KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: invader on March 12, 2015, 07:33:00 PM
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Hey folks. I've been lurking on this site for a long time, but have recently decided to make a user name, posted roll call, and now I've not had nicotine of any kind in my body for one day. I wish I didn't have to use the Jake's Mint Chew, but at least it isn't tobacco or nicotine. Oh well. In time I won't need it, and my main concern is keeping nicotine out of my system.
So far, I'm jittery and have chills. I space out and stare at the wall, and am having trouble putting thoughts together. Actually, in a weird way, this is fascinating to me. Every so often a craving comes by, and it is AMAZING what this addiction is trying to do to get me to put a real dip into my mouth. "It's just ONE. I mean, if you have just one, it'll still be great progress compared to the can a day you used to use!" Very sneaky. Fortunately, thanks to reading tips from you guys, I'm able to spot this bullshit as it's happening.
Anyway, I realize I'm new here, but if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I'll certainly be on the lookout for ways to help, too.
At the request of CastleHusky, I will now add my reasons for quitting which I had put into a NotePad file and later printed out:
Reasons to quit:
Teeth will look better.
Mouth will become healthy again.
No more having to hide it or feel embarrassed.
Over $130 more a month in spending money.
Floor won't get ruined.
Clothing won't get stained.
Other health benefits.
Won't have to stay awake to "finish" dip.
Won't feel like a damn slave anymore.
Mouth won't hurt.
No more being scolded.
Taste will return.
No more shit getting stuck in teeth.
No more leaves everywhere.
HUGE sense of accomplishment.
Normal heart rate.
Make grandma and grandpa proud.
Make mom proud.
Renewed self confidence.
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Welcome invader! You've made the best decision in your life. I saw you posted roll; good job in not messing it up. :)
Keep reading and get involved with your quit group. Also, pm me if you want to swap digits.
This is going to be tough in the beginning and we are here to help.
I quit with you today!
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Thanks, Kenny! I've been hanging out in the chat room getting to know some of the folks. Man, this is gonna be a great ride.
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Thanks, Kenny! I've been hanging out in the chat room getting to know some of the folks. Man, this is gonna be a great ride.
Great job so far. Stay strong and focused. It gets easier. I'm at day 56. Never have I been this far.
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Holy hell, good job, Turn! And thank you for the kind words. You guys are great.
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Thanks, Kenny! I've been hanging out in the chat room getting to know some of the folks. Man, this is gonna be a great ride.
Great job so far. Stay strong and focused. It gets easier. I'm at day 56. Never have I been this far.
Invader sounds like you got the want to and figured out where to get the tools to get the job done. Some badass quitters in here, listen to there advice. Read post roll EDD! ODAAT!
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Thanks, Kenny! I've been hanging out in the chat room getting to know some of the folks. Man, this is gonna be a great ride.
Great job so far. Stay strong and focused. It gets easier. I'm at day 56. Never have I been this far.
Invader sounds like you got the want to and figured out where to get the tools to get the job done. Some badass quitters in here, listen to there advice. Read post roll EDD! ODAAT!
Focus on today..... That gets us to 72 hours and free of poison.
You have to dive in too the shallow water.... And hit your head hard!
Then the headache starts.. That can be cured by drinking the coolaid.
Simple....
NOT.... don't go backwards...
Your negative thoughts will go away if you don't give in to them.....
Dround them in water!
Be strong... Let the old self die.
Be excited about your new identity.
I quit with you.
Rawls
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Welcome and congrats on geting day 1 behind you! See you on the roll EDD!!
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welcome to the hall vader! way to kick some quit ass!
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welcome to the hall vader! way to kick some quit ass!
Congratulations vader! See you at 200!
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Congrats on the HOF, invader! Keep up the strong quit!
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Vader, my linkage bro.
Thanks for helping me out and keeping me distracted.
Got this far with help from you.
Congrats on your 100! Cheers to +1 forever Bro!
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Thanks everybody! Feels really good to be here.
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Congrats on a hundred and more mr vader ... let make it a lifetime! You have my number if there is ever anything I can do.
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Congrats on the HOF brother. I just read your speech and wanted to thank your for an inspiring piece. You are a Bad Ass Goon and a huge asset to this place.
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Thanks folks!
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Thanks for helping me get to this point (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW-f2Tl3PNA), guys.
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Thanks for helping me get to this point (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW-f2Tl3PNA), guys.
Kick ass Flock O'Gulls!
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Hi! Let me give this using-your-intro-as-a-quit-journal thing a shot.
So, for seemingly no apparent reason, at 3:30 AM tonight I decided to flush the two cans of Smokey Mountain Herbal Snuff I had left. I quit using it at about day 50, transitioning to sugarfree gum instead, but I kept the two cans of fake in my dresser as a backup of sorts in case the mother of all craves hit. But here's the thing: I have had very strong craves sporadically since I stopped using even fake, and not once has my mind gone to "I need my Smokey Mountain RIGHT NOW." Maybe that's what happened. Maybe the logical part of my mind realized there's no use in keeping something around I don't use. Maybe, in an odd way, keeping the fake was working to my detriment just by being there - a connection of sorts to a person I no longer am. A means to mimic a thing I no longer partake in, and in fact, hate.
Now, this isn't a "I'm above using fake" thing, or a "the people using fake are wrong" thing or even a "fake dip is bad" thing. On the contrary, I was NOT above using fake dip, and I actively recommend it to ANYONE who has quit dipping but still misses the ritual of spitting, packing a can, or whatever else. What I'm saying is that I feel I've personally turned a corner. I no longer desire the ritual of spitting brown goo into a bottle, even if said goo is only corn silk and food dye. I can't explain it, but I suddenly felt a strong resentment towards my cans of fake not for what they were, but what they reminded me of. I didn't even want to look at the cans themselves, so I also threw a half-full garbage bag with the empty cans into my apartment's dumpster. And when I was handling the cans, I held them with my thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched - the same way someone would hold a leaking bag of fresh dog shit. No lie. I am realizing that keeping those cans of fake around was causing me stress and making an already difficult thing much harder. I don't need reminded of dip every time I open that drawer. In fact, I don't want anything that even LOOKS like a can of the real shit in my home.
