KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Reagan on October 30, 2014, 11:35:00 AM
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A couple weeks ago I had to go get a flu shot. I'ts my first one in my entire life. I'm not a giant fan of vaccines and I feel like the less you have the better. But I had to get one this year. It's the only way I can go spend any length of time with my Mom.
A month ago, my Mom was diagnosed with Squamous-cell carcinoma, one of the common smokeless tobacco cancers. They found it in the base of her tongue. She's never dipped and stopped smoking 30 years ago. Her's has a different, non-preventable cause. Last week, I sat with her as she had her first chemo treatment and waited as she had her first radiation treatment. She goes to radiation 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks, having both side of her throat pummeled with it. Driving her home from one on Monday, she needed me to pull over so she could throw up. I then comforted her, on the side of road, as she cried because of how badly it burned to vomit.
In a week or two, as her hair starts to fall out, she'll be on a feeding tube exclusively, no longer able to swallow or produce saliva. Speaking will be too painful too, the doctors said, so she'll spend the remaining months not able to verbally communicate with us. She didn't chose this. No one told her there was a high chance of this happening to her. No one told her how to prevent it.
I've lied to her for years regarding my addiction. It was easier than getting a lecture from her for the 100th time. I've lied to GFs and my ex-wife, employers and friends. Somehow, I've managed to lie to myself for 10 years. "those pictures you see and stories you read could never be me."
Today, I quit for myself, first and foremost. But, I quit for my Mom, and the rest of my family and friends. How could I ask them to support and endure with me, if I were in her shoes, all the while knowing I had willingly brought it on myself. I won't force the people I love to watch me go through something I can prevent.
This is my quit.
-Charles
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Wow, powerful words, Reagan. Prayers going up for your mom! Speaking from experience, seeing a loved one battle cancer will definitely strengthen one's resolve to quit.
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Man... That is hardcore right there. I really don't have any words... They're all too small.
I will say this to you about your quit... Be honest and diligent in quitting for you alone. The addict in all of us is strong. Even by the side of a loved ones death bed it can whisper to us about justified use. I've seen and heard many stories here about just that. 'Nuff said.
Glad you're here m'man. This place is the best and it'll save your life. I say it all'a time ~ get involved and stay involved. You won't regret it...
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Reagan,
Praying for you and your mom. Proud to quit with you today and that makes my quit stronger.
Charles (as well)
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Thanks guys,
Apple, you're definitely right, I've read a couple books about addiction this last week and I understand the importance in making sure that you are personally invested and not putting the psychological burden on others. As I'm sure is the case with everyone else here, We quit for others in addition to ourselves.
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Thanks guys,
Apple, you're definitely right, I've read a couple books about addiction this last week and I understand the importance in making sure that you are personally invested and not putting the psychological burden on others. As I'm sure is the case with everyone else here, We quit for others in addition to ourselves.
Touching intro Charles. Stay close to the KTC and keep up with the +1's.
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Welcome to KTC and prayers to you and yours. With that, get ready for the suck as it is coming. Tighten the belt, strap in and have a plan. Lots of water, seeds, fake dip, gum, hard candy whatever it takes to get through the first few days especially when the whore will constantly whisper in your ear and make justifications as to how you can use, such as, see I didn't give your Mom cancer, I'm not that bad, anyone can get cancer, even if they don't use me. Make sure you are ready for the battle friend because she is. Use this site, use us! The plan is 100% guaranteed to work if you follow it. Post roll, honor your word repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat,.............. Quit with you today
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Wow. Powerful quit ammo here gentlemen.
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I'm with you today man.
Drink tons of water. Limit your caffeine. Exercise.
Most importantly, read everything you can here and stay quit. You've made the decision. You just have to keep following through. You can't quit all at once, but you can quit right now. Eventually, it becomes easier.
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Come join us in the HOF Feb 2015 quit group. There's a few of us roaming around here.
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Thanks flounder,
I'll head over and support you guys. I'm in January- day 9 (and it'll stay that way ha). The intro is a little late. Kinda wanted to get settled into the community first.
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10 - 4. Stop on by.
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Thanks guys,
Apple, you're definitely right, I've read a couple books about addiction this last week and I understand the importance in making sure that you are personally invested and not putting the psychological burden on others. As I'm sure is the case with everyone else here, We quit for others in addition to ourselves.
hey Charles. Glad you're here. You're making the living decision.
