KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Gone Cruising on January 12, 2016, 12:54:00 AM
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Hello everyone. My name is Kirk I am 43 and have been chewing kodiak or grizzly for 30 years. I Quit December 20th 2015.
On Dec 8th 2015 as I was reading about the Seahawks online and enjoying relaxing with a dip of grizzly at 10:30pm my life suddenly changed. All of a sudden my heart, for no apparent reason started racing out of control. I became dizzy and hot and started to vomit. I quickly drank a few 20oz Dasani waters and laid in bed next to my wife. My heart had slowed down for a few minutes, but then ramped back up. I ended up throwing up all the water I just drank. I thought I was having a heart attack and told my wife to take me to the ER.
I was scared out of my mind and had no idea what was happening. After spending 5 hours in the ER they found nothing physically wrong with me. I went the next day to see my doctor and was placed on high blood pressure medication and had further blood tests done. Again, nothing came back from any of the tests other than slight high blood pressure.
I am in management with a large company and have been in management all my life. I lead a very stressful life with what I do and I never realized that chewing was covering up my real ability to handle life and all the stresses that came with it.
After that night and few weeks that followed I searched for answers I decided I was going to change everything in my life and be more healthy with what I eat and get more exercise. AND ABOVE ALL QUIT CHEWING TOBACCO.
I QUIT DECEMBER 20TH
The first week was fine and was just a little more touchy with everything. I told my wife that I apologize for any
way I act as I go through with quitting. She had my back. The second week was a bit tougher as I was feeling I was missing something. I started exercising and eating healthy and was feeling great on day 15.
On day 16 (1/5/16) at work I suddenly felt really tired, then a bit of panic started. I drove home doing my best to take my mind off of the anxiety I was feeling that there's something very wrong. I felt the same as that night when I went to the ER except I had no racing heart. I felt a pressure on my chest, severe stomach pains, burping, severe anxiety, and some depression. I almost wanted to go back to the hospital. The next day I called into work and did not go in. Keep in mind I knew nothing about nicotine withdrawal until today or of this web site, i was alone. I was up all night filled with stomach cramps, anxiety, depression, constant sweating then being cold, and constant burping. I lost my appetite and any smell made me want to vomit.
I went to see my doctor that morning and he had no idea what was causing this. He ended up putting me on zoloft, the smallest dose. That was a huge mistake as it made me feel 100 times worse with my symptoms and i quickly got off that after 2 days (1/7/16). The doctor gave me a small dose of xanax next, which I did not take.This past Thursday I started feeling there was nothing to live for and everything that made me happy no longer could make me happy. My mind raced that I was going crazy and panicking trying to find an answer for the way I was feeling. I felt helpless, lost, scared, thinking about my life and having it feel like it was going to end like this. It was a constant feeling that overtook me that I couldn't shake off. The heavy chest, stomach issues, loss of appetite and my mind going insane was unbearable. I made an appointment with a psychologist to help with my new anxiety and depression and did everything to learn about relaxation techniques. They helped some but I still had that feeling.
I caved in and took 1/2 the pill of xanax this past Saturday and suddenly I was calm and relaxed and my symptoms went away for about 6 hours. I ended up taking the other half that night to get some sleep. Sunday morning my appetite was somewhat back and the stomach issues subsided. I actually ate! As of the past week I had lost 15lbs. I went through my day watching my seahawks get a miracle win and I felt a bit of emotion that I had lost several days earlier when I cared of nothing in life. I still had that feeling in the pit of my stomach and chest, yet all the other symptoms were disappearing, especially the fog. I took another half of xanax and went to bed.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit medicine headed and I was determined to seek answers as to what the hell was going on with me. I asked myself what had changed over the past few weeks and since I don't do any other drugs or drink I could only determine it to be nicotine. As I searched and read of nicotine withdrawal I started to cry, which I haven't done in years. All these years I was destroying myself, de-sensitizing my brain and for what? For a little piece of what my mind thought was heaven.
I found that after I Quit and was back at work my mind couldn't handle the stress of work or daily life like I was able to. I had a crutch called nicotine that handled it for me. The more stressed out I was the more nicotine I needed. I then found this site and read for hours today, signed up, and here I am. I am truly blessed that I didn't have the headaches some of you had and I truly feel for all of you. Nor do I have any cravings of ever wanting to dip again, especially with the withdrawals I'm going through.
Guys I Quit and need help today, tomorrow, forever. I am addicted to nicotine, but I quit and will vow to never use nicotine in any format ever again. I wholeheartedly look forward to any support you can give me as live through this while taking on a positive attitude that I have quit and that I will remain quit.
Thank you,
Kirk
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Hello everyone. My name is Kirk I am 43 and have been chewing kodiak or grizzly for 30 years. I Quit December 20th 2015.
On Dec 8th 2015 as I was reading about the Seahawks online and enjoying relaxing with a dip of grizzly at 10:30pm my life suddenly changed. All of a sudden my heart, for no apparent reason started racing out of control. I became dizzy and hot and started to vomit. I quickly drank a few 20oz Dasani waters and laid in bed next to my wife. My heart had slowed down for a few minutes, but then ramped back up. I ended up throwing up all the water I just drank. I thought I was having a heart attack and told my wife to take me to the ER.
I was scared out of my mind and had no idea what was happening. After spending 5 hours in the ER they found nothing physically wrong with me. I went the next day to see my doctor and was placed on high blood pressure medication and had further blood tests done. Again, nothing came back from any of the tests other than slight high blood pressure.
I am in management with a large company and have been in management all my life. I lead a very stressful life with what I do and I never realized that chewing was covering up my real ability to handle life and all the stresses that came with it.
After that night and few weeks that followed I searched for answers I decided I was going to change everything in my life and be more healthy with what I eat and get more exercise. AND ABOVE ALL QUIT CHEWING TOBACCO.
I QUIT DECEMBER 20TH
The first week was fine and was just a little more touchy with everything. I told my wife that I apologize for any
way I act as I go through with quitting. She had my back. The second week was a bit tougher as I was feeling I was missing something. I started exercising and eating healthy and was feeling great on day 15.
On day 16 (1/5/16) at work I suddenly felt really tired, then a bit of panic started. I drove home doing my best to take my mind off of the anxiety I was feeling that there's something very wrong. I felt the same as that night when I went to the ER except I had no racing heart. I felt a pressure on my chest, severe stomach pains, burping, severe anxiety, and some depression. I almost wanted to go back to the hospital. The next day I called into work and did not go in. Keep in mind I knew nothing about nicotine withdrawal until today or of this web site, i was alone. I was up all night filled with stomach cramps, anxiety, depression, constant sweating then being cold, and constant burping. I lost my appetite and any smell made me want to vomit.
I went to see my doctor that morning and he had no idea what was causing this. He ended up putting me on zoloft, the smallest dose. That was a huge mistake as it made me feel 100 times worse with my symptoms and i quickly got off that after 2 days (1/7/16). The doctor gave me a small dose of xanax next, which I did not take.This past Thursday I started feeling there was nothing to live for and everything that made me happy no longer could make me happy. My mind raced that I was going crazy and panicking trying to find an answer for the way I was feeling. I felt helpless, lost, scared, thinking about my life and having it feel like it was going to end like this. It was a constant feeling that overtook me that I couldn't shake off. The heavy chest, stomach issues, loss of appetite and my mind going insane was unbearable. I made an appointment with a psychologist to help with my new anxiety and depression and did everything to learn about relaxation techniques. They helped some but I still had that feeling.
I caved in and took 1/2 the pill of xanax this past Saturday and suddenly I was calm and relaxed and my symptoms went away for about 6 hours. I ended up taking the other half that night to get some sleep. Sunday morning my appetite was somewhat back and the stomach issues subsided. I actually ate! As of the past week I had lost 15lbs. I went through my day watching my seahawks get a miracle win and I felt a bit of emotion that I had lost several days earlier when I cared of nothing in life. I still had that feeling in the pit of my stomach and chest, yet all the other symptoms were disappearing, especially the fog. I took another half of xanax and went to bed.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit medicine headed and I was determined to seek answers as to what the hell was going on with me. I asked myself what had changed over the past few weeks and since I don't do any other drugs or drink I could only determine it to be nicotine. As I searched and read of nicotine withdrawal I started to cry, which I haven't done in years. All these years I was destroying myself, de-sensitizing my brain and for what? For a little piece of what my mind thought was heaven.
I found that after I Quit and was back at work my mind couldn't handle the stress of work or daily life like I was able to. I had a crutch called nicotine that handled it for me. The more stressed out I was the more nicotine I needed. I then found this site and read for hours today, signed up, and here I am. I am truly blessed that I didn't have the headaches some of you had and I truly feel for all of you. Nor do I have any cravings of ever wanting to dip again, especially with the withdrawals I'm going through.
Guys I Quit and need help today, tomorrow, forever. I am addicted to nicotine, but I quit and will vow to never use nicotine in any format ever again. I wholeheartedly look forward to any support you can give me as live through this while taking on a positive attitude that I have quit and that I will remain quit.
Thank you,
Kirk
Welcome aboard my friend.
First things first... Your Seahawks and my Chiefs had an amazing weekend!
Your story and mine are eerily similar. Almost scary the similarities. I woke up on day 16 emotional beyond belief and found this site. Posted a lame intro about how I had given up my best friend and was quickly scolded that it was no friend, and to post roll.
I still remember thinking... Post roll?!?! Lame! But I did it. 1,100 days ago, on day 16, when I was at the lowest part of my life, I did what you did. I joined Ktc. Click the link below. Go to the last page. Hit quote. Add your name. You'll probably mess it up. Someone will fix it. This process saved my life and it will save yours.
The people in that group are all going through some kind of bs. Some similar to yours. Some will reach out to you. Take their contact info. The knowledge that you aren't alone is very calming. My guess is that you are pretty independent. Me too...management,lots of stress,same age, Kodiak user for 25 years... And I failed at quitting every time I tried until Ktc.
Xanax is a great thing right now. No shame in getting a little help through this. Now add your name to roll and get a weight off your shoulders. You are a man of your word so once you put your name on roll you have promised yourself and thousands of us that you are nicotine free today. You'll repeat roll tomorrow, but with that promise today you can relax a bit. Right? Trust me... It works.
Check your inbox in the upper right corner. My contact info is there. Send me a text today. You can do this. You'll never regret quitting. And you will look back and be fucking furious at what nicotine did to you.
topic/11424456/285/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11424456/285/)
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Kirk, that sudden heart / bp spike is scary as all hell. You will find your bp calms down after some time nicotine free -- at least I did. Go post roll, exchange numbers with your fellow quitters. It does help to know others experience similar symptoms and be able to talk about them -- especially the anxiety ones. Live Chat can help too.
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Kirk, that sudden heart / bp spike is scary as all hell. You will find your bp calms down after some time nicotine free -- at least I did. Go post roll, exchange numbers with your fellow quitters. It does help to know others experience similar symptoms and be able to talk about them -- especially the anxiety ones. Live Chat can help too.
Kirk,
I too was part of management and was a VP of Systems Development for 13 years. I had a dip in my mouth my 30 year whole work life. It was horrible being in those long 2 to 4 meetings when you have to rush out to get a dip when it is over. Imagine a 6 hour plan trip....
My career came to a crashing end due to new management and I used the opportunity to finally quit.
I congratulate you on being able to quit while you are still working. I trained myself to think about anything else but the quit to make quitting easier. I am on day 120.
I will send you my phone number in case you need support.
I quit with you today.
Dundippin
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Thank you all for your support. I posted roll a few minutes ago, although probably incorrectly, but I will get it right. I am off to see my doctor and inform him of my newly founded reason I was going out of my mind. Even though I thought I had told him I was quitting back on Dec. 9th. I guess he didn't put two and two together. I took vacation this week to deal with all of this as I know there is no way I could be a work. I have the option of taking another week if needed.
Feeling like your going to die then feeling like your going insane in a months time.........Day 23 and scared to death of going through that again.
Thank you all and I will be in contact with you soon.
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Hy Kirk, glad you found KTC. I've got some good and bad news. The bad news is that quitting sucks really bad. But its actually necessary that it does. Because you need to not ever want to go through it again. And I should clarify: 'quitting' is the best thing you could ever do, nicotine withdrawals are what sucks.
You sound like you have a lot of life experience and you could really help younger quitters learn something. I'm only 25 and as I walk this road I look towards a lot of the older guys for guidance and wisdom. I'm on day 163 today, it gets easier. And you'll learn to confront things in your life without dip.
If I had one bit of advice it would be to train your brain into understanding that using dip is slavery, and being quit is freedom, even though early on it feels like the opposite. We do a disservice to ourselves if we don't live life freely. I know that each day you go dip free, you coast farther from the shore, and it can be a bit scary. But as time keeps slipping by you'll discover that the best adventures and moments are had living freely out in the open waters, far away from the chains that had you teathered to shore.
I quit with you today.
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Damn Kirk, you are going thru a lot. I'm glad you are getting professional help with the anxiety. There are a lot of quitters here who went thru similar stuff when they quit and I can promise you that every one of them is glad and thankful they stayed quit. Freeing myself from the chains of nicotine addiction is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Finding KTC, posting roll everyday, and building a group of friends to lean on has probably saved my life. Stay active here, post roll, and read everything you can, and build a support group around you. Welcome brother, if I could do this , you can too!
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Thank you all!
I just got back from the doctors office and enlightened him of what I found out about nic withdrawals. He said it was good that I figured out what was going on and that nicotine can be a wildcard with people. He didn't sound too convinced that it was my nicotine withdrawals that was causing all my symptoms, but then again he isn't a specialist, just a family doctor.
I am prescribed to take a 1mg Zanax pill every 8 hours, but have been taking only half a pill before bed time to get sleep. I want my brain to deal with real life on it's own as much as possible during my waking hours while I take my quit. I pretty much should just try using regular sleep pills to ease my mind for sleep, unless that is a bad thing? The doc said that I may begin using Zanax as a crutch like I did nic, but that it would have to be over a long period of time. That had me concerned....be on it 24/7 or only take it before I sleep while I am unconscious??? I don't think using it that way will become a crutch. Anyone try regular sleeping pills like simply sleep to get to sleep?
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Hi Kirk- you are doing some things right, so you're on a great path!
It's great that you reached out for help-- that network, and the real knowledge about what one is facing when battling this addiction, are the two missing pieces that made all my previous quit attempts fail. Now I'm on day 812 and so far, so good-- but not without a HELL of a lot of help and fellowship and support and learning along the way. It all comes just one day at a time, too. They just stack up nicely when you approach it that way.
Here are my basic tips:
1. learn all you can about the addiction you are fighting. In your case, the symptoms you are likely in other quitters stories in these introductions- read all you can from other quitters. And, as you get to know how the addiction works from other stories and from articles, etc, you'll start to understand whatever comes your way better. It makes it make more sense and that makes it easier to get through.
2. build a network of support and accountability. Reach out. PMs here, posting in intros and other quit classes, texts, phone calls. By now i rely hugely on a text network- and when I started i would never have thought that would be the case. Include regular, non-failing, daily posting here for roll, too.
3. log your experiences here in the intros. That provides a great record for others to see how you are doing so they can help. And it lets others see how a quit progresses. AND finally, it gives you a record of what you make it through- a sense of accomplishment that helps reinforce your quit, and a record of what you never want to have to go through again!
Keep it up- you've got some great support building around you and it's all up to you now to build a quit as strong as you are able!
Exercise and lots of water may help a lot with your stress and sleeping issues. Also cut back caffeine and sugar if you can. They will effect you stronger since you're body isn't constantly detoxing nic anymore.
I'll pm you with my contact info
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Glad to see you on roll. Cruisin. You really have some stellar quitters posting support for you! You got this - today - well worry abut tomorrow then. Check your PM.
CJ
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Good use of an intro! Put your thoughts down in here, and don't quit alone.
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Got some badass quitters reaching out to you! Use the tools provided here. Get as many Numbers as you can. Reach out in your group, that's how all of this works. The quit sucks balls early on but it will get better. I've learned that anxiety and dipping go hand and hand. One good thing is you never have to do this alone as long as your name is posted on roll! I quit with you today!
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Brother, you have gotten some responses from some ultra bad-ass quitters. They all have spoken from their hearts.
Unfortunately, every one of us had our own nicotine train wreck experience. Some were worse than others, but every one of them sucked balls (Pab's words - not mine... I wouldn't know what sucking balls is like, but I don't judge those that want to suck balls. Just to be clear.) If you've taken time to read the Hall of Fame speeches, which winners write at 100 days, I guarantee you haven't read one that said "Dammit this quitting is for the birds - I wish I'd never done this!" or "my wife and children were so much more proud of me when I chewed."
What you will see is "This is the best thing I've ever done for myself." "It is amazing how much more time I have to spend with my family now that I'm not spending time on my addiction." "I wish I'd done this X years ago." Now... that doesn't mean that at 100 days you are cured. Or at 1,000 days. What it means is that these people are all healing and see the reward and pride, after years of after years of losing, that winning is contributing to their lives. They are no longer fearful every time their lip bleeds or hurts. They no longer drive around for hours late at night looking for their brand when the local 7-11 is out. They don't hide spit bottles or worry about getting cancer drool on their white shirts. They are all happy about winning. And they are proud.
Dude you are on your way. Keep logging the bs that you are feeling. Soon you'll look back at this and say "fuck that bear." You don't need friends like bear that when you've got friends like us.
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Thank you all for your support and especially to those of you reaching out to me by text. Being on this site, reading as much as I can, hearing from all of you, and knowing you are all there for me has eased my mind and is keeping my mind off of the negative thoughts. Thank You!!!! You guys are the best!
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Hello everyone. My name is Kirk I am 43 and have been chewing kodiak or grizzly for 30 years. I Quit December 20th 2015.
On Dec 8th 2015 as I was reading about the Seahawks online and enjoying relaxing with a dip of grizzly at 10:30pm my life suddenly changed. All of a sudden my heart, for no apparent reason started racing out of control. I became dizzy and hot and started to vomit. I quickly drank a few 20oz Dasani waters and laid in bed next to my wife. My heart had slowed down for a few minutes, but then ramped back up. I ended up throwing up all the water I just drank. I thought I was having a heart attack and told my wife to take me to the ER.
I was scared out of my mind and had no idea what was happening. After spending 5 hours in the ER they found nothing physically wrong with me. I went the next day to see my doctor and was placed on high blood pressure medication and had further blood tests done. Again, nothing came back from any of the tests other than slight high blood pressure.
I am in management with a large company and have been in management all my life. I lead a very stressful life with what I do and I never realized that chewing was covering up my real ability to handle life and all the stresses that came with it.
After that night and few weeks that followed I searched for answers I decided I was going to change everything in my life and be more healthy with what I eat and get more exercise. AND ABOVE ALL QUIT CHEWING TOBACCO.
I QUIT DECEMBER 20TH
The first week was fine and was just a little more touchy with everything. I told my wife that I apologize for any
way I act as I go through with quitting. She had my back. The second week was a bit tougher as I was feeling I was missing something. I started exercising and eating healthy and was feeling great on day 15.
On day 16 (1/5/16) at work I suddenly felt really tired, then a bit of panic started. I drove home doing my best to take my mind off of the anxiety I was feeling that there's something very wrong. I felt the same as that night when I went to the ER except I had no racing heart. I felt a pressure on my chest, severe stomach pains, burping, severe anxiety, and some depression. I almost wanted to go back to the hospital. The next day I called into work and did not go in. Keep in mind I knew nothing about nicotine withdrawal until today or of this web site, i was alone. I was up all night filled with stomach cramps, anxiety, depression, constant sweating then being cold, and constant burping. I lost my appetite and any smell made me want to vomit.
