KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: flyingfree on August 02, 2012, 09:56:00 PM
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
I'll support that approach.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
I'll support that approach.
That's a lot of words.
We all know we can't trust your words.
We also know that actions speak louder than words.
Fucking own this and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be a big boy.
Answer the three questions any time anybody asks, and just do this.
-
 I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed
.Â
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
So don't. Looks to me like enough was enough and you turned the corner. I am not accepting what you did but I believe that this quit and change is real and I want to be a party to your victory!
You know the battle and I know you can do this! Go get your integrity, it suits you well.
I am quit with you today and every day I wake.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
Bert,
I want to know what you are going to do differently. I want a quit plan. I want to know what you do for a living...what's your work shedule....do you sit behind a computer? Do you drive a bus? Do you lay shingles? I want to know when you plan on being on the website. I want to know if you are going to post roll 10 minutes after you wake up. I want to know if you are going to check in when you get home and tell everyone that you read all of roll call. I want to know how many people is too many for you to text on a daily basis. You've had my number from the start. I think you sent me 2 texts.
I'm different than many of the guys on this site. I can trust again. But you have to show me what you are going to do differently this time, and then follow through on it. You will have my support.
Actually, after writing all that...I want something new. I want you to find 5 people who have caved and come back to be successful quitters, 100 days or more. I want you to CALL them. I want you to post a cliffs notes version of what they did to regain the trust of their brothers and sister. What was their quit plan. What did they learn about themselves. Finding 5 is easy (I'm a nice enough guy to give you a headstart...buddy mac and wastepanel). Finding 5 that will help you is slightly tougher. Having the guts to beg for their number and actually dialing the phone will be toughest of all. You want to be quit? You want my support? You want my respect as a quitter on this site again? You want to avoid going back to the can? Do it. Make it happen. NOLAQ and I might very well be the only 2 people who support you. You just posted your mea culpa. I hope you get more, but you are gonna have to work to get mine.
And one last thing. Buddy Mac texts me his day every morning. 105 days straight. I want you to do the same thing. Every morning. Make it happen.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
Bert,
I want to know what you are going to do differently. I want a quit plan. I want to know what you do for a living...what's your work shedule....do you sit behind a computer? Do you drive a bus? Do you lay shingles? I want to know when you plan on being on the website. I want to know if you are going to post roll 10 minutes after you wake up. I want to know if you are going to check in when you get home and tell everyone that you read all of roll call. I want to know how many people is too many for you to text on a daily basis. You've had my number from the start. I think you sent me 2 texts.
I'm different than many of the guys on this site. I can trust again. But you have to show me what you are going to do differently this time, and then follow through on it. You will have my support.
Actually, after writing all that...I want something new. I want you to find 5 people who have caved and come back to be successful quitters, 100 days or more. I want you to CALL them. I want you to post a cliffs notes version of what they did to regain the trust of their brothers and sister. What was their quit plan. What did they learn about themselves. Finding 5 is easy (I'm a nice enough guy to give you a headstart...buddy mac and wastepanel). Finding 5 that will help you is slightly tougher. Having the guts to beg for their number and actually dialing the phone will be toughest of all. You want to be quit? You want my support? You want my respect as a quitter on this site again? You want to avoid going back to the can? Do it. Make it happen. NOLAQ and I might very well be the only 2 people who support you. You just posted your mea culpa. I hope you get more, but you are gonna have to work to get mine.
And one last thing. Buddy Mac texts me his day every morning. 105 days straight. I want you to do the same thing. Every morning. Make it happen.
Wedge..
1. love the advice
2....Fuck you Bert....there I said it
However, I, like Wedge, don't hold a grudge......but I am not quit with you today....until you hit Day 4......embrace the suck and the horror without me.......cuz that is your foundation....
Make it to Day 4 and I am quit with you....
btw - change you self talk.....you are not a loser.....you just fucked up......get over it and move on......bitch....can I call you bitch? :-)
lets do this
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
I don't know you. But I heard the story a little bit. After the 3 questions, all I want to know is where is your promise to November. You said you were going to post up an hour and a half ago.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.
Bert,
I want to know what you are going to do differently. I want a quit plan. I want to know what you do for a living...what's your work shedule....do you sit behind a computer? Do you drive a bus? Do you lay shingles? I want to know when you plan on being on the website. I want to know if you are going to post roll 10 minutes after you wake up. I want to know if you are going to check in when you get home and tell everyone that you read all of roll call. I want to know how many people is too many for you to text on a daily basis. You've had my number from the start. I think you sent me 2 texts.
