KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: CBus50 on March 10, 2014, 10:49:00 AM
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Hello all. I sit here today both angry but more hopeful than ever. Last fall I quit...on my own. It was a brutal experience but I never had more pride than when I took a flight across the country and went on a week's vacation and I didn't have to worry about how I'll dip on the plane or how many can I will need to pack so I don't run out when I'm there. It was truly one of the most conquering times of my life. I was quit for 3 months and feeling great.
I went out of some drinks with some friends and they had a pouch and I thought, "hey, I control this now...one can't hurt". It came ALL back again. Like I never quit. I'm ashamed of myself, I've hid it out of embarrassment and I'm so angry I slayed the beast and let it back in my life.
I cannot tell many people...yet. Therefore, I'm here looking for support from all of you. I need someone to be accountable to. It is the only way it works for me. The bad news is I'm back to square one. The good news is I learned that there is no "just one" anymore and I have all the tools to slay this monster once and for all!
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Cbus,
You are on the right path by getting involved with KTC and you have come to one of the most important conclusions, one that many of us avoided for some time. WE ARE ADDICTS. That conclusion is a huge leap forward in my opinion to a successful quit.
As for the part about not telling many people, I think you should tell everyone as this adds a level of accountability. We will hold you accountable here but having a SO/Spouse or good friend do the same helps because you see them in person everyday or often anyway.
Drink the KTC koolaid, post roll and be a man of your word and we will win this battle together. And remember you quit one day at a time, not 3 months or a year or a week, just one day at a time. (ODAAT)
Welcome to the Nut House!
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Welcome,
First of all, read everything you can on this site. Learn how to post roll. It is your daily promise not to use nicotine in any form. Post roll Every Damn Day.... No excuses; then keep that promise one day at a time! Do not worry about tomorrow, just worry about today. You are a nicotine addict like the rest of us.... You will never be cured, never be able to " have just one". I am living proof that you can live free from that poison! I'll quit with you today
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Go to WELCOME CENTER and post roll with June 2014. You came to the right place, we're pulling for you.
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Cbus,
I, like you, have quit before but without this site. YOU NEED KTC.
I quit chew/dip but didn't quit NIC. I said I could handle smoking a few cigars from time to time...but if you are an addict and you and I are you cant handle it.
My cigars led me right back to dip/chew.
This time I have quit NIC with the KTC brotherhood.
I will stay quit now.
Let your embarrassment motive you.
I am day 27 now!
Read this site...drink water and exercise.
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Although you were never a member of this site before, I would still like to see you come up with a plan.
Read stuff on other people's intros and around this site, then post your quit plan.
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I too had quit before, or at least I thought I did. I stopped dipping for 3 years at one point. I got pissed at something and also thought, I will just have one and toss the can. It never works out the way we think unless we have support and can commit to being quit. Realizing we are addicts is also an important step. You can't fix something that you don't know is broken. Posting Roll daily is your lifeline to being quit but you gotta keep on posting. It's been 11 days for me. Mostly good days but a couple hard as hell days. When your feeling the urge, jump on here and hit the chat room, read some posts, and continue to log your journey in your intro. We only do this one day at a time. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Quitting with you today
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Welcome to KTC,
I think all of us on here have attempted at some point to quit, obviously we were not successful because we have found each other here. Something in us makes us want to quit. Why do you want to quit? What drives you to quit? Are you quitting because you are embarassed of your addiction?
Hold on to whatever is driving your quit, but ultimately it has to be for you. I told my significant other that I was quitting 168 days ago which fell on deaf ears of "we'll see how long you make it this time". It has to be your decision to do it for your reasons.
As your first hand experience has illustrated you know how quick it is to go back, You make your promise every morning and stay quit for that day. Feel free to contact me any time if you need anything.
odaat
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You never quit and you didn't slay shit. You stopped for a bit before the nic bitch owned your ass once again.
Any jack pole can stop for a bit.
You say you have all the tools, well I think you can pick a few more up here.
You will be tested again, probably more so than when you paused for 3 months.
Be ready! Have a plan, build some relationships, get some phone numbers, get into chat, etc...
Don't be a spectator who thinks they have all the answers. Get in the game and own this shit.
You can do this!!!!
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Just quit today. Then do that over and over again...a bunch. I'll do it with you.
TELL EVERYONE. It's important. They'll support you. I'm stopping people in the street to tell them I quit. I went to my favorite store to tell my favorite cashier that we were going to have to break up.
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Don't be a spectator who thinks they have all the answers. Get in the game and own this shit.Â
This is good. You will get out of KTC what you put in. If you chose to do the minimum don't expect more than the minimum in return. Jump in with full trust of what these people are saying to you and a whole new world will open to you. One free of slavery and nicotine, but also of a powerful brotherhood. It's like magic only real.
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Your at the right place cbus. Drink this cool-aid!
I too have "stopped" in the past just to change the delivery vehicle that the nic bitch chose to drive down my throat. But thanks to KTC this time I haven't stopped...I QUIT! I will not use today. When tomorrow becomes today, I will repeat my promise ODAAT
I quit with you!
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Like everyone is saying, quit one day at a time. It was a great feeling to look at a cashier who came to know what can I preferred who asked how many I wanted and say "no thanks, I quit."
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Currently on day 2 and going strong. I would like to sincerely thank all of you that posted here with words of encouragement, incredible advise, and tough love. I also went into the chat room yesterday and met some amazing individuals.
