KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Loded Diper on April 10, 2014, 04:15:00 PM
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Saturday, March 22, 2014. A morning like any other; I got up, made coffee, threw in a dip, and sat down for some early morning gaming before the family got up. For whatever reason, instead of opening my computer game I found myself staring at a web browser, and was a little surprised to see the words "quit chewing" emerging in the search bar. What the hell was this? Did I really want to quit? Maybe I did, so I clicked on the first thing that looked promising. Killthecan.org had to be a winner, it doesn't get any more straight-forward than that does it? So I browse the site for a while, read a few articles, and start feeling the inside of my cheek. I start remembering that dental work that messed up my mouth and suddenly realize it didn't. My teeth are just horribly misaligned from dipping three-finger pinches for 9 years. Immediately after this I read some articles written about the untimely ending of a few individuals, and suddenly my dip isn't tasting so good anymore. I quickly launch it into the nearest bottle and use an entire glass of water to wash my mouth out. By this time everyone is awake and in the area, yet no one seems to notice the micro-cataclysm that is happening at my desk. At 8 AM, after finding this site two hours prior, I went downstairs without saying a word and flushed 3 1/2 tins of Grizzly down the toilet.
I told my wife of my quit shortly after and was rewarded with a smile and a, "That's great baby". Who can blame her though, I have been telling her the same shit for years now. Then I tell her about the burial-at-sea that just happened downstairs, and suddenly I have someone in my corner! So with her at my side I start down the path to victory... and fall flat on my face less than 12 hours later.
The withdrawal from dipping almost a can a day for 9 years is crushing. I feel pretty anxious and ruin the days outing to the store. After getting home I decide to take the edge off with a cigarette. I instantly feel better, but something isn't right. It isn't the same, I smell like shit and the smoke is making me feel like hell. No matter though, it's helping with my attitude and will save my family some pain. The next morning I get up and am surprised to find myself anxious again, but this time the cigarettes don't help it. By the time Monday hits, I am smoking nearly a pack a day. Yet not so deep inside I feel like a raging ball of hate, wrapped in a layer of tensed muscles, and coated with a "Fuck-You" attitude. I go to a lunch meet with my son's class, and although I manage to keep my mouth shut, everyone steers pretty clear. This was about the time the fog set in. I discovered it had taken me over at almost the exact same time my Mustang's tire discovered a high curb that shredded the sidewall.
From here on out my withdrawal symptoms began to fade away. I had to deal with my smoking shortly after, but it wasn't hard due to the hatred I hold for it. I finally made it to a day where I felt I could make it through a day without nicotine, and on April 7, 2014, I posted "Day 1" in roll call. I have been clean for three days now, and every second of it has sucked. I go through every day wanting, but hopefully that will one day fade. I have to say though, the thing that scares me most and keeps me quit is the details of my withdrawal. I went through word-for word what KTC said I would. But it happened to me while I was still using nicotine! There is such a truck-load of bad shit in dip that I was able to stop dipping, start smoking, and still want to kick puppies and stab kittens. That is just not right, and something I just can't bring myself to put back into my face.
So here I am KTC Community. I come to you beaten down and spitting venom now, but I know this will not last. I will rise above this with the help of my new friends here. Together we will put these days of suffering behind us, stare Nicotine in the eye and say, "Fuck you, Nicotine. I don't need you to survive!"
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ONE DAY AT A TIME SIR! And for now, you just get through the next hour or so...your post was/is so very similar to my story and others' stories on this site. i bounced back in forth from ciggies to chew...i chewed much more than i ever smoked but they are both filthy fuckin cans and boxes of grossness. Anyhow..you got this...and clarify something for me and the rest...you said you quit on 4/7? so are you quit 3 days? just wondering. I quit with you today!
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Yeah, 4-7-2014 is my official quit date. Day three and going strong!
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I got ya...well keep kicking ass man...i know i've made those promises to my wife as well with pretty much the same response....just tell her everyday...she might get sick of hearing about it but the first time you don't bring it up she'll ask why...just another layer of accountability...quit on brother
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You're doing everything right. Cold Turkey is the only way to do it embrace The Suck. It does get better.
You'll get a bunch advice here but the 2 best pieces are:
1. Post roll with July every day as soon as you get up. Don't take a piss, don't scratch your nuts. Post roll first. Then you've made your promise can't trip and fall and have a dip pop in your lip on your way to the shitter.