I'm different than many of the guys on this site. I can trust again. But you have to show me what you are going to do differently this time, and then follow through on it. You will have my support.
Actually, after writing all that...I want something new. I want you to find 5 people who have caved and come back to be successful quitters, 100 days or more. I want you to CALL them. I want you to post a cliffs notes version of what they did to regain the trust of their brothers and sister. What was their quit plan. What did they learn about themselves. Finding 5 is easy (I'm a nice enough guy to give you a headstart...buddy mac and wastepanel). Finding 5 that will help you is slightly tougher. Having the guts to beg for their number and actually dialing the phone will be toughest of all. You want to be quit? You want my support? You want my respect as a quitter on this site again? You want to avoid going back to the can? Do it. Make it happen. NOLAQ and I might very well be the only 2 people who support you. You just posted your mea culpa. I hope you get more, but you are gonna have to work to get mine.
And one last thing. Buddy Mac texts me his day every morning. 105 days straight. I want you to do the same thing. Every morning. Make it happen.
Wedge..
1. love the advice
2....Fuck you Bert....there I said it
However, I, like Wedge, don't hold a grudge......but I am not quit with you today....until you hit Day 4......embrace the suck and the horror without me.......cuz that is your foundation....
Make it to Day 4 and I am quit with you....
btw - change you self talk.....you are not a loser.....you just fucked up......get over it and move on......bitch....can I call you bitch? :-)
lets do this
I like your sincerity and feel you are being honest here. Now, its time to pick up the pieces and start over. Get some more personal accountability, like wedge said, CALL. It makes a very huge difference when you know someone mono a mono. Look forward to seeing your progress.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
-
I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.
The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.
Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.
I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.
Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.
Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.
I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.
So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.
If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.
If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.
I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.
Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.
I'm a loser.
But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.
-flyingfree
I don't know you. But I heard the story a little bit. After the 3 questions, all I want to know is where is your promise to November. You said you were going to post up an hour and a half ago.
You're right, it took me a while between my intro-post and roll post. I'm at work and had some duties to attend to. I posted as soon as I could once they were complete.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
-
Flying informed me of what his job entails, one that he can't freely describe. He indeed does have an erratic work schedule.
However, we are not going to allow that to be a crutch to a cave. He's going to have to work hard to make it work. Bert, SM has valid points. Having your fiance' actively participate in your quit is a good thing, however you need to find thing that YOU actively do. Should she go on vacation and you are left to your own devices, your addict brain is going to tell you that "she should be here to make this hard on you and she isn't".
-
I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.
I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.
Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.
Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
-
I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.
I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.
Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.
Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.
rgross,
yeah, this place does suck something alright! but it is what it is, orders are orders and I may not be here by choice but I'm going to make the best of it.
And its not all bad. Sure, the work is boring, repetitive, and usually unrewarding of effort, skill, or creativity. The hours suck, I never see my lady on swing shift because she goes to work before I wake up, and I got to work before she gets home. And I'm on this weekend.
But the pay is good. So are the benefits. The people are really great. And the mission is important.
So you bitch and moan, waah wahh. Suck it up and march on.
Appreciate the co-complaining though, this place is a shit-hole.
-
I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.
I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.
Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.
Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.
rgross,
yeah, this place does suck something alright! but it is what it is, orders are orders and I may not be here by choice but I'm going to make the best of it.
And its not all bad. Sure, the work is boring, repetitive, and usually unrewarding of effort, skill, or creativity. The hours suck, I never see my lady on swing shift because she goes to work before I wake up, and I got to work before she gets home. And I'm on this weekend.
But the pay is good. So are the benefits. The people are really great. And the mission is important.
So you bitch and moan, waah wahh. Suck it up and march on.
Appreciate the co-complaining though, this place is a shit-hole.
Quit like fuck this time! The lying and using, not your job. :ph43r:
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.
Are you man enough for the challenge or not?
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.
Are you man enough for the challenge or not?
Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.
I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.
I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.
My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.
And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.
13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"
So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.
Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!
Thanks for being quit with me.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.
Are you man enough for the challenge or not?
Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.
I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.
I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.
My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.
And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.
13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"
So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.
Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!
Thanks for being quit with me.
Fuck yeah,
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.
Are you man enough for the challenge or not?
Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.
I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.
I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.
My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.
And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.
13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"
So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.
Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!
Thanks for being quit with me.
Fuck yeah,
That's what I'm talking about, proud of you and quit with you.
