KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: TSNUS on August 14, 2012, 11:31:00 AM
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My name is Tim, quitting is easy for me, I've quit dozens of times.
Smoked on and off for about 10 years, and then got into the smokeless phase for about 10 years, nasty habit, chew cups left around the shop and house not only pissed off my wife, but really was nasty especially when knocked over and having to clean them up. Kodiak and Grizzly were my thang. Quit both of those, then experimented with snus spit-less products on the rebound. Now I'm hooked on Camel SNUS frost for the last 2 years and finally decided to break free for my own well being, and for my wife and kids that despise this addiction.
A friend of mine used this site to beat his habit and sent me. Thanks Tom!
So I put down the can, slowly walking away. Flushed the last few packets, now all I have to do is not buy any more. Luckily none of my friends chew anymore so I need to not buy. I need to not buy, I need to not buy any more. I can do this, it's gonna be hard, but I can do this.
Day 1, 1hour in, time to leave this habit for good. I'm not going to look back, I'm not going to buy another pack.
God help us all.
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TSNUS,
I was a little hesitant to respond because you said "quiting is easy for me".
Well your here, so obviously it's not easy for you.
I did however see that you have posted roll.
Good Job on taking your life back. If you haven't already visited the welcome center and read everything you can do so and then read some more.
I'm sure Tom probably gave you a run down, but it will be good for you to read it all yourself.
Post roll daily and hold yourself accountable. Continue to post, get to know some people and exchange some numbers. Use the vets and rely on them to get you through the tough times.
Everyone here has gone through or is going through the same thing as you, and as long as your willing to put in the work and keep your daily commitment, you will have the support of an army behind you.
Take it one day at a time, and I promise you will be happy with the results.
I hope to see you post roll again tomorrow. PM me if there is anything I can do to help.
Proud to quit with you today
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Congrats and hand tough. I am only on day 11 but know I can do it this time. I quit once before to get life insurance. Stayed quit for 5-6 months, then started back up. That was several yrs ago. I know I can do it this time. Not only for me and my family, but my pocket book. Was going thru over a can a day.
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Thanks JJ and vedman
The quitting is easy is kind of a tongue in cheek thing as in I have quit smoking, and substituted with chewing, then substituting chewing with snusing, and then full circle. I've quit dozens of times, the key mistake I keep making is buying the next can. If I never bought it maybe I could have stayed quit. I realize now that is where my biggest struggle will be after the pain of withdrawls. Been there done that and not looking forward to it. I'm such a dumbass for ever picking up the snus to begin with.
It started with late night fishing, just a couple, then at work, home, next thing I know it's 2 years later and I have one in my mouth every waking hour. Well enough is enough and now is MY time to conquer this for good.
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Flushed the last few packets, now all I have to do is not buy any more.
There's more to it than that. If you convince yourself that is the case, you're setting up for failure. It's hard to explain clearly, but trust me on that.
Tim says: "Don't buy any more."
Brain hears: "Don't buy any more."
Addiction translates: "It's ok as long I don't BUY any more."
The first time you happen by a free sample, or some loser at a party, or watever, your brain will only remember the translation. "It's ok. You're not BUYing it.". There your have a failure and you're right back where you are now.
We have to close that door.
Tim: "I am done with this addiction." Then post roll.
Brain hears: "I am done with this addiction."
Actions and accountability speak louder than words. There is no room for translation.
I know I'm rambling, but we have to really close the door to beat this thing.
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Thanks Radman for the insight and encouragement. I read your HOF (sounds pretty familiar) and I can see why the not buy one more can goal won't hold water. That will be my biggest struggle, I know that, but that will not be enough by itself to keep me quit. I really want to see that door closed.
Tim - I am done with this addiction!
Tim's brain today - WTF?
I think I need to go jog 100 miles to get my mind off things, it's going 100MPH right now. Need to let the hamster off the wheel.
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Thanks Radman for the insight and encouragement. I read your HOF (sounds pretty familiar) and I can see why the not buy one more can goal won't hold water. That will be my biggest struggle, I know that, but that will not be enough by itself to keep me quit. I really want to see that door closed.
Tim - I am done with this addiction!
Tim's brain today - WTF?
I think I need to go jog 100 miles to get my mind off things, it's going 100MPH right now. Need to let the hamster off the wheel.
Now you're talking!! I like that plan. Excercise helps immensely. If you're a jogger/runner, make sure you check out the endurance forum. I dabble a bit, but there are quite a few real diehards on here. Scowick, Hydro, Souliman, Miles and BigBrotherJack immediately pop into my mind cause I've actually met them.