I can't explain what compelled me to do this tonight/this morning, but I feel a truer, greater sense of freedom now. I feel liberated. Not complacent. Not cured. Not immune to craves. And make no mistake, this changes nothing with regards to the formula to stay quit or my routine. I will still be here every day making an ass of myself on the boards and in chat, and posting my daily promise. My guard has not lowered in the slightest. But I feel I have definitely distanced myself even further from tobacco in a tangible, meaningful way. Perhaps this is the "closing the door" moment people on the site talk about. Or, perhaps it was how the process of using fake dip is supposed to play itself out. After all, most companies who make the stuff tell you that the day comes when you totally lose interest in it. Whatever it is, it feels fucking good, and I credit you, the good people of KTC, with helping me to achieve it.
- Invader
(Too Long, Didn't Read version: lol i threw stuff away and feel good now).
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Hi! Let me give this using-your-intro-as-a-quit-journal thing a shot.
So, for seemingly no apparent reason, at 3:30 AM tonight I decided to flush the two cans of Smokey Mountain Herbal Snuff I had left. I quit using it at about day 50, transitioning to sugarfree gum instead, but I kept the two cans of fake in my dresser as a backup of sorts in case the mother of all craves hit. But here's the thing: I have had very strong craves sporadically since I stopped using even fake, and not once has my mind gone to "I need my Smokey Mountain RIGHT NOW." Maybe that's what happened. Maybe the logical part of my mind realized there's no use in keeping something around I don't use. Maybe, in an odd way, keeping the fake was working to my detriment just by being there - a connection of sorts to a person I no longer am. A means to mimic a thing I no longer partake in, and in fact, hate.
Now, this isn't a "I'm above using fake" thing, or a "the people using fake are wrong" thing or even a "fake dip is bad" thing. On the contrary, I was NOT above using fake dip, and I actively recommend it to ANYONE who has quit dipping but still misses the ritual of spitting, packing a can, or whatever else. What I'm saying is that I feel I've personally turned a corner. I no longer desire the ritual of spitting brown goo into a bottle, even if said goo is only corn silk and food dye. I can't explain it, but I suddenly felt a strong resentment towards my cans of fake not for what they were, but what they reminded me of. I didn't even want to look at the cans themselves, so I also threw a half-full garbage bag with the empty cans into my apartment's dumpster. And when I was handling the cans, I held them with my thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched - the same way someone would hold a leaking bag of fresh dog shit. No lie. I am realizing that keeping those cans of fake around was causing me stress and making an already difficult thing much harder. I don't need reminded of dip every time I open that drawer. In fact, I don't want anything that even LOOKS like a can of the real shit in my home.
I can't explain what compelled me to do this tonight/this morning, but I feel a truer, greater sense of freedom now. I feel liberated. Not complacent. Not cured. Not immune to craves. And make no mistake, this changes nothing with regards to the formula to stay quit or my routine. I will still be here every day making an ass of myself on the boards and in chat, and posting my daily promise. My guard has not lowered in the slightest. But I feel I have definitely distanced myself even further from tobacco in a tangible, meaningful way. Perhaps this is the "closing the door" moment people on the site talk about. Or, perhaps it was how the process of using fake dip is supposed to play itself out. After all, most companies who make the stuff tell you that the day comes when you totally lose interest in it. Whatever it is, it feels fucking good, and I credit you, the good people of KTC, with helping me to achieve it.
- Invader
(Too Long, Didn't Read version: lol i threw stuff away and feel good now).
Great shot...... On the journal thing!
Respecting this quit EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 323
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Hi! Let me give this using-your-intro-as-a-quit-journal thing a shot.
So, for seemingly no apparent reason, at 3:30 AM tonight I decided to flush the two cans of Smokey Mountain Herbal Snuff I had left. I quit using it at about day 50, transitioning to sugarfree gum instead, but I kept the two cans of fake in my dresser as a backup of sorts in case the mother of all craves hit. But here's the thing: I have had very strong craves sporadically since I stopped using even fake, and not once has my mind gone to "I need my Smokey Mountain RIGHT NOW." Maybe that's what happened. Maybe the logical part of my mind realized there's no use in keeping something around I don't use. Maybe, in an odd way, keeping the fake was working to my detriment just by being there - a connection of sorts to a person I no longer am. A means to mimic a thing I no longer partake in, and in fact, hate.
Now, this isn't a "I'm above using fake" thing, or a "the people using fake are wrong" thing or even a "fake dip is bad" thing. On the contrary, I was NOT above using fake dip, and I actively recommend it to ANYONE who has quit dipping but still misses the ritual of spitting, packing a can, or whatever else. What I'm saying is that I feel I've personally turned a corner. I no longer desire the ritual of spitting brown goo into a bottle, even if said goo is only corn silk and food dye. I can't explain it, but I suddenly felt a strong resentment towards my cans of fake not for what they were, but what they reminded me of. I didn't even want to look at the cans themselves, so I also threw a half-full garbage bag with the empty cans into my apartment's dumpster. And when I was handling the cans, I held them with my thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched - the same way someone would hold a leaking bag of fresh dog shit. No lie. I am realizing that keeping those cans of fake around was causing me stress and making an already difficult thing much harder. I don't need reminded of dip every time I open that drawer. In fact, I don't want anything that even LOOKS like a can of the real shit in my home.
I can't explain what compelled me to do this tonight/this morning, but I feel a truer, greater sense of freedom now. I feel liberated. Not complacent. Not cured. Not immune to craves. And make no mistake, this changes nothing with regards to the formula to stay quit or my routine. I will still be here every day making an ass of myself on the boards and in chat, and posting my daily promise. My guard has not lowered in the slightest. But I feel I have definitely distanced myself even further from tobacco in a tangible, meaningful way. Perhaps this is the "closing the door" moment people on the site talk about. Or, perhaps it was how the process of using fake dip is supposed to play itself out. After all, most companies who make the stuff tell you that the day comes when you totally lose interest in it. Whatever it is, it feels fucking good, and I credit you, the good people of KTC, with helping me to achieve it.
- Invader
(Too Long, Didn't Read version: lol i threw stuff away and feel good now).
Great shot...... On the journal thing!
Respecting this quit EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 323
Congrats Invader, I can smell the quit from here!
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10/6/2015
I was at the gas station today buying some Surge (THEY BROUGHT IT BACK!) when I couldn't help but overhear the guy two places in front of me. "Yeah, uh, I need a can of Copenhagen Fine Cut." The temptation to walk over and kick him squarely in the ass was present, especially given the fact he posed his request as "I NEED a can..." Yeah, buddy, you "need" that shit like I need a mousetrap closing on my scrotum. But, I kept my mouth shut and my foot to myself.