-
I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.
1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.
2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.
For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.
My plan--
NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.
When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.
Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.
Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.
Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.Â
Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.
The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.
Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.
This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.
All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.
Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.
Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.
SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.
T-Cell, SM,
Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.
She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.
But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.
Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.
And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.
I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.
T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.
In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.
But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.
T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.
You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.
Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!
Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.
Are you man enough for the challenge or not?
Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.
I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.
I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.
My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.
And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.
13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"
So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.
Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!
Thanks for being quit with me.
Fuck yeah,
That's what I'm talking about, proud of you and quit with you.
That's good shit right there
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
Kub, I had the same question?????
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
Kub, I had the same question?????
Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
Kub, I had the same question?????
Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?
Okay evidently I am the slow one in the room, he admitted it first thing? He admitted what first thing? Was he or was he not posting roll for 40 days while dipping?
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
Kub, I had the same question?????
Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?
Okay evidently I am the slow one in the room, he admitted it first thing? He admitted what first thing? Was he or was he not posting roll for 40 days while dipping?
I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.
I am so sorry that I didn't have the integrity to at least say that I'd caved. I was fucked up. I still am fucked up, but I'm quit today.
I think dr_jones was just pointing out how late and inconsistent rolls were a precursor to my original cave, and that if he sees the same indications then he'll assume I've caved, even if I don't admit it, since I've broken the trust of the site by lying about being quit before. The message (not his words) was post roll early every day you dumbfuck.
My reply was mostly pscyo-babble about how I originally caved, exploring in my mind the "what" and "why" cave questions so I can better understand and protect my quit. I just used this as a media to express my thoughts and acknowledge how slack roll posts indicate an incoming cave.
I sincerely wasn't trying to fool anyone about my sad, disgraceful history. I was just talking to myself out loud, thinking things through, working through a crave by thinking and posting about my quit. I apologize if it seemed different.
I titled this thread as "A caver's diary" so I can use it for this kind of "thinking it through" purpose as part of the "how" in my new quit plan. I didn't have this before, and it's helped me so far. I welcome all advice, comments and critiques (another good reason for this is so vets can check my thoughts and keep me vectored correctly).
If you want to take your shots for what I did; lying about being quit, posting false roll, breaking the trust, then I deserve them and have no defense.
If you want to tell me that "isolating" the sick, addicted part of my brain is a stupid idea that won't work, ok. I just made it up, and it seemed to help, but maybe you've got a better idea or your experience says that's a bad one. I'm listening, I want your help.
I am quit with you today.
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
-
I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.
How old are you? Because that just doesn't sound like something a responsible adult would do.
I know there are way more forgiving people on this site than me, but in my opinion what you did was completely unacceptable and if it were up to me, you would lose all of your privileges on this site.
You made a mockery of the roll posting process and I take that pretty fucking seriously and it appears that you don't.
Your integrity is nothing, your word is nothing. I'm not exactly sure how anyone here can believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth.
Pathetic and disgusting.
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.Â
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
'clap'
-
I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.
How old are you? Because that just doesn't sound like something a responsible adult would do.
I know there are way more forgiving people on this site than me, but in my opinion what you did was completely unacceptable and if it were up to me, you would lose all of your privileges on this site.
You made a mockery of the roll posting process and I take that pretty fucking seriously and it appears that you don't.
Your integrity is nothing, your word is nothing. I'm not exactly sure how anyone here can believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth.
Pathetic and disgusting.
If it happens again there WON'T be another chance. Posting roll while dipping is totally UN-acceptable and won't be allowed again!!! Take note flying-free! Stay QUIT this time or you will be banned to QSLite!!!!
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.Â
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
'clap'
Deja Vu,
He owned up to it. Yes he took a withdraw out of his trust account. He acknowledge his debt and had a plant to build up his trust account.
Once a deal was made, we also should honor our deal.
I don't think we need to re rake a cave once the wound has been cleaned and healing. there was no infection or change in his healing wound.
Simply an observation for him to take care of the wound and let it heal properly.
I feel that all that was discussed and it is water under the bridge. If you don't want to support his quit, don't.
However it is anti-success if we want to keep opening the wound. His day of account is past and retribution has been agreed.
My two cents...
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.Â
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
'clap'
Deja Vu,
He owned up to it. Yes he took a withdraw out of his trust account. He acknowledge his debt and had a plant to build up his trust account.
Once a deal was made, we also should honor our deal.
