KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: YoYo- on June 02, 2016, 10:54:00 AM
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Hi guys and gals. Long time chewer and getting on the wagon. My addiction started 10 or 11 years ago when my then girlfriend, now wife said hey its time to quit smoking. I said no problem and quit cold turkey. Now that's when my problem really started. Guess what handled my cravings, chew.
Fast forward to this past Monday. My wife asks for our online bank accnt and password. I give it to her not thinking about it. She comes across some purchases at the local gas station and asks me about it. These purchases are new to her because I handle the finances. So I tell her with shame what they are. One can of chew and cash for tomorrow's can so I can spread out the purchases on my card. From there it was a humongous blow up and she told me to pack up and get wheeling.
This is how bad my addiction is/was. 11 years ago when my wife saw me chewing and complained I said don't worry I'll quit. She threatened leaving and all that. From then on I turned into a closet chewer up to 2 cans a day. Sure when I was around my wife I wouldn't chew but away from her I was a demon.
I compare this behavior to my dad, he was a bad alcoholic who hid his booze in the garage and never drank in front of us. It wasn't for our sake but afraid of my mom leaving.
So I was getting caught every 6 months or so and it was always an extreme blow up. Me trying to talk my way out of it and my wife saying everything that I did to hide it (all the signs never escaped her). After seeing the bank statements I guess she had enough. She pointed to the "line in the sand" and said it's going to be chew or me.
I'm going to need a lot of help here for a few reasons. One, we all know how hard it is to quit. Two, she doesn't believe me already that I quit. I "quit" before when we got in arguments but that was just to get her off my back but this time is the real deal for me.
I thank everyone for reading this and look forward to hearing from you guys and gals. Btw I've chewed a pack of trident in the first two days. Seems a lot but I have a feeling I should buy stock in it as soon as possible.
Thanks again, YoYo
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I hate to break it to you YoYo, but you can't quit for your wife or your marriage. You can only quit for yourself. It won't work any other way.
Spend some time reading the links that are posted near the top of September's roll page.
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Damn. I could have written that 3 years ago. My wife was no fool either and caught me sooo many times. My lies were shit too... just pure shit!
Couple things to point out man... I don't doubt your resolve to quit.
At least right now.
When the wife is on the warpath and the heat is on it's very easy to come to this decision. Hell... I did it a hundred times. Yet... when it all blows over it's far too easy to lapse. What I'm saying is... do NOT do this for her. In any way. YOU have to want this, be jealous for it, and make it all about you. Do away with the lying, the hiding, the shame... all that stuff that makes you less.
Do this for you. It's about freedom.
It's pretty damn cool.
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
^^ good advice and comments there and I could have written that same intro.
Have you told your wife about KTC? I am guessing you have not, and she doesn't know how bad it is, and how hard it is to quit.
Come clean, show her the site, have her read spousal-support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
^^ good advice and comments there and I could have written that same intro.
Have you told your wife about KTC? I am guessing you have not, and she doesn't know how bad it is, and how hard it is to quit.
Come clean, show her the site, have her read spousal-support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
Also, I know our responses weren't the mouth-hug you were hoping for... However, we can help, have you posted roll yet?
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
^^ good advice and comments there and I could have written that same intro.
Have you told your wife about KTC? I am guessing you have not, and she doesn't know how bad it is, and how hard it is to quit.
Come clean, show her the site, have her read spousal-support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
Also, I know our responses weren't the mouth-hug you were hoping for... However, we can help, have you posted roll yet?
He did.
I saw that roll post, man. Way to man up! Let me tell you this one very important thing... get involved and stay involved. It works. Ask me how I know.
AJ... 1,143 days ----- that's how I know.
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
^^ good advice and comments there and I could have written that same intro.
Have you told your wife about KTC? I am guessing you have not, and she doesn't know how bad it is, and how hard it is to quit.
Come clean, show her the site, have her read spousal-support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
Also, I know our responses weren't the mouth-hug you were hoping for... However, we can help, have you posted roll yet?
Well these comments are the gut punch I needed. I told my wife about this site and didn't get much reaction from her about it. Today has been a bad one for me but I'm fighting through it. The first hour of work was okay but the last hour has been horrible. My brain is just dying for some nicotine. I've gone through a quarter pack of trident so far.
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I "quit" for my wife and kids 30-40 times over 17 years. I only quit once for myself. Big difference.
^^ good advice and comments there and I could have written that same intro.
Have you told your wife about KTC? I am guessing you have not, and she doesn't know how bad it is, and how hard it is to quit.
