KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: MichaelsNewLife on April 15, 2010, 11:14:00 AM
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I wanted to introduce myself to the community, so here I am.
I'm a dick, never forget that, as well as a liar. I lie to lie, and I lie so much, I've lied about lies that I've lied about. But, my two biggest are the lies I've been telling my wife for the last 13 years and myself for the last 16 years. This makes me just about as worthless as chew itself; you are what you eat remember?
I've always wanted to quit. I always had a plan, "tomorrow is the day" or "I'll quit for the new year", or better yet "I'll quit when my son, er, next son, oops...ok, my next child's birth." Oh, this was always my favorite, "I'll just finish this can and then quit." 15-16 years later and see where that got me.
More lies and deception led to a rocky marriage, being an ass to my kids, and a couple of lost jobs. I had no idea it was all from that junk. What, are you for real? It sounds as though I'm a crack addict, or worse...yeah, that's something I didn't understand either. Nicotine is as bad as most drugs out there, addiction is addiction is addiction is addiction...I learned the hard way.
So, hey everyone - I'm a dick and a liar. However, from 09-Apr-10 until God calls my name I will be nicotine and dip free. Working each day to rebuild what I tore down and show everyone that I'm not as bad as I appeared to be these last 16 years. I trust in the power of Christ...He saved me from hell and He can save me from this shit.
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Sounds like you're being pretty honest right now. I won't call you a dick unless you cave. Now, pull on your boots and get to quittin'.
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It looks like you made the biggest good decision already. Quitting chew is also a great decision. Post roll daily, be honorable and keep you word to the other quitters here. Take it one day at a time and you can do this.
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Welcome.
Sadly most of us on here have stories similar to yours. Yes we all did things we are not proud of. I fight my ass off every day to make up for all of the things I have done over the past 23+ years of this shit.
You are in the right place. We can help you quit. If you need help sing out and watch how quickly it comes your way. Post your promise daily and live up to that promise.
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ItÂ’s hard for me to understand how a pouch of tobacco, one fall evening in 1993, led to 6,065 days of cancer causing habit; almost destroying my education, career, marriage, family, and character (e.g., the lying, stealing, and manipulation). ItÂ’s hard for me to believe that IÂ’ve been chewing tobacco for practically half my life (approximately 45.94%). I finally got caught by my wife for the last time, IÂ’m finally tired of being scared that IÂ’ll die of cancer, IÂ’m finally tired of not being able to look my two boys in the eyes out of shame, and IÂ’m tired of planning my day around a substance that will take my life; I QUIT.
DAY 1 – 3
Getting over the nicotine addiction was easy for me and I didnÂ’t think twice about it. I kept busy; I was thinking more about saving my marriage at the time rather than chewing tobacco. I was euphoric these days; crazy happy because I was finally quitting for real, finally being honest to myself and my family, and finally not worried about my next fix of nicotine.
Day 4
Oh holy hell. This was hell on Earth and I really donÂ’t remember too much about it. All I can remember was that I was watching the clock, non-stop, counting down the hours I was nicotine and dip free. I visited the site more times that day than any other. I read the material and looked at the pictures; all of which solidified my Quit and desire, and desperation, to remain Quit.
I realized that this day was the first day in almost 17 years that I played basketball without being under the influence of nicotine. I didnÂ’t play well that night.
Day 5 – 10
Honestly, not too bad. Just glad to get through Day 4 and posting Roll Call each morning helped tremendously. Whenever I thought I needed a chew, I visited the site and read the posts, explored the material once again, and looked at the pictures; all serving to continue my resolve.
On Day 7, I received the news that a person who was quitting with me caved. Devastated, I marched on to post roll again and again in spite…I know I’m better than a caver, show them all bitch. Although, in the back of my mind with each passing day, knowing that I’ve never quit for more than 11 days…I was scared. A sore throat began on Day 10; it was like a lightening bolt through my throat’s left side – oh, boy what was this all about?
Day 11
I am honestly scared of what is to come. IÂ’ve thought about chew more today than any other day, besides Day 4 (one week ago). Posting roll call was so much more important today and I visited the site to read the posts, but mainly to read the horror stories. Each story penetrated my resolve and added another brick to the Quit wall. I am angrier at myself for doing this than ever before. My sore throat continues to bother me.
Day 12 – 19
I am truly excited; with each day, with each post, I have gone further than I ever have before. Although my tongue hurts at times and I have a sore inside my cheek on Day 12 (which subsequently has gone away), my sore throat is getting better which is nice, itÂ’s all worth it in the end. These were days of no significance in the sense that despite my war on nicotine and dip I merely went to work and then spent time with my family with little regard to cravings.
On Day 14 I decided to begin to write this account of my first 100 days. I figured that if I wrote this out it would help build another row of bricks to the Quit wall and possibly assist others who may read this testimony. This day (14) is shaping into one of the toughest yet. On the website, we’ve been talking about chew; more so than other days and in more detail as well. This has got me thinking about caving, purchasing some Skoal and chewing a fat lipper. Unfortunately, tonight I have the opportunity; tonight is basketball night and I have the ability to leave the house without really having an excuse and to further complicate things I also need gas in my car. I am in a real bad position; I have an opportunity and means. The thoughts of buying some Skoal and dipping a fat lipper were sweet; I struggled with this for most of the early evening and with each passing minute and hour I was getting scared that I would follow through. I started rationalizing: “only I would know”, “it’s early enough in your quit that it doesn’t matter”, “just lie about it”, “you didn’t get a proper last dip”, etc. Honestly, I was scared I would cave…I took my driver’s license from my wallet (left my wallet), grabbed the keys for my wife’s car, and left for basketball. I was proud of myself for getting out of that situation intact because any other time I tried to quit I would have caved immediately, without question. I successfully removed myself from the opportunity (i.e., didn’t need to go to the gas station) and the means (i.e., no credit cards or cash on me). Slowly, but surely, I am getting better at playing basketball without nicotine; amazing.
