KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: mark4 on March 11, 2014, 04:27:00 PM
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Started this pathetic habit 32 years ago and never appreciated how nasty, addictive and controlling it is. Lots of failed quits. I'm a Christian and feel like this habit is a poor reflection on me and the God I believe in. It ends now, no more trying, wanting, just quitting.
You guys blow me away and seem radical enough to meet my calling to get off this crap now! I'm eager to jump all in and be accountable.
I'm Day 2 and life totally sucks but excited to be free another 10 minutes.
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Started this pathetic habit 32 years ago and never appreciated how nasty, addictive and controlling it is. Lots of failed quits. I'm a Christian and feel like this habit is a poor reflection on me and the God I believe in. It ends now, no more trying, wanting, just quitting.
You guys blow me away and seem radical enough to meet my calling to get off this crap now! I'm eager to jump all in and be accountable.
I'm Day 2 and life totally sucks but excited to be free another 10 minutes.
I met you in chat last night. Post roll every day, keep going to chat and by all means go radical. Glad you found us.
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Started this pathetic habit 32 years ago and never appreciated how nasty, addictive and controlling it is. Lots of failed quits. I'm a Christian and feel like this habit is a poor reflection on me and the God I believe in. It ends now, no more trying, wanting, just quitting.
You guys blow me away and seem radical enough to meet my calling to get off this crap now! I'm eager to jump all in and be accountable.
I'm Day 2 and life totally sucks but excited to be free another 10 minutes.
I met you in chat last night. Post roll every day, keep going to chat and by all means go radical. Glad you found us.
Welcome. You are in the right place.
It will get better and better everyday. One day at a time. Post roll. Make your promise.
Congrats on taking you freedom back.
Pm me if you need a phone number.
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Started this pathetic habit 32 years ago and never appreciated how nasty, addictive and controlling it is. Lots of failed quits. I'm a Christian and feel like this habit is a poor reflection on me and the God I believe in. It ends now, no more trying, wanting, just quitting.
You guys blow me away and seem radical enough to meet my calling to get off this crap now! I'm eager to jump all in and be accountable.
I'm Day 2 and life totally sucks but excited to be free another 10 minutes.
I met you in chat last night. Post roll every day, keep going to chat and by all means go radical. Glad you found us.
Welcome. You are in the right place.
It will get better and better everyday. One day at a time. Post roll. Make your promise.
Congrats on taking you freedom back.
Pm me if you need a phone number.
Great to hear, you seem excited about quitting and you should be.
Post roll every day and make a promise to us and yourself that you will not use nicotine, Simple as that huh?
Drink lots of water, go for walks, exercise do anything you can think of to take your mind off the craves, except use nic.
If you ever are in a dark spot I will be more then happy to help.
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Started this pathetic habit 32 years ago and never appreciated how nasty, addictive and controlling it is. Lots of failed quits. I'm a Christian and feel like this habit is a poor reflection on me and the God I believe in. It ends now, no more trying, wanting, just quitting.
You guys blow me away and seem radical enough to meet my calling to get off this crap now! I'm eager to jump all in and be accountable.
I'm Day 2 and life totally sucks but excited to be free another 10 minutes.
I met you in chat last night. Post roll every day, keep going to chat and by all means go radical. Glad you found us.
Welcome. You are in the right place.
It will get better and better everyday. One day at a time. Post roll. Make your promise.
Congrats on taking you freedom back.
Pm me if you need a phone number.
Great to hear, you seem excited about quitting and you should be.
Post roll every day and make a promise to us and yourself that you will not use nicotine, Simple as that huh?
Drink lots of water, go for walks, exercise do anything you can think of to take your mind off the craves, except use nic.
If you ever are in a dark spot I will be more then happy to help.
Those 10 min. at a time will turn into days stacked on top of days. Gut it out in the beginning and things will get better as you start to glimpse what freedom is like. I have only just passed 100 days free and my whole life has changed for the better because of this community. You are in the right place.
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Mark, stay around here for awhile. If you are very religious you might get a little nauseated at the language, but I believe like you and I'm one of the worst. so, anyway, welcome and if you want to stay quit from nicotine you have found the right place. In fact, PBrain, just below a few has just made it 100 days. He knows how to quit and stay that way. Feel free to ask questions, let us know how you're doing, etc.
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Glad to see you stuck around for Day 2 bud! You won't regret this decision. There are days that will suck, but that's why we quit one day at a time (ODAAT). Get a bunch of contacts, reach out when you are struggling and get involved with the site, that's the best recipe for success. I quit with you today.
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Welcome Mark4. I'm just like you and dipped most of my life until I made the decision to quit. For me, it was making the decision to quit and finding KTC. There is a lot of help here. Stay strong and quit!
mb289
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
Half assed quit
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
Half assed quit
Posed Roll this am. Day 8. What happened over the weekend Mark? Remember to use your resources to post roll daily. Want to see you stay quit.
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
Half assed quit
Posed Roll this am. Day 8. What happened over the weekend Mark? Remember to use your resources to post roll daily. Want to see you stay quit.
I'm sorry I'm just now replying, took me a while to find this part of the site. I had no idea those people had sent me a message until Raider did and it got emailed to me somehow.
Straight up, I had some very bad things happen Friday with my business and trying to deal with lawyers and this fog/crave madness, I ended up taking dip. Stupid thing was, it made me sick as I am now detoxed, so it didn't help. I dumped the can out and havent bought anymore - back on my quit. I don't know if this is what is called a "cave" or if I should post roll or start over at Day 1, don't know, but I did stumble. I posted roll Sunday and did uphold my commitment, but again, not sure where i stand or it should be Day 1 again.
This has no bearing on my quit and its not a half ass quit. This quit is a must for me, regardless of trips, stumbles, etc. But I do feel like I let Juners and this process down. But with or without you, this addiction will die.
You tell me whats next. And truly, thanks for even noticing and caring enough to post this.
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
Half assed quit
Posed Roll this am. Day 8. What happened over the weekend Mark? Remember to use your resources to post roll daily. Want to see you stay quit.
I'm sorry I'm just now replying, took me a while to find this part of the site. I had no idea those people had sent me a message until Raider did and it got emailed to me somehow.
Straight up, I had some very bad things happen Friday with my business and trying to deal with lawyers and this fog/crave madness, I ended up taking dip. Stupid thing was, it made me sick as I am now detoxed, so it didn't help. I dumped the can out and havent bought anymore - back on my quit. I don't know if this is what is called a "cave" or if I should post roll or start over at Day 1, don't know, but I did stumble. I posted roll Sunday and did uphold my commitment, but again, not sure where i stand or it should be Day 1 again.
This has no bearing on my quit and its not a half ass quit. This quit is a must for me, regardless of trips, stumbles, etc. But I do feel like I let Juners and this process down. But with or without you, this addiction will die.
You tell me whats next. And truly, thanks for even noticing and caring enough to post this.
You need to get serious. You don't sound serious to me at all. Examine yourself and come back when you WANT to quit.
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I'm sorry I'm just now replying, took me a while to find this part of the site. I had no idea those people had sent me a message until Raider did and it got emailed to me somehow.
Straight up, I had some very bad things happen Friday with my business and trying to deal with lawyers and this fog/crave madness, I ended up taking dip. Stupid thing was, it made me sick as I am now detoxed, so it didn't help. I dumped the can out and havent bought anymore - back on my quit. I don't know if this is what is called a "cave" or if I should post roll or start over at Day 1, don't know, but I did stumble. I posted roll Sunday and did uphold my commitment, but again, not sure where i stand or it should be Day 1 again.
This has no bearing on my quit and its not a half ass quit. This quit is a must for me, regardless of trips, stumbles, etc. But I do feel like I let Juners and this process down. But with or without you, this addiction will die.
You tell me whats next. And truly, thanks for even noticing and caring enough to post this.
This is some weak shit bro.
Yes. You caved. You're still owned by nicotine.
Dude... I have bad things happen to me too. My mom is practically dying from smoking for 45 years. I had to drop some sick money into my house this fall. My Durango is leaking oil. My toe hurts. There's a boogey I just... can't... reach. I'm STILL QUIT! You feel me? You're making excuses.
Despite what you said, your quit IS half assed. Get with it. Answer these questions...
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What are you going to do different this time?
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Dude, missed you on roll call this weekend. Hope your weekend plan is holding up.
Sent him an email.
Half assed quit
Posed Roll this am. Day 8. What happened over the weekend Mark? Remember to use your resources to post roll daily. Want to see you stay quit.
I'm sorry I'm just now replying, took me a while to find this part of the site. I had no idea those people had sent me a message until Raider did and it got emailed to me somehow.
Straight up, I had some very bad things happen Friday with my business and trying to deal with lawyers and this fog/crave madness, I ended up taking dip. Stupid thing was, it made me sick as I am now detoxed, so it didn't help. I dumped the can out and havent bought anymore - back on my quit. I don't know if this is what is called a "cave" or if I should post roll or start over at Day 1, don't know, but I did stumble. I posted roll Sunday and did uphold my commitment, but again, not sure where i stand or it should be Day 1 again.
This has no bearing on my quit and its not a half ass quit. This quit is a must for me, regardless of trips, stumbles, etc. But I do feel like I let Juners and this process down. But with or without you, this addiction will die.
You tell me whats next. And truly, thanks for even noticing and caring enough to post this.
Dude, you need someone you can reach out to when you're feeling like you need a dip. Going out and buying a can is NOT staying quit and it IS a cave.
You have to stay strong in your quit. Find someone to keep you accountable by texting every day. Posting roll doesn't seem to be enough to keep you quit. Find someone who will do it personally.
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Be angry about it and be done. Life will throw curveballs every now and then. You just need to decide how you will deal with them. It's nobody else's decision but yours and yours alone. Sorry that things are not going well right now but keeping control of your quit is what we are concerned with. Glad you are back on here.
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Funny, I remember giving you my number and clearly stating "don't you even think about caving before you contact me".
Perhaps you should read up on how to handle a bad crave and re-evaluate just how serious you see this addiction. If you don't text or call another quitter as soon as a bad crave hits, you're an idiot.
Want to be quit? Answer the fucking questions and man up.
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At what would have been my Day 7, I caved. My excuse was real and urgent to me, but itÂ’s just an excuse. I wimpled out and convinced myself the fatigue and symptoms of quitting could be paused a bit with a pinch. It didn't work. That was Saturday afternoon; the dip, the can, and the nausea they caused all went down the toilet one after the other.
Despite all the comments here, and demands to "answer the 3 questions" now, I had to stop and think about this quit and KTC. This isn't about pleasing you, or making some grade with vets, its about my life. I'm questioning if I can even fully quit or should I even be here at KTC. But then I think, if not now, when? ItÂ’s a time bomb in my mouth that thankfully hasn't gone off. What would it take to get my body where my head wants it... My only answer is IÂ’ve got to get and stay around guys who know and been there and get tight enough with them that I can overcome this phase of my quit. The real tragedy would be to give up all the way and surrender to this demon. So I came back here to ask for a second chance. Not to please anyone, but to wage war on this addiction that has me hard.
What am I going to do differently? IÂ’ve got to plan more and take it more serious. As urgent and serious as this has been, it wasn't enough. People send me numbers but I've not done anything with them, which has to change, it has changed. I am also starting physical workouts to fight the terrible nighttime craves. Caving has also shown me what was weak about my quit. My resolve to quit has to be deeper and stronger than the urge to dip.
Lastly, I failed to post roll on Saturday. Unrelated, I also caved that day, in the afternoon. This was not planned and one had nothing to do with the other. Sunday I hopped on in the afternoon and posted roll as Day 7. Knowing I had caved, I searched around for what’s-next material and didn't find any. This morning I posted roll again (day 8), and told several people what had happened and asked what my next steps are. I also told anyone who asked how I was doing – this was not something being hidden. I didn’t know what happened in this situation and the day was hardly a thought. I now understand on Sat I should have posted a Day 1.
So I ask the KTC Quitters if you'll accept this apology and know I truly want to be here and do this, I need you much more than you need me. I understand how I can lose integrity by caving, but it’s about something I need to improve and do, not laziness or character flaws. I can’t apologize for being weak, but if my weakness is such that I cave again, I will promise to quietly remove myself from this forum for good. But this is not an option for me – I’ve got to get this done. And I'm here submitting myself to a bunch of guys I'll never know in person for the opportunity to break the addiction with their help. If you need to crucify me, so be it, but I'm just looking for men to do what you all yelled at me for - being alone in this.
Its up to you, I'll respect the process by not checking back here until i hear back from someone.
Mark
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Be angry about it and be done. Life will throw curveballs every now and then. You just need to decide how you will deal with them. It's nobody else's decision but yours and yours alone. Sorry that things are not going well right now but keeping control of your quit is what we are concerned with. Glad you are back on here.
Ive made my posts in June and Introductions, I think those are the 2 I was supposed to post in. Thanks for your comments. My decision to quit is still there, but this failure has helped wake me up what it takes to get my body there as well.
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Be angry about it and be done. Life will throw curveballs every now and then. You just need to decide how you will deal with them. It's nobody else's decision but yours and yours alone. Sorry that things are not going well right now but keeping control of your quit is what we are concerned with. Glad you are back on here.
Ive made my posts in June and Introductions, I think those are the 2 I was supposed to post in. Thanks for your comments. My decision to quit is still there, but this failure has helped wake me up what it takes to get my body there as well.
QLF EDD
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Mark, I'm only in my 130's of quit, but I love it. I love being quit. Do you? Does it make you feel somewhat satisfied to not be someone's bitch? I don't mean that in a derogatory way, just that nicotine is owning you at thus point, but for a few days you were winning. This is a brotherhood, you get to know people, make friends, stay quit TOGETHER. just yesterday GrizzClaws noticed I hadn't posted roll. My dad had a minor heart attack and I was with my family. Claws saved my ass because he was on the lookout for his brothers. That's badass quitting right there.
You figure out what you need to stay quit. KTC offers the very best quit available. You can take it to the extreme here. Figure out what you want and go get it
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I'm a retread quitter, meaning its my second time through. I was 6-days into my quit and, bam, I caved. Back to Day 1. Because of that i wanted to start a new introduction because the guy who posted originally has gone and is changed. This is my reaffirmation to my group, but more of a personal journal thats starts today.
I started dipping in high school, about 30 years ago. I hid it well as I can now say, I was embarrassed by it and I hid/denied how bad it controlled me. I tried to quit a dozen times and failed. Feeling an extreme need to get free of this once and for all I began a quest to figure out how to do this and ended up here at KTC. I did what was asked of me and was 100% sincere about doing this - I had to quit.
6 Days in I caved... and told my group about it. I caught holy hell for this as I should, but all that was a distant concern as to why I really caved. I really wanted this and I caved? After a LOT of soul searching, I think it all boils down to finding that line where you aren't planning a quit, thinking about it, want to do it, but that line in your mind where you draw a line in the sand and say it ends here. It is a choice. Left or Right. At first, I didn't fully get that, but its huge. This small distinction cost me dearly and I caved. There will never be a good time to quit, theres not even a good time after you quit as I learned. Life got crazy + no line in the sand = cave.
I am an addict, we are supremely gifted at lying; to ourselves, to our wives, our bosses, anyone or anything that dare get between me and my cancerous, family breaking, lip rot. I read a lot of crap here about brotherhood and accountability and had these weirdoes sending me their cell numbers, and that was cool, thought it may come in handy if I run into a bad day. What I learned the hard way is, if its not an vibrant active daily communication network, it won't be enough to talk you off a cliff on a day you are about to cave. In an emergency you don't have time to develop friendships, you need some damn help now, people who know you - you need first responders especially at the outset of a quit. When life pushed me and the nic bitch said, oh I'm here sweetie, there was no network, there wasn't anything but the nic offering me some quick relief and more life being owned by it. I failed, you will fail: without brothers in the fight on speed dial.
