KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Skidwilly on January 15, 2017, 07:26:00 PM
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Tried to quit 2015. 2017 is my year. I quit 1-8-17. I have dipped for 24 years. Went in to get a tooth pulled, busted tooth under a crown. The point was driven home if I kept on the path that the pulled tooth would be easy compared to mouth cancer. The pulled tooth sucked balls. Needless it was the oomph I needed to commit to quit. I'm here. Ready to be supported, ready to support. I appreciate Kill the Can.
Tony
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Hey Skid welcome to KTC, my name is Tony too. I dipped for 35 years and had several failed quit attempts. Many people come here after a scare from a dentist visit. Don't forget what that dentist told you because mouth cancer is serious. Get in your quit group and post roll, read as much as you can, and exchange digits. Send pm to me if you want mine.Stay strong and stay quit.
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Thanks Tony!!
I read your HOF speech. Glad you described being quit and then "thinking" you can just have one. A lesson I am glad to have read. Thank you Brother
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Thanks Tony!!
I read your HOF speech. Glad you described being quit and then "thinking" you can just have one. A lesson I am glad to have read. Thank you Brother
Congrats on a great decision, let me know if you need some digits.
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Hello,
My first introduction was not great. I was playing an over confident fly on the wall quitter. Here is another crack at it.
I started skoal mint around age 21, i remember that day. And the next where I bought my own can. And buying since then. Previously to that day I snuck the gold river dip from my dad, and found I could buy red man chew around age 14 out in the country. Needless to say I am and was an addict. It seems the older you get the harder you go on the dip. I was up to a can a day or so, I was a workaholic, and used the dip as an excuse to work, work and work some more.
It is easy to get confused in who does the work, you or the dip. My thinking went, I need to do this job, but only with a dip could I figure that out. But I am finding I can still work, and problem solve without the dip....25 years later.
Today is day 21, and 3 weeks ago today I decided to quit. I am happy with that choice I made for me. If anyone is thinking about quitting. Jump in! It does not seem easy, it is not easy. And being a dipper, you know the lies we can weave about the addiction. For me, day 3 and day 10 were some real tests. Day 3 I am hunting my garage for a can that does not exist. It was there that I confronted the voice of the addict in my head for the first time. Asked it if I found said can, what makes you think I will put that into my mouth? I gained control over the addict me in that moment. Then just dealing with the cravings and exercise. Day 10 I had Rage like never before. I have never experienced such a rage for such a long period of time. I posted this, and someone came to the rescue with a #. What I realized in that moment was two fold. One, I did not reach out nor take help from those that reached out to me.(you see I was over confident in my quit). And that I did not realize the GRIP nicotine had on my thinking. I had learned to work hard, with dip, it was my reward, my motivation, my solitude. njohns23 spoke the words via text when I told him how long I had dipped: "Well that right there is part of the reason you are having a bit of a issue with the Rage. Even though your body has flushed the nicotine, your mind hasn't had time to reprogram. We used to do everything with dip and now we have to learn how to do things with out dip as our crutch."
Read what he said again, please.
His words were such a punch from the darkness. I sat on the couch, after I exhausted myself on the treadmill with tears in my eyes not knowing who I was without dip. Could I be this raging asshole? Yes. Hopefully not, but in the moment I could be. From there I researched what nicotine does in the mind, and finding ways to get the dopamine working again in my brain naturally.
3 weeks in, I still have some cravings, I still use the fake maybe once a day. But I can say my mood swings are less and I feel a little more calm today. So my advice read all you can. KNOW your enemy. Take the #'s , text just to say great on the quit. Support each other. Post that roll and help someone. Be accountable. If you are new and read to this point, do it. Quit. One day you will appreciate what total strangers with the same addiction, will do for you. And one day what you will do for another addict wearing the shoes you once wore.
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Thanks for sharing your struggles here, Skidwilly. Stay strong. Earn your freedom. It's a daily struggle, but it gets better. I was inspired by your story and I needed that today. Thanks.
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Day26-27
Feeling a little flat, angry. The anger seems to be equally as strong as the craving voice talking excuses to have a dip. Maybe even a feeling of despair, maybe stemming from everything I ever did revolved around having a dip. Is it possiable the rage and anger is the chemical wanting its poison to make it allllll quiet again. Today I will not dip. Little addict voice. I do not give you the power to drive me. I make the rules, not you.
*Side note*the mouth soreness is easing up a bit. Too many hard mints I think chewed up
I think the rage and anger is a mechanism in the brain to make you crack a little. It is fighting it's war with you to get you to cave.
