KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Jericho on April 15, 2017, 10:44:00 PM
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My name is Jericho and I have quit using chewing tobacco as of two days ago, and nicotine as of yesterday. I am in a fog of virtually no emotion. I want to be happy, I have a lot to be happy for. I am a successful business owner, I have a beautiful Wife, a beautiful dog, and I live in the great state of Colorado. When I left the Marine Corps a few years back, after everything I had done, I felt similar to this, but this is different because I know all I'd have to do to feel better, is run down to the gas station and grab some Cope LC and this would all go away. But I don't want to do that, I no longer want to be a slave, but I also no longer want to feel like I do. I feel depressed, tired, mad. Stopping nicotine is different for me than some people, but I'm sure the same for others. I don't deal too much with the physical pain and suffering, the sweating, the lack of sleep, etc. Mine is all mental. I think, "Why would I put myself through this mental anguish, why would I want to feel depressed and emotionless, why suffer mentally, when I can fix the way I feel in ten minutes by cracking a can open?" It just sucks knowing I can stop this, yet having the strength to not give in, and sitting here wondering when this will all clear itself up so I can feel like myself again.
Anyway, that's where I'm at right this second. End of day 1.
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My name is Jericho and I have quit using chewing tobacco as of two days ago, and nicotine as of yesterday. I am in a fog of virtually no emotion. I want to be happy, I have a lot to be happy for. I am a successful business owner, I have a beautiful Wife, a beautiful dog, and I live in the great state of Colorado. When I left the Marine Corps a few years back, after everything I had done, I felt similar to this, but this is different because I know all I'd have to do to feel better, is run down to the gas station and grab some Cope LC and this would all go away. But I don't want to do that, I no longer want to be a slave, but I also no longer want to feel like I do. I feel depressed, tired, mad. Stopping nicotine is different for me than some people, but I'm sure the same for others. I don't deal too much with the physical pain and suffering, the sweating, the lack of sleep, etc. Mine is all mental. I think, "Why would I put myself through this mental anguish, why would I want to feel depressed and emotionless, why suffer mentally, when I can fix the way I feel in ten minutes by cracking a can open?" It just sucks knowing I can stop this, yet having the strength to not give in, and sitting here wondering when this will all clear itself up so I can feel like myself again.
Anyway, that's where I'm at right this second. End of day 1.
This is a great way to work your days brother!! If you have to journal it then so be it. Yes it is easier to open that can of death but is it worth it? Always thinking if this is the time that gives you cancer.
Read this and tell me how you feel after. This dude was truly a bad ass. Todd would have been 4 years quit today.
traumagnet (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010002/1/)
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My name is Jericho and I have quit using chewing tobacco as of two days ago, and nicotine as of yesterday. I am in a fog of virtually no emotion. I want to be happy, I have a lot to be happy for. I am a successful business owner, I have a beautiful Wife, a beautiful dog, and I live in the great state of Colorado. When I left the Marine Corps a few years back, after everything I had done, I felt similar to this, but this is different because I know all I'd have to do to feel better, is run down to the gas station and grab some Cope LC and this would all go away. But I don't want to do that, I no longer want to be a slave, but I also no longer want to feel like I do. I feel depressed, tired, mad. Stopping nicotine is different for me than some people, but I'm sure the same for others. I don't deal too much with the physical pain and suffering, the sweating, the lack of sleep, etc. Mine is all mental. I think, "Why would I put myself through this mental anguish, why would I want to feel depressed and emotionless, why suffer mentally, when I can fix the way I feel in ten minutes by cracking a can open?" It just sucks knowing I can stop this, yet having the strength to not give in, and sitting here wondering when this will all clear itself up so I can feel like myself again.
Anyway, that's where I'm at right this second. End of day 1.
This is a great way to work your days brother!! If you have to journal it then so be it. Yes it is easier to open that can of death but is it worth it? Always thinking if this is the time that gives you cancer.
Read this and tell me how you feel after. This dude was truly a bad ass. Todd would have been 4 years quit today.
traumagnet (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010002/1/)
What you are feeling is not the new normal. It will get better. Not being a slave is great.
One day at a time bro. One day at a time.
You don't need nicotine to be happy. It just seems that way right now. Soon enough the truth will be clear. Keep posting here how you are doing. It will royally piss you off later to read the hell that nicotine put you through.
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remember to quit again today, it's the key of success!
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remember to quit again today, it's the key of success!
Thumblewort told you what just about anyone else here will tell you... take it one day at a time. Get on, post roll, and quit for today. The first couple of days are hell, the next week sucks, but it does start to get better... and looking back over the past three months, man, I can tell you that it gets a LOT better.
Reach out (pm, email, text, call - whatever suits you) and get in touch with other quitters. That will help more than you might think. Post roll, make that promise, keep your word for the day... then do it again tomorrow, and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.
