug that line 10 minutes ago! We need that banner up pronto!
CNC: {looking at the walkie talkie} Now look what youÂ’ve done CoachÂ…Peepers is mad at me nowÂ…
CS: You know CNC, for someone with such a gruff exterior façade you surely are a sensitive gent
CNC: WhatÂ’d you call me?
(Just then, one of the lines holding up the banner snaps nearly misses CNC as falls onto the concrete steps in front of the Quitatorium)
Luby: Colonel!
CNC: IÂ’m ok, looks like the roof line snappedÂ…
Luby: What do you mean it snapped?
CNC: I dunno, it just snapped
Luby: Well then get up there and find out what in the hell is going on! IÂ’ll meet you there
(CNC lowers the bucket and climbs out)
CNC: Say CoachÂ…you wanna come with me?
CS: Sure why not?
(CNC and CS make their way to the roof of the KTC Quitatorium via the catwalk suspended above the stage where the 2013 Spit Summit talent contest will take place in just a few days. Luby is already standing at the spot where the roof line was anchored)
Luby: ItÂ’s about damn time you two got hereÂ…take a look at this {pointing to the roof line}
CNC: IÂ’ll be damnedÂ…it looks like itÂ’s been cut
Luby: ThatÂ’s exactly what I thought
CS: WaitÂ…do you mean someone tampered with the roof line?
Luby: Sure does look that way
CS: How do you know that?
CNC: {showing CS the line} You see here where part of the line is splayed out and the other part is a clean cut?
CS: YeahÂ…
CNC: Well that means someone cut just enough of the line so that it wouldnÂ’t break until we were tensioning the banner in place
Luby: You see, Coach, this is a ¼ inch line so it’s got a safe working load of around 3 tons. No way that banner weighs 3 tons, right?
CS: Ok, IÂ’m following you
Luby: ButÂ…if you cut just enough of the wire rope itÂ’ll hold until the load exceeds a certain weightÂ…
CS: Ok, so what are we saying hereÂ…someone is sabotaging the talent show?
Luby: It certainly seems that wayÂ…
CS: Looks you gotta go!
CNC: {raising his bucket} FUCS
(CS turns and starts walking down KTC Forum Avenue. As he turns the corner out of sight from the KTC Quitatorium, CS sees a white cargo van hurtling towards him. The van does a 180 and the side door slams open as 3 men wearing black masks pounce on CS. He manages to free himself and takes off running. He only gets a few yards away when he feels a slight pinch on his neck and all of a sudden his legs go numb and he hits the groundÂ….as he rolls over his vision is getting blurry and the last thing he sees before he blacks out is a bag being thrown over his headÂ…Â…)
(CS awakens in a small dark room with a table and a large two-way mirror. He tries to get up and realizes his hands are tied to the chair. A man wearing a black suit and a mask is sitting across the table from himÂ…)
Masked Man: Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey
CS: Why am I here?
Masked Man: Never mind thatÂ…weÂ’ve been watching you Coach
CS: Yeah I get the feeling you guys are like the NSAÂ…tracking everything I do
Masked Man: DonÂ’t flatter yourself Coach, weÂ’re not who you think we are
CS: YouÂ’re the MOD Squad, right?
Masked Man: {garbled laughter} Guess againÂ…
CS: So then who are you?
Masked Man: YouÂ’ll find out in due timeÂ….right now we have more important things to discuss
CS: Like what?
Masked Man: You know some things that we are very interested inÂ…
CS: Oh reallyÂ….and that is what exactly?
Masked Man: I see you like playing games CoachÂ…
CS: Ok seriously what in the hell is going on hereÂ…?
Masked Man: Oh Coach donÂ’t be so drabÂ…I was just beginning to like the small talk
CS: Tell meÂ….
Masked Man: Well if you insistÂ….{menacingly leaning forward on the table} I want to know who KTC is sending to the 2013 Spit Summit?
CS: {turning his head} I donÂ’t know what youÂ’re talking aboutÂ…
Masked Man: CoachÂ….donÂ’t mistake me for a fool
CS: IÂ’m telling you I donÂ’t know anything!
Masked Man: Well then I guess weÂ’re going to have to do this the hard wayÂ…
CS: The hard way?
Masked Man: {snapping his finger} Minions! Bring me the politics thread from the Wildcard section!
(Just then, the Masked ManÂ’s minions enter the room and deliver him the politics thread. They begin to tape CSÂ’s eyelids openÂ…)
CS: {struggling} Wait! What are you doing?
Masked Man: {standing up and propping one foot on the table} Perhaps some of GmannÂ’s libertarian articles will jog your memoryÂ….?
CS: How do you know Gmann?
Masked Man: IÂ’ve been watching this place for a long timeÂ….
CS: Tell me who you are!
Masked Man: {scrolling} LetÂ’s seeÂ….ah yes, hereÂ’s a good oneÂ…..
CS: {trying to look away} Nooooooo! CanÂ’t...takeÂ…Lew RockwellÂ…Â…
Masked Man: DonÂ’t fight it CoachÂ…..you must understand inalienable property rights!
CS: I swear I donÂ’t know anything!
Masked Man: {increasing the font size} You can make this endÂ…..
CS: Why are you doing this?
( The Masked Man leans in so close that CS can almost taste his gum)
Masked Man: Because of what they did to us!
CS: What who did to who?
Instigator: The Council of the ADMIN! The way they justÂ…you know, allow all of the inappropriate stuff to go on
CS: ThatÂ’s what this is aboutÂ…stuff you deem to be inappropriate?
Instigator: {clasping his hands behind his back} You wouldnÂ’t even begin to understand what IÂ’m talking aboutÂ…{gesturing to his minions} Minions! Throw Coach in the holeÂ…..give him sometime to think about thingsÂ….
CS: The hole?
Instigator: Goodbye CoachÂ….now if youÂ’ll excuse me, I have a talent show to get ready forÂ….
(The minions drag CS into a small concrete cell with only one small opening for food and waterÂ…..the scene fades out and flashes to the KTC Quitatorium where the Council of the ADMIN has gathered in anticipation of the talent show. They are all seated at a large round table)
Remshot: So where is this final narrative weÂ’ve all been waiting for?
Chewie: PatienceÂ…Wastepanel has confidence in CS
Loot: Loot is losing patienceÂ….tell Wastepanel to explain to Loot
Remshot: {gesturing to NOLAQ} Please send WP in to see usÂ…
(NOLAQ disappears behind a curtain for a few secondsÂ…just then, the door opens and WP walks into the Foyer of the ADMIN)
Wastepanel: You guys wanted to see me?
Loot: Tell Loot why Loot hasnÂ’t read Mr. CSÂ’s final narrative?
Wastepanel: IÂ’m sorry what was that?
Loot: You know what Loot meant
Ready: {placing his hand on LootÂ’s shoulder} Let me try old friend, what Loot means is weÂ’d like to know why we donÂ’t have the final narrative from CS? We have quitters pouring into the KTC Quitatorium to watch a talent show thatÂ’s supposed to begin in a few hours and no CSÂ….
Wastepanel: Yes sir I understandÂ….but no one has seen CS since he spoke to CNC yesterday outside of the Quitatorium
Ready: Well there has to be something to help us track him downÂ….{gesturing to NOLAQ} Get me klark down at MOD Headquarters on screen immediately!
NOLAQ: {pressing buttons} Yes sir!
(Just then, klark appears on the large holographic screen in the center of the table)
Klark: How can I be of service sirs?
Ready: KlarkÂ…we need you and your team to track down a quitter by the name of Coach SteveÂ….he seems to have gone missing sometime yesterday and the Council is very interested in his whereabouts
Klark: Yes sirs {motioning to someone off screen} Check the video feed from yesterday from KTC SquareÂ….tell me if you see anything unusual
Ready: One more thing klarkÂ…..we need him back unharmed
Klark: But sirsÂ….what if he makes a your mom joke?
