KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: MedStudent on August 01, 2007, 06:41:00 PM
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Hey Everyone,
I finished my can of Copenhagen today, went to check the mail, and saw that my herbal snuff had arrived. I figured, O.K., no point in going down to the gas station and spending another nine bucks on a tin--I quit today.
I've tried to quit in the past, many times, but have never made it beyond a month. The time I made it a month I was in Ireland, and the stuff is illegal to sell there. If it wasn't, I probably would have failed at quitting just as I have many times before.
Now, however, I'm at a new point in my life. I start medical school in about a week and a half. The question that has been on my mind for some time now is, "How am I going to be an advocate for the health of others if I can't pony up and be an advocate for my own health? I sure as hell can't call myself an advocate for my own health when I'm pinching dips into my lip whenever I can."
If I don't quit now, I'm going to be the guy in the library spitting into a pop can or someone's used paper coffee cup which I pulled out of the trash. Believe it or not, I used to walk around the library for up to a half an hour looking in trash cans for a spitter before I'd sit down to study. I can't believe I did that. I could go on with stories about stuff I did to have a dip, but if you are here, I assume you are familiar with the kind of crap we do in an effort to continue hurting ourselves.
I know the next few weeks are going to be rough for me, but I've dealt with worse. I expect to be back to this site many times over the next few months for support from all of you. In return, I will do the same for the rest of you deciding to beat our disease. Best of luck!
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Welcome...$9????? Damn!!! Where are you ?
So, I've got this pain and..... :P
Welcome. Get involved. It's the only way to quit
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Welcome...$9????? Damn!!! Where are you ?
WA state....originally from mn where the stuff is a lot cheaper....but it doesn't matter anymore, right.
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Welcome to the wonderful world of QSX. Just remember, no one can make you chew... that's your decision. And as long as you choose to not chew every time, you'll be on the road to recovery in no time.
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...but I've dealt with worse. I expect to be back to this site many times over the next few months for support from all of you.
Welcome glad to see you taking the first step in the right direction.
When you say you have dealt with worse... I don't know you or your specific situation but I know that I have been through some SHIT in my life and I mean some REAL shit... and this is the HARDEST thing I have EVER done... Honestly. I don't mean to discourage you, but don't go into it thinking "it will be tough but nothing I can't handle..." anyway, I don't know how to word it, you will know what I mean after a couple of days...
Also in regards to you coming back to the site many times ove the next few months... I hope you mean SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.... because you BETTER post role EVERY day else ol' LOOT might have a word or two with ya...
Bottom Line
____________________________________________________________________
Glad to have you aboard and I will do my best to support you and give you a swift kick in the ass if need be... pm me if you need an emergency # to call in the event of a severe crave...
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you BETTER post role EVERY day else ol' LOOT might have a word or two with ya...
yeah, I'll be posting roll....I'm going out of town today for a backpacking trip with my buddies. Being out in the mountains is probably one of the biggest triggers I have for wanting a dip. All I need to do is get out there without making a stop at the store and I'll be fine (as far as not dipping, not fine as in how i'll be feeling). it will be three days where there is absolutely no possibility of me having a dip. My brain is playing tricks on me now, telling me, "You can chew on the backpacking trip, and then stop again as soon as you get back." This sucks.
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you BETTER post role EVERY day else ol' LOOT might have a word or two with ya...
yeah, I'll be posting roll....I'm going out of town today for a backpacking trip with my buddies. Being out in the mountains is probably one of the biggest triggers I have for wanting a dip. All I need to do is get out there without making a stop at the store and I'll be fine (as far as not dipping, not fine as in how i'll be feeling). it will be three days where there is absolutely no possibility of me having a dip. My brain is playing tricks on me now, telling me, "You can chew on the backpacking trip, and then stop again as soon as you get back." This sucks.
i'd suggest you head over to novemeber 07 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=411), post roll, explain the situation and give your WORD that you won't dip on your trip...
accountability means everything my friend...
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
I am an addict. You are an addict.
You are a chewer making the choice to continue to chew. I have zero respect for you and your future tense quit rhetoric.