I went to see my doctor that morning and he had no idea what was causing this. He ended up putting me on zoloft, the smallest dose. That was a huge mistake as it made me feel 100 times worse with my symptoms and i quickly got off that after 2 days (1/7/16). The doctor gave me a small dose of xanax next, which I did not take.This past Thursday I started feeling there was nothing to live for and everything that made me happy no longer could make me happy. My mind raced that I was going crazy and panicking trying to find an answer for the way I was feeling. I felt helpless, lost, scared, thinking about my life and having it feel like it was going to end like this. It was a constant feeling that overtook me that I couldn't shake off. The heavy chest, stomach issues, loss of appetite and my mind going insane was unbearable. I made an appointment with a psychologist to help with my new anxiety and depression and did everything to learn about relaxation techniques. They helped some but I still had that feeling.
I caved in and took 1/2 the pill of xanax this past Saturday and suddenly I was calm and relaxed and my symptoms went away for about 6 hours. I ended up taking the other half that night to get some sleep. Sunday morning my appetite was somewhat back and the stomach issues subsided. I actually ate! As of the past week I had lost 15lbs. I went through my day watching my seahawks get a miracle win and I felt a bit of emotion that I had lost several days earlier when I cared of nothing in life. I still had that feeling in the pit of my stomach and chest, yet all the other symptoms were disappearing, especially the fog. I took another half of xanax and went to bed.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit medicine headed and I was determined to seek answers as to what the hell was going on with me. I asked myself what had changed over the past few weeks and since I don't do any other drugs or drink I could only determine it to be nicotine. As I searched and read of nicotine withdrawal I started to cry, which I haven't done in years. All these years I was destroying myself, de-sensitizing my brain and for what? For a little piece of what my mind thought was heaven.
I found that after I Quit and was back at work my mind couldn't handle the stress of work or daily life like I was able to. I had a crutch called nicotine that handled it for me. The more stressed out I was the more nicotine I needed. I then found this site and read for hours today, signed up, and here I am. I am truly blessed that I didn't have the headaches some of you had and I truly feel for all of you. Nor do I have any cravings of ever wanting to dip again, especially with the withdrawals I'm going through.
Guys I Quit and need help today, tomorrow, forever. I am addicted to nicotine, but I quit and will vow to never use nicotine in any format ever again. I wholeheartedly look forward to any support you can give me as live through this while taking on a positive attitude that I have quit and that I will remain quit.
Thank you,
Kirk
Kirk,
Welcome home brother, I say that with all the sincerity in the world. As I read through your post, I found myself again and again identifying with your experience. When I was in the early days of my quit, still am as I am on day 31, I thought I was going to die. But this site and the brothers in arms that I have met on this site have really been what has gotten me through today and will again get me through tomorrow. I am really glad that you are here.
I also identified with what you were saying about being at work. It was hell and if I sent two emails I thought I had actually done something good that day. Bottom line, you have us and the power that comes from being honest and real with this group of guys and girls. We wont let you fall if you stand with us daily. That is the beauty of this group and I learn that lesson every single day.
Hang tough and I will PM you my details as I am happy to have as a part of my quit support system!
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Kirk
I'm not a doctor....so take this for what it's worth.
I've been around here for a couple of days or so. In my time here I've read numberous stories just like yours. I have yet to read even one where a doctor knows shit about nicotine addiction. I've seen story after story about "the doctor prescribed this, that and the other thing". In my humble opinion they are simply replacing one mood altering substance for another....and another.....and another.
You need to clean your system out. When I first came here most folks would say you can attribute any symptom within the first 30 days of your quit to quitting. I wager it's a year. Yeah....a year. How long did you dip? 30 years? Holy shit brother. I doubt a quick presciption of anything is going to ease the pain of 30 years of nicotine addiction.
Water, cranberry juice, excersise, seeds, gum, atomic fireballs, no booze (sorry), your computer and maybe a dose of melatonin will be a good start.
This is going to be a roller coaster ride. You will have highs where you feel invicible and lows that will make you want to crawl into the fetal position and suck your thumb. This will not be over in a month or two, no matter what. You will experience the pull of nicotine addiction well beyond your first year.
But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.
Pain.....remember the pain....remember it well. Never go back. You have the power to never feel this way again. One daily promise, keep it for 24 hours, then repeat. You'll be stacking days up in no time.
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Thank you okcguy. I pm'ed you back.
Redtrain14, I definitely know what your saying. My doctor didn't know anything and from what you read on the net there's not much anyone knows. I am truly expecting this fight to take my entire life to beat and when I'm gone and dead, I will know that I called the shots and that I won the fight!
Just like the doctor prescribed. Xanax to be taken 3 times a day to calm my nerves. I have only taken a half a pill right before bed time so I can fall asleep over the past few days. Using it when I'm unconscious as I want to be fully aware and awake in my life to retrain my brain to deal with life without nic! Tonight I am going to go without the xanax as I am not going to subject my brain to another crutch. I know I can do it and I will always remember the pain, but the fear of going through what I just did the first 3 weeks is what will keep me away and keep me true along with all of you here. Again I thank you all for your support I have needed it every hour since I joined.
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Thank you okcguy. I pm'ed you back.
Redtrain14, I definitely know what your saying. My doctor didn't know anything and from what you read on the net there's not much anyone knows. I am truly expecting this fight to take my entire life to beat and when I'm gone and dead, I will know that I called the shots and that I won the fight!
Just like the doctor prescribed. Xanax to be taken 3 times a day to calm my nerves. I have only taken a half a pill right before bed time so I can fall asleep over the past few days. Using it when I'm unconscious as I want to be fully aware and awake in my life to retrain my brain to deal with life without nic! Tonight I am going to go without the xanax as I am not going to subject my brain to another crutch. I know I can do it and I will always remember the pain, but the fear of going through what I just did the first 3 weeks is what will keep me away and keep me true along with all of you here. Again I thank you all for your support I have needed it every hour since I joined.
You can do this, I promise! And there are tons of quitters here that have your back.
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Well I woke in a panic sweat a few minutes ago and came straight here to read. I also caved and took a half of a xanax pill to calm me down. I sat there for almost two hours trying to fight the nic bitch. I know she was doing this to me to get me to come back. Not going to happen while I'm still alive.
I did find Samuel who is in his 80 plus day quit and we are a mirror of what took place in our lives. I left him a message and was so happy I read someone was going through and still going through what I am facing.
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Went and saw my counselor this morning for the 1st time and he was amazed at how far I have come on my own with dealing with my quit. I especially what to thank all of you.
Now, onto the fight. Day 24 and my head is in the fog right now. I can feel my heartbeat in my chest and am just a bit on edge today. Funny thing is that I feel that way right now, but I didn't feel this way when talking to the counselor. This is what happens when you leave your mind with nothing to do or think about. So I am writing you all right now to occupy my mind.
I am tired today as I had a rough night with no sleep. I know I was battling those damn nic receptors in my brain all of them panicking wanting to know where their nic was at. I denied them and will continue to deny them. It was a helluva fight as there still launching volleys at each other in my head. I am winning and will win this fight
I don't know what is worse since there seems to be two distinctive withdrawal conditions. One where the quitter can't seem to resist taking a chew and is fighting it tooth and nail. Or like me where I have no desire or want to take a dip, but am fighting the demons in my head with anxiety and a whole slew of physical conditions.
I am 43 years old and today my brain is 24 days old with old without nic,
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Thanks for the update Kirk. You are doing this man. One day at a time, posting roll, putting your thoughts down on your intro...all important stuff. You have a good attitude and that is more than half the battle. The other is patience. Well done.
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You are doing it! Day by day, hour by hour if needed. Each minute and crave you master is another victory. It does get better. Soon. Check out some intros to see what others have gotten through. Love how you're doing this man, keep it up! Keep learning, and writing, and building your support! 'oh yeah'
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You are doing it! Day by day, hour by hour if needed. Each minute and crave you master is another victory. It does get better. Soon. Check out some intros to see what others have gotten through. Love how you're doing this man, keep it up! Keep learning, and writing, and building your support! 'oh yeah'
You know... I still remember reading some of these posts at the beginning and thinking... Wtf do these dudes know about what I'm going through? Well, this is Brett's first post:
This day and yesterday have been deusies. Deep cravings at times, fog almost all the time. I want to eat everything, and nothing satisifies. So foggy at work that nothing worthwhile is getting done, and i feel like I'd be better off taking leave. I"m crabby as heck at home and elsewhere, but doing my best to not make my family suffer, or to give in to road rage and have worse consequences. I also feel the sense of loss at times- feels like grief. Good! Maybe that means i'm processing the loss/finality of it all.
For the last week , I wake up around 3 am and don't go back to sleep. Sucks! Right now, this feels like it won't end and I"m weary of it all. It is helping me to read about others feeling the same stuff, and about those who have made it through. This fog, especially, has been so relentless that I feel like it might not ever leave. So it helps to read that it's normal and that it will leave sometime. Makes me want to hang on and ride through it.
I may not work tomorrow but will still try and post role. Not sure how to make the weekend if I am not on computer. Text someone? Feel free to PM if you have a suggestion on that.
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Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
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Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
Try a daily dose of melatonin. It's a natural hormone you can buy at any grocery store.
As far as the sleep, back off on the caffeine and let everything else take its course. I am betting that in the very near future, the effort you are putting in to your quit will have you will be sleeping like Rip Van Winkle. Around day 50, I started sleeping a full 10 hrs without waking, sometimes more. It will happen.
It's a process brother. You can't just swoop in, make decisions, give direction and expect shit to happen immediately like them muckity muck management types do in real life.
Know what I mean?
'winker'
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Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
Try a daily dose of melatonin. It's a natural hormone you can buy at any grocery store.
As far as the sleep, back off on the caffeine and let everything else take its course. I am betting that in the very near future, the effort you are putting in to your quit will have you will be sleeping like Rip Van Winkle. Around day 50, I started sleeping a full 10 hrs without waking, sometimes more. It will happen.
It's a process brother. You can't just swoop in, make decisions, give direction and expect shit to happen immediately like them muckity muck management types do in real life.
Know what I mean?
'winker'
Yeah. Fuck those management types!!!
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Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
Try a daily dose of melatonin. It's a natural hormone you can buy at any grocery store.
As far as the sleep, back off on the caffeine and let everything else take its course. I am betting that in the very near future, the effort you are putting in to your quit will have you will be sleeping like Rip Van Winkle. Around day 50, I started sleeping a full 10 hrs without waking, sometimes more. It will happen.
It's a process brother. You can't just swoop in, make decisions, give direction and expect shit to happen immediately like them muckity muck management types do in real life.
Know what I mean?
'winker'
Yeah. Fuck those management types!!!
LOL!!!! That's funny shit right there!!!
I bought some melatonin, 5mg chewable and will give them a go. I don't drink coffee and quit caffeine cold turkey on Dec. 8th (3-4 energy drinks a day) Just need to shut off them damn nic receptors in the brain, but it will take a while before they die off and starve!
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Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
Try a daily dose of melatonin. It's a natural hormone you can buy at any grocery store.
As far as the sleep, back off on the caffeine and let everything else take its course. I am betting that in the very near future, the effort you are putting in to your quit will have you will be sleeping like Rip Van Winkle. Around day 50, I started sleeping a full 10 hrs without waking, sometimes more. It will happen.
It's a process brother. You can't just swoop in, make decisions, give direction and expect shit to happen immediately like them muckity muck management types do in real life.
Know what I mean?
'winker'
Yeah. Fuck those management types!!!
LOL!!!! That's funny shit right there!!!
I bought some melatonin, 5mg chewable and will give them a go. I don't drink coffee and quit caffeine cold turkey on Dec. 8th (3-4 energy drinks a day) Just need to shut off them damn nic receptors in the brain, but it will take a while before they die off and starve!
You sound exactly like me with the energy drinks. I want to quit those too, I just want to get some more distance from the nic bitch. You're killing it!
-
Brothers I am having so much trouble sleeping, even with xanax .25mg before bed. My mind just won't shut off. It's thinking everything and anything. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation this week and am trying to keep my mind occupied. If at work I would be thinking all-day and probably be exhausted by the time I got home. We shall see when I go back Tuesday.
I am thankful that I have no cravings to cave in. To me it's black and white in that respect. You either have the choice to dip or not to dip. With the mental shit in your head you can't shut that off until It slowly subsides , the anxiety, depression, lack of sleep.
I thank all of you who have reached out to me and supported me and I will do the same for others, today, tomorrow, forever.
I'm 43 years old, but my brain without nic is 25 days old today!
Try a daily dose of melatonin. It's a natural hormone you can buy at any grocery store.
As far as the sleep, back off on the caffeine and let everything else take its course. I am betting that in the very near future, the effort you are putting in to your quit will have you will be sleeping like Rip Van Winkle. Around day 50, I started sleeping a full 10 hrs without waking, sometimes more. It will happen.
It's a process brother. You can't just swoop in, make decisions, give direction and expect shit to happen immediately like them muckity muck management types do in real life.
Know what I mean?
'winker'
Yeah. Fuck those management types!!!
LOL!!!! That's funny shit right there!!!
I bought some melatonin, 5mg chewable and will give them a go. I don't drink coffee and quit caffeine cold turkey on Dec. 8th (3-4 energy drinks a day) Just need to shut off them damn nic receptors in the brain, but it will take a while before they die off and starve!
You sound exactly like me with the energy drinks. I want to quit those too, I just want to get some more distance from the nic bitch. You're killing it!
Yeah, If I knew what I was going to go through I would have held off the energy drinks just a bit longer, instead I did all at once, talk about withdrawals!!!! 'Crazy'
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Day 27 and I am not getting any sleep. It seems I am having what's called Hypnic Jerks of Sleep Starts. It's the sensation that you get when you suddenly wake from the feeling that your falling. I get that feeling and a jolt of adrenaline rushes through my body right as I am about to fall asleep. It repeats itself all night long and I can't fall asleep. Has anyone experienced this before?
This fucking sucks so bad........lord please help me.....
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Awe fuck!!!! My wifes father in law just passed away this morning. My mother in law just called me and my wife just left for work!!!! Now I have to call her back and support her......fuck, fuck, fuck I am not in the right state of mind to deal with this. God please help me get through this day Please Please!!!!!!
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Awe fuck!!!! My wifes father in law just passed away this morning. My mother in law just called me and my wife just left for work!!!! Now I have to call her back and support her......fuck, fuck, fuck I am not in the right state of mind to deal with this. God please help me get through this day Please Please!!!!!!
Awww Shit Kirk. Brother you are being tested early and hard in your quit. There is a saying around here that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. Be strong and support your wife. You can make it through this without doing something stupid. Prayers up for you.
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Awe fuck!!!! My wifes father in law just passed away this morning. My mother in law just called me and my wife just left for work!!!! Now I have to call her back and support her......fuck, fuck, fuck I am not in the right state of mind to deal with this. God please help me get through this day Please Please!!!!!!
Awww Shit Kirk. Brother you are being tested early and hard in your quit. There is a saying around here that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. Be strong and support your wife. You can make it through this without doing something stupid. Prayers up for you.
Nicotine wouldn't and didn't help any of these issues in the past and wouldn't help today. Stay strong bro. You've got this.
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Awe fuck!!!! My wifes father in law just passed away this morning. My mother in law just called me and my wife just left for work!!!! Now I have to call her back and support her......fuck, fuck, fuck I am not in the right state of mind to deal with this. God please help me get through this day Please Please!!!!!!
Awww Shit Kirk. Brother you are being tested early and hard in your quit. There is a saying around here that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. Be strong and support your wife. You can make it through this without doing something stupid. Prayers up for you.
Nicotine wouldn't and didn't help any of these issues in the past and wouldn't help today. Stay strong bro. You've got this.
Kirk listen to these badasses ^^^. Put your trust in the good man and most of all no amount of nicotine is gonna solve what you have in front of you today or ever! Look you also gotta know you can do this!
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Awe fuck!!!! My wifes father in law just passed away this morning. My mother in law just called me and my wife just left for work!!!! Now I have to call her back and support her......fuck, fuck, fuck I am not in the right state of mind to deal with this. God please help me get through this day Please Please!!!!!!
Awww Shit Kirk. Brother you are being tested early and hard in your quit. There is a saying around here that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. Be strong and support your wife. You can make it through this without doing something stupid. Prayers up for you.
Nicotine wouldn't and didn't help any of these issues in the past and wouldn't help today. Stay strong bro. You've got this.
Kirk listen to these badasses ^^^. Put your trust in the good man and most of all no amount of nicotine is gonna solve what you have in front of you today or ever! Look you also gotta know you can do this!
9 times out of 10 the anticipation of how bad these things will be is worse than how bad they really are. Glad yesterday is over. Glad last week is over. Glad you'll never have to relive last week. Glad you have taken your life back.
Win win win win win.
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I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
-
I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
Gone Cruising,
Good to hear all these things man. I want to say that I am really proud of you. I know how hard it is to quit this stuff and how hard the withdrawal and the rewire can be learning to live again with out nicotine. To this point, keep dropping this wisdom on us and sharing your journey. It is such an inspiration to us all!
-
Nice post GC. You are making progress my friend.
-
I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
Gone Cruising,
Good to hear all these things man. I want to say that I am really proud of you. I know how hard it is to quit this stuff and how hard the withdrawal and the rewire can be learning to live again with out nicotine. To this point, keep dropping this wisdom on us and sharing your journey. It is such an inspiration to us all!
Remember when you're struggling that you're definitely not struggling alone! Chances are someone's going through the exact same shit as you that very second. Learn to handle the stress, anxiety, you've quit nic , I personally think if you can do that, you can accomplish anything! Damn proud of you! Quit on!
-
I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
Gone Cruising,
Good to hear all these things man. I want to say that I am really proud of you. I know how hard it is to quit this stuff and how hard the withdrawal and the rewire can be learning to live again with out nicotine. To this point, keep dropping this wisdom on us and sharing your journey. It is such an inspiration to us all!
Remember when you're struggling that you're definitely not struggling alone! Chances are someone's going through the exact same shit as you that very second. Learn to handle the stress, anxiety, you've quit nic , I personally think if you can do that, you can accomplish anything! Damn proud of you! Quit on!
Back to work day for Mr Cruisin! Dude you've got this. You do not need nicotine to be good, better, or best at what you do. The people around you that are slaves you are gonna look at with a certain sense of pity today. You are winning.
We are here for you if you need us, but today you are gonna kick ass.
-
I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
Gone Cruising,
Good to hear all these things man. I want to say that I am really proud of you. I know how hard it is to quit this stuff and how hard the withdrawal and the rewire can be learning to live again with out nicotine. To this point, keep dropping this wisdom on us and sharing your journey. It is such an inspiration to us all!
Remember when you're struggling that you're definitely not struggling alone! Chances are someone's going through the exact same shit as you that very second. Learn to handle the stress, anxiety, you've quit nic , I personally think if you can do that, you can accomplish anything! Damn proud of you! Quit on!
Back to work day for Mr Cruisin! Dude you've got this. You do not need nicotine to be good, better, or best at what you do. The people around you that are slaves you are gonna look at with a certain sense of pity today. You are winning.
We are here for you if you need us, but today you are gonna kick ass.