I'm glad to now have lots of numbers but what I changed was making a list of First Responders, these are people I hit up and begged to let me nag them day and night and several times a day. People I'd come cry to when a crave was kicking my butt. My First Responders:
cbird
Bronc
H-Prime
Slug.Go
Leonard Thompson
Raider
I suck at this as I have demonstrated, but now there is a line in my life which this will not cross. And some brave souls have stepped up to help me keep my word and faithful to that line. They talk about ODAAT a lot, Im still OHAAT - One Hour At A Time.
I now carry that quit contract, but I modified for my life and family adding their names and things.
I came really close to leaving this place after my cave because of the hyper negative reaction and over the top abuse I received. But IM still standing! More important was that wild reaction helped me see the gravity of my addiction. This isn't about getting yelled at, its about my life. Once I realized how big this demon was, and drew my line, I knew i needed help, and all these raging quitters in here ASKING to help me quit - well could there be any better place to be? I'm so far from perfect and Im just one decision away from another cave - if that dont keep you up at night, nothing will. This is all or nothing battle and I brought a BB Gun to a war the first time. This second time....I'm still a screwed up addict, but I think I have the people and tools around me to be successful and defend my line, and I now carry a .44, literally.
Tomorrow will be my first Day 7 and Im stoked and nervous.
-
I'm a retread quitter, meaning its my second time through. I was 6-days into my quit and, bam, I caved. Back to Day 1. Because of that i wanted to start a new introduction because the guy who posted originally has gone and is changed. This is my reaffirmation to my group, but more of a personal journal thats starts today.
I started dipping in high school, about 30 years ago. I hid it well as I can now say, I was embarrassed by it and I hid/denied how bad it controlled me. I tried to quit a dozen times and failed. Feeling an extreme need to get free of this once and for all I began a quest to figure out how to do this and ended up here at KTC. I did what was asked of me and was 100% sincere about doing this - I had to quit.
6 Days in I caved... and told my group about it. I caught holy hell for this as I should, but all that was a distant concern as to why I really caved. I really wanted this and I caved? After a LOT of soul searching, I think it all boils down to finding that line where you aren't planning a quit, thinking about it, want to do it, but that line in your mind where you draw a line in the sand and say it ends here. It is a choice. Left or Right. At first, I didn't fully get that, but its huge. This small distinction cost me dearly and I caved. There will never be a good time to quit, theres not even a good time after you quit as I learned. Life got crazy + no line in the sand = cave.
I am an addict, we are supremely gifted at lying; to ourselves, to our wives, our bosses, anyone or anything that dare get between me and my cancerous, family breaking, lip rot. I read a lot of crap here about brotherhood and accountability and had these weirdoes sending me their cell numbers, and that was cool, thought it may come in handy if I run into a bad day. What I learned the hard way is, if its not an vibrant active daily communication network, it won't be enough to talk you off a cliff on a day you are about to cave. In an emergency you don't have time to develop friendships, you need some damn help now, people who know you - you need first responders especially at the outset of a quit. When life pushed me and the nic bitch said, oh I'm here sweetie, there was no network, there wasn't anything but the nic offering me some quick relief and more life being owned by it. I failed, you will fail: without brothers in the fight on speed dial.
I'm glad to now have lots of numbers but what I changed was making a list of First Responders, these are people I hit up and begged to let me nag them day and night and several times a day. People I'd come cry to when a crave was kicking my butt. My First Responders:
cbird
Bronc
H-Prime
Slug.Go
Leonard Thompson
Raider
I suck at this as I have demonstrated, but now there is a line in my life which this will not cross. And some brave souls have stepped up to help me keep my word and faithful to that line. They talk about ODAAT a lot, Im still OHAAT - One Hour At A Time.
I now carry that quit contract, but I modified for my life and family adding their names and things.
I came really close to leaving this place after my cave because of the hyper negative reaction and over the top abuse I received. But IM still standing! More important was that wild reaction helped me see the gravity of my addiction. This isn't about getting yelled at, its about my life. Once I realized how big this demon was, and drew my line, I knew i needed help, and all these raging quitters in here ASKING to help me quit - well could there be any better place to be? I'm so far from perfect and Im just one decision away from another cave - if that dont keep you up at night, nothing will. This is all or nothing battle and I brought a BB Gun to a war the first time. This second time....I'm still a screwed up addict, but I think I have the people and tools around me to be successful and defend my line, and I now carry a .44, literally.
Tomorrow will be my first Day 7 and Im stoked and nervous.
Glad you hung in there. Most would have bailed over the ass beating you took. You know the rules. Glad to be quit with you today.
-
I'm a retread quitter, meaning its my second time through. I was 6-days into my quit and, bam, I caved. Back to Day 1. Because of that i wanted to start a new introduction because the guy who posted originally has gone and is changed. This is my reaffirmation to my group, but more of a personal journal thats starts today.
I started dipping in high school, about 30 years ago. I hid it well as I can now say, I was embarrassed by it and I hid/denied how bad it controlled me. I tried to quit a dozen times and failed. Feeling an extreme need to get free of this once and for all I began a quest to figure out how to do this and ended up here at KTC. I did what was asked of me and was 100% sincere about doing this - I had to quit.
6 Days in I caved... and told my group about it. I caught holy hell for this as I should, but all that was a distant concern as to why I really caved. I really wanted this and I caved? After a LOT of soul searching, I think it all boils down to finding that line where you aren't planning a quit, thinking about it, want to do it, but that line in your mind where you draw a line in the sand and say it ends here. It is a choice. Left or Right. At first, I didn't fully get that, but its huge. This small distinction cost me dearly and I caved. There will never be a good time to quit, theres not even a good time after you quit as I learned. Life got crazy + no line in the sand = cave.
I am an addict, we are supremely gifted at lying; to ourselves, to our wives, our bosses, anyone or anything that dare get between me and my cancerous, family breaking, lip rot. I read a lot of crap here about brotherhood and accountability and had these weirdoes sending me their cell numbers, and that was cool, thought it may come in handy if I run into a bad day. What I learned the hard way is, if its not an vibrant active daily communication network, it won't be enough to talk you off a cliff on a day you are about to cave. In an emergency you don't have time to develop friendships, you need some damn help now, people who know you - you need first responders especially at the outset of a quit. When life pushed me and the nic bitch said, oh I'm here sweetie, there was no network, there wasn't anything but the nic offering me some quick relief and more life being owned by it. I failed, you will fail: without brothers in the fight on speed dial.
I'm glad to now have lots of numbers but what I changed was making a list of First Responders, these are people I hit up and begged to let me nag them day and night and several times a day. People I'd come cry to when a crave was kicking my butt. My First Responders:
cbird
Bronc
H-Prime
Slug.Go
Leonard Thompson
Raider
I suck at this as I have demonstrated, but now there is a line in my life which this will not cross. And some brave souls have stepped up to help me keep my word and faithful to that line. They talk about ODAAT a lot, Im still OHAAT - One Hour At A Time.
I now carry that quit contract, but I modified for my life and family adding their names and things.
I came really close to leaving this place after my cave because of the hyper negative reaction and over the top abuse I received. But IM still standing! More important was that wild reaction helped me see the gravity of my addiction. This isn't about getting yelled at, its about my life. Once I realized how big this demon was, and drew my line, I knew i needed help, and all these raging quitters in here ASKING to help me quit - well could there be any better place to be? I'm so far from perfect and Im just one decision away from another cave - if that dont keep you up at night, nothing will. This is all or nothing battle and I brought a BB Gun to a war the first time. This second time....I'm still a screwed up addict, but I think I have the people and tools around me to be successful and defend my line, and I now carry a .44, literally.
Tomorrow will be my first Day 7 and Im stoked and nervous.
Hang in there brother. We're all here for you and each other.
-
I'm a retread quitter, meaning its my second time through. I was 6-days into my quit and, bam, I caved. Back to Day 1. Because of that i wanted to start a new introduction because the guy who posted originally has gone and is changed. This is my reaffirmation to my group, but more of a personal journal thats starts today.
I started dipping in high school, about 30 years ago. I hid it well as I can now say, I was embarrassed by it and I hid/denied how bad it controlled me. I tried to quit a dozen times and failed. Feeling an extreme need to get free of this once and for all I began a quest to figure out how to do this and ended up here at KTC. I did what was asked of me and was 100% sincere about doing this - I had to quit.
6 Days in I caved... and told my group about it. I caught holy hell for this as I should, but all that was a distant concern as to why I really caved. I really wanted this and I caved? After a LOT of soul searching, I think it all boils down to finding that line where you aren't planning a quit, thinking about it, want to do it, but that line in your mind where you draw a line in the sand and say it ends here. It is a choice. Left or Right. At first, I didn't fully get that, but its huge. This small distinction cost me dearly and I caved. There will never be a good time to quit, theres not even a good time after you quit as I learned. Life got crazy + no line in the sand = cave.
I am an addict, we are supremely gifted at lying; to ourselves, to our wives, our bosses, anyone or anything that dare get between me and my cancerous, family breaking, lip rot. I read a lot of crap here about brotherhood and accountability and had these weirdoes sending me their cell numbers, and that was cool, thought it may come in handy if I run into a bad day. What I learned the hard way is, if its not an vibrant active daily communication network, it won't be enough to talk you off a cliff on a day you are about to cave. In an emergency you don't have time to develop friendships, you need some damn help now, people who know you - you need first responders especially at the outset of a quit. When life pushed me and the nic bitch said, oh I'm here sweetie, there was no network, there wasn't anything but the nic offering me some quick relief and more life being owned by it. I failed, you will fail: without brothers in the fight on speed dial.
I'm glad to now have lots of numbers but what I changed was making a list of First Responders, these are people I hit up and begged to let me nag them day and night and several times a day. People I'd come cry to when a crave was kicking my butt. My First Responders:
cbird
Bronc
H-Prime
Slug.Go
Leonard Thompson
Raider
I suck at this as I have demonstrated, but now there is a line in my life which this will not cross. And some brave souls have stepped up to help me keep my word and faithful to that line. They talk about ODAAT a lot, Im still OHAAT - One Hour At A Time.
I now carry that quit contract, but I modified for my life and family adding their names and things.
I came really close to leaving this place after my cave because of the hyper negative reaction and over the top abuse I received. But IM still standing! More important was that wild reaction helped me see the gravity of my addiction. This isn't about getting yelled at, its about my life. Once I realized how big this demon was, and drew my line, I knew i needed help, and all these raging quitters in here ASKING to help me quit - well could there be any better place to be? I'm so far from perfect and Im just one decision away from another cave - if that dont keep you up at night, nothing will. This is all or nothing battle and I brought a BB Gun to a war the first time. This second time....I'm still a screwed up addict, but I think I have the people and tools around me to be successful and defend my line, and I now carry a .44, literally.
Tomorrow will be my first Day 7 and Im stoked and nervous.
Glad you hung in there. Most would have bailed over the ass beating you took. You know the rules. Glad to be quit with you today.
Embrace the suck and get connected with someone here so that there's no chance of a cave again. This site is only as helpful as you allow it to be.
-
I'm happy to be quitting with you today, Mark. Looking forward to quitting with you tomorrow.
-
...Tomorrow will be my first Day 7 and Im stoked and nervous.
Make sure that it's your last day 7. Congrats in advance - Since you posted already today...day 7 will be nic free (because no one here will let you out of your word, and you are the kind of guy that honors his word). Hmmmm....I'm beginning to think there IS some sort of relationship between posting and not caving....
You're beginning to put in the kind of effort it will take to win. Keep reading, keep burning bridges. Congrats. Glad to be quit with you today.
-
10 freakin days!!! I can't believe it! My best quit in all my life was 10 hours long. I can't say I feel all that much better although the detox is letting up some with those symptoms. But that is now replaced with a mental war - the addiction. And the addiction has its own set of nasty symptoms.
I've mostly given up using sun flower seeds, fake dip and candy. 24/7 on sunflower seeds helped but I think I'm in a salt coma now. Fake dip had a purpose but the act of using fake dip just felt too much like "dipping" and keeping my body conditioned to using that crap, even just the routine of dipping. I want my head rewired as soon as possible.
For me, the most effective anti-craves are the texts throughout the day and hanging in chat. Just being around other people who been there - done that. I like joking around in chat, but frankly, through the jokes, is me just trying to make it through another hour and day and keeping the promise. As cbird often says - white knuckling it.
Fog and rage are a major thing now, it impacts work performance, it makes me sluggish and generally stupid. The only upside is, fog sort of feels like a margarita buzz. When that rage hits, I just keep remembering what I read here, i took my body's "binky" away and its pissed. Just knowing that helps deal with rage and anger.
I had the opportunity to meet a vet this weekend who happens to live a stone's throw from me, and that was awesome. He is approaching 1,000 days and missed posting roll just once, man what a vet. But he was also humble and knew he'd never be free of the addiction. I was nervous about letting someone from here get that close to my real life - but a retread addict like me needs that. No one here can get too far "in my business" when it comes to this. I'm done ninja dipping, and ninja living.
Mark, when you read this back to yourself: remember these pathetic, embarrassing and terrible days and never ever CHOOSE to do this again. The only way you repeat this is by choice. Nicotine has stolen too much from you, your wife, your kids and your career, no more.
-
10 freakin days!!! I can't believe it! My best quit in all my life was 10 hours long. I can't say I feel all that much better although the detox is letting up some with those symptoms. But that is now replaced with a mental war - the addiction. And the addiction has its own set of nasty symptoms.
I've mostly given up using sun flower seeds, fake dip and candy. 24/7 on sunflower seeds helped but I think I'm in a salt coma now. Fake dip had a purpose but the act of using fake dip just felt too much like "dipping" and keeping my body conditioned to using that crap, even just the routine of dipping. I want my head rewired as soon as possible.
For me, the most effective anti-craves are the texts throughout the day and hanging in chat. Just being around other people who been there - done that. I like joking around in chat, but frankly, through the jokes, is me just trying to make it through another hour and day and keeping the promise. As cbird often says - white knuckling it.
Fog and rage are a major thing now, it impacts work performance, it makes me sluggish and generally stupid. The only upside is, fog sort of feels like a margarita buzz. When that rage hits, I just keep remembering what I read here, i took my body's "binky" away and its pissed. Just knowing that helps deal with rage and anger.
I had the opportunity to meet a vet this weekend who happens to live a stone's throw from me, and that was awesome. He is approaching 1,000 days and missed posting roll just once, man what a vet. But he was also humble and knew he'd never be free of the addiction. I was nervous about letting someone from here get that close to my real life - but a retread addict like me needs that. No one here can get too far "in my business" when it comes to this. I'm done ninja dipping, and ninja living.
Mark, when you read this back to yourself: remember these pathetic, embarrassing and terrible days and never ever CHOOSE to do this again. The only way you repeat this is by choice. Nicotine has stolen too much from you, your wife, your kids and your career, no more.
Believe it bro! I do... You are quit 10 days. That is money! Anything of value is never just given away. Your freedom from the nic B is worth every bit of this fight. Every bit! Keep at it and let's finish out this day quit.
Proud to be quit with you today.
-
10 freakin days!!! I can't believe it! My best quit in all my life was 10 hours long. I can't say I feel all that much better although the detox is letting up some with those symptoms. But that is now replaced with a mental war - the addiction. And the addiction has its own set of nasty symptoms.
