KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Gump on September 16, 2009, 11:09:00 AM
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Hey, everyone, I'm Tim. I quit on September 1, 2009, and this is my first intro/journal post, 15 plus days into my quit.
I haven't been able to tell if most of you quit prior to joining KTC. I joined and posted my first roll call after having been quit for a day or two. I had been searching around on the internet for info on "how long nicotine cravings last". Ha!
OK, why I quit...
I'm lean. Not unhealthy lean, actually nicely muscular, unless you include periods when I was dipping. Oh, wait, that's something like 25 years. I did have a 3.5 year period when I wasn't using any tobacco in my late 20's and early 30's, but then I started smoking and dipping again after a stressful episode (yes, I was one of THOSE idiots who caved after YEARS). So I've had a great body, want a great body, have the genetics for a great body, but have screwed it up for (literally) decades with nicotine. Nicotine makes me less hungry, skip meals, abhor workouts, etc.
Dip was also "something else to do", instead of what I wanted to and often should be doing. Ever keep a dip in your mouth for 7 or 8 hours? I did it all the time, maybe take it out long enough to choke down my lunch, and then start a fresh dip or just use the same one. From the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed, dipping was among the first and last things I did every single day.
I'm a cheap bastard, so I used the cheapest dip I could find, in my case (most recently) Longhorn wintergreen long cut. So it didn't cost me as much as some others (I've only saved $28 in 16 days). But I can definitely find a different use for $500-$600 after taxes each year.
Health: I've been blessed with really excellent health my entire life. Nothing lays me out for long periods, no frequent trips to the doc, nothing like that in my life. But there are tons of health risks to me from tobacco I quit smoking at the end of '07, but dip has plenty more risks. Oral cancer, weakened immune system (more serious in my case since nicotine is such an appetite suppressant for me), etc.
I want to get back into bodybuilding again (yep, at 44 years old), avoid all the potential health problems of nicotine, save the bucks, regain my FOCUS, which I suppose has been my biggest setback of all. Right now my focus, 16 days in, she's a no too pretty good.
One of my greatest missions is to help my 5 year old daughter become a healthy, sane, successful woman. Can't do that if I'm tango uniform. So that alone is reason to stay quit.
This isn't going to right all the wrongs in my life. I'll still need to get out and scratch, I'll still come across idiots in daily life, the government is still going to take my money and give it to people who will buy cigarettes but won't buy condoms.
Those things are mostly outside my control. Staying quit of nicotine is COMPLETELY within my control. And it's a worthy goal all by itself.
Today I'm free of nicotine. I hope you are too. And we'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow, together.
Tim/Gump
"Stupid is as stupid does"
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welcome gump sounds like there's some quittin to be done up in here
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Welcome Tim and love the quote!
Keep up the quit!
Jack
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Thanks guys. Think I'll post in here as things about my own quit occur to me.
For example, I've been here for more than two weeks, and haven't gotten any phone numbers yet. Today I'll ask some of the folks I've gotten support from for their numbers.
Also, it turns out I did post something of an introcuction on the December 09 group roll call page on September 2. Fog. Who knew?
Slept not more than 2 hours during one stretch, not more than an hour at a stretch apart from that last night. No death dreams like I was having the second night of my quit though, so there's a benny.
My concentration still sucks, but that was a characteristic of mine prior to quitting also.
I saw a post from (I think) Skoal Monster talking about his quit, and how he tried to quit slowly, not dipping for the first few hours of the day, then shoving a dip in. His words to describe this were memorable, though I may not have the quote exactly right... "My cave was the reward for my quit". I think that may be why I think it's better to go cold turkey, because otherwise the dip would feel like a reward for having held off. By the way, I went cold turkey. It fucking bites.
I saw another post, I think this one was in the Words of Wisdom section, can't remember who from. He mentioned ALL KINDS of shit going wrong in his life, but still kept his quit. Just got out of prison, bus rolled over 50 million times, bitch tried to stab me in the bathroom, etc, something like that. It made me think about all the things that are not as I'd like them in my own life, and that if he can do THAT, I can do THIS. People write things like "why do you old guys, who have been quit since forever, even bother?" I have a pretty good idea why for most of you. I'm just damn glad you do, because it helps me say "I CAN DO THIS".
