KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: BigBob68 on April 15, 2019, 12:52:50 PM
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My name is Rob and I am 48 years old. I have chewed for 30 years and I've quit a hundred times and have always found myself back with a fatty in. Just stupid! AND IT ENDS NOW!!!
I'm Day 9 quit and have realized that I haven't been able to concentrate on much of anything aside form the Masters yesterday for than about 15 minutes. I've been reading through things on the website and am understanding what's going on with my body but I have never posted.
I'm struggling but I will not cave, I did make roll a little bit ago and will figure out how to post within my quit group. Just fortunate to have others going through the same things I am (which is so damn unfortunate for all of us).
Stay strong Brothers and Sisters! We all need the help this wonderful resource has to offer.
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Welcome.
Congratulations, you nailed roll. Come back and do the same thing early in the morning tomorrow.
Also, congratulations on making it nine days on your own. That's badass.
Your concentration will return. You will be in a fog for a while, but slowly your old self will return. Your old self, minus the nicotine. And minus nicotine is a great place to be.
Exchange some digits (phone numbers) with others in your Quit Group, and some vets too. Mine are just a PM away. When you exchange digits, you have emergency contacts that you can reach out to in case of emergency. I know it sounds weird to share your number with some internet strangers. But that adds another resource beyond what this web site alone can offer.
Proud to quit with you today.
RDB (also a Robert) Day 1,180
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Bob. Congrats on your quit. On the plus side, nothing is worse than your first 10 days. So things should get easier. On the negative side, you still have a big hill to climb, so stay in the day to day mode. Promise...grind...sleep. Promise...grind...sleep.
You got this
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You've got this man. I'm only on day 85 and its a hit and miss. Some days are very easy others are hell. Just post roll everyday keep the faith brother!!
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Welcome Bob, fellow Minnesotan! You’ve made the best decision and pushed through the hardest days! The first couple weeks were just survival. I wouldn’t have believed it until I went through it....but the great part is you will come out on the other side. 25 years of dipping for me. You’ve got good days, bad days, easy days, hard days, and then fantastic days ahead of you. Anyway others have said but I’ll say it again, post roll early every day (WUPP, wake up piss post) and share your digits, the daily texts even if it is just your number will keep you accountable.
I’ll send you a PM with my digits, and let you decide.
Gunnar 67
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Hey guys thanks for all the notes. It’s been a bit hazy for me and I’m not super technological but I’m getting the hang of this forum, I think!
Day 12 and just grinding. I’m loving not stopping every morning for tin but I’ve replaced that with a couple of breakfast sandwiches - my waistline is taking a beating! Well worth it for now, maybe it will get my fat ass on one of the machines sitting in my basement.
Stay strong! Stay quit brothers and sisters!
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Hey guys thanks for all the notes. It’s been a bit hazy for me and I’m not super technological but I’m getting the hang of this forum, I think!
Day 12 and just grinding. I’m loving not stopping every morning for tin but I’ve replaced that with a couple of breakfast sandwiches - my waistline is taking a beating! Well worth it for now, maybe it will get my fat ass on one of the machines sitting in my basement.
Stay strong! Stay quit brothers and sisters!
I know what you mean, it’s easy to over eat now. Dealing with that myself. You will find that working out is a great way to squash some of those bad cravings. First things first though, stay quit, do what you have to do to stay quit everyday, then relearn to manage your food/calorie intake.
With you in quit brother.
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Towards the end of Day 12 (last night) I found myself in familiar territory. We (my youngest son and i) had just wrapped baseball practice and I was busting ass to get him over to his hockey game, at 9 pm! Well the fuel light dinged on the way there and my thoughts immediately turned to buying a tin at the gas station after filling up and my mouth started to water! Crazy as hell sensation. I started laughing to myself and the craving and turned my thoughts to roll call yesterday morning and now today and the promise to stay quit! The thoughts and watering stopped almost immediately. Amazing how powerful a promise of accountability to a bunch of strangers on the internet can be (I know it’s actually a promise to me but still, an amazing feeling).
Thank you all!
Stray strong! Stay quit brothers and sisters!
