KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: comingbackdown on July 28, 2009, 05:04:00 AM
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Brothers, I apologize for the following long-winded post, but, give it a read. Aside from me blowing off steam and putting my mind at the ready for what tomorrow brings, I do need some advice and encouragement.
My name is Aaron.
I'm nineteen years old, and I live in a crappy little town in Ohio.
It's a crappy town, but I was born here and I love it all the same.
I'm a dipper. Although I've been unemployed since December, I dip.
I've done it all. I've done almost everything I ever wanted to do...
In the way of stupidity, that is.
When I was 18, I moved out of this house with my ex. I lived about thirty miles away. In that town, I discovered beer. On one occasion, I came within a couple shots of meeting my maker.
I discovered reefer. Although (aside from one occasion, but not because I was stoned) nothing terrible ever happened when I was stoned, more than once I almost got caught. The worst memory I have of almost getting busted was when my ex got stopped for not using a turn signal. I was the only passenger. I was flying higher than the stars, with about a dimebag worth of herb and a bowl under my seat. A few months later, I made this an occasional thing, instead of a daily thing. I haven't sparked any reefer since January.
I also discovered cigars. When I came home, I discovered cigarettes. I then discovered the pipe. Then, came the fateful day when I saw a stack of cans in a closeout bin... I had seen a million people tossing in a pinch, and always wondered... Soon enough, I would cave in... I bought a single can of Grizzly, and I was finished... Hooked deep... I said "I'll stop after this one is gone." But I bought another can... Then I graduated to Skoal, with a single can of Original Fine Cut.
Then I graduated to Copenhagen, buying Longhorn when I was too broke to afford my favorite fix... Then I found Redman... Then I quit the pipe, cigars, cigarettes... and then, I used nicotine gum to fight the craving for chew...
Recently, after ages being clean of all of it, I found a hidden can of Copenhagen in an incredibly stressful moment... I left it be for a full day, and caved in like I'd been beaten. I packed the biggest lip I'd had yet, and enjoyed it. Then I bought a can of Skoal Straight... Then a can of Peach. Then a can of Longhorn Straight, and a can of Skoal Vanilla... That can is across the room from me, to disappear tomorrow...
As I am writing this, I have the last dip I will ever take packed in...
Let me tell you, I haven't had an easy life. I was born with bipolar disorder, and the road to being stable has been long, bumpy, and had so many bridges out that I can't remember them all... But this... This is hard. This is a conflict.
Why quit something you enjoy doing? Because it is indeed slowly killing me.
Why am I going to quit?
I've been in two relationships before now. Both of those chicks were crazy. One of them was a TOTAL psycho. Ever had one of these? Every time she didn't get her way "Oh, you'd be better off without me." After she finally actually tried to kill herself, I told her "You need help. I suggest you get it. But, you've hurt me, and I can't be with you anymore" Never even saw her in person... All long distance. Let me tell you, fellas, I'm not gonna recommend a long distance relationship to anybody. My sister's worked out, and she's planning wedding. That one successful one rocks, but the hundred others that ain't gonna work out are hell.
That leads me to the second...
Long distance, but she actually came here... After I came back home (and she came with me... big mistake) I realized that, although I loved smoking reefer and sippin' beer (and I became a connoisuer, just like I did with everything, tobacco included) and smoking reefer (and if not for something later in this post, I'd still do that on the weekends) I realized that I only did it daily because I couldn't stand her anymore... She was manipulative, immature, etc. The night I'd almost died from drinkin' (two fifths of vodka, a beer, and a 24 of Steel Reserve could kill almost anybody else that I know, so I had the hand of God on me that night, and I'm glad to still be here) I realized something... As I was tracing my internet activity the next day and issuing apologies for being a huge asshole, I found a message that I was really sorry for... I won't tell the whole story, but in my stupor, my emotions were laid bare. The walls were down, and I realized I'd rather be anywhere than with her. Well, I ignored it. "Naw, I was plastered. No way in hell I really feel that way." After she went home, I realized I had felt that way. I felt like a moron.
Then my cousin died in a way that I'll discuss if anyone is interested, but I won't make this post longer than it needs to be. I got incredibly baked with some friends, and after they all went off to do their own thing in the house we were in or went to bed, I figured a lot of stuff out. I set out on a path of "Let's just live a day at a time and see what happens".
Well, while I was with my ex, there was a thanksgiving dinner at church. I went, she went with me. While I was there, a beautiful young woman caught my eye. I could tell by looking that she was like me, but I thought "I'm with somebody. I can't go talk to another woman. Wouldn't be right." But hidden in my memories, she was there...
On April 4th, I went to a little get together up at church to welcome my cousin in as the new youth pastor. The moment I walked in the door, I looked down the hall and just about had a stroke... There she stood. I saw her friend give her a nudge, and she walked up... After a minute or two, she asked me "Where's your girlfriend?" "Well, she went home in December, just before Christmas." She gave a sympathetic "Oh." Well, I got to talking to her... all evening.
My car had been broken down since about June of '09, and had to be trailered home when I came home... So, I had my mother's Impala. I liked this woman.
I'm a devout Baptist, and although some of my views (including those on reefer) put me toward being a libertarian, I identify as a conservative, and on most things, I'm about as much of a right winger as you can be without being an anarchist.
I like fishing, shooting, video games, driving, NASCAR (and any form of racing... Dream job, seconded only by software development), fixin' cars, and anything to do with programming or fixing computers. All in all, she's pretty much just like me. We even like the same music, pretty much.
Well, she'd had me on her mind since that day in November... She told a little white lie to make sure I'd take her and her friends home. This was after she slipped me a piece of paper which I couldn't read because things got busy.
Well, I took 'em home. I decided "Alright, for once, I'm going to be stupidly honest and hope it doesn't go to hell in a handbasket". So, I told all of 'em about my past with alcohol and reefer. They were amazed. But... It all went well.
When I got in her driveway, I cut the ignition... She told me that piece of paper contained her address and phone number. I was shocked... She took me by the hand. I showed her one more little bit of myself... I have a history with self-injury, and even that didn't bother her. I was amazed...
I walked in the door and told my parents "Your son just got digits and didn't even ask! WHOOOOO!" I called and told my sister, and then called this lovely girl...
In May, during a Wednesday night service (once in a while, we have a gym night, that was one of 'em) I asked her quietly to marry me. I didn't have any money, no way to get a ring, but I asked... She said yes. I told her I had a dream... A dream of me standing in the front yard of a nice house out in the country, couple of nice but not ridiculously expensive cars in the driveway, a few kids running around the yard... I said "Oh, but wait, what is this dream missing? Oh yes... You standing hand-in-hand with me, with a diamond ring and a wedding band on your finger. Will you marry me?" I was almost shocked she said yes. I've seen proposals go that well, and I've seen them go bad enough that the boy had a handprint upside his face.
Well, here we are in late July, wedding date is set, I'm about to get my G.E.D. so I can get a job and get a ring and finalize the wedding plans. (Ain't it sad that I can't get a diploma just because I was homeschooled? I loved it, and I wouldn't change that if I could do it over again)
Why am I quitting? I've been told "It has to be for you." Well, it can't just be about me. She's the love of a lifetime, one of a kind, perfection in my eyes.
She's addicted to caffeine, and walking the line between safety and being a diabetic, just like I once did. I'm walking the line between having a long life and dying a horrible death from cancer.
I do want to quit, because although I don't fear death itself, I would rather not die, especially not in a hospital bed with half my face missing.
But, it's not just about me.
I have three fears in life, and that's all.
I've been singin' since I was just a little boy, and if I lost part of my face, there goes that. I've been told I'm brilliant as a musician. I play guitar, electric bass, a little bit of keyboard and a very little bit of fiddle. I'm about to learn some more thanks to her family. But, I've thought about it... I actually believe myself to be a good lyricist. What's the point of writing the lyrics and some music to go with 'em if you can't speak your own emotions through those words?
