KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum

Community => Hall of Fame Speeches => Topic started by: Batdad on April 12, 2017, 02:16:00 PM

Title: * Just for Today
Post by: Batdad on April 12, 2017, 02:16:00 PM
100 days 1 day at a time...

My story isn't much different than anyone else's. I was young when I started. I knew I was addicted, but always justified it by saying there are worse things to be addicted to. I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I tried to stay vigilant when it came to drinking and drugs. I never wanted to be an addict... Isn't that something an addict would say?

I loved tobacco. I smoked cigarettes, cigars, chewed and even for a brief time in my teen years used a pipe. Any way I could get that fix I was down for it. I have tried to stop before. I never kept track of how long in any of those stops, but I know not a single one has been 100 days.

I remember my last couple dips... I was sitting on the couch, snuggling with my youngest son and we were watching TV. I moved my son so I could grab a dip and spitter and sit back down. And at that moment, I realized I loved dip more than I loved my sons... That scared me, I fight hard to see them every chance I get. You see, if I loved my son more, I would not have pushed him away so I could put that dead plant in my mouth! Something had to change. After I tucked my kids in for the night I went to have the another dip before bed. It happened to be the last one in the tin. Normally I would have ran to the store to get stocked up before morning, but I made a choice. I made a choice to wait until morning to get that tin. And it is a choice that brings me here today.

The next day, I chose to skip going to the store... I chose to see if I could go all day without a dip! It wasnÂ’t easy, I had a 3 hour car ride to drop my sons off that night and a day surrounded by smokers and chewers. But I did it! And guess what? I woke up the next day and did it again.

About 60 hours in I was searching the internet for the side effects of quitting tobacco. And I stumbled across this site. I started reading and I found the forum, and I signed up. They don't have a ton of rules around here. You have to be nicotine free and all you have to post roll. I figured why not?. Next thing you know I have these guys calling me out, welcoming me to this brotherhood... What kind of insane asylum did I stumble into? For some reason I came back the next day and told a bunch of strangers I wasn't going to use nicotine... As time went on, these guys talked about getting digits. I received my first one from RDB and I figured why not. Turns out these crazy people know a thing or two about quitting nicotine, just the answer I was looking for.

Every day I returned and told a pile of strangers I was not going to use nicotine today. Those days continued to add up. I continued to add phone numbers to my phone. Around my day 40 I got to meet Viking, MNx and PMILS. This was an experience that would change my quit. After that, the people I was making my promise to were real. And I was real to them, I couldn't just turn my back on them and not post my promise today. Around the 80 day mark someone asked me if I was excited for the HoF - The first milestone in this journey. And it hit me like a ton of bricks - I didn't want to make it to 100 - I didn't know if I wanted to quit forever... But I have no problem quitting today. Nicotine is still controlling my life. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I post roll it is in charge. Once I post roll, it is no longer an option for the day. And that works for me. I canÂ’t predict what tomorrow will bring, but I feel like I will be back here again posting day 101. I know some people set a bigger goals making it 100, 200 or even 1,000 days. But for me I just want to be quit today. I don't need to replace one addiction with another, because I am only quitting today.
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