Mom is tough to lose. I lost mine to lung cancer and Dad to nicotine related illnesses. Both addicts of the poison.
Give her all the hugs you can, while you can. Life is not fair. Prayers up for your mom.
Quitting the poison is not easy, but well worth it. We are not "meant" to dip or smoke. We were not born with the poison in our mouths.
The KTC way works:
post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
I quit for myself because I always dipped for myself. I don't recall dipping for anyone else.
Quitting as selfishly as we dipped allows no room for excuses.
You really can do this ODAAT and NAFAR, period
You life will be richer, fuller and more peaceful as you quit one day at a time. One minute at a time if need be. Thinking of You and your mom all damn day brother!
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I'm glad I read this today. My quit level jumped a notch.
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Hi everyone my first post. Sorry if it's the wrong place still figuring out this forum. Anyway I been dipping for 14 years now and I am doing two tins a day of Skoal Apple I just went 15 hours and I caved anyone have any good ideas I really am struggling to quit this. It has been the biggest downfall for me. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to shake this habit. If anyone can help it would mean a lot. Thanks
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First of all, If you really want to do this, you gotta man up and do it. Stop thinking about the past and the future and think about today, this hour, this minute. You can't control 10 years from now, you CAN control right now. This has to be something you want for you. Secondly, you'r in the right place, KTC is a fantastic community full of resources for you. Get involved and get to know people. Third, get some things to replace the poison. Sunflower seeds, gum, jerky. I love the smokey mountain fake stuff. I also like the little green stopper from Starbucks. Have that shit on or immediately near you at all times. Use it constantly. This is just a start. Throw all your poison in the toilet, get into General Discussion, and post roll. We promise each other that we will not use any nicotine for that day. Then we do it again. Also check your PM's
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First of all, If you really want to do this, you gotta man up and do it. Stop thinking about the past and the future and think about today, this hour, this minute. You can't control 10 years from now, you CAN control right now. This has to be something you want for you. Secondly, you'r in the right place, KTC is a fantastic community full of resources for you. Get involved and get to know people. Third, get some things to replace the poison. Sunflower seeds, gum, jerky. I love the smokey mountain fake stuff. I also like the little green stopper from Starbucks. Have that shit on or immediately near you at all times. Use it constantly. This is just a start. Throw all your poison in the toilet, get into General Discussion, and post roll. We promise each other that we will not use any nicotine for that day. Then we do it again. Also check your PM's
Golden. Perfection. How long you been here?
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First of all, If you really want to do this, you gotta man up and do it. Stop thinking about the past and the future and think about today, this hour, this minute. You can't control 10 years from now, you CAN control right now. This has to be something you want for you. Secondly, you'r in the right place, KTC is a fantastic community full of resources for you. Get involved and get to know people. Third, get some things to replace the poison. Sunflower seeds, gum, jerky. I love the smokey mountain fake stuff. I also like the little green stopper from Starbucks. Have that shit on or immediately near you at all times. Use it constantly. This is just a start. Throw all your poison in the toilet, get into General Discussion, and post roll. We promise each other that we will not use any nicotine for that day. Then we do it again. Also check your PM's
Golden. Perfection. How long you been here?
Ha. 9 days. It rubbed off pretty quick on me
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First of all, If you really want to do this, you gotta man up and do it. Stop thinking about the past and the future and think about today, this hour, this minute. You can't control 10 years from now, you CAN control right now. This has to be something you want for you. Secondly, you'r in the right place, KTC is a fantastic community full of resources for you. Get involved and get to know people. Third, get some things to replace the poison. Sunflower seeds, gum, jerky. I love the smokey mountain fake stuff. I also like the little green stopper from Starbucks. Have that shit on or immediately near you at all times. Use it constantly. This is just a start. Throw all your poison in the toilet, get into General Discussion, and post roll. We promise each other that we will not use any nicotine for that day. Then we do it again. Also check your PM's
Golden. Perfection. How long you been here?
Ha. 9 days. It rubbed off pretty quick on me
Seriously! Nice job Reagan - that was like a succinct perfect seminar on how to quit with KTC in 1 paragraph.
Proud to quit with you man. Looks like the switch has been flipped. Keep doing what you are doing.
