KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Felix33 on September 17, 2018, 07:42:08 PM
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Reposting my original introduction from 24 Mar 2016 due to the forum software migration.
Hi everyone,
It took me quite some time to finally make a super solid decision to say good bye to my heavy nicotine addiction but here it is. I feel it as strong as never before and so I will start my first and last attempt to get rid of this evil.
I got in contact with Skoal and Copenhagen when I was visiting a summer school in Boston area being 18 years young. It was a impressive legal drug and so I continued using it when I returned to my home country Germany. Then at some point I discovered smoking. Did that a few years (1 pack / day Camel) until my body was pretty messed up fitness wise. One day when carrying a heavy case of bottled water to my 5th level apartment (no elevator) all of the sudden I developed this instant conviction to stop smoking and start doing sports again.
Unfortunately I was dumb and weak enough to just replace smoking by dipping. It worked super "well" in a sense as I could easily quit smoking. Until today I hate smoking and can't imagine to start again. I will never forget the experience of having fully functional lung again! At least one win. A nice side effect: I am not interested in alcohol anymore for years already. I only rarely drink when it's needed (socially) and I only drink 1 or 2 beers max. I totally avoid hard liquor.
Now I am 33 and I never really stopped dipping even though it became more and more difficult to purchase snus here in Europe (basically prohibited to sell snus in the EU...). But a bad ass addict will always find ways.
The addiction more and more became uncontrollable. My brain forced me to consume more and more without having increased flash intensity when consuming. At least I could manage to not snus until noon / afternoon. But then it started big time. Continuous consumption until I fell asleep at 2am'ish. Impossible to stop / take a break.
During the last 3 years I always had great and amazing excuses to myself on why I need nicotine and why it's not that bad. Why it's the only addiction I need to maintain, why it makes me what I am.
Recently I took a couple months off (saved money beforehand) to focus on private life, future goals and health before starting to work again. I feel that I could never stop nicotine if I am doing 80+ hrs work weeks like I did for years.
Yesterday the thought of quitting again struck me like a lightning. This time as intense as never before. I spend the whole night thinking about if this is now finally the point of no return and the strength I need to win the battle.
In addition the following point really motivate me to stop:
- Sometimes ugly jaw pain which goes away after one day (doctor didn't find anything but hey: clear last warning sign for me) - constant fear of mouth cancer
- Unfortunately frequent fear of death panic attacks which might be linked to nicotine
- Super nasty gastric ulcer (big time pain) last year which took a long time to heal (stress and nicotine related)
- No freedom to travel where ever I want due to snus supply issues in many countries
- Digestion problems which are clearly related to nicotine
- Heart palpitation diffuse light pain in hearth area (nothing found by my doctor)
- Potential hair loss due to nicotine (might not be proven scientifically but I believe that my androgenetic hair loss correlates with my nicotine consumption)
I can clearly say: yes! Ready to fight, ready to suffer and convinced that I will win. I hate loosing, I cannot loose.
That said I threw away all my many cans I was storing in the fridge and became active here at KTC :)
Yes I already feel it - the craving. I fluctuates from zero to heavy but I have my chewing gums (normal ones, no nicotine) and if it becomes too heavy I will go for a nice run getting my dopamine from sports instead of this evil nicotine drug.
I usually don't regret anything in life but I do that I started with nicotine. I never thought that it's such a super strong drug. A drug which is said to be as addictive as many illegal drugs.
Even if my 15 years consumption already increased cancer risk by a lot stopping is a must to restore my own pride and integrity!
Best,
Felix
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Hi everyone,
It took me quite some time to finally make a super solid decision to say good bye to my heavy nicotine addiction but here it is. I feel it as strong as never before and so I will start my first and last attempt to get rid of this evil.
I got in contact with Skoal and Copenhagen when I was visiting a summer school in Boston area being 18 years young. It was a impressive legal drug and so I continued using it when I returned to my home country Germany. Then at some point I discovered smoking. Did that a few years (1 pack / day Camel) until my body was pretty messed up fitness wise. One day when carrying a heavy case of bottled water to my 5th level apartment (no elevator) all of the sudden I developed this instant conviction to stop smoking and start doing sports again.