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
I am an addict. You are an addict.
You are a chewer making the choice to continue to chew. I have zero respect for you and your future tense quit rhetoric.
I am not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes previous attempts to stop using nicotine. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought you can have just one more. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought of quitting tomorrow or on your terms. This is addict talk. I should know. I am a drug addict.
Welcome to a group of drug addicts. We understand. We are not asking that you quit forever...just for today. Not tomorrow, today. Trust me when I say this, you can not bullshit a room full of drug addicts. Maybe a room full of "normal people" but not drug addicts. Smokey above has been sniffing out addict bullshit talk for some time now. He is right on.
Saddle up and quit. Just worry about today.
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"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
Just to be clear, you tell us that you understand why we preach "quit now," then call us psychotic? I read your "other" intro, and saw nothing but support. I also loved how well you past plans have worked for you, so we MUST be wrong. 'Crazy'
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
Note that these quitters here have found a method that works - quit, post roll, keep your word. Repeat. They told you why it worked for them and in their experience why your approach has a low success rate, and is counterproductive to your quit.
I hope you quit. I also hope that when you put in your first fakie and post roll, you realize the only thing you did was prolong the inevitable. Same as if you had "weaned" yourself off nic using NRT. There is no magic pill that makes quitting easier. Fake (or seeds or candy), in my opinion, helps most after the physical addiction is broken - during the initial 3 days its all about testicular fortitude. No amount of oral fixation replacements are going to alleviate the fog, the suck, and the pain of physical nicotine withdrawal.
So with that, I hope to see you on roll soon. I will be there tomorrow. Take it or leave it, but the best advice I could give you is just suck it up and quit. Quit now. Waiting is not worth it.
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
I am an addict. You are an addict.
You are a chewer making the choice to continue to chew. I have zero respect for you and your future tense quit rhetoric.
I am not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes previous attempts to stop using nicotine. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought you can have just one more. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought of quitting tomorrow or on your terms. This is addict talk. I should know. I am a drug addict.
Welcome to a group of drug addicts. We understand. We are not asking that you quit forever...just for today. Not tomorrow, today. Trust me when I say this, you can not bullshit a room full of drug addicts. Maybe a room full of "normal people" but not drug addicts. Smokey above has been sniffing out addict bullshit talk for some time now. He is right on.
Saddle up and quit. Just worry about today.
Wanna quit fine. Wanna tell me how the site works and how I should use the site to help you, GO FUCK YER SELF!
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
I am an addict. You are an addict.
You are a chewer making the choice to continue to chew. I have zero respect for you and your future tense quit rhetoric.
I am not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes previous attempts to stop using nicotine. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought you can have just one more. I'm not surprised that your addiction to nicotine includes the thought of quitting tomorrow or on your terms. This is addict talk. I should know. I am a drug addict.
Welcome to a group of drug addicts. We understand. We are not asking that you quit forever...just for today. Not tomorrow, today. Trust me when I say this, you can not bullshit a room full of drug addicts. Maybe a room full of "normal people" but not drug addicts. Smokey above has been sniffing out addict bullshit talk for some time now. He is right on.
Saddle up and quit. Just worry about today.
"borderline psychotic" = person who continues daily use of a product that they fully know will kill them
You're in this club with the rest of us.
You'll realize it one day, when (if) you can clearly see that it is the addict within you that is speaking of "tomorrow."
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I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
You are an addict. Your words are all addict speak for "tomorrow".
Your mentality doesn't fit with our methodology. And I applaud anyone protecting the group from you getting in the pool...I don't want you pissing in the pool. I'm glad they got my back protecting their quit along with mine. Because that's what they are doing. Protecting the group in calling you out.
Do you want to be quit? Ask yourself that. Can you picture a MS without nicotine? Does he exist? Do he exist with all the side effects of withdrawal? Does he exist while facing the cravings? Does he exist with all the difficult decisions he'll face not to use? Can you see him? IMO that's when you can answer the question "can I quit?" and hits upon the quit now mentality.
