KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Igloo27 on September 18, 2015, 11:19:00 AM
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So... this sucks.
But really, I shouldn't be surprised. I've had many, many, many Day 1's over my 30 + year career of using smokeless tobacco. Godammit... the lies I've told my family, the lies I've told myself. I've bought at least 200 "last cans", and probably taken twice as many "last dips". And of course there's the milestone quits... I'll quit when I find a job, get married, have a kid, have another kid, before Christmas, after Christmas... it never ends. I was always quitting tomorrow, because that meant I could dip today.
I came across this website earlier this week, and I've been reading up. And I learned something. You guys were as fucked up as I am today. Only now, you guys aren't using nicotine. You guys are winning. After reading through the blog, and the quit posts, it looks the key is you just got to lay that shit down. I was actually gearing up for another, "I'll quit this weekend, cause it's easier" quit. Instead, I just tossed my shit out last night. I realized, that if I don't just do it NOW, I'll just be dipping by lunch time on Saturday, telling myself that, "I'll quit Monday...cause it's easier."
A little about me (and it's going to be a little, because the typos are really starting to piss me off.) I'm 46, Southern born and bred. I'm married, three kids, two of which are in college now. (Lot of quit dates wrapped up in all of that.) I like to exercise -run, swim, mountain bike. I fish, hike, and camp. I work in IT, usually solo, and it's just real easy to dip all the live long day at my job. Actually easier to dip at work than at home, because my wife FUCKING HATES it. I'm not quitting for my wife though. She'll be happy, though, I'm not even quitting because I'm scared of cancer. I am scared of cancer, but I've read all of the articles, and seen all of the pictures, and just rationalized that shit away. The reason I'm doing this is because I am tired of hating myself. I'm tired of lying. I've carried this pile of lies around for years, and fuck it, I don't want it anymore. I'm fucking tired of ALWAYS, (LIKE ONLY SECONDARY TO BREATHING ALWAYS) planning that next dip. It's no way to live. So, for today, I'm not going to dip. I'm strapped in at work with water jug, and a big enough bag of almonds to feed every squirrel in the county.
I'll be around.
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Awesome intro Igloo! I'm real excited that you are here. Your story is eerily similar to mine, especially the part about the real reason you're quitting. Nobody wants to get cancer, but the truth is the statistics say you won't get it. However, 100% of us hate that nicotine had such a hold on our lives. That statistic sucks, but we're doing something about it. Every damn day. I will post my promise right alongside yours as will thousands of quitters. This is how it works. Accountability + Brotherhood = Success. You can do it Igloo, you just have to want it badly enough.
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Thanks, KingNothing. And, you brought up a good point with the similar stories. I really feel good about using this website. Here's why. My wife and I have fought like cats and dogs over this. And I've gone to some pretty extreme measures to get a dip in. Sometimes I've thought to myself, "I am the most hardcore, in the gutter, nicotine fiend ever born. Gotta be. Then I got on here, and realized..."These people are just like me, Holy shit. Except, they don't dip." I'm gonna get on board with the one day at a time, and post a promise every mother fucking day.
Maybe I'll stop cursing so fucking much in a week or so. But then again, maybe fucking not.
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So... this sucks.
But really, I shouldn't be surprised. I've had many, many, many Day 1's over my 30 + year career of using smokeless tobacco. Godammit... the lies I've told my family, the lies I've told myself. I've bought at least 200 "last cans", and probably taken twice as many "last dips". And of course there's the milestone quits... I'll quit when I find a job, get married, have a kid, have another kid, before Christmas, after Christmas... it never ends. I was always quitting tomorrow, because that meant I could dip today.
I came across this website earlier this week, and I've been reading up. And I learned something. You guys were as fucked up as I am today. Only now, you guys aren't using nicotine. You guys are winning. After reading through the blog, and the quit posts, it looks the key is you just got to lay that shit down. I was actually gearing up for another, "I'll quit this weekend, cause it's easier" quit. Instead, I just tossed my shit out last night. I realized, that if I don't just do it NOW, I'll just be dipping by lunch time on Saturday, telling myself that, "I'll quit Monday...cause it's easier."
