KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: raymwiii on December 22, 2008, 10:44:00 AM
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I've been a member posting roll for a few days now and I thought I should introduce myself to the group.
My name is Ray and I've been using nicotine for around ten or eleven years. I started on cigarettes around the same time I started drinking heavily in college. I ended up with a pack a day habit and kept that going for a few years.
A buddy of mine was going to quit smoking by switching to chew which seemed like a better idea to him and he got me on his bandwagon. It helped us quit smoking for a while but eventually we both were smoking and chewing sometimes at the same time.
Since that point I was always on smokes or chew or both. If I really wanted to I could quit one but never both. A little less than three years ago I got in trouble for drugs and alcohol and ended up giving up both. I continued to chew and/or smoke until I met my future wife. At that point about two years ago I put down cigarettes and never touched them again. I secretly continued to chew until I got caught and then I chewed not so secretly until five days ago.
My habit was escalating to the point where I was chewing 2 cans a day and I began to realize how powerful a drug nicotine really is. It didn't seem like I had given up drugs and alcohol when I was a literal slave to the most addictive drug of all. I felt awful, out of control, moody, and like I could never ever quit. I found this site and I read some success stories. I read what to expect when you quit. I decided to give it a shot.
The first 72 hours I honestly never thought I'd make it. I almost can't believe I didn't jump in the car and head to the c-store, but I didn't. I came on this site, I read articles, posts, and made some posts of my own. Yesterday was day 4 and even though I still have craves and trouble sleeping, I felt so much better. When I get a craving now I try and cherish the opportunity to reprogram my mind to perform a task without nicotine. I had a small headache last night and I was actually happy because I imagined it was related to my decision to quit using nicotine.
Nothing is impossible but alot of things seem like they are. Quitting is definitley one of those things. It is hard, but I want it. I'm looking forward to crossing the 100 day line with my brothers.
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Welcome to the site ray. The first few days are rough, but it gets better quick. Congrats on the decision!
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Welcome Ray. My story is the same - vicious circle of smokes and dip over many years. You have com to the right place. I am quit for 111 days and in the beginning I thought no way. You can do this one day a t a time. PM if you need any help for encouragement.
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Nothing is impossible but alot of things seem like they are. Quitting is definitley one of those things. It is hard, but I want it. I'm looking forward to crossing the 100 day line with my brothers.
This is good to remember. You can do this. I would suspect on the first couple of days you will be like me and look at the clock and say I can hold out for 5 more minutes and then worry about the next 5 at that time. Stay close to this place and you will be sucessful. Now that you are here you have to make it stick. Quiting is the best solution. Welcome to the 'spin' funhouse 'spin'
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I just wanted to add that the last couple of days I have been spending time with my extended family celebrating the holidays early. I have already been able to enjoy myself more than when I had to get a nicotine fix because I would have to sneak off to fill my lip.
I would be ornery and anxious to get away so I could have more time with just me and my can. This would make for shorter visits of lower quality because I was moody...I can honestly say I liked celebrating without dip better even though I am a new quitter and I still have some pretty good craves.
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I just wanted to add that the last couple of days I have been spending time with my extended family celebrating the holidays early. I have already been able to enjoy myself more than when I had to get a nicotine fix because I would have to sneak off to fill my lip.
I would be ornery and anxious to get away so I could have more time with just me and my can. This would make for shorter visits of lower quality because I was moody...I can honestly say I liked celebrating without dip better even though I am a new quitter and I still have some pretty good craves.
Just like last Christmas for me. Sneaking off to stuff a turd in my lip. Won't happen next week for me with extende family. Keep up the good work Ray
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I've reached day 10 of my quit and a lot of the fog has cleared. I'm sleeping better and better each night. Every day has gotten a little easier. Cravings are less frequent and less powerful. I feel like I can do it.
I am feeling better and more active. I have been very obese my entire life and I am now trying to change my diet and exercise habits. I have been going to AA meetings at a nicotine free facility. There is a compulsive eaters meeting I want to check out on Thursday.