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Towards the end of Day 12 (last night) I found myself in familiar territory. We (my youngest son and i) had just wrapped baseball practice and I was busting ass to get him over to his hockey game, at 9 pm! Well the fuel light dinged on the way there and my thoughts immediately turned to buying a tin at the gas station after filling up and my mouth started to water! Crazy as hell sensation. I started laughing to myself and the craving and turned my thoughts to roll call yesterday morning and now today and the promise to stay quit! The thoughts and watering stopped almost immediately. Amazing how powerful a promise of accountability to a bunch of strangers on the internet can be (I know it’s actually a promise to me but still, an amazing feeling).
Thank you all!
Stray strong! Stay quit brothers and sisters!
That’s a big win Bob! That’s why that daily promise is so damn important. I’m only on day 70, but I’ve had several moments very similar to what you described. Keep posting and stay quit.
Gunnar 70
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MIDDAY 17 and really nothing has been accomplished in the office thus far. I thought I was coming out of the haziness but here I am, posting on my intro and reading everything I can find on the website. It all helps and I realize exactly what I'm doing so I am thankful to have been and continue to be QUIT for these past 16.5 days. I'm looking forward to being quit the remainder of today, tomorrow, the next day and day after.....
I just did something completely unconsciously, I reached behind my laptop's screen for what used to be my spitter - whatever empty 20 oz bottle I had drank on the way in in the morning. I laughed at myself and the can and thought, "Thank god there's not one there"!
Funny thing is that I picked up a new to me vehicle in January that has a push button ignition and when I turn it off I'm still reaching onto the steering column for the keys. 3 months and I'm still learning to turn my truck off. How long until I stop reaching for the once ever present spitter that was around for the last 30 years?
Stay strong! Stay quit!
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MIDDAY 17 and really nothing has been accomplished in the office thus far. I thought I was coming out of the haziness but here I am, posting on my intro and reading everything I can find on the website. It all helps and I realize exactly what I'm doing so I am thankful to have been and continue to be QUIT for these past 16.5 days. I'm looking forward to being quit the remainder of today, tomorrow, the next day and day after.....
I just did something completely unconsciously, I reached behind my laptop's screen for what used to be my spitter - whatever empty 20 oz bottle I had drank on the way in in the morning. I laughed at myself and the can and thought, "Thank god there's not one there"!
Funny thing is that I picked up a new to me vehicle in January that has a push button ignition and when I turn it off I'm still reaching onto the steering column for the keys. 3 months and I'm still learning to turn my truck off. How long until I stop reaching for the once ever present spitter that was around for the last 30 years?
Stay strong! Stay quit!
I cant count the times I dug in my pocket looking for that can.
It gets better!!!
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Day 20 all! Kick ass! Yeah for me! 1/5 of the way to HOF!
Whatever, WUPP. Rolling through the days and feeling fairly decent aside from the occasional haziness. I’ve had a dream or two, my bones have aches, I’ve been a real son of a bitch at times and yet still rolling. I’ve picked up a few pounds but hell, with the money I’ve already saved I SHOULD eat a little more. I’ll soon redirect the saved money to making the payments on my oldest sons car.
I do think of "the bear" quite a bit as I make my way to work, as I sit behind my desk, as I drive home from work, as I chauffeur kids around every night, as I hang out with buddies as their packing one, as everyone is going to bed and I’m thinking "finally, some quiet time". Then I think of the daily promise made to everyone and myself. And an argument can be made that the promise to the brother/sisterhood is more important than the promise to myself because then I recall all the other promises to myself that have been broken.
So yeah, Happy fucking day 20 to me! Here’s to the next 20! I’m not in uncharted territory yet but I will be soon. I recall the the little voice from before saying "just a small one, you’ve done so good, you deserve it, you can stop anytime, go ahead do it, no big deal". Yeah right, it’s almost been an annual thing with me. Well no more, happy fucking day 20! Bring on the next 20 because I’ll be kicking "the bears" ass all the way from now until then. That’s a promise to all of KTC and myself.
Proud to quit with every one of you yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.
Stay strong! Stay quit!
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Day 20 all! Kick ass! Yeah for me! 1/5 of the way to HOF!