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Hot Damn Tim!! Alright my friend we are now brothers in Quit. You will do this. You have no other choice because you gave your word today to not use nicotine. Wake up tomorrow and give your word just for that day again. It's not easy but it's simple!!
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Hot Damn Tim!! Alright my friend we are now brothers in Quit. You will do this. You have no other choice because you gave your word today to not use nicotine. Wake up tomorrow and give your word just for that day again. It's not easy but it's simple!!
Make sure you understand this addiction to nicotine is NOT a habit, it's an addiction. You are an addict, plain and simple. Stopping was easy, you quit nothing in the past, just substituted one for the other. The nic bitch may change her hair color from blonde to brunette but she's still got one goal in mind: keep you addicted and slowly kill you.
So, set your mind straight and set your plan to quit all forms one day at a time. There is no margin for error when your life is at stake.
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Day 2, last night sucked ass. Ran some errands, wanted a chew. Grilled dinner, wanted a chew. Ate dinner, wanted a chew. Went for a long walk after dinner, gone an hour, thought about having a chew no less than 100 times. Slept like shit, mouth sores starting, did I say this sucks ass? Why would anyone put themselves through this mess.
I do realize this is an addiction for sure, she's a real bitch.
Thanks Tom for checking in and the support my brother.
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Day 2, last night sucked ass. Ran some errands, wanted a chew. Grilled dinner, wanted a chew. Ate dinner, wanted a chew. Went for a long walk after dinner, gone an hour, thought about having a chew no less than 100 times. Slept like shit, mouth sores starting, did I say this sucks ass? Why would anyone put themselves through this mess.
I do realize this is an addiction for sure, she's a real bitch.
Thanks Tom for checking in and the support my brother.
Why? That may have been rhetorical, but I'll answer anyway. Because our life depends on it! Oh, and to keep us from suffering like Curtis and many others have:
ODT's cancer story with pics (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
He's here on KTC, and he will probably be glad to help clarify for you.
Anyway, I assure you that this will get better. After day 3, the nicotine will be gone. It's all mental from that point onward. Remeber the agony and funk you're suffering now. Document the experience. It will be a strong tool in the future.
Within a couple weeks, your body will begin to really thank you. There are several physical surprises in store for you. I feel the best I've felt in many, many years.
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Day 2, last night sucked ass. Ran some errands, wanted a chew. Grilled dinner, wanted a chew. Ate dinner, wanted a chew. Went for a long walk after dinner, gone an hour, thought about having a chew no less than 100 times. Slept like shit, mouth sores starting, did I say this sucks ass? Why would anyone put themselves through this mess.
I do realize this is an addiction for sure, she's a real bitch.
Thanks Tom for checking in and the support my brother.
Why? That may have been rhetorical, but I'll answer anyway. Because our life depends on it! Oh, and to keep us from suffering like Curtis and many others have:
ODT's cancer story with pics (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
He's here on KTC, and he will probably be glad to help clarify for you.
Anyway, I assure you that this will get better. After day 3, the nicotine will be gone. It's all mental from that point onward. Remeber the agony and funk you're suffering now. Document the experience. It will be a strong tool in the future.
Within a couple weeks, your body will begin to really thank you. There are several physical surprises in store for you. I feel the best I've felt in many, many years.
Best thing is you only go through this once.
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Day 2, last night sucked ass. Ran some errands, wanted a chew. Grilled dinner, wanted a chew. Ate dinner, wanted a chew. Went for a long walk after dinner, gone an hour, thought about having a chew no less than 100 times. Slept like shit, mouth sores starting, did I say this sucks ass? Why would anyone put themselves through this mess.
I do realize this is an addiction for sure, she's a real bitch.
Thanks Tom for checking in and the support my brother.
Why? That may have been rhetorical, but I'll answer anyway. Because our life depends on it! Oh, and to keep us from suffering like Curtis and many others have:
ODT's cancer story with pics (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
He's here on KTC, and he will probably be glad to help clarify for you.
Anyway, I assure you that this will get better. After day 3, the nicotine will be gone. It's all mental from that point onward. Remeber the agony and funk you're suffering now. Document the experience. It will be a strong tool in the future.
Within a couple weeks, your body will begin to really thank you. There are several physical surprises in store for you. I feel the best I've felt in many, many years.
Tsnus,
I suggest you read ODT's story that Radman linked you to. It's quite powerful and will fill you full of motivation for when the craves hit bad.
