KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Hall of Fame Speeches => Topic started by: Viking on February 07, 2017, 06:40:00 AM
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I am an addict to chewing tobacco. 100 days is just the beginning. I’m quitting today only. I’ll quit tomorrow later. This is the beginning of my “New Testament.” To be saved, I have to receive and give support to others. I have to acknowledge others who have saved me. I will not be saved until I am in a pine box. I am an addict to chewing tobacco.
I chewed tobacco for 17 years. That’s 6,205 days. I “stopped” a number of times, one time as even as long as 1.5 years. Let’s just say I have a good 5,900 days of chewing under my belt. It is almost laughable that I could possibly think I’d be cured in 100 days. It is only the beginning. I owe it to myself and to KTC to keep posting one day at a time. I’ll accept this is a milestone to celebrate. What I won’t accept is this day is any more important than yesterday.
Before I begin my personal quit bible, I want to call out a statement that affected my quit more than any other one statement. Someone in my group, Bill Dance, said something like, “when I post roll, it is easy to remember my day. I just look at Viking’s day, I am six days behind. I know that he will never cave.” Then Maverick, says, “Yeah, I just have to look at Viking’s days and subtract one.” Holy shit. People actually rely on my post and KNOW it will be there. People actually believe that based on the shit I’ve said and done that I will NEVER CAVE. Those are powerful words.
It was that moment I realized that there are people really depending on me out there. They donÂ’t know me and they care a lot about things IÂ’ve said and done, otherwise, theyÂ’d have never made a statement like that. Even if I want to cave, I CANÂ’T CAVE, because it doesnÂ’t matter to them that IÂ’m an addict and vulnerable just like they are. THEY SAID THAT THEY KNOW MY NAME WILL BE ON ROLL EVERYDAY. Again, holy shit. This pressure has strengthened my quit so much.
Quitting is the hardest thing IÂ’ve ever done, but because IÂ’ve fully bought into the program, it has become possible. If one person stays quit because of anything IÂ’ve done or said, it makes it worth hanging around for a very long time. WE ARE SAVING EACH OTHERSÂ’ LIVES.
- The Book of Genesis[/url]On my 35th birthday in 2016, I told my wife and older kids, this is the year IÂ’m going to quit chewing tobacco. I can feel it. I was all excited, but I wasnÂ’t ready that day. Fast forward one year. I had failed. My 36th birthday had come and I hadnÂ’t quit. Not even so much as stopped. Hell, if anything, I was probably chewing more in the last 365.
At 11:22 p.m. on my 36th birthday, I had just finished that last bed time chew. The one you have to get in before bed. The one that makes you feel dehydrated and like complete ass when you wake up. Turns out that it also happened to be the last chew in the can. I was out. I needed some for the morning. Any other day, I would have hopped in my car at 11:22 p.m. to make sure I had a can there for “breakfast.” Then and there was when I decided that I was not going to get more.
I was scared. I was anxious. How do I live my life without it? Do I really want to quit? I started giving myself justifications for not quitting. Well, the holidays are coming. Is this really a good time? I have projects X, Y, and Z to manage at work. How can I get by? All complete bullshit I told myself before. I woke up in the morning, told my wife, and she said thatÂ’s great! She said call me any time during the day if you are craving so she could offer a helping hand. Guess what? I knew she didnÂ’t believe me for jack shit. Why would she? I had never been able to get through it before. Plus, sheÂ’s never been addicted to anything. Frankly, thatÂ’s awesome, but it does make it a bit hard for her to sympathize/empathize.
I got to work and stocked up on pistachios and seeds. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t think about anything other than chew. I called her and she said, “Do you really think this is a good time to quit because of A, B, and C?” I got pissed in a rage and said, “See. That’s the bullshit I tell myself. No. Not anymore. There is no time in my life where I won’t have A, B, and C going on.” Of course she got pissed at my lash, but little did I know I had the right attitude at the time. I would only discover that on day 3.
