KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: TrueToMyself on May 23, 2014, 01:41:00 PM
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I started chewing in my early 20s, about 17 years ago. It was just a joke - I had always been very anti-tobacco. Friends and I were at the beach, we threw in a dip to goof off and it was awful. We all laughed. A few weeks later, my friend and I were bored before work and looking to kill time. We happened to be driving by a gas station and the rest is history - for some reason, we thought it was funny. Still can't believe it happened. Since that night at the beach, four of us have been chewing. We all agree it's the biggest regret of our lives. I'm the first one to quit.
I'm completely ashamed of this addiction and the way I've handled it. It has impacted relationships with women and family members... and they have no idea why. I'm a secret chewer. Nobody knows except a few friends and I never admitted to myself that this is an addiction until recent years. The mind's ability and willingness to fool itself is astounding. I would sneak chew every chance I got. All day, every day. Sneaking out of the house on "errands". Working late at night in the office by myself -- told myself I was doing it to get ahead --- we all know why I really worked late. Saturday/Sunday mornings come and I finally get time with the family but I'm cranky as shit because I'm in withdrawal. I lash out and blame others for causing it. Fucking shameful. Sneaking my s'toons, hiding tins, chewing gum whenever I get home, hiding, sneaking, hiding, sneaking - lying.
I started posting roll on the day I quit, May 19, 2014 - 5 days ago. This is my strongest quit ever and it's all thanks to KTC. Posting roll and reading this website is very empowering. Here are a few things that have helped so far to make this my my final quit - posting roll, reading the hell out of the KTC website, DRASTICALLY REDUCING CAFFEINE (now only drinking a very small amount of coffee or drinking decaf, drinking white tea), being more aware of alcohol trigger, keeping a bag of carrots to chew on at work (helps my stomach), exercising, drinking baking soda mix (helps my stomach), drinking pure cranberry juice (helps my stomach), eating a shit ton of vegetables (supposedly relieves cravings). Basically, everything I can do to stay calm and reduce acidity in my stomach/body. I'm throwing everything, including the kitchen sink, at this quit. The following website has some nice tactics for coping with cravings, too --- http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html (http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html)
[[[****Seriously, the caffeine thing has destroyed many attempts to quit. I'm not smart enough to explain how it works. Google it if something that impacts you but basically caffeine doubles in your bloodstream when you quit tobacco. Your body used to metabolize it twice as quickly due to the tobacco but not anymore. That's why caffeine gets you so jacked and stressed while quitting - then when you crash, you think you need a dip.]]]
It's day five and I feel incredible. It's been years since I've felt this confident. FREEDOM, as Lighty says. About half of the fog has lifted. My stomach is generally good but still slowly knots up on me until I realize it's all clenched tight. Not very productive at work. It feels like my eyes see more color and light than they did six days ago - I can't explain that phenomenon any better than that... like the world just became high def.
Let me tell you - five days feels incredible, but I won't get overconfident. I know there is a long way to go. Five days is nothing in the big picture... but it means a lifetime to me right now.
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True, I have experienced the better vision as well, I believe it's the additional oxygen! You have a good attitude on this quit right now, keep it up, and buy in to the KTC hook line and sinker. Do not miss roll. Get some digits from your quit group, and have a plan when that next crave comes. Happy to have quit with you today.
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Congrats on your first five days, true. Sounds Like you are serious and have the right attitude. Keep doing what you're doing. Post roll EVERY DAY and make some connections here. Shoot me a PM if you need anything.
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You're doing fine. My day 6 was when the clouds began to part. Just remember to not get ahead of yourself. ODAAT. We see all these posts for folks who hit the HOF, 1 year, 4000 days, etc. Pretty daunting for you and I and the rest of August. Seems pretty unreachable at 19 days for me. We gotta remember they were once on day 5 as well. How did they hit the milestones? Post roll every day 100%, get involved and read the site, thank those that are supporting you and all of us new quitters, trade #s with a select few start a text team. We do all these things and in 2015 and on, we'll be the support line for all the quitters that took a bit longer than us to take their heads out of their arses.
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I quit with you sir. Make sure to drink that water. I couldn't believe how some things changed in just a few days.
Keep it up brother.
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True - totally agree about seeing things differently. I know folks had said to take it easy on the caffeine - thanks for the info. I was a caffeine junkie too (surprise surprise right!) but haven't had a cup of coffee all week - been sticking with green tea. Can totally relate about picking up this stupid habit for no effing reason. Tried it the same way with a few buddies as a Sophomore in HS - Everyone just let it go except 1 buddy. He ended up being my best friend and still is to this day, but to think we both dipped for the next 22 years is mind-boggling.
My office closed early today and I had by far my worst crave to date. As luck would have it the samples I ordered of Smokey Mountain were in my mailbox! QLF this weekend boys and just enjoy freedom of this shit not consuming our lives.
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True, I support your fight brother. I quit with you, NAFAR!! Reach out if you ned anything.
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Congrats on taking back your life. You came to the right place. We were all just like you.
I quit with you today. Make sure and follow the program, that's how you'll succeed.
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BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruits (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
-
BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
-
BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
Never again for any reason.
The tough days get better. It is very wise to post in your intro every few days in the beginning. Your mind will tend to block out the memories of the miserable first days. It is really helpful to be able to look back on the intro and see where you really were. I will tell you this... You will feel sooo much better that you won't believe it. I can't tell you when , but it will come gradually in phases. And one day you will develop an anger about what nicotine took from you that will surprise you.
Keep it up. Welcome aboard!
-
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100...
Great job and welcome. One more little tip that will help you more than you can imagine.
It's great that ^^^^ is your long term goal, but all any of us care about is you posted roll TODAY. We care about being 100% posted TODAY. Things get easier when you just start worrying about NOW my friend. Need anything let me know.
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BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
Never again for any reason.
The tough days get better. It is very wise to post in your intro every few days in the beginning. Your mind will tend to block out the memories of the miserable first days. It is really helpful to be able to look back on the intro and see where you really were. I will tell you this... You will feel sooo much better that you won't believe it. I can't tell you when , but it will come gradually in phases. And one day you will develop an anger about what nicotine took from you that will surprise you.
Keep it up. Welcome aboard!
I love this quit attitude out of the gates; this is how you take ownership of your quit and how you be quit. It's a new way of life, being quit versus being an addict. We are all addicts, but we don't have to be addicts, if you catch my drift.
Some legends of quit have dropped some serious knowledge on this thread already, but I conversely want to say that sometimes quitting is like raising a baby for the first time. Every parent out there will tell you how to handle this or handle that with a newborn. At the end of the day it comes down to the parent to figure out what the best way is to handle a situation and raise their baby. Quitting is similar. Some things work for some people and other things work for other people. Your quit is your quit and it is unique. That is why someone who has been quit for 2000 days can still learn and be inspired by someone who is quit for 5. We are all only one $5 bad decision away from throwing it all away. Regardless of how you determine what works best in your quit, there are 2 things that MUST be common to all quits...and these have already been spoken. 1) post roll every day and 2) Do not use nicotine in any form
In closing, I appreciate the pledge for being a 100% poster, I am a 100% roll poster for 164 consecutive days. But I got there by making the pledge one day at a time. I'll worry about being a 100% poster on day 165 tomorrow, once I've successfully won my battle today.
-
BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
Never again for any reason.
The tough days get better. It is very wise to post in your intro every few days in the beginning. Your mind will tend to block out the memories of the miserable first days. It is really helpful to be able to look back on the intro and see where you really were. I will tell you this... You will feel sooo much better that you won't believe it. I can't tell you when , but it will come gradually in phases. And one day you will develop an anger about what nicotine took from you that will surprise you.
Keep it up. Welcome aboard!
I love this quit attitude out of the gates; this is how you take ownership of your quit and how you be quit. It's a new way of life, being quit versus being an addict. We are all addicts, but we don't have to be addicts, if you catch my drift.
Some legends of quit have dropped some serious knowledge on this thread already, but I conversely want to say that sometimes quitting is like raising a baby for the first time. Every parent out there will tell you how to handle this or handle that with a newborn. At the end of the day it comes down to the parent to figure out what the best way is to handle a situation and raise their baby. Quitting is similar. Some things work for some people and other things work for other people. Your quit is your quit and it is unique. That is why someone who has been quit for 2000 days can still learn and be inspired by someone who is quit for 5. We are all only one $5 bad decision away from throwing it all away. Regardless of how you determine what works best in your quit, there are 2 things that MUST be common to all quits...and these have already been spoken. 1) post roll every day and 2) Do not use nicotine in any form
In closing, I appreciate the pledge for being a 100% poster, I am a 100% roll poster for 164 consecutive days. But I got there by making the pledge one day at a time. I'll worry about being a 100% poster on day 165 tomorrow, once I've successfully won my battle today.
Your old life sounds a bit like mine. Congrats on 5 days quit and taking back your freedom.
Stay focused ODAAT. You mentioned that you had "a long way to go" ... it is 0940 EST right now. So if you consider the next 15 hrs and 20 minutes a long way to go then you are right. That is all you have to focus on. TODAY only. The past, the future don't matter. You control this moment and whether or not you are quit.
Keep fighting! I am quit with you all day Saturday!
-
BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
Never again for any reason.
The tough days get better. It is very wise to post in your intro every few days in the beginning. Your mind will tend to block out the memories of the miserable first days. It is really helpful to be able to look back on the intro and see where you really were. I will tell you this... You will feel sooo much better that you won't believe it. I can't tell you when , but it will come gradually in phases. And one day you will develop an anger about what nicotine took from you that will surprise you.
Keep it up. Welcome aboard!
I love this quit attitude out of the gates; this is how you take ownership of your quit and how you be quit. It's a new way of life, being quit versus being an addict. We are all addicts, but we don't have to be addicts, if you catch my drift.
Some legends of quit have dropped some serious knowledge on this thread already, but I conversely want to say that sometimes quitting is like raising a baby for the first time. Every parent out there will tell you how to handle this or handle that with a newborn. At the end of the day it comes down to the parent to figure out what the best way is to handle a situation and raise their baby. Quitting is similar. Some things work for some people and other things work for other people. Your quit is your quit and it is unique. That is why someone who has been quit for 2000 days can still learn and be inspired by someone who is quit for 5. We are all only one $5 bad decision away from throwing it all away. Regardless of how you determine what works best in your quit, there are 2 things that MUST be common to all quits...and these have already been spoken. 1) post roll every day and 2) Do not use nicotine in any form
In closing, I appreciate the pledge for being a 100% poster, I am a 100% roll poster for 164 consecutive days. But I got there by making the pledge one day at a time. I'll worry about being a 100% poster on day 165 tomorrow, once I've successfully won my battle today.
Your old life sounds a bit like mine. Congrats on 5 days quit and taking back your freedom.
Stay focused ODAAT. You mentioned that you had "a long way to go" ... it is 0940 EST right now. So if you consider the next 15 hrs and 20 minutes a long way to go then you are right. That is all you have to focus on. TODAY only. The past, the future don't matter. You control this moment and whether or not you are quit.
Keep fighting! I am quit with you all day Saturday!
Thank you all for keeping me focused. ODAAT. Sorry to get all mushy on you, but these posts with reminders, knowledge, straight talk and encouragement mean a lot to me. I think all these great chemical changes in my body have been making me extra emotional or something. Yeah, I'm a big pussy for talking about feelings but at least I'm a clean pussy.
You all know what the bitch in my head is trying to do and you're staying one step ahead of her excuses and rationalization. I needed that and am grateful for it.
I'd tell you I'm extremely fucking pumped about tomorrow being one full week but I won't. Right now, I just want to get through a party this afternoon. After that, I want to get through a movie. After that, to bed. Small steps, big victories.
