KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: harpenr on May 03, 2016, 03:08:00 PM
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Hey All,
I'm pretty sure this is where to post this for advice, but I have taken the jump and have been dip free for 45 days and had a question on my relationship.
What have you all gone through in your relationships while quitting, if anything?
I have noticed my relationship drifting ever since I quit dipping. I don't feel like the same person. I am more on edge and have noticed I have zero patience for anything now. Which this is definitely not good when my girlfriend has a 2 year old and they both live with me. I often have to leave the room or step away from the noise because I notice myself getting irritated and angry at things that didn't bother me before I stopped dipping. She is very supportive and honestly has not given a reason for me to have resentment towards her, but I do feel it somehow. Almost to the point of wanting out of the relationship so I can be by myself. I feel like I am taking out resentment on the relationship as a whole.
I thought after 45 days of quitting I wouldn't have these feelings of zero patience? How long does this last?
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Making 45 days on your own is no easy task.
That being said, are you just here for advice, or are you here to ensure you remain quit?
This is a place where quitters post their daily promise not to use nicotine in any form for that day. All you have to do is honor your word. Sounds simple, right? Why not join us?
As far as relationship issues, that'll wax and wane through a quit. I'm at 794 days today (thanks to this place and what we do here) and I still occasionally get cravings. When I do, I can be a real prick to be around, but I remain quit.
So what'da ya say? Wanna make sure you stay quit? Want accountability and brotherhood?
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Also, what made you quit?
Is this something that you wanted to do for you? Or is it something your girlfriend wanted you to do and you're doing it for her? I can tell you straight up that if you're not quitting for you (so you're doing it to appease someone else) it's not going to last. I've seen it time and again. If you're quitting because your girlfriend encouraged/made you and you didn't already have your mind set on doing it, you will resent her. Plain and simple.
This needs to be something you want and have your mind set to do if you want it to stick.
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Also, what made you quit?
Is this something that you wanted to do for you? Or is it something your girlfriend wanted you to do and you're doing it for her? I can tell you straight up that if you're not quitting for you (so you're doing it to appease someone else) it's not going to last. I've seen it time and again. If you're quitting because your girlfriend encouraged/made you and you didn't already have your mind set on doing it, you will resent her. Plain and simple.
This needs to be something you want and have your mind set to do if you want it to stick.
Join and post and the advice from A to Z Will flow! Waiting on you to post, that's the price of admission here! Quit on!
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All I can do is second what's already been said.
I'm 103 days quit, so a little closer to where you are.
The uprisings in your emotions/rage will wax and wane. All I can tell you is that it will get less frequent and severe over time, but it varies for everyone.
We can keep you quit, and give you a place to vent.
But, you have to post roll. That is the price you pay at this otherwise free site.
Learn how to post roll here. (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/#new) Look at the other subjects in the Welcome Center. (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
This (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11536813/538/) is where you will go to post roll. Scroll down to the last page, and copy the most recent roll posting.
45 days on your own is quite an accomplishment. You'll increase your chances at a lasting quit if you stick around here.
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Hey All,
I'm pretty sure this is where to post this for advice, but I have taken the jump and have been dip free for 45 days and had a question on my relationship.
What have you all gone through in your relationships while quitting, if anything?
I have noticed my relationship drifting ever since I quit dipping. I don't feel like the same person. I am more on edge and have noticed I have zero patience for anything now. Which this is definitely not good when my girlfriend has a 2 year old and they both live with me. I often have to leave the room or step away from the noise because I notice myself getting irritated and angry at things that didn't bother me before I stopped dipping. She is very supportive and honestly has not given a reason for me to have resentment towards her, but I do feel it somehow. Almost to the point of wanting out of the relationship so I can be by myself. I feel like I am taking out resentment on the relationship as a whole.
I thought after 45 days of quitting I wouldn't have these feelings of zero patience? How long does this last?
Quitting this addiction has some strange effects and most of us have found it had been masking some other issues as well.
What is great about KTC, is we know what you are going through and outside people don't get it.
Vent and take out your frustration here. Join up and heal yourself.
Idaho Spuds
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Hey harpenr,
Everyone is different in their quit. My advice is to make sure your gf knows you are quit and share with her what you are going through.
It's much easier to do this with a group of internet crazies that are going through the same issues. Check out our site. If you decide to join us, you will be with me in the June 2016 group. June is when we reach 100 days quit, and have developed the tools necessary to remain quit.
Shoot me a PM if you have any questions.
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You gonna post roll?
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It has been over 2 years for me, and yes, using nicotine was a crutch for my assholish personality.
If given a choice for the 7-8 relationships that are in ruins (both professionally and personally) because I stopped chewing tobacco, or chewing tobacco, I choose to stay quit, because I prefer to be alive and an asshole rather then dead.
Probably not the answer you want, but that is my experience.
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Every one has given great advice. One thing I can add to it is that everyone needs to have alone time. When in a quit it is especially important. Sometimes it is an entire day. Other times it is just a minute. It will vary. Sometimes, for me, when I am feeling a little edgey I use Bacc Off or some other fake/no nicotine substitute. For me it helps.
So, I am going to third, fourth and I think fifth what others have said already. Quit for yourself. It has to be for yourself. Actual resentment will be non existent once you make the decision for yourself. It may mimic resentment, it is not. That is the Nicotine talking and trying to get you into it clutches again.
So. join up. Post a promise daily. It is odd how doing something so simple could cause a daily tranquility. Some days it is just a small breath of calmness and other days it is a boulder taken off of the shoulders of Atlas. Joining up will give you access to tons upon tons of information, help, short term distractions, bit(hing sections, brotherhood, understanding, help, strength, courage, determination, ACCOUNTABILITY.
Just for today, Self.