KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: LA Kevin on January 02, 2015, 05:57:00 PM
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I started this garbage when I was 15. I remember it like it was yesterday - Hawken. I don't know if they even make it anymore. Anyway, I moved quickly to Skoal and have been there ever since. I always told myself I'm not going to be doing this when I'm a middle-aged man. But I just turned 40 and have been doing it ever since. Made a few serious attempts to stop over the years - got to 90 days once.
I know it sounds crazy but it just hit me the other day that I've been doing this crap for 25 years. That's a quarter of a century and it's like 5 times as long as some people who have gotten oral cancer have dipped. I'm a relatively smart guy but I never subtracted 15 from 40 (in this context) until very recently. The last time I remember doing that calculation, it was like 15 years since I started.
What pisses me off is what liars we become when we're addicted to this stuff. Hiding stuff all over the place. Coming up with excuses to run errands for my fiance because I needed to get out of the house in the comfort and SOLITUDE of my car. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and I've been to AA meetings with him and I've heard people say that your addictions want you alone. It's because they are evil like the devil. They don't want you to have friends, they don't want you close to family members, they don't want you happy. They want you dependent on them. What's weird is that I never really considered nicotine an addiction. I think I rationalized it by saying that it's not ruining my life like alcohol is ruining lives or like cocaine or other hard street drugs are ruining people's lives. I have a job. I'm responsible. I'm functioning. But in reality I haven't been functioning. I've been getting through what I needed to get through to get to my next dip. I've done a bunch of stuff half-assed over the years (work, relationships, etc) because I just needed to get out of there (whatever "there" was).
But I'm going to quit this time. I'm determined. I took out my last dip around 11:00 am PST on Sunday December 28, 2014. So, I'm more than 5 full days into my recovery. Wish me luck.
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LAKevin, what you have wrote is what we all know all too well. You are in the right place. What we do here is pledge our abstinence from nicotine on a daily basis.
Read all the newbie info pages, check out the HOF speeches, Words of Wisdom, and all the good stuff KTC has to offer. You need to make your way over to April 2015 group and post roll. If you do so today, you would put day 5 as your quit day. Just read everything. If you have questions, your intro is the place to ask it. There is also a live chat room. There is a link on the right side of the page. There is usually people in there.
Whatever you think about your quit, you are amongst friends here. There is nothing we won't understand when it comes to what your feeling or dealing with. I came here after Labor Day and been quit for 123 days. Welcome to KTC. Mike (soxfnn)
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Your 3rd paragraph hits home so much it gives me chills. a lot of guys are going to come by here and give you a lot of inspiration and a lot of instruction. Listen to them they've been at it for a long time I'm myself and only at 46 days. were all addicts here. We've all been there and have went or are going through it. Pm me if you need a #. Its all about support here.
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Strong Intro, Kevin. We had a discussion about it in November '14 group late last year. You'd be surprised how many guys on here quit at 40 +/- a few years. I quit in August. Turned 40 in November. 25 years.
This site will get you where you want to go if you use it and embrace the tools available. The program is pretty simple: Post roll everyday promising your quit group and the rest of the members you won't dip. Then don't dip. Same thing tomorrow.
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Your 3rd paragraph hits home so much it gives me chills. a lot of guys are going to come by here and give you a lot of inspiration and a lot of instruction. Listen to them they've been at it for a long time I'm myself and only at 46 days. were all addicts here. We've all been there and have went or are going through it. Pm me if you need a #. Its all about support here.
Everything Kevin wrote could have came from my experiences. We are the only ones that can help each other get through the day.
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Kevin, it looks like you've posted roll - almost got it right. There are instructions on the top of the roll post that will help you out.
Your story rings true with me as well, and with many of us here. We were liars, cheats, and bastards. We did everything wrong, but thought it was so right.
Keep coming back day after day, and you ill begin to feel that sense of freedom really coming on. Keep your word once you post roll, then rinse and repeat in the morning. It's simple, but it can be hard. We're here to help. PM me if you need a number.
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Good to see you made it here, Kevin.
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I hate that POS addict inside me as well Kevin and I want to rip him out and kick his ass with you. Day 2 for me lets do this. Glad to quit with you.
