KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: ODAAT on February 15, 2011, 09:10:00 AM
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ODAAT - One Day At A Time - I'm gonna break the record for the longest intro.
My story about landing here is probably one of the most unique on this board.
I started dipping when I was 14-15 years old, can't really remember. I wanted to be part of this cool crowd at school who was doing it. I did eventually, and now I don't speak to or engage any of these people at all. (Remember the "cool crowd" comment, I'll come back to it at the very end). Once or twice and I was addicted, BAD. Ever since then I've almost always had a can. Copenhagen or Kodiak.
Fast forward to 2001 and it's five years after I got married. I told my wife I would quit, used patches for a couple weeks, and then went off patches for a couple weeks. Then right back on the shit yet again. But I didn't tell my wife. Over the past 10 years I have become masterful at hiding it.
Compartments in the car or my truck, throwing away debit card receipts, being real careful she didn't look over my shoulder when I was doing the budget. Finding reasons to leave the house alone so I could go out and dip. Dipping at work with my office door closed and getting pissed every time someone would knock. Having a dip in when my boss would come by and having to swallow the shit until he left. Not being able to wait until I dropped the kids off at school when I could get the dip in my mouth. You name it I did it. For 10 Y-E-A-R-S.
Over the past three or four years I started having real problems with stress. Blood pressure was going up. Frequent headaches. Tightness in the chest. Anxiety to the point of nausea. The last day I dipped was January 31, 2011. I had four dips that day. Morning, before lunch, after lunch and on the way home. My head hurt so bad and my chest was so tight I thought I was going to throw up. That's when I came to the realization this was killing me.
I quit on January 1st of this year, for a whole 48 hours. By Sunday the 2nd when my wife drove to the airport to pickup my daughter I was in the car buying another can. On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.
So, I stumbled across this site on Day One. I went into the chat room first as "anon" and sat there for a minute. Within 3 seconds about 3-4 people acknowledged my entry into the room. Scared the shit out of me. So I jumped out. Later that day I came back as Day1. The guys welcomed me and talked a little bit, and mentioned this roll thing and joining up to the site. I didn't want to do it. For some reason I didn't want to feel connected.
Next day I came back as Day2. This time the group got a little more aggravated. They kept asking me to post roll and I actually did try to sign up on the site several times throughout the day, although nobody believed that. Next day, logged in as Day3. I was feeling like total shit and all I wanted to do was talk, and that's when klark showed up. I won't go into any details, but after I came to and wiped the blood off my face I didn't know if I wanted to come back. He beat me up pretty bad. But, being the subborn ass that I am, I came back for Day4. Klark beat me up again, and tarpon managed to get some kidney jabs in too. Tarpon told me on Monday, when I came back as Day1 again, that I had to sign up and do it his way. Klark called me a liar and said I probably had a dip in right at that moment.
At this point I was pissed. Who the hell do these guys think they are anyway? Face to face I would have already thrown a punch or two or ten, who knows. But why? There's a reason why I was so mad....and it had nothing to do with them.
I came back Monday as Day7 just to prove to these assholes that I could make it that far. But that didn't buy me anything. Tarpon was cordial for a few minutes...but then klark showed up. I remember typing "oh crap" when he did. After a few minutes he had me gridlocked at my computer and the site creator, named chewie, was online asking for my info to register for the site. Honestly, I did get an error every time I tried on my own. Also honestly, if I really had wanted to sign up I could have done it. I just didn't want to invest the time.
Within five minutes I was back in chat....this time as ODAAT. Everyone welcomed me into chat, but because they didn't know who I was. It was fun for a few minutes until I told them. I posted roll that day for the first time.
That night I went to sleep and woke up with the typical night sweats that you get in the first couple weeks. But something was different. I woke up in a panic because I didn't want to forget to post roll the next day. It's all I could think about, getting back to the site and proving to klark, tarpon and everyone else who kicked my ass for a week that I could do it. I was still carrying anger towards everyone on here. So the question of why crept back...
While driving to work one day I started to break down. Tears welled up that I fought back as much as I could. It was then that I learned why. I am an addict. Addicted to nicotine for the rest of my life. I mean...I can't be an addict!!! Those are losers who appear on TV and have interventions and lie about their habit and hide it and stay disconnected because of it....oh my God....does this sound familiar? It was my friend, my helper who was always there. Got me through stressful times. Made me feel alert. Gave me a quick "rush" that felt good. And I had to say goodbye....forever.
Why am I here? Because I came here on my own. Because I was serious where the other 25-30 times I wasn't. I came here for my own reasons. But when I arrived, I found a reason to stay. I found brothers and sisters who have fought this addiction, and fight it every day. I found people who will listen when you need it, kick you in the balls when you need it, or just be plain goofy and funny when you need it. In other words, after 24 years of trying, I found that "cool crowd" I had been seeking for so long. And they will be here for me, and I will be here for them, for the rest of my life. No expiration date.
