KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: cmay1 on July 19, 2010, 06:58:00 PM
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I'm 29 years old. About to turn 30. I have two girls, 3 yrs and 10 mos. I have a good wife. I'm "healthy". I have a good job. I tried to give that all up by dipping.
I started dipping as a freshman in college. 1998-99. Threw up the first time, but was trying to fit in with my fraternity pledge brothers, so I kept at it until it didn't make me green. I think maybe my body was trying to tell me something back then...
At any rate, I became a text-book study-dipper. All through undergrad and law school, I would dip like a psychopath when I was studying for exams. I almost looked forward to cramming, because I would stay up all night and dip. Slowly, in college, I would dip on long car rides back home, during movies, while watching tv, and after meals. At my worst, I was doing a can every two days. This kept up until I married my wife after my second year of law school. She never knew that I dipped. So, after we got married, I cut back a lot, but still dipped after I drank, while I studied, etc. She almost caught me a couple of times, and I hid and hid and hid. I hated it, felt incredibly guilty, that something that was a relatively significant part of my life was a complete secret to my partner. So I would "quit." And then start again. And then quit for four months. And then start again.
More recently, I have in fact been caught by my wife over this last year a series of times. The first time, I lied. The second time, I fessed up to my wife. I told her about my habit, how I dealt with the stress of my life (including her), I explained how guilty I felt, and how terrible it made me feel to keep it from her, and how I truly wanted to quit. I promised her I would, for her, for the girls. And I did, for a few months. Now I have been caught again. And my apologies mean nothing, and my promises to her mean nothing. I am a liar. Now I need to quit for myself, to be the man I'm supposed to be. So that I can trust myself, so that my wife can trust me. She hasn't divorced me yet, and I don't intend to give her cause ever again.
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I'm 29 years old. About to turn 30. I have two girls, 3 yrs and 10 mos. I have a good wife. I'm "healthy". I have a good job. I tried to give that all up by dipping.
I started dipping as a freshman in college. 1998-99. Threw up the first time, but was trying to fit in with my fraternity pledge brothers, so I kept at it until it didn't make me green. I think maybe my body was trying to tell me something back then...
At any rate, I became a text-book study-dipper. All through undergrad and law school, I would dip like a psychopath when I was studying for exams. I almost looked forward to cramming, because I would stay up all night and dip. Slowly, in college, I would dip on long car rides back home, during movies, while watching tv, and after meals. At my worst, I was doing a can every two days. This kept up until I married my wife after my second year of law school. She never knew that I dipped. So, after we got married, I cut back a lot, but still dipped after I drank, while I studied, etc. She almost caught me a couple of times, and I hid and hid and hid. I hated it, felt incredibly guilty, that something that was a relatively significant part of my life was a complete secret to my partner. So I would "quit." And then start again. And then quit for four months. And then start again.
More recently, I have in fact been caught by my wife over this last year a series of times. The first time, I lied. The second time, I fessed up to my wife. I told her about my habit, how I dealt with the stress of my life (including her), I explained how guilty I felt, and how terrible it made me feel to keep it from her, and how I truly wanted to quit. I promised her I would, for her, for the girls. And I did, for a few months. Now I have been caught again. And my apologies mean nothing, and my promises to her mean nothing. I am a liar. Now I need to quit for myself, to be the man I'm supposed to be. So that I can trust myself, so that my wife can trust me. She hasn't divorced me yet, and I don't intend to give her cause ever again.
Sounds familiar....several times over. Well, for what it's worth, good choice. You are going to need to realize something right away. This quit, it must be YOU DOING IT FOR YOU. It can't be about securing your life witht he wife and kids. It can't be about saving your marriage. It can't be about anything other than you wanting to quit...for the sake of being a healthier man and being quit.
I know the first time someone told me I needed to make it about myself and no one else...Sensei, to be exact...I thought that was about the most stupid piece of advice I could have received. After all, if saving my family wasn't enough of a motivator, what would be, right? Well, it took me a while to figure this out, so I am going to hopefully save you the time. You see, when we have issues with our wives, like hiding dip, i.e. being a liar, quitting dip may or may not reverse the damage we have done...because the dipping is usually only a small part of the bigger problem. And if your only reason to quit is to keep your family, what happens when you lose them anyway (God forbid)? So, you go back to dipping?
The fact is, dipping doesn't fix anything. It doesn't make anything easier. We've all used the lie that we dip in order to relax, to help cope with stress or anxiety, to ...whatever. It's all just a chemical mind-fuck to keep us sucking down the nicotine.
I commend you on deciding to quit. I commend you on your desire to never give your wife reason to divorce you. I offer you support of a fellow quitter. Post roll every day as early as possible. Keep your word to stay quit for that day. Get active in your own quit as well as the quit of others. Get numbers for support. Get to know your quit brothers. Again, welcome.
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cmay1,
Welcome.
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You know how to quit, you have done it before. What you have to learn and invest yourself in is how to stay quit. You must stop being weak!
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Wow! I could have written the same exact intro... except for the law school part!
I'm only at day 2, but if you need anything let me know.
Adam
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Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome. I truly hate dipping and everything that comes with it, and want to quit so that I can be happy. Right now may be the worst time for me. Late after the girls are all asleep. Im on the couch of course. I'm going to make it through today so I can stay quit tomorrow.
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Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome. I truly hate dipping and everything that comes with it, and want to quit so that I can be happy. Right now may be the worst time for me. Late after the girls are all asleep. Im on the couch of course. I'm going to make it through today so I can stay quit tomorrow.
Many of us have been there - I was shocked to find out so many other guys were staying up late in order to dip...