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I discovered yesterday that, if you always need to be doing something with your tongue, and you've already depleted your sexual partner's fluids and neurotransmitters, you can use the teeth whitening strips (Crest, or the Wal-Mart Equate brand for cheap bastards like me).
You get a two for one...the teeth get whiter, and you get to mess with the whitening strips the whole time. And unlike most ladies, the whitening strips never need a breather (I have an oral fixation...what can I do?).
By the way, how many of us have paid several hundred dollars to have our teeth whitened, and then within days or even hours started dipping our fool heads off again. Oh, just me? Damn.
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Thanks guys. Think I'll post in here as things about my own quit occur to me.
For example, I've been here for more than two weeks, and haven't gotten any phone numbers yet. Today I'll ask some of the folks I've gotten support from for their numbers.
Also, it turns out I did post something of an introcuction on the December 09 group roll call page on September 2. Fog. Who knew?
Slept not more than 2 hours during one stretch, not more than an hour at a stretch apart from that last night. No death dreams like I was having the second night of my quit though, so there's a benny.
My concentration still sucks, but that was a characteristic of mine prior to quitting also.
I saw a post from (I think) Skoal Monster talking about his quit, and how he tried to quit slowly, not dipping for the first few hours of the day, then shoving a dip in. His words to describe this were memorable, though I may not have the quote exactly right... "My cave was the reward for my quit". I think that may be why I think it's better to go cold turkey, because otherwise the dip would feel like a reward for having held off. By the way, I went cold turkey. It fucking bites.
I saw another post, I think this one was in the Words of Wisdom section, can't remember who from. He mentioned ALL KINDS of shit going wrong in his life, but still kept his quit. Just got out of prison, bus rolled over 50 million times, bitch tried to stab me in the bathroom, etc, something like that. It made me think about all the things that are not as I'd like them in my own life, and that if he can do THAT, I can do THIS. People write things like "why do you old guys, who have been quit since forever, even bother?" I have a pretty good idea why for most of you. I'm just damn glad you do, because it helps me say "I CAN DO THIS".
I'm glad you got a few phone numbers. If you need another one, PM me.
You are a freaking chatterbox on the boards, good shit ma man. Therapeutic for you, and for all of us that read it.
Keep the strong quit going Forest.
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Now this thing calls me a Bimbo! I swear, you have 1 MFFF 4-way, and you're labeled for life!
So it's day 27 here, the fog has mostly lifted, and my workouts are taking on some real meaning. I'm doing bench days with my accountant, who lives a few miles from me and is also single with a young daughter. Also the running is getting a LOT better. 2 weeks ago 1 mile was an unhappy experience. Now three is a breeze. And a couple of days a week I strap on/carry about 100lbs of freeweights and go walking and do stairs. Feels like walking on the moon when I take them off again.
I haven't had a dip dream or a nightmare in some time. I screwed my back up pulling a guy out of a car wreck I witnessed about 6 years ago, so sleeping late (like today) has it's pluses and minuses, but at least I CAN sleep well. And my business is still rocky (better than a lot of my former competition, who have disappeared completely). But overall life is far better than a month ago, or even a week ago.
I miss NOTHING about tobacco or nicotine. The spitters, the buzz, the diarrhea, the spills, the hiding, the expense, the stains, the panics, the lies, the late night runs to purchase tobacco, the dip lip...nothing.
Quality of life. Cool. And my brothers and sisters here assure me it keeps getting even better. Even cooler!
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I decided to park this welcome to newbies here, so when my brain has the day off, I can still greet intelligently...
Hey, just wanted to say welcome and smart decision. We all completely understand what you're going through. Every last one of us has been exactly where you are now, and where you're going to be in the coming weeks. It's HARD, it hurts sometimes, it sucks much of the time, maybe even most of the time for several weeks or even months in some cases. But there is one thing we all did to stay free of nicotine...
We DECIDED that we WOULD do this, no matter how much pain we had to take, no matter how screwed up our sleep, no matter how lousy our ability to think straight.