I'm uneasy speaking on methodology of the site. I'm a newbie for what its worth. The message I understand from the group is one that resonates with me. Quit today. Stop fucking around. Embrace the program. If its not right for you, get off OUR lawn.
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This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
Is the "plan" that you've come up with any different from the one you came up with in 2007 when you first signed on to this site? My guess is that it's pretty similar...so far that hasn't worked so well. Maybe you should try the way that is advocated on this site.
BTW, I disagree with you about there not being a "cookie-cutter" approach to quitting. There IS one and it DOES work. Flush the dip, post roll, keep your word today, repeat tomorrow. Simple, but it does work.
Maybe what you don't understand is that you have committed the virtual equivalent of walking into an AA meeting with a six-pack and told us you will give up drinking when you're done with your beers. I'm sure you can see that's not too cool and why you have received the "welcome" that you have.
Go back home, finish your six-pack, come back when you're ready...all these same A-holes will be willing to help you when you need it. By my calculation that will be about 12-15 hours after your last dip, when you're thinking that re-taking the M-CAT's would be more fun than climbing out of the shit-hole you dug for yourself.
One last piece of unsolicited advice...try re-reading these comments after you've convinced yourself that you've known all of these people for many, many years. That they care. And that you're essentially the dude everyone is focused on in the show "Intervention"...the addict, Doctor. The addict!
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You think you got all the answers huh? Look dude...I'ms sure yous a real smart guy that is always used to excelling far above your peers. I work at a university with a highly regarded medical school. I'm used to dealing with cohorts who think their shit don't stink. You know I'm 100% cool with that. I want the person in charge of my medical care to be some uber douche that has busted their ass to become the cream of the crop.
What I aint cool with is some uber douche that aint open to accepting the fact that they possibly dont got all the answers.
We know how to quit sir. You apparently just know how to talk about quitting. Get this done now. Quit lurking at the bottom of the page.
The fake you are waiting on is not the magic bullet.
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No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
-
No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
There is no day zero , go to rollcall . Post your day one. Welcome to the ring.
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You think you got all the answers huh? Look dude...I'ms sure yous a real smart guy that is always used to excelling far above your peers. I work at a university with a highly regarded medical school. I'm used to dealing with cohorts who think their shit don't stink. You know I'm 100% cool with that. I want the person in charge of my medical care to be some uber douche that has busted their ass to become the cream of the crop.
What I aint cool with is some uber douche that aint open to accepting the fact that they possibly dont got all the answers.
We know how to quit sir. You apparently just know how to talk about quitting. Get this done now. Quit lurking at the bottom of the page.
The fake you are waiting on is not the magic bullet.
Oh, it definitely stinks.
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No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
There is no day zero , go to rollcall . Post your day one. Welcome to the ring.
If you utter the word tomorrow again i am going to stroke out. Today, today, today got it?
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No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
There is no day zero , go to rollcall . Post your day one. Welcome to the ring.
If you utter the word tomorrow again i am going to stroke out. Today, today, today got it?
I'm quit for today.
-
No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
NO reason to wait. If you've flushed all nicotine, this is day 1. Go post your day 1 in September and keep your word tonight. Then get up in the morning and post your day 2 first thing. It doesn't have to be a full 24 hour day. If TODAY is the day you QUIT, then today is your DAY 1, it doesn't matter how many hours are left in the day.
POSTING DAY 1 TOMORROW = NO PROMISE TODAY = I'd only be lying to myself addict rationalization = drive to store for shit I just flushed = one more can and I'm done and posting tomorrow = many more years of slavery. I assume you've lied to yourself before when it comes to your addiction, right? So post that promise NOW and stop thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
If you post DAY 1 today, it will be your statement that you want accountability and will no longer let the can dictate your decisions. Look at all these folks lined up to support you. Carpe Diem, MS, Carpe Diem.
-
No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
NO reason to wait. If you've flushed all nicotine, this is day 1. Go post your day 1 in September and keep your word tonight. Then get up in the morning and post your day 2 first thing. It doesn't have to be a full 24 hour day. If TODAY is the day you QUIT, then today is your DAY 1, it doesn't matter how many hours are left in the day.