You will make it through the day in order to post your promise to October first thing in the morning. You did get rid of every can or partial can you had, right? Flushed it all, right?
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Last dip was yesterday. Can emptied, no new ones purchased.
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Last dip was yesterday. Can emptied, no new ones purchased.
very nice.....post roll, read, get involved and get after it.
a group of folks had my back when i first quit and continues to......
we got yours
lookin forward to quittin with you
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Last time I tried quitting, I used the herbal Hooch. It tasted fine, everything went well. I got the variety pack, in fact. I was most fond of the mint, I would say. The straight was a little bicurious, I think, and the wintergreen tasted too much like Skoal Wintergreen, which made me say to myself, "god I hate Skoal Wintergreen", and crave even harder for some straight. I've been known to throw out a full can of Wintergreen purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight. The cayenne pepper flavored hooch was not my cup o tea. The Cherry had the same effect that the wintergreen had, as I have also been known to throw out full cans of Berry and Cherry Skoal purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight.
At any rate, by the end of the second month, I was left with a half a can of wintergreen, a full can of cherry, and a half a can of the straight hooch. Using any of these options actually made me crave the real stuff harder. Long story short, I caved. So, from my personal perspective, I think using the herbal stuff, in the end, made it harder for me to keep my quit going. However, I think it was very helpful for the first few days.
This time around, I've been chewing a shitload of gum, deep breathing, and reading this website. I tossed all of the herbal stuff. I don't want anything prematurely reminding me of dipping when I can just wait 6 minutes for my next crave.
Hopefully this is helpful to someone. I'm sure the herbal stuff works better for some than others -
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Last time I tried quitting, I used the herbal Hooch. It tasted fine, everything went well. I got the variety pack, in fact. I was most fond of the mint, I would say. The straight was a little bicurious, I think, and the wintergreen tasted too much like Skoal Wintergreen, which made me say to myself, "god I hate Skoal Wintergreen", and crave even harder for some straight. I've been known to throw out a full can of Wintergreen purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight. The cayenne pepper flavored hooch was not my cup o tea. The Cherry had the same effect that the wintergreen had, as I have also been known to throw out full cans of Berry and Cherry Skoal purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight.
At any rate, by the end of the second month, I was left with a half a can of wintergreen, a full can of cherry, and a half a can of the straight hooch. Using any of these options actually made me crave the real stuff harder. Long story short, I caved. So, from my personal perspective, I think using the herbal stuff, in the end, made it harder for me to keep my quit going. However, I think it was very helpful for the first few days.
This time around, I've been chewing a shitload of gum, deep breathing, and reading this website. I tossed all of the herbal stuff. I don't want anything prematurely reminding me of dipping when I can just wait 6 minutes for my next crave.
Hopefully this is helpful to someone. I'm sure the herbal stuff works better for some than others -
I love it that you looked at what was wrong and came up with a new plan that obviously includes this site. Keep it up.
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Last time I tried quitting, I used the herbal Hooch. It tasted fine, everything went well. I got the variety pack, in fact. I was most fond of the mint, I would say. The straight was a little bicurious, I think, and the wintergreen tasted too much like Skoal Wintergreen, which made me say to myself, "god I hate Skoal Wintergreen", and crave even harder for some straight. I've been known to throw out a full can of Wintergreen purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight. The cayenne pepper flavored hooch was not my cup o tea. The Cherry had the same effect that the wintergreen had, as I have also been known to throw out full cans of Berry and Cherry Skoal purchased in a pinch when I finally came across a place with straight.
At any rate, by the end of the second month, I was left with a half a can of wintergreen, a full can of cherry, and a half a can of the straight hooch. Using any of these options actually made me crave the real stuff harder. Long story short, I caved. So, from my personal perspective, I think using the herbal stuff, in the end, made it harder for me to keep my quit going. However, I think it was very helpful for the first few days.
This time around, I've been chewing a shitload of gum, deep breathing, and reading this website. I tossed all of the herbal stuff. I don't want anything prematurely reminding me of dipping when I can just wait 6 minutes for my next crave.
Hopefully this is helpful to someone. I'm sure the herbal stuff works better for some than others -
I actually have been using the smokey mountain wintergreen. I have found that it works for me, coming from Copenhagen, the wintergreen is so much different that it doesnt "remind" me of the Cope. But it also keeps that oral fixation under control.
But like you said... works for some better than others.
Glad to hear you are still quit!
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So. Weekends. I keep hearing that they are more difficult. I don't know about you other COCKS, but because I was hiding my dipping from my family, I actually dipped less on the weekends.
I drive home from work now as fast as I can so that I am sooner around people that I am accountable to, now that my habit and my quit are out in the open. I'm accountable to you other COCKS, and I'm now accountable for my quit to my wife.
I think maybe if we all treat our family like we do our quit brothers on KTC from an accountability perspective, maybe that makes weekends easier?
Just throwing it out there in case it helps. 'arse'
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You will start to look at many things differently. Quitting has many benefits and being less off a doosh happens to be one of them.
Enjoy your family.. if you were like me you have some debts to pay. Get busy.
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Accountability -
We've got a shit ton of people in our October pre HOF class. Its hard to keep track of everyone. I don't know if this is the right way to feel about this, but I figure if the people you are quitting with start out with dishonesty and defensive anger, its hard to trust them going forward. If I can't trust them, how can I rely on them in this difficult quitting process? I want their quit to go well, and I hope it does, but I'm not going to put my faith in them to facilitate my quit. Like I said, there are a ton of people in our group and there are plenty of accountable, honest and dedicated people to lean on. I don't need to worry myself about someone that is shaky to start. I'm happy to be leaned on, but I won't lean on you, and I think if you are only taking from KTC, and you aren't giving back (or people don't need you to give back), you're setting yourself up for failure.