On all of your advice, I have done the following. I have called my family members who do not live locally and informed them of my quit. I have told my significant other last night of the quit which was incredibly difficult as she was the one who helped me through the last time. This was a tough conversation as she feels hurt that I've been sneaking around during my relapse. I understand her feelings and it does hurt me to know that I have failed her. But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life. Lastly, I had a conversation with my 5 year old daughter who I've never hidden around before and calls it "chewin' tobacca". I explained to her that the stuff I put in my mouth is bad for me. I also told her that I love her more than that "stuff" and that I will promise to her to never do it again. If she ever sees me doing it again, I want her to remind me of my promise to her. Tears were running down my face as they are now.
So some of you asked about my plan.
#1 – I am doing this for me. I'm selfish. I want to see my daughter grow up, play in the band/sports, graduate high school/college, get married, have children of her own and be a grandfather someday. If I get taken out early because of something I could have prevented…I will not only die painfully, but I will do with more guilt and anger than any one should.
#2 – I have made a promise to my daughter. I did not make this promise during my first quit…probably because in my head I wasn't sure I could follow through. This time, I know I can. Thus, I'm willing to promise her…the little girl I've never let down and never will.
#3 – I've printed my contract. It is powerful. I have shared this with my SO and family. If I dip again, I will sign this before doing it and scan and email to all of them. They are aware of this. I am aware of this. It will be a declaration that nicotine is more important than anyone else in my life.
#4 – I've got some numbers of some amazing people on this site…some even local. I have put these in my phone and I will call/text them before I cave.
#5 – I've changed my lifestyle immediately. I got up this morning and ran on my treadmill. My middle console in my car is filled with more life savers / jolly ranchers / blow pops than you could imagine. I actually enjoy my drive. I drink lots of water all day. It both keeps the oral fixation satisfied but flushes and makes me feel better. I pack my lunch. I don't want to leave work...lunch is a trigger. I found a lunch group that packs and I have even told them about my situation. It is now essentially another group of people I am accountable to.
#6 – I time and track my craves. I had 5 major and 4 minor ones yesterday on my first day. None of them lasted for more than 3 minutes. At worst, that is 27 minutes out of the day. I can handle that. I also have things ready to do when they come on…laundry, dishes, walking, pushups…whatever. The sad thing is I like the craves. It's weird I know, but as the crave hits, I am visualizing it being the result of strangling that monster inside me around the neck…begging for its lifeblood and I deprive it and it withers away.
So yesÂ…day 2Â…feeling GREAT! Looking forward to another day of strangling that beast some more. Thanks again to all of you amazing people!
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Currently on day 2 and going strong. I would like to sincerely thank all of you that posted here with words of encouragement, incredible advise, and tough love. I also went into the chat room yesterday and met some amazing individuals.
On all of your advice, I have done the following. I have called my family members who do not live locally and informed them of my quit. I have told my significant other last night of the quit which was incredibly difficult as she was the one who helped me through the last time. This was a tough conversation as she feels hurt that I've been sneaking around during my relapse. I understand her feelings and it does hurt me to know that I have failed her. But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life. Lastly, I had a conversation with my 5 year old daughter who I've never hidden around before and calls it "chewin' tobacca". I explained to her that the stuff I put in my mouth is bad for me. I also told her that I love her more than that "stuff" and that I will promise to her to never do it again. If she ever sees me doing it again, I want her to remind me of my promise to her. Tears were running down my face as they are now.
So some of you asked about my plan.
#1 – I am doing this for me. I'm selfish. I want to see my daughter grow up, play in the band/sports, graduate high school/college, get married, have children of her own and be a grandfather someday. If I get taken out early because of something I could have prevented…I will not only die painfully, but I will do with more guilt and anger than any one should.
#2 – I have made a promise to my daughter. I did not make this promise during my first quit…probably because in my head I wasn't sure I could follow through. This time, I know I can. Thus, I'm willing to promise her…the little girl I've never let down and never will.
#3 – I've printed my contract. It is powerful. I have shared this with my SO and family. If I dip again, I will sign this before doing it and scan and email to all of them. They are aware of this. I am aware of this. It will be a declaration that nicotine is more important than anyone else in my life.
#4 – I've got some numbers of some amazing people on this site…some even local. I have put these in my phone and I will call/text them before I cave.
#5 – I've changed my lifestyle immediately. I got up this morning and ran on my treadmill. My middle console in my car is filled with more life savers / jolly ranchers / blow pops than you could imagine. I actually enjoy my drive. I drink lots of water all day. It both keeps the oral fixation satisfied but flushes and makes me feel better. I pack my lunch. I don't want to leave work...lunch is a trigger. I found a lunch group that packs and I have even told them about my situation. It is now essentially another group of people I am accountable to.
#6 – I time and track my craves. I had 5 major and 4 minor ones yesterday on my first day. None of them lasted for more than 3 minutes. At worst, that is 27 minutes out of the day. I can handle that. I also have things ready to do when they come on…laundry, dishes, walking, pushups…whatever. The sad thing is I like the craves. It's weird I know, but as the crave hits, I am visualizing it being the result of strangling that monster inside me around the neck…begging for its lifeblood and I deprive it and it withers away.
So yesÂ…day 2Â…feeling GREAT! Looking forward to another day of strangling that beast some more. Thanks again to all of you amazing people!
