KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: randall on March 13, 2015, 06:39:00 PM
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My name is Randall. I have been chewing for about eight years. I have tried several times to quit on my own. It is VERY HARD! This is the first time I am leaning on an online community devoted to getting quit. Today is day 1 of my quit. I am optimistic in the moment, but know from past attempted quits, the rage and fog is coming. LET'S DO THIS!
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My name is Randall. I have been chewing for about eight years. I have tried several times to quit on my own. It is VERY HARD! This is the first time I am leaning on an online community devoted to getting quit. Today is day 1 of my quit. I am optimistic in the moment, but know from past attempted quits, the rage and fog is coming. LET'S DO THIS!
Randall - I'm proud that you are quitting. No, it's not easy. Days 2-4 were the toughest for me. But it does get better - I promise! I quit a few times before and found that you really have to want this. I'm only on day 17 but found through this site that we quit one day at a time. Get through the fog. Laugh about it!! Have a talk with yourself. Chew a lot of gum. I'm with you on this. Let's get through today and tomorrow will be a new day. Keep posting - I found the most gratifying thing I do every morning is posting. What a sense of accomplishment! Today I quit with you!!
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Welcome! Glad you're here! Listen to the advice of some of these Bad Ass Quitters and let's kick this thing together!
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Welcome to the community. Read, read, read. Get your head on straight. Nicotine is now off the table period.
Get numbers, get fake, mints, seeds whatever to get thru the first part of the suck.
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My name is Randall. I have been chewing for about eight years. I have tried several times to quit on my own. It is VERY HARD! This is the first time I am leaning on an online community devoted to getting quit. Today is day 1 of my quit. I am optimistic in the moment, but know from past attempted quits, the rage and fog is coming. LET'S DO THIS!
You're here now... It's a new game.
KTC is big league. We don't play at quitting... We just, by God, do it.
You've never quit before... You just stopped. For a li'l bit.
Now that you're here, we don't accept anything less than full on beast mode quit.
You don't get to "try" here. You don't "hope" to quit here... You DO.
It's pretty damn simple.
Get involved with your quit group and stay involved. It works and it's proven.
Welcome to freedom.
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My name is Randall. I have been chewing for about eight years. I have tried several times to quit on my own. It is VERY HARD! This is the first time I am leaning on an online community devoted to getting quit. Today is day 1 of my quit. I am optimistic in the moment, but know from past attempted quits, the rage and fog is coming. LET'S DO THIS!
You're here now... It's a new game.
KTC is big league. We don't play at quitting... We just, by God, do it.
You've never quit before... You just stopped. For a li'l bit.
Now that you're here, we don't accept anything less than full on beast mode quit.
You don't get to "try" here. You don't "hope" to quit here... You DO.
It's pretty damn simple.
Get involved with your quit group and stay involved. It works and it's proven.
Welcome to freedom.
Randall, you don't have the support of just an online community here. We are REAL people. Heck, you even got my phone number, now plug it in. Think beyond online. Think of calling me or another quitter when shit gets crazy. Think of throwing yourself out there to help other quitters. Proud to be quit with you today.
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My name is Randall. I have been chewing for about eight years. I have tried several times to quit on my own. It is VERY HARD! This is the first time I am leaning on an online community devoted to getting quit. Today is day 1 of my quit. I am optimistic in the moment, but know from past attempted quits, the rage and fog is coming. LET'S DO THIS!
You're here now... It's a new game.
KTC is big league. We don't play at quitting... We just, by God, do it.
You've never quit before... You just stopped. For a li'l bit.
Now that you're here, we don't accept anything less than full on beast mode quit.
You don't get to "try" here. You don't "hope" to quit here... You DO.
It's pretty damn simple.
Get involved with your quit group and stay involved. It works and it's proven.
Welcome to freedom.
Hey there's the deal^^^^do it success!