Whatever, WUPP. Rolling through the days and feeling fairly decent aside from the occasional haziness. I’ve had a dream or two, my bones have aches, I’ve been a real son of a bitch at times and yet still rolling. I’ve picked up a few pounds but hell, with the money I’ve already saved I SHOULD eat a little more. I’ll soon redirect the saved money to making the payments on my oldest sons car.
I do think of "the bear" quite a bit as I make my way to work, as I sit behind my desk, as I drive home from work, as I chauffeur kids around every night, as I hang out with buddies as their packing one, as everyone is going to bed and I’m thinking "finally, some quiet time". Then I think of the daily promise made to everyone and myself. And an argument can be made that the promise to the brother/sisterhood is more important than the promise to myself because then I recall all the other promises to myself that have been broken.
So yeah, Happy fucking day 20 to me! Here’s to the next 20! I’m not in uncharted territory yet but I will be soon. I recall the the little voice from before saying "just a small one, you’ve done so good, you deserve it, you can stop anytime, go ahead do it, no big deal". Yeah right, it’s almost been an annual thing with me. Well no more, happy fucking day 20! Bring on the next 20 because I’ll be kicking "the bears" ass all the way from now until then. That’s a promise to all of KTC and myself.
Proud to quit with every one of you yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.
Stay strong! Stay quit!
You got this. And if you want digits they are a PM away.
Gunnar - 78
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Congrats BigBob, day 20 is no joke. One word of caution, the craves won’t stop for a long while. So buckle down and keep doing what got you to 20 days. Post roll, grind, sleep, repeat. Keep on truckin’!
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DAY 40! Nothing compared to most every other quitter on this page but those were/are my 40 days!!!
Everyone please understand - IQWYT!
Feeling good, not as much of a bastard towards most everyone I know, inside of my mouth does not hurt any longer, tips of my fingers aren't stained a yellowish brown, no spitters randomly placed throughout my office and truck, no stray cans to be found anywhere, about $500 extra dollars in my pocket, bowel movements regulated, sleeping like a rock, etc. What a dumb ass I was for 30 years!
ANYBODY trolling this site and just reading random posts and thinking about quitting, GET OFF YOUR ASS, toss whatever dirt/pouch/leaf/vape/smoke/cigar you have left, grow a pair and fucking be done with it! Quit now and retake your life back. You will be a better person for it in the long run.
For those of us that have already made the decision - Stay strong! Stay quit!
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DAY 40! Nothing compared to most every other quitter on this page but those were/are my 40 days!!!
Everyone please understand - IQWYT!
Feeling good, not as much of a bastard towards most everyone I know, inside of my mouth does not hurt any longer, tips of my fingers aren't stained a yellowish brown, no spitters randomly placed throughout my office and truck, no stray cans to be found anywhere, about $500 extra dollars in my pocket, bowel movements regulated, sleeping like a rock, etc. What a dumb ass I was for 30 years!
ANYBODY trolling this site and just reading random posts and thinking about quitting, GET OFF YOUR ASS, toss whatever dirt/pouch/leaf/vape/smoke/cigar you have left, grow a pair and fucking be done with it! Quit now and retake your life back. You will be a better person for it in the long run.
For those of us that have already made the decision - Stay strong! Stay quit!
The first 40 is the hardest 40. You’re doing awesome. Stay quit my brother.
Gunnar
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Well it’s Day 68! I did not post anything on Day 60 as planned but then today rolled around and I thought I had to at least say hello. IQWYT!
I’m still rollin, an occasional crave but no thoughts of a cave and I still find it funny when I go into a gas station and DO NOT buy a can (I’m literally laughing all the way to the bank and at how foolish I was for all those years).
No great words of wisdom just rollin through what I believe to be the dog days of quit (roughly 50-80 or so). Just kind of ho um right now but my guard is always up.
Keep rollin people!
Stay strong! Stay quit!
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word of wisdom. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Day eightysomething and here I am again, another weekend of baseball and another weekend without dip. Thank God!
In this eightysomething day journey I seem to be coming to peace with decision to quit. Dipping had become such a part of my life that I didn’t realize how much I depended on it.
I am happy and relaxed about MY quit. I’m not overconfident about it and I was reminded the other morning when I awoke from from a dip dream.
