KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: KD2 on August 30, 2019, 09:35:42 PM
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I've been planning my quit for several weeks. I went to a general doctor a month ago and really came clean for the first time to anyone about the truth of my addiction of 22 years. A few years ago I'd stopped dipping but just switched the addiction to nicotine gum for about a year until i caved back into the can.
I am so anxious about quitting I think i've over prepared. I got a prescription to wellbutrin which i've been taking for three weeks now. My plan was to do the gum for a week and then go cold turkey off the gum. My last dip was sun night so five days ago but i've been chewing nic gum gradually less each day this week...so it's going as planned. On Monday i chewed like more than 10 pieces and today, Friday, i've had one and a half pieces. I've been feeling pretty crappy all week even though i haven't officially started my nicotine quit. Just the nicotine dosage is way low and missing whatever other chemicals are in Kodiak. My plan is to start the official quit with no more gum and post roll for the first time on Monday ...but now today I read a post where everyone was encouraging someone to just quit now asking why are you waiting...and i'm asking myself the same question. I told my wife maybe i should just post roll tomorrow for the first time and start it and she said just stick with your plan for Monday...but I just want to keep this momentum going and not prolong the fog i'm already in.
I've cried incomprehensible tears three times to my wife this week....and once in the middle of writing this. I am full of emotion and can't explain it to her. I don't want to be a jerk to my wife or kids but it's been tough to take a breath and react properly. Driving home from work i tried to get some hooch at a place it's supposed to be sold at, but they didn't have any to my disappointment. I got seed in stead and went back to the car and ordered the hooch to be delivered. The'll arrive sometime next week.
I'm so looking forward to posting roll and don't want to delay anymore with this gum. I've been monitoring the December group and that's what makes me tear up is seeing yall with that number after your name and i'm not in it.
I told my wife i wouldn't drink for probably at least 50 days and she reacted oh well what about the wedding we're going to in a few weeks, people will ask (but then she quickly realized that wasn't the right reaction and fixed it)...and even this weekend on Sunday we're going to a party and she asked well you'l be able to drink and i thought well yea i'll still be using the gum that day...but i don't want to drink on Sunday and crush a bunch of gum right before my scheduled quit day on Monday.
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Tomorrow never comes.
That's what hit home to me over 3.5 years ago, 1283 days, to be exact.
If you want to quit, then quit. The only thing stopping you is you.
Hint: You are in control. Only you.
You've complicated a very simple situation. Just quit. Don't worry about it. We all did this. We complicated a simple situation.
Just walk out of the friggin' cage. The door is open, we just don't see it. Even after we're out, we have to spend time to adjust, and realize it was that easy. Yet, it's that friggin' hard.
That's why we do it every day.
You only have to quit for today. Anyone can quit for a day. Even me. I've done it for 1283 days today.
Tomorrow never comes.
Quit for today.
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We all know the emotional rollercoaster. I never thought I'd find solid ground but it's getting more so every day.
Do role, take nicotine off the table and go through the following minutes for the rest of day knowing the addict mind is going to throw all it can at you; sometimes out of no where.
The key word is mind.... It's your mind; not separate from you. Watch your thoughts and find ways to turn them. round. This is something I've learned later. For right now chew gum, keep hands occupied. I would pack my lip with Old Bay Seasoning. It's very hot and would take my mind away from addict thoughts to the burn on my lip. I discovered this also. I dipped rather than deal with emotional stuff. And boy did I dip. Almost 30 years, 2 cans of kodiak a day, a spit cup by the bed. I am 769 days quit today and started just like you!
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I am 907 days quit today and I started just like you. Wildirish is so very right in saying the door is unlocked and wide open, and all it takes is for you to walk out.
You are walking out into the sunshine. It burns your eyes for a while, but a whole new life opens up. One free of the slavery of addiction.
I promise- you won't die from quitting. You can quit this instant and be successful. It feels like riding a bike for the first time. It feels impossible, like you have to crash. Keep pedaling, and off you go. When you feel the freedom, it will make you giddy.
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Glad to see you you posted roll. I didn't plan my quit. Woke up the day after my NFL draft hung over (last years draft) and I knew I wanted to quit. One thing I have come to realize in my own quit is alcohol was one of the biggest triggers for me. I drank a couple times the first couple hundred days and woke up praying I didn't cave after having dreams that I did. Scared me beyond belief! I knew right then I had to stop drinking while I was going through this quit. I'm a little over a year and while I still have craves when I drink, I can handle them.
You have to ask yourself, is drinking more important to you than quitting the cat turd that most likely will f*ck something up in your life at some point. For me, it was so worth putting off drinking.
I'm proud to quit with you and we do this one damn day at a time!
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Nice job on the WUPP today. That's the trick post early and KEEP your promise. Remember you are promising not to use ANY nicotine for this one day to yourself, your group brothers and sisters and to this entire KTC community. That is the glue that holds ALL of our promises and keeps us all QUIT.
YOU CAN Do this. It is one day quit at a time.
Proud to quit with you today!
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Thanks y’all for all your responses. I quit right after writing that, threw out the gum....and posted roll the next morning. Almost completing day 5 and feeling ok. I’ve shown myself I can function and just need to promise every day. My concentration is still shaky but I’m ok. Do I miss it? No. I do miss having something to look forward to each night at least (even though I had one in most of the day). It’s a new routine I need to find before going to bed...when I’m busy during the day it’s good. When I’m home with the wife and kids I feel good... now I’m with them more this week I’m noticing which is good but just not ready to go to sleep. But I get in bed anyway to get to post again when I get up. I woke up this morning reciting WUPP, WUPP....look forward to quiting with you all tomorrow!
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Nice job today WUPP!! Leading the roll -- way to go! Be the leader for your group - this will strengthen your own quit.
Habits and routine are tough -- you need to make new ones without nicotine. 21 days to make a habit! Practice the new routine everyday for 21 days to make it stick and wipe out the old one.
You CAN do this and ARE doing this -- One day at a time!
Proud to quit with you today!
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Day 7 and it started out fine texting folks day count and messaging little promises upon waking and doing roll...then I have a fake dip (it arrived yesterday in the mail and it’s my new favorite thing never had tried it before ... what would have been the point?) shower and realize I’m like 30mins ahead of schedule...no 30 min crap to juice the k bear that would normally be setting the tone for the disgusting flavor my mouth would have for the rest of the day. Anyway arrive to work and in stead of putting in gum and munching that like I had the previous days this week... I do an upper of hooch and get to starting some tasks I try, lose concentration figure it out then lose it again like this for 8 hours...I was in a call and I think the lady thought I was seriously dumb because I was saying everything I was doing to keep myself strait and not f up. Anyway finally leaving driving home was a challenge. Widening my eyes and refocusing and repeating while trying not to pay attention to the tension headache forming around my temples. I get home crush some water and I lay on the couch...five mins and the family arrives...my two year old runs in Daddy I have donuts...great to see him and love to want to be with him as long as I can on this earth. I promise to quit hard with December and everyone today.
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You're rockin' this! Post some of this in the forum so that your quit brothers can see that they are not alone.
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Day 7 and it started out fine texting folks day count and messaging little promises upon waking and doing roll...then I have a fake dip (it arrived yesterday in the mail and it’s my new favorite thing never had tried it before ... what would have been the point?) shower and realize I’m like 30mins ahead of schedule...no 30 min crap to juice the k bear that would normally be setting the tone for the disgusting flavor my mouth would have for the rest of the day. Anyway arrive to work and in stead of putting in gum and munching that like I had the previous days this week... I do an upper of hooch and get to starting some tasks I try, lose concentration figure it out then lose it again like this for 8 hours...I was in a call and I think the lady thought I was seriously dumb because I was saying everything I was doing to keep myself strait and not f up. Anyway finally leaving driving home was a challenge. Widening my eyes and refocusing and repeating while trying not to pay attention to the tension headache forming around my temples. I get home crush some water and I lay on the couch...five mins and the family arrives...my two year old runs in Daddy I have donuts...great to see him and love to want to be with him as long as I can on this earth. I promise to quit hard with December and everyone today.