Unfortunately I was dumb and weak enough to just replace smoking by dipping. It worked super "well" in a sense as I could easily quit smoking. Until today I hate smoking and can't imagine to start again. I will never forget the experience of having fully functional lung again! At least one win. A nice side effect: I am not interested in alcohol anymore for years already. I only rarely drink when it's needed (socially) and I only drink 1 or 2 beers max. I totally avoid hard liquor.
Now I am 33 and I never really stopped dipping even though it became more and more difficult to purchase snus here in Europe (basically prohibited to sell snus in the EU...). But a bad ass addict will always find ways.
The addiction more and more became uncontrollable. My brain forced me to consume more and more without having increased flash intensity when consuming. At least I could manage to not snus until noon / afternoon. But then it started big time. Continuous consumption until I fell asleep at 2am'ish. Impossible to stop / take a break.
During the last 3 years I always had great and amazing excuses to myself on why I need nicotine and why it's not that bad. Why it's the only addiction I need to maintain, why it makes me what I am.
Recently I took a couple months off (saved money beforehand) to focus on private life, future goals and health before starting to work again. I feel that I could never stop nicotine if I am doing 80+ hrs work weeks like I did for years.
Yesterday the thought of quitting again struck me like a lightning. This time as intense as never before. I spend the whole night thinking about if this is now finally the point of no return and the strength I need to win the battle.
In addition the following point really motivate me to stop:
- Sometimes ugly jaw pain which goes away after one day (doctor didn't find anything but hey: clear last warning sign for me) - constant fear of mouth cancer
- Unfortunately frequent fear of death panic attacks which might be linked to nicotine
- Super nasty gastric ulcer (big time pain) last year which took a long time to heal (stress and nicotine related)
- No freedom to travel where ever I want due to snus supply issues in many countries
- Digestion problems which are clearly related to nicotine
- Heart palpitation diffuse light pain in hearth area (nothing found by my doctor)
- Potential hair loss due to nicotine (might not be proven scientifically but I believe that my androgenetic hair loss correlates with my nicotine consumption)
I can clearly say: yes! Ready to fight, ready to suffer and convinced that I will win. I hate loosing, I cannot loose.
That said I threw away all my many cans I was storing in the fridge and became active here at KTC :)
Yes I already feel it - the craving. I fluctuates from zero to heavy but I have my chewing gums (normal ones, no nicotine) and if it becomes too heavy I will go for a nice run getting my dopamine from sports instead of this evil nicotine drug.
I usually don't regret anything in life but I do that I started with nicotine. I never thought that it's such a super strong drug. A drug which is said to be as addictive as many illegal drugs.
Even if my 15 years consumption already increased cancer risk by a lot stopping is a must to restore my own pride and integrity!
Best,
Felix
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Hi Felix. Welcome. I have ancestors (a GGG Grandfather and his wife) from Wurttemberg.
Congratulations on the best decision of your life. I see you have already posted Roll, so you are already well on your way to a successful quit. Just keep posting Roll every day. Quitting is not easy, but posting Roll is simple. That's your best defense against a cave.
You will be the senior member of your July group. I was the last member to join the April 2016 group.
I'm 63 days quit after a 25 year addiction. I was a heavy dipper. If I can stay quit, you can stay quit.
I'm proud to quit with you today.
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Hi RDB1972,
thanks a lot for your kind and motivating words! Cool to hear about your German ancestors. (Baden-) Wurttemberg is one most powerful German states economically :)
I will follow the guidelines 100% as it's proven and I don't want to risk anything. Tmr next roll :)
63 days is huge and indeed if you can make I will too! :) I cannot loose and I want to post "63 days" too in the near future.
I am wondering where the correct place is to discuss strategy and daily quitting experience for each day ? Which thread should I use?
Thanks again,
Felix
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This is now your thread. You can keep it all here if you would like. Also in your quit group, as it grows. Members of your quit group will become your closest allies. It's lonely right now because you are the first.
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Ok perfect :) Thanks a lot!
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Great job Felix. If you are ever going to find a bunch of folks who can pull you through the dark days its this place.
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Welcome Felix! If I can quit, so can you. It's pretty simple, actually. However, it's as difficult as it is simple.
Here are some links that will get you oriented to our site and, more importantly, your quit. Start with #3.