Another day or two of flushing that crap out of your system and then the healing begins. It is VERY MUCH WORTH IT. Everyone's recovery has issues whether is sleep, mouth sores, headaches, foggy feeling, nausea, blocked up......This all subsides. The key thing to remember is that while the symptoms of your history will go away, the fact that you are an addict for life will NEVER change. We are all here to remind each other of that everyday so we don't slip up. I hope you are here everyday to remind me, so that I can remind you.
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Thanks for the link, and thanks to ODT for sharing the story. WOW!
Things went pretty well for me today until lunch time. Yesterday I could hardly eat. Today I'm insatiable and ate everything in the shop including leftovers from yesterday and snacks I had laying around. Day is going by S L O W. I can see tonight is gonna be fun again, I'm going to stay quit no matter what.
Only 2:00 pm but I feel like I have been at work 3 days already today, hard to get anything done. I'd like to punch nicotine right in the face right about now, I feel like I'm losing my mind. 'Crazy' 'bang head'
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Thanks for the link, and thanks to ODT for sharing the story. WOW!
Things went pretty well for me today until lunch time. Yesterday I could hardly eat. Today I'm insatiable and ate everything in the shop including leftovers from yesterday and snacks I had laying around. Day is going by S L O W. I can see tonight is gonna be fun again, I'm going to stay quit no matter what.
Only 2:00 pm but I feel like I have been at work 3 days already today, hard to get anything done. I'd like to punch nicotine right in the face right about now, I feel like I'm losing my mind. 'Crazy' 'bang head'
Stay strong brother. Day 2 was the worst for me was in a huge haze, couldn't concentrate or get anything done at work. Make it through today and you can tackle anything, just think how much closer you are to having the nic fully removed from your system
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Thanks for the link, and thanks to ODT for sharing the story. WOW!
Things went pretty well for me today until lunch time. Yesterday I could hardly eat. Today I'm insatiable and ate everything in the shop including leftovers from yesterday and snacks I had laying around. Day is going by S L O W. I can see tonight is gonna be fun again, I'm going to stay quit no matter what.
Only 2:00 pm but I feel like I have been at work 3 days already today, hard to get anything done. I'd like to punch nicotine right in the face right about now, I feel like I'm losing my mind. 'Crazy' 'bang head'
Stay strong brother. Day 2 was the worst for me was in a huge haze, couldn't concentrate or get anything done at work. Make it through today and you can tackle anything, just think how much closer you are to having the nic fully removed from your system
Drink water. do some extra excercise if you're so inclined. Both will help. Most importanly, stay focused. You are doing the right thing coming here to vent when things get tough.
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Thanks for the link, and thanks to ODT for sharing the story. WOW!
Things went pretty well for me today until lunch time. Yesterday I could hardly eat. Today I'm insatiable and ate everything in the shop including leftovers from yesterday and snacks I had laying around. Day is going by S L O W. I can see tonight is gonna be fun again, I'm going to stay quit no matter what.
Only 2:00 pm but I feel like I have been at work 3 days already today, hard to get anything done. I'd like to punch nicotine right in the face right about now, I feel like I'm losing my mind. 'Crazy' 'bang head'
A gentle reminder that there is something you can eat every hour of the day and it has zero calories.
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Thanks for the link, and thanks to ODT for sharing the story. WOW!
Things went pretty well for me today until lunch time. Yesterday I could hardly eat. Today I'm insatiable and ate everything in the shop including leftovers from yesterday and snacks I had laying around. Day is going by S L O W. I can see tonight is gonna be fun again, I'm going to stay quit no matter what.
Only 2:00 pm but I feel like I have been at work 3 days already today, hard to get anything done. I'd like to punch nicotine right in the face right about now, I feel like I'm losing my mind. 'Crazy' 'bang head'
A gentle reminder that there is something you can eat every hour of the day and it has zero calories.
Well don't leave me hangin'
'Popcorn'
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Had sleep issues night 2 through 5. OTC sleep aides like unisom really helped. You are healing my friend. Your body is waking from it's nicotine induced haze and the nic bitch is pissed. Kick that bitch in the vadge and keep walking the righteous road to freedom. It's all mental now and you have the strength. You'd be a copmplete fucking idiot to go through these past 3 days again.
Last thing. There are millions of people that woke up this morning wishing they had the guts to quit and they sulk back to their baby bottle because they are afraid. That is no longer you.
It is something to be unwaveringly proud of.
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Day 4 Hot flashes, fog heavy this morning, dry mouth, numb brain, fuck everyone. Slept like shit, sweat like a whore, fuck nicotine the bitch. Mowed the yard last night, 4 mile walk to wear my ass out and still numb skull fog shit I'm dealing with, this sucks. This usually started after lunch for me, but today looks like an all day stupor. Shit, I'm such a dumbass for ever stuffing that shit in my face in the first place.
