KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: gifty on April 09, 2018, 12:43:00 PM
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Hey all, I'm on my 2nd day quit after about 8 years of being a dipshit. I started out on Beechnut Wintergreen, Levi Garrett and then moved on to Copenhagen Wintergreen/Mint/Straight. It's really disturbing to me how nearly every memorable moment of the last 8 years of my life included a bitch named nicotine. Hunting with my friends, put a dip in. Sitting at my desk at work, put a dip in. Driving anywhere, put a dip in. I was slowly killing myself for no reason at all besides stupidity.
I ended up being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 7 years ago. Was it related to dipping? Who knows, but dipping was my "escape" from the issues that my condition came with. I continued dipping for 6 years as I went through every medication imaginable for my condition. In June of last year, after being on a downhill slide, the decision was made to remove my colon. It was about this time that I realized I had an addiction. I decided to "man up" and quit cold turkey. That lasted about a month until I had complications from the surgery. I decided to start dipping again because it "calmed me down" when times were stressful. I continued to dip until January 8, when I had a followup surgery. Again, I decided to "man up" and quit after the initial recovery process. I returned to work in early March and the first sign of stress sent me straight to the store for some Cope.
This leads me to where I am today. I'm just downright disgusted with myself for the choice that I made to ever even start dipping in the first place and I've proven to myself that I am weak and can't beat this addiction on my own. It's great knowing that there's a whole community of people just like me to lean on when a craving hits. I'm committed to sharing my promise first thing when I wake up in the morning and will be available for anyone needing support. Feel free to DM me anytime. I'm only on my 2nd quit, but the feeling of support has been more helpful than anything else. You guys rock!
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Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
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Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
I appreciate the welcome and advice. Luckily I'm not dealing with too bad of cravings at this point, just mentally preparing myself for when they hit and dealing with a nagging feeling that something is "missing" without a dip in.
I'm not craving it so much as just feeling bored without it. I generally just load up the forum when I get that feeling and by the time I skim through a few postings, it's gone. It's a simple thing, but it's worked well so far.
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Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
I appreciate the welcome and advice. Luckily I'm not dealing with too bad of cravings at this point, just mentally preparing myself for when they hit and dealing with a nagging feeling that something is "missing" without a dip in.
I'm not craving it so much as just feeling bored without it. I generally just load up the forum when I get that feeling and by the time I skim through a few postings, it's gone. It's a simple thing, but it's worked well so far.
Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
I appreciate the welcome and advice. Luckily I'm not dealing with too bad of cravings at this point, just mentally preparing myself for when they hit and dealing with a nagging feeling that something is "missing" without a dip in.
I'm not craving it so much as just feeling bored without it. I generally just load up the forum when I get that feeling and by the time I skim through a few postings, it's gone. It's a simple thing, but it's worked well so far.
Welcome to the July Quit Group. Day 14 for me. I flew through the first week and though hey this is not to bad. Then Day 11 and 12 came. My advice to you as use the digits you get and reach out to the other brothers for help.
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Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
I appreciate the welcome and advice. Luckily I'm not dealing with too bad of cravings at this point, just mentally preparing myself for when they hit and dealing with a nagging feeling that something is "missing" without a dip in.
I'm not craving it so much as just feeling bored without it. I generally just load up the forum when I get that feeling and by the time I skim through a few postings, it's gone. It's a simple thing, but it's worked well so far.
Welcome.
Nice job posting roll, and good on you for committing to posting roll early every morning.
The way I look at it, posting roll has become the ritual that has replaced grabbing that first dip in the morning. Posting roll first thing is part of me, just as the Grizz bear was part of me.
Drink a lot of water, that will help flush the nicotine out of your body. After day three, you should be clean. Then it's all mental after that.
When a crave hits, remember your promise. A crave lasts about four minutes. You can hold out for four minutes, right? After a while the crave intensity and frequency will decrease. But it will take a long time before they will completely cease. That's why I'm still posting roll 809 days later.
Proud to quit with you.
I appreciate the welcome and advice. Luckily I'm not dealing with too bad of cravings at this point, just mentally preparing myself for when they hit and dealing with a nagging feeling that something is "missing" without a dip in.
I'm not craving it so much as just feeling bored without it. I generally just load up the forum when I get that feeling and by the time I skim through a few postings, it's gone. It's a simple thing, but it's worked well so far.