Ready: Be the bigger man klarkÂ….
Klark: Dammit! {being told something off screen} Ok sirs, CS was last seen headed east on KTC Forum Avenue and then something happened with the feedÂ…it just skipped ahead a few minutes
Chewie: What do you mean it just skipped ahead a few minutes?
Klark: Sorry sir, but thatÂ’s what its showingÂ….itÂ’s almost as if someone tampered with the feed
Chewie: But only MODS have that kind of access?
Ready: What about a former MOD?
Remshot: No way, we remove all of their MOD powers when theyÂ’re demoted or retireÂ…this is something else, or should I sayÂ…someone else
Loot: {adjusting his bath robe} Loot doesnÂ’t like where this is goingÂ….
Ready: {to klark} Get a team down there pronto and see if you can find any clues!
Klark: I will take care of this personally sirs
Ready: Thank you klarkÂ….off screen!
(NOLAQ punches some buttons and the holograph disappears)
Mule: I told you guys we should had a donkey raceÂ…{waiving his hands sarcastically}Â…but you guys were all like, nooooo, donkey races are stupid, blah, blah, blah
FranPro: Donkey races are stupid Mule!
Mule: Shut up FP!
FranPro: No you shut up!
Ready: {raising his hands} Can we just focus on the task at hand?
FranPro: SorryÂ….
Mule: {placing a hand on FranProÂ’s thigh} IÂ’m sorry tooÂ…..
FranPro: {moving MuleÂ’s hand} IÂ’m not that sorryÂ….
(The Council of the ADMIN just sits there in silenceÂ…..)
Rutroh: So this is awkwardÂ….why hasnÂ’t the scene faded out yet?
Chewie: OhÂ…my bad, I wasnÂ’t paying attention
(Chewie snaps his finger and the scene fades out and flashes to KTC Forum Avenue where CS was last seenÂ….klark pulls up and steps out of the MOD Squad Crown Vic, Gmann gets out of the passenger side. They walk around the scene and klark stops when he sees a handkerchief lying on the ground. Klark pulls up his shades and as he kneels down to examine the hankerchief he sees a monogram
Klark: IÂ’ll be damnedÂ…
Gmann: What is it?
Klark: I think I might know where CS isÂ…..
(Klark holds up the hankerchief and shows Gmann the embroidered “FV” monogram)
Gmann: NooooÂ…..it couldnÂ’t be
Klark: Just as I suspectedÂ…Â…itÂ’s the One of Whom We Do Not Speak
(The scene flashes back to CS in his cellÂ…..the door opens and the Masked Man is standing in the doorway)
Masked Man: {adjusting his cuff links} Well have you had enough time to think about it?
CS: Screw you
Masked Man: Hahahaha! If this were my site IÂ’d ban you for that
CS: YouÂ’ll never get away with thisÂ…wait, what do you mean your site?
Masked Man: OhÂ….umÂ…nothing, gotta go!{turning to walk away}
(The minions slam the door shut and all CS can hear is the latching of the deadbolts and the minions carrying on a conversation about cheese popcorn. As CS slumps back against the wall he picks up a rock and throws it angrily against the other side of the cell)
CS: {burying his head in his hands} Dammit! I need to get out of here
(As the rocks hits the wall it starts to crumble away. CS looks up in amazement as bits of the wall crumble away revealing something underneath. As he claws away years and years of posts he uncovers a thread from Aquaman43 dated February 15, 2007 explaining the origins of KTC (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=210&st=180). CS continues to chip away layers and uncovers more posts from legends like 11x4 and chewless jim and a post by WhoDey with his unedited email exchange with Flavius Victor prior to his banning at QSXÂ…)
CS: Holy crapÂ…I think I know where I amÂ…..
(The scene pans back to Klark and Gmann who are sitting in the MOD Squad Crown Vic outside of the entrance to the Closed Topics Thread)
Klark: I know heÂ’s hereÂ…..
Gmann: How can you be so sure?
Klark: This is a perfect place for a guy like him to hideÂ…
Gmann: OkÂ….so if heÂ’s here, how do we find him?
Klark: Well if you were him, where would you hide?
Gmann: In the Aircooled VWs thread
Klark: {furrowing his brow} Very funnyÂ….but IÂ’m serious
Gmann: Ok, ok, fineÂ….man I donÂ’t know where he is!
Klark: {turning off the car} I doÂ…letÂ’s walk it from here
(Klark and Gmann step out of the Crown Vic and duck under the broken chain link fence…a sign above their heads reads, “Closed Topics – Keep Out”)
Gmann: This place gives me the creeps
Klark: Keep it downÂ…
(Just then, klark motions for them to duck behind an old dumpster and points ahead. Gmann peers over the dumpster and sees two minions patrolling back and forth in front of the History of QS, QSX Lite QSX Closed Thread)
Gmann: {ducking back behind the dumpster} Are they debating the difference between white cheddar and cheddar popcorn?
Klark: ProbablyÂ….minions are obsessed with cheese popcorn
Gmann: Alright so what do we do now?
Klark: Do you remember that scene from Beverly Hills Cop?
Gmann: The one with the banana in the tailpipe?
Klark: No not that sceneÂ…the one where theyÂ’re in the strip club
Gmann: Ohhhh right
Klark: Ok so youÂ’ll be Axel Foley and IÂ’ll be Taggert
Gmann: So whoÂ’s Rosewood?
Klark: Dammit Gmann, IÂ’ll be Rosewood and Taggert
Gmann: Ok good, Rosewood was my favorite!
(Gmann staggers out from behind the dumpster and approaches the minions as klark slips behind them)
Gmann: {pretending to be drunk}Phil! Hey Phil I thought that was youÂ…man what are doing here Phil?
(The minions stop talking about cheese popcorn and raise their spears at the approaching Gmann)
Gmann: Whoa, whoa Phil man whatÂ’s wrong with you? YouÂ’ve changed Phil, youÂ’ve changed manÂ….
(When Gmann gets close enough the minions push him down on the ground and stand over him wielding their spears. Just then, klark jumps off the roof behind them and knocks one minion out cold. The other minions attempts to stab klark with his spear but Gmann thwarts the attempt and knocks the minion out with his own spear)
Klark: MODS 1, Minions 0
Gmann: {grabbing the keys off the minionÂ’s belt and tossing them to klark} Good job Rosewood
Klark: I shouldÂ’ve never mentioned Beverly Hills CopÂ…..
(The scene flashes to CS lying in the corner of the cell. Suddenly he hears keys jingling and the deadbolts being unlocked, the door is opened and CS sees Gmann standing thereÂ….)
Gmann: FUCS
CS: ThatÂ’s all you can manage to say at a time like this?
Gmann: You know Coach, FUCS stands for Friendship Unto Coach Steve
CS: Really?
Gmann: NoÂ…not really
CS: FUGM
Klark: Hate to break up this little reunion but weÂ’ve got a maniac on the loose
CS: The guy in the mask? He said he was headed for the talent show!
Klark: {looking at Gmann} Shit! We gotta get back there now!
(The trio makes their way out of the Closed Topics thread and into the MOD Squad Crown Vic. Klark peels out and takes a sharp left onto a MOD access road towards KTC Avenue)
Gmann: So did the guy in the mask tell you anything else?
CS: Not really, just said the ADMIN were inappropriate, or something like thatÂ….he seemed pretty ticked off about it
Klark: {picking up the walkie talkie} Mjollnir!
Mjollnir: {responding back on walkie talkie} Yeah?
Klark: WeÂ’ve got a situation hereÂ…I think the One of Whom We Do Not Speak is headed your way
Mjollnir: What!? Are we talking about THE One of Whom We Do Not Speak?
