KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: John1 on December 03, 2014, 11:14:00 PM
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My name is John. I'm 32. I've been dropping in on this site to lurk for close to 2 years.
I have a wife and two kids old enough to know that my dipping is gross. I tell them it's bear poop. I dipped grizzly wintergreen so they saw the bear on the lid,believed me,and stayed far away from it. I'm not quitting for my kids or wife, I've tried that before. This time I'm quitting for myself. I smoked for 6 years starting at age 16. I began smoking as a reason to skip lunch with my first serious girlfriend 'do it' . She lasted 6 months, but my addiction to nicotine has lasted 16 years now. I began dipping at 20 years old in the Marine Corps. Dropped smoking at 22 because, as we all know, smoking with a dip in makes the dip taste gross. 'Crazy'
The reason I'm quitting is because it's the dumbest thing I could have ever gotten myself into. How many thousands of dollars have I paid for a product that'll eventually disfigure or kill me?
My teeth are somehow in good shape still, as are my gums, but I've been upper decking for two years now. Even though I very rarely throw one in the bottom lip, the whole area is sore when I try. The left and right pockets are spent. I haven't been able to throw one in the middle for nearly a decade. So what happens when I run out of space in my upper lip? I feel like a needle addict who has to shoot up between their toes because they've collapsed all their good veins elsewhere.
This shit is rediculous, and today I threw out my last can. I bought a load of sunflower seeds and some wintergreen smokey mountain herbal stuff. In the last month I've drawn down from 1.5 cans a day to about a can every three days. That in itself has been a big victory for me. Tomorrow it'll be my first day of cold turkey from sun up to sun down.
I've quit several times before. Once I stayed quit for 8 months. Another time I went almost two years. Both times ended during a deployment in either Iraq and Afghanistan with just the tiniest of pinches. "Oh yeah, let me just take a tiny bit and take a stroll down good old memory lane" BOOM! Addicted again....
So I'm quitting. If I make it to 33 with a spitter in hand that means I'll have passed the halfway mark and will have spent the majority of my life as a nicotine fiend. I'm also out of the Marines after 10 years, and work in commercial construction. Things are going well for me, and I don't need to be known for being the guy who needs to stop working for a minute in order to find a place to spit in what will soon be a cancer ward for a large university hospital!
So, thanks for reading. I'm not looking forward to the fog. I hate the fog. What I'm looking forward to is the great sleep I'll get after the first week. I know some folks have trouble sleeping after they quit, but the times I've done it before had me experiencing the best sleep and easiest wake ups of my adult life. That's what I'm looking forward to. Quitting sucks, but it's really just 72 hours of suck and then mind games right? 'arse'
I'm glad to be here. I've failed at quits so many times I think this community may be what I need to keep myself reminded of why I wanted to quit in the first place.
Well shit, here it goes. 'help'
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Welcome John.
You never quit before, you merely stopped. This is a hardcore addiction. But not to worry KTC is the right place to be for we have te secret recipe to successful quit. It starts with ODAAT. One day at a time. Win today. Stay quit today. When you wake up tomorrow, commit to win that day when it arrives. But worry about today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Stay focused on the now, on today. Victory will be yours. Stay with us and be quit.
Welcome and congratulations.
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Thanks for your fast reply! You're right about that, I can't go on calling those past stoppages "quits." This one will be my first quit, cause this one needs to last until I'm dead.
Thanks again for the support. I'm about 12 hours in and have the clenched jaw going. It may be useful tomorrow at work because I plan to do my best to keep my mouth shut all day so I don't piss anyone off ;)
I'll chime in again tomorrow and let you know how my first day went.
As a side note, I like how sharing all this publicly will provide a certain amount of shame if I feel like breaking. That may help over the next few days.
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Thanks for your fast reply! You're right about that, I can't go on calling those past stoppages "quits." This one will be my first quit, cause this one needs to last until I'm dead.