I don't think we need to re rake a cave once the wound has been cleaned and healing. there was no infection or change in his healing wound.
Simply an observation for him to take care of the wound and let it heal properly.
I feel that all that was discussed and it is water under the bridge. If you don't want to support his quit, don't.
However it is anti-success if we want to keep opening the wound. His day of account is past and retribution has been agreed.
My two cents...
Sometimes each of us sees different things that cause the alarm bells to go off. My post had nothing to do with him owning up.If you look at FF's LAST post you will see this line:
(another good reason for this is so vets can check my thoughts and keep me vectored correctly).
The point I made is the point that I believe has yet to sink in. Therefore, I am honoring his request to keep his thoughts "vectored".
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.Â
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
'clap'
Deja Vu,
He owned up to it. Yes he took a withdraw out of his trust account. He acknowledge his debt and had a plant to build up his trust account.
Once a deal was made, we also should honor our deal.
I don't think we need to re rake a cave once the wound has been cleaned and healing. there was no infection or change in his healing wound.
Simply an observation for him to take care of the wound and let it heal properly.
I feel that all that was discussed and it is water under the bridge. If you don't want to support his quit, don't.
However it is anti-success if we want to keep opening the wound. His day of account is past and retribution has been agreed.
My two cents...
Sometimes each of us sees different things that cause the alarm bells to go off. My post had nothing to do with him owning up.If you look at FF's LAST post you will see this line:
(another good reason for this is so vets can check my thoughts and keep me vectored correctly).
The point I made is the point that I believe has yet to sink in. Therefore, I am honoring his request to keep his thoughts "vectored".
I missed that. Thanks for the clarification. Keep on quitting and teaching.
-
sigh....
The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.
I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.
I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.Â
These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.
'clap'
Deja Vu,
He owned up to it. Yes he took a withdraw out of his trust account. He acknowledge his debt and had a plant to build up his trust account.
Once a deal was made, we also should honor our deal.
I don't think we need to re rake a cave once the wound has been cleaned and healing. there was no infection or change in his healing wound.
Simply an observation for him to take care of the wound and let it heal properly.
I feel that all that was discussed and it is water under the bridge. If you don't want to support his quit, don't.
However it is anti-success if we want to keep opening the wound. His day of account is past and retribution has been agreed.
My two cents...
I apologize for re-opening the wound. I know that 5 days is a long time in the KTC drama dept, but I had missed the part where he had continued to post roll for 40 days while stuffing chew into his maw. Caving is one thing, but that type of action just grates on me.
It made me a little angry because it was news to me. If it was common knowledge, sorry for not paying enough attention. I will back out this thread slowly now...
'arse'
-
FlyinFree,
I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.
Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'
Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.
The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?
Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.
Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.
But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.
When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.
Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.
I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.
But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.
Thanks for quitting with me.
Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?
If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.
If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.
Kub, I had the same question?????
Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?
Okay evidently I am the slow one in the room, he admitted it first thing? He admitted what first thing? Was he or was he not posting roll for 40 days while dipping?
I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.
I am so sorry that I didn't have the integrity to at least say that I'd caved. I was fucked up. I still am fucked up, but I'm quit today.
I think dr_jones was just pointing out how late and inconsistent rolls were a precursor to my original cave, and that if he sees the same indications then he'll assume I've caved, even if I don't admit it, since I've broken the trust of the site by lying about being quit before. The message (not his words) was post roll early every day you dumbfuck.
My reply was mostly pscyo-babble about how I originally caved, exploring in my mind the "what" and "why" cave questions so I can better understand and protect my quit. I just used this as a media to express my thoughts and acknowledge how slack roll posts indicate an incoming cave.
I sincerely wasn't trying to fool anyone about my sad, disgraceful history. I was just talking to myself out loud, thinking things through, working through a crave by thinking and posting about my quit. I apologize if it seemed different.
I titled this thread as "A caver's diary" so I can use it for this kind of "thinking it through" purpose as part of the "how" in my new quit plan. I didn't have this before, and it's helped me so far. I welcome all advice, comments and critiques (another good reason for this is so vets can check my thoughts and keep me vectored correctly).
If you want to take your shots for what I did; lying about being quit, posting false roll, breaking the trust, then I deserve them and have no defense.
If you want to tell me that "isolating" the sick, addicted part of my brain is a stupid idea that won't work, ok. I just made it up, and it seemed to help, but maybe you've got a better idea or your experience says that's a bad one. I'm listening, I want your help.
I am quit with you today.
