KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Bombero on April 25, 2014, 11:49:00 PM
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Today I quit. Really, I quit 12 hours ago... and I am really hating myself right now. I have been looking at KTC for a month now, but I cannot find my quit group - Admin, if you could help me there that would be great. I've wanted to quit for several months, but it is just so hard to go it alone. Anybody out there? Anybody have any idea how I can plug into my quit group?
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Today I quit. Really, I quit 12 hours ago... and I am really hating myself right now. I have been looking at KTC for a month now, but I cannot find my quit group - Admin, if you could help me there that would be great. I've wanted to quit for several months, but it is just so hard to go it alone. Anybody out there? Anybody have any idea how I can plug into my quit group?
The following link will take you to your quit group. We are in the same group. Congrats on your decision to quit.
topic/10225414/1/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10225414/1/)
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Bombero
You are not alone. You have a lot of quitters here to help you along. The first few days will really suck, but each day will get better. The important thing is to plow through those first 3-5 days that really suck and then it will get easier after that. You can do this. I dipped for 30 years non-stop. I am now quit for 13 days and have never felt better.
PM me if you need contact information and I will pull you through. Keep posting roll. It will be awkward at first, but will get easier. Do it every day and it will make a difference.
Lets do this!!!!
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Bombero
You are not alone. You have a lot of quitters here to help you along. The first few days will really suck, but each day will get better. The important thing is to plow through those first 3-5 days that really suck and then it will get easier after that. You can do this. I dipped for 30 years non-stop. I am now quit for 13 days and have never felt better.
PM me if you need contact information and I will pull you through. Keep posting roll. It will be awkward at first, but will get easier. Do it every day and it will make a difference.
Lets do this!!!!
Bomber - by the time I wake up, I expect to see your name on the August roll!!!!! Come on and get with it. Post roll and make the commitment of no nic today - no cigs, no chew, no patches, no gum! This starts today!!!!
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Bombero
You are not alone. You have a lot of quitters here to help you along. The first few days will really suck, but each day will get better. The important thing is to plow through those first 3-5 days that really suck and then it will get easier after that. You can do this. I dipped for 30 years non-stop. I am now quit for 13 days and have never felt better.
PM me if you need contact information and I will pull you through. Keep posting roll. It will be awkward at first, but will get easier. Do it every day and it will make a difference.
Lets do this!!!!
Bomber - by the time I wake up, I expect to see your name on the August roll!!!!! Come on and get with it. Post roll and make the commitment of no nic today - no cigs, no chew, no patches, no gum! This starts today!!!!
I checked. You posted. I'm in.
I quit with you today! LF
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Ok, I think I figured out how to post roll. Still figuring out how all this works, here's my intro. I was a 3rd generation Nic slave, but no more. I started when I was 17, and convinced myself throughout college and law school that I needed it, life was just too stressful to quit...maybe after exams. I realize that I have been a slave for 10 years, that my health has been affected, and that I've spent thousands on something slowly killing me. This is my second attempt, the first I made it 38 days using lozenges. This time I've dropped it altogether, and I alternate from feeling great to just trying to make it through the minute. I stopped smoking after joining the vol. fire department, reasoning that it was stupid to wear the SCBA to keep out the chemicals if I was just choosing to inhale the same thing, and switched exclusively to dip - grizzly green - straight - snuff. I guess now I've finally faced the reality that I just traded one death for another, and I have to quit. I have too much to live for, too many people I love, too much invested not to quit. This past Sunday I talked with a guy who quit after 18 years, and that conversation really helped motivate me to man up and quit. Here's to the quitters, whom I will soon join.
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Bombero
You are not alone. You have a lot of quitters here to help you along. The first few days will really suck, but each day will get better. The important thing is to plow through those first 3-5 days that really suck and then it will get easier after that. You can do this. I dipped for 30 years non-stop. I am now quit for 13 days and have never felt better.
PM me if you need contact information and I will pull you through. Keep posting roll. It will be awkward at first, but will get easier. Do it every day and it will make a difference.
Lets do this!!!!
Bomber - by the time I wake up, I expect to see your name on the August roll!!!!! Come on and get with it. Post roll and make the commitment of no nic today - no cigs, no chew, no patches, no gum! This starts today!!!!
I checked. You posted. I'm in.
I quit with you today! LF
Let's do this!
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Ok, I think I figured out how to post roll. Still figuring out how all this works, here's my intro. I was a 3rd generation Nic slave, but no more. I started when I was 17, and convinced myself throughout college and law school that I needed it, life was just too stressful to quit...maybe after exams. I realize that I have been a slave for 10 years, that my health has been affected, and that I've spent thousands on something slowly killing me. This is my second attempt, the first I made it 38 days using lozenges. This time I've dropped it altogether, and I alternate from feeling great to just trying to make it through the minute. I stopped smoking after joining the vol. fire department, reasoning that it was stupid to wear the SCBA to keep out the chemicals if I was just choosing to inhale the same thing, and switched exclusively to dip - grizzly green - straight - snuff. I guess now I've finally faced the reality that I just traded one death for another, and I have to quit. I have too much to live for, too many people I love, too much invested not to quit. This past Sunday I talked with a guy who quit after 18 years, and that conversation really helped motivate me to man up and quit. Here's to the quitters, whom I will soon join.
Glad to see you are going cold turkey this time around. We are a no-nicotine of any kind site and we expect nothing less. Each day we make the promise to ourselves and to each other that we will not use nicotine of any kind. Period. Using nicotine replacement therapy is just delaying the inevitable relapse.
With that said, congrats on making an awesome decision. Keep posting and PM me if you want a number. Drink lots of water. Exercise. You can do this.
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Ok, I think I figured out how to post roll. Still figuring out how all this works, here's my intro. I was a 3rd generation Nic slave, but no more. I started when I was 17, and convinced myself throughout college and law school that I needed it, life was just too stressful to quit...maybe after exams. I realize that I have been a slave for 10 years, that my health has been affected, and that I've spent thousands on something slowly killing me. This is my second attempt, the first I made it 38 days using lozenges. This time I've dropped it altogether, and I alternate from feeling great to just trying to make it through the minute. I stopped smoking after joining the vol. fire department, reasoning that it was stupid to wear the SCBA to keep out the chemicals if I was just choosing to inhale the same thing, and switched exclusively to dip - grizzly green - straight - snuff. I guess now I've finally faced the reality that I just traded one death for another, and I have to quit. I have too much to live for, too many people I love, too much invested not to quit. This past Sunday I talked with a guy who quit after 18 years, and that conversation really helped motivate me to man up and quit. Here's to the quitters, whom I will soon join.
Glad to see you are going cold turkey this time around. We are a no-nicotine of any kind site and we expect nothing less. Each day we make the promise to ourselves and to each other that we will not use nicotine of any kind. Period. Using nicotine replacement therapy is just delaying the inevitable relapse.
With that said, congrats on making an awesome decision. Keep posting and PM me if you want a number. Drink lots of water. Exercise. You can do this.
Fantastic Bombero! One day at a time! Congrats on a great decision
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So I was reading through different threads when I saw one of the 'how much I spent on cat turds' figures, and decided I'd find that calculator. Found it, ran my numbers. Been quit a fortnight, dipped 1.5+ cans @ apprx $3.60 - $75. Hey, I saved $75! 'oh yeah' 'winker'
'Course, I fancy myself a thinker, so it wasn't long until I started wondering 'Self, how much you figure your stupid self spent on it?' Well, Had to figure out how long first - I started sporadic chew 13-14, smoked a little, dipped, smoked for a year, then full dip... - call it 10 years for straight dip alone, and I didn't start the 1.5-2 can until law school, so figure 1 can at $4 cuz cope was expensive....