I've mostly given up using sun flower seeds, fake dip and candy. 24/7 on sunflower seeds helped but I think I'm in a salt coma now. Fake dip had a purpose but the act of using fake dip just felt too much like "dipping" and keeping my body conditioned to using that crap, even just the routine of dipping. I want my head rewired as soon as possible.
For me, the most effective anti-craves are the texts throughout the day and hanging in chat. Just being around other people who been there - done that. I like joking around in chat, but frankly, through the jokes, is me just trying to make it through another hour and day and keeping the promise. As cbird often says - white knuckling it.
Fog and rage are a major thing now, it impacts work performance, it makes me sluggish and generally stupid. The only upside is, fog sort of feels like a margarita buzz. When that rage hits, I just keep remembering what I read here, i took my body's "binky" away and its pissed. Just knowing that helps deal with rage and anger.
I had the opportunity to meet a vet this weekend who happens to live a stone's throw from me, and that was awesome. He is approaching 1,000 days and missed posting roll just once, man what a vet. But he was also humble and knew he'd never be free of the addiction. I was nervous about letting someone from here get that close to my real life - but a retread addict like me needs that. No one here can get too far "in my business" when it comes to this. I'm done ninja dipping, and ninja living.
Mark, when you read this back to yourself: remember these pathetic, embarrassing and terrible days and never ever CHOOSE to do this again. The only way you repeat this is by choice. Nicotine has stolen too much from you, your wife, your kids and your career, no more.
Believe it bro! I do... You are quit 10 days. That is money! Anything of value is never just given away. Your freedom from the nic B is worth every bit of this fight. Every bit! Keep at it and let's finish out this day quit.
Proud to be quit with you today.
Mark, You're on fairly solid ground this time around, just don't let your guard down. Use my # anytime you need to.
-
10 freakin days!!! I can't believe it! My best quit in all my life was 10 hours long. I can't say I feel all that much better although the detox is letting up some with those symptoms. But that is now replaced with a mental war - the addiction. And the addiction has its own set of nasty symptoms.
I've mostly given up using sun flower seeds, fake dip and candy. 24/7 on sunflower seeds helped but I think I'm in a salt coma now. Fake dip had a purpose but the act of using fake dip just felt too much like "dipping" and keeping my body conditioned to using that crap, even just the routine of dipping. I want my head rewired as soon as possible.
For me, the most effective anti-craves are the texts throughout the day and hanging in chat. Just being around other people who been there - done that. I like joking around in chat, but frankly, through the jokes, is me just trying to make it through another hour and day and keeping the promise. As cbird often says - white knuckling it.
Fog and rage are a major thing now, it impacts work performance, it makes me sluggish and generally stupid. The only upside is, fog sort of feels like a margarita buzz. When that rage hits, I just keep remembering what I read here, i took my body's "binky" away and its pissed. Just knowing that helps deal with rage and anger.
I had the opportunity to meet a vet this weekend who happens to live a stone's throw from me, and that was awesome. He is approaching 1,000 days and missed posting roll just once, man what a vet. But he was also humble and knew he'd never be free of the addiction. I was nervous about letting someone from here get that close to my real life - but a retread addict like me needs that. No one here can get too far "in my business" when it comes to this. I'm done ninja dipping, and ninja living.
Mark, when you read this back to yourself: remember these pathetic, embarrassing and terrible days and never ever CHOOSE to do this again. The only way you repeat this is by choice. Nicotine has stolen too much from you, your wife, your kids and your career, no more.
Believe it bro! I do... You are quit 10 days. That is money! Anything of value is never just given away. Your freedom from the nic B is worth every bit of this fight. Every bit! Keep at it and let's finish out this day quit.
Proud to be quit with you today.
Mark, You're on fairly solid ground this time around, just don't let your guard down. Use my # anytime you need to.
You have kicked her ass for ten days. Nice. Focus on one day at a time. You will be amazed how the days can rack up! Nice work.
-
Proud to be quit with you Mark!
-
10 freakin days!!! I can't believe it! My best quit in all my life was 10 hours long. I can't say I feel all that much better although the detox is letting up some with those symptoms. But that is now replaced with a mental war - the addiction. And the addiction has its own set of nasty symptoms.
I've mostly given up using sun flower seeds, fake dip and candy. 24/7 on sunflower seeds helped but I think I'm in a salt coma now. Fake dip had a purpose but the act of using fake dip just felt too much like "dipping" and keeping my body conditioned to using that crap, even just the routine of dipping. I want my head rewired as soon as possible.
For me, the most effective anti-craves are the texts throughout the day and hanging in chat. Just being around other people who been there - done that. I like joking around in chat, but frankly, through the jokes, is me just trying to make it through another hour and day and keeping the promise. As cbird often says - white knuckling it.
Fog and rage are a major thing now, it impacts work performance, it makes me sluggish and generally stupid. The only upside is, fog sort of feels like a margarita buzz. When that rage hits, I just keep remembering what I read here, i took my body's "binky" away and its pissed. Just knowing that helps deal with rage and anger.
I had the opportunity to meet a vet this weekend who happens to live a stone's throw from me, and that was awesome. He is approaching 1,000 days and missed posting roll just once, man what a vet. But he was also humble and knew he'd never be free of the addiction. I was nervous about letting someone from here get that close to my real life - but a retread addict like me needs that. No one here can get too far "in my business" when it comes to this. I'm done ninja dipping, and ninja living.
Mark, when you read this back to yourself: remember these pathetic, embarrassing and terrible days and never ever CHOOSE to do this again. The only way you repeat this is by choice. Nicotine has stolen too much from you, your wife, your kids and your career, no more.
Believe it bro! I do... You are quit 10 days. That is money! Anything of value is never just given away. Your freedom from the nic B is worth every bit of this fight. Every bit! Keep at it and let's finish out this day quit.
Proud to be quit with you today.
Mark, You're on fairly solid ground this time around, just don't let your guard down. Use my # anytime you need to.
You have kicked her ass for ten days. Nice. Focus on one day at a time. You will be amazed how the days can rack up! Nice work.
Glad you are on track. 10 days is great. I'm only 15 ahead of you and I feel great. The fog and funk suck but stick with it and then you will feel the total freedom. Stay strong and stay quit. It's awesome. Proud to be quit with you.
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Mark, this intro is severely inspiring. Please stick around and let us know what is happening. Your words will help those who follow. Proud to be quit with ya.
Mogul
-
I was in a quit group earlier this year and well, it was a complete disaster. I wanted it so bad. But right off the bat, a few days into it, I caved. Then a few weeks later, I ended up asked my quit group to just drop me all together. I was still quit at this point. They put up a fight, but I had made up my mind. Amazing guys. I've read their HoF letters today. Could have been me...
This all happened prior to and during the course of my short quit, my life and company all crashed down around me. I regretted having to do this. But no one would understand unless you have had to ride a large company down in flames. To be blunt, it got so bad that my quit was no longer a priority - couldn't be. A quit takes everything, and I no longer had that to give. I simply couldn't handle the demands of both. I was infuriated when someone said I was a " half-assed quit". I gave it my all and tried so hard. I said, believed, and tried, to do the right things throughout all that, but in the end, my efforts went down in flames too. Anyway, in time and on my own with this, I did cave, along with everything else. I'd have never started a quit had I known what was coming.
So, why am I here now boring you with all this?
I refuse to give up and surrender to this. Realizing I probably burned the KTC bridge, I looked elsewhere at other sites and tried other ways of quitting and well - they just don't work. Chalk up more bodily abuse. So last week I reached out to someone from KTC who told me back then, that when I was ready, to look him up. So I did. We spoke for a while and he urged me to man-up and face the music and get back here to KTC, because this is really the only way to actually quit, and I do believe that. He advised me to post an Intro.
It's been a week since he told me to do that. I delayed because I had to understand this and looking at what I did and what happened and how I handled it. I've read my posts from back then and see the right words being said, but wrong actions. Its so FUBAR, I almost didn't do this and gave up. Its so frustrating because I know this is the how to do it, and I've blown it.
As I've wrestled with all this, what finally dawned on me was, what if life hadn't of collapsed and I had made it the first time and celebrated my 100th day... What happens 5 years from now when life punches me in the face hard enough? The same thing, I'd probably cave out of necessity or some other "good reason".
I'd cave because I had stopped but wasn't truly quit. I'm still recovering from that disaster, and this is VERY difficult to say, but yeah, that one terrible thing that justified any drastic action, in light of being an addict, WAS an excuse. I chose to not reach out when it got bad because it was all intensely personal. But that sort of cut my own throat. I didn't handle this well, who is prepared for that? I pray I never go through that again. But the problem wasn't what happened, it was me and this quit. My quit was a needless loss amongst all my losses. The Kodiak Bear made my symptoms go away to get through all that - but now has a new lease on my soul. What I've realized is, on Day 1 or Day 5,250, you are either quit or you aren't. It's not a work in progress. Oh I was quit (stopped) but when total chaos, meltdown, fear and panic set in, all bets were off. When, not if, "something" happens, my frame of reference is critical. How you handle that worst-case thing all depends on if I have quit, or just stopped. All this rocked my marriage, but I didn't bail on my wife. We made it through because my reference was; I made a vow to her. It wasn't up for debate or conditional. And here we are - stronger. With dipping, here I am, weaker. I lost big-time.
Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception. I'm an intelligent guy, but I feel like an idiot just now understanding this, especially as one who should know better. Maybe everyone else got that on day one, I didn't. The pathetic realization is, all that horrible nastiness was in fact, excuses. My previous quit wasn't half-assed - it was total ass. Doomed on day 1. I had no business being in any KTC group.
This is no joy to come here and write this, it's embarrassing and humiliating, and just stirs up reminders of the worst days in my life. But I don't care, I'm not going to roll over and give Kodiak the next few decades too. I'm dead serious and pissed off. Along with everything else I lost, I also lost precious ground I had won over nicotine, which means it gets to rip my body apart AGAIN as I start withdrawals over. Which also pisses me off and I hate that.
I may be a retread, but honestly, it's my first time to QUIT - Noun. I QUIT last night at 9PM - No more excuses, good reasons, retreads, or dropouts. If my face gets kicked in again, it doesn't change that fact I am finally Quit. What am I doing about it? I had the disgusting joy of sharing my addiction with my employees and asked them to help and protect me while I was mentally checked out, hanging out in addicts chatrooms, straining and fogged up. That covers that excuse. That leaves me with finding a group who knows this beast and will remind me often of my Quit, the noun. I need you more than you need me. So I ask if I can be a part of KTC again, dedicated with the right reference this time. If you'd prefer I leave, I respect that and will be on my way. Thanks for enduring this long post.
-
I was in a quit group earlier this year and well, it was a complete disaster. I wanted it so bad. But right off the bat, a few days into it, I caved. Then a few weeks later, I ended up asked my quit group to just drop me all together. I was still quit at this point. They put up a fight, but I had made up my mind. Amazing guys. I've read their HoF letters today. Could have been me...
This all happened prior to and during the course of my short quit, my life and company all crashed down around me. I regretted having to do this. But no one would understand unless you have had to ride a large company down in flames. To be blunt, it got so bad that my quit was no longer a priority - couldn't be. A quit takes everything, and I no longer had that to give. I simply couldn't handle the demands of both. I was infuriated when someone said I was a " half-assed quit". I gave it my all and tried so hard. I said, believed, and tried, to do the right things throughout all that, but in the end, my efforts went down in flames too. Anyway, in time and on my own with this, I did cave, along with everything else. I'd have never started a quit had I known what was coming.
So, why am I here now boring you with all this?
I refuse to give up and surrender to this. Realizing I probably burned the KTC bridge, I looked elsewhere at other sites and tried other ways of quitting and well - they just don't work. Chalk up more bodily abuse. So last week I reached out to someone from KTC who told me back then, that when I was ready, to look him up. So I did. We spoke for a while and he urged me to man-up and face the music and get back here to KTC, because this is really the only way to actually quit, and I do believe that. He advised me to post an Intro.
It's been a week since he told me to do that. I delayed because I had to understand this and looking at what I did and what happened and how I handled it. I've read my posts from back then and see the right words being said, but wrong actions. Its so FUBAR, I almost didn't do this and gave up. Its so frustrating because I know this is the how to do it, and I've blown it.
As I've wrestled with all this, what finally dawned on me was, what if life hadn't of collapsed and I had made it the first time and celebrated my 100th day... What happens 5 years from now when life punches me in the face hard enough? The same thing, I'd probably cave out of necessity or some other "good reason".
I'd cave because I had stopped but wasn't truly quit. I'm still recovering from that disaster, and this is VERY difficult to say, but yeah, that one terrible thing that justified any drastic action, in light of being an addict, WAS an excuse. I chose to not reach out when it got bad because it was all intensely personal. But that sort of cut my own throat. I didn't handle this well, who is prepared for that? I pray I never go through that again. But the problem wasn't what happened, it was me and this quit. My quit was a needless loss amongst all my losses. The Kodiak Bear made my symptoms go away to get through all that - but now has a new lease on my soul. What I've realized is, on Day 1 or Day 5,250, you are either quit or you aren't. It's not a work in progress. Oh I was quit (stopped) but when total chaos, meltdown, fear and panic set in, all bets were off. When, not if, "something" happens, my frame of reference is critical. How you handle that worst-case thing all depends on if I have quit, or just stopped. All this rocked my marriage, but I didn't bail on my wife. We made it through because my reference was; I made a vow to her. It wasn't up for debate or conditional. And here we are - stronger. With dipping, here I am, weaker. I lost big-time.
Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception. I'm an intelligent guy, but I feel like an idiot just now understanding this, especially as one who should know better. Maybe everyone else got that on day one, I didn't. The pathetic realization is, all that horrible nastiness was in fact, excuses. My previous quit wasn't half-assed - it was total ass. Doomed on day 1. I had no business being in any KTC group.
This is no joy to come here and write this, it's embarrassing and humiliating, and just stirs up reminders of the worst days in my life. But I don't care, I'm not going to roll over and give Kodiak the next few decades too. I'm dead serious and pissed off. Along with everything else I lost, I also lost precious ground I had won over nicotine, which means it gets to rip my body apart AGAIN as I start withdrawals over. Which also pisses me off and I hate that.
I may be a retread, but honestly, it's my first time to QUIT - Noun. I QUIT last night at 9PM - No more excuses, good reasons, retreads, or dropouts. If my face gets kicked in again, it doesn't change that fact I am finally Quit. What am I doing about it? I had the disgusting joy of sharing my addiction with my employees and asked them to help and protect me while I was mentally checked out, hanging out in addicts chatrooms, straining and fogged up. That covers that excuse. That leaves me with finding a group who knows this beast and will remind me often of my Quit, the noun. I need you more than you need me. So I ask if I can be a part of KTC again, dedicated with the right reference this time. If you'd prefer I leave, I respect that and will be on my way. Thanks for enduring this long post.
Looks like you answered the What and Why but one questions remains. What are you going to do differently? I went back through some of our PM's just now. Did you read your original Intro?
topic/1011410/1/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1011410/1/)
I'm sure a Mod or Admin will take care of merging them.
You gotta get involved here. I am on Day 231 and have posted roll 100% of the time. Some days I am on here for a few minutes but other days I am here for a few hours. Helping others helps me. Posting Roll Works!! I know you had a lot of shit go on before but most of us have had some sort of shit happen, Death of a family member, illness, loss of jobs, etc. Diving back into the can got you absolutely nowhere.