1. Be sure to visit the WELCOME CENTER (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13) for what you need to know.
2. Stop by Introductions (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=25) and tell us something about yourself.
3. Knowing what to expect is found here (http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/what.asp) and here (http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/symptoms.asp).
4. Print this Contract to give up... (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/contract-to-give-up/); put it in your wallet and commit to signing it before you can take another dip.
5. Read about Tom and Jenny Kern (http://www.caringbridge.org/mn/tomkern/histo%20To%20all%20ry.htm) , It will be a tough read, but do it. Start from the beginning
6. Unsure how to Post Roll? Click here -- How to post roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=50).
7. For inspiration stop by Words of Wisdom (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=41), HOF Speeches (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=9), and the Hall of Legends (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=65)
8. Here are some Suggested Site Settings (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10204518/1/?x=90#new) for KTC.
9. The rules for these boards are few, but check them out nonetheless. Board Guidelines (http://forum.killthecan.org/boardrules/)
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Welcome Felix!! congrats on the decision! There is so much to this site that it would take days and days to experience it all. But, instead let it be a slowly migrate out so you can keep finding something to do to distract your mind. Well, that has worked for me at least. So, heads up. Drink lots and lots of water and fruit juices. Then, drink more water. We all have tips and tricks to help us through the funk, suck or craphole or whatever we call it. Personally, I used water, water and water, and Dark Chocolate, Omega 3 Fatty Acids, Multivitamins.
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Felix great choice. No one here has a secret to make quitting easy. It sucks, it makes you feel like shit, and the urges are unrelenting. What we can offer is "our" way of quitting. We all did the regular way, tell yourself you are done, with no tools to do so, then in the next month, week, day, or hour, for me even in the next minute, cave to our addiction and continued a life of nicotine. The difference here is posting roll. When you do so you aren't just promising yourself, you are promising the thousands of people who use this site that you are quitting along with them today. The next day you are making the same promise.
When I first started I didn't understand the accountability that forced upon me. I stumbled through the instructions and posted a 1 or 2 or 3 after my name. But after a while I really took note of who was promising with me everyday and it mattered to me when someone missed roll call. It also made me realize that I was missed if I didn't post roll. That alone saved me on many a day when the addiction in me was speaking loudly. I had a lot more people than just myself who would be let down. So post roll every day first thing. It's the lifeblood of this site and the cornerstone of my quit and I hope yours as well. Good luck.
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You're in the fight!
Stay strong!
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Thanks a lot everyone for your posts and support!
Yesterday was a struggle but I made it. Today I am having a great fresh start and for sure this afternoon the fog will start again. Much more water today and improved distraction when the fog hits is my goal for today.
The dark chocolate suggestion I will try :) Omega 3 and some fancy stuff called "athletic greens" I am already taking for couple months and I helps me.
It's funny that real support can only come from people who suffered the same. I believe that none of my friends could really support me as they never had such a crazy addiction. I also realize that I simply have this type of addiction character. It's a pattern in my life. Not generally bad but it needs very strong control and containment.
That said thanks everyone for your help and speak soon :) I will be offline for almost all day with a nice 100% distraction from stupid thoughts.
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Congrats on the quit my brother. It's a hard battle, but you can do this.
I quit with you today.
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In addition the following point really motivate me to stop:
- Sometimes ugly jaw pain which goes away after one day (doctor didn't find anything but hey: clear last warning sign for me) - constant fear of mouth cancer
- Unfortunately frequent fear of death panic attacks which might be linked to nicotine
- Super nasty gastric ulcer (big time pain) last year which took a long time to heal (stress and nicotine related)
- No freedom to travel where ever I want due to snus supply issues in many countries
- Digestion problems which are clearly related to nicotine
- Heart palpitation diffuse light pain in hearth area (nothing found by my doctor)
- Potential hair loss due to nicotine (might not be proven scientifically but I believe that my androgenetic hair loss correlates with my nicotine consumption)
Hey Felix!!!! So since I created the list of intro's I have been reading all of them. I just got finished with yours and I seen this part of it and was wondering how all of these symptoms are going for you?
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I enjoyed reading your intro Felix. You're 1 BAQ! Congrats on the 3rd floor my friend. You're winning!