'archer' :o 'flush' ... In round figures, $14,000 (additionally, don't forget the smokes and chew, or the NRT I tried for 6 mos).
Now, I realize that doesn't sound like much, especially since I've seen some figures on here that woulda paid my entire college bill, bought a NICE car, or been a down payment on a house - but I LIVED off of about 12k for over 4 years! My truck didn't cost that when I got it, nor did the car! I am appalled that I spent that much money, that I spent ANY money on tobacco. I would love to have that 14k to jump start my practice now, to make my wedding a little better, maybe do something really nice for the honeymoon, buy some turnouts for my department - hell, I could hand out hundreds to homeless people and be better off.
Sorry for the extensive rambling over what probably seems like an unremarkable sum for the site, it just really bothered me and I knew you guys would understand (and not bash me over the head with it like the family might).
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You talk all you want, it's your intro. Just keep quitting, and keep typing.
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Ramble on, Rage on all good just continue to quit on!
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So I was reading through different threads when I saw one of the 'how much I spent on cat turds' figures, and decided I'd find that calculator. Found it, ran my numbers. Been quit a fortnight, dipped 1.5+ cans @ apprx $3.60 - $75. Hey, I saved $75! 'oh yeah' 'winker'
'Course, I fancy myself a thinker, so it wasn't long until I started wondering 'Self, how much you figure your stupid self spent on it?' Well, Had to figure out how long first - I started sporadic chew 13-14, smoked a little, dipped, smoked for a year, then full dip... - call it 10 years for straight dip alone, and I didn't start the 1.5-2 can until law school, so figure 1 can at $4 cuz cope was expensive....
'archer' :o 'flush' ... In round figures, $14,000 (additionally, don't forget the smokes and chew, or the NRT I tried for 6 mos).
Now, I realize that doesn't sound like much, especially since I've seen some figures on here that woulda paid my entire college bill, bought a NICE car, or been a down payment on a house - but I LIVED off of about 12k for over 4 years! My truck didn't cost that when I got it, nor did the car! I am appalled that I spent that much money, that I spent ANY money on tobacco. I would love to have that 14k to jump start my practice now, to make my wedding a little better, maybe do something really nice for the honeymoon, buy some turnouts for my department - hell, I could hand out hundreds to homeless people and be better off.
Sorry for the extensive rambling over what probably seems like an unremarkable sum for the site, it just really bothered me and I knew you guys would understand (and not bash me over the head with it like the family might).
14 Large sounds like a lot to me.
You made a great decision to quit. Do not look back today.
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Well, made it through one of my trial terms and today I am in the lull before the next term. I've been poking around, reading and staying as active as I can on the site - it helps me keep the mind games pushed away, the stress manageable, and my quit well supplied and equipped against the addiction lies. While posting roll this morning, I remembered that my day count was screwy and wasn't lining up with the quit date on my profile.
I doubt anyone has noticed, but I am not hiding anything. Here are my "confessions" and report:
1. My quit date listed on my profile was inaccurate.
As initially listed, it said I quit on 4/24/14. I did not. That was my baby sister's bday, and I had not pulled the trigger yet. I stopped using around midday on 4/25/14, and that night I quit. I had driven up to visit my gf and do some research for an upcoming trial that morning, and had stopped using once she came by the library (yea, I was a secret dipper. She hated the stuff from day 1). That night she cooked some italian chicken thing and we celebrated her last day of classes with a bottle of wine. She goes to bed insanely early, so by 9 she was asleep. I stayed up, watched tv and drank some more to relax the week away. By now I'd been about 10-12 hours without a dip, and the urge hit me out of the blue. I wasn't about to drive anywhere, and there was nowhere within easy walking distance to get one. The longer I sat there the stronger the crave, and it really pissed me off. I had been lurking for a while, and I came back and started reading the quit info. I decided that I was tired of being consumed, tired of not being in control of my facilities, and after reading some of the stories, I felt ashamed that I had told my sister happy bday, I love you, ate some cake, and walked outside to sneak a dip. Half the reason I was sitting in the living room right then was because I started hanging back on my visit to get in that last dip. I was infuriated with myself. I hated that can, I hated the crave, I hated the anger (now ID as 'nic rage'), and I posted my intro. It wasn't a sober moment, but by god I've stuck to it. Even now I'm getting pissed off just thinking about how I felt then.
2. I have been clean everyday I have posted.
When I'm not lawyering or working odd jobs to pay for life and keep it all going, I volunteer with my local FD, where I'm a volly Lt. I usually stop by the station a couple times a week, as my office is about .2 mi from our station. (under AL law, we're volunteer, even though the chief and asst are paid and man the station 7-1400). Out of the 22 members, I am now one of 2 guys who doesn't use. Posting roll keeps this real for me, helps force my senses to full alert every day. Reading the stories, the intros, the relapses remind me that I'll never be cured, that it is a DAILY choice and quit, and has really lead me to feel bad for my enslaved brothers. I am clean, and I intend to stay this way even if I have to post roll until the day I die.
3. I have posted every day since my intro.
As trained, and because I wouldn't trust the (quit) addict I see in the mirror, here is the proof. You will have to look at the time stamp though, as I had some difficulties getting the date right and my day count may be off (see #1 for explanation of the confusion)
My quit began on April 25, 2014 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8267449&t=10228692). I don't remember putting in a quit date, but I must have somehow screwed it up because the quit date initially appeared as 4/24 on my profile. Thus, my day count kept getting off, and today I figured out that that was the problem - I've corrected the profile date now. Here's my April postings to back it up: Apr 26 post (with date error) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268302&t=10225414); Apr 26 post (corrected) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268316&t=10225414); Sunday, April 27, 2014 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8269864&t=10225414); Monday, April 28 2014 Roll posting (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8271746&t=10225414); Tues. Apr. 29 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8273319&t=10225414); Wed. Apr. 30 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8275326&t=10225414). For May, you can verify by skimming if you want, but here's the the Spreadsheet (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Anfr_81h8hXWdHdvUXlHV2lpYkp2TnhSRExuS0RIRlE&usp=sharing#gid=0).
I have been quit for 14 days as of today, May 8, 2014, as reported this morning (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8289549&t=10225414).
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Well, made it through one of my trial terms and today I am in the lull before the next term. I've been poking around, reading and staying as active as I can on the site - it helps me keep the mind games pushed away, the stress manageable, and my quit well supplied and equipped against the addiction lies. While posting roll this morning, I remembered that my day count was screwy and wasn't lining up with the quit date on my profile.
I doubt anyone has noticed, but I am not hiding anything. Here are my "confessions" and report:
1. My quit date listed on my profile was inaccurate.
As initially listed, it said I quit on 4/24/14. I did not. That was my baby sister's bday, and I had not pulled the trigger yet. I stopped using around midday on 4/25/14, and that night I quit. I had driven up to visit my gf and do some research for an upcoming trial that morning, and had stopped using once she came by the library (yea, I was a secret dipper. She hated the stuff from day 1). That night she cooked some italian chicken thing and we celebrated her last day of classes with a bottle of wine. She goes to bed insanely early, so by 9 she was asleep. I stayed up, watched tv and drank some more to relax the week away. By now I'd been about 10-12 hours without a dip, and the urge hit me out of the blue. I wasn't about to drive anywhere, and there was nowhere within easy walking distance to get one. The longer I sat there the stronger the crave, and it really pissed me off. I had been lurking for a while, and I came back and started reading the quit info. I decided that I was tired of being consumed, tired of not being in control of my facilities, and after reading some of the stories, I felt ashamed that I had told my sister happy bday, I love you, ate some cake, and walked outside to sneak a dip. Half the reason I was sitting in the living room right then was because I started hanging back on my visit to get in that last dip. I was infuriated with myself. I hated that can, I hated the crave, I hated the anger (now ID as 'nic rage'), and I posted my intro. It wasn't a sober moment, but by god I've stuck to it. Even now I'm getting pissed off just thinking about how I felt then.