POSTING DAY 1 TOMORROW = NO PROMISE TODAY = I'd only be lying to myself addict rationalization = drive to store for shit I just flushed = one more can and I'm done and posting tomorrow = many more years of slavery. I assume you've lied to yourself before when it comes to your addiction, right? So post that promise NOW and stop thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
If you post DAY 1 today, it will be your statement that you want accountability and will no longer let the can dictate your decisions. Look at all these folks lined up to support you. Carpe Diem, MS, Carpe Diem.
I'm posted for Day 1.
-
This is actually bsim posting under my old alias. Thanks to Ready for getting the ball rolling and thanks to LOOT for finding it for me. I guess noonelikesaquitter isn't the first to call "bullshit," but as far as the alias is concerned, is the first to be proven wrong. In terms of the quit, the rest of you will see.
As far as not wasting your guys' time, according to the site guidelines, it seems O.K. for me to post in the "Intro" section prior to posting roll for the first time. This was posted by Remsot in the "If you are planning to quit, read this section first" section:
"That doesnÂ’t mean you have to leave. Please feel free to post in the Cafe`. Ask questions, start making contacts. Learn. Post in the Introductions area. Many quitters will respond to you in both of these areas. We have a chat room. You can also go into there for some live chat. When you are ready, and want to post day 1, find your quit group and post up. It will be a day you never forget."
The below quote posted by Russter helps me to get an idea where all this animosity is coming from.
"What got my attention here versus other sites was they said to put the can down NOW! Every other site I had looked at said to plan your quit. Well I don't know about you...but I know plans can change, because I changed my quit plans plenty of times! NOW sounded pretty interesting. NOW sounded immediate, and I desperately NEEDED that!"
I see that QUIT NOW! is a major theme of this site and a strongly held belief among those among those of you who choose to criticize my approach to this. And I guess I use the word "criticize" lightly, because some of the comments sound borderline psychotic to me. As far as I'm concerned, those of you with nothing decent to say are just childish bullies with issues that span beyond nicotine. I've got nothing more to say about that.
I've also been called a hypocrite. Why? Because I've fallen off the wagon just like 90% of the people here? Every single one of us is here because we aren't perfect, yet some of you dance around and discredit my previous quits because I failed...JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. I'd even be willing to bet that some of you, prior to making it to the HOF (strong work, by the way) have actually failed more times than I have. Someone said that I think I am above all of this, but that's about the most hypocritical thing I've read, coming from a guy who was once in my shoes yet refuses to offer any kind of wisdom or support based on his own real experience. It's a discredit to himself and a total waste.
I honestly appreciate the help of supportive individuals as I continue to struggle with this addiction. I know that many disagree with my having a plan to approach this quit, but that's how I am going to do this for myself. I guess that makes it sound as if am ignoring the advice of people who have made an effort to be supportive and suggest that I quit now. I am sorry for giving that impression. Let's just remember that quitting, above all else, is a personal struggle that should be addressed in a personal way. If there was a cookie-cutter approach to quitting that worked for everyone, there would be no need for this site. These exact thoughts are echoed in the mission statement posted by iuchewie:
"We realize that there are a variety of ways to be successful quitting chew. We will NOT tell you that one way is better than another, but we will tell you our experience and what has worked for us. We will also tell you when you are doing something counterproductive to your quit. This quit is for you and about you. We are simply here to aid you along your journey. If you need "tough love" we will give that. If you need encouragement we will give that. If you need to be scared into quitting we will do that."
I am going to re-post my intro under the correct alias which I am using now and delete the bsim account which I started yesterday. If some of you want to go on and continue with unproductive rants, that is fine. Just know that you are making the choice to waste your own time, and don't accuse me of wasting it for you. And finally, I wouldn't have taken the time to write this if I weren't serious about quitting and sincere in the fact that I really do need support from all of you throughout the process. Thanks in advance.
Is the "plan" that you've come up with any different from the one you came up with in 2007 when you first signed on to this site? My guess is that it's pretty similar...so far that hasn't worked so well. Maybe you should try the way that is advocated on this site.