You slippery succubus
Just a little venting, and my playbook of a quit.
Also it feels good to feel as if I am helping someone else on the path of quitting.
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Did 45 on the treadmill that helped a lot with the blahs. *remember to exercise
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Day 41-
Feel a bit better, still crave at work, as I dipped at work. Hard to change the face of that habit. I take much inspiration from the active members in my group and other groups. The crave seems to go hand in hand with being angry or having a shortened fuse. Been using fake dip and ordered some grinds today. See how that works.
I still read all I can and feel very attached to this site. I enjoy reading, helping and cheering on my fellow quitters victories!
I read what others before me say, about what to expect, I know I am not out of the woods yet. I feel like I am constantly waiting for this to get easier. Maybe today it is an easy day. One day at a time. I am trying to be the best quitter I can be to my wife and co-workers. The addict brain sometimes just makes me an asshole.
I feel pretty good today,live poker game tonight, i have lost all interest in online poker since my quit. Not sure if it gave me an excuse to be alone playing cards with my dip.
I was surprised to see how long it has been since I posted last. And how 2 weeks can feel like forever ago.
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hey Skidwilly, feel free to reach out for additional digits....
It will get better and easier. It's best to focus on your life, brisk walking or doing some light weights worked for me, and get engaged with other quitters: newbies/vets/quitters in your group, then you'll realize suddenly one day that it isn't as bad as it was. And then later, you'll realized it's even easier. My point is, looking at each day and seeing if it's an easy one is sure to disappoint. Shift your focus to the big picture, and one day at a time with no nic.
Also, it helped me to think that I am not just enduring some shitty suffering, I am choosing to be reborn into freedom from nicotine. It's a privilege, and an honor, and a daily victory. Pat yourself on the back each day. The discomfort you feel is the price for freedom, and it is worth it.
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hey Skidwilly, feel free to reach out for additional digits....
It will get better and easier. It's best to focus on your life, brisk walking or doing some light weights worked for me, and get engaged with other quitters: newbies/vets/quitters in your group, then you'll realize suddenly one day that it isn't as bad as it was. And then later, you'll realized it's even easier. My point is, looking at each day and seeing if it's an easy one is sure to disappoint. Shift your focus to the big picture, and one day at a time with no nic.
Also, it helped me to think that I am not just enduring some shitty suffering, I am choosing to be reborn into freedom from nicotine. It's a privilege, and an honor, and a daily victory. Pat yourself on the back each day. The discomfort you feel is the price for freedom, and it is worth it.
Wow!
Thank you Zeno for the perspective check. I really know I am on the correct path. I just need to convince my brain that I will no longer feed it nicotine, and it can stop asking. Yes it asks less but still asks. . The deep down scary stuff is that I'm trying to figuring out who I am, beyond the dip. Am I the same person? I would say no, maybe, kinda and kinda not, because the addict has been there 26 years. And most likely there before that, as I remember chewing redman around 14-15 years old. And dipping some in high school. So I have grown to who I am as an addict. I let that out here, I let it go here. And I somewhat feel like I am in the stage of unknowing. Just pondering the void of not dipping. Finding motivation to do something. I just feel lazy, yes I work, I exercise but I feel like I did or got done more while dipping. But that too could be a smokescreen.
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Hope your quit is still going strong. Whenever you feel weak or get the urge to wanna look back, go and Google pictures of mouth cancer.....I promise you won't EVER go back to dip if you do!
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I am on day 55 today. And the last two days I have not felt even mildly enthusiastic about anything. Good things are happening and I give no fucks. I really hope this is some sort of mid HOF funky funk funk. I also have had weird realistic daydreams of getting a can. I was at the store 30 minutes ago, I did look at the dip counter, but felt no need to get some. Is this a fleeting mental game going on? Why do I give no fucks. I have a fancy memory of what it feels like to feel good. Like wow I have not felt this good in some time. That is not today.
I know I must be strong and I must be here for those I promise to everyday. This feels really hard right now. Not that I am getting a can, not that I ever will. But she is whispering how easily we can go back to the "numbing of feelings". Where we poison ourselves so we can deal with it all. These "craves" or thoughts of dip coincide with feeling low, irritable and not good. Also stress is picking back up at work. These being triggers. This is one of those days where time seems to slow, and I feel all the things I missed, not learning how to feel because I was an addict. Is it quite possible I have dipped for so long at such an early age that I never learned how to feel, how to deal with emotional stress? Being male, it was easy to hide behind "tough" even easier with a dip in. Remember how this day feels. I do not like the last few days. This is not the fun stuff of quitting. This sucks.