That’s what it’s all about brother gotta stick with it and stay alive for our kids. Hardest thing for me is driving past the gas stations that would fuel my habits.
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Good job KD2 on posting roll. 8 days is huge. The shit is out of your system, so now you just have to manage the triggers. It can be done. Keep up the good work.
ZillahCowboy - 2080 days
April ‘14
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I want to share a dream I had last night that I’ve been thinking about all day and told my wife about it this morning. She and I were skiing in the dream (I used to dip when I skied back in high school) and it was fun cruising down the mountain with her ...feeling the gravity accelerate me on the skis. Then we get towards the bottom of the mountain and we have to ski up a steep ramp (like a huge skateboard ramp) with all the momentum to the top...my wife did it easily and I almost got all the way up but had to reach with my hands and grab the side and struggled for several minutes scared like I was trying to pull myself up from a cliff and my feet flailing ... with all my strength I somehow got up...and then I hear the clapping roar of the crowd watching this scene from the ‘chalet’ or spectator area.
For me this dream is a representation of my struggle with nicotine/dip (the snow was dip spit brown in the dream) ... the journey with my wife where things seem easy for her and I’m fighting my ass off right now to overcome my addiction. The cheering at the end is where KTC comes in...that is you all! I know you’re all cheering for me...every morning, every post or response, and I want to get to the top of that mountain ramp to show you all I can! I pull myself up one day at a time with you all and it does keep getting easier...my arm strength !
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Day 13 it’s been a while wanted to give an update...So I’m totally hooked on fake chew...I can’t imagine what would get me to have a dip right now after 13 days but I can’t get complacent...I’ve been tested with some stressful situations and held strong. I’m not as productive at work still just procrastinating and unmotivated still staring around...tough to get over the inertia to tackle a big task. I cried again today in my car getting to work like a little sissy...like I feel worthless like I’ve done this shit for so long and finally now at 37 growing up....I always thought it would come to an end and now it is ... I think I feel worthless not because of the dip but other expectations professionally that my family and wife have for me which maybe me dipping played a role is slowing that down ... who knows.
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Day 13 it’s been a while wanted to give an update...So I’m totally hooked on fake chew...I can’t imagine what would get me to have a dip right now after 13 days but I can’t get complacent...I’ve been tested with some stressful situations and held strong. I’m not as productive at work still just procrastinating and unmotivated still staring around...tough to get over the inertia to tackle a big task. I cried again today in my car getting to work like a little sissy...like I feel worthless like I’ve done this shit for so long and finally now at 37 growing up....I always thought it would come to an end and now it is ... I think I feel worthless not because of the dip but other expectations professionally that my family and wife have for me which maybe me dipping played a role is slowing that down ... who knows.
KD2,
There is nothing in this world that can't be done without a nicotine. You are proving that fact everyday. You are not worthless and you ARE a Bad Ass Quitter.
Keep up the fight, we are right there with you brother.
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Day 13 it’s been a while wanted to give an update...So I’m totally hooked on fake chew...I can’t imagine what would get me to have a dip right now after 13 days but I can’t get complacent...I’ve been tested with some stressful situations and held strong. I’m not as productive at work still just procrastinating and unmotivated still staring around...tough to get over the inertia to tackle a big task. I cried again today in my car getting to work like a little sissy...like I feel worthless like I’ve done this shit for so long and finally now at 37 growing up....I always thought it would come to an end and now it is ... I think I feel worthless not because of the dip but other expectations professionally that my family and wife have for me which maybe me dipping played a role is slowing that down ... who knows.
It's completely normal to have an extreme emotional roller-coaster ride at point you're at. You just have to hang in there a little longer. Then the fog will clear and you'll start feeling good for a few days before the funk knocks you on your ass again. That too shall pass. Don't be too hard on yourself. Stick to the basics of WUPPing every day. Sometimes the fight IS staying in the fight. The recovery goes at it's own pace--not your pace. It's all just the Nic botch's way of trying to get you back. Stick around until the miracle happens.
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Day 31 I had my most intense craving yet. I've been getting into a new routine and getting days under my belt. Today started like no other in the morning posting roll, texting, until....1) garage door doesn't work (call repair man), 2) car door doesn't unlock at school (my daughter has to crawl out of the other door) $500 fix they say, 3) my wife and I get in an argument and she's not answering my calls/texts, 4) my daughter feels sick, 5) I have emails coming in from work about everything I need to get done today.
I'm working from home waiting for the garage door man, chewing gum, eating seeds, trying to work. I couldn't work, couldn't concentrate, my mind needed something to get over the blockage and I know what it's asking for....desperately asking trying to remind me of how I might feel for a few seconds with a pinch. I stop everything (not that i was doing much anyway other than thinking about dip) and lookup and start calling around to wall marts to get some smokey mountain (mines been on order for like a week … supposed to arrive on Wed) but i'd never been able to find it retail in Houston...finally did find where it's sold. WalMart on Yale St. thanks to @sixstring for reminding me yesterday WalMart should have it and I took on the search again. Anyway I got it and now I'm feeling like posting an update.
After sucking on this smokey mountain i'm realizing there are muscles in my face that I haven't used in a long time. My tongue hasn't swished the saliva through my teeth, and my throat hasn't had that dry swallow in a while you know holding the spit up on the roof of the mouth. Well I've felt those feelings again with the smokey and I even have an after dip lethargy like ugh why did I have to throw that in my mouth. This time however it's even more powerfully counter balanced with a happiness knowing i'm quit.
It was a sh*t show at the Wal-Mart....aisle 10 where all the tobacco is. I'm waiting patiently behind two grandma's buying kitty litter and ammonia to clean up cat feces accidents. Ironically i'm in line to find some cat sh*t of my own...of the herbal non nicotine variety. It's my turn and i'm greeted by a nice young lady not entirely hard to look at and quickly ask if she has any smokey mountain back there. (I know she does cause I called ahead) What's that? she asks and you all know the routine....it's about 2 mins her looking and feels like an hour, there's a line of three people now behind me with full carts. I start to sweat and I lock eyes with Kodiak easily visible like its in Neon Wintergreen and it's the only thing visible in the black lights of the rave playing out in my mind. Meanwhile the cashier calls in for help to look for the smokey mountain, they ask is it tobacco sir? ummm no … kinda … it should be in the round cans I say … this one sir? she holds up a skoal mint....ugh no mam....finally it's found by one of them....this whole time i'm texting my boy @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) trying to keep my mind steady as this commotion plays out. SUCCESS though. Usually when i'd buy can's i'd put them as quickly as possible in my pocket...this time I left it out for the scowling lady behind me with the hope she would see the bold letters "TOBACCO AND NICOTINE FREE" but she most likely didn't. We all know it was a disgrace for her and disgusting to see a dipper addict trying to get a fix. It's my and your own enjoyment that it was quite the contrary.
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@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) I still remember when I messaged you. Talking about hey man I'm 11 days ahead of you , let's be friends so you know that if I can do it so can you.
What I didnt know was how close you and I will become friends. I swear if time would allow you and I would be talking like two school girls. Like legit I'm not gonna get into all the personal stuff that you and have gone through. But that's the crazy part two strangers going through personal things together. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and life between us. But everyday I'm glad that I get to call you my brother. Everyday you are one of the first people I text because you my homie. I know how hard this shit has been on you. I know you wake up and the war is already starting before you can open both your eyes. Dude you are fucking beast. Everyday you always find a way to overcome this obstacle of quit. And everyday you seem to find ways to surprise yourself and overcome it. I always talk about saving moments that you can look back and see improvement. This is one of them. This is you trusting me and this site and making yourself vulnerable for anyone to read. This is you showing that you want this. This is you being anagnoresis(can I even use that as a verb?).
@FISHFLORIDA (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=7), @Samrs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=8), @AppleJack (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=710), @Judaculla (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15048), @worktowin (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=436), @snahsorg (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1336), @MonsterEMT (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=248), @copequits (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=30), @walterwhite (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=55), @Richard K (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=145), @Batdad (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2), @Sand44 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1442), @walterwhite (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=55)
KD2 mention yesterday about how mature I am about my quit. But honestly it's because of you guys and your words and wisdom.