Fear number two:
Losing my parents or my sister... No, I don't believe it's a permanent loss, but still... I dread the day I see my parents go, and I pray daily that my sis and I live a long, healthy life, but I hope that when I die, she'll still be here, because I know she'll deal with losing me better than I'd deal with the opposite situation.
Fear number three:
Being cut off in any way (including death) from my one true love.
She's afraid... So much so that she almost cried in my arms yesterday...
Well, brothers, she is my biggest reason for quitting other than the fact that I just plain don't want this shit (pardon my french) to put me in a box.
I told her yesterday, we both have to quit doing the stupid things we're doing. She's already been told that the caffeine and sugar going through her like that will put an end to her. I said "Baby, know this. I wouldn't make it six months if you were gone. I've thought about it. Marriage is at the doorstep, and children are a moon away from marriage if you look at the big picture. This might not kill me this year, or the next, or in the next ten, but it will take me someday. That caffeine and sugar might not take you now, but it will someday. I can't leave our children without a father, or without a mother, or even worse, without either. We've gotta kick this crap loose and get healthy." She agrees.
I told her "Whether God likes it or not, if I leave this earth without you, I will be the only man to ever weep on his way to heaven."
Now you know why I'm quitting.
Or do you?
Yesterday as I was going through my nightly ritual of pick the remaining dip from my teeth, brush, floss, rinse, and mouthwash, I noticed something... I noticed my usual spotting of sores on my throat. Big deal, I'd seen that before, especially when I was chewing Redman daily... Then I noticed a new one... A small white spot on my lip. "OH ************ SON OF A *****! Hell no..."
I don't think it's cancerous. Do I know for sure? No. Can I have it checked? Well, I'm not employed, so no insurance from an employer. I just lost my medicaid, for reasons I'm too angry to discuss at the moment. So, no... Not at the moment.
I'm kind of in limbo, brothers. I'm prepared to fight like a tiger on crack if it winds up being or becoming what it could be... It's not "I won't go out without a fight." It's "I won't go out period. I'm not done here, and no disease is going to just beat me. If it comes down to it, if it's cancer, I will show it a new meaning to getting your ass whupped."
Granted, I have my stressors... Her family (If anybody wants to know, I'll explain), my family (same as above, if you want to know, ask), and a couple of my idiot friends, who I'm going to ask advice on later...
I'm the martyr. I'm the guy who, even if it hurt me, would always sacrifice to help someone in need. I prevented a few suicides and incredibly stupid moves, and helped after somebody did the latter and needed help. I lost more sleep, more time, and experienced more stress than your average working man does in a month, all in a few short hours every once in a while. So, I have to help those couple idiots, because I owe them.
However, now is for my family, now is for my future wife, and now is for me.
Help me, brothers. I can't afford to fail this time.
So, after reading the above, how bad is this spot in my lip?
My baby girl's brother can get me a job once I have my G.E.D. so about four to five months is all the longer I'll have to wait for insurance, but... I'm worried. I'm not afraid, because I will NOT let cancer kill me if that battle comes up... I just want to know if the fight is coming before it gets here.
Once again, sorry for the incredibly long introduction, but...
Here I am, in all my slavery to this plant and the chemicals within it...
Tomorrow begins the quit.
I've been told by more than one person "Hate the tobacco." As odd as it may seem, I can't. It was my choice to start. It wasn't an ad, or somebody offering it to me... It was "Hmm... I wonder if that's actually any good?" So, I kind of have to hate my decision. Can't hate myself, won't hate the plant... Just a plant, and it was my choice... All I can really hate is my decision. I'm not miserable over it, I just wish I hadn't.
So, where shall I begin, other than handing my cans to a friend of mine who doesn't want to quit? (Waste not, want not. Even with this, I can't just pitch it. He's broke, and would rather steal a can in broad daylight than quit. Better he gets one from me than a young man with a chance at a good life winding up in jail, where I already know his life will begin its downfall)
Where shall I begin?
My fiancee is a support network, but if I call her after about 11:15, her dad will have a few words for me next time I see him... and I learned before, I can't do this one alone.
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You're all over the place. I can't figure out if you want to quit that bad or not??? Are you really quitting because you have those spots on your throat?
I'm not going to put much effort into preaching to you here but will say if you really want to quit, spend as much time as possible on this website. Read everything and post roll everyday!!!! Kill The Can has saved many lives but it will not work if you take a half-assed approach.
Get your throat checked out if you're worried. Find a way to get the money. Get a job at McDonald's if you have to.
So, where shall I begin, other than handing my cans to a friend of mine who doesn't want to quit? (Waste not, want not. Even with this, I can't just pitch it. He's broke, and would rather steal a can in broad daylight than quit. Better he gets one from me than a young man with a chance at a good life winding up in jail, where I already know his life will begin its downfall)
Waste not, want not????? What the fuck are you talking about here? So you're going to give your 'friend' a bunch of chew so he can kill himself. That's such bullshit man. Just throw it the fuck away. You never know what dip is going to plant the cancer cells....and it really doesn't matter if you're 18 or 58.
I "hope" you decide this quit is going to work for you. Start reading all the links on KTC homepage. You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Well, brothers, she is my biggest reason for quitting
This one thing will cause you to fail.. the first time you get pissed off at her you'll cave out of spite. Trust me, any veteran on this site will tell you the same thing. You need to rethink your reasons for stopping.
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Well, brothers, she is my biggest reason for quitting
This one thing will cause you to fail.. the first time you get pissed off at her you'll cave out of spite. Trust me, any veteran on this site will tell you the same thing. You need to rethink your reasons for stopping.
I stopped reading after,
"As I am writing this, I have the last dip I will ever take packed in..."
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Let me put it to you this way, fellas.
She's my biggest reason not because she wants me to, but because I want to so I don't wind up being seperated from her by winding up dead. So, essentially she's my biggest reason in a very selfish way.
Trying to avoid the temper catching fire, here... I get a lot more moody than your average person in nicotine withdrawal... anything and everything can light the fuse...
and I'm sorry, but I am flat broke. I have seventy-five cents to my name. If I paid money for something, and I need as much money as I can get for buying some gas... The man refuses to quit. Everything has been done. He's been yelled at, screamed at, threatened, just about been smacked in the mouth, been told all about what it's like to have mouth cancer, even been shown a shit ton of pictures. He refuses. I'd rather have him get it from me than steal it, wind up in jail, and wind up in one of two places when he gets out...
A. Back in the clink for dealing drugs or,
B. In a street gang.
For his age, he's amazingly, dumbfoundingly impressionable and stupid.
Yeah, I'm not really helping him by handing him the remnants of my stash, I know. Better that than having him ruin his life in the short term. Can't even hang out with him until I'm good and quit and have stayed there for a while. He always has a pack of smokes or a can on him... always. The few times he didn't, first words out of his mouth when he saw me were "Got a pack o' smokes or some chew?"
I'll get a dollar off him for it.
y'know what? Fuck me... Why the hell did I pick the day my mother has surgery to quit dipping? Good decision, hell of a day to start...
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Well, brothers, she is my biggest reason for quitting
This one thing will cause you to fail.. the first time you get pissed off at her you'll cave out of spite. Trust me, any veteran on this site will tell you the same thing. You need to rethink your reasons for stopping.
I stopped reading after,
"As I am writing this, I have the last dip I will ever take packed in..."
Had a hard time buying into this story just for the sheer fact that he was dippin while he typed......what the fuck?
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Wow dude, you sound like a fucking winner. Let me sell my broke ass buddy a half tin of cancer so I can but a fucking dollars worth of gas in my tank. Congrats on being douche of the month. And dont call me your "brother" while you got a lip full of shit in.
Trying to avoid the temper catching fire, here... I get a lot more moody than your average person in nicotine withdrawal... anything and everything can light the fuse...