2. I have been clean everyday I have posted.
When I'm not lawyering or working odd jobs to pay for life and keep it all going, I volunteer with my local FD, where I'm a volly Lt. I usually stop by the station a couple times a week, as my office is about .2 mi from our station. (under AL law, we're volunteer, even though the chief and asst are paid and man the station 7-1400). Out of the 22 members, I am now one of 2 guys who doesn't use. Posting roll keeps this real for me, helps force my senses to full alert every day. Reading the stories, the intros, the relapses remind me that I'll never be cured, that it is a DAILY choice and quit, and has really lead me to feel bad for my enslaved brothers. I am clean, and I intend to stay this way even if I have to post roll until the day I die.
3. I have posted every day since my intro.
As trained, and because I wouldn't trust the (quit) addict I see in the mirror, here is the proof. You will have to look at the time stamp though, as I had some difficulties getting the date right and my day count may be off (see #1 for explanation of the confusion)
My quit began on April 25, 2014 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8267449&t=10228692). I don't remember putting in a quit date, but I must have somehow screwed it up because the quit date initially appeared as 4/24 on my profile. Thus, my day count kept getting off, and today I figured out that that was the problem - I've corrected the profile date now. Here's my April postings to back it up: Apr 26 post (with date error) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268302&t=10225414); Apr 26 post (corrected) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268316&t=10225414); Sunday, April 27, 2014 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8269864&t=10225414); Monday, April 28 2014 Roll posting (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8271746&t=10225414); Tues. Apr. 29 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8273319&t=10225414); Wed. Apr. 30 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8275326&t=10225414). For May, you can verify by skimming if you want, but here's the the Spreadsheet (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Anfr_81h8hXWdHdvUXlHV2lpYkp2TnhSRExuS0RIRlE&usp=sharing#gid=0).
I have been quit for 14 days as of today, May 8, 2014, as reported this morning (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8289549&t=10225414).
4. You decided to take your quit accountability to another level by stepping up to help with the spreadsheet. Great decision and one that will help your quit. You are a leader of August 14 now...the question is, who else will step up from your group to help you?
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Well, I think I messed up today. No, no cave, secondhand smoke, or anything of the sort - not really even any notable craves today either.
Last night (wed) was a late night, paperwork and brief writing kept me up until late. I was exhausted and considered posting roll before heading to bed, but decided that I'd just wake up a couple mins early and post roll this morning (thurs). That decision is where I screwed up first - I shoulda just posted roll then, cuz I knew how hard it would be to get up in time to post this morning. Well, I woke up 30 minutes later than I had planned this morning, and very nearly did not make it to my first appointment for the day - as it was, I was 7 minutes late. Granted, in my line of work there is sometimes a little leeway, but not always. Luckily, today was a leeway day. From then until almost 6, I was absolutely wide open (which was awesome). One little problem - I had forgotten/neglected/failed to post roll. Well, I checked my phone and had 4 calls, 2 texts, and, found out later, 3 PMs on KTC wondering what happened and if I were still alive. So I did what I should have done hours earlier
I posted roll
I continued on with all the crap I had to do.
I messed up a couple ways. First, I lost my schedule. That's really more of a personal problem I suppose, but we expect to see certain people post in the same general lineup each day, and jacking up your schedule kinda screws with posting too. What I need to do is to build in check valves or spare time so that I'm not forced to screw my schedule just to get everything done - a big part of this is gonna be cutting some activities and just doing work, church, and maybe 1-2 others. Second, I didn't follow through on my duty to post early. Regardless of all the good, valid, and necessary reasons I have, you and I both know that I could have found 30-60 seconds to text a brother or grouptext the lot of them (which reminds me, I need to set that up). What I need to do is set up a deal so I can shoot sos texts out in a hurry, or find a number to call in very short order, be it for a bad crave, chatting, or something like today. Third, I haven't let them all know what happened - yet.
What I do know is that I've got some amazing quitters keeping my head in the game, and I need that. This is both a shortsighted goal and an incredibly longsighted goal at the same time; some days I have to focus on the next minute, others I have to calibrate and think about the tobacco freedom for the future.
What I also know, and what I didn't realize until reading the roll a while ago - today was highly stressful. Ranked on up there with some of my hardest finals weeks, but THIS TIME THE NICBITCH WAS NOT THERE. That was an amazing revelation to me - for 10+ years I have relied on her to get me through the stressful times, but today I handled all those proverbial hot irons without her "assistance" and it was awesome. I'm still pretty happy about that. I'm still using hooch for those mindless tasks like housework and grass cutting, but I'm seeing some good separation in the work side of it now, though it is still a long ways from being absent from my average day. ODAAT
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Well, I think I messed up today. No, no cave, secondhand smoke, or anything of the sort - not really even any notable craves today either.
Last night (wed) was a late night, paperwork and brief writing kept me up until late. I was exhausted and considered posting roll before heading to bed, but decided that I'd just wake up a couple mins early and post roll this morning (thurs). That decision is where I screwed up first - I shoulda just posted roll then, cuz I knew how hard it would be to get up in time to post this morning. Well, I woke up 30 minutes later than I had planned this morning, and very nearly did not make it to my first appointment for the day - as it was, I was 7 minutes late. Granted, in my line of work there is sometimes a little leeway, but not always. Luckily, today was a leeway day. From then until almost 6, I was absolutely wide open (which was awesome). One little problem - I had forgotten/neglected/failed to post roll. Well, I checked my phone and had 4 calls, 2 texts, and, found out later, 3 PMs on KTC wondering what happened and if I were still alive. So I did what I should have done hours earlier
I posted roll
I continued on with all the crap I had to do.
I messed up a couple ways. First, I lost my schedule. That's really more of a personal problem I suppose, but we expect to see certain people post in the same general lineup each day, and jacking up your schedule kinda screws with posting too. What I need to do is to build in check valves or spare time so that I'm not forced to screw my schedule just to get everything done - a big part of this is gonna be cutting some activities and just doing work, church, and maybe 1-2 others. Second, I didn't follow through on my duty to post early. Regardless of all the good, valid, and necessary reasons I have, you and I both know that I could have found 30-60 seconds to text a brother or grouptext the lot of them (which reminds me, I need to set that up). What I need to do is set up a deal so I can shoot sos texts out in a hurry, or find a number to call in very short order, be it for a bad crave, chatting, or something like today. Third, I haven't let them all know what happened - yet.
What I do know is that I've got some amazing quitters keeping my head in the game, and I need that. This is both a shortsighted goal and an incredibly longsighted goal at the same time; some days I have to focus on the next minute, others I have to calibrate and think about the tobacco freedom for the future.
What I also know, and what I didn't realize until reading the roll a while ago - today was highly stressful. Ranked on up there with some of my hardest finals weeks, but THIS TIME THE NICBITCH WAS NOT THERE. That was an amazing revelation to me - for 10+ years I have relied on her to get me through the stressful times, but today I handled all those proverbial hot irons without her "assistance" and it was awesome. I'm still pretty happy about that. I'm still using hooch for those mindless tasks like housework and grass cutting, but I'm seeing some good separation in the work side of it now, though it is still a long ways from being absent from my average day. ODAAT
Proud of you Bimbo! Keep rockin the quit and I'll catch you on chat again soon!
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Well, I think I messed up today. No, no cave, secondhand smoke, or anything of the sort - not really even any notable craves today either.
