KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: cjoy on July 27, 2015, 01:32:00 PM
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Yes, of course I mean begin to quit BUT I also mean that I should have written an introduction on the first day. As I read through those that have beaten down the 100 day, 200 day marks and so on, I now see the true value of this part of the overall cleansing and dealing with the struggle one day at a time.
Today is DAY 21 quit and I feel like shit. So here is my introduction:
Started smoking in high school, thought it was cool and it would get me laid. It didn't. Kept smoking until my junior year in college. Girlfriend was nagging me so I quit smoking for 30 days. I thought to my self "shit that was easy!" therefore I thought I was no longer addicted to nicotine. That was bullshit.... I am an addict. So I began to chew during softball, golf, camping and drinking which was a dip or two a day but grew exponentially as the hurdles of life became more stressful. I used it to cope and am just now figuring that out. For 18 fucking years that bitch skoal long cut was with me and I hate her.
I have been a high level executive for many of those years and was a super skilled, triple black belt ninja dipper. In fact, as I wear my KTC wristband reminder I now have to own up to that skill for those that ask why I wear it. The responses are usually "What? I had no Idea". I had them all fooled for a long time....everyone except my wife. She knew what I was up to and hated it. I mean she really fucking hated it. I even had a small dip in when we were shooting our wedding photos. It is amazing that we had two beautiful kids together because most of the time she wanted nothing to do with me when I was dipping OR I wanted nothing to do with her because I wanted to put another turd in my lip. Stupid.
So here I am today. Did I mention it was DAY 21? Probably, all I know is that my fog will not go away. My mind is playing all sorts of tricks on me. My back and neck hurt and I am a grumpy asshole. I will continue to ride this wave one day at a time. Thank you KTC for giving the forum to do so.
Have a day!
P.S. I would like to thank Halls Lozenges. Those spicy little bitches really help.
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Great intro and congrats on making a great choice. You've made it 21 days on your own...AWESOME. Come on in here and let us help you the rest of the way. Learn how and why we post roll. Then do it...everyday. Read everything you can. Then read it again.
Quitting is done ONE DAY AT A TIME. That is your new motto. You are a bad-ass quitter.
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Great intro and congrats on making a great choice. You've made it 21 days on your own...AWESOME. Come on in here and let us help you the rest of the way. Learn how and why we post roll. Then do it...everyday. Read everything you can. Then read it again.
Quitting is done ONE DAY AT A TIME. That is your new motto. You are a bad-ass quitter.
Cj the fog and anger will subside. The best thing you ever done was quit for you so you can have a healthy long life with your family! Quit with you today!
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Good post CJ. Looking back on it with be cathartic someday when you think you have this thing whooped. You'll go back to this post and remember why we have to attack this thing ODAAT. So long as we never lose sight of that, we can win this war by winning the battle EDD.
I'm quit with you today brother.
King
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Someone should have spell checked that post for me. Ugh.
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Someone should have spell checked that post for me. Ugh.
Nobody quoted it, so you can still fix it... 'ninja'
Its sobering to think of the grip it had on us and how nicoting impacted our day to day lives. The freedom is my favorite part and it sounds like it's high on your list as well! Nice intro. Keep stacking those +1s and the fog will get better, brother.
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Someone should have spell checked that post for me. Ugh.
We're not here to spell. We're here to quit...every day. You're doing great. You got this, brother!
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Someone should have spell checked that post for me. Ugh.
We're not here to spell. We're here to quit...every day. You're doing great. You got this, brother!
Nice post brotha! You got the right mentality...one day at a time. I can't quit forever. I tried many times. But I can give my word and keep it and I can quit just for today. Just stick with it, and I can't say this enough - get connected with other quitters. More more you talk quit, the less you think dip. You can't talk quit and think dip at the same time. Nothing helped me more than running my proverbial mouth off on here - encouraging fellow quitters, slamming cavers, asking questions, giving my opinions. Whatever it was, I did it here and it worked.
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Great post! I quit with you today.
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Someone should have spell checked that post for me. Ugh.