The annonimity of this site, to a certain extent, should facilitate openness and honesty. That in and of itself is cathartic and is assisting with my quit everyday. Like many of you, I was hiding my habit from everyone I know. Like many of you, the people I love the most are some of my worst triggers. It is helpful to be able to come here be honest about myself and my loved ones without having to adversely affect my relationships with them. If a person that I am quitting with cannot provide an honest answer in an annonymous setting, I definitely can't trust them. If I can't trust them, I can't rely on them to help me in my quit. And I won't.
So, in my humble noob opinion, guys that aren't being honest aren't getting the value out of this site. I'm not ranting and raving about it, because I don't intend to rely on them. If they want help, I'm all for helping, but I'm not going to reach out.
What I keep having to tell myself is something that the vets told me when I first posted my gay little introduction. Do this for yourself. I think this also applies on KTC. While we are relying on the support of our quit brothers (and sisters) and the force of will that accountability to them can provide, we are quitting on our own and for ourselves. I think with such a large Oct. group, we may see more than our fair share of cavers. I hope not. If any of our quits are reliant upon someone else's quit being successful, we are setting ourselves up to lose. Remember to do this for yourself first, and don't let anyone else's failure become your failure.
I quit FOR me today, and WITH the rest of my October quitters. If you need help, I'm here to help. I will reach out for help when I need it too, and I know I can rely on most of you.
Good luck today, gentlemen and gentleladies.
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I couldn't agree more... you should post this in our quit group. I think there are a few people in there that could use this advise!
Keep fighting the good fight and I'll be right there with you!
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I couldn't agree more... you should post this in our quit group. I think there are a few people in there that could use this advise!
Keep fighting the good fight and I'll be right there with you!
I would, but I kind of want everybody to get off the topic - I'm happy just to get it out here.
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
Sleep is over rated anyways I am lucky to get 4-6 hours regular but when I bust ass all day in the yard or something of that nature I always sleep better. I sleep at an even 70 degrees in the house summer or winter. Find some kind of hobby that you enjoy that requires you to be physical and dig in to stay dip free :) I am an outdoor freak so working on the 4x4, keeping camp gear in line and shape, etc keeps me busy. Planning a kid free weekend with the wife camping on the lost coast in a few weeks.
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
Sleep is over rated anyways I am lucky to get 4-6 hours regular but when I bust ass all day in the yard or something of that nature I always sleep better. I sleep at an even 70 degrees in the house summer or winter. Find some kind of hobby that you enjoy that requires you to be physical and dig in to stay dip free :) I am an outdoor freak so working on the 4x4, keeping camp gear in line and shape, etc keeps me busy. Planning a kid free weekend with the wife camping on the lost coast in a few weeks.
P90X. You will sleep like a baby.
If you are not the working out type try walking for 30 minutes. Meditate.
If that does not work I used Tylenol PM and Nyquil early in my quit. Rest assured your sleep will return to normal. ( Actually I sleep better now than I ever did. )
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
Sleep is over rated anyways I am lucky to get 4-6 hours regular but when I bust ass all day in the yard or something of that nature I always sleep better. I sleep at an even 70 degrees in the house summer or winter. Find some kind of hobby that you enjoy that requires you to be physical and dig in to stay dip free :) I am an outdoor freak so working on the 4x4, keeping camp gear in line and shape, etc keeps me busy. Planning a kid free weekend with the wife camping on the lost coast in a few weeks.
P90X. You will sleep like a baby.
If you are not the working out type try walking for 30 minutes. Meditate.
If that does not work I used Tylenol PM and Nyquil early in my quit. Rest assured your sleep will return to normal. ( Actually I sleep better now than I ever did. )
I found nailing mikeA's wife seems to help also.
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
Sleep is over rated anyways I am lucky to get 4-6 hours regular but when I bust ass all day in the yard or something of that nature I always sleep better. I sleep at an even 70 degrees in the house summer or winter. Find some kind of hobby that you enjoy that requires you to be physical and dig in to stay dip free :) I am an outdoor freak so working on the 4x4, keeping camp gear in line and shape, etc keeps me busy. Planning a kid free weekend with the wife camping on the lost coast in a few weeks.
P90X. You will sleep like a baby.
If you are not the working out type try walking for 30 minutes. Meditate.
If that does not work I used Tylenol PM and Nyquil early in my quit. Rest assured your sleep will return to normal. ( Actually I sleep better now than I ever did. )
I found nailing mikeA's wife seems to help also.
she is good for something, Which hole did you use as there are always 3 available with Mrs MikeA
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I did not sleep at all. I'm not a particularly good sleeper, but last night was ridiculous. The thermostat said it was 72 degrees, but I was sweating like a fatapotomus. Tossing and turning, mind racing - not craving at all, but couldn't clear the old noggin.Â
I think I need a new mattress. Or 10,000 days of quit.
or get you one of those BJ things that John has been talking about.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
Sleep is over rated anyways I am lucky to get 4-6 hours regular but when I bust ass all day in the yard or something of that nature I always sleep better. I sleep at an even 70 degrees in the house summer or winter. Find some kind of hobby that you enjoy that requires you to be physical and dig in to stay dip free :) I am an outdoor freak so working on the 4x4, keeping camp gear in line and shape, etc keeps me busy. Planning a kid free weekend with the wife camping on the lost coast in a few weeks.
P90X. You will sleep like a baby.
If you are not the working out type try walking for 30 minutes. Meditate.