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Well, it turns out day 2 sucks just as bad if not worse. I've been in rage mode all day, I have zero energy. All I want to do is sleep but when I sleep, and wake up, I want to go do something. It's back and forth. I had no problem going to the gym on day 1, but today, I can barely bring myself to do anything. It's Easter Sunday, my Wife took care of everything this morning and let me sleep, treated me great on our way to Church, and I messed it up by being a dick. She went in and I threw a tantrum like a child, sat in the truck, and didn't join her in there. Then ignored her for hours after that as I progressively got more and more upset as the day passed. With no legitimate reason other than I want to feel like this, it seems. But I don't, I think I'm just afraid to try and be happy, because it scares me that I will fail at feeling good, and just get more upset. So it's almost easier to just stay in this mindset and deal with it. I've been in a battle all day with myself, "you can fix all of this, go buy a can". My want to quit always wins, but it's reluctant. I won't give in, that's the easy way out, it's a cowards choice because I can't man up and deal with it. I'm a badass Marine, I was a machine gunner! I've been shot at, beat down, abused, broken, bruised and put into spots in my Life where I have no control over the situation. Well, I have control over this one. I just want to see the light so I feel I don't have to live in this perpetual twilight of feeling like crap and not dipping.
Anyway, day 2 is almost finished.
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Cracking a can won't ever solve your problem. You want to live nicotine free but don't want to deal with the withdrawal. Who does? You're not different from anybody here. You're an addict! There are thousands winning this war everyday. Fight this shit hard, get in the gym and punish yourself for the time YOU CHOSE to put chemically engineered poisoned in your body. You need to fight for freedom, you can do it, and you'll see how amazing THIS freedom is. PM my number.
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Well, it turns out day 2 sucks just as bad if not worse. I've been in rage mode all day, I have zero energy. All I want to do is sleep but when I sleep, and wake up, I want to go do something. It's back and forth. I had no problem going to the gym on day 1, but today, I can barely bring myself to do anything. It's Easter Sunday, my Wife took care of everything this morning and let me sleep, treated me great on our way to Church, and I messed it up by being a dick. She went in and I threw a tantrum like a child, sat in the truck, and didn't join her in there. Then ignored her for hours after that as I progressively got more and more upset as the day passed. With no legitimate reason other than I want to feel like this, it seems. But I don't, I think I'm just afraid to try and be happy, because it scares me that I will fail at feeling good, and just get more upset. So it's almost easier to just stay in this mindset and deal with it. I've been in a battle all day with myself, "you can fix all of this, go buy a can". My want to quit always wins, but it's reluctant. I won't give in, that's the easy way out, it's a cowards choice because I can't man up and deal with it. I'm a badass Marine, I was a machine gunner! I've been shot at, beat down, abused, broken, bruised and put into spots in my Life where I have no control over the situation. Well, I have control over this one. I just want to see the light so I feel I don't have to live in this perpetual twilight of feeling like crap and not dipping.
Anyway, day 2 is almost finished.
Thank you for your service. That is bad ass and we owe you a world of thanks.
Stop being a fucking dick to your wife. She didn't shove your lip full of tobacco - you did. If you wanna get angry that's legit. Come here and type it out. We will listen and understand.
You'll never have to relive the last 2 days again. It gets better. Have you ever heard anyone say "I really wish I hadn't quit dipping/smoking." No. There is a reason...
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Well, it turns out day 2 sucks just as bad if not worse. I've been in rage mode all day, I have zero energy. All I want to do is sleep but when I sleep, and wake up, I want to go do something. It's back and forth. I had no problem going to the gym on day 1, but today, I can barely bring myself to do anything. It's Easter Sunday, my Wife took care of everything this morning and let me sleep, treated me great on our way to Church, and I messed it up by being a dick. She went in and I threw a tantrum like a child, sat in the truck, and didn't join her in there. Then ignored her for hours after that as I progressively got more and more upset as the day passed. With no legitimate reason other than I want to feel like this, it seems. But I don't, I think I'm just afraid to try and be happy, because it scares me that I will fail at feeling good, and just get more upset. So it's almost easier to just stay in this mindset and deal with it. I've been in a battle all day with myself, "you can fix all of this, go buy a can". My want to quit always wins, but it's reluctant. I won't give in, that's the easy way out, it's a cowards choice because I can't man up and deal with it. I'm a badass Marine, I was a machine gunner! I've been shot at, beat down, abused, broken, bruised and put into spots in my Life where I have no control over the situation. Well, I have control over this one. I just want to see the light so I feel I don't have to live in this perpetual twilight of feeling like crap and not dipping.
Anyway, day 2 is almost finished.
Thank you for your service. That is bad ass and we owe you a world of thanks.
Stop being a fucking dick to your wife. She didn't shove your lip full of tobacco - you did. If you wanna get angry that's legit. Come here and type it out. We will listen and understand.
You'll never have to relive the last 2 days again. It gets better. Have you ever heard anyone say "I really wish I hadn't quit dipping/smoking." No. There is a reason...