Klark: Yes! Be on your guard, weÂ’ll be there as soon as possible!
Mjollnir: Copy that
CS: Your mom copies thatÂ…
Mjollnir: Dammit, is that you CS?
CS: The one and only
Mjollnir: You know when this is all said and done, you and me are going to have a little talk in private
CS: Hey Mjollnir?
Mjollnir: YeahÂ…Â…?
CS: ThatÂ’s what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Arrggh!
Klark: You walked right into that oneÂ…
(Klark pulls the MOD Squad Crown Vic onto KTC Forum Avenue and circles around to the loading docks in the back of the KTC Quitatorium. The trio hustles into the Foyer of the ADMIN where the Council is preparing to enter the performing arena and take their seats directly in front of the stage)
Klark: Sirs, we found Coach Steve!
Ready: Excellent! Welcome back Mr. Coach!
CS: Good to be back
Gmann: Sirs we have a situation. It appears as though the One of Whom We Do Not Speak is back and we think heÂ’s somewhere in the building
NOLAQ: SirsÂ….IÂ’m deeply concerned about your safety, perhaps we should cancel the talent show?
Remshot: Nonsense! The show must go on!
NOLAQ: But sirsÂ…..
Remshot: No butts! It is our duty to carry on!
CS: {snickering}
Remshot: {pausing and looking at CS} Something funny Mr. Coach?
CS: {trying not to laugh} No sir
Ready: Remy is right, the show must go on
(Despite NOLAQÂ’s objections, the Council of the ADMIN exits a small door and enters the performing arena. The crowd is brimming with excitement, Ziesmer is selling foam 'Finger', Smokey G is selling batshit crazy and Hipster is selling Have You Seen Mandy Matula? t-shirts. The ADMIN enter the arena donning white bathrobes and orange running shoes. As the ADMIN take their seats, the lights dim and a voice comes over the loud speakers)
Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. Welcome to the 2013 National Spit Summit Talent Show! {crowd cheers} At this time weÂ’d ask you to direct your attention to the stage and give a big welcome to your host for the eveningÂ…..Luby aka Peepers!
(Smoke covers the stage and the crowd can see the silhouette of Peepers wearing his trademark back cape)
Peepers: Welcome everyone to the 2013 Spit Summit Talent Show! Tonight we have a special show in store for youÂ…but first weÂ’d like to extend a big thank you to every KTC member that has donated to the cause {crowd applaudes} And nowÂ….without further adieu, I present to you our first competitor hailing from the February 2011 group, Keddy!
(Keddy takes the stage in a brown leisure suit and performs this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSA_sWGM44) )
Peepers: Thank you for that Keddy! Our next performance is the duo of Razd and J2B!
(Razd and J2B take the stage and perform their choreographed routine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeMJOPlK-0E) )
Peepers: Whoa! Now that was exciting, letÂ’s give them a big round of applause! {crowd cheers} Our next competitor isÂ…..
(Just then, the lights go out and a picture of a TARDIS appears on the large screen above the stageÂ…the crowd can hear a menacing laugh over the loudspeaker)
Klark: ItÂ’s him!
Instigator: People of KTCÂ….do not fret, it is now time for your daily affirmation!
Klark: WeÂ’ve got to find him
NOLAQ: I think I know where he isÂ….follow me
(Klark and NOLAQ make their way to the rear of the stage and see a large curtain with someone moving behind it. Klark pulls back the curtain to reveal Instigator!)
Instigator: YouÂ…Â….
Klark: Yes GatorÂ….remember me?
Instigator: {pointing at klark} This all your fault!
Klark: No GatorÂ…..you did this to yourself
(Klark and NOLAQ drag Gator from behind the curtain and let Scowick and Mjollnir take him away)
Peepers: Well that was anti-climactic. DonÂ’t worry everyoneÂ…IÂ’m told the situation is taken care of. And now, please welcome, kdip!
(kdip walks onto the stage and proceeds to do a little of this (http://2.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/59/26/b1237461e4f1fbe9e4eab61c04914992.gif), and a little bit of that (http://2.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/23/19/25a644945d54402ae0fa1adaec1bf694.gif))
Peepers: Whoa! Pretty impressive! And now folks it looks like weÂ’re down to our last competitor, please give a big hand for Wastepanel!
(Wastepanel enters the stage and bows to the crowd. Then he performs this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk) )
Peepers: WowÂ…I mean, just wow. I am blown away Wastepanel, thank you {crowd cheers wildly}And now {looking at the Council of the ADMIN} it is time for the judges to reveal this years winners and the two KTC representatives for the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! {being handed an envelope} Drumroll pleaseÂ…Â…Â….and this yearÂ’s winners areÂ…Â….
We all were.Quote from: CoachHere's that forgotten/rejected narrative.Who's the winner CS....who's the winner?!?!
Finale
Coach Steve is standing in front of the KTC Quitatorium watching as Colonel No Cope and his crew raise the banner for the 2013 National Spit Summit Talent Show Contest
CS: {cupping his hands} CNC!
CNC: {lowering his bucket} What do you want shit stain?
CS: Good to see you too CNC, just wanted to say helloÂ….itÂ’s been awhile
CNC: Yeah it hasÂ…..I guess all you bandwagon fans and sailors got a little worried about CNC?
CS: Not worriedÂ….just expect you to post roll every damn day
CNC: Yeah I’m sure…you know Coach, you remind me of a guy I met in Bangkok back in ‘85
CS: Really?
CNC: Sure doÂ…of course that was back when I was a male stripper
CS: Tell me, what exactly about me reminds you of this guy?
CNC: Well for startersÂ….you both dig my ass-less lineman chaps
CS: TroofÂ….
CNC: But most of all, you both like to jerk me around while IÂ’m trying to work!
CS: IÂ’m not even sure how to respond to thatÂ…
CNC: How bout you donÂ’t respond and save that fancy vocabulary for someone who cares!
CS: That cuts me, cuts me deep
CNC: I knowÂ….IÂ’m sorry
CS: Are you really sorry?
CNC: YeahÂ….IÂ’m sorry youÂ’re a pansy ass that canÂ’t take a joke!
(Just then, Luby aka Peepers hits up CNC on the walkie talkie)
Luby: Colonel! I told you to tug that line 10 minutes ago! We need that banner up pronto!
CNC: {looking at the walkie talkie} Now look what youÂ’ve done CoachÂ…Peepers is mad at me nowÂ…
CS: You know CNC, for someone with such a gruff exterior façade you surely are a sensitive gent
CNC: WhatÂ’d you call me?
(Just then, one of the lines holding up the banner snaps nearly misses CNC as falls onto the concrete steps in front of the Quitatorium)
Luby: Colonel!
CNC: IÂ’m ok, looks like the roof line snappedÂ…
Luby: What do you mean it snapped?
CNC: I dunno, it just snapped
Luby: Well then get up there and find out what in the hell is going on! IÂ’ll meet you there
(CNC lowers the bucket and climbs out)
CNC: Say CoachÂ…you wanna come with me?
CS: Sure why not?
(CNC and CS make their way to the roof of the KTC Quitatorium via the catwalk suspended above the stage where the 2013 Spit Summit talent contest will take place in just a few days. Luby is already standing at the spot where the roof line was anchored)
Luby: ItÂ’s about damn time you two got hereÂ…take a look at this {pointing to the roof line}
CNC: IÂ’ll be damnedÂ…it looks like itÂ’s been cut
Luby: ThatÂ’s exactly what I thought
CS: WaitÂ…do you mean someone tampered with the roof line?
Luby: Sure does look that way
CS: How do you know that?
CNC: {showing CS the line} You see here where part of the line is splayed out and the other part is a clean cut?