If that does not work I used Tylenol PM and Nyquil early in my quit. Rest assured your sleep will return to normal. ( Actually I sleep better now than I ever did. )
I found nailing mikeA's wife seems to help also.
she is good for something, Which hole did you use as there are always 3 available with Mrs MikeA
Mike - your new avatar is disappointing to say the least. Mrs. MikeA's bouncing breasts have been something that I have held on to for support since the beginning of my quit -
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Mike - your new avatar is disappointing to say the least. Mrs. MikeA's bouncing breasts have been something that I have held on to for support since the beginning of my quit -
^^^ THIS
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Mike - your new avatar is disappointing to say the least. Mrs. MikeA's bouncing breasts have been something that I have held on to for support since the beginning of my quit -
^^^ THIS
here, she's back
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Mike - your new avatar is disappointing to say the least. Mrs. MikeA's bouncing breasts have been something that I have held on to for support since the beginning of my quit -
^^^ THIS
here, she's back
Mike your wifes boobs are an inspiration. As for which hole to use let me know which you used the night before and I will pick a diff one lol.
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Why can I not get cigarettes out of my mind? I've never been a real smoker - used to smoke socially when I drank in college and whatnot - Now, I have a wife and two kids - I never drink socially or go out, so I never smoke.
But now I am terrified that when I go to Vegas in October that I'm going to smoke like a chimney. I have no reason to think that I will. I'm just scared of it for some reason.
Does second hand smoke have nicotine in it? If I'm around cigarette smoke, have I caved? Cigar smoke? Cigar smoke on the golf course? If I smell a cigar, did I just inadvertently cave?
I literally have not had a cigarette in 3 years. I do not crave cigarettes - I hate them. But I am currently terrified of them.
This is what I thought about instead of sleeping last night. Thought you might want to know.
QUITSTRONG. 'Crazy'
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Mike - your new avatar is disappointing to say the least. Mrs. MikeA's bouncing breasts have been something that I have held on to for support since the beginning of my quit -
^^^ THIS
here, she's back
Mike, that's your wife!?!? No phucking way. If so, then congrats and when can we come over for dinner?
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Why can I not get cigarettes out of my mind? I've never been a real smoker - used to smoke socially when I drank in college and whatnot - Now, I have a wife and two kids - I never drink socially or go out, so I never smoke.
But now I am terrified that when I go to Vegas in October that I'm going to smoke like a chimney. I have no reason to think that I will. I'm just scared of it for some reason.
Does second hand smoke have nicotine in it? If I'm around cigarette smoke, have I caved? Cigar smoke? Cigar smoke on the golf course? If I smell a cigar, did I just inadvertently cave?
I literally have not had a cigarette in 3 years. I do not crave cigarettes - I hate them. But I am currently terrified of them.
This is what I thought about instead of sleeping last night. Thought you might want to know.
QUITSTRONG. 'Crazy'
Hey man, I think you may be over thinking this a little. If you do not like cigs and not gonna start I do not think there is a problem. I do not believe that. Inadvertant second hand smoke makes you someone who caves. Just stay strong and when you end up in vegas lean on us
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Why can I not get cigarettes out of my mind? I've never been a real smoker - used to smoke socially when I drank in college and whatnot - Now, I have a wife and two kids - I never drink socially or go out, so I never smoke.
But now I am terrified that when I go to Vegas in October that I'm going to smoke like a chimney. I have no reason to think that I will. I'm just scared of it for some reason.
Does second hand smoke have nicotine in it? If I'm around cigarette smoke, have I caved? Cigar smoke? Cigar smoke on the golf course? If I smell a cigar, did I just inadvertently cave?
I literally have not had a cigarette in 3 years. I do not crave cigarettes - I hate them. But I am currently terrified of them.
This is what I thought about instead of sleeping last night. Thought you might want to know.Â
QUITSTRONG. 'Crazy'
Hey man, I think you may be over thinking this a little. If you do not like cigs and not gonna start I do not think there is a problem. I do not believe that. Inadvertant second hand smoke makes you someone who caves. Just stay strong and when you end up in vegas lean on us
Thats why she is called the nic bitch. She will get to you any way she can. I do not know or not if 2nd hand smoke has nicotine in it. I do not see why it wouldn't. I do know that 1 month into my quit I had to be in a environment where there was a ton of 2nd hand smoke and I could feel it getting to me. Had the shakes for several hours after and some withdraw like day 3.
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Why can I not get cigarettes out of my mind? I've never been a real smoker - used to smoke socially when I drank in college and whatnot - Now, I have a wife and two kids - I never drink socially or go out, so I never smoke.
But now I am terrified that when I go to Vegas in October that I'm going to smoke like a chimney. I have no reason to think that I will. I'm just scared of it for some reason.
Does second hand smoke have nicotine in it? If I'm around cigarette smoke, have I caved? Cigar smoke? Cigar smoke on the golf course? If I smell a cigar, did I just inadvertently cave?
I literally have not had a cigarette in 3 years. I do not crave cigarettes - I hate them. But I am currently terrified of them.
This is what I thought about instead of sleeping last night. Thought you might want to know.Â
QUITSTRONG.  'Crazy'
Hey man, I think you may be over thinking this a little. If you do not like cigs and not gonna start I do not think there is a problem. I do not believe that. Inadvertant second hand smoke makes you someone who caves. Just stay strong and when you end up in vegas lean on us
Thats why she is called the nic bitch. She will get to you any way she can. I do not know or not if 2nd hand smoke has nicotine in it. I do not see why it wouldn't. I do know that 1 month into my quit I had to be in a environment where there was a ton of 2nd hand smoke and I could feel it getting to me. Had the shakes for several hours after and some withdraw like day 3.