Flying Free,
I don't know you but I will be watching now to see how often you post roll. Man I am not trying to be some kind of hard ass or bust your balls because that is not my style, but I do have one question I feel we all need answered. Even if you are posting roll, HOW DO WE KNOW YOU ARE QUIT?
-
Buddy Mac,
How do you know I'm quit?
The answer is you don't. I hate that shitty, fucking awful answer, but you don't know if I'm quit because you don't know if I'm telling the truth.
All you can do is trust me and my word, and its going to take a long, long time for some (most) of KTC to do that. Some may never trust it again. Buddy Mac, you may never trust my word or my quit.
I understand and accept this as one of many consequences of my lies.
I want to ask you to trust me again, but I don't feel I have the right to ask that. I was a lying, using, addicted piece of shit. I'm still addicted, but I'm not using or lying anymore, and I'm working on the shit part too.
I want to earn your trust back, but I can't PROVE to you that I'm quit. All I can say or do is work my quit plan, keep in touch with my supports, talk out my problems/craves here, and post roll 1st thing everyday.
I do know this quit feels different. I was telling someone today that my quit feels deeper. Last time I said the words and made the motions and thought I was quit, like going to communion when you're a kid and you know what you're supposed to do, but you don't really know what it means. Now its like I let Jesus into my heart. I feel this quit in my soul. Posting roll is like taking communion. I literally feel a release of stress. It feels fucking great, like I'm scooping out this sick dark mess inside me and getting back to who I was, who I thought I could be, to the man I need to be for me and my family.
I don't mean to be sacrilegious, just trying to find a proper comparison.
Anyways, you can't know if I'm quit buddy mac. But I know. I quit today, wether you believe it or not doesn't matter to me.
I don't mean offense, I have a great respect for your quit. But in the grand scheme of my quit, your belief in it doesn't matter.
Do/would I appreciate your support? Hell yes I would, your quit is strong like bull. I'll take all the the help I can get. But I don't NEED it. I'm quit for me, I'm not quit for your approval, acknowledgement, or encouragement.
But I sure would appreciate it.
Quit with you today.
-
Also,
kubrick - no hard feelings. I committed the cardinal sin, and I am so sorry. You don't have to forgive me, like me, or support me. Your reaction was justified, if a little late, and certainly deserved. If you want to remove me from the site, I won't fight it. I got my phone numbers and will text my quit in. But please don't, this place does help me.
30 yr,
I've been thinking of how to respond to your advice, but I feel I am showing personal responsibility for my quit. I'm fucking quit. I don't think that soliciting advice is shrugging off responsibility or my quit. I didn't ask you to quit for me, I just wanted to make my quit better by copying what works for you. I've already gotten some great advice from others, like calling someone every time I walk in a gas-station and "calling before I cave" in order to "pause" the addiction routine in my brain. I work mine a little different by texting people when I go places, but its the same effect. By stopping, thinking, and texting, I interrupt the pathways nicotine has built in my mind and reset my thought process.
I do know that bare-knuckling by myself DOES NOT work for me. I find it confusing that asking for help is seen as weakness. I am trying to IMPROVE my quit. Isn't that owning it? And I've got my own balls, thank you, albeit pretty fucking sore from kubrick, but they're mine and the fiance likes them.
But you keep on me, please. I do value and respect your opinion. Especially if you see me ducking roll or not active in my intro or on the site. THEN I'm not owning my quit, and you may proceed with ball-kicking. You'll be right behind my fiance.
I gotta go to dance lessons. Make jokes, you wouldn't laugh if you got to dance with her. Quit today.
-
Also,
kubrick - no hard feelings. I committed the cardinal sin, and I am so sorry. You don't have to forgive me, like me, or support me. Your reaction was justified, if a little late, and certainly deserved. If you want to remove me from the site, I won't fight it. I got my phone numbers and will text my quit in. But please don't, this place does help me.
30 yr,
I've been thinking of how to respond to your advice, but I feel I am showing personal responsibility for my quit. I'm fucking quit. I don't think that soliciting advice is shrugging off responsibility or my quit. I didn't ask you to quit for me, I just wanted to make my quit better by copying what works for you. I've already gotten some great advice from others, like calling someone every time I walk in a gas-station and "calling before I cave" in order to "pause" the addiction routine in my brain. I work mine a little different by texting people when I go places, but its the same effect. By stopping, thinking, and texting, I interrupt the pathways nicotine has built in my mind and reset my thought process.