We're not here to spell. We're here to quit...every day. You're doing great. You got this, brother!
^^^ that is priceless :wood
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With ya man, that skoal long cut is my bane too...mint...went extra bc cheaper...did the ninja thing at work too, and its banned at work and I was warned...who risks a great job for chew? An addict is who...keep the fight!
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With ya man, that skoal long cut is my bane too...mint...went extra bc cheaper...did the ninja thing at work too, and its banned at work and I was warned...who risks a great job for chew? An addict is who...keep the fight!
Day 23 - Not too dizzy today. Actually feel somewhat human. I kinda like this.
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With ya man, that skoal long cut is my bane too...mint...went extra bc cheaper...did the ninja thing at work too, and its banned at work and I was warned...who risks a great job for chew? An addict is who...keep the fight!
Day 23 - Not too dizzy today. Actually feel somewhat human. I kinda like this.
Nice CJ. Never going back.
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With ya man, that skoal long cut is my bane too...mint...went extra bc cheaper...did the ninja thing at work too, and its banned at work and I was warned...who risks a great job for chew? An addict is who...keep the fight!
Day 23 - Not too dizzy today. Actually feel somewhat human. I kinda like this.
Nice CJ. Never going back.
And it keeps getting better cjoy! I'm a (former) long time ninja dipper who discovers new benefits of being free every day. You got this. ODAAT.
CJ
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Day 24 - Went to the doctor today. Fighting anxiety and all the shit that it does to your body. Checked out fine physically. He prescribed lexipro and xanex. My wife said there is no way in hell she will let me take Lexapro. "you are not trading one drug for another". I simply said yes mam.
Quit On!
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Day 24 - Went to the doctor today. Fighting anxiety and all the shit that it does to your body. Checked out fine physically. He prescribed lexipro and xanex. My wife said there is no way in hell she will let me take Lexapro. "you are not trading one drug for another". I simply said yes mam.
Quit On!
I'm not a doc so I'll leave those erectile dysfunction decisions to your doc, you, and your wife. Doesn't take a doc to know that I am quit with you all day today though, so there's that!
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Day 24 - Went to the doctor today. Fighting anxiety and all the shit that it does to your body. Checked out fine physically. He prescribed lexipro and xanex. My wife said there is no way in hell she will let me take Lexapro. "you are not trading one drug for another". I simply said yes mam.
Quit On!
I'm not a doc so I'll leave those erectile dysfunction decisions to your doc, you, and your wife. Doesn't take a doc to know that I am quit with you all day today though, so there's that!
Ha! perfect!
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Day 29. Second day of camping. Had a few beers last night by the fire. Didn't even think of dip until I woke up this morning. Fought the crave. Still quit.
I know that she is always lurking but I am getting stronger by the day.
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Day 29. Second day of camping. Had a few beers last night by the fire. Didn't even think of dip until I woke up this morning. Fought the crave. Still quit.
I know that she is always lurking but I am getting stronger by the day.
Good win CJ. Proud to QLF with you for another day!
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Day 34 --- After a full week of camping with very little issue I return to work today ...back in a fog and with anxiety. WTF?!?
I quit again today. I hate dip!
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Day 34 --- After a full week of camping with very little issue I return to work today ...back in a fog and with anxiety. WTF?!?
I quit again today. I hate dip!
CJ my brother, it's part of it. Remember we done this shit to ourselves, embrace it and remember these days before you ever stick that shit in your mouth! No matter, you got this and we're all behind you! Quit on!
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Jumped another major hurdle yesterday. Public speaking for most of us is very stressful and is especially for me. In the past, I would prepare with a dip, not sleep the night before with a dip in the whole time, drink coffee all morning/day with a dip until the speaking engagement/presentation and then finally present/speak with a small ninja dip in my lip. Am I Tony Robbins? No. But I am not too bad.
Yesterday I presented a fairly large deal standing in front of a sizable group without a dip for preparation or a dip during. Was I anxious? Hell yes..... almost unbearable, almost. However, once I started I was on my "A" game! Won over the room and left nothing to question. Did we get the deal....not sure yet. But I got past a major part of my business life without using nic to deal with my anxiety. Big day. Big fucking day!