I had stumbled onto KTC at work on Day 2. I started reading a bit, but I kept thinking, look at all these vulnerable, weak people saying they “ARE QUIT” not that they quit or they had quit, as if quit had morphed from its age old verb status in the English language to a personal noun. What a bunch of weak clowns-meanwhile, I’m in complete denial thinking I’m Mr. ToughGuy rather than being smart about my quit and asking for help.
I read more and more and started to see that my story was not unique in the slightest. I read things posted by people from all walks of life. Blue collar. White collar. Black. White. Old. Young. Yet, the story was the same. They were all addicts. They hid chew from someone at some point. They lied to someone at some point. They were ashamed. They were real people trying to beat a deadly disease, just like me.
The final breaking point was sitting in my cube reading Tom KernÂ’s story. As many of you know, I have four kids myself and I hail from Minnesota. Mr. Kern and I had those same things in common, and if you have ever met someone from Minnesota, you would know that the prevailing attitude in Minnesota is that you have other MinnesotansÂ’ backs. I ninja cried at my work cube. At that moment, I realized I could not do it alone. Today, I had read that story, and it moved me, so my quit was fine. But tomorrow, I might forget that story and stop at the convenience store. I needed a far more solid foundation.
Enter KTC.[url=javascript:void%280%29;] - The Book of Exodus[/url]On day 3, I joined the site. I jumped in with both feet and drank the Kool-Aid from Day 3. ThatÂ’s just me. IÂ’m terrible at half-assing things and I knew I needed something to believe in. Thank the good Lord I did what I did. I would have failed otherwise, because the plagues, they come and come and come.
First was the plague of the fog. Constantly wanting to eat. Anxious. Scared. Unable to concentrate. Unable to get work done. Unable to provide solid support to the wife and kids because you are so focused on you and quitting. I fell so far behind on so many things. Boy, I am so glad I did. IT IS CRITICAL TO FOCUS ON YOU DURING THIS PLAGUE!
Second plague was energy. So much energy that I didnÂ’t know what to do with it. I could sleep. I was hanging on my wifeÂ’s leg begging her to mess around. I cooked, cleaned, dishes, you name it, I had so much energy I had never had before, that I could not be stopped, but thenÂ…
The third plague, the fog strikes back, and it came rolling back in hard and with a ton of rage. That energy evened out and I didnÂ’t know what to do. I had believed that everyone had over the top energy, but that was just a plague. This fog was a complete mind-screw. I was again thinking about chewing at every turn. I had to spend almost every waking moment at the site to stay vigilant. I was pissed off. Just hammering on people who would not follow the rules and drink the Kool-Aid.
The fourth plague was a dip dream. Had my first one around day 40. Drome will remember it as I had to hunt his digits down and began furiously texting him as I didnÂ’t know what to do. As I am a huge team kind of guy, been a coach for as long as IÂ’ve dipped, I could not believe how bad I had let my team down by dipping (even though I hadnÂ’t). I thought I had to post Day 1 in March. I was in tears. The amount of guilt I felt that day drained me to the core. When you buy into something like IÂ’ve bought into KTC, the guilt of letting down your team is real.
The fifth plague was boredom. I had it all figured out. I WUPP EDD. I had texted with a bunch of people every day. I wasnÂ’t thinking about dip anymore. Our February team had settled in and for the most part was abiding by the rules. What is there left to learn? This is just a bunch of bullshit too. There is a ton to learn. If quitting nicotine were this easy, it wouldnÂ’t have taken me 17 years. I started reading HOF speeches and being more active in other groups. This really helped me to stay energized.
My sixth plague was rage. Holy hell, would I get pissed. Especially at the beginning, I would get pissed if anyone so much as messed with a single rule. I believed in KTC and what it was doing for me, so if I saw someone messing with that, I wanted to hunt them down, see Tony “Zip.” See FullMetalSloth. See DipperDan. These three folks were instrumental in my quit. They taught me how not to quit. Sometimes it is just as important as knowing how to quit.