Anyway, the cute girl working the cash register was of course baffled by the guy's request, and spent the next two minutes trying to find the poison, which in his words, he "needed" to have. I mean she was frantically trying to find it for him. "This one? No? Oh, to the left? Too far? Crap, sorry. This one?" And it got me thinking how I used to have to steer people who knew nothing about dip to the correct can. I would always say to my friends "Hmph, If I wanted ANY type of Marlboros, I'll bet they'd know exactly where to find that." As if I was somehow classier and less mainstream than people who smoke.
Back to the gas station. At this point, the rest of the line was getting annoyed. The clicking of tongues and frustrated sighs and huffs were becoming audible. Hell, I think I actually HEARD one person's eyes roll. The nicotine addict turned and nodded at the rest of us and said "I know, this is ridiculous." Finally, the girl found the guy's can of shitmouth for him. He offered her a dirty look, a shake of his head, and more or less slammed his $5 and change onto the counter, storming off angrily before she could even hand him his receipt.
Here's what the guy who stormed off didn't understand. No one was annoyed at the pretty girl behind the counter trying to find his Cope. They were annoyed at HIM. Once he left, the lady directly in front of me said "He sure was particular about what sort of worm dirt he wanted," which garnered a laugh from the rest of the line. Someone else chimed in with "I needs me muh chaw, hurry 'er up!" in the most backwoods, hillbilly, uneducated, shit-for-brains tone I had ever heard, causing more snickers and laughs from the line.
I chuckled too, albeit very uneasily, because part of me was ashamed at the fact that was EXACTLY who I was not all that long ago. The asshole holding up the line, then becoming annoyed when a non-addict didn't know exactly where my drug of choice was. All I could manage to tell the girl once it was my turn to pay for my items was "Good on you for not knowing what that stuff even looks like." Good grief. For all the fog quitting caused, it also has brought with it a level of clarity.
New reason to stay quit: I don't want to be the idiot in the gas station line again.
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10/6/2015
I was at the gas station today buying some Surge (THEY BROUGHT IT BACK!) when I couldn't help but overhear the guy two places in front of me. "Yeah, uh, I need a can of Copenhagen Fine Cut." The temptation to walk over and kick him squarely in the ass was present, especially given the fact he posed his request as "I NEED a can..." Yeah, buddy, you "need" that shit like I need a mousetrap closing on my scrotum. But, I kept my mouth shut and my foot to myself.
Anyway, the cute girl working the cash register was of course baffled by the guy's request, and spent the next two minutes trying to find the poison, which in his words, he "needed" to have. I mean she was frantically trying to find it for him. "This one? No? Oh, to the left? Too far? Crap, sorry. This one?" And it got me thinking how I used to have to steer people who knew nothing about dip to the correct can. I would always say to my friends "Hmph, If I wanted ANY type of Marlboros, I'll bet they'd know exactly where to find that." As if I was somehow classier and less mainstream than people who smoke.
Back to the gas station. At this point, the rest of the line was getting annoyed. The clicking of tongues and frustrated sighs and huffs were becoming audible. Hell, I think I actually HEARD one person's eyes roll. The nicotine addict turned and nodded at the rest of us and said "I know, this is ridiculous." Finally, the girl found the guy's can of shitmouth for him. He offered her a dirty look, a shake of his head, and more or less slammed his $5 and change onto the counter, storming off angrily before she could even hand him his receipt.
Here's what the guy who stormed off didn't understand. No one was annoyed at the pretty girl behind the counter trying to find his Cope. They were annoyed at HIM. Once he left, the lady directly in front of me said "He sure was particular about what sort of worm dirt he wanted," which garnered a laugh from the rest of the line. Someone else chimed in with "I needs me muh chaw, hurry 'er up!" in the most backwoods, hillbilly, uneducated, shit-for-brains tone I had ever heard, causing more snickers and laughs from the line.
I chuckled too, albeit very uneasily, because part of me was ashamed at the fact that was EXACTLY who I was not all that long ago. The asshole holding up the line, then becoming annoyed when a non-addict didn't know exactly where my drug of choice was. All I could manage to tell the girl once it was my turn to pay for my items was "Good on you for not knowing what that stuff even looks like." Good grief. For all the fog quitting caused, it also has brought with it a level of clarity.
New reason to stay quit: I don't want to be the idiot in the gas station line again.
Oh my friend, what has happened to you is what most of us dreamed of, it's the true meaning of quit! Without a doubt in your mind your truly quit. You understand you will always be an addict but you can and you will defeat,walk away, hold the bitch down by her throat or whatever it takes to keep that shit out of your mouth! I must admit it took somewhere around 260 days to start feeling that! Quit on and congratulations! The freedom is unbelievable! I thank ktc but also God everyday that I I'm rid of the poison that has robbed me of so much of my youth!
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10/6/2015
I was at the gas station today buying some Surge (THEY BROUGHT IT BACK!) when I couldn't help but overhear the guy two places in front of me. "Yeah, uh, I need a can of Copenhagen Fine Cut." The temptation to walk over and kick him squarely in the ass was present, especially given the fact he posed his request as "I NEED a can..." Yeah, buddy, you "need" that shit like I need a mousetrap closing on my scrotum. But, I kept my mouth shut and my foot to myself.
Anyway, the cute girl working the cash register was of course baffled by the guy's request, and spent the next two minutes trying to find the poison, which in his words, he "needed" to have. I mean she was frantically trying to find it for him. "This one? No? Oh, to the left? Too far? Crap, sorry. This one?" And it got me thinking how I used to have to steer people who knew nothing about dip to the correct can. I would always say to my friends "Hmph, If I wanted ANY type of Marlboros, I'll bet they'd know exactly where to find that." As if I was somehow classier and less mainstream than people who smoke.
Back to the gas station. At this point, the rest of the line was getting annoyed. The clicking of tongues and frustrated sighs and huffs were becoming audible. Hell, I think I actually HEARD one person's eyes roll. The nicotine addict turned and nodded at the rest of us and said "I know, this is ridiculous." Finally, the girl found the guy's can of shitmouth for him. He offered her a dirty look, a shake of his head, and more or less slammed his $5 and change onto the counter, storming off angrily before she could even hand him his receipt.
Here's what the guy who stormed off didn't understand. No one was annoyed at the pretty girl behind the counter trying to find his Cope. They were annoyed at HIM. Once he left, the lady directly in front of me said "He sure was particular about what sort of worm dirt he wanted," which garnered a laugh from the rest of the line. Someone else chimed in with "I needs me muh chaw, hurry 'er up!" in the most backwoods, hillbilly, uneducated, shit-for-brains tone I had ever heard, causing more snickers and laughs from the line.
