KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: ryan on March 24, 2011, 06:18:00 PM
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I've been wanting to start an intro thread for myself for awhile. A place to call home. A place for me to ramble on with all the bullshit thoughts running around in my head.
This morning I saw that DO5 caved and has been posting roll. This has bothered me all day long. Does another man's cave effect me?
Yes it does. I stopped at a c-store after lunch to get some fuel and something to drink. While at the counter the thought popped into my head. DO5 caved, what makes me different? Why not get a can? Just one.
Different. I am different. I will not cave. My promise was posted first thing and I will honor that. Besides, in order to cave I've gotta make about 12 phone calls and get permission. That shit would take time, and it has been a busy day. I will post the same promise tomorrow.
173 days. I didn't get here by accident.
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My new business:
Here will be my new way to make money. First, I find one of these caving dipshits. Follow em around for awhile and learn their habits.
Then I get to know the family. That way when said caver dies early from some horrible tobacco related cancer I slip in. Comfort the bereved widow. Be the shoulder to cry on.
Then I'll move in with her, cash the life insurance policy and enjoy myself.
So before you cave, remember this:
I will move in with your wife and become the stepfather that ignores your kids. Once I cash in on the life insurance I can buy myself whatever boats and cars I want. Keep paying those premiums, I have expensive tastes.
Your wife? I'll be balls deep in her before your corpse goes cold. Putting down pecker tracks all over the bed you bought, in the house you made the payments on. I'll suck every dime out of your kids college funds and go on a nice vacation.
I want to be around for my family. Pending getting hit by a truck or some horrible workplace accident, I will grow old and watch my family grow. I want to see my kids become adults and start families of their own. If I was still on the can, there is a very good chance I wouldn't make it.
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OK, I remember when I first saw your avatar and I thought it a little bizarre. Whats with the bondage? Please tell me that you arent some serial killer with bodies buried under your house or something. But those are some huge 'boob' .
MOA
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I'm a part of Jan 2011 quit group. Tittie avatars are what we are known for.
I just went out and found the biggest I could get.
No serial killer, but don't look behind the barn
it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again
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Today's thought upon waking up. I might die at any time due to many different causes. Tobacco will not kill me. I have taken away that option from ust. I will no longer allow a corporation to determine when I will leave this life.
If I could choose, I would like to die on top of someone else's wife. Let her explain it. :D
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Day 468
Woah. What a week. Worked some crazy amount of hours this week. Don't even want to total it up, cause I would be depressed. I live an hour on the MO side of St. Louis and have been working about 30 mins on the Il side of the river. I stained epoxy'd a floor for a hair salon. Good folks, great to work for, made decent money.
But I've had a hard time with staying quit. All week long, I had terrible urges and craves just like I was back in the first 10 days. For fuck sake, shouldn't I be past all that? Can I not go into a c-store for a drink and not stare at the cancer cans behind the counter?
Guess what I'm saying is..... Fuck Illinois. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck Illinois. Fuck you and your shitty roads. Fuck everyone driving there, they don't know how to change lanes or signal properly. Fuck your ugly women who think they look good since the makeup is 3/4" thick and applied with a shotgun. Fuck all the BMW's. There must be more BMW's in Il than any other state. And they all drive like cunts.
Fuck Illinois people who work in stores and restaurants. I'm not looking for a hand job; just want to buy something off the shelf. Yeah, I do want to pay cash. Don't roll your eyes cause you can't do math without the cash register. You're not doing me a favor by pressing the magic buttons; I am helping fund your useless life by participating in commerce at the store that pays you.
That feels better
Now, I do know some wonderful people that live in the cesspool that is Illinois. One quitter (name deleted to show respect in this expetive filled rant) in particular is a fine man and his family and friends are great people. I'm sure there are other quitters from IL, and I'll give them a pass. They must be cool if they hang out here. The people I worked for- good people. The rest of the population needs an attitude adjustment.
But by and large- Illinois is a toilet. Any state that I can't carry a gun into because of your stupid reciprocity laws is gay.
IÂ’ve had a tough week staying quit. But I will. I cannot and will not break that promise I make here each day. I couldnÂ’t stand coming back here a caver. Or not coming here at all if I were a user.