Everyone's quit is different...some have really bad craves and no fog, some (like me) had terrible fog where they couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes, but had few craves. Some have both, and a lot more. So you have to own your quit AND your addiction. You'll be an addict forever. But you only have to quit one day at a time.
You are among people who get it, in a way that nobody else can. Stick with us. Post roll every day. Read how others do it, and when you're ready please turn around and help the person coming up behind you. We're all in this together.
Tim/Gump
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Now this thing calls me a Bimbo!Â
Congrats! You're a floozy now!
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I decided to park this welcome to newbies here, so when my brain has the day off, I can still greet intelligently...
Hey, just wanted to say welcome and smart decision. We all completely understand what you're going through. Every last one of us has been exactly where you are now, and where you're going to be in the coming weeks. It's HARD, it hurts sometimes, it sucks much of the time, maybe even most of the time for several weeks or even months in some cases. But there is one thing we all did to stay free of nicotine...
We DECIDED that we WOULD do this, no matter how much pain we had to take, no matter how screwed up our sleep, no matter how lousy our ability to think straight.
Everyone's quit is different...some have really bad craves and no fog, some (like me) had terrible fog where they couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes, but had few craves. Some have both, and a lot more. So you have to own your quit AND your addiction. You'll be an addict forever. But you only have to quit one day at a time.
You are among people who get it, in a way that nobody else can. Stick with us. Post roll every day. Read how others do it, and when you're ready please turn around and help the person coming up behind you. We're all in this together.
Tim/Gump
'worship' 'clap'
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I decided to park this welcome to newbies here, so when my brain has the day off, I can still greet intelligently...
Hey, just wanted to say welcome and smart decision. We all completely understand what you're going through. Every last one of us has been exactly where you are now, and where you're going to be in the coming weeks. It's HARD, it hurts sometimes, it sucks much of the time, maybe even most of the time for several weeks or even months in some cases. But there is one thing we all did to stay free of nicotine...
We DECIDED that we WOULD do this, no matter how much pain we had to take, no matter how screwed up our sleep, no matter how lousy our ability to think straight.
Everyone's quit is different...some have really bad craves and no fog, some (like me) had terrible fog where they couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes, but had few craves. Some have both, and a lot more. So you have to own your quit AND your addiction. You'll be an addict forever. But you only have to quit one day at a time.
You are among people who get it, in a way that nobody else can. Stick with us. Post roll every day. Read how others do it, and when you're ready please turn around and help the person coming up behind you. We're all in this together.
Tim/Gump
Hey Gump, I used the whitening strips yesterday and also found it kinda relaxing and kept my mouth busy!! did you join that marriage club yet? jk , beretta
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I decided to park this welcome to newbies here, so when my brain has the day off, I can still greet intelligently...
Hey, just wanted to say welcome and smart decision. We all completely understand what you're going through. Every last one of us has been exactly where you are now, and where you're going to be in the coming weeks. It's HARD, it hurts sometimes, it sucks much of the time, maybe even most of the time for several weeks or even months in some cases. But there is one thing we all did to stay free of nicotine...
We DECIDED that we WOULD do this, no matter how much pain we had to take, no matter how screwed up our sleep, no matter how lousy our ability to think straight.
Everyone's quit is different...some have really bad craves and no fog, some (like me) had terrible fog where they couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes, but had few craves. Some have both, and a lot more. So you have to own your quit AND your addiction. You'll be an addict forever. But you only have to quit one day at a time.
You are among people who get it, in a way that nobody else can. Stick with us. Post roll every day. Read how others do it, and when you're ready please turn around and help the person coming up behind you. We're all in this together.
Tim/Gump
Hey Gump, I used the whitening strips yesterday and also found it kinda relaxing and kept my mouth busy!! did you join that marriage club yet? jk , beretta
Marriage Club? Hehheh, and deprive the rest of the ladies? That just wouldn't be fair to them.
Glad the whitening strips are proving useful...beats the hell out of sunflower seeds and herbal chew.