A little about me (and it's going to be a little, because the typos are really starting to piss me off.) I'm 46, Southern born and bred. I'm married, three kids, two of which are in college now. (Lot of quit dates wrapped up in all of that.) I like to exercise -run, swim, mountain bike. I fish, hike, and camp. I work in IT, usually solo, and it's just real easy to dip all the live long day at my job. Actually easier to dip at work than at home, because my wife FUCKING HATES it. I'm not quitting for my wife though. She'll be happy, though, I'm not even quitting because I'm scared of cancer. I am scared of cancer, but I've read all of the articles, and seen all of the pictures, and just rationalized that shit away. The reason I'm doing this is because I am tired of hating myself. I'm tired of lying. I've carried this pile of lies around for years, and fuck it, I don't want it anymore. I'm fucking tired of ALWAYS, (LIKE ONLY SECONDARY TO BREATHING ALWAYS) planning that next dip. It's no way to live. So, for today, I'm not going to dip. I'm strapped in at work with water jug, and a big enough bag of almonds to feed every squirrel in the county.
I'll be around.
Damn... I think I wrote that a couple years ago!
Right. On. Target.
Seeing, really seeing, what nicotine was/is doing to you is scary as hell. You're not even close to who you're pretending to be. Confronted with that unvarnished truth... people do one of two things ~ Run away or Make a change. You... feel it. I can tell. Awesome...
Get involved here and stay involved. Learn about why and how we post a daily roll with quit groups. All the wisdom, inspiration, and momentum you need is right here. Use it...
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Great intro Igloo and welcome to KTC! As you have read - you are not alone. You can do this and take your freedom back. The hardest part for me was accepting help from other people. Don't be afraid to reach out. CJ
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Igloo you are in such good company, like you're beginning to realize your story is so common. I was that lying, sneaky dipper for over 40 years and never thought it was possible for me to quit because I'd quit trying, I'd had so many failed attempts. I'm now quit 1266 days!
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Just remember Igloo your not alone. I battle this addiction every day. I take it one day at a time and I'm not concerned about tomorrow. I post my roll every morning when I get up and with me doing so I know I must keep my word not use for today. 30 + years, 1-2 can a day if I can you can. 110 days nic free and could not have done it with out the support of these bad asses quitter. QLF Bro
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Great intro Igloo! Oh, the rage you're expressing sounds just like me on Day 1-7. I'm just now starting to chill out.
This is hard for all of us, but we all support each other.
I quit with you today.
Looking forward to seeing you post roll EDD.
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Great opening statement Igloo. Read your own words back to yourself every time you think you might cave. Bookmark those words on your smart phone so you have access to them everywhere you go.
Post roll with us on the December group. Promise to not use nicotine every day. I can't wait to see your name on roll with mine.
(I am on Day 14 and I seem to be making less typos - LOL)
I quit with you today.
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Quit win today.
When I used to dip, I was a big road trip dipper, like I''m sure a lot of you were. I had a early morning 6 hr trip in the car today for work. It was rough, but I made it.
Small victories mean so much right now.
Fuck you nicotine.
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Quit win today.
When I used to dip, I was a big road trip dipper, like I''m sure a lot of you were. I had a early morning 6 hr trip in the car today for work. It was rough, but I made it.
Small victories mean so much right now.
Fuck you nicotine.
Keep piling 'em up Igloo. You're doing awesome man.
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SoÂ… I caved. On 10/1/15, I made the 10-15 choices that are necessary in order to ingest nicotine. From what I understand, IÂ’m supposed to answer three questions. What happened?, Why did it happen?, and what will I do differently?
Ok. What happened? And Why did it happen? IÂ’m not going to sugarcoat this. I donÂ’t have a my dog died, lost my job, car broke down, and I was so STRESSED OUT story here. It was Thursday night, and I was out and about, and I hit a strong crave. I acted it on by making the wrong choices.
Why did it happen? I rationalized that I could hit it this one time, and all would be cool. Well, you Jedi Masters of quit know how this movie ends. The one time turned into one more week, which turned into another week, etc. fucking etc, and here I am.