BTW, I disagree with you about there not being a "cookie-cutter" approach to quitting. There IS one and it DOES work. Flush the dip, post roll, keep your word today, repeat tomorrow. Simple, but it does work.
Maybe what you don't understand is that you have committed the virtual equivalent of walking into an AA meeting with a six-pack and told us you will give up drinking when you're done with your beers. I'm sure you can see that's not too cool and why you have received the "welcome" that you have.
Go back home, finish your six-pack, come back when you're ready...all these same A-holes will be willing to help you when you need it. By my calculation that will be about 12-15 hours after your last dip, when you're thinking that re-taking the M-CAT's would be more fun than climbing out of the shit-hole you dug for yourself.
One last piece of unsolicited advice...try re-reading these comments after you've convinced yourself that you've known all of these people for many, many years. That they care. And that you're essentially the dude everyone is focused on in the show "Intervention"...the addict, Doctor. The addict!
Damn Leahy...
'clap'
I got nothing else on that one...
-
No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
NO reason to wait. If you've flushed all nicotine, this is day 1. Go post your day 1 in September and keep your word tonight. Then get up in the morning and post your day 2 first thing. It doesn't have to be a full 24 hour day. If TODAY is the day you QUIT, then today is your DAY 1, it doesn't matter how many hours are left in the day.
POSTING DAY 1 TOMORROW = NO PROMISE TODAY = I'd only be lying to myself addict rationalization = drive to store for shit I just flushed = one more can and I'm done and posting tomorrow = many more years of slavery. I assume you've lied to yourself before when it comes to your addiction, right? So post that promise NOW and stop thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
If you post DAY 1 today, it will be your statement that you want accountability and will no longer let the can dictate your decisions. Look at all these folks lined up to support you. Carpe Diem, MS, Carpe Diem.
PS: Count me among those who will support you. I might sue you for malpractice one day, but I'll do anything I can to help your quit.
-
No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
NO reason to wait. If you've flushed all nicotine, this is day 1. Go post your day 1 in September and keep your word tonight. Then get up in the morning and post your day 2 first thing. It doesn't have to be a full 24 hour day. If TODAY is the day you QUIT, then today is your DAY 1, it doesn't matter how many hours are left in the day.
POSTING DAY 1 TOMORROW = NO PROMISE TODAY = I'd only be lying to myself addict rationalization = drive to store for shit I just flushed = one more can and I'm done and posting tomorrow = many more years of slavery. I assume you've lied to yourself before when it comes to your addiction, right? So post that promise NOW and stop thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
If you post DAY 1 today, it will be your statement that you want accountability and will no longer let the can dictate your decisions. Look at all these folks lined up to support you. Carpe Diem, MS, Carpe Diem.
PS: Count me among those who will support you. I might sue you for malpractice one day, but I'll do anything I can to help your quit.
I see your DAY 1 post in September. Nice work. Welcome. Good to be quit with you today.
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No doubt that I am a nicotine addict. It's true, waiting around for the fake stuff to get here delays the inevitable as it is not what is going to get me through the physical nicotine withdrawal. Thank you for continuing to point out that "Tomorrow" is the addiction talking and not what is best for me. I flushed the last of my stuff, am not chewing now nor will I for the remainder of the night. Consider this my posting roll for day 0. I'll post day 1 tomorrow morning.
NO reason to wait. If you've flushed all nicotine, this is day 1. Go post your day 1 in September and keep your word tonight. Then get up in the morning and post your day 2 first thing. It doesn't have to be a full 24 hour day. If TODAY is the day you QUIT, then today is your DAY 1, it doesn't matter how many hours are left in the day.
POSTING DAY 1 TOMORROW = NO PROMISE TODAY = I'd only be lying to myself addict rationalization = drive to store for shit I just flushed = one more can and I'm done and posting tomorrow = many more years of slavery. I assume you've lied to yourself before when it comes to your addiction, right? So post that promise NOW and stop thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
If you post DAY 1 today, it will be your statement that you want accountability and will no longer let the can dictate your decisions. Look at all these folks lined up to support you. Carpe Diem, MS, Carpe Diem.