I am grateful to be here....and I QUIT.
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Nice work ODAAT! It's very difficult to come to the conclusion that we are all addicts. You've made the right decision not to go at it alone I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work. Always remember what your name stands for, even at day 60 I still have to take it one day at a time. Stay strong, this will get better.
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Nice work ODAAT! It's very difficult to come to the conclusion that we are all addicts. You've made the right decision not to go at it alone I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work. Always remember what your name stands for, even at day 60 I still have to take it one day at a time. Stay strong, this will get better.
We can't be addicts, nicotine is legal afterall!!! The greatest trick the devil ever pulled...
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Nice intro...have you came clean to your wife yet? That is part of the process.
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Odaat this intro is awesome. Many of us have been in your exact situation. It takes a man to quit and you sir are a man. Now man up and let your wife in on it. Accountability to yourself, your family, and KTC will be the difference between quit and cave.
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I love it. Look forward to more posts. You had better post every freaking day. Every day.
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Welcome aboard brother!
Read as much as possible on this site and you will see that your story is not unique, in fact it's rather common. We have all been there brother, and now we are all here getting our Quit on.
I agree with MikeA, tell your wife. Having her support will help you tremendously. Tell her you've been a dirtbag and your an addict and your getting your Quit on. You think that you've been hiding it for 10 years but you might be surprised to find out she had an idea what you were doing. Obviously you know her better than me, it's just my 2 cents.
Brian
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1 day,
Enjoyed your intro. It is a good reminder as to why it's great to be quit. The whole getting suprised by somebody with a big nasty in your mouth and you don't wanna spit in front of them, so you swallow. Hiding places, digging in the trash-can for a spitter, and sadly looking forward to drop-offs and alone time. Yes ODAAT, thank you for the reminder. I'm not going back to that place. Neither are you. I Look forward to seeing you in the mornings quitting....one day at a time.
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My story about landing here is probably one of the most unique on this board.
I wish that were true but I've read this story 1,000 times, believe me your in the right spot to earn your freedom. Stay focused
sm
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I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.
But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.
Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.
Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
But....three huge things are stopping me.
Number one, I know I would be right back here:
On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.
First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.
Second, I signed roll today.
Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.
I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.
Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.
I need some people out there to quit with me today.
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I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.
But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.
Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.
Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
But....three huge things are stopping me.
Number one, I know I would be right back here:
On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.
First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.
Second, I signed roll today.
Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.
I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.
Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.
I need some people out there to quit with me today.
even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
I sincerily hope you realize this is an absolute LIE.
I am quit with you today.
It will get better.
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I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.
But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.
Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.
Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
But....three huge things are stopping me.
Number one, I know I would be right back here:
On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.
First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.
Second, I signed roll today.
Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.
I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.
Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.
I need some people out there to quit with me today.
Hang tough. The insomnia was the worst symptom for me as well. Obviously, when you do not sleep well you do not feel well. I see you are in the 40s. I started to ease out of the insomnia about then. Of course, I went to a bit more of depression. Sorry to be honest. Hang tough. I can tell you that once I got into the 80s and 90s, I felt 1,000 times better. Also, the it get easier as you go along. You have bumps, but, overall, you will feel better and better. Just ride the ride. I am glad you are writing to yourself. It will help you later.
Go read another group and find them in the 40s. It may help.
Stay stroong ODAAT. You are doing this.
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I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.
But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.
Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.
Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
But....three huge things are stopping me.
Number one, I know I would be right back here:
On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.
First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.
Second, I signed roll today.
Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.
I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.
Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.
I need some people out there to quit with me today.
ODAAT
I'm quit with you today...Stay strong, I'm gonna need you to lean on.
30yr
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Stay strong brother, quittin with you today.
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Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.
I don't believe that you know any such thing.
When you were dipping you literally never had a night when your thoughts were racing and you couldn't sleep? Literally, you never had a day when your skin was cold and sweaty? What would you do when you felt funky while you were chewing - when you could't rationalize that nicotine would cure all your earthly ills because you were already sucking on it?
I'm quit with you. Keep your head screwed on straight, brother.
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When you were dipping you literally never had a night when your thoughts were racing and you couldn't sleep? Literally, you never had a day when your skin was cold and sweaty?
I did, but always assumed it was the nicotine doing it to me. That's part of what led up to the quit. Happened quite a bit in the first two weeks of the quit but went away, then relapsed with a bad episode last night.
Still could be illness, but I just don't know. Just kinda freaked out is all.