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Randall's Update
Well, I am approaching 20 days now. There have been some rough days since 3/12. It is no joke that quitters have to wake up every day ready to go to war. Nic is a worthy adversary but she doesn't fight fair. She pops her ugly head in, scrambles your brain for you and moves on to the next quitter. Some days she sticks to you like glue all day.
I am thankful to all the bad ass quitters who schooled me on how things work around here, supported me through the fog, and who continue to quit with me one day at a time every day. I am proud to be a June Goon.
If I had any advice for the July quitters, it would be to use the tools on this site every day. Make relationships with some veterans. They are glad to help. Buckle down for the fog. You will make it. Use live quit chat regularly. I can't express enough how pivotal the guys on quit chat were through the first two and a half weeks of my quit!
Randall
:Winner:
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Randall's Update
Well, I am approaching 20 days now. There have been some rough days since 3/12. It is no joke that quitters have to wake up every day ready to go to war. Nic is a worthy adversary but she doesn't fight fair. She pops her ugly head in, scrambles your brain for you and moves on to the next quitter. Some days she sticks to you like glue all day.
I am thankful to all the bad ass quitters who schooled me on how things work around here, supported me through the fog, and who continue to quit with me one day at a time every day. I am proud to be a June Goon.
If I had any advice for the July quitters, it would be to use the tools on this site every day. Make relationships with some veterans. They are glad to help. Buckle down for the fog. You will make it. Use live quit chat regularly. I can't express enough how pivotal the guys on quit chat were through the first two and a half weeks of my quit!
Randall
:Winner:
Heck yes Randall if you continue to believe in yourself and use what you have learned you will defeat the nic bitch! Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Randall's Update
Well, I am approaching 20 days now. There have been some rough days since 3/12. It is no joke that quitters have to wake up every day ready to go to war. Nic is a worthy adversary but she doesn't fight fair. She pops her ugly head in, scrambles your brain for you and moves on to the next quitter. Some days she sticks to you like glue all day.
I am thankful to all the bad ass quitters who schooled me on how things work around here, supported me through the fog, and who continue to quit with me one day at a time every day. I am proud to be a June Goon.
If I had any advice for the July quitters, it would be to use the tools on this site every day. Make relationships with some veterans. They are glad to help. Buckle down for the fog. You will make it. Use live quit chat regularly. I can't express enough how pivotal the guys on quit chat were through the first two and a half weeks of my quit!
Randall
:Winner:
Heck yes Randall if you continue to believe in yourself and use what you have learned you will defeat the nic bitch! Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you today my friend!
Keep updating your intro. It's a great tool to look back on when you are struggling. Be sure to post all the bad crap too so you remember why you came here.
Stay Clean
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Randall's Update:
Raider asked that I be sure to mention the bad parts of the quit in these updates as well. Here goes.
I am now 43 days quit and two weeks more successful than I have ever been in choking the nic bitch. I would like to say it has been getting progressively easier since my last update(around day 20), but truth be told, I had a nearly catastrophic setback around day 30ish. I won't single anyone out, but I had a really hard time accepting a couple quitters coming into our June group and riding us all weekend over some stuff that they knew next to nothing about within our group. I got pretty worked up and defensive when they wouldnt leave. I became pretty disenfranchised when I realized it is acceptable and even encouraged on KTC for quitters with more days under their belt to harass relatively new quitters still struggling in their quits pretty bad I viewed these antics as messing with some guys quits which could leave to caves. I did not see the benefit in it for myself and others in my group. I did understand how the harassment benefitted the few guys who were bored with their quit and needed some entertainment. However, the principle of possibly losing several active, newer devoted quitters, for the sake of a couple guys entertaining themselves and releasing their boredom prior to reaching the HOF was not something I could wrap my head around.
