KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: imwhip on September 16, 2011, 05:40:00 PM
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I have been a member for 8 days now. I feel a bit like a lurker having not introduced myself. I am QUIT and intend to stay thus for today. I will re-up my promise daily to my fellow December quitters on roll call. I am amazed by the support from the members of the site. I have read and read and continue to read more. Its a hard journey made much easier by those who have gone before.
I "quit" last year for 40 days - I just gave it up for Lent. I thought, wow that was easy but on the 41st day - went right back to it. It was an empty, hollow quit. Not so this time.
I dipped for over 12 years. I saw a friend of mine, who I admired; who I thought had it all together, take a dip. I thought I would give it a try. The NicBitch had her claws in me and refused to let go. 12 years later, my wife, my kids (3 boys - 10, 7 and 5) mean more to me than the NicBitch. I watched my mother die of breast cancer from a life time of smoking and thought I was heading down the same path. The cancer spread to her brain, ears, throat. It was the most horrifing thing I have ever seen. I took her to chemo treatments, sat with her at night, stroked her hair to comfort her, was at her bed side when she passed. I recall taking a dip in the car leaving hospice after she passed. Could I have been more stupid??
I work from my home office for the past 4 years which makes it far too easy to dip - not that I cared that much when I worked in an office setting. Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I had been searching for information on the Internets over the past week or so on how to quit. Before I found KTC, one site suggested writing down your triggers when and where you would take a dip. I came up with at least 20 different triggers. Triggers dont go away but I found that when I wrote them down and was aware of these, thes crave from the trigger was less impactful.
I now live in the fear of thinking that I started my QUIT too late. It only take on tiny little cell to mutate and spread like wild fire. I could be the one in hospice. I live with the guilt of how stupid and selfish I have been. I pray that its not too late for me.
I appreciate the support offered on the site, and am happy to help any others in need.
Whip
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I have been a member for 8 days now. I feel a bit like a lurker having not introduced myself. I am QUIT and intend to stay thus for today. I will re-up my promise daily to my fellow December quitters on roll call. I am amazed by the support from the members of the site. I have read and read and continue to read more. Its a hard journey made much easier by those who have gone before.
I "quit" last year for 40 days - I just gave it up for Lent. I thought, wow that was easy but on the 41st day - went right back to it. It was an empty, hollow quit. Not so this time.
I dipped for over 12 years. I saw a friend of mine, who I admired; who I thought had it all together, take a dip. I thought I would give it a try. The NicBitch had her claws in me and refused to let go. 12 years later, my wife, my kids (3 boys - 10, 7 and 5) mean more to me than the NicBitch. I watched my mother die of breast cancer from a life time of smoking and thought I was heading down the same path. The cancer spread to her brain, ears, throat. It was the most horrifing thing I have ever seen. I took her to chemo treatments, sat with her at night, stroked her hair to comfort her, was at her bed side when she passed. I recall taking a dip in the car leaving hospice after she passed. Could I have been more stupid??
I work from my home office for the past 4 years which makes it far too easy to dip - not that I cared that much when I worked in an office setting. Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I had been searching for information on the Internets over the past week or so on how to quit. Before I found KTC, one site suggested writing down your triggers when and where you would take a dip. I came up with at least 20 different triggers. Triggers dont go away but I found that when I wrote them down and was aware of these, thes crave from the trigger was less impactful.
I now live in the fear of thinking that I started my QUIT too late. It only take on tiny little cell to mutate and spread like wild fire. I could be the one in hospice. I live with the guilt of how stupid and selfish I have been. I pray that its not too late for me.
I appreciate the support offered on the site, and am happy to help any others in need.
Whip
Welcome aboard...your intro sounds very similar to the things I did.
Both parents died from cancer after being lifetime smokers...chemo/rad therapy appointments...watching them both go from strong, healthy hard-working people down to 75 pound weaklings because of the disease...and going out to have a dip during the funeral/viewing.
I did the Starbucks cup thing too. I got our hospital to change the lids they put on the cups because mine kept splitting and I'd dribble dip juice down the front of my shirt. Of course I had to make it sound like I spilled coffee on me. Stupid shit looking back on it all now.
I'm glad to have you here with us...you know your way around already, but holler out if you need anything. 'archer'
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Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I'm pretty sure it was like my second or third day when I was gong to school. I saw this one kid walking to class dipping spitting into a cup just like a described. I thought it was so cool seeing that. Figuring I'd now be able to get away with dipping in class. I could never do it right. I always spilled on myself. I still dipped in class and just didn't give a damn after a while since I felt like they were all disgusted by me anyway.