I do know that bare-knuckling by myself DOES NOT work for me. I find it confusing that asking for help is seen as weakness. I am trying to IMPROVE my quit. Isn't that owning it? And I've got my own balls, thank you, albeit pretty fucking sore from kubrick, but they're mine and the fiance likes them.
But you keep on me, please. I do value and respect your opinion. Especially if you see me ducking roll or not active in my intro or on the site. THEN I'm not owning my quit, and you may proceed with ball-kicking. You'll be right behind my fiance.
I gotta go to dance lessons. Make jokes, you wouldn't laugh if you got to dance with her. Quit today.
Prove me wrong.
-
Prove me wrong.
What a great motivator! 30yrAddict is a stud. Nothing would make him happier than for you to prove him wrong.
I think you should print that statement with 30yrs avatar and hang it on the mirror where you brush your teeth in the morning. Look at it and read it everyday.
Take your quit challenged daily. Look at it and say, "I will prove you wrong today". Your daily deposit of trust will go into the KTC bank deposit and you will make the vets smile an applaud your quit.
30yr Just gave you a gift. Love and cherish it and Prove him wrong!!!
I know you can do this and if you don't call or text me when it gets tough, you can kiss my ass because I am your teammate in quit and you don't think I am worthy to pass the ball to? Don't be a ball hog in your quit, utilize your team and all their talents to stay quit!
I am so amp'd up right now! This is what make quitting a game and fun. Fucking get to work bro. Win your match today. Knock the nic bitch out. Then kick her when she's down, cut her throat and never, ever let up!
-
Prove me wrong.
What a great motivator! 30yrAddict is a stud. Nothing would make him happier than for you to prove him wrong.
I think you should print that statement with 30yrs avatar and hang it on the mirror where you brush your teeth in the morning. Look at it and read it everyday.
Take your quit challenged daily. Look at it and say, "I will prove you wrong today". Your daily deposit of trust will go into the KTC bank deposit and you will make the vets smile an applaud your quit.
30yr Just gave you a gift. Love and cherish it and Prove him wrong!!!
I know you can do this and if you don't call or text me when it gets tough, you can kiss my ass because I am your teammate in quit and you don't think I am worthy to pass the ball to? Don't be a ball hog in your quit, utilize your team and all their talents to stay quit!
I am so amp'd up right now! This is what make quitting a game and fun. Fucking get to work bro. Win your match today. Knock the nic bitch out. Then kick her when she's down, cut her throat and never, ever let up!
30Yr....CHALLENGE ACCEPTED SIR!! OHH YEAH! Its fucking on!
I'll meet you on the Roll of Honor tomorrow! I hope you're bringing your quit with you cause I got mine right here!
It'll be you, me, mthomas, November, and a thousand other quitters beating the absolute crap out of nicotine all day long! Our victory will be glorious!
I'm tired of nicotine beating me. It kicked my ass up and down for 12 years. Time for me to get my shots in. I'm gonna beat this shit one day at time.
8 days of success, freedom, and honor, on the way to a lifetime. I'm so on that fucking train. I'll see you when it stops for roll.
-
Prove me wrong.
What a great motivator! 30yrAddict is a stud. Nothing would make him happier than for you to prove him wrong.
I think you should print that statement with 30yrs avatar and hang it on the mirror where you brush your teeth in the morning. Look at it and read it everyday.
Take your quit challenged daily. Look at it and say, "I will prove you wrong today". Your daily deposit of trust will go into the KTC bank deposit and you will make the vets smile an applaud your quit.
30yr Just gave you a gift. Love and cherish it and Prove him wrong!!!
I know you can do this and if you don't call or text me when it gets tough, you can kiss my ass because I am your teammate in quit and you don't think I am worthy to pass the ball to? Don't be a ball hog in your quit, utilize your team and all their talents to stay quit!
I am so amp'd up right now! This is what make quitting a game and fun. Fucking get to work bro. Win your match today. Knock the nic bitch out. Then kick her when she's down, cut her throat and never, ever let up!
30Yr....CHALLENGE ACCEPTED SIR!! OHH YEAH! Its fucking on!
I'll meet you on the Roll of Honor tomorrow! I hope you're bringing your quit with you cause I got mine right here!
It'll be you, me, mthomas, November, and a thousand other quitters beating the absolute crap out of nicotine all day long! Our victory will be glorious!
I'm tired of nicotine beating me. It kicked my ass up and down for 12 years. Time for me to get my shots in. I'm gonna beat this shit one day at time.