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I am on day 55 today. And the last two days I have not felt even mildly enthusiastic about anything. Good things are happening and I give no fucks. I really hope this is some sort of mid HOF funky funk funk. I also have had weird realistic daydreams of getting a can. I was at the store 30 minutes ago, I did look at the dip counter, but felt no need to get some. Is this a fleeting mental game going on? Why do I give no fucks. I have a fancy memory of what it feels like to feel good. Like wow I have not felt this good in some time. That is not today.
I know I must be strong and I must be here for those I promise to everyday. This feels really hard right now. Not that I am getting a can, not that I ever will. But she is whispering how easily we can go back to the "numbing of feelings". Where we poison ourselves so we can deal with it all. These "craves" or thoughts of dip coincide with feeling low, irritable and not good. Also stress is picking back up at work. These being triggers. This is one of those days where time seems to slow, and I feel all the things I missed, not learning how to feel because I was an addict. Is it quite possible I have dipped for so long at such an early age that I never learned how to feel, how to deal with emotional stress? Being male, it was easy to hide behind "tough" even easier with a dip in. Remember how this day feels. I do not like the last few days. This is not the fun stuff of quitting. This sucks.
Tony, funks will come and go even past HOF. Same with dip dreams. I know it is hard to believe, but this is part of healing. It will get better. The good days will outnumber the flat ones. And you will end up better than you can imagine. Keep documenting your quit here. You will see progress.
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Day 72-73
What a messed up couple of days. I stared raging over nothing and it continued for 15 hours. Total mess. It was a sneaky rage. I did not even recognize it was happening. But I was pissed. The following day was a misty foggy brain. I could not think. It was like learning to swim. Just gasping for air. Popped out the other side, and I feel great. I have found some calm. Today I am quit 76 days. I feel the "it does get better" comments you hear from others before you. I do feel great. I also took the first phone call from another quitter. That was awesome, it did give me some hope. Samrs thank you. As always BrianG, for the listening.
**the above was written while I was feeling good. There are a few posts in the group where I was a lil angry, and foggy, so my skills with the English language was a bit jumbled.
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Congrats on your 100 days quit!
Cheers to 101 and beyond Skid!
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Congrats on Day 100 Tony!!
You are an example to all others of how to do this quit thing the right way.
Proud to quit with you!!
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Skid!! I thank you for your support!
Getting to 100-great job!! Do not slack off-- push ahead!!
I stay quit with you today!
The Old Man
check out the song below--100days100nights--interesting lyrics
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133 today, Sunday morning and just finished posting support and came to re read what I put down here in the past. Wow. Funny how I can remember those shitty days. I did have a Funk around 110-115 which was medley of emotions, from the feeling of day one craves, the blahs, the hair trigger rage outbursts, dip daydreams,and the zero fucks given attitude. Since then, I have felt pretty great, other than the normal highs and lows of modern life. I still use fake, mostly at work, but got off grinds, the extra caffeine was not good for me. The Oregon Mint Beaver Chew is pretty good. Keep on keeping on the Quit.
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Day 229
Feeling great. I still have a mini thoughts of the romance of dip. But with the time between quitting and just plain quit (acceptance that it is off the table of options)it is easier to step back, and see the habit is nasty, that as alluring as the memory,the smell would be putrid, the taste would be sickening, the horrific thought of breaking your word to many many Quitters Is just not worth it.
Having had some rough life days, with my poor reactions to stress, my unkindness, not having the piece of mind to not over react and be angry, I needed a change (otherwise known as growth) to keep the important people in my life, in my life.
I ran across the wim hof method, it is partially a breathing method and a cold water therapy. The science behind it is fascinating. What it does to your body is amazing. I really wish I would have known about this earlier in my quit, it has been a game changer for me personally. I am more calm, I can think clearer, and have a better grasp on my inner voice. I really enjoy it and can say I have felt happy.
I have been doing this for about 4 weeks now, just doing the basics, soon to get the 10 week course and I am going to take a class....5 hours away. Yes 5 hours and I want to drive there and back in one day.
Check it out, if you have auto immune issues really check it out.
Wim hof (https://www.wimhofmethod.com/)
Great pod cast from Joe rogan (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Np0jGp6442A)
Great stuff.....really.....worth your time, basics are free online, check it out!