Strong is my resolve to stay quit, headed out on the road today, no nic for me ever again one day at a time.
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Day 4 Hot flashes, fog heavy this morning, dry mouth, numb brain, fuck everyone. Slept like shit, sweat like a whore, fuck nicotine the bitch. Mowed the yard last night, 4 mile walk to wear my ass out and still numb skull fog shit I'm dealing with, this sucks. This usually started after lunch for me, but today looks like an all day stupor. Shit, I'm such a dumbass for ever stuffing that shit in my face in the first place.
Strong is my resolve to stay quit, headed out on the road today, no nic for me ever again one day at a time.
Embrace the suck. Never forget what it feels like now so you will never go back to the nic bitch and start it all over again. Never. It gets better. Hang in there.
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Thanks GR8 and TGA made it through the weekend. :D Feeling great day 7!
Been taking sleep aids to get some rest and feeling better with each passing day. Last week was miserable but I made it through. This time I did not go it alone and that has made all the difference between my other lame quit attempts. Still have the triggers and taking a pass when the urge hits me. Learning to do everything without chew again since I chewed every waking hour when I wasn't eating. Sometimes I even passed on eating because I just put in a fresh one, hard to imagine now looking back.
Reading my past posts I was really in a bad place and tried my best to document it for myself. I wasn't sure if this was the place for me with all the fucking this and fuck that. Sheep fuckers and titties shaking at every turn I was even going to post something about it or leave, then I hit rock bottom. Suddenly these words and foul language helped me express how low I was feeling and allowed me to blow off some much needed steam.
So instead of a condemnation from me I do appreciate the freedom to vent and even though I'll probably never swear again here, I am thankful for the opportunity to have done so. Instead of judging I choose to embrace this site with the rest all of us addicts. We come from lots of different backgrounds and places, but we are all in this quit together, and together we are much stronger than on our own. Proud to be quit today with all you quitters.
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Great job. This is the place for you and me and whomever wishes to stand up and take control of their lives. We are all addicted to nicotine and will fight the urge to cave on a daily basis. Keep it up. 1 day at a time. Freedom from nicotine is worth it. You can do it.
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Great job. This is the place for you and me and whomever wishes to stand up and take control of their lives. We are all addicted to nicotine and will fight the urge to cave on a daily basis. Keep it up. 1 day at a time. Freedom from nicotine is worth it. You can do it.
Yes, great, great job. No dip for any reason! I love your attitude. The attitude of a quitter.
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A week is something to be tremendously proud of!! Enjoy the high you're riding. In a week or 2 she's gonna realize you're not fooling around this time and she is going to play games with your head big time. Post roll everyday to remove nicotine as an option and you will beat her again! Keep posting your experiences. It helps everyone.
Proud to have you as a quit brother!
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Day 28
Life is good. The strong cravings have been reduced to a simple thought which is easily dismissed. Feeling better and stronger with every day that passes. Posted 100% roll and I intend to keep my promise each day to myself and every other quitter here who can keep their promise to do the same. I've found old empty chew cans, half packs of cigarettes, half full snus containers, and even a full sealed can in a basket in the kitchen the other day. The stuff was literally everywhere and I trashed them all. What was really sweet was that when I found the sealed can my wife and kids were all there in the kitchen. I announced what I had found, they watched as I opened the seal, cracked it open, and dumped it right in the trash while they were watching. I have to admit it smelled great to me, but not once did I even consider stuffing that garbage in my face. After all I made a promise, never again one day at a time.
Since the agony and fog has cleared I have realized that the nic bitch had been stringing me along like a puppet for as long as I can remember. They caused me and especially my wife a lot of pain and suffering over the last 23 years. The lies told, irritability, and mood swings if I didn't get my fix were in control of my actions and mood. I took it out on her for so long that a new trust will have to be rebuilt with her one day at a time. She is pre-menopausal now and I was able to extend grace and sympathy towards her this weekend, where I would have just retaliated and got equally in her face which could have been another big step backwards. It felt great to be in control and able to stay calm with a storm raging around me.
The last 4 weeks have given me much time to reflect on myself, my actions, and my integrity. I've always thought of myself as an honest person, but I have found out that it all starts with being honest with myself and my actions. I have made a daily commitment to further honor my self, my wife, and my God by not looking at any porn, and have made it almost 2 weeks now. It's hard because it is everywhere around me. Even when I post roll I am bombarded with hotties of the day, avatars, smilies, even the lunatic in charge of my group is a goat fucker who named our November quit group the cunt faces. Now I just post roll and roll on without much interaction there any more.