Welcome to the July Quit Group. Day 14 for me. I flew through the first week and though hey this is not to bad. Then Day 11 and 12 came. My advice to you as use the digits you get and reach out to the other brothers for help.
Keep up the good work man and thanks for the welcome!
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Gifty,
Welcome to the group. We all have our reasons to quit but yours seem extremely compelling.
Here are some words of wisdom I like to share:
The main way to be successful is to just decide that you have quit. Once you stop the negotiating in your head as to whether you will do one more or not the rest becomes far more simple.
Next, you will learn to distract your attention from your desire for a dip to anything else that interests you. This ability to change your focus will guarantee your success and make your quit that much easier.
When you place a dip in your mouth, your brain releases sugars. Well, those sugars are now going to be gone.
However, you can replace them with OJ or other fruit juices with sugar. This will provide some comfort, especially on your initial quit days.
Make sure to exercise with weights and cardio when you feel that nagging tension in your muscles, you feel that rage, when you can not sleep and when you cannot focus. Exercise really helps.
Here is one that most people overlook. Get at least 3 square meals a day. Hunger can really bring on those urges so squash those urges before they come. Eat full healthy meals and do not let yourself get excessively hungry. You will see this helps a great deal.
I waited until I was 59 quit after using tobacco for 40 years. You are wise to quit now.
I quit with you today.
Dundippin day 939
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Hey Gifty! I am in your class. Trying to figure out how I can work through this with ya'll.
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Welcome gifty!! Glad you have decided to quit. read all you can on this site. lots of good help and lots of good stuff to keep your mind off of dipping. Proud to quit with You!! My number is in your inbox. Get those numbers and build that wall of accountability. Burn all boats and lets get to quitting!!
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Gifty,
Welcome to the group. We all have our reasons to quit but yours seem extremely compelling.
Here are some words of wisdom I like to share:
The main way to be successful is to just decide that you have quit. Once you stop the negotiating in your head as to whether you will do one more or not the rest becomes far more simple.
Next, you will learn to distract your attention from your desire for a dip to anything else that interests you. This ability to change your focus will guarantee your success and make your quit that much easier.
When you place a dip in your mouth, your brain releases sugars. Well, those sugars are now going to be gone.
However, you can replace them with OJ or other fruit juices with sugar. This will provide some comfort, especially on your initial quit days.
Make sure to exercise with weights and cardio when you feel that nagging tension in your muscles, you feel that rage, when you can not sleep and when you cannot focus. Exercise really helps.
Here is one that most people overlook. Get at least 3 square meals a day. Hunger can really bring on those urges so squash those urges before they come. Eat full healthy meals and do not let yourself get excessively hungry. You will see this helps a great deal.
I waited until I was 59 quit after using tobacco for 40 years. You are wise to quit now.
I quit with you today.
Dundippin day 939
Awesome advice from start to finish. I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me, it means the world. I'll never understand addiction but I'm glad I've found a great place to beat it into submission. Stay quit my friend.
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Welcome gifty!! Glad you have decided to quit. read all you can on this site. lots of good help and lots of good stuff to keep your mind off of dipping. Proud to quit with You!! My number is in your inbox. Get those numbers and build that wall of accountability. Burn all boats and lets get to quitting!!
Appreciate those digits! I've got a strong support system at home as well as with my new found family here.
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Hey man, keep up the good work.
Exercise, water, eat well...keep posting.....be a student in this addiction we all have.
The best things are all in front of you....check my intro link below....I write things down there to share experiences....the more you utilize this site and the learnings it provides and leverage the experience of those that are fighting every day with you....you will win, every day, one day at a time, ODAAT
DOOFUS (DAVE) STAY QUIT BRO, PM ME DIGITS, IM ALWAYS HERE. MY digits are in your Inbox.
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Thanks for support today on fishing fears. YOU HELPED ME. Stay quit one day at a time.
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Thanks for support today on fishing fears. YOU HELPED ME. Stay quit one day at a time.
Little late to respond but I'm always glad to help. It makes it easier when I understand the triggers all too well. Stay quit bud, glad to be quit with you.
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Thanks for support today on fishing fears. YOU HELPED ME. Stay quit one day at a time.
Little late to respond but I'm always glad to help. It makes it easier when I understand the triggers all too well. Stay quit bud, glad to be quit with you.