Complacency and fatigue are my enemies. They have tackled me in the past. I must continue on this path and find ways to stay energized. Persistance and brotherhood are my friends. They will guarantee my success.
Addiction loses its grip with each step in the right direction.
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I've reached day 10 of my quit and a lot of the fog has cleared. I'm sleeping better and better each night. Every day has gotten a little easier. Cravings are less frequent and less powerful. I feel like I can do it.
I am feeling better and more active. I have been very obese my entire life and I am now trying to change my diet and exercise habits. I have been going to AA meetings at a nicotine free facility. There is a compulsive eaters meeting I want to check out on Thursday.
Complacency and fatigue are my enemies. They have tackled me in the past. I must continue on this path and find ways to stay energized. Persistance and brotherhood are my friends. They will guarantee my success.
Addiction loses its grip with each step in the right direction.
Welcome aboard, i have a brother thqt is very simular to you. PM me and I will get you my number if needed. hand in there. life is good.
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Its so hard not to eat junk food...I've been doing better and walking. I'm only drinking water. I get cravings for dip and cravings for doughnuts. I could use a number to call when I'm dealing with junk food cravings.
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Its so hard not to eat junk food...I've been doing better and walking. I'm only drinking water. I get cravings for dip and cravings for doughnuts. I could use a number to call when I'm dealing with junk food cravings.
Ray,
We spoke yesterday in live chat, hope you're doing well. I'm having a hard time with food, as well. I have a weight problem to begin with and quitting chew isn't going to make it any easier - I know you said you are in a similar boat. One thing that is really helping me through the days is chewing sugar free fruit flavored gum. Piece after piece, non stop! Also, Weight Watchers sells these little gummy fruit squares that are sugar free - those are great and help take the edge off. Especially for us chewers, it really helps to have something to do with our mouths.
Nothing really satisfies like a good doughnut or burger, especially one that is followed by a fat lip! In time, though, we'll change that mindset and live healthier lives.
Keep it up!
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January 16, 2009
Day 30
One month of freedom from the can. It feels good to actually watch the power that nicotine once had over my life slip away one day at a time. I never believed it was possible and although it is not easy; isn't nearly as hard as the nic bitch tells you it will be.
I also had a breakthrough on another front in my life a couple of days ago. For those of you who don't know I am a binge eater/compulsive eater and I've wrestled with that disease for as long as I can remember. After a couple of disappointing eating episodes this week I sat down and made a list of 30 reasons I want to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I brought myself to tears a few times while making that list. I have been extremely obese for most all of my adolescent and adult life. It is as threatening to my life as dip and will kill me if I don't do something about it.
I feel good today. I am making progress. A month ago I was on the couch stuffing my face with junk food and Grizzly Wintergreen. Today I'll be doing some walking if I can stand -8 degree temperature, eating some healthy food, and not putting any dip or smoke into my body.
I guess I'll post the list I made the other day...never know it might help someone.
Why I want to eat healthier and exercise regularly
1. To look and feel better.
2. So I can fit in seats in stadiums.
3. So I can ride roller coastersÂ…if I want to.
4. Improve my personal health and well being.
5. To be a better lover.
6. To never feel like I canÂ’t because IÂ’m too big or out of shape.
7. To raise my self esteem.
8. To be able to shop for clothes anywhere I want.
9. So my wife doesnÂ’t worry.
10. To participate in sports and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
11. To be able to put on my socks and tie my shoes and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
12. To be able to climb the stairs at Spartan Stadium and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
13. Because my family deserves better.
14. Because I deserve better.
15. So I donÂ’t have to worry about splitting ANOTHER pair of pants.
16. To make up for high school.
17. To make up for middle school.
18. So food wonÂ’t control me anymore.
19. So I wonÂ’t be exhausted all the time.
20. So I can play with my kids if I have any.
21. To teach my kids how to live healthy if I have any.
22. So they donÂ’t have to make up for high school or middle school.
23. To have more energy to help people.
24. To prolong the durability of my joints.
25. So I donÂ’t have to avoid mirrors.
26. So I donÂ’t want to avoid children.
27. To overcome an old nemesis.
28. To rescind some old fears.
29. So I can show someone itÂ’s possible.
30. So my past wonÂ’t be my future.
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January 16, 2009
Day 30
One month of freedom from the can. It feels good to actually watch the power that nicotine once had over my life slip away one day at a time. I never believed it was possible and although it is not easy; isn't nearly as hard as the nic bitch tells you it will be.