Wow - looking forward to that 27 days from the HOF....
Whatever. I'm going to win $1,000,000 and I won't worry about a thing.
I'm going to be texting chewie to see what I should do with my cards at the poker table. Not worrying about nicotine...
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There once was a man named May -
Who couldn't put his Skoal Straight away
He got caught by his wife,
Who threatened his life
But he quit for himself today (39 days ago).
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So -
My wife is having a bit of a scare - likely nothing. She probably has a cyst on her ovary, and it is probably nothing, but she is freaking out, I'm worried, she's getting a CT Scan tomorrow, had an ultrasound today, and we're about to spend $2500 or whatever's left on our deductible to find out that she's got a little, common cyst on her ovary that will go away or rupture or need to be removed but is not life threatening.
She has never smoked, and she has definitely never dipped. And she is being threatened by cancer (maybe). You don't even have to do anything stupid to get this shit.
Cancer is a terrifying disease. And, because we are all retarded we have put ourselves in a position to have to think about dying from it EVERY DAY. We have caused damage already. Every bump on the tounge, every sore throat, every herpi..., every cold sore, every toothache, every headache, every lump, every pain, everything that goes wrong with our bodies now could be self-inflicted cancer. Because we couldn't resist putting sweetened, flavored dirt in our mouths every second of every day. Sure, in 15 years of quitting, your chances of getting cancer are about the same as a regular person. Until then, you will always have that worry with you that you've done something irreparable to your body; but with each day that passes without tobacco, we're getting one day closer to correcting our mistakes. I hope I can correct all of my mistakes before its too late. Quitting dipping has given me the opportunity to correct so many of them, and I'm a better person for it.
Cancer is terrifying, and we've placed ourselves right into a 15 year long perpetual horror movie.
And people we love could get it without doing anything wrong. Lets do the best we can by the people we love. And lets do the best we can by ourselves. Keep quitting.
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That's a wonderful post brother. Just keep in mind that you are quit now and that even though we worry about what we may have done to ourselves, we now at least have control of our lives. What's done is done....you are now free.
Hope all is well with Mrs. cmay.
RT
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Great Post. You are right you do not have to do anything to get Cancer. It is a terrible disease, my wife had breast cancer and she never smoked and obviously never dipped.
You have chosen to quit. Relish the fact you have done something that millions of people cannot do. You have taken your life back from the can. Yes there is the chance we all fucked ourselves, but we could also get hit by a bus tomorrow.
My point is you have done all you can to undo the mistakes you have made, I like you feel like I am a better person now than I was. I wake up each day and enjoy every second of it. I am enjoying my family more, my friends more, enjoying life in general more.
Enjoy your hard earned freedom, and don't stress yourself with what "could" happen !!
Good Luck with the Mrs.... let us know.
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Not sure about the wife, but how do 2 CT scans in one week sound? Fun, right?
Well, my wife got one last Wed. (she's too scared to call her doctor, and heaven forbid those fuckers actually remember her and let her know what her scan results are), then my 3 year old was helping me make pancakes on Pancake Saturday (which happens to be every Saturday since she was 6 months old), and she fell off the chair she was standing on and hit her head.
She threw up, so the wife took her to the hospital. She checked out fine, and then came home and had a possessed-like fit complaining of pain in her head, so the wife took her back to the hospital where CT scan number 2 was performed.
Daughter is fine, wife is paranoid, and I'm out a few thousand dollars. Great week last week.
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Hang in there man. I know the feeling. Just remember no matter what happens in your life dipping will not make it better.
If you need to talk about anything PM me and my number is yours.
Stay strong brother
Greg
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ALL CT SCANS CLEAR!
No one is in any danger. A relief, just in time for my trip to Vegas. Leaving tomorrow am, and will be in 104 degree weather by noon.
Fired up. Dip Free. Kicking ass and taking names (and hopefully winning some dough!).
I'll try to post by phone -
-
ALL CT SCANS CLEAR!
No one is in any danger. A relief, just in time for my trip to Vegas. Leaving tomorrow am, and will be in 104 degree weather by noon.
Fired up. Dip Free. Kicking ass and taking names (and hopefully winning some dough!).
I'll try to post by phone -
Thats great news! Kick ass in Vegas and win big! Luck be a lady tonight!
-
ALL CT SCANS CLEAR!
No one is in any danger. A relief, just in time for my trip to Vegas. Leaving tomorrow am, and will be in 104 degree weather by noon.Â
Fired up. Dip Free. Kicking ass and taking names (and hopefully winning some dough!).
I'll try to post by phone -
Thats great news! Kick ass in Vegas and win big! Luck be a lady tonight!
Excellent news !!! Enjoy your trip
-
Holy balls - reading the stuff I wrote back in August, seems like a different person. Some of you may notice that I have been especially active on the threads today.
That is because my job is driving me nuts. 14-16 hour days for the last 2 months at least.
This used to be when I'd walk down to the lobby shop, buy a can of skoal straight, and dig in for the long hours.
Not any more. I've got KTC, I've made my promise to my October 2010 quit brothers (and sister) and the rest of you, and I've got an outlet for my exhaustion and frustration.
Not really craving, just thinking about dip from a historical perspective. Just wanted to check in on myself.
Thanks, e'rybody.
(Forgot I had two intro pages) Admins, can we delete the logging the quit one?
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I'm glad you said that. I'm at Day 103...couldn't be happier. But I still think about dip way too much. It helps me to encourage others. Reading what a new quit is going through reminds me of exactly what I don't want to go through again.