Last night (wed) was a late night, paperwork and brief writing kept me up until late. I was exhausted and considered posting roll before heading to bed, but decided that I'd just wake up a couple mins early and post roll this morning (thurs). That decision is where I screwed up first - I shoulda just posted roll then, cuz I knew how hard it would be to get up in time to post this morning. Well, I woke up 30 minutes later than I had planned this morning, and very nearly did not make it to my first appointment for the day - as it was, I was 7 minutes late. Granted, in my line of work there is sometimes a little leeway, but not always. Luckily, today was a leeway day. From then until almost 6, I was absolutely wide open (which was awesome). One little problem - I had forgotten/neglected/failed to post roll. Well, I checked my phone and had 4 calls, 2 texts, and, found out later, 3 PMs on KTC wondering what happened and if I were still alive. So I did what I should have done hours earlier
I posted roll
I continued on with all the crap I had to do.
I messed up a couple ways. First, I lost my schedule. That's really more of a personal problem I suppose, but we expect to see certain people post in the same general lineup each day, and jacking up your schedule kinda screws with posting too. What I need to do is to build in check valves or spare time so that I'm not forced to screw my schedule just to get everything done - a big part of this is gonna be cutting some activities and just doing work, church, and maybe 1-2 others. Second, I didn't follow through on my duty to post early. Regardless of all the good, valid, and necessary reasons I have, you and I both know that I could have found 30-60 seconds to text a brother or grouptext the lot of them (which reminds me, I need to set that up). What I need to do is set up a deal so I can shoot sos texts out in a hurry, or find a number to call in very short order, be it for a bad crave, chatting, or something like today. Third, I haven't let them all know what happened - yet.
What I do know is that I've got some amazing quitters keeping my head in the game, and I need that. This is both a shortsighted goal and an incredibly longsighted goal at the same time; some days I have to focus on the next minute, others I have to calibrate and think about the tobacco freedom for the future.
What I also know, and what I didn't realize until reading the roll a while ago - today was highly stressful. Ranked on up there with some of my hardest finals weeks, but THIS TIME THE NICBITCH WAS NOT THERE. That was an amazing revelation to me - for 10+ years I have relied on her to get me through the stressful times, but today I handled all those proverbial hot irons without her "assistance" and it was awesome. I'm still pretty happy about that. I'm still using hooch for those mindless tasks like housework and grass cutting, but I'm seeing some good separation in the work side of it now, though it is still a long ways from being absent from my average day. ODAAT
Proud of you Bimbo! Keep rockin the quit and I'll catch you on chat again soon!
Excellent post Bombero- way to own the quit and learn deeply!
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This is a combo rage/whine/something, so be warned.
Really, I shouldn't be on here, I should be working. Unfortunately, the state's websites apparently also quit working at 5, so I'm sitting here waiting on the stupid thing to load. Yeah, today sucked. A lot. Fiancee has been inordinately difficult and spiteful, work was (is) pegging the stress-o-meter and climbing. Oh BTW, the moving company wants about 3 times as much as I anticipated to move her to her new house. Lets not forget that a huge reason I'm up against these deadlines, stressed, and apparently 'don't understand' is because I dropped all non-essential stuff to get her new renter ready to move in before her parents came down for graduation. That was interesting as well, but I digress. Sad thing is that it is absolutely just a miscommunication blown way the eff out of proportion by stress of everything going on with both of us, and it's really not a big deal... just happened to be the tiny ember landing in the tinderbox. Which just happened to be beside the powderkeg. 'blowup' She's really pretty amazing, great family, smart, sexy as hell, girl of my dreams and all that - stress and uncertainity just aren't her strong suite. Of course, to compensate, I'm super sensitive, supportive, helpful and understanding right now, so this supercharged stress moving/graduation/bar exam period is a piece of cake. Sarcasm
Whoops. Stupid work site crashed again. GOtta fix that... 'bang head'
anyway, I haven't had strong craves for over a week now, but I have these awful nagging, gnawing craves that just eat away at me. Exercise and water help, but they are still there. The NicBitch has some f-ing annoying comeons, and I want to punch her in the dipper. Repeatedly. Today's events pushed all my buttons - ok, punched, repeatedly - and overcame my ability to absorb the BS. I really just wish I still lived down the road from the boxing gym, I could really use a heavy bag. or the time, I'd settle for the time right now.
I am certain of one thing though - had I not plugged into this site, gotten on some text lists, and basically drank the koolaide - I would have thrown away the last 25 days about 6-8 hours ago. So a shoutout to Aug14 for helping me stay quit, Nate and Stig for texting me early today before things really turned south, and for the other 6 quitters I was about to start calling (no guarantees you're off the hook though, I've still got several hours of work to do tonight).
There is something about Rollcall and having redundant accountability that just makes it easier - If I wasn't a believer in KTC before now, I'm sold now.
Anyway, sorry for smoking up the forum. I haven't made it back to ole happy yet, apparently still dealing with a raging nicbitch.
Stay quit guys.
- Bombero
25 counting
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This is a combo rage/whine/something, so be warned.
Really, I shouldn't be on here, I should be working. Unfortunately, the state's websites apparently also quit working at 5, so I'm sitting here waiting on the stupid thing to load. Yeah, today sucked. A lot. Fiancee has been inordinately difficult and spiteful, work was (is) pegging the stress-o-meter and climbing. Oh BTW, the moving company wants about 3 times as much as I anticipated to move her to her new house. Lets not forget that a huge reason I'm up against these deadlines, stressed, and apparently 'don't understand' is because I dropped all non-essential stuff to get her new renter ready to move in before her parents came down for graduation. That was interesting as well, but I digress. Sad thing is that it is absolutely just a miscommunication blown way the eff out of proportion by stress of everything going on with both of us, and it's really not a big deal... just happened to be the tiny ember landing in the tinderbox. Which just happened to be beside the powderkeg. 'blowup' She's really pretty amazing, great family, smart, sexy as hell, girl of my dreams and all that - stress and uncertainity just aren't her strong suite. Of course, to compensate, I'm super sensitive, supportive, helpful and understanding right now, so this supercharged stress moving/graduation/bar exam period is a piece of cake. Sarcasm
Whoops. Stupid work site crashed again. GOtta fix that... 'bang head'
anyway, I haven't had strong craves for over a week now, but I have these awful nagging, gnawing craves that just eat away at me. Exercise and water help, but they are still there. The NicBitch has some f-ing annoying comeons, and I want to punch her in the dipper. Repeatedly. Today's events pushed all my buttons - ok, punched, repeatedly - and overcame my ability to absorb the BS. I really just wish I still lived down the road from the boxing gym, I could really use a heavy bag. or the time, I'd settle for the time right now.
I am certain of one thing though - had I not plugged into this site, gotten on some text lists, and basically drank the koolaide - I would have thrown away the last 25 days about 6-8 hours ago. So a shoutout to Aug14 for helping me stay quit, Nate and Stig for texting me early today before things really turned south, and for the other 6 quitters I was about to start calling (no guarantees you're off the hook though, I've still got several hours of work to do tonight).
There is something about Rollcall and having redundant accountability that just makes it easier - If I wasn't a believer in KTC before now, I'm sold now.
Anyway, sorry for smoking up the forum. I haven't made it back to ole happy yet, apparently still dealing with a raging nicbitch.
Stay quit guys.
- Bombero
25 counting
Nice post Bombero! It's amazing how the nicbitch has so many different approaches. Just keep getting through them one by one. Each crave conquered is a victory- one less successful attempt to trick you into using again. You win by smacking each one down in turn. It's that simple, and you're doing it well.
Keep smoking up the boards here it feeds others' fires and earns you respect and support!