Day 19 is just flat-out weird. I started looking around my cube at work for some Skoal. Like I would have any left lying around in my desk; and I started to wonder if I found something would I cave? This is very intriguing and IÂ’m very scared of myself now. Also, I found myself judging someone for using Timber Wolf, like that mattersÂ…I guess I am a bit hormonal today.
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Day 20
These last two days, I feel at times like an amputee victim. When you have a part of you amputated, e.g., a leg or arm, the person can feel as though the body part is still there and can have pain (i.e., phantom pain) that feels as though itÂ’s coming from that body part. Skoal has been amputated from my life; however I still feel as itÂ’s there with me. I look around, trying to find some hidden stash, but thereÂ’s no hidden stash and I doubt I would chew even if I found something.
I have a hard time believing the following post, “…here I sit at work, chewing on a toothpick. Never thought I’d say this but it sure beats the hell outa a dip…”
I see posts like this almost every morning when I post roll call, mostly from different people – it doesn’t matter who. When I see a post like this I want to say, “Bullshit motherfucker!” I’m on day 20 and a toothpick sucks, a juicy lipper would be better. I’m not afraid to say this, I’m honest – I want a dip right now and nothing will replace that. I feel as though there are those out there who write whatever they think people want to hear. Fuck, may be they do this to make them look good or pass suspicion to another. Hell may be this person really feels this way – doubt it unless they dipped for less than two years and only on the weekends when they drank. I just find it hard to believe that so early in one’s Quit to feel as though a toothpick beats the hell outta a juicy lipper. I want to believe I will feel that way at Day 100 – in fact it’s what I need to believe to keep me moving forward in my Quit – but as I am on Day 20 I cannot say that I feel this way. Each day is very difficult for me; however I stay Quit because I want to be alive and not chock-full-of-cancer, not because a toothpick beats the hell outta a dip.
My throat still hurts, fuck.
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Day 21
Oh boy and holy shit – I’ve made it 3 fucking weeks and I can’t even begin to comprehend it all. I’m so excited because I never thought I would ever quit in the first place, let alone quit for 3 weeks. It’s all too hard to fathom at the moment.
Nothing really new to report – throat still hurts (fuck what's up with that?), cravings are not too bad, and as I do think about Skoal once in a while it isn’t as much as even Monday. Also, I’m to a point where I can think about Skoal, but not in a using it sense or craving sort of way, just that I haven’t used it or yeah there it is; if that makes any sense. I definitely believe the more you continue to go through your daily routine without it, it becomes easier and easier to avoid the cravings. I am reprogramming my brain, and it’s working much easier and faster than I thought.
I’m visiting the site less and less each day, as I find I do better when I’m not around people talking about it constantly. See, I don’t work with anyone who uses, I have no friends who use, and I don’t bother to visit many places where you can purchase it (or see it); for the most part I am concealed from it and if I don’t visit the site and keep busy, honestly I don’t even miss it (or think about it). I wish I could jump up to Day 50 just for this fact alone. Oh boy, but watch out – it’s that kind of think’n that will get you in trouble.
Stay vigilant my friends; stay QUIT!
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Day 22
Today was pretty cool. Spent the day with my boys. Although I craved a bit only because I would usually chew with this kind of opportunity today (day off), I stayed quit and strong. It felt really good to beat that craving down, to know I am strong enough now that I can tell it to fuck off.
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Day 23 – 27
Nothing very interestingÂ…my throat doesnÂ’t hurt anymore which is very good news. My cravings are subsiding, little by little, with each day that comes and goes. Before this endeavor I couldnÂ’t imagine myself even quit; now I canÂ’t believe that not only am I quit 27 days but at some point there wonÂ’t be even a smidge of a craving. Sweet!
Although, Days 23 24 I did have a mini-battle in my head about getting some Skoal. I was left with opportunity and means those two days; I stayed strong and I remain strong through the power of Christ and His word. I prayed and God revealed to me that I've been strong for 23/24 days and if I stayed strong for 10-15 more minutes the cravings would truly subside. What's 15 minutes between 24 days? Easy I say, easy...
So, if you feel that little pull toward the bad stuff, just remember what you have accomplished these days of quit and don't let 10-15 minutes of bullshit ruin that!! Stay vigilant my friends; stay QUIT!
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Day 28 -30
Today is Day 30. Yes, one fucking month my friends. I can definitely say, with all honestly, I never would have gotten to day 30 without this site. And after one month of das Quitt, here is what I have to say...
At first, that is to say Day 1, I thought this site wasn't for me. I thought this site was to harsh to be effective. You see I have a Master's degree in Psychology, and although I do not actively practice therapy, I understand more than most; I understood from my experiences that this sort of website is harsh, hard-core, and very threatening to addicts coming to kick a destructive habit. But with that said, there's no way I would have made it this far without this site, these people, and the accountability (for some strange reason) I feel toward these people I do not know. Each morning I promised I wouldn't use...and each day I didn't. May be it was the promise I made; however it might be just the fact that I found others who are struggling just like me. I found others who are like me, know what I'm going through, know how I feel...etc. Actually, it's probably all of the above.