-
BAM. Here's a quitter that inspires the hell out of me. It never ceases to amaze me when a quitter comes in here and their story is SO much like mine. Welcome, man. This is going to change your life. A couple of tips (whether you need them or not):
-Don't let your guard down. Each single day is a great accomplishment, but you have been an addict for over six thousand days. For all of the shame brought by lying, weakness, hiding, crabbiness, and missing out on what's important, The Addict has always found a way to justify getting some nicotine. This time is different, but your opponent is formidable as fuck (hint: it's your brain and it has a bit of an unfair advantage). Cravings are one thing, but be extremely wary of JOe, the Just One rationalizing liar. Just One is your fucking enemy but he's sneakier than anything. If you start thinking "Just One" for whatever reason, use the KTC tools and get your head straight.
-If you know the baking soda trick then you're a fellow heartburn sufferer. Getting a good night's rest, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and not eating or drinking past 7:30 will work miracles. Careful with your veggies and fruites (cranberry); broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese... The list of foods that will destroy you will also surprise you.
-Make a pledge here and now that you will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100.
Anyway, sorry if this comes off as a bit KnowItAll.
Stop lying. Stop hiding. Start living. It's awesome.
Hey Minny, I can use some KnowItAll because I know nothing. I didn't know there were certain veggies and fruits that could be bad. You know what they are? Are you telling me broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes, cottage cheese (not quite a fruit/veggie) are on the no-no list?
I like that JOe thing. True.
Thank you for the support, folks.
I pledge here and now that I will be a 100% roll call poster from here to day 100... and that's just the beginning, brothers and sisters.
P.S. What's NAFAR?
Never again for any reason.
The tough days get better. It is very wise to post in your intro every few days in the beginning. Your mind will tend to block out the memories of the miserable first days. It is really helpful to be able to look back on the intro and see where you really were. I will tell you this... You will feel sooo much better that you won't believe it. I can't tell you when , but it will come gradually in phases. And one day you will develop an anger about what nicotine took from you that will surprise you.
Keep it up. Welcome aboard!
I love this quit attitude out of the gates; this is how you take ownership of your quit and how you be quit. It's a new way of life, being quit versus being an addict. We are all addicts, but we don't have to be addicts, if you catch my drift.
Some legends of quit have dropped some serious knowledge on this thread already, but I conversely want to say that sometimes quitting is like raising a baby for the first time. Every parent out there will tell you how to handle this or handle that with a newborn. At the end of the day it comes down to the parent to figure out what the best way is to handle a situation and raise their baby. Quitting is similar. Some things work for some people and other things work for other people. Your quit is your quit and it is unique. That is why someone who has been quit for 2000 days can still learn and be inspired by someone who is quit for 5. We are all only one $5 bad decision away from throwing it all away. Regardless of how you determine what works best in your quit, there are 2 things that MUST be common to all quits...and these have already been spoken. 1) post roll every day and 2) Do not use nicotine in any form
In closing, I appreciate the pledge for being a 100% poster, I am a 100% roll poster for 164 consecutive days. But I got there by making the pledge one day at a time. I'll worry about being a 100% poster on day 165 tomorrow, once I've successfully won my battle today.
Your old life sounds a bit like mine. Congrats on 5 days quit and taking back your freedom.
Stay focused ODAAT. You mentioned that you had "a long way to go" ... it is 0940 EST right now. So if you consider the next 15 hrs and 20 minutes a long way to go then you are right. That is all you have to focus on. TODAY only. The past, the future don't matter. You control this moment and whether or not you are quit.
Keep fighting! I am quit with you all day Saturday!
Thank you all for keeping me focused. ODAAT. Sorry to get all mushy on you, but these posts with reminders, knowledge, straight talk and encouragement mean a lot to me. I think all these great chemical changes in my body have been making me extra emotional or something. Yeah, I'm a big pussy for talking about feelings but at least I'm a clean pussy.
You all know what the bitch in my head is trying to do and you're staying one step ahead of her excuses and rationalization. I needed that and am grateful for it.
I'd tell you I'm extremely fucking pumped about tomorrow being one full week but I won't. Right now, I just want to get through a party this afternoon. After that, I want to get through a movie. After that, to bed. Small steps, big victories.
Ever broken your leg? Small steps turn into bigger ones. Then you start to jog. Then you run. That leg will probably feel a little pain once in a while (when the weather changes I can point out where my leg broke 30 some years ago !) but it really isn't that big of a deal, and running is now "routine".
Quitting is the same way. The pain under your arms from using those damn crutches... Feeling like you are a baby learning to walk again... And the feeling that it won't ever get better... That is where you are right now! One day at a time the crutches go away. One day at a time life will not get back to normal... It will get way way wAy better than the normal you know.
Keep posting what you are going through. Because you will want to look back at this in the not too distant future. It will fuel some real rage about what tobacco/nicotine did to you, and stole from you. And remember, this hell that you are experiencing... You will never have to live through again. Ever. Because you are quit.
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I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
this is a roller coaster ride - after every successful 'crave beat down' the nic bitch relentlessly counter attacks. The craves will shorten and spread out over time but she's never going to let you go.
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
I found the "office" and routine triggers were always more of a kick in the teeth at first. Much easier to break routines and stay busy on the weekend/after work. The office had some rituals - drive in, dip. Cup of coffe, dip. Take a crap, dip. Pouring over reports and preparing for meetings, dip.
Get done with a meeting - dip.
Post lunch - dip.
Mid afternoon ESPN session? dip.
End of the day push? you guessed it.
Drive home? Dip.
Pretty f'ing ridiculous. Trust me when i say the schedule didnt lay out the way it did for any reason other than working in extra sessions. I suggest getting a big ol 1 liter of water and some seeds, candy, fake (whatever you need) and to the extent possible reshuffle your schedule. When the fog or the craves get bad, see if you cant work in some kind of physical stuff. Walk, clean up the office, get outside and soak up some vitamin D and fresh air, climb steps, etc. It will take the time it takes to break the mold, but trust me when I say it can, has, and will continue to be done.
Its not a setback - its the nic bitch trying to fuck with you. She is saying "see, you can enjoy your quit, but now its back to work and you know how much easier the week is with me. You can always quit this weekend again." Its a lie. Trust me, she will fight harder. This is her soft sell.
I am sending you a PM with my number - feel free to use it if you need it.
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
I found the "office" and routine triggers were always more of a kick in the teeth at first. Much easier to break routines and stay busy on the weekend/after work. The office had some rituals - drive in, dip. Cup of coffe, dip. Take a crap, dip. Pouring over reports and preparing for meetings, dip.
Get done with a meeting - dip.
Post lunch - dip.
Mid afternoon ESPN session? dip.
End of the day push? you guessed it.
Drive home? Dip.
Pretty f'ing ridiculous. Trust me when i say the schedule didnt lay out the way it did for any reason other than working in extra sessions. I suggest getting a big ol 1 liter of water and some seeds, candy, fake (whatever you need) and to the extent possible reshuffle your schedule. When the fog or the craves get bad, see if you cant work in some kind of physical stuff. Walk, clean up the office, get outside and soak up some vitamin D and fresh air, climb steps, etc. It will take the time it takes to break the mold, but trust me when I say it can, has, and will continue to be done.
Its not a setback - its the nic bitch trying to fuck with you. She is saying "see, you can enjoy your quit, but now its back to work and you know how much easier the week is with me. You can always quit this weekend again." Its a lie. Trust me, she will fight harder. This is her soft sell.
I am sending you a PM with my number - feel free to use it if you need it.
J2b, we must be in the same line of work... Not my intro but there is some good info in here as I'm going through the same stuff as as truetomyself with cravings at work and all that.
I'm going to try the clean up the desk thing next time as it's been about 4 years... beat the nic bitch and live in a clean cube, at least for about 3 days.
(Fixed some typos)
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
I found the "office" and routine triggers were always more of a kick in the teeth at first. Much easier to break routines and stay busy on the weekend/after work. The office had some rituals - drive in, dip. Cup of coffe, dip. Take a crap, dip. Pouring over reports and preparing for meetings, dip.
Get done with a meeting - dip.
Post lunch - dip.
Mid afternoon ESPN session? dip.
End of the day push? you guessed it.
Drive home? Dip.
Pretty f'ing ridiculous. Trust me when i say the schedule didnt lay out the way it did for any reason other than working in extra sessions. I suggest getting a big ol 1 liter of water and some seeds, candy, fake (whatever you need) and to the extent possible reshuffle your schedule. When the fog or the craves get bad, see if you cant work in some kind of physical stuff. Walk, clean up the office, get outside and soak up some vitamin D and fresh air, climb steps, etc. It will take the time it takes to break the mold, but trust me when I say it can, has, and will continue to be done.
Its not a setback - its the nic bitch trying to fuck with you. She is saying "see, you can enjoy your quit, but now its back to work and you know how much easier the week is with me. You can always quit this weekend again." Its a lie. Trust me, she will fight harder. This is her soft sell.
I am sending you a PM with my number - feel free to use it if you need it.
J2b, we must be in the same line of work... Not my intro but there is some good info in here as I'm going through the same stuff as as truetomyself with cravings at work and all that.
I'm going to try the clean up the desk thing next time as it's been about 4 years... beat the nic bitch and live in a clean cube, at least for about 3 days.
(Fixed some typos)
Well shit, I am sending you my number as well.
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
I found the "office" and routine triggers were always more of a kick in the teeth at first. Much easier to break routines and stay busy on the weekend/after work. The office had some rituals - drive in, dip. Cup of coffe, dip. Take a crap, dip. Pouring over reports and preparing for meetings, dip.
Get done with a meeting - dip.
Post lunch - dip.
Mid afternoon ESPN session? dip.
End of the day push? you guessed it.
Drive home? Dip.
Pretty f'ing ridiculous. Trust me when i say the schedule didnt lay out the way it did for any reason other than working in extra sessions. I suggest getting a big ol 1 liter of water and some seeds, candy, fake (whatever you need) and to the extent possible reshuffle your schedule. When the fog or the craves get bad, see if you cant work in some kind of physical stuff. Walk, clean up the office, get outside and soak up some vitamin D and fresh air, climb steps, etc. It will take the time it takes to break the mold, but trust me when I say it can, has, and will continue to be done.
Its not a setback - its the nic bitch trying to fuck with you. She is saying "see, you can enjoy your quit, but now its back to work and you know how much easier the week is with me. You can always quit this weekend again." Its a lie. Trust me, she will fight harder. This is her soft sell.
I am sending you a PM with my number - feel free to use it if you need it.
J2b, we must be in the same line of work... Not my intro but there is some good info in here as I'm going through the same stuff as as truetomyself with cravings at work and all that.
I'm going to try the clean up the desk thing next time as it's been about 4 years... beat the nic bitch and live in a clean cube, at least for about 3 days.
(Fixed some typos)
Well shit, I am sending you my number as well.
cbird, j2b, basshaug - great stuff here. J2B you know exactly what I'm talking about. Those distractions are excellent, especially the in-office exercise. I can easily fit that in, here and there.
My best distraction right now is this website - it's going to stay that way, too. It's certainly more of a support system than a distraction, but it serves both purposes.
This website is surprisingly addictive. Imagine that.
-
True, the only thing I consider a set back is if you put dip in your mouth. You didn't, therefore you won. It's black and white here at the KTC, you didn't use nic and kept your promise, you won. Sew it on a doily if you want, all I care about is you and I keeping our promise. Proud to be quit with you today True!
-
I was worried about making it through the long weekend, thinking my quit was safer during the weekday routine. Actually, the weekend went well, despite some cravings. Now I'm back at the office and the cravings have increased in intensity and duration. WTF? Maybe I subconsciously let my guard down a bit today after the big buildup for the weekend.
I can handle this but it feels like a setback, compared to how I've been feeling. This is f'ing frustrating.
I found the "office" and routine triggers were always more of a kick in the teeth at first. Much easier to break routines and stay busy on the weekend/after work. The office had some rituals - drive in, dip. Cup of coffe, dip. Take a crap, dip. Pouring over reports and preparing for meetings, dip.