Looking forward I see a long struggle with alcohol that will need to be addressed in time. What am I gaining from all of this is? FREEDOM. Freedom from the controlling, abusive, and destructive addictions I allowed to take my life from me. It may seem strange, but freedom from these things is liberating and feels great. No more lies to cover up, no more sneaking away to use, no more guilt and pain. Please say a prayer for me if you think about it. I can use all I can get.
Thanks for staying quit with me, proud to be quit with you all today, and tomorrow we'll do it all over again.
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Awesome month brother! Welcome to the other side. There are some tough days ahead but the memories of those first few days will help you stay quit. It keeps getting better B)
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Awesome month brother! Welcome to the other side. There are some tough days ahead but the memories of those first few days will help you stay quit. It keeps getting better B)
Just keep it rolling T and reach out to others here if that is what you need. My number is always available. That said, congrats on the month and the decisions made within it. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours today.
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Day 50
My Apology
50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.
Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.
I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.
I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.
I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.
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Day 50
My Apology
50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.
Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.
I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.
I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.
I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.
Damn, dude...
'clap'
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TSNUS, that is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing it with us. Mike
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Day 50
My Apology
50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.
Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.
I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.
I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.
I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.
Damn, dude...
'clap'
I'll echo that x3
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Day 50
My Apology
50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.
Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.
I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.
I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.
I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.
Damn, dude...
'clap'
I'll echo that x3
Takes a big man to write those words, takes a bigger man to honor those words. I know you are that man and will do all in your power to keep your word. I echo those sentiments as well and am proud to be quit with you.
QLAFM
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Day 50
My Apology
50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.
Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.
I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.
I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.
I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.
Damn, dude...
'clap'
I'll echo that x3
Takes a big man to write those words, takes a bigger man to honor those words. I know you are that man and will do all in your power to keep your word. I echo those sentiments as well and am proud to be quit with you.
QLAFM
Very very powerful and as I to can relate it comes straight from the heart!
Sometimes when we look back at the wrecking ball that has been our life its tough to first accept that in fact you were that guy and now your determined to not be that guy anymore!
Quit on Quiter!!!!
Stay Strong, Focused QUIT!
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Awesome T, thanks for posting this.
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The days are piling up, it won't be long to 100 days, before Thanksgiving even. I've been able to survive the late craves and my quit has gotten stronger from it. Just my view of nic use has changed and hell I've posted 100's of times to stay quit, maybe that resolve is etched in the brain through this thick skull by now. Really enjoying the freedom....
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Going it alone.
How is too hard to spend 5 minutes first thing every day to make a commitment to honor your resolve to quit? You didn't grow these quit balls on your own, you grew them here day by day as you made your roll pledge and honored it. Your word meant something, even if it never had in the past. No matter where you came from or what you've been through, this was your best chance to break free from nicotine. You were shown how to manage your new balls and how to care for them by those who went through all of this ahead of you. Your sack was really coming into their own and starting to sprout some hair even. I'm telling you your nutsack was good enough to make the Hall of Fame and you are willing to throw all that away? By turning them in and going it alone I would be setting myself up to fail. Probably the first step in a chain reaction to feed the addiction and opening yourself to failure. I choose to stay the course. Take some time away if you need, but you can still post roll every day doing so. If not for yourself, do it for the the new guys, the old vets, do it for yourself. Standing together the nic bitch doesn't stand a chance to devour us. She's lurking around the corner waiting for her chance for one of the weaker ones with no balls to separate from the group. Wait, here's her chance now....
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Day 122
Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day. Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way. Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too. As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away. New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves. Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly. Temptation to walk away probably visits us all. Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll. Taking only what I need and leaving the rest. Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all. Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own. This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.
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Day 122
Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day. Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way. Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too. As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away. New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves. Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly. Temptation to walk away probably visits us all. Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll. Taking only what I need and leaving the rest. Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all. Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own. This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.
Well said, keep to the quittin' skip all the bitchin'
QLAFM
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Day 122
Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day. Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way. Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too. As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away. New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves. Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly. Temptation to walk away probably visits us all. Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll. Taking only what I need and leaving the rest. Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all. Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own. This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.
Well said, keep to the quittin' skip all the bitchin'
QLAFM
Good stuff! 'bang head'
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Hey guys, you know there is a alcohol quit page and alcohol slowdown page on the site don't you?
alcohol quit page (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=46)
Not as busy as these pages but there is support.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Deal MT! If anyone else is up to the challenge feel free to join in. This is my drinking time of day up until around 8pm, seems strange to not grab a beer, stop for beer, or try to get one more in before dinner. Things are going much better this evening and this challenge is just what I need right now. Thanks for speaking up and having my back.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Deal MT! If anyone else is up to the challenge feel free to join in. This is my drinking time of day up until around 8pm, seems strange to not grab a beer, stop for beer, or try to get one more in before dinner. Things are going much better this evening and this challenge is just what I need right now. Thanks for speaking up and having my back.