No you do not. You are not special. It is not harder for you than it is me, or anyone else for that matter. Get over yourself and get serious or you will be right back to the can.
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Let me put it to you this way, fellas.
She's my biggest reason not because she wants me to, but because I want to so I don't wind up being seperated from her by winding up dead. So, essentially she's my biggest reason in a very selfish way.
Trying to avoid the temper catching fire, here... I get a lot more moody than your average person in nicotine withdrawal... anything and everything can light the fuse...
and I'm sorry, but I am flat broke. I have seventy-five cents to my name. If I paid money for something, and I need as much money as I can get for buying some gas... The man refuses to quit. Everything has been done. He's been yelled at, screamed at, threatened, just about been smacked in the mouth, been told all about what it's like to have mouth cancer, even been shown a shit ton of pictures. He refuses. I'd rather have him get it from me than steal it, wind up in jail, and wind up in one of two places when he gets out...
A. Back in the clink for dealing drugs or,
B. In a street gang.
For his age, he's amazingly, dumbfoundingly impressionable and stupid.
Yeah, I'm not really helping him by handing him the remnants of my stash, I know. Better that than having him ruin his life in the short term. Can't even hang out with him until I'm good and quit and have stayed there for a while. He always has a pack of smokes or a can on him... always. The few times he didn't, first words out of his mouth when he saw me were "Got a pack o' smokes or some chew?"
I'll get a dollar off him for it.
y'know what? Fuck me... Why the hell did I pick the day my mother has surgery to quit dipping? Good decision, hell of a day to start...
:blink: :blink: :blink:
I can't seem to follow this guy one bit...Syndrome has met his match. What is the point of this thread? The main idea of this thread obviously isn't to quit because you've got a fat lip today, so what is it? I can't stand Intro sections of people that come in here thinking they're special and have it "tough". Spit that shit out and get off your high horse. There are quitters on here that have been through a lot more than you and your "problems".
PS - There's a good place to go when you're broke..........
To Work.
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Wow dude, you sound like a fucking winner. Let me sell my broke ass buddy a half tin of cancer so I can but a fucking dollars worth of gas in my tank. Congrats on being douche of the month. And dont call me your "brother" while you got a lip full of shit in.
Trying to avoid the temper catching fire, here... I get a lot more moody than your average person in nicotine withdrawal... anything and everything can light the fuse...
No you do not. You are not special. It is not harder for you than it is me, or anyone else for that matter. Get over yourself and get serious or you will be right back to the can.
I agree wholeheartedly Cubs...I would be shocked if this dude sticks around and becomes a bad ass quitter.....kind of reminds me of that colorado... dude that caved in your group and thought he was some fucking big shot just because his addiction lasted 20 years.
Get a fucking job. Come to NJ and I can hook you up with a couple horse farms that will pay you to scoop shit, a helluva lot more than selling chew to your fuckface friend.
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Wow dude, you sound like a fucking winner. Let me sell my broke ass buddy a half tin of cancer so I can but a fucking dollars worth of gas in my tank. Congrats on being douche of the month. And dont call me your "brother" while you got a lip full of shit in.
Trying to avoid the temper catching fire, here... I get a lot more moody than your average person in nicotine withdrawal... anything and everything can light the fuse...
No you do not. You are not special. It is not harder for you than it is me, or anyone else for that matter. Get over yourself and get serious or you will be right back to the can.
I agree wholeheartedly Cubs...I would be shocked if this dude sticks around and becomes a bad ass quitter.....kind of reminds me of that colorado... dude that caved in your group and thought he was some fucking big shot just because his addiction lasted 20 years.
Get a fucking job. Come to NJ and I can hook you up with a couple horse farms that will pay you to scoop shit, a helluva lot more than selling chew to your fuckface friend.
'crackup' 'crackup'
Jersey rules.
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What the fuck is this??????
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I THOUGHT the point of this place was to be supportive, not to be a bunch of jackasses.
I started my quit today. Today my mother had surgery, so not a great day for it, but I'm still clean.
FYI, jackass... I would LOVE to go to work, and I NEED a goddamn job to pull off a wedding. Well, I'd have a job if not for one thing. NOBODY HERE IS HIRING. Why? Because our illustrious state government, and our "brilliant" president, and our "brilliant" national government have managed to, in a combined effort, drive the unemployment in my state to 10%+. I have no diploma, no nothing, all because I was homeschooled. Y'know what? Nobody will hire you if you don't have a fucking education, so back the hell off.
Who's on the goddamned high horse now?
How about ALL of you don't jump up and judge before you know a little bit more than JACK SHIT about the situation...
Rage? You want rage? I'll rage. I just sat from 1:50 until oh, about twenty minutes ago in the hospital, waiting for my mother to be discharged from AN OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE that was supposed to take ONE AND A HALF HOURS. Count the time. We got back in the door at seven o'clock.
How about instead of starting right off by criticizing me, you help...
I know there's probably at least one person in the same boat as me, just starting the quit, but I don't need to be jumped on day one.
and I thought quitting smoking was bad... This is RIDICULOUSLY unpleasant... I could deal with quitting smoking. This is a NIGHTMARE.
I'm also sorry I was all over the place... Look, would you be totally coherent typing something up at five in the morning, after an eighteen hour day on TWO HOURS of sleep? I seriously doubt it.
Badass quitter? How badass do you want me to be? I'm so pissed right now, if not for the whole being charged with multiple felonies part, I'd go down to the store, rip off every can of my former chosen brand, cover it in charcoal lighter and torch it in the middle of the street... Badass enough for you?
Someday, when I have children, if EVER I find they've been doing this, EVER, the sound of me yelling will shatter the sound barrier...
I can't yell, I can't scream, but I want to so badly... If I do, my dad will rip me a new ass for yelling when mom needs to wind down... So, I"ll just go with this.
'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head'
Time to crank the bass and listen to some Slayer...
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1. Us riding your ass is support, believe it or not. No one on this board is going to sugar coat anything. This shit is tough, and you better get serious or you WILL fail. There is never a "good" time to quit, so glad your mother is okay, but its time to focus on making this work.
2. If you were up for 18 hours with 2 hours of sleep I hope it was because you were looking for a job. I understand things are bad, and Im guessing by your 10% plus unemployment rate you are from Michigan, but you can find some sort of ditch digging job somewhere, just have to look hard enough.
3.
I'm so pissed right now, if not for the whole being charged with multiple felonies part, I'd go down to the store, rip off every can of my former chosen brand, cover it in charcoal lighter and torch it in the middle of the street... Badass enough for you?
This in no way, shape, or form makes you a badass. This makes you an idiot. Who brags about felonies? Do you realize 9/10ths of the world thinks you are a dirtbag?
5.I can't yell, I can't scream, but I want to so badly... If I do, my dad will rip me a new ass for yelling when mom needs to wind down... So, I"ll just go with this.
Time to crank the bass and listen to some Slayer...
I would suggest exercising instead. Cranking some Slayer probably wont help your mother sleep.
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1. Us riding your ass is support, believe it or not. No one on this board is going to sugar coat anything. This shit is tough, and you better get serious or you WILL fail. There is never a "good" time to quit, so glad your mother is okay, but its time to focus on making this work.
2. If you were up for 18 hours with 2 hours of sleep I hope it was because you were looking for a job. I understand things are bad, and Im guessing by your 10% plus unemployment rate you are from Michigan, but you can find some sort of ditch digging job somewhere, just have to look hard enough.
3.
I'm so pissed right now, if not for the whole being charged with multiple felonies part, I'd go down to the store, rip off every can of my former chosen brand, cover it in charcoal lighter and torch it in the middle of the street... Badass enough for you?
This in no way, shape, or form makes you a badass. This makes you an idiot. Who brags about felonies? Do you realize 9/10ths of the world thinks you are a dirtbag?
5.I can't yell, I can't scream, but I want to so badly... If I do, my dad will rip me a new ass for yelling when mom needs to wind down... So, I"ll just go with this.