I chuckled too, albeit very uneasily, because part of me was ashamed at the fact that was EXACTLY who I was not all that long ago. The asshole holding up the line, then becoming annoyed when a non-addict didn't know exactly where my drug of choice was. All I could manage to tell the girl once it was my turn to pay for my items was "Good on you for not knowing what that stuff even looks like." Good grief. For all the fog quitting caused, it also has brought with it a level of clarity.
New reason to stay quit: I don't want to be the idiot in the gas station line again.
Oh my friend, what has happened to you is what most of us dreamed of, it's the true meaning of quit! Without a doubt in your mind your truly quit. You understand you will always be an addict but you can and you will defeat,walk away, hold the bitch down by her throat or whatever it takes to keep that shit out of your mouth! I must admit it took somewhere around 260 days to start feeling that! Quit on and congratulations! The freedom is unbelievable! I thank ktc but also God everyday that I I'm rid of the poison that has robbed me of so much of my youth!
Thank you for the encouragement, pab! I'll walk this path with you any day!
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10/6/2015
I was at the gas station today buying some Surge (THEY BROUGHT IT BACK!) when I couldn't help but overhear the guy two places in front of me. "Yeah, uh, I need a can of Copenhagen Fine Cut." The temptation to walk over and kick him squarely in the ass was present, especially given the fact he posed his request as "I NEED a can..." Yeah, buddy, you "need" that shit like I need a mousetrap closing on my scrotum. But, I kept my mouth shut and my foot to myself.
Anyway, the cute girl working the cash register was of course baffled by the guy's request, and spent the next two minutes trying to find the poison, which in his words, he "needed" to have. I mean she was frantically trying to find it for him. "This one? No? Oh, to the left? Too far? Crap, sorry. This one?" And it got me thinking how I used to have to steer people who knew nothing about dip to the correct can. I would always say to my friends "Hmph, If I wanted ANY type of Marlboros, I'll bet they'd know exactly where to find that." As if I was somehow classier and less mainstream than people who smoke.
Back to the gas station. At this point, the rest of the line was getting annoyed. The clicking of tongues and frustrated sighs and huffs were becoming audible. Hell, I think I actually HEARD one person's eyes roll. The nicotine addict turned and nodded at the rest of us and said "I know, this is ridiculous." Finally, the girl found the guy's can of shitmouth for him. He offered her a dirty look, a shake of his head, and more or less slammed his $5 and change onto the counter, storming off angrily before she could even hand him his receipt.
Here's what the guy who stormed off didn't understand. No one was annoyed at the pretty girl behind the counter trying to find his Cope. They were annoyed at HIM. Once he left, the lady directly in front of me said "He sure was particular about what sort of worm dirt he wanted," which garnered a laugh from the rest of the line. Someone else chimed in with "I needs me muh chaw, hurry 'er up!" in the most backwoods, hillbilly, uneducated, shit-for-brains tone I had ever heard, causing more snickers and laughs from the line.
I chuckled too, albeit very uneasily, because part of me was ashamed at the fact that was EXACTLY who I was not all that long ago. The asshole holding up the line, then becoming annoyed when a non-addict didn't know exactly where my drug of choice was. All I could manage to tell the girl once it was my turn to pay for my items was "Good on you for not knowing what that stuff even looks like." Good grief. For all the fog quitting caused, it also has brought with it a level of clarity.
New reason to stay quit: I don't want to be the idiot in the gas station line again.
It pains me to say it but I've been at the front of that line trying to direct a clerk so many times before. I wanted to leap over the counter to get the correct can of shit in my hand. I used to sort of joke with the clerk about how silly it is that they make so many different kinds as I would be pointing my finger at the Copenhagen long cut (not the snuff or the straight or the wintergreen or the......).
This is another thing that I don't miss and another good reason to stay quit.
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10/6/2015
I was at the gas station today buying some Surge (THEY BROUGHT IT BACK!) when I couldn't help but overhear the guy two places in front of me. "Yeah, uh, I need a can of Copenhagen Fine Cut." The temptation to walk over and kick him squarely in the ass was present, especially given the fact he posed his request as "I NEED a can..." Yeah, buddy, you "need" that shit like I need a mousetrap closing on my scrotum. But, I kept my mouth shut and my foot to myself.
Anyway, the cute girl working the cash register was of course baffled by the guy's request, and spent the next two minutes trying to find the poison, which in his words, he "needed" to have. I mean she was frantically trying to find it for him. "This one? No? Oh, to the left? Too far? Crap, sorry. This one?" And it got me thinking how I used to have to steer people who knew nothing about dip to the correct can. I would always say to my friends "Hmph, If I wanted ANY type of Marlboros, I'll bet they'd know exactly where to find that." As if I was somehow classier and less mainstream than people who smoke.
Back to the gas station. At this point, the rest of the line was getting annoyed. The clicking of tongues and frustrated sighs and huffs were becoming audible. Hell, I think I actually HEARD one person's eyes roll. The nicotine addict turned and nodded at the rest of us and said "I know, this is ridiculous." Finally, the girl found the guy's can of shitmouth for him. He offered her a dirty look, a shake of his head, and more or less slammed his $5 and change onto the counter, storming off angrily before she could even hand him his receipt.
Here's what the guy who stormed off didn't understand. No one was annoyed at the pretty girl behind the counter trying to find his Cope. They were annoyed at HIM. Once he left, the lady directly in front of me said "He sure was particular about what sort of worm dirt he wanted," which garnered a laugh from the rest of the line. Someone else chimed in with "I needs me muh chaw, hurry 'er up!" in the most backwoods, hillbilly, uneducated, shit-for-brains tone I had ever heard, causing more snickers and laughs from the line.
I chuckled too, albeit very uneasily, because part of me was ashamed at the fact that was EXACTLY who I was not all that long ago. The asshole holding up the line, then becoming annoyed when a non-addict didn't know exactly where my drug of choice was. All I could manage to tell the girl once it was my turn to pay for my items was "Good on you for not knowing what that stuff even looks like." Good grief. For all the fog quitting caused, it also has brought with it a level of clarity.
New reason to stay quit: I don't want to be the idiot in the gas station line again.
It pains me to say it but I've been at the front of that line trying to direct a clerk so many times before. I wanted to leap over the counter to get the correct can of shit in my hand. I used to sort of joke with the clerk about how silly it is that they make so many different kinds as I would be pointing my finger at the Copenhagen long cut (not the snuff or the straight or the wintergreen or the......).