A rage story: One day at or around the 60s-70s, IÂ’m at work, and my kid lies to my face about where he was at. My wife wants to give him a slap on the wrist. I go into KTC chat and just blow up on HarvestGirl, MN_Ben, Aaron2012, Brasswhole, and a bunch of other quitters at how pissed I am that it feels like this shit keeps happening, etc. Never got judged. All of these quitters knew I needed to unload. All of these quitters supported me. This was so much more than about chewing tobacco.
Guess what, folks? I went through all of these plagues. So can all of you. The reason: KTC and its mantra of accountability and brotherhood. WUPP. EDD. ODAAT. Texting brothers. Laughing. Beating each other up. Raging on each other. I donÂ’t know how many times texting with Law, tljent, and Jeff W helped me to get through.
KTC led me out of slavery. I left slavery with: Bill Dance, Bokie, Brasswhole, ChadPA, Chambro, DJF5858, Drome, Dwight, Fowldawg, Frobozz, Garrett, Jeff W, JetPack48, KillingCans, Law1358, Maverick705, ndrugby, OffShore Man, scottludwig, StepUpToTheMatt, tljent79, Wildbirds, Zippahdeedodah, and Zombie Jak.[url=javascript:void%280%29;] - The Book of Deuteronomy[/url]Quitting is darn near impossible. It can be made possible if you submit to the following rules:
WUPP, EDD. Post roll when you wake up every day.
ODAAT. Focus on quitting today, as no one will believe you can make it longer. One day at a time. WeÂ’ve all been there. We know how hard it is to quit, especially forever.
Participate. Give out your number. Text people every morning. Get to know the people in your group. Talk about what you are going through. Be transparent.
Leave your ego at the door. You found this place. It did not find you. Abide by the rules and you will have success. Act like you are above it, or above being an addict, then you are setting yourself up for failure.
Listen to the vets. Most of them, as long as you are posting roll, would give you the shirt off of their back. Yes, there are some who thrive off of negativity and seek it out. I see the same names in new groups and am noticing that once that negativity subsides, those folks go away. At the end of the day, even the vets who feed off of the negativity are trying to help you stay quit. We all need to understand that perhaps that chiding is what they need to reinforce their own quit.
Meet a quitter in person. This is not as weird as you think it might be and it will strengthen your quit more than anything. I have met with PMILS, Palpatine, and Jeff W. None of the meet-ups were awkward. I could not look these guys in the eye and say I caved.
Post support in other groups. Investing in others is critical to accountability and brotherhood. Can you be a brother without a brother? I submit that you cannot. Helping others who are posting a Day 1 is critical to remembering how you felt on Day 1. Always remember Day 1.[url=javascript:void%280%29;] - The Book of Job[/url]When I was 18, I was handed Kodiak wintergreen for the first time in my life. From there it was to Cherry Skoal, then to Berry Skoal. I wasn’t even the average chewer at 2 cans per week. All throughout this time, I was a goody two shoes, Straight A student, top performer at a demanding job. This is not to brag or act suggest I’m better than any other quitter. I hope no one has ever felt I’ve treated them that way. This point is to suggest that in spite of any righteousness we have as people, chewing tobacco does not discriminate, and it will take everything from you. Accept you are an addict. Embrace that you are an addict and stop asking “why me?” This is your life. You need to learn how to deal with addiction knowing that tobacco exists and has already controlled you.[url=javascript:void%280%29;]
- The Book of Psalms[/url]Here are some posts I like and remember from my February group:
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11231046&t=30053935]Bill Dance and Maverick Put the Pressure on Me[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11164822&t=30053935]Maverick on Why We are Here[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11164719&t=30053935]BrassWhole the Poet[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11164870&t=30053935]BrassWhole the Poet 2[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11211410&t=30053935]Law Being the BAQ he is and sharing victories so we can learn[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11222454&t=30081110]Jeff W and Viking Going After a Late Poster and Future Caver[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11266622&t=30053935]The Day DJF Became One of the Baddest of BAQs[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11291294&t=30053935]Bill Dance Telling it Like it is[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11222342&t=30081110]Jeff W Helping Out in March[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11333606&t=30053935]ChadPA Calling Out BS[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11189154&t=30053935]Quit Rage on Late Posters[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11164554&t=30053935]tljent on Commitment[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11250225&t=30053935]The Cult on Top of Tony[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11262009&t=30053935]The Cult Weighing In on Quit Stats[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11231047&t=30053935]Law Having a Tough Day on the Rules of KTC[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11334504&t=30149366]Bokie's Moving HOF Speech[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11328507&t=30064581]tljent on Team One Week Away from HOF[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11218037&t=30074992]Bill Dance on Boredom[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11198256&t=30092780]Jeff W on Why he Quit[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=1969433&t=1004418]Kd4Jet on Paying it Forward[/url]
[url=http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11205441&t=30053935]Drome on Dip Dreams[/url][url=javascript:void%280%29;] - The New Testament[/url]KTC and those who actively participate are saving my life one day at a time. I want to say thank you to those of you have helped me at various stages of my quit, whether it was big or small. These are those folks who have sacrificed a part of their life for my quit.