Time to crank the bass and listen to some Slayer...
I would suggest exercising instead. Cranking some Slayer probably wont help your mother sleep.
That, my friend, is why headphones are a gift from God.
Actually, I'm from Ohio, and the unemployment rate in my county is higher than the state average. No, I wasn't searching for a job that whole time. I've hit about everything that I can hit online that's in my area, and I can't afford to relocate either. I never sleep well before one of two things:
A. Medical procedures
B. Job interviews.
Yup, I can be on sleep medication, and still not sleep the night before a job interview.
Sadly, I can't go out for a run or anything since mom needs me nearby, and if I do anything more than pushups or something, maybe a few reps with my smaller weights, I'll wind up waking her up anyway, which is a bad, bad thing.
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Ok so I have been laying low for the past couple of months. this looks like a great fuckin place to reserect my support of the need to quit. In fact I am so into this intro I am coming back tomorrow to see what has happened. Dude, quitting is the best thing you could ever do. no matter how fucked up your life is. I am really impressed you picked a hard day to quit. It makes more since the longer you are quit. It really begins to mean something and then your like really happy that your still quit and wow look what I can do damnit. OK, Stay the fuck quit, post daily and PM anyone for a phone number. If you want mine, pm me. I will give it to you. You are a fun place to visit.
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Ok so I have been laying low for the past couple of months. this looks like a great fuckin place to reserect my support of the need to quit. In fact I am so into this intro I am coming back tomorrow to see what has happened. Dude, quitting is the best thing you could ever do. no matter how fucked up your life is. I am really impressed you picked a hard day to quit. It makes more since the longer you are quit. It really begins to mean something and then your like really happy that your still quit and wow look what I can do damnit. OK, Stay the fuck quit, post daily and PM anyone for a phone number. If you want mine, pm me. I will give it to you. You are a fun place to visit.
Many thanks, brother.
By the way, guys... I begin roll tomorrow. I made it through day one with no problem, stress and all. Speak of which, y'know what really rocks?
Cinnamon Raisin Bagels, yogurt, Cheddar Sour Cream chips, a glass of milk, and a pop tart. Yeah, it's an odd mix, but my metabolism is so high I eat like a horse and gain no weight. I need to exercise and eat less so I can lose more, but... yeah... This odd bunch of food will always be remembered as the meal with which I celebrated my first day quit...
Now, as much as my fiancee dislikes drinking, I'll see if she'll grant me one exception and let me knock back a beer with a friend of mine when I hit 100 days... Yeah, that's thinking way ahead, but it never hurts to dream, and that'd be a helluva celebration, considering the fact that I haven't sat down and sipped a beer since September of last year... Find my old huge beer mug... I think it was like a 24 oz. mug... Pop a couple longnecks of craft beer into it, sit back, enjoy...
Tomorrow is day two. What will it bring? I really don't know, but lets find out.
On a side note: My right cheek is swelling. I'm nervous... I'm not freaking out, as there's a strong possibility I have an infection going now... Last time I dipped really heavy and then quit, I had a NASTY throat infection that crept its way all the way up into my mouth, made it half way through my cheeks before the antibiotic finally started hitting it... Nasty, nasty, nasty stuff, that. The nic bitch is a cruel mistress, ain't she? I wonder how many have decided to quit, quit, had their mouths go haywire, freaked, and started again. Sad, ain't it?
All day, off and on, I've had the "Shit... One dip won't kill me. Why not enjoy one more day before I really quit?" bullshit flashing through the back of my mind... I've found that if I blast my mental voice out with a nice giant "FUCK YOU!" it kind of disappears... Honestly, the nic bitch is a real low-down wench to deal with, but... For some reason, she doesn't seem as powerful as she used to. I'm about to go play Half-Life 2... I think every headcrab I bust a cap in, I'll mentally replace its head with a can of Skoal... Release of agression can be a wonderful thing. aaaaaand video games have already helped me beat cravings today.
Granted, people kind of look at you weird when you're staring at the Gameboy Color going "JUMP MARIO, YOU STUPID FUCK! JUMP OVER THE DAMN HOLE!"
This ends day one...
-
Syndrome has met his match.
HA! Funnnny.
But honestly...I can follow this dude easier that I can follow Syndrome.
-
What is your name?
Also: Just ignore everyone in this thread who is criticizing you. They were all dropped on their heads as infants.
I'm going to support you every day. Just don't let me down. If you do, I am going to come to Ohio and choke you with my dick until you faint.
Caving is not an option if you want to stay alive.
-
What is your name?
Also: Just ignore everyone in this thread who is criticizing you. They were all dropped on their heads as infants.
I'm going to support you every day. Just don't let me down. If you do, I am going to come to Ohio and choke you with my dick until you faint.
Caving is not an option if you want to stay alive.
Well, sorry Dean, I wasn't dropped on my head, I simply don't read stuff from guys with wads of shit still in their mouth.
I will, however, come to Ohio with you if we can catch a Reds game.
-
Well, sorry Dean, I wasn't dropped on my head, I simply don't read stuff from guys with wads of shit still in their mouth.
You know me well enough to know that reading me literally is the wrong approach, Glenn. ;) I'm just breaking balls.
But yeah...we can see a Reds game.
-
What is your name?
Also: Just ignore everyone in this thread who is criticizing you. They were all dropped on their heads as infants.
I'm going to support you every day. Just don't let me down. If you do, I am going to come to Ohio and choke you with my dick until you faint.
Caving is not an option if you want to stay alive.
Threats from Dean end up becoming very real. He has already threatened to come to OH and try to take me out should I fall off the wagon.
Here's the deal Aaron.......
You got a lot of shit going on in your life right now. I get that. We all do. Whether it is the trials and tribulations of the daily grind, or the inability to get a good job in a depressed county in the state of OH (my guess is Clermont County); we are all working through our own personal hell(s).
There is one thing that brings all of us together....our addiction. We have all taken different paths to get us to this site. We are here. We are commited. You need to be commited too. Don't take it personally that you get some shit. We all get it when we get weepy about how hard it is to quit. That is what actually makes this site worth the time and effort. If I didn't have these assholes constantly barking at me when I start to stray, I would have been gone long ago. Fact of the matter is, you need these guys to give you shit, to call you out and utterly embarrass your candy-ass excuses as to why you should throw that wad of shit in your lip.
There is a lot of time invested in supporting you and your efforts. Nothing will strip away the respect you gain faster than a cave. Respect needs to be earned here. It is not given. You did not gain my respect when you said that your were typing your introduction with a lipper in....talk about a slap in the face. You want me to support you and your quit but as you ask for my support you are still using the very thing that you want me to help you eliminate from your life? Not worth my time kid. Moving on to someone that can actually use my help!
Now that you have come back and told me you are through day 1 and headed into day 2, now you got my attention. Now you get a chance to earn my respect. Now you get to earn the respect from others. Don't fuck it up!
Post up in November. Do it daily. Be as commited to your quit as you are to your soon-to-be wife.
Now that is somebody I can support.
And don't worry about Dean. From what I have heard from his wife, he has a small dick!
-
Well, sorry Dean, I wasn't dropped on my head, I simply don't read stuff from guys with wads of shit still in their mouth.
You know me well enough to know that reading me literally is the wrong approach, Glenn. ;) I'm just breaking balls.
But yeah...we can see a Reds game.
Now if there is a Reds game in order, count me in......
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
I mean honestly dude, yeah, post up roll for a few days. Show everybody ur really committed and then you can go about with all your stories. Cause right now they are just stories.
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
I mean honestly dude, yeah, post up roll for a few days. Show everybody ur really committed and then you can go about with all your stories. Cause right now they are just stories.
Life is full or ironies...
As I'm reading through this thread I happen to be listening to my iPod on shuffle... the song that's playing in my ears right now???