Get done with a meeting - dip.
Post lunch - dip.
Mid afternoon ESPN session? dip.
End of the day push? you guessed it.
Drive home? Dip.
Pretty f'ing ridiculous. Trust me when i say the schedule didnt lay out the way it did for any reason other than working in extra sessions. I suggest getting a big ol 1 liter of water and some seeds, candy, fake (whatever you need) and to the extent possible reshuffle your schedule. When the fog or the craves get bad, see if you cant work in some kind of physical stuff. Walk, clean up the office, get outside and soak up some vitamin D and fresh air, climb steps, etc. It will take the time it takes to break the mold, but trust me when I say it can, has, and will continue to be done.
Its not a setback - its the nic bitch trying to fuck with you. She is saying "see, you can enjoy your quit, but now its back to work and you know how much easier the week is with me. You can always quit this weekend again." Its a lie. Trust me, she will fight harder. This is her soft sell.
I am sending you a PM with my number - feel free to use it if you need it.
J2b, we must be in the same line of work... Not my intro but there is some good info in here as I'm going through the same stuff as as truetomyself with cravings at work and all that.
I'm going to try the clean up the desk thing next time as it's been about 4 years... beat the nic bitch and live in a clean cube, at least for about 3 days.
(Fixed some typos)
Well shit, I am sending you my number as well.
cbird, j2b, basshaug - great stuff here. J2B you know exactly what I'm talking about. Those distractions are excellent, especially the in-office exercise. I can easily fit that in, here and there.
My best distraction right now is this website - it's going to stay that way, too. It's certainly more of a support system than a distraction, but it serves both purposes.
This website is surprisingly addictive. Imagine that.
I work in my computer shop/office. Customers come in and call. Used to be (2yrs ago) my office smelled like a cesspool of old spit and stankyass tobacco. Customers knew as soon as they entered that another "dumbass" worked here.
One day an old lady came in for laptop service, she said, "are you dipping?" I said, "yes, Mamm". She said, "That tobacco is gonna kill you"! I did not know this lady from Adam. But that person planted a seed and it grew. She told me about her husband who worked all his life at The Paper Mill, then one morning getting ready for work, he bent over to put on his socks and never straightened up. Cancer got his spine. There was not a name at the time for his cancer. Another human being killed by the poison.
We win against the nic bitch, ODAAT. You won this weekend. You're a badass Today!
Post roll
Keep your word
wake and repeat
Real simple, real hard at first...gets much gooder the more daze you "are quit".
I quit with you Today.
Life is great Today.
We were not born with the poison in our mouths, period
-
Great start you have going here, and some superstars offerring support- follow their advice, you'll be well-served. It worked well for me so far- and I was a chronic a chewer as there was. KTC is a life saver! Glad to be quitting with you!
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Great start you have going here, and some superstars offerring support- follow their advice, you'll be well-served. It worked well for me so far- and I was a chronic a chewer as there was. KTC is a life saver! Glad to be quitting with you!
Great words today, guys. I take it all to heart and respect where you've been with your own quit. I admire every one of you.
Don't know if you still post in order to help others or to help yourself - probably both. I'm damn glad you do it.
Brettlees - I know exactly the smell you're talking about. That's brutal about the old man. That ain't going to happen to us... Not anymore.
QLFMF ODAAT
-
Great start you have going here, and some superstars offerring support- follow their advice, you'll be well-served. It worked well for me so far- and I was a chronic a chewer as there was. KTC is a life saver! Glad to be quitting with you!
Great words today, guys. I take it all to heart and respect where you've been with your own quit. I admire every one of you.
Don't know if you still post in order to help others or to help yourself - probably both. I'm damn glad you do it.
Brettlees - I know exactly the smell you're talking about. That's brutal about the old man. That ain't going to happen to us... Not anymore.
QLFMF ODAAT
True - to answer your question...
For me, in the beginning the daily post was ALL about accountability. See, I wasn't strong enough to do this by myself and I needed my name on the roll first thing every morning so that any craves or urges would immediately be met with feelings of strong guilt on my part for even thinking such a thing! I mean, I promised all of these bad asses that I wouldn't use any nicotine today, and by God I keep my word.
As time moves by, and I know it seems hard to believe right now, but the craves and urges become infrequent, and they are easy to beat down. I actually kind of enjoy them now, because now they remind me that one day at a time I am winning at the one thing that I lost at every day for 25 years.
I love winning.
Now, more than anything, I post to remind myself every morning while I drink my coffee of the miserable horrible place that I had let life take me thanks to my addiction. I was a fucking wreck when I quit... and I didn't even realize it. Now, looking back, it is such a joke. And I don't EVER want to forget that place. Because not only do I get to promise to all of you bad asses that I'm clean today, I get to remind myself of one more day of win in the book. Winning is sweet.
One day at a time, you are getting to a great place. A place that you don't know because your brain has been poisoned and your life schedule ruled through an addiction. Freedom is a great thing. Glad you are here. You make my daily promise stronger.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
There is a lot to learn from on this site, and we all have a lot of room for improvement. It will never happen until you start...Learn from your past, but keep looking forward and anticipate the good things to come.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Pathetic, isn't it. The actions of the addict, to feed the addiction, nurture it, and coddle its balls so that its sperm can plant a stronger seed of addiction the next day and every day after that.
True, you are beginning to experience something I realized about 2 months into my quit. Looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing the addict through the eyes of a quitter. For me, when the clarity hit me, I understood my addiction and how pathetic it was.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
By the way, Wt57 - that's one hell of a hump streak. I'm in my late 30s and can still make some magic but that's pretty awesome. I hope you got a plaque or something on the mantle. Great way to clean the pipes and detox, eh?
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.
When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.
When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.
I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.
Thank you.
-
This graduation speech really pumped me up about quitting. I'm not a military veteran but many of his words relate to what we're going through. Watch the video or read the text when you have time.
http://www.utexas.edu/news/2014/05/16/a ... nt-speech/ (http://www.utexas.edu/news/2014/05/16/admiral-mcraven-commencement-speech/)
P.S. I really like his explanation about the beds. Always wondered about that. Our equivalent is posting roll every day, kind of.
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.
When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.
I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.
Thank you.
When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.
my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.
ODAAT you got this. NAFAR
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.
When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.
I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.
Thank you.
When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.
my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.
ODAAT you got this. NAFAR
I wouldn't be surprised if your wife knew you dipped. For the longest time, I thought my wife didn't know, but I had a trail of screw-ups that basically solidified her knowledge of my dipping. Anyhow, maybe all that's irrelevant...I just wanted to share with you that I was someone who waited for the right time to tell my wife. Since she knew of my addiction, I needed to wait until I had something tangible to show her, not just empty words. So, on day 14 I took her into my office and showed her how I post roll every day. I told her I was on day 14; this was this past Christmas. In your case, even if you're wife is oblivious to your addiction...you have all of this to show her. Show her this thread and the funnel of responses. Not only are you quitting every day, fostering that quit, but there is hard evidence of how much this means to you. The quit is tangible and your freedom is now real.
-
Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.
Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.
You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.
Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.
I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!
Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)
-
I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny
Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.
In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?
You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.
Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."
Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010219/14/). While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.
Just a thought....
Have you ever considered telling your wife?
I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.
Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.
I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".
You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?
Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.
It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.
I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.
She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.
I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..
Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.
Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.
"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."
I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.
You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.
Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.
Quit on...
Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.
50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!
True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.
You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.
Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.
I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.
I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.
This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.
I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.
You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.
Quit on...
I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.
When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.
I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.
Thank you.
When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.
my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.
ODAAT you got this. NAFAR
I wouldn't be surprised if your wife knew you dipped. For the longest time, I thought my wife didn't know, but I had a trail of screw-ups that basically solidified her knowledge of my dipping. Anyhow, maybe all that's irrelevant...I just wanted to share with you that I was someone who waited for the right time to tell my wife. Since she knew of my addiction, I needed to wait until I had something tangible to show her, not just empty words. So, on day 14 I took her into my office and showed her how I post roll every day. I told her I was on day 14; this was this past Christmas. In your case, even if you're wife is oblivious to your addiction...you have all of this to show her. Show her this thread and the funnel of responses. Not only are you quitting every day, fostering that quit, but there is hard evidence of how much this means to you. The quit is tangible and your freedom is now real.
Tell her everything. She is your soul mate.
-
Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.
Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.
You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.
Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.
I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!
Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)
Bump.
-
Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.
Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.
You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.
Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.
I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!
Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)
Bump.
Listen, it's good timing for this conversation so thank you for checking. I'll be on a high stress work road trip alone with an overnight in a hotel. This used to be a "great time" to really dig into a tin.
I'm confident in my quit right now but I'm going to have to be on full alert on Thursday and Friday this week. Nice move on the car analogy - you're right. It's over for me. I'm not going back.
Right before I found KTC, I had finally realized that one single hit was not ok during a quit. With your explanation, I see where cleanfuel was going. I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok.
When I first saw people on KTC saying things like "I hate the nic bitch" .... and things like "screw the poison"... I thought it was a little silly to be honest. I didn't get it. Now, I'm learning to love to hate one thing and one thing only. When I get a craving, I'm associating that hatred and focusing the anger on that one single thing. This is day 13. 14 days ago, Grizzly was a skyscraper in my world, commanding me. Today, it's a garage whispering in my ear. Tomorrow it will be a shed. And someday soon, it will shudder beneath me.... and I'll be happy to see such a loathsome figure suffer.
Thanks for looking out.
-
Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.
Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.
You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.
Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.
I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!
Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)
Bump.
Listen, it's good timing for this conversation so thank you for checking. I'll be on a high stress work road trip alone with an overnight in a hotel. This used to be a "great time" to really dig into a tin.
I'm confident in my quit right now but I'm going to have to be on full alert on Thursday and Friday this week. Nice move on the car analogy - you're right. It's over for me. I'm not going back.
Right before I found KTC, I had finally realized that one single hit was not ok during a quit. With your explanation, I see where cleanfuel was going. I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok.
When I first saw people on KTC saying things like "I hate the nic bitch" .... and things like "screw the poison"... I thought it was a little silly to be honest. I didn't get it. Now, I'm learning to love to hate one thing and one thing only. When I get a craving, I'm associating that hatred and focusing the anger on that one single thing. This is day 13. 14 days ago, Grizzly was a skyscraper in my world, commanding me. Today, it's a garage whispering in my ear. Tomorrow it will be a shed. And someday soon, it will shudder beneath me.... and I'll be happy to see such a loathsome figure suffer.
Thanks for looking out.
Wow you're making a vortex here.
Check this out to add to your knowledge of the addiction and your hatred of the dammed weed: Nicotine Addiction 101 (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
Keep it going True- you're doing good, stay alert and strong!
-
"I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok."
Nicotine addiction is a one trick pony in that it only cares about one single thing: the next fix. The Addict starts to atrophy the moment its most recent fix is finished. Nicotine has an elimination half-life of about two hours, so once the two hours is up The Addict springs into action. Fidgeting, anxiety, irritability, restlessness, constant thoughts: I can have a dip on my way to the next meeting; I can have a dip if I mow the lawn; I can have a dip if I run out to Home Depot because we "need" to fix that loose handle. The longer The Addict is denied nicotine the weaker he becomes... but he becomes as strong as EVER the very moment he gets Just One.
Unfortunately, The Addict is also You. You share a brain which makes it challenging for the unprepared to recognize the bullshit justification of why Just One is okay. You might tell yourself that now is too stressful a time, that quitting when the wife is away would be easier, that you'll quit on the 1st of next month, next year... You might tell yourself that you've earned Just One, or maybe that you finally got it under control and that now you know that you can have Just One because you've proven that you can quit. You might even tell yourself that you're better, stronger, smarter, etc. than all those internet weirdos on KTC. THESE are the warning signs you need to be wary of! When you hear those thoughts rattling around in your head, smack yourself in the face and get in touch with a Quitter. Recognize the lies, reject them, and keep putting The Addict in the sleeper hold of a lifetime. You will have these battles every day. At first they will be frequent and fierce, then they will be occasional and manageable. One day they will even make you laugh and marvel at the fact that you STILL have those thoughts even after hundreds of days, but you'll squash them in an unfair fight like Mike Tyson in his prime vs Justin Bieber.