If I failed I would be letting down so many. The other night when having a crave I pulled out my phone to call kbdavear, by the time I found his number the crave passed. Then I noticed how many fucking numbers were in my phone tagged with KTC. I would be letting all these folks down. Not to mention the guys in chat. Would I ever get to call someone ghey again? Not if I caved. That’s my ‘skin in the game’
IÂ’m not letting myself down or anyone else.
See you at roll in the morning
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I will not cave:
Today I have earned 580 days quit
I have 31 numbers in my phone
I nearly caved today. It wasn't pretty. Not my finest moment and I cannot wait till tomorrow. I've been struggling how to describe the emotions of today. I don't want to talk about it much. Though after the last week I'm questioning many of life's choices.
Integrity is why I quit today.
I cannot go back on the promise made this morning. I cannot let down the men whose phone numbers are a finger press away, that I promised to call if I was feeling the urge. The guys in chat would kill me. I cannot disappoint the big eyed girls at home who call me 'daddy'. I cannot let myself down.
Roll call. Tomorrow. Be there.
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I will not cave:
Today I have earned 580 days quit
I have 31 numbers in my phone
I nearly caved today. It wasn't pretty. Not my finest moment and I cannot wait till tomorrow. I've been struggling how to describe the emotions of today. I don't want to talk about it much. Though after the last week I'm questioning many of life's choices.
Integrity is why I quit today.
I cannot go back on the promise made this morning. I cannot let down the men whose phone numbers are a finger press away, that I promised to call if I was feeling the urge. The guys in chat would kill me. I cannot disappoint the big eyed girls at home who call me 'daddy'. I cannot let myself down.
Roll call. Tomorrow. Be there.
Very sorry to hear this.
Hang in there.
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I will not cave:
Today I have earned 580 days quit
I have 31 numbers in my phone
I nearly caved today. It wasn't pretty. Not my finest moment and I cannot wait till tomorrow. I've been struggling how to describe the emotions of today. I don't want to talk about it much. Though after the last week I'm questioning many of life's choices.
Integrity is why I quit today.
I cannot go back on the promise made this morning. I cannot let down the men whose phone numbers are a finger press away, that I promised to call if I was feeling the urge. The guys in chat would kill me. I cannot disappoint the big eyed girls at home who call me 'daddy'. I cannot let myself down.
Roll call. Tomorrow. Be there.
Very sorry to hear this.
Hang in there.
The world loves shitting on a quitter.
Hang tough bro. You know that decision you make every morning is you saying who you are. All this crap we're faced with daily about moral choices and questioning what's true and honest in this world, you know the answer you make every morning is the absolute truth. You won't be owned. You control your destiny. You're worth more than a few dollars in some UST exec's pocket. That's the truth. That can't be argued by anyone.
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
Hello. I'm a newbie here, 33 days quit. I just read that you are over 500 days quit, which is awesome, but you nearly caved recently. Was it easy to resist? Do u feel good most days and just had a weak moment? At 500 days I kind of figured things would be a lot easier than day 33, are they really? I know people always say things will get better but a lot of these stories make me wonder sometimes. I cant be in the brain of a 500+ day quitter but I just wondered if you could expond on how different a near cave is at day 500 as compared to day 30 or so.
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in order to cave I've gotta make about 12 phone calls and get permission.
i forgot this. and i'm a piece of shit for forgetting it. thanks ryan.
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?Â
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
Hello. I'm a newbie here, 33 days quit. I just read that you are over 500 days quit, which is awesome, but you nearly caved recently. Was it easy to resist? Do u feel good most days and just had a weak moment? At 500 days I kind of figured things would be a lot easier than day 33, are they really? I know people always say things will get better but a lot of these stories make me wonder sometimes. I cant be in the brain of a 500+ day quitter but I just wondered if you could expond on how different a near cave is at day 500 as compared to day 30 or so.
sorry i hijacked your question deisel. what's different at day 500 than it is at day 33? it boils down to complacency, i think. at day 33, you are still wrapped up in the nic bitches blanket and trying to break free. at day 500 (or, at least for me, day 411) it was complacency that killed this beast.
it gets easier. it gets a lot easier. there are many days when you just plain forget that you dipped. but there are also those days where you say 'one can't hurt.' complacency will get you to believe that one can't hurt. the craves will fade deisel. you need to stay here to keep them away. never let your guard down. no matter how much you think "i got this" - you don't. you never "got this."
you quit today. then tomorrow, you wake up and quit again. and you continue to do that for the rest of your life. but that won't matter. as long as you quit today.