DAY 30 - Jesus, I can't believe it...wow. This is so awesome...I can't tell you how long it's been since I felt normal. Wait, I did...6,065 days. WOW - I'm not just saying this but it feels so, so very good to not be chewing tobacco. Not having to worry about do I have enough, when can I do it next, etc. Right now all I have to think about are my two boys and my gracious wife.
At the moment, I do have some concerns. I have a couple of sores in my mouth today and last night I had an aweful dream about getting oral cancer. I'll be tracking those sores, keep you informed, and let you know what's up. I hate that I've put myself in this situation...I hate that I've put my sons and wife in this situation...I hate this shit, I hate Skoal, and I hate people who create an addictive product that could eventually kill their customer. When you read that, does it seem right? Doesn't that seem fucked up?
Hey, I'm going to create an athletic drink, which is made of an addictive drug and over time kills you. Would anyone stand for that? Lets think about this for a moment...God damnit, think about this shit!! What kind of shit is this???? What kind of people work for these companies? What the FUCK people!?!?!?!?!
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Congrats on the 30. If you have not been to the dentist you need to go and get checked out. I sweated the visit to the dentist the entire 30 something days from when I quit until I actually went for the check up.
I woud wake up each morning and look at my mouth for something new, guess what I saw? Something new every day. Your mouth is changing/healing, your body is healing. Let the pros check you out and dont worry about what might be.
Good looking quit you have working here !!! Keep it going.
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I'm a troll
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Days 31 - 41
First, let me reassure you guys that anything and everything going on in my mouth now has gone. I have regular dentist appointments, last February and my next check-up/cleaning is August.
For the most part I was trucking along on cruise control until yesterday, and today a little bit for that matter. The last few days I've been busy with the birth of my third son, Alex. He joins my other sons Andrew (4.5 years) and Ethan (22 months), we're all excited and overjoyed. For the majority of my wife's pregnancy I was looking forward to all the time I would have to chew while my wife was in the hospital. Thank God I quit when I did, because with the way the birth went down, I would have been a spectacular dickhead to my wife if I still chewed tobacco. That is, instead of helping my wife, supporting her, and being there for her (as I did) I would have been looking for opportunities to go and chew.
So last night was I was home alone, no wife or kids. I had the house to myself and oh boy, did the crave monster hit me long and hard. You know the drill, you know all the monster's lies; but I was strong. I fought that fucker off with a very large stick...my family, and more specifically my boys. If I can't say no for myself, I can certainly say no for them. I told myself, for the boys sake, just get through this next hour, then just get through the next hour, and hour by hour I re-committed myself; I posted roll in my mind each hour...promising myself I wouldn't cave. Finally, it was so late I fell asleep and no more cave monster.
It was a sober reminder that no matter how you feel you're progressing through your days; the cave monster can appear at anytime and fuck with das QUIT. Although I knew it would come, it was harder than I anticipated - my QUIT kept me strong, my disappointment with throwing away 40 days kept me stronger, and the thoughts of my three innocent boys without a father was the strongest and solidified my resolve. With tears in my eyes I literally yelled out, "FUCK YOU SKOAL, FUCK YOU! Never again will I be your slave." And went to bed.
Then today, another reminder that no matter what day you're on, that cave monster can fuck das Quit. Just visit August quitters and find the thread for jimnpedro. This person was member 180, over 1,300 posts, and a quit date of March 2007...this person posted a Day 1 today. Das Quit is fragile, das Quit shouldn't be complacent, das QUIT can be lost if you're not careful.
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Day 42-43
So, as I sit here on Day 43 pondering the weekend and my QUIT I find that life is much easier with das QUITTÂ…and with life as stressful and hectic as it is without dip, why I find it refreshing not to add more stress to my life with contemplating such classic dilemmas as:
•Do I have enough chew to last the weekend?
•Do I have a spitter for the car ride home?
•What will I do with my spitter when I get home?
•Where am I going to hide the chew this weekend, and do you think it’s a good enough place?
•Did I spend too much money on chew this week?
Obviously, there are others IÂ’m sure to have missed. These are five which came quickly to mind, those that are easy to remember because I cycled through them endlessly for many, many years.
I read a multitude of posts from June, July, and August forums today (slow day at work). I read one post which sparked my attention and it went a little something like this, “…I was a two can a day…” Wow, two cans a day!? It’s hard for me to comprehend how much more difficult his QUIT must be as compared to mine (i.e., my three-fourths can per day habit/addiction). I sit here on Day 43 and work through a couple craves, what must he be going through?
I read the letter from Jen Kern the other day and again today. If you havenÂ’t read up on the Kerns you should, it will get you straight and if it doesnÂ’t have an effect on you, you have no soul. Anyway, I tear-up every time I hit the parts where the kids are moving forward through life with their activities and Jenny adds how Tom would haveÂ…
And the part about how they are planning to have Tom’s high school and college friends come over and tell stories about him for the kids. She writes, “We all love to here stories about him.” This just breaks my heart every time. Jesus, this man was loved beyond belief by a lot of people and he cut his life so short because of this shit. You can just feel the love she has as she writes the hardest words; I don’t want this to be my wife. I don’t want to miss Drew’s (Ethan’s or Alex’s) first homerun, giving them a hug, or just being there for them.