Quitting nicotine is about winning the Just One battle. Just One is not only not okay, it's your biggest enemy.
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Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
Just sent you a text. On the parents visiting thing - you just reminded me that I actually stumbled onto the KTC website a while back. I was thinking about quitting and read the stuff about the first 3 days sucking and being stressed, etc. My inlaws were coming into town so I told my wife this really isn't a good time to quit cause I'll be stressed her folks are in town. You know what? That was 3 years ago! In a blink of an eye I dipped like a mad man for another 3 years. I always had this website saved in my favorites at work but I NEVER clicked on it till 19 days ago.
You got this - a cave now will just add years of dipping. We are starting to get our freedom back. Just hammer the seeds and fake stuff.
Lighty
-
True,
You have my number from that one text chain we have going. Text or call if you need to these next 2 days in particular, let us help you!
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.
On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.
I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
-
See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
Hopefully not DURING. 'jerk'
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.
On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.
I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
How's the trip going?
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.
On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.
I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
How's the trip going?
The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.
Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.
W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.
Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.
This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.
On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.
I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
How's the trip going?
The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.
Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.
W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.
Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.
This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.
Next time the drive will be easier my friend. I drive for a living and when I quit it was hard for a while. Now, give me a toothpick and I can drive for hours. Your doing great. It gets better, believe it. Quit with you today.
-
Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.
Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.
I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.
This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.
If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:
What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.
What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.
Several comments...
First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.
Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.
Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.
In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.
TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.
On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.
I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh
How's the trip going?
The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.
Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.
W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.
Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.
This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.
Next time the drive will be easier my friend. I drive for a living and when I quit it was hard for a while. Now, give me a toothpick and I can drive for hours. Your doing great. It gets better, believe it. Quit with you today.
Time to dig deep. Deep.
Aren't you pissed that you are spending time in some different city not enjoying the sites, the restaurants, the drinks, the strip clubs (maybe I should stop there ?) but spending your time thinking about a chopped up plant in a can?
For over 20 years I was lucky to work for companies that sent me every week to the country's best cities. I stayed in some killer hotels. And you wanna guess what I did when I was in those cities? I locked myself in my expensive hotel room and made love to a plant. Pathetic dude. Absolutely pathetic.
Use this trip to ramp up the hatred of what you have missed. Turn the crave on its toes. Nicotine has taken from you for a long time. Now you are taking your life back.
Today belongs to you.
-
With purpose and determination... post early and often on the boards, develop an inner sanctum of quit allies that won't coddle your balls and flip your anger and rage toward the substance we freely poisoned ourselves with for years
Own it or be owned by it
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
-
Big props True for pointing out that page to me via a text. Good looking out brother!
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.
Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.
Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.
Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...
As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.
The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...
You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.
Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.
Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...
As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.
The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...
You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.
mmhm. what those guys said.
And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.
Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.
Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...
As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.
The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...
You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.
mmhm. what those guys said.
And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.
I'll second the motion.
-
A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.
Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.
The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.
Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).
Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.
Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.
The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.
Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.
P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.
Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.
Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.
Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...
As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.
The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...
You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.
mmhm. what those guys said.
And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.
I'll second the motion.
Hell, yeah. I'll cook.
Here's the recipe.
1 truck load of dedication
1 truck load of fear
1 truck load of hope
1 truck load of willpower
1 website with fellow quitters who are eager to help
Mix ingredients together one day at a time after posting roll each morning.
-
I see that you've posted every damn day which is a great start. Give us an update, bud. We're pulling for you.
-
J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.
Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.
Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.
I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.
The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.
That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.
Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.
All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.
Where's William Wallace when you need him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLCEUpIg8rE&feature=kp)? Basshaug came back with this.
I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.
I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.
I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.
Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.
What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.
-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."
-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.
I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.
-
J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.
Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.
Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.
I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.
The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.
That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.
Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.
All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.
Where's William Wallace when you need him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLCEUpIg8rE&feature=kp)? Basshaug came back with this.
I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.
I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.
I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.
Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.
What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.
-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."
-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.
I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.
Hey now, that cube was some sort of special.
'no'
You have a bad ass quit going on sir - brotherhood is a hell of a motivator aint it?
-
J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.
Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.
Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.
I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.
The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.
That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.
Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.
All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.
Where's William Wallace when you need him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLCEUpIg8rE&feature=kp)? Basshaug came back with this.
I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.
I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.
I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.
Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.
What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.
-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."
-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.
I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.
Hey now, that cube was some sort of special.
'no'
You have a bad ass quit going on sir - brotherhood is a hell of a motivator aint it?
Quit with you TTM. I had another thought this morning during a quiet moment, after reading a post last night in august 14. Braves360 said it had done him a lot of good to stop and reflect on his quit and how he had felt in the last couple of weeks.
Either way, I started thinking back about that first time I ever used, and really thought about what I'd do different, or even if I would change that at this point. I am who I am today because I've quit nicotine. I'm not sure what my life would have been like without nicotine, but I know my life today is a shitload better without it.
I quit with you today.
-
The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.
This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.
I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?
-
The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.
This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.
I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?
Is it too good to be true?
If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.
Congratulations on 30 days of winning!
-
The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.
This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.
I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?
Is it too good to be true?
If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.
Congratulations on 30 days of winning!
Thanks W2W. That nic bitch slowly chipped away at me over the years.
I forgot what it feels like to be this happy and energetic.
-
The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.
This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.
I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?
Is it too good to be true?
If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.
Congratulations on 30 days of winning!
Thanks W2W. That nic bitch slowly chipped away at me over the years.
I forgot what it feels like to be this happy and energetic.
Ain't that the damn truth. Especially without it being chemically enhanced. A great reason to stay QLF today with you gents.
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
-
You're doing great! This is what it's all about. It gets better!
'oh yeah'
-
You're doing great! This is what it's all about. It gets better!
'oh yeah'
I really liked reading this. You are getting your first glint of true freedom. I hear it gets better and better. Congrats. You get it.
-
Good shit man. I'm on 27 and am still a little foggy. Appreciate the encouraging and awesome little update! I quit w you!
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
Bingo, awesome post!
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
Bingo, awesome post!
What ^^^^^^ he said. Glad to quit with you TTM. I feel like I've definitely been on a roller coaster, but the general upward trend has resulted in "valleys" exceeding my previous highs.
I'm glad to be free today
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
Bingo, awesome post!
What ^^^^^^ he said. Glad to quit with you TTM. I feel like I've definitely been on a roller coaster, but the general upward trend has resulted in "valleys" exceeding my previous highs.
I'm glad to be free today
Good to see you kicking ass True. Gonna have to post me some truth in my intro. Haven't done that in awhile. Feedback time...
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
Bingo, awesome post!
What ^^^^^^ he said. Glad to quit with you TTM. I feel like I've definitely been on a roller coaster, but the general upward trend has resulted in "valleys" exceeding my previous highs.
I'm glad to be free today
Good to see you kicking ass True. Gonna have to post me some truth in my intro. Haven't done that in awhile. Feedback time...
There will be bumps, but in general, the trajectory is up from here. Great move you've made documenting your journey. Soon, you are gonna look back and develop a burning hatred for what you let nicotine do to your life.
-
Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.
Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.
Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.
I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?
The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?
Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.
Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.
"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."
Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.
The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.
How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.
"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."
A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.
If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?
Bingo, awesome post!
What ^^^^^^ he said. Glad to quit with you TTM. I feel like I've definitely been on a roller coaster, but the general upward trend has resulted in "valleys" exceeding my previous highs.
I'm glad to be free today
Good to see you kicking ass True. Gonna have to post me some truth in my intro. Haven't done that in awhile. Feedback time...
There will be bumps, but in general, the trajectory is up from here. Great move you've made documenting your journey. Soon, you are gonna look back and develop a burning hatred for what you let nicotine do to your life.
Nice discussion.
-
Day 52.
The addict "returns"
I just returned from a 12-day vacation with my family to Europe to visit friends. We had the time of our lives. I posted roll myself or via text every day, which isn't always easy when you're abroad with no computer and spotty cell phone coverage.
During the entire trip, I only briefly thought about chewing two or three times. No problem at all. In fact, I was pretty pumped up, thinking, "I think I'm really over it. When I get back, I bet it'll stay this easy. Maybe I'll just be able to continue posting roll, be a little active and get on with my life." Before the trip, I'd been spending several hours every day on KTC.
Reflecting on that proud conversation I had with myself, I can now see how alive and well the addict is.
We got back home at 9:30 p.m. yesterday. I quickly had a plan to run to the gas station for a quickie chew. What? Where the hell did that come from? How did that pop into my head? Whammo! I got smacked in the lip. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't actively making that plan. The thought just zapped into my brain, catching me way off guard. The craving went away in a little while.
Same thing happened today at the office. Wouldn't that be a nice way to relax after an exhausting trip and get caught up on work? That feeling is still ringing in my brain as I type this. I could chill in the office all day and "enjoy" the dip in my lip. "When I dip, you dip, we dip. We put a dip into our lip." -- A friend and I used to think that was a pretty funny spin on that old Freak Nasty song. That came into my head today, too.
I'm not sure how to wrap this post up but I needed to document it for my quit.
Let me leave you with this awesome post from Bronc to the October 2014 group. I think this still applies to everyone in my August 2014 group. Most of it sure as hell applies to me.
OCTOBER -
Well this group is starting to get together. I'm starting to see a few of you stepping up and holding others accountable. This is a pretty interesting time within a group, as you've got a few of you in each of the phases of an early quit, from the day 1 fog and rage to the day 16-17 range, where you should be starting to see some relief and getting a little more sleep.
For those of you that are past day 7, it's super important that you get involved with the newer quitters and the quitters next to you. Make the quit about more than just you and the nic bitch, be your brothers keeper. This is for a number of reasons, but here are a couple:
Adrenaline - the adrenaline of the new quit is going to start wearing off really quick and the novelty and newness of all of this is going to leave. The reality that your life is now going to be different sets in and the work of rewiring your brain to deal with life and the situations it throws at us comes full force. This is a fertile ground for the nic bitch to come in and start working the lies. Some guys at this point start to fantasize about how great a dip was, or, hey, I got this, I'm good (Tipoff). Some just don't want to deal with the way life is different, even the little things, and they forget all the reasons they quit to begin with. If you start fantasizing about nic bitch, you will eventually cave. If you don't actively assault every one of those thoughts that come into your head about how great it was to have a dip, you will eventually cave. That 5 second thought turns into a 15 second image, which turns into a 5 minute fantasy, which turns into an hour long day dream which leads to thinking about it all day long which ends with the guy stopping in to buy a can on his way home and thats the end. You must attack this quit with a fury. Every thought, every instance. That job of reprogramming your brain takes action on your part, it doesn't "just happen."
Funk - There are various periods of time during the quit that funks happen. If you are involved and engaged with others, you will get by it. If you are off on an island, you're toast. Important truth - just because you made it yesterday, doesn't mean you'll make it today. You have to work to make it today. With time, that work just gets a little easier and easier, but its still an active process, not passive. If you are sitting back and going for a ride, you're going to get taken for a ride.
Posting Roll - Posting roll is a huge and important function. It's about a promise. It's about a commitment. It's about rewiring your brain to be a man of your word not the liar you have been. Yes you were a liar because I've never met a quitter that at one time or another didn't make a promise to someone they cared about that they'd quit and didn't. Sometimes, that person they promised was themselves. This promise is a way for us to practice again how to give and keep our word. It then is no longer about nicotine, it is about being a better person. Make this quit about being a better person.
