KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Cav_Trooper on August 06, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
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OK, so here's my story. I began dipping when I was in Middle School (yep, I'm from the South) and I did it because everyone else I knew did it. Being that I was already REALLY skinny and stuttered, I didn't want yet another reason to not fit in, so my friend introduced me to Hawkin (...yeah...let that sink in for a second). When I was ready to "graduate" to something with more of a "bite", I met a wonderful friend-turned-adversary...the KODIAK bear. Man, I loved the feeling I got from it and continued this "friendship" for 15+ years; through High School, College, Army, Seminary (yep, even thought I signed a pledge not to use tobacco products, the Bear had bitten me in a bad way, marriage, and new career. I gave myself all the excuses that we all do when we want to quit: once I get married; once we have children; once she starts crawling; walking; talking; etc. I've kicked the can down the road so many times that I've lost count. Mind you, I've kept this a secret from everyone in my family (parents, sister, spouse, in-laws, daughter). I feel like such a piece of shit for keeping this thing a secret for so many years and having to go to extreme efforts to hide my tracks (hide the can in the car; throw the spit bottle out before you get home; chew a few breath mints before you walk in; wondering where I put the can; did she find it; does she know and is just not saying anything; wash my hands as soon as I can get to the sink to wash the brown off my finger-tips; trying to find something new to spit in before I leave for work). I was/am pathetic and a sorry excuse for a man/husband/son/Dad/Christian. As far as what prompted this new "I'm quitting" surge, I realized that I am the only one who still dips since my Middle School days. My friends say, "Yeah, I did it in High School and College but dude, that was years ago. I had to grow out of that...that crap will kill you". I want to be tobacco free for good because honestly I just don't want to do this anymore. I wonder what it will be like to not live with this Bear on my back that consumes most of my day. I wonder what it will be like to not have a raw mouth after an especially rough day. I wonder what it will be like to not scramble for loose change to get a can on my way home. I wonder what it will be like to walk into work and not have coffee-Kodiak-old toothpaste breath. I am looking forward to taking this journey and joining everyone in the Hall of Fame.
-Thanks!
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Welcome aboard cav_trooper. I see you posted roll that is great. Insulate yourself with other quitters. I will PM you my number, but get 5 other numbers you can talk to or text. Get in the chart room, and please join us on Kakao. It's a chat app you can download to your smartphone. That's is the best thing that has happened for me. I quit with you today Brother!
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Welcome aboard cav_trooper. I see you posted roll that is great. Insulate yourself with other quitters. I will PM you my number, but get 5 other numbers you can talk to or text. Get in the chart room, and please join us on Kakao. It's a chat app you can download to your smartphone. That's is the best thing that has happened for me. I quit with you today Brother!
This is a great intro. Cav remember how you feel, and read this post often. Don't forget how it feels to be a liar and a sneak. You never want to go back there again. Quitting is man's work and you'll need as many tools in your toolbox of quit to get you through some of the tough days yuou have ahead of you....for most of us one of the biggest tools is we don't want to be a pathetic liar anymore. If I can give you some advice....come clean with your family. It may come as a shock to them, but hiding a quit does nothing to stay quit. You lied as a dipper be honest as a quitter. It was the smartest thing I've done in my quit.
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Welcome aboard cav_trooper. I see you posted roll that is great. Insulate yourself with other quitters. I will PM you my number, but get 5 other numbers you can talk to or text. Get in the chart room, and please join us on Kakao. It's a chat app you can download to your smartphone. That's is the best thing that has happened for me. I quit with you today Brother!
This is a great intro. Cav remember how you feel, and read this post often. Don't forget how it feels to be a liar and a sneak. You never want to go back there again. Quitting is man's work and you'll need as many tools in your toolbox of quit to get you through some of the tough days yuou have ahead of you....for most of us one of the biggest tools is we don't want to be a pathetic liar anymore. If I can give you some advice....come clean with your family. It may come as a shock to them, but hiding a quit does nothing to stay quit. You lied as a dipper be honest as a quitter. It was the smartest thing I've done in my quit.
Welcome, but don't worry about the hall of fame today. Worry about Day 2 today. We do this One Day at a Time (ODAAT), and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. You have made a wonderful choice to be quit!