CBus you've got this! Keep active and use those numbers you have daily. Build those relationships.
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Currently on day 2 and going strong. I would like to sincerely thank all of you that posted here with words of encouragement, incredible advise, and tough love. I also went into the chat room yesterday and met some amazing individuals.Â
On all of your advice, I have done the following. I have called my family members who do not live locally and informed them of my quit. I have told my significant other last night of the quit which was incredibly difficult as she was the one who helped me through the last time. This was a tough conversation as she feels hurt that I've been sneaking around during my relapse.  I understand her feelings and it does hurt me to know that I have failed her. But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life.  Lastly, I had a conversation with my 5 year old daughter who I've never hidden around before and calls it "chewin' tobacca". I explained to her that the stuff I put in my mouth is bad for me. I also told her that I love her more than that "stuff" and that I will promise to her to never do it again. If she ever sees me doing it again, I want her to remind me of my promise to her. Tears were running down my face as they are now. Â
So some of you asked about my plan.Â
#1 – I am doing this for me. I'm selfish. I want to see my daughter grow up, play in the band/sports, graduate high school/college, get married, have children of her own and be a grandfather someday. If I get taken out early because of something I could have prevented…I will not only die painfully, but I will do with more guilt and anger than any one should.
#2 – I have made a promise to my daughter. I did not make this promise during my first quit…probably because in my head I wasn't sure I could follow through. This time, I know I can. Thus, I'm willing to promise her…the little girl I've never let down and never will.
#3 – I've printed my contract. It is powerful. I have shared this with my SO and family. If I dip again, I will sign this before doing it and scan and email to all of them. They are aware of this. I am aware of this. It will be a declaration that nicotine is more important than anyone else in my life.Â
#4 – I've got some numbers of some amazing people on this siteÂ…some even local. I have put these in my phone and I will call/text them before I cave.Â
#5 – I've changed my lifestyle immediately. I got up this morning and ran on my treadmill. My middle console in my car is filled with more life savers / jolly ranchers / blow pops than you could imagine. I actually enjoy my drive. I drink lots of water all day. It both keeps the oral fixation satisfied but flushes and makes me feel better.  I pack my lunch. I don't want to leave work...lunch is a trigger. I found a lunch group that packs and I have even told them about my situation. It is now essentially another group of people I am accountable to.Â
#6 – I time and track my craves. I had 5 major and 4 minor ones yesterday on my first day. None of them lasted for more than 3 minutes. At worst, that is 27 minutes out of the day. I can handle that.  I also have things ready to do when they come on…laundry, dishes, walking, pushups…whatever.  The sad thing is I like the craves. It's weird I know, but as the crave hits, I am visualizing it being the result of strangling that monster inside me around the neck…begging for its lifeblood and I deprive it and it withers away.
So yes…day 2…feeling GREAT! Looking forward to another day of strangling that beast some more. Thanks again to all of you amazing people!
CBus you've got this! Keep active and use those numbers you have daily. Build those relationships.
Reading this just gave me quit wood.
I like what you said about being selfish and owning your quit, that is what you have to do to be successful. Lunch was a big trigger for me. I used to avoid going to lunch in groups or group settings because I knew I wouldn't be able to dip. I would prefer to drive and eat somehwere and dip in my car over eating with coworkers. That seems so insane to think about. I have people I eat with at the same time everyday and bring my lunch as well and they are aware of my quit.
Those craves will ease up over time but do not let your shield down. Keep the mentality of fighting and find what works for you to get past them.
The conversation I had with my significant other when about as promising as yours... But we understand what you are going through, post roll and keep your promise for today. Look forward to seeing more of you on here.
-
Currently on day 2 and going strong. I would like to sincerely thank all of you that posted here with words of encouragement, incredible advise, and tough love. I also went into the chat room yesterday and met some amazing individuals.
On all of your advice, I have done the following. I have called my family members who do not live locally and informed them of my quit. I have told my significant other last night of the quit which was incredibly difficult as she was the one who helped me through the last time. This was a tough conversation as she feels hurt that I've been sneaking around during my relapse. I understand her feelings and it does hurt me to know that I have failed her. But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life. Lastly, I had a conversation with my 5 year old daughter who I've never hidden around before and calls it "chewin' tobacca". I explained to her that the stuff I put in my mouth is bad for me. I also told her that I love her more than that "stuff" and that I will promise to her to never do it again. If she ever sees me doing it again, I want her to remind me of my promise to her. Tears were running down my face as they are now.
So some of you asked about my plan.
#1 – I am doing this for me. I'm selfish. I want to see my daughter grow up, play in the band/sports, graduate high school/college, get married, have children of her own and be a grandfather someday. If I get taken out early because of something I could have prevented…I will not only die painfully, but I will do with more guilt and anger than any one should.
#2 – I have made a promise to my daughter. I did not make this promise during my first quit…probably because in my head I wasn't sure I could follow through. This time, I know I can. Thus, I'm willing to promise her…the little girl I've never let down and never will.
#3 – I've printed my contract. It is powerful. I have shared this with my SO and family. If I dip again, I will sign this before doing it and scan and email to all of them. They are aware of this. I am aware of this. It will be a declaration that nicotine is more important than anyone else in my life.
#4 – I've got some numbers of some amazing people on this site…some even local. I have put these in my phone and I will call/text them before I cave.