Day 36 today. Quitting again.
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Jumped another major hurdle yesterday. Public speaking for most of us is very stressful and is especially for me. In the past, I would prepare with a dip, not sleep the night before with a dip in the whole time, drink coffee all morning/day with a dip until the speaking engagement/presentation and then finally present/speak with a small ninja dip in my lip. Am I Tony Robbins? No. But I am not too bad.
Yesterday I presented a fairly large deal standing in front of a sizable group without a dip for preparation or a dip during. Was I anxious? Hell yes..... almost unbearable, almost. However, once I started I was on my "A" game! Won over the room and left nothing to question. Did we get the deal....not sure yet. But I got past a major part of my business life without using nic to deal with my anxiety. Big day. Big fucking day!
Day 36 today. Quitting again.
Well done, man! Yet another thing you've proven to yourself is doable without a mouthful of poison. Keep kicking ass!
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Jumped another major hurdle yesterday. Public speaking for most of us is very stressful and is especially for me. In the past, I would prepare with a dip, not sleep the night before with a dip in the whole time, drink coffee all morning/day with a dip until the speaking engagement/presentation and then finally present/speak with a small ninja dip in my lip. Am I Tony Robbins? No. But I am not too bad.
Yesterday I presented a fairly large deal standing in front of a sizable group without a dip for preparation or a dip during. Was I anxious? Hell yes..... almost unbearable, almost. However, once I started I was on my "A" game! Won over the room and left nothing to question. Did we get the deal....not sure yet. But I got past a major part of my business life without using nic to deal with my anxiety. Big day. Big fucking day!
Day 36 today. Quitting again.
Well done, man! Yet another thing you've proven to yourself is doable without a mouthful of poison. Keep kicking ass!
Congratulations on this win big fella. You earned this ODAAT and with more resolve than any of those soft-bellied professionals in that room with you yesterday. Keep it up CJoy, you're rocking it!
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Changed my avatar based on a quote from king nothing who was speaking the truth to a caver....."you exploded diarrhea on your brothers"
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Changed my avatar based on a quote from king nothing who was speaking the truth to a caver....."you exploded diarrhea on your brothers"
I approve!
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Changed my avatar based on a quote from king nothing who was speaking the truth to a caver....."you exploded diarrhea on your brothers"
I approve!
DAY 41- Was a huge asshole last night to my wife. There is new sort of rage in me that I have not ever had. Hate fucking nicotine.
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Day 43
Forgive me as use this as my personal diary. But today was a great day. I finally broke down and got a mountain bike. Went for a long technical ride on a great trail. Have not done that in 15 years. Pretty much stopped year 3 into skoal. Had more oxygen in my blood today than I've had in 18 years. Made some great moves on the bike and had a good wipe out. Felt like a fucking man today.
Today was a good quit day.
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Day 43
Forgive me as use this as my personal diary. But today was a great day. I finally broke down and got a mountain bike. Went for a long technical ride on a great trail. Have not done that in 15 years. Pretty much stopped year 3 into skoal. Had more oxygen in my blood today than I've had in 18 years. Made some great moves on the bike and had a good wipe out. Felt like a fucking man today.
Today was a good quit day.
Cjoy it will only get better. Also don't be a dick to your family you should feel that rage coming on and walk off! Great deal on the bike , things you enjoy so much and gave up on count of nic ,to get reunited is frigging awesome! Keep going forward, don't look back and quit on!
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Day 43
Forgive me as use this as my personal diary. But today was a great day. I finally broke down and got a mountain bike. Went for a long technical ride on a great trail. Have not done that in 15 years. Pretty much stopped year 3 into skoal. Had more oxygen in my blood today than I've had in 18 years. Made some great moves on the bike and had a good wipe out. Felt like a fucking man today.
Today was a good quit day.