Get involved, get digits, get back on track and keep that shit out of your mouth. You know that you are gonna catch holy hell like you did before. Be honest with us but mostly, be honest with yourself.
So what is the answer to "What are you going to do differently?"
Post all this in June 2014 and Jan 2015, your new quit group if they will have ya.
-
I was in a quit group earlier this year and well, it was a complete disaster. I wanted it so bad. But right off the bat, a few days into it, I caved. Then a few weeks later, I ended up asked my quit group to just drop me all together. I was still quit at this point. They put up a fight, but I had made up my mind. Amazing guys. I've read their HoF letters today. Could have been me...
This all happened prior to and during the course of my short quit, my life and company all crashed down around me. I regretted having to do this. But no one would understand unless you have had to ride a large company down in flames. To be blunt, it got so bad that my quit was no longer a priority - couldn't be. A quit takes everything, and I no longer had that to give. I simply couldn't handle the demands of both. I was infuriated when someone said I was a " half-assed quit". I gave it my all and tried so hard. I said, believed, and tried, to do the right things throughout all that, but in the end, my efforts went down in flames too. Anyway, in time and on my own with this, I did cave, along with everything else. I'd have never started a quit had I known what was coming.
So, why am I here now boring you with all this?
I refuse to give up and surrender to this. Realizing I probably burned the KTC bridge, I looked elsewhere at other sites and tried other ways of quitting and well - they just don't work. Chalk up more bodily abuse. So last week I reached out to someone from KTC who told me back then, that when I was ready, to look him up. So I did. We spoke for a while and he urged me to man-up and face the music and get back here to KTC, because this is really the only way to actually quit, and I do believe that. He advised me to post an Intro.
It's been a week since he told me to do that. I delayed because I had to understand this and looking at what I did and what happened and how I handled it. I've read my posts from back then and see the right words being said, but wrong actions. Its so FUBAR, I almost didn't do this and gave up. Its so frustrating because I know this is the how to do it, and I've blown it.
As I've wrestled with all this, what finally dawned on me was, what if life hadn't of collapsed and I had made it the first time and celebrated my 100th day... What happens 5 years from now when life punches me in the face hard enough? The same thing, I'd probably cave out of necessity or some other "good reason".
I'd cave because I had stopped but wasn't truly quit. I'm still recovering from that disaster, and this is VERY difficult to say, but yeah, that one terrible thing that justified any drastic action, in light of being an addict, WAS an excuse. I chose to not reach out when it got bad because it was all intensely personal. But that sort of cut my own throat. I didn't handle this well, who is prepared for that? I pray I never go through that again. But the problem wasn't what happened, it was me and this quit. My quit was a needless loss amongst all my losses. The Kodiak Bear made my symptoms go away to get through all that - but now has a new lease on my soul. What I've realized is, on Day 1 or Day 5,250, you are either quit or you aren't. It's not a work in progress. Oh I was quit (stopped) but when total chaos, meltdown, fear and panic set in, all bets were off. When, not if, "something" happens, my frame of reference is critical. How you handle that worst-case thing all depends on if I have quit, or just stopped. All this rocked my marriage, but I didn't bail on my wife. We made it through because my reference was; I made a vow to her. It wasn't up for debate or conditional. And here we are - stronger. With dipping, here I am, weaker. I lost big-time.
Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception. I'm an intelligent guy, but I feel like an idiot just now understanding this, especially as one who should know better. Maybe everyone else got that on day one, I didn't. The pathetic realization is, all that horrible nastiness was in fact, excuses. My previous quit wasn't half-assed - it was total ass. Doomed on day 1. I had no business being in any KTC group.
This is no joy to come here and write this, it's embarrassing and humiliating, and just stirs up reminders of the worst days in my life. But I don't care, I'm not going to roll over and give Kodiak the next few decades too. I'm dead serious and pissed off. Along with everything else I lost, I also lost precious ground I had won over nicotine, which means it gets to rip my body apart AGAIN as I start withdrawals over. Which also pisses me off and I hate that.
I may be a retread, but honestly, it's my first time to QUIT - Noun. I QUIT last night at 9PM - No more excuses, good reasons, retreads, or dropouts. If my face gets kicked in again, it doesn't change that fact I am finally Quit. What am I doing about it? I had the disgusting joy of sharing my addiction with my employees and asked them to help and protect me while I was mentally checked out, hanging out in addicts chatrooms, straining and fogged up. That covers that excuse. That leaves me with finding a group who knows this beast and will remind me often of my Quit, the noun. I need you more than you need me. So I ask if I can be a part of KTC again, dedicated with the right reference this time. If you'd prefer I leave, I respect that and will be on my way. Thanks for enduring this long post.
Looks like you answered the What and Why but one questions remains. What are you going to do differently? I went back through some of our PM's just now. Did you read your original Intro?
topic/1011410/1/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1011410/1/)
I'm sure a Mod or Admin will take care of merging them.
You gotta get involved here. I am on Day 231 and have posted roll 100% of the time. Some days I am on here for a few minutes but other days I am here for a few hours. Helping others helps me. Posting Roll Works!! I know you had a lot of shit go on before but most of us have had some sort of shit happen, Death of a family member, illness, loss of jobs, etc. Diving back into the can got you absolutely nowhere.
Get involved, get digits, get back on track and keep that shit out of your mouth. You know that you are gonna catch holy hell like you did before. Be honest with us but mostly, be honest with yourself.
So what is the answer to "What are you going to do differently?"
Listen. You can do this, but you can't do it half way. KTC is all in or nothing at all. YOu must absolutely follow the program or you'll be right back at it. Do I need to go over it? I think I should.
1. Post roll. Every single freaking day without any excuses what so ever. Do it first thing every single morning. I know it sounds so stupid. Putting your name on a list. What's the big deal? It's called accountability. It's very very important. It's the key to KTC. So, are you willing to post roll every single day? Even if you don't have internet access? If you can't honestly say yes, then you should honestly consider another support group.
2. GET PHONE NUMBERS of people in your quit group. Feeling the urge to put some crap in your lip? Give em a call or text. Out drinking with the buds, and just wanna have one for "old time sake"? Give em a call. It's very important.
Also pop into chat on occassion. If you want to quit, the tools are all here for you, but you have to make them work for you. I hope you are willing to try and use this system. It will work.
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Something I posted in my Intro the other day:
NEVER AGAIN FOR ANY REASON:
The more normal lives we live the greater the chance of diving back into the can we have.
I was just thinking this morning about my previous 3 year stoppage and what the hell happened to make me start again. I had quit after I had some tissue removed from my back, right above the crack where the sun hits when your bent over in the garden. For 3 years I ignored all her comments and requests to give her another chance. As I said before I paid at the pump in an effort to keep her out of my mind. Then it happened. I went hunting with my brother-in-law. We hunted for the first day and I was fine. On day 2 it happened, he pulled out his can and I grabbed a small pinch off of it. Remember this was a long time ago.
Quite some time ago Mogul said it was like I was able to locate the switch and completely turn it off. Well let me tell you, just as quick as you can turn it off, you can turn it on. The small pinch I grabbed turned that switch back on almost instantly. I remember my BIL asking if I can have just one and of course I said Yes I can. It took a little bit for the nicotine to get back in my system but once it did, I was hooked again.
When your brain is telling you that just one is okay, remember that it is the nic bitch trying to crawl back into your life. You can NEVER have JUST ONE.
Yes we want to live a normal life but we must guard our quit at all costs. Taking a minute or so to Post Roll Daily isn't to much to ask. Isn't a minute or so worth it to protect what you have been working so hard at?
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Whats different is, and this sounds weak, but is really a huge thing to me, is the decision i referenced so much, it ends here. I know I'm slow, but thats a big shift and a huge change. Practically, I've got help at work to get through the crap, formally. The other pieces of this depend on if I'm in a group - the most important part.
I know I'll catch hell and deserve it. I'm not defending my actions, just hope this provides some answers and explains whats different. Being Quit is ten times what it was before and due to my skid mark, will probably ten times harder as I made good people like you, doubt.
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Good self reflection. Impressive. Just go all in here and you'll do fine. You obviously have the "want", let KTC be the "how". Do it the KTC way.
One thing to remember: Tobacco saps time. Tobacco users avg life expectancy is 20 years less than non tobacco users. You can always get more money, but you can never get more time. 20 years is worth more than Fort Knox.
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Whats different is, and this sounds weak, but is really a huge thing to me, is the decision i referenced so much, it ends here. I know I'm slow, but thats a big shift and a huge change. Practically, I've got help at work to get through the crap, formally. The other pieces of this depend on if I'm in a group - the most important part.
I know I'll catch hell and deserve it. I'm not defending my actions, just hope this provides some answers and explains whats different. Being Quit is ten times what it was before and due to my skid mark, will probably ten times harder as I made good people like you, doubt.
Yeah, you'll catch crap. So, what! Except it, and then you'll be accepted. It's ok. If you want to do it, and are willing to follow the program I'm sure there's a place for you here.
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Not What's different but What are you going to do differently? You need to have a plan, what happens when the wife snaps at ya? What happens when work has issues? What happens when the dog craps on the carpet? How about a spilled pop? How are you gonna react? You need to have it figured out what your plan of attack will be. You also need to know how to get there. Let me give you some pointers: 1). get phone numbers 2). Use Chat 3). Talk to new quitters 4). Text buddies to see how THEY are doing 5). Call someone when you are feeling crappy 6). Thinking about caving? Call someone and ask for permission. The list goes on. Get it???? You gotta be involved here or you are setting yourself up for another cave.
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Your 1st post here was great and we want you to succeed. You just gotta be sure you have ALL the tools you need.
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Not What's different but What are you going to do differently? You need to have a plan, what happens when the wife snaps at ya? What happens when work has issues? What happens when the dog craps on the carpet? How about a spilled pop? How are you gonna react? You need to have it figured out what your plan of attack will be. You also need to know how to get there. Let me give you some pointers: 1). get phone numbers 2). Use Chat 3). Talk to new quitters 4). Text buddies to see how THEY are doing 5). Call someone when you are feeling crappy 6). Thinking about caving? Call someone and ask for permission. The list goes on. Get it???? You gotta be involved here or you are setting yourself up for another cave.
^^^This is the "how". Raider nailed it. Solidify your quit. Get some quit brothers. I've got some and they are the reason I'm free.
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Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.
Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.
Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.
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Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.
Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.
Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.
Definitely post in January. Maybe type it all up in Word then copy and paste into the group. Like I said in my text, Looks like you may finally be ready.
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Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.
Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.
Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.
Definitely post in January. Maybe type it all up in Word then copy and paste into the group. Like I said in my text, Looks like you may finally be ready.
If you're in and dedicated to the quit then january awaits...but don't come in unless you're burning every bridge back to nic. No excuses
I hope to see you on roll
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Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception.
Could be the most reflective dig deep intro I've read. Well done.
The three sentences I quoted from your intro are so very true. I hadn't thought of it in this way before. That's what I like about this place. We're here to quit. Part of that is the actual quit, getting through the suck, fog, craves. The hardest part but happens relatively quickly.
The part that takes real long term work is building the toolbox and filling it with quit knowledge in order to sustain the quit. You helped me with that today. Thanks.
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Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception.
Could be the most reflective dig deep intro I've read. Well done.
The three sentences I quoted from your intro are so very true. I hadn't thought of it in this way before. That's what I like about this place. We're here to quit. Part of that is the actual quit, getting through the suck, fog, craves. The hardest part but happens relatively quickly.
The part that takes real long term work is building the toolbox and filling it with quit knowledge in order to sustain the quit. You helped me with that today. Thanks.
Amen. Definitive. Quit.
And then we walked on down the halls.
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So the line has been drawn...... How are you going to protect the quit?
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Cbird, i read you question and will try to apply. Right now, I just want to punch you, the ncomputer, this entire website, and Al freakin Gore for inventing the internet. Man this is jacking me up. Know what worse than day 3? Its 2 of them. How do I prtect my quit, theres the first way, As bad as this is, I just keep tjinking of my line I drew t 9PM 3 days ago and staying focussed on being quit and not go through this again.
Beyond that, I'm beggin for numbers, and staying around here every moment i can. I've got 8 numbers so far, some from the January Group and some from chat. I also gave my wife my keys and wallet. This weekend will be terrible and in the back of my mind I started to think how long it would take to run to 7-11 on foot. I'm quit and still have those thoughts - what an addict.
Thats what I got for now, this is blurry and im now pissed again,
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Cbird, i read you question and will try to apply. Right now, I just want to punch you, the ncomputer, this entire website, and Al freakin Gore for inventing the internet. Man this is jacking me up. Know what worse than day 3? Its 2 of them. How do I prtect my quit, theres the first way, As bad as this is, I just keep tjinking of my line I drew t 9PM 3 days ago and staying focussed on being quit and not go through this again.
Beyond that, I'm beggin for numbers, and staying around here every moment i can. I've got 8 numbers so far, some from the January Group and some from chat. I also gave my wife my keys and wallet. This weekend will be terrible and in the back of my mind I started to think how long it would take to run to 7-11 on foot. I'm quit and still have those thoughts - what an addict.
Thats what I got for now, this is blurry and im now pissed again,
Embrace the rage. Embrace the fact that your addiction is doing everything in its power to get you to do something that you just won't do.
You've got my digits now, too.
This is what QLF is all about.
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Make sure your wife has access to the spouses section. Will help her help you.
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How can it just be lunch on Sunday? This weekend just won't end. Talk about a war by the hour.
But every 4 hours or so, I get a slight motivational boost realizing the ole nic skank is taking a smack down.
Weekend plan is holding up. Gave the wife my keys and wallet. Friday night I went to my kid's football game, a VERY long tradition of ninjaing a dip at. My legs bounced and body twitched all 4 hours but we won and are now 7-0! Friday night was terrible. Waking up to a knotted stomach and my body was aching for a pinch. I texted several KTC'rs from the game.
Saturday morning I played Call Of Duty for 4 freakin hours while drinking cranberry and pounding seeds. COD it turns out is a great time killer for this because it occupies your head. My kill to death ratio dropped because my hand-eye coordination is crap now and its hard to focus on the screen visually. Felt a little better, sort of. At lunch I was in mortal fear as we had to go to a AM football game watching party at a friends house. Queso, chicken wings, beer... all the makings for dip. But I saw some chicken wings labeled, "ATOMIC". So when no one was looking, I would dip my finger in the sauce and rub it on my lips. Oh that burned so bad. Was sweating, and face turned beet red. So hot I almost threw up. Viola, a nic inhibitor. Had about 5 doses of Atomic. Sadly, AM got spanked, but so did nic. Most of last night is a blur of suck.
This morning I sort of starting feeling human again, but after lunch, the symptoms came back with a vengeance. So thought I better come post something. I just want to thank nicotine for this utterly wonderful weekend. Just another "joy" of selling out my life to it. I've had to take myself back to 9PM the other night about once an hour, when I Quit - The Noun. I'd fail if I were still trying to quit - the verb. I hope everyone is holding their Quit this weekend, 9 hours left. Call me if you are tempted or just want to yell at something/someone. I may yell back though, just sayin.
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Keep up the fight mark! Grass is greener on the otherside. Keep fighting! 'oh yeah'
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How are you going to protect your quit?
This answer is a little different for everyone. Here are a few things that might work for you.
1. Quit for yourself, but make your quit a part of something bigger. This is the brother/sisterhood of KTC. Got a craving? Think about letting yourself down - again. Then think about texting/calling all of your numbers to get permission to have "just one." Then think about letting all of those people down. Then you'll tell your wife. Then you'll tell your coworkers.