Thanks to extra effort of a couple of my Goon brothers and several vets genuinely invested the best for KTC, quit groups, and individual quitters I was refocused on the big picture and the reason we are all here. We are here for the quit. The promise and accountability which together = success. Disagreement with a couple individuals and even a principle of the site was was no reason to try it on my own and leave my June brothers with one less guy there in the trenches with them day in and day out. I swallowed my pride and walked back in with tail tucked between legs. While my hiatus in contemplating leaving was not even 48 hours, that time seemed like an eternity and was not easy. I learned the importance of using the tools that are useful for me (which there a plenty of), and to leave the rest.
I want to personally thank Raider, Cando, and Haws for their extra efforts in getting my head straight and reminding me what is most important. Without these guys I would be gone and possibly romanticizing with Nicci. Also, thanks to Dano and Deerhunter for checking in during my hiatus.
:Winner:
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Randall's Update:
Raider asked that I be sure to mention the bad parts of the quit in these updates as well. Here goes.
I am now 43 days quit and two weeks more successful than I have ever been in choking the nic bitch. I would like to say it has been getting progressively easier since my last update(around day 20), but truth be told, I had a nearly catastrophic setback around day 30ish. I won't single anyone out, but I had a really hard time accepting a couple quitters coming into our June group and riding us all weekend over some stuff that they knew next to nothing about within our group. I got pretty worked up and defensive when they wouldnt leave. I became pretty disenfranchised when I realized it is acceptable and even encouraged on KTC for quitters with more days under their belt to harass relatively new quitters still struggling in their quits pretty bad I viewed these antics as messing with some guys quits which could leave to caves. I did not see the benefit in it for myself and others in my group. I did understand how the harassment benefitted the few guys who were bored with their quit and needed some entertainment. However, the principle of possibly losing several active, newer devoted quitters, for the sake of a couple guys entertaining themselves and releasing their boredom prior to reaching the HOF was not something I could wrap my head around.
Thanks to extra effort of a couple of my Goon brothers and several vets genuinely invested the best for KTC, quit groups, and individual quitters I was refocused on the big picture and the reason we are all here. We are here for the quit. The promise and accountability which together = success. Disagreement with a couple individuals and even a principle of the site was was no reason to try it on my own and leave my June brothers with one less guy there in the trenches with them day in and day out. I swallowed my pride and walked back in with tail tucked between legs. While my hiatus in contemplating leaving was not even 48 hours, that time seemed like an eternity and was not easy. I learned the importance of using the tools that are useful for me (which there a plenty of), and to leave the rest.
I want to personally thank Raider, Cando, and Haws for their extra efforts in getting my head straight and reminding me what is most important. Without these guys I would be gone and possibly romanticizing with Nicci. Also, thanks to Dano and Deerhunter for checking in during my hiatus.
:Winner:
Proud of YOU Today.
ODAAT and NAFAR
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Randall's Update:
Raider asked that I be sure to mention the bad parts of the quit in these updates as well. Here goes.
I am now 43 days quit and two weeks more successful than I have ever been in choking the nic bitch. I would like to say it has been getting progressively easier since my last update(around day 20), but truth be told, I had a nearly catastrophic setback around day 30ish. I won't single anyone out, but I had a really hard time accepting a couple quitters coming into our June group and riding us all weekend over some stuff that they knew next to nothing about within our group. I got pretty worked up and defensive when they wouldnt leave. I became pretty disenfranchised when I realized it is acceptable and even encouraged on KTC for quitters with more days under their belt to harass relatively new quitters still struggling in their quits pretty bad I viewed these antics as messing with some guys quits which could leave to caves. I did not see the benefit in it for myself and others in my group. I did understand how the harassment benefitted the few guys who were bored with their quit and needed some entertainment. However, the principle of possibly losing several active, newer devoted quitters, for the sake of a couple guys entertaining themselves and releasing their boredom prior to reaching the HOF was not something I could wrap my head around.