Thanks man!!!
Day 30 and heading back to work today. I feel a bit nervous and on edge, but I believe it's just the nic bitch whispering in my ear that I can't handle it again. Well I can and will!!!! I believe it will be better than sitting around the house for the past two weeks trying to keep my mind occupied all day.
It was two weeks ago today 1/5/16 when I started feeling the nicotine withdrawals big time and it wasn't until 1/10/16 that I realized it was from nicotine when I found this site. That was a scary 5 days for me and today I have more confidence that I will beat the nic bitch with the support I have from my brothers here on KTC. My quit team is the best and all of the vets that have come out to support me are incredible.
Thank you everyone.....I'm off to work!
-
Dude...
That intro spoke of torment and despair.
When you have a bad craving, log on and read that bad boy back to yourself. It would suck to have to eat those words.
Rock on, I'm with you today.
-
Dude...
That intro spoke of torment and despair.
When you have a bad craving, log on and read that bad boy back to yourself. It would suck to have to eat those words.
Rock on, I'm with you today.
Thank you. I do go back and read it often to remind myself every day where I was......and don't want to go through ever again......
-
Dude...
That intro spoke of torment and despair.
When you have a bad craving, log on and read that bad boy back to yourself. It would suck to have to eat those words.
Rock on, I'm with you today.
Thank you. I do go back and read it often to remind myself every day where I was......and don't want to go through ever again......
Day 31
Yesterday wasn't too bad going back to work. There was a lot of whispering being done around every corner by the nic bitch, but I prevailed. Just when I was feeling my anxiety crave come on I ended up getting busy doing something to take my mind off of it. If I had nothing to do but sit there at my desk and work and felt it I just got up and took a brisk walk. I was excited to be going home to see my wife, more excited than I have ever been under the control of the nic bitch. Even though I know she had been home crying (grandfather passing and funeral Friday) hours before I could get to her to console her.
The tough part was the drive home in the rain, in probably the 4th worst traffic in the nation (Seattle Area) I drive 86 miles one way to my job so it takes about an hour and a half one way with no traffic. That was a tough road at the start but then I turned on some tunes and turned my car into a rolling karaoke machine......jamming to AC/DC "Who Made Who". Yeah nic bitch we made you!!!
I didn't get much sleep last night as my mind was wandering again, so I am a bit tired this morning. Anxiety crave and lack of sleep.....that's my biggest issues right now with my quit. I just need to get through today and this Fridays funeral. ODAAT!!!!
Quit on brothers!!!
Kirk
-
Kirk my friend, you're doing great. When you start coming to terms with things you have control over it will make it easier on things you don't! Quit on my brother! We're all here for each other!
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
I have had that for years. I have noticed in my nicotine gaps that they get a lot worse. I don't know what causes it nor how to prevent it. Fortunately for me, I'm a deep sleeper and it never has caused real problems. Just the times when it does knock me out of the almost asleep state and scares the hell out of me, haha. I don't have any real advice for you, just know that you aren't alone.
As far as needing help sleeping - I've only had one real time in my life when I had trouble going to sleep. When I was going through my divorce. What helped me a lot was drinking some "sleepy -time" tea and reading a book. Knocked me out every time. I tried a few medicines, but none helped me sleep and just made me feel like crap the next day.
I hope things get better for you.
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
I have had that for years. I have noticed in my nicotine gaps that they get a lot worse. I don't know what causes it nor how to prevent it. Fortunately for me, I'm a deep sleeper and it never has caused real problems. Just the times when it does knock me out of the almost asleep state and scares the hell out of me, haha. I don't have any real advice for you, just know that you aren't alone.
As far as needing help sleeping - I've only had one real time in my life when I had trouble going to sleep. When I was going through my divorce. What helped me a lot was drinking some "sleepy -time" tea and reading a book. Knocked me out every time. I tried a few medicines, but none helped me sleep and just made me feel like crap the next day.
I hope things get better for you.
Things will get better. A lot.
Dude, get out the calculator. How many days did you feed your brain neurotoxin??? How many days have you been clean from that poison? It will happen. In the meantime, keep posting here. You will be furious reading this back in the near future.
Quit with you today sir.
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
I have had that for years. I have noticed in my nicotine gaps that they get a lot worse. I don't know what causes it nor how to prevent it. Fortunately for me, I'm a deep sleeper and it never has caused real problems. Just the times when it does knock me out of the almost asleep state and scares the hell out of me, haha. I don't have any real advice for you, just know that you aren't alone.
As far as needing help sleeping - I've only had one real time in my life when I had trouble going to sleep. When I was going through my divorce. What helped me a lot was drinking some "sleepy -time" tea and reading a book. Knocked me out every time. I tried a few medicines, but none helped me sleep and just made me feel like crap the next day.
I hope things get better for you.
Things will get better. A lot.
Dude, get out the calculator. How many days did you feed your brain neurotoxin??? How many days have you been clean from that poison? It will happen. In the meantime, keep posting here. You will be furious reading this back in the near future.
Quit with you today sir.
10,960 days feeding it neurotoxin. 'bang head'
Day 35 without feeding the brain neurotoxin "nicotine"
Returned last night from attending my wife's grandfathers funeral. I was feeling a bit depressed and was doing my best to be there for my wife and her family. I never knew (at 93) my grandfather in law stormed Utah Beach, fought at the Battle of the Bulge and took part in liberating one of the 1st concentration camps. There was a gun salute, the revelry playing and the flag given to my grandmother.
It made me think. If he made it through all of that I know I can make it through this. He didn't smoke or use nicotine once during his life. Makes my pathetic quit seem very small compared to what he endured. Sure some of you can call me weak, I'll admit I am, I let nicotine beat me. Nicotine! I let it beat me, a plant with thousands of toxins I stuffed my face with every day.
While not as bad as being in WWII, this is my battle. A battle that's a lot tougher than quitting heroin or cocaine.
I do feel life being more exciting, food tastes incredible, I love my wife more and I have more emotions than I have ever felt.
I am feeling the Hypnic Jerks quite a bit now and hope they go away. I think it's a side affect from the Xanax or either I have a vitamin deficiency. I am looking for help online and yet there is no cure and doctors have no idea how to treat it. I am praying to god that I don't have to go through this nightly or I will lose sleep every day. I get scared it will affect my ability to work, but I got to stop worrying, it's probably making it worse!
I quit with all of you today.....stay strong and stay quit!
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
I have had that for years. I have noticed in my nicotine gaps that they get a lot worse. I don't know what causes it nor how to prevent it. Fortunately for me, I'm a deep sleeper and it never has caused real problems. Just the times when it does knock me out of the almost asleep state and scares the hell out of me, haha. I don't have any real advice for you, just know that you aren't alone.
As far as needing help sleeping - I've only had one real time in my life when I had trouble going to sleep. When I was going through my divorce. What helped me a lot was drinking some "sleepy -time" tea and reading a book. Knocked me out every time. I tried a few medicines, but none helped me sleep and just made me feel like crap the next day.
I hope things get better for you.
Things will get better. A lot.
Dude, get out the calculator. How many days did you feed your brain neurotoxin??? How many days have you been clean from that poison? It will happen. In the meantime, keep posting here. You will be furious reading this back in the near future.
Quit with you today sir.
10,960 days feeding it neurotoxin. 'bang head'
Day 35 without feeding the brain neurotoxin "nicotine"
Returned last night from attending my wife's grandfathers funeral. I was feeling a bit depressed and was doing my best to be there for my wife and her family. I never knew (at 93) my grandfather in law stormed Utah Beach, fought at the Battle of the Bulge and took part in liberating one of the 1st concentration camps. There was a gun salute, the revelry playing and the flag given to my grandmother.
It made me think. If he made it through all of that I know I can make it through this. He didn't smoke or use nicotine once during his life. Makes my pathetic quit seem very small compared to what he endured. Sure some of you can call me weak, I'll admit I am, I let nicotine beat me. Nicotine! I let it beat me, a plant with thousands of toxins I stuffed my face with every day.
While not as bad as being in WWII, this is my battle. A battle that's a lot tougher than quitting heroin or cocaine.
I do feel life being more exciting, food tastes incredible, I love my wife more and I have more emotions than I have ever felt.
I am feeling the Hypnic Jerks quite a bit now and hope they go away. I think it's a side affect from the Xanax or either I have a vitamin deficiency. I am looking for help online and yet there is no cure and doctors have no idea how to treat it. I am praying to god that I don't have to go through this nightly or I will lose sleep every day. I get scared it will affect my ability to work, but I got to stop worrying, it's probably making it worse!
I quit with all of you today.....stay strong and stay quit!
They go away. at least they have for me. I had them too, mostly right around where you are in the quit. At 160 days I cant remember the last time I had one, and i used to get them quite often. Keep posting, keep participating, keep active in this site just like you are and you will be amazed at how great things are going to get.
Since my quite date its amazing how many things I can do that I couldn't do before without WITHOUT nicotine: Golf, yard work, household maintenance, drive, surf the net, Go to Vegas, watch sporting events, concentrate on a work project, rake leaves, shovel snow, run the snowblower....
What a complete addict I am..
I also realize that since I rarely think about dip at ALL anymore, how easy the nic bitch can sneak back into my life. Different way of thinking for me now.. goes like this:
I know if I chew even one time again 2 things will happen: (1) I will puke, first.. (2) I will be right back at it and ick up where i left off 160 days ago.
and then ill be right back at the damn epileptic shakes we are talking about. Noway man.
-
Day 32......not a good day! 'Finger'
I was doing great being back at work the past two days (am off now for bereavement leave) and I did not have the need for taking the Xanax for over 26 hours. But since I tried to sleep without it I got the Hypnic Jerks again (shock going through your nervous system jolting you awake right as you are about to fall asleep) It happens continuously throughout the night and you get no sleep.
This is killing me. I have no cravings for chew at all, well, except for what I call slight anxiety cravings. Like my body is in an elevated state and wants something. Anyone experience the Hypnic Jerks?
I am thinking it's withdrawal from the Xanax because this only happened the last time a took a break from taking it. Please god, let me get better with each day, allow me to heal and live a better life.... I just ask for some sleep is all.......
I have had that for years. I have noticed in my nicotine gaps that they get a lot worse. I don't know what causes it nor how to prevent it. Fortunately for me, I'm a deep sleeper and it never has caused real problems. Just the times when it does knock me out of the almost asleep state and scares the hell out of me, haha. I don't have any real advice for you, just know that you aren't alone.
As far as needing help sleeping - I've only had one real time in my life when I had trouble going to sleep. When I was going through my divorce. What helped me a lot was drinking some "sleepy -time" tea and reading a book. Knocked me out every time. I tried a few medicines, but none helped me sleep and just made me feel like crap the next day.
I hope things get better for you.
Things will get better. A lot.
Dude, get out the calculator. How many days did you feed your brain neurotoxin??? How many days have you been clean from that poison? It will happen. In the meantime, keep posting here. You will be furious reading this back in the near future.
Quit with you today sir.
10,960 days feeding it neurotoxin. 'bang head'
Day 35 without feeding the brain neurotoxin "nicotine"
Returned last night from attending my wife's grandfathers funeral. I was feeling a bit depressed and was doing my best to be there for my wife and her family. I never knew (at 93) my grandfather in law stormed Utah Beach, fought at the Battle of the Bulge and took part in liberating one of the 1st concentration camps. There was a gun salute, the revelry playing and the flag given to my grandmother.
It made me think. If he made it through all of that I know I can make it through this. He didn't smoke or use nicotine once during his life. Makes my pathetic quit seem very small compared to what he endured. Sure some of you can call me weak, I'll admit I am, I let nicotine beat me. Nicotine! I let it beat me, a plant with thousands of toxins I stuffed my face with every day.
While not as bad as being in WWII, this is my battle. A battle that's a lot tougher than quitting heroin or cocaine.
I do feel life being more exciting, food tastes incredible, I love my wife more and I have more emotions than I have ever felt.
I am feeling the Hypnic Jerks quite a bit now and hope they go away. I think it's a side affect from the Xanax or either I have a vitamin deficiency. I am looking for help online and yet there is no cure and doctors have no idea how to treat it. I am praying to god that I don't have to go through this nightly or I will lose sleep every day. I get scared it will affect my ability to work, but I got to stop worrying, it's probably making it worse!
I quit with all of you today.....stay strong and stay quit!
They go away. at least they have for me. I had them too, mostly right around where you are in the quit. At 160 days I cant remember the last time I had one, and i used to get them quite often. Keep posting, keep participating, keep active in this site just like you are and you will be amazed at how great things are going to get.
Since my quite date its amazing how many things I can do that I couldn't do before without WITHOUT nicotine: Golf, yard work, household maintenance, drive, surf the net, Go to Vegas, watch sporting events, concentrate on a work project, rake leaves, shovel snow, run the snowblower....
What a complete addict I am..
I also realize that since I rarely think about dip at ALL anymore, how easy the nic bitch can sneak back into my life. Different way of thinking for me now.. goes like this:
I know if I chew even one time again 2 things will happen: (1) I will puke, first.. (2) I will be right back at it and ick up where i left off 160 days ago.
and then ill be right back at the damn epileptic shakes we are talking about. Noway man.
Just hang in there bud youll get through everything nic throws at you
-
Thanks guys. Reassuring that I'm not the only one that is experiencing this type of sleep depravity.
-
Day 36
Today I got up at 3am due to having to start a new role at work. Needless to say I did not get much sleep and probably the reason why my (what I call anxiety cravings) came and hit me hard today. The feeling of a bit of shortness of breathe, a lump in your throat, and a weight on your chest. To me this is the nic bitch trying to dig her claws back into me, wanting me to cave. I will not.
I read quite a bit on xanax and benzos this past few days and yes, I need to get off that shit fast. I decided not to reach out for my regular 2nd half dose this morning as I need to learn to control the anxiety craving. And so here I am writing this and my mind is starting to ease up and be more relaxed. Total time from this attack lasted about 2 hours. I've been here before and I know I am alright, just need to retrain the brain. Wanting to do this free and clear as much as possible.
What I should be doing is something that keeps my mind busy, but I am sitting here as I am very tired. So, in a nutshell, lack of sleep, nic bitch withdrawals, job change, and time change, two days out from my grandfather's funeral, didn't take my dose of xanax. Yeah, that should pretty much mess with your mind a bit.
I am strong, every day I get better, every nic bitch anxiety craving is just a bump in the road. I can do this and will not back down! Fuck you nic bitch you had control of me for 30 years now it's my turn to control you!
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Day 39 is almost in the books! This last Sunday I experienced my first major panic attack or anxiety attack! I woke up on Sunday morning at 2 a.m. to adjust to my new start time on Monday. Had laid around the house trying to stay awake I got sleepy and tired and should have taken a nap. On top of that I forgot to take my xanax, whoops! I have never felt anything like that ever in my life and I don't choose to want to feel that ever again, I thought I was going to die. I quickly took my half a milligram of xanax and curled up into a ball on my bed in the fetal position waiting for the panic to stop. After a half hour my body calm down. At this time only taking less than half the dose my doctor prescribed and it's working for me OK. But when I forget to take it its not a good thing.
For those of you who are experiencing any type of anxiety or depression its all normal and it all depends on how long it's going to last for you because everyone is different. Don't feel ashamed don't feel like you're a pussy and don't feel anything if you need to reach out and get some help with your doctor.
10650 days of using nicotine on my brain, 39 days so far without it and I'm doing great thanks to the support of my brothers on kill the can! Quit on brothers!
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Day 42
I am finally getting some sleep, about 5-6 hours and sometimes 7 which is great. Only issue is I still have the anxiety cravings going which my meds take care of that. I will slowly start to taper off of those in the next 3 weeks and reduce the dose 3 weeks after that.
My counselor told my that I am not in any type of depression psychologically and that my anxiety is biological, not psychological, which means it's being cause biologically in my body from the nicotine withdrawals (that made me happy to hear). Basically it's like I have a severe burn on my arm and it hurts. The only thing that will take away that burn is burn cream. Over time the burn will heal and I can apply less and less burn cream to the burn. As with my mind, dealing without nicotine, I have to take small dose of Xanax to reduce the anxiety, but after a few more weeks will slowly taper off the Xanax, as my body will no longer be looking for the nicotine. Yes, I am replacing one crutch with another for the time being, but at least this crutch has less withdrawal symptoms and isn't as addicting or cause cancer like nicotine. And above all, it's not available at your local gas station! Even taking it further, I don't like to feel the medicine head feeling it gives you (groggy)
So in essence I say 'Finger' NIC BITCH! I'm on day 42 and have 10,602 days left to even the score of being without you in my head! I will get there and I will prevail!!!
Some daily reads for you guys!!! Read this to yourself every day!
I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.
My mood is calm and relaxed.
I can cope well and get on with my life during times of stress
I think thoughts that uplift and nurture me.
I enjoy thinking positive thoughts that make me feel good about myself and my life.
I deserve to feel good right now.
I feel peaceful and calm.
My breathing is slow and calm.
My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
I feel grounded and fully present.
I can effectively handle any situation that comes my way.
I think through the solutions to my emotional issues slowly and peacefully.
I am thankful for all the positive things in my life.
I practice the relaxation methods that I enjoy.
My body is healthy and strong.
I eat a well balanced and nutritious diet.
I enjoy eating delicious and healthful food.
My body wants food that is easy to digest and high in vitamins and minerals.
I do regular exercise in a relaxed and enjoyable manner
I am filled with energy, vitality, and self-confidence.
I am pleased with how I handle my emotional needs.
I know exactly how to manage my daily schedule to promote my emotional and physical well-being.
I listen to my body's needs and regulate my activity level to take care of those needs.
I love and honor my body.
I fill my mind with positive and self-nourishing thoughts.
I am a wonderful and worthy person.
I deserve health, vitality, and peace of mind.
I have total confidence in my ability to heal myself.
I feel radiant with abundant energy and vitality.
The world around me is full of radiant beauty and abundance.
I am attracted only to those people and situations that support and nurture me.
I appreciate the positive people and situations that are currently in my life.
I love and honor myself.
I enjoy my positive thoughts and feelings
-
Day 42
I am finally getting some sleep, about 5-6 hours and sometimes 7 which is great. Only issue is I still have the anxiety cravings going which my meds take care of that. I will slowly start to taper off of those in the next 3 weeks and reduce the dose 3 weeks after that.
My counselor told my that I am not in any type of depression psychologically and that my anxiety is biological, not psychological, which means it's being cause biologically in my body from the nicotine withdrawals (that made me happy to hear). Basically it's like I have a severe burn on my arm and it hurts. The only thing that will take away that burn is burn cream. Over time the burn will heal and I can apply less and less burn cream to the burn. As with my mind, dealing without nicotine, I have to take small dose of Xanax to reduce the anxiety, but after a few more weeks will slowly taper off the Xanax, as my body will no longer be looking for the nicotine. Yes, I am replacing one crutch with another for the time being, but at least this crutch has less withdrawal symptoms and isn't as addicting or cause cancer like nicotine. And above all, it's not available at your local gas station! Even taking it further, I don't like to feel the medicine head feeling it gives you (groggy)
So in essence I say 'Finger' NIC BITCH! I'm on day 42 and have 10,602 days left to even the score of being without you in my head! I will get there and I will prevail!!!
Some daily reads for you guys!!! Read this to yourself every day!
I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.
My mood is calm and relaxed.
I can cope well and get on with my life during times of stress
I think thoughts that uplift and nurture me.