Run to something, not away from something - If you are running away from the nic bitch, then you'll always be thinking about what you're running away from. Run to something. What do you want your life to be? How do you want the people you care about to see you? What kind of character are you projecting? You will go where your eyes are looking. If your eyes are looking at that tree you don't want to hit, you will hit that tree that you didn't want to hit. Put your eyes on something other than the nic bitch and that's where you'll head.
Investment - It is a proven fact that if someone has a vested interest in something, they are more willing to work harder to make it successful. When you post and text and get involved with your brothers on here, you are investing. That investment will pay off. The post and run guys are invested. They are still alone. It's that guy that even when they are in the middle of a group of people, everyone knows they don't really want to be there. They do the minimum but expect the maximum. It just doesn't work out that way. You gotta do the work. Invest in the lives of these quitters and make the quit bigger than the bitch. Be that guy that another guy will call when he got layed off from work and is going through a tough patch. Be the guy someone texts when heartache happpens. Be that guy and you'll strengthen your quit. No one ever went for a dip after spending a 1/2 hour encouraging another guy. Caves happen when a guy gets himself alone.
Over the course of the next 30 days, you're going to see a huge number of people in your group cave or go MIA. It's just statistics. That's the pattern. Tipoff was a guy in our June group that went 7 days and then gone. You'll have a bunch of people like that. What helps to prevent that from happening is involvement. Get involved. Get phone numbers and text and talk. Brotherhood means interaction. Do whatever it takes to make that happen and make the connections.
I'm with you today October. Get loud, get active, get angry and for your sake, GET INVOLVED. It's super important to your quit.
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Day 52.
The addict "returns"
I just returned from a 12-day vacation with my family to Europe to visit friends. We had the time of our lives. I posted roll myself or via text every day, which isn't always easy when you're abroad with no computer and spotty cell phone coverage.
During the entire trip, I only briefly thought about chewing two or three times. No problem at all. In fact, I was pretty pumped up, thinking, "I think I'm really over it. When I get back, I bet it'll stay this easy. Maybe I'll just be able to continue posting roll, be a little active and get on with my life." Before the trip, I'd been spending several hours every day on KTC.
Reflecting on that proud conversation I had with myself, I can now see how alive and well the addict is.
We got back home at 9:30 p.m. yesterday. I quickly had a plan to run to the gas station for a quickie chew. What? Where the hell did that come from? How did that pop into my head? Whammo! I got smacked in the lip. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't actively making that plan. The thought just zapped into my brain, catching me way off guard. The craving went away in a little while.
Same thing happened today at the office. Wouldn't that be a nice way to relax after an exhausting trip and get caught up on work? That feeling is still ringing in my brain as I type this. I could chill in the office all day and "enjoy" the dip in my lip. "When I dip, you dip, we dip. We put a dip into our lip." -- A friend and I used to think that was a pretty funny spin on that old Freak Nasty song. That came into my head today, too.
I'm not sure how to wrap this post up but I needed to document it for my quit.
Let me leave you with this awesome post from Bronc to the October 2014 group. I think this still applies to everyone in my August 2014 group. Most of it sure as hell applies to me.
OCTOBER -
Well this group is starting to get together. I'm starting to see a few of you stepping up and holding others accountable. This is a pretty interesting time within a group, as you've got a few of you in each of the phases of an early quit, from the day 1 fog and rage to the day 16-17 range, where you should be starting to see some relief and getting a little more sleep.
For those of you that are past day 7, it's super important that you get involved with the newer quitters and the quitters next to you. Make the quit about more than just you and the nic bitch, be your brothers keeper. This is for a number of reasons, but here are a couple:
Adrenaline - the adrenaline of the new quit is going to start wearing off really quick and the novelty and newness of all of this is going to leave. The reality that your life is now going to be different sets in and the work of rewiring your brain to deal with life and the situations it throws at us comes full force. This is a fertile ground for the nic bitch to come in and start working the lies. Some guys at this point start to fantasize about how great a dip was, or, hey, I got this, I'm good (Tipoff). Some just don't want to deal with the way life is different, even the little things, and they forget all the reasons they quit to begin with. If you start fantasizing about nic bitch, you will eventually cave. If you don't actively assault every one of those thoughts that come into your head about how great it was to have a dip, you will eventually cave. That 5 second thought turns into a 15 second image, which turns into a 5 minute fantasy, which turns into an hour long day dream which leads to thinking about it all day long which ends with the guy stopping in to buy a can on his way home and thats the end. You must attack this quit with a fury. Every thought, every instance. That job of reprogramming your brain takes action on your part, it doesn't "just happen."
Funk - There are various periods of time during the quit that funks happen. If you are involved and engaged with others, you will get by it. If you are off on an island, you're toast. Important truth - just because you made it yesterday, doesn't mean you'll make it today. You have to work to make it today. With time, that work just gets a little easier and easier, but its still an active process, not passive. If you are sitting back and going for a ride, you're going to get taken for a ride.
Posting Roll - Posting roll is a huge and important function. It's about a promise. It's about a commitment. It's about rewiring your brain to be a man of your word not the liar you have been. Yes you were a liar because I've never met a quitter that at one time or another didn't make a promise to someone they cared about that they'd quit and didn't. Sometimes, that person they promised was themselves. This promise is a way for us to practice again how to give and keep our word. It then is no longer about nicotine, it is about being a better person. Make this quit about being a better person.
Run to something, not away from something - If you are running away from the nic bitch, then you'll always be thinking about what you're running away from. Run to something. What do you want your life to be? How do you want the people you care about to see you? What kind of character are you projecting? You will go where your eyes are looking. If your eyes are looking at that tree you don't want to hit, you will hit that tree that you didn't want to hit. Put your eyes on something other than the nic bitch and that's where you'll head.
Investment - It is a proven fact that if someone has a vested interest in something, they are more willing to work harder to make it successful. When you post and text and get involved with your brothers on here, you are investing. That investment will pay off. The post and run guys are invested. They are still alone. It's that guy that even when they are in the middle of a group of people, everyone knows they don't really want to be there. They do the minimum but expect the maximum. It just doesn't work out that way. You gotta do the work. Invest in the lives of these quitters and make the quit bigger than the bitch. Be that guy that another guy will call when he got layed off from work and is going through a tough patch. Be the guy someone texts when heartache happpens. Be that guy and you'll strengthen your quit. No one ever went for a dip after spending a 1/2 hour encouraging another guy. Caves happen when a guy gets himself alone.
Over the course of the next 30 days, you're going to see a huge number of people in your group cave or go MIA. It's just statistics. That's the pattern. Tipoff was a guy in our June group that went 7 days and then gone. You'll have a bunch of people like that. What helps to prevent that from happening is involvement. Get involved. Get phone numbers and text and talk. Brotherhood means interaction. Do whatever it takes to make that happen and make the connections.
I'm with you today October. Get loud, get active, get angry and for your sake, GET INVOLVED. It's super important to your quit.
Glad you are back stateside True and had a good time! Your thoughts of dipping are not unique, I reached for a non-existing can in my desk drawer last week, as if I haven't been quit 90 days. I did it with no thought, just a habitual move from years of slavery. We are addicts, and will always be, but have been given the tools to kick the nic bitch in the twat on the daily.
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Welcome back. Nice post. Those habits have been ingrained into your brain for years. This should serve as a reminder this bitch will follow us around forever, waiting for opportune moments to whisper her lies in our ear.
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Where did you guys go in Europe? I am holed up in the Frankfurt, Germany area
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Where did you guys go in Europe? I am holed up in the Frankfurt, Germany area
We didn't make it as far north as Frankfurt. We went to the following places in this order.
Langenegg, Austria
Moessingen, Germany
Kappel and Olten, Switzerland
Feldkirch and Tosters, Austria
Zurich, Switzerland
Zug, Switzerland
Bern, Switzerland
It was spectacular. We were fortunate to have friends to stay with who showed us around and gave us a place to sleep, as well as a real look at the way locals live (instead of only the tourist stuff) I've been to Frankfurt before and loved it. I assume you're in the service. I bet you and the fellas are able to get off of post/base and travel the region from time to time - it must be great.
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Where did you guys go in Europe? I am holed up in the Frankfurt, Germany area
We didn't make it as far north as Frankfurt. We went to the following places in this order.
Langenegg, Austria
Moessingen, Germany
Kappel and Olten, Switzerland
Feldkirch and Tosters, Austria
Zurich, Switzerland
Zug, Switzerland
Bern, Switzerland
It was spectacular. We were fortunate to have friends to stay with who showed us around and gave us a place to sleep, as well as a real look at the way locals live (instead of only the tourist stuff) I've been to Frankfurt before and loved it. I assume you're in the service. I bet you and the fellas are able to get off of post/base and travel the region from time to time - it must be great.
Welcome back.
Post roll every day. Be a man of your word. You know this true...
Glad you had a nice trip.
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Where did you guys go in Europe? I am holed up in the Frankfurt, Germany area
We didn't make it as far north as Frankfurt. We went to the following places in this order.
Langenegg, Austria
Moessingen, Germany
Kappel and Olten, Switzerland
Feldkirch and Tosters, Austria
Zurich, Switzerland
Zug, Switzerland
Bern, Switzerland
It was spectacular. We were fortunate to have friends to stay with who showed us around and gave us a place to sleep, as well as a real look at the way locals live (instead of only the tourist stuff) I've been to Frankfurt before and loved it. I assume you're in the service. I bet you and the fellas are able to get off of post/base and travel the region from time to time - it must be great.
Welcome back.
Post roll every day. Be a man of your word. You know this true...
Glad you had a nice trip.
Welcome back True. Had to be an awesome trip. Good stuff posting one way or another each day. Glad you are able to enjoy the trips while your kids are still young. Between cars for the kids, insurance, paying for college I'm as poor as I've ever been. Look forward to more travel in 7 years once the kids are out of school. In the meantime, will work for food.
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Wanted to bump this up to the top this morning. You are one bad ass quitter true. Bad ass.
Nice job!
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Wanted to bump this up to the top this morning. You are one bad ass quitter true. Bad ass.
Nice job!
A very worthy bump TTT!
True, just reading your intro again makes my quit stronger ... thank you for that. Quitting with you BAQ!
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Wanted to bump this up to the top this morning. You are one bad ass quitter true. Bad ass.
Nice job!
A very worthy bump TTT!
True, just reading your intro again makes my quit stronger ... thank you for that. Quitting with you BAQ!
Thanks, fellas. Don't you just feel lucky to have found KTC? I do, including all of the attitudes, weirdos (incl. me), and even the poor grammar.
We're all lucky to have each other here. I truly felt that gratitude every one of the last 59 days.
Proud to quit with ALL of you today.
--
A few guys shared this news story today about a fella who died from chewing tobacco just four months after his diagnosis. Married. Two daughters. Active member of the community.
My first impulse was to not click on the link and avoid the pain and discomfort. I didn't want to face that reality. When I became aware of my reaction, I knew it was time to man up and read the story. It was even worse than I expected but I'm glad I did it.
Read/watch the story here (http://www.waff.com/story/25995090/local-family-shares-personal-story-of-the-deadly-effects-of-dipping?utm_content=buffera9052&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer).
Wanted to leave this in my intro so I can come back to this story at a later date.
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Today was a milestone day in my quit (day 87). It's the confluence of ideas that have been swirling in my mind and emotions for several weeks. Today, they came together in a logical set of thoughts and comments (logical to me, any way), all thanks to my pals on KTC.
Life has been very different for me since late June. By no coincidence, it happened around the time of a major family vacation. My quit has matured radically since that trip. It was like going from being a prepubescent boy to a guy who's lived three lives.
For one thing, the fog lifted. I pushed through and started to rediscover my old self while identifying and shaping a little bit of what the new self and future me will be. You see, my life used to be centered around nicotine. Just 87 days ago. Can you imagine what that's like? Of course you can. Up until late June, well into my quit, I didn't think I was capable of today's kind of joi de vie (spelling? - joy of life), creativity and motivation any more. Thankfully, I didn't know shit. I didn't realize quitting would change my life this drastically (even though WorkToWin repeatedly told me it would).