CS: YeahÂ…
CNC: Well that means someone cut just enough of the line so that it wouldnÂ’t break until we were tensioning the banner in place
Luby: You see, Coach, this is a ¼ inch line so it’s got a safe working load of around 3 tons. No way that banner weighs 3 tons, right?
CS: Ok, IÂ’m following you
Luby: ButÂ…if you cut just enough of the wire rope itÂ’ll hold until the load exceeds a certain weightÂ…
CS: Ok, so what are we saying hereÂ…someone is sabotaging the talent show?
Luby: It certainly seems that wayÂ…
CS: Looks you gotta go!
CNC: {raising his bucket} FUCS
(CS turns and starts walking down KTC Forum Avenue. As he turns the corner out of sight from the KTC Quitatorium, CS sees a white cargo van hurtling towards him. The van does a 180 and the side door slams open as 3 men wearing black masks pounce on CS. He manages to free himself and takes off running. He only gets a few yards away when he feels a slight pinch on his neck and all of a sudden his legs go numb and he hits the groundÂ….as he rolls over his vision is getting blurry and the last thing he sees before he blacks out is a bag being thrown over his headÂ…Â…)
(CS awakens in a small dark room with a table and a large two-way mirror. He tries to get up and realizes his hands are tied to the chair. A man wearing a black suit and a mask is sitting across the table from himÂ…)
Masked Man: Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey
CS: Why am I here?
Masked Man: Never mind thatÂ…weÂ’ve been watching you Coach
CS: Yeah I get the feeling you guys are like the NSAÂ…tracking everything I do
Masked Man: DonÂ’t flatter yourself Coach, weÂ’re not who you think we are
CS: YouÂ’re the MOD Squad, right?
Masked Man: {garbled laughter} Guess againÂ…
CS: So then who are you?
Masked Man: YouÂ’ll find out in due timeÂ….right now we have more important things to discuss
CS: Like what?
Masked Man: You know some things that we are very interested inÂ…
CS: Oh reallyÂ….and that is what exactly?
Masked Man: I see you like playing games CoachÂ…
CS: Ok seriously what in the hell is going on hereÂ…?
Masked Man: Oh Coach donÂ’t be so drabÂ…I was just beginning to like the small talk
CS: Tell meÂ….
Masked Man: Well if you insistÂ….{menacingly leaning forward on the table} I want to know who KTC is sending to the 2013 Spit Summit?
CS: {turning his head} I donÂ’t know what youÂ’re talking aboutÂ…
Masked Man: CoachÂ….donÂ’t mistake me for a fool
CS: IÂ’m telling you I donÂ’t know anything!
Masked Man: Well then I guess weÂ’re going to have to do this the hard wayÂ…
CS: The hard way?
Masked Man: {snapping his finger} Minions! Bring me the politics thread from the Wildcard section!
(Just then, the Masked ManÂ’s minions enter the room and deliver him the politics thread. They begin to tape CSÂ’s eyelids openÂ…)
CS: {struggling} Wait! What are you doing?
Masked Man: {standing up and propping one foot on the table} Perhaps some of GmannÂ’s libertarian articles will jog your memoryÂ….?
CS: How do you know Gmann?
Masked Man: IÂ’ve been watching this place for a long timeÂ….
CS: Tell me who you are!
Masked Man: {scrolling} LetÂ’s seeÂ….ah yes, hereÂ’s a good oneÂ…..
CS: {trying to look away} Nooooooo! CanÂ’t...takeÂ…Lew RockwellÂ…Â…
Masked Man: DonÂ’t fight it CoachÂ…..you must understand inalienable property rights!
CS: I swear I donÂ’t know anything!
Masked Man: {increasing the font size} You can make this endÂ…..
CS: Why are you doing this?
( The Masked Man leans in so close that CS can almost taste his gum)
Masked Man: Because of what they did to us!
CS: What who did to who?
Instigator: The Council of the ADMIN! The way they justÂ…you know, allow all of the inappropriate stuff to go on
CS: ThatÂ’s what this is aboutÂ…stuff you deem to be inappropriate?
Instigator: {clasping his hands behind his back} You wouldnÂ’t even begin to understand what IÂ’m talking aboutÂ…{gesturing to his minions} Minions! Throw Coach in the holeÂ…..give him sometime to think about thingsÂ….
CS: The hole?
Instigator: Goodbye CoachÂ….now if youÂ’ll excuse me, I have a talent show to get ready forÂ….
(The minions drag CS into a small concrete cell with only one small opening for food and waterÂ…..the scene fades out and flashes to the KTC Quitatorium where the Council of the ADMIN has gathered in anticipation of the talent show. They are all seated at a large round table)
Remshot: So where is this final narrative weÂ’ve all been waiting for?
Chewie: PatienceÂ…Wastepanel has confidence in CS
Loot: Loot is losing patienceÂ….tell Wastepanel to explain to Loot
Remshot: {gesturing to NOLAQ} Please send WP in to see usÂ…
(NOLAQ disappears behind a curtain for a few secondsÂ…just then, the door opens and WP walks into the Foyer of the ADMIN)
Wastepanel: You guys wanted to see me?
Loot: Tell Loot why Loot hasnÂ’t read Mr. CSÂ’s final narrative?
Wastepanel: IÂ’m sorry what was that?
Loot: You know what Loot meant
Ready: {placing his hand on LootÂ’s shoulder} Let me try old friend, what Loot means is weÂ’d like to know why we donÂ’t have the final narrative from CS? We have quitters pouring into the KTC Quitatorium to watch a talent show thatÂ’s supposed to begin in a few hours and no CSÂ….
Wastepanel: Yes sir I understandÂ….but no one has seen CS since he spoke to CNC yesterday outside of the Quitatorium
Ready: Well there has to be something to help us track him downÂ….{gesturing to NOLAQ} Get me klark down at MOD Headquarters on screen immediately!
NOLAQ: {pressing buttons} Yes sir!
(Just then, klark appears on the large holographic screen in the center of the table)
Klark: How can I be of service sirs?
Ready: KlarkÂ…we need you and your team to track down a quitter by the name of Coach SteveÂ….he seems to have gone missing sometime yesterday and the Council is very interested in his whereabouts
Klark: Yes sirs {motioning to someone off screen} Check the video feed from yesterday from KTC SquareÂ….tell me if you see anything unusual
Ready: One more thing klarkÂ…..we need him back unharmed
Klark: But sirsÂ….what if he makes a your mom joke?
Ready: Be the bigger man klarkÂ….
Klark: Dammit! {being told something off screen} Ok sirs, CS was last seen headed east on KTC Forum Avenue and then something happened with the feedÂ…it just skipped ahead a few minutes
Chewie: What do you mean it just skipped ahead a few minutes?
Klark: Sorry sir, but thatÂ’s what its showingÂ….itÂ’s almost as if someone tampered with the feed
Chewie: But only MODS have that kind of access?
Ready: What about a former MOD?
Remshot: No way, we remove all of their MOD powers when theyÂ’re demoted or retireÂ…this is something else, or should I sayÂ…someone else
Loot: {adjusting his bath robe} Loot doesnÂ’t like where this is goingÂ….
Ready: {to klark} Get a team down there pronto and see if you can find any clues!
Klark: I will take care of this personally sirs
Ready: Thank you klarkÂ….off screen!
(NOLAQ punches some buttons and the holograph disappears)
Mule: I told you guys we should had a donkey raceÂ…{waiving his hands sarcastically}Â…but you guys were all like, nooooo, donkey races are stupid, blah, blah, blah
FranPro: Donkey races are stupid Mule!
Mule: Shut up FP!
FranPro: No you shut up!
Ready: {raising his hands} Can we just focus on the task at hand?
FranPro: SorryÂ….