Big Talk by Warrant
Back street fight is looking for trouble
If you open your mouth You're bound to rumble
Johnny looks tough He's froze in the eyes
He keeps his mouth shut He don't tell no lies
Johhny went out last night Got in a barroom fight
Embarrassed a jealous man in front of his cheatin' wife
The man said "Tonight you won But I tell you son
This one's far from over" Johnny said...
CHORUS:
Big talk is just cheap talk unless Unless you're backin' it up
Big talk is cheap talk Only words
Unless you're backin' it up Backin' it up
I don't know why some men lay down and die
Don't they believe in what they are sayin'
You should get on your fee Believe you can't be beat
Remember talk is only playin'
CHORUS:
I remember what my old man used to say WE'RE BACKIN' IT UP
Never give up and run WE'RE BACKIN' IT UP
Don't let the talkin' breeze blow you away
Always remember Stick to your guns
Talk time's over my friend... time to get r done.
-
sniff, sniff
'horsecrap' 'horsecrap' 'horsecrap' 'horsecrap' 'horsecrap'
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
I mean honestly dude, yeah, post up roll for a few days. Show everybody ur really committed and then you can go about with all your stories. Cause right now they are just stories.
Life is full or ironies...
As I'm reading through this thread I happen to be listening to my iPod on shuffle... the song that's playing in my ears right now???
Big Talk by Warrant
Back street fight is looking for trouble
If you open your mouth You're bound to rumble
Johnny looks tough He's froze in the eyes
He keeps his mouth shut He don't tell no lies
Johhny went out last night Got in a barroom fight
Embarrassed a jealous man in front of his cheatin' wife
The man said "Tonight you won But I tell you son
This one's far from over" Johnny said...
CHORUS:
Big talk is just cheap talk unless Unless you're backin' it up
Big talk is cheap talk Only words
Unless you're backin' it up Backin' it up
I don't know why some men lay down and die
Don't they believe in what they are sayin'
You should get on your fee Believe you can't be beat
Remember talk is only playin'
CHORUS:
I remember what my old man used to say WE'RE BACKIN' IT UP
Never give up and run WE'RE BACKIN' IT UP
Don't let the talkin' breeze blow you away
Always remember Stick to your guns
Talk time's over my friend... time to get r done.
Fuck yeah, Chewie! My little Cherry Pie.
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
2. Aaron: Those of us who care about helping people quit are actually taking the time to read your posts. If you do not stay quit, I am going to very, very upset that I wasted my time reading your weird-ass shit. Stay quit. Or be destroyed.
3. Stretch: Please stop talking to my wife whilst banging her.
-
well here is some newbie quit advice, that has worked for all of us here........
DONT FUCKIN DIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! surgery poverty homelessness empty gas tanks unemployment, whats that have to do with taking a willfull action and placing a dip in your manpleaser?
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
2. Aaron: Those of us who care about helping people quit are actually taking the time to read your posts. If you do not stay quit, I am going to very, very upset that I wasted my time reading your weird-ass shit. Stay quit. Or be destroyed.
3. Stretch: Please stop talking to my wife whilst banging her.
Typical "Dean the Cunt" fashion.......Priceless!
And for the record she always starts the conversations!
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
-
Where did this douche go?
-
Where did this douche go?
Yeah............note to self, don't waste your time with douche bags
-
My apologies for being absent.
Didn't cave, didn't have money, transportation, or the time.
Rolled out of bed yesterday and spent from that moment until three in the morning working, only stopping to eat and take bathroom breaks. Had to work on the car. Wrong parts. So, I started work on the three computers I've got to work on.
Problem, problem, problem. I finally got one diagnosed, and sat down to watch a few minutes of Twilight at three in the morning.
I didn't even think about dip yesterday. Working my ass off is a great deterrent.
As a consequence of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I really don't care to think about dip today either. Rolling out of bed on four hours of sleep and not really being able to think much at all anyway is also a good deterrent, but it can't be good for you... or safe, since I still have a car to put back together.
'boob' - I want a digital wrist watch that will display this as the background to the watch face... Wait, I just got a better idea...
-
My apologies for being absent.
Didn't cave, didn't have money, transportation, or the time.
Rolled out of bed yesterday and spent from that moment until three in the morning working, only stopping to eat and take bathroom breaks. Had to work on the car. Wrong parts. So, I started work on the three computers I've got to work on.
Problem, problem, problem. I finally got one diagnosed, and sat down to watch a few minutes of Twilight at three in the morning.
I didn't even think about dip yesterday. Working my ass off is a great deterrent.
As a consequence of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I really don't care to think about dip today either. Rolling out of bed on four hours of sleep and not really being able to think much at all anyway is also a good deterrent, but it can't be good for you... or safe, since I still have a car to put back together.
'boob' - I want a digital wrist watch that will display this as the background to the watch face... Wait, I just got a better idea...
You are one giant sack of shit excuse, aren't you?
Sounds like your Twilight viewing could have been replaced with a good KTC viewing. Probably takes less time to post roll too.
If anybody wasn't already, we should all be convinced now. I think your just like that Marlene chick on fight club that goes to support groups because she's psycho and all effed up in the head.
What time is your cervical cancer support group tonight?
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
I dont know what to think of this Glenn. I wouldnt have pictured you as a Buety School Dropout kind of guy. I think my opinion of you has changed.
Comingbackdown: You are still a POS.
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
I dont know what to think of this Glenn. I wouldnt have pictured you as a Buety School Dropout kind of guy. I think my opinion of you has changed.
Comingbackdown: You are still a POS.
Real men listen to the soundtrack from Grease.
I also have at least one Spice Girls song on there.
-
The posting on this topic help me to realize that I made the right decision... I hope you do choose to stay quit... as a fellow member of november you have to stay quit! Dont waste my time please bc I am reading everything I can get my eyes to focus on! Stay Quit!
Halfway through day 4! Holla!
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
I dont know what to think of this Glenn. I wouldnt have pictured you as a Buety School Dropout kind of guy. I think my opinion of you has changed.
Comingbackdown: You are still a POS.
Real men listen to the soundtrack from Grease.
I also have at least one Spice Girls song on there.
Glenn, I too am a fan of Grease.....1 and 2. :o
-
My apologies for being absent.
Didn't cave, didn't have money, transportation, or the time.
Rolled out of bed yesterday and spent from that moment until three in the morning working, only stopping to eat and take bathroom breaks. Had to work on the car. Wrong parts. So, I started work on the three computers I've got to work on.
Problem, problem, problem. I finally got one diagnosed, and sat down to watch a few minutes of Twilight at three in the morning.
I didn't even think about dip yesterday. Working my ass off is a great deterrent.
As a consequence of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I really don't care to think about dip today either. Rolling out of bed on four hours of sleep and not really being able to think much at all anyway is also a good deterrent, but it can't be good for you... or safe, since I still have a car to put back together.
'boob'Â - I want a digital wrist watch that will display this as the background to the watch face... Wait, I just got a better idea...
You are one giant sack of shit excuse, aren't you?
Sounds like your Twilight viewing could have been replaced with a good KTC viewing. Probably takes less time to post roll too.
If anybody wasn't already, we should all be convinced now. I think your just like that Marlene chick on fight club that goes to support groups because she's psycho and all effed up in the head.
What time is your cervical cancer support group tonight?
That's enough, sir. I don't need the insults.
I'm doing just fine at avoiding the crave, and haven't come anywhere near caving.
Even seeing someone buying a can makes me want to take it from them and pour it out on the floor... Just the sight of it makes me sick!
I have NO IDEA how I EVER wound up doing that nasty shit in the first place.
'bang head' Why the hell did I ever think that shit would be fun, or cool, or any of that shit?
My mouth is a mound of sores, and I can barely eat as it is.
That shit was absolutely fucking awful.
I'd never seen Twilight, didn't watch more than a half hour, and don't remember any of it now because I was too tired. I do have a job to do, my only source of income is working on these computers and working on cars. I'm trying very hard to meet a deadline, here.