This is another thing that I don't miss and another good reason to stay quit.
I feel the same stranger. A couple of the gas stations I hit up asked me to walk around the counter and get it myself. I got into the habit of doing it. Gotta love small town USA.
I hated buying in bigger towns were the clerks and tobacco were locked behind glass. Took to long to point them in the right direction.
I am glad those days are over. Now looking forward to throwing out the SM as well.
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10/8/2015
"Where does the name Invader come from, anyway?"
A lot of people have asked me about my user name, and I guess there is an actual story to it. Since that story is dip related, I decided I'd just answer it here. I meant to bring this up in my HoF speech, but I figured the speech was already long-winded enough at it was. (I'm going to try to post something here a few times a week, by the way.)
So, here's the story. Back in my early dipping days, dipping was more than an addiction to me. It was my hobby. Truly, it was. I had this idiotic notion that I wanted to be a connoisseur of dip, or that people who dip must have some sort of bond. So, being that I had the internet, I searched out communities that dealt in smokeless tobacco. And being that this is the internet, and the internet has a community for ANYTHING, I found what I wanted. I was about 18 at the time. I'm 31 now. So this was a loooong time ago.
I joined a forum called...Spike's Something-Or-Other. I forget the exact name. Spike's Smokeless...something, something. It's gone now. To help you understand what this site was, picture KTC...then reverse it. That site was literally the polar opposite of KTC. They didn't review fake dip like Chewie does, they reviewed the latest Skoal flavor. They didn't talk about how nice it is to go fishing without dip, they talked about what dip went best with fishing. No one took pride in quitting dip, they took pride in how big their empty can collections were. I remember there WAS a "quitting" sub forum. Some poor person would show up, ask about a spot on their lip, and the "helpful" users over at Spike's would assure him it wasn't cancer and it was okay to dip. 'facepalm''
I was eventually made a moderator of the site, and I defended that place fiercely. You know how we treat cavers around here? That's how I treated anyone who came to the site preaching a message of quit - only with far less understanding and more anger. To me and the other nitwits, anyone even talking about quitting was just some jerkoff who wanted to interject their opinion in other people's lives. Addiction makes people blind and deaf to reason, and it was no different for me. By the way, I'm not romanticizing nicotine or my time spent on that site. In fact, I'm quite ashamed by it and sincerely hope I didn't damage anyone's lives by recommending dip to them.
Take a guess what name I called any quitter who came to our beloved dip site? "Invader."
Well, fast forward 13 years, and now the tables have turned. It's ME who is invading KTC. Except...I don't feel like much of an invader around here. I feel welcome. At home. Supported. Cared for. No one here has ever cussed me out for wanting to quit nicotine. But still, I chose this user name to remind me what an insufferable, immature prick I was.
I have a new hobby now. Staying quit.
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Good stuff my friend. Being quit with people like you sure makes the journey more exciting. Keep up the great work
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Awesome background.
Proud to quit with you today.
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Awesome background.
Proud to quit with you today.
Thank you!
And now you know the rest of the story!
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This is really good stuff Invader. I'm glad you shared this because while I was never on a pro-dipping site, I had the same feelings as you did. I felt "cooler" when I dipped with friends, and anybody that didn't accept a pinch was something of a pussy.
It's amazing how quickly your mindset can change when you are truly committed to changing and becoming that better person. The shame and embarrassment that came with dipping never superseded that alone time with our mistress. We selfishly put this ridiculous addiction ahead of family, friends, and life in general.
I thank God every day that I found the courage to do something about it before all I had left was cancer and regrets.
Thanks for sharing this story, it has given me a sense of introspection today that has fueled my quit. Keep it up!
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Awesome background.
Proud to quit with you today.
Thank you!
And now you know the rest of the story!
I miss Paul Harvey. Used to listen to him all the time riding in the farm truck with grandpa on the way back to the house for lunch.
Read your HOF, intro, and other posts. It keeps amazing me the knowledge base around here. My eyed keep being opened and fuels the Quit.
Tomorrow at 8am CDST, I will be 30 whole days nic free. I know I wouldn't have made it without this brotherhood.
I thank the good Lord that I found this site and that other vets have built it up to what it is today.
I am proud to quit with all of you today.
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10/14/2015
When I first quit, I, like all of you, had some VERY bizarre thoughts. My nicotine addiction tried telling me many lies. At the time, I realized the absurdity of them and decided to record these thoughts with the hopes of being able to look back at them and be entertained or to learn something. So, for your amusement, here are the contents of a text file I made starting on 3/15/2015 showing my ridiculous fog-addled rationalizations, with my commentary today in parenthesis. In other words, today's post features me talking to my addict mind like a psychopath.
"No one on Kill The Can is actually quit. I bet 90% of them are using dip and pretending to be quit." (Really, asshole? How conceited of you to think that the entirety of an online community got together and determined they would throw an elaborate ruse together just to screw with you.)
"You've made it 48 hours without dip. That's longer than ever. You know you can do this now. You can dip, knowing you can get back here easily." (So because I proved I could make it two days, I should go back to day 0? Good God.)
"Dip isn't the problem. You can just brush your teeth more and keep dipping." (Oh? And will I be able to brush the cancer away, too?)
"Okay, fine, your mouth is messed up from dip. So just start smoking. You can get away with it, your lungs are fine." (Oh yeah, because that isn't disrespectful to the memory of my grandparents who died of lung cancer, or to my mother who suffers from COPD, right? And smoking doesn't do wonders for the mouth either. Let's not.)
"Just keep a can of Smokey Mountain and put real dip in it. Everyone will think you're quit." (Yeah, except the most important person. Me. I don't think the cancer cells can be tricked like that, either.)
"You could be hit by lightning tomorrow and die. Might as well dip." (Ah, an old classic uttered by many an addict. True, there's a next to nothing chance that could happen. But what if it doesn't? What if I live to be 60, die prematurely from dip, and could have lived to be 100? I don't control where lightning strikes. I do control if tobacco goes in my mouth or not, though.)
"Just dip. You've got to die from something." (Similar to the last one. Yes, it's true. I have to die from something. But why pick the awful death cancer brings? I'm going to do my best to die from old age.)
"You didn't plan your quit out, you just did it. That's wrong. Start dipping again, plan to quit the right way, THEN quit." (Guys, I can't explain this other than this must have been something I actually thought, as I documented it. I just...the logic train derailed in spectacular fashion.)