Now that the fog is gone (for the most part), I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. I can't stress this enough. The choice is now my own - it doesn't revolve around some wicked weed infused with poison and wretched additives anymore. That's becoming real now. The initial quit rage, fear, panic, impatience, short fuse, excitement, shame, denial, anger, adrenaline, and realization are gone (for the most part). Now, I am becoming calm, rational and scientific about my life (for the most part). I like the new me - a lot. Yes, I have a loooooong way to go. Yes, this is still relatively early in the quit.
To tell you the truth, it took a while. From the beginning, I liked the new quit me much better than me as a user... but I was having a hard time like everyone. Would I really be able to stay quit? Would I fail again? Would this fog ever really lift? Am I going to be weird and awkward for much longer - will that ever go away? Will I return to being a strong worker again? Will I ever get my focus and motivation back at work? The future of quitting was as foggy as my mind.
There's no comparison between the person I am now and the guy I was before late June. Right now, for the first time in more than a decade, I feel like anything is possible (I started chewing about 17 years ago). My creativity and motivation are coming back, and somewhere along the way, I attained several additional degrees of maturity (still haven't figured that out). -- Anyone have perspective on that?
As I mentioned above, this all came together today in a group text conversation with some fellow quitters (we have a dynamite little text group with J2B, Basshaug, Done4Me, Jakester, ARfish, Littlelebowski, Wannemacher). Here's an abbreviated version of the daylong conversation (just another reason we should all have several phone numbers).
TrueToMyselfHave any of you noticed that since you quit, you seem to be much more serious? Really, I don't know how to explain it. I'm generally a happy go lucky kind of guy. In the early party of the quit, I was easily agitated and impatient. Since I've settled into the quit, I'm generally quieter and more serious. It's not bad, not especially good. Maybe it's just part of the process.
JakesterIt's like we got our personalities back!
TrueToMyselfYeah, I definitely feel more like my old self.... just a little more mature maybe. I also have a much lower tolerance for ignorance and wasting time. I've been fortunate that my focus and production have returned with a vengeance. Not all the time but 100 times better than a month ago. Just hope I can keep it up. I feel like it could slip away at any time.
You know, I don't give a shit about my job anymore either. I wonder if it's a phase or something. I'm thinking more about ways to have my own business - think about it off and on all day long. Tell you what - we were under the control of nic for so long... now we're tasting freedom.... and we want more. That might be what's happening. Mind and eyes are wide open now.
BassHey dude one obscure reason for me quitting: I've thought about opening a brewery or brew pub, or restaurant. We are taking good food, good beer whether it's my beer or not, whatever. This is something that would be years from now. Could you imagine giving your pitch for investors to give you a million bucks with no jaw?
Jost2BrownI think we are forced to face ourselves and our problems head on, with no crutch to lean on. How many times did you say "fuck it" walk away and throw in a dip?
While you still may have come up with a solution, you are forcing your brain to work now, and work au natural. I started using when I was 14, and started using regularly at 16. I did not know an adult me without nicotine. Beauty of that is we get to develop that person with a bit more knowledge of life and that factors into reevaluating or lives in general.
I think another part of it is the sheer mental strength it takes to quit causes your mind to look for ways to occupy itself as a new escape. Day dreaming about ways to tell your boss to go pound sand, or crazy business ideas are part of it. Honestly, my boss thinks I am as valuable or more in the three years since I quit then the prior 6. I feel like I have been stealing, but I am like Superman on 'roids when actually focused. 2 or 3 good days and I get as much done as a normal week. The other days I catch up on the brainless shit and drift. Nicotine and the addiction to it really were chains holding us back.
J2B said it well, didn't he. Since quitting (and since the fog started to lift), I've been an efficient beast at work. At the same time, I'm working aggressively to try to expand our family business. Why? No, it's not because of the possible income (though it will be nice, if all goes as I dream). It's all because I want more freedom. Have you heard Lighty's battle cry? "Freedom!" He ain't lying. My mind hasn't been this free since..... .... ... hell, it's never been this free. I want more and I'm willing to fight for it.
I don't want to come across like I figured everything out or that I have it all under control. I'm only 87 days into this. Addiction lasts forever (Robin Williams or Tony Gwynn ring a bell?). If you're one of my fellow 2014 Augustonians as we now begin to become Hall of Famers, join us and sign up for 200. We have a long way to go in our fight for independence.
WorkToWinThe only people that fail after 100 are the ones that leave KTC.
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TTM... Just wait... You have only scratched the surface.
One day at a time you are really really going to like the new you.
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TTM... Just wait... You have only scratched the surface.
One day at a time you are really really going to like the new you.
Awesome post TTM; work to win nailed it as well. It just keeps getting better.
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TTM... Just wait... You have only scratched the surface.
One day at a time you are really really going to like the new you.
Awesome post TTM; work to win nailed it as well. It just keeps getting better.
Agree with Worktowin ... you have just scratched the surface, it keeps getting better! I already like the new you ...
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
Congrats TTM ... excellent work getting here! Enjoy your day, then re-focus your energies, you are not done here!! Proud to quit with you EDD.
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
Congrats TTM ... excellent work getting here! Enjoy your day, then re-focus your energies, you are not done here!! Proud to quit with you EDD.
Congratulations, TTM! Out F'n Standing!
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
Congrats TTM ... excellent work getting here! Enjoy your day, then re-focus your energies, you are not done here!! Proud to quit with you EDD.
Congratulations, TTM! Out F'n Standing!
Congrats on hitting the HOF...1st MF floor!!
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
Congrats TTM ... excellent work getting here! Enjoy your day, then re-focus your energies, you are not done here!! Proud to quit with you EDD.
Congratulations, TTM! Out F'n Standing!
Congrats on hitting the HOF...1st MF floor!!
Congrats TTM. It's been a damn good time quitting with you. See you out there tomorrow for that sweet 101.
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Congratulations on hitting hof today TTM! One day at a time you are achieving the freedom that you had given up so many years ago... And once you taste freedom, you never wanna give it up! You've been a great leader in August and have taken accountability + brotherhood = success to heart. Post roll. Keep word. And thanks for bringing me along for the ride !
Celebrate today! You've earned it.
True - Congrats on the first hundy. Look forward to hanging with you on the next.
Echo echo!!! See you in Austin in a couple of weeks !!!
'oh yeah'
You are a bad ass True, enjoy your HoF day!
Congrats TTM ... excellent work getting here! Enjoy your day, then re-focus your energies, you are not done here!! Proud to quit with you EDD.
Congratulations, TTM! Out F'n Standing!
Congrats on hitting the HOF...1st MF floor!!
Congrats TTM. It's been a damn good time quitting with you. See you out there tomorrow for that sweet 101.
Just trying to clean the above up, Minny somehow "swallowed" my post! Congrats again TTM!
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True - keep killing it brother!
Proud to quit with you EDD!
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True - keep killing it brother!
Proud to quit with you EDD!
Holy smokes, I just opened the intro to make a 100th day post and look at this! Cool. Thanks for your support fellas. I wouldn't have made it without you. I think back to those first 30-40 days - that was the worst.
I've been beaming all day long, though I'm fully aware that I need to continue quitting for the rest of my life, which is going to be a long damn time.
I look forward to getting my next +1 with you guys.
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I've been dying to tell my friends back in my hometown that I quit but wanted to wait until I had something substantial to show. You see, I've "quit" before. You know the story.
A few of them still chew and I hope they'll quit too. When they're ready, they'll ask me about KTC and I'll tell them all about it.
I want to remember this day so I'm putting the email in my intro. Sorry about a few of the inside jokes - they might not make sense to you.
Note: Our group of friends lost two very close friends in the last 100 days.
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Hey fellas,
It's been a bad year for us and I'm sorry I wasn't able to physically be with you. To tell you the truth, it's been hard being down here because I want to be there to support you.
I have a tiny piece of good news that makes me damn proud.
It's a major milestone for me and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit the chawster 100 days ago.
Why quit? Health risks. It's disgusting. Sneaking around. I could go on and on. It started out as a joke but I was completely addicted to nicotine. For about 17 years (!!!), I was a slave. Of course, it's all my fault. As much as I may have seemed to enjoy chaw, I hated it.
Most (I think all of us) of us have had cancer in our immediate families. ALL of us just lost a dear friend to cancer. My mom is currently overcoming her third case of cancer. John's dad recently got over it. Greg had cancer in his face and he didn't even put this stupid crap in his lip.
Some people get cancer because of genetics, their environment or unexplained reasons. It's unfair. Others, like me, have a choice of whether they'll get cancer (in this case, anyway). I've known this rationale for a long time so why am I quitting now? In recent years, I've had my mom, Otto, John's dad and Greg's face at the forefront of my thoughts. Ever time I get a canker sore, swollen gums or a scratch in my mouth, I panicked, wondering "Is this finally my cancer? Will I survive? How will I talk to my wife and daughter with half of a face?" To be completely honest, when we lost Mike, I decided I needed to make a change. He died 99 days ago. I quit when we found out he would be going to hospice the following day. His loss changed me forever.
The day I quit, I got active on an online forum support group called KillTheCan.org - never thought I would/could do something like that but I was desperate to quit and stay quit. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Me and my "quit brothers" on the website hold each other accountable every damn day via the forum, text and email.
On Kill The Can, someone who has been quit for 100 days joins the Hall of Fame. Today, I join the Hall of Fame. It's just the beginning. Ask any ex-smoker or alcoholic and they'll tell you it's a lifelong addiction. I've quit for 100 days and longer in the past, but I was constantly on the edge of failing and I even "cheated" a few times. In other words, I wasn't actually quit. This time is much different. For about the last 60/70 days, I've had complete control over this quit, thanks to the support group. Before that, it was horrible and the withdrawal was physically painful. Constantly sick stomach. No sleep. Headaches. Super emotional. Anxiety. Etc...
I don't have to send this email to you as part of some ten-step Scott Baio addiction recovery program. This is a really important day for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. The next time you see me, I won't have a Bronco Nagurski or a Bunk Bed in my cheek. I'll just have a cheeky smile.
Now, when Charo kisses me, I'll only have beer breath.
I used to think that I enjoyed chewing with my friends. The truth is that I simply love being with my friends. Chaw didn't enhance those times together at all, though I thought it did.
Sorry if this long ass email comes off as self-important or selfish or inconsiderate.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to see you all again.
-
I've been dying to tell my friends back in my hometown that I quit but wanted to wait until I had something substantial to show. You see, I've "quit" before. You know the story.
A few of them still chew and I hope they'll quit too. When they're ready, they'll ask me about KTC and I'll tell them all about it.
I want to remember this day so I'm putting the email in my intro. Sorry about a few of the inside jokes - they might not make sense to you.
Note: Our group of friends lost two very close friends in the last 100 days.
---
Hey fellas,
It's been a bad year for us and I'm sorry I wasn't able to physically be with you. To tell you the truth, it's been hard being down here because I want to be there to support you.
I have a tiny piece of good news that makes me damn proud.
It's a major milestone for me and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit the chawster 100 days ago.
Why quit? Health risks. It's disgusting. Sneaking around. I could go on and on. It started out as a joke but I was completely addicted to nicotine. For about 17 years (!!!), I was a slave. Of course, it's all my fault. As much as I may have seemed to enjoy chaw, I hated it.
Most (I think all of us) of us have had cancer in our immediate families. ALL of us just lost a dear friend to cancer. My mom is currently overcoming her third case of cancer. John's dad recently got over it. Greg had cancer in his face and he didn't even put this stupid crap in his lip.