I'm also kind of lost on how to post roll... I can't comprehend it. I'm not really all that fit to drive without about four cups of coffee in me either... I don't crave, but the dip fog is horrendous. I've never felt so disconnected or mind numbed... Reminds me of when I quit smoking reefer after doing it every day for four months... It's like... like you're not even in reality, you're just a spectator.
I can deal with everything else, but I treasure my mental ability most of all, and...
To be honest, not being able to use my mind as i usually do... I really just want to fucking punch something, repeatedly, as hard as I can. Fuck this shit, man. Why the fuck did ANY OF US ever put this shit in our brains? If we'd known that the moment we quit we'd start going through this purifying hell, would we have ever started in the first place?
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
Bump, cause you obviously haven't figured this out yet.
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
I dont know what to think of this Glenn. I wouldnt have pictured you as a Buety School Dropout kind of guy. I think my opinion of you has changed.
Comingbackdown: You are still a POS.
Real men listen to the soundtrack from Grease.
I also have at least one Spice Girls song on there.
Glenn, I too am a fan of Grease.....1 and 2. :o
Grease 2, Michell Pfeiffer in her heyday. Nice!
-
1. Chewie: I am not sure how to feel about you having Warrant in you iPod. My initial reaction is to feel embarrassed and kinda dirty.
My iPod knows no boundaries of embarrassment... it's ALL goo stuff on there.
As for Warrant specifically... all hail hair nation!!!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
I often wonder what people would say at the gym, if they knew for example, when, Beauty School Dropout, came on my ipod. :)
Serious, I have a couple of songs from Grease on there.
And many other ones I would care not to list.
Definitely some Warrant.
I dont know what to think of this Glenn. I wouldnt have pictured you as a Buety School Dropout kind of guy. I think my opinion of you has changed.
Comingbackdown: You are still a POS.
Real men listen to the soundtrack from Grease.
I also have at least one Spice Girls song on there.
Glenn, I too am a fan of Grease.....1 and 2. :o
Grease 2, Michell Pfeiffer in her heyday. Nice!
I want to be a cool rider! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-XUlWEjA84)
-
I ate a sandwich earlier, only to fight to not puke it back up when I decided to check the swelling in the cheek... There's a nice little lump there...
I pray, I hope... I need to talk to a doctor... It's not fear of death that gets to me, because if it comes down to it, I won't lose the fight. It's the fight that scares me.
I could lose everything I hold dear, and I'd rather not suffer that much.
Furthermore, I don't have insurance... So... Yeah... You don't want to know what's going through my mind. I'm actually starting to weird myself out a little bit.
You might be thinking "Why worry, just wait until you get to a doctor and know something" Well, my brain kind of thinks lightyears ahead of the present moment... I sit and have random things pop into my head that are a year down the road, that I won't need to worry about for a year, but I have them figured out already just because.
That can be a huge blessing. At the moment though, my head is spinning and I kind of wish I could go back to sleep.
I don't care about your sandwich. I promise, I don't. What I do care about is that you post up your day 2 in November and stay quit for today. You can talk about your random stories that have no explanation, you can talk about your worried spots in your mouth, and share those worries with a bunch of other worried quitters too. Good on ya for at least posting up SOMETHING in november 09. That is your family. We will be tough on you. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Post roll, stay quit, it works. Ask anybody on this site and they'll agree.
Heres how to post roll:
WD's HOW TO POST ROLL CALL
FOR Newbies!!!
Prestep 1 - Go to your quit group, November 2009 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
For a graphical representation of these instructions, please visit http://www.killthecan.org/roll/ (http://www.killthecan.org/roll/)
Bump, cause you obviously haven't figured this out yet.
Thanks, brother. Now I've got it. I was quite lost there.
Still nic free.
Day by day, I keep beating it.
One of my fears has come to life though. Without nicotine, my sleep schedule has turned into a Lovecraft novel... Insanity... I can't sleep for shit. Sometimes, the only thing that will kill the craving (and this is just fucked up, since I used to always have a cigarette then ages back) is COFFEE. HUGE-ASS cup of coffee.
I do my absolute best to do that only during the day. However, even though the caffeine was out of me last night, and my fiancee had been down so I was on my feet all day, I was dead tired but couldn't sleep. I was also dead tired for another good reason...
Sidebar:
If only it happened enough... One of the sigs I read... If this were my sig, instead of saying "Caving is not an option, Do something else."
It would say "Caving is not an option, make love instead."
Amazingly, I only craved for one single moment today.
Exercise is good. I mowed well over an acre of ground with a pushmower, self-propelled, so it isn't light. I was all ready for a rage... So, I raged. "This piece of shit could not move any slower... I'm not even breaking a sweat in direct sunlight! This is fucking pointless!" So, I disengaged the drive wheels, and used my own propulsion. I ran behind that fucker. I mowed that acre of ground in under an hour, open ground, trimming, and all. I raged, and made use of my rage.
Now I am tired as shit, my entire body aches (some was from yesterday
:D but I just made it all hurt much, much worse) and even my mind is begging me for sleep, which never happens. Do I feel anywhere near able to sleep?
Answer: No.
Did I ever think that I'd be unable to sleep if I quit dipping?
Nope.
Y'know what I wish? I wish the nic bitch would pop up in human form in front of me. They would never find the nic bitch... The nic bitch would be nothing but aerosolized particles in the atmosphere.
She's like a puff of smoke in the wind. There one moment, gone the next, never staying still long enough to be caught.
But, I REFUSE to give in. Nic bitch, FUCK OFF AND DIE! F.O.A.D.
Every time I beat a craving, the nic bitch gets one lash of the whip...
I was worried that I'd cave under emotional stress, but I found out I'm just as much of a stubborn asshole as I've always been. Why cave when you can be stubborn and not cave? Why cave when, in your mind, the nic bitch is wailing and cursing you... Why cave when you can imagine that misery and take pleasure in it?
(Yes, I'm a sadistic bastard, but the nic bitch as a living thing only exists in my mind. That really doesn't make me look any nicer, does it?)
Now, to TRY to sleep. I wish I had a beer. Even before the nic bitch entered my life, I could always drink a beer and sleep in peace. Luckily for me, beer has no association with the nic bitch, since my parents basically told me I'd have a beer bottle up my asshole if ever they found me with one on their property. Lately, I haven't been able to acquire any... Maybe, when my friend comes by to hang later in the week, if I can find one, I'll enjoy it and sleep, with him around to make sure I'm alright.
Am I afraid of caving? No. For the nic bitch to win, I'd be looking at about, oh... Seven, eight, beers. By that point, all bets are off... for the moment, anyway. Eventually, my will will be unbreakable.
-
I was just doing some thinking...
Three thoughts:
I wish I'd quit earlier. I wish I'd quit smoking earlier than I did. I wish I'd quit dipping earlier than I did. I wish I'd stay quit with both of those the first time, but I didn't. I'd already stopped smoking again when I came here, and then began the dip quit. I wish I'd never even bought that first pack, or that first can...
I didn't think it was cool or anything until after I started dipping.
None of my close friends were dippers, and I tried to get someone to join me.
I thought "Fuck... They're missing out on all the Skoal Straight goodness."
"C'mon, man. One won't kill you. Have a dip. You're missing the epic flavor, man. Feels good."
Now, I look back on that... I'm a net geek, maybe you know where this one comes from, maybe not... EPIC FAIL! I did get someone to join me after a while... and now he's struggling. I was hooked good. It took him ages to be able to stand Straight dip. I had a can of Longhorn Long Cut in one of my broke-and-desperate phases. I offered, he had to go home soon and didn't want his parents to go ballistic. So, no. But then he bought a can of it once his current can of Grizz ran out. He said it "Tastes like my dad's fucking shoes. How can you stand that shit? Wintergreen is alright, but... Sweaty shoe leather? Fuck that." If I could take back one horrid, awful decision from my life, it wouldn't be any of the ones that almost got me killed, or almost got me arrested. It wouldn't be any of the ones that hurt my family, or lost me friends until I cleaned up my act. It would be that one, in my early days, when he said "Dude, can I get some of your chew? My parents will flip if I come home with a smoke in my hand, and I need another good hit." I said "Sure, man. Take a pinch. It's gonna burn though, but you'll get used to it." Grizzly Long Cut Wintergreen... and from then on, dip was on his mind...