The part I left out is Thursday, Friday and up until late Saturday were awesome, some of the best times since I left the shit behind. I went back and read that these funks get fewer and further between. Keep needing to hear that. Maybe tomorrow will be another great day.
Thanks to everyone who responded. This is a great resource and I appreciate everyone here.
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keep strong brother. the funks do get further spread out, but they don't go away. i'm nearing day 80 and have been through a couple 2-3 day rough patches. they seem to have been spaced about 20 days apart.
it's not easy, but it can be done. stick with it and remember your reasons why you started down this path.
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Hey odaat think of it this way 24 years of poisoning yourself vs
40 days quit. Its going to take awhile to get right.
Patience . Just cuz u stopped eating pesticide for a couple of weeks doesnt
Mean you healed all the damage. It does get better . Your feeling shitty because you
Started dipping in the first place, NOT because you stopped. After a time
You'll feel good without that crap and you'll wonder why you didn't stop
sooner. Hang tough u, u can do this
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Just wanted to lay out some thoughts from the weekend, and how the quit has gone the last four days. Thursday was not good. Ate like shit at lunch time (tons of bar junk food), had one beer, and was so freaking tired and had a headache that I went home and slept through the afternoon games of the NCAA tournament. A couple craves that day didn't help.
But Friday was completely different. Felt great all day long. Had a great night, rolled on into Saturday. Repeat Saturday, and again on Sunday. No craves, no symptoms, just a great weekend where I felt more normal than I have in a good 4-5 years.
Today hasn't been so bad either. I know some tough days lay ahead for me. But this weekend has given me a glimpse into what life can be after quitting. When I have bad times, I'm going to mentally come back to this weekend. It's been added to the plan.
Dipping was causing me tons of health problems, and I was feeling good about 5-10% of the time. The rest of the time I felt bad in some form or fashion. Now, I'm feeling good at least 60% of the time. From what I hear it will only get better, maybe a little rocky at points, but mostly better.
This weekend gave me a thick coat of armor for my quit.
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Good stuff ODAAT. I felt better about the same time as you during my quit. It hit again in the 70s/80. I have been ok since then. Each time it hits you are better equipped. So, just tell her to 'Finger'
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Just wanted to lay out some thoughts from the weekend, and how the quit has gone the last four days. Thursday was not good. Ate like shit at lunch time (tons of bar junk food), had one beer, and was so freaking tired and had a headache that I went home and slept through the afternoon games of the NCAA tournament. A couple craves that day didn't help.
But Friday was completely different. Felt great all day long. Had a great night, rolled on into Saturday. Repeat Saturday, and again on Sunday. No craves, no symptoms, just a great weekend where I felt more normal than I have in a good 4-5 years.
Today hasn't been so bad either. I know some tough days lay ahead for me. But this weekend has given me a glimpse into what life can be after quitting. When I have bad times, I'm going to mentally come back to this weekend. It's been added to the plan.
Dipping was causing me tons of health problems, and I was feeling good about 5-10% of the time. The rest of the time I felt bad in some form or fashion. Now, I'm feeling good at least 60% of the time. From what I hear it will only get better, maybe a little rocky at points, but mostly better.
This weekend gave me a thick coat of armor for my quit.
Good stuff! Good thing about quit armor, you can wear it outside in the rain, it doesn't rust!
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First softball game of the season tonight, first season without dip since I was 14-15 years old. Got a can of Smokey Mountain on Alert 5 in the softball bag....
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First softball game of the season tonight, first season without dip since I was 14-15 years old. Got a can of Smokey Mountain on Alert 5 in the softball bag....
This is awesome. A big bat of quit + a small can of fake stuff = freedom.
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First softball game of the season tonight, first season without dip since I was 14-15 years old. Got a can of Smokey Mountain on Alert 5 in the softball bag....
Nice ODAAT-don't whiff!
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Many times around the site you hear "What makes this time different?"
For me it was a heavy distinction. It was the personal realization of addiction versus admitting you're an addict. Seems like a no brainer but there is a thick black line between them.
When I was using, I would look at shows like Intervention or see others with a destructive addiction to alcohol or drugs and look at their behaviors with pity. Then I would put in another fatty while hiding it from everyone in my life because I "had" to. I always knew I was addicted, but I never admitted to myself that I was an addict. For me the justification and difference came from the substance being legal, that's it.
But realizing there is no difference between me, an alcoholic, herion addict, crack addict, meth addict, whatever, was the hardest part of all this.
And it's what has made this time different.
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Since softball season started I felt the need to do something related to dipping so I bought 3 cans of Smokey Mountain, one Arctic Mint and two Wintergreen. The stuff is ok and did the job, but I noticed doing it more and more just like back when I was dipping and hiding it. I was hiding just like I did with the real stuff, and the kicker came when I felt that white, loose stuff in my lower cheek one morning. My cheek stared to feel rough again like back when I dipped too. This happened just after using fake a couple times a day over about 3-4 days. So I said screw it and threw the rest out, now on to nothing.