Come clean, show her the site, have her read spousal-support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
Also, I know our responses weren't the mouth-hug you were hoping for... However, we can help, have you posted roll yet?
Well these comments are the gut punch I needed. I told my wife about this site and didn't get much reaction from her about it. Today has been a bad one for me but I'm fighting through it. The first hour of work was okay but the last hour has been horrible. My brain is just dying for some nicotine. I've gone through a quarter pack of trident so far.
read the Tom and Jenny Kern story. Google some pictures of oral cancer caused by tobacco. Print and cut one out and keep it in your wallet.. Mine has been in there for 292 days.
You WILL make it through this suck. Just remember it. If you go back now your suck will be WORSE.
Wife dint give you a reaction because you haven't built up any trust with her. Trust and respect must be EARNED bro. She will come around, and so will your fellow KTC brothers and sisters. You can do this. Well be posting with you every damn day.
Let people at work know you are quit, that may help. My digits are a PM away, JB
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YoYo - welcome to the Suck (as they say). it was the absolute worst for me, but in the end strengthens your resolve to stay quit, because Lord knows I don't want to keep going through that. go get some sunflower seeds - they help keep my mouth busy (no homo).
as for your wife - she's at the end of the road it sounds like. I too, quit for my Wife, but also for me. the day I quit was the day like any other that I let her down by craving and caving, but the hurt i saw in her eyes was enough to say enough.
good luck on your quit bro. just for today.
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Yesterday was a rough one. Got by though and feel better about today
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Hey brother.....
Glad to see you finally got smart, but like the others said, you have to quit for you....quitting for anyone else just won't work. Can't add too much to this other than to say it's going to take some time (I mean SEVERAL WEEKS) for you to begin feeling "normal"....Over the years you've been on a nicotine drip potent enough to kill a small mammal on a daily basis, your brain added millions of dopamine receptors (the "pleasure points" in your nugget that give you that "ahhhhh" sensation when bathed in nicotine). Now that you've effectively cut off the supply, those little bastards are dying hideous, horrible deaths up inside your gray matter. That is what triggers the anxious, nervous, "if I don't get a dip soon I'm going to explode" feelings. Recognize it, and them, for what they are.....symptoms of HEALING. Yes it sucks, but it won't actually kill you. Get through this by following the protocol countless thousands of others have followed..... Wake up, Piss, Post. Honor your word you won't use nicotine in any form today, then repeat in the morning. Stack these moments together, and you WILL be quit. It works, but you have to work it.
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Yo!
That was a great intro and I felt like I was looking in a mirror having read that. There was one theme that just kept resonating with me as I read it; SLAVE. Shit, that nicotine bitch had you by the balls. She EFF'ed with your marriage and made you finger bang her to the likes of 2 cans per day. You were her complete and utter bitch.
Do yourself a favor, let that sink in for a second. Nicotine made you her bitch and almost took everything away from you. Everything. Never forget that.
I was a bitch too, and just as much of one as you were. But, now I'm free. 900+ days free and man, let me tell you - its still invigorating and brings me complete and resolute joy. You hear what I'm saying, being and FEELING free from addiction is exhilarating. Nothing beats this. I've gained a plethora of friends, lifelong bonds, from jumping in head first. The ROI on quitting is so ridiculous, you only wish your portfolio would perform 1% as well. Reason I share all this is because I want this for you...for you to feel and experience what I have.
Heed the advice of those before me - we've all been there - get to the point where you want this more than anything you've ever fought for. Cuz if you don't, that bitch will take it all away.
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Quit with you today YoYo.
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Yo!
That was a great intro and I felt like I was looking in a mirror having read that. There was one theme that just kept resonating with me as I read it; SLAVE. Shit, that nicotine bitch had you by the balls. She EFF'ed with your marriage and made you finger bang her to the likes of 2 cans per day. You were her complete and utter bitch.
Do yourself a favor, let that sink in for a second. Nicotine made you her bitch and almost took everything away from you. Everything. Never forget that.
I was a bitch too, and just as much of one as you were. But, now I'm free. 900+ days free and man, let me tell you - its still invigorating and brings me complete and resolute joy. You hear what I'm saying, being and FEELING free from addiction is exhilarating. Nothing beats this. I've gained a plethora of friends, lifelong bonds, from jumping in head first. The ROI on quitting is so ridiculous, you only wish your portfolio would perform 1% as well. Reason I share all this is because I want this for you...for you to feel and experience what I have.
Heed the advice of those before me - we've all been there - get to the point where you want this more than anything you've ever fought for. Cuz if you don't, that bitch will take it all away.