I tagged those guys for you KD2. I know that they will have your back just like they have mine. I know they will see your potential like I do, and have no problem of supporting you on this journey.
I'm glad to quit with you. You know I'm only a phone call away to talk to. I know you got this. I know that quitting nictoine is going to be huge improvements in your life. It may not happen tomorrow, next week or month. Shit it may not happen for a year. But I promise you good things will come out of this.....
"I almost nunchucked you; you don't even realize!"
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Day 31 I had my most intense craving yet. I've been getting into a new routine and getting days under my belt. Today started like no other in the morning posting roll, texting, until....1) garage door doesn't work (call repair man), 2) car door doesn't unlock at school (my daughter has to crawl out of the other door) $500 fix they say, 3) my wife and I get in an argument and she's not answering my calls/texts, 4) my daughter feels sick, 5) I have emails coming in from work about everything I need to get done today.
I'm working from home waiting for the garage door man, chewing gum, eating seeds, trying to work. I couldn't work, couldn't concentrate, my mind needed something to get over the blockage and I know what it's asking for....desperately asking trying to remind me of how I might feel for a few seconds with a pinch. I stop everything (not that i was doing much anyway other than thinking about dip) and lookup and start calling around to wall marts to get some smokey mountain (mines been on order for like a week … supposed to arrive on Wed) but i'd never been able to find it retail in Houston...finally did find where it's sold. WalMart on Yale St. thanks to @sixstring for reminding me yesterday WalMart should have it and I took on the search again. Anyway I got it and now I'm feeling like posting an update.
After sucking on this smokey mountain i'm realizing there are muscles in my face that I haven't used in a long time. My tongue hasn't swished the saliva through my teeth, and my throat hasn't had that dry swallow in a while you know holding the spit up on the roof of the mouth. Well I've felt those feelings again with the smokey and I even have an after dip lethargy like ugh why did I have to throw that in my mouth. This time however it's even more powerfully counter balanced with a happiness knowing i'm quit.
It was a sh*t show at the Wal-Mart....aisle 10 where all the tobacco is. I'm waiting patiently behind two grandma's buying kitty litter and ammonia to clean up cat feces accidents. Ironically i'm in line to find some cat sh*t of my own...of the herbal non nicotine variety. It's my turn and i'm greeted by a nice young lady not entirely hard to look at and quickly ask if she has any smokey mountain back there. (I know she does cause I called ahead) What's that? she asks and you all know the routine....it's about 2 mins her looking and feels like an hour, there's a line of three people now behind me with full carts. I start to sweat and I lock eyes with Kodiak easily visible like its in Neon Wintergreen and it's the only thing visible in the black lights of the rave playing out in my mind. Meanwhile the cashier calls in for help to look for the smokey mountain, they ask is it tobacco sir? ummm no … kinda … it should be in the round cans I say … this one sir? she holds up a skoal mint....ugh no mam....finally it's found by one of them....this whole time i'm texting my boy @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) trying to keep my mind steady as this commotion plays out. SUCCESS though. Usually when i'd buy can's i'd put them as quickly as possible in my pocket...this time I left it out for the scowling lady behind me with the hope she would see the bold letters "TOBACCO AND NICOTINE FREE" but she most likely didn't. We all know it was a disgrace for her and disgusting to see a dipper addict trying to get a fix. It's my and your own enjoyment that it was quite the contrary.
One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time... you are winning.
Yeah, it sounds so lame, but it really is true. I told your buddy Fiddy Cent (or something like that) that you are in the middle of a war right now. You are fighting HARD, and you are exhausted. Every muscle in your body is tense and exhausted from weeks of fighting an enemy. You can't feel it yet, but you are beating your enemy down. All that you feel now is sadness, and exhaustion, from the battle. You know how I know this, man? Because 2,473 days ago, I was in the same shoes you are in. I didn't think it would ever get better. Temptation was all around me. I was pissed, angry, scared, and kind of alone... except for this website. And guys like 36 Mafia (or something like that) were there for me saying that there is hope. That there is a future without nicotine. That life can be lived without Kodiak. And, brother, I'm living proof that you don't need Kodiak to live. I chewed through a can a day of that shit for 25 years, and let me tell you... there is a freedom ahead that you cannot even begin to imagine. Everyone told me that when I was in your shoes, and I thought... these guys are full of BS. Well, they weren't.
So, you and Ben Folds Five (or something like that) are working this system to win it... and if I were a betting man, I'd play the odds on you both. I know you are watching the weak ass idiots drop out like flies, but remember, nothing worth winning comes easy. This is a fight. It is a battle. And both of you warriors are built for the fight.
I'm here if you ever need anything. You aren't alone. Winning this alone... I dunno... I don't think it is possible. Winning as a team... that is a certainty. And I'm honored to be on your and Maroon 5's (or something like that @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) ) team.
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Day 31 I had my most intense craving yet. I've been getting into a new routine and getting days under my belt. Today started like no other in the morning posting roll, texting, until....1) garage door doesn't work (call repair man), 2) car door doesn't unlock at school (my daughter has to crawl out of the other door) $500 fix they say, 3) my wife and I get in an argument and she's not answering my calls/texts, 4) my daughter feels sick, 5) I have emails coming in from work about everything I need to get done today.
I'm working from home waiting for the garage door man, chewing gum, eating seeds, trying to work. I couldn't work, couldn't concentrate, my mind needed something to get over the blockage and I know what it's asking for....desperately asking trying to remind me of how I might feel for a few seconds with a pinch. I stop everything (not that i was doing much anyway other than thinking about dip) and lookup and start calling around to wall marts to get some smokey mountain (mines been on order for like a week … supposed to arrive on Wed) but i'd never been able to find it retail in Houston...finally did find where it's sold. WalMart on Yale St. thanks to @sixstring for reminding me yesterday WalMart should have it and I took on the search again. Anyway I got it and now I'm feeling like posting an update.
After sucking on this smokey mountain i'm realizing there are muscles in my face that I haven't used in a long time. My tongue hasn't swished the saliva through my teeth, and my throat hasn't had that dry swallow in a while you know holding the spit up on the roof of the mouth. Well I've felt those feelings again with the smokey and I even have an after dip lethargy like ugh why did I have to throw that in my mouth. This time however it's even more powerfully counter balanced with a happiness knowing i'm quit.
It was a sh*t show at the Wal-Mart....aisle 10 where all the tobacco is. I'm waiting patiently behind two grandma's buying kitty litter and ammonia to clean up cat feces accidents. Ironically i'm in line to find some cat sh*t of my own...of the herbal non nicotine variety. It's my turn and i'm greeted by a nice young lady not entirely hard to look at and quickly ask if she has any smokey mountain back there. (I know she does cause I called ahead) What's that? she asks and you all know the routine....it's about 2 mins her looking and feels like an hour, there's a line of three people now behind me with full carts. I start to sweat and I lock eyes with Kodiak easily visible like its in Neon Wintergreen and it's the only thing visible in the black lights of the rave playing out in my mind. Meanwhile the cashier calls in for help to look for the smokey mountain, they ask is it tobacco sir? ummm no … kinda … it should be in the round cans I say … this one sir? she holds up a skoal mint....ugh no mam....finally it's found by one of them....this whole time i'm texting my boy @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) trying to keep my mind steady as this commotion plays out. SUCCESS though. Usually when i'd buy can's i'd put them as quickly as possible in my pocket...this time I left it out for the scowling lady behind me with the hope she would see the bold letters "TOBACCO AND NICOTINE FREE" but she most likely didn't. We all know it was a disgrace for her and disgusting to see a dipper addict trying to get a fix. It's my and your own enjoyment that it was quite the contrary.
One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time... you are winning.
Yeah, it sounds so lame, but it really is true. I told your buddy Fiddy Cent (or something like that) that you are in the middle of a war right now. You are fighting HARD, and you are exhausted. Every muscle in your body is tense and exhausted from weeks of fighting an enemy. You can't feel it yet, but you are beating your enemy down. All that you feel now is sadness, and exhaustion, from the battle. You know how I know this, man? Because 2,473 days ago, I was in the same shoes you are in. I didn't think it would ever get better. Temptation was all around me. I was pissed, angry, scared, and kind of alone... except for this website. And guys like 36 Mafia (or something like that) were there for me saying that there is hope. That there is a future without nicotine. That life can be lived without Kodiak. And, brother, I'm living proof that you don't need Kodiak to live. I chewed through a can a day of that shit for 25 years, and let me tell you... there is a freedom ahead that you cannot even begin to imagine. Everyone told me that when I was in your shoes, and I thought... these guys are full of BS. Well, they weren't.