2. Get involved. Especially this early, go to the chat get to know the guys. Get to know the guys in your group. You're all going to be raging shit heads for awhile, take it out on each other rather than your family.
3. Give yourself permission to put anything you want or crave into your piehole as long as it's not NICOTINE. I went through swedish fish, jaw breakers, jerky. I still use fake dip, especially on the golf course. It just helps it won't kill you.
4. Drink a fuck ton of water lay off the booze, unless you're at home have absolutely ZERO access to dip or cigarettes.
Ok, there's more than 2......
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Together we will put these days of suffering behind us, stare Nicotine in the eye and say, "Fuck you, Nicotine...."
Fuck you nicotine is right
you came to the right place
We will quit with you everyday.
PB
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i will second the fake dip stuff....my first time around i didn't think i'd ever use it...but i love that shit now...it takes the edge off just enough...
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Listen to these guys. Follow the KTC plan to the letter.
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You're doing everything right. Cold Turkey is the only way to do it embrace The Suck. It does get better.
You'll get a bunch advice here but the 2 best pieces are:
1. Post roll with July every day as soon as you get up. Don't take a piss, don't scratch your nuts. Post roll first. Then you've made your promise can't trip and fall and have a dip pop in your lip on your way to the shitter.
2. Get involved. Especially this early, go to the chat get to know the guys. Get to know the guys in your group. You're all going to be raging shit heads for awhile, take it out on each other rather than your family.
3. Give yourself permission to put anything you want or crave into your piehole as long as it's not NICOTINE. I went through swedish fish, jaw breakers, jerky. I still use fake dip, especially on the golf course. It just helps it won't kill you.
4. Drink a fuck ton of water lay off the booze, unless you're at home have absolutely ZERO access to dip or cigarettes.
Ok, there's more than 2......
This ^^^
Great intro....welcome to the club. Quit On!
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Together we will put these days of suffering behind us, stare Nicotine in the eye and say, "Fuck you, Nicotine. I don't need you to survive!"
If you are serious that is the exact attitude you need to do this! This drug has fooled me into thinking I needed it for a long time, but no more for me thank you very much. Fuck it, I'll throw a Fuck it in there too, that bitch!!!! You don't need that shit anymore!!! I quit with you today!!!!!
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Glad to have you with us. No doubt, this is one of the hardest things you'll ever set your mind to. But it's worth it. Embrace the suck.
Reach out to people here and exchange some phone numbers. It'll help to be able to text someone who knows how much it sucks when you get a craving.
Get involved here. Encourage others in their quit; you'll certainly receive as much support and encouragement as you need.
This forum is only as helpful as you allow it to be. Keep your head up and keep pushing on. You've got plenty of people in your corner now.
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So, day 4 and I am feeling pretty good to be honest. I think about nicotine here and there, but it doesn't shut me down or anything. I am actually a little concerned that I am not feeling worse than I do... Is this normal or am I about to get pummelled again like when I dropped the can three weeks ago?
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So, day 4 and I am feeling pretty good to be honest. I think about nicotine here and there, but it doesn't shut me down or anything. I am actually a little concerned that I am not feeling worse than I do... Is this normal or am I about to get pummelled again like when I dropped the can three weeks ago?
Every quit is different. I had that same feeling at day 5 or 6. I thought man I am in for it and I felt guilty that others were suffering more. I am at 24 days now and it has been surprisingly smooth since day 5 or 6.
Don't worry about other peoples horror stories just quit odaat for yourself!
Quitting with you today
ECD
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So, day 4 and I am feeling pretty good to be honest. I think about nicotine here and there, but it doesn't shut me down or anything. I am actually a little concerned that I am not feeling worse than I do... Is this normal or am I about to get pummelled again like when I dropped the can three weeks ago?
You are going to get urges, cravings and weird blah feelings in about 2.5 weeks. But you will not get pummeled because you have the tools to fight the nic bitch off.
Stay close, keep your guard up and make sure that you have the phone numbers of fellow quitters for support because you will need them.
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Took the family on a 2 1/2 hour trip today. The way to Verona was fine, but the road home was a little rough. First long drive after quitting but I survived without nicotine.
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Took the family on a 2 1/2 hour trip today. The way to Verona was fine, but the road home was a little rough. First long drive after quitting but I survived without nicotine.