I also had a breakthrough on another front in my life a couple of days ago. For those of you who don't know I am a binge eater/compulsive eater and I've wrestled with that disease for as long as I can remember. After a couple of disappointing eating episodes this week I sat down and made a list of 30 reasons I want to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I brought myself to tears a few times while making that list. I have been extremely obese for most all of my adolescent and adult life. It is as threatening to my life as dip and will kill me if I don't do something about it.
I feel good today. I am making progress. A month ago I was on the couch stuffing my face with junk food and Grizzly Wintergreen. Today I'll be doing some walking if I can stand -8 degree temperature, eating some healthy food, and not putting any dip or smoke into my body.
I guess I'll post the list I made the other day...never know it might help someone.
Why I want to eat healthier and exercise regularly
1. To look and feel better.
2. So I can fit in seats in stadiums.
3. So I can ride roller coastersÂ…if I want to.
4. Improve my personal health and well being.
5. To be a better lover.
6. To never feel like I canÂ’t because IÂ’m too big or out of shape.
7. To raise my self esteem.
8. To be able to shop for clothes anywhere I want.
9. So my wife doesnÂ’t worry.
10. To participate in sports and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
11. To be able to put on my socks and tie my shoes and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
12. To be able to climb the stairs at Spartan Stadium and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
13. Because my family deserves better.
14. Because I deserve better.
15. So I donÂ’t have to worry about splitting ANOTHER pair of pants.
16. To make up for high school.
17. To make up for middle school.
18. So food wonÂ’t control me anymore.
19. So I wonÂ’t be exhausted all the time.
20. So I can play with my kids if I have any.
21. To teach my kids how to live healthy if I have any.
22. So they donÂ’t have to make up for high school or middle school.
23. To have more energy to help people.
24. To prolong the durability of my joints.
25. So I donÂ’t have to avoid mirrors.
26. So I donÂ’t want to avoid children.
27. To overcome an old nemesis.
28. To rescind some old fears.
29. So I can show someone itÂ’s possible.
30. So my past wonÂ’t be my future.
Great attitude ray, I am a bit on the obese side myself having gained some lbs after getting rid of my cope habit. I plan to work on the weight issue in the New Year. I will keep you reasons to not eat in mind. There is a Fat Ass weigh in group in the wildcard section you may want to use.
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January 21, 2009
Day 35
I sent an e-mail to an old friend that still chews but doesn't live close by anymore. I told him about my quit and KTC. I had a dream about him the other night and in that dream he was dipping and I was telling him about my quit.
He responded back and wished me well and said he hoped to join me soon in my quit. This simple act of telling somebody about my quit and KTC helped my quit feel more secure.
I highly reccomend telling your buddies that still chew about your quit sometime. You will know how to do it without nagging because you have undoubtedly been nagged before. They will listen to you because you know what its like to hooked hard on the can. Help yourself by helping others.
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January 27, 2009
Day 41
Sometimes I get so sick of being an addict. Why do I always feel like I need booze or nicotine or food or something?
Why can't I just be?
Why do all the things I crave have to be so hurtful?
Why don't I feel the need to exercise or eat vegetables?
I just want to get better. I just want to feel healthier. I just want to be stronger.
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January 27, 2009
Day 41
Sometimes I get so sick of being an addict. Why do I always feel like I need booze or nicotine or food or something?
Why can't I just be?
Why do all the things I crave have to be so hurtful?
Why don't I feel the need to exercise or eat vegetables?
I just want to get better. I just want to feel healthier. I just want to be stronger.