I don't want to bite off more than I can chew (no pun intended). For now I want to focus on killing the can, but when I clear the two week mark with my nic quit I would like to join you guys. From what I hear I can expect to pack on a couple extra pounds and I know booze isn't going to help me drop it.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Deal MT! If anyone else is up to the challenge feel free to join in. This is my drinking time of day up until around 8pm, seems strange to not grab a beer, stop for beer, or try to get one more in before dinner. Things are going much better this evening and this challenge is just what I need right now. Thanks for speaking up and having my back.
I don't want to bite off more than I can chew (no pun intended). For now I want to focus on killing the can, but when I clear the two week mark with my nic quit I would like to join you guys. From what I hear I can expect to pack on a couple extra pounds and I know booze isn't going to help me drop it.
Sounds good boom, we're pulling for you and when you are ready come on by to join us, we'll be waiting for you.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Deal MT! If anyone else is up to the challenge feel free to join in. This is my drinking time of day up until around 8pm, seems strange to not grab a beer, stop for beer, or try to get one more in before dinner. Things are going much better this evening and this challenge is just what I need right now. Thanks for speaking up and having my back.
I don't want to bite off more than I can chew (no pun intended). For now I want to focus on killing the can, but when I clear the two week mark with my nic quit I would like to join you guys. From what I hear I can expect to pack on a couple extra pounds and I know booze isn't going to help me drop it.
Sounds good boom, we're pulling for you and when you are ready come on by to join us, we'll be waiting for you.
It took me over 4 years to get my beer and weight issues under control. Replaced dip with beer to make a long story short. Do not fall into that trap.
Right now I am in the best shape since high school and weigh less than I did after my freshman year of college. I can also proudly say I have not been drunk since September 24.
If I can do it, anyone can.
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Day 143
My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.
TSNUS
I quit with you on this. My plan was to start posting on day 300 so that I could keep track of days. In reality I already quit.
You have my word that I will go 30 days with you. Lets talk on your day 30 and see how we both feel.
At the very least, I see your quit and add my quit to yours today. Either of us wants to cave, we need to get the other ones permission.
Deal?
Deal MT! If anyone else is up to the challenge feel free to join in. This is my drinking time of day up until around 8pm, seems strange to not grab a beer, stop for beer, or try to get one more in before dinner. Things are going much better this evening and this challenge is just what I need right now. Thanks for speaking up and having my back.
I don't want to bite off more than I can chew (no pun intended). For now I want to focus on killing the can, but when I clear the two week mark with my nic quit I would like to join you guys. From what I hear I can expect to pack on a couple extra pounds and I know booze isn't going to help me drop it.
Sounds good boom, we're pulling for you and when you are ready come on by to join us, we'll be waiting for you.
It took me over 4 years to get my beer and weight issues under control. Replaced dip with beer to make a long story short. Do not fall into that trap.
Right now I am in the best shape since high school and weigh less than I did after my freshman year of college. I can also proudly say I have not been drunk since September 24.
If I can do it, anyone can.
'clap' 'clap'
That gets me so pumped up! I have been working to get to 175. Got to 184 and then relaps during the holidays.
I can and will do this. I want victory more than food, alcohol, nicotine etc. I am ready to be lean, Clean and a fighting machine.
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Day 149 and my quit is strong. I still get the random crave, especially the first couple days I quit drinking. My brain was expecting it's fix and was really messing with me. I made it a week without alcohol, dropped a couple pounds, and worked my sorry ass out of the funk I've been in. My head is clearing and I am feeling like a hundred bucks. LOL
A lotta work ahead and another weekend around the corner to stay clean. Made amends with my wife for being a prick over the weekend and life is great. I don't know what she sees in me, but I'm glad she does.