Mule: {placing a hand on FranProÂ’s thigh} IÂ’m sorry tooÂ…..
FranPro: {moving MuleÂ’s hand} IÂ’m not that sorryÂ….
(The Council of the ADMIN just sits there in silenceÂ…..)
Rutroh: So this is awkwardÂ….why hasnÂ’t the scene faded out yet?
Chewie: OhÂ…my bad, I wasnÂ’t paying attention
(Chewie snaps his finger and the scene fades out and flashes to KTC Forum Avenue where CS was last seenÂ….klark pulls up and steps out of the MOD Squad Crown Vic, Gmann gets out of the passenger side. They walk around the scene and klark stops when he sees a handkerchief lying on the ground. Klark pulls up his shades and as he kneels down to examine the hankerchief he sees a monogram
Klark: IÂ’ll be damnedÂ…
Gmann: What is it?
Klark: I think I might know where CS isÂ…..
(Klark holds up the hankerchief and shows Gmann the embroidered “FV” monogram)
Gmann: NooooÂ…..it couldnÂ’t be
Klark: Just as I suspectedÂ…Â…itÂ’s the One of Whom We Do Not Speak
(The scene flashes back to CS in his cellÂ…..the door opens and the Masked Man is standing in the doorway)
Masked Man: {adjusting his cuff links} Well have you had enough time to think about it?
CS: Screw you
Masked Man: Hahahaha! If this were my site IÂ’d ban you for that
CS: YouÂ’ll never get away with thisÂ…wait, what do you mean your site?
Masked Man: OhÂ….umÂ…nothing, gotta go!{turning to walk away}
(The minions slam the door shut and all CS can hear is the latching of the deadbolts and the minions carrying on a conversation about cheese popcorn. As CS slumps back against the wall he picks up a rock and throws it angrily against the other side of the cell)
CS: {burying his head in his hands} Dammit! I need to get out of here
(As the rocks hits the wall it starts to crumble away. CS looks up in amazement as bits of the wall crumble away revealing something underneath. As he claws away years and years of posts he uncovers a thread from Aquaman43 dated February 15, 2007 explaining the origins of KTC (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=210&st=180). CS continues to chip away layers and uncovers more posts from legends like 11x4 and chewless jim and a post by WhoDey with his unedited email exchange with Flavius Victor prior to his banning at QSXÂ…)
CS: Holy crapÂ…I think I know where I amÂ…..
(The scene pans back to Klark and Gmann who are sitting in the MOD Squad Crown Vic outside of the entrance to the Closed Topics Thread)
Klark: I know heÂ’s hereÂ…..
Gmann: How can you be so sure?
Klark: This is a perfect place for a guy like him to hideÂ…
Gmann: OkÂ….so if heÂ’s here, how do we find him?
Klark: Well if you were him, where would you hide?
Gmann: In the Aircooled VWs thread
Klark: {furrowing his brow} Very funnyÂ….but IÂ’m serious
Gmann: Ok, ok, fineÂ….man I donÂ’t know where he is!
Klark: {turning off the car} I doÂ…letÂ’s walk it from here
(Klark and Gmann step out of the Crown Vic and duck under the broken chain link fence…a sign above their heads reads, “Closed Topics – Keep Out”)
Gmann: This place gives me the creeps
Klark: Keep it downÂ…
(Just then, klark motions for them to duck behind an old dumpster and points ahead. Gmann peers over the dumpster and sees two minions patrolling back and forth in front of the History of QS, QSX Lite QSX Closed Thread)
Gmann: {ducking back behind the dumpster} Are they debating the difference between white cheddar and cheddar popcorn?
Klark: ProbablyÂ….minions are obsessed with cheese popcorn
Gmann: Alright so what do we do now?
Klark: Do you remember that scene from Beverly Hills Cop?
Gmann: The one with the banana in the tailpipe?
Klark: No not that sceneÂ…the one where theyÂ’re in the strip club
Gmann: Ohhhh right
Klark: Ok so youÂ’ll be Axel Foley and IÂ’ll be Taggert
Gmann: So whoÂ’s Rosewood?
Klark: Dammit Gmann, IÂ’ll be Rosewood and Taggert
Gmann: Ok good, Rosewood was my favorite!
(Gmann staggers out from behind the dumpster and approaches the minions as klark slips behind them)
Gmann: {pretending to be drunk}Phil! Hey Phil I thought that was youÂ…man what are doing here Phil?
(The minions stop talking about cheese popcorn and raise their spears at the approaching Gmann)
Gmann: Whoa, whoa Phil man whatÂ’s wrong with you? YouÂ’ve changed Phil, youÂ’ve changed manÂ….
(When Gmann gets close enough the minions push him down on the ground and stand over him wielding their spears. Just then, klark jumps off the roof behind them and knocks one minion out cold. The other minions attempts to stab klark with his spear but Gmann thwarts the attempt and knocks the minion out with his own spear)
Klark: MODS 1, Minions 0
Gmann: {grabbing the keys off the minionÂ’s belt and tossing them to klark} Good job Rosewood
Klark: I shouldÂ’ve never mentioned Beverly Hills CopÂ…..
(The scene flashes to CS lying in the corner of the cell. Suddenly he hears keys jingling and the deadbolts being unlocked, the door is opened and CS sees Gmann standing thereÂ….)
Gmann: FUCS
CS: ThatÂ’s all you can manage to say at a time like this?
Gmann: You know Coach, FUCS stands for Friendship Unto Coach Steve
CS: Really?
Gmann: NoÂ…not really
CS: FUGM
Klark: Hate to break up this little reunion but weÂ’ve got a maniac on the loose
CS: The guy in the mask? He said he was headed for the talent show!
Klark: {looking at Gmann} Shit! We gotta get back there now!
(The trio makes their way out of the Closed Topics thread and into the MOD Squad Crown Vic. Klark peels out and takes a sharp left onto a MOD access road towards KTC Avenue)
Gmann: So did the guy in the mask tell you anything else?
CS: Not really, just said the ADMIN were inappropriate, or something like thatÂ….he seemed pretty ticked off about it
Klark: {picking up the walkie talkie} Mjollnir!
Mjollnir: {responding back on walkie talkie} Yeah?
Klark: WeÂ’ve got a situation hereÂ…I think the One of Whom We Do Not Speak is headed your way
Mjollnir: What!? Are we talking about THE One of Whom We Do Not Speak?
Klark: Yes! Be on your guard, weÂ’ll be there as soon as possible!
Mjollnir: Copy that
CS: Your mom copies thatÂ…
Mjollnir: Dammit, is that you CS?
CS: The one and only
Mjollnir: You know when this is all said and done, you and me are going to have a little talk in private
CS: Hey Mjollnir?
Mjollnir: YeahÂ…Â…?
CS: ThatÂ’s what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Arrggh!
Klark: You walked right into that oneÂ…
(Klark pulls the MOD Squad Crown Vic onto KTC Forum Avenue and circles around to the loading docks in the back of the KTC Quitatorium. The trio hustles into the Foyer of the ADMIN where the Council is preparing to enter the performing arena and take their seats directly in front of the stage)
Klark: Sirs, we found Coach Steve!
Ready: Excellent! Welcome back Mr. Coach!
CS: Good to be back
Gmann: Sirs we have a situation. It appears as though the One of Whom We Do Not Speak is back and we think heÂ’s somewhere in the building
NOLAQ: SirsÂ….IÂ’m deeply concerned about your safety, perhaps we should cancel the talent show?
Remshot: Nonsense! The show must go on!
NOLAQ: But sirsÂ…..
Remshot: No butts! It is our duty to carry on!
CS: {snickering}
Remshot: {pausing and looking at CS} Something funny Mr. Coach?