After all those stupid years of chucking tobacco in my mouth in spite of all the health worries I had, I'm now real in tune with anything that might cause a problem. After just a couple days the cheek has gone back smooth again and feels normal.
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, just wanted to share.
I have friends at the ball field who always have seeds so I guess I get to "bum" those from now on, should the need arise to do anything while on the field. I also told a couple of my closest friends (non-dippers) that I quit and if they see me dipping again to give me a solid ass kicking and tell my wife.
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Many times around the site you hear "What makes this time different?"
For me it was a heavy distinction. It was the personal realization of addiction versus admitting you're an addict. Seems like a no brainer but there is a thick black line between them.
When I was using, I would look at shows like Intervention or see others with a destructive addiction to alcohol or drugs and look at their behaviors with pity. Then I would put in another fatty while hiding it from everyone in my life because I "had" to. I always knew I was addicted, but I never admitted to myself that I was an addict. For me the justification and difference came from the substance being legal, that's it.
But realizing there is no difference between me, an alcoholic, herion addict, crack addict, meth addict, whatever, was the hardest part of all this.
And it's what has made this time different.
Excellent post !! Well said.
It was the hardest thing for me to admit also, but doing so is what helped me get my mind right.
STAY QUIT
Greg
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Since softball season started I felt the need to do something related to dipping so I bought 3 cans of Smokey Mountain, one Arctic Mint and two Wintergreen. The stuff is ok and did the job, but I noticed doing it more and more just like back when I was dipping and hiding it. I was hiding just like I did with the real stuff, and the kicker came when I felt that white, loose stuff in my lower cheek one morning. My cheek stared to feel rough again like back when I dipped too. This happened just after using fake a couple times a day over about 3-4 days. So I said screw it and threw the rest out, now on to nothing.
After all those stupid years of chucking tobacco in my mouth in spite of all the health worries I had, I'm now real in tune with anything that might cause a problem. After just a couple days the cheek has gone back smooth again and feels normal.
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, just wanted to share.
I have friends at the ball field who always have seeds so I guess I get to "bum" those from now on, should the need arise to do anything while on the field. I also told a couple of my closest friends (non-dippers) that I quit and if they see me dipping again to give me a solid ass kicking and tell my wife.
well done. I did the same with hunting/fishing. Thought I needed that SM to keep me going. After a few times, i just forgot to pack the SM and I made it just fine. SM now just sits in the truck or backpack gathering dust.
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Since softball season started I felt the need to do something related to dipping so I bought 3 cans of Smokey Mountain, one Arctic Mint and two Wintergreen. The stuff is ok and did the job, but I noticed doing it more and more just like back when I was dipping and hiding it. I was hiding just like I did with the real stuff, and the kicker came when I felt that white, loose stuff in my lower cheek one morning. My cheek stared to feel rough again like back when I dipped too. This happened just after using fake a couple times a day over about 3-4 days. So I said screw it and threw the rest out, now on to nothing.
After all those stupid years of chucking tobacco in my mouth in spite of all the health worries I had, I'm now real in tune with anything that might cause a problem. After just a couple days the cheek has gone back smooth again and feels normal.
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, just wanted to share.
I have friends at the ball field who always have seeds so I guess I get to "bum" those from now on, should the need arise to do anything while on the field. I also told a couple of my closest friends (non-dippers) that I quit and if they see me dipping again to give me a solid ass kicking and tell my wife.
I used the fake stuff for the first 45 or so days. I ran out and one of my primary reasons for quitting is to save money.
Well I will be damned if I didn't have cravings worse after getting rid of my Hooch than I did with nic. The nic was the toughest from day 1-20 but after that all of my cravings were just to have something in my lip. Always reaching for the can kind of thing.
I am not buying any more of that stuff, at least for a while.
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Since softball season started I felt the need to do something related to dipping so I bought 3 cans of Smokey Mountain, one Arctic Mint and two Wintergreen. The stuff is ok and did the job, but I noticed doing it more and more just like back when I was dipping and hiding it. I was hiding just like I did with the real stuff, and the kicker came when I felt that white, loose stuff in my lower cheek one morning. My cheek stared to feel rough again like back when I dipped too. This happened just after using fake a couple times a day over about 3-4 days. So I said screw it and threw the rest out, now on to nothing.