^^^ this message is spot on. I hope you read it over and over
What you are feeling today is not the new normal. It is withdrawal from a drug, a chopped up plant in a can, that does nothing but take from you. Freedom from this has to be earned. But it is soooo worth it.
Directly above Steak's message is a reach out from another bad ass new quitter. I hope the 2 of you exchange numbers. The friendships steak describes are real, and the Accountabilty you will feel to these dudes cannot be put into words.
Applejack and I could ninja dip and hide cans with the best of them. We both have over 3 years of freedom under our belts. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. Neither wild he. And neither will you.
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I can't tell you guys how much this means to me. I go back several times a day and read this thread to get great advice and keep me hanging on. I've felt fantastic talking with my wife. I don't lie to her about chewing anymore and that's the best I've felt in years.
I think she might be coming around to this site. We took a long walk the other day and I explained everything about it in detail and what this is about. Yesterday morning she even asked if I "checked in."
Today is day 10, double digits!!! I'm super jacked about it. I'll be around a buddy of mine for a while today that chews and I won't let it get to me, not a chance.
I've been kind of using this as a journal, hope u guys don't mind.
Thanks, YoYo-
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I can't tell you guys how much this means to me. I go back several times a day and read this thread to get great advice and keep me hanging on. I've felt fantastic talking with my wife. I don't lie to her about chewing anymore and that's the best I've felt in years.
I think she might be coming around to this site. We took a long walk the other day and I explained everything about it in detail and what this is about. Yesterday morning she even asked if I "checked in."
Today is day 10, double digits!!! I'm super jacked about it. I'll be around a buddy of mine for a while today that chews and I won't let it get to me, not a chance.
I've been kind of using this as a journal, hope u guys don't mind.
Thanks, YoYo-
I love reading winning stories.
10 days is bad ass. One day at a time you are earning your freedom back. No more hiding. No more lying. No more shame. Freedom.
Enjoy!
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I can't tell you guys how much this means to me. I go back several times a day and read this thread to get great advice and keep me hanging on. I've felt fantastic talking with my wife. I don't lie to her about chewing anymore and that's the best I've felt in years.
I think she might be coming around to this site. We took a long walk the other day and I explained everything about it in detail and what this is about. Yesterday morning she even asked if I "checked in."
Today is day 10, double digits!!! I'm super jacked about it. I'll be around a buddy of mine for a while today that chews and I won't let it get to me, not a chance.
I've been kind of using this as a journal, hope u guys don't mind.
Thanks, YoYo-
I love reading winning stories.
10 days is bad ass. One day at a time you are earning your freedom back. No more hiding. No more lying. No more shame. Freedom.
Enjoy!
This is excellent man! Your taste of freedom right now is just a hint of what it will blossom into. Enjoy every bit of this... it's you healing.
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I can't tell you guys how much this means to me. I go back several times a day and read this thread to get great advice and keep me hanging on. I've felt fantastic talking with my wife. I don't lie to her about chewing anymore and that's the best I've felt in years.
I think she might be coming around to this site. We took a long walk the other day and I explained everything about it in detail and what this is about. Yesterday morning she even asked if I "checked in."
Today is day 10, double digits!!! I'm super jacked about it. I'll be around a buddy of mine for a while today that chews and I won't let it get to me, not a chance.
I've been kind of using this as a journal, hope u guys don't mind.
Thanks, YoYo-
I love reading winning stories.
10 days is bad ass. One day at a time you are earning your freedom back. No more hiding. No more lying. No more shame. Freedom.
Enjoy!
This is excellent man! Your taste of freedom right now is just a hint of what it will blossom into. Enjoy every bit of this... it's you healing.
YES!!! (and I'm not talking about the band).
CELEBRATE those small milestones....every one that ends in a "0" or a "5", or multiples of a week!!! Keep stacking those milestones together....one day at a time, that's how quits are made. You earned it. Be proud....then come on back tomorrow and post an eleven!
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Well today was 2 weeks!!! Every day is a new record. I'm very proud of where I'm at with this but I know im not even close to being out of the woods. These last 2 days at work were rough but I got through it. People at work are giving me shit about all the seeds I'm eating and I just tell them to fuck off. I asked two very close friends of mine if they wanted to quit with me and I got shot down. They look at me like I have a dick on my forehead when I explain all this Internet forum stuff to them. Their loss.
My wife and I have been getting along great. Her softball game got cancelled tonight and I was excited so I could spend time with her. Two weeks ago I would have been pissed cause I wouldn't get to chew. The last 5 days now she has asked me if I checked in.