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This post contains my musings about the last couple days and how very well KTC handles the mud life throws at quitters.
Holidays are relaxing, right? Not this one. No fewer than 4 mini-geddons since Saturday, and the confluence of all the stress and doing the most urgent things basically overwhelmed me. Yeah, I'm still quit. No contrary to common addict-belief, Nic wouldn't have helped at all - in fact, I would still be wound tight if the NB was still here. It is really sad that it took me this long to quit. I am thinking so much clearer and faster it amazes me. I have a lot more time than I did as a user. Heck, I've been telling myself that I could have been one of those top-of-the-class peeps had I quit earlier...it sounds good in my head anyway.
From personal reflection, I tend to be fairly straightforward guy, tending more toward painfully short bluntness and away from filtered thoughts as my stress/fatigue increase. It's something I'm working on, but it still a problem. I also tend to be an outlet for people to offload stress - normally isn't a problem, I just go about my business and never notice. Keep that in mind as you read the background; Que sob story. Apparently moving is one of the top 3 most stressful things in life, and from my friends say, conducting home repairs/fixeruper/plumbing leaks are pretty bad too. Having a severely stressed spouse, problems at work - all these are on the top stressor list too. My Fiancee moved from big city to my little city. We're poor by american standards, but found a pretty solid little house for 300 a month. Well, at 300 a month I know that there's some stuff that we will need to handle - washer-dryer hookups, some fit-n-finish stuff, maybe change some lights, etc - nothing huge, absolutely nothign gave me pause. Granted, I grew up a tractor riding, blue collar tobacco using (idiot) farm boy who can fix a lot of stuff, so "no big deal, I'll get it fixed eventually" clashed with her more refined expectations. She's not from my background, to say the least. She would be stressed about the house not being clean and everything working like Southern Homes and Gardens thinks it should. (think fancy city girl marries country boy and you pretty much have the picture). Plus she is studying for the bar - I cannot think of any more stressful thing to do. You could not pay me enough to go through that again. Her family comes down and find problems that literally did not exist before they showed up. (If I EVER find murphy...). Naturally her parents have some misgivings (her bro is with me though - house is legit) and all that impress-the-inlaws stress builds. They leave, but now she's having major issues with the house and minor stress attacks because she's worrying herself to death over it (it really is a good house), the bar, money worries, being in a small town and only knowing my family, moving stress, all that jazz. I'm dealing with personnel and politic issues at the VFD, and preparing for a really busy trial term. And then funk hits.
I used to be a "really sweet guy" back in highschool. After some experiences rocked how I perceived my world, Innocent Bombero changed a lot, especially after becoming an addict, starting drinking, and all but leaving church for a long time. I changed; instead of being patient, now my fuse gets short and I can be quite the jerk. I was there last August after I finished the bar. Went to visit fiancee (then gf) the day after (bad mistake) up in DC - she had a sweet summer job and had almost a week left there, so instant vaca. Planned it all summer, but I got there and acted basically the opposite of how she envisioned it all summer. She HATES tobacco and can smell it from across the room, so I'd stopped using when I got off the plane, brushed my teeth, and continued along my way. By the time the 3 day trip was over I was in full-blown angry addict mode, and by the end of the week I had badly hurt her feelings. Took a long time to get past that. There is a lot of stuff like that that I'm pretty ashamed of, but that ultimately brought me back around. I'm back in church, have almost given up drinking all together, we are making big progress in our relationship, and I'm quit.
As we all know, nicotine changes you. As an addict I followed the typical pattern, but I hung out with some asshole addicts, and picked up a lot of their other bad habits. I ran away from the church, paid only lip service to God, and pretty much lived my life like everybody else. About a year ago I started coming around. Started sporadically going to church with some new friends, being more responsible, cleaning up my act, and failing to kick the NB. I found this site in February and lurked until April. I got mad one night that I was being controlled by some insidious thing, and I rage quit. I got through the first week of quit by avoiding everybody I could, or at least minimizing time around people. that's the introvert I guess. Made it through, hit a couple little bumps and skirmished wit hthe fog until almost 20 days. Hit an amazing clear patch, and I thought I'd broken through. Nope - NB only retreated to counter attack.
Boom, day 29. NB unleashed the archers. sent in the infantry on 30. By 32 the heavy knights routed my amazing quit back into the castle of WTF IS GOING ON... and then came the siege guns and battering rams. (Sorry. I was liberal arts and hung out with the history guys. At least it'd make a cool movie battle scene). By 35 I was beginning to crack. Nothing was going right - concentration was shot, I was a being a dick again, everything was gettign fouled up. Last night was bad - basically we were both at our breaking points and it spiraled from there. That is when I posted this:
Bombero -35- fighting the funk, trying to hold personal life together. FUCK NICOTINE AND ALL THE SHIT SHE DUMPED ON ME
Over the next 24ish hours, Aug14 and several other quitters PM, texted, and Rollcalled (yup. New word) me, even some who I haven't had much interaction with so far. I've plugged in, but I tried not to bother people with my problems until it is at the do-or-die stage, opting instead to keep the quit raucous and upbeat. I am the quitter who is far more likely to call and say something like "I can't make it through the next 5 minutes and I need backup now" than most other scenarios. Not to say that I don't take my quit seriously - it's dead serious - I'm just stubborn and fiercely independent like that I guess. So while it doesn't seem like much, those minor actions helped me make it through last night and today. I've added some more numbers to my list, yet another layer of accountability. My goal is that if I ever caved, that every last person on this site would hunt me down and rain fiery anger on my head. I know that the more accountability I have, the easier my quit will be, and hopefully the easier I can make somebody else's quit.
This novella written for you tonight so that you know 1. Last couple days were too much for me 2. the KTC system got me through it, 3. AUG14 and the "old guys" who encouraged me are awesome, and 4. way more than you ever wanted to know about me.
Stay Quit.
'tanks' NICOTINE 'biggun'
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Bomb - Good to see you made it to the other side without nic. Stay strong. I was cruising along pretty well until the last few days. Strongest craves I've had since the first week. You handled a lot of stuff this past week and are stronger because of it. Stay quit.
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Bomb - Good to see you made it to the other side without nic. Stay strong. I was cruising along pretty well until the last few days. Strongest craves I've had since the first week. You handled a lot of stuff this past week and are stronger because of it. Stay quit.
Damn this boy can write... must be a lawyer thing
You will find the initial crave/panic/jonesing of nicotine that comes right after we encounter a 'stressful situation' will shorten after every successful beat down. Keep documenting and leaving a trail and have no doubts I will be hunting for your ass
'ninja'.... might I suggest you lose that 'if' word out of your vocabulary
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Bomb - Good to see you made it to the other side without nic. Stay strong. I was cruising along pretty well until the last few days. Strongest craves I've had since the first week. You handled a lot of stuff this past week and are stronger because of it. Stay quit.
Damn this boy can write... must be a lawyer thing
You will find the initial crave/panic/jonesing of nicotine that comes right after we encounter a 'stressful situation' will shorten after every successful beat down. Keep documenting and leaving a trail and have no doubts I will be hunting for your ass
'ninja'.... might I suggest you lose that 'if' word out of your vocabulary
Good catch. I didn't see that before posting. "If" implies that the door is still open - it's not. There's no "try" or "if" here, only quit.
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Damn this boy can write... must be a lawyer thing
Wait until you get the bill from him for writing it 'winker' 'winker'
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Great reading your intro. Keep up the great work. You are killing it.
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Good job hanging in there through that storm. Keep it up. You gotta do this!