After all those stupid years of chucking tobacco in my mouth in spite of all the health worries I had, I'm now real in tune with anything that might cause a problem. After just a couple days the cheek has gone back smooth again and feels normal.Â
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, just wanted to share.Â
I have friends at the ball field who always have seeds so I guess I get to "bum" those from now on, should the need arise to do anything while on the field. I also told a couple of my closest friends (non-dippers) that I quit and if they see me dipping again to give me a solid ass kicking and tell my wife.
I used the fake stuff for the first 45 or so days. I ran out and one of my primary reasons for quitting is to save money.
Well I will be damned if I didn't have cravings worse after getting rid of my Hooch than I did with nic. The nic was the toughest from day 1-20 but after that all of my cravings were just to have something in my lip. Always reaching for the can kind of thing.
I am not buying any more of that stuff, at least for a while.
fireballs (the little red hard candies, about 1.83 for a 10 oz bag) are cheaper and IMO way more effective.
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Since softball season started I felt the need to do something related to dipping so I bought 3 cans of Smokey Mountain, one Arctic Mint and two Wintergreen. The stuff is ok and did the job, but I noticed doing it more and more just like back when I was dipping and hiding it. I was hiding just like I did with the real stuff, and the kicker came when I felt that white, loose stuff in my lower cheek one morning. My cheek stared to feel rough again like back when I dipped too. This happened just after using fake a couple times a day over about 3-4 days. So I said screw it and threw the rest out, now on to nothing.
After all those stupid years of chucking tobacco in my mouth in spite of all the health worries I had, I'm now real in tune with anything that might cause a problem. After just a couple days the cheek has gone back smooth again and feels normal.Â
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, just wanted to share.Â
I have friends at the ball field who always have seeds so I guess I get to "bum" those from now on, should the need arise to do anything while on the field. I also told a couple of my closest friends (non-dippers) that I quit and if they see me dipping again to give me a solid ass kicking and tell my wife.
I used the fake stuff for the first 45 or so days. I ran out and one of my primary reasons for quitting is to save money.
Well I will be damned if I didn't have cravings worse after getting rid of my Hooch than I did with nic. The nic was the toughest from day 1-20 but after that all of my cravings were just to have something in my lip. Always reaching for the can kind of thing.
I am not buying any more of that stuff, at least for a while.
fireballs (the little red hard candies, about 1.83 for a 10 oz bag) are cheaper and IMO way more effective.
I am actually doing quite well now without anything.
But I do now have a sunflower seed addiction. I thought David seeds were like the only good seeds out there.
I had NO idea that David sees sucked so bad.
If you have never had Giants seeds then you are missing out. They are like twice the size of David seeds and the "Salt and Pepper" flavor is amazing. Honestly taste like some of the steak seasonings I use.
They also have sample packs you can order if you can't find them in your area and I think they are free shipping, or really low shipping at least.
But as for the craves I intentionally don't use anything any longer. I am fighting them without finding a crutch. I only use seeds when I want a snack.
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ODAAT-Thanks for this thread. I am Quit with you today. I am going into my first weekend in thirty years without dip but right now I am just getting through the rest of today. Today I am Quit. TMP
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I was at the pool yesterday with my family and I walk by this guy who was sitting there with a fat bulge in his lip. In his right hand was a clear plastic bottle that had about an inch of spit in the bottom of it. It made my stomach turn over and even makes it queasy just typing this out.
My first thought was "pussy". Second was "how could anyone do that shit?". Third was "how did I do that nasty shit?".
Never again. Seeing that douchebag just added a notch in the belt of my quit.
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Reflections on 200 daysÂ…Â…
First of all, last Friday my quit group was lit up with congrats from my May brothers and our other supporters. Checking back throughout the day, there were a few PMÂ’s as well. This meant more to me than you can know.
Second, for new and pre-HOF quitters, the second 100 days passed 10 times faster than the first 100 days. And the second 100 days were 10 times better. IÂ’m counting on the third 100 days being 100 times better.
For new quitters who are “considering” quitting: Throw it out now. Post your day one. There will never be a good time to quit. The best time to quit passed five minutes ago. You lost it already. Best you can do right now is grab onto this moment and quit. It will be hard. You will hate it. You will hate us. But you wouldn’t be reading this unless YOU WANT to quit. You are here for a reason. Seize this moment and get to work.
Third, THIS SITE WORKS. I could leave this site in an instant and vanish. Only one person here has my number. I could block that number in about 68 seconds and never be heard from again. But I know this absolute truth, I would be dipping today without this site, and may already have that dreaded white spot in my mouth that an ENT would be looking at very soon. Did I quit the day before my cells decided to proliferate uncontrollably? Would I be the next Caring Bridge site? Would my three daughters be writing messages that future KTC readers would include in their posts almost daily? Would my youngest daughter who hugs me about 12 times every day be the next one saying “Don’t go Daddy…”. Those words echo inside my head every day.