#5 – I've changed my lifestyle immediately. I got up this morning and ran on my treadmill. My middle console in my car is filled with more life savers / jolly ranchers / blow pops than you could imagine. I actually enjoy my drive. I drink lots of water all day. It both keeps the oral fixation satisfied but flushes and makes me feel better. I pack my lunch. I don't want to leave work...lunch is a trigger. I found a lunch group that packs and I have even told them about my situation. It is now essentially another group of people I am accountable to.
#6 – I time and track my craves. I had 5 major and 4 minor ones yesterday on my first day. None of them lasted for more than 3 minutes. At worst, that is 27 minutes out of the day. I can handle that. I also have things ready to do when they come on…laundry, dishes, walking, pushups…whatever. The sad thing is I like the craves. It's weird I know, but as the crave hits, I am visualizing it being the result of strangling that monster inside me around the neck…begging for its lifeblood and I deprive it and it withers away.
So yesÂ…day 2Â…feeling GREAT! Looking forward to another day of strangling that beast some more. Thanks again to all of you amazing people!
This is freaking awesome stuff here. Damn proud to quit with you today.
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Currently on day 2 and going strong.  I would like to sincerely thank all of you that posted here with words of encouragement, incredible advise, and tough love.  I also went into the chat room yesterday and met some amazing individuals. Â
On all of your advice, I have done the following.  I have called my family members who do not live locally and informed them of my quit.  I have told my significant other last night of the quit which was incredibly difficult as she was the one who helped me through the last time.  This was a tough conversation as she feels hurt that I've been sneaking around during my relapse.  I understand her feelings and it does hurt me to know that I have failed her.  But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life.  Lastly, I had a conversation with my 5 year old daughter who I've never hidden around before and calls it "chewin' tobacca".  I explained to her that the stuff I put in my mouth is bad for me.  I also told her that I love her more than that "stuff" and that I will promise to her to never do it again.  If she ever sees me doing it again, I want her to remind me of my promise to her.  Tears were running down my face as they are now. Â
So some of you asked about my plan. Â
#1 – I am doing this for me.  I'm selfish.  I want to see my daughter grow up, play in the band/sports, graduate high school/college, get married, have children of her own and be a grandfather someday.  If I get taken out early because of something I could have prevented…I will not only die painfully, but I will do with more guilt and anger than any one should.
#2 – I have made a promise to my daughter. I did not make this promise during my first quit…probably because in my head I wasn't sure I could follow through.  This time, I know I can. Thus, I'm willing to promise her…the little girl I've never let down and never will.
#3 – I've printed my contract.  It is powerful.  I have shared this with my SO and family.  If I dip again, I will sign this before doing it and scan and email to all of them.  They are aware of this.  I am aware of this.  It will be a declaration that nicotine is more important than anyone else in my life. Â
#4 – I've got some numbers of some amazing people on this siteÂ…some even local.  I have put these in my phone and I will call/text them before I cave. Â
#5 – I've changed my lifestyle immediately.  I got up this morning and ran on my treadmill.  My middle console in my car is filled with more life savers / jolly ranchers / blow pops than you could imagine.  I actually enjoy my drive.  I drink lots of water all day.  It both keeps the oral fixation satisfied but flushes and makes me feel better.  I pack my lunch.  I don't want to leave work...lunch is a trigger.  I found a lunch group that packs and I have even told them about my situation.  It is now essentially another group of people I am accountable to. Â
#6 – I time and track my craves.  I had 5 major and 4 minor ones yesterday on my first day.  None of them lasted for more than 3 minutes.  At worst, that is 27 minutes out of the day. I can handle that.  I also have things ready to do when they come on…laundry, dishes, walking, pushups…whatever.  The sad thing is I like the craves.  It's weird I know, but as the crave hits, I am visualizing it being the result of strangling that monster inside me around the neck…begging for its lifeblood and I deprive it and it withers away.
So yes…day 2…feeling GREAT!  Looking forward to another day of strangling that beast some more.  Thanks again to all of you amazing people!
CBus you've got this! Keep active and use those numbers you have daily. Build those relationships.
Reading this just gave me quit wood.
I like what you said about being selfish and owning your quit, that is what you have to do to be successful. Lunch was a big trigger for me. I used to avoid going to lunch in groups or group settings because I knew I wouldn't be able to dip. I would prefer to drive and eat somehwere and dip in my car over eating with coworkers. That seems so insane to think about. I have people I eat with at the same time everyday and bring my lunch as well and they are aware of my quit.
Those craves will ease up over time but do not let your shield down. Keep the mentality of fighting and find what works for you to get past them.
The conversation I had with my significant other when about as promising as yours... But we understand what you are going through, post roll and keep your promise for today. Look forward to seeing more of you on here.
You are on the right track brother. This is a great read, and it is great to see that you have such a good understanding of this.
I quit with you today.
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One day at a time ....and hell yes be selfish!! I'll quit with you !!
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But I explained to her I now understand that I'm an addictÂ….there is no denying that now and I can never, ever have another drop of nicotine in my life.
The day I admitted I was an addict was the day I controlled nicotine instead of nicotine controlling me. It did not make quitting easy, but it did mean that I called all of the shots.
...a big step.
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Thats good stuff Cbus... I quit with you brother!
I, like you, made a promise this time to my youngin's... 2 and 7 year old boys in my case. Made them both promise to kick me in the shins if they ever see me with that crap again.