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Solid intro, Cav, and welcome aboard. Have you told your wife and family about your decision to quit yet? If not, make that a priority - just as Dagranger says. You will be embarrassed and ashamed. Your wife will likely be super-pissed, but I'm guessing she will come around once she sees the commitment you are demonstrating plus the fact that you're fessing up first. This will become a huge part of your quit by creating a foundation of accountability. Ninja quitting is just as shitty as ninja dipping.
Keep posting roll first thing every day and PM me if you need digits.
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OK, so here's my story. I began dipping when I was in Middle School (yep, I'm from the South) and I did it because everyone else I knew did it. Being that I was already REALLY skinny and stuttered, I didn't want yet another reason to not fit in, so my friend introduced me to Hawkin (...yeah...let that sink in for a second). When I was ready to "graduate" to something with more of a "bite", I met a wonderful friend-turned-adversary...the KODIAK bear. Man, I loved the feeling I got from it and continued this "friendship" for 15+ years; through High School, College, Army, Seminary (yep, even thought I signed a pledge not to use tobacco products, the Bear had bitten me in a bad way, marriage, and new career. I gave myself all the excuses that we all do when we want to quit: once I get married; once we have children; once she starts crawling; walking; talking; etc. I've kicked the can down the road so many times that I've lost count. Mind you, I've kept this a secret from everyone in my family (parents, sister, spouse, in-laws, daughter). I feel like such a piece of shit for keeping this thing a secret for so many years and having to go to extreme efforts to hide my tracks (hide the can in the car; throw the spit bottle out before you get home; chew a few breath mints before you walk in; wondering where I put the can; did she find it; does she know and is just not saying anything; wash my hands as soon as I can get to the sink to wash the brown off my finger-tips; trying to find something new to spit in before I leave for work). I was/am pathetic and a sorry excuse for a man/husband/son/Dad/Christian. As far as what prompted this new "I'm quitting" surge, I realized that I am the only one who still dips since my Middle School days. My friends say, "Yeah, I did it in High School and College but dude, that was years ago. I had to grow out of that...that crap will kill you". I want to be tobacco free for good because honestly I just don't want to do this anymore. I wonder what it will be like to not live with this Bear on my back that consumes most of my day. I wonder what it will be like to not have a raw mouth after an especially rough day. I wonder what it will be like to not scramble for loose change to get a can on my way home. I wonder what it will be like to walk into work and not have coffee-Kodiak-old toothpaste breath. I am looking forward to taking this journey and joining everyone in the Hall of Fame.
-Thanks!
Welcome Cav -
Like you I had that damn Kod**k bear on my back for 20+ years. We all have been through the same sh*t of postponing quitting time and time again. Just know that if you get involved here you CAN do this. It's not easy but it sure is simple. Just don't dip for 1 day. Post roll and take the option off the table for that day - then wake up and repeat.
I'm on day 81 of freedom from that a**hole bear.
You got this man you just got to want it. I've got little kids too and the thought of telling them a stinking bear/addiction was more important to me than they are would be pretty effed up.
Send a pm if you need anything.
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From one fellow Stone Cold November Quitter to another, welcome aboard Cav Trooper!!
Great intro story. Sounds pretty similar to most of us here. I too, hid as a dipper. The constant worry of being caught, or leaving evidence behind is overwhelming. You don't need to live like that! BE QUIT and QUIT everyday. That's the only way to be. Don't be scared to open up to friends and family. You might be surprised at their reactions. If you can do that, you not only have all of us here at KTC for support, you have them as well. Surround yourself with the tool and resources necessary. We're here for you brother.
I'll be looking for you on roll every day. PM me if you need a number to contact. You don't have to be quit alone! We're here for ya!
Wise person once told me " You hid as a dipper don't hide as a quitter. Finally, man up and get this done! "
Take this to heart my friend! I look forward to being quit together!
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Welcome trooper. Watching many addicts come and go my point of view on coming clean to the family is different. I say that tat is a decision only you can make. Some telling is a major relief that helps make quitting easier, others (and only you know) it makes a bad situation worse. For me I came clean and my wife was my number one supporter. Pm me if I can help.
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Welcome Cav_Trooper!
It is good to see another Army guy on the boards. You should get in contact with CavMan83, I feel that you guys would have a lot in common.
Be active on here, make connections, and build an accountability system with your quit group outside of roll call. Your basket of quit will only be as strong as you weave it.
PM me if you ever need anything. Quit on my friend!