Thanks to extra effort of a couple of my Goon brothers and several vets genuinely invested the best for KTC, quit groups, and individual quitters I was refocused on the big picture and the reason we are all here. We are here for the quit. The promise and accountability which together = success. Disagreement with a couple individuals and even a principle of the site was was no reason to try it on my own and leave my June brothers with one less guy there in the trenches with them day in and day out. I swallowed my pride and walked back in with tail tucked between legs. While my hiatus in contemplating leaving was not even 48 hours, that time seemed like an eternity and was not easy. I learned the importance of using the tools that are useful for me (which there a plenty of), and to leave the rest.
I want to personally thank Raider, Cando, and Haws for their extra efforts in getting my head straight and reminding me what is most important. Without these guys I would be gone and possibly romanticizing with Nicci. Also, thanks to Dano and Deerhunter for checking in during my hiatus.
:Winner:
Proud of YOU Today.
ODAAT and NAFAR
Well done Randy.....Keep Quitting
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Randall's Update:
Raider asked that I be sure to mention the bad parts of the quit in these updates as well. Here goes.
I am now 43 days quit and two weeks more successful than I have ever been in choking the nic bitch. I would like to say it has been getting progressively easier since my last update(around day 20), but truth be told, I had a nearly catastrophic setback around day 30ish. I won't single anyone out, but I had a really hard time accepting a couple quitters coming into our June group and riding us all weekend over some stuff that they knew next to nothing about within our group. I got pretty worked up and defensive when they wouldnt leave. I became pretty disenfranchised when I realized it is acceptable and even encouraged on KTC for quitters with more days under their belt to harass relatively new quitters still struggling in their quits pretty bad I viewed these antics as messing with some guys quits which could leave to caves. I did not see the benefit in it for myself and others in my group. I did understand how the harassment benefitted the few guys who were bored with their quit and needed some entertainment. However, the principle of possibly losing several active, newer devoted quitters, for the sake of a couple guys entertaining themselves and releasing their boredom prior to reaching the HOF was not something I could wrap my head around.
Thanks to extra effort of a couple of my Goon brothers and several vets genuinely invested the best for KTC, quit groups, and individual quitters I was refocused on the big picture and the reason we are all here. We are here for the quit. The promise and accountability which together = success. Disagreement with a couple individuals and even a principle of the site was was no reason to try it on my own and leave my June brothers with one less guy there in the trenches with them day in and day out. I swallowed my pride and walked back in with tail tucked between legs. While my hiatus in contemplating leaving was not even 48 hours, that time seemed like an eternity and was not easy. I learned the importance of using the tools that are useful for me (which there a plenty of), and to leave the rest.
I want to personally thank Raider, Cando, and Haws for their extra efforts in getting my head straight and reminding me what is most important. Without these guys I would be gone and possibly romanticizing with Nicci. Also, thanks to Dano and Deerhunter for checking in during my hiatus.
:Winner:
Proud of YOU Today.
ODAAT and NAFAR
Well done Randy.....Keep Quitting
Glad you're here Rand... been a definite help for me.
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Randall's Update:
Raider asked that I be sure to mention the bad parts of the quit in these updates as well. Here goes.
I am now 43 days quit and two weeks more successful than I have ever been in choking the nic bitch. I would like to say it has been getting progressively easier since my last update(around day 20), but truth be told, I had a nearly catastrophic setback around day 30ish. I won't single anyone out, but I had a really hard time accepting a couple quitters coming into our June group and riding us all weekend over some stuff that they knew next to nothing about within our group. I got pretty worked up and defensive when they wouldnt leave. I became pretty disenfranchised when I realized it is acceptable and even encouraged on KTC for quitters with more days under their belt to harass relatively new quitters still struggling in their quits pretty bad I viewed these antics as messing with some guys quits which could leave to caves. I did not see the benefit in it for myself and others in my group. I did understand how the harassment benefitted the few guys who were bored with their quit and needed some entertainment. However, the principle of possibly losing several active, newer devoted quitters, for the sake of a couple guys entertaining themselves and releasing their boredom prior to reaching the HOF was not something I could wrap my head around.