IÂ’m QUIT motherfucker.
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Day 42-43
So, as I sit here on Day 43 pondering the weekend and my QUIT I find that life is much easier with das QUITTÂ…and with life as stressful and hectic as it is without dip, why I find it refreshing not to add more stress to my life with contemplating such classic dilemmas as:
•Do I have enough chew to last the weekend?
•Do I have a spitter for the car ride home?
•What will I do with my spitter when I get home?
•Where am I going to hide the chew this weekend, and do you think it’s a good enough place?
•Did I spend too much money on chew this week?
Obviously, there are others I’m sure to have missed. These are five which came quickly to mind, those that are easy to remember because I cycled through them endlessly for many, many years.
I read a multitude of posts from June, July, and August forums today (slow day at work). I read one post which sparked my attention and it went a little something like this, “…I was a two can a day…” Wow, two cans a day!? It’s hard for me to comprehend how much more difficult his QUIT must be as compared to mine (i.e., my three-fourths can per day habit/addiction). I sit here on Day 43 and work through a couple craves, what must he be going through?
I read the letter from Jen Kern the other day and again today. If you haven’t read up on the Kerns you should, it will get you straight and if it doesn’t have an effect on you, you have no soul. Anyway, I tear-up every time I hit the parts where the kids are moving forward through life with their activities and Jenny adds how Tom would have…
And the part about how they are planning to have Tom’s high school and college friends come over and tell stories about him for the kids. She writes, “We all love to here stories about him.” This just breaks my heart every time. Jesus, this man was loved beyond belief by a lot of people and he cut his life so short because of this shit. You can just feel the love she has as she writes the hardest words; I don’t want this to be my wife. I don’t want to miss Drew’s (Ethan’s or Alex’s) first homerun, giving them a hug, or just being there for them.
IÂ’m QUIT motherfucker.
Thanks for the post helps to keep me strong but im going nuts this is only day 2 'bang head' the hard part is I have been at day 40 many times and start back up again but this time I hope you and others stories will make the difference for me
Thank you
GO Reds
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Day 42-43
So, as I sit here on Day 43 pondering the weekend and my QUIT I find that life is much easier with das QUITTÂ…and with life as stressful and hectic as it is without dip, why I find it refreshing not to add more stress to my life with contemplating such classic dilemmas as:
•Do I have enough chew to last the weekend?
•Do I have a spitter for the car ride home?
•What will I do with my spitter when I get home?
•Where am I going to hide the chew this weekend, and do you think it’s a good enough place?
•Did I spend too much money on chew this week?
Obviously, there are others IÂ’m sure to have missed. These are five which came quickly to mind, those that are easy to remember because I cycled through them endlessly for many, many years.
I read a multitude of posts from June, July, and August forums today (slow day at work). I read one post which sparked my attention and it went a little something like this, “…I was a two can a day…” Wow, two cans a day!? It’s hard for me to comprehend how much more difficult his QUIT must be as compared to mine (i.e., my three-fourths can per day habit/addiction). I sit here on Day 43 and work through a couple craves, what must he be going through?
I read the letter from Jen Kern the other day and again today. If you havenÂ’t read up on the Kerns you should, it will get you straight and if it doesnÂ’t have an effect on you, you have no soul. Anyway, I tear-up every time I hit the parts where the kids are moving forward through life with their activities and Jenny adds how Tom would haveÂ…
And the part about how they are planning to have Tom’s high school and college friends come over and tell stories about him for the kids. She writes, “We all love to here stories about him.” This just breaks my heart every time. Jesus, this man was loved beyond belief by a lot of people and he cut his life so short because of this shit. You can just feel the love she has as she writes the hardest words; I don’t want this to be my wife. I don’t want to miss Drew’s (Ethan’s or Alex’s) first homerun, giving them a hug, or just being there for them.
IÂ’m QUIT motherfucker.
Excellent post !!
Congrats on you quit so far. Your mind is certainly in the right spot which helps tremendously.
STAY QUIT
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Day 47
My parents are in town this week to see the new baby, they arrived last night. After they left my house last night to return to the hotel (yes, they stay in a hotel when they visit…it’s best for everyone) I almost fell to my knees as the weight of the cravings was far too great for me to withstand. I immediately went to my wife and made light of the situation, she in-turn questioned whether or not I had a juicy lipper in my mouth (she knows me oh so well because in the past I would have had put one in), and I was able to give her a little quick wit and obviously a “no” to her question. However inconsequential this exchange really was, really it wasn’t because within one minute (during the time of the conversation) that enormous crave monster was killed.
This situation is why, in my humble opinion, you need to involve others in das quitt. I am accountable for my own actions, however sometimes I cannot be strong on my ownÂ…isnÂ’t that why we are all here? Furthermore, itÂ’s a lot easier to defeat something, anything, as a group rather than as one. In the end, it is our QUIT, but involving others in das quitt will only assist you in times of need - it'll never hurt. Yeah, sometimes my wife brings up some of the bad stuff and rubs my nose in it (although I deserve it I get upset), but in times of need she is right there holding me up so I can beat down that fucking crave monster. I will need her more as the week progresses.
