KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: marjwilliams on May 10, 2011, 09:30:00 AM
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Hello fellow addicts. My name is Marcus and I've been dipping like a banchie since my freshman year of college when I discovered the shit helped me stay up to study. That, all of a sudden, was almost 13 years ago.
I've never slowed down or even attempted to quit or even wanted to until now. I mean, I've wished I didn't dip, but have never actually tried to stop. Been doing a can a day of Timberwolf Straight Longcut for a long time now. Costs about $70 per month, and about once a week results in layers of skin sloughing off the inside of each of my cheeks.
My breath stinks at all times. My teeth have a disappointing yellow tint to them. My wife can never just come up and kiss me because I literally ALWAYS have a dip in so long as I am awake and not eating at the time. I pre-plan every event to allow for dipping. Funeral or wedding? No problem I'll just keep an empty airplane sized liquor bottle in my suit coat for a spittoon. Business meeting? Dip in the way back of my mouth, full cup of coffee, swallow the spit. Wife wants to snuggle on the couch? Yeah right. I'm dipping. Wife wants to go to bed? nah, I think I'll have another dip and stay up for a while.
I know everyone here relates to all this crap. All this frackin energy spent thinking about dip. Planning for dip. Adjusting our lives to accommodate dip. Thank goodness I'm done with it.
My "reason" is one that my wife and I agreed upon many moons ago. I was a dipper when we started dating and she chose to marry me anyway. For that reason I wouldn't quit for her and she wasn't allowed to try to make me. However the one event that we agreed would be the perfect time to quit is when she got pregnant. I tried to make the deal when we had a baby, but she wisely recommended I get the quit out of my system before we had an alien living with us keeping us up at night. Good call.
Well, we got news last week that we're 6 weeks pregnant with our first kid after 9 years of marriage. So Monday, May 9th became my quit date. I did it. It was weird. Here I am for day 2 and am elated to have this nasty shit out of my life.
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I will not sugar coat this:
1. You are in for the fight of your life. If you are not in 100% get out now.
2. We will not coddle you. Give your word every day and keep it.
3. You are in for the fight of your life. If you are not in 100% get out now.
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may i also add that you need to quit for yourself. Quitting for mrs marj or baby marj won't cut it. You'll fail. I did many times. I quit for my girls arrival, her first bday, her christening, her second bday, etc. Always went back to the can.
Man up marj, quit for yourself. You have the tools in this website to keep you quit. Use them and you'll stay quit.
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I don't know. Maybe it doesn't sound like it in my introduction, but I certainly FEEL like I'm quitting for myself. I guess the trigger was that we're having a baby, but that was just more of a pre-planned start date for the quit I knew I had to do.
I'm honestly sick of this shit and am not fucking eating any of it today. Promise.
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I'm honestly sick of this shit and am not fucking eating any of it today. Promise.
Now that sounds like a determined man. Keep your word and I got your back.
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I'm honestly sick of this shit and am not fucking eating any of it today. Promise.
Now that sounds like a determined man. Keep your word and I got your back.
Right on, one day at a time.
You can do this.
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Your story reminds me....of me. I started dipping to stay awake driving the car on sales trips. No need to stop so often for bathroom breaks, right? 2,000 cans later it took this site to give me the tools to stop the addiction. Yes, I said addiction. This will not be easy, but we have the plan if you have the will. Please PM if you need personal assistance from me.
Now, post roll everyday and honor your promise.
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I'm honestly sick of this shit and am not fucking eating any of it today. Promise.
Now that sounds like a determined man. Keep your word and I got your back.
Right on, one day at a time.
You can do this.
That attitude will get you a long way. Remember how disgusted and pissed you are right now. Then go spend some time learning about Big Tobacco and how they manipulated you and everyone else.
You can be free from the bitch, follow the rules here, post your promise and keep your word.
Simple.
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I'm honestly sick of this shit and am not fucking eating any of it today. Promise.
Now that sounds like a determined man. Keep your word and I got your back.
Right on, one day at a time.
You can do this.
That attitude will get you a long way. Remember how disgusted and pissed you are right now. Then go spend some time learning about Big Tobacco and how they manipulated you and everyone else.
You can be free from the bitch, follow the rules here, post your promise and keep your word.
Simple.
Damn, this guy found some of our Koolaid out in the world before he even got here.
Congrats for drinking it.
Welcome.
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Welcome Marj and get ready for hell. The others are right, you need to quit for you and nobody else. I can't tell you how many stories I've read where people say they are quitting because of a bun in the oven. Those stories are often 'attempts' that didn't pan out. Check out the HOF speeches. Your brain will try to justify all sorts of bullshit to keep you on the nic bitches tit. Get ready and stay close to the site. Post roll early and daily. We got your back Bro!!
Choose life...
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Congrats on the decision to take your life back.
Like everyone else said, you have to quit for yourself, nobody else.
I tried to quit before marriage, when she became preg, his birthday, etc. Never worked. I finally decided to quit for myself and here I am at 358 days quit.
Again, be serious and we have your back. We are here for you.
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I'm just gonna blog here for a while I guess. Just so I can look back and remember clearly what this bullshit is like.
Day 2:
Tuesday 5/10/11
-wake up exhausted.
-Stop by QT. They have Smokey Mountain. Score. Wintergreen not bad at all.
-Sick to stomach. Feel like puking up breakfast.
-Burn boats. Dump out and trash both my last 2 cans. Was really looking forward to that step.
-Feel like eyes sunk into head. Feels like a permanent hangover that food and coffee can't help mixed in with intense dip cravings yet no dip available.
-Truthfully, the cravings were worse day one, but the physical withdrawal symptoms are WAY worse day 2.