So, you and Ben Folds Five (or something like that) are working this system to win it... and if I were a betting man, I'd play the odds on you both. I know you are watching the weak ass idiots drop out like flies, but remember, nothing worth winning comes easy. This is a fight. It is a battle. And both of you warriors are built for the fight.
I'm here if you ever need anything. You aren't alone. Winning this alone... I dunno... I don't think it is possible. Winning as a team... that is a certainty. And I'm honored to be on your and Maroon 5's (or something like that @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) ) team.
KD2, great win for you today, in the midst of all the drama going on around you, you stood tall and told nicotine (and that scowling woman behind you) not today! You used your tools, texting Sixstring, to get you through the moment. thats what KTC is all about. That is the Brotherhood at work. You still have my number, so next time if @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) is busy(is he ever busy?? :o :o :o) give me a call or text and I'll walk you through it as well
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Day 31 I had my most intense craving yet. I've been getting into a new routine and getting days under my belt. Today started like no other in the morning posting roll, texting, until....1) garage door doesn't work (call repair man), 2) car door doesn't unlock at school (my daughter has to crawl out of the other door) $500 fix they say, 3) my wife and I get in an argument and she's not answering my calls/texts, 4) my daughter feels sick, 5) I have emails coming in from work about everything I need to get done today.
I'm working from home waiting for the garage door man, chewing gum, eating seeds, trying to work. I couldn't work, couldn't concentrate, my mind needed something to get over the blockage and I know what it's asking for....desperately asking trying to remind me of how I might feel for a few seconds with a pinch. I stop everything (not that i was doing much anyway other than thinking about dip) and lookup and start calling around to wall marts to get some smokey mountain (mines been on order for like a week … supposed to arrive on Wed) but i'd never been able to find it retail in Houston...finally did find where it's sold. WalMart on Yale St. thanks to @sixstring for reminding me yesterday WalMart should have it and I took on the search again. Anyway I got it and now I'm feeling like posting an update.
After sucking on this smokey mountain i'm realizing there are muscles in my face that I haven't used in a long time. My tongue hasn't swished the saliva through my teeth, and my throat hasn't had that dry swallow in a while you know holding the spit up on the roof of the mouth. Well I've felt those feelings again with the smokey and I even have an after dip lethargy like ugh why did I have to throw that in my mouth. This time however it's even more powerfully counter balanced with a happiness knowing i'm quit.
It was a sh*t show at the Wal-Mart....aisle 10 where all the tobacco is. I'm waiting patiently behind two grandma's buying kitty litter and ammonia to clean up cat feces accidents. Ironically i'm in line to find some cat sh*t of my own...of the herbal non nicotine variety. It's my turn and i'm greeted by a nice young lady not entirely hard to look at and quickly ask if she has any smokey mountain back there. (I know she does cause I called ahead) What's that? she asks and you all know the routine....it's about 2 mins her looking and feels like an hour, there's a line of three people now behind me with full carts. I start to sweat and I lock eyes with Kodiak easily visible like its in Neon Wintergreen and it's the only thing visible in the black lights of the rave playing out in my mind. Meanwhile the cashier calls in for help to look for the smokey mountain, they ask is it tobacco sir? ummm no … kinda … it should be in the round cans I say … this one sir? she holds up a skoal mint....ugh no mam....finally it's found by one of them....this whole time i'm texting my boy @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) trying to keep my mind steady as this commotion plays out. SUCCESS though. Usually when i'd buy can's i'd put them as quickly as possible in my pocket...this time I left it out for the scowling lady behind me with the hope she would see the bold letters "TOBACCO AND NICOTINE FREE" but she most likely didn't. We all know it was a disgrace for her and disgusting to see a dipper addict trying to get a fix. It's my and your own enjoyment that it was quite the contrary.
One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time... you are winning.
Yeah, it sounds so lame, but it really is true. I told your buddy Fiddy Cent (or something like that) that you are in the middle of a war right now. You are fighting HARD, and you are exhausted. Every muscle in your body is tense and exhausted from weeks of fighting an enemy. You can't feel it yet, but you are beating your enemy down. All that you feel now is sadness, and exhaustion, from the battle. You know how I know this, man? Because 2,473 days ago, I was in the same shoes you are in. I didn't think it would ever get better. Temptation was all around me. I was pissed, angry, scared, and kind of alone... except for this website. And guys like 36 Mafia (or something like that) were there for me saying that there is hope. That there is a future without nicotine. That life can be lived without Kodiak. And, brother, I'm living proof that you don't need Kodiak to live. I chewed through a can a day of that shit for 25 years, and let me tell you... there is a freedom ahead that you cannot even begin to imagine. Everyone told me that when I was in your shoes, and I thought... these guys are full of BS. Well, they weren't.
So, you and Ben Folds Five (or something like that) are working this system to win it... and if I were a betting man, I'd play the odds on you both. I know you are watching the weak ass idiots drop out like flies, but remember, nothing worth winning comes easy. This is a fight. It is a battle. And both of you warriors are built for the fight.
I'm here if you ever need anything. You aren't alone. Winning this alone... I dunno... I don't think it is possible. Winning as a team... that is a certainty. And I'm honored to be on your and Maroon 5's (or something like that @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) ) team.
KD2, great win for you today, in the midst of all the drama going on around you, you stood tall and told nicotine (and that scowling woman behind you) not today! You used your tools, texting Sixstring, to get you through the moment. thats what KTC is all about. That is the Brotherhood at work. You still have my number, so next time if @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) is busy(is he ever busy?? :o :o :o) give me a call or text and I'll walk you through it as well
That is a fantastic win!
I can totally relate dude. I hated buying the fake shit so that’s why I have now stopped using it.
It would take the cashier a while to find, it was just a hassle and an embarrassment every time. Hell the lady last time said “so you like snuff huh” I said no and took the Smokey mountain and that was the last time I bought any lol. T
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Day 46 I got back from a six day car trip yesterday. Went to my cousins wedding. Car trips can be a lot of fun without dip!
Last time I drove to visit him was four years ago for his fathers funeral for colon cancer. That car trip my wife found my can in my backpack after I’d hid it from her for a year...thinking I’d quit. Needless to say that was not a fun trip.How ironic it was that I’d dip in secret I’d leave it in for hours in the car on the way to my uncles funeral after dieing from cancer. Knowing and looking past this hypocrisy was too common while using nicotine...looking back it’s just sad.
I think there was some karma that came back though somehow after thinking about my uncle over the weekend...last night a few hrs before arriving home I chomped down on my dinner and my tooth cracked in half. Like what happens in a dream where your teeth dissolve and it’s not there. Well that’s what happened. I was silent the rest of the trip, my wife called my dentist and I got a 9am apt this morning. Good news it didn’t need to be extracted! Just a root canal and a crown are needed. Got a root canal this morning and the crown is tomorrow morning.
I remember the only other time I got a root canal was about ten years ago. I dipped basically right afterwards. Like stuffed my face thinking oh it’s fine. I remember that like it was yesterday knowing it was stupid and thinking I didn’t have a choice. Today also reminded me of all the times really after my dentist visits the past 22 yrs (and I’d go pretty regularly) I would always dip right after and that clean feeling would last the 30 mins you’re supposed to wait. Just sad.
Now did my tooth break yesterday because I’ve dipped? Not sure. I’m sure dipping didn’t strengthen my tooth. Did my uncle say let’s break that tooth and give KD2 another reason to dig his quit deeper? One thing I know is that I’m grateful for being quit. I was tested today with some thoughts about the previous me. I loved going to the dentist today despite the circumstances ... proud to be quit.
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Day 46 I got back from a six day car trip yesterday. Went to my cousins wedding. Car trips can be a lot of fun without dip!