Thanks again for the support. I'm about 12 hours in and have the clenched jaw going. It may be useful tomorrow at work because I plan to do my best to keep my mouth shut all day so I don't piss anyone off ;)
I'll chime in again tomorrow and let you know how my first day went.
As a side note, I like how sharing all this publicly will provide a certain amount of shame if I feel like breaking. That may help over the next few days.
Hey bro. Go post roll with March 2015. Do it now. That's your quit group and where you make your daily pledge.
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Thanks for your fast reply! You're right about that, I can't go on calling those past stoppages "quits." This one will be my first quit, cause this one needs to last until I'm dead.
Thanks again for the support. I'm about 12 hours in and have the clenched jaw going. It may be useful tomorrow at work because I plan to do my best to keep my mouth shut all day so I don't piss anyone off ;)
I'll chime in again tomorrow and let you know how my first day went.
As a side note, I like how sharing all this publicly will provide a certain amount of shame if I feel like breaking. That may help over the next few days.
Great intro. There are lots of former jarheads here, so you're in good company. There is a 100% population of addicts , so you're surrounded as well.
If you've been lurking for a long time then you should know that posting roll is the price of admission around here. Post your word. Keep your word. Do that every day and you will be quit in perpetuity.
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Leave the shame at the door, we have all dipped here, and know the pain and disgusting nature of our shared addiction. Instead, focus on being a quitter. The first step is posting roll call here topic/10761232/71/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10761232/71/) .
Once you do that we all know you made a promise to be quit today, and we can all move forward shame free.
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First thing, thanks for your service John!
Now, are you going to post roll with March 15?
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John,
Everyday Damn Day. Didn't see you online yet today. We post roll everyday!
Get some phone numbers, text some fellow quitters or let them know that you won't be able to post till X time due to work.
You have to make it work, you have to want to quit and this site will work but you have to use it.
Message me for my number,
Charles
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-I work long hours outdoors, my check ins will be nightly. It's awesome to have you guys keeping me in check. I do appreciate it. -
Made it! Today went well. No dip. All day urges. Odd Moments of euphoria where I felt really damn good. But mostly thinking about not having a dip in. Biggest trigger was driving home in the car.
Work went well because I was really too busy to think much about my quit. Now that I'm home I just want to go to bed early to fast forward through these three days.
Weird moment today: talking to a work friend, realized he had a huge dip in. I see him every day and never knew he dipped. On the same subject, a few weeks ago a carpenter buddy saw me throw in a dip and remarked that he didn't know that I chewed. I had been chewing around him for nearly 6 months. Maybe the fact that this addiction can be easily hid with smaller pinches and some facial hair makes it that much easier to justify.
Shit! Fuck! 'bang head'
There, had to get it out of my system.
Also, apparently I'm being an ass to my wife, but she's intentionally messing with me because she thinks it's funny. It's irritating, but she's on board. I'm also guessing I'm a hell of a lot more irritating to her right now so I have to keep that in mind.
I thought I joined the march 2015 group when I first joined up. How do I get back there to post roll?
Also, smokey mountain herbal dip is just too close in flavor. It feels too close. I tossed both cans and am sticking with seeds. The herbal stuff is just a few mental excuses from a trip to the gas station.
So my brain is. Going in a bunch of directions. I have lots of things in my head but they're not in any damned order so screw it. I'm going to try to find that roll call thing and get on board.
Tomorrows going to suck worse, I can feel it.
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Found roll call. I'm going to have problems posting that in the morning. I'll try it out though. My mornings start early. I'll try to stick to it. But evenings are better.
I'll do my best to get it in the mornings. Oh wait. I'll use my phone during morning break. Easy. Done. Now I'm going to down a bunch of water and go to bed.
My head feels weird. But my breath is fresh as a daisy's arse.
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Found roll call. I'm going to have problems posting that in the morning. I'll try it out though. My mornings start early. I'll try to stick to it. But evenings are better.
I'll do my best to get it in the mornings. Oh wait. I'll use my phone during morning break. Easy. Done. Now I'm going to down a bunch of water and go to bed.