You're winning man! Driving is a HUGE trigger for almost every quitter and you tackled that and made it your bitch...great job!
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Was for me too, but I'm learning that I can do everything, as well, if not better without the chew. Quit on!
mb289
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Day 8 and I'm noticing some changes in my personality, which is a little disturbing to be honest. I am more combative than usual at work and it is transferring over to my home life as well. On top of this I get bored easily now, which tends to lead to sudden outbursts of anxious/tense energy. Interesting things... still quit though.
Edit: Day 8, not 7.
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Day 8 and I'm noticing some changes in my personality, which is a little disturbing to be honest. I am more combative than usual at work and it is transferring over to my home life as well. On top of this I get bored easily now, which tends to lead to sudden outbursts of anxious/tense energy. Interesting things... still quit though.
Edit: Day 8, not 7.
Rediscovering yourself brother. We got bored when we used too dip too. That bitch made us feel like we weren't tho. I have so much more unwasted time in my life right now. It's early still in the healing process for you. Things will even out and you will like the new you! Quit on bro!
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Day 8 and I'm noticing some changes in my personality, which is a little disturbing to be honest. I am more combative than usual at work and it is transferring over to my home life as well. On top of this I get bored easily now, which tends to lead to sudden outbursts of anxious/tense energy. Interesting things... still quit though.
Edit: Day 8, not 7.
Rediscovering yourself brother. We got bored when we used too dip too. That bitch made us feel like we weren't tho. I have so much more unwasted time in my life right now. It's early still in the healing process for you. Things will even out and you will like the new you! Quit on bro!
your brain is rewiring itself..combativeness is part of the overall irritability that almost every one goes through..except for some very special butterflies...but i digress...breath through the craves and the anger...take a walk, remember that it's not your coworkers fault.
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Here is a brief timeline on how my quit is going, I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I made it for another new quitter and he seemed to like it.
"3 days is something to be proud of. The nic is out of your system so it's all fun and games now...right? Well F...guess what? Your body is use to living with nic and now it's mad and is about to really fight you.
The good news is that you understand how to use your tools and you have some good fight in you. The better news is that it gets so much easier very quickly. Now, I realize that "quickly" is a very relative term- as when you are suffering minute to minute, 5 or 6 weeks seem like 100 years. In reality, 5 or 6 weeks is not a very long time.
Keep in mind, I am no expert and I am just going off of what I have experienced the past 268 days. My "suck scale" looked something like this:
Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.
Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day
Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.
Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.
Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.
Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.
Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!
Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.
Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".
Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.
Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.
Day 100-135: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.
Day 136: Zero, I mean nadda, zip, nothing as far as craves go. My cardio recovery time is amazing on the bike now and I just donÂ’t dip. I told my wife last night that this is the first time I have ever truly quit. Sure, I stopped for 262 days once but it didnÂ’t feel like this.
Day 137: Rough patch at work this week. Just found out that we are closing our Sleep Division (I'm in Medical Sales). I make about 50% of my commission in sleep so I have no idea what I am going to do.
I took my wife to a nice dinner and explained it to her. We are both freaking out. I also drank about 6 Martinis and for about a 5 minute period, I told myself I was going to get a can on the way home. Who cares at this point...right?
I got up, went to the bathroom, got my tools in order and said fuck off Nic Bitch....I may be willing to screw myself right now but not everyone who has helped me. I put my big boy pants on and went home.
Minny and his 1+1= 2 theory kept ringing in my head.
Day 138-145: Guard held high and in for the long run. Weird dip dream last night. I just remember feeling panicky because I needed some SM and couldn't find any at any store. I woke up and was fine. It is funny as I haven't used SM since my first week of quit.
Day 146-268: Everything has gotten so much easier. Zero cravings but guard is still held high.
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Thanks for the post PD, it does seem to be pretty much the same for me. It's nice to have a schedule and be prepared now haha. Anyway I wanted to drop a line in here since I haven't updated in a few days. Things are going good, only had one day where I was craving really bad but I pushed through. I found an empty bottle in my wifes car and it hit me hard for the entire day. That's over now and I'm cruising along again. Happy Easter to everyone and thank you to everyone who has dropped in here and supported me so far.