Hang in there my friend.
Sounds like you need to take a deep breath and count your blessings, rather than feel bad about your life circumstances.
There are worse things in life than being an addict, especially one who is managing his addiction appropriately.
Day 340 - It does get better.
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February 6, 2009
Day 51
Well I'm over the half way mark. Goin up to see the old friend I had a dream about tonight. It is nice and sunny out today...I can't wait for summer.
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February 15, 2009
Day 60
Today I am celebrating 2 months dip free and three years drug and alcohol free. On this date in 2006 I got TWO driving on a suspended license charges and carted off to jail for a posession of marijuana charge.
I smoked pot and drank beer every day and couldn't imagine life without drinking and/or drugging. The legal system helped me imagine it by requiring me to do daily breathalyzers and weekly urine drops. Any drugs or booze would lead to jail time. I got involved with AA and had some very helpful intensive outpatient therapy sessions. My counselor used to hound me endlessly to quit smoking and dipping but it took a while for me to come around on that one. On December 18, 2008 I decided to give myself and my wife an early Christmas present and joined KTC.
People can change. Miracles do happen. You can do it. We can help.
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Why I want to eat healthier and exercise regularly
1. To look and feel better.
2. So I can fit in seats in stadiums.
3. So I can ride roller coastersÂ…if I want to.
4. Improve my personal health and well being.
5. To be a better lover.
6. To never feel like I canÂ’t because IÂ’m too big or out of shape.
7. To raise my self esteem.
8. To be able to shop for clothes anywhere I want.
9. So my wife doesnÂ’t worry.
10. To participate in sports and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
11. To be able to put on my socks and tie my shoes and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
12. To be able to climb the stairs at Spartan Stadium and not feel like IÂ’m going to die.
13. Because my family deserves better.
14. Because I deserve better.
15. So I donÂ’t have to worry about splitting ANOTHER pair of pants.
16. To make up for high school.
17. To make up for middle school.
18. So food wonÂ’t control me anymore.
19. So I wonÂ’t be exhausted all the time.
20. So I can play with my kids if I have any.
21. To teach my kids how to live healthy if I have any.
22. So they donÂ’t have to make up for high school or middle school.
23. To have more energy to help people.
24. To prolong the durability of my joints.
25. So I donÂ’t have to avoid mirrors.
26. So I donÂ’t want to avoid children.
27. To overcome an old nemesis.
28. To rescind some old fears.
29. So I can show someone itÂ’s possible.
30. So my past wonÂ’t be my future.
Great list Ray, I highlighted the ones regarding kids. Now it's not "if I have any" but in 9 short months I will be a father. Thank God that child will have a father that cares enough about them , to take care of himself. Congratulations once again on fatherhood!!!!!!!!
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January 27, 2009
Day 41
Sometimes I get so sick of being an addict. Why do I always feel like I need booze or nicotine or food or something?
Why can't I just be?
Why do all the things I crave have to be so hurtful?
Why don't I feel the need to exercise or eat vegetables?
I just want to get better. I just want to feel healthier. I just want to be stronger.
Jumping back in time a little bit, wow look how far you have come. This I quoted because I feel the same way. 109 today. Please make it go away. Learn to live is what I figured I have to do. LIve live. Thanks for sharing your progress. awesome.
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March 9, 2009
Day 82
Well its finally the Hall of Fame month for my quit group. Been in a bit of a fog lately accompanied by some pretty nice late term craves. Today I felt like I was missing something. Luckily since I make it a point to read and post on this site I realize that it is just the bitch trying to keep me from accomplishing something that when I first started seemed impossible. I have so many things to be grateful for and I have been realizing them more often lately.
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March 29, 2009
Day 102
March 09 is all aboard the HOF train. I am proud of all of our accomplishments but am being cautious not to get too high. I know that I will never be in the clear of this powerful addiction. I personally have more addiction to deal with in my life and it is hard not to get exhausted and frustrated with my condition. I can win small battles here and there but the war is much larger and neverending.