CS: {trying not to laugh} No sir
Ready: Remy is right, the show must go on
(Despite NOLAQÂ’s objections, the Council of the ADMIN exits a small door and enters the performing arena. The crowd is brimming with excitement, Ziesmer is selling foam 'Finger', Smokey G is selling batshit crazy and Hipster is selling Have You Seen Mandy Matula? t-shirts. The ADMIN enter the arena donning white bathrobes and orange running shoes. As the ADMIN take their seats, the lights dim and a voice comes over the loud speakers)
Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. Welcome to the 2013 National Spit Summit Talent Show! {crowd cheers} At this time weÂ’d ask you to direct your attention to the stage and give a big welcome to your host for the eveningÂ…..Luby aka Peepers!
(Smoke covers the stage and the crowd can see the silhouette of Peepers wearing his trademark back cape)
Peepers: Welcome everyone to the 2013 Spit Summit Talent Show! Tonight we have a special show in store for youÂ…but first weÂ’d like to extend a big thank you to every KTC member that has donated to the cause {crowd applaudes} And nowÂ….without further adieu, I present to you our first competitor hailing from the February 2011 group, Keddy!
(Keddy takes the stage in a brown leisure suit and performs this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSA_sWGM44) )
Peepers: Thank you for that Keddy! Our next performance is the duo of Razd and J2B!
(Razd and J2B take the stage and perform their choreographed routine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeMJOPlK-0E) )
Peepers: Whoa! Now that was exciting, letÂ’s give them a big round of applause! {crowd cheers} Our next competitor isÂ…..
(Just then, the lights go out and a picture of a TARDIS appears on the large screen above the stageÂ…the crowd can hear a menacing laugh over the loudspeaker)
Klark: ItÂ’s him!
Instigator: People of KTCÂ….do not fret, it is now time for your daily affirmation!
Klark: WeÂ’ve got to find him
NOLAQ: I think I know where he isÂ….follow me
(Klark and NOLAQ make their way to the rear of the stage and see a large curtain with someone moving behind it. Klark pulls back the curtain to reveal Instigator!)
Instigator: YouÂ…Â….
Klark: Yes GatorÂ….remember me?
Instigator: {pointing at klark} This all your fault!
Klark: No GatorÂ…..you did this to yourself
(Klark and NOLAQ drag Gator from behind the curtain and let Scowick and Mjollnir take him away)
Peepers: Well that was anti-climactic. DonÂ’t worry everyoneÂ…IÂ’m told the situation is taken care of. And now, please welcome, kdip!
(kdip walks onto the stage and proceeds to do a little of this (http://2.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/59/26/b1237461e4f1fbe9e4eab61c04914992.gif), and a little bit of that (http://2.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/23/19/25a644945d54402ae0fa1adaec1bf694.gif))
Peepers: Whoa! Pretty impressive! And now folks it looks like weÂ’re down to our last competitor, please give a big hand for Wastepanel!
(Wastepanel enters the stage and bows to the crowd. Then he performs this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk) )
Peepers: WowÂ…I mean, just wow. I am blown away Wastepanel, thank you {crowd cheers wildly}And now {looking at the Council of the ADMIN} it is time for the judges to reveal this years winners and the two KTC representatives for the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! {being handed an envelope} Drumroll pleaseÂ…Â…Â….and this yearÂ’s winners areÂ…Â….
Coach Steve is standing on the other side of a chain link fence surrounding an old Winnebago. He gazes at the weathered exterior and dry rotted tires, muttering to himself, "Damn, this thing hasn't moved in forever." Just then, CS hears the all too familiar sound of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rumbling up the dirt road to the old Winnebago. CS turns to face the Crown Vic, which comes to a screeching halt right in front of him. CS peers into the tinted windows but can't make out who is in the car....then he hears a voice over the loudspeaker...Holy Hell Coach! My tummy hurts from laughing so hard! I may not get to sleep. THANKS!
Loudspeaker: Coach Stephanie, you are trespassing on KTC annexed property, please leave NOW!
CS: Is that Wastepanel...are you just fucking with me again?
Loudspeaker: I did not come here to be made sport of.....
CS: Holy fuck, is that really you?
Just then ACDC's Back in Black cranks up as the driver side door opens and a pair of snake-skinned boots steps out of the car.....its Nolaq
CS: Did you steal the Crown Vic for a joy ride?
Nolaq: Nope, and this time.....{opens his sport coat to reveal his MOD badge}....it's legal
CS: Welcome back to the bad guys
Nolaq: I knowÂ…sighÂ…but duty calls
CS: So what are you doing out here?
Nolaq: We've set up perimeter sensors around the old Winnebago and your fat ass set them off
CS: So fencing off the entire area wasnÂ’t enough?
Nolaq: Not really, you know how it goesÂ…we just need to keep people out of this area for a few days, until things die down a little
CS: Yeah by now IÂ’m well aware of how that works
Nolaq: Plus thereÂ’s the guys that just up to no goodÂ…klark had to run Ziesmer out of here last night, he was letting his herd of sarcastic donkeys shit all over the place
CS: I think theyÂ’re smart ass miniature horses
Nolaq: WhateverÂ…you know what I mean, just get in the damn car
CS: Why?
Nolaq: We wanna show you something
CS: We?
Nolaq: Just get in the damn car
Reluctantly, CS circles around to the passenger side and hops in the back seat. As he slides into the car, Nolaq slams the door behind him. When CS looks into the front seat he seesÂ…..Wastepanel
CS: {pointing at WP and covering his mouth} YouÂ…..
Wastepanel: Hello coach, surprised to see me?
CS: Not really, I was just being overdramatic
WP: OhÂ…uhÂ…yeah me too
Nolaq opens the drivers side door, hops in and slams the Crown Vic into reverseÂ…
Nolaq: How bout it boysÂ….? WhoÂ’s down for a trip to the Battlefield?
Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
Sweet!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
Congrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
NarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Congrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
A grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Fantastic!Quote from: Done4MeA grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
I will have an image of you and Terry in sheep costumes eating Caroline-buffalo wings all day.......Phags 'ninja'Quote from: slug.goFantastic!Quote from: Done4MeA grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Nice G CS. You da man! QLF!!!Quote from: SAM83I will have an image of you and Terry in sheep costumes eating Caroline-buffalo wings all day.......Phags 'ninja'Quote from: slug.goFantastic!Quote from: Done4MeA grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Congrats, man. Been missing you around the boards lately. Surely this milestone is worth a narrative.Quote from: ERDVMNice G CS. You da man! QLF!!!Quote from: SAM83I will have an image of you and Terry in sheep costumes eating Caroline-buffalo wings all day.......Phags 'ninja'Quote from: slug.goFantastic!Quote from: Done4MeA grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
'BanDog'Quote from: Diesel2112Congrats, man. Been missing you around the boards lately. Surely this milestone is worth a narrative.Quote from: ERDVMNice G CS. You da man! QLF!!!Quote from: SAM83I will have an image of you and Terry in sheep costumes eating Caroline-buffalo wings all day.......Phags 'ninja'Quote from: slug.goFantastic!Quote from: Done4MeA grand is grand! Congrats, CS!Quote from: Grizzly25Congrats Coach!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
One of the greatest, coach Steve's comma has peepers very excited.Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
congrats Coach.Quote from: Grizzly25One of the greatest, coach Steve's comma has peepers very excited.Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Congrats man, damn proud to quit with you
goo job CoachQuote from: Lubycongrats Coach.Quote from: Grizzly25One of the greatest, coach Steve's comma has peepers very excited.Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Congrats man, damn proud to quit with you
Grats, coach, nice comma!Quote from: jost2browngoo job CoachQuote from: Lubycongrats Coach.Quote from: Grizzly25One of the greatest, coach Steve's comma has peepers very excited.Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Congrats man, damn proud to quit with you
Congrats on the comma Coach, well done. I think back to the early days of my quit and you were one of the many who reached out and talked me into and through some shitty moments. Thanks for leading the way and providing entertainment along the journey!Quote from: Scowick65Grats, coach, nice comma!Quote from: jost2browngoo job CoachQuote from: Lubycongrats Coach.Quote from: Grizzly25One of the greatest, coach Steve's comma has peepers very excited.Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Congrats man, damn proud to quit with you
Quit legend! Quit like fuck with you EDD!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
'hit it'Quote from: Grizzly25Quit legend! Quit like fuck with you EDD!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Comma Like Fuck! Coach!! nice!Quote from: B-loMatt'hit it'Quote from: Grizzly25Quit legend! Quit like fuck with you EDD!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
'BanDog'Quote from: copingwithoutcopenComma Like Fuck! Coach!! nice!Quote from: B-loMatt'hit it'Quote from: Grizzly25Quit legend! Quit like fuck with you EDD!Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
Coach Steve:Quote from: wastepanelCongrats Coach steve you da man!Quote from: 30yrAddictNarQuote from: SmedsCongrats on the dangle Coach!Quote from: CBird65Quietly waiting for CS to wake up ......Congrats on the comma CS!