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Great intro, Kevin. The part about our addictions wanting us all alone is so unbelievably on point. It's just another piece of the huge web of lies that we spin in order to keep using.
I'm encouraged that you see the issue for what it truly is - an addiction - and that you know or at least have a good sense of what you're in for here.
We are never cured. We will never beat our addiction. We just make a choice each day to control it so that it no longer controls us.
Please, dive in headfirst here. Put every last iota of your being into your Quit. Put your head down and plow through the worst of the craves, fog, and nic rage. Pick your brothers up along the way when they need it, because I can absolutely guarantee that you will need them there, standing tall and ready to catch you one day.
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Kevin great job posting roll. Make that part of your morning routine. From reading your intro you definitely have what it takes to quit. Usually for a lot of us it's the realization that we are addicts. By that I mean quitting dip isn't a New Years Resolution/ quit for lent type of decision. This is not like dieting. This drug that we are addicted to is as addictive as any narcotic shy of heroin. So quitting takes a firm understanding on what you are up against. You seem to have that understanding. Not to get to ahead of myself, but remember it when you are further down the road...10 days, 20 days, 100 days. Because all of us will always be addicts to dip. Great start Kevin, keep posting your thoughts here. I will be interested in what you have to say.
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Kevin great job posting roll. Make that part of your morning routine. From reading your intro you definitely have what it takes to quit. Usually for a lot of us it's the realization that we are addicts. By that I mean quitting dip isn't a New Years Resolution/ quit for lent type of decision. This is not like dieting. This drug that we are addicted to is as addictive as any narcotic shy of heroin. So quitting takes a firm understanding on what you are up against. You seem to have that understanding. Not to get to ahead of myself, but remember it when you are further down the road...10 days, 20 days, 100 days. Because all of us will always be addicts to dip. Great start Kevin, keep posting your thoughts here. I will be interested in what you have to say.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm on to Day 6 here and it's getting just a tiny bit easier. The past few mornings I've woken up about 6:00 and really needing some nicotine. I resisted, went to grab some coffee, took a walk, etc. But today I woke up and the the craving wasn't there like it had been. It was there but it was weaker and it was shorter. Just kind of told myself no and then forgot about it. Great feeling to start the day.
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You have made it through the worst individual days, congratulations! But for me weeks 2 and 3 were difficult because of the ongoing aspect -- it felt like a marathon at times. Advice that helped me include: exercise regularly; eat easily digestible comfort food (oatmeal; vegetables; potatoes; etc); and keep gum and seeds handy. I even found fake dip at Walmart, and that helped with some of the cravings, especially during quiet evenings at the office and during long drives.
The daily posting and occasional text messages with other members helps me. If you need a contact, don't hesitate to send a PM.
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Feeling great today. Went for a long run and got back, guzzled some water and gatorade, and flipped on the NFL Playoffs. Man, after a workout with sports on tv was prime dipping time for me but not today! Feeling too good.
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Had a little taste of Freedom today after I went for a long run. Came back and usually it's guzzle some water and gatorade and then head straight for old friend Skoal Mint. Well today I ran an extra mile or two, had my water and gatorade and then had 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on my patio without even thinking about nicotine. I was just spacing out, catching my breath and enjoying the sunny LA afternoon. Then it came back and I've been fighting it a bit but that few minutes has me motivated to keep it going. Maybe next week I'll have 15 minutes after a run where I don't even think about the Nic Bitch!
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Had a little taste of Freedom today after I went for a long run. Came back and usually it's guzzle some water and gatorade and then head straight for old friend Skoal Mint. Well today I ran an extra mile or two, had my water and gatorade and then had 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on my patio without even thinking about nicotine. I was just spacing out, catching my breath and enjoying the sunny LA afternoon. Then it came back and I've been fighting it a bit but that few minutes has me motivated to keep it going. Maybe next week I'll have 15 minutes after a run where I don't even think about the Nic Bitch!
Great work! It smells like quit in here. Listen to all the vets, get active and protect your quit. The nic bitch will sneak up on you when you are not expecting, have a plan and get some phone numbers
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Had a little taste of Freedom today after I went for a long run. Came back and usually it's guzzle some water and gatorade and then head straight for old friend Skoal Mint. Well today I ran an extra mile or two, had my water and gatorade and then had 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on my patio without even thinking about nicotine. I was just spacing out, catching my breath and enjoying the sunny LA afternoon. Then it came back and I've been fighting it a bit but that few minutes has me motivated to keep it going. Maybe next week I'll have 15 minutes after a run where I don't even think about the Nic Bitch!