Lighty
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First of all, If you really want to do this, you gotta man up and do it. Stop thinking about the past and the future and think about today, this hour, this minute. You can't control 10 years from now, you CAN control right now. This has to be something you want for you. Secondly, you'r in the right place, KTC is a fantastic community full of resources for you. Get involved and get to know people. Third, get some things to replace the poison. Sunflower seeds, gum, jerky. I love the smokey mountain fake stuff. I also like the little green stopper from Starbucks. Have that shit on or immediately near you at all times. Use it constantly. This is just a start. Throw all your poison in the toilet, get into General Discussion, and post roll. We promise each other that we will not use any nicotine for that day. Then we do it again. Also check your PM's
Golden. Perfection. How long you been here?
Ha. 9 days. It rubbed off pretty quick on me
Seriously! Nice job Reagan - that was like a succinct perfect seminar on how to quit with KTC in 1 paragraph.
Proud to quit with you man. Looks like the switch has been flipped. Keep doing what you are doing.
Lighty
There a lot of things that can rub off on you quickly around here, take Gmann for instance. Wiat that is a story for another day.
Double digits tomorrow. Keep moving forward.
You can and will beat this shit.
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You've been around here long enough to know that we usually tell people to quit for themselves first. That still rings true, but in your case, quitting for your Mom is just as good. She clearly needs you and needs your strength right now and will for a long time. Watching and helping your Mom as she goes through her battle will be a solemn reminder of precisely what is at stake here.
The road ahead will undoubtedly be difficult at times and at certain points agonizing to watch. I hope you know you can lean very heavily on your KTC brothers for support.
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Now that you've dropped some serious quit knowledge to a fellow newbie, lets get back to you. Powerful reasons for quitting; no doubt. I've just been pondering a bit about your statement regarding that we all quit for ourselves but we also quit for others. I understand your motive for saying that, and it's definitely with the right intention; but I wanted to share my perspective on that, which goes back to the first thing I said...let's get back to you.
Quitting is always about 1 person, that being you. As addicts we have tried to quit for family, loved ones, etc. We've also tried to quit for health, for lower health insurance premiums, whatever...and when we do that we fail. Every time. I can't think of a single quitter on this site who hasn't tried quitting for said reasons and has failed. The KTC kook-aid says that we quit for ourselves. Look, we all have loved ones and being quit certainly benefits them, but this is how I think about quitting for me.
I quit for me, and me alone. Selfishly 100% for me. Why is that? Because I want to be around for my kids. I want to be healthy. I want to grow old with my wife and be able to live life to its fullest with her. I want to be able to do simple things, like yard work and going for a drive without a turd in my mouth. The list goes on and on. I want these for me, and therefor I quit for me. Now,...as of today I am 323 days quit, and one thing I've learned is that through this time, having built accountability and brotherhood on this site, my quit is no longer just about me. There are others who depend on me to be quit, because they care about me. Because they are proud of what I have accomplished. Because they gain strength from my quit and my support as I gain strength from theirs. These are also things I love about being quit and I want that too. I want brotherhood and accountability and therefor the quit is still for me and me alone.
So you see Reagan, I totally get where your coming from, but I want you to know that your quit is for you. Be selfish and feel free to want whatever benefits come from being quit...these "wants" are for you. In closing, the difference between trying to quit on your own versus quitting with KTC is building that accountability and brotherhood. It's also as simple as the difference between trying to quit (which leads to failure) and being quit (which leads to success). Live it love it breath it.
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Great intro Reagan. Thanks for sharing. Did you come clean to your family and friends? Did you tell them about your past lies and addiction? I hope you have and that you will soon if you haven't.
IMHO: Your chances of success are much lower if you don't come clean.
Glad you're quitting for yourself. Very sorry to hear about your mother. Her story hits home. I have a brother in law who was just diagnosed with stage 4 tonsillar cancer of the same type. His radiation and chemo starts after thanksgiving. The oncologist wants him fully healed from the surgery and all infections cleared up. Cancer sucks and those that have it are fighting for their very existence. Their fight is so much harder than our fight. That is why there is simply no excuse whatsoever for caving to the nic bitch. No excuse whatsoever. Failure is intolerable here. Completely unacceptable. Live by these two mantras: one day at a time never again for any reason. ODAAT NAFAR.