Last time I drove to visit him was four years ago for his fathers funeral for colon cancer. That car trip my wife found my can in my backpack after I’d hid it from her for a year...thinking I’d quit. Needless to say that was not a fun trip.How ironic it was that I’d dip in secret I’d leave it in for hours in the car on the way to my uncles funeral after dieing from cancer. Knowing and looking past this hypocrisy was too common while using nicotine...looking back it’s just sad.
I think there was some karma that came back though somehow after thinking about my uncle over the weekend...last night a few hrs before arriving home I chomped down on my dinner and my tooth cracked in half. Like what happens in a dream where your teeth dissolve and it’s not there. Well that’s what happened. I was silent the rest of the trip, my wife called my dentist and I got a 9am apt this morning. Good news it didn’t need to be extracted! Just a root canal and a crown are needed. Got a root canal this morning and the crown is tomorrow morning.
I remember the only other time I got a root canal was about ten years ago. I dipped basically right afterwards. Like stuffed my face thinking oh it’s fine. I remember that like it was yesterday knowing it was stupid and thinking I didn’t have a choice. Today also reminded me of all the times really after my dentist visits the past 22 yrs (and I’d go pretty regularly) I would always dip right after and that clean feeling would last the 30 mins you’re supposed to wait. Just sad.
Now did my tooth break yesterday because I’ve dipped? Not sure. I’m sure dipping didn’t strengthen my tooth. Did my uncle say let’s break that tooth and give KD2 another reason to dig his quit deeper? One thing I know is that I’m grateful for being quit. I was tested today with some thoughts about the previous me. I loved going to the dentist today despite the circumstances ... proud to be quit.
Dude to think about when you first started.The progress you have made.This right here is why i messaged you that day. I knew you had what it takes to be quit. So proud of you KD2. You are kicking ass.
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Day 46 I got back from a six day car trip yesterday. Went to my cousins wedding. Car trips can be a lot of fun without dip!
Last time I drove to visit him was four years ago for his fathers funeral for colon cancer. That car trip my wife found my can in my backpack after I’d hid it from her for a year...thinking I’d quit. Needless to say that was not a fun trip.How ironic it was that I’d dip in secret I’d leave it in for hours in the car on the way to my uncles funeral after dieing from cancer. Knowing and looking past this hypocrisy was too common while using nicotine...looking back it’s just sad.
I think there was some karma that came back though somehow after thinking about my uncle over the weekend...last night a few hrs before arriving home I chomped down on my dinner and my tooth cracked in half. Like what happens in a dream where your teeth dissolve and it’s not there. Well that’s what happened. I was silent the rest of the trip, my wife called my dentist and I got a 9am apt this morning. Good news it didn’t need to be extracted! Just a root canal and a crown are needed. Got a root canal this morning and the crown is tomorrow morning.
I remember the only other time I got a root canal was about ten years ago. I dipped basically right afterwards. Like stuffed my face thinking oh it’s fine. I remember that like it was yesterday knowing it was stupid and thinking I didn’t have a choice. Today also reminded me of all the times really after my dentist visits the past 22 yrs (and I’d go pretty regularly) I would always dip right after and that clean feeling would last the 30 mins you’re supposed to wait. Just sad.
Now did my tooth break yesterday because I’ve dipped? Not sure. I’m sure dipping didn’t strengthen my tooth. Did my uncle say let’s break that tooth and give KD2 another reason to dig his quit deeper? One thing I know is that I’m grateful for being quit. I was tested today with some thoughts about the previous me. I loved going to the dentist today despite the circumstances ... proud to be quit.
Dude to think about when you first started.The progress you have made.This right here is why i messaged you that day. I knew you had what it takes to be quit. So proud of you KD2. You are kicking ass.
A root canal and a crown??? Your dentist is going to have a very Merry Christmas!
Nice update, and it is an honor to quit with you, brother...
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Day 49 I popped my corner c store cherry and walked in. Wasn’t planning on it but driving home I really wanted some in the shell peanut to watch the Astros game. They were out of those so I got an assortment of seeds and other flavored peanuts. Anyway, as I got rung up by my old dealer I hesitatingly peaked up and saw two whole rows of Kodiak overflowing. I don’t think they ever had that much on hand...a lot of those would have been hidden under all my clothes in my closet. I think they’ll figure out pretty soon they can start ordering about 30-40 cans less per month. The can looked extra shiny today. She’s a sneaky bitch trying to get you with another sense...but I had to lock eyes with her there and tell her to go fuk herself.
I have noticed today the nic bitch entering in my mind like taunting oh I’d like to take a good deuce w you. I’m like yea I bet you would. The intensity of always checking KTC and reading stuff has waned this week. I don’t want to get complacent. I’ve got a crew of key dudes I’m in touch with daily. We keep our promises. One thing I have is credibility.
Approaching day 50 I’m reflecting from a different vantage point my reasons for quitting. Reasons are the same: freedom, trust, clean mind not constant negativity hiding and thinking all day I’ll die young and I’m an awful person/dad/husband. This new vantage point I reference is from a state of happiness reflecting on these reasons just not from a scared, crippled psyche...it’s still a fight every day just now from a smiling lighter stepping fellow.
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Day 49 I popped my corner c store cherry and walked in. Wasn’t planning on it but driving home I really wanted some in the shell peanut to watch the Astros game. They were out of those so I got an assortment of seeds and other flavored peanuts. Anyway, as I got rung up by my old dealer I hesitatingly peaked up and saw two whole rows of Kodiak overflowing. I don’t think they ever had that much on hand...a lot of those would have been hidden under all my clothes in my closet. I think they’ll figure out pretty soon they can start ordering about 30-40 cans less per month. The can looked extra shiny today. She’s a sneaky bitch trying to get you with another sense...but I had to lock eyes with her there and tell her to go fuk herself.
I have noticed today the nic bitch entering in my mind like taunting oh I’d like to take a good deuce w you. I’m like yea I bet you would. The intensity of always checking KTC and reading stuff has waned this week. I don’t want to get complacent. I’ve got a crew of key dudes I’m in touch with daily. We keep our promises. One thing I have is credibility.
Approaching day 50 I’m reflecting from a different vantage point my reasons for quitting. Reasons are the same: freedom, trust, clean mind not constant negativity hiding and thinking all day I’ll die young and I’m an awful person/dad/husband. This new vantage point I reference is from a state of happiness reflecting on these reasons just not from a scared, crippled psyche...it’s still a fight every day just now from a smiling lighter stepping fellow.
@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) Way to go bud...stare that bitch down and tell her to go fuck herself. Don't let her lul you into complacency...I have been with that bitch since you have...and let me tell you she is just not all that. It was the addiction and a figment of our imagination that let us get sucked into her. Happy 50 day bud I sure am proud of you.
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Day 63 and I’m feeling the blues again. I think it’s part of this quit journey. I know it is. If you’re a soon to be quitter and reading this don’t let it deter you! It’s been a lot of super awesome quit days. So happy to be quit and good things are happening in the universe that this quit is positively influencing.
I’m writing this just to remember this a a week or two or next year how I’m dealing with my self and my new identity as a quit man.
I want to be open about my insecurity with being quit. It’s what keeps me quit...keeping it front and center. There’s been a couple days I didn’t wupp because I was irresponsible (i.e. dealing with life w/o making my morning promise) and then I got anxiety like holy shit this is dangerous and it goes away after I post.
Last night I had another dip dream...one I’ve had before and it’s where I’ve dipped one time then quit again and continue to post roll without admitting it to anyone. Its that dipper guilt that’s part of the addiction. It’s that seeing and hearing about other KTC members that have done that is my haunt. Going back to that dipper identity, lies, and all the baggage is my literal nightmare!
Am I not reaching out to enough people? I often wonder. It’s been a while since getting some new digits...and like tpedro skips roll twice and I don’t have his digits ... is that my fault? It’s emotional to me that dude isn’t here...I was 17 days quit and remember reading his intro...makes me cry he’s going to be super depressed being caved.