While it may be a little out of the comfort zone to reach out other than for extreme emergencies, i'm convinced a full range of connections, from close to more distant, is a better way to build it out. Remember that part of what the addiction itself did was make you think nicotine or chew was your little friend-- it actually hijacks the "feels good to make friends" circuitry in the brain. F-ing evil weed! Build out that network for accountabily AND support. I went through a shitstorm or two in my earlier quit, and i think the network here got me through it in general, not just got me though without chewing.
Read this to learn more about the addiction.... Nicotine Addiction 101 (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html) and KTC Welcome Center (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
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Well, made it through one of my trial terms and today I am in the lull before the next term. I've been poking around, reading and staying as active as I can on the site - it helps me keep the mind games pushed away, the stress manageable, and my quit well supplied and equipped against the addiction lies. While posting roll this morning, I remembered that my day count was screwy and wasn't lining up with the quit date on my profile.
I doubt anyone has noticed, but I am not hiding anything. Here are my "confessions" and report:
1. My quit date listed on my profile was inaccurate.
As initially listed, it said I quit on 4/24/14. I did not. That was my baby sister's bday, and I had not pulled the trigger yet. I stopped using around midday on 4/25/14, and that night I quit. I had driven up to visit my gf and do some research for an upcoming trial that morning, and had stopped using once she came by the library (yea, I was a secret dipper. She hated the stuff from day 1). That night she cooked some italian chicken thing and we celebrated her last day of classes with a bottle of wine. She goes to bed insanely early, so by 9 she was asleep. I stayed up, watched tv and drank some more to relax the week away. By now I'd been about 10-12 hours without a dip, and the urge hit me out of the blue. I wasn't about to drive anywhere, and there was nowhere within easy walking distance to get one. The longer I sat there the stronger the crave, and it really pissed me off. I had been lurking for a while, and I came back and started reading the quit info. I decided that I was tired of being consumed, tired of not being in control of my facilities, and after reading some of the stories, I felt ashamed that I had told my sister happy bday, I love you, ate some cake, and walked outside to sneak a dip. Half the reason I was sitting in the living room right then was because I started hanging back on my visit to get in that last dip. I was infuriated with myself. I hated that can, I hated the crave, I hated the anger (now ID as 'nic rage'), and I posted my intro. It wasn't a sober moment, but by god I've stuck to it. Even now I'm getting pissed off just thinking about how I felt then.
2. I have been clean everyday I have posted.
When I'm not lawyering or working odd jobs to pay for life and keep it all going, I volunteer with my local FD, where I'm a volly Lt. I usually stop by the station a couple times a week, as my office is about .2 mi from our station. (under AL law, we're volunteer, even though the chief and asst are paid and man the station 7-1400). Out of the 22 members, I am now one of 2 guys who doesn't use. Posting roll keeps this real for me, helps force my senses to full alert every day. Reading the stories, the intros, the relapses remind me that I'll never be cured, that it is a DAILY choice and quit, and has really lead me to feel bad for my enslaved brothers. I am clean, and I intend to stay this way even if I have to post roll until the day I die.
3. I have posted every day since my intro.
As trained, and because I wouldn't trust the (quit) addict I see in the mirror, here is the proof. You will have to look at the time stamp though, as I had some difficulties getting the date right and my day count may be off (see #1 for explanation of the confusion)
My quit began on April 25, 2014 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8267449&t=10228692). I don't remember putting in a quit date, but I must have somehow screwed it up because the quit date initially appeared as 4/24 on my profile. Thus, my day count kept getting off, and today I figured out that that was the problem - I've corrected the profile date now. Here's my April postings to back it up: Apr 26 post (with date error) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268302&t=10225414); Apr 26 post (corrected) (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8268316&t=10225414); Sunday, April 27, 2014 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8269864&t=10225414); Monday, April 28 2014 Roll posting (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8271746&t=10225414); Tues. Apr. 29 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8273319&t=10225414); Wed. Apr. 30 Roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8275326&t=10225414). For May, you can verify by skimming if you want, but here's the the Spreadsheet (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Anfr_81h8hXWdHdvUXlHV2lpYkp2TnhSRExuS0RIRlE&usp=sharing#gid=0).
I have been quit for 14 days as of today, May 8, 2014, as reported this morning (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8289549&t=10225414).
4. You decided to take your quit accountability to another level by stepping up to help with the spreadsheet. Great decision and one that will help your quit. You are a leader of August 14 now...the question is, who else will step up from your group to help you?
5. This bad ass added another layer of accountability by agreeing to post roll with me everyday as well as in his own group. He has also agreed that he will contact me no matter what before he can cave. I quit with you!
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Hello quitters, I am Erussell and I am an august quitter as well. I am on day 395 today, proof this site works. I am looking for someone to hold me accountable and likewise I them. Let's call it an "accountability friendship".
Couple of conditions
Must post roll everyday
Must post with me and I with them every day.
Must text me for permission and I them before a cave.
Must be willing to pay it forward after HOF.
Must understand I am the type to show up at your house if you f me and your brothers over. Do not latch onto me unless your of your word and salt.
PM if your interested.
We recently had a couple young gents join the VFD where I'm LT. At 19ish, they've got tons of energy and enthusiasm, but about zero knowledge about how we fight fire, or the bajillion other things we have to know. One of the upcoming components of our training is teaching them what a PAR is, what to do when it is called, and what happens if something is wrong. If you are not from a FF background, you're probably wondering what this mysterious acrynom means - PAR is a personnel accountability report. When called, each person reports up the chain of command their status; at each step of that process, the officer/supervisor makes sure everyone is accounted for. Missing a PAR is a REALLY big deal.
On this rainy/stormy/super-humid Sunday afternoon, I was resting after eating some amazing peach cobbler (Yeah, I know I've been eating pretty much anything that didn't run off first, but hey, I joined a gym last week. All is well). I hopped on here, because that's what I do with a lot of my new, dip-free time, and found a running discussion about posting roll. Eureka.
Roll = PAR.
Sure, it's different, but look at it like this: Every morning a PAR is called when you wake up. In essence you are a) responding to your group's PAR, and b) stating your promise not to use. If you don't post roll, then it means one of 3 things. 1. You're down and in trouble. 2. You jumped off the wagon. 3. You are an idiot and "forgot" to post. 4. You are dead.
There is no acceptable reason to miss PAR...err, Roll. I'll let you slide if #4 applies, but your quit bros should, at the very least, know what is going on with your quit. I understand that there are still guys out there who may not have a cell/home internet/whathaveyou, or may have some extraordinarily rare circumstance - guess what though? You can plan around each of those issues, so there is just no reason to miss roll. A brother should NEVER fall through the cracks. Post Roll, honor roll, stay quit... or don't post roll and become the hunted. Pretty simple.
Anyway, philosopher moment over. Move along folks, nothing to see here
PS - might be wondering why the quote is up there. Simple - adding layers to the accountability net increases the ease of staying quit, for me at least. Also I might be planning to steal that list from Erussell after HOF to use on a newbie, and quoting it here makes it easier to find... 'ninja'
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I posted this in my quit group, but here it is again:
Ok quitters, I wanted to give you all another heads up - I will NOT be on roll from Sunday, July 13 until Saturday, July 19. Here is why:
I will be somewhere in Honduras building polebarn houses and conducting mission work with local missionaries. I do apologize for dropping out like this, but I will have no way to communicate with anyone stateside or elsewhere. I will be a 5 hour bus ride, 2 hour 4x4 ride, and a 4-6 hour hike away from the airport. I do welcome texts/pms/voicemails - I just won't get them until I get back.
Here is my "wilderness quit plan" - The day I leave I'll post a "special" roll - basically it will be my promise for the entire trip and I will update via roll when I return. Whether you choose to post it each day or not is up to you, but I'll be +7 days quit when I get back either way. We leave at 0330 on saturday, so I'll post before we head to the airport. We are scheduled to get back late the following saturday.