I’ve been having a lot of dip dreams recently (days 44-47). One over the weekend had me convinced that I caved and was back chewing again. I haven’t caved, but it was so intense and “real” that for a couple of hours on Sunday morning I was very confused. I hate these dreams; because in my opinion they are interfering with my QUIT by perpetuating the false desire or need for chewing tobacco. As I progress with my QUIT and the desire or want to chew lessens, it’s this dip dream that, all of a sudden out of nowhere, grazes my ball sack just ever so much to make my stomach ache for a dip again. I feel as though it’s a step back…this makes me very angry.
This shit sucks…I pray that my three boys will have the strength and courage to stand up and say “no” to those who offer them a pinch. I wasn’t strong enough, my weak ass said, “…sure, why not?” and 16 years later here I am in a whole world of shit.
A bright-side, the Reds are tied for first place in the NL Central and with Mike Leake (4-0, 2.91) on the mound tonight against the Pirates itÂ’s in the bag!!
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Day 47
My parents are in town this week to see the new baby, they arrived last night. After they left my house last night to return to the hotel (yes, they stay in a hotel when they visit…it’s best for everyone) I almost fell to my knees as the weight of the cravings was far too great for me to withstand. I immediately went to my wife and made light of the situation, she in-turn questioned whether or not I had a juicy lipper in my mouth (she knows me oh so well because in the past I would have had put one in), and I was able to give her a little quick wit and obviously a “no” to her question. However inconsequential this exchange really was, really it wasn’t because within one minute (during the time of the conversation) that enormous crave monster was killed.
This situation is why, in my humble opinion, you need to involve others in das quitt. I am accountable for my own actions, however sometimes I cannot be strong on my ownÂ…isnÂ’t that why we are all here? Furthermore, itÂ’s a lot easier to defeat something, anything, as a group rather than as one. In the end, it is our QUIT, but involving others in das quitt will only assist you in times of need - it'll never hurt. Yeah, sometimes my wife brings up some of the bad stuff and rubs my nose in it (although I deserve it I get upset), but in times of need she is right there holding me up so I can beat down that fucking crave monster. I will need her more as the week progresses.
I’ve been having a lot of dip dreams recently (days 44-47). One over the weekend had me convinced that I caved and was back chewing again. I haven’t caved, but it was so intense and “real” that for a couple of hours on Sunday morning I was very confused. I hate these dreams; because in my opinion they are interfering with my QUIT by perpetuating the false desire or need for chewing tobacco. As I progress with my QUIT and the desire or want to chew lessens, it’s this dip dream that, all of a sudden out of nowhere, grazes my ball sack just ever so much to make my stomach ache for a dip again. I feel as though it’s a step back…this makes me very angry.
This shit sucks…I pray that my three boys will have the strength and courage to stand up and say “no” to those who offer them a pinch. I wasn’t strong enough, my weak ass said, “…sure, why not?” and 16 years later here I am in a whole world of shit.
A bright-side, the Reds are tied for first place in the NL Central and with Mike Leake (4-0, 2.91) on the mound tonight against the Pirates itÂ’s in the bag!!
Good post, I really like the posts that are true and to the point. I find those very helpful. Love the Reds (And Pirates) too buddy. I have been to many games there.
I had my most vivid dreams right where you are. (40's) They have subsided to a degree though.
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Day 50
Oh holy shit and sweaty donkey balls...it's just my luck that for the week I turn 50 (i.e., fifty days quit) it was the week my parents decided to visit to meet their new grandson. Because when my parents came into town (Day 46) they brought with them a big ole bag of crave. The other night, Day 48, when they left my house I could barely function because of the enormous amount of craving pulsating through my fiber. I almost collasped -
It is this experience that has solidified my QUIT; I know that if I can get through this week without a lipper, I can get through anything without a lipper. Subsequently, proving that I don't need, nor will I ever need, a pinch of chew between my lip and gums. It's like my cherry was just popped - I'm now a veteran.
So, coupled with this week I reached 50 Days Quit - awesome, I feel awesome. Thinking back the last fifty, I think what has kept me QUIT has been:
(1) This website (e.g., accountability, being able to voice my experiences, read about others, etc.).
(2) Praying, the strength I find in the Lord - couldn't have done this without Him.
(3) Fear of cancer if I were to keep using.
(4) Setting a good example for my sons.
(5) A multitude of Orbit gum and gummy worms.
(6) Understanding that those "craves" are just like the "craves" I get for Skyline Chili - there's just a little more dopamine involved.
(7) The feeling that with each day I am QUIT it's like I am saying FUCK YOU to the shit that ruled my life for the last 16 years. I got my life, I got me back!!
I can't stress enough the power of this website. When I first began I thought this site was aweful...in the sense that no one was supportive and they were just assholes. I told myself just to post roll and when I got to 100 days that would be it. Then as things progressed I was a little bit more in favor of the site, may be I would stick around, but probably not after the HOF. Now, I need this site to help keep my focus, understand that it is only one day at a time and we could fall at any time, and really that I'm not alone, nor will I ever be alone in this struggle. To me, that means a lot - it's helped me get to 50 Days.
God, I wish I could fight USST - let's organize some sort of cage fight between USST executives and us. Fuck 'em, fuck 'em...I hate 'em, fuck 'em!
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God, I wish I could fight USST - let's organize some sort of cage fight between USST executives and us. Fuck 'em, fuck 'em...I hate 'em, fuck 'em
A slow burning hatred for the death dealers will help you stay quit. A little cage match would be fun. I would like to drop some elbows on a few of those fuckers !!
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Understanding that those "craves" are just like the "craves" I get for Skyline Chili - there's just a little more dopamine involved.