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Day 149 and my quit is strong. I still get the random crave, especially the first couple days I quit drinking. My brain was expecting it's fix and was really messing with me. I made it a week without alcohol, dropped a couple pounds, and worked my sorry ass out of the funk I've been in. My head is clearing and I am feeling like a hundred bucks. LOL
A lotta work ahead and another weekend around the corner to stay clean. Made amends with my wife for being a prick over the weekend and life is great. I don't know what she sees in me, but I'm glad she does.
will be 19 yrs. married this year. (sober 8) The first 11 yrs. were filled with arguments. Once I gave up alcohol 50% of the arguments disappeared. (she's a happy drunk - I was a mean drunk) after I gave up nic, another 50% poof ( nic made me moody thus argumentative) My wife is very mellow. I just feel like a better person without those stupid things in my life. to each his own, but we usually create our own stress. always here for you brother.. peace
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Day 178 and the cost of freedom
The last couple months I've been sick, in a funk, cabin fever, unhappy with life in general. I've been an irritable prick at home and I needed a change and an outlet. I've posted roll daily, made and honored my commitments some major, major changes in my life. You'd think this in itself would make things better, but it didn't. My escape route had been cut off. My family had been avoiding me. I didn't even want to be with me life sucked major ass.
Haven't been fishing or anything besides busy every damn day routines for way too long, so I blew off last night to hit the shooting range to try out some new hardware I picked up. 150 rounds and an hour later I found myself with a smile on my face and hot steel in my hand. I came home so happy my wife asked if I'd been drinking. This carried me through to today and I feel changed. Maybe I have turned the corner, or maybe I am just getting a glimpse of what a happy life is really about. I don't know for sure, but I like it.
The message here is hope. Denying yourself your outlets, your vices, your crutches is going to hurt like hell. The changes from within are going to come only after the pain and suffering are complete and you make it over the wall you have been trying to scale. This is the same wall you built to hide behind to cope, and deal with the insecurities, the problems of life. Taking away the security blanket exposes you to all of the shit you were trying to avoid and escape from in the first place. Never learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a trap. The longer you wait to learn, the longer it will take to resolve. Dulling the senses for the pain also dulls the senses for the good things in life too. Life is too short not to experience in a real way, without a substance masking reality, of good or bad. I choose to live my life free today.
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Day 178 and the cost of freedom
The last couple months I've been sick, in a funk, cabin fever, unhappy with life in general. I've been an irritable prick at home and I needed a change and an outlet. I've posted roll daily, made and honored my commitments some major, major changes in my life. You'd think this in itself would make things better, but it didn't. My escape route had been cut off. My family had been avoiding me. I didn't even want to be with me life sucked major ass.
Haven't been fishing or anything besides busy every damn day routines for way too long, so I blew off last night to hit the shooting range to try out some new hardware I picked up. 150 rounds and an hour later I found myself with a smile on my face and hot steel in my hand. I came home so happy my wife asked if I'd been drinking. This carried me through to today and I feel changed. Maybe I have turned the corner, or maybe I am just getting a glimpse of what a happy life is really about. I don't know for sure, but I like it.
The message here is hope. Denying yourself your outlets, your vices, your crutches is going to hurt like hell. The changes from within are going to come only after the pain and suffering are complete and you make it over the wall you have been trying to scale. This is the same wall you built to hide behind to cope, and deal with the insecurities, the problems of life. Taking away the security blanket exposes you to all of the shit you were trying to avoid and escape from in the first place. Never learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a trap. The longer you wait to learn, the longer it will take to resolve. Dulling the senses for the pain also dulls the senses for the good things in life too. Life is too short not to experience in a real way, without a substance masking reality, of good or bad. I choose to live my life free today.
well i think you have been reading my mind sir. thank you so much for that post. it hit a never in my self loathing today. my prob is just that. i dont know how to deal with life with out a vice. i need to learn. thank you.
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Day 178 and the cost of freedom
The last couple months I've been sick, in a funk, cabin fever, unhappy with life in general. I've been an irritable prick at home and I needed a change and an outlet. I've posted roll daily, made and honored my commitments some major, major changes in my life. You'd think this in itself would make things better, but it didn't. My escape route had been cut off. My family had been avoiding me. I didn't even want to be with me life sucked major ass.
Haven't been fishing or anything besides busy every damn day routines for way too long, so I blew off last night to hit the shooting range to try out some new hardware I picked up. 150 rounds and an hour later I found myself with a smile on my face and hot steel in my hand. I came home so happy my wife asked if I'd been drinking. This carried me through to today and I feel changed. Maybe I have turned the corner, or maybe I am just getting a glimpse of what a happy life is really about. I don't know for sure, but I like it.
The message here is hope. Denying yourself your outlets, your vices, your crutches is going to hurt like hell. The changes from within are going to come only after the pain and suffering are complete and you make it over the wall you have been trying to scale. This is the same wall you built to hide behind to cope, and deal with the insecurities, the problems of life. Taking away the security blanket exposes you to all of the shit you were trying to avoid and escape from in the first place. Never learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a trap. The longer you wait to learn, the longer it will take to resolve. Dulling the senses for the pain also dulls the senses for the good things in life too. Life is too short not to experience in a real way, without a substance masking reality, of good or bad. I choose to live my life free today.
well i think you have been reading my mind sir. thank you so much for that post. it hit a never in my self loathing today. my prob is just that. i dont know how to deal with life with out a vice. i need to learn. thank you.