If you read my HOF speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=4726) IÂ’m going to repeat the three simple words I say whenever my body or mind tells me I want to dip. NOT RIGHT NOW.
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Nicely done !!
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Reflections on 200 daysÂ…Â…
First of all, last Friday my quit group was lit up with congrats from my May brothers and our other supporters. Checking back throughout the day, there were a few PMÂ’s as well. This meant more to me than you can know.
Second, for new and pre-HOF quitters, the second 100 days passed 10 times faster than the first 100 days. And the second 100 days were 10 times better. IÂ’m counting on the third 100 days being 100 times better.
For new quitters who are “considering” quitting: Throw it out now. Post your day one. There will never be a good time to quit. The best time to quit passed five minutes ago. You lost it already. Best you can do right now is grab onto this moment and quit. It will be hard. You will hate it. You will hate us. But you wouldn’t be reading this unless YOU WANT to quit. You are here for a reason. Seize this moment and get to work.
Third, THIS SITE WORKS. I could leave this site in an instant and vanish. Only one person here has my number. I could block that number in about 68 seconds and never be heard from again. But I know this absolute truth, I would be dipping today without this site, and may already have that dreaded white spot in my mouth that an ENT would be looking at very soon. Did I quit the day before my cells decided to proliferate uncontrollably? Would I be the next Caring Bridge site? Would my three daughters be writing messages that future KTC readers would include in their posts almost daily? Would my youngest daughter who hugs me about 12 times every day be the next one saying “Don’t go Daddy…”. Those words echo inside my head every day.
If you read my HOF speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=4726) IÂ’m going to repeat the three simple words I say whenever my body or mind tells me I want to dip. NOT RIGHT NOW.
Congrats on 200 OODAT. Your avatar has been quite an inspiration to me.
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Reflections on 200 daysÂ…Â…
First of all, last Friday my quit group was lit up with congrats from my May brothers and our other supporters. Checking back throughout the day, there were a few PM’s as well. This meant more to me than you can know.
Second, for new and pre-HOF quitters, the second 100 days passed 10 times faster than the first 100 days. And the second 100 days were 10 times better. I’m counting on the third 100 days being 100 times better.
For new quitters who are “considering” quitting: Throw it out now. Post your day one. There will never be a good time to quit. The best time to quit passed five minutes ago. You lost it already. Best you can do right now is grab onto this moment and quit. It will be hard. You will hate it. You will hate us. But you wouldn’t be reading this unless YOU WANT to quit. You are here for a reason. Seize this moment and get to work.
Third, THIS SITE WORKS. I could leave this site in an instant and vanish. Only one person here has my number. I could block that number in about 68 seconds and never be heard from again. But I know this absolute truth, I would be dipping today without this site, and may already have that dreaded white spot in my mouth that an ENT would be looking at very soon. Did I quit the day before my cells decided to proliferate uncontrollably? Would I be the next Caring Bridge site? Would my three daughters be writing messages that future KTC readers would include in their posts almost daily? Would my youngest daughter who hugs me about 12 times every day be the next one saying “Don’t go Daddy…”. Those words echo inside my head every day.
If you read my HOF speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=4726) I’m going to repeat the three simple words I say whenever my body or mind tells me I want to dip. NOT RIGHT NOW.
Congrats on 200 OODAT. Your avatar has been quite an inspiration to me.
f-yeah!
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Reflections on 200 daysÂ…Â…
First of all, last Friday my quit group was lit up with congrats from my May brothers and our other supporters. Checking back throughout the day, there were a few PM’s as well. This meant more to me than you can know.
Second, for new and pre-HOF quitters, the second 100 days passed 10 times faster than the first 100 days. And the second 100 days were 10 times better. I’m counting on the third 100 days being 100 times better.
For new quitters who are “considering” quitting: Throw it out now. Post your day one. There will never be a good time to quit. The best time to quit passed five minutes ago. You lost it already. Best you can do right now is grab onto this moment and quit. It will be hard. You will hate it. You will hate us. But you wouldn’t be reading this unless YOU WANT to quit. You are here for a reason. Seize this moment and get to work.
Third, THIS SITE WORKS. I could leave this site in an instant and vanish. Only one person here has my number. I could block that number in about 68 seconds and never be heard from again. But I know this absolute truth, I would be dipping today without this site, and may already have that dreaded white spot in my mouth that an ENT would be looking at very soon. Did I quit the day before my cells decided to proliferate uncontrollably? Would I be the next Caring Bridge site? Would my three daughters be writing messages that future KTC readers would include in their posts almost daily? Would my youngest daughter who hugs me about 12 times every day be the next one saying “Don’t go Daddy…”. Those words echo inside my head every day.