Thanks to extra effort of a couple of my Goon brothers and several vets genuinely invested the best for KTC, quit groups, and individual quitters I was refocused on the big picture and the reason we are all here. We are here for the quit. The promise and accountability which together = success. Disagreement with a couple individuals and even a principle of the site was was no reason to try it on my own and leave my June brothers with one less guy there in the trenches with them day in and day out. I swallowed my pride and walked back in with tail tucked between legs. While my hiatus in contemplating leaving was not even 48 hours, that time seemed like an eternity and was not easy. I learned the importance of using the tools that are useful for me (which there a plenty of), and to leave the rest.
I want to personally thank Raider, Cando, and Haws for their extra efforts in getting my head straight and reminding me what is most important. Without these guys I would be gone and possibly romanticizing with Nicci. Also, thanks to Dano and Deerhunter for checking in during my hiatus.
:Winner:
Proud of YOU Today.
ODAAT and NAFAR
Well done Randy.....Keep Quitting
Glad you're here Rand... been a definite help for me.
Quit with you, Randall. You are a part of my quit day EDD!
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Rand, what can I say? I can say you have always been there for me since my day 1.
I was a mess that day and many after that, but thanks to all the live chat boys, I have made it this far.
Congrat s on your day 100 and to every +1 after that.
Peace to one of my linkage bros!
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Congratulations on 300!
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Congratulations on 300!
Congratulations! You're one fine ass quitter! I wanna be just like you when I grow up! It's a pleasure having you in my quit corner! Quit on!
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Congratulations on 300!
Congratulations! You're one fine ass quitter! I wanna be just like you when I grow up! It's a pleasure having you in my quit corner! Quit on!
Proud to be quit with you EDD, Randall!!
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Rand, one of the best people on here, glad I met you and glad I wondered into live chat almost a year ago.
You are one badass quitter dude/goon.
Thanks for everything. It is appreciated.
Way to rock 1 year!
LBP CAB
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Rand, one of the best people on here, glad I met you and glad I wondered into live chat almost a year ago.
You are one badass quitter dude/goon.
Thanks for everything. It is appreciated.
Way to rock 1 year!
LBP CAB
Hell yeah! 365 for real!
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I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
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I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
-
I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes its hard to see blessings in the middle of the storm.
Yours is a light house.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 493
-
Poof ᤾
-
I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes its hard to see blessings in the middle of the storm.
Yours is a light house.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 493
You're awesome Rand. Thanks for that look at holding it all together
-
I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes its hard to see blessings in the middle of the storm.
Yours is a light house.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 493
You're awesome Rand. Thanks for that look at holding it all together
All I can say is 'wow' and congratulate you on holding yourself together through these trials and tribulations because most would buckle under the pressure.
-
I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes its hard to see blessings in the middle of the storm.
Yours is a light house.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 493
You're awesome Rand. Thanks for that look at holding it all together
All I can say is 'wow' and congratulate you on holding yourself together through these trials and tribulations because most would buckle under the pressure.
First of all I would like to say congratulations on having such a loving relationship with your wife, that in itself is priceless. Don't give up on a baby, took my sister 11 year's. Look at it like this, really the only way to look IMO, God always knows best! What if she had gotten pregnant before the horrendous wreck and lost the baby? We sometimes don't see all the little reasons as to why things do or don't happen. You have a beautiful wife and from what I just read you see the important things in life, being thankful for what you have and not worrying about what you don't. You're a great friend and brother, stay strong but remember if it's meant to happen it will but there's also alot of little babies out there looking for such loving parents as I'm sure you two will be!
-
I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
Wow, although I was aware of all those trials you guys went through, it's shocking to see them piled in one place. You are a class act Randy and I know that whatever is thrown at you guys, you will come out on top. I just can't help but feel that this summer and fall will have you looking back on this stuff from a whole new place. Thanks for sharing this and helping put things in perspective.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes its hard to see blessings in the middle of the storm.