Nothing is too late, we text enough regardless
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One thing I reccomend....And take your time because I didnt do it until 70s....a daily journal with observations. A lot of us do it
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One thing I reccomend....And take your time because I didnt do it until 70s....a daily journal with observations. A lot of us do it
I'll definitely give that a shot. Feel free to stop by any time.
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
That's a big fucking win right there......
I used my corner store to strengthen my accountability also...
Told my regular lady to kick me square in the nuts if I EVER ask for a can of Kodiak...
Keep winning brother....
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
That's a big fucking win right there......
I used my corner store to strengthen my accountability also...
Told my regular lady to kick me square in the nuts if I EVER ask for a can of Kodiak...
Keep winning brother....
Your support is much appreciated. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm quit for life. Everytime I log on here, it all gets a little easier.
I'll have to relay that message to my former dip genie. If I ever ask for anything behind the counter, it's time to bring the pain on the family jewels.
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
That's a big fucking win right there......
I used my corner store to strengthen my accountability also...
Told my regular lady to kick me square in the nuts if I EVER ask for a can of Kodiak...
Keep winning brother....
Your support is much appreciated. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm quit for life. Everytime I log on here, it all gets a little easier.
I'll have to relay that message to my former dip genie. If I ever ask for anything behind the counter, it's time to bring the pain on the family jewels.
I stayed away from my usual c-store long enough and luckily they have turned over the whole staff. Now if I go in to get a soda or something else, I don't get asked if I want my normal can of Kodiak or the one lady who would have it waiting at the register for me without me even asking.
Keep up the great work gifty!!!
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
That's a big fucking win right there......
I used my corner store to strengthen my accountability also...
Told my regular lady to kick me square in the nuts if I EVER ask for a can of Kodiak...
Keep winning brother....
Your support is much appreciated. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm quit for life. Everytime I log on here, it all gets a little easier.
I'll have to relay that message to my former dip genie. If I ever ask for anything behind the counter, it's time to bring the pain on the family jewels.
Kick in the nuts at the convenience store is hilarious to me:
After the whole relapse goes down she's having to explain to her boss "He told me to, and I quote, kick me square in the nuts, it's just customer service. I just kicked him in the nuts as hard as I could, he paid for the Kodiak and left, it was the craziest shit I ever saw"
"Tammy, you're fired..."
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Day 19 - Decided to try giving this journaling thing a shot. I never was much for keeping a journal before so I don't much know what to say. I didn't really experience any new issues or craves or anything like that today, but did notice that my jaw and teeth sensitivity is really starting to improve. It was never all that bad, but I think my body is starting to normalize and function like it should.
It's still early in the evening, but I had a good productive day. Worked until about 3:00 then came home and spread some mulch and cleaned up some debris in the yard. Yard work is rough without a dip still, so I am suffering through some Smokie Mountain. I'm not a fan of the taste or feeding the habit of having something in my lip so I think I'm getting close to throwing that in the trash as well. After spending the last few weeks here, it almost feels like cheating when I throw in the fake stuff. I'll try switching over to gum or something and see how that goes.
One little story and I'll be on my way...I used to always buy my chew from the same gas station and there was a little old lady behind the counter nearly every time I'd go. She'd have a log of Cope Wintergreen waiting for me when I got to the counter. I was clearly a regular. Well, I stopped for gas tonight and went in to grab a Gatorade. There she was when I walked in the door. I grabbed my drink and walked up to the counter to see that canned up sleeve of manure waiting for me. I looked her in the eye and said, "I won't be needing that, I quit!" and she walked out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug. It's the little things that remind me how much I had to lose, and how much there still is to gain.
Much love to anyone who stumbles across this.
That's a big fucking win right there......
I used my corner store to strengthen my accountability also...
Told my regular lady to kick me square in the nuts if I EVER ask for a can of Kodiak...
Keep winning brother....
Your support is much appreciated. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm quit for life. Everytime I log on here, it all gets a little easier.
I'll have to relay that message to my former dip genie. If I ever ask for anything behind the counter, it's time to bring the pain on the family jewels.
Kick in the nuts at the convenience store is hilarious to me:
After the whole relapse goes down she's having to explain to her boss "He told me to, and I quote, kick me square in the nuts, it's just customer service. I just kicked him in the nuts as hard as I could, he paid for the Kodiak and left, it was the craziest shit I ever saw"
"Tammy, you're fired..."
