KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum

Community => Hall of Fame Speeches => Topic started by: Phil16 on April 06, 2013, 03:22:00 PM

Title: * Tough guy lie
Post by: Phil16 on April 06, 2013, 03:22:00 PM

I first tried tobacco in our backyard as a 8 year old.  My father had a "It's a girl" cigar that had been rolling around in the truck.  I peeled it and placed the cigar in my lip.  Terrible, spit it out.  A couple friends of my father dipped, and I always held those guys in high regard, not because of the chewing but the toughness and independent spirit they had.  I just thought chewing was what tough independent men did.  It was cool. When I was 13 my dad had my drive our tractor home from the shop.  It was about a 35 trip and at the breakneck speed of 12 miles per hour this was an entire afternoon.  I enjoyed the solitude of driving tractor.  Independent and responsible.  I was trusted it was a badge of honor for me to be trusted with the tractor and such a long trip.  I had no more jumped into the cab than I discovered a tin of skoal wintergreen bandits.  I'm sure the mechanic had left them.  I tried one.  Much different than the unrolled cigar, this tasted good, and made me feel even more independent.

In the small rural town I grew up in, tapping into the elicit smokeless tobacco cartel was not difficult.  I began dipping snuff at the age of 13.  I was a born ninja dipper.  I always hid it.  

Copenhagen become my chew of choice as it was considered he ultimate tough guy chew in our community.  

Almost as soon as I started, I wanted to quit.  I struggled with the idea of bein addicted, and it violated my conscious.

I jumped in and out of bed with the nic mistress for the next 22 years.  A miserable affair.  As I reflect, I can honestly say, I gave more time, attention, and intimacy to nicotine than any human relationship.  

Shame on me.

I resolve from this day forward to give myself recklessly to loving GOD, my wife, children, friends, and people I encounter with the same commitment and faithfulness I gave to nicotine.  My addiction is actually an inspiration to me.  If I could give all that time and tenderness to a processed plant, i believe I truly have the capacity to love the real GOD, and real people.  

Today as I quit for the 101 consecutive day, I am reminded that I have the capacity to choose love, rather than greed and selfishness.  

Thank you nicotine for teaching me how to love.  Thank you KTC for teaching me how to hate evil.