Great work! It smells like quit in here. Listen to all the vets, get active and protect your quit. The nic bitch will sneak up on you when you are not expecting, have a plan and get some phone numbers
There will soon come a day where nicotine thoughts will never enter your brain.
I promise.
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Had a little taste of Freedom today after I went for a long run. Came back and usually it's guzzle some water and gatorade and then head straight for old friend Skoal Mint. Well today I ran an extra mile or two, had my water and gatorade and then had 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on my patio without even thinking about nicotine. I was just spacing out, catching my breath and enjoying the sunny LA afternoon. Then it came back and I've been fighting it a bit but that few minutes has me motivated to keep it going. Maybe next week I'll have 15 minutes after a run where I don't even think about the Nic Bitch!
Great work! It smells like quit in here. Listen to all the vets, get active and protect your quit. The nic bitch will sneak up on you when you are not expecting, have a plan and get some phone numbers
There will soon come a day where nicotine thoughts will never enter your brain.
I promise.
Sounds like you on the right track! Post roll read and listen you will make it if you really want to! If you smart as you say you are listen to yourself and not the nic bitch! You got this shit! I'm an addict myself dipped 38 years been quit 11 days feel great! The only way I've made it is through help from all these guys!
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Had a little taste of Freedom today after I went for a long run. Came back and usually it's guzzle some water and gatorade and then head straight for old friend Skoal Mint. Well today I ran an extra mile or two, had my water and gatorade and then had 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on my patio without even thinking about nicotine. I was just spacing out, catching my breath and enjoying the sunny LA afternoon. Then it came back and I've been fighting it a bit but that few minutes has me motivated to keep it going. Maybe next week I'll have 15 minutes after a run where I don't even think about the Nic Bitch!
Great work! It smells like quit in here. Listen to all the vets, get active and protect your quit. The nic bitch will sneak up on you when you are not expecting, have a plan and get some phone numbers
There will soon come a day where nicotine thoughts will never enter your brain.
I promise.
Sounds like you on the right track! Post roll read and listen you will make it if you really want to! If you smart as you say you are listen to yourself and not the nic bitch! You got this shit! I'm an addict myself dipped 38 years been quit 11 days feel great! The only way I've made it is through help from all these guys!
Thanks, man. We have the same quit date! 11 days for me too....
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Kevin- great start to what is shaping up as an outstanding quit. Keep knocking down triggers one at a time, keep posting roll, keep recording your thoughts here in your intro- all positive things. You've made it through some of the toughest days but there are still hurdles to overcome. Take it one day at a time and keep killing it.
Quit with you.
Your intro about addiction is awesome...more people should read it because it's so damn true.
PM me if you need anything
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Had another nice peek about what post nicotine life can be if keep my word each day. The last couple or mornings my fiance has asked me to make her some juice using our new juicer when she woke up. Well, today I looked at the clock and it was almost time for her to get up (I had already been up a couple of hours) and I thought "well, I'm sure she's going to ask for a juice so I'll make one and bring it in to her." So that's what I did. And she looked at me in shock like "what the hell is this all about?"
It occurred to me after that usually I'm looking at the clock thinking "man, I hope she gets up and gets out of here quickly. I need a dip." I'm sure she senses that anxiety (pure panic some days I guess). Anyway, the point is that it was nice not to be pacing around waiting for her to get the hell out of the house so I could indulge my addiction.
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Had another nice peek about what post nicotine life can be if keep my word each day. The last couple or mornings my fiance has asked me to make her some juice using our new juicer when she woke up. Well, today I looked at the clock and it was almost time for her to get up (I had already been up a couple of hours) and I thought "well, I'm sure she's going to ask for a juice so I'll make one and bring it in to her." So that's what I did. And she looked at me in shock like "what the hell is this all about?"
It occurred to me after that usually I'm looking at the clock thinking "man, I hope she gets up and gets out of here quickly. I need a dip." I'm sure she senses that anxiety (pure panic some days I guess). Anyway, the point is that it was nice not to be pacing around waiting for her to get the hell out of the house so I could indulge my addiction.