Final thought:
I just hope they'll all forgive me... I hope once my friend is quit, he'll forgive me for introducing him to that demon in a can... I'm a Christian man, fundamental independent baptist, and so is my fiancee. Both of us hold the same belief on where we're going should we be called home. I just hope and pray every day, besides praying for her safety and mine, every day, I say "Lord, please... I don't want either one of us to die young. Please, don't let that happen, and... I could still be killed by this. Years down the road, I could have an odd spot in my mouth and wind up on my death bed before I know what's happening. Please... I don't want to lay there saying goodbye to her, knowing that I wouldn't be there if not for that first dip."
I have my trophy can here. I emptied it of its half a can contents when I started my quit. I was a connoisuer, so I have a good eight different flavors and five different brands laying around. It's just a reminder... It doesn't tempt me. It reminds me "I spent that much money, did that much damage, and here I stand winning the battle of my life." My last can was Skoal Vanilla Blend, a departure from my normal obsession with Straight. "This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes." Fuck that. Lies. This product is not safe at all. If you have so much as a brain cell intact, you will put this shit down NOW and run from it like running from the devil himself. Is it peer pressure? If so, take your friend's can of death and LITERALLY shove it straight up their ass so far they'll be able to cough it up in the morning. You don't need this.
Would kids really start doing this if they knew? If they knew how painful it is to quit in the first place? Sore mouth, dry mouth, bleeding gums, rotting teeth... If they knew the pain of mouth cancer, would they? Fuck... I had a sore mouth when I was still dipping. Now it's like I drank a glass of acid. My mouth is a bomb-cratered battleground. Would they start?
I wanna talk to some kids or some shit... I want to tell them what they're in for if they start this... Tell them... "Quitting hurts, yes. The cravings may drive you nuts. You may go batshit on somebody you love and literally make them hate you because they just don't understand how horrible you feel. Your mouth may look like you stuck it into a piranha tank. But, after you've been quit a few days, you'll think "Why did I do this? Why?" This, kids, is my second quit. When I caved when I quit months ago, I realized the moment I did that this stuff is awful, and how bad it really is for you. *describes how shitty I felt* If anybody in this room is already a slave to this can, let me tell you... That first bad spot in your mouth that you see it and go "Is that cancer?" Your heart will freeze and skip a beat, and the OH SHIT button will not be pressed, it will be hit so hard it breaks. You have a choice. Quit, or die. Quitting might be unpleasant, but am I right that losing part of you and then dying in pain would be worse?"
I wish I could do something... I have no idea who to ask. It's not like I have the balls to just walk up to a teacher and go "Hey, can I chat with your students about how bad tobacco is?" If they said yes, alright. However, those kids would HATE me. They would go home and have nightmares. Some, who knew smokers or dippers would browbeat them until they were ready to spit on them or put their cigarette out on them (I've narrowly dodged both in my time) others would go home and have nightmares.
What should I do?
-
I have my trophy can here. I emptied it of its half a can contents when I started my quit. I was a connoisuer, so I have a good eight different flavors and five different brands laying around. It's just a reminder... It doesn't tempt me. It reminds me "I spent that much money, did that much damage, and here I stand winning the battle of my life." My last can was Skoal Vanilla Blend, a departure from my normal obsession with Straight. "This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes." Fuck that. Lies. This product is not safe at all. If you have so much as a brain cell intact, you will put this shit down NOW and run from it like running from the devil himself. Is it peer pressure? If so, take your friend's can of death and LITERALLY shove it straight up their ass so far they'll be able to cough it up in the morning. You don't need this.
What should I do?
This is stupid and a recipe for disaster... I know you feel like you're being a big tough quitter by keeping your can around but you're not. You're setting yourself up for a cave. Get rid of this now.
What should you do? Quit... and get rid of that damn can.
chewie
-
I have my trophy can here. I emptied it of its half a can contents when I started my quit. I was a connoisuer, so I have a good eight different flavors and five different brands laying around. It's just a reminder... It doesn't tempt me. It reminds me "I spent that much money, did that much damage, and here I stand winning the battle of my life." My last can was Skoal Vanilla Blend, a departure from my normal obsession with Straight. "This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes." Fuck that. Lies. This product is not safe at all. If you have so much as a brain cell intact, you will put this shit down NOW and run from it like running from the devil himself. Is it peer pressure? If so, take your friend's can of death and LITERALLY shove it straight up their ass so far they'll be able to cough it up in the morning. You don't need this.
What should I do?
This is stupid and a recipe for disaster... I know you feel like you're being a big tough quitter by keeping your can around but you're not. You're setting yourself up for a cave. Get rid of this now.
What should you do? Quit... and get rid of that damn can.
chewie
P.S. - Are you still not getting the whole roll call thing, CBD? You've been given the instructions, you said you were starting to understand in a previous post, and you have yet to post up your days. You "kinda" did a couple days ago, but it was done incorrectly. That's ok, though cause we can fix it for you. But you at least need to go post something up in November 2009 EVERY DAMN DAY because that's what we do. Otherwise, your just spinning your wheels on some random site.
Go post up your name and quit date ASAP. Then, tomorrow morning, repeat.
-
I have my trophy can here. I emptied it of its half a can contents when I started my quit. I was a connoisuer, so I have a good eight different flavors and five different brands laying around. It's just a reminder... It doesn't tempt me. It reminds me "I spent that much money, did that much damage, and here I stand winning the battle of my life." My last can was Skoal Vanilla Blend, a departure from my normal obsession with Straight. "This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes." Fuck that. Lies. This product is not safe at all. If you have so much as a brain cell intact, you will put this shit down NOW and run from it like running from the devil himself. Is it peer pressure? If so, take your friend's can of death and LITERALLY shove it straight up their ass so far they'll be able to cough it up in the morning. You don't need this.
What should I do?
This is stupid and a recipe for disaster... I know you feel like you're being a big tough quitter by keeping your can around but you're not. You're setting yourself up for a cave. Get rid of this now.
What should you do? Quit... and get rid of that damn can.
chewie
They're all empty. It's a reminder... a painful one, of the cost of what I've done.
Also, I have enough money to buy a cheap roll. Have I? No. Will I? No. If I were to buy even one can, that would mean I would lose an entire day to spend with my fiancee. No dip is worth that. None.
-
I feel like shit... Not knowing it, I just raged on my fiancee.
I feel... horrible... How do I control it, or where can I displace it to when there's nobody else around?
-
I feel like shit... Not knowing it, I just raged on my fiancee.
I feel... horrible... How do I control it, or where can I displace it to when there's nobody else around?
Dude, get into your November group and post this stuff. Get some numbers from them and start calling people that understand exactly how you feel. If you need a number, send me a PM and it's yours. Just do some networking and you will find strength in numbers.
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I feel like shit... Not knowing it, I just raged on my fiancee.
I feel... horrible... How do I control it, or where can I displace it to when there's nobody else around?
Dude, get into your November group and post this stuff. Get some numbers from them and start calling people that understand exactly how you feel. If you need a number, send me a PM and it's yours. Just do some networking and you will find strength in numbers.
Go here: index.php?showtopic=2596 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596)
Talk... bitch... complain. Get phone numbers... talk to quitters.
Do not take this out on your family. It's not their fault you were a dumbass for so many years.
Go to LIVE CHAT (http://www.killthecan.org/chat/index.php) and talk to some quitters...
Oh yeah... post roll. Do it daily.