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Day 8...one week in and boy what a week it has been! Days 1-3 were horrid but full of excitement as each our represented losing the physical grip nic had on me.
Days 4-5 were actually easier than I would have thought...some craves...but nothing too overly substantial.
Then the f-ing weekend hit...the weather was breaking in the midwest. I was off a schedule and driving around town with my daughter. It was as if all the gas stations were Sirens trying to pull my boat into the rocks. It was a brutal, brutal weekend and even worse than day 1-3. I had trouble sleeping, cold sweats, I was so antsy, short tempered and I couldn't concentrate. I almost felt like I wanted to handcuff myself to something so my brain couldn't talk me into anything.
For the first time in my life, I'm glad it's Monday and I'm back at work. Also, I'm glad I have some time before another weekend.
The best news though is NO CAVE here. I'm focused on getting through this Monday.
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Day 8...one week in and boy what a week it has been! Days 1-3 were horrid but full of excitement as each our represented losing the physical grip nic had on me.
Days 4-5 were actually easier than I would have thought...some craves...but nothing too overly substantial.
Then the f-ing weekend hit...the weather was breaking in the midwest. I was off a schedule and driving around town with my daughter. It was as if all the gas stations were Sirens trying to pull my boat into the rocks. It was a brutal, brutal weekend and even worse than day 1-3. I had trouble sleeping, cold sweats, I was so antsy, short tempered and I couldn't concentrate. I almost felt like I wanted to handcuff myself to something so my brain couldn't talk me into anything.
For the first time in my life, I'm glad it's Monday and I'm back at work. Also, I'm glad I have some time before another weekend.
The best news though is NO CAVE here. I'm focused on getting through this Monday.
Great job making it through. You are fighting for your life brother, and you are winning the battles. Failure is not an option. I quit with you today.
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Day 8...one week in and boy what a week it has been!  Days 1-3 were horrid but full of excitement as each our represented losing the physical grip nic had on me.Â
Days 4-5 were actually easier than I would have thought...some craves...but nothing too overly substantial.
Then the f-ing weekend hit...the weather was breaking in the midwest.  I was off a schedule and driving around town with my daughter.  It was as if all the gas stations were Sirens trying to pull my boat into the rocks.  It was a brutal, brutal weekend and even worse than day 1-3.  I had trouble sleeping, cold sweats, I was so antsy, short tempered and I couldn't concentrate.  I almost felt like I wanted to handcuff myself to something so my brain couldn't talk me into anything. Â
For the first time in my life, I'm glad it's Monday and I'm back at work.  Also, I'm glad I have some time before another weekend. Â
The best news though is NO CAVE here.  I'm focused on getting through this Monday.
Great job making it through. You are fighting for your life brother, and you are winning the battles. Failure is not an option. I quit with you today.
Great job Cbus!
You can beat this shit! Just keep breaking it into small bits that you can handle. Every little victory you get makes you stronger and the nic bitch weaker.
Proud to quit with you bro!
PM me if you need anything.
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Day 8...one week in and boy what a week it has been!  Days 1-3 were horrid but full of excitement as each our represented losing the physical grip nic had on me.Â
Days 4-5 were actually easier than I would have thought...some craves...but nothing too overly substantial.
Then the f-ing weekend hit...the weather was breaking in the midwest.  I was off a schedule and driving around town with my daughter.  It was as if all the gas stations were Sirens trying to pull my boat into the rocks.  It was a brutal, brutal weekend and even worse than day 1-3.  I had trouble sleeping, cold sweats, I was so antsy, short tempered and I couldn't concentrate.  I almost felt like I wanted to handcuff myself to something so my brain couldn't talk me into anything. Â
For the first time in my life, I'm glad it's Monday and I'm back at work.  Also, I'm glad I have some time before another weekend. Â
The best news though is NO CAVE here.  I'm focused on getting through this Monday.
Great job making it through. You are fighting for your life brother, and you are winning the battles. Failure is not an option. I quit with you today.
Great job Cbus!
You can beat this shit! Just keep breaking it into small bits that you can handle. Every little victory you get makes you stronger and the nic bitch weaker.
Proud to quit with you bro!
PM me if you need anything.
Keep fighting, man. We're right beside you.
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Walked right into the Lion's Den last night. It is a move many of you vets would have warned against. The Tuesday before the NCAA tourney for the last 20 years, me and my college friends meet up at a bar and draft teams for a pool. I look forward to this night because it is the only time I see some of these guys all year. I didn't want to miss this night but I knew going in it was going to be a test.
There are individuals in this group that chew/dip and I knew this going in. Upon arrival I informed them that I was quit and please not to offer it to me and if I lost my mind and asked, please don't give it to me.
I have to admit, it was tough to watch...but the urge was not overwhelming. This site has proven its worth. Although there was an urge, no doubt, the thought of letting guys down that quit with me yesterday was stronger. Perhaps the non-stop cave stories coming through lately and the day 1 re-post were in my mind, but I am proud I did not cave. Even better, I am proud of how easy it was compared to the past quits. I did not allow myself to drink alcohol which helped. Most importantly, I want to thank all of you that supported me in my first 10 days...that is what rose above and let me go on first thing this morning and post day 10, not day 1.
-
Walked right into the Lion's Den last night. It is a move many of you vets would have warned against. The Tuesday before the NCAA tourney for the last 20 years, me and my college friends meet up at a bar and draft teams for a pool. I look forward to this night because it is the only time I see some of these guys all year. I didn't want to miss this night but I knew going in it was going to be a test.