What to do differently? Well, I’m sitting on a real fucking solid Day 3, which is good. Yesterday, I found out that my middle son bought an e-cig kit this past weekend. He was going to hide it from Mom and Dad, but Mama is an old school bloodhound sniffer outer. (She’s dealt with me for almost 30 years now.) He told us it was an impulse buy, and he planned on selling it when he got back to school. Of course, I read him the whole, “Don’t be dumb like me” spiel that we've all done with our kids. Then I thought about my Dad. My dad said that same shit to me, but he never stopped smoking until Jesus finally came and whopped him upside the head and took him home. I thought, “watching my dad truly become a non-user would have had the greatest impact on me.” So I explained to my son what I’m dealing with… Age 47, and on Day 2; more openly and honestly than I ever had before. That’s not necessarily a do things differently, but it is another bat tool in the bat belt. As far as actually doing something different, I will get some phone numbers for text support when a craving hits. I have also sworn to my wife and kids, that, I will add another step to the 10-15 step process of ingesting nicotine. The additional step would be to call each of them and ask permission to do so. If I can get a unanimous majority vote, then I will proceed.
I apologize to you guys that run this site, and to my old quit brethren of December. The December Disciples of Quit was a pretty fucking cool group name, and I blew that to smithereens. ItÂ’s a good thing that you guys werenÂ’t in a literal foxhole with me, because weÂ’d all be dead now. Hopefully, IÂ’ve got another chance to turn it all around here. If you guys will have me, IÂ’ll see you in the January GroupÂ… wearing a three piece humility suit.
I quit with all you today.
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Way to push on Igloo!!
This is very tough stuff, and will have many hidden traps along the way. I remember my one relapse a couple years ago: i was celebrating some minor life achievement and believed that a chew would be reasonable reward. Just one and then back to not using. I also had begun to consider that nicotine might actually be beneficial to humans on some level, if only it didnt hurt us. I was going nuts and had no support to lean on to straighten out my thoughts.
Well that one reward chew turned into an aggressive dipping habit like nothing i had done before, lasting until last month. I am now glad to realize My mind will be playing tricks on me for awhile, and I need to stay close to you guys. ODAAT, and post roll EDD!
We dont need that crap anymore, i quit with you today
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So I'll let some other guys rake you over the coals about caving. I have a very similar story about my Dad. He died when he was 58. I watched him go through bypass surgery and carotid artery surgery. He had peripheral artery disease so bad that they wanted to do replacement surgery but said he was too young. I remember feeling disgusted that he had done so much damage to himself. Then I realized I was following in his footsteps. When things have been rough in this quit I just remember that I never want my kids to be disgusted by my actions or worse follow in my footsteps. Maybe you have now gained the perspective necessary to be successful at quitting. In case you didn't know you would be on your second month of quit by now. PM me if you need some digits. I quit with you today
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Thanks for all the support dudes and dudettes. For what it's worth, even while I was failing all of you guys, Kill the Can still helped me... Saturday I decided to lay it down again and face the music because of what I had learned here last month. Had I not been here last month, I'd still be dipping, and making up psycho reasons on why I should continue dipping until at least tomorrow...
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Im glad you didnt offer up a million bogus excuses. You just owned up to it and moved on. Way to be brother!! I quit with you every fucking day!!!
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Im glad you didnt offer up a million bogus excuses. You just owned up to it and moved on. Way to be brother!! I quit with you every fucking day!!!
...And don't do it again. Keep your word to your group, post roll EDD, and earn their respect back. You also owe your old group an apology.
That being said, welcome back brother, I'm glad you came to your senses. I quit with you today.
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Im glad you didnt offer up a million bogus excuses. You just owned up to it and moved on. Way to be brother!! I quit with you every fucking day!!!
...And don't do it again. Keep your word to your group, post roll EDD, and earn their respect back. You also owe your old group an apology.
That being said, welcome back brother, I'm glad you came to your senses. I quit with you today.