If you read my HOF speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=4726) I’m going to repeat the three simple words I say whenever my body or mind tells me I want to dip. NOT RIGHT NOW.
Congrats on 200 OODAT. Your avatar has been quite an inspiration to me.
A given, your avatar has been an inspiration to me - pretty much one of the best on here. More importantly though, your words here nailed it - very well said and that is the kind of inspiration I seek out on this website. Thanks for sharing.
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9 months...
For some reason today I've been reflecting on January 31st of this year. I had so much nicotine in my system I felt physically sick. I dipped all the way up until a drug store close to my house where I would usually pull off to throw away the spitter, hide the can, and then finish the drive home. It was probably my 7th or 8th dip of the day. I had a terrible headache, was sick on my stomach and shaky. That was the lowest point I reached in my addiction. And the physical part wasn't the worst of it. Emotionally I felt like the world's biggest asshole. I lied to my wife and kids every day. I lied to myself. I lied to God. It was that day that this journey started. Technically that should have been my day 1 because it was the day I said "I quit". But who cares now...
I was on a run yesterday and on the sidewalk, just like it was planted there for me to see, was a spitter someone had thrown out (of their car I guess). My stomach turned over and I was repulsed. How did we ever do that stuff???
I'm not here to give some resounding speech, just logging what's on my mind because this is the only place I can. I still haven't told my wife and I don't plan to. I know how you guys feel about that so you don't have to chime in, but if you want to go ahead. I will read it and take whatever lumps ya'll have on that issue.
Yesterday I needed gas for my leaf blower. On January 30th I would have relished this opportunity to go off in the car by myself, just so I could have an excuse to fingerbang the can. Instead I loaded up my two younger kids in the car and we took the ride together. My youngest has the brightest personality in the world, and she is just naturally funny, even at only 9 years old. What makes it better is she is so freakin' bright, that it's intelligent humor. You never know what will come out of her mouth.
In a 15 minute trip she was going off on one of her bouts of silliness and I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. Because of nicotine I missed out on times like that before.
Never again.
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9 months...
For some reason today I've been reflecting on January 31st of this year. I had so much nicotine in my system I felt physically sick. I dipped all the way up until a drug store close to my house where I would usually pull off to throw away the spitter, hide the can, and then finish the drive home. It was probably my 7th or 8th dip of the day. I had a terrible headache, was sick on my stomach and shaky. That was the lowest point I reached in my addiction. And the physical part wasn't the worst of it. Emotionally I felt like the world's biggest asshole. I lied to my wife and kids every day. I lied to myself. I lied to God. It was that day that this journey started. Technically that should have been my day 1 because it was the day I said "I quit". But who cares now...
I was on a run yesterday and on the sidewalk, just like it was planted there for me to see, was a spitter someone had thrown out (of their car I guess). My stomach turned over and I was repulsed. How did we ever do that stuff???
I'm not here to give some resounding speech, just logging what's on my mind because this is the only place I can. I still haven't told my wife and I don't plan to. I know how you guys feel about that so you don't have to chime in, but if you want to go ahead. I will read it and take whatever lumps ya'll have on that issue.
Yesterday I needed gas for my leaf blower. On January 30th I would have relished this opportunity to go off in the car by myself, just so I could have an excuse to fingerbang the can. Instead I loaded up my two younger kids in the car and we took the ride together. My youngest has the brightest personality in the world, and she is just naturally funny, even at only 9 years old. What makes it better is she is so freakin' bright, that it's intelligent humor. You never know what will come out of her mouth.
In a 15 minute trip she was going off on one of her bouts of silliness and I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. Because of nicotine I missed out on times like that before.
Never again.
That's good shit ODAAT. Great reminder for me and I appreciate you sharing it.
I am surprised you haven't told your wife but that's your business. I suppose some lies are more harmful than others...
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Read This (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5285)
If you haven't read this already I'd like to suggest it. She may deserve the chance ;)
Proud to be quit with you
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Funny, reading your post felt like you were writing about me, ha. I, too, had that routine...the drive home with a dip, driving into the parking lot of this McDonald's where there was an outdoor trashcan that I could pull up next to and toss my spitter, and then strategically return my can to the secret little compartment under the seat as I drove into my neighborhood. Also, the weekends when I would come up with little errands to run so I could throw in a dip but tell my 5 year old baby girl or 10 year old son that they coudn't come with me because "I need to make a business call" or some bullshit like that. And we have fun times in the car - jamming the radio and signing like fools - but that ninja dip was more important. What a freaking moron.
It's therapeutic reading this. I'm thinking, that ODAAT sure is a dumbass - but damn, I did the same shit...we all did the same shit. I'm in good company here. 'crackup'
NO MAS!!!!!
Congrats on the niner.
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Thoughts on 400...