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I have been a member for 8 days now. I feel a bit like a lurker having not introduced myself. I am QUIT and intend to stay thus for today. I will re-up my promise daily to my fellow December quitters on roll call. I am amazed by the support from the members of the site. I have read and read and continue to read more. Its a hard journey made much easier by those who have gone before.
I "quit" last year for 40 days - I just gave it up for Lent. I thought, wow that was easy but on the 41st day - went right back to it. It was an empty, hollow quit. Not so this time.
I dipped for over 12 years. I saw a friend of mine, who I admired; who I thought had it all together, take a dip. I thought I would give it a try. The NicBitch had her claws in me and refused to let go. 12 years later, my wife, my kids (3 boys -Â 10, 7 and 5) mean more to me than the NicBitch. I watched my mother die of breast cancer from a life time of smoking and thought I was heading down the same path. The cancer spread to her brain, ears, throat. It was the most horrifing thing I have ever seen. I took her to chemo treatments, sat with her at night, stroked her hair to comfort her, was at her bed side when she passed. I recall taking a dip in the car leaving hospice after she passed. Could I have been more stupid??
I work from my home office for the past 4 years which makes it far too easy to dip - not that I cared that much when I worked in an office setting. Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I had been searching for information on the Internets over the past week or so on how to quit. Before I found KTC, one site suggested writing down your triggers when and where you would take a dip. I came up with at least 20 different triggers. Triggers dont go away but I found that when I wrote them down and was aware of these, thes crave from the trigger was less impactful.
I now live in the fear of thinking that I started my QUIT too late. It only take on tiny little cell to mutate and spread like wild fire. I could be the one in hospice. I live with the guilt of how stupid and selfish I have been. I pray that its not too late for me.
I appreciate the support offered on the site, and am happy to help any others in need.
Whip
Wow, that sentiment of fear resonated with me...that has been THE pressing thought gnawing in the back of my head for the last few days.
I guess there is nothing to do but stay quit, stay strong, and hope that we did it in time. How crazy is it to do this kind of potential harm to ourselves, expose ourselves to these kind of risks, for nothing in return.
I too appreciate the help and support, and the additional motivation from posts like yours.
Thanks whip and proud to be quit with you.
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I have been a member for 8 days now. I feel a bit like a lurker having not introduced myself. I am QUIT and intend to stay thus for today. I will re-up my promise daily to my fellow December quitters on roll call. I am amazed by the support from the members of the site. I have read and read and continue to read more. Its a hard journey made much easier by those who have gone before.
I "quit" last year for 40 days - I just gave it up for Lent. I thought, wow that was easy but on the 41st day - went right back to it. It was an empty, hollow quit. Not so this time.
I dipped for over 12 years. I saw a friend of mine, who I admired; who I thought had it all together, take a dip. I thought I would give it a try. The NicBitch had her claws in me and refused to let go. 12 years later, my wife, my kids (3 boys -Â 10, 7 and 5) mean more to me than the NicBitch. I watched my mother die of breast cancer from a life time of smoking and thought I was heading down the same path. The cancer spread to her brain, ears, throat. It was the most horrifing thing I have ever seen. I took her to chemo treatments, sat with her at night, stroked her hair to comfort her, was at her bed side when she passed. I recall taking a dip in the car leaving hospice after she passed. Could I have been more stupid??
I work from my home office for the past 4 years which makes it far too easy to dip - not that I cared that much when I worked in an office setting. Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I had been searching for information on the Internets over the past week or so on how to quit. Before I found KTC, one site suggested writing down your triggers when and where you would take a dip. I came up with at least 20 different triggers. Triggers dont go away but I found that when I wrote them down and was aware of these, thes crave from the trigger was less impactful.
I now live in the fear of thinking that I started my QUIT too late. It only take on tiny little cell to mutate and spread like wild fire. I could be the one in hospice. I live with the guilt of how stupid and selfish I have been. I pray that its not too late for me.
I appreciate the support offered on the site, and am happy to help any others in need.
Whip
Wow, that sentiment of fear resonated with me...that has been THE pressing thought gnawing in the back of my head for the last few days.
I guess there is nothing to do but stay quit, stay strong, and hope that we did it in time. How crazy is it to do this kind of potential harm to ourselves, expose ourselves to these kind of risks, for nothing in return.
I too appreciate the help and support, and the additional motivation from posts like yours.
Thanks whip and proud to be quit with you.