-
Just posted roll... Almost forgot it. It's been a buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy
day.
aaaaaaaand the moment the next roll post comes up, I'll be on it.
Sheeit.
Body too tired,
Day too long.
Smell of incense,
Sound of song.
Peeeeeeeace.
-
I'm 23 and I have quit the shit once. I've been chewing and dipping since 15 and about 4 years ago I went on a cruise to to the bahammas and didn't bring any kodiack with me. I couldn't find any there to save my life and got frustrated. I decided to quit, and had made it for almost a whole year with out dippin. Then I started a new job and couldn't resist the bear after taking one from a friend. I want to give it another try, but the bear just grabs me by the lip everymorning. The closest I've come to quiting recently was only 1 pinch in a day. I usually do a can in a half or two cans of grizzly or kodiack a day. I am wondering if there is any way possible to get through the first day again besides spending a lot of money on a cruise. If worse comes to worse I may try locking my self in a room for a whole weekend. It would probably be worth it on my mouth.
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I'm 23 and I have quit the shit once. I've been chewing and dipping since 15 and about 4 years ago I went on a cruise to to the bahammas and didn't bring any kodiack with me. I couldn't find any there to save my life and got frustrated. I decided to quit, and had made it for almost a whole year with out dippin. Then I started a new job and couldn't resist the bear after taking one from a friend. I want to give it another try, but the bear just grabs me by the lip everymorning. The closest I've come to quiting recently was only 1 pinch in a day. I usually do a can in a half or two cans of grizzly or kodiack a day. I am wondering if there is any way possible to get through the first day again besides spending a lot of money on a cruise. If worse comes to worse I may try locking my self in a room for a whole weekend. It would probably be worth it on my mouth.
Yes it's possible to get through the first day without going on a cruise!!! Go join the November quit group and post roll promising that you will not dip for today, tomorrow you wake up and post roll that you will not dip. Our motto is one day at a time, worry about not dipping today and let tomorrow take care of itself!!! The nicotene withdrawals only last 3 days, after that the nic is out of your system and it's all mental after that.
Here are some links that may help...
Be sure and visit the welcome center, it will provide you with a ton of informationÂ…..
index.php?showforum=13 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
Your quit group is November 09... here ....
index.php?showtopic=2596st=0 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596&st=0)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Roll call, why we do it your word by LOOT.
index.php?showtopic=120 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=120)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
A how to get started by Remy:
index.php?showtopic=1360 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=1360)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=+
How to post roll.
index.php?showtopic=50 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=50)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How to Post ROLL CALL - Roll Call Instructions
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
If you need anything else, give me a shout.
-
I'm 23 and I have quit the shit once. I've been chewing and dipping since 15 and about 4 years ago I went on a cruise to to the bahammas and didn't bring any kodiack with me. I couldn't find any there to save my life and got frustrated. I decided to quit, and had made it for almost a whole year with out dippin. Then I started a new job and couldn't resist the bear after taking one from a friend. I want to give it another try, but the bear just grabs me by the lip everymorning. The closest I've come to quiting recently was only 1 pinch in a day. I usually do a can in a half or two cans of grizzly or kodiack a day. I am wondering if there is any way possible to get through the first day again besides spending a lot of money on a cruise. If worse comes to worse I may try locking my self in a room for a whole weekend. It would probably be worth it on my mouth.
You can do this, brother.
Pitch the shit, gather around anything you can think of to keep you relaxed that won't cause any sort of problem (If you enjoy booze, it's not a great idea to hoist a few when you start your quit. Stuff like that, y'know?) put your game face on, and we're here for you.
Post roll.
Always post roll.
We have your back, brother.
Take the nicotine bitch by the ear and show her what you're made of.
-
As I said in my quit group... God is good...
I didn't have a chance to even THINK about caving today... I was up LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE last night working on my computer, and at 2:30 in the afternoon, I heard my name being hollered up the stairs. "IT'S 2:30! GET OUT OF BED!" I had to be showered, shaved, dressed, check the oil and at least one set of lugs on my car, and out the driveway by three. I was late leaving by eight minutes.
Movie night... Church get together, watching Meet The Robinsons.
I had to pick up my fiancee and we had to get there... We got there around fifteen minutes late, because we left at 3:50, when it started at 4:00.
We left late because of what happened to me... Not more than about a football field and a half from her driveway, there is a very sharp, very gnarly decreasing radius curve. I was coming around it doing just over the speed limit, like, maybe 2 mph over. Road was wet. I have taken that curve at least fifty different times when it was SOAKED and it made no difference... Today, it did...
I felt the tire start to slip half way into the curve. It stopped, and I dropped a good 5 mph with a quick tap of the brakes. A split second later, about 3/4 of the way through the curve, the right tire slips loose, and the car starts to turn. The right tire hits the edge, goes off into the gravel... At this point, I'm off the gas, no braking, just desperately trying to steer her back up onto the road.
No go. The ass end of the car is already turned too far. I have three options.
A. Keep going dead straight, try to steer, slide sideways, run into a road sign and destroy at least one window and probably the passenger's side unibody rail (she's in bad shape).
B. Let the wheel go, and roll the car before the sign (and it was already starting to tip that way. She was gonna roll like a pair of dice)
C. Crank the wheel and fly off the road dead straight.
Since she was already tipping, and I didn't think I'd be driving once I hit the sign (and would rather replace suspension components than a door, autoglass, and have to weld a unibody rail back together) I chose option C.
I flew off into the field, and landed with a loud thud, skidded a good hundred feet or more in the mud. Realized I was fine, slammed it into first gear, did a careful launch instead of dumping the clutch since I was in a muddy field, and spun the tires at the edge of the road after nosing up the hill.
Steering wheel is tweaked to the left, she pulls to the left hard if you hit a good sized bump or pothole, and the wheel shudders (it already shuddered)
I cleaned a fucking shit ton of soybean leaves (no major destruction, thank God, just random leaves PLASTERED against my radiator... which made my coolant begin to boil over... lovely... but it's fine) out from under the hood, checked her over. Struts and strut towers show no structural damage. CV Joints/Half-shafts look alright structurally. Control arms are structurally sound, may be slightly bent. Tires haven't noticably lost air, though I know they had to have lost at least a few PSI from the impact, but the beads are intact. Rims are good. Found out one set of brake pads is in need of replacement.
Couldn't see the steering box, or get a detailed view of the ball joints. Suspension links were out of my view. However...
My guess as to what's causing the steering/shudder/etc. (and there's a clunk that was there, it got louder)
I'm thinking:
Bent and/or damaged tie rod?
Damaged steering box?
Broken suspension link? (Which I've had before, and that made it seriously pull on potholes and such)
Maybe some twisted/broken belts in the tires?
If there's anything else you can think of, I'd welcome suggestions.
Also, it pulled to the left when the suspension was fully intact. Now it pulls harder to the left, like, twice as fast as it used to.
So, aside from the story and the questions... One more question...
How am I going to tell my parents about this?
I'm supposed to take my fiancee home from church in the morning, and stay with her all day. What the fuck am I supposed to tell them? Am I going to get "YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" or "I'm glad you're alright..."
My fiancee cried... I was in shock... Glad to be alive... I was laughing like a psychopath on crack... Kind of like the insane laugh John McClane had in Die Hard... I took her in my arms after she told me "That's... not funny" I told her "No, it's not, but... I hope you never have to experience this feeling... This insane, almost psychotic "I'm still alive and my car isn't totaled" feeling... I'm sorry... I'm just glad I'm here..."
I didn't post roll this morning, or today, because I had to be out the door and didn't have net access, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I'm really sorry I didn't post until I got home... I ask your forgiveness, brothers.
I'm just so glad to be alive... I wasn't even afraid, just dead calm... Until I got back on the road... Then I thought "Oh FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! Somebody might, just might call the cops, and that is a citable offense, unfortunately. I gotta get the hell outta here... NOW."
I really am glad to be alive... and now I'm kind of losing my cool...