I'm nic free to stay. I entered the HOF days ago...best Christmas present I've ever gotten.
-
time......time......time......
It gets so much fucking better still - for both of you guys - that you can't possibly imagine.
Just today I realized that I don't even remember being a dipper. Sure I remember it in *general* terms but it seems like so fucking long ago, I can't even regard myself as a guy who used to feed his addiction daily.
Now, this is not to say that I don't still actively acknowledge my addiction and fight it on a daily basis by giving my word but I can't remember the last craving, the last dip dream, the last funk (and I had a shit load of them...), etc. This is a good thing and will happen in time.
I thought I should be "free" at 100 days. Wasn't the case. Certainly by 200. Still a bitch from time to time. Keep fighting that daily battle and time will take care of the rest.
Merry Christmas quitters.
-
Bump as I see a fresh day 1
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I found it! I was an introspective son of a bitch last time - I didn't think to look for my original intro until now. Good news is, I went back 70 pages and scrolled through until I got back to Page 2 where mine was, thanks to the Waste bump below. None too smart today.
Scrolling through 70 pages and 2.5 years of introductions, I noticed something. At least from my quit group, there were VERY few returning cavers. In fact, there was only one. I remember a few that I was close with. Tberge, Gracesdad, bennythekid, I had all of their numbers and they had mine. Tberge caved before 100. Gracesdad stopped posting roll before I did, I think. bennythekid was spotty at best, a musician if I recall, but we exchanged texts and had that in common.
BTK was the only return poster that I found from our group. There may have been more, and I was really only looking for my name until I happened across Benny's "Help" post. His posts were a little weak, it looked like he was trying to keep roll on his own in his introduction page, and it looked like he lasted until day 8. Anybody from Feb. 12 that remembers him posting roll, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think he lasted too long.
Its hard to come back, gentlemen. This is the only thing that has ever worked for me quitting in 10 years of trying, I KNOW I can't quit better than when I'm working this site and posting roll, I KNOW that this is my best option. The other thing I've known for the past 6 months is that I HATE dipping with all my heart, and that there was nothing more in this world that I wanted to do than quit doing it. I knew where the tools were, I knew how passionately I hated what I was doing and how depressing it was that I was doing it again, and I STILL had a hard time coming back. I was ashamed. I was proud. I was guilty. I knew what was coming.
Point is, DON'T EVER FUCKING LEAVE. Then you don't have to go through all that. Its hard enough the first time around. Its exponentially harder the second. And this is something that WORKS BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Use it or lose it, like a lot of cavers before me. I'm so glad I sacked up and came back, and that everybody's got my back and me back on the right path.
You guys rock.
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I feel like I'm missing something. A day ten posted today.Maybe a typo? I definitely missed something. But more importantly, what this thread is missing is a description of what happened. That moment when you chose to abandon your quit. What happened? It's important because it can help others. It can help me. If you tell me what the impetus was for you letting your gaurd down and caving, then I may be able to spot it before I face that terrible choice once again.
I'm not going to ask for the three answers. Frankly, with a 2010 join date, you know better. I just want to know what happened. So I can learn from your mistakes. Just as I provided my story when I caved, you should provide yours.
If I missed all this somewhere else on this site, I'm sorry. But it belongs here, in this thread.
-
FOR POSTERITY - HERE'S WHAT I SAID TO MY 2010 COCKS AND WHAT I SAID IN MY NEW MAY 2013 GROUP:
To the COCKS:
I think we all know that the explanations all sound like or come in the form of excuses. I won't make any. I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but still staying away from nicotine. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast. Which leads me back here, where I never thought I'd be again. Asking for help and forgiveness.
SPACE: "What are you going to do differently to ensure that it doesn't happen again?"
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
One thing that caused me to back away from the site (and I may have told somebody this in a private message at one point) was that I felt like it was constantly making me think about dipping (after day 250 or so, it was the thought that I had succeeded in quitting) and I thought at the time was that that was going to keep dipping in the forefront of my mind and make me dip again. That is not the case. What this site does is keep you active in your quit. There is a big distinction there, I think.
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting, or every day I will be passively moving back to dipping.
In full disclosure, this is not a recent cave. I've been too much of a pussy to crawl back (I don't think proud is the right word) - though I have been telling myself since I started back that I'm fully capable of quitting on my own. I've been trying for 6 months and have been incapable of doing it. Complacency is the killer.
The guilt is amazing. The disappointment is difficult to take - I could be in the 900s. The guilt and abuse is necessary. I tried to help most people, I tried not to get involved in the snippy dip-rage fueled feuds, I reached out, I was a strong quitter, and I failed. I failed you guys who stuck it out in October, I failed the people I tried to help, and I am truly sorry.
To the Maysters of the Universe:
Hey folks -
I was originally a HOF of the October 2010 class. I quit dipping for a long time. I started again.
My 100 days was October 26, 2010
The last roll call I can find was March 28, 2011. Here's my lesson. You have to be actively involved in your quit, or you will passively resort back to the addict you are.
I made a conscious decision to stop posting. I felt like all I did all day was talk about dipping (or not dipping, I should say), and hang out with other people online who were affiliated with each other because they had a single common thread - dipping. I felt like this, after around 250 days or so, was something that was keeping dipping in the forefront of my mind. At the time, I thought that this was going to lead me back to dipping. I was completely fucking wrong. You're not thinking about dipping while you're on here. You're actively thinking about not dipping. When you are being active, every day, making a promise, and struggling to keep that promise, you are ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN YOUR QUIT. When you aren't, you are closer to thinking about dipping again. When you think that you have it, you don't. When you just want to put it out of your mind, you'll forget why you're quitting. You'll forget how fucking hard it was. You'll forget how much you were screwing up so you can dip. And you will start again. Because you are an addict.