PS: Count me among those who will support you. I might sue you for malpractice one day, but I'll do anything I can to help your quit.
I see your DAY 1 post in September. Nice work. Welcome. Good to be quit with you today.
Today. 1 day at a time.
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i no longer want you to die. congrats.
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I'm quit for today.
Awesome! Post roll early every morning, honor your promise, worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
If you need anything, PM me. Glad to be QUIT with you today!
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Quit with you today MedStudent. Keep your word to me not to use nicotine today and I'll do the same for you. Embrace the suck. Welcome it. Eat it. Taste it. Feel it. Love it. It is your body waging a violent, brutal war against the most addictive substance known to man. It is your soul embracing freedom for the first time in years. Take it day by day. Listen to those who have come before you because they know. Congrats on Day 1, the first day of the rest of your life.
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Glad to see you manned up and posted roll. Don't talk about it...be about it. Own it. Get involved. Accountability is key.
I look forward to your day 2 tomorrow friend.
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I've been creepin on your posts. Glad to be quit with you today! I was hoping you would post roll and join in with the best decision of your life!
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You people have no idea how PROUD I am of each and every one of you...
SmokeyG
Scowick65
Jost2brown
Parputt
Redyota
Souliman
Leahy16
Skoal Monster
gmann
noonelikesaquitter
Dante
Jtricher
Miles
MySize
Yes, and even you MedStudent.
There was some great wisdom and helping going on in this thread. Fine quitters from all walks of life offering some of the finest advise I have seen on this site. All of it culminating in a confused and scared quitter changing his attitude, listening to others, keeping an open mind and eventually making the decision to quit this horrid addiction.
Pride. That's the best way I can describe it. This entire site boiled down into this thread.
Keep your word Men.
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Welcome.
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." - Thomas Jefferson (arguably, or some Polish fuck from the early 20th century)
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i no longer want you to die. congrats.
Another classic line from smokey...
Great, Great decision Med....Proud to be quit with you...See you tomorrow and I will be proud to be quit with you then too....Its simple, keep your word, be accountable and the freedom you have been looking for wil be found....
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Look at this site at work before your eyes!
You all fuckin ROCK! Especially YOU MedStudent. I will walk your path with you if you need me to.
Ready...you got this ball rolling. I am honored to quit along side of you sir.
I love this Freak Show!
Well done men!
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"borderline psychotic" welcome:
YEAH DR. DEATH! YEAH BROTHER. Way to find the quit. Let's grab the NB by the couchie and beat this thing one day at a time. We can do this. We'll quit today and do it again tomorrow. FUCK. I'm excited.
Welcome into the pool.
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Med,
You have transformed from a reluctant quitter to a quit monster. Well done brother.
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Somebody say monster?
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This place reminds me of Fight Club, except for nicotine. You throw away what you think is important and embrace the suck. Then you are free.
-
I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.
He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.
"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.
"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."
I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.
Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"
He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.
"What would you do?," he repeated.
In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.
Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"
With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."
It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.
I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.
Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.
-
I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.
He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.
"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.
"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."
I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.
Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"
He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.
"What would you do?," he repeated.
In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.
Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"
With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."
It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.
I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.
Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.
Thanks for that. My quit just got stronger.
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It's a real encouragment reading this story from beginning to the present.
I'm looking for a hollywood ending - not that art-house garbage where the quitter is doing great until his dog dies, after which in his nihilistic despair he pushes tobacco on grade-schoolers, the sweetest of whom is having the cancer in her jaw removed in the closing scene, and we all go home feeling like we've been used for a toilet - ok?
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Good stuff MS. Its really amazing in how many places that addict ego exists. Substances, relationships, thoughts. That's great stuff. I hope you post more of these stories when they happen.
Good quitting bro.
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I was just reading the "How much do you pay for a can" thread. Someone was talking about how they would drive all over the place, going to great lengths trying to find a place that sold the poison. Reminded me of a funny story.