Boy, as a native Texan, we need to have a serious talk about chili and how cravings for the wrong kind of chili (i.e., chili that is mild and has beans) can wreck your life....
Prayer and some quiet time with the Lord (or some not so quiet time with some boys from Terlingua) will help cleanse that sin as well...
Just kidding. On that note, I now have a craving for some chili.
But two items to ponder -
1. Staying mad helps you stay quit.
2. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
You've got a nice qiut going.
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Correction. I just read about what Skyline Chili is. No beans (thank God), but still....spaghetti? I am not sure that's for me...
On the subject of chili and dipping. It is amazing what quitting has done to my taste buds. They are, well, back, and they are much more sensitive. Case in point - the two alarm chili I make now packs much more of a punch.
Das quit looks like it's working out for you, and my family is also a trigger.
PM me if you ever need anything.
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This is my first time on the site...I've been dipping a can a day for 15 years and really need to "kick the can" I know it's ultimately up to me to quit but I'm looking for any help or suggestions to ease the transition to a dip free life.
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This is my first time on the site...I've been dipping a can a day for 15 years and really need to "kick the can" I know it's ultimately up to me to quit but I'm looking for any help or suggestions to ease the transition to a dip free life.
Check your (Inbox 1) upper right corner of your screen.
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Days 51-56
First, let me use this media to dispel a common misunderstanding between what people commonly understand as chili and Cincinnati "chili" (i.e., Skyline or Gold Star chili). In a nutshell, to be concise, or bottom-line up front: no rational person can compare the two chilies. This is because Cincinnati "chili", whether it is Skyline or Gold Star, is merely chili by name only. For you people out there who get aggressively offended because this isn't real chili well it's like getting upset that a pineapple is not an apple. They are fruits, but they're "apples" by name only.
Ok, with that said. Das Quitt is going well since my parents left to return to their home in Florida. I can say that I've enjoyed no visits from the crave monster; although I have thought fleetingly about it. I've no problems in my mouth, throat, etc. - feeling good at Day 56.
I am just about a week over 50 and my life as a QUITTER is getting to be routine. With every QUIT day that passes, I get more and more excited that I'm QUIT and returning to normal. For the last several years I've spent some time people watching and wondering how they could go through their day without a dip, but I couldn't. I thought to myself, over and over, "why do I need to use this stuff when I do 'x' activity?" And "no one else is using this stuff, why do I need to?" I secretly wanted to quit, but I never had the balls, confidence, or accountability. I'm glad my wife found this site over 50 days ago, I think it's saving my life. The people here gave me/are giving me the balls, the confidence, and accountability necessary to QUIT and remain QUIT.
For everyone, remember the crave monster, and its brother cave, are tough; they are bastards and they've got a chainsaw ready to shove up your ass if you're not attentive to das Quitt. Stay focused on das Quitt, embrace das Quitt, value das Quitt, and enjoy das Quitt today and the days to come.
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Days 51-56
First, let me use this media to dispel a common misunderstanding between what people commonly understand as chili and Cincinnati "chili" (i.e., Skyline or Gold Star chili). In a nutshell, to be concise, or bottom-line up front: no rational person can compare the two chilies. This is because Cincinnati "chili", whether it is Skyline or Gold Star, is merely chili by name only. For you people out there who get aggressively offended because this isn't real chili well it's like getting upset that a pineapple is not an apple. They are fruits, but they're "apples" by name only.
Ok, with that said. Das Quitt is going well since my parents left to return to their home in Florida. I can say that I've enjoyed no visits from the crave monster; although I have thought fleetingly about it. I've no problems in my mouth, throat, etc. - feeling good at Day 56.
I am just about a week over 50 and my life as a QUITTER is getting to be routine. With every QUIT day that passes, I get more and more excited that I'm QUIT and returning to normal. For the last several years I've spent some time people watching and wondering how they could go through their day without a dip, but I couldn't. I thought to myself, over and over, "why do I need to use this stuff when I do 'x' activity?" And "no one else is using this stuff, why do I need to?" I secretly wanted to quit, but I never had the balls, confidence, or accountability. I'm glad my wife found this site over 50 days ago, I think it's saving my life. The people here gave me/are giving me the balls, the confidence, and accountability necessary to QUIT and remain QUIT.
For everyone, remember the crave monster, and its brother cave, are tough; they are bastards and they've got a chainsaw ready to shove up your ass if you're not attentive to das Quitt. Stay focused on das Quitt, embrace das Quitt, value das Quitt, and enjoy das Quitt today and the days to come.
Friend, I was just having fun with you. But I will tell you this - if one of the side effects of your quit is....irregularity....the brand of chili I call chili can cure that, very, very quickly.
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Days 51-56
First, let me use this media to dispel a common misunderstanding between what people commonly understand as chili and Cincinnati "chili" (i.e., Skyline or Gold Star chili). In a nutshell, to be concise, or bottom-line up front: no rational person can compare the two chilies. This is because Cincinnati "chili", whether it is Skyline or Gold Star, is merely chili by name only. For you people out there who get aggressively offended because this isn't real chili well it's like getting upset that a pineapple is not an apple. They are fruits, but they're "apples" by name only.
Ok, with that said. Das Quitt is going well since my parents left to return to their home in Florida. I can say that I've enjoyed no visits from the crave monster; although I have thought fleetingly about it. I've no problems in my mouth, throat, etc. - feeling good at Day 56.