- One of the guys going on the trip is a former dipper who quit cold. We talk regularly, and he knows I am quit.
- My brother is also going and knows I am quit; we have also talked extensively about my quit.
- Ditto for my sister, though she will be with a separate group not hiking in the mountains
- I'm going with my church group, who will all nail my feet to the fire and keep me accountable
- Just for sake of throwing it in - I don't know Spanish. I also don't think there's gonna be the opportunity to buy dip in a place they can't even afford to keep the pigs out of the kitchen.
So, all that to say that I'll be off roll next week. I do ask for you prayers for my entire group, and I'll rejoin you on the quitters' roll.[/list]
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I posted this in my quit group, but here it is again:
Ok quitters, I wanted to give you all another heads up - I will NOT be on roll from Sunday, July 13 until Saturday, July 19. Here is why:
I will be somewhere in Honduras building polebarn houses and conducting mission work with local missionaries. I do apologize for dropping out like this, but I will have no way to communicate with anyone stateside or elsewhere. I will be a 5 hour bus ride, 2 hour 4x4 ride, and a 4-6 hour hike away from the airport. I do welcome texts/pms/voicemails - I just won't get them until I get back.
Here is my "wilderness quit plan" - The day I leave I'll post a "special" roll - basically it will be my promise for the entire trip and I will update via roll when I return. Whether you choose to post it each day or not is up to you, but I'll be +7 days quit when I get back either way. We leave at 0330 on saturday, so I'll post before we head to the airport. We are scheduled to get back late the following saturday.
- One of the guys going on the trip is a former dipper who quit cold. We talk regularly, and he knows I am quit.
- My brother is also going and knows I am quit; we have also talked extensively about my quit.
- Ditto for my sister, though she will be with a separate group not hiking in the mountains
- I'm going with my church group, who will all nail my feet to the fire and keep me accountable
- Just for sake of throwing it in - I don't know Spanish. I also don't think there's gonna be the opportunity to buy dip in a place they can't even afford to keep the pigs out of the kitchen.
So, all that to say that I'll be off roll next week. I do ask for you prayers for my entire group, and I'll rejoin you on the quitters' roll.[/list]
I've been a staunch proponent of posting roll every day no matter the circumstance. As a general rule, this is my position. I respect this post by Bombero very much. It's proactive, and describes an extenuating situation where posting roll will, in fact, be a challenge. None-the-less what we have is a promise and we have a plan. Thank you Bombero
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Well..... 100 bad ass wins. Many 1000nds to come. Yet you've celebrated this milestone today and for damn good reason...100days is awesome, but it's only the beginning. I urge you to continue to post roll every day and never miss. Your welcome to continue to post roll with me, but it's no longer a requirement. In fact if your time is limited I would rather you post with a newbie the same way as I have done with you and see him to HOF, holding one another accountable.
Words can't speak how proud I am of you Kevin.
Thank you for mentioning me in your HOF, fact is you helped me as much as I helped you. I quit with you..... you bad ass!!!!!
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Well Done Sir!!!
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Nice job Bombero!!!! Celebrate the day and get back on here for 101!
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Well Done Sir!!!
Fandamntastic! Do it Again!
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Well Done Sir!!!
Fandamntastic! Do it Again!
get some more bomber
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Well Done Sir!!!
Fandamntastic! Do it Again!
get some more bomber
Congrats on 100. Proud to be quit with ya
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Well Done Sir!!!
Fandamntastic! Do it Again!
get some more bomber
Congrats on 100. Proud to be quit with ya
Good shit!! 100 strong!
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Fuck the NicBitch and her evil claws. (http://www.wsfa.com/story/26599529/al-sees-rise-of-nicotine-poisoning-alongside-e-cig-popularity) Might not be a tin, but she's still hooking people and molesting children.
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Fuck the NicBitch and her evil claws. (http://www.wsfa.com/story/26599529/al-sees-rise-of-nicotine-poisoning-alongside-e-cig-popularity) Might not be a tin, but she's still hooking people and molesting children.
Dear God those people look like idiots puffing on those things.....but the reporter chick was kinda hot in a plain way.
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Tech question! 'help'
Same question posted on these forums bc it really applied to each one. Lemme know what you think.
topic/1008460/2/?x=90#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008460/2/?x=90#new)
topic/10695758/7/?x=90#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10695758/7/?x=90#new)
topic/1003172/9/?x=90#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003172/9/?x=90#new)
If you don't answer that's cool, as this is also serving as a bookmark for all the pages
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Day 356. Today I am just glad to be quit. It's a little after mid morning, and I just left from a jail visit with a methamphetamine addict. While I cannot delve into the specifics, this visit really has me down. Perhaps it is the addict rages I endured today, just a cumulative effect, or the stresses of work and handling the craziness, but it's a rough start to a long day.
356 days ago I was in a similar boat, except I was white knuckling an infant escape from the nicbitch, not from an ironclad behemoth like meth. I vividly recall the experience, and can only imagine what some of my professional contacts endure while detoxing from their various drugs... the major difference is that they are agonizing over seconds before they can use again. I recognize all the lies, the panic, the extreme mood swings, for they are an experience that must be common to all addicts. However, unlike some of my colleagues, I cannot cast judgement on these wretched souls, for I am an addict too - an addict who QLFEDD 356 days ago. Is quitting dip the same as quitting X? No, but even my admittedly mild, compared to their, detox gives me a little understanding.
356 days ago this would have triggered a trip to chevron, but not today. I posted roll today, and today I am quit.
Constantly quitting, never cured.
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Day 356. Today I am just glad to be quit. It's a little after mid morning, and I just left from a jail visit with a methamphetamine addict. While I cannot delve into the specifics, this visit really has me down. Perhaps it is the addict rages I endured today, just a cumulative effect, or the stresses of work and handling the craziness, but it's a rough start to a long day.
356 days ago I was in a similar boat, except I was white knuckling an infant escape from the nicbitch, not from an ironclad behemoth like meth. I vividly recall the experience, and can only imagine what some of my professional contacts endure while detoxing from their various drugs... the major difference is that they are agonizing over seconds before they can use again. I recognize all the lies, the panic, the extreme mood swings, for they are an experience that must be common to all addicts. However, unlike some of my colleagues, I cannot cast judgement on these wretched souls, for I am an addict too - an addict who QLFEDD 356 days ago. Is quitting dip the same as quitting X? No, but even my admittedly mild, compared to their, detox gives me a little understanding.
356 days ago this would have triggered a trip to chevron, but not today. I posted roll today, and today I am quit.
Constantly quitting, never cured.
Addiction is ugly. many of us have lied, stole, hidden, etc in order to feed our addiction. The speed of which those other substances and chemicals cause physical destruction/demise is astounding, but the tactics and power of the addiction is definitely similar. I hope your battle with and personal understanding of addiction helps you do your job better leading to more help for your addict clients.
Proud to quit with you brother.
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Day 356. Today I am just glad to be quit. It's a little after mid morning, and I just left from a jail visit with a methamphetamine addict. While I cannot delve into the specifics, this visit really has me down. Perhaps it is the addict rages I endured today, just a cumulative effect, or the stresses of work and handling the craziness, but it's a rough start to a long day.
356 days ago I was in a similar boat, except I was white knuckling an infant escape from the nicbitch, not from an ironclad behemoth like meth. I vividly recall the experience, and can only imagine what some of my professional contacts endure while detoxing from their various drugs... the major difference is that they are agonizing over seconds before they can use again. I recognize all the lies, the panic, the extreme mood swings, for they are an experience that must be common to all addicts. However, unlike some of my colleagues, I cannot cast judgement on these wretched souls, for I am an addict too - an addict who QLFEDD 356 days ago. Is quitting dip the same as quitting X? No, but even my admittedly mild, compared to their, detox gives me a little understanding.