2. Going to do something full of triggers? Tell your quit group and tell your text group that you'r going into a crumby situation.
3. Get a bunch of substitutes. Sunflower seeds? Beef jerkey? Tea? Candy? Pure cranberry juice (not the watered down stuff)? I've tried all of them. Some work for me, some don't.
4. Cut your caffeine intake by at least half for a few months.
6. Exercise. Drop down and give yourself 20 pushups every time you feel a craving. Go jogging.
5. You're a business guy. Come up with a strategy. How about Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats that relate to your quit. This should be familiar territory for you and could be a strong way to reinforce and protect your quit.
I just sent you my digits. We might be neighbors.
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Damn Mark, your first weekend quit sounded like mine, time couldn't pass fast enough. Now you are through it, and never have to go through the SUCK again! It will get easier.....
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The second sunday morning, what a head game. I feel myself losing the mental game, so thought I better get in here. Chat was dead, no good recent posts, so I'm going to talk to myself. Just seems like a constant back and forth between nic screaming that just one won't hurt and my vow to not use to my wife, my group and before God. I just keep going to back to 9PM october 16 - where I quit. My quit is so noble and good, its amazing that there is even any debate or war. And thats where I think nic wins so many times. It'll make us lie to those we love, and certainly in our own heads. I guess thats the ultimate struggle in here and with nic. People often say, "you made a vow", you gave "your word". Well by definition, as addicts, isn't our word pretty much trash already? If we can lie to our spouses, family and friends for decades, do you really think our word to strangers in a quit group has much power? Thats why I think the radical in-your-face extreme quitting is the ONLY way out. Drinking the KTC koolaid isn't an option, its radical and extreme enough to overcome an addicts ability to lie, cheat and steal, even from ourselves. The odds are stacked against us.
Friday was unique, I met and had lunch with a KTC member. The hour and half went by in seconds. Fascinating to meet a quitter. So much of what we say and do here, only belongs here, QLF doesn't mean a lot offline. So meeting someone from here was special because we both knew what QLF and ODAAT meant. Interesting guy and like so many others here, he wanted to get involved and do anything he could help my quit. When people do that in text its one thing when they stand in your face and offer that, its humbling beyond words.
I really like the January Group I'm in but I don't remember there being so many cavers in previous groups. Just seems like every day this past week, poof, another cave. Theres always 1 or 2 per group, but we got 8 per week. Its funny, part of me is sick and tired of the weak excuses and plain ole guys not really even trying. But then, I was one of them, so who am I to judge. But at the same time, seeing so many cavers makes me want to up my game and "not be one of them". Its already a scarlet letter to me, so by helping others be successful after caving, maybe we can take this weakness and actually finish strong, or stronger than those who didn't cave.
I now post roll in my old June Group because I was asked to. It was an odd experience, to post in there. A place I'd left. The June boys certainly showed up and bashed me when i came back here. What really shows their class, is they are now my supporters. If there is anyone who should and could write me off forever, its those guys. The real turning point for me was a post by Bronc, not just bashing or focussed on my failure, the ultimate goal of his rant was if I'd be around for my wife, my kids, etc. How can you disagree with that pure motive. I read this morning about someone bashing Bronc for being a "nazi". I know he is far from that, but he is intense. So is our enemy. Anything less than 110% intense will fail. Don't we all know this by now?
Thats enough rambling for now. Time to eat lunch and start another 4-hour battle in my head of why just-one is unacceptable. I am nervous and doubt my success at times, but that line is drawn and I am quit. So I know its just a matter of time until I can breath or live for 30 seconds without a dip being the center of the world. I just keep picturing a can of poison, and how stupid it is, to long for and want poison that bad. Nic has lost this soul, it just doesn't know yet.
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The second sunday morning, what a head game. I feel myself losing the mental game, so thought I better get in here. Chat was dead, no good recent posts, so I'm going to talk to myself. Just seems like a constant back and forth between nic screaming that just one won't hurt and my vow to not use to my wife, my group and before God. I just keep going to back to 9PM october 16 - where I quit. My quit is so noble and good, its amazing that there is even any debate or war. And thats where I think nic wins so many times. It'll make us lie to those we love, and certainly in our own heads. I guess thats the ultimate struggle in here and with nic. People often say, "you made a vow", you gave "your word". Well by definition, as addicts, isn't our word pretty much trash already? If we can lie to our spouses, family and friends for decades, do you really think our word to strangers in a quit group has much power? Thats why I think the radical in-your-face extreme quitting is the ONLY way out. Drinking the KTC koolaid isn't an option, its radical and extreme enough to overcome an addicts ability to lie, cheat and steal, even from ourselves. The odds are stacked against us.
Friday was unique, I met and had lunch with a KTC member. The hour and half went by in seconds. Fascinating to meet a quitter. So much of what we say and do here, only belongs here, QLF doesn't mean a lot offline. So meeting someone from here was special because we both knew what QLF and ODAAT meant. Interesting guy and like so many others here, he wanted to get involved and do anything he could help my quit. When people do that in text its one thing when they stand in your face and offer that, its humbling beyond words.
I really like the January Group I'm in but I don't remember there being so many cavers in previous groups. Just seems like every day this past week, poof, another cave. Theres always 1 or 2 per group, but we got 8 per week. Its funny, part of me is sick and tired of the weak excuses and plain ole guys not really even trying. But then, I was one of them, so who am I to judge. But at the same time, seeing so many cavers makes me want to up my game and "not be one of them". Its already a scarlet letter to me, so by helping others be successful after caving, maybe we can take this weakness and actually finish strong, or stronger than those who didn't cave.
I now post roll in my old June Group because I was asked to. It was an odd experience, to post in there. A place I'd left. The June boys certainly showed up and bashed me when i came back here. What really shows their class, is they are now my supporters. If there is anyone who should and could write me off forever, its those guys. The real turning point for me was a post by Bronc, not just bashing or focussed on my failure, the ultimate goal of his rant was if I'd be around for my wife, my kids, etc. How can you disagree with that pure motive. I read this morning about someone bashing Bronc for being a "nazi". I know he is far from that, but he is intense. So is our enemy. Anything less than 110% intense will fail. Don't we all know this by now?
Thats enough rambling for now. Time to eat lunch and start another 4-hour battle in my head of why just-one is unacceptable. I am nervous and doubt my success at times, but that line is drawn and I am quit. So I know its just a matter of time until I can breath or live for 30 seconds without a dip being the center of the world. I just keep picturing a can of poison, and how stupid it is, to long for and want poison that bad. Nic has lost this soul, it just doesn't know yet.
Nice Mark - I dug reading that. True is a good dude. I'm sure you enjoyed lunch. I met a guy in May a month or so back. Only 15 minutes but you're right, it passed in a second.
You talk about cavers which to me is funny because you were one. IMO, I think your head is screwed on right this time and you are here for the final quit. Battle. Kick it in the nuts. Stay strong, you got this.
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The second sunday morning, what a head game. I feel myself losing the mental game, so thought I better get in here. Chat was dead, no good recent posts, so I'm going to talk to myself. Just seems like a constant back and forth between nic screaming that just one won't hurt and my vow to not use to my wife, my group and before God. I just keep going to back to 9PM october 16 - where I quit. My quit is so noble and good, its amazing that there is even any debate or war. And thats where I think nic wins so many times. It'll make us lie to those we love, and certainly in our own heads. I guess thats the ultimate struggle in here and with nic. People often say, "you made a vow", you gave "your word". Well by definition, as addicts, isn't our word pretty much trash already? If we can lie to our spouses, family and friends for decades, do you really think our word to strangers in a quit group has much power? Thats why I think the radical in-your-face extreme quitting is the ONLY way out. Drinking the KTC koolaid isn't an option, its radical and extreme enough to overcome an addicts ability to lie, cheat and steal, even from ourselves. The odds are stacked against us.
Friday was unique, I met and had lunch with a KTC member. The hour and half went by in seconds. Fascinating to meet a quitter. So much of what we say and do here, only belongs here, QLF doesn't mean a lot offline. So meeting someone from here was special because we both knew what QLF and ODAAT meant. Interesting guy and like so many others here, he wanted to get involved and do anything he could help my quit. When people do that in text its one thing when they stand in your face and offer that, its humbling beyond words.
I really like the January Group I'm in but I don't remember there being so many cavers in previous groups. Just seems like every day this past week, poof, another cave. Theres always 1 or 2 per group, but we got 8 per week. Its funny, part of me is sick and tired of the weak excuses and plain ole guys not really even trying. But then, I was one of them, so who am I to judge. But at the same time, seeing so many cavers makes me want to up my game and "not be one of them". Its already a scarlet letter to me, so by helping others be successful after caving, maybe we can take this weakness and actually finish strong, or stronger than those who didn't cave.
I now post roll in my old June Group because I was asked to. It was an odd experience, to post in there. A place I'd left. The June boys certainly showed up and bashed me when i came back here. What really shows their class, is they are now my supporters. If there is anyone who should and could write me off forever, its those guys. The real turning point for me was a post by Bronc, not just bashing or focussed on my failure, the ultimate goal of his rant was if I'd be around for my wife, my kids, etc. How can you disagree with that pure motive. I read this morning about someone bashing Bronc for being a "nazi". I know he is far from that, but he is intense. So is our enemy. Anything less than 110% intense will fail. Don't we all know this by now?
Thats enough rambling for now. Time to eat lunch and start another 4-hour battle in my head of why just-one is unacceptable. I am nervous and doubt my success at times, but that line is drawn and I am quit. So I know its just a matter of time until I can breath or live for 30 seconds without a dip being the center of the world. I just keep picturing a can of poison, and how stupid it is, to long for and want poison that bad. Nic has lost this soul, it just doesn't know yet.
Nice Mark - I dug reading that. True is a good dude. I'm sure you enjoyed lunch. I met a guy in May a month or so back. Only 15 minutes but you're right, it passed in a second.
You talk about cavers which to me is funny because you were one. IMO, I think your head is screwed on right this time and you are here for the final quit. Battle. Kick it in the nuts. Stay strong, you got this.
I know that is weird eh, a caver bitchin about cavers. The difference is, i WAS a caver, just like i WAS TRYING to quit. Now, I am QUIT, period. My point though was, I carry that disgrace still and I don't want to be reminded of it or be lumped in with those who do.
All I can do now is help people who struggled and maybe, be a small part in their recovery. And maybe, even show up each day with a little posse of former cavers who got it and are quit as strong and hard as anyone else. Reading about cavers, in an odd way, strengthens me to push forward and not be that guy ever again. We may have started off badly, but we can damn sure finish strong.
These are the ramblings of a fogged out Quit.
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The second sunday morning, what a head game. I feel myself losing the mental game, so thought I better get in here. Chat was dead, no good recent posts, so I'm going to talk to myself. Just seems like a constant back and forth between nic screaming that just one won't hurt and my vow to not use to my wife, my group and before God. I just keep going to back to 9PM october 16 - where I quit. My quit is so noble and good, its amazing that there is even any debate or war. And thats where I think nic wins so many times. It'll make us lie to those we love, and certainly in our own heads. I guess thats the ultimate struggle in here and with nic. People often say, "you made a vow", you gave "your word". Well by definition, as addicts, isn't our word pretty much trash already? If we can lie to our spouses, family and friends for decades, do you really think our word to strangers in a quit group has much power? Thats why I think the radical in-your-face extreme quitting is the ONLY way out. Drinking the KTC koolaid isn't an option, its radical and extreme enough to overcome an addicts ability to lie, cheat and steal, even from ourselves. The odds are stacked against us.
Friday was unique, I met and had lunch with a KTC member. The hour and half went by in seconds. Fascinating to meet a quitter. So much of what we say and do here, only belongs here, QLF doesn't mean a lot offline. So meeting someone from here was special because we both knew what QLF and ODAAT meant. Interesting guy and like so many others here, he wanted to get involved and do anything he could help my quit. When people do that in text its one thing when they stand in your face and offer that, its humbling beyond words.
I really like the January Group I'm in but I don't remember there being so many cavers in previous groups. Just seems like every day this past week, poof, another cave. Theres always 1 or 2 per group, but we got 8 per week. Its funny, part of me is sick and tired of the weak excuses and plain ole guys not really even trying. But then, I was one of them, so who am I to judge. But at the same time, seeing so many cavers makes me want to up my game and "not be one of them". Its already a scarlet letter to me, so by helping others be successful after caving, maybe we can take this weakness and actually finish strong, or stronger than those who didn't cave.
I now post roll in my old June Group because I was asked to. It was an odd experience, to post in there. A place I'd left. The June boys certainly showed up and bashed me when i came back here. What really shows their class, is they are now my supporters. If there is anyone who should and could write me off forever, its those guys. The real turning point for me was a post by Bronc, not just bashing or focussed on my failure, the ultimate goal of his rant was if I'd be around for my wife, my kids, etc. How can you disagree with that pure motive. I read this morning about someone bashing Bronc for being a "nazi". I know he is far from that, but he is intense. So is our enemy. Anything less than 110% intense will fail. Don't we all know this by now?
Thats enough rambling for now. Time to eat lunch and start another 4-hour battle in my head of why just-one is unacceptable. I am nervous and doubt my success at times, but that line is drawn and I am quit. So I know its just a matter of time until I can breath or live for 30 seconds without a dip being the center of the world. I just keep picturing a can of poison, and how stupid it is, to long for and want poison that bad. Nic has lost this soul, it just doesn't know yet.
Nice Mark - I dug reading that. True is a good dude. I'm sure you enjoyed lunch. I met a guy in May a month or so back. Only 15 minutes but you're right, it passed in a second.
You talk about cavers which to me is funny because you were one. IMO, I think your head is screwed on right this time and you are here for the final quit. Battle. Kick it in the nuts. Stay strong, you got this.
I know that is weird eh, a caver bitchin about cavers. The difference is, i WAS a caver, just like i WAS TRYING to quit. Now, I am QUIT, period. My point though was, I carry that disgrace still and I don't want to be reminded of it or be lumped in with those who do.
All I can do now is help people who struggled and maybe, be a small part in their recovery. And maybe, even show up each day with a little posse of former cavers who got it and are quit as strong and hard as anyone else. Reading about cavers, in an odd way, strengthens me to push forward and not be that guy ever again. We may have started off badly, but we can damn sure finish strong.
These are the ramblings of a fogged out Quit.
Keep it up. You sound serious. I like it.
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Marky mark! How's the quit hangin? Man, when you need to talk and chat is dead, don't hesitate to ping your brothers via text. It works. It helps. It's why you have our numbers. Be good and kick ass! Proud of you.
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Skoal Monster 11 minutes ago
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Mark4
Nov 4 2014, 01:28 PM
I was enjoying some smooth sailing with manageable symptoms. So on Saturday, I thought it was cool to accept an invite to the Texas AM Game on Saturday in their new stadium. We had amazing seats, Row 2, not Row 2 of a certain deck, but just Row 2! It was awesome. Nic had been busy screaming for some attention as usual, but I got this. We got some food and sat down in these awesome seats, and something happened, I suddenly start feeling the nic attack set on strong. Worse and worse. No one around me knew what was going on, but I was losing it inside and clinging to the truths IÂ’ve learned here but I got to be honest, I was losing the mental war. I got my phone out and was ready to text if it got any worse.