Couldn't agree more. Happened to me last night when my lady went to the gym after the kids went to bed. The very first thought that ran through my head was "yes I can dip now!" (Insert Family Feud buzzer sound) That lasted about half a second and I squashed it. Not last night. Not today. Proud to quit and slowly rewire my brain with you today.
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Had another nice peek about what post nicotine life can be if keep my word each day. The last couple or mornings my fiance has asked me to make her some juice using our new juicer when she woke up. Well, today I looked at the clock and it was almost time for her to get up (I had already been up a couple of hours) and I thought "well, I'm sure she's going to ask for a juice so I'll make one and bring it in to her." So that's what I did. And she looked at me in shock like "what the hell is this all about?"
It occurred to me after that usually I'm looking at the clock thinking "man, I hope she gets up and gets out of here quickly. I need a dip." I'm sure she senses that anxiety (pure panic some days I guess). Anyway, the point is that it was nice not to be pacing around waiting for her to get the hell out of the house so I could indulge my addiction.
Couldn't agree more. Happened to me last night when my lady went to the gym after the kids went to bed. The very first thought that ran through my head was "yes I can dip now!" (Insert Family Feud buzzer sound) That lasted about half a second and I squashed it. Not last night. Not today. Proud to quit and slowly rewire my brain with you today.
After we quit we truly see how much time the Nic Bitch stole from us and our families. Life is simpler and sweeter being free from the slavery!
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Just had a nice run to celebrate my 30 days. Did about 5 miles and found a big set of stairs to run up and down in the middle of my route. Came home and used to reach straight for my Skoal but today just relaxed enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to reach for it.
I'm staying vigilant, posting every day, using the the few phone numbers of others who are in this fight. One thing I'm doing that might be helpful for others is that I'm trying to remind my brain every time I have a craving that it's not going to feel as good as my brain thinks it's going to feel. It's like my brain still thinks I'm going to have the dip I used to have back in '92 - the one that gave me a little buzz and made me feel invincible. Fortunately, another part of my brain knows that's NOT the dip I would have. The dip I would have is the one that makes me feel alone and isolated and like I failed...again. No thanks!
Proud to be quit today.
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Just had a nice run to celebrate my 30 days. Did about 5 miles and found a big set of stairs to run up and down in the middle of my route. Came home and used to reach straight for my Skoal but today just relaxed enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to reach for it.
I'm staying vigilant, posting every day, using the the few phone numbers of others who are in this fight. One thing I'm doing that might be helpful for others is that I'm trying to remind my brain every time I have a craving that it's not going to feel as good as my brain thinks it's going to feel. It's like my brain still thinks I'm going to have the dip I used to have back in '92 - the one that gave me a little buzz and made me feel invincible. Fortunately, another part of my brain knows that's NOT the dip I would have. The dip I would have is the one that makes me feel alone and isolated and like I failed...again. No thanks!
Proud to be quit today.
Hell yeah brother day 30 here with you! Awesome! Pm me get my digits if you want to celebrate with me in 5 years! Proud as hell to be quit with you!
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Just had a nice run to celebrate my 30 days. Did about 5 miles and found a big set of stairs to run up and down in the middle of my route. Came home and used to reach straight for my Skoal but today just relaxed enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to reach for it.
I'm staying vigilant, posting every day, using the the few phone numbers of others who are in this fight. One thing I'm doing that might be helpful for others is that I'm trying to remind my brain every time I have a craving that it's not going to feel as good as my brain thinks it's going to feel. It's like my brain still thinks I'm going to have the dip I used to have back in '92 - the one that gave me a little buzz and made me feel invincible. Fortunately, another part of my brain knows that's NOT the dip I would have. The dip I would have is the one that makes me feel alone and isolated and like I failed...again. No thanks!
Proud to be quit today.
Hell yeah brother day 30 here with you! Awesome! Pm me get my digits if you want to celebrate with me in 5 years! Proud as hell to be quit with you!
Well done Kevin. Congrats on 30 days. ODAAT. I'm quit with you today!
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100 Days! Congratulations on your induction to the HOF!
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2nd floor, congratulations man!
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2nd floor, congratulations man!
Congratulations my brother! See you at 300!