I was dipping and for whatever reason was in the passenger seat of the car with my wife driving. She was asking questions and somehow scooting closer and closer to me while I was talking. She was sniffing my breath!
The dream ended with me falling out of the passenger door of a car while it was moving and her sitting in the passenger seat. Fucking ridiculous.
Regardless, I awoke with no dip in my mouth and completely unscathed from my fall out of the door. Weird is all I can say.
The best 15 or so days should be interesting. I was in a cold sweat because I thought I had a dip in when I woke up. Just stupid crazy. I have this and I know it. Nic bitch is most definitely beat but she continues to play with my head. Amazing how deeply routed she can be.
IQWYT!
Stay strong! Stay quit!
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Day 96 today and funny how this quit journey throws one more test at me this weekend. My wife and 1 of my sons is out of town at a baseball tournament until Monday evening so I’ve got the house and myself and my other 2 sons for a number of days in a row. This used to be dip heaven, not anymore!
I actually have no desire whatsoever to dip this weekend even though I’m heading to another baseball tournament for 3 days also. I simply find it ironic that on the last weekend before HOF I am in this situation. Too funny!
Everyone have a wonderful weekend and I’ll see ya on the other side.
Stay strong! Stay quit!
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Keep rocking it, BB68! Glad to be quit with you today and tomorrow and the next day, and then another one and a bunch more after tbat.! One day at a time.
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Day 101, HOF yesterday, the new journey begins today! Weighed in at 304 this morning. Headed for 275 as a first goal and 225 as an end goal.
Thanks to everyone for listening to the rants for the past 3+ months. IQWYT!
Stay strong! Stay quit.
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Day 101, HOF yesterday, the new journey begins today! Weighed in at 304 this morning. Headed for 275 as a first goal and 225 as an end goal.
Thanks to everyone for listening to the rants for the past 3+ months. IQWYT!
Stay strong! Stay quit.
CONGRATS on your HOF Bob. Keep kicking nics ass!!!
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So I think I screwed up whatever the heck it was that I tried to post in our July quit group. So I’ll probably be stupid also. Regardless, here it is just in case:
So I post that “I am considering only posting once a week” and I am attacked, basically bi-polar (which by the way is a serious fucking condition that shouldn’t be taken lightly), only considering myself, don’t care about anyone except myself, don’t want to help anyone, don’t want to keep my group strong, dumb, can’t spend any time for anyone else, and I’ve opened the door to my cave.
This is brotherhood?
I also posted “if he caves he caves”. Yes I did. The guy didn’t reach out so absolutely, if he he caves he caves. He didn’t want to be helped. And no, I don’t have time for the bullshit. Like all the vets telling us to hang in there when the group is first firmed then continually fucking with us through the first weeks and constantly changing the group name, then the group being chastised for a groupme thing that is set up for us to communicate because it’s not done in the website, then and we’re all entering HOF and vets deciding to rail on is because a dude is missing. No, I did not personally reach out nor notice that he was missing BECAUSE I do only have the time for the 30-60 seconds in the morning when I WUPP unlike everyone else apparently. Sorry, I truly can’t sit and troll through the website and groupme’s for everybody else’s quit group looking for non-posters. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it doesn’t mean I won’t help. It does mean that a person has to be reasonable enough to reach out to the support that they do have. If you can’t do that then no I don’t have the time for you.
I have texted and posted and groupme’d at different times, I’ve given support and received support and for that I truly appreciative. But do not take my words out of context.
Let me be very clear, I still intend to post every morning (not for any of you but for myself because that’s who this quit is for). As stated in my original post, I am only considering going to a once a week post. CONSIDERING, I haven’t made that choice and may wrestle with it for day, weeks, months or years.
I am not any of the things all of you decided to call me. I’d give the shirt off my back if someone needed it, I’m of sound mind, and I would rather see someone else succeed rather than myself. If that makes me a horrible person then so be it.
What I will say is that after all of the “brotherhood” and “support” shown to me today, if there was ever a time to cave, this would have been it. But you know what? I haven’t and I won’t just to spite all of you fuckers! Maybe I’ll only post once a fucking month after some nice clean nic free living just to prove a point. Who knows, just considering.
Stay strong! Stay quit!