356 days ago this would have triggered a trip to chevron, but not today. I posted roll today, and today I am quit.
Constantly quitting, never cured.
Addiction is ugly. many of us have lied, stole, hidden, etc in order to feed our addiction. The speed of which those other substances and chemicals cause physical destruction/demise is astounding, but the tactics and power of the addiction is definitely similar. I hope your battle with and personal understanding of addiction helps you do your job better leading to more help for your addict clients.
Proud to quit with you brother.
Wisdom right here ^^^^. I've found my own learning in my quit has helped me understand so much more in others, too. I'm proud to quit with both of you guys- thanks for bringing it daily for so long!
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Day 356. Today I am just glad to be quit. It's a little after mid morning, and I just left from a jail visit with a methamphetamine addict. While I cannot delve into the specifics, this visit really has me down. Perhaps it is the addict rages I endured today, just a cumulative effect, or the stresses of work and handling the craziness, but it's a rough start to a long day.
356 days ago I was in a similar boat, except I was white knuckling an infant escape from the nicbitch, not from an ironclad behemoth like meth. I vividly recall the experience, and can only imagine what some of my professional contacts endure while detoxing from their various drugs... the major difference is that they are agonizing over seconds before they can use again. I recognize all the lies, the panic, the extreme mood swings, for they are an experience that must be common to all addicts. However, unlike some of my colleagues, I cannot cast judgement on these wretched souls, for I am an addict too - an addict who QLFEDD 356 days ago. Is quitting dip the same as quitting X? No, but even my admittedly mild, compared to their, detox gives me a little understanding.
356 days ago this would have triggered a trip to chevron, but not today. I posted roll today, and today I am quit.
Constantly quitting, never cured.
Addiction is ugly. many of us have lied, stole, hidden, etc in order to feed our addiction. The speed of which those other substances and chemicals cause physical destruction/demise is astounding, but the tactics and power of the addiction is definitely similar. I hope your battle with and personal understanding of addiction helps you do your job better leading to more help for your addict clients.
Proud to quit with you brother.
Wisdom right here ^^^^. I've found my own learning in my quit has helped me understand so much more in others, too. I'm proud to quit with both of you guys- thanks for bringing it daily for so long!
Don't sell yourself short Bomber - studies have shown Nicotine to be the 2nd most addictive substance on earth behind Heroin. It's a bitch to quit, but we are doing every damn day.
Totally agree that this experience gives you some incredible perspective. I need to work on being more empathetic because the second I am talking to someone and they even start with some "addict speak" I call them on the bullshit.
You are badass quitter and I'm glad to quit with you side by side.
Lighty
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1 effing year! Congrats bombero!
'band' 'party2' 'chew2' 'dance' 'chew2' 'party2' 'band'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'poledancer' 'boob' 'boob' 'lick me'
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1 effing year! Congrats bombero!
'band' 'party2' 'chew2' 'dance' 'chew2' 'party2' 'band'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'poledancer' 'boob' 'boob' 'lick me'
Way to be Bombero! This is a big milestone. Congrats! 'oh yeah'
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Strong work Bombero
Quit with you today
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Nice job bud!
I suggest you re-engage as a form of celebration, and to help ensure that 2nd lap! I see quite a few missed days lately ... don't become "that" dude!
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Nice job bud!
I suggest you re-engage as a form of celebration, and to help ensure that 2nd lap! I see quite a few missed days lately ... don't become "that" dude!
Congrats, big achievement! Keep on coming back daily to post +1s.
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"But the most important count I do has nothing to do with work. It's the number of days since April [24, 2014]. As of this morning, that's [1,025]. The bigger that number gets, the more it frightens me, because I know all it takes is one [dip] to go back to zero. Most people see fear as a weakness. It can be. Sometimes for my job, I have to put fear in other people. I know that's not right. But if I'm honest, like the fourth step asks us to be, I have to be ruthless, because failure is not an option. The same goes for my sobriety. I have to be ruthless with myself. I have to use my fear. It makes me stronger. Like everyone in this room, I can't control who I am. But I can control the zero. Fuck the zero."
One thousand, twenty-five days. Almost trashed.
Fatal mistakes start from a slow fade... Home life is shit. In the middle of closing a practice and swinging into a different full-time gig. Volunteer firefighter, so add on an unusual volume of calls, all bad, in the last two weeks. Teaching one class, taking another, and half a dozen other little things going on, all while being surrounded by dippers, chewers, and smokers. The facts change, but my story doesn't sound that much different than most. In a lot of ways, it doesn't sound that much different than it did almost two years ago, except that two years ago I was chained to the nicbitch. What possessed me to careen perilously close to that abyss when I have steered far away for so long? I don't know. Probably distance from hardcore quitters, a softening of resolve, the lull from the siren's call as I am around all the slaves. Fatal mistakes begin with complacency and smolder, only to compound with the anger from another fight, multiply with frustration and stress, and suddenly burst into flames. It is a slow fade from eff the bitch to romancing her, then it explodes to Holy mother - how'd this tin get in my hand? The old timers are right - constant vigilance is vital, it is a necessity. One dip, one smoke, one chew, and I would be slammed back into the nicotine gulag. Remember reading how nicotine activates the same dopamine pathways as heroin? (http://whyquit.com/pr/072907.html) One use and it's straight back to the slammer, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Game over. I am never cured. I am always addicted. Vigilance is of utmost importance.
When I started quitting (for we can never finish), I secretly thought that I could bust out the quit, then coast. Psh, I won't need to post every day - these guys are just enjoying the company, but it really isn't necessary when you've been quit for a zillion days. That cocky attitude is dangerous, and I urge you, you cocky SOB, to be on constant guard - you and I are but a moment away from obliteration. Damocles had his sword (http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=baldwin&book=fifty&story=sword), Achilles had his heel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Achilles%27_heel), and we have the NicBitch constantly probing our defenses.
Control the Zero. Fuck nicotine. ODAAT. I'll see 1026 tomorrow, just like I promised.
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Glad you didn't cave, but dude???? I wrote your HoF speech, that would have pissed me off. I haven't missed a single day of roll call between the 2 sites I post roll on because I am an addict and I know I need support and accountability. I hope your head is truly out of your ass - I noted another 1000+ guy I looked up too that stopped posting roll, it's really a stupid this to stop posting roll. Get the fire back in you bro, you are good people!
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Glad you didn't cave, but dude???? I wrote your HoF speech, that would have pissed me off. I haven't missed a single day of roll call between the 2 sites I post roll on because I am an addict and I know I need support and accountability. I hope your head is truly out of your ass - I noted another 1000+ guy I looked up too that stopped posting roll, it's really a stupid this to stop posting roll. Get the fire back in you bro, you are good people!
You're absolutely right and I am posting roll again. That accountability is what slapped me - thinking about the AAAs and all the old timers who encouraged me early on. I did stumble, but did not fall and am now falling back in stride.
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Glad you didn't cave, but dude???? I wrote your HoF speech, that would have pissed me off. I haven't missed a single day of roll call between the 2 sites I post roll on because I am an addict and I know I need support and accountability. I hope your head is truly out of your ass - I noted another 1000+ guy I looked up too that stopped posting roll, it's really a stupid this to stop posting roll. Get the fire back in you bro, you are good people!
You're absolutely right and I am posting roll again. That accountability is what slapped me - thinking about the AAAs and all the old timers who encouraged me early on. I did stumble, but did not fall and am now falling back in stride.
Glad to have you back, and good on ya for realizing the power of roll call!