"Dipping isn't THAT expensive. Really, what are you going to buy with $140 more a month, anyway?" (What the hell? What am I going to buy? How about literally anything BUT dip? Computer parts, board games, bike parts, save for a vacation, stock...? You know, stuff that WON'T kill me? I can't believe I actually couldn't think of anything else to buy at the time.)
Well, there you have it, folks! Hopefully you guys found that entertaining, enlightening, or maybe even you spotted a few you told yourself. This is not every single crave thought I had, but the ones that stood out to me as worth writing down. Some of them I wrote down because I immediately saw how absurd they were. Others I wrote down because at the time, they seemed to be rational but something told me not to act on them, and that one day I'd understand why they were wrong. I do understand very clearly now. And funny as it is to read some of these, it's also petrifying to know THAT is what nicotine does to a person's mind.
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Fucking amazing, my mind has gone through all those same things! I'll bet there are tons of others as well. Big tobacco knows exactly what they are doing. Unreal.
Congrats on your quit invader, and thanks for your support here to all the other quitters.
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11/1/2015
This time, I decided to write about how I've been feeling lately. Maybe a newer quitter will see this and get a sense of how it's like to be quit at 235 days.
I haven't thought about or craved the physical action of placing a pinch of dip in my mouth for days. This is nothing new, by the way. I find that I think about the actual action of dipping 2-4 times a week at most, and I see even those thoughts becoming more sparse. Maybe it'll get to the point where I only think about it monthly. You see, these thoughts are very brief, easily dismissed, and not really even about me craving a dip so much as I am acknowledging that it was something I used to do. What I do feel, however, is the occasional sense of something being "missing." Mouth boredom. This is when I pop in a few pieces of sugarfree gum and that feeling goes away.
Hoooooowever, this is what concerns me. I believe in order to battle craves effectively, you need to remind yourself how you actually are supposed to fight them. To a new guy, I'm sure the idea of forgetting how to talk yourself out of a crave is preposterous, since you're constantly on the defensive. But it happens. About a month ago I had a crave that felt like something out of day 3, and I found myself struggling to remember what to do for myself. It was totally out of nowhere, and I thought for sure a crave of that strength was no longer possible. I thought wrong. All I knew was that dipping was NOT an option, and I knew I could text a quitter, but I forgot what exactly I used to tell myself that worked. It was only when I got back to my computer and opened my text file with all the reasons I quit dipping that I remembered how to talk myself down. That file is now on my phone, as well.
My point is actually very simple. I now fully realize what I'm up against at this stage of my quit. This is still a war, but I am no longer storming the beaches of Normandy. It isn't that sort of head-on fight anymore. It's something more insidious. I am now finding myself strolling along and occasionally being ambushed by my enemy. Unfortunately for said enemy, I'm aware this is happening and have planned appropriately.
So there you have it. That's what it's like for me to be quit at day 235. Smooth sailing 95% of the time, but when that other 5% shows up, it reminds me that complacency has no place in a successful quit.
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Nice post! After reading your analogy I immediately thought my quit, at 301, is like the guy walking along the river or dike, keenly monitoring for possible flooding or breaks. We're talking 24 hour watch with several shifts. Always on your guard. The sandbags have been laid, but you know even the sandbags are susceptible. Not trying to make a Led Zeppelin "When the Levee Breaks" reference, I promise!
I remember having strong craves in the early 200's, as well. I literally had a dream last night that I was on my way to work and was excited about stuffing some Smokey in my mouth. Sad. Thought about that on my way this morning briefly, and then the thought passed and that was it. Like a Fruit Fly's attention span, 2 seconds later I was thinking about something else and never got the slightest urge. But I am always on guard.
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That is exactly how i feel Vade. I find the thoughts and, or craves a reminder and a strengthening of my resolve to stay quit. Great read my man! :wub:
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Thank invader. Helped me over the hump today brother! Quit on!
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11/5/2015 - "Who am I here for?"
That's a question I had found myself asking myself for a while now, and I think I have finally been able to answer it. If that question sounds scary or like me questioning why I was still here...well...frankly, that's because that's exactly what it was! Scary, and me questioning my reasons for being here! But don't worry, for much like a sub-par massage at an Asian "spa", this story also has a happy ending.
The simple fact is this: Being here for myself is no longer enough, and I shouldn't have been on this site selfishly for just myself to begin with. It doesn't cut the mustard like it did the first 200 days or so. Now, let me make a VERY important distinction. I am still QUIT for myself - this is the way it is, and the way it must always be. I am no longer AT KTC strictly FOR myself. Big difference! You see, I have reached another crossroads in my quit. It's become very apparent that people other than myself are relying on me to be here. So...back to the question. Who?
- Me, of course!
- The new people. February 16 and all the groups after it, the new folks in the chatroom, the people in the introductions page...all of them. Every so often, a new quitter in the chatroom asks me my days quit, then seems to be awestruck when I tell him or her. The first time I had this happen, I realized then that this was no longer just about me. Just as I marveled at the people who came before me and clung to them for support, I need to be here for the new quitters. They need to see that this can be done, and being here does that for them. Also, showing support for them is huge.
- The people who came before me. I now know what it's like to monitor a new quitter and see them battle their way to the hall of fame and beyond, reclaiming happiness in their lives. It's awesome, and something that will never get old. I also know that I have no shortage of kind people, people who I've never even gotten to shake the hands of, coming to June to let me know I was never alone in this. I owe it to them to stay.
- The people who tolerate my idiotic jokes, lack of seriousness, and general asshattery in the chatroom. I have had more fun with the regulars in the KTC chat than should be legally allowed. I hope I get to meet all of them one day. I also hope they're not disappointed when they find out I'm not an overly-enthusiastic motormouth in real life, but rather, a very shy, quiet, introverted person. I'm still just as adorable, though.
- The people on this site I dislike. While there aren't many these days after what I affectionately refer to as "The Big Flush™," there's a few of you pukes still here! Thank you, by the way. Don't ever change. I'll be here reminding you that, despite your best efforts, I won't be run off so easily.
- Of course, the June Goons! I can't leave those guys, either.
