KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Chewrouski_Philly on April 27, 2016, 10:30:00 AM
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Hello All,
I've got to say, I've been following this forum from a far for a long, long time. Never really had the guts to sign up or get all the notifications etc etc. That all changed Sunday.
Just found out that I am going to be a father and the first thing I could think of was that f-ing crap that I've put in my mouth 3-6 times a day for the past six years. Grizz Wintergreen baby. In the car, in the shower, cutting the lawn, playing video games, on the way to work so my wife didn't know. On the way home from work. Hunting, fishing, drinking, cooking, whatever you guys get the point. It went with me everywhere and permeated every aspect of my life. I wondered if that would prevent me from seeing my son/daughter's graduations, weddings, etc.
It's a shame that at 26 years old and finding out I'm going to be a father was clouded by concern, guilt, and worst of all DREAD. Dreading quitting not even for the quit, but just the effort. Sheer laziness really.
This forum has been monumental in helping me take the first step from the gruesome pictures and real cancer stories to the regular old guys just like me posting roll everyday. It's a strange feeling knowing in your heart of hearts that every time i stare at that can of Grizz Wintergreen, it's going to kill me.
Today I've decided to fight back and take a stand. I ask for your help and support as I surely give you mine.
#August2016QuitGroup
-Chewrouski
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Hello All,
I've got to say, I've been following this forum from a far for a long, long time. Never really had the guts to sign up or get all the notifications etc etc. That all changed Sunday.
Just found out that I am going to be a father and the first thing I could think of was that f-ing crap that I've put in my mouth 3-6 times a day for the past six years. Grizz Wintergreen baby. In the car, in the shower, cutting the lawn, playing video games, on the way to work so my wife didn't know. On the way home from work. Hunting, fishing, drinking, cooking, whatever you guys get the point. It went with me everywhere and permeated every aspect of my life. I wondered if that would prevent me from seeing my son/daughter's graduations, weddings, etc.
It's a shame that at 26 years old and finding out I'm going to be a father was clouded by concern, guilt, and worst of all DREAD. Dreading quitting not even for the quit, but just the effort. Sheer laziness really.
This forum has been monumental in helping me take the first step from the gruesome pictures and real cancer stories to the regular old guys just like me posting roll everyday. It's a strange feeling knowing in your heart of hearts that every time i stare at that can of Grizz Wintergreen, it's going to kill me.
Today I've decided to fight back and take a stand. I ask for your help and support as I surely give you mine.
#August2016QuitGroup
-Chewrouski
If you've been paying attention then you know that the ONLY way to succeed is to get involved and stay involved.
Roll call every day with your promise to be quit that day... that's the price brother. It's actually a simple process. It ain't gonna be easy, but then, nothing worthwhile ever is. If you want real freedom... pay the dues now. The payoff is better than you've ever imagined.
Own this, bro.
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I used for 17-18 years, and it wasn't until I hated dipping that I was able to quit. You have to do this for yourself, and learn to hate that shit in a can. And yes, I was scared to death to quit...........how can I function without it?
I found out that my lawnmower still works without it, and I still am a double bogey golfer without it as well. Quitting is hard, but it is worth the first week of the SUCK. After that the freedom is amazing.
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First off, congrats to you on being a soon to be father. The same news I found out (a few months ago) also guided me to this site. Remember you have to stay quit for yourself. You don't want to be mad at your unborn baby for "making" you quit. The guy above put it well - your lawnmower still works without nic. Your food still cooks, your car still drives, your teams still play, etc. Come here and post roll every day and keep staying quit one day at a time
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Right on man. #August2016QuitGroup I'm in it with ya.
Looks like we're both on day 3. I'm not feeling great today but there's not a chance I'm caving. Go strong with me brother! Oh and congrats on becoming a father soon.
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Day 3 together!!! Ready to stay quit one day at at time.
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Day 3 together!!! Ready to stay quit one day at at time.
Remember the suck, one day at a time you don't have to experience these first few days ever again.
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Congrats on your HOF Chewrouski! Hell of a job man!
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Congrats on your HOF Chewrouski! Hell of a job man!