8 days of success, freedom, and honor, on the way to a lifetime. I'm so on that fucking train. I'll see you when it stops for roll.
Fucking awesome, glad you found your underoos!
QLAFM w/you today
-
So I had this thought yesterday when playing golf. I know, thinking isn't my strong suit, but ohwells.
Anyways, the thought was that I needed a new set of clubs. Since I quit dipping (9 days ago!) I've been thinking a lot about playing golf. I dunno, I suddenly had all this free time now that I'm not using, and sitting around is a trigger for me. Its weird, I'd never really had the urge while using, but now I'm jonesing to play golf almost as much as nicotine. ?? Whats that about?
Back to point, the idea was I needed a new set of clubs. I'd seen this set in CostCo (fucking love CostCo), that was awesome. Callaway x24s, irons, hybrids, and woods. 11 piece set for $550. Expensive, but a really good price for brand new Cally's.
Man, I want those clubs. But money is tight right now with the wedding honeymoon coming up.
So I did some math (another dangerous activity), and when I'm quit for about 150 days, I'll have saved $550 dollars.
Bam, there's a goal. Easily defined, reasonably achievable, but will force me to work hard. Then I'm gonna play quit golf.
Also, I'm going to keep my focus on quitting today, everyday, and not that its going to be "x" many days to clubs. I also like this because it gives me a goal after HOF.
-
So I had this thought yesterday when playing golf. I know, thinking isn't my strong suit, but ohwells.
Anyways, the thought was that I needed a new set of clubs. Since I quit dipping (9 days ago!) I've been thinking a lot about playing golf. I dunno, I suddenly had all this free time now that I'm not using, and sitting around is a trigger for me. Its weird, I'd never really had the urge while using, but now I'm jonesing to play golf almost as much as nicotine. ?? Whats that about?
Back to point, the idea was I needed a new set of clubs. I'd seen this set in CostCo (fucking love CostCo), that was awesome. Callaway x24s, irons, hybrids, and woods. 11 piece set for $550. Expensive, but a really good price for brand new Cally's.
Man, I want those clubs. But money is tight right now with the wedding honeymoon coming up.
So I did some math (another dangerous activity), and when I'm quit for about 150 days, I'll have saved $550 dollars.
Bam, there's a goal. Easily defined, reasonably achievable, but will force me to work hard. Then I'm gonna play quit golf.
Also, I'm going to keep my focus on quitting today, everyday, and not that its going to be "x" many days to clubs. I also like this because it gives me a goal after HOF.
That's a great idea.
Calculate what you would spend on chew each week. Then each week deposit that amount of money into a special account. Forget the cash is even there. When the total rises to a point where you could purchase something you really want, buy it!
-
So I had this thought yesterday when playing golf. I know, thinking isn't my strong suit, but ohwells.
Anyways, the thought was that I needed a new set of clubs. Since I quit dipping (9 days ago!) I've been thinking a lot about playing golf. I dunno, I suddenly had all this free time now that I'm not using, and sitting around is a trigger for me. Its weird, I'd never really had the urge while using, but now I'm jonesing to play golf almost as much as nicotine. ?? Whats that about?
Back to point, the idea was I needed a new set of clubs. I'd seen this set in CostCo (fucking love CostCo), that was awesome. Callaway x24s, irons, hybrids, and woods. 11 piece set for $550. Expensive, but a really good price for brand new Cally's.
Man, I want those clubs. But money is tight right now with the wedding honeymoon coming up.
So I did some math (another dangerous activity), and when I'm quit for about 150 days, I'll have saved $550 dollars.
Bam, there's a goal. Easily defined, reasonably achievable, but will force me to work hard. Then I'm gonna play quit golf.
Also, I'm going to keep my focus on quitting today, everyday, and not that its going to be "x" many days to clubs. I also like this because it gives me a goal after HOF.
That's a great idea.
Calculate what you would spend on chew each week. Then each week deposit that amount of money into a special account. Forget the cash is even there. When the total rises to a point where you could purchase something you really want, buy it!
That's exactly what I did. I told my family that I would buy us a family canoe if I make it to HOF. You know how many times a day I get reminded about our family canoe?? Not to mention the look on my 6 year old daughter's face when she talks about the good times we will have on the canoe!
NO WAY IN HELL I WILL CAVE AND LET THAT LITTLE GIRL DOWN!!! I will be in the HOF, with a new family canoe to boot!! Great idea bro......stay quit!