So, there you go! I think it's important to make your being here about more people than yourself. I wish it didn't take me so long to come to this conclusion, but part of it was me not being confident in my ability to be here for others, the other part was me simply being a very private person who keeps to himself. So, don't do what I do and wait until you think you're "a vet." Get a head start on this, and participate and be supportive from the first day. Your days quit and the number of your forum posts should NEVER be the same. And don't just stick to your group, either. Branch out. I should have over 5,000 posts on this forum by now from posting support and helping others, but I'm just now prying my head out of my ass. Don't keep your discussions exclusively on your fuckin' phone in GroupMe. Don't treat roll like you're just signing a guestbook. Do not focus inwardly during your time here on KTC. There are people relying on you from the first day you get here, including those who have been quit for years.
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11/17/2015 - "Oh, God."
Well, in addition to my usual horseshit, I have something else I will be doing with my intro. Apparently, I will be using it to log my progress for the upcoming plethora of dental procedures I have to undergo. Here is the story so far:
So, this was my plan. My first and second premolar on the upper left side of my mouth were severely decayed (Wouldn't you know it? The two teeth my snus rested on when I used that when I couldn't dip). I wanted desperately to save them, and like anything in dentistry, it could be done if you have the money. Both of those teeth needed a crown lengthening procedure, root canal, post and core build up, and the crowns themselves. All said, $5,500 and A LOT of work just to have a chance at keeping them. But, I had hoped they'd hold up until my second job got underway and the treatment would become affordable. I woke up on my 250th day of quit to an awkward feeling in my mouth. It was half of my first premolar resting on my gumline. During the night it had inexplicably broken in half. And since there was only half a tooth there to begin with due to extensive decay, I was left with 1/4 a tooth. I earned a quarter-comma AND a quarter-molar all in my sleep!
I went to my dentist and asked if it was okay to leave them as is. I value honestly immensely, but man, I did NOT like what doc had to say yesterday. "The BEST case scenario is both of those teeth break off at the gumline from routine use alone in less than 2 month's time, and would then require a very expensive surgical extraction. The worst case scenario, which is just as likely, is they both become abscessed and you run the risk of quite literally dying from the spread of infection." So, here I sit in a percocet-induced daze, the taste of blood ever present in my mouth, two gaping holes in my head where teeth used to be.
I have really shitty insurance. Basically, it's poor people insurance. They treat having teeth as a luxury. Anything above an extraction, cleaning, or filling, and it probably ain't happening. They will cover a partial denture, which is what the doctor requested, but he doesn't have high hopes that it will be approved due to the fact the teeth it would theoretically clasp onto have had work done on them and are not what my insurance deems "healthy." So I don't even know if I'll be able to get THAT. I do have something called CareCredit which is like a credit card exclusively for medical procedures, but the limit is only $1,000. $1,000 in dentistry will cover a root canal and crown for a single tooth. MAYBE.
I plan on calling the local dental school tomorrow to see how much implants cost there. Hopefully, they're at a substantial discount. If it isn't apparent by now, I do NOT want a partial denture, especially given that I am only 31. But, if I must, I'll take even that so long as I have SOMETHING there to cover the holes and let me chew food properly. If you ever want to mortify yourself, read about the consequences to not replacing teeth. It's a chain reaction I do NOT want to see play out in my mouth.
Long story short: My oral health is still paying the price for my tobacco use and I do not even know what the treatment plan is...or if there even will be one. To say the least, I am terrified, uncertain, disheartened and feeling hopeless. All I can say is I have faith in God, and will do my best to trust that whatever happens, it is as it is supposed to be. All I can do is my best.
...Well, that was depressing! Time to go try to sleep, undoubtedly waking up to a bloody pillow. I'll keep you guys updated.
Thanks KTC
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Man Vader that sounds brutal. Just keep it in perspective. It sucks, but it doesn't suck as bad as losing your whole mouth altogether to cancer. I'm quit with you today brother, keep pushin!
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Man Vader that sounds brutal. Just keep it in perspective. It sucks, but it doesn't suck as bad as losing your whole mouth altogether to cancer. I'm quit with you today brother, keep pushin!
Vader my brother congratulations on 250 my friend. Life's gonna always have ups and downs, we just deal with it. Check on monthly payments. Some dentist allow it! Quit on and try smiling.
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I have attended dental school for discount procedures since the supervised students did the work. I was extremely impressed. They had the newest technology. Upper and low molars need to be there for each other or you will injure the molars that you have. Hopefully a clinic will work with you on a long term payment plan.
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11/25/2015
First of all, the quick update on the dental situation is that...there is no update on the dental situation. I've called several places, and at the end of the day, anywhere I go, and anything I have done - be it a bridge, a partial, or implants, is going to cost money I simply do not have. The truth is, I can barely keep the lights on in this place, let alone afford dental procedures that cost thousands of dollars. I don't mean to recite a sob story, but that's the reality of my life at the moment. Proper dental care is a sickeningly expensive luxury in this country, the likes of which I cannot currently afford right now. So, I'm still waiting on that second job or my shit insurance to perform a miracle. We'll see how it goes, and I'll keep you all posted!
That aside, something nicotine-related DID happen recently. Here is a paraphrased discussion/half-assed argument a friend of mine (whose wife just had their first baby) and I had.
Him: Here you go. (He held a cigar out to me.)
Me: Uh...
Him: It's to celebrate the kid. It's a $50 cigar. It's cinnamon and vanilla flavored. They're supposed to be highly rated.
Me: Well, did you keep the receipt?
Him: What?
Me: You know I quit dip. Well, more specifically, nicotine.
Him: It's A SINGLE cigar. It isn't going to do anything. It's not like I'm handing you a box of them.
Me: No, but if I smoked this I'd either go out and buy a box of them, or more likely, start dipping again.
Him: Are you serious? You're seriously not going to take this? It's like drinking champagne on New Year's. It's not a regular thing.
Me: Would you give a recovering alcoholic champagne on New Year's?
Him: You really can't tell the difference between restarting an addiction and smoking a celebratory cigar?
Me: No, on the grounds that smoking a cigar IS restarting my addiction. Also, why are we celebrating life with something that causes lung cancer?
Him: This has got to be a joke. You're way too serious about this.
Me: Well, I better be! Seriously though, do you need $50 for this? That's okay if you do. I don't mind. But for real, I can't take this.
Him: It's not about the $50, I'm just surprised this is how you think.
Me: On a scale from 1-10, how much does my refusal to suck on a cigar affect our friendship? Be serious.
Him: Uh...does it have to be 1, or is 0 an option?
Me: Listen, take that back and just hand me the $50 instead.
Him: F you, I'm keeping the $50!