I am just about a week over 50 and my life as a QUITTER is getting to be routine. With every QUIT day that passes, I get more and more excited that I'm QUIT and returning to normal. For the last several years I've spent some time people watching and wondering how they could go through their day without a dip, but I couldn't. I thought to myself, over and over, "why do I need to use this stuff when I do 'x' activity?" And "no one else is using this stuff, why do I need to?" I secretly wanted to quit, but I never had the balls, confidence, or accountability. I'm glad my wife found this site over 50 days ago, I think it's saving my life. The people here gave me/are giving me the balls, the confidence, and accountability necessary to QUIT and remain QUIT.
For everyone, remember the crave monster, and its brother cave, are tough; they are bastards and they've got a chainsaw ready to shove up your ass if you're not attentive to das Quitt. Stay focused on das Quitt, embrace das Quitt, value das Quitt, and enjoy das Quitt today and the days to come.
dude for some stupid ass reason I have been a lifelong Reds who has lived in NJ all my life. unfortunately my fandom has been passed down to my two sons, the younger one being fanatical. hopefully the tide is turning and our pain will be eased.
ANYWAY, we watch the Reds on the dish all the time. WE FUCKING LOVE those Cincinnati commercials. Skyline chilli? Goldstar? that shit rules!!!!!! We miss Bronson singing this year. What was that for? JT something or other??????
We do not like Penn Station Subs though even though that's not a Cincinnati company it appears to be more of a mid-west kind of thing. East coast subs in the midwest i don't think so.
but chilli? you got it down, son.
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Day 70
Fuck yeah bitch…I’m at Day 70!! I can’t believe it, really. Seventy fucking days of das Quitt my friends; that’s 59 more days than I thought I would ever do. I have my wife, this website, and the big stick I carry around to fend off the crave monster to thank. Oh yeah, that “big stick” is a compilation of gum, gummy worms, and working out.
ItÂ’s a little weird at times because I almost have to remind myself that I use to be an addict (i.e., tobacco user) now and then. As I progress deeper into das Quitt, things are getting much easier. Life is good.
I like to read the posts of those who are in the Pre-HOF for August and September. I look at the numbers they are posting, remember how it was when I was posting a 12, 20, 24, or 34 days of quit...boy those times sucked. But know that it gets so much better as you progress each day. Find those things that motivate you and use it to beat down that fucking crave monster. Also, I like to help those who are struggling with the quit. Sending words of encouragement to them, and if need be, letting loose of some nic rage on their asses.
Fuck I feel good - - - -
Day 57-69
Nothing has really gone on for the last 14 days, just vigilant with das Quitt. I havenÂ’t had much to say about anything so I decided not to post anything. The crave has significantly diminished, even as compared to just days ago. ItÂ’s like I beat that fucking crave monster down so bad when my parents were here itÂ’s afraid of coming back. I like this.
Oh no, I did have one episode one Saturday afternoon while I was out grocery shopping. ThatÂ’s right I remember now, it was actually a real terrible craveÂ…but I beat that fucker down so bad I wonder if itÂ’s still licking its wounds from that.
It's nice to get to a place where even if you have a really, really bad craving - you forget about it later. It does get better...just takes time so be patient.
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Day 76
Today I woke up pissed. I had a fucking dip dream and it really made me mad. In my dream had bought some chew, used about half the tin, and when my wife saw me doing it the feeling of dread because I wasted 75 days of quit was incredible. I literally felt a hole begin to open and my quit days slowly flowing out...escaping me. It really sucked...and I hate those dreams. But I guess the dreams remind me how viligant I need to be, how much I value my quit, and how deeply I want this quit.
The anger I have for myself for using tobacco is beginning to wane. However, the anger I have for myself for lying to my wife and family for so long hasn't. No matter what I do, I can't seem to shake the guilt I feel. I hate the fact that I can't be trusted; not just by my wife but I can't trust me either. Not yet anyway. I hate the fact that I have to live with this fear of cancer...I hate the fact that I have this fucking crave monster inside of me whispering lies into my ear now and then. Although the fucker hasn't been around as much, when it does come it comes with some friends and I need a much bigger stick now. But I've been working out lately and I am much stronger than the crave monster, even with his fucking friends, and my stick is always bigger.
Until the next Day - das Quitt lives and is practiced here.
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Day 82
Eighty-fucking-two days and counting fuckers. I really had a monster of a fucking crave on Sunday night - but without thinking too much of it I beat that motherfucker down. Is the crave monster getting tired of such beatings?? What I've noticed as I move forward with my quit is that each day builds one more row on my "quit wall" making it easier to keep the crave monster at-bay. As I continue to do things in my life without chew, it's easier to do them without chew. This is one reason why I don't use the fake snuff. I would neither consider using that shit nor would I advocate the use of that fucking shitty-shit shit.
Although the guilt remains...I can't seem to get it off my back. No matter how sorry I am for using tobacco and lying about it, the guilt of it all creeps into my soul (all the time) and I feel like shit. Even though I know the Lord has forgiven me and I feel fantastic without chew (and it's been so long since I felt this way that I thought how I felt before was normal), the guilt fucks with me and also leads to those stupid fucking thoughts of "why not one more". Or, "you're almost at 100 days, you obviously can quit, just use the tobacco for a little while longer, you can just quit later - you obviously can do it". Yeah, and I don't want to quit later (because I have cancer) - I want to BE QUIT NOW.