Some people get cancer because of genetics, their environment or unexplained reasons. It's unfair. Others, like me, have a choice of whether they'll get cancer (in this case, anyway). I've known this rationale for a long time so why am I quitting now? In recent years, I've had my mom, Otto, John's dad and Greg's face at the forefront of my thoughts. Ever time I get a canker sore, swollen gums or a scratch in my mouth, I panicked, wondering "Is this finally my cancer? Will I survive? How will I talk to my wife and daughter with half of a face?" To be completely honest, when we lost Mike, I decided I needed to make a change. He died 99 days ago. I quit when we found out he would be going to hospice the following day. His loss changed me forever.
The day I quit, I got active on an online forum support group called KillTheCan.org - never thought I would/could do something like that but I was desperate to quit and stay quit. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Me and my "quit brothers" on the website hold each other accountable every damn day via the forum, text and email.
On Kill The Can, someone who has been quit for 100 days joins the Hall of Fame. Today, I join the Hall of Fame. It's just the beginning. Ask any ex-smoker or alcoholic and they'll tell you it's a lifelong addiction. I've quit for 100 days and longer in the past, but I was constantly on the edge of failing and I even "cheated" a few times. In other words, I wasn't actually quit. This time is much different. For about the last 60/70 days, I've had complete control over this quit, thanks to the support group. Before that, it was horrible and the withdrawal was physically painful. Constantly sick stomach. No sleep. Headaches. Super emotional. Anxiety. Etc...
I don't have to send this email to you as part of some ten-step Scott Baio addiction recovery program. This is a really important day for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. The next time you see me, I won't have a Bronco Nagurski or a Bunk Bed in my cheek. I'll just have a cheeky smile.
Now, when Charo kisses me, I'll only have beer breath.
I used to think that I enjoyed chewing with my friends. The truth is that I simply love being with my friends. Chaw didn't enhance those times together at all, though I thought it did.
Sorry if this long ass email comes off as self-important or selfish or inconsiderate.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to see you all again.
I really liked reading that and I'm sure your friends will too. Congrats on your freedom brother. Its really awesome isn't it?
-
I've been dying to tell my friends back in my hometown that I quit but wanted to wait until I had something substantial to show. You see, I've "quit" before. You know the story.
A few of them still chew and I hope they'll quit too. When they're ready, they'll ask me about KTC and I'll tell them all about it.
I want to remember this day so I'm putting the email in my intro. Sorry about a few of the inside jokes - they might not make sense to you.
Note: Our group of friends lost two very close friends in the last 100 days.
---
Hey fellas,
It's been a bad year for us and I'm sorry I wasn't able to physically be with you. To tell you the truth, it's been hard being down here because I want to be there to support you.
I have a tiny piece of good news that makes me damn proud.
It's a major milestone for me and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit the chawster 100 days ago.
Why quit? Health risks. It's disgusting. Sneaking around. I could go on and on. It started out as a joke but I was completely addicted to nicotine. For about 17 years (!!!), I was a slave. Of course, it's all my fault. As much as I may have seemed to enjoy chaw, I hated it.
Most (I think all of us) of us have had cancer in our immediate families. ALL of us just lost a dear friend to cancer. My mom is currently overcoming her third case of cancer. John's dad recently got over it. Greg had cancer in his face and he didn't even put this stupid crap in his lip.
Some people get cancer because of genetics, their environment or unexplained reasons. It's unfair. Others, like me, have a choice of whether they'll get cancer (in this case, anyway). I've known this rationale for a long time so why am I quitting now? In recent years, I've had my mom, Otto, John's dad and Greg's face at the forefront of my thoughts. Ever time I get a canker sore, swollen gums or a scratch in my mouth, I panicked, wondering "Is this finally my cancer? Will I survive? How will I talk to my wife and daughter with half of a face?" To be completely honest, when we lost Mike, I decided I needed to make a change. He died 99 days ago. I quit when we found out he would be going to hospice the following day. His loss changed me forever.
The day I quit, I got active on an online forum support group called KillTheCan.org - never thought I would/could do something like that but I was desperate to quit and stay quit. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Me and my "quit brothers" on the website hold each other accountable every damn day via the forum, text and email.
On Kill The Can, someone who has been quit for 100 days joins the Hall of Fame. Today, I join the Hall of Fame. It's just the beginning. Ask any ex-smoker or alcoholic and they'll tell you it's a lifelong addiction. I've quit for 100 days and longer in the past, but I was constantly on the edge of failing and I even "cheated" a few times. In other words, I wasn't actually quit. This time is much different. For about the last 60/70 days, I've had complete control over this quit, thanks to the support group. Before that, it was horrible and the withdrawal was physically painful. Constantly sick stomach. No sleep. Headaches. Super emotional. Anxiety. Etc...
I don't have to send this email to you as part of some ten-step Scott Baio addiction recovery program. This is a really important day for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. The next time you see me, I won't have a Bronco Nagurski or a Bunk Bed in my cheek. I'll just have a cheeky smile.
Now, when Charo kisses me, I'll only have beer breath.
I used to think that I enjoyed chewing with my friends. The truth is that I simply love being with my friends. Chaw didn't enhance those times together at all, though I thought it did.
Sorry if this long ass email comes off as self-important or selfish or inconsiderate.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to see you all again.
I really liked reading that and I'm sure your friends will too. Congrats on your freedom brother. Its really awesome isn't it?
Thanks for sharing, bud. Good stuff.
-
I've been dying to tell my friends back in my hometown that I quit but wanted to wait until I had something substantial to show. You see, I've "quit" before. You know the story.
A few of them still chew and I hope they'll quit too. When they're ready, they'll ask me about KTC and I'll tell them all about it.
I want to remember this day so I'm putting the email in my intro. Sorry about a few of the inside jokes - they might not make sense to you.
Note: Our group of friends lost two very close friends in the last 100 days.
---
Hey fellas,
It's been a bad year for us and I'm sorry I wasn't able to physically be with you. To tell you the truth, it's been hard being down here because I want to be there to support you.
I have a tiny piece of good news that makes me damn proud.
It's a major milestone for me and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit the chawster 100 days ago.
Why quit? Health risks. It's disgusting. Sneaking around. I could go on and on. It started out as a joke but I was completely addicted to nicotine. For about 17 years (!!!), I was a slave. Of course, it's all my fault. As much as I may have seemed to enjoy chaw, I hated it.
Most (I think all of us) of us have had cancer in our immediate families. ALL of us just lost a dear friend to cancer. My mom is currently overcoming her third case of cancer. John's dad recently got over it. Greg had cancer in his face and he didn't even put this stupid crap in his lip.
Some people get cancer because of genetics, their environment or unexplained reasons. It's unfair. Others, like me, have a choice of whether they'll get cancer (in this case, anyway). I've known this rationale for a long time so why am I quitting now? In recent years, I've had my mom, Otto, John's dad and Greg's face at the forefront of my thoughts. Ever time I get a canker sore, swollen gums or a scratch in my mouth, I panicked, wondering "Is this finally my cancer? Will I survive? How will I talk to my wife and daughter with half of a face?" To be completely honest, when we lost Mike, I decided I needed to make a change. He died 99 days ago. I quit when we found out he would be going to hospice the following day. His loss changed me forever.
The day I quit, I got active on an online forum support group called KillTheCan.org - never thought I would/could do something like that but I was desperate to quit and stay quit. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Me and my "quit brothers" on the website hold each other accountable every damn day via the forum, text and email.
On Kill The Can, someone who has been quit for 100 days joins the Hall of Fame. Today, I join the Hall of Fame. It's just the beginning. Ask any ex-smoker or alcoholic and they'll tell you it's a lifelong addiction. I've quit for 100 days and longer in the past, but I was constantly on the edge of failing and I even "cheated" a few times. In other words, I wasn't actually quit. This time is much different. For about the last 60/70 days, I've had complete control over this quit, thanks to the support group. Before that, it was horrible and the withdrawal was physically painful. Constantly sick stomach. No sleep. Headaches. Super emotional. Anxiety. Etc...
I don't have to send this email to you as part of some ten-step Scott Baio addiction recovery program. This is a really important day for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. The next time you see me, I won't have a Bronco Nagurski or a Bunk Bed in my cheek. I'll just have a cheeky smile.
Now, when Charo kisses me, I'll only have beer breath.
I used to think that I enjoyed chewing with my friends. The truth is that I simply love being with my friends. Chaw didn't enhance those times together at all, though I thought it did.
Sorry if this long ass email comes off as self-important or selfish or inconsiderate.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to see you all again.
I really liked reading that and I'm sure your friends will too. Congrats on your freedom brother. Its really awesome isn't it?
Good shit right here TTM. Congratulations on the milestone. As you know, this is not a finish line. In fact it is just the starting point of a life long journey.
Ryan
-
Another example of owning it and paying it forward 'oh yeah'
Good to meet up w you.
There's a bunch of Austin cats that need to get plugged in so round em up
-
Helluva Speech TTM...Well done!
Read it here. (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10695736/1/?x=90#new)
-
Helluva Speech TTM...Well done!
Read it here. (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10695736/1/?x=90#new)
Agreed. Well done. It keeps getting better....
-
TTM - sorry that I'm a few days late.... But congrats in floor 2! Each floor gets better, and the climb easier! Enjoy the freedom you've fought to earn and thanks for all that you do to support others!
-
I started chewing in my early 20s, about 17 years ago. It was just a joke - I had always been very anti-tobacco. Friends and I were at the beach, we threw in a dip to goof off and it was awful. We all laughed. A few weeks later, my friend and I were bored before work and looking to kill time. We happened to be driving by a gas station and the rest is history - for some reason, we thought it was funny. Still can't believe it happened. Since that night at the beach, four of us have been chewing. We all agree it's the biggest regret of our lives. I'm the first one to quit.
I'm completely ashamed of this addiction and the way I've handled it. It has impacted relationships with women and family members... and they have no idea why. I'm a secret chewer. Nobody knows except a few friends and I never admitted to myself that this is an addiction until recent years. The mind's ability and willingness to fool itself is astounding. I would sneak chew every chance I got. All day, every day. Sneaking out of the house on "errands". Working late at night in the office by myself -- told myself I was doing it to get ahead --- we all know why I really worked late. Saturday/Sunday mornings come and I finally get time with the family but I'm cranky as shit because I'm in withdrawal. I lash out and blame others for causing it. Fucking shameful. Sneaking my s'toons, hiding tins, chewing gum whenever I get home, hiding, sneaking, hiding, sneaking - lying.
I started posting roll on the day I quit, May 19, 2014 - 5 days ago. This is my strongest quit ever and it's all thanks to KTC. Posting roll and reading this website is very empowering. Here are a few things that have helped so far to make this my my final quit - posting roll, reading the hell out of the KTC website, DRASTICALLY REDUCING CAFFEINE (now only drinking a very small amount of coffee or drinking decaf, drinking white tea), being more aware of alcohol trigger, keeping a bag of carrots to chew on at work (helps my stomach), exercising, drinking baking soda mix (helps my stomach), drinking pure cranberry juice (helps my stomach), eating a shit ton of vegetables (supposedly relieves cravings). Basically, everything I can do to stay calm and reduce acidity in my stomach/body. I'm throwing everything, including the kitchen sink, at this quit. The following website has some nice tactics for coping with cravings, too --- http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html (http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html)
[[[****Seriously, the caffeine thing has destroyed many attempts to quit. I'm not smart enough to explain how it works. Google it if something that impacts you but basically caffeine doubles in your bloodstream when you quit tobacco. Your body used to metabolize it twice as quickly due to the tobacco but not anymore. That's why caffeine gets you so jacked and stressed while quitting - then when you crash, you think you need a dip.]]]
It's day five and I feel incredible. It's been years since I've felt this confident. FREEDOM, as Lighty says. About half of the fog has lifted. My stomach is generally good but still slowly knots up on me until I realize it's all clenched tight. Not very productive at work. It feels like my eyes see more color and light than they did six days ago - I can't explain that phenomenon any better than that... like the world just became high def.