Well Said T. Well Said.
It does feel wierd for a while when you realize your security blanket is gone and you are standing there naked infront of the world for the first time in a very long time.
But as soon as you become comfortable with who you are becomming, it's really not bad at all. A new you is developing. Mold it into something you like and are proud of.
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Day 178 and the cost of freedom
The last couple months I've been sick, in a funk, cabin fever, unhappy with life in general. I've been an irritable prick at home and I needed a change and an outlet. I've posted roll daily, made and honored my commitments some major, major changes in my life. You'd think this in itself would make things better, but it didn't. My escape route had been cut off. My family had been avoiding me. I didn't even want to be with me life sucked major ass.
Haven't been fishing or anything besides busy every damn day routines for way too long, so I blew off last night to hit the shooting range to try out some new hardware I picked up. 150 rounds and an hour later I found myself with a smile on my face and hot steel in my hand. I came home so happy my wife asked if I'd been drinking. This carried me through to today and I feel changed. Maybe I have turned the corner, or maybe I am just getting a glimpse of what a happy life is really about. I don't know for sure, but I like it.
The message here is hope. Denying yourself your outlets, your vices, your crutches is going to hurt like hell. The changes from within are going to come only after the pain and suffering are complete and you make it over the wall you have been trying to scale. This is the same wall you built to hide behind to cope, and deal with the insecurities, the problems of life. Taking away the security blanket exposes you to all of the shit you were trying to avoid and escape from in the first place. Never learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a trap. The longer you wait to learn, the longer it will take to resolve. Dulling the senses for the pain also dulls the senses for the good things in life too. Life is too short not to experience in a real way, without a substance masking reality, of good or bad. I choose to live my life free today.
well i think you have been reading my mind sir. thank you so much for that post. it hit a never in my self loathing today. my prob is just that. i dont know how to deal with life with out a vice. i need to learn. thank you.
Well Said T. Well Said.
It does feel wierd for a while when you realize your security blanket is gone and you are standing there naked infront of the world for the first time in a very long time.
But as soon as you become comfortable with who you are becomming, it's really not bad at all. A new you is developing. Mold it into something you like and are proud of.
Thanks brother, well said and proud to be in this fight with you.
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Day 178 and the cost of freedom
The last couple months I've been sick, in a funk, cabin fever, unhappy with life in general. I've been an irritable prick at home and I needed a change and an outlet. I've posted roll daily, made and honored my commitments some major, major changes in my life. You'd think this in itself would make things better, but it didn't. My escape route had been cut off. My family had been avoiding me. I didn't even want to be with me life sucked major ass.
Haven't been fishing or anything besides busy every damn day routines for way too long, so I blew off last night to hit the shooting range to try out some new hardware I picked up. 150 rounds and an hour later I found myself with a smile on my face and hot steel in my hand. I came home so happy my wife asked if I'd been drinking. This carried me through to today and I feel changed. Maybe I have turned the corner, or maybe I am just getting a glimpse of what a happy life is really about. I don't know for sure, but I like it.
The message here is hope. Denying yourself your outlets, your vices, your crutches is going to hurt like hell. The changes from within are going to come only after the pain and suffering are complete and you make it over the wall you have been trying to scale. This is the same wall you built to hide behind to cope, and deal with the insecurities, the problems of life. Taking away the security blanket exposes you to all of the shit you were trying to avoid and escape from in the first place. Never learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a trap. The longer you wait to learn, the longer it will take to resolve. Dulling the senses for the pain also dulls the senses for the good things in life too. Life is too short not to experience in a real way, without a substance masking reality, of good or bad. I choose to live my life free today.
well i think you have been reading my mind sir. thank you so much for that post. it hit a never in my self loathing today. my prob is just that. i dont know how to deal with life with out a vice. i need to learn. thank you.
Well Said T. Well Said.
It does feel wierd for a while when you realize your security blanket is gone and you are standing there naked infront of the world for the first time in a very long time.
But as soon as you become comfortable with who you are becomming, it's really not bad at all. A new you is developing. Mold it into something you like and are proud of.
Thanks brother, well said and proud to be in this fight with you.
Welcome, to the real world. "said Morpheus".
The real is sooooooooo much better sir!
I'll quit with you and relearning to live without the poison in our mouths! 'bang head'
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What ever happened to old TSNUS?
Go back to finger banging the can?