After about 280 days, every quit cloud parted. TCope sent me a note that said I would feel "amazing". He was dead on. This is the best I have felt in well over five years. I had great spells and funks along the way, but the funks have all but disappeared. When they happen it's a day at the most. Craves are almost completely gone.
Work has been killing me lately to the point where I get about 15 seconds on KTC, just enough time to post in my own group. There are so many people I admire on here that have supported me throughout my quit and I don't feel I'm doing them much justice. I wanted to take this opportunity to shout out to them...
Hater, Tarp, Klark, Gator, Dippy, Ag, Peace, J2B, 30, All the other brothers of May 2011, Wastepanel, Skobro, Scowick, Bradleyguy, RT4, Sioux, TCope, Luuuuuuuuuuuuke, and anyone else I left out.
My quit is succeeding because of you and KTC. Can't thank you guys enough.
For you new guys who think this is going to be "hard". It is. You will hate life for a while. Maybe a long while. But coming out on the other end justifies all the means of what you're going through today. Only let it happen once. Life it too short.
Even shorter when you're stupid.
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Thoughts on 400...
After about 280 days, every quit cloud parted. TCope sent me a note that said I would feel "amazing". He was dead on. This is the best I have felt in well over five years. I had great spells and funks along the way, but the funks have all but disappeared. When they happen it's a day at the most. Craves are almost completely gone.
Work has been killing me lately to the point where I get about 15 seconds on KTC, just enough time to post in my own group. There are so many people I admire on here that have supported me throughout my quit and I don't feel I'm doing them much justice. I wanted to take this opportunity to shout out to them...
Hater, Tarp, Klark, Gator, Dippy, Ag, Peace, J2B, 30, All the other brothers of May 2011, Wastepanel, Skobro, Scowick, Bradleyguy, RT4, Sioux, TCope, Luuuuuuuuuuuuke, and anyone else I left out.
My quit is succeeding because of you and KTC. Can't thank you guys enough.
For you new guys who think this is going to be "hard". It is. You will hate life for a while. Maybe a long while. But coming out on the other end justifies all the means of what you're going through today. Only let it happen once. Life it too short.
Even shorter when you're stupid.
Big huge :D . Right on brother.
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Thoughts on 400...
After about 280 days, every quit cloud parted. TCope sent me a note that said I would feel "amazing". He was dead on. This is the best I have felt in well over five years. I had great spells and funks along the way, but the funks have all but disappeared. When they happen it's a day at the most. Craves are almost completely gone.
Work has been killing me lately to the point where I get about 15 seconds on KTC, just enough time to post in my own group. There are so many people I admire on here that have supported me throughout my quit and I don't feel I'm doing them much justice. I wanted to take this opportunity to shout out to them...
Hater, Tarp, Klark, Gator, Dippy, Ag, Peace, J2B, 30, All the other brothers of May 2011, Wastepanel, Skobro, Scowick, Bradleyguy, RT4, Sioux, TCope, Luuuuuuuuuuuuke, and anyone else I left out.
My quit is succeeding because of you and KTC. Can't thank you guys enough.
For you new guys who think this is going to be "hard". It is. You will hate life for a while. Maybe a long while. But coming out on the other end justifies all the means of what you're going through today. Only let it happen once. Life it too short.Â
Even shorter when you're stupid.
Big huge :D . Right on brother.
Life is short, even shorter when you're stupid. I love that. So true.
Great job on the 4 bills!
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Thoughts on 400...
After about 280 days, every quit cloud parted. TCope sent me a note that said I would feel "amazing". He was dead on. This is the best I have felt in well over five years. I had great spells and funks along the way, but the funks have all but disappeared. When they happen it's a day at the most. Craves are almost completely gone.
Work has been killing me lately to the point where I get about 15 seconds on KTC, just enough time to post in my own group. There are so many people I admire on here that have supported me throughout my quit and I don't feel I'm doing them much justice. I wanted to take this opportunity to shout out to them...
Hater, Tarp, Klark, Gator, Dippy, Ag, Peace, J2B, 30, All the other brothers of May 2011, Wastepanel, Skobro, Scowick, Bradleyguy, RT4, Sioux, TCope, Luuuuuuuuuuuuke, and anyone else I left out.
My quit is succeeding because of you and KTC. Can't thank you guys enough.
For you new guys who think this is going to be "hard". It is. You will hate life for a while. Maybe a long while. But coming out on the other end justifies all the means of what you're going through today. Only let it happen once. Life it too short.Â
Even shorter when you're stupid.
Big huge :D . Right on brother.
Life is short, even shorter when you're stupid. I love that. So true.
Great job on the 4 bills!
ODAAT.
Been an honor to quit with you. Looking forward to the next 100!