Let me tell you - five days feels incredible, but I won't get overconfident. I know there is a long way to go. Five days is nothing in the big picture... but it means a lifetime to me right now.
365 days Truetomyself! Here is a little look back at where you were a year ago. You have come a long way, and even more greatness is ahead. Congratulations on a big milestone!
I hope a couple of the new guys that posted an intro yesterday and didn't post toll read this intro. You understand the value of brotherhood and accountability, and you have improved every facet of your life by quitting nicotine. Quit with you today!
-
I started chewing in my early 20s, about 17 years ago. It was just a joke - I had always been very anti-tobacco. Friends and I were at the beach, we threw in a dip to goof off and it was awful. We all laughed. A few weeks later, my friend and I were bored before work and looking to kill time. We happened to be driving by a gas station and the rest is history - for some reason, we thought it was funny. Still can't believe it happened. Since that night at the beach, four of us have been chewing. We all agree it's the biggest regret of our lives. I'm the first one to quit.
I'm completely ashamed of this addiction and the way I've handled it. It has impacted relationships with women and family members... and they have no idea why. I'm a secret chewer. Nobody knows except a few friends and I never admitted to myself that this is an addiction until recent years. The mind's ability and willingness to fool itself is astounding. I would sneak chew every chance I got. All day, every day. Sneaking out of the house on "errands". Working late at night in the office by myself -- told myself I was doing it to get ahead --- we all know why I really worked late. Saturday/Sunday mornings come and I finally get time with the family but I'm cranky as shit because I'm in withdrawal. I lash out and blame others for causing it. Fucking shameful. Sneaking my s'toons, hiding tins, chewing gum whenever I get home, hiding, sneaking, hiding, sneaking - lying.
I started posting roll on the day I quit, May 19, 2014 - 5 days ago. This is my strongest quit ever and it's all thanks to KTC. Posting roll and reading this website is very empowering. Here are a few things that have helped so far to make this my my final quit - posting roll, reading the hell out of the KTC website, DRASTICALLY REDUCING CAFFEINE (now only drinking a very small amount of coffee or drinking decaf, drinking white tea), being more aware of alcohol trigger, keeping a bag of carrots to chew on at work (helps my stomach), exercising, drinking baking soda mix (helps my stomach), drinking pure cranberry juice (helps my stomach), eating a shit ton of vegetables (supposedly relieves cravings). Basically, everything I can do to stay calm and reduce acidity in my stomach/body. I'm throwing everything, including the kitchen sink, at this quit. The following website has some nice tactics for coping with cravings, too --- http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html (http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html)
[[[****Seriously, the caffeine thing has destroyed many attempts to quit. I'm not smart enough to explain how it works. Google it if something that impacts you but basically caffeine doubles in your bloodstream when you quit tobacco. Your body used to metabolize it twice as quickly due to the tobacco but not anymore. That's why caffeine gets you so jacked and stressed while quitting - then when you crash, you think you need a dip.]]]
It's day five and I feel incredible. It's been years since I've felt this confident. FREEDOM, as Lighty says. About half of the fog has lifted. My stomach is generally good but still slowly knots up on me until I realize it's all clenched tight. Not very productive at work. It feels like my eyes see more color and light than they did six days ago - I can't explain that phenomenon any better than that... like the world just became high def.
Let me tell you - five days feels incredible, but I won't get overconfident. I know there is a long way to go. Five days is nothing in the big picture... but it means a lifetime to me right now.
365 days Truetomyself! Here is a little look back at where you were a year ago. You have come a long way, and even more greatness is ahead. Congratulations on a big milestone!
I hope a couple of the new guys that posted an intro yesterday and didn't post toll read this intro. You understand the value of brotherhood and accountability, and you have improved every facet of your life by quitting nicotine. Quit with you today!
True - Congrats on a year and proud to call you an August quit bro! Keep on smoking it.
-
I started chewing in my early 20s, about 17 years ago. It was just a joke - I had always been very anti-tobacco. Friends and I were at the beach, we threw in a dip to goof off and it was awful. We all laughed. A few weeks later, my friend and I were bored before work and looking to kill time. We happened to be driving by a gas station and the rest is history - for some reason, we thought it was funny. Still can't believe it happened. Since that night at the beach, four of us have been chewing. We all agree it's the biggest regret of our lives. I'm the first one to quit.
I'm completely ashamed of this addiction and the way I've handled it. It has impacted relationships with women and family members... and they have no idea why. I'm a secret chewer. Nobody knows except a few friends and I never admitted to myself that this is an addiction until recent years. The mind's ability and willingness to fool itself is astounding. I would sneak chew every chance I got. All day, every day. Sneaking out of the house on "errands". Working late at night in the office by myself -- told myself I was doing it to get ahead --- we all know why I really worked late. Saturday/Sunday mornings come and I finally get time with the family but I'm cranky as shit because I'm in withdrawal. I lash out and blame others for causing it. Fucking shameful. Sneaking my s'toons, hiding tins, chewing gum whenever I get home, hiding, sneaking, hiding, sneaking - lying.
I started posting roll on the day I quit, May 19, 2014 - 5 days ago. This is my strongest quit ever and it's all thanks to KTC. Posting roll and reading this website is very empowering. Here are a few things that have helped so far to make this my my final quit - posting roll, reading the hell out of the KTC website, DRASTICALLY REDUCING CAFFEINE (now only drinking a very small amount of coffee or drinking decaf, drinking white tea), being more aware of alcohol trigger, keeping a bag of carrots to chew on at work (helps my stomach), exercising, drinking baking soda mix (helps my stomach), drinking pure cranberry juice (helps my stomach), eating a shit ton of vegetables (supposedly relieves cravings). Basically, everything I can do to stay calm and reduce acidity in my stomach/body. I'm throwing everything, including the kitchen sink, at this quit. The following website has some nice tactics for coping with cravings, too --- http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html (http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html)
[[[****Seriously, the caffeine thing has destroyed many attempts to quit. I'm not smart enough to explain how it works. Google it if something that impacts you but basically caffeine doubles in your bloodstream when you quit tobacco. Your body used to metabolize it twice as quickly due to the tobacco but not anymore. That's why caffeine gets you so jacked and stressed while quitting - then when you crash, you think you need a dip.]]]
It's day five and I feel incredible. It's been years since I've felt this confident. FREEDOM, as Lighty says. About half of the fog has lifted. My stomach is generally good but still slowly knots up on me until I realize it's all clenched tight. Not very productive at work. It feels like my eyes see more color and light than they did six days ago - I can't explain that phenomenon any better than that... like the world just became high def.
Let me tell you - five days feels incredible, but I won't get overconfident. I know there is a long way to go. Five days is nothing in the big picture... but it means a lifetime to me right now.
365 days Truetomyself! Here is a little look back at where you were a year ago. You have come a long way, and even more greatness is ahead. Congratulations on a big milestone!
I hope a couple of the new guys that posted an intro yesterday and didn't post toll read this intro. You understand the value of brotherhood and accountability, and you have improved every facet of your life by quitting nicotine. Quit with you today!
True - Congrats on a year and proud to call you an August quit bro! Keep on smoking it.
Boom !!!
-
Damn proud to quit with you TTM! by smoking it i assume we're referring to ribs. Mmmmm. Ribs... 'trac1' 'm1'
-
I started chewing in my early 20s, about 17 years ago. It was just a joke - I had always been very anti-tobacco. Friends and I were at the beach, we threw in a dip to goof off and it was awful. We all laughed. A few weeks later, my friend and I were bored before work and looking to kill time. We happened to be driving by a gas station and the rest is history - for some reason, we thought it was funny. Still can't believe it happened. Since that night at the beach, four of us have been chewing. We all agree it's the biggest regret of our lives. I'm the first one to quit.
I'm completely ashamed of this addiction and the way I've handled it. It has impacted relationships with women and family members... and they have no idea why. I'm a secret chewer. Nobody knows except a few friends and I never admitted to myself that this is an addiction until recent years. The mind's ability and willingness to fool itself is astounding. I would sneak chew every chance I got. All day, every day. Sneaking out of the house on "errands". Working late at night in the office by myself -- told myself I was doing it to get ahead --- we all know why I really worked late. Saturday/Sunday mornings come and I finally get time with the family but I'm cranky as shit because I'm in withdrawal. I lash out and blame others for causing it. Fucking shameful. Sneaking my s'toons, hiding tins, chewing gum whenever I get home, hiding, sneaking, hiding, sneaking - lying.
I started posting roll on the day I quit, May 19, 2014 - 5 days ago. This is my strongest quit ever and it's all thanks to KTC. Posting roll and reading this website is very empowering. Here are a few things that have helped so far to make this my my final quit - posting roll, reading the hell out of the KTC website, DRASTICALLY REDUCING CAFFEINE (now only drinking a very small amount of coffee or drinking decaf, drinking white tea), being more aware of alcohol trigger, keeping a bag of carrots to chew on at work (helps my stomach), exercising, drinking baking soda mix (helps my stomach), drinking pure cranberry juice (helps my stomach), eating a shit ton of vegetables (supposedly relieves cravings). Basically, everything I can do to stay calm and reduce acidity in my stomach/body. I'm throwing everything, including the kitchen sink, at this quit. The following website has some nice tactics for coping with cravings, too --- http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html (http://whyquit.com/pr/111605.html)
[[[****Seriously, the caffeine thing has destroyed many attempts to quit. I'm not smart enough to explain how it works. Google it if something that impacts you but basically caffeine doubles in your bloodstream when you quit tobacco. Your body used to metabolize it twice as quickly due to the tobacco but not anymore. That's why caffeine gets you so jacked and stressed while quitting - then when you crash, you think you need a dip.]]]
It's day five and I feel incredible. It's been years since I've felt this confident. FREEDOM, as Lighty says. About half of the fog has lifted. My stomach is generally good but still slowly knots up on me until I realize it's all clenched tight. Not very productive at work. It feels like my eyes see more color and light than they did six days ago - I can't explain that phenomenon any better than that... like the world just became high def.
Let me tell you - five days feels incredible, but I won't get overconfident. I know there is a long way to go. Five days is nothing in the big picture... but it means a lifetime to me right now.
365 days Truetomyself! Here is a little look back at where you were a year ago. You have come a long way, and even more greatness is ahead. Congratulations on a big milestone!
I hope a couple of the new guys that posted an intro yesterday and didn't post toll read this intro. You understand the value of brotherhood and accountability, and you have improved every facet of your life by quitting nicotine. Quit with you today!
True - Congrats on a year and proud to call you an August quit bro! Keep on smoking it.
Boom !!!
A year ain't no joke True!
-
Damn proud to quit with you TTM! by smoking it i assume we're referring to ribs. Mmmmm. Ribs... 'trac1' 'm1'
Yes sir - congrats True. You are a badass quitter.
Speaking of smokers, yesterday I bought Apple wood chunks, Cherry wood chunks and Hickory chunks for my BGE.
That smoker will be getting a workout this summer too. Here's to grilling without dipping - IT IS POSSIBLE.....
-
1,000 days of greatness here! Congratulations Nik! This is where peace sets in! It is an honor to quit with you today. Celebrate this huge win - only the toughest earn a comma!
The only people that fail after 1,000 days are the ones that leave KTC! See you on roll tomorrow!
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1,000 days of greatness here! Congratulations Nik! This is where peace sets in! It is an honor to quit with you today. Celebrate this huge win - only the toughest earn a comma!
The only people that fail after 1,000 days are the ones that leave KTC! See you on roll tomorrow!
Congrats on 1,000 days quit!
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1,000 days of greatness here! Congratulations Nik! This is where peace sets in! It is an honor to quit with you today. Celebrate this huge win - only the toughest earn a comma!
The only people that fail after 1,000 days are the ones that leave KTC! See you on roll tomorrow!
Congrats on 1,000 days quit!
Gratz man! Don't ever stop posting roll, too many 1000+ folks sluffing off lately.