That was pretty much it. Oh, and apparently, he DID keep the receipt...and the $50. roflmao I guess the guy at the stogie store told him he gets people returning cigars for that very reason all the time. But I think this highlights a few things:
1.) The average person doesn't view nicotine as a legitimate addiction. That's why you hear words like "habit" being used to describe nicotine use. I've never heard alcoholism or heroin or cocaine referred to as a "habit." I've heard it called an addiction, substance abuse, and a disease. But for some reason, people call nicotine addiction a "habit." Tra-la-la-la. Just a bad habit. Like cracking your knuckles or picking your nose. 'facepalm''
2.) For some reason, cigars are seen by society as some sort of luxury item and somehow exempt from the same status as chew or cigarettes. Notice how my friend talked about how "highly rated" it was. There is no Dip Aficionado magazine with some snob describing the latest can of shit as having "earthy tones with notes of cedar and clove." Why are cigarettes and dip seen as being for white trash, but cigars are for those with class and sophistication? What an insidious marketing campaign big tobaccy has going. Speaking of marketing...
3.) My friend who offered me said stogie isn't even a nicotine addict...yet. I was being peer pressured by someone who does not even purchase or consume nicotine products. That's what was baffling to me. I brought this up to him and he didn't even realize he was doing it. Scary.
4.) The majority of people I've known to cave here on KTC caved to cigars or cigarettes. I know the site is Kill The Can, but do not forget your fight is with NICOTINE. Kill the can, the pack, the cigars, the lozenges, the nasal snuff, the patches, the gums, the vapors, the anal suppositories, or whatever the hell else they're using for a nicotine delivery system. Never believe for a second your fight is simply with dip.
That concludes my rant for today!
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11/25/2015
First of all, the quick update on the dental situation is that...there is no update on the dental situation. I've called several places, and at the end of the day, anywhere I go, and anything I have done - be it a bridge, a partial, or implants, is going to cost money I simply do not have. The truth is, I can barely keep the lights on in this place, let alone afford dental procedures that cost thousands of dollars. I don't mean to recite a sob story, but that's the reality of my life at the moment. Proper dental care is a sickeningly expensive luxury in this country, the likes of which I cannot currently afford right now. So, I'm still waiting on that second job or my shit insurance to perform a miracle. We'll see how it goes, and I'll keep you all posted!
That aside, something nicotine-related DID happen recently. Here is a paraphrased discussion/half-assed argument a friend of mine (whose wife just had their first baby) and I had.
Him: Here you go. (He held a cigar out to me.)
Me: Uh...
Him: It's to celebrate the kid. It's a $50 cigar. It's cinnamon and vanilla flavored. They're supposed to be highly rated.
Me: Well, did you keep the receipt?
Him: What?
Me: You know I quit dip. Well, more specifically, nicotine.
Him: It's A SINGLE cigar. It isn't going to do anything. It's not like I'm handing you a box of them.
Me: No, but if I smoked this I'd either go out and buy a box of them, or more likely, start dipping again.
Him: Are you serious? You're seriously not going to take this? It's like drinking champagne on New Year's. It's not a regular thing.
Me: Would you give a recovering alcoholic champagne on New Year's?
Him: You really can't tell the difference between restarting an addiction and smoking a celebratory cigar?
Me: No, on the grounds that smoking a cigar IS restarting my addiction. Also, why are we celebrating life with something that causes lung cancer?
Him: This has got to be a joke. You're way too serious about this.
Me: Well, I better be! Seriously though, do you need $50 for this? That's okay if you do. I don't mind. But for real, I can't take this.
Him: It's not about the $50, I'm just surprised this is how you think.
Me: On a scale from 1-10, how much does my refusal to suck on a cigar affect our friendship? Be serious.
Him: Uh...does it have to be 1, or is 0 an option?
Me: Listen, take that back and just hand me the $50 instead.
Him: F you, I'm keeping the $50!
That was pretty much it. Oh, and apparently, he DID keep the receipt...and the $50. roflmao I guess the guy at the stogie store told him he gets people returning cigars for that very reason all the time. But I think this highlights a few things:
1.) The average person doesn't view nicotine as a legitimate addiction. That's why you hear words like "habit" being used to describe nicotine use. I've never heard alcoholism or heroin or cocaine referred to as a "habit." I've heard it called an addiction, substance abuse, and a disease. But for some reason, people call nicotine addiction a "habit." Tra-la-la-la. Just a bad habit. Like cracking your knuckles or picking your nose. 'facepalm''
2.) For some reason, cigars are seen by society as some sort of luxury item and somehow exempt from the same status as chew or cigarettes. Notice how my friend talked about how "highly rated" it was. There is no Dip Aficionado magazine with some snob describing the latest can of shit as having "earthy tones with notes of cedar and clove." Why are cigarettes and dip seen as being for white trash, but cigars are for those with class and sophistication? What an insidious marketing campaign big tobaccy has going. Speaking of marketing...
3.) My friend who offered me said stogie isn't even a nicotine addict...yet. I was being peer pressured by someone who does not even purchase or consume nicotine products. That's what was baffling to me. I brought this up to him and he didn't even realize he was doing it. Scary.
4.) The majority of people I've known to cave here on KTC caved to cigars or cigarettes. I know the site is Kill The Can, but do not forget your fight is with NICOTINE. Kill the can, the pack, the cigars, the lozenges, the nasal snuff, the patches, the gums, the vapors, the anal suppositories, or whatever the hell else they're using for a nicotine delivery system. Never believe for a second your fight is simply with dip.
That concludes my rant for today!
This is a great post sir.
Never again do we want to be slaves. A cigar. A cigarette. Just one. How many times have we read on this site where that has led to complete meltdown? I can think of at least 2 June goons. At least.
No thanks. And $50 for a cigar? Wtf man? Unless that cigar gives handjobs that is a pretty f'n stoooopid use of somebody's money anyway!!!
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Gosh, Vader Malinky Long Legs.... I'd say i miss you, but i chat with you every day hahaha.
But this place misses you.
One of my favorite people ever hit's 1 year quit.
Happy for you and I quit with you my linkage bro.
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Gosh, Vader Malinky Long Legs.... I'd say i miss you, but i chat with you every day hahaha.
But this place misses you.
One of my favorite people ever hit's 1 year quit.
Happy for you and I quit with you my linkage bro.
I miss Vader!
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I bet we can vote Vade back in the island...
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I bet we can vote Vade back in the island...
Invader, just read your posts here from the beginning. Your journey you describe and experiences are all too familiar. But most importantly, is reminds me why I myself, just like many others, need to post more. Thanks for all you do. Hope to hear from you soon.
Cantoo - day 74