I enjoy thinking positive thoughts that make me feel good about myself and my life.
I deserve to feel good right now.
I feel peaceful and calm.
My breathing is slow and calm.
My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
I feel grounded and fully present.
I can effectively handle any situation that comes my way.
I think through the solutions to my emotional issues slowly and peacefully.
I am thankful for all the positive things in my life.
I practice the relaxation methods that I enjoy.
My body is healthy and strong.
I eat a well balanced and nutritious diet.
I enjoy eating delicious and healthful food.
My body wants food that is easy to digest and high in vitamins and minerals.
I do regular exercise in a relaxed and enjoyable manner
I am filled with energy, vitality, and self-confidence.
I am pleased with how I handle my emotional needs.
I know exactly how to manage my daily schedule to promote my emotional and physical well-being.
I listen to my body's needs and regulate my activity level to take care of those needs.
I love and honor my body.
I fill my mind with positive and self-nourishing thoughts.
I am a wonderful and worthy person.
I deserve health, vitality, and peace of mind.
I have total confidence in my ability to heal myself.
I feel radiant with abundant energy and vitality.
The world around me is full of radiant beauty and abundance.
I am attracted only to those people and situations that support and nurture me.
I appreciate the positive people and situations that are currently in my life.
I love and honor myself.
I enjoy my positive thoughts and feelings
Nice. There will be ups and downs, but generally up from here. The hell you went through... You'll never go through again.
Post roll. Keep your word. Every day.
-
Day 42
I am finally getting some sleep, about 5-6 hours and sometimes 7 which is great. Only issue is I still have the anxiety cravings going which my meds take care of that. I will slowly start to taper off of those in the next 3 weeks and reduce the dose 3 weeks after that.
My counselor told my that I am not in any type of depression psychologically and that my anxiety is biological, not psychological, which means it's being cause biologically in my body from the nicotine withdrawals (that made me happy to hear). Basically it's like I have a severe burn on my arm and it hurts. The only thing that will take away that burn is burn cream. Over time the burn will heal and I can apply less and less burn cream to the burn. As with my mind, dealing without nicotine, I have to take small dose of Xanax to reduce the anxiety, but after a few more weeks will slowly taper off the Xanax, as my body will no longer be looking for the nicotine. Yes, I am replacing one crutch with another for the time being, but at least this crutch has less withdrawal symptoms and isn't as addicting or cause cancer like nicotine. And above all, it's not available at your local gas station! Even taking it further, I don't like to feel the medicine head feeling it gives you (groggy)
So in essence I say 'Finger' NIC BITCH! I'm on day 42 and have 10,602 days left to even the score of being without you in my head! I will get there and I will prevail!!!
Some daily reads for you guys!!! Read this to yourself every day!
I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.
My mood is calm and relaxed.
I can cope well and get on with my life during times of stress
I think thoughts that uplift and nurture me.
I enjoy thinking positive thoughts that make me feel good about myself and my life.
I deserve to feel good right now.
I feel peaceful and calm.
My breathing is slow and calm.
My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
I feel grounded and fully present.
I can effectively handle any situation that comes my way.
I think through the solutions to my emotional issues slowly and peacefully.
I am thankful for all the positive things in my life.
I practice the relaxation methods that I enjoy.
My body is healthy and strong.
I eat a well balanced and nutritious diet.
I enjoy eating delicious and healthful food.
My body wants food that is easy to digest and high in vitamins and minerals.
I do regular exercise in a relaxed and enjoyable manner
I am filled with energy, vitality, and self-confidence.
I am pleased with how I handle my emotional needs.
I know exactly how to manage my daily schedule to promote my emotional and physical well-being.
I listen to my body's needs and regulate my activity level to take care of those needs.
I love and honor my body.
I fill my mind with positive and self-nourishing thoughts.
I am a wonderful and worthy person.
I deserve health, vitality, and peace of mind.
I have total confidence in my ability to heal myself.
I feel radiant with abundant energy and vitality.
The world around me is full of radiant beauty and abundance.
I am attracted only to those people and situations that support and nurture me.
I appreciate the positive people and situations that are currently in my life.
I love and honor myself.
I enjoy my positive thoughts and feelings
Nice. There will be ups and downs, but generally up from here. The hell you went through... You'll never go through again.
Post roll. Keep your word. Every day.
You are coming out of the same dark and smelly tunnel we all came from. Like WtW said you don't ever have to go back in there! Good work Kirk!
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Day 42 and 43
Let me just say the past two days have been the best I have ever felt since my quit started. I thank god for giving me those days and know not to take them for granted! I know there are more tough days to come, but knowing I can have the good days that feel so great will keep me going and motivated. know that the good days will start becoming more often than the bad days. And when I have the bad days I have all my brothers on KTC to support me.
I felt like a regular person, no anxiety cravings, no fog, no funk. Thank you so much for these two days. I am and will continue to beat you nic bitch!
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Day 44
Day 44 comes to a close and I find that I am challenged with one of the greatest challenges life can throw at you. After my doctors visit and seeing I had some elevated liver enzymes I was sent to an Oncologist Specialist. Well it happened to be at the regional cancer research center. I was told there is a 99.9% chance that I have Multiple Myeloma (Bone Marrow Cancer). Further tests will conclude next Monday.
This has nothing to do with chewing, although it would be a great story to link them.
I am going to fight this if it comes to be that I have cancer and will fight it just as hard if not harder than beating the nic bitch!!!!! I am positive, forward thinking and can beat this!!!! I'm also a healthy young 43!!!!!!
Quit on and Fight On!!!!
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I don't know what to say Kirk. Except prayers up brother. If there's anything we can do just ask. Damn.
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I don't know what to say either. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm going to saying some prayers for you and yours. Stay strong.
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I don't know what to say Kirk. Except prayers up brother. If there's anything we can do just ask. Damn.
Bro we are here for you. Let's count on that .1%. You are a winner and a fighter.
I'm proud to quit with you.
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I don't know what to say Kirk. Except prayers up brother. If there's anything we can do just ask. Damn.
Bro we are here for you. Let's count on that .1%. You are a winner and a fighter.
I'm proud to quit with you.
.. No words, but sending prayers. You are one badass quitter with a kick ass positive attitude!
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Today is day 49!
I feel good about my quit although I still have those anxiety cravings. They are a lot less powerful than they were a few weeks ago. I would say on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a full blown panic attack I am sitting at a 1-2 constant state. Its better than the 4-5 I was at a few weeks ago. I am slowly tapering off the Xanax and taking .5mg before bed and .25mg once I get to work. After another week it will be .25mg and .25mg at 12 hour intervals.
I can definitely feel the pressure of life now in my shoulder and neck muscles (tension) by the end of the day. I 'll adjust. I don't feel any of the anxiety cravings when I'm busy doing something, it's only when I'm sitting still either going to bed to sleep or when I sit too long in front of my pc at work or at long meetings. I need to stay moving and active and then my mind doesn't even think of it at all.
I go in for my biopsy on Tuesday to verify if I have the Multiple Myeloma (cancer) The good news is I am not experiencing any symptoms of the cancer at this time, so I am hoping it's either smoldering (not active) or I am catching it early on and the treatment will be light. Either way I have set myself up to be away from work while I undergo treatment. It's been real hard on my wife, but I told her to relax and that I am standing right in front of her completely healthy and I will be for a long time. I told her that Its just like getting the flu and I have to get treatment for it and all will be good.
I thank all my quit brothers in my quit group for their support in my quit and my news of cancer. They are all my brothers and are there for me anytime of the day. Also, Worktowin, Zeno, Bretlesss, and Nimrod have been there for me since the start of my quit. I truly appreciate them blazing the path in front of me and guiding me through this each day. These guys have been truly special reaching out to me daily and checking up on me.
All I can say is for all of you out there wanting to quit or thinking of caving, please note I may be lucky and not have the cancer (.1% chance) or I may have it and die within 2 years. Either way I feel way better now than when I was chewing, even with the notion I may not live long. I can easily go back to chewing and say fuck it, I'm dying anyways from cancer, but I want to feel the rest of my life lie I'm feeling it now. It's mazing how much I can feel now. It's like everything increased in sensitivity by 100% (unfortunately so did my flight or fight system... aka anxiety)
I find I love my wife more than I ever have
I used to love travelling to work to get that 1st dip in my mouth once I got there (didn't chew in the car) now the drive sucks!
I used to love coming home to get my one hour of unwind time with my beloved chew and totally ignore the wife telling her to not talk to me until I finished unwinding (that was fucked up) No I can't wait to get off work to see her once I bust through the door!
I used to love sitting around on my ass all day on weekends and do nothing but scratch myself and chew. Now I can't wait to start new projects around the house and do them with my wife.
I used to take my wife on cruise vacations because I thought that's what was making me happy in thought of spending time with her, now I just want to spend time with her and we are now doing multiple weekend getaways.
So much has already changed for the better and I can't wait for the next 50 days to come to see just how much better it's going to get! Stay quit my brothers!
-
Today is day 49!
I feel good about my quit although I still have those anxiety cravings. They are a lot less powerful than they were a few weeks ago. I would say on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a full blown panic attack I am sitting at a 1-2 constant state. Its better than the 4-5 I was at a few weeks ago. I am slowly tapering off the Xanax and taking .5mg before bed and .25mg once I get to work. After another week it will be .25mg and .25mg at 12 hour intervals.
I can definitely feel the pressure of life now in my shoulder and neck muscles (tension) by the end of the day. I 'll adjust. I don't feel any of the anxiety cravings when I'm busy doing something, it's only when I'm sitting still either going to bed to sleep or when I sit too long in front of my pc at work or at long meetings. I need to stay moving and active and then my mind doesn't even think of it at all.
I go in for my biopsy on Tuesday to verify if I have the Multiple Myeloma (cancer) The good news is I am not experiencing any symptoms of the cancer at this time, so I am hoping it's either smoldering (not active) or I am catching it early on and the treatment will be light. Either way I have set myself up to be away from work while I undergo treatment. It's been real hard on my wife, but I told her to relax and that I am standing right in front of her completely healthy and I will be for a long time. I told her that Its just like getting the flu and I have to get treatment for it and all will be good.
I thank all my quit brothers in my quit group for their support in my quit and my news of cancer. They are all my brothers and are there for me anytime of the day. Also, Worktowin, Zeno, Bretlesss, and Nimrod have been there for me since the start of my quit. I truly appreciate them blazing the path in front of me and guiding me through this each day. These guys have been truly special reaching out to me daily and checking up on me.
All I can say is for all of you out there wanting to quit or thinking of caving, please note I may be lucky and not have the cancer (.1% chance) or I may have it and die within 2 years. Either way I feel way better now than when I was chewing, even with the notion I may not live long. I can easily go back to chewing and say fuck it, I'm dying anyways from cancer, but I want to feel the rest of my life lie I'm feeling it now. It's mazing how much I can feel now. It's like everything increased in sensitivity by 100% (unfortunately so did my flight or fight system... aka anxiety)
I find I love my wife more than I ever have
I used to love travelling to work to get that 1st dip in my mouth once I got there (didn't chew in the car) now the drive sucks!
I used to love coming home to get my one hour of unwind time with my beloved chew and totally ignore the wife telling her to not talk to me until I finished unwinding (that was fucked up) No I can't wait to get off work to see her once I bust through the door!
I used to love sitting around on my ass all day on weekends and do nothing but scratch myself and chew. Now I can't wait to start new projects around the house and do them with my wife.
I used to take my wife on cruise vacations because I thought that's what was making me happy in thought of spending time with her, now I just want to spend time with her and we are now doing multiple weekend getaways.
So much has already changed for the better and I can't wait for the next 50 days to come to see just how much better it's going to get! Stay quit my brothers!
Very powerful post bro. Very.
Proud to quit with you today.
-
Today is day 49!
I feel good about my quit although I still have those anxiety cravings. They are a lot less powerful than they were a few weeks ago. I would say on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a full blown panic attack I am sitting at a 1-2 constant state. Its better than the 4-5 I was at a few weeks ago. I am slowly tapering off the Xanax and taking .5mg before bed and .25mg once I get to work. After another week it will be .25mg and .25mg at 12 hour intervals.
I can definitely feel the pressure of life now in my shoulder and neck muscles (tension) by the end of the day. I 'll adjust. I don't feel any of the anxiety cravings when I'm busy doing something, it's only when I'm sitting still either going to bed to sleep or when I sit too long in front of my pc at work or at long meetings. I need to stay moving and active and then my mind doesn't even think of it at all.
I go in for my biopsy on Tuesday to verify if I have the Multiple Myeloma (cancer) The good news is I am not experiencing any symptoms of the cancer at this time, so I am hoping it's either smoldering (not active) or I am catching it early on and the treatment will be light. Either way I have set myself up to be away from work while I undergo treatment. It's been real hard on my wife, but I told her to relax and that I am standing right in front of her completely healthy and I will be for a long time. I told her that Its just like getting the flu and I have to get treatment for it and all will be good.
I thank all my quit brothers in my quit group for their support in my quit and my news of cancer. They are all my brothers and are there for me anytime of the day. Also, Worktowin, Zeno, Bretlesss, and Nimrod have been there for me since the start of my quit. I truly appreciate them blazing the path in front of me and guiding me through this each day. These guys have been truly special reaching out to me daily and checking up on me.
All I can say is for all of you out there wanting to quit or thinking of caving, please note I may be lucky and not have the cancer (.1% chance) or I may have it and die within 2 years. Either way I feel way better now than when I was chewing, even with the notion I may not live long. I can easily go back to chewing and say fuck it, I'm dying anyways from cancer, but I want to feel the rest of my life lie I'm feeling it now. It's mazing how much I can feel now. It's like everything increased in sensitivity by 100% (unfortunately so did my flight or fight system... aka anxiety)
I find I love my wife more than I ever have
I used to love travelling to work to get that 1st dip in my mouth once I got there (didn't chew in the car) now the drive sucks!
I used to love coming home to get my one hour of unwind time with my beloved chew and totally ignore the wife telling her to not talk to me until I finished unwinding (that was fucked up) No I can't wait to get off work to see her once I bust through the door!
I used to love sitting around on my ass all day on weekends and do nothing but scratch myself and chew. Now I can't wait to start new projects around the house and do them with my wife.
I used to take my wife on cruise vacations because I thought that's what was making me happy in thought of spending time with her, now I just want to spend time with her and we are now doing multiple weekend getaways.
So much has already changed for the better and I can't wait for the next 50 days to come to see just how much better it's going to get! Stay quit my brothers!
Very powerful post bro. Very.
Proud to quit with you today.
You have an awesome attitude Kirk. I am proud of you too! And relieved you are feeling better finally. Good vibes coming up the coast for Tuesday!
-
Today is day 49!
I feel good about my quit although I still have those anxiety cravings. They are a lot less powerful than they were a few weeks ago. I would say on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a full blown panic attack I am sitting at a 1-2 constant state. Its better than the 4-5 I was at a few weeks ago. I am slowly tapering off the Xanax and taking .5mg before bed and .25mg once I get to work. After another week it will be .25mg and .25mg at 12 hour intervals.
I can definitely feel the pressure of life now in my shoulder and neck muscles (tension) by the end of the day. I 'll adjust. I don't feel any of the anxiety cravings when I'm busy doing something, it's only when I'm sitting still either going to bed to sleep or when I sit too long in front of my pc at work or at long meetings. I need to stay moving and active and then my mind doesn't even think of it at all.
I go in for my biopsy on Tuesday to verify if I have the Multiple Myeloma (cancer) The good news is I am not experiencing any symptoms of the cancer at this time, so I am hoping it's either smoldering (not active) or I am catching it early on and the treatment will be light. Either way I have set myself up to be away from work while I undergo treatment. It's been real hard on my wife, but I told her to relax and that I am standing right in front of her completely healthy and I will be for a long time. I told her that Its just like getting the flu and I have to get treatment for it and all will be good.
I thank all my quit brothers in my quit group for their support in my quit and my news of cancer. They are all my brothers and are there for me anytime of the day. Also, Worktowin, Zeno, Bretlesss, and Nimrod have been there for me since the start of my quit. I truly appreciate them blazing the path in front of me and guiding me through this each day. These guys have been truly special reaching out to me daily and checking up on me.
All I can say is for all of you out there wanting to quit or thinking of caving, please note I may be lucky and not have the cancer (.1% chance) or I may have it and die within 2 years. Either way I feel way better now than when I was chewing, even with the notion I may not live long. I can easily go back to chewing and say fuck it, I'm dying anyways from cancer, but I want to feel the rest of my life lie I'm feeling it now. It's mazing how much I can feel now. It's like everything increased in sensitivity by 100% (unfortunately so did my flight or fight system... aka anxiety)
I find I love my wife more than I ever have
I used to love travelling to work to get that 1st dip in my mouth once I got there (didn't chew in the car) now the drive sucks!
I used to love coming home to get my one hour of unwind time with my beloved chew and totally ignore the wife telling her to not talk to me until I finished unwinding (that was fucked up) No I can't wait to get off work to see her once I bust through the door!
I used to love sitting around on my ass all day on weekends and do nothing but scratch myself and chew. Now I can't wait to start new projects around the house and do them with my wife.
I used to take my wife on cruise vacations because I thought that's what was making me happy in thought of spending time with her, now I just want to spend time with her and we are now doing multiple weekend getaways.
So much has already changed for the better and I can't wait for the next 50 days to come to see just how much better it's going to get! Stay quit my brothers!
Very powerful post bro. Very.
Proud to quit with you today.
You have an awesome attitude Kirk. I am proud of you too! And relieved you are feeling better finally. Good vibes coming up the coast for Tuesday!
Dang proud to quit with you Kirk. Keep going one day at a time, and keep that positive focus. You are winning, through all of it, and on a roll!
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Amen, Kirk!
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Amen, Kirk!
Brother we are with you today!
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Amen, Kirk!
Brother we are with you today!
Me too brother
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
GC strong man you are! Been through alot my brother but as I always say there's always someone worse off. You're doing great and a very positive asset to this community! Keep it up and I put you on my prayer list my friend!
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
GC strong man you are! Been through alot my brother but as I always say there's always someone worse off. You're doing great and a very positive asset to this community! Keep it up and I put you on my prayer list my friend!
Prayers with you today brother. Kick some ass today.
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
GC strong man you are! Been through alot my brother but as I always say there's always someone worse off. You're doing great and a very positive asset to this community! Keep it up and I put you on my prayer list my friend!
Prayers with you today brother. Kick some ass today.
Keep your spirits up brother. You are not alone.
-
Poof
-
Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
GC strong man you are! Been through alot my brother but as I always say there's always someone worse off. You're doing great and a very positive asset to this community! Keep it up and I put you on my prayer list my friend!
Prayers with you today brother. Kick some ass today.
Keep your spirits up brother. You are not alone.
^^^Prayers
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Day 56!
I learned a lot this past week. One of the biggest things I learned was that I don't know what a normal me feels like? Since my quit I have been put on high blood pressure meds, put on low doses of Xanax to deal with anxiety, had my grand father pass, changed jobs, and been diagnosed with cancer. With all of these life changes I don't know what normal feels like.