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Great advice. Just hard sometimes to match up state of mind of a 500 day quitter to that of a 30 day quitter like myself. Thanks for the perspective. Days where u don't think about dip...God I cant wait for that day...but I will keep my guard up when it comes!!!
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?Â
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
Hello. I'm a newbie here, 33 days quit. I just read that you are over 500 days quit, which is awesome, but you nearly caved recently. Was it easy to resist? Do u feel good most days and just had a weak moment? At 500 days I kind of figured things would be a lot easier than day 33, are they really? I know people always say things will get better but a lot of these stories make me wonder sometimes. I cant be in the brain of a 500+ day quitter but I just wondered if you could expond on how different a near cave is at day 500 as compared to day 30 or so.
sorry i hijacked your question deisel. what's different at day 500 than it is at day 33? it boils down to complacency, i think. at day 33, you are still wrapped up in the nic bitches blanket and trying to break free. at day 500 (or, at least for me, day 411) it was complacency that killed this beast.
it gets easier. it gets a lot easier. there are many days when you just plain forget that you dipped. but there are also those days where you say 'one can't hurt.' complacency will get you to believe that one can't hurt. the craves will fade deisel. you need to stay here to keep them away. never let your guard down. no matter how much you think "i got this" - you don't. you never "got this."
you quit today. then tomorrow, you wake up and quit again. and you continue to do that for the rest of your life. but that won't matter. as long as you quit today.
the difference between where i am and where i was at day 2, 20, 52, 87 or 481 is that i choose to quit and cavers choose to cave. it has gotten easier, but every morning i make a choice that i will be quit.
some days, no troubles. easy quit.
other days. the day i was shook down. worked down, hot as fu ck, steady phone calls from cunty customers asking asinine questions. employees laying down, am i making money? is this shit worth it? why not hammer down a lip full and remember and old friend?
1. my quit is too important to me
2. i've promised too many people
3. i love those people
4. i'm better than that. be a better person. what i work for everyday
5. quit. post roll. see you fuckers tomorrow.
6. keep my word. what else do we have? you think your skinny jeans make you cool? keep your word, that shit is classic.
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?Â
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
Hello. I'm a newbie here, 33 days quit. I just read that you are over 500 days quit, which is awesome, but you nearly caved recently. Was it easy to resist? Do u feel good most days and just had a weak moment? At 500 days I kind of figured things would be a lot easier than day 33, are they really? I know people always say things will get better but a lot of these stories make me wonder sometimes. I cant be in the brain of a 500+ day quitter but I just wondered if you could expond on how different a near cave is at day 500 as compared to day 30 or so.
sorry i hijacked your question deisel. what's different at day 500 than it is at day 33? it boils down to complacency, i think. at day 33, you are still wrapped up in the nic bitches blanket and trying to break free. at day 500 (or, at least for me, day 411) it was complacency that killed this beast.
it gets easier. it gets a lot easier. there are many days when you just plain forget that you dipped. but there are also those days where you say 'one can't hurt.' complacency will get you to believe that one can't hurt. the craves will fade deisel. you need to stay here to keep them away. never let your guard down. no matter how much you think "i got this" - you don't. you never "got this."
you quit today. then tomorrow, you wake up and quit again. and you continue to do that for the rest of your life. but that won't matter. as long as you quit today.
the difference between where i am and where i was at day 2, 20, 52, 87 or 481 is that i choose to quit and cavers choose to cave. it has gotten easier, but every morning i make a choice that i will be quit.
some days, no troubles. easy quit.
other days. the day i was shook down. worked down, hot as fu ck, steady phone calls from cunty customers asking asinine questions. employees laying down, am i making money? is this shit worth it? why not hammer down a lip full and remember and old friend?
1. my quit is too important to me
2. i've promised too many people
3. i love those people
4. i'm better than that. be a better person. what i work for everyday
5. quit. post roll. see you fuckers tomorrow.
6. keep my word. what else do we have? you think your skinny jeans make you cool? keep your word, that shit is classic.