Cjoy it will only get better. Also don't be a dick to your family you should feel that rage coming on and walk off! Great deal on the bike , things you enjoy so much and gave up on count of nic ,to get reunited is frigging awesome! Keep going forward, don't look back and quit on!
Good on you CJoy. That must've felt awesome. Keep it up and more good shit is bound to surprise us!
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DAY 50 ----Just over 7 weeks. What a difference in the way I think and feel today compared to those first few weeks. My body continues to recover but I seem be less lethargic and in fact, at times, have incredible amounts of energy. Still issues with sleep and anxiety but that seems to be getting better by the day too.
Although I am 1/2 way to the HOF, I am really only 23 hours from posting day 51. This is the best decision that I have made in my life, for my life.
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DAY 79-
My Grandmother passed away last night. Lived for 92 years and was the matriarch of our family and truly was a positivie influence on my life. We put her in hospice 85 days ago..... do the math. That event opened my eyes and started my quit. How the hell was I going to last 92 years with a turd in my mouth. While it is a very sad day for our family, we are together and seem to be laughing more than crying. Oh and did I mention..... I AM STILL QUIT!
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DAY 79-
My Grandmother passed away last night. Lived for 92 years and was the matriarch of our family and truly was a positivie influence on my life. We put her in hospice 85 days ago..... do the math. That event opened my eyes and started my quit. How the hell was I going to last 92 years with a turd in my mouth. While it is a very sad day for our family, we are together and seem to be laughing more than crying. Oh and did I mention..... I AM STILL QUIT!
This is a heartwarming story my man. You're killing this quit and inspiring others to kill theirs as well. Prayers go out to you and your family that you relish the good times instead of wallowing in the suffering at the end. Any time you need something brother, just shout.
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Cjoy. I wish I would have seen this earlier in our quit together. I appreciate you putting yourself out there and I am disappointed in myself for not taking the time to seek this intro out.
Happy Day 100! Proud to quit with you.
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Cjoy. I wish I would have seen this earlier in our quit together. I appreciate you putting yourself out there and I am disappointed in myself for not taking the time to seek this intro out.
Happy Day 100! Proud to quit with you.
Thanks uofary! Look forward to you joining us on the train. Beers are cold and the BBQ tastes like quit.
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Every morning I wake up and the first thought I have is the number of days that I will post. With that thought an enormous sense of pride washes over me.
That will keep you quit EDD! Every day when you think that , it will save your life that day.
Awesome speech cjoy. I am proud to quit with you today.
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Day 180 (6 months) - Happy New Year.
Been awhile since my last post here..... My life is good hope yours is as well. Quit On!
One of my favorite songs popped up on XM today and I wanted share some lyrics with you:
I am a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Tool - Sober
If you are here then you are an addict like me. Today is easier than yesterday and certainly easier than 3 months ago..... and for fuck sake it is a night and day difference to 5 months ago.
Life is good
Happy New Year
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Day 180 (6 months) - Happy New Year.
Been awhile since my last post here..... My life is good hope yours is as well. Quit On!
One of my favorite songs popped up on XM today and I wanted share some lyrics with you:
I am a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Tool - Sober
If you are here then you are an addict like me. Today is easier than yesterday and certainly easier than 3 months ago..... and for fuck sake it is a night and day difference to 5 months ago.
Life is good
Happy New Year
Keep enjoying life my friend! It gets even better. I bet if you would have known it was gonna be this good you would have quit long ago. Damn proud of you! Quit on!
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Day 180 (6 months) - Happy New Year.
Been awhile since my last post here..... My life is good hope yours is as well. Quit On!
One of my favorite songs popped up on XM today and I wanted share some lyrics with you:
I am a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Tool - Sober
If you are here then you are an addict like me. Today is easier than yesterday and certainly easier than 3 months ago..... and for fuck sake it is a night and day difference to 5 months ago.
Life is good
Happy New Year
Keep enjoying life my friend! It gets even better. I bet if you would have known it was gonna be this good you would have quit long ago. Damn proud of you! Quit on!
Good share cjoy. You're the man and congrats on 6 months. Proud to be quit with you today bud.