Yours is a light house.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 493
You're awesome Rand. Thanks for that look at holding it all together
All I can say is 'wow' and congratulate you on holding yourself together through these trials and tribulations because most would buckle under the pressure.
First of all I would like to say congratulations on having such a loving relationship with your wife, that in itself is priceless. Don't give up on a baby, took my sister 11 year's. Look at it like this, really the only way to look IMO, God always knows best! What if she had gotten pregnant before the horrendous wreck and lost the baby? We sometimes don't see all the little reasons as to why things do or don't happen. You have a beautiful wife and from what I just read you see the important things in life, being thankful for what you have and not worrying about what you don't. You're a great friend and brother, stay strong but remember if it's meant to happen it will but there's also alot of little babies out there looking for such loving parents as I'm sure you two will be!
This is one of my favorite posts of all time on here. This really shows what I already knew... what an awesome person you are. So many people don't have the strength to remain positive through the downfalls in life. I see people wanting pity, complaining, giving up, and being assholes. But you have taken so many setbacks and throughout that whole post, you still had a positive outlook. Your wife is very lucky to have someone like you to hold her hand through all of it (especially the infertility issues), to be a support system, and to love her unconditionally. And you are one lucky guy to have what sounds like an amazing woman by your side. Keep the faith, keep going even when you think you're going to break, and never let anything dull your personality. Love ya Randy! Xoxo
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I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time.
I saw your intro thread, and thought I'd pop in to thank you for helping me early in my quit, when I was mad as fock, and lashing out at everyone.
Then I came across this post. It honestly stopped me. I want to help, but I can't. This is something that you and your wife have to face. I can't be there. I couldn't really help if I were there. My prayers are with you.
Thank you Randall. I'm still here because of you.
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
I am optimistic in the moment....
So am I.....
Well done Randall.
Keep stacking the bricks.
Your building a huge quit!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 514
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
I am optimistic in the moment....
So am I.....
Well done Randall.
Keep stacking the bricks.
Your building a huge quit!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 514
^second. Without a strong foundation even a million dollar house is worthless. Keep building your dreams, you have a solid foundation.
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
I am optimistic in the moment....
So am I.....
Well done Randall.
Keep stacking the bricks.
Your building a huge quit!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 514
^second. Without a strong foundation even a million dollar house is worthless. Keep building your dreams, you have a solid foundation.
Way to go Rand. :wub:
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
I am optimistic in the moment....
So am I.....
Well done Randall.
Keep stacking the bricks.
Your building a huge quit!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 514
^second. Without a strong foundation even a million dollar house is worthless. Keep building your dreams, you have a solid foundation.
Way to go Rand. :wub:
Congrats on the 4th floor!
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Rand, my linkage bro from live chat, good times!
500 days!
Huge half dangle! :wub:
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Congrats on 400 today!!!
congrats on 400! Way to go brother.
I am optimistic in the moment....
So am I.....
Well done Randall.
Keep stacking the bricks.
Your building a huge quit!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls 514
^second. Without a strong foundation even a million dollar house is worthless. Keep building your dreams, you have a solid foundation.
Way to go Rand. :wub:
Congrats on the 4th floor!
Congratulations Randy! You are da man!
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Rand, my linkage bro from live chat, good times!
500 days!
Huge half dangle! :wub:
Congratulations on the 5th floor! Keep doing what you are doing!
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Rand, my linkage bro from live chat, good times!
500 days!
Huge half dangle! :wub:
Congratulations on the 5th floor! Keep doing what you are doing!
Congrats on 500, Randy. You are a huge part of the Goon Squad and I appreciate your support.
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Congrats on 3 years quit Rand!!
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Congrats on 3 years quit Rand!!
3 years is badass!
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Congrats on 3 years quit Rand!!
3 years is badass!
BA!
Rawls 1212