Getting to hate and despise dip. Looking back feeling sick from all the nicotine is what I remember. If I felt sick all the time...I could go longer without having one I’d think if I felt sick...But then I’d still get in my car and throw more in and feel sick again. Were there good times? Those first months? Years? I don’t think so...lost dates, lost money, anti social, rather being alone dipping than being a friend. I despise dip. I love KTC. I love my crew...my cuttoff to WUPP is 8am. Thank you ss for taking me under your wing. Just having a good cry....and feeling better it comes in waves.
Maybe I should post when I’m feeling good next time! I can be positive and happy too!
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Day 63 and I’m feeling the blues again. I think it’s part of this quit journey. I know it is. If you’re a soon to be quitter and reading this don’t let it deter you! It’s been a lot of super awesome quit days. So happy to be quit and good things are happening in the universe that this quit is positively influencing.
I’m writing this just to remember this a a week or two or next year how I’m dealing with my self and my new identity as a quit man.
I want to be open about my insecurity with being quit. It’s what keeps me quit...keeping it front and center. There’s been a couple days I didn’t wupp because I was irresponsible (i.e. dealing with life w/o making my morning promise) and then I got anxiety like holy shit this is dangerous and it goes away after I post.
Last night I had another dip dream...one I’ve had before and it’s where I’ve dipped one time then quit again and continue to post roll without admitting it to anyone. Its that dipper guilt that’s part of the addiction. It’s that seeing and hearing about other KTC members that have done that is my haunt. Going back to that dipper identity, lies, and all the baggage is my literal nightmare!
Am I not reaching out to enough people? I often wonder. It’s been a while since getting some new digits...and like tpedro skips roll twice and I don’t have his digits ... is that my fault? It’s emotional to me that dude isn’t here...I was 17 days quit and remember reading his intro...makes me cry he’s going to be super depressed being caved.
Getting to hate and despise dip. Looking back feeling sick from all the nicotine is what I remember. If I felt sick all the time...I could go longer without having one I’d think if I felt sick...But then I’d still get in my car and throw more in and feel sick again. Were there good times? Those first months? Years? I don’t think so...lost dates, lost money, anti social, rather being alone dipping than being a friend. I despise dip. I love KTC. I love my crew...my cuttoff to WUPP is 8am. Thank you ss for taking me under your wing. Just having a good cry....and feeling better it comes in waves.
Maybe I should post when I’m feeling good next time! I can be positive and happy too!
That’s a common dip dream. And just past half way to Hall of Fame is normal for a funk. A couple things to remember:
1. It will be a bit of a rollercoaster ride going forward.
2. It will get better than you can imagine as you heal.
Post your up and down days in here. Then should you hit another funk you will know “this too shall pass.”
Quit hard!
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Day 63 and I’m feeling the blues again. I think it’s part of this quit journey. I know it is. If you’re a soon to be quitter and reading this don’t let it deter you! It’s been a lot of super awesome quit days. So happy to be quit and good things are happening in the universe that this quit is positively influencing.
I’m writing this just to remember this a a week or two or next year how I’m dealing with my self and my new identity as a quit man.
I want to be open about my insecurity with being quit. It’s what keeps me quit...keeping it front and center. There’s been a couple days I didn’t wupp because I was irresponsible (i.e. dealing with life w/o making my morning promise) and then I got anxiety like holy shit this is dangerous and it goes away after I post.
Last night I had another dip dream...one I’ve had before and it’s where I’ve dipped one time then quit again and continue to post roll without admitting it to anyone. Its that dipper guilt that’s part of the addiction. It’s that seeing and hearing about other KTC members that have done that is my haunt. Going back to that dipper identity, lies, and all the baggage is my literal nightmare!
Am I not reaching out to enough people? I often wonder. It’s been a while since getting some new digits...and like tpedro skips roll twice and I don’t have his digits ... is that my fault? It’s emotional to me that dude isn’t here...I was 17 days quit and remember reading his intro...makes me cry he’s going to be super depressed being caved.
Getting to hate and despise dip. Looking back feeling sick from all the nicotine is what I remember. If I felt sick all the time...I could go longer without having one I’d think if I felt sick...But then I’d still get in my car and throw more in and feel sick again. Were there good times? Those first months? Years? I don’t think so...lost dates, lost money, anti social, rather being alone dipping than being a friend. I despise dip. I love KTC. I love my crew...my cuttoff to WUPP is 8am. Thank you ss for taking me under your wing. Just having a good cry....and feeling better it comes in waves.
Maybe I should post when I’m feeling good next time! I can be positive and happy too!
You got this brother...you inspire me. You are one of the best quitters I know...I am proud to be quit with you today.
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Day 63 and I’m feeling the blues again. I think it’s part of this quit journey. I know it is. If you’re a soon to be quitter and reading this don’t let it deter you! It’s been a lot of super awesome quit days. So happy to be quit and good things are happening in the universe that this quit is positively influencing.
I’m writing this just to remember this a a week or two or next year how I’m dealing with my self and my new identity as a quit man.
I want to be open about my insecurity with being quit. It’s what keeps me quit...keeping it front and center. There’s been a couple days I didn’t wupp because I was irresponsible (i.e. dealing with life w/o making my morning promise) and then I got anxiety like holy shit this is dangerous and it goes away after I post.
Last night I had another dip dream...one I’ve had before and it’s where I’ve dipped one time then quit again and continue to post roll without admitting it to anyone. Its that dipper guilt that’s part of the addiction. It’s that seeing and hearing about other KTC members that have done that is my haunt. Going back to that dipper identity, lies, and all the baggage is my literal nightmare!
Am I not reaching out to enough people? I often wonder. It’s been a while since getting some new digits...and like tpedro skips roll twice and I don’t have his digits ... is that my fault? It’s emotional to me that dude isn’t here...I was 17 days quit and remember reading his intro...makes me cry he’s going to be super depressed being caved.
Getting to hate and despise dip. Looking back feeling sick from all the nicotine is what I remember. If I felt sick all the time...I could go longer without having one I’d think if I felt sick...But then I’d still get in my car and throw more in and feel sick again. Were there good times? Those first months? Years? I don’t think so...lost dates, lost money, anti social, rather being alone dipping than being a friend. I despise dip. I love KTC. I love my crew...my cuttoff to WUPP is 8am. Thank you ss for taking me under your wing. Just having a good cry....and feeling better it comes in waves.
Maybe I should post when I’m feeling good next time! I can be positive and happy too!
You got this brother...you inspire me. You are one of the best quitters I know...I am proud to be quit with you today.
Great post, @KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) ! This is the time to really grind it out because you are not cured and your brain is rewiring and will continue to do so for some time. Hang in there.
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Day 72 today was tough...a couple few second rage outbursts ....like a valve release on a pressure cooker ... and some emotional shit just dealing with the day crap we had going on and compounded with having to leave my family this upcoming week for work travel... sometimes I wonder how much of the emotional rollercoaster is the quit and how much is just my normal life craziness! At some point it’s just life and it’s not any ‘tougher’ nic free .... should be less complicated cause I’ve got one less problem!
Super stoked for the Houston meet on 18th...there was one today I couldn’t make but saw a photo and am so grateful to know there are such bad ass quitters so close. So proud to quit with you all today.
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Day 72 today was tough...a couple few second rage outbursts ....like a valve release on a pressure cooker ... and some emotional shit just dealing with the day crap we had going on and compounded with having to leave my family this upcoming week for work travel... sometimes I wonder how much of the emotional rollercoaster is the quit and how much is just my normal life craziness! At some point it’s just life and it’s not any ‘tougher’ nic free .... should be less complicated cause I’ve got one less problem!
Super stoked for the Houston meet on 18th...there was one today I couldn’t make but saw a photo and am so grateful to know there are such bad ass quitters so close. So proud to quit with you all today.
@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) you are doing great. Keep using your tools and posting roll. It really is amazing the different in how you feel from day 100 to 200. Huge difference. 200 - 300 is even greater. Now over 400 days life is pretty great. Be patient, stay loyal to your routine, and know each day gets better.
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Day 77 and want to share a win like I’m super stoked in this quit right now. I made it back from a week long stressful work travel...would have been prime dipping time...I broke through the inertia of being alone away from my family and staying quit with the help of @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) and @jsjohnson (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15659). You know how many times I ‘stopped’ just to start when I got alone and went on a trip without the wife. Can I do it again and stay quit one more day back home? I think so cause I’m not getting a can on my way home! Again a first. Happy and love the support. See you at the Houston meetup on Monday everyone!