On Jan 28th I started to feel fatigued and thought it was from the nicotine withdrawals or from the Xanax inter-dose withdrawals. Over the past two weeks it got worse to where I was extremely fatigued, felt tired, and all my muscles were throbbing, almost like an energy wave going through my body. Now I was thinking it's either the Xanax, blood pressure meds, stress from work and life, or it could be the cancer diagnosis and I am now feeling it. I was lost and felt helpless. The feelings really only over took me while I was sitting at my desk doing work for more than 20 mins at a time, in meetings, or when I went to sleep at night. When I was up and active I had none of these feelings of waves through my body. The more I sat during the day the more fatigue I felt, and the more I didn't have the energy to do anything. I often felt like I was going to pass out.
The one good thing is I have my mother here who was a nurse. The first thing she checked was my blood pressure (I keep track of it 3 times per day on a excel spread sheet) She noticed over the past two weeks it kept getting lower and lower. On Thursday morning it was at 94/51 at 49bpm. Way to low!!!!! She said to skip a dose of my 20mg of Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) and see what happens. I couldn't go to work Friday morning as I had passed out and waited all day for the med to leave my body. This morning I awoke and my blood pressure is at 120/71, at 54 beats per min. Perfect!!! And I feel so great this morning!!!!! I reached out to my doctor and he said to cut my dose in half to 10mg and if my pressure was still low to get off the stuff. Keep in mind I have been eating a healthy diet and worked out 30 mins a day and lost 27lbs. over the past two months, so naturally my blood pressure would automatically go down.
As I said, it's hard to determine what is the normal feeling. I would have taken my dose down weeks ago, but didn't know what was causing the feeling.....my advice to all is to check your meds consistently when you're feeling weird. I was even able to reduce my Xanax down to .25mg twice a day and soon to be once, then none!!! All these feelings I though were anxiety were from my high blood pressure meds!!!!
I'll take these little wins here and there any day!!!! I feel great today and know I can take on anything!!!!
Speaking of anything, my cancer results come out Monday. Here is what I know so far
My biopsy was done on 2/9/16. It was painful because they couldn't numb me enough after I already told them it takes a lot to numb me! During this day they showed me my 24hr urine test results and they cam back normal!!!! NORMAL!!! If I have Multiple Myeloma the urine should have had high levels of M Proteins in it! (big win) Secondly, my blood test came back all normal except for the one elevated protein. The last one there was multiple elevated abnormalities (last blood test was during my 16 day into my quit and all the withdrawals) The doctor that was dealing with me was 74, a travelling doctor and seemed to have some memory problems. Needless to say I will be getting a 2nd opinion regardless of Mondays outcome! Wish me luck and thank you for all your prayers!
Sorry it was so long.....lot's of stuff happening!
Quit on Brothers and stay strong!!!!
Great update man. Proud to quit with you, and happy to see such great progress!
Good update, I pray it will continue with good news on Monday. FYI, my blood pressure dropped to normal just from quit... nicotine messes us up in many ways.
Hoping for good news on Monday too Cruisin! I'm so proud of you for honoring your quit thru all this! Sending good vibes to north of Seattle.
Thank you all! I feel the positive being sent my way! I wish all of you a happy Valentines Day!
GC strong man you are! Been through alot my brother but as I always say there's always someone worse off. You're doing great and a very positive asset to this community! Keep it up and I put you on my prayer list my friend!
Prayers with you today brother. Kick some ass today.
Keep your spirits up brother. You are not alone.
^^^Prayers
Don't forget to thank the good man upstairs for the great news. Awesome!
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Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
-
Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
Wow, I'm glad to hear the great news. Reading your progress here has been very inspiring, especially the impact this had on the way you view spending time with your wife. Anytime life seems to slip back to normal, just come re-read what you wrote because it's powerful. Can't wait to hear more of your journey.
-
Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
Wow, I'm glad to hear the great news. Reading your progress here has been very inspiring, especially the impact this had on the way you view spending time with your wife. Anytime life seems to slip back to normal, just come re-read what you wrote because it's powerful. Can't wait to hear more of your journey.
This is excellent news. Congratulations on a huge win today!
-
Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
Wow, I'm glad to hear the great news. Reading your progress here has been very inspiring, especially the impact this had on the way you view spending time with your wife. Anytime life seems to slip back to normal, just come re-read what you wrote because it's powerful. Can't wait to hear more of your journey.
This is excellent news. Congratulations on a huge win today!
The no cancer is a relief, the other is something to keep an eye on. Great attitude, keep on kicking ass!
-
Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
Wow, I'm glad to hear the great news. Reading your progress here has been very inspiring, especially the impact this had on the way you view spending time with your wife. Anytime life seems to slip back to normal, just come re-read what you wrote because it's powerful. Can't wait to hear more of your journey.
This is excellent news. Congratulations on a huge win today!
The no cancer is a relief, the other is something to keep an eye on. Great attitude, keep on kicking ass!
I'm sort of a negotiator for a living... At times like this you need to take full advantage of good news. Example... You can say to Mrs Cruisin... "The doctor said it would help if there was some way to suck the protein out of me. Four times daily." Play the hand that is dealt you!!!
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Day 58
I went to the doctor today to receive my test results for Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and the results were excellent news (not the best that it can be, but the best in my situation) I have some elevated proteins in my blood which can cause Multiple Myeloma later down the road, but for today, I am cancer free!!!!! 'oh yeah'
I have been diagnosed with what's called MGUS:
Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) is a condition in which an abnormal protein (monoclonal protein, or M protein) is in the blood. M protein is produced by plasma cells, a type of white blood cell. Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance usually causes no problems. Sometimes, monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance is either associated with another disease or can progress over years to other disorders, including some forms of blood cancer.
At this point I have a 1% chance per year to be diagnosed with Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.
A very slow-growing type of myeloma in which abnormal plasma cells (a type of white blood cell) make too much of a single type of monoclonal antibody (a protein). This protein builds up in the blood or is passed in the urine. Patients with smoldering myeloma usually have no symptoms, but need to be checked often for signs of progression to fully developed multiple myeloma.
If I move to the Smoldering Stage I have somewhere between 2-5 years of it becoming Multiple Myeloma (Blood/Bone Marrow Cancer) and start chemotherapy and other treatments, which hopefully by then there will be a cure or a way to control it like a common cold.
I am just happy I don't have cancer today, and from what it appears, I will have many years of life left to spend with my family and friends......and more years to kick the living shit out of the nic bitch and to help others in their quit. I thank all of you here on KTC that have given me so much support over the past 58 days and especially over the past two weeks (the toughest days I have ever faced).
All of you have had my back with your prayers, positive attitude and motivational comments. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping me positive at all times! I pray every day for the life god has given me and will continue to live life ODAAT and live it to the best as if it were my last!
Thank You and quit on brothers!!!
Wow, I'm glad to hear the great news. Reading your progress here has been very inspiring, especially the impact this had on the way you view spending time with your wife. Anytime life seems to slip back to normal, just come re-read what you wrote because it's powerful. Can't wait to hear more of your journey.
This is excellent news. Congratulations on a huge win today!
The no cancer is a relief, the other is something to keep an eye on. Great attitude, keep on kicking ass!
I'm sort of a negotiator for a living... At times like this you need to take full advantage of good news. Example... You can say to Mrs Cruisin... "The doctor said it would help if there was some way to suck the protein out of me. Four times daily." Play the hand that is dealt you!!!
Excellent news it is! Go grab hold of life with both hands!
Enjoy the day!
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@ worktowin.......... LOL!!!!!! 'drool'
@danojeno, not a problem! I felt this way once the nic bitch slowly started to release her grip on my mind. I will always come back to read this to remember where I came from!
For the rest of you, thank you so much. I will be getting checked every 3-6 months going forward and will live life to it's fullest!
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Day 66
I have learned a lot this past week in regards to meds.....considering this is my 2nd day of being off the Xanax and have been done with Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) for 10 days now. I did spend the last three weeks tapering off of the Xanax (I was taking .5mg twice daily, then .5 and .25, then .25 and .25, then just the .25)
As of now I feel like I am back to the 1st three weeks of my quit. Mainly just the anxiety returning, but no cravings for a dip. Basically I am withdrawing from the Xanax now and have been for a few weeks, today was the worst. On top of that the withdrawals from the nic bitch are back with a vengeance as well. Xanax withdrawals are usually over within 5 days for the worst symptoms and I am on day #2. Needless to say I don't recommend anyone to be placed on Xanax to deal with the biological anxiety of nicotine withdrawals. You're basically just replacing one crutch with another and you will continue with the withdrawals from the day you took the Xanax.
I went and tried L-Theanine (basically green tea extract, all natural) as I read it's natures Xanax. I found 200mg caplets at the local GNC. I tried it two days ago an today and it about knocked me out with it's calming effects.....way too much for me!!! Perhaps a smaller dose??? It made me feel all medicine headed all day and I don't like that.
Well, the only thing I had left to try that's been sitting in my cupboard for over a month was Natural Calm (magnesium supplement that many people on KTC told me about). I decided to not take anything last night before bed to see how I felt. I got nothing but adrenaline running through my body and couldn't sleep a wink for over 3 hours straight as my mind continuously raced. I decided, fuck it, and went to try the Natural Calm. Within 25 minutes I was calm and peaceful and fell asleep for 6 hours.....holy shit!!!!! it worked!!! I was so happy!!!! I decided from then on I would drink a glass before bed time each night.
Today I went to drop my mother off at the airport and decided to spend the day in the big city with the wife (were on vacation this week). The nic bitch was trying hard today, heart racing, upset stomach, nerves on end, anxiety taking hold, all while just being in places in the big city I have been before. I was freaking out, but knew I had to accept the feelings because that's all they were, just feelings, that can't hurt me. But it was still scary shit!!! I told the wife that I needed to do lunch somewhere closer to home as I was feeling pretty crappy, she understood (I lover her so much) During the drive home I started feeling more calm, but when we go to lunch, in a different restaurant that I had never been in before, all those feelings came back. I did my best to get through lunch all the while freaking out inside my body and mind!
I got home and seriously debated if I should have tapered off the Xanax a little slower or should I drink some more Natural Calm. I chose the Natural Calm and it worked again to calm me down, phew!!!! I am in no way a spokesperson for the stuff and I didn't believe it worked, but just want to share this with anyone that encounters what I'm going through......just as many vets before me went through!
Thank god for Natural Calm!!!
As for everything else....I am still continuing a variety of tests for the cancer and everything still looks good....thank god for that too!
Right now I just need to stop self analyzing myself so much on how I feel each day and start accepting how I feel...... I read this and it has stuck with me, "You will not get better unless you stop trying to get better". I need to stop trying to get rid of the withdrawals from the nic bitch and accept them and stop looking for quick and easy cures for the way I feel. I feel the way I feel now, but later I will feel better!
Quit on brothers!!!!
-
Day 66
I have learned a lot this past week in regards to meds.....considering this is my 2nd day of being off the Xanax and have been done with Lisinopril (High Blood Pressure Med) for 10 days now. I did spend the last three weeks tapering off of the Xanax (I was taking .5mg twice daily, then .5 and .25, then .25 and .25, then just the .25)
As of now I feel like I am back to the 1st three weeks of my quit. Mainly just the anxiety returning, but no cravings for a dip. Basically I am withdrawing from the Xanax now and have been for a few weeks, today was the worst. On top of that the withdrawals from the nic bitch are back with a vengeance as well. Xanax withdrawals are usually over within 5 days for the worst symptoms and I am on day #2. Needless to say I don't recommend anyone to be placed on Xanax to deal with the biological anxiety of nicotine withdrawals. You're basically just replacing one crutch with another and you will continue with the withdrawals from the day you took the Xanax.
I went and tried L-Theanine (basically green tea extract, all natural) as I read it's natures Xanax. I found 200mg caplets at the local GNC. I tried it two days ago an today and it about knocked me out with it's calming effects.....way too much for me!!! Perhaps a smaller dose??? It made me feel all medicine headed all day and I don't like that.
Well, the only thing I had left to try that's been sitting in my cupboard for over a month was Natural Calm (magnesium supplement that many people on KTC told me about). I decided to not take anything last night before bed to see how I felt. I got nothing but adrenaline running through my body and couldn't sleep a wink for over 3 hours straight as my mind continuously raced. I decided, fuck it, and went to try the Natural Calm. Within 25 minutes I was calm and peaceful and fell asleep for 6 hours.....holy shit!!!!! it worked!!! I was so happy!!!! I decided from then on I would drink a glass before bed time each night.
Today I went to drop my mother off at the airport and decided to spend the day in the big city with the wife (were on vacation this week). The nic bitch was trying hard today, heart racing, upset stomach, nerves on end, anxiety taking hold, all while just being in places in the big city I have been before. I was freaking out, but knew I had to accept the feelings because that's all they were, just feelings, that can't hurt me. But it was still scary shit!!! I told the wife that I needed to do lunch somewhere closer to home as I was feeling pretty crappy, she understood (I lover her so much) During the drive home I started feeling more calm, but when we go to lunch, in a different restaurant that I had never been in before, all those feelings came back. I did my best to get through lunch all the while freaking out inside my body and mind!
I got home and seriously debated if I should have tapered off the Xanax a little slower or should I drink some more Natural Calm. I chose the Natural Calm and it worked again to calm me down, phew!!!! I am in no way a spokesperson for the stuff and I didn't believe it worked, but just want to share this with anyone that encounters what I'm going through......just as many vets before me went through!
Thank god for Natural Calm!!!
As for everything else....I am still continuing a variety of tests for the cancer and everything still looks good....thank god for that too!
Right now I just need to stop self analyzing myself so much on how I feel each day and start accepting how I feel...... I read this and it has stuck with me, "You will not get better unless you stop trying to get better". I need to stop trying to get rid of the withdrawals from the nic bitch and accept them and stop looking for quick and easy cures for the way I feel. I feel the way I feel now, but later I will feel better!
Quit on brothers!!!!
Let it roll bro. Brighter days are ahead.
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Day 80
As of a few days ago I started to feel better coming of the Xanax withdrawals. I actually felt normal for a few days until yesterday when I felt extreme stress and tension while at work. My body and mind are still learning to deal with the daily stress without nicotine and it's rough! Even at day 80. My neck and shoulder area take a beating every day with tension. I think it's because me being a type A personality and in management, I expect to have control of everything in life, have a plan, and know the outcome. Well, this is the first time I have felt and known that I'm not in control and my mind has a hard time dealing with that. My mind expects me to be able to control it and make these feelings go away at the snap of a finger.
Well, sorry to say, that isn't going to happen. I am now more focused on exercising, meditation, eating right, getting enough sleep, and all types of stress reducing activities. It's so hard to believe that the nic bitch had my brain so deadened like this it's unreal! It's like everything in life has to be re-learned all over again mentally. I had that strong confidence exterior that can deal with anything and now I have the same, but I now feel everything, good and bad. Amazing! I do feel so much better health wise compared to the previous me on nicotine. The mental part will come along as long as I continue to believe!
Comparison:
On Nicotine: no exercise, did not even drink water, breakfast came in the form of a large beef and bean burrito, doughnuts, and an energy drink. Lunch was a sandwich, chips, candy bar, yogurt, and another energy drink. Dinner was sometimes fast food, frozen pizzas, and some times regular cooked meals. During the day I would squeeze in another 1-2 energy drinks. I would come home and eat, the relax with the nic bitch, pop some sleeping pills, then go to bed. I couldn't sleep regularly without the sleeping pills....wonder why? Weight 247 and blood pressure 190/95
Off Nicotine: exercise at least 30 mins a day, drink tons of water, For breakfast I have a super food smoothie in the morning with arugula, spinach, kale, banana, pineapple, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, almonds and flax seeds, along with a protein bar. Lunch is celery and carrots with some dipping sauce, whole grain organic bread meat sandwich, an apple, trail mix, and a protein bar. Dinner is a salmon fillet, steak, or pork no larger than 8oz, super food salad w/ avocado and tomatoes, and either whole grain rice or a raw vegetable. Dessert is another super smoothie. I sleep like a baby. Weight 217 and blood pressure 125/72
Now if I can make changes like that physically, I know I can make the changes mentally!!! Just takes a little longer.....
Stay quit brothers...it does get better, some of us a little faster though......
-
Day 80
As of a few days ago I started to feel better coming of the Xanax withdrawals. I actually felt normal for a few days until yesterday when I felt extreme stress and tension while at work. My body and mind are still learning to deal with the daily stress without nicotine and it's rough! Even at day 80. My neck and shoulder area take a beating every day with tension. I think it's because me being a type A personality and in management, I expect to have control of everything in life, have a plan, and know the outcome. Well, this is the first time I have felt and known that I'm not in control and my mind has a hard time dealing with that. My mind expects me to be able to control it and make these feelings go away at the snap of a finger.
Well, sorry to say, that isn't going to happen. I am now more focused on exercising, meditation, eating right, getting enough sleep, and all types of stress reducing activities. It's so hard to believe that the nic bitch had my brain so deadened like this it's unreal! It's like everything in life has to be re-learned all over again mentally. I had that strong confidence exterior that can deal with anything and now I have the same, but I now feel everything, good and bad. Amazing! I do feel so much better health wise compared to the previous me on nicotine. The mental part will come along as long as I continue to believe!
Comparison:
On Nicotine: no exercise, did not even drink water, breakfast came in the form of a large beef and bean burrito, doughnuts, and an energy drink. Lunch was a sandwich, chips, candy bar, yogurt, and another energy drink. Dinner was sometimes fast food, frozen pizzas, and some times regular cooked meals. During the day I would squeeze in another 1-2 energy drinks. I would come home and eat, the relax with the nic bitch, pop some sleeping pills, then go to bed. I couldn't sleep regularly without the sleeping pills....wonder why? Weight 247 and blood pressure 190/95
Off Nicotine: exercise at least 30 mins a day, drink tons of water, For breakfast I have a super food smoothie in the morning with arugula, spinach, kale, banana, pineapple, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, almonds and flax seeds, along with a protein bar. Lunch is celery and carrots with some dipping sauce, whole grain organic bread meat sandwich, an apple, trail mix, and a protein bar. Dinner is a salmon fillet, steak, or pork no larger than 8oz, super food salad w/ avocado and tomatoes, and either whole grain rice or a raw vegetable. Dessert is another super smoothie. I sleep like a baby. Weight 217 and blood pressure 125/72
Now if I can make changes like that physically, I know I can make the changes mentally!!! Just takes a little longer.....
Stay quit brothers...it does get better, some of us a little faster though......
Awesome and inspiring.
That being said - you've just scratched the surface. You are going to love what is ahead. Not to say that there won't be bumps, but the future is bright.
-
Day 92
What can I say about the past two weeks other than that they have been fantastic! I did have one bad day yesterday, but going back the last 12 with every day feeling like a million bucks was worth every part of this journey. I understand I will have some bad days here and there, but they are getting fewer and fewer.
I look back at my quit, the emergency room visit that started my quit and extreme change I did to my body when I quit cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine, sugars, and adjust my diet and exercise, my grandfather passing, bottoming out on high blood pressure meds (off of those now) getting off Xanax and the withdrawals, the bone marrow cancer diagnosis/un-diagnosis (still testing as of today) I could have caved at any time, but I was determined to beat this and will continue to beat this ODAAT!
I can't thank my quit brothers enough or the other guys outside my quit group that got me this far.
My body/mind is still learning to deal with every day stresses and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders as tension, but it's getting less and less each day. All I can say for those of you just starting your quit is that it does get better!!! Just keep fighting the good fight and hang in there. You can do it and it will be the toughest thing you will have ever done in your life....you will be proud of yourself and so will your family and friends!
Quit on brothers!