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Well, fuck. I missed roll yesterday (5/15/2014) and am pretty pissed off right now. Here I was thinking how awesome I was doing, rocking out at 100%, and was really kicking myself for blowing it. I pulled up the spreadsheet to see what it brought my percentage down to... and noticed I had been marked as missing the 10th. So now I'm getting a little more upset because it's going to drop me down even more! I start investigating, digging through the pages of roll, and I find it. The real first day I had missed. Not only did I miss it, but I have been posting one day off since then because I didn't realize I missed in the first place. So now I'm just like, FUCK! 'bang head' Two fucking days missed. Can't wait until time passes and I'll be back in the 90's.
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First of all I love Loded Diper from the "Diary" movies, they rock. You seem like a numbers dude like me, and if that keeps you quit all the better. Proud to be quit with you and way to own up about missing roll.
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Well, fuck. I missed roll yesterday (5/15/2014) and am pretty pissed off right now. Here I was thinking how awesome I was doing, rocking out at 100%, and was really kicking myself for blowing it. I pulled up the spreadsheet to see what it brought my percentage down to... and noticed I had been marked as missing the 10th. So now I'm getting a little more upset because it's going to drop me down even more! I start investigating, digging through the pages of roll, and I find it. The real first day I had missed. Not only did I miss it, but I have been posting one day off since then because I didn't realize I missed in the first place. So now I'm just like, FUCK! 'bang head' Two fucking days missed. Can't wait until time passes and I'll be back in the 90's.
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Wow, LD... Keep up the quit... Just get back on the program and QLF like all of us have committed to doing.. I would kick my own ass if I ever missed two days.. Just me though...
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Here is a brief timeline on how my quit is going, I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I made it for another new quitter and he seemed to like it.
"3 days is something to be proud of. The nic is out of your system so it's all fun and games now...right? Well F...guess what? Your body is use to living with nic and now it's mad and is about to really fight you.
The good news is that you understand how to use your tools and you have some good fight in you. The better news is that it gets so much easier very quickly. Now, I realize that "quickly" is a very relative term- as when you are suffering minute to minute, 5 or 6 weeks seem like 100 years. In reality, 5 or 6 weeks is not a very long time.
Keep in mind, I am no expert and I am just going off of what I have experienced the past 268 days. My "suck scale" looked something like this:
Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.
Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day
Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.
Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.
Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.
Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.
Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!
Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.
Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".
Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.
Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.
Day 100-135: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.
Day 136: Zero, I mean nadda, zip, nothing as far as craves go. My cardio recovery time is amazing on the bike now and I just donÂ’t dip. I told my wife last night that this is the first time I have ever truly quit. Sure, I stopped for 262 days once but it didnÂ’t feel like this.
Day 137: Rough patch at work this week. Just found out that we are closing our Sleep Division (I'm in Medical Sales). I make about 50% of my commission in sleep so I have no idea what I am going to do.
I took my wife to a nice dinner and explained it to her. We are both freaking out. I also drank about 6 Martinis and for about a 5 minute period, I told myself I was going to get a can on the way home. Who cares at this point...right?
I got up, went to the bathroom, got my tools in order and said fuck off Nic Bitch....I may be willing to screw myself right now but not everyone who has helped me. I put my big boy pants on and went home.
Minny and his 1+1= 2 theory kept ringing in my head.
Day 138-145: Guard held high and in for the long run. Weird dip dream last night. I just remember feeling panicky because I needed some SM and couldn't find any at any store. I woke up and was fine. It is funny as I haven't used SM since my first week of quit.
Day 146-268: Everything has gotten so much easier. Zero cravings but guard is still held high.
This is so helpful. Thanks for talking the time to type that all out
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HUGE Congrats on the 2nd floor bud, proud as fuck to quit with you as a July DD!
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Congrats to you Loded on the 2 Hundy!
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Congrats to you Loded on the 2 Hundy!
Nice!
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Congrats to you Loded on the 2 Hundy!
Nice!
'boob'
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Congrats to you Loded on the 2 Hundy!
Nice!
'boob'
200 days is bad ass. PM me when your are reaching 280 days.
No one talks of it but 280 to 310 are a bitch.
I wouldn't have made it without those ahead of me to explain what was going on. They relaxed me and I am at 954 days!
Yeah 200-213, then 700. It gets easier but still have landmines from the nic bitch! You are still at war. Always stand guard and post roll.
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Nice job on 500 great choices in a row!! 'party2'