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@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299)
That's some inspirational shit man. I find myself saying this often on the site but, we seem to have a lot in common. What I related to most was your description of crying due to your emotions. There have been several occasions in the last 124 days when my emotions got the best of me and I found myself bawling for little to no reason. Good to know we are not in this alone and our symptoms are not unique.
PTBQWYT my friend.
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Day 92 had a awesome day with the family today. Craft fair, brewery (still didn’t drink but bought some cool beers), train ride in the park, friggin paddle boat ride in the park, movie in bed, turkey sanguches (how my wife’s mom from Colombia pronounces it - that I love). My head is just clear. Tough to describe but it goes back to being a kid (likely before dipping so say 14) still have some innocence like what could go wrong today. I’m pure. I got a taste of that today. Pure love ... unhindered by a foreign substance I’d ‘love’ used to think of as a friend.
I had a fake dip dream last night. I still use fake dip off and on. Sometimes just keep it in my pocket ... like changing a light in the ladder yesterday my wife could see the circle and she didn’t say anything but wonder in her eye...anyway in the dream there were three fake dip cans and a real one and i thought that’s odd... that one should not be here. Before removing it to the trash I stuffed my lip with the fake. It still weird to me how the fake is ‘surprisingly satisfying’. I need to try to sell that slogan to Smokey mountain!
I’ve told some I feel weird going into the stretch for hof ... like let me stay here and keep the fight young, double digit young, I know how to quit double digit style. I remember thinking that dude is 7 days quit, holy shit - the day before I quit...now I see the guy 4000 days or whatever and then I remind myself to get back to earth and quit for today. Let’s just say I’m nervous in the quit (not that I’m gonna cave ... nervous about all the responsibility it brings I should say) and want to stay that way if that’s what it takes to keep it front and center every damn day. When I was not quit it’s a f’d up mentality easy to say f it to stuff...and then throw in more toxins to your body...being quit I’m grown up, and deal with shit. Staying clean. Being pure today. Join me again tomorrow.
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Day 92 had a awesome day with the family today. Craft fair, brewery (still didn’t drink but bought some cool beers), train ride in the park, friggin paddle boat ride in the park, movie in bed, turkey sanguches (how my wife’s mom from Colombia pronounces it - that I love). My head is just clear. Tough to describe but it goes back to being a kid (likely before dipping so say 14) still have some innocence like what could go wrong today. I’m pure. I got a taste of that today. Pure love ... unhindered by a foreign substance I’d ‘love’ used to think of as a friend.
I had a fake dip dream last night. I still use fake dip off and on. Sometimes just keep it in my pocket ... like changing a light in the ladder yesterday my wife could see the circle and she didn’t say anything but wonder in her eye...anyway in the dream there were three fake dip cans and a real one and i thought that’s odd... that one should not be here. Before removing it to the trash I stuffed my lip with the fake. It still weird to me how the fake is ‘surprisingly satisfying’. I need to try to sell that slogan to Smokey mountain!
I’ve told some I feel weird going into the stretch for hof ... like let me stay here and keep the fight young, double digit young, I know how to quit double digit style. I remember thinking that dude is 7 days quit, holy shit - the day before I quit...now I see the guy 4000 days or whatever and then I remind myself to get back to earth and quit for today. Let’s just say I’m nervous in the quit (not that I’m gonna cave ... nervous about all the responsibility it brings I should say) and want to stay that way if that’s what it takes to keep it front and center every damn day. When I was not quit it’s a f’d up mentality easy to say f it to stuff...and then throw in more toxins to your body...being quit I’m grown up, and deal with shit. Staying clean. Being pure today. Join me again tomorrow.
@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) you are doing great. Keep following your routine and let the days add up one day at a time. Proud to quit with you.
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Day 92 had a awesome day with the family today. Craft fair, brewery (still didn’t drink but bought some cool beers), train ride in the park, friggin paddle boat ride in the park, movie in bed, turkey sanguches (how my wife’s mom from Colombia pronounces it - that I love). My head is just clear. Tough to describe but it goes back to being a kid (likely before dipping so say 14) still have some innocence like what could go wrong today. I’m pure. I got a taste of that today. Pure love ... unhindered by a foreign substance I’d ‘love’ used to think of as a friend.
I had a fake dip dream last night. I still use fake dip off and on. Sometimes just keep it in my pocket ... like changing a light in the ladder yesterday my wife could see the circle and she didn’t say anything but wonder in her eye...anyway in the dream there were three fake dip cans and a real one and i thought that’s odd... that one should not be here. Before removing it to the trash I stuffed my lip with the fake. It still weird to me how the fake is ‘surprisingly satisfying’. I need to try to sell that slogan to Smokey mountain!
I’ve told some I feel weird going into the stretch for hof ... like let me stay here and keep the fight young, double digit young, I know how to quit double digit style. I remember thinking that dude is 7 days quit, holy shit - the day before I quit...now I see the guy 4000 days or whatever and then I remind myself to get back to earth and quit for today. Let’s just say I’m nervous in the quit (not that I’m gonna cave ... nervous about all the responsibility it brings I should say) and want to stay that way if that’s what it takes to keep it front and center every damn day. When I was not quit it’s a f’d up mentality easy to say f it to stuff...and then throw in more toxins to your body...being quit I’m grown up, and deal with shit. Staying clean. Being pure today. Join me again tomorrow.
@KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299) you are doing great. Keep following your routine and let the days add up one day at a time. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome stuff here KD2! Damn proud to be quit with you
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I wouldn't mind when we hang out that you and I still refer to each other by our KTC names. Damn dude 100 days.... Dude 100 days. So not including our group chat, live chat, PMs and Post, the phone call. You and I have sent A LOT of texts to each other. To say we are friends is an insult. You are my brother @KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299). I'm lost for words because we have had so many conversations. Where do I even begin? You and I have shared an amazing quit together. We took that brotherhood to the heart. Since day 1 you and I were on the same page on everything. When you were on Day 1....I was on Day 11.. and you and I are in two different groups lol. Why am I just realizing that now. How random is that? I still remember when I first sent you that message I said. "I GOT YOU MY DUDE." And you jumped in my arms and we beat that that NicBitch down One Day at A Time. You always let me be me and trusted that I would show you an awesome way to quit. Hows the ride so far? You dont got to answer that.. your 100 days shows that everything we have been through was worth it. Damn KD not many people can say @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) doesnt know what to say. It's really impossible to find ways to say how awesome our friendship is. Like is it crazy to say that I feel blessed to have someone like you on my team so early in my quit? Remember I joined KTC at day 6 so that means I wasnt even a full week into all of this when we became brothers. Remember all those ideas and and goals I had for KTC? Dude I hope I made you proud with who I am as a quitter. You watched me transform into this quit machine. Isnt that crazy? Would I have been the same way if I didnt meet you? Who knows.. I dont have to worry about that because I got best case scenario. All those post about positivity and motivation I wrote.. you helped me write those... all those funny drop the mic moments... you inspired me to to write those.. People look up to me and it's crazy to think about.. That's all because you of you bro. You embraced me being @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311)..... How do I even say thank you for that? Even when the outfit didn't match the style. You trusted that all my intentions were always about helping us become better quitters. I can go on and on. You of all people should know that. But this is just the beginning.. the real test is going to happen now. You are going to really see all those hours of communication with each other pay off. Our friendship can be summarized to this. ACCOUNTABILITY+BROTHERHOOD=SUCCESS. I heard an amazing story about what a KTC member had with another brother on this site... Immediately my first response was that's what you and I have together. You know him as well. I'll text you the name and you can ask him yourself. I'm sure he wont mind telling you. Its your 100. Just tell him I sent you and it will strengthen our quit... dude how awesome is that.... 100 days baby. 100 days heres my war cry for you one time
WHOOOOLALOOLALOOOWHAWHOOWEELOO
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I wouldn't mind when we hang out that you and I still refer to each other by our KTC names. Damn dude 100 days.... Dude 100 days. So not including our group chat, live chat, PMs and Post, the phone call. You and I have sent A LOT of texts to each other. To say we are friends is an insult. You are my brother @KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299). I'm lost for words because we have had so many conversations. Where do I even begin? You and I have shared an amazing quit together. We took that brotherhood to the heart. Since day 1 you and I were on the same page on everything. When you were on Day 1....I was on Day 11.. and you and I are in two different groups lol. Why am I just realizing that now. How random is that? I still remember when I first sent you that message I said. "I GOT YOU MY DUDE." And you jumped in my arms and we beat that that NicBitch down One Day at A Time. You always let me be me and trusted that I would show you an awesome way to quit. Hows the ride so far? You dont got to answer that.. your 100 days shows that everything we have been through was worth it. Damn KD not many people can say @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) doesnt know what to say. It's really impossible to find ways to say how awesome our friendship is. Like is it crazy to say that I feel blessed to have someone like you on my team so early in my quit? Remember I joined KTC at day 6 so that means I wasnt even a full week into all of this when we became brothers. Remember all those ideas and and goals I had for KTC? Dude I hope I made you proud with who I am as a quitter. You watched me transform into this quit machine. Isnt that crazy? Would I have been the same way if I didnt meet you? Who knows.. I dont have to worry about that because I got best case scenario. All those post about positivity and motivation I wrote.. you helped me write those... all those funny drop the mic moments... you inspired me to to write those.. People look up to me and it's crazy to think about.. That's all because you of you bro. You embraced me being @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311)..... How do I even say thank you for that? Even when the outfit didn't match the style. You trusted that all my intentions were always about helping us become better quitters. I can go on and on. You of all people should know that. But this is just the beginning.. the real test is going to happen now. You are going to really see all those hours of communication with each other pay off. Our friendship can be summarized to this. ACCOUNTABILITY+BROTHERHOOD=SUCCESS. I heard an amazing story about what a KTC member had with another brother on this site... Immediately my first response was that's what you and I have together. You know him as well. I'll text you the name and you can ask him yourself. I'm sure he wont mind telling you. Its your 100. Just tell him I sent you and it will strengthen our quit... dude how awesome is that.... 100 days baby. 100 days heres my war cry for you one time
WHOOOOLALOOLALOOOWHAWHOOWEELOO
100 days of winning! What a fantastic day! So proud for you, and for your family. This is the greatest gift you could ever give to them too. Even better days are ahead... keep doing exactly what you are doing!!