This I think, is probably particularly true for new quitters. 10 years from now, or 15 years from now (when you have the expected cancer rates of a normal person again), it may be easier to let it slip from your mind. But you have to be ever vigilant.
I never thought I'd be the guy. But I am. I've apologized to my October 2010 brothers, and I hope this new class will accept me. Hopefully, my failure can lead to somebody else's success.
Some of this is cut and pasted from what i posted in Oct 2010 due to iphone typing.
I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but I stayed away from nicotine for a long time after that. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast.
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting.
I had many guys on my phone to reach out to. I involved myself in multiple groups on the site a posted a lot. I responded to requests for help, went in the chat rooms, made friends, played fantasy football with a bunch of quitters. And then I got too big for my britches. And then, when I got in trouble, I didn't have the balls to come back. Till now.
I can't pinpoint an exact moment. Our group was dwindling after the HOF, it started to feel like it wasn't as important. It seems like day 250 is about the time I decided I could do it on my own. And that's what it was. I thought I could do it on my own. Once I made that decision, it became easier not to post roll on weekends or when it was inconvenient. I decided it didn't matter I think might be a better way to put it.
The reason why you can trust me is that that single decision - that i could do it on my own, is why I faded and why I failed. I needed this and didn't realize that it wasn't just a stepping stone. For me, it's dedication to posting and promising and staying active that is going to keep me on the straight and narrow. Also, I'm using my original name. I want these guys to learn, as i learned from others caves. I want this part of the process, because it is important.
-
The value of chat cannot be ignored. When I first started here in 2010, you had to go through six steps and be tethered to a computer to chat with your fellow quitters. Now you can take your iPad or smart phone and have quit resources at your finger tips wherever you are. There is a chat app, chat123, that allows this. Being able to sign in and have real time access to strong quitters at any time is invaluable.
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FOR POSTERITY - HERE'S WHAT I SAID TO MY 2010 COCKS AND WHAT I SAID IN MY NEW MAY 2013 GROUP:
To the COCKS:
I think we all know that the explanations all sound like or come in the form of excuses. I won't make any. I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but still staying away from nicotine. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast. Which leads me back here, where I never thought I'd be again. Asking for help and forgiveness.
SPACE: "What are you going to do differently to ensure that it doesn't happen again?"
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
One thing that caused me to back away from the site (and I may have told somebody this in a private message at one point) was that I felt like it was constantly making me think about dipping (after day 250 or so, it was the thought that I had succeeded in quitting) and I thought at the time was that that was going to keep dipping in the forefront of my mind and make me dip again. That is not the case. What this site does is keep you active in your quit. There is a big distinction there, I think.
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting, or every day I will be passively moving back to dipping.
In full disclosure, this is not a recent cave. I've been too much of a pussy to crawl back (I don't think proud is the right word) - though I have been telling myself since I started back that I'm fully capable of quitting on my own. I've been trying for 6 months and have been incapable of doing it. Complacency is the killer.
The guilt is amazing. The disappointment is difficult to take - I could be in the 900s. The guilt and abuse is necessary. I tried to help most people, I tried not to get involved in the snippy dip-rage fueled feuds, I reached out, I was a strong quitter, and I failed. I failed you guys who stuck it out in October, I failed the people I tried to help, and I am truly sorry.
To the Maysters of the Universe:
Hey folks -
I was originally a HOF of the October 2010 class. I quit dipping for a long time. I started again.
My 100 days was October 26, 2010
The last roll call I can find was March 28, 2011. Here's my lesson. You have to be actively involved in your quit, or you will passively resort back to the addict you are.
I made a conscious decision to stop posting. I felt like all I did all day was talk about dipping (or not dipping, I should say), and hang out with other people online who were affiliated with each other because they had a single common thread - dipping. I felt like this, after around 250 days or so, was something that was keeping dipping in the forefront of my mind. At the time, I thought that this was going to lead me back to dipping. I was completely fucking wrong. You're not thinking about dipping while you're on here. You're actively thinking about not dipping. When you are being active, every day, making a promise, and struggling to keep that promise, you are ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN YOUR QUIT. When you aren't, you are closer to thinking about dipping again. When you think that you have it, you don't. When you just want to put it out of your mind, you'll forget why you're quitting. You'll forget how fucking hard it was. You'll forget how much you were screwing up so you can dip. And you will start again. Because you are an addict.
This I think, is probably particularly true for new quitters. 10 years from now, or 15 years from now (when you have the expected cancer rates of a normal person again), it may be easier to let it slip from your mind. But you have to be ever vigilant.
I never thought I'd be the guy. But I am. I've apologized to my October 2010 brothers, and I hope this new class will accept me. Hopefully, my failure can lead to somebody else's success.
Some of this is cut and pasted from what i posted in Oct 2010 due to iphone typing.
I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but I stayed away from nicotine for a long time after that. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast.
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting.
I had many guys on my phone to reach out to. I involved myself in multiple groups on the site a posted a lot. I responded to requests for help, went in the chat rooms, made friends, played fantasy football with a bunch of quitters. And then I got too big for my britches. And then, when I got in trouble, I didn't have the balls to come back. Till now.
I can't pinpoint an exact moment. Our group was dwindling after the HOF, it started to feel like it wasn't as important. It seems like day 250 is about the time I decided I could do it on my own. And that's what it was. I thought I could do it on my own. Once I made that decision, it became easier not to post roll on weekends or when it was inconvenient. I decided it didn't matter I think might be a better way to put it.