Breathe motherfucker
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454 days today. I wonder how I got to this many days. one day at a time. It honestly dawned on me today how 1000 days is not far out. That someone gave up 1000 days Quit. I am almost halfway there, and I feel as an infant of Quit, that at 1000 days I would only be the equivalent of a third grader, you see, I want to graduate college, and then get my doctorate of quitting. To do this, I have to be present everyday, I make my promise everyday, I keep my word and cannot miss a day. At 9490 days I graduate. That is 26 years of Quit which is as long as I dipped, then I have to work on the early years of chewing leaf tobacco. So another 6 years for my doctorate of Quit. It is easier to realize I do not need dip to think, to do, to be motivated. I still use fake, I really like the comfort of it. Much like a pacifier, one of these days, I just might grow up and put it away too.
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454 days today. I wonder how I got to this many days. one day at a time. It honestly dawned on me today how 1000 days is not far out. That someone gave up 1000 days Quit. I am almost halfway there, and I feel as an infant of Quit, that at 1000 days I would only be the equivalent of a third grader, you see, I want to graduate college, and then get my doctorate of quitting. To do this, I have to be present everyday, I make my promise everyday, I keep my word and cannot miss a day. At 9490 days I graduate. That is 26 years of Quit which is as long as I dipped, then I have to work on the early years of chewing leaf tobacco. So another 6 years for my doctorate of Quit. It is easier to realize I do not need dip to think, to do, to be motivated. I still use fake, I really like the comfort of it. Much like a pacifier, one of these days, I just might grow up and put it away too.
Doctorate of quit. I like that.
Skidwilly, DoQ, PhD
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On day 473, my wife wanted some late night ice cream, so I ran down to the local UDF when I came back she asked if it was nice to go in there and not buy dip. I completely did not recognize nor look at the wall of nicotine behind the cashier. I believe, this was the first time I have done this. Honestly I do not go into these stores or gas stations as much now I donot need to feed that addiction any longer. But good gosh darn that was a nice feeling. To know that at some point the habit does fade away. That you can live with out it. That your life does not need it in it. Is it easy? Nope. By far the hardest thing I have done. But the reward of posting every day and forming bonds to stay Quit.....you cannot buy it, you cannot borrow it, you have to own it, you do it and the fruits of the labor are yours to have. 400+ days ago I could not and would not believe this possible. It is, you can do it too. Just dump it, jump on, Quit. And drink up the process here. It will save your life, and make a brand new one at that, one that give you freedom, and many new friends.
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Congratulations on 500 Skid!!!
Through thick and thin.
Proud of you Brother!!
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Five hundred. Must be a ....peach of a hand....
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Five hundred. Must be a ....peach of a hand....
Congrats Skidwill on your 1/2 dangle!
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Five hundred. Must be a ....peach of a hand....
Congrats Skidwill on your 1/2 dangle!
Congrats Tony on 500 days quit! proud to be quit with you!!
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Day 545 shit. The 500Â’s has seemed challenging. More than usual thoughts of trying, dip, asmoke, a vape hit...whatever. Two things have happened that I can recognize.
I am not on the site to do anything more than post and ghost.
I am stressed to the gills at work.
I can glimpse the issue of pulling away from the site and not being involved in another persons Quit, that may bring the nicotine bish calling.
I do not want to cave, the thoughts of just one are present. Very interesting.
On the positive I am 545 days Quit, holy shit, I am 545 days Quit. That seems like a lot of days, one day at a time.
Just wanted to put it out there, so I can remember, that I do not want to have another day 1 or day 545, keep on stacking them, day by day
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Day 545 shit. The 500Â’s has seemed challenging. More than usual thoughts of trying, dip, asmoke, a vape hit...whatever. Two things have happened that I can recognize.
I am not on the site to do anything more than post and ghost.
I am stressed to the gills at work.
I can glimpse the issue of pulling away from the site and not being involved in another persons Quit, that may bring the nicotine bish calling.
I do not want to cave, the thoughts of just one are present. Very interesting.
On the positive I am 545 days Quit, holy shit, I am 545 days Quit. That seems like a lot of days, one day at a time.
Just wanted to put it out there, so I can remember, that I do not want to have another day 1 or day 545, keep on stacking them, day by day
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Double WUPP time for 200, proud to be quit wit u
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222 qlf nothing to report other than Ivquit today
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Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years
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Congrats on 600!!!!
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Congrats on 600!!!!
Congratulations on the 600 skidwilly!
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Poof