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I wouldn't mind when we hang out that you and I still refer to each other by our KTC names. Damn dude 100 days.... Dude 100 days. So not including our group chat, live chat, PMs and Post, the phone call. You and I have sent A LOT of texts to each other. To say we are friends is an insult. You are my brother @KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299). I'm lost for words because we have had so many conversations. Where do I even begin? You and I have shared an amazing quit together. We took that brotherhood to the heart. Since day 1 you and I were on the same page on everything. When you were on Day 1....I was on Day 11.. and you and I are in two different groups lol. Why am I just realizing that now. How random is that? I still remember when I first sent you that message I said. "I GOT YOU MY DUDE." And you jumped in my arms and we beat that that NicBitch down One Day at A Time. You always let me be me and trusted that I would show you an awesome way to quit. Hows the ride so far? You dont got to answer that.. your 100 days shows that everything we have been through was worth it. Damn KD not many people can say @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) doesnt know what to say. It's really impossible to find ways to say how awesome our friendship is. Like is it crazy to say that I feel blessed to have someone like you on my team so early in my quit? Remember I joined KTC at day 6 so that means I wasnt even a full week into all of this when we became brothers. Remember all those ideas and and goals I had for KTC? Dude I hope I made you proud with who I am as a quitter. You watched me transform into this quit machine. Isnt that crazy? Would I have been the same way if I didnt meet you? Who knows.. I dont have to worry about that because I got best case scenario. All those post about positivity and motivation I wrote.. you helped me write those... all those funny drop the mic moments... you inspired me to to write those.. People look up to me and it's crazy to think about.. That's all because you of you bro. You embraced me being @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311)..... How do I even say thank you for that? Even when the outfit didn't match the style. You trusted that all my intentions were always about helping us become better quitters. I can go on and on. You of all people should know that. But this is just the beginning.. the real test is going to happen now. You are going to really see all those hours of communication with each other pay off. Our friendship can be summarized to this. ACCOUNTABILITY+BROTHERHOOD=SUCCESS. I heard an amazing story about what a KTC member had with another brother on this site... Immediately my first response was that's what you and I have together. You know him as well. I'll text you the name and you can ask him yourself. I'm sure he wont mind telling you. Its your 100. Just tell him I sent you and it will strengthen our quit... dude how awesome is that.... 100 days baby. 100 days heres my war cry for you one time
WHOOOOLALOOLALOOOWHAWHOOWEELOO
@SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) To be included in your quit journey at such an early stage is such an honor ... they say life of about timing... and my quit luckily coincided with yours and who knows how I'd be doing without you. You understand my funny word I use to describe what we’re in search of in our quits. You were the guy I talk to at my daughter soccer games with inspiration - I remember having to do a support pickup for you during a game. Haha. You’re who I text when I land at an airport to recommit I’m not going to dip. You are too cool for words and love you man. Big hug and let’s keep it rolling and continue to look back together at that wall we’re distancing ourselves ODAAT.
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'dance' 'Party'
Congratulations on HOF KD2!!
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I wouldn't mind when we hang out that you and I still refer to each other by our KTC names. Damn dude 100 days.... Dude 100 days. So not including our group chat, live chat, PMs and Post, the phone call. You and I have sent A LOT of texts to each other. To say we are friends is an insult. You are my brother @KD2 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15299). I'm lost for words because we have had so many conversations. Where do I even begin? You and I have shared an amazing quit together. We took that brotherhood to the heart. Since day 1 you and I were on the same page on everything. When you were on Day 1....I was on Day 11.. and you and I are in two different groups lol. Why am I just realizing that now. How random is that? I still remember when I first sent you that message I said. "I GOT YOU MY DUDE." And you jumped in my arms and we beat that that NicBitch down One Day at A Time. You always let me be me and trusted that I would show you an awesome way to quit. Hows the ride so far? You dont got to answer that.. your 100 days shows that everything we have been through was worth it. Damn KD not many people can say @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) doesnt know what to say. It's really impossible to find ways to say how awesome our friendship is. Like is it crazy to say that I feel blessed to have someone like you on my team so early in my quit? Remember I joined KTC at day 6 so that means I wasnt even a full week into all of this when we became brothers. Remember all those ideas and and goals I had for KTC? Dude I hope I made you proud with who I am as a quitter. You watched me transform into this quit machine. Isnt that crazy? Would I have been the same way if I didnt meet you? Who knows.. I dont have to worry about that because I got best case scenario. All those post about positivity and motivation I wrote.. you helped me write those... all those funny drop the mic moments... you inspired me to to write those.. People look up to me and it's crazy to think about.. That's all because you of you bro. You embraced me being @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311)..... How do I even say thank you for that? Even when the outfit didn't match the style. You trusted that all my intentions were always about helping us become better quitters. I can go on and on. You of all people should know that. But this is just the beginning.. the real test is going to happen now. You are going to really see all those hours of communication with each other pay off. Our friendship can be summarized to this. ACCOUNTABILITY+BROTHERHOOD=SUCCESS. I heard an amazing story about what a KTC member had with another brother on this site... Immediately my first response was that's what you and I have together. You know him as well. I'll text you the name and you can ask him yourself. I'm sure he wont mind telling you. Its your 100. Just tell him I sent you and it will strengthen our quit... dude how awesome is that.... 100 days baby. 100 days heres my war cry for you one time
WHOOOOLALOOLALOOOWHAWHOOWEELOO
100 days of winning! What a fantastic day! So proud for you, and for your family. This is the greatest gift you could ever give to them too. Even better days are ahead... keep doing exactly what you are doing!!
Congrats on hitting the HOF KD2! I know with these guys ^^^ on your side that you aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Just keep kicking nic's ass and making connections. WUPPING ODAATEDD makes the quit world go round, never forget that