There are individuals in this group that chew/dip and I knew this going in. Upon arrival I informed them that I was quit and please not to offer it to me and if I lost my mind and asked, please don't give it to me.
I have to admit, it was tough to watch...but the urge was not overwhelming. This site has proven its worth. Although there was an urge, no doubt, the thought of letting guys down that quit with me yesterday was stronger. Perhaps the non-stop cave stories coming through lately and the day 1 re-post were in my mind, but I am proud I did not cave. Even better, I am proud of how easy it was compared to the past quits. I did not allow myself to drink alcohol which helped. Most importantly, I want to thank all of you that supported me in my first 10 days...that is what rose above and let me go on first thing this morning and post day 10, not day 1.
Excellent! And it keeps getting better
-
Walked right into the Lion's Den last night. It is a move many of you vets would have warned against. The Tuesday before the NCAA tourney for the last 20 years, me and my college friends meet up at a bar and draft teams for a pool. I look forward to this night because it is the only time I see some of these guys all year. I didn't want to miss this night but I knew going in it was going to be a test.
There are individuals in this group that chew/dip and I knew this going in. Upon arrival I informed them that I was quit and please not to offer it to me and if I lost my mind and asked, please don't give it to me.
I have to admit, it was tough to watch...but the urge was not overwhelming. This site has proven its worth. Although there was an urge, no doubt, the thought of letting guys down that quit with me yesterday was stronger. Perhaps the non-stop cave stories coming through lately and the day 1 re-post were in my mind, but I am proud I did not cave. Even better, I am proud of how easy it was compared to the past quits. I did not allow myself to drink alcohol which helped. Most importantly, I want to thank all of you that supported me in my first 10 days...that is what rose above and let me go on first thing this morning and post day 10, not day 1.
Excellent! And it keeps getting better
Way to go Cbus.
Another obstacle conquered.
Quit with you.
-
Cbus...I felt just like you...
Day 10 seems like such a huge milestone.
Next thing I knew I was on Day 36...and so will you be in no time.
Every day gets better.
-
Way to quit, CBus!
mb289
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Day 50...I wish I could sit here and say..."wow, 1/2 way to HOF and things are amazing!". When looking back, the first 10 days were hell on earth...but I got through. Days 11 to 20 felt like hell with much less heat. Days 20 through 40 were a breeze...honestly, there were many days in there where I never thought about dip or nicotine...sincerely. I felt great and I never even thought about it and when I did...my brain quickly said, no way dude! And that was that.
Now today at day 50, I can tell you the last 5 days have been as hard as days 6-10. I have had horrible and multiple craves. I don't know what it is...the weather, my mood, the fact I am this far along and my body knows I mean business? Not sure, but I want to at least document it here and thank all of you for your continued support.
If this was the case for any of you vets, it would be good to know..
-
Day 50...I wish I could sit here and say..."wow, 1/2 way to HOF and things are amazing!". When looking back, the first 10 days were hell on earth...but I got through. Days 11 to 20 felt like hell with much less heat. Days 20 through 40 were a breeze...honestly, there were many days in there where I never thought about dip or nicotine...sincerely. I felt great and I never even thought about it and when I did...my brain quickly said, no way dude! And that was that.
Now today at day 50, I can tell you the last 5 days have been as hard as days 6-10. I have had horrible and multiple craves. I don't know what it is...the weather, my mood, the fact I am this far along and my body knows I mean business? Not sure, but I want to at least document it here and thank all of you for your continued support.
If this was the case for any of you vets, it would be good to know..
Sounds about right. Stay pissed and keep up the battle. Bad days come and go for quite a while it seems, it does get easier for sure.
-
Day 50...I wish I could sit here and say..."wow, 1/2 way to HOF and things are amazing!". When looking back, the first 10 days were hell on earth...but I got through. Days 11 to 20 felt like hell with much less heat. Days 20 through 40 were a breeze...honestly, there were many days in there where I never thought about dip or nicotine...sincerely. I felt great and I never even thought about it and when I did...my brain quickly said, no way dude! And that was that.
Now today at day 50, I can tell you the last 5 days have been as hard as days 6-10. I have had horrible and multiple craves. I don't know what it is...the weather, my mood, the fact I am this far along and my body knows I mean business? Not sure, but I want to at least document it here and thank all of you for your continued support.
If this was the case for any of you vets, it would be good to know..
Sounds about right. Stay pissed and keep up the battle. Bad days come and go for quite a while it seems, it does get easier for sure.
A lot of people struggled for months to feel right. It takes time. There will be ups and downs. You are still fighting daily battles. That's what this addiction has done to us. Failure is simply not an option. Stay committed and keep building your accountability. That is the path to success. It will get better I guarantee it. Keep fighting.
-
Day 50...I wish I could sit here and say..."wow, 1/2 way to HOF and things are amazing!". When looking back, the first 10 days were hell on earth...but I got through. Days 11 to 20 felt like hell with much less heat. Days 20 through 40 were a breeze...honestly, there were many days in there where I never thought about dip or nicotine...sincerely. I felt great and I never even thought about it and when I did...my brain quickly said, no way dude! And that was that.
Now today at day 50, I can tell you the last 5 days have been as hard as days 6-10. I have had horrible and multiple craves. I don't know what it is...the weather, my mood, the fact I am this far along and my body knows I mean business? Not sure, but I want to at least document it here and thank all of you for your continued support.