Whip. Thank you for sharing with us. Welcome to freedom, and proud to be quit with you. JT
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Okay Whip...whip it good. You have made a bold decision my friend. Don't think this is just a passing decision like "can I have another cupcake for dessert?...no i don't need it". You have thrown a hardcore addiction to the wayside. 12 years? 12 years of ingesting poison daily. That crap had you consciously killing yourself daily. And you just up and quit about a week ago. You got balls brother. Don't short yourself on courage. Is it easy? Heck no. Are you quit? You bet you are. You're done. Today you are a different man than everyone of those days for the last 12 years. You made the decision that you're worth more. You've shown to yourself that you are meant to keep walking this planet for some good reason. That's the decision you've made brother. I'm proud of you. Sure I don't know you but I know a whole bunch of other folks that are just like you and just like me. They all made the decision to quit. They kept their word. They're strong men and women. Folks with something more to give in this world and I'm proud of them.
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Okay Whip...whip it good. You have made a bold decision my friend. Don't think this is just a passing decision like "can I have another cupcake for dessert?...no i don't need it". You have thrown a hardcore addiction to the wayside. 12 years? 12 years of ingesting poison daily. That crap had you consciously killing yourself daily. And you just up and quit about a week ago. You got balls brother. Don't short yourself on courage. Is it easy? Heck no. Are you quit? You bet you are. You're done. Today you are a different man than everyone of those days for the last 12 years. You made the decision that you're worth more. You've shown to yourself that you are meant to keep walking this planet for some good reason. That's the decision you've made brother. I'm proud of you. Sure I don't know you but I know a whole bunch of other folks that are just like you and just like me. They all made the decision to quit. They kept their word. They're strong men and women. Folks with something more to give in this world.
I hope you edited that post to add the whip it good part. Ha. Not to hijack your thread whip or anything.
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Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I'm pretty sure it was like my second or third day when I was gong to school. I saw this one kid walking to class dipping spitting into a cup just like a described. I thought it was so cool seeing that. Figuring I'd now be able to get away with dipping in class. I could never do it right. I always spilled on myself. I still dipped in class and just didn't give a damn after a while since I felt like they were all disgusted by me anyway.
I would keep the lid on the coffee cup and quick spit. Starbucks cups were the best because the bottom doesn't soak thru so quick.
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3 week old QUIT but having a hard time keeping my anger in check over the past few days. The smallest things seem to set me off. I seem to be drifting between a fog and a hail storm of anger. Anyone else experience this?
:angry: :angry: :angry:
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3 week old QUIT but having a hard time keeping my anger in check over the past few days. The smallest things seem to set me off. I seem to be drifting between a fog and a hail storm of anger. Anyone else experience this?
:angry: :angry: :angry:
Yep. Feelings like that are hardly unusual. The thing to remember is that you DO NOT let that affect your family. Come in here and vent, swear, threaten, throw a tantrum, whatever...but do it at us. We know where you are...we've all been there.
Don't let this funk period change your resolve to be quit. If you're getting angry, go down to the driving range and take that anger out on the little white balls...it's called "Whack-Fuck!" for a reason. 'archer'
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3 week old QUIT but having a hard time keeping my anger in check over the past few days. The smallest things seem to set me off. I seem to be drifting between a fog and a hail storm of anger. Anyone else experience this?
:angry: :angry: :angry:
Yep, it was also my first experience of my mind really fighting with the notion of having one but also knowing there was no way I was going to have and really didnt want one. The cross confliting thoughts led me to the agitation. I think part of it was also due tp having some strong triggers I haven't encountered in my quit yet, (travelling).
All I can say is think of it as you coming out of the fog and it is going to get much better. Right about day 24, for the first time, everything lifted and I could grasp what all the vets were saying. I am comfortable saying I am an addict now. I also know not to let my guard because even how good those days were, I had to travel again this week and yesterday on the way back I got slapped in the face again with a crave. It seems its the triggers you don't face day in and day out are the ones that sneak up on you and you better be ready.
Long winded way of saying you're definitely not alone and just be patient.
-cas (day 31).
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Whatever you do.....don't let your mood swings talk you into caving!
On my previouse unseccessful "tries" at quitting I would let my addiciton talk me into "your family is suffering because of your mood swings........buy a can for them"!!!
No shit.......I was a fucking moron back then! Thankfully these guys have set me straight!
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I had a helluva time through the twenties. Hang in there. It gets better.
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She just figured out you are serious about your quit, and boy is she pissed. Wear her out. She will get frustrated and fade. You have her now.
FU nic bitch. He shall overcome!
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Congrats, HOF man!
Lets do another 100 days!
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Congrats, HOF man!
Lets do another 100 days!
Hell yes! Congrats! See you at next 100
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Congrats, HOF man!
Lets do another 100 days!
Hell yes! Congrats! See you at next 100
Congrats Whip! Amazing accomplishment. Proud to be quit with you.