-
So I had this thought yesterday when playing golf. I know, thinking isn't my strong suit, but ohwells.
Anyways, the thought was that I needed a new set of clubs. Since I quit dipping (9 days ago!) I've been thinking a lot about playing golf. I dunno, I suddenly had all this free time now that I'm not using, and sitting around is a trigger for me. Its weird, I'd never really had the urge while using, but now I'm jonesing to play golf almost as much as nicotine. ?? Whats that about?
Back to point, the idea was I needed a new set of clubs. I'd seen this set in CostCo (fucking love CostCo), that was awesome. Callaway x24s, irons, hybrids, and woods. 11 piece set for $550. Expensive, but a really good price for brand new Cally's.
Man, I want those clubs. But money is tight right now with the wedding honeymoon coming up.
So I did some math (another dangerous activity), and when I'm quit for about 150 days, I'll have saved $550 dollars.
Bam, there's a goal. Easily defined, reasonably achievable, but will force me to work hard. Then I'm gonna play quit golf.
Also, I'm going to keep my focus on quitting today, everyday, and not that its going to be "x" many days to clubs. I also like this because it gives me a goal after HOF.
That's a great idea.
Calculate what you would spend on chew each week. Then each week deposit that amount of money into a special account. Forget the cash is even there. When the total rises to a point where you could purchase something you really want, buy it!
That's exactly what I did. I told my family that I would buy us a family canoe if I make it to HOF. You know how many times a day I get reminded about our family canoe?? Not to mention the look on my 6 year old daughter's face when she talks about the good times we will have on the canoe!
NO WAY IN HELL I WILL CAVE AND LET THAT LITTLE GIRL DOWN!!! I will be in the HOF, with a new family canoe to boot!! Great idea bro......stay quit!
hey free, check this out to put your idea in perspective
me 1290 days quit = 2 cans per day at $5 per = $12,900 smackers, That'd buy a lotta golf clubs eh? or a bass boat so I could tip over Dr Jones and his canoe
-
So I had this thought yesterday when playing golf. I know, thinking isn't my strong suit, but ohwells.
Anyways, the thought was that I needed a new set of clubs. Since I quit dipping (9 days ago!) I've been thinking a lot about playing golf. I dunno, I suddenly had all this free time now that I'm not using, and sitting around is a trigger for me. Its weird, I'd never really had the urge while using, but now I'm jonesing to play golf almost as much as nicotine. ?? Whats that about?
Back to point, the idea was I needed a new set of clubs. I'd seen this set in CostCo (fucking love CostCo), that was awesome. Callaway x24s, irons, hybrids, and woods. 11 piece set for $550. Expensive, but a really good price for brand new Cally's.
Man, I want those clubs. But money is tight right now with the wedding honeymoon coming up.
So I did some math (another dangerous activity), and when I'm quit for about 150 days, I'll have saved $550 dollars.
Bam, there's a goal. Easily defined, reasonably achievable, but will force me to work hard. Then I'm gonna play quit golf.
Also, I'm going to keep my focus on quitting today, everyday, and not that its going to be "x" many days to clubs. I also like this because it gives me a goal after HOF.
That's a great idea.
Calculate what you would spend on chew each week. Then each week deposit that amount of money into a special account. Forget the cash is even there. When the total rises to a point where you could purchase something you really want, buy it!
That's exactly what I did. I told my family that I would buy us a family canoe if I make it to HOF. You know how many times a day I get reminded about our family canoe?? Not to mention the look on my 6 year old daughter's face when she talks about the good times we will have on the canoe!
NO WAY IN HELL I WILL CAVE AND LET THAT LITTLE GIRL DOWN!!! I will be in the HOF, with a new family canoe to boot!! Great idea bro......stay quit!
hey free, check this out to put your idea in perspective
me 1290 days quit = 2 cans per day at $5 per = $12,900 smackers, That'd buy a lotta golf clubs eh? or a bass boat so I could tip over Dr Jones and his canoe
I actually took this a step farther. In 12 years of use, I've spent a little over $17,000 dollars on tobacco. Thats a sad number.
I think about all the things I could have done with $17k, sigh. Put that into a fund and pay for some college for my future kids. Shit, have a real nest egg instead of check to check. Help my sister with her bills. Down payment on that Piper Cherokee in Airplane Trader so I could buzz SM in his bass boat and scare away all the fish (not that they would already run from his face).
Oh wells, no point in lamenting the past. I like the idea of creating a fund of money saved. Thanks carumba/dr jones!