My head feels weird. But my breath is fresh as a daisy's arse.
Post in the morning, first thing. The saying around here is wake up, piss, post roll. I've gotten in the habit of reaching for my phone and posting before I even roll out of bed.
This is very important because your roll post is your promise to everyone here that you will not use nicotine in any form for that day. It is not a status update at the end of the day. After that honor your promise, go to bed, and repeat.
Save the evening check ins for reading everything here and interacting with your quit brothers.
Welcome aboard. Quit like fuck (QLF) with you today!
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Thanks for the post. I'll keep up with it. I'm really glad I'm here. I've been reading a lot on the forum and it's amazing how all the experiences are so similar. Anyways. I have to sleep. Two more days to go an then a bunch more until I die peacefully in the future with both of my jaw bones intact.
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Thanks for the post. I'll keep up with it. I'm really glad I'm here. I've been reading a lot on the forum and it's amazing how all the experiences are so similar. Anyways. I have to sleep. Two more days to go an then a bunch more until I die peacefully in the future with both of my jaw bones intact.
Marine.
You can do this. Shake the excuses and listen to what these fine addicts are telling you. We can help you get into a routine that works for you, but understand that what we do here is make our promise before our day starts, that we will NOT USE today. We do not check in with a Sitrep at the end of our day and congratulate ourselves for not fucking up.
I'm on my phone right now, but expect a PM from my tomorrow with some good info.
Welcome. Semper Fi. You made the best decision of your life by signing up. You won't regret it.
If you have time, there is a link to Tun Tavern in my signature line. Check in with us. We got your back.
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Thanks for the post. I'll keep up with it. I'm really glad I'm here. I've been reading a lot on the forum and it's amazing how all the experiences are so similar. Anyways. I have to sleep. Two more days to go an then a bunch more until I die peacefully in the future with both of my jaw bones intact.
Marine.
You can do this. Shake the excuses and listen to what these fine addicts are telling you. We can help you get into a routine that works for you, but understand that what we do here is make our promise before our day starts, that we will NOT USE today. We do not check in with a Sitrep at the end of our day and congratulate ourselves for not fucking up.
I'm on my phone right now, but expect a PM from my tomorrow with some good info.
Welcome. Semper Fi. You made the best decision of your life by signing up. You won't regret it.
If you have time, there is a link to Tun Tavern in my signature line. Check in with us. We got your back.
^^^x2 Devil Dawg
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Posted roll. I get it now. It's an effort that makes you really realize it's ODAAT.
I'm on board guys. See you at Tun Tavern!
Crazy ass dreams last night. Headache, but feeling pretty good. Coffee is a trigger, but I have to go drink some and get my ass to work. See ya later!
JJDIDTIEBUCKLE motha' effers.
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Posted roll. I get it now. It's an effort that makes you really realize it's ODAAT.
I'm on board guys. See you at Tun Tavern!
Crazy ass dreams last night. Headache, but feeling pretty good. Coffee is a trigger, but I have to go drink some and get my ass to work. See ya later!
JJDIDTIEBUCKLE motha' effers.
John, just read your posts, and pumped to have you here on KTC. You are in the thick of a shitty ass time, but I promise you if you do make your promise one day at a time things will get better and then amazing. Your addiction has kept you in a prison man. Your story is no different than mine or anyone else's (I'm 33 and very similar to your experiences with dip). Bottom line, if you make that promise every day by posting roll and your word means something to you, every day you will quit all over again and stick to it.
PM me if you ever need anything at all, especially in these first few weeks. I have 1.5 million reasons why you need to stay committed to your quit.
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I like seeing that early morning post and in the line of work you're in, you'll need it. Making that promise to not use nicotine in any form for that day first thing in the morning is what you need to get through that day. Not after. Keep posting, keep journaling your quit on this board. As you can see, many are watching you, many are quitting with you, and we depend on you to be quit just as much as you depend on us.
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Thanks guys for the support, I like the way this forum works and plan to stick with it. It may have been what was missing the few times I've stopped in the past. This time needs to be forever. I just realized in a conversation with my wife, that in the ten years we've been married, I have only been a non dipper for about 2 or so years. That's just from the many periods of not dipping while trying to really quit. I was a dipper when she met me.
So I asked her how long I'd need to reach as a full fledge quitter to impress her with the fact that I was actually quitting for life. She said three years. So there's my mid range goal.
So we have:
Short term- one more day. (Tomorrow makes the end of three days)
Mid range: 3 years ( just to hit the wickets with the wife)
Then it back to the one more day thing
I felt pretty good today. This has actually been a pretty mild quit so far. I think cutting down on my dipping in the last month has really helped.
I'm definitely in the fog, but I've had shit loads of energy at work. My sleep these past two days has been deep as well. I think I'm not worried about this time.
I feel shitty because I've allowed myself to be addicted to this shit for nearly 13 years. It's only three days. When I think of being away from this stuff it makes me real happy.
I think that in the past I had much worse three day withdrawals because I wasn't really ready to quit yet. I didn't believe it myself so my mind wouldn't let go of it.
This time I'm ready to quit for real
I really mean that, no shit.
By the way, I found a half can of dip in my basement reloading room after work today. I opened it up, felt nothing towards it, and then flushed it. Afterwards it felt great to do it, but at the time I didn't even really struggle with it or think about it.
This time I'm fucking done with dip. And no occasional cigars in the future that'll lead me back to the dip for the buzz, no monticellos, backwoods, or gas station bullshit. No asking for smoke while drinking with a buddy. No cherry pipe Tabacco in a corn corn pipe" just because it's not dip"
No weak ass redman or Levi garret that'll lead me right back to tins.
None of it.
I'm done.
So I guess I'm saying that nicotine and all nicotine products can go fuck them selves
But to bring it back to earth the right side of my face is tingling, I have a huge headache, my thoughts are scrambled in my head, and I have a mild roller coaster of anger at nothing followed by happiness at everything. Then I have hours where I don't even realize I'm a quitter and have no thoughts of my past addiction or dip itself.
So yeah, it's a withdrawal.. But this time there's no desire for dip, and no bargaining in my head. No attempts of justification to have just one more pinch. And don't think I haven't thought that perhaps such a steady withdrawal won't mean more of a mental challenge down the road. How quick would any of us justify " well if it's that easy to quit, I can quit whenever I want,"
Lol.
One more day and then it's past 72 hours.
And then it's done.
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Thanks guys for the support, I like the way this forum works and plan to stick with it. It may have been what was missing the few times I've stopped in the past. This time needs to be forever. I just realized in a conversation with my wife, that in the ten years we've been married, I have only been a non dipper for about 2 or so years. That's just from the many periods of not dipping while trying to really quit. I was a dipper when she met me.
So I asked her how long I'd need to reach as a full fledge quitter to impress her with the fact that I was actually quitting for life. She said three years. So there's my mid range goal.
So we have:
Short term- one more day. (Tomorrow makes the end of three days)
Mid range: 3 years ( just to hit the wickets with the wife)
Then it back to the one more day thing
I felt pretty good today. This has actually been a pretty mild quit so far. I think cutting down on my dipping in the last month has really helped.
I'm definitely in the fog, but I've had shit loads of energy at work. My sleep these past two days has been deep as well. I think I'm not worried about this time.
I feel shitty because I've allowed myself to be addicted to this shit for nearly 13 years. It's only three days. When I think of being away from this stuff it makes me real happy.
I think that in the past I had much worse three day withdrawals because I wasn't really ready to quit yet. I didn't believe it myself so my mind wouldn't let go of it.
This time I'm ready to quit for real
I really mean that, no shit.
By the way, I found a half can of dip in my basement reloading room after work today. I opened it up, felt nothing towards it, and then flushed it. Afterwards it felt great to do it, but at the time I didn't even really struggle with it or think about it.
This time I'm fucking done with dip. And no occasional cigars in the future that'll lead me back to the dip for the buzz, no monticellos, backwoods, or gas station bullshit. No asking for smoke while drinking with a buddy. No cherry pipe Tabacco in a corn corn pipe" just because it's not dip"
No weak ass redman or Levi garret that'll lead me right back to tins.
None of it.
I'm done.
So I guess I'm saying that nicotine and all nicotine products can go fuck them selves
But to bring it back to earth the right side of my face is tingling, I have a huge headache, my thoughts are scrambled in my head, and I have a mild roller coaster of anger at nothing followed by happiness at everything. Then I have hours where I don't even realize I'm a quitter and have no thoughts of my past addiction or dip itself.
So yeah, it's a withdrawal.. But this time there's no desire for dip, and no bargaining in my head. No attempts of justification to have just one more pinch. And don't think I haven't thought that perhaps such a steady withdrawal won't mean more of a mental challenge down the road. How quick would any of us justify " well if it's that easy to quit, I can quit whenever I want,"
Lol.
One more day and then it's past 72 hours.
And then it's done.
Dude, keep posting to vent and get through the rough time. A couple of things...
1. You might be done with some tough physical issues after the first 72, but your battle will remain for the rest of your life. You may not always dip, but you will always be an addict unfortunately.
2. Be extremely careful after the first week as well. Right not you are on a super commitment high, which means you are excited about your quit. This is awesome and is a great thing. The real challenge can present itself week 3/4/5 when you might get a thought of, "oh I have this mastered now, I could just do one", etc... when you become comfortable with your quit, then it becomes more dangerous. My recommendation is to always, every day, on top of posting roll, come back and read your intro and HOF speeches. This will remind you of how shitty your life used to be as a slave to nicotine.
3. Remember the effectiveness is based around your group and your friends here. Last night one of my good December friends at day 95 had to be talked out of caving by myself and another brother via text. Build a support outlet for your desperate times, get phone numbers. No matter what day you are on, you will need it.
Keep fighting man, sounds like you are really committed! Post roll EDD/ODAAT.
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Day three is almost over. Felt pretty shitty all day. Lethargic and tired even though I got decent sleep. Today I've been having some cravings. Feelings of loss when I think of never dipping. Like I'm saying goodbye forever to an old friend. I miss the buzz. Haven't even considered caving, but today has been rough, as if the last days were so easy because it was saving up for today.
I officially don't like smokey mountain herbal snuff. It's just too close.
Either way, tomorrow morning is day 4. And it'll just keep getting easier from there.
I'm doing fine, just a shitty day.
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What kind of heartless cocksucker would get out of college just to go work for big tobacco and peddle this shit out to the folks across the country and in his his own neighborhood? Why is the check out line at convenience stores packed with every legal vice imaginable. Rows of smokes and cans on all sides, and a glass window filled with lottery tickets right where you set your money down. Oh and don't get me started on how pissed I used to get at gambling addicts as they spent their days wages on stacks of tickets before they had even gotten to work. Oh how pissed and high and mighty I used to judge their addiction as I waiting impatiently for my turn to say " one can of grizzly wintergreen please" "nope, nope, long cut please" " nope, those are pouches, to the left, there you go" " no I don't have a damn super duper savers rewards card"
I can only imagine looking just as dumb to the people behind me as that dude buying the lotto tickets looked to me.
You may just need to put 20 on pump three, but there's some fat cats out there who have positioned themselves to weed out your vice and pull it out of you one dollar at a time.
Well, to the. I say: stop it please, you're being really mean.... (Cocksuckers)
Until they do, I'll do my best to pay at the pump.
Lmao
/rant
Night forums
Stayin quit. 'oh yeah'
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Not sleeping. Stayin quit.
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End of day five. Things are good, but triggers are everywhere. The triggers don't make me really want dip, the just miss it. Does that make sense? In no way I'm i near wanting it in my lip, I just miss the routine.
Anyways, seeds and gum are now my after meal automatics. Same with driving.
All the physical withdrawals seem long gone. Sleep has been great, as in I've been falling asleep fast and wake up quicker and more alert. Maybe nicotine was screwing up my sleep.
That's it from me today.
By the way, I got on my months text roster and it was awesome to see a bunch of fellow quitters texting back and forth during lunch today.
Stay quit
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End of day five. Things are good, but triggers are everywhere. The triggers don't make me really want dip, the just miss it. Does that make sense? In no way I'm i near wanting it in my lip, I just miss the routine.
Anyways, seeds and gum are now my after meal automatics. Same with driving.
All the physical withdrawals seem long gone. Sleep has been great, as in I've been falling asleep fast and wake up quicker and more alert. Maybe nicotine was screwing up my sleep.
That's it from me today.
By the way, I got on my months text roster and it was awesome to see a bunch of fellow quitters texting back and forth during lunch today.
Stay quit
Keep pushing bro. You are doing everything right (staying quit at all costs). There is no such thing as just one. Keep winning one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Congrats on making it this far. It does get easier, I swear.
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End of day five. Things are good, but triggers are everywhere. The triggers don't make me really want dip, the just miss it. Does that make sense? In no way I'm i near wanting it in my lip, I just miss the routine.
Anyways, seeds and gum are now my after meal automatics. Same with driving.
All the physical withdrawals seem long gone. Sleep has been great, as in I've been falling asleep fast and wake up quicker and more alert. Maybe nicotine was screwing up my sleep.
That's it from me today.
By the way, I got on my months text roster and it was awesome to see a bunch of fellow quitters texting back and forth during lunch today.
Stay quit
Keep pushing bro. You are doing everything right (staying quit at all costs). There is no such thing as just one. Keep winning one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Congrats on making it this far. It does get easier, I swear.
Thanks grizz.
Today I felt good and didn't really think about it much, but I notice I'm a little less easy going at work. As in, in my mind, I get irritated and annoyed easier by dumb people at work. Luckily, they're few and far between, but It made me realize that I when I was dipping the bear shit, it helped regulate my moods. Either way, three good work buddies have surprised me by saying they've all quit within the past three years. One even pulled out a can of smoky mountain herbal dip. All of us agreed that the main reason we quit was because we were tired of feeling like a slave to it. That was awesome, because they're all top notch skilled tradesmen, and I respect them. It's nice to realize I'm not the only one with the nic bitch behind them at work. In a way it was like learning I had reinforcement in real life, as well as this awesome site.
Out of the 200 or so construction workers at my site, it damn near splits in three groups as far as vices.
Smokers, dippers, and seed/gum chewers.. Lol. The smokers are always moody until their breaks...
I'm starting to understand that nearly all the seed spitters are former dippers.
Anyways , thought that was interesting.
The day went well. My taste is improving. How long does it take for the inside of my bottom lip to look normal again? There no sores, and never really were, but I've worn that thing out like a well used catchers mitt.i catch myself trying to remember what my lower lip used to look like. I wonder if the little connective tissue in the middle grows back.
Anyways, I'm beat. Time to go to sleep and wake up bright and early for day 7.
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Day 11 today. I've been feeling pretty good. Falling asleep has been really quick and easy. I have been irritable and quick to anger for the last week or so. Nothing serious, but noticeable.
I've found I really like beef jerky chew. I bought a can and use it only after meals and the coo ute to and from work. I really like it.
I guess I'm past the need to vent like my earlier posts here. This is going to be a long road, but I'm staying quit.
The inside of my lip is starting to look all fresh and healthy again. Money is going unspent. Things are good!
That's all I have for today
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Hi John,
Everything you have said on here echoes how I felt at week 1. You have the right plan working so far. What trade are you in? I'm a union pipefitter in Chicago.
By the way, you knocked out the wintergreen grizzly senerio I used to deal with daily. No, those are pouches, no, not the wide cut, lol.
Mike