Pure genius. Such and honor to quit with you ryan that is brilliant. I can't echo that enough. Every time I think about letting myself down I know I can't let my brothers down, this community is just too damn improtant to me. I've met the kinda people on KTC that renew my faith in man kind.
Quit with you all today
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http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html (http://www.nicofix.com/nicofix.html)
Nicotine hand gel.
What the fuck? Really?Â
Saw this shit at a gas station today. Tobacco industry is at a new low. New ways, new delivery systems for poison. I'm damn glad we're quit. Nicotine addiction is preposterous.
**New guys- using this hand gel as an anal lubricant is considered a cave. **
Hello. I'm a newbie here, 33 days quit. I just read that you are over 500 days quit, which is awesome, but you nearly caved recently. Was it easy to resist? Do u feel good most days and just had a weak moment? At 500 days I kind of figured things would be a lot easier than day 33, are they really? I know people always say things will get better but a lot of these stories make me wonder sometimes. I cant be in the brain of a 500+ day quitter but I just wondered if you could expond on how different a near cave is at day 500 as compared to day 30 or so.
sorry i hijacked your question deisel. what's different at day 500 than it is at day 33? it boils down to complacency, i think. at day 33, you are still wrapped up in the nic bitches blanket and trying to break free. at day 500 (or, at least for me, day 411) it was complacency that killed this beast.
it gets easier. it gets a lot easier. there are many days when you just plain forget that you dipped. but there are also those days where you say 'one can't hurt.' complacency will get you to believe that one can't hurt. the craves will fade deisel. you need to stay here to keep them away. never let your guard down. no matter how much you think "i got this" - you don't. you never "got this."
you quit today. then tomorrow, you wake up and quit again. and you continue to do that for the rest of your life. but that won't matter. as long as you quit today.
the difference between where i am and where i was at day 2, 20, 52, 87 or 481 is that i choose to quit and cavers choose to cave. it has gotten easier, but every morning i make a choice that i will be quit.
some days, no troubles. easy quit.
other days. the day i was shook down. worked down, hot as fu ck, steady phone calls from cunty customers asking asinine questions. employees laying down, am i making money? is this shit worth it? why not hammer down a lip full and remember and old friend?
1. my quit is too important to me
2. i've promised too many people
3. i love those people
4. i'm better than that. be a better person. what i work for everyday
5. quit. post roll. see you fuckers tomorrow.
6. keep my word. what else do we have? you think your skinny jeans make you cool? keep your word, that shit is classic.
Pure genius. Such and honor to quit with you ryan that is brilliant. I can't echo that enough. Every time I think about letting myself down I know I can't let my brothers down, this community is just too damn improtant to me. I've met the kinda people on KTC that renew my faith in man kind.
Quit with you all today
We practice in good times for when the bad times occur.
Quitting is a state of mind, but it can lead to "not using" which is dangerous because it is not quit. It can lead you to forget how hard you fought to break free. It can lead to you forgetting what to do in case of emergency. It will lead you to using.
Posting roll everyday establishes your quit. It reminds you that you are not superman. It's planning.
We all have bad times and we don't know when they will occur. Just a little planning and a lot of want can carry you through. Establishing connections with your brothers is also a great idea because its easier to turn to a friend than it is a random number in times of trouble.
Finally, Fuck day 500. Quit for today. No longer. No shorter. Elongating a quit is very easy at this stage, and it can drown you if you let it. You'll never make it to 500 if you can't make it to 35. Fuck the future.
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You should know there is a 400 day funk. Be ready for it.
There is also. 700 day funk too
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Again good advice and much appreciated. Only human nature to look to the future sometimes. I'm quit for tomorrow no doubt, and not going to get ahead of myself, but always good to hear better days are ahead from a vet after having a rough day like I had today, is all. Thanks again!
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Again good advice and much appreciated. Only human nature to look to the future sometimes. I'm quit for tomorrow no doubt, and not going to get ahead of myself, but always good to hear better days are ahead from a vet after having a rough day like I had today, is all. Thanks again!
Dunno what day you are on but it is almost freaky how funks hit the majority of people at the same general time frames. 30, 80, 125, 250, 400, 700....then nothing for LOoT. Some say one hits about 1000 but not for LOOT.
Notice the funks are separated by longer periods of time. They always last 7-10 days. They always end. You know they are coming and now you know when. Rest up for them when things are good.