Igloo my friend, I'm a 38 year addict. For some reason only God knows I was spared to see all 3 of my kids grow up and get married and have me some wonderful grandkids! I guess what I'm saying is, why was I spared , call it luck or whatever. One damn things for sure 296 day's of freedom and I damn well already plan on posting roll first thing in the morning. Nicotine is a powerful drug , you have to post, text, hit the forums ,whatever it takes keep this shit out of your mouth. Next time you even think about flirting with the bitch, take a picture of your wife and kids out and think about how fucking selfish you would be for one damn dance with death! Get your ass in gear, be the man you are and get this shit done! Pm me for my number if you want to. Quit on! Damn proud you came back , drink your damn kool-aid and move on with your quit!
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Iggy!
My bro, congratulations on your HOF day.
100 days and beyond. Keep up the strong quit, don't let your guard down... Ever.
I will quit with you today, EDD.
:wub:
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Iggy!
My bro, congratulations on your HOF day.
100 days and beyond. Keep up the strong quit, don't let your guard down... Ever.
I will quit with you today, EDD.
:wub:
Congrats on HOF Igloo!!!
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Welcome to the BROYHERHOOD, we are all behind you 100%. Man does that story sound familiar. Glad you finally decided to throw in the towel. Post Roll EDD that's the only way I made it through this HELL. WE ALL QUIT WITH YOU TODAY!
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Thanks for the continuing support, my KTC brother/sisterhood.
Since I'm in my intro, I will throw down something that I've learned recently. It's kind of sad.
I've been struggling a lot in the last 30 days or so with my quit. Crazy waves of stress come at me out of nowhere, and cravings on the order of Day 1 size. Maybe it was the holidays, or maybe it has to do with some personal shit I have going on, I don't know. However, I've dealt with them. I've crammed tea in my mouth, I've done some deep breathing, I've hit the gym spontaneously, whatever it takes, and it's worked out. The craves keep coming, and I just keep swinging back.
What I've learned, and this is the sad part, is that it really isn't that hard. These cravings last about 1-2 minutes, but since I now know how to truly WANT to quit, I can just ride them out. I've realized that all of my past failures have been rooted in my lack of desire to quit. Sure, I've always gave lip service to wanting to quit, but it's not the same as finally deciding to focus all of your energy into becoming a non-user. Before, I was a past user, or a paused user, because I was caught up in grieving over never using again, or mourning my past use. Now I just focus on being a non-user for today. I don't fret over the past, and I let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. For me, this is the key, and I learned that here. Again. Thanks, KTC. Thanks to my bros in my group, thanks to ChickDip for getting my back, thanks to the newbies for giving me a look back at Day 1 so that I know never to go back there, thanks to the chat room, and thank you Al Gore, for inventing the internet so that KTC could exist. Sorry for rambling.
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Thanks for the continuing support, my KTC brother/sisterhood.
Since I'm in my intro, I will throw down something that I've learned recently. It's kind of sad.
I've been struggling a lot in the last 30 days or so with my quit. Crazy waves of stress come at me out of nowhere, and cravings on the order of Day 1 size. Maybe it was the holidays, or maybe it has to do with some personal shit I have going on, I don't know. However, I've dealt with them. I've crammed tea in my mouth, I've done some deep breathing, I've hit the gym spontaneously, whatever it takes, and it's worked out. The craves keep coming, and I just keep swinging back.
What I've learned, and this is the sad part, is that it really isn't that hard. These cravings last about 1-2 minutes, but since I now know how to truly WANT to quit, I can just ride them out. I've realized that all of my past failures have been rooted in my lack of desire to quit. Sure, I've always gave lip service to wanting to quit, but it's not the same as finally deciding to focus all of your energy into becoming a non-user. Before, I was a past user, or a paused user, because I was caught up in grieving over never using again, or mourning my past use. Now I just focus on being a non-user for today. I don't fret over the past, and I let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. For me, this is the key, and I learned that here. Again. Thanks, KTC. Thanks to my bros in my group, thanks to ChickDip for getting my back, thanks to the newbies for giving me a look back at Day 1 so that I know never to go back there, thanks to the chat room, and thank you Al Gore, for inventing the internet so that KTC could exist. Sorry for rambling.
deep serious stuff, laced with some great humor!
Quit on Iggy, that's some strong ass talk, which you are backing up here every damn day!