If this was the case for any of you vets, it would be good to know..
Sounds about right. Stay pissed and keep up the battle. Bad days come and go for quite a while it seems, it does get easier for sure.
A lot of people struggled for months to feel right. It takes time. There will be ups and downs. You are still fighting daily battles. That's what this addiction has done to us. Failure is simply not an option. Stay committed and keep building your accountability. That is the path to success. It will get better I guarantee it. Keep fighting.
50 days! Outstanding!!
You dipped for a long time, so it will take time for you to heal. I feel better and better every day. But I still have to make my promise to be quit.
You are at 50 days and I'm at 310. I feel so different then I did at 50. Quit days are like dog years. Each day quit packs so much punch.
Keep at it ODAAT. You are doing great. Quit on!
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C-BUS the craves you are having are normal. I am on day -160- today and can honestly tell you that almost daily I have at least one crave yet, sometimes more. Yes some are so easy to stomp on it is pitiful but others take a little more stomping if you know what I mean. I have now taken to trying to figure out what is triggering my craves when I have time to ponder and I cannot always even figure it out. Today was easy, I saw some sorry sucker putting in a big old turn and then for some reason, this sent a signal to my brain which started a craving. I stomped the crave by thinking about how far I have come and how I felt sorry for that dude wasting his money and maybe his life. Fucking Copenhagen and US Tobacco, I am learning to despise them daily. Anyway yes its normal, keep up the fight, remember your promise, your contract and why you are doing this. Quit with you today.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You need to remove words like hope and wish from you dialog you are not a kid anymore those words hold no place in the BATTLE of quit. The self flogging needs to go too. Tell me at what point did chew help with the ole lady going south on you and a demotion. You have those problems now you added chew to the equation. Let me give you the ScoDaddy theorem learn it live it. You need to change your mindset of what you think about tobacco.
1 PROBLEM + Nicotine=2 PROBLEMS....simple right live it.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You really don't get it
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You really don't get it
110 posts and most were by posting roll I'm assuming. Typical of a Post and Run quitter. Be involved in here. What you were doing before is no different than quitting on your own and that never worked out either.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You really don't get it
110 posts and most were by posting roll I'm assuming. Typical of a Post and Run quitter. Be involved in here. What you were doing before is no different than quitting on your own and that never worked out either.
Drink the damn Kool-aid. Get invested. Believe in your fucking quit. I've seen better quitters than you fail because they didn't want to use the resources. Cut the crap and find your strength.
-
First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You really don't get it
110 posts and most were by posting roll I'm assuming. Typical of a Post and Run quitter. Be involved in here. What you were doing before is no different than quitting on your own and that never worked out either.
Drink the damn Kool-aid. Get invested. Believe in your fucking quit. I've seen better quitters than you fail because they didn't want to use the resources. Cut the crap and find your strength.
What's next? What happens when you get a few days in and your car breaks down? What happens when you get 90 days in and a life near to u is lost, your job completely folds? Right now, after reading your intro I'm going to take a guess you'll cave like house of cards.
Are you a poser, want to be quitter?
I've seen people lose wives, jobs and everything else you can think of and they remained quit. What makes you different? Take a good look in the mirror. Is there a quitter or poser looking back at you?
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First, my admission. I caved. I'm disgustedÂ…pissedÂ…ashamedÂ…and newly terrified of my own self. I went roughly 90 days and I had the HOF in the near future. I can't believe how headstrong I was into my quit and now I sit here posting day 1 again.
To my June groupÂ…I'm incredibly sorry I let all of you down. I know when people caved how pissed I was at them and how I wish I could have done something to help them. I'm not sure what it will take to figure out that it is never over. I anticipate much venom and I deserve it. Lay it on, but there is nothing you can say to make me feel more disappointed in myself than I already am.
What happened: First, I am fully accountable and I failed. There are no excuses. I have recently taken a demotion in my career. This was followed up with my girlfriend of 2 years breaking up with me. I felt worthlessÂ…I felt like why do I even care about still quitting when everything else has turned to shit. In addition, I was stupid and thought I had a control of my addiction and I could just have one. Just a visit with my old friend will make everything alright. Well, as you know and I effing knowÂ…there is no such thing as just one. I didn't reach out to who I needed toÂ…I didn't jump in the chat roomÂ…Nate McPherson tried like hell to reel me in. Nothing could shake me out of itÂ….I was determined to cave.
Why it happened: I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure. After 2 long quits, "just one" has turned right back into a full blow addiction. I felt downÂ…I was depressedÂ…I ran back to where I always runÂ…even though everything in my head was screamingÂ…Please don't! Basically, I didn't use my tools, my support system, or my listen to my inner common sense. Also, I feel that I didn't have enough connections with KTC. It seems everyone I connected with caved and left KTC.
How will it be different: I was a loner in my June group. I only had one real contact. Yes, I posted roll and I felt somewhat accountable but not like I need to be. I need to take this shame, anger and embrace it and remember how it feels when I ever get into a situation like this before. I need to be more connected. I need to PM more, chat more, text more, know more people in my group. I need more than a screen name to be accountable. I have always known but it is even clearer that I'm an addict til the day I die. When life gets bad, nicotine only will make it worseÂ…it solves nothing.