-
Day 92
What can I say about the past two weeks other than that they have been fantastic! I did have one bad day yesterday, but going back the last 12 with every day feeling like a million bucks was worth every part of this journey. I understand I will have some bad days here and there, but they are getting fewer and fewer.
I look back at my quit, the emergency room visit that started my quit and extreme change I did to my body when I quit cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine, sugars, and adjust my diet and exercise, my grandfather passing, bottoming out on high blood pressure meds (off of those now) getting off Xanax and the withdrawals, the bone marrow cancer diagnosis/un-diagnosis (still testing as of today) I could have caved at any time, but I was determined to beat this and will continue to beat this ODAAT!
I can't thank my quit brothers enough or the other guys outside my quit group that got me this far.
My body/mind is still learning to deal with every day stresses and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders as tension, but it's getting less and less each day. All I can say for those of you just starting your quit is that it does get better!!! Just keep fighting the good fight and hang in there. You can do it and it will be the toughest thing you will have ever done in your life....you will be proud of yourself and so will your family and friends!
Quit on brothers!
HOF ahead. But so isa lot of greatness.
Your brain is rewiring and adapting. You are going to like what is ahead.
-
Day 92
What can I say about the past two weeks other than that they have been fantastic! I did have one bad day yesterday, but going back the last 12 with every day feeling like a million bucks was worth every part of this journey. I understand I will have some bad days here and there, but they are getting fewer and fewer.
I look back at my quit, the emergency room visit that started my quit and extreme change I did to my body when I quit cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine, sugars, and adjust my diet and exercise, my grandfather passing, bottoming out on high blood pressure meds (off of those now) getting off Xanax and the withdrawals, the bone marrow cancer diagnosis/un-diagnosis (still testing as of today) I could have caved at any time, but I was determined to beat this and will continue to beat this ODAAT!
I can't thank my quit brothers enough or the other guys outside my quit group that got me this far.
My body/mind is still learning to deal with every day stresses and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders as tension, but it's getting less and less each day. All I can say for those of you just starting your quit is that it does get better!!! Just keep fighting the good fight and hang in there. You can do it and it will be the toughest thing you will have ever done in your life....you will be proud of yourself and so will your family and friends!
Quit on brothers!
HOF ahead. But so isa lot of greatness.
Your brain is rewiring and adapting. You are going to like what is ahead.
Really glad to see you turning the corner and having good weeks now instead of just good days. It gets even better. Just keep going! Well done.
-
Day 92
What can I say about the past two weeks other than that they have been fantastic! I did have one bad day yesterday, but going back the last 12 with every day feeling like a million bucks was worth every part of this journey. I understand I will have some bad days here and there, but they are getting fewer and fewer.
I look back at my quit, the emergency room visit that started my quit and extreme change I did to my body when I quit cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine, sugars, and adjust my diet and exercise, my grandfather passing, bottoming out on high blood pressure meds (off of those now) getting off Xanax and the withdrawals, the bone marrow cancer diagnosis/un-diagnosis (still testing as of today) I could have caved at any time, but I was determined to beat this and will continue to beat this ODAAT!
I can't thank my quit brothers enough or the other guys outside my quit group that got me this far.
My body/mind is still learning to deal with every day stresses and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders as tension, but it's getting less and less each day. All I can say for those of you just starting your quit is that it does get better!!! Just keep fighting the good fight and hang in there. You can do it and it will be the toughest thing you will have ever done in your life....you will be proud of yourself and so will your family and friends!
Quit on brothers!
HOF ahead. But so isa lot of greatness.
Your brain is rewiring and adapting. You are going to like what is ahead.
Really glad to see you turning the corner and having good weeks now instead of just good days. It gets even better. Just keep going! Well done.
Dang. Don't get on here as much as I used to but reading this reinforced why this place is so helpful. Also gave me some flashbacks to some baaad anxiety and just shitty time in my life. If you have 15 free hours read my intro sometime, it's pretty similar to yours, minus the cancer scare part. Thank God your ok.
TIME.
In my humble opinion that's the one thing that you don't realize you need more than anything. You said you chewed for 30 years...that's 10,950 days. You've been quit 93.
That used to quit ratio is still HEAVILY tilted to the used side. Going to take some time to get things tilting back in your favor and get some positive mojo going. Takes time to re-learn how to live your life without nicotine. Not knowimg HOW long is probably the most frustrating part...at least it was for me.
You're doing all the right things though. Keep it up and I guarantee you will find the true you and begin to wonder why quitting was ever so hard and wishing you had done it earlier.
Hang in there and keep up the great work.
Quit on...
-
HOF!!!
You will continue healing and rewiring, but dude there is a lot of good ahead. One day at a time, you are going to love the new you. Congratulations on winning 100 days in a row, and see you on roll tomorrow!
-
Day 92
What can I say about the past two weeks other than that they have been fantastic! I did have one bad day yesterday, but going back the last 12 with every day feeling like a million bucks was worth every part of this journey. I understand I will have some bad days here and there, but they are getting fewer and fewer.
I look back at my quit, the emergency room visit that started my quit and extreme change I did to my body when I quit cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine, sugars, and adjust my diet and exercise, my grandfather passing, bottoming out on high blood pressure meds (off of those now) getting off Xanax and the withdrawals, the bone marrow cancer diagnosis/un-diagnosis (still testing as of today) I could have caved at any time, but I was determined to beat this and will continue to beat this ODAAT!
I can't thank my quit brothers enough or the other guys outside my quit group that got me this far.
My body/mind is still learning to deal with every day stresses and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders as tension, but it's getting less and less each day. All I can say for those of you just starting your quit is that it does get better!!! Just keep fighting the good fight and hang in there. You can do it and it will be the toughest thing you will have ever done in your life....you will be proud of yourself and so will your family and friends!
Quit on brothers!
HOF ahead. But so isa lot of greatness.
Your brain is rewiring and adapting. You are going to like what is ahead.
Really glad to see you turning the corner and having good weeks now instead of just good days. It gets even better. Just keep going! Well done.
Dang. Don't get on here as much as I used to but reading this reinforced why this place is so helpful. Also gave me some flashbacks to some baaad anxiety and just shitty time in my life. If you have 15 free hours read my intro sometime, it's pretty similar to yours, minus the cancer scare part. Thank God your ok.
TIME.
In my humble opinion that's the one thing that you don't realize you need more than anything. You said you chewed for 30 years...that's 10,950 days. You've been quit 93.
That used to quit ratio is still HEAVILY tilted to the used side. Going to take some time to get things tilting back in your favor and get some positive mojo going. Takes time to re-learn how to live your life without nicotine. Not knowimg HOW long is probably the most frustrating part...at least it was for me.
You're doing all the right things though. Keep it up and I guarantee you will find the true you and begin to wonder why quitting was ever so hard and wishing you had done it earlier.
Hang in there and keep up the great work.
Quit on...
Thanks man! I read your entire intro the 1st day I signed up on KTC. Your experience helped me through a lot and really helped me understand what I was going through was normal. I thank you for sharing your experience.
-
HOF!!!
You will continue healing and rewiring, but dude there is a lot of good ahead. One day at a time, you are going to love the new you. Congratulations on winning 100 days in a row, and see you on roll tomorrow!
Thanks man. You were a huge part of my quit and I thank you for that. I will have to get my HOF speech done later today when I get home from work.
-
HOF!!!
You will continue healing and rewiring, but dude there is a lot of good ahead. One day at a time, you are going to love the new you. Congratulations on winning 100 days in a row, and see you on roll tomorrow!
Thanks man. You were a huge part of my quit and I thank you for that. I will have to get my HOF speech done later today when I get home from work.
Way to be Cruising. You have definitely earned this. Well fought Sir! See you tomorrow!
-
HOF!!!
You will continue healing and rewiring, but dude there is a lot of good ahead. One day at a time, you are going to love the new you. Congratulations on winning 100 days in a row, and see you on roll tomorrow!
Thanks man. You were a huge part of my quit and I thank you for that. I will have to get my HOF speech done later today when I get home from work.
Way to be Cruising. You have definitely earned this. Well fought Sir! See you tomorrow!
Excellent TRIPLE digits Crusing. 'party2'
Wait until your first lap around the sun...it just keeps getting better...You'll see.
-
HOF!!!
You will continue healing and rewiring, but dude there is a lot of good ahead. One day at a time, you are going to love the new you. Congratulations on winning 100 days in a row, and see you on roll tomorrow!
Thanks man. You were a huge part of my quit and I thank you for that. I will have to get my HOF speech done later today when I get home from work.
Way to be Cruising. You have definitely earned this. Well fought Sir! See you tomorrow!
Excellent TRIPLE digits Crusing. 'party2'
Wait until your first lap around the sun...it just keeps getting better...You'll see.
Congrats on your HOF!!
-
Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
-
Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
Hey Kirk - I'm gonna put a few things here that will hopefully help you, and also some others in your shoes...
100 is a big mental milestone. It is a day that is easy to have a big build up getting to that day. Most people have a great day 85-100... but... after that, some of the hardest days. The groups start having some drama and some members vanish or make a big splash of an exit. In the meantime, there isn't a milestone coming up to focus on, and it is a depressing time. You are in it.
On top of that, you were an anxiety nicotine medicator - and that is going to take some time to work through.
Here's my promise... it gets better. You've had some flat out bad weeks. Some bad events. Some bad anxiety. Your brain is still rewiring. It just is. And if you taking some Xanax or whatever would help you get through it... I'd take it. I know you are a purist though, and I know you'll get through it on your own bad ass self. But I promise you... one way or another, life is sooooooooooooo good without nicotine.
One day at a time brother. It is an honor to quit with you today.
-
Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
Hey Kirk - I'm gonna put a few things here that will hopefully help you, and also some others in your shoes...
100 is a big mental milestone. It is a day that is easy to have a big build up getting to that day. Most people have a great day 85-100... but... after that, some of the hardest days. The groups start having some drama and some members vanish or make a big splash of an exit. In the meantime, there isn't a milestone coming up to focus on, and it is a depressing time. You are in it.
On top of that, you were an anxiety nicotine medicator - and that is going to take some time to work through.
Here's my promise... it gets better. You've had some flat out bad weeks. Some bad events. Some bad anxiety. Your brain is still rewiring. It just is. And if you taking some Xanax or whatever would help you get through it... I'd take it. I know you are a purist though, and I know you'll get through it on your own bad ass self. But I promise you... one way or another, life is sooooooooooooo good without nicotine.
One day at a time brother. It is an honor to quit with you today.
Truth^^^^
-
Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
Hey Kirk - I'm gonna put a few things here that will hopefully help you, and also some others in your shoes...
100 is a big mental milestone. It is a day that is easy to have a big build up getting to that day. Most people have a great day 85-100... but... after that, some of the hardest days. The groups start having some drama and some members vanish or make a big splash of an exit. In the meantime, there isn't a milestone coming up to focus on, and it is a depressing time. You are in it.
On top of that, you were an anxiety nicotine medicator - and that is going to take some time to work through.
Here's my promise... it gets better. You've had some flat out bad weeks. Some bad events. Some bad anxiety. Your brain is still rewiring. It just is. And if you taking some Xanax or whatever would help you get through it... I'd take it. I know you are a purist though, and I know you'll get through it on your own bad ass self. But I promise you... one way or another, life is sooooooooooooo good without nicotine.
One day at a time brother. It is an honor to quit with you today.
Truth^^^^
^^^^^^^^ Sets us free......
-
Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
Hey Kirk - I'm gonna put a few things here that will hopefully help you, and also some others in your shoes...
100 is a big mental milestone. It is a day that is easy to have a big build up getting to that day. Most people have a great day 85-100... but... after that, some of the hardest days. The groups start having some drama and some members vanish or make a big splash of an exit. In the meantime, there isn't a milestone coming up to focus on, and it is a depressing time. You are in it.
On top of that, you were an anxiety nicotine medicator - and that is going to take some time to work through.
Here's my promise... it gets better. You've had some flat out bad weeks. Some bad events. Some bad anxiety. Your brain is still rewiring. It just is. And if you taking some Xanax or whatever would help you get through it... I'd take it. I know you are a purist though, and I know you'll get through it on your own bad ass self. But I promise you... one way or another, life is sooooooooooooo good without nicotine.
One day at a time brother. It is an honor to quit with you today.
Truth^^^^
^^^^^^^^ Sets us free......
Sounds like that apple has not fallen far from the (mom) tree...Good advice and good advice from your brothers...You have done what many could not in reaching the HOF. Think about how far you have come and I'll bet you haven't really given yourself that much credit for it yet....My problem in my hyper competitive corporate world is that once I have accomplished something, I have a tendency to forgot how hard it was (or wasn't) and then immediately look for the next challenge to conquer...BUT...I have found...this one is different, its is for YOU and not for anybody else. It is the beginning of something HUGE because now you are doing it for the right reasons...not for someone else to give you credit but for YOU to feel on the inside what you have accomplished for YOU!
As your brothers have said...ups and downs...and it does get much easier with time, cravings are minimal and almost gone at 300 and beyond. What you DO remember when you see that guy dipping or smoking...is how long ago that you were just like him/her, a slave to nicotine...and then you just smile to yourself how long you have come.
Keep it going and you'll see the transformation isn't just about quitting nicotine...
You have good brothers here and I quit with you EDD!
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Day 109
The past week I would have to say was my toughest week so far out of my quit. I don't mean to scare any of you away seeing that even though I hit my 100th day and I'm still having withdrawals, but I am far from done with the symptoms. I chewed for 30 years, so I know and accept that it will probably be 200 to 300 days before the withdrawals really start to end or become a faint memory.
I experienced a painful withdrawal last week, extreme anxiety in my muscles. I had no panic attacks or heart racing or adrenaline, just a massive tightening up of some muscles in my body to a point it became very painful. The symptom came on it's own with no trigger. I could be sitting watching t.v., driving in my car, sitting in front of my pc feeling completely relaxed, then bam it would hit. My throat would start to tighten up like I had a large lump in it, then my chest and rib cage would start to tighten up then move to my abdomen. All three areas clenching up and staying clenched to the point I was getting some severe pain.
My wife did her best to massage me to loosen up the muscles, but that didn't help. She wanted me to go see the doctor, but I knew it was just stress/anxiety and I had to accept it and know in my mind it was normal. I knew I had to re-wire the brain and that it's a process I must go through. I had been using my old staple, Natural Calm (magnesium supplement) but that wasn't helping. I researched some natural supplements that relieve stress/anxiety and came across Theanine Serene with Relora by Source Naturals and went to the Vitamin Shop and bought a jar. It was only $20 and I tried it 4 days into the pain. I took it at work and after 30 mins my mind was calm and focused, all the stress in my muscles relaxed....I was a happy camper!!!!
For the next few days I still felt a bit of tightness in the throat, chest and abdomen, but no pain and it slowly subsided. Today I feel great once again and I hope to feel this way every day going forward. I know I will still have bad days or weeks going forward, but I also know that they will become fewer and fewer.
There are no words that can say thank you enough to my quit brothers for coming to my support last week. They were there in an instant when I needed them the most.
I leave you with this today, a card my mother bought me before she left today back to California:
I care so much about you and what's going on, especially now
Life keeps coming at you, and I wish I had a way to make it stop or at least slow it down so you can catch your breath and take a break
Because even a person as strong as you needs a break when you've been fighting so hard
Maybe you don't even feel so strong right now
Maybe you just feel tired
But every day that you get up and face this - that's strength
And every time you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where things might go - that's bravery
I'm hoping you can trust your own strength and courage and the people who care so much about you
Especially me
Love, Mom
Hey Kirk - I'm gonna put a few things here that will hopefully help you, and also some others in your shoes...
100 is a big mental milestone. It is a day that is easy to have a big build up getting to that day. Most people have a great day 85-100... but... after that, some of the hardest days. The groups start having some drama and some members vanish or make a big splash of an exit. In the meantime, there isn't a milestone coming up to focus on, and it is a depressing time. You are in it.
On top of that, you were an anxiety nicotine medicator - and that is going to take some time to work through.
Here's my promise... it gets better. You've had some flat out bad weeks. Some bad events. Some bad anxiety. Your brain is still rewiring. It just is. And if you taking some Xanax or whatever would help you get through it... I'd take it. I know you are a purist though, and I know you'll get through it on your own bad ass self. But I promise you... one way or another, life is sooooooooooooo good without nicotine.
One day at a time brother. It is an honor to quit with you today.
Truth^^^^
^^^^^^^^ Sets us free......
Sounds like that apple has not fallen far from the (mom) tree...Good advice and good advice from your brothers...You have done what many could not in reaching the HOF. Think about how far you have come and I'll bet you haven't really given yourself that much credit for it yet....My problem in my hyper competitive corporate world is that once I have accomplished something, I have a tendency to forgot how hard it was (or wasn't) and then immediately look for the next challenge to conquer...BUT...I have found...this one is different, its is for YOU and not for anybody else. It is the beginning of something HUGE because now you are doing it for the right reasons...not for someone else to give you credit but for YOU to feel on the inside what you have accomplished for YOU!
As your brothers have said...ups and downs...and it does get much easier with time, cravings are minimal and almost gone at 300 and beyond. What you DO remember when you see that guy dipping or smoking...is how long ago that you were just like him/her, a slave to nicotine...and then you just smile to yourself how long you have come.
Keep it going and you'll see the transformation isn't just about quitting nicotine...
You have good brothers here and I quit with you EDD!
I had 4 huge milestones in my quit, where I noticed... sort of like a light switch... something changing in my life. They were not on specific days, but they were close to certain milestones. We all have different experiences, different timelines, different issues. But (and I really hesitated to do this) I think it might help to give you some idea of what my road to glory looked like...
~1,000 was huge. Peace set in.
~500 was huge Good became great.
~300 was huge Tolerable became good.
The other one for me... you are on your way, but you haven't reached yet. It was quite a bit after 100 that the daily grind of quitting stopped being a grind. It wasn't like I was waking up and fighting, but rather learning how to make life tolerable again. It was when I was able to not be scared constantly, not be foggy all the time, not be... lets be honest... miserable. I'll call it tolerable. Now that doesn't mean that this point was awesome, because it really wasn't. But it also marked a point where life became worth living again.
The early stages of quitting sucks. Getting to the "tolerable" point was horrible. For the only time in my life EVER I contemplated suicide. I cried like a little girl without a doll for no reason. I have no memory AT ALL of about 2 months of my life. All of the other symptoms that I could describe... I had. But, along the way (as I've spelled out) there is hope. There is a road to glory. And you, my friend, are on it. I see you in the rearview mirror catching up to me. And I'll buy you a beer (or a Coke) next time I'm in Seattle.
Peace,
Worktowin
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Thank you my brothers! I owe so much to you for helping me get this far and I appreciate everything you do for me. ODAAT !
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Hey Kirk,
Sorry I haven't been around much in the way of support since we first spoke a while back when you first came on the scene. I think about you from time to time and I've kept up with your story as you've been making updates. I was tickled to find that the Natural Calm worked for you, at least for a while. Every little bit helps when you're in the throes of something so traumatic as quitting an extreme chemical addiction. Doubly so when you've had the health scares you have had.
Good on you for staying quit through all of this shit, man. I know how bad things can get with the anxiety and emotional turmoil. It's simply the worst. You know this.
You also know that it gets easier with time, especially when you've got some amazing people like worktowin and Diesel and all of these other BAQs following you and offering support every step of the way. These guys get it. I'm starting to get it, and so are you. I'm ecstatic to know that you're still around and still quit, my friend. Let's keep this train rolling, come what may. Reach out if the anxiety comes back or if you just wanna talk.