-Brain don't work for shit. Very bad at my job today.
-Found KTC chat room. Pretty cool.
-Went to Rangers game. Drank 5 beers. Rangers win 7-2.
-In bed at 11:30. Slept perfect. 8 hrs sleep.
-No nicotine day 2.
Day 1:
Monday 5/9/11
-Dipped until 11:30pm last night so the day starts like any other day.
-Wake up to an empty can sitting on my truck. Wife thinks she did me the favor of pouring out my last can. Fukking raged. Wasn't my last can, but it wasn't her place to "help." She apologized later.
-Come about 10:30am my body's wondering why the fuck I haven't fed it dip.
-By noon I've ordered 6 cans of Hooch online and 2 orders of Grinds and also found KTC and registered to post here.
-Afternoon cravings were so bad I had to eye-fuck the clock to make sure it was still moving.
-Left work at 3:45.
-Get home. Be irritable. Wife watched TV in other room. Drink 2 beers.
-To bed at 10:30, no good sleep until 3:00 am.
-Still have a can in my truck and in my office.
-No nicotine day 1.
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You are doing great man. One suggestion. Be really careful with the booz right now. Drinking is normally a pretty big trigger (makes you want a dip) for most people and it will really cloud your judgment. Pretty easy to say FUCK IT when you are drunk. Just be careful bro, you are at a very critical stage in your Quit right now.
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I know you're right about the booze and I have to be careful. On the same token though I still want to be honest about it.
Day 3:
-woke up feeling pretty good.
-luckily got a full night's sleep.
-still don't feel right though. headache and just general weirdness has set in at work (fog). sore throat setting in. left side.
-still suck at work. Coffee is good.
-Cravings are weird, short, and intense when they catch me off guard.
-stomach not as queasy as yesterday.
-have told pretty much everybody that matters that I'm quitting dip. Reactions vary, though my dad, a former dipper himself has been very supportive. My brother is even "trying" to quit which is cute. Timing isn't right for him yet but I have no doubt my success will help motivate him sooner than later.
-11:00am. dragging ass. small headache. some mouth pain.
-afternoon, felt better. stayed on KTC chat which was helpful.
-went to happy hour. had 5 beers. no temptations.
-yay fake snuff.
-sigh. I'm probably just thinking too much. this should be easier.
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The best advice somebody ever gave to me on this site when I first showed up was to simply "Embrace the suck". Thats damn right.
Feel every bit of that sore throat, the mind numbing cravings, the head-aches, the crankyness, all of it. Remember how you felt the day before on every day of your quit. Never forget it! Never forget what you had to go through to get that crap out of your life, because the second that you forget that you're an addict, you're screwed.
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....because the second that you forget that you're an addict, you're screwed.
DO NOT FORGET THIS!
It is very easy (especially after a couple coldbeers) to convince yourself that you are no longer an addict and that bumming "just one dip" off some so-called friend is ok.
It is not ok.
It will not be just one dip.
You will be ashamed for your failure.
You will catch worlds of crap from your quit brothers.
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4 weeks in and day 29 starts today. I had intended to more or less blog my quit in this thread, but there wasn't much to report after Day 3 or 4. It's unbelievable how bad the 1st week was, but since then it's been more or less steady mind over matter type stuff.
I dipped a lot of fake dip the 1st two weeks but not much now. I don't even own any at the moment except for a once used can of Smokey Mountain Classic flavor. Figure the next time I get a hankering for the taste of opossum's asshole I'll get a pinch of that stuff.
I like the Grinds coffee pouches for harmless trigger quenchers at happy hour or on the golf course or mowing the lawn, etc. No spitting or loose fake dip floating around my mouth. Even still I don't dip these daily.
There were some mouth sores and annoying cravings that were surprisingly strong at the 2 week mark. Annoying cravings still pop up, but I just shake my head and shrug it off. Sleep has completely returned to normal plus I'm getting more of it since I'm not staying up to dip anymore. First couple weeks I was waking up in the night quite a bit and I never do that. I never had any dip dreams but I don't usually remember dreams anyway.
All in all I couldn't be more pleased to have made it this far. Gonna keep on keepin on.
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4 weeks in and day 29 starts today. I had intended to more or less blog my quit in this thread, but there wasn't much to report after Day 3 or 4. It's unbelievable how bad the 1st week was, but since then it's been more or less steady mind over matter type stuff.
I dipped a lot of fake dip the 1st two weeks but not much now. I don't even own any at the moment except for a once used can of Smokey Mountain Classic flavor. Figure the next time I get a hankering for the taste of opossum's asshole I'll get a pinch of that stuff.
I like the Grinds coffee pouches for harmless trigger quenchers at happy hour or on the golf course or mowing the lawn, etc. No spitting or loose fake dip floating around my mouth. Even still I don't dip these daily.
There were some mouth sores and annoying cravings that were surprisingly strong at the 2 week mark. Annoying cravings still pop up, but I just shake my head and shrug it off. All in all I couldn't be more pleased to have made it this far. Gonna keep on keepin on.
marjwilliams - if you'd like you can also share you quit journey here: http://quit4today.com/ (http://quit4today.com/)
Send me a PM if you'd like me to set you up.
chewie
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Good to hear the update, thanks. Just so you know I am 145 days quit and had one of the worst craves I have had in a while last night. We are on vacation and cooked a big spaghetti last night. As I was eating my last few bites something in my head said "man that after supper dip is gonna be great tonight". I almost fell out of my fucking chair. Where the hell did that come from? A 30 year addiction that is where. Stay on your toes quitters, the next crave/trigger is right around the corner.