The last few days she has asked me if I chewed at work. I look her dead in the eye, say no and move on. Before I wouldn't have looked at her, would have lied and be paranoid for the rest of the night. I know I can't blame her for asking after all the shit I put her through.
At any rate, I feel great with where I'm at. Tomorrow will be 15, another milestone for the zeros, fives and weeks :)
Thanks guys for everything. Once again this is the journal according to YoYo
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Great job friend! I'm on Day 2 myself, but so far so good and no horrible symptoms. Only a few thoughts about it here and there. Then again, I was only using for 1.5 years, something like a can every 3-4 days.
But just like you, I was a "ninja," hiding my use from my wife. What you wrote about her softball game and how you would've been pissed off because you couldn't dip... man that was just like me, just like how I would've thought.
And I'm so fucking pissed off at myself (and I'm sure you are too) that this fucking garbage literally turned me into a BAD husband. It's just unbelievable... some industrial crap in a can suddenly becomes more important and more worth our precious time than the woman we pledged our life and love to, than the mother of our children (if you have any...).
Thanks for writing, absolutely quit with YOU today.
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Keep it up YOYO! This Intro journal thing is really helpful. It will help you work out your own thoughts and provide inspiration for the inevitable tough times.
I love to see those intros that have like 30+ pages, keep posting and stay strong!
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Way to go YoYo. Keep it up!!
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The intros are one of the best things on Ktc. You'll look back one day and be even more pissed at what nicotine took from you.
You new guys are killing it - really motivational to see some killer new quitters!
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The intros are one of the best things on Ktc. You'll look back one day and be even more pissed at what nicotine took from you.
You new guys are killing it - really motivational to see some killer new quitters!
I second that, we have a great batch of new quitters who "get it". I quit with Yo-Yo today!
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The intros are one of the best things on Ktc. You'll look back one day and be even more pissed at what nicotine took from you.
You new guys are killing it - really motivational to see some killer new quitters!
I second that, we have a great batch of new quitters who "get it". I quit with Yo-Yo today!
Wow yoyo bring it on! Quit wood from newcomers is awesome! Rejuvenation of quitting is awesome and you are doing an awesome job for many! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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Today is 21 days, 3 Weeks of nic free. In all honesty, nothing much has changed in a week since my last post. Cravings are still there, I feel it in my throat and upper chest. Everything is about the same with my wife. She asks about checking in every day. She also asks every day if I chewed. She either is trying to keep me honest or doesn't trust me one bit. I'm thinking both but heavily weighed to the trust issue.
She hung out with a work buddy and his wife the other day and he said he hasn't seen me chew but saw me with a big plate of food in the breakroom. Fuck I bet I've put on 7 or 8 pounds in 3 Weeks. I thought nah, I won't eat more but that was bullshit lol. I'm working on a plan for the weight also so bear with me.
Anyway I'm happy with where I'm at and every successive day I will be just as happy. It's amazing that I haven't been a complete Dickface at home like I was before. Nic withdrawal is the real deal even if it's only for a few hours.
So I'm proud to be quit and quit everyday with you quitters.
The Journal of Joe.
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It took my wife a year to believe that I had quit. Addicts are liars, and she knows how many times I let her down.
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Sounds crazy, but what you learn as a result of quitting the Ktc way will improve your marriage, your happiness, and your life. One day at a time Yo Yo.
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So I'm 32 days in and feeling great. I got a little ornery yesterday when my buddy's family came over to eat but it wasn't too bad. When he left his can fell out of his pocket, his wife said don't forget your chew and I said yeah get it out of here or my wife will kick my ass.
11 days since my last post and not much has changed. Still get the cravings. It was odd the other night when I dreamed that I put in a chaw and woke up pissed off as hell cause I thought I caved.
This is a work weekend filled with boredom so there's going to be a helluva lot of seeds and gum.
I want to thank d.rapone from September group for checking in on me. Good dude
The Journal of Joe
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As you progress in your quit, you may experience post acute withdrawal symptoms. These may catch you off guard and you'll wonder wtf is going on. This may last for two years, off and on. See my sig and intro for more details.
Quit with you today.
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Nice HOF YoYo. Sorry I'm a day late. You should feel 10' tall.
It keeps getting better....
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Yo Yo Yo! What's Sup Homie!!! 200 days Quit!!! That's something to be really be proud of, Congrats man. Keep doing what you're doing!
I'm proud to Quit with you today and everyday brother!!!