Proud of you, bro.
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Hey Kirk,
Sorry I haven't been around much in the way of support since we first spoke a while back when you first came on the scene. I think about you from time to time and I've kept up with your story as you've been making updates. I was tickled to find that the Natural Calm worked for you, at least for a while. Every little bit helps when you're in the throes of something so traumatic as quitting an extreme chemical addiction. Doubly so when you've had the health scares you have had.
Good on you for staying quit through all of this shit, man. I know how bad things can get with the anxiety and emotional turmoil. It's simply the worst. You know this.
You also know that it gets easier with time, especially when you've got some amazing people like worktowin and Diesel and all of these other BAQs following you and offering support every step of the way. These guys get it. I'm starting to get it, and so are you. I'm ecstatic to know that you're still around and still quit, my friend. Let's keep this train rolling, come what may. Reach out if the anxiety comes back or if you just wanna talk.
Proud of you, bro.
Thanks man!!! The Natural Calm still is working wonders for me. I can tell when I don't take my daily dose....amazing what magnesium does for you! Each week seems to be getting better and better and I do have a few days here and there that are bad, but I will prevail. It's only a feeling that can't hurt me, just puts me in the wrong mood! But I do my best to remain positive.
Just need to figure out how to stop holding myself highly accountable at work, as it's causing me stress. I am doing it to myself for some reason, as there is no one sitting me down telling me I'm doing a crappy job. I just need to tell myself I can only do what I can and if I can't get to the things I want to accomplish, then it's no big deal, there's always tomorrow. It's the type A personality in me....just need to re-train my brain!!!
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Day 116
I had a great past 5 days until yesterday. Doesn't help I came down with a head cold!!! This weeks symptoms are a bit different. My muscle tension is back into my throat and neck area (seems to move around quite a bit) and the feeling of adrenaline going through my body, but an irritating type of adrenaline, where my body feels like it want's to explode.
To be honest most of this is self inflicted stress I am placing on myself as at work, I strive to be the best I can be and want to complete and accomplish everything. When I am unable too I come down hard on myself for some reason and I can't seem to just let it go. I wear the failure and stress on my shoulder and that is what's causing me so much turmoil. Well, that and I'm still going through withdrawals! I need to teach myself that it's okay to fail or not get to everything and that I am only one person and can only do so much......why is that so hard for me to do???? Very strange....I see other people at work do absolutely nothing and live care free and still retain their jobs, so why can't I live care free or tell my mind to live care free? Don't sweat the small stuff!!! I have never been told by my superiors that I do a bad job in the 16 years working for the same company....
I'm thinking it maybe 200 - 300 days before I feel my best and I know I will have to push through this ODAAT!!! I savor the good days and pray for more of them to come and I know I can do something about that myself....stop worrying and start living!!!
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Day 116
I had a great past 5 days until yesterday. Doesn't help I came down with a head cold!!! This weeks symptoms are a bit different. My muscle tension is back into my throat and neck area (seems to move around quite a bit) and the feeling of adrenaline going through my body, but an irritating type of adrenaline, where my body feels like it want's to explode.
To be honest most of this is self inflicted stress I am placing on myself as at work, I strive to be the best I can be and want to complete and accomplish everything. When I am unable too I come down hard on myself for some reason and I can't seem to just let it go. I wear the failure and stress on my shoulder and that is what's causing me so much turmoil. Well, that and I'm still going through withdrawals! I need to teach myself that it's okay to fail or not get to everything and that I am only one person and can only do so much......why is that so hard for me to do???? Very strange....I see other people at work do absolutely nothing and live care free and still retain their jobs, so why can't I live care free or tell my mind to live care free? Don't sweat the small stuff!!! I have never been told by my superiors that I do a bad job in the 16 years working for the same company....
I'm thinking it maybe 200 - 300 days before I feel my best and I know I will have to push through this ODAAT!!! I savor the good days and pray for more of them to come and I know I can do something about that myself....stop worrying and start living!!!
Sometimes it is easy to forget where you've come from and how far you've come. Your brain was jacked up for a long long time dude, it is going to take some time to get to good/better/best. But it will happen. What you are feeling today is a whole lot better than where you've been. I took some snips of your intro just to help you think about how hard you've fought and how far you've come. You should be proud as fuck of your progress:
This was you 99 days ago:
On day 16 (1/5/16) at work I suddenly felt really tired, then a bit of panic started. I drove home doing my best to take my mind off of the anxiety I was feeling that there's something very wrong. I felt the same as that night when I went to the ER except I had no racing heart. I felt a pressure on my chest, severe stomach pains, burping, severe anxiety, and some depression. I almost wanted to go back to the hospital. The next day I called into work and did not go in. Keep in mind I knew nothing about nicotine withdrawal until today or of this web site, i was alone. I was up all night filled with stomach cramps, anxiety, depression, constant sweating then being cold, and constant burping. I lost my appetite and any smell made me want to vomit.
I went to see my doctor that morning and he had no idea what was causing this. He ended up putting me on zoloft, the smallest dose. That was a huge mistake as it made me feel 100 times worse with my symptoms and i quickly got off that after 2 days (1/7/16). The doctor gave me a small dose of xanax next, which I did not take.This past Thursday I started feeling there was nothing to live for and everything that made me happy no longer could make me happy. My mind raced that I was going crazy and panicking trying to find an answer for the way I was feeling. I felt helpless, lost, scared, thinking about my life and having it feel like it was going to end like this. It was a constant feeling that overtook me that I couldn't shake off. The heavy chest, stomach issues, loss of appetite and my mind going insane was unbearable. I made an appointment with a psychologist to help with my new anxiety and depression and did everything to learn about relaxation techniques. They helped some but I still had that feeling.
when you leave your mind with nothing to do or think about. So I am writing you all right now to occupy my mind.
This was you 91 days ago:
Now, onto the fight. Day 24 and my head is in the fog right now. I can feel my heartbeat in my chest and am just a bit on edge today. Funny thing is that I feel that way right now, but I didn't feel this way when talking to the counselor. This is what happens
I am tired today as I had a rough night with no sleep. I know I was battling those damn nic receptors in my brain all of them panicking wanting to know where their nic was at. I denied them and will continue to deny them. It was a helluva fight as there still launching volleys at each other in my head. I am winning and will win this fight
81 Days ago...
I am feeling the Hypnic Jerks quite a bit now and hope they go away. I think it's a side affect from the Xanax or either I have a vitamin deficiency. I am looking for help online and yet there is no cure and doctors have no idea how to treat it. I am praying to god that I don't have to go through this nightly or I will lose sleep every day. I get scared it will affect my ability to work, but I got to stop worrying, it's probably making it worse!
After this, you went through a lot, so lets skip to ... 36 days ago:
On Nicotine: no exercise, did not even drink water, breakfast came in the form of a large beef and bean burrito, doughnuts, and an energy drink. Lunch was a sandwich, chips, candy bar, yogurt, and another energy drink. Dinner was sometimes fast food, frozen pizzas, and some times regular cooked meals. During the day I would squeeze in another 1-2 energy drinks. I would come home and eat, the relax with the nic bitch, pop some sleeping pills, then go to bed. I couldn't sleep regularly without the sleeping pills....wonder why? Weight 247 and blood pressure 190/95
Off Nicotine: exercise at least 30 mins a day, drink tons of water, For breakfast I have a super food smoothie in the morning with arugula, spinach, kale, banana, pineapple, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, almonds and flax seeds, along with a protein bar. Lunch is celery and carrots with some dipping sauce, whole grain organic bread meat sandwich, an apple, trail mix, and a protein bar. Dinner is a salmon fillet, steak, or pork no larger than 8oz, super food salad w/ avocado and tomatoes, and either whole grain rice or a raw vegetable. Dessert is another super smoothie. I sleep like a baby. Weight 217 and blood pressure 125/72
Now if I can make changes like that physically, I know I can make the changes mentally!!! Just takes a little longer.....
________________
You are gonna have some ups and downs... but you are getting to a much better place. One Day At A Time.
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You can beat it, Kirk. After a lifetime of losing, you've been winning for 116 days, my brother. You're a new man thanks to your decision to stay quit, and you will continue to see positive growth now and for the rest of your life, so long as you allow yourself to remain free from addiction.
All things in time, my friend. Remember how things were in the beginning and you will be shocked to see how far you've come.
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Thanks guys. I have come a long way and I should be proud of it. I am no longer scared of what's to come, I expect it. I think that's what changed the most, the unknown to the known. Looking back I am very glad I'm not in that position anymore....wow!!! That was rough compared to now where I have just a bit of muscle tension and a little bit of anxiety!!!
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Day 155
Just thought I would give an update since it's been a while!!!! I've been busy with being one of the Masters of May 2016 HOF Train Conductors, which is an honor to do and fun!!!
Pretty much all my mental shit has disappeared except for a day here or there where I feel a little bit of depersonalization or muscle tension. I tell myself it will pass and it does. The muscle tension I feel now is very soft and just a bit irritating as compared to the pain I found myself in a few months ago and no longer have the adrenaline running through my body (now I have to work out without it) bummer!!!!
I have been experiencing the best days of my life these past few weeks and I can't wait for more to come, or better yet, to feel better than I do now!!!! Quit on!!!!
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Day 155
Just thought I would give an update since it's been a while!!!! I've been busy with being one of the Masters of May 2016 HOF Train Conductors, which is an honor to do and fun!!!
Pretty much all my mental shit has disappeared except for a day here or there where I feel a little bit of depersonalization or muscle tension. I tell myself it will pass and it does. The muscle tension I feel now is very soft and just a bit irritating as compared to the pain I found myself in a few months ago and no longer have the adrenaline running through my body (now I have to work out without it) bummer!!!!
I have been experiencing the best days of my life these past few weeks and I can't wait for more to come, or better yet, to feel better than I do now!!!! Quit on!!!!
More, and better, is ahead!
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Brotha, I gotta tell ya. It just keeps getting better. Like WtW said, keep looking at where you came from. I'm like you. Dipped a looooooong time. 35 years actually. At first we think addiction is very simple yet powerful. But that's incomplete. Your going through a healing process and there are many hurdles that your body, mind, and nevervous system has to adjust to in order to get over. You will continue to go through trials. But they will be different. The daily habit is well ingrained into you by now. You have all that it takes to continue. And I gotta say, it just keeps getting better. Lots better. It just happens without you really knowing it took place. You just realize it bit by bit. I made my commitment here at KTC 1002 days ago. I figured it would always be a heart wrenching burden to be quit. I never really knew that I'd earn and receive freedom. And a slave can't grasp how beautiful freedom is until they've received it. Keep up the daily hard work. Your doing a damn fine job.
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Day 165
Just had my 1st blood test done today in 3 months. The shit just took my mind right back into the gutter with my thought process. I became detached from my body as I sat there at the cancer center waiting room with at least 40 other patients waiting for their blood to be drawn. All of them much older than me and most of them staring death in the face while looking at me, looking sorry for me, a young man that could go cancerous at any time.
I could hear them whispering about me amongst their supportive family members, words of so young, so much life ahead of him, such a shame. I begin to wish my wife was with me, but it's just a blood test, the results will be good I know it, as well as the next 3 over the course of the next 9 months.
I snapped back to reality with a tear running down my cheek just as the nurse calls me back for my draw and after a few minutes I'm free. I head to my car, get in and am about to head to work and I break down. The incredible amount of everything in my life was too much to hold in and had to let it out, so I sat and cried, I think because I feel like I'm just waiting for the cancer to take hold. I stay positive every day and never think of it, but today hit me like a ton of bricks.
I now sit awaiting the results, again. My mind will have to adjust to this roller coaster ride.....
I am quit and will always remain quit!
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Day 165
Just had my 1st blood test done today in 3 months. The shit just took my mind right back into the gutter with my thought process. I became detached from my body as I sat there at the cancer center waiting room with at least 40 other patients waiting for their blood to be drawn. All of them much older than me and most of them staring death in the face while looking at me, looking sorry for me, a young man that could go cancerous at any time.
I could hear them whispering about me amongst their supportive family members, words of so young, so much life ahead of him, such a shame. I begin to wish my wife was with me, but it's just a blood test, the results will be good I know it, as well as the next 3 over the course of the next 9 months.
I snapped back to reality with a tear running down my cheek just as the nurse calls me back for my draw and after a few minutes I'm free. I head to my car, get in and am about to head to work and I break down. The incredible amount of everything in my life was too much to hold in and had to let it out, so I sat and cried, I think because I feel like I'm just waiting for the cancer to take hold. I stay positive every day and never think of it, but today hit me like a ton of bricks.
I now sit awaiting the results, again. My mind will have to adjust to this roller coaster ride.....
I am quit and will always remain quit!
Stay tough my friend. Remember, we quit for and live for today. You have a lot of todays ahead of you. You are a bad ass quitter my friend.
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Day 165
Just had my 1st blood test done today in 3 months. The shit just took my mind right back into the gutter with my thought process. I became detached from my body as I sat there at the cancer center waiting room with at least 40 other patients waiting for their blood to be drawn. All of them much older than me and most of them staring death in the face while looking at me, looking sorry for me, a young man that could go cancerous at any time.
I could hear them whispering about me amongst their supportive family members, words of so young, so much life ahead of him, such a shame. I begin to wish my wife was with me, but it's just a blood test, the results will be good I know it, as well as the next 3 over the course of the next 9 months.
I snapped back to reality with a tear running down my cheek just as the nurse calls me back for my draw and after a few minutes I'm free. I head to my car, get in and am about to head to work and I break down. The incredible amount of everything in my life was too much to hold in and had to let it out, so I sat and cried, I think because I feel like I'm just waiting for the cancer to take hold. I stay positive every day and never think of it, but today hit me like a ton of bricks.
I now sit awaiting the results, again. My mind will have to adjust to this roller coaster ride.....
I am quit and will always remain quit!
Stay tough my friend. Remember, we quit for and live for today. You have a lot of todays ahead of you. You are a bad ass quitter my friend.
Damn Cruising..sorry to hear all this. You've had a pretty rough road but you have remained quit through it all. Way to be. You will make it through this too. Sending good vibes up the coast to you bro.
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Day 165
Just had my 1st blood test done today in 3 months. The shit just took my mind right back into the gutter with my thought process. I became detached from my body as I sat there at the cancer center waiting room with at least 40 other patients waiting for their blood to be drawn. All of them much older than me and most of them staring death in the face while looking at me, looking sorry for me, a young man that could go cancerous at any time.
I could hear them whispering about me amongst their supportive family members, words of so young, so much life ahead of him, such a shame. I begin to wish my wife was with me, but it's just a blood test, the results will be good I know it, as well as the next 3 over the course of the next 9 months.
I snapped back to reality with a tear running down my cheek just as the nurse calls me back for my draw and after a few minutes I'm free. I head to my car, get in and am about to head to work and I break down. The incredible amount of everything in my life was too much to hold in and had to let it out, so I sat and cried, I think because I feel like I'm just waiting for the cancer to take hold. I stay positive every day and never think of it, but today hit me like a ton of bricks.
I now sit awaiting the results, again. My mind will have to adjust to this roller coaster ride.....
I am quit and will always remain quit!
Stay tough my friend. Remember, we quit for and live for today. You have a lot of todays ahead of you. You are a bad ass quitter my friend.
Damn Cruising..sorry to hear all this. You've had a pretty rough road but you have remained quit through it all. Way to be. You will make it through this too. Sending good vibes up the coast to you bro.
Thanks guys!!! I'm all good now, just had a real rough day that day. The good news is the blood test cam back stable, nothing has changed, which is good!!!! That gave me an extra boost!!!
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Day 193
All I have to say is I am free!!!! I feel great almost every day! I might have a bad day about once every 3 weeks, but it's getting better and better!!!! My best day dipping didn't feel as good as what I am feeling today!!! Quit on brothers!
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Day 193
All I have to say is I am free!!!! I feel great almost every day! I might have a bad day about once every 3 weeks, but it's getting better and better!!!! My best day dipping didn't feel as good as what I am feeling today!!! Quit on brothers!
It gets better from here.
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Day 200
The 2nd floor!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! On to the 3rd floor!!!!
I got my 1st cold this past week or so since my quit date. It's a head cold and man does it feel worse than it did when I was dipping! Just shows how much nicotine covered up pain! It's been over a month since I felt a bad day, which is good and awesome!!! Quit on!!!!
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Day 200
The 2nd floor!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! On to the 3rd floor!!!!
I got my 1st cold this past week or so since my quit date. It's a head cold and man does it feel worse than it did when I was dipping! Just shows how much nicotine covered up pain! It's been over a month since I felt a bad day, which is good and awesome!!! Quit on!!!!
Congratulations GC! Damn good Job! Keep doing what you're doing, it's working!
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Day 200
The 2nd floor!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! On to the 3rd floor!!!!
I got my 1st cold this past week or so since my quit date. It's a head cold and man does it feel worse than it did when I was dipping! Just shows how much nicotine covered up pain! It's been over a month since I felt a bad day, which is good and awesome!!! Quit on!!!!
Congratulations GC! Damn good Job! Keep doing what you're doing, it's working!
Congrats on 200 days Gone Cruisin!
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Day 200
The 2nd floor!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! On to the 3rd floor!!!!
I got my 1st cold this past week or so since my quit date. It's a head cold and man does it feel worse than it did when I was dipping! Just shows how much nicotine covered up pain! It's been over a month since I felt a bad day, which is good and awesome!!! Quit on!!!!
Congratulations GC! Damn good Job! Keep doing what you're doing, it's working!
Congrats on 200 days Gone Cruisin!
Congrats brother. Way to be quit!!!
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Day 200
The 2nd floor!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! On to the 3rd floor!!!!
I got my 1st cold this past week or so since my quit date. It's a head cold and man does it feel worse than it did when I was dipping! Just shows how much nicotine covered up pain! It's been over a month since I felt a bad day, which is good and awesome!!! Quit on!!!!
Congratulations GC! Damn good Job! Keep doing what you're doing, it's working!
Congrats on 200 days Gone Cruisin!
Congrats brother. Way to be quit!!!
Congratulations on a huge accomplishment, and a huge win! Every day is a win. Any day as a win, even with a head full of shit, is better than a day of losing.
You da man!
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Day 224
Just thought I would give an update!
Life is good, enjoyable, beautiful! I am thankful for everything in my life and everything I can see, touch, feel, smell, taste, love, and share! Keep up the fight fellas! It's well worth it to be rid of the nic bitch! Thank you all who have supported me and who continue to support me!
3rd floor here I come!
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Day 224
Just thought I would give an update!
Life is good, enjoyable, beautiful! I am thankful for everything in my life and everything I can see, touch, feel, smell, taste, love, and share! Keep up the fight fellas! It's well worth it to be rid of the nic bitch! Thank you all who have supported me and who continue to support me!
3rd floor here I come!
It's coming. And 3rd floor and beyond, I'm thankful you have the tools to deal with it all. It's easier, for realz, but definitely not a cake walk from here on out.
I proudly quit with you.
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Day 256!!!
It's hard to believe looking back on what I went through, what I felt, and how I am feeling now. I'm still not one year quit yet and my brain still has a lot of re-wiring to go through, but it's a piece of cake now. Just some random thoughts about dip here and there. I still find myself sometimes looking around for my can...LOL!!!! 30 years of an addiction will do that to you! For all of you out there who continue to support me I thank you!!! I am told life after dip gets even better when you hit the 3rd floor, even better after that. I will be there!!!