Keep pushing through it brother. Like worktowin said, you will never relive day 2. Every day is going to be a fight bit the fight does get easier. Never let your guard down and keep quitting Every day. Seems like you started to re train your brain, keep that up cause that is what you need to do. Communicate with your wife on what you are going through right now, that will help as well. You got my number bro, use it... Congrats on finishing day 2.
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Well, it turns out day 2 sucks just as bad if not worse. I've been in rage mode all day, I have zero energy. All I want to do is sleep but when I sleep, and wake up, I want to go do something. It's back and forth. I had no problem going to the gym on day 1, but today, I can barely bring myself to do anything. It's Easter Sunday, my Wife took care of everything this morning and let me sleep, treated me great on our way to Church, and I messed it up by being a dick. She went in and I threw a tantrum like a child, sat in the truck, and didn't join her in there. Then ignored her for hours after that as I progressively got more and more upset as the day passed. With no legitimate reason other than I want to feel like this, it seems. But I don't, I think I'm just afraid to try and be happy, because it scares me that I will fail at feeling good, and just get more upset. So it's almost easier to just stay in this mindset and deal with it. I've been in a battle all day with myself, "you can fix all of this, go buy a can". My want to quit always wins, but it's reluctant. I won't give in, that's the easy way out, it's a cowards choice because I can't man up and deal with it. I'm a badass Marine, I was a machine gunner! I've been shot at, beat down, abused, broken, bruised and put into spots in my Life where I have no control over the situation. Well, I have control over this one. I just want to see the light so I feel I don't have to live in this perpetual twilight of feeling like crap and not dipping.
Anyway, day 2 is almost finished.
Hey Devil remember when you went through MCRD? How at the beginning it sucked, you were in a haze, tired, body beaten down, just a blur of hell? Probably can barely remember those first couple days in Reception right? Sounds familiar? These first couple days are going to be like that. Trust me. Remember how with some time you got stronger? You began to form the Marine you would become? Remember how you did it? With determination. With dedication. With putting 110% on the line every day. But most of all, with your fellow recruits. At some point, usually around the end of Phase I, you began to stop thinking of yourselves as individuals and started to think as a team. You helped each other, you supported each other, you cared for each other (and even cussed each other). I would bet everything I owned on the fact, you (nor I) would have made it across that parade deck without the guy on my left or right. I needed their support, I needed them to pick me up from time to time, and I needed them to be there when I needed to vent. Over 20 years later I still speak to some of them. Same thing when you are downrange. I hate the t-shirts that say "I don't fight because I hate what's in front of me, I fight because I love what is behind me." Screw that. You fight for the guy beside you. You fight for your brothers and they fight for you. Plain and simple. Don't care about the politics or anything else. If someone is trying to kill me and my brothers, well we're gonna kill you back and we are damn good at what we do.
Anyways I say all of that to come to this point. Think of your quit like MCRD, shit's gonna suck for awhile. Probably for a couple weeks then you are gonna get into a good zone. Well guess what? That pissed off, angry Heavy Hat (aka the nic-bitch) is gonna start playing games with your mind. You will get cravings, you will start thinking "Oh I've done XXX days, I can just have one I'm not addicted anymore" BS! You will always be an addict. But you can beat it. The same way you beat MCRD. With a whole lot of grit and your teammates. So get in your quit group. Make some connections. Get some digits (mine are in your inbox) Get 110% involved. Post your promise daily and early. I have no doubt in my mind you can do this, and you can become a bad ass quitter that will motivate others on their journey. But for now let's get you into yours.
676 days ago I was in your shoes. Worktowin said some pretty harsh words to me just like he did for you and as I've told him before, without that I wouldn't still be here. So to take from him a little bit, stop being a bitch and start kicking the nic-bitch's ass!
Semper Fi
Tim (SAM)
0311/0481
1995-2005
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Happy Birthday Jericho, the first of many nicotine free ones to come I am sure. 'Birthday'
I hope the fog is starting to lift, for you. Now the mind games start. This is where you need to dig in, get involved in your group and others' quits. The time is now for you to stand up and look yourself in the eye and make that promise to yourself - NAFAR
NEVER AGAIN FOR ANY REASON
I quit with you today - and thank you for your service.
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You've got digits. Time to rock and roll.
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You can do this! There's no shortcut through the suck. It's the penalty we pay for shoving that stuff in our face for years. I can't say you'll feel better tomorrow. It's going to suck until it doesn't. But there are thousands of people here that have gone through the same misery you're going through right now, one day at a time, and they stayed Quit. And each of us will yell you that the freedom on the other side is so worth putting yourself through what you're going through right now. Life is so much better without being a slave to that stuff.
Hang tough, you can do this. Proud to Quit with you today.
Mike1966 Day 366
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So im guessing you caved and your back on the nic bitch. I talked with you some but wish i could get ahold of you. Hope you stay quit if you see this hit me up.
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So im guessing you caved and your back on the nic bitch. I talked with you some but wish i could get ahold of you. Hope you stay quit if you see this hit me up.
He actually texted me the other day. He said 65 days and still quit!!