Yep. Great work man
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congrats on HOF man!! quit with you today. On to the 2nd floor we go brother
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Congrats on your HOF Chewrouski! Hell of a job man!
Yep. Great work man
congrats on your HOF! badass!
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Retread
I have to say that writing this is one of the hardest things IÂ’ve ever done in my life.
About two and a half years ago I joined KTC after I got the news I would be a dad for the first time. I was part of the August 2016 quit group with some great people. I had reach out from more senior quitters as well that really helped me out. I was involved in the site and posting roll. I even attended the PA Quit together that year and met some awesome fellas. These guys were supportive and most of all they understood the same feelings I had; they knew exactly what I was going through.
Now let me tell you about where I got fucking stupid. Just under a year of posting roll i faded out and decided I could do this on my own. Let me be the first to tell you that was my first mistake. I stopped posting and reminding myself every day of how far I had come and what my addiction was. I stopped being involved and not only getting support from others, but giving support to those in my group, new to the site, and veteran quitters who needed it from time to time. For a while quitting on my own worked. I had no issues or second thoughts.
As you can obviously tell my resolve with no support system was futile. That old bitch crept back up and beat me. And now here I am, feeling like a failure. Feeling like I betrayed not only people in my life and on this site, but also myself.
I contemplated writing this over the past few weeks but couldnÂ’t muster up the courage to do it. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. Hell, IÂ’m still both of those things. It was absolutely terrifying.
IÂ’m posting tonight to say that I am fucking back because I know that I 100% WITHOUT QUESTION can not beat addiction on my own. ThatÂ’s a scary realization but one that IÂ’ve had banging in my mind. ItÂ’s a scary thing to be faced with something you canÂ’t do.
I am here for the supportive nudges and reflection. IÂ’m also here to get the ass whipping i deserve for bitching out. This is a statement of failure and recognition of my faults.
I reached out to one quitter in particular earlier tonight that I hadnÂ’t spoken to in two years. For all of the new people here, the guy got back to me in 15 minutes flat. We talked back in forth in depth about where I was at, what I needed, and that IÂ’m worth making this commitment to myself and my brethren.
I have to say that I didnÂ’t feel like I deserved anyoneÂ’s support when thinking about caving or the year plus of quitting that I threw away. We have so many people on this site that are fucking battling every day and have it much rougher than I do. Guys that have dipped for 30+ years etc.
Bottom line is I fucked up. I sold out. I got complacent.
IÂ’m not back here today for my son or wife. IÂ’m back here today for myself. For the first time in my life I am quitting for myself.
I am making a commitment to get involved. Stay involved, and to quit on. If youÂ’ll have me, I am here to stay and take it one day at a time.
For those that donÂ’t give a shit, I donÂ’t blame you. I would be the same way. That being said I am here to break the mold. Im here to put an end to this shit once and for all not only for myself, but to others that have the same journey to walk and the same goal as mine.
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So you posted how important it is to post roll, in December 18, and August 16.
Yet, you haven't posted roll.
Why?
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Because you post roll on day 1 no?
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Retread
I have to say that writing this is one of the hardest things IÂ’ve ever done in my life.
About two and a half years ago I joined KTC after I got the news I would be a dad for the first time. I was part of the August 2016 quit group with some great people. I had reach out from more senior quitters as well that really helped me out. I was involved in the site and posting roll. I even attended the PA Quit together that year and met some awesome fellas. These guys were supportive and most of all they understood the same feelings I had; they knew exactly what I was going through.
Now let me tell you about where I got fucking stupid. Just under a year of posting roll i faded out and decided I could do this on my own. Let me be the first to tell you that was my first mistake. I stopped posting and reminding myself every day of how far I had come and what my addiction was. I stopped being involved and not only getting support from others, but giving support to those in my group, new to the site, and veteran quitters who needed it from time to time. For a while quitting on my own worked. I had no issues or second thoughts.
As you can obviously tell my resolve with no support system was futile. That old bitch crept back up and beat me. And now here I am, feeling like a failure. Feeling like I betrayed not only people in my life and on this site, but also myself.