"Damn it Tammy, we talked about the nut shots how many times?!?!" KTC saving lives but ruining convenience store careers. A trade-off I'm willing to buy into.
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Day 22 - Worked overtime all day today and it was miserable. I was the only one in the foundry and it just felt unnatural not having a dip in. I didn't even have cravings so much as just a nagging oral boredom all day. Luckily I had plenty to occupy myself. Today was also my first day without gum, fake chew, etc. With that in mind, it went better than expected. I've been drinking as much water as humanly possible and keeping myself as busy as I can.
I've noticed that I'm not snapping at my wife any more which is a relief. I'm finally feeling clear in my head and can process things prior to reacting, something I dealt with even while dipping. It just seems like my old self is finding it's way back. I can honestly say I missed who I was before nicotine entered my bloodstream and it's nice to be slowly finding my way again without that horrible drug as a crutch.
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Day 31 - One whole month. I did it and I continue to do it every single day. Quitting is so much easier when it's taken one day at a time. There's plenty of bad things happening in my life right now but quitting is one of the positives and will continue to be my daily goal.
I've been having issues with chronic nausea since roughly August of last year, likely related to the abdominal surgery I underwent (reason 976 for quitting). It's been appointment after appointment ever since with no answers to be found. Well, tomorrow I go to see a specialist and hopefully he's able to dream up a remedy to save my job and my sanity. I'm looking forward to getting back on my feet and enjoying this little old thing called life.
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Proud to quit with you today
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Proud to quit with you today
Right back at you my friend.
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Day 34 - Quit's going good, no problems and very few cravings to speak of lately. Just a bit stressed out over my medical problems, but getting by.
Unfortunately, my doctor thinks it's likely that I'll be needing a third surgery to fix the issues I'm having. I'm waiting to get an MRE scheduled in order to image my abdomen and pelvis. That should give him a pretty picture of how screwed up I am inside and then we can come up with a game plan. Not the news I was hoping for, but I've been through worse. While reviewing some of my tests from my past surgeries, we read over my CT scan results and one particular line really hit the ego hard. "External genitalia: unremarkable" 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' Thought some of the characters around here would get a kick out of that.
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Day 34 - Quit's going good, no problems and very few cravings to speak of lately. Just a bit stressed out over my medical problems, but getting by.
Unfortunately, my doctor thinks it's likely that I'll be needing a third surgery to fix the issues I'm having. I'm waiting to get an MRE scheduled in order to image my abdomen and pelvis. That should give him a pretty picture of how screwed up I am inside and then we can come up with a game plan. Not the news I was hoping for, but I've been through worse. While reviewing some of my tests from my past surgeries, we read over my CT scan results and one particular line really hit the ego hard. "External genitalia: unremarkable" 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' Thought some of the characters around here would get a kick out of that.
Damn that's funny.
How insensitive. They could have at least called it "adequate"!
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Day 37 - My brain was in a really dark mood today and I got to thinking. This whole quitting thing becomes very simple if you approach it from the right angle. I'd personally never put a gun to my head, hang myself from a noose, or lay down on the railroad tracks so why the hell would I ever take another dip? It's the slowest suicide around and once I thought of it that way, it disgusted me that I ever put a dip in my lip in the first place. Life isn't always fun, seldom easy, but there's never been a moment where I've thought to myself "it's not worth living another day." Copenhagen is a smoking gun, a noose around your neck, and a freight train coming your way. The sooner that sinks in, the sooner your quit becomes real.
Now my funny story of the day...I stopped for a cup of coffee this morning and, waiting at the counter, had the most bizarre urge to start ripping open every tin and dumping them on the ground. I even imagined some kind of soundtrack to my life playing an epic tune and just making it rain. I'm assuming I'm not the only one who's had that thought around here...Paid for my coffee laughing to myself like a crazy person.
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YOU GOT ME! I clicked on 'or don't'. That's OK. I was envisioning dancing a little jig to the scene as I witnessed the scene unfolding above...dancing and giggling as you poured the cans out. In the rain!
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Day 40 - Not much to say except for the fact that I'd probably be sitting here with a fat wad of shit in my mouth if it weren't for this forum and the relationships I've developed from being here. For all of the guys who've helped me along, thank you. I appreciate each and every one of you.
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'bang head'
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I WILL TEXT YOU TOMORROW
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Poof
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Poof
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Poof