LOOT has gone damned near 1900 days with nothing he could attribute to nic cessation. It's wonderful. The voices in the cstore will stop calling you...promise. The days get better. You will heal.
Never again for any reason.
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Again good advice and much appreciated. Only human nature to look to the future sometimes. I'm quit for tomorrow no doubt, and not going to get ahead of myself, but always good to hear better days are ahead from a vet after having a rough day like I had today, is all. Thanks again!
Dunno what day you are on but it is almost freaky how funks hit the majority of people at the same general time frames. 30, 80, 125, 250, 400, 700....then nothing for LOoT. Some say one hits about 1000 but not for LOOT.
Notice the funks are separated by longer periods of time. They always last 7-10 days. They always end. You know they are coming and now you know when. Rest up for them when things are good.
LOOT has gone damned near 1900 days with nothing he could attribute to nic cessation. It's wonderful. The voices in the cstore will stop calling you...promise. The days get better. You will heal.
Never again for any reason.
Good to know, thanks. Tomorrow will be day 34 for me I think I'm on the tail end of some funk period. Wife booked a cottage for July 22nd-26th. I'm scared shiftless to go. My kids are pumped of course, hope the funk doesn't come on vacation with us.
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Again good advice and much appreciated. Only human nature to look to the future sometimes. I'm quit for tomorrow no doubt, and not going to get ahead of myself, but always good to hear better days are ahead from a vet after having a rough day like I had today, is all. Thanks again!
Dunno what day you are on but it is almost freaky how funks hit the majority of people at the same general time frames. 30, 80, 125, 250, 400, 700....then nothing for LOoT. Some say one hits about 1000 but not for LOOT.
Notice the funks are separated by longer periods of time. They always last 7-10 days. They always end. You know they are coming and now you know when. Rest up for them when things are good.
LOOT has gone damned near 1900 days with nothing he could attribute to nic cessation. It's wonderful. The voices in the cstore will stop calling you...promise. The days get better. You will heal.
Never again for any reason.
Good to know, thanks. Tomorrow will be day 34 for me I think I'm on the tail end of some funk period. Wife booked a cottage for July 22nd-26th. I'm scared shiftless to go. My kids are pumped of course, hope the funk doesn't come on vacation with us.
You'll feel like a million bucks in a few days.
Push thru bro. You have no choice.
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Again good advice and much appreciated. Only human nature to look to the future sometimes. I'm quit for tomorrow no doubt, and not going to get ahead of myself, but always good to hear better days are ahead from a vet after having a rough day like I had today, is all. Thanks again!
Dunno what day you are on but it is almost freaky how funks hit the majority of people at the same general time frames. 30, 80, 125, 250, 400, 700....then nothing for LOoT. Some say one hits about 1000 but not for LOOT.
Notice the funks are separated by longer periods of time. They always last 7-10 days. They always end. You know they are coming and now you know when. Rest up for them when things are good.
LOOT has gone damned near 1900 days with nothing he could attribute to nic cessation. It's wonderful. The voices in the cstore will stop calling you...promise. The days get better. You will heal.
Never again for any reason.
Good to know, thanks. Tomorrow will be day 34 for me I think I'm on the tail end of some funk period. Wife booked a cottage for July 22nd-26th. I'm scared shiftless to go. My kids are pumped of course, hope the funk doesn't come on vacation with us.
You'll feel like a million bucks in a few days.
Push thru bro. You have no choice.
Loot told RT about these funks, they hit like clockwork. The 1000 day hit me at 1095. Do the math on that one.
What ever funk you may or may not have while on vacation, it will be a hell if alot easier to deal with than sneaking around and covering your tracks while trying to get a fix.
If you qant to see how a quit transforms over time, pick any older group and read it front to back. There was a time when I had read every group on the site. Its really quite entertaining.
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Day 858
When I post roll I knockthefuck (http://youtu.be/3bShO7y07oc) out of any possibility of using nic for today
Bout 30 seconds in is where I start the roll post process
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Day 858
When I post roll I knockthefuck (http://youtu.be/3bShO7y07oc) out of any possibility of using nic for today
Bout 30 seconds in is where I start the roll post process
So simple even Ryan can do it!
Every damned day!