Ssshhhh his comma needs sleep, gonna be a big day today!
'Popcorn'
FUCS
Ra
Tive
You fucking badass. You rule man. Thank you. Very fucking proud of you.
'BanDog'
(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
LFQuote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
Yup. FUCS.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
F,UCSQuote from: CBird65Yup. FUCS.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
to hell with S K we have CS.Quote from: NolaqF,UCSQuote from: CBird65Yup. FUCS.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
A narrative without gmann?Quote from: 30yrAddictto hell with S K we have CS.Quote from: NolaqF,UCSQuote from: CBird65Yup. FUCS.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
You keep writing brother, I'll keep quitting and laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
You totally rock! Thanks for all you do here.
#FUCS-IQLFw/U2dayQuote from: 30isEnuffA narrative without gmann?Quote from: 30yrAddictto hell with S K we have CS.Quote from: NolaqF,UCSQuote from: CBird65Yup. FUCS.Quote from: Coach(Coach Steve walks into the Introductions Warehouse for the first time in months. As he surveys the room the familiar stench of new quitter fecal matter fills his nostrils. When he look down, he realizes he just stepped in a large pile of new quitter fecal matter)I believe ....FUCS is in order
CS: {lifting his foot} Son of a bitch....now where in the hell is my Intro page?
[Just then, NOLAQ strolls by whistling the main song from the Sound of Music...when he sees CS he freezes]
NOLAQ: Holy shit it's you...
CS: I'm actually not here, just your imagination
NOLAQ: {reaches out to touch CS} Nope, you're definitely real
CS: Ok you got me
NOLAQ: So you back for good?
CS: I'm not back
NOLAQ: Looks like you're back to me...
CS: Nope....
NOLAQ: Fine, so then what are you doing here?
[Just then, Wastepanel walks around the corner guiding a group of new quitters on a tour of the Intro Warehouse]
WP: Now new quitters please watch your step in here....the fecal matter is piling up these days....{sees CS and drops his clipboard} Good lord I've seen ghost!
NOLAQ: Nope, it's him, see....{pinches CS's arm}
CS: Stop that shit dude! {rubbing his arm}....and I'm not back
WP: You sure you're not back Coach?
CS: I'm sure...
NOLAQ: That's too bad....well, actually it's awesome because you suck, but I'll pretend it's bad
CS: Thanks pal
[Just then, Mthomas struts into the Intro Warehouse, his jaw drops when he sees CS]
Mthomas: My goodness...it's the guy I hated, and loved, but really disliked and saw as a friend, yet an enemy at the same time that I wanted to punch him in the face I wanted to cup his buttocks with my palm and then smack him in the head with an olive branch then make him breakfast.....
NOLAQ: {interrupting MT} Please stop.....
Mthomas: Oh...hehe....sorry...I get a little long winded
CS: And you guys wonder why I stayed out of the Intro Warehouse all this time......sure hope it didn't ruin my reputation.....
'winker'
'BanDog'
You keep writing brother, I'll keep quitting and laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
You totally rock! Thanks for all you do here.
FUCS
'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'^^ triple play day on some badassery of quit like fuckness.....
Congrats on three years coach, whether it's today or tomorrow.Quote from: copingwithoutcopen'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'^^ triple play day on some badassery of quit like fuckness.....
Congrats and thanks! Stick around some more!Quote from: CBird65Congrats on three years coach, whether it's today or tomorrow.Quote from: copingwithoutcopen'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'^^ triple play day on some badassery of quit like fuckness.....
Congrats on 3 years.Nice job coach!
FUCS
'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'Nice work Coach. QLF with u all day.
Six bananas humping going out to my peeps in the Glass House and all you other awesome men and women of the quit. We Quit Like Fuck.
FUCSQLF EDD
FUCS
FUCS
congrats on the 3, you big gorilla
'BanDog'Quote from: 30yrAddictFUCSQLF EDD
FUCS
FUCS
congrats on the 3, you big gorilla
Thanks coach for all you do!
The Return of the TstahrFUCS
(Coach Steve wakes up and opens his eyes to blurrily make out a human shape in the corner of the roomÂ…..itÂ’s Tstahr)
CS: {groggy} WhaÂ…Â…what is going on?
Tstahr: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} Just lie back and relaxÂ….itÂ’ll all be clear soonÂ….
CS: {looking around} But where am IÂ…..
Tstahr: {chuckling} Oh Coach SteveÂ….such a short memory?
CS: Short memory?
Tstahr: {leaning forward} CoachÂ….youÂ’re in my dream sequence
CS: What the fuck does that have to do with a short memory?
Tstahr: {leaning back into his chair} Hahaha! Coach, you always cracked me up! You apparently donÂ’t remember the Inner Sanctum of InsanityÂ…
CS: Well I donÂ’tÂ…Â…
Tstahr: CoachÂ…..think very hard
CS: {tilting his head in thought} I still donÂ’tÂ…...
Tstahr: Does ‘mud boner’ ring a bell?
CS: NoÂ…..this couldnÂ’t beÂ…
Tstahr: You got it CoachÂ….this is the HOF speech that never became reality
CS: SoÂ…..why me? Why not Beast or ERDVM or Bird?
Tstahr: Well Coach, to be honest, youÂ’re my kind of crazyÂ…and you have that narrative thing you do with your words
CS: So IÂ’m here to finish this HOF speech?
Tstahr: Now youÂ’re catching onÂ…except I have three rules, whatever you do, you cannot divulge these three secrets
CS: You know I canÂ’t promise that...
Tstahr: {putting his finger to CSÂ’s lips} ShhhhhÂ….just listen
CS: Mmghgmm
Tstahr: {releasing his finger from CSÂ’s lips} Number oneÂ…. HipsterÂ’s launch codesÂ….
CS: But Terry!?
Tstahr: NoÂ…itÂ’s not right CoachÂ…and you know it
CS: OkÂ….and the next?
Tstahr: DennisÂ’s HOF speechÂ….
CS: The bear pincher?
Tstahr: YesÂ…do you remember RemshotÂ’s heart-felt (Goodell-esque) clarification of what constitutes a HOF speech?
CS: Well not really, that shitty explanation was like three years agoÂ…
Tstahr: Coach! Do not interruptÂ….I donÂ’t have much time
CS: What the fuck do you mean you donÂ’t have much time?
Tstahr: {pointing to the window} Just look outsideÂ…
{Coach Steve peers out of the third story window of the Glass House}
Tstahr: Now do you understand?
CS: All I see is Gmann eating a hotdog with his shirt off
Tstahr: What? This isnÂ’t right!