I very rarely have any bad days now, like I am having today, but it's just an annoyance now, nothing I can't handle. It's like being really hungry and that makes you cranky, but mine is with slight irritability with my body, mainly my muscles being a bit tense. It's a pain in the ass, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 1st 150 days!!! I look forward to the days, weeks and months ahead, to feel better and better every day. I enjoy every day, every minute of my life now and don't sweat the small stuff. Life's to short to not enjoy what you have been given and I know that now....stop and smell the flowers.....
Quit on!
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Day 256!!!
It's hard to believe looking back on what I went through, what I felt, and how I am feeling now. I'm still not one year quit yet and my brain still has a lot of re-wiring to go through, but it's a piece of cake now. Just some random thoughts about dip here and there. I still find myself sometimes looking around for my can...LOL!!!! 30 years of an addiction will do that to you! For all of you out there who continue to support me I thank you!!! I am told life after dip gets even better when you hit the 3rd floor, even better after that. I will be there!!!
I very rarely have any bad days now, like I am having today, but it's just an annoyance now, nothing I can't handle. It's like being really hungry and that makes you cranky, but mine is with slight irritability with my body, mainly my muscles being a bit tense. It's a pain in the ass, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 1st 150 days!!! I look forward to the days, weeks and months ahead, to feel better and better every day. I enjoy every day, every minute of my life now and don't sweat the small stuff. Life's to short to not enjoy what you have been given and I know that now....stop and smell the flowers.....
Quit on!
Thanks for being honest GC. This may sound odd, but to me it's encouraging to hear someone with 250+ days admit that they still have cravings. It say's to me that I'm not necessarily doing this wrong just because I still have cravings. It's all part of Quit'n. Part of the re-wiring. Whether I'm at 136 days or 256. I'm told some day we'll get there, where the craving's will hardly be a blip on the radar screen.
Thanks for the support in July! Proud to be Quit with such a BAQ!
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Day 256!!!
It's hard to believe looking back on what I went through, what I felt, and how I am feeling now. I'm still not one year quit yet and my brain still has a lot of re-wiring to go through, but it's a piece of cake now. Just some random thoughts about dip here and there. I still find myself sometimes looking around for my can...LOL!!!! 30 years of an addiction will do that to you! For all of you out there who continue to support me I thank you!!! I am told life after dip gets even better when you hit the 3rd floor, even better after that. I will be there!!!
I very rarely have any bad days now, like I am having today, but it's just an annoyance now, nothing I can't handle. It's like being really hungry and that makes you cranky, but mine is with slight irritability with my body, mainly my muscles being a bit tense. It's a pain in the ass, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 1st 150 days!!! I look forward to the days, weeks and months ahead, to feel better and better every day. I enjoy every day, every minute of my life now and don't sweat the small stuff. Life's to short to not enjoy what you have been given and I know that now....stop and smell the flowers.....
Quit on!
Thanks for being honest GC. This may sound odd, but to me it's encouraging to hear someone with 250+ days admit that they still have cravings. It say's to me that I'm not necessarily doing this wrong just because I still have cravings. It's all part of Quit'n. Part of the re-wiring. Whether I'm at 136 days or 256. I'm told some day we'll get there, where the craving's will hardly be a blip on the radar screen.
Thanks for the support in July! Proud to be Quit with such a BAQ!
2 bad asses here.... Both on a road to greatness.
Thanks for all that each of you do.
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Day 256!!!
It's hard to believe looking back on what I went through, what I felt, and how I am feeling now. I'm still not one year quit yet and my brain still has a lot of re-wiring to go through, but it's a piece of cake now. Just some random thoughts about dip here and there. I still find myself sometimes looking around for my can...LOL!!!! 30 years of an addiction will do that to you! For all of you out there who continue to support me I thank you!!! I am told life after dip gets even better when you hit the 3rd floor, even better after that. I will be there!!!
I very rarely have any bad days now, like I am having today, but it's just an annoyance now, nothing I can't handle. It's like being really hungry and that makes you cranky, but mine is with slight irritability with my body, mainly my muscles being a bit tense. It's a pain in the ass, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 1st 150 days!!! I look forward to the days, weeks and months ahead, to feel better and better every day. I enjoy every day, every minute of my life now and don't sweat the small stuff. Life's to short to not enjoy what you have been given and I know that now....stop and smell the flowers.....
Quit on!
Thanks for being honest GC. This may sound odd, but to me it's encouraging to hear someone with 250+ days admit that they still have cravings. It say's to me that I'm not necessarily doing this wrong just because I still have cravings. It's all part of Quit'n. Part of the re-wiring. Whether I'm at 136 days or 256. I'm told some day we'll get there, where the craving's will hardly be a blip on the radar screen.
Thanks for the support in July! Proud to be Quit with such a BAQ!
2 bad asses here.... Both on a road to greatness.
Thanks for all that each of you do.
You've come so far cruisin'. I'm really happy for you. Turning that corner and becoming comfortable and happy in our quits is wonderful. You are well on your way to the really good stuff.
BTW, We went on a cruise last month to the Caribbean. I don't know how you stand it. I wanted to kill everyone on that boat. Haha. NAFAR!
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Day 256!!!
It's hard to believe looking back on what I went through, what I felt, and how I am feeling now. I'm still not one year quit yet and my brain still has a lot of re-wiring to go through, but it's a piece of cake now. Just some random thoughts about dip here and there. I still find myself sometimes looking around for my can...LOL!!!! 30 years of an addiction will do that to you! For all of you out there who continue to support me I thank you!!! I am told life after dip gets even better when you hit the 3rd floor, even better after that. I will be there!!!
I very rarely have any bad days now, like I am having today, but it's just an annoyance now, nothing I can't handle. It's like being really hungry and that makes you cranky, but mine is with slight irritability with my body, mainly my muscles being a bit tense. It's a pain in the ass, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 1st 150 days!!! I look forward to the days, weeks and months ahead, to feel better and better every day. I enjoy every day, every minute of my life now and don't sweat the small stuff. Life's to short to not enjoy what you have been given and I know that now....stop and smell the flowers.....
Quit on!
Thanks for being honest GC. This may sound odd, but to me it's encouraging to hear someone with 250+ days admit that they still have cravings. It say's to me that I'm not necessarily doing this wrong just because I still have cravings. It's all part of Quit'n. Part of the re-wiring. Whether I'm at 136 days or 256. I'm told some day we'll get there, where the craving's will hardly be a blip on the radar screen.
Thanks for the support in July! Proud to be Quit with such a BAQ!
2 bad asses here.... Both on a road to greatness.
Thanks for all that each of you do.
You've come so far cruisin'. I'm really happy for you. Turning that corner and becoming comfortable and happy in our quits is wonderful. You are well on your way to the really good stuff.
BTW, We went on a cruise last month to the Caribbean. I don't know how you stand it. I wanted to kill everyone on that boat. Haha. NAFAR!
LOL!!!!! That's some funny shit right there! The wife and I will be on our 30th cruise in two weeks!!! I must have been a pirate in my past life!!! Arrrrrrrr!
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
Way to go man! Keep up the good work. Proud to Quit with you each and everyday. And BTW, your support means a hell of a lot to me bro! Thanks
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
Way to go man! Keep up the good work. Proud to Quit with you each and everyday. And BTW, your support means a hell of a lot to me bro! Thanks
300 days is awesome, but not as awesome as 301. See you on roll tomorrow! :)
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
Way to go man! Keep up the good work. Proud to Quit with you each and everyday. And BTW, your support means a hell of a lot to me bro! Thanks
300 days is awesome, but not as awesome as 301. See you on roll tomorrow! :)
Way to be Cruisin! Congrats. One year is right around the corner!
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
Way to go man! Keep up the good work. Proud to Quit with you each and everyday. And BTW, your support means a hell of a lot to me bro! Thanks
300 days is awesome, but not as awesome as 301. See you on roll tomorrow! :)
Way to be Cruisin! Congrats. One year is right around the corner!
Thanks guys and gals!
I am now at 317 and all is great in my life. I do still have the occasional day where my body feels like it's missing something but I power through it like a hot knife through butter!!! It's just retraining the brain to live life without nic! That's all and that's it, no other unsolved mystery, learn to live without!
Quit on all!!!
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Gone cruisin
Congrats on your 300 days quit!
Keep it up, next step, tomorrow and so on!
Huge congrats on this milestone, Kirk. This is one of the big ones!
Way to go man! Keep up the good work. Proud to Quit with you each and everyday. And BTW, your support means a hell of a lot to me bro! Thanks
300 days is awesome, but not as awesome as 301. See you on roll tomorrow! :)
Way to be Cruisin! Congrats. One year is right around the corner!
Thanks guys and gals!
I am now at 317 and all is great in my life. I do still have the occasional day where my body feels like it's missing something but I power through it like a hot knife through butter!!! It's just retraining the brain to live life without nic! That's all and that's it, no other unsolved mystery, learn to live without!
Quit on all!!!
I agree Cruisin! It is (or should be) that simple. Great job bro.
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
Awesome! Congrats on 1 year Quit Bro. Keep killing it!
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
Awesome! Congrats on 1 year Quit Bro. Keep killing it!
1 year is badass! Congratulations and way to hang in there!
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Congrats on 1 year!
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
Awesome! Congrats on 1 year Quit Bro. Keep killing it!
1 year is badass! Congratulations and way to hang in there!
Great work Cruisin! Cant beleive it's been a year. Fine work brother!
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
Awesome! Congrats on 1 year Quit Bro. Keep killing it!
1 year is badass! Congratulations and way to hang in there!
Great work Cruisin! Cant beleive it's been a year. Fine work brother!
Thanks guys!!!! I couldn't have done it without all of you and KTC!!!
It's hard to believe it's been a year and looking back on what I went through is slowly fading as a distant memory (either that or my memory is just fading faster as I get older) 'Crazy'
I have had no bad days for a long time now. I can't remember when I felt like shit....amazing!! Worktowin always said better days are coming and I believed in him and now I know what he meant. I look forward to the minutes, days, weeks, months, and years to come being nic free!!!
I am by no means cured, as I know I can easily pop some cat shit in my mouth at any time, after all, I am an addict! But I know I can just switch my mind to a different thought at the drop of a hat and move on, something that was very difficult, if not the hardest thing to do when you start your quit.
Again, thank you to all of you and KTC for helping me get this far.... now on to the 4th floor and beyond!
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First trip around the sun! Congratulation dude !!!
Anyone that want to read about what nicotine does to f with our head... read here. This dude fought the anxiety monster and won!
Celebrate todaymy friend. You've earned it!
Awesome! Congrats on 1 year Quit Bro. Keep killing it!
1 year is badass! Congratulations and way to hang in there!
Great work Cruisin! Cant beleive it's been a year. Fine work brother!
Thanks guys!!!! I couldn't have done it without all of you and KTC!!!
It's hard to believe it's been a year and looking back on what I went through is slowly fading as a distant memory (either that or my memory is just fading faster as I get older) 'Crazy'
I have had no bad days for a long time now. I can't remember when I felt like shit....amazing!! Worktowin always said better days are coming and I believed in him and now I know what he meant. I look forward to the minutes, days, weeks, months, and years to come being nic free!!!
I am by no means cured, as I know I can easily pop some cat shit in my mouth at any time, after all, I am an addict! But I know I can just switch my mind to a different thought at the drop of a hat and move on, something that was very difficult, if not the hardest thing to do when you start your quit.
Again, thank you to all of you and KTC for helping me get this far.... now on to the 4th floor and beyond!
Happy 1 year quit!!
IQWYT!
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
Congrats GC on the 4th floor!
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
Congrats GC on the 4th floor!
Thank you all!!!!
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Poof
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
Congrats GC on the 4th floor!
Thank you all!!!!
Glad to see you making it, bro. Huge congrats! Remember that shitty fog in the beginning? Nothing is worth ever having to go through that fucking nonsense again. Quit on, my man. See you at 500!
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
Congrats GC on the 4th floor!
Thank you all!!!!
Glad to see you making it, bro. Huge congrats! Remember that shitty fog in the beginning? Nothing is worth ever having to go through that fucking nonsense again. Quit on, my man. See you at 500!
Awesome job on the 4th floor!
Remember:
When feeling impatient with your recovery remember: "stop trying to feel better, stop fighting it, accept it, live with it and move on with your life as if it's part of your life now and it will slowly fade away in time!" -Gone Cruising
It's great to be living out the last part of the sentence now, instead of the 1st part of it isn't it?
Congrats!
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Day 400 and life just keeps getting better and better!
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah' Congrats on 400!!! 'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
Congratulations!
What seemed so impossible now seems so obvious.
I wish new quitters that are struggling would read this entire intro.
Congrats GC on the 4th floor!
Thank you all!!!!
Glad to see you making it, bro. Huge congrats! Remember that shitty fog in the beginning? Nothing is worth ever having to go through that fucking nonsense again. Quit on, my man. See you at 500!
Awesome job on the 4th floor!
Remember:
When feeling impatient with your recovery remember: "stop trying to feel better, stop fighting it, accept it, live with it and move on with your life as if it's part of your life now and it will slowly fade away in time!" -Gone Cruising
It's great to be living out the last part of the sentence now, instead of the 1st part of it isn't it?
Congrats!
Way to be Cruisin'! Well done.
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
Congrats on 500 bro!! You are a true bad ass supporter!!! Keep it up!!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
Congrats on 500 bro!! You are a true bad ass supporter!!! Keep it up!!
500 is one of the big ones. You've earned this my friend. Enjoy!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
Congrats on 500 bro!! You are a true bad ass supporter!!! Keep it up!!
500 is one of the big ones. You've earned this my friend. Enjoy!
Excellent! Freedom is awesome so never forget where you were when you started. :)
It might not happen to you but for some reason I had a week or two funk post 500 days. :P
Congratulations brother!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
Congrats on 500 bro!! You are a true bad ass supporter!!! Keep it up!!
500 is one of the big ones. You've earned this my friend. Enjoy!
Excellent! Freedom is awesome so never forget where you were when you started. :)
It might not happen to you but for some reason I had a week or two funk post 500 days. :P
Congratulations brother!
Congrats gonecrusin on 500!!
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Today is Day 500!!! There's not much to say other than I feel like I have taken my life back from the nic bitch! I am more free, I feel more of everything, and really enjoy everything life has to offer. I stop to smell the roses along the way now rather than fly past everything in order to get that one dip in! No more being a slave to the can!
I look back and the beginning and think of it as one of my greatest victories in my life and will continue to count each day as a victory going forward!
Thank you to all that has supported me along the way!
Gone Cruising (Kirk)
Congrats on the half dangle!
500 is a significant milestone Kirk - congratulations!
Congrats Kirk! Nice 500! you've been a lot of help to people along the way!
Congrats on 500 bro!! You are a true bad ass supporter!!! Keep it up!!
500 is one of the big ones. You've earned this my friend. Enjoy!
Excellent! Freedom is awesome so never forget where you were when you started. :)
It might not happen to you but for some reason I had a week or two funk post 500 days. :P
Congratulations brother!
Congrats gonecrusin on 500!!
I remember your struggles early on my friend! Great job on the half comma! You dealt with a lot and look where you are now! Proud to call you a brother and a friend!
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Five. Hundred.
Be proud, bro! Freakin' badass.
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Thank you all!
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Good Life ladies and gentlemen! Since it could be morning, afternoon, or evening for some of you.
I just thought I would tell you about a great experience I encountered this past week! My body decided, hey! lets go back and make me feel like its week 4 of my quit and slam me with all sorts of warm fuzzy withdrawal feelings....at day 550! It was just annoying as hell feeling all sorts of anxiety, body aches and pains, lack of sleep and I felt as close to caving as I ever had before. Which isn't much considering I can just change my train of thought instantly now. No threat of caving at al, but just felt close.
So I leave you with this, never let your guard down, use your tools on KTC, stay strong in your fight because you are an addict and always will be. May all of your days stay dip free!
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Good Life ladies and gentlemen! Since it could be morning, afternoon, or evening for some of you.
I just thought I would tell you about a great experience I encountered this past week! My body decided, hey! lets go back and make me feel like its week 4 of my quit and slam me with all sorts of warm fuzzy withdrawal feelings....at day 550! It was just annoying as hell feeling all sorts of anxiety, body aches and pains, lack of sleep and I felt as close to caving as I ever had before. Which isn't much considering I can just change my train of thought instantly now. No threat of caving at al, but just felt close.
So I leave you with this, never let your guard down, use your tools on KTC, stay strong in your fight because you are an addict and always will be. May all of your days stay dip free!
Reminders that you are still winning, sir!
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700!!!!
Every day is awesome! There are only a few days where I look around to grab my can as I head out the door (I stop and say WTF?)...LOL!!!! I still feel the slight anxiety come on every so often, but my mind is getting so used to it that, it doesn't really bother me much, and it goes away in a few minutes. Life is good, saving some money (no longer spending on a can or two per day), don't have to rely on my "confidence can" anymore (my brain has adjusted)
For those of you just starting out, you can do this! All will pass and you will no longer have to rely or be slave to the can! We all have your back just as everyone has had my back. Appreciate it, stop and smell the roses, and do your best to enjoy the journey, because it's going to be a tough one, and one that you will always remember and always make you feel you accomplished a feat that not many people can do! QLF EDD!!!!
SEVEN HUNDRED AND COUNTING!!!!
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Congratulations Gone Cruising on 7 hundo!!! Keep passing on the wisdom! It helps more people than you might realize!
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Congratulations Gone Cruising on 7 hundo!!! Keep passing on the wisdom! It helps more people than you might realize!
Well done Cruise....
700 rocks.
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Congratulations Gone Cruising on 7 hundo!!! Keep passing on the wisdom! It helps more people than you might realize!
Well done Cruise....
700 rocks.
Nice 700 Gonecrusin!!!
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Congrats on 2 years quit Gone Cruisin!
Proud to quit with you here today and everyday.
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congrats on 2 years quit
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congrats on 2 years quit
Agree Kirk! Congratulations!
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congrats on 2 years quit
Agree Kirk! Congratulations!
Way to go Kirk! Nice job!
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Thanks guys!!! Much appreciated and wouldn't have been able to do without all of you and KTC!
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Sorry IÂ’m late but congratulations to badass quitter!
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congrats on 2 years quit
Agree Kirk! Congratulations!
Way to go Kirk! Nice job!
congrats on two years Kirk! You've come a long way. I was glad to finally get a chance to meet you in person!
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congrats on 2 years quit
Agree Kirk! Congratulations!
Way to go Kirk! Nice job!
congrats on two years Kirk! You've come a long way. I was glad to finally get a chance to meet you in person!
Congrats on 2 years just read all your intro anxiety has been my biggest struggle with quitting but has vastly improved for me but I still have quite a few rough days so it good to know others have had the same issue and kept improving thanks for writing it all out.
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congrats on 2 years quit
Agree Kirk! Congratulations!
Way to go Kirk! Nice job!
congrats on two years Kirk! You've come a long way. I was glad to finally get a chance to meet you in person!
Congrats on 2 years just read all your intro anxiety has been my biggest struggle with quitting but has vastly improved for me but I still have quite a few rough days so it good to know others have had the same issue and kept improving thanks for writing it all out.
You're welcome! Writing it out helped me get things off my chest in a big way!!!!
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Happy Dangle Day Gone Cruisin!!Â
outstanding
quit hard!