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So I decided to sleep in today. I've been getting up at 5AM every day during the week, and have been very pleased to see Coolcop there every day before me. He posted roll every day at the beginning, but recently he's taken some serious leadership in our group. Salut, Coolcop.
OK, so I'm sleeping in right? But had to get up to pee. Went back to bed, just got to sleep again, and I get a text from Cards Fan, gloating how he's finally beat me to post roll (for once in his life!). And of course, when I get a text, it keeps on beeping every few seconds until I get up to look at it and make it stop.
Went back to sleep again. Swore I'd kill the next sonofabitch who woke me up.
Here's where the fun begins.
Last night I went to a high school football game with the guy I pulled out of a car wreck 6 years ago, his sons are in the band and his daughter's a cheerleader. He stopped at a gas station to get some bucks from the ATM, and I saw a sign for SNUS. Now I finally understand what SNUS means. Memory locked.
So during sleep number three, I'm sitting at a bar type thing, and see a can of nicless herbal chew. The bartender notices me noticing it, and offers me some. Up until now I've avoided everything having to do with dip or smoke like the plague, but my dream self says "sure", and as I'm reaching for the pinch, the guy grabs a fingerful and jams it into my right eye!
Well, the dream did proceed on to other really weird/cool stuff including many young women frolicking topless, a gang of punk college-age kids (some of whom came to my negative attention by moving on some of the young frolicking topless women) and I'm pretty sure some sort of weapon of mass destruction. But, my quit brothers and sisters, my aversion to anything having to do with dip or nicotine is quite as strong as it ever was.
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Up until now I've avoided everything having to do with dip or smoke like the plague, but my dream self says "sure", and as I'm reaching for the pinch, the guy grabs a fingerful and jams it into my right eye!
I would do that for you any day Forrest. Then you could be a pirate. A dipless pirate. I'm here to help.
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Up until now I've avoided everything having to do with dip or smoke like the plague, but my dream self says "sure", and as I'm reaching for the pinch, the guy grabs a fingerful and jams it into my right eye!
I would do that for you any day Forrest. Then you could be a pirate. A dipless pirate. I'm here to help.
Haha, thanks Ready. I'd make a lousy pirate though. I could handle the hook and the pegleg and the missing eye and patch.
I just couldn't stand the parrot shit.
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Interesting, 56 days since I quit. I can remember the taste of the wintergreen, and sometimes I get a feeling there's something I always did "right about now" (whenever "right about now" happens to be, I know it was pretty damn frequent). But it's like the last little memory of a habit I once had, not any kind of crave.
Meanwhile things are going pretty well. September's sales were a disaster (that was my beginning the quit/withdrawal/unbelievable fog/can't think worth a damn month) but October has picked up nicely. I'm getting the physique back. Went rock climbing yesterday and topped out an 83 foot wall (Comfortably Numb, 5.9) that had vexed me in my younger days. Celebrated with all you can eat sushi buffet. The improved female attention these days is not unwelcome either.
One thing I've never done (never had to do) before is to put myself on a low-carb, low-fat diet (Nutrition.com has the breakdown for everything, it's awesome). Dipping made me skip meals, and it raised my heart rate, so I always kept the fat off. But at 44 years old and having a normal appetite, even with working out all the time I was starting to see some accumulation around the middle. So diet it was. It REALLY reduced the number of things I can eat regularly, pretty much limiting me to lean meats, veggies (nothing starchy), egg whites and non-fat dairy. So I get a ton of protein now and I still wake up hungry. Of course the all you can eat sushi buffet was an exception...gotta live it up a little.
I'm excited about the future. Things that seemed impossible a few months ago are possible again. Like climbing Comfortably Numb. Hoo ha!
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Interesting, 56 days since I quit. I can remember the taste of the wintergreen, and sometimes I get a feeling there's something I always did "right about now" (whenever "right about now" happens to be, I know it was pretty damn frequent). But it's like the last little memory of a habit I once had, not any kind of crave.
Nice Gump. This stuff will all pass in time. I had all the same issues and the more time I put between me and the bitch, the better things got. There were MANY times I did not believe that and had the whispers in my ear - they are ALL lies and you know. Things get better and better the more time clean you get.
congrats on the climb and thanks for the story.