{Just then, ERDVM aka Vadge, Cbird and Bigwhitebeast aka BWB aka Ghey Name walk into the room}
Vadge: Sorry Terry, we tried to get the little person eating a hotdog that you requested, but it just didnÂ’t work out
Cbird: Chewie said we couldnÂ’t use midgets
Vadge: {slapping Cbird on the shoulder} Dude! They’re called ‘little people’
BWB: I crap little people
Vadge: Seriously Beast, this is why you donÂ’t get to talk
BWB: IÂ’m talking right now
Tstahr: Guys enough! Can someone tell me what is going on?
Cbird: Well Vadge here said you needed a midget eating a corndog to complete the HOF Speech you never got to writeÂ…
Tstahr: AndÂ…..
Cbird: And like I said, Chewie said no midgets. We had Loot signed up, but then heÂ…well you know
CS: {looking down} GuysÂ….how did I end up in a bathtub full of mud?
Tstahr:This entire HOF Speech is falling apartÂ…
{Just then, Texasjack runs into the room}
Texasjack: Guys, guys! I just saw Gmann eating a hot dog in the driveway!
Tstahr: SighÂ….really guys, Gmann is the best you could do?
Vadge: Sorry budÂ….we triedÂ….
{Just then, Bluebonnetman busts up in the room and starts preaching and shit}
Blue: Well praise the Glass House gloryhole!
CS: Uhhh, what?
Blue: OhÂ…uhhhÂ…..I guess thatÂ’s in VadgeÂ’s mind?
CS: So weÂ’re venturing into other minds now?
Tstahr: Guys! Can we focus on the HOF Speech here?
CS: YouÂ’re right Terry, where do we go from Gmann eating a hotdog?
Tstahr: WellÂ….I guess we didnÂ’t get any farther than thatÂ…..
CS: What is there to add?
Tstahr: DonÂ’t just wish you had, be glad you did
A narrative, oh god a narrative! I'm watching....Quote from: CoachThe Return of the TstahrFUCS
(Coach Steve wakes up and opens his eyes to blurrily make out a human shape in the corner of the roomÂ…..itÂ’s Tstahr)
CS: {groggy} WhaÂ…Â…what is going on?
Tstahr: {putting his hand on CSÂ’s shoulder} Just lie back and relaxÂ….itÂ’ll all be clear soonÂ….
CS: {looking around} But where am IÂ…..
Tstahr: {chuckling} Oh Coach SteveÂ….such a short memory?
CS: Short memory?
Tstahr: {leaning forward} CoachÂ….youÂ’re in my dream sequence
CS: What the fuck does that have to do with a short memory?
Tstahr: {leaning back into his chair} Hahaha! Coach, you always cracked me up! You apparently donÂ’t remember the Inner Sanctum of InsanityÂ…
CS: Well I donÂ’tÂ…Â…
Tstahr: CoachÂ…..think very hard
CS: {tilting his head in thought} I still donÂ’tÂ…...
Tstahr: Does ‘mud boner’ ring a bell?
CS: NoÂ…..this couldnÂ’t beÂ…
Tstahr: You got it CoachÂ….this is the HOF speech that never became reality
CS: SoÂ…..why me? Why not Beast or ERDVM or Bird?
Tstahr: Well Coach, to be honest, youÂ’re my kind of crazyÂ…and you have that narrative thing you do with your words
CS: So IÂ’m here to finish this HOF speech?
Tstahr: Now youÂ’re catching onÂ…except I have three rules, whatever you do, you cannot divulge these three secrets
CS: You know I canÂ’t promise that...
Tstahr: {putting his finger to CSÂ’s lips} ShhhhhÂ….just listen
CS: Mmghgmm
Tstahr: {releasing his finger from CSÂ’s lips} Number oneÂ…. HipsterÂ’s launch codesÂ….
CS: But Terry!?
Tstahr: NoÂ…itÂ’s not right CoachÂ…and you know it
CS: OkÂ….and the next?
Tstahr: DennisÂ’s HOF speechÂ….
CS: The bear pincher?
Tstahr: YesÂ…do you remember RemshotÂ’s heart-felt (Goodell-esque) clarification of what constitutes a HOF speech?
CS: Well not really, that shitty explanation was like three years agoÂ…
Tstahr: Coach! Do not interruptÂ….I donÂ’t have much time
CS: What the fuck do you mean you donÂ’t have much time?
Tstahr: {pointing to the window} Just look outsideÂ…
{Coach Steve peers out of the third story window of the Glass House}
Tstahr: Now do you understand?
CS: All I see is Gmann eating a hotdog with his shirt off
Tstahr: What? This isnÂ’t right!
{Just then, ERDVM aka Vadge, Cbird and Bigwhitebeast aka BWB aka Ghey Name walk into the room}
Vadge: Sorry Terry, we tried to get the little person eating a hotdog that you requested, but it just didnÂ’t work out
Cbird: Chewie said we couldnÂ’t use midgets
Vadge: {slapping Cbird on the shoulder} Dude! They’re called ‘little people’
BWB: I crap little people
Vadge: Seriously Beast, this is why you donÂ’t get to talk
BWB: IÂ’m talking right now
Tstahr: Guys enough! Can someone tell me what is going on?
Cbird: Well Vadge here said you needed a midget eating a corndog to complete the HOF Speech you never got to writeÂ…
Tstahr: AndÂ…..
Cbird: And like I said, Chewie said no midgets. We had Loot signed up, but then heÂ…well you know
CS: {looking down} GuysÂ….how did I end up in a bathtub full of mud?
Tstahr:This entire HOF Speech is falling apartÂ…
{Just then, Texasjack runs into the room}
Texasjack: Guys, guys! I just saw Gmann eating a hot dog in the driveway!
Tstahr: SighÂ….really guys, Gmann is the best you could do?
Vadge: Sorry budÂ….we triedÂ….
{Just then, Bluebonnetman busts up in the room and starts preaching and shit}
Blue: Well praise the Glass House gloryhole!
CS: Uhhh, what?
Blue: OhÂ…uhhhÂ…..I guess thatÂ’s in VadgeÂ’s mind?
CS: So weÂ’re venturing into other minds now?
Tstahr: Guys! Can we focus on the HOF Speech here?
CS: YouÂ’re right Terry, where do we go from Gmann eating a hotdog?
Tstahr: WellÂ….I guess we didnÂ’t get any farther than thatÂ…..
CS: What is there to add?
Tstahr: DonÂ’t just wish you had, be glad you did
FUCBIRDO
FUBGWB
FUTJ
FUPTGW
FUERDVM
4 years- congrats to a legend.'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
is in order
Happy 4 year mark!Quote from: brettlees4 years- congrats to a legend.'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
is in order
Narrative?
'BanDog' 'BanDog'
holy hell CS 4 years i miss seeing you in the new groups. you were such a big influence back in may12 thank you for all help back then oh andQuote from: wastepanelHappy 4 year mark!Quote from: brettlees4 years- congrats to a legend.'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
is in order
Narrative?
'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' just because i canQuote from: ChickDipholy hell CS 4 years i miss seeing you in the new groups. you were such a big influence back in may12 thank you for all help back then oh andQuote from: wastepanelHappy 4 year mark!Quote from: brettlees4 years- congrats to a legend.'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
is in order
Narrative?
'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'
4 Years is awesome! QLF with you EDDQuote from: D2maine'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' just because i canQuote from: ChickDipholy hell CS 4 years i miss seeing you in the new groups. you were such a big influence back in may12 thank you for all help back then oh andQuote from: wastepanelHappy 4 year mark!Quote from: brettlees4 years- congrats to a legend.'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
'BanDog'
is in order
Narrative?
'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog' 'BanDog'
'BanDog' , 'BanDog' ,+CCCC