One thing has scared me recently; again a previously quit person for over 500 days caved. This has happened twice in my 82 days here. This fucking scares me, what makes me think I can do this forever? If the crave monster fucks with them so much that they cave at 500 days, I don't stand a chance. However, those were only two people - out of how many that have quit??? I think I'll be just fine - but it scares me and may be that's just what I need to remain vigilant in my quit. Keep thinking about it - keep on keeping quit.
I can't believe I've gone this far. I'm 18 days until I'm a HOF'er. My wife wants to celebrate this, I want to too, however why should I celebrate something that never should have been in the first place? I don't want to celebrate that I haven't been a loser, dipper the last 100 days - I guess I want to just forget that I ever was a stupid fucking loser dipper. But I can't - I can't lose sight of my quit like that. If I do, I may fall prey to the crave monster. Fuck that - fuck that fucking motherfucker of a crave fucking monster!! I won't let him get me. I guess a celebration would be nice - I should get a cake!!
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I feel ya Mike. About the vets caving, I was expecting numerous guys in my HOF class caving along the way before the HOF. But I was caught off guard by some 400 - 500 day guys. I can gut it out for a while, but if it doesnt get better after a couple of years, I guess we really are fucked. I know that I am no better than any other individual on this site. I know that I too could cave. And it scares the shit out of me too. I guess the answer is just dont cave today. Good job on 82 days. I look foreward to your HOF speech. MOA
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Everyone who has quit - be it on day 3, 30, 130, 300, 1000, or 3000 is one bad decision away from posting up another day 1.
Don't let the 500 day or 1000 day cavers throw you off. Maybe they got disconnected from the site, or lost focus on their quits, or simply gave up.
The truth, I am convinced, is as follows:
1. This is the most effective and lethal delivery system for one of the most addictive substances known to man.
2. All of us made a choice, years or decades ago, to start using nicotine.
3. 80 days, 121 days, or wherever we are is probably a small fraction of the number of days we abused. For me, about 800 days (over 2 years) give or take will be only 10 percent of the time I used nicotine.
4. All of us made a choice to quit. Looking at the fraction of time quit versus time used, it stands to follow that it it going to take some time for the craves to go away.
5. Most importantly, we need to be patient and take a very long term view of this.
6. We have the power to fight craves. It may get old, it may get frustrating, and I cannot tell you when they will go away with regularlity, but the truth is if we stick with this long enough and without fail say NO to the question "Do we want a dip" that the craves will go away. When? I don't know, but stick around long enough and I will.
We have some quitters approaching 2,000 days - loot, iuchewie, and some others. I bet they would gladly answer a PM with the question.
I am annoyed at craves, but I am at peace that they will happen. Don't let the long term screw up today.
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Mike, MOA
check out this post....I know it may seem like forever and a day, but nonetheless something to keep in mind
12 Years (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=3465)
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REMEMBER:
"The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you."
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REMEMBER:
"There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots."
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"Let's agree to respect each other's views, no matter how wrong yours may be."
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REMEMBER:
"The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly."
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SOMETHING TO PONDER:
"If you are attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core."
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SOMETHING TO PONDER:
"Just becuase you're necessary doesn't mean you're important."
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FYI:
"If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem."
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My thoughts are short today, so I will give you two tid-bits of insight:
(1) "That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable."
(2) "Not all pain is gain."
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My thoughts are short today, so I will give you two tid-bits of insight:
(1) "That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable."
(2) "Not all pain is gain."
Here's my thought today.
GO REDS
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My thoughts are short today, so I will give you two tid-bits of insight:
 (1) "That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable."
 (2) "Not all pain is gain."
Here's my thought today.
GO REDS
GlennFtheKodiak has brought up a good point, which I will expand on:
If you like the Cardinals, you are gay and most likely really stupid.
Good day.
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My thoughts are short today, so I will give you two tid-bits of insight:
 (1) "That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable."
 (2) "Not all pain is gain."
Here's my thought today.
GO REDS
GlennFtheKodiak has brought up a good point, which I will expand on:
If you like the Cardinals, you are gay and most likely really stupid.
Good day.
Something we can all agree on. Not loving the first two games. Edmonds is a POS. Stubbs should be playing.
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Here are a couple of thoughts for you to ponder today:
(1) "Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late."
(2) "None of us is as dumb as all of us."
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A stout warning:
"Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you."
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The 3-game sweep helped get rid of the bad taste of the Cards.
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The 3-game sweep helped get rid of the bad taste of the Cards.
They need to get the road record a little better...nice to be back up on top!!
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The 3-game sweep helped get rid of the bad taste of the Cards.
They need to get the road record a little better...nice to be back up on top!!
Now they need to go in and put a hurting on the Dbacks who have been playing better with pretty strong pitching. Must take 2 of 3.
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Here's a dandy:
"The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures."
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Something special to ponder for the weekend:
"If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments."
On another note, I visited the QuitSmokeless.org website. It was strikingly familiar; interesting.
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I had a massive, no-holds-barred argument with my wife on Saturday. For the first time in 10 years I didn't even think about chewing while we were arguing (just thought about it now on Monday). And for the first time in 137 days she didn't throw the chewing (i.e., lying about it) back into my face. I think we're both moving forward positively with my QUIT; encouraging.
Anyway, something to ponder about defeat on this fine Monday:
"For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them."
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Alright you fucksticks listen up. If you ever had a thought about over-achieving just remember:
"The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower."
Now, go fuck yourself with the business end of a garden weazle.