About that time I get a text from TrueToMyself asking if my word was good today. What timing! He had no idea how much that helped. I was surrounded by 130,000 people and my quit bro was the only person that mattered to me in that moment. I kept my cool and we texted for like an hour. I canÂ’t help but think, here I am at my teamÂ’s game, in some amazing football seats, at a televised SEC game with all the trappings of good college football, and IÂ’m not even paying attention. IÂ’m hammering texts on my phone to a bro reminding me that getting a dip isnÂ’t going change anything about the game or me, and that I better not go back on my word to him that morning. He helped me relocate/build my quit spine and remember whats true, all because he took some time to check on me. I owe ya bro!
That night, I just got furious at the Kodiak Bear that I had given the past 30 years to. All this shit IÂ’m going though, the detox, withdrawing and mind games, it still isnÂ’t enough; it ruined a great game for no reason. This stuff just keeps pissing me off more and more and IÂ’m determined to NEVER let it ruin another moment. IÂ’ve got a long ways to go before I can relax any, but with each day, I get stronger. Your time is about up bitch.
Texas AM won the game. Nic lost hers. Thanks True.
This is the way the site is SUPPOSED TO WORK. Bad ass TrueToMysel, and well done to both of you.
Keep looking out for each other
keep weaving a web of accountability around yourselves
The trick to craves is not to fight them. Take note that your craving, identify what triggered it, take a big deep breath, and move the fuck on with your life. Embrace the Suck
It is the price you pay to win your life back.
A crave lasts, on average less than 7 minutes. Any dumbass can distract him or herself for 7 minutes. Try paddleball, weasel tossing, giving nickels to strippers, painting by numbers, crank calling US Tobacco, ANYTHING. Then Rinse . Lather. Repeat.
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Marky mark! How's the quit hangin? Man, when you need to talk and chat is dead, don't hesitate to ping your brothers via text. It works. It helps. It's why you have our numbers. Be good and kick ass! Proud of you.
Well, up and down, past few days were good, then this weekend sucked. Oh I do text, but there is something about sitting in chat with Okie and Jeep and far too many homosexual references that just kills time.
but thanks bro, proud to be quit with you.
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If i saw that correctly our quits were just about the same time. I thing I spit out my last dip of poison at 702pm CST October 16th too... Like 2hrs depending on where your at!
I dug reading your intro, I hope that we're both here chatting in 32,752 days in! I quit with you today, like a BOSS! flame1
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Mark, keep it up dude. You're killing it . DO NOT STOP BEING VOCAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Evidence, go read Mayhem. Talk about a band of brothers. Take it upon yourself to keep the conversation going in January. You guys/gals are off to an awesome start. Push it. Even after 100 days push the conversation. You will never regret it.
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If i saw that correctly our quits were just about the same time. I thing I spit out my last dip of poison at 702pm CST October 16th too... Like 2hrs depending on where your at!
I dug reading your intro, I hope that we're both here chatting in 32,752 days in! I quit with you today, like a BOSS! flame1
I quit at 9PM CST, so you are the older wiser quitter, lol.
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Mark, this intro is severely inspiring. Please stick around and let us know what is happening. Your words will help those who follow. Proud to be quit with ya.
Mogul
Bump for merge
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Merged.
Own this.
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Marky mark! How's the quit hangin? Man, when you need to talk and chat is dead, don't hesitate to ping your brothers via text. It works. It helps. It's why you have our numbers. Be good and kick ass! Proud of you.
Well, up and down, past few days were good, then this weekend sucked. Oh I do text, but there is something about sitting in chat with Okie and Jeep and far too many homosexual references that just kills time.
but thanks bro, proud to be quit with you.
chat is about one of the most underrated tools we have on here. Sitting there making ghey insinuations with a bunch of dudes you don't know is some kind of fantastic nic quit therapy. I know I camped out there for about the first 60 days of my quit non-stop. I felt fortunate because I got to meet up with a whole bunch of old timers on there and they got me to post on their pages....even when I was just a couple weeks into my quit. It helped me broaden my quitwork to more than just our June group. You're doing awesome Mark. Keep it up. Ping Nate would ya? Nate Mcpherson. He's a real good dude.
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Marky mark! How's the quit hangin? Man, when you need to talk and chat is dead, don't hesitate to ping your brothers via text. It works. It helps. It's why you have our numbers. Be good and kick ass! Proud of you.
Well, up and down, past few days were good, then this weekend sucked. Oh I do text, but there is something about sitting in chat with Okie and Jeep and far too many homosexual references that just kills time.
but thanks bro, proud to be quit with you.
chat is about one of the most underrated tools we have on here. Sitting there making ghey insinuations with a bunch of dudes you don't know is some kind of fantastic nic quit therapy. I know I camped out there for about the first 60 days of my quit non-stop. I felt fortunate because I got to meet up with a whole bunch of old timers on there and they got me to post on their pages....even when I was just a couple weeks into my quit. It helped me broaden my quitwork to more than just our June group. You're doing awesome Mark. Keep it up. Ping Nate would ya? Nate Mcpherson. He's a real good dude.
There are things I am avoiding as known triggers, one of them is the movies. Being a tiny ways into this, I went to the movies to see Intersteller this weekend. About 30 minutes into it, all the while continually amazed there was actual coke in my large cup, and not spit, I started feeling really weird. I guess you could call it a panic attack. Wasn't the usual symptoms, just like uneasy panic. I didn't know whether to leave or stay or scream. Rather frightening. I recalled reading that panic attacks may happen as your brain rewires and learns to deal with life without nic. I just kept telling my self that. But it hit me hard, I finally went to the bathroom, thinking I was about to puke. I missed about an hour of the movie by the time this all played out.
No great wisdom or learning came from this, just pissed and sad, that this bitch is still stealing things from me. I can't even go to a freakin movie thanks to nic. I don't say this defeated, it just pisses me off more that I am an addict. But I do know this was a small step to getting back to where I can go see a simple flick. I am forever amazed as I go through this, at what all nicotine has really stolen from my life.
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There are things I am avoiding as known triggers, one of them is the movies. Being a tiny ways into this, I went to the movies to see Intersteller this weekend. About 30 minutes into it, all the while continually amazed there was actual coke in my large cup, and not spit, I started feeling really weird. I guess you could call it a panic attack. Wasn't the usual symptoms, just like uneasy panic. I didn't know whether to leave or stay or scream. Rather frightening. I recalled reading that panic attacks may happen as your brain rewires and learns to deal with life without nic. I just kept telling my self that. But it hit me hard, I finally went to the bathroom, thinking I was about to puke. I missed about an hour of the movie by the time this all played out.
No great wisdom or learning came from this, just pissed and sad, that this bitch is still stealing things from me. I can't even go to a freakin movie thanks to nic. I don't say this defeated, it just pisses me off more that I am an addict. But I do know this was a small step to getting back to where I can go see a simple flick. I am forever amazed as I go through this, at what all nicotine has really stolen from my life.
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There are things I am avoiding as known triggers, one of them is the movies. Being a tiny ways into this, I went to the movies to see Intersteller this weekend. About 30 minutes into it, all the while continually amazed there was actual coke in my large cup, and not spit, I started feeling really weird. I guess you could call it a panic attack. Wasn't the usual symptoms, just like uneasy panic. I didn't know whether to leave or stay or scream. Rather frightening. I recalled reading that panic attacks may happen as your brain rewires and learns to deal with life without nic. I just kept telling my self that. But it hit me hard, I finally went to the bathroom, thinking I was about to puke. I missed about an hour of the movie by the time this all played out.
No great wisdom or learning came from this, just pissed and sad, that this bitch is still stealing things from me. I can't even go to a freakin movie thanks to nic. I don't say this defeated, it just pisses me off more that I am an addict. But I do know this was a small step to getting back to where I can go see a simple flick. I am forever amazed as I go through this, at what all nicotine has really stolen from my life.
Movies were always a big trigger for me, mainly due to any movie I have seen in the theater lately is a kids flick and I am ready to hang myself. But getting angry looks for moms as I packed a lipper and spit into a cup inches from little Suzie Loo-hoo are a thing of the past, and will be for you as well. You saw a movie and didn't chew, I call that a win!
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There are things I am avoiding as known triggers, one of them is the movies. Being a tiny ways into this, I went to the movies to see Intersteller this weekend. About 30 minutes into it, all the while continually amazed there was actual coke in my large cup, and not spit, I started feeling really weird. I guess you could call it a panic attack. Wasn't the usual symptoms, just like uneasy panic. I didn't know whether to leave or stay or scream. Rather frightening. I recalled reading that panic attacks may happen as your brain rewires and learns to deal with life without nic. I just kept telling my self that. But it hit me hard, I finally went to the bathroom, thinking I was about to puke. I missed about an hour of the movie by the time this all played out.
No great wisdom or learning came from this, just pissed and sad, that this bitch is still stealing things from me. I can't even go to a freakin movie thanks to nic. I don't say this defeated, it just pisses me off more that I am an addict. But I do know this was a small step to getting back to where I can go see a simple flick. I am forever amazed as I go through this, at what all nicotine has really stolen from my life.
Movies were always a big trigger for me, mainly due to any movie I have seen in the theater lately is a kids flick and I am ready to hang myself. But getting angry looks for moms as I packed a lipper and spit into a cup inches from little Suzie Loo-hoo are a thing of the past, and will be for you as well. You saw a movie and didn't chew, I call that a win!
Definitely a Win! Thumblewort called it correctly!
What ever it takes to "not" put the poison in our mouths.
Maybe treat yourself to some Milk Duds at the next flick. They stick to my teeth so bad I spend an hour prying them off. LOL
You got this Mark4.
ODAAT and NAFAR
We were not born with this in our mouths.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems
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There are things I am avoiding as known triggers, one of them is the movies. Being a tiny ways into this, I went to the movies to see Intersteller this weekend. About 30 minutes into it, all the while continually amazed there was actual coke in my large cup, and not spit, I started feeling really weird. I guess you could call it a panic attack. Wasn't the usual symptoms, just like uneasy panic. I didn't know whether to leave or stay or scream. Rather frightening. I recalled reading that panic attacks may happen as your brain rewires and learns to deal with life without nic. I just kept telling my self that. But it hit me hard, I finally went to the bathroom, thinking I was about to puke. I missed about an hour of the movie by the time this all played out.
No great wisdom or learning came from this, just pissed and sad, that this bitch is still stealing things from me. I can't even go to a freakin movie thanks to nic. I don't say this defeated, it just pisses me off more that I am an addict. But I do know this was a small step to getting back to where I can go see a simple flick. I am forever amazed as I go through this, at what all nicotine has really stolen from my life.
Movies were always a big trigger for me, mainly due to any movie I have seen in the theater lately is a kids flick and I am ready to hang myself. But getting angry looks for moms as I packed a lipper and spit into a cup inches from little Suzie Loo-hoo are a thing of the past, and will be for you as well. You saw a movie and didn't chew, I call that a win!
Definitely a Win! Thumblewort called it correctly!
What ever it takes to "not" put the poison in our mouths.
Maybe treat yourself to some Milk Duds at the next flick. They stick to my teeth so bad I spend an hour prying them off. LOL
You got this Mark4.
ODAAT and NAFAR
We were not born with this in our mouths.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems
Glad to see you killing it this go around. Keep up the good work.
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It took 34 days, but I actually feel like the tables are turning and nic is realizing its now my bitch. Don't get me wrong, I've only progressed a tiny bit, but its the fact that I progressed at all that stokes me. How did I even get this far - oh yeah ODAAT. I won't lie and say its been pretty and theres been a LOT of times I had to be talked off the cliff. But my Quit - The NOUN is etched in stone on October 16. I just have to wake up every day and make sure I chose that outcome.
I'm no where near done with this war, and still a noob, but ya know what, TODAY i do celebrate those 34 days. I was dead-set on this when i came here, but in the back of my mind are all the doubts. But each plus one adds up. I'm jazzed for me, my family, and so thankful for the cast and crew of deliverance, otherwise known as my KTC Brothers. If we are like this in 34 days, imagine how it is at 100 or 1,000.
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It took 34 days, but I actually feel like the tables are turning and nic is realizing its now my bitch. Don't get me wrong, I've only progressed a tiny bit, but its the fact that I progressed at all that stokes me. How did I even get this far - oh yeah ODAAT. I won't lie and say its been pretty and theres been a LOT of times I had to be talked off the cliff. But my Quit - The NOUN is etched in stone on October 16. I just have to wake up every day and make sure I chose that outcome.
I'm no where near done with this war, and still a noob, but ya know what, TODAY i do celebrate those 34 days. I was dead-set on this when i came here, but in the back of my mind are all the doubts. But each plus one adds up. I'm jazzed for me, my family, and so thankful for the cast and crew of deliverance, otherwise known as my KTC Brothers. If we are like this in 34 days, imagine how it is at 100 or 1,000.
Proud of you my friend. A man of honor and integrity is being formed each and every day. A man that your wife and kids will get to have around and be proud of. And you get to feel it because you aren't mired in the lies of your addiction. The truth has set you free, now keep on walking in that truth and build it and protect it like a badass.
-
It took 34 days, but I actually feel like the tables are turning and nic is realizing its now my bitch. Don't get me wrong, I've only progressed a tiny bit, but its the fact that I progressed at all that stokes me. How did I even get this far - oh yeah ODAAT. I won't lie and say its been pretty and theres been a LOT of times I had to be talked off the cliff. But my Quit - The NOUN is etched in stone on October 16. I just have to wake up every day and make sure I chose that outcome.
I'm no where near done with this war, and still a noob, but ya know what, TODAY i do celebrate those 34 days. I was dead-set on this when i came here, but in the back of my mind are all the doubts. But each plus one adds up. I'm jazzed for me, my family, and so thankful for the cast and crew of deliverance, otherwise known as my KTC Brothers. If we are like this in 34 days, imagine how it is at 100 or 1,000.
Proud of you my friend. A man of honor and integrity is being formed each and every day. A man that your wife and kids will get to have around and be proud of. And you get to feel it because you aren't mired in the lies of your addiction. The truth has set you free, now keep on walking in that truth and build it and protect it like a badass.
'oh yeah'
Like most things in life, if we determine to have a positive mental attitude ain't nothing gonna derail you!
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It took 34 days, but I actually feel like the tables are turning and nic is realizing its now my bitch. Don't get me wrong, I've only progressed a tiny bit, but its the fact that I progressed at all that stokes me. How did I even get this far - oh yeah ODAAT. I won't lie and say its been pretty and theres been a LOT of times I had to be talked off the cliff. But my Quit - The NOUN is etched in stone on October 16. I just have to wake up every day and make sure I chose that outcome.
I'm no where near done with this war, and still a noob, but ya know what, TODAY i do celebrate those 34 days. I was dead-set on this when i came here, but in the back of my mind are all the doubts. But each plus one adds up. I'm jazzed for me, my family, and so thankful for the cast and crew of deliverance, otherwise known as my KTC Brothers. If we are like this in 34 days, imagine how it is at 100 or 1,000.
Proud of you my friend. A man of honor and integrity is being formed each and every day. A man that your wife and kids will get to have around and be proud of. And you get to feel it because you aren't mired in the lies of your addiction. The truth has set you free, now keep on walking in that truth and build it and protect it like a badass.
'oh yeah'
Like most things in life, if we determine to have a positive mental attitude ain't nothing gonna derail you!
Good stuff. Glimpses of total freedom are very motivational. Enjoy it! Remember that you only need to worry about today. Own the day! Keep it up!
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I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.
-
I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.
Sounds like you are winning. Keep it up. We are here for ya.
-
I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.
Sounds like you are winning. Keep it up. We are here for ya.
We are here yes we are. Quit on
-
I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.
Sounds like you are winning. Keep it up. We are here for ya.