I contemplated writing this over the past few weeks but couldnÂ’t muster up the courage to do it. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. Hell, IÂ’m still both of those things. It was absolutely terrifying.
IÂ’m posting tonight to say that I am fucking back because I know that I 100% WITHOUT QUESTION can not beat addiction on my own. ThatÂ’s a scary realization but one that IÂ’ve had banging in my mind. ItÂ’s a scary thing to be faced with something you canÂ’t do.
I am here for the supportive nudges and reflection. IÂ’m also here to get the ass whipping i deserve for bitching out. This is a statement of failure and recognition of my faults.
I reached out to one quitter in particular earlier tonight that I hadnÂ’t spoken to in two years. For all of the new people here, the guy got back to me in 15 minutes flat. We talked back in forth in depth about where I was at, what I needed, and that IÂ’m worth making this commitment to myself and my brethren.
I have to say that I didnÂ’t feel like I deserved anyoneÂ’s support when thinking about caving or the year plus of quitting that I threw away. We have so many people on this site that are fucking battling every day and have it much rougher than I do. Guys that have dipped for 30+ years etc.
Bottom line is I fucked up. I sold out. I got complacent.
IÂ’m not back here today for my son or wife. IÂ’m back here today for myself. For the first time in my life I am quitting for myself.
I am making a commitment to get involved. Stay involved, and to quit on. If youÂ’ll have me, I am here to stay and take it one day at a time.
For those that donÂ’t give a shit, I donÂ’t blame you. I would be the same way. That being said I am here to break the mold. Im here to put an end to this shit once and for all not only for myself, but to others that have the same journey to walk and the same goal as mine.
I'm not happy you caved, but I'm glad to see you've got the balls to take your beatings and gain your respect back. You were 7 days ahead of me man. When I put up a day 1, 7 days quit was God status. I'm at 841 and 100% posted every day. You just solidified the fact that I will not stop posting anytime soon.
See you on roll. You need to post support daily in Aug 16 too.
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Because you post roll on day 1 no?
Well if your not quit yet, stay out of the quit groups.
The price of admission at KTC is to be quit, and post roll in your group.
Don't disrespect your new group.
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Yup I hear you, but the good news is itÂ’s a new day on the east coast my man. IÂ’m in that group to stay.
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Hey Philly... good work with the write-up! I caved early on in my quit too... It was embarrassing and painful. But, I know a cave is not the end of the road! Giving up is... Glad you have picked up the fight again! Quit with you today ODAAT EDD!
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Good reminder to everyone that the HOF is just a stop on the journey, not the destination. This addiction is never truly beaten and I needed to read this today.
Will be sending digits.
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Philly,
While unfortunate that you caved and went through all the previous days of suck all for not, it is great that you now see the light. Also, you can provide a prospective that many of us need to hear/read. As a quitter 52 days into my quit, I would like some additional detail concerning your cave. Were you craving? Accidental slip ... fell and dip just in your mouth? Figured you could have just one, then snowballed into a roll? Outlining some real world pitfalls for us "upcomers" would be a great way to help flip the script on your cave.
Aumegrad and I quit with you today!
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Don't forget to change your "Quit Date" on your avatar. 9/12/18.
I merged your 2 intros also.
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Will be posting 3 questions in December to give more context on what happened on my lunch break!
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Philly,
I just read your 3Q response in DEC Pre-HOF and just want to state that I appreciate your candid explanation. Your fallacy of "I thought I could have just one" and the ensuing downward spiral has strengthened my quit today and I thank you for that.
Regardless of the past, I quit with you today!
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One day at a time. There’s never “just one” with addiction.
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I think you did a good job with your post here in your intro. I'd already PM'd you my digits earlier so if you haven't, look for those.
I hope to see you (and a few others) leading December forward. I hope that your own words will resonate with you and that you'll step up and take charge. WUPP, request edit access for the SSOA, get digits for EVERYONE, and chase people down when they're late and/or missing. It sucks that you're back and posted a Day 1, but YOU have an opportunity to turn that into a positive by taking charge and pointing out the dangers of becoming complacent and drifting.
You have a clear path forward. You know what you need to do. Now it's up to you.