Here are 100 of those folks who help me with my faith, ODAAT, and continue to help save me from caving. I dearly apologize to anyone who I missed. You all have helped me in some way, whether it was making me laugh, helping me through the tough times, listening to me rage, whatever I needed, you were there for me in some way. Other than my wife and kids, followed by my February group, these are in no particular order. I hope that this list grows 10xs in number.
1. My wife and kids (technically 5 peopleÂ…)
2. Bill Dance
3. Bokie
4. Brasswhole
5. ChadPA
6. Chambro
7. DJF5858
8. Syndrome
9. Dwight
10. Fowldawg
11. Frobozz
12. Garrett
13. Jeff W
14. JetPack48
15. KillingCans
16. Law1358
17. Maverick705
18. Ndrugby
19. OffShore Man
20. Scottludwig
21. StepUpToTheMatt
22. tljent79
23. Wildbirds
24. Zippahdeedodah
25. Zombie Jak
26. WalterWhite
27. PMILS
28. Palpatine
29. Candoit
30. FishFlorida
31. Pab1964
32. EyeHateCope
33. WildIrish317
34. TheReelMcCoy
35. KingNothing
36. Harvest Girl
37. Prohunter
38. MrLentz
39. Bert75
40. Zquitter
41. ReWire
42. Bicycleptic
43. Thumblewort
44. FullMetalSloth
45. DipperDan
46. MNxEngineer314
47. MN_Ben
48. DieselChick
49. Gassy
50. MonsterEMT
51. Aaron2012
52. Nosnil
53. Tonifer
54. Jpetmpls
55. Grievous Angel
56. BkMcGinty
57. ViceDawg
58. Viking11
59. Stewy
60. Kchad90
61. DaveinMT
62. JustinRobbins
63. ChickDip
64. Frazzled
65. Klark
66. Danojeno
67. Gentgreen
68. BatDad
69. Danman
70. Bruno79
71. JGlav
72. Flashman
73. Nolaq
74. CavMan83
75. FLLipOut
76. Tiswritten
77. Brettlees
78. Rdad
79. Elizabeth
80. Worktowin
81. Backwoods901
82. Traumagnet
83. AppleJack
84. LMM
85. Dweirick
86. MikeR40351
87. Kdip
88. J-Heff
89. Wepdoc
90. Razd
91. JPfabel
92. NJohns23
93. Tom Kern
94. Cmark
95. Rkymtnman
96. BillW21
97. Leeron
98. Xxzpatriotzxx
99. SirDerek
100. Nomore1959[url=javascript:void%280%29;] - The Book of Revelations[/url]I am an addict to chewing tobacco. 100 days is just the beginning. I’m quitting today only. I’ll quit tomorrow later. This is the beginning of my “New Testament.” To be saved, I have to receive and give support to others. I have to acknowledge others who have saved me. I will not be saved until I am in a pine box. I am an addict to chewing tobacco.
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