We are here yes we are. Quit on
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success
That Brotherhood part of the equation is no joke. Without the 2 pieces on the left side of that equation there is no success.
You can do this. Hang strong. Quit with you today!
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I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.
Sounds like you are winning. Keep it up. We are here for ya.
We are here yes we are. Quit on
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success
That Brotherhood part of the equation is no joke. Without the 2 pieces on the left side of that equation there is no success.
You can do this. Hang strong. Quit with you today!
June is strongly with you my friend. You may have to start over in your business, but that's ok. The great ones have tried and failed many times on the business side of things. You know some things you won't have to do over? I'll remind you:
1.) Going through the suck of the first 10 days.
2.) Repeating these last 35 days
3.) Writing responses to the three questions and getting gang banged
4.) Having to have your honor and integrity questioned
5.) Not being able to look your wife and kids in the eye.
6.) Hiding in guilt and shame
7.) Wallowing in self-pity
8.) Sitting around being scared you're going to die from lip cancer or worse, having half your face removed.
9.) That most awful feeling of being alone
10.) Manufacturing lies to make yourself feel better for being a liar and a cheat.
Those are just off the top of my head. You can rebuild a business and finances a lot easier than you can rebuild the man of honor, integrity and character you've become. You may not have been able to control your businesses' fate. That's just what it is. But you can totally control what you do with "who" you are.
I'm looking forward to being able to point to you to young quitters and say something like this: "Mark was going through his first 100 days of quit when his business went in the shitter and it bankrupted him. He didn't give up the quit. He fought and pressed on and is now a badass quitter helping others." That's a good ending to this story Mark. I wish I got to write it for you but only you get to write it. We're here. Do not let losing a business make you lose a bunch of friends. That's just not how it works.
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Well, day 50 is here. 50 days ago this seemed like an eternity. I know thats a milestone but it sort of gets lost among my other trials with work. My quit continues to be a battle for my attention against business problems. Its all really odd how the quit and the business failure started at the same time and how much of a battle its been to handle both. They say there is never a good time to quit, ain't that some truth. There are more than a few really bad days, where I just long for relief and escape, anything to ease this up. Frustration also pushes me to think about ditching the only thing I can change, the choice to use nic. I can't change, speed up, or slow down whats happening with the business, but I could just cave and mitigate that stress. Yeah, I fell for that before, but it still fills my head as a real option.
Despite the quit symptoms and mental war, the quit isn't optional, it's something I hold on to, because I can. Its nearly the only thing I can control anymore, its a choice. Fallout from the business is out of my control and it is what it is. But quitting is in my control and my daily victory I hold dear, in a season where there aren't many victories. I NEED that daily victory. I NEED the accountability and friendship with the guys in my text group and across KTC. I NEED to be plugged into something bigger than myself. Quitting and you lovable retards who quit with me are a huge sanity check in a crazy time, despite the significant fight that is staying quit. Nothing would be worse right now than to lose my only victory and let down quitters, I can't even imagine how bad that would be in my soul. So no, its not an option now, its not an option later. No one, especially me, is going to forfeit this victory.
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Well, day 50 is here. 50 days ago this seemed like an eternity. I know thats a milestone but it sort of gets lost among my other trials with work. My quit continues to be a battle for my attention against business problems. Its all really odd how the quit and the business failure started at the same time and how much of a battle its been to handle both. They say there is never a good time to quit, ain't that some truth. There are more than a few really bad days, where I just long for relief and escape, anything to ease this up. Frustration also pushes me to think about ditching the only thing I can change, the choice to use nic. I can't change, speed up, or slow down whats happening with the business, but I could just cave and mitigate that stress. Yeah, I fell for that before, but it still fills my head as a real option.
Despite the quit symptoms and mental war, the quit isn't optional, it's something I hold on to, because I can. Its nearly the only thing I can control anymore, its a choice. Fallout from the business is out of my control and it is what it is. But quitting is in my control and my daily victory I hold dear, in a season where there aren't many victories. I NEED that daily victory. I NEED the accountability and friendship with the guys in my text group and across KTC. I NEED to be plugged into something bigger than myself. Quitting and you lovable retards who quit with me are a huge sanity check in a crazy time, despite the significant fight that is staying quit. Nothing would be worse right now than to lose my only victory and let down quitters, I can't even imagine how bad that would be in my soul. So no, its not an option now, its not an option later. No one, especially me, is going to forfeit this victory.
Well I just read your whole intro Mark and I can tell you that my quit is stronger after reading it. So thanks for sharing all that. You are going through a hard time and I applaud you for knowing that nic wont make other problems go away. 50 days of freedom is a great accomplishment. Keep quitting brother and you will see that things will get better on all fronts. I am quitting my ass off with you today!
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Well, day 50 is here. 50 days ago this seemed like an eternity. I know thats a milestone but it sort of gets lost among my other trials with work. My quit continues to be a battle for my attention against business problems. Its all really odd how the quit and the business failure started at the same time and how much of a battle its been to handle both. They say there is never a good time to quit, ain't that some truth. There are more than a few really bad days, where I just long for relief and escape, anything to ease this up. Frustration also pushes me to think about ditching the only thing I can change, the choice to use nic. I can't change, speed up, or slow down whats happening with the business, but I could just cave and mitigate that stress. Yeah, I fell for that before, but it still fills my head as a real option.
Despite the quit symptoms and mental war, the quit isn't optional, it's something I hold on to, because I can. Its nearly the only thing I can control anymore, its a choice. Fallout from the business is out of my control and it is what it is. But quitting is in my control and my daily victory I hold dear, in a season where there aren't many victories. I NEED that daily victory. I NEED the accountability and friendship with the guys in my text group and across KTC. I NEED to be plugged into something bigger than myself. Quitting and you lovable retards who quit with me are a huge sanity check in a crazy time, despite the significant fight that is staying quit. Nothing would be worse right now than to lose my only victory and let down quitters, I can't even imagine how bad that would be in my soul. So no, its not an option now, its not an option later. No one, especially me, is going to forfeit this victory.
Well I just read your whole intro Mark and I can tell you that my quit is stronger after reading it. So thanks for sharing all that. You are going through a hard time and I applaud you for knowing that nic wont make other problems go away. 50 days of freedom is a great accomplishment. Keep quitting brother and you will see that things will get better on all fronts. I am quitting my ass off with you today!
'clap' 'clap' 'clap' Nicely Put, Quitter 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
I'll quit with you any damn day!
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
Mark, I'm a call away if you need anything at all. I'm so proud of you. In fact, I was thinking about you just yesterday, when I got a text from Nate, another of our June brothers. You've taken a tough road, but you still have your support and brotherhood surrounding you. Your honor and integrity, health and respect are everything. You got this. Hang in there.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
Mark, I'm a call away if you need anything at all. I'm so proud of you. In fact, I was thinking about you just yesterday, when I got a text from Nate, another of our June brothers. You've taken a tough road, but you still have your support and brotherhood surrounding you. Your honor and integrity, health and respect are everything. You got this. Hang in there.
My Dad always told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". These are amazing words for a recovering addict. Once you beat this truly rough spot, Mark, other things that once seemed diffucult will now seem so simple because you have already lived through much worse. You got this man. You are one really strong guy. You are something to look up to. You created a whole new level to my quit by opening up to us in the text group. My problems now do not seem very significant at all. I find myself saying things like "my problems are not shit compared to Mark's. If he can do it so can I!!!" Next time you even consider caving, just remember the effect it will have on me and the others. This quit is bigger than you now. Besides you conveinently live in the center of our text group. Me, Taco, Okie, Matt and Tige will all come over and give you a swift kick square in the dick should you ever cave.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
Mark, I'm a call away if you need anything at all. I'm so proud of you. In fact, I was thinking about you just yesterday, when I got a text from Nate, another of our June brothers. You've taken a tough road, but you still have your support and brotherhood surrounding you. Your honor and integrity, health and respect are everything. You got this. Hang in there.
My Dad always told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". These are amazing words for a recovering addict. Once you beat this truly rough spot, Mark, other things that once seemed diffucult will now seem so simple because you have already lived through much worse. You got this man. You are one really strong guy. You are something to look up to. You created a whole new level to my quit by opening up to us in the text group. My problems now do not seem very significant at all. I find myself saying things like "my problems are not shit compared to Mark's. If he can do it so can I!!!" Next time you even consider caving, just remember the effect it will have on me and the others. This quit is bigger than you now. Besides you conveinently live in the center of our text group. Me, Taco, Okie, Matt and Tige will all come over and give you a swift kick square in the dick should you ever cave.
Mark I don't hear you saying that you're considering caving, rather that you choose strength. I quit to that.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
Mark, I'm a call away if you need anything at all. I'm so proud of you. In fact, I was thinking about you just yesterday, when I got a text from Nate, another of our June brothers. You've taken a tough road, but you still have your support and brotherhood surrounding you. Your honor and integrity, health and respect are everything. You got this. Hang in there.
My Dad always told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". These are amazing words for a recovering addict. Once you beat this truly rough spot, Mark, other things that once seemed diffucult will now seem so simple because you have already lived through much worse. You got this man. You are one really strong guy. You are something to look up to. You created a whole new level to my quit by opening up to us in the text group. My problems now do not seem very significant at all. I find myself saying things like "my problems are not shit compared to Mark's. If he can do it so can I!!!" Next time you even consider caving, just remember the effect it will have on me and the others. This quit is bigger than you now. Besides you conveinently live in the center of our text group. Me, Taco, Okie, Matt and Tige will all come over and give you a swift kick square in the dick should you ever cave.
Mark I don't hear you saying that you're considering caving, rather that you choose strength. I quit to that.
Nope no going back. I chose freedom and recovery verses being kicked around by a tin or life.
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Day 76. And this quit has been more of a war than I ever imagined. I suppose the theme of my quit has been "excuses". Back when I dropped out of my first "stop", it was due to massive financial pressures with my business and at home. We all have excuses to stop quitting, but mine seemed worse and justifiable. This mess I'm in isn't simply a days or weeks event, its been a long slide down over the course of a year. I constantly fight those thoughts that, this is truly a good excuse to bow out and give up, not only my quit, but on everything.
Today, I find myself not fearing but actually living my worst fears, as the business did fail and collapse. I am now starting over from square one. Not exactly a place I planned on being at this point in my life. All this has made my quit something different as I am not only battling the usual 70's craves and other "typical" cycles. But rather, those typical quit struggles along with the crippling stress, financial strains and personal doubt. If there was ever an excuse to bail out, this is it.
But I am learning that all this crap can be a good excuse, or it can be a way forward. All the things we say in regards to quitting, aren't just applicable to quitting, they are applicable to life. The fight to keep your word, to endure, to embrace the suck, to focus on just one day at a time, to win... these have all been instrumental in my fight with nic and in life. This could all be a great excuses or they could be forging a new man. I wake up each day and chose the later. I post roll not only to make a promise about nic, I post it to stand up and own another day and rebuild.
Yesterday, another fabulous excuse presented itself when i found myself in the ER in the cardiac wing. I learned I had a Pre Atrial Contraction problem with my heart. As I laid there with all those wires monitoring me and an IV drip going, i got so angry thinking, not yet another kick in the face. How I can't take yet another thing. Yet, I quickly found my KTC toolbox kicking in, I started texting my group what was going on, I told myself ODAAT, and I wanted to win and wouldn't be knocked down by this either.
There are always going to be perfectly good excuses to bail out. Not only with nic, but with my marriage, with my kids, with work, with relationships, and a thousand other areas of life. Quitting is a huge win, but taking those skills and learning to shoot down excuses and stay the course in life, is a HUGE bonus prize of this quit.
You are going through tough times. Keep using your tools. Stuff will get better. No excuses for failure when it comes to quitting nicotine.
Proud of you.
Mark, I'm a call away if you need anything at all. I'm so proud of you. In fact, I was thinking about you just yesterday, when I got a text from Nate, another of our June brothers. You've taken a tough road, but you still have your support and brotherhood surrounding you. Your honor and integrity, health and respect are everything. You got this. Hang in there.
My Dad always told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". These are amazing words for a recovering addict. Once you beat this truly rough spot, Mark, other things that once seemed diffucult will now seem so simple because you have already lived through much worse. You got this man. You are one really strong guy. You are something to look up to. You created a whole new level to my quit by opening up to us in the text group. My problems now do not seem very significant at all. I find myself saying things like "my problems are not shit compared to Mark's. If he can do it so can I!!!" Next time you even consider caving, just remember the effect it will have on me and the others. This quit is bigger than you now. Besides you conveinently live in the center of our text group. Me, Taco, Okie, Matt and Tige will all come over and give you a swift kick square in the dick should you ever cave.
Mark I don't hear you saying that you're considering caving, rather that you choose strength. I quit to that.
Nope no going back. I chose freedom and recovery verses being kicked around by a tin or life.
When the quit gets tough, keep on quitting!
ODAAT and NAFAR, period
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Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
-
Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
Keep bringing this !!!!
Quitters find a way to stay quit ....enough said
-
Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
Keep bringing this !!!!
Quitters find a way to stay quit ....enough said
Nice post.
-
Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
Keep bringing this !!!!
Quitters find a way to stay quit ....enough said
Nice post.
Thank you for sharing your journey, quit with you.
-
Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
Keep bringing this !!!!
Quitters find a way to stay quit ....enough said
Nice post.
Thank you for sharing your journey, quit with you.
You are amazing. Taking life's struggles and making some lemonade.
Proud to be quit with you.
-
Day 85. Surgery is over and feeling better, yet another major drama to deal with. The holidays have been anything but festive this year. When it rains, it pours has never been so true. These 85 days are simply amazing. It would be comical at what all has gone wrong since i quit were it not so painful. And the past fews days in KTC has been filled with people leaving or threatening to leave, even one of our own January guys left today, the Lipi drama, and on and on. Bet its busy days for Admins and Mods. Maybe this normal, who knows.
But I sort of laugh at all that noise. Just excuses. Not sure, but I think I can trump anyone else's excuse and I'm not giving in. Each and every bad or trying event in life is an excuse or reason to listen to the lie that its ok to back up and back off and do this quit thing later on. It really just doesn't matter what "it" is, getting to the point that "it" is just an excuse has changed me. Each day, I have to chew on this fact and accept it ODAAT. No words will ever be able to communicate how hard that is at times.
As 100 days starts to come into focus, I get nervous. Like its really this close. Of course I'm not cured or healed, but in this destruction in my life, its one more thing I get to put a WIN on. I crave WINS more than nic and failure. So for me, 100 days also sort of marks the rebuild of my company, finances, health, everything. I'm excited to hit 100 days for many more reasons than quit. The real irony is, this KTC thing gave me the tools to not only beat nic, they totally apply to life. Learning how to choose a course of action each day and stick to it despite withering forces opposed to it, was probably my greatest Christmas gift this year.
Keep bringing this !!!!
Quitters find a way to stay quit ....enough said
Nice post.
Thank you for sharing your journey, quit with you.
You are amazing. Taking life's struggles and making some lemonade.
Proud to be quit with you.
YouÂ’re a strong and resilient man. No doubt when you come out the other side of these challenges you will find yourself back on top.
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Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
-
That is all great news! Thanks for the update. Reaching the HOF is the first big milestone. Congrats.
-
Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
Congrats Mark. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for all the things you mentioned.
-
Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
Congrats Mark. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for all the things you mentioned.