To my new September groupÂ…I apologize in advance, I am going to PM every single one of you at some point. I need to be more connected. I need numbers, I need emails. The only chance for me is that if I cave I will let so many people down that I cannot cave. I hope my story will help some of you. Yes, it gets betterÂ…but you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER not an addict. I will make myself available to any of you and I will take this set back and make a comeback.
Moron.
You don't get it.
You really don't get it
110 posts and most were by posting roll I'm assuming. Typical of a Post and Run quitter. Be involved in here. What you were doing before is no different than quitting on your own and that never worked out either.
Drink the damn Kool-aid. Get invested. Believe in your fucking quit. I've seen better quitters than you fail because they didn't want to use the resources. Cut the crap and find your strength.
What's next? What happens when you get a few days in and your car breaks down? What happens when you get 90 days in and a life near to u is lost, your job completely folds? Right now, after reading your intro I'm going to take a guess you'll cave like house of cards.
Are you a poser, want to be quitter?
I've seen people lose wives, jobs and everything else you can think of and they remained quit. What makes you different? Take a good look in the mirror. Is there a quitter or poser looking back at you?
The bottom line is this...do you want to save your life or not. Everything you need to save your own life is here and is being freely given to you. You can either grab it and hold on for dear life, or you can slap it away and eventually kill yourself with the poison. The choice is yours. Now grow a set of nuts and quit.
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I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure.
This right here... you hit the nail right on the head Cbus. There is no cure, there is only today and your word, take care of that and the rest falls into place. The brotherhood doesn't work if you don't make some connections either, Post Roll and Run doesn't build accountability it will lull you into a false sense of security. Hanging around and helping a new quitter, listening to someone on Day 1 in chat.... that strengthens your quit.
First you'll need to choose to be quit, you chose to cave. You need to decide your all in or just don't waste your time here, because the I caved because x, y , or z doesn't cut it..... guys have maintained their quits through all kinds of rough real life shit, a job and a girlfriend isn't any different. Ask yourself did stuffing you lip with poison bring those things back? No it didn't, but by caving you deprived yourself of the pride you would have felt dealing with those things and coming out still quit.
Take your lumps, post roll everyday, find a way to contribute other than posting roll everyday. Read back to your first posts, embrace the suck and sack up and quit....
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I'm not sure why I cannot convince myself for the long haul that there is no cure.
This right here... you hit the nail right on the head Cbus. There is no cure, there is only today and your word, take care of that and the rest falls into place. The brotherhood doesn't work if you don't make some connections either, Post Roll and Run doesn't build accountability it will lull you into a false sense of security. Hanging around and helping a new quitter, listening to someone on Day 1 in chat.... that strengthens your quit.
First you'll need to choose to be quit, you chose to cave. You need to decide your all in or just don't waste your time here, because the I caved because x, y , or z doesn't cut it..... guys have maintained their quits through all kinds of rough real life shit, a job and a girlfriend isn't any different. Ask yourself did stuffing you lip with poison bring those things back? No it didn't, but by caving you deprived yourself of the pride you would have felt dealing with those things and coming out still quit.
Take your lumps, post roll everyday, find a way to contribute other than posting roll everyday. Read back to your first posts, embrace the suck and sack up and quit....
Think of it this way Cbus. If you were strung out on heroin and got clean... Do you think you could go back to using again? The obvious answer is no and for an addictive drug like heroin we understand it easily. Heroin enslaves you And ultimately kills you.
Nicotine is also an extremely addictive drug. Look what it has done to your life. The only difference is that it is legal so that creates a perception that it is ok. It is not. It is an addictive drug that will enslave you and ultimately kill you. Just like heroin.
Focus on today. Give your word every day by posting roll. Remember it is ok to not have all the answers right now. The only thing you need to do is stay quit. In time it will all be clear.
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Congrats brother on the HOF that eluded you the first time! You took a beating coming back the second time and that's okay, we've all have taken beatings the second time around. 100% posting is that first step. You've also had to go through some serious situations during you quit that most would have choose to cave just to get by. You've owned your quit, posted 100% EDD and even spit on the bitch when she had you on the ropes! That my friend is awesome! Just remember what it took to get to where you are now so you never have to repeat it, EVER again. Just a first step of many milestones to come my friend, continue to build accountability and be accountable because that will propel you forward and protect you from that bitch that will come around every once in a while.
Celebrate today and celebrate a +1 tomorrow!
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Congrats brother on the HOF that eluded you the first time! You took a beating coming back the second time and that's okay, we've all have taken beatings the second time around. 100% posting is that first step. You've also had to go through some serious situations during you quit that most would have choose to cave just to get by. You've owned your quit, posted 100% EDD and even spit on the bitch when she had you on the ropes! That my friend is awesome! Just remember what it took to get to where you are now so you never have to repeat it, EVER again. Just a first step of many milestones to come my friend, continue to build accountability and be accountable because that will propel you forward and protect you from that bitch that will come around every once in a while.
Celebrate today and celebrate a +1 tomorrow!
Gotta agree with this quit stud ^^^, you're owning your quit bro! Now is the time to refocus your energies, and become more active to help stave off the post-HOF complacency that lurks. This was just a blip, you've got so many more blips in your future. Either go forwards or backwards, or both ... but find a quit group and post support there DAILY as well. I would love to see you posting in July '14. I would also love to see you take a newb under your wing and help them through the shit, insure what happened to you won't happen to them! PM me if ya want my digits, proud of your quit!