I had to go down to LA to take a test for school. I remember driving around my hotel looking for a gas station to buy a can of dip, but couldn't find one anywhere. Eventually I roll up to this intersection that has convenience stores at every corner and think, "Bingo." I don't really look around much at the neighborhood before parking my car and getting out. Everyone is speaking spanish in the first place I go into, and there's a cop standing just inside, like he's paid to sit there and guard the place. I ask for dip, but the cashier just shakes her head no. So I go across the street, now taking a look around and beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable with where I'm at. Next place, no dip. Still getting uncomfortable, but still wanting a can of chew, I hit the next place at the intersection. No dip.
I get back in my car and start driving through some other neighborhood straight out of Boyz N' the Hood, yet still park my damn car right in the middle of it so I can get out at another convenience store to ask for some Copenhagen (and probably ask to get my ass kicked, stabbed, and shot at the same time). No dip there, either. And here, I tell the Spanish speaking guy behind the counter that I've been to four places and no one sells it. He tells me, "That's because Mexicans don't chew."
Turns out I was wandering around Inglewood, LA in search of Copenhagen. I find that funny. Don't know why.
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I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.
He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.
"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.
"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."
I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.
Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"
He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.
"What would you do?," he repeated.
In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.
Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"
With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."
It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.
I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.
Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.
Beautiful, if not heartbreaking story. That really touched a cord for me and intertwined well with my addiction. Thank You.
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I was just reading the "How much do you pay for a can" thread. Someone was talking about how they would drive all over the place, going to great lengths trying to find a place that sold the poison. Reminded me of a funny story.
I had to go down to LA to take a test for school. I remember driving around my hotel looking for a gas station to buy a can of dip, but couldn't find one anywhere. Eventually I roll up to this intersection that has convenience stores at every corner and think, "Bingo." I don't really look around much at the neighborhood before parking my car and getting out. Everyone is speaking spanish in the first place I go into, and there's a cop standing just inside, like he's paid to sit there and guard the place. I ask for dip, but the cashier just shakes her head no. So I go across the street, now taking a look around and beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable with where I'm at. Next place, no dip. Still getting uncomfortable, but still wanting a can of chew, I hit the next place at the intersection. No dip.
I get back in my car and start driving through some other neighborhood straight out of Boyz N' the Hood, yet still park my damn car right in the middle of it so I can get out at another convenience store to ask for some Copenhagen (and probably ask to get my ass kicked, stabbed, and shot at the same time). No dip there, either. And here, I tell the Spanish speaking guy behind the counter that I've been to four places and no one sells it. He tells me, "That's because Mexicans don't chew."
Turns out I was wandering around Inglewood, LA in search of Copenhagen. I find that funny. Don't know why.
That is funny. The things we would do for that pinch. I remember a couple of years ago I was in D.C. on business and freaked when I realized I forgot to stock up for the trip. It was late, like getting close to midnight, and I set out to try and find some. To make a long story short, I grabbed a taxi who drove me around to various convenience stores till I could find some - some places in real shitty areas of town - and paid this taxi driver like 25 bucks after all was done. That was an expensive can of dip. What a freaking moron.
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Just wanted to share two victories over the past couple days. First was me and 11 other friends successfully completed the Hood to Coast Relay, which is a 200 mile relay from above timberline on Mount Hood (about 6000 ft) to Seaside, OR, a small town just outside Astoria. We went for about 23 hours straight and had a great time running over mountain passes, along rivers in 90 degree heat, and under a magnificent set of stars, chasing the fog of our breaths. Great experience.
Bigger victory, however, was upon making it back to my buddies house in Portland. I'd seen that my car had been broken into. They rummaged through everything, but ended up only stealing my Garmin GPS. Sucks, but more damage could have been done. In the process, they unearthed some old pieces of nicotine gum that I must have had hanging around from another life. Even in the midst of my funk, exacerbated by just realizing my car had been broken into, I managed to trash the gum and totally forget about it until now. Leaves me feeling quit.
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Nice quitting Med. Good stuff. Keep up the positive attitude...be a Mexican, not a Mexicant.