This is all fantastic news. In addition to KTC, I have been attending some Nicotine Anonymous meetings. I find the combination of the two very helpful as the two represent different approaches so I take some from both groups. But I will tell you that sometimes there are speakers that come to the NA meetings and they tell stories like the one you're telling. There's a spiritual component to NA and there's a sense among those that are long-timers that there's this thing going on with God that if you take care of your business and do the things you're supposed to be doing, good things just happen. It's like no one can draw a straight line between quitting nicotine and these blessings but there's also no doubting that they are connected.
I'm actually unemployed right now and that's a big reason why I chose now to quit. Most of the times I've quit in the past have ended because of some work-related stress. So, I decided that THIS was going to be the time and I was going to concentrate on finally quitting this shit for good. The job search has been tough. Sitting in front of a computer is one of those times when I would always have a dip in so I'm trying to minimize that time. But being unemployed also means that I can go to the gym every day for as long as I need to keep from putting on the pounds that usually come with quitting. So, basically I'm quitting full-time and my job search is suffering a bit but that's OK for now. As I hear each week at the NA meetings, just take care of the things you can control and take it one day at a time and good things will come. Your story is more evidence of that.
-
Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
Congrats Mark. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for all the things you mentioned.
This is all fantastic news. In addition to KTC, I have been attending some Nicotine Anonymous meetings. I find the combination of the two very helpful as the two represent different approaches so I take some from both groups. But I will tell you that sometimes there are speakers that come to the NA meetings and they tell stories like the one you're telling. There's a spiritual component to NA and there's a sense among those that are long-timers that there's this thing going on with God that if you take care of your business and do the things you're supposed to be doing, good things just happen. It's like no one can draw a straight line between quitting nicotine and these blessings but there's also no doubting that they are connected.
I'm actually unemployed right now and that's a big reason why I chose now to quit. Most of the times I've quit in the past have ended because of some work-related stress. So, I decided that THIS was going to be the time and I was going to concentrate on finally quitting this shit for good. The job search has been tough. Sitting in front of a computer is one of those times when I would always have a dip in so I'm trying to minimize that time. But being unemployed also means that I can go to the gym every day for as long as I need to keep from putting on the pounds that usually come with quitting. So, basically I'm quitting full-time and my job search is suffering a bit but that's OK for now. As I hear each week at the NA meetings, just take care of the things you can control and take it one day at a time and good things will come. Your story is more evidence of that.
LA Kevin,
Thanks for your kind words. I am careful about tying my spirituality with quitting because there are plenty of people here who are amazing and powerful quitters and for them, God had nothing to do with it. But as a believer in Jesus Christ, I KNOW he is involved in all parts of my life, including this quit. If you scroll all the way back to my less than spectacular start here, I say that I came here because I felt like I was being called to quit by God, and I was looking for tools to quit. I am not a health-n-wealth gospel kinda guy, but I do know the Bible clearly says we are to be obedient and that he may use the crap in this world to get our attention. Why would he call me to this? Because my body is his temple, he lives in us, and I'm shoving cat turds in it all day!
These 100 days have been brutal, not just the quit, everything. Understanding the HOF is just a milestone, I am getting curious and starting to see that there are all kinds of changes going on in me. Maybe he let life slap the living hell out of me to get me to the place I could quit, and change. I'd do the same for my daughters if they were doing something destructive to themselves. It jarred me. And its changed me. Dipping this crap affects SO much more than just us, it steals from our marriages and families, it robs money, it makes us loners, it makes us liars and utterly selfish. So maybe, and I don't dare to presume to know what God does and why, but I'm getting really suspicious that as I approach this milestone, that his larger plan is coming into view, and my business woes are ending. Please know, I do not think life gets easy after this, this is just a step in obedience for me and a huge demonstration of how much God loved us first, even with cat turds ruining our lives.
I encourage you in this effort, its not for the pansies! But it is SO worth it. Nic (and in my perspective, it is satan) is whispering that you can put this quit off till things get better, just know its a damn lie. Its nothing but an excuse to keep you owned by a little can. God may or may not restore my business, he may or may not land you in a great job tomorrow, thats up to him, we are just to be obedient. But as you say, when we are obedient, its odd how things do seem to change.
But even if I was all wrong, if you stick with it and you GAIN all those things I mentioned we already lost to nic. Its a win-win! I hope to come back about Day 110 and say, the business is booming and I'm still QLF! But even if its not, I'll be QLF!
-
Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
Congrats Mark. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for all the things you mentioned.
This is all fantastic news. In addition to KTC, I have been attending some Nicotine Anonymous meetings. I find the combination of the two very helpful as the two represent different approaches so I take some from both groups. But I will tell you that sometimes there are speakers that come to the NA meetings and they tell stories like the one you're telling. There's a spiritual component to NA and there's a sense among those that are long-timers that there's this thing going on with God that if you take care of your business and do the things you're supposed to be doing, good things just happen. It's like no one can draw a straight line between quitting nicotine and these blessings but there's also no doubting that they are connected.
I'm actually unemployed right now and that's a big reason why I chose now to quit. Most of the times I've quit in the past have ended because of some work-related stress. So, I decided that THIS was going to be the time and I was going to concentrate on finally quitting this shit for good. The job search has been tough. Sitting in front of a computer is one of those times when I would always have a dip in so I'm trying to minimize that time. But being unemployed also means that I can go to the gym every day for as long as I need to keep from putting on the pounds that usually come with quitting. So, basically I'm quitting full-time and my job search is suffering a bit but that's OK for now. As I hear each week at the NA meetings, just take care of the things you can control and take it one day at a time and good things will come. Your story is more evidence of that.
LA Kevin,
Thanks for your kind words. I am careful about tying my spirituality with quitting because there are plenty of people here who are amazing and powerful quitters and for them, God had nothing to do with it. But as a believer in Jesus Christ, I KNOW he is involved in all parts of my life, including this quit. If you scroll all the way back to my less than spectacular start here, I say that I came here because I felt like I was being called to quit by God, and I was looking for tools to quit. I am not a health-n-wealth gospel kinda guy, but I do know the Bible clearly says we are to be obedient and that he may use the crap in this world to get our attention. Why would he call me to this? Because my body is his temple, he lives in us, and I'm shoving cat turds in it all day!
These 100 days have been brutal, not just the quit, everything. Understanding the HOF is just a milestone, I am getting curious and starting to see that there are all kinds of changes going on in me. Maybe he let life slap the living hell out of me to get me to the place I could quit, and change. I'd do the same for my daughters if they were doing something destructive to themselves. It jarred me. And its changed me. Dipping this crap affects SO much more than just us, it steals from our marriages and families, it robs money, it makes us loners, it makes us liars and utterly selfish. So maybe, and I don't dare to presume to know what God does and why, but I'm getting really suspicious that as I approach this milestone, that his larger plan is coming into view, and my business woes are ending. Please know, I do not think life gets easy after this, this is just a step in obedience for me and a huge demonstration of how much God loved us first, even with cat turds ruining our lives.
I encourage you in this effort, its not for the pansies! But it is SO worth it. Nic (and in my perspective, it is satan) is whispering that you can put this quit off till things get better, just know its a damn lie. Its nothing but an excuse to keep you owned by a little can. God may or may not restore my business, he may or may not land you in a great job tomorrow, thats up to him, we are just to be obedient. But as you say, when we are obedient, its odd how things do seem to change.
But even if I was all wrong, if you stick with it and you GAIN all those things I mentioned we already lost to nic. Its a win-win! I hope to come back about Day 110 and say, the business is booming and I'm still QLF! But even if its not, I'll be QLF!
First off, congratulations on 98 days quit. That's a huge accomplishment. With that said, please, think about the magnitude of 98 days, the pain you have endured to achieve that, and how much it would suck to start off on day 1. Why do I want you to reflect on this, because what you have written in your original post has me concerned. Very concerned.
You write, "I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF."
Maybe this is purely a misinterpretation on my part because you later write that no matter the outcome of your business scenario you are QLF. None-the-less, think about that last statement. You've been here long enough to know that the HOF, or 100-day mark, is simply another day. A milestone, yes...and a great milestone, but it's another day. Some may think of it as the beginning. After 100 days you have now learned how to quit and be quit. Now it's up to you to foster that quit and take it to another level, that being a place you can maintain that quit every day. I'm sure you have seen what happens when people stop posting roll, stop maintaining a degree of activeness, and basically become complacent. This leads to vulnerability. Do not lets this become you; it's time to take it to the next level.
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Day 98. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about my quit journey is about 2 weeks ago, I began to see that my life was going to change by Friday, January 23. Thats because things would be upon me that would force my permanent exit from business and I'd be forced to "go get a job". Getting a job would involve putting my company and me personally into bankruptcy - the final straw or loss I have been fighting. There were several rather big things that would need to take place to avoid that fate and for me to relaunch the business, some so big I simply do not control them, so it was just a matter of time to see, and that time runs out this week.
Since I last posted I've been back in the ER for even more drama and have yet another surgery tomorrow. I look in the mirror and think, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! I feared that being drugged out on pain meds AGAIN was going to kill any chance of me rebuilding the business and the unwanted defaulting was all but inevitable. I even looked sadly at my approaching 100 days as the only good thing left that I had going.
So these past 2 weeks I've been watching as amazing things have happened. It turns out tomorrow's surgery will actually be the end to this medical mess FINALLY. It will be O.V.E.R. And I am starting to see some of those big things happen and come to life. It's hard to say or believe, but I am now feverishly preparing to relaunch my company with a new investor and some great new potential. Could this really all be wrapping up at the same time, at 100 days? I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF. Talk about coincidences...
I'll NEVER forget these 100 days.
Congrats Mark. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for all the things you mentioned.
This is all fantastic news. In addition to KTC, I have been attending some Nicotine Anonymous meetings. I find the combination of the two very helpful as the two represent different approaches so I take some from both groups. But I will tell you that sometimes there are speakers that come to the NA meetings and they tell stories like the one you're telling. There's a spiritual component to NA and there's a sense among those that are long-timers that there's this thing going on with God that if you take care of your business and do the things you're supposed to be doing, good things just happen. It's like no one can draw a straight line between quitting nicotine and these blessings but there's also no doubting that they are connected.
I'm actually unemployed right now and that's a big reason why I chose now to quit. Most of the times I've quit in the past have ended because of some work-related stress. So, I decided that THIS was going to be the time and I was going to concentrate on finally quitting this shit for good. The job search has been tough. Sitting in front of a computer is one of those times when I would always have a dip in so I'm trying to minimize that time. But being unemployed also means that I can go to the gym every day for as long as I need to keep from putting on the pounds that usually come with quitting. So, basically I'm quitting full-time and my job search is suffering a bit but that's OK for now. As I hear each week at the NA meetings, just take care of the things you can control and take it one day at a time and good things will come. Your story is more evidence of that.
LA Kevin,
Thanks for your kind words. I am careful about tying my spirituality with quitting because there are plenty of people here who are amazing and powerful quitters and for them, God had nothing to do with it. But as a believer in Jesus Christ, I KNOW he is involved in all parts of my life, including this quit. If you scroll all the way back to my less than spectacular start here, I say that I came here because I felt like I was being called to quit by God, and I was looking for tools to quit. I am not a health-n-wealth gospel kinda guy, but I do know the Bible clearly says we are to be obedient and that he may use the crap in this world to get our attention. Why would he call me to this? Because my body is his temple, he lives in us, and I'm shoving cat turds in it all day!
These 100 days have been brutal, not just the quit, everything. Understanding the HOF is just a milestone, I am getting curious and starting to see that there are all kinds of changes going on in me. Maybe he let life slap the living hell out of me to get me to the place I could quit, and change. I'd do the same for my daughters if they were doing something destructive to themselves. It jarred me. And its changed me. Dipping this crap affects SO much more than just us, it steals from our marriages and families, it robs money, it makes us loners, it makes us liars and utterly selfish. So maybe, and I don't dare to presume to know what God does and why, but I'm getting really suspicious that as I approach this milestone, that his larger plan is coming into view, and my business woes are ending. Please know, I do not think life gets easy after this, this is just a step in obedience for me and a huge demonstration of how much God loved us first, even with cat turds ruining our lives.
I encourage you in this effort, its not for the pansies! But it is SO worth it. Nic (and in my perspective, it is satan) is whispering that you can put this quit off till things get better, just know its a damn lie. Its nothing but an excuse to keep you owned by a little can. God may or may not restore my business, he may or may not land you in a great job tomorrow, thats up to him, we are just to be obedient. But as you say, when we are obedient, its odd how things do seem to change.
But even if I was all wrong, if you stick with it and you GAIN all those things I mentioned we already lost to nic. Its a win-win! I hope to come back about Day 110 and say, the business is booming and I'm still QLF! But even if its not, I'll be QLF!
First off, congratulations on 98 days quit. That's a huge accomplishment. With that said, please, think about the magnitude of 98 days, the pain you have endured to achieve that, and how much it would suck to start off on day 1. Why do I want you to reflect on this, because what you have written in your original post has me concerned. Very concerned.
You write, "I understand quitting is a lifelong thing, and so is the rest of the my life, but I'm curious to see if this particular journey does come to a head at the time I hit HoF."
Maybe this is purely a misinterpretation on my part because you later write that no matter the outcome of your business scenario you are QLF. None-the-less, think about that last statement. You've been here long enough to know that the HOF, or 100-day mark, is simply another day. A milestone, yes...and a great milestone, but it's another day. Some may think of it as the beginning. After 100 days you have now learned how to quit and be quit. Now it's up to you to foster that quit and take it to another level, that being a place you can maintain that quit every day. I'm sure you have seen what happens when people stop posting roll, stop maintaining a degree of activeness, and basically become complacent. This leads to vulnerability. Do not lets this become you; it's time to take it to the next level.
Wow man, I see what you are saying and that does look bad! Yes it is a misinterpretation. The ONLY that might coming to an end is this personal financial drama, the quit rages on and on!
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Day 100! Nothing to say but couldn't let this day slip by without a note! Finally on that train! Now its time to work on that 101 tomorrow.
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congrats dude
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Congrats Mark! A job well begun!
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Congrats Mark! A job well begun!
Indeed - set up a dual challenge for you and another quitter.
About a yr ahead of you on the whole closing my company and can tell you ......
...YOU'RE HERE FOR A PURPOSE
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Congrats Mark! A job well begun!
Indeed - set up a dual challenge for you and another quitter.
About a yr ahead of you on the whole closing my company and can tell you ......
...YOU'RE HERE FOR A PURPOSE
Mark - man, I'm so proud of you. I don't mean that condescendingly, but with admiration. You've endured as much as a guy could take during these first hundred days, and you still kept fighting, kept at it. You leaned on us and you were there for others to lean on you. I'm proud to call you my quit brother and I'm proud to point to you as an example of quit to others.
One other thing, regardless of whether or not this business of yours succeeds - the most important thing you've gained throughout this time is the honor, honesty, integrity and respect from your family - your wife being the most important in all of that, followed closely by your daughters. You made a statement that you were willing to "die" for them, in this case, dying to yourself and living the life God has given you....being the man God made you to be. There is absolutely nothing better you can attain in this world than that. You are a man of honor Mark. I hope you really soak that up today and hang onto that with everything you've got.
I want to give you caution now too. Day 100-200 seemed to really suck for most of us. I don't know what it was, whether it was the let down after the HOF or what, but I'm encouraging you to make sure you stay connected even more than ever for awhile. You've got a lot going on, and lean on us. A cord of three strings is not easily broken.
Sincerely,
Noel (Bronc)
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Stay strong my brother in Christ! Sometimes we forget what's number 1 in our life get slapped around for a little reminder! Proud to be quit with you my brother! Keep the faith God takes care of his own! He will never put more on us than we can bare!