The reason why you can trust me is that that single decision - that i could do it on my own, is why I faded and why I failed. I needed this and didn't realize that it wasn't just a stepping stone. For me, it's dedication to posting and promising and staying active that is going to keep me on the straight and narrow. Also, I'm using my original name. I want these guys to learn, as i learned from others caves. I want this part of the process, because it is important.
This is Bad ASS I'm glad i found this cmay1.....you might be as well. :ph43r:
-
FOR POSTERITY - HERE'S WHAT I SAID TO MY 2010 COCKS AND WHAT I SAID IN MY NEW MAY 2013 GROUP:
To the COCKS:
I think we all know that the explanations all sound like or come in the form of excuses. I won't make any. I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but still staying away from nicotine. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast. Which leads me back here, where I never thought I'd be again. Asking for help and forgiveness.
SPACE: "What are you going to do differently to ensure that it doesn't happen again?"
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
One thing that caused me to back away from the site (and I may have told somebody this in a private message at one point) was that I felt like it was constantly making me think about dipping (after day 250 or so, it was the thought that I had succeeded in quitting) and I thought at the time was that that was going to keep dipping in the forefront of my mind and make me dip again. That is not the case. What this site does is keep you active in your quit. There is a big distinction there, I think.
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting, or every day I will be passively moving back to dipping.
In full disclosure, this is not a recent cave. I've been too much of a pussy to crawl back (I don't think proud is the right word) - though I have been telling myself since I started back that I'm fully capable of quitting on my own. I've been trying for 6 months and have been incapable of doing it. Complacency is the killer.
The guilt is amazing. The disappointment is difficult to take - I could be in the 900s. The guilt and abuse is necessary. I tried to help most people, I tried not to get involved in the snippy dip-rage fueled feuds, I reached out, I was a strong quitter, and I failed. I failed you guys who stuck it out in October, I failed the people I tried to help, and I am truly sorry.
To the Maysters of the Universe:
Hey folks -
I was originally a HOF of the October 2010 class. I quit dipping for a long time. I started again.
My 100 days was October 26, 2010
The last roll call I can find was March 28, 2011. Here's my lesson. You have to be actively involved in your quit, or you will passively resort back to the addict you are.
I made a conscious decision to stop posting. I felt like all I did all day was talk about dipping (or not dipping, I should say), and hang out with other people online who were affiliated with each other because they had a single common thread - dipping. I felt like this, after around 250 days or so, was something that was keeping dipping in the forefront of my mind. At the time, I thought that this was going to lead me back to dipping. I was completely fucking wrong. You're not thinking about dipping while you're on here. You're actively thinking about not dipping. When you are being active, every day, making a promise, and struggling to keep that promise, you are ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN YOUR QUIT. When you aren't, you are closer to thinking about dipping again. When you think that you have it, you don't. When you just want to put it out of your mind, you'll forget why you're quitting. You'll forget how fucking hard it was. You'll forget how much you were screwing up so you can dip. And you will start again. Because you are an addict.
This I think, is probably particularly true for new quitters. 10 years from now, or 15 years from now (when you have the expected cancer rates of a normal person again), it may be easier to let it slip from your mind. But you have to be ever vigilant.
I never thought I'd be the guy. But I am. I've apologized to my October 2010 brothers, and I hope this new class will accept me. Hopefully, my failure can lead to somebody else's success.
Some of this is cut and pasted from what i posted in Oct 2010 due to iphone typing.
I thought I had it under control - that leads to moving away from the site. That means not making your promise every day, but I stayed away from nicotine for a long time after that. That leads to an over-inflated sense of self-confidence and hubris. That leads to "I'm going to the lake with the guys for the weekend, I can have a dip on Saturday night and quit on Monday," which leads to "I'm under a lot of stress right now, so I can dip while I'm going through this particular issue (for me it was job change and home sale and purchase and renovation) and I will quit when this is over. Which leads to full blown sucking from the bitches breast.
The main thing that I have to do is not let my head tell me I'm bigger than this addiction, or that I'm ever over it - I of course read the hundreds of posts about how guys cave years into their quit, and I was able to convince myself "not me".
I didn't do a lot of outside-the-site reaching out, and maybe that will be more helpful, but I think the biggest things that I've learned are that 1) I will always be addicted to dipping; 2) It IS me; I am that guy - that thought won't be in my head on day 250; and 3) I must be actively quitting.
I had many guys on my phone to reach out to. I involved myself in multiple groups on the site a posted a lot. I responded to requests for help, went in the chat rooms, made friends, played fantasy football with a bunch of quitters. And then I got too big for my britches. And then, when I got in trouble, I didn't have the balls to come back. Till now.
I can't pinpoint an exact moment. Our group was dwindling after the HOF, it started to feel like it wasn't as important. It seems like day 250 is about the time I decided I could do it on my own. And that's what it was. I thought I could do it on my own. Once I made that decision, it became easier not to post roll on weekends or when it was inconvenient. I decided it didn't matter I think might be a better way to put it.
The reason why you can trust me is that that single decision - that i could do it on my own, is why I faded and why I failed. I needed this and didn't realize that it wasn't just a stepping stone. For me, it's dedication to posting and promising and staying active that is going to keep me on the straight and narrow. Also, I'm using my original name. I want these guys to learn, as i learned from others caves. I want this part of the process, because it is important.
cmay1 Let's get this righted again brother..Maysters stand strong and stand together. You are the heart of this group and "WE" need you back to a more consistent presence in the group. QLFEDD!!! Besides I think TT misses you in a "special" way????? :wub: