KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Tpassala on September 20, 2017, 02:34:00 PM
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This is day 6 for me.
I have been dipping since I was about 17 and I'm 29 now. I have tried to quit so many times before, but the nicotine demon always gave me a reason to throw in another lip. This of course would lead to another can and another can with more lies not only to my self but my family as well. I'm tired of the lies. I'm tired of hiding this addiction from wife and making excuses every time I'm "caught". I'm tired of staying up late and not going to bed with my wife waiting for her to fall asleep so I can sneak a dip. I'm tired of this demon controlling my life.
This is the last time I quit. I am fully committed to the quit. I am ready to take back my life.
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Good for you -- take back your control! Awesome post -- raw and honest. You struck a lot of chords with my past life -- sneaking about and the lies. I let the nicotine be the "affair" in my marriage -- sneaking off to be with the nicotine instead of my family. Making lies and hiding it from the person I love the most.
Thanks for sharing -- I quit with you today!!
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Thanks man. Yeah yesterday was a little rough. I kept getting the lower lip tingles, but I fought that off and powered through. Had my first dip dream last night though. Woke up so pissed at myself thinking I caved. Thank God it was only a dream. Going strong. Fully committed to the quit.
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One week through.
This morning it feels the fog is lifting quite a bit. Hope it can stay, it's been pretty thick since I started the quit. Went for a long hard run yesterday and hit the gym this morning. Even though my desire to exercise is much lower than when I was dipping (motivation for most things have been low this past week), I feel much better. It's like everyone says exercise and water. We will get through this. Quit today! Quit tomorrow!
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One week through.
This morning it feels the fog is lifting quite a bit. Hope it can stay, it's been pretty thick since I started the quit. Went for a long hard run yesterday and hit the gym this morning. Even though my desire to exercise is much lower than when I was dipping (motivation for most things have been low this past week), I feel much better. It's like everyone says exercise and water. We will get through this. Quit today! Quit tomorrow!
Thank God for exercise. It's my release!
Great job TP (hopefully that nickname won't stick lol)!
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OK. Weekend recap as I think this is important to get down on something that will be there forever instead of just my brain, which has been known to be unreliable plus a total cunt at times. Friday was bad. Three weeks in and feeling great. On a worktrip 12 hours away from home...not great. This was my wheelhouse for chewing. I would binge chew every time I was out of the house for an extended period of time. But this weekend I felt solid. I made the 12 hour drive out no problem. Well I shouldn't say no problem because that Nic Bitch was on my shoulder everytime I got gas "Hey, you're golden! You got this. Just a grab a tin or two for the trip and be quit when you get home. No big deal." I fought her off. So like I said no big deal. Then I worked my ass off working nights+ ending out to 16 hours days and didn't have time to think about chew. Then Friday night came and I finally had some time off. I went to the bar to watch some some playoff baseball and drank a little more than I planned. Still not a big deal since I was walking back to the hotel anyway.
Once I got back I got the most intense urge since the quit. The fact that I was drunk and my decisions were absolutely impaired did not help. I was ready to get in my truck and go to the nearest gas station and grab some cope mint and shove it in my lip.
I didn't.
I fought with myself. I texted Brisingr way to late. Sorry about that bro. He didn't respond but just the fact that I was putting words down again that I was not going to end my quit helped me stay quit.
Again today alone with nothing else to do I went to bar to watch football, and on my walk back to the hotel I stopped at the gas station and took a leak. Then I stared at the glorious memorial to Cope Mint they had behind the counter. And I ran. Ran out the store, and didn't stop for awhile.
I know why a lot of vets say to stay away from alcohol. I never really got it because I was a ninja dipper and when I drank I normally drank with people so I never associated the drinking with dipping. The issue is not the association. It's the lowered inhibitions. You need to be extra vigilant while intoxicated or else the fucking bitch will weasel her way in and convince you to just go for one more lip.
I know I am an addict. I know that I can win against this addiction. I know that I need this site and this brotherhood to get through. I know without a doubt I would have caved at some point during this trip if not for this site and you guys. Thank you again December! I owe you my life.
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TP,
Good that you have been vigilant and able to stave off the craves.
My biggest challenge is when I get hungry. That is when I feel the gnawing at my lip.
The biggest win here is to learn to distract your mind when you start thinking those thoughts and when you drink too much it can make resisting that much harder.
Try to scale back your intake.
You fought off one major battle over the weekend. Give yourself a medal and you now have that victory to draw on for strength in the future.
The big thing with winning the quit battle is the decision. Once you have decided to quit arguing with yourself about one more and decide never again, it makes quitting that much easier.
You have made the decision, stop thinking about it and distract your mind with other thoughts.
Stay vigilant as the urges will come back when you least expect it. Especially around milestone dates when you are ready to pat yourself on the back. That is when they are the worse.
Congrats on all your victories.
I quit with you today.
Dundippin - day 756.
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Way to go on hitting 50 Tpass!!!
You are halfway famous now!
Proud to quit with you today!!
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Congratulations on hitting your hof day!
Double Ott quit brother!
It's not 1Hun Dun, stay the course, stay connected, stay strong, Quit Hard!
Chick 1,000