KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: peters6278 on January 10, 2014, 04:12:00 PM
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Hello all.
Allow me to introduce myself to the community, and the April 2014 Pre HOF quit group. I'm a 35 year old engineer in Phoenix, AZ and have had enough of this stuff. Hence, here I am
I battled addiction to Kodiak off and on for the last 15 years or so. What started as very infrequent use in high school 15 years ago became (after 3 years off never touching the stuff) a more serious habitual use in my last year of college. Over the next few years, my on and off habit morphed from a can every week to a can every few days (to today's 2 cans a day). I successfully (albeit temporarily) quit again shortly before meeting my wife 7 years ago. I was clean for almost two years and then made the fateful mistake of going back to the bear after my daughter was born almost 4 years ago. No excusses, but I apparently felt that the can was the only solution to the stress associated with having a newborn (today my kids are 2 and 3 years old).
The last 3 years have seen my habit grow to a serious problem where I would now regularly double or even tripple dip (3 pinches at a time) as many as 5-6 times a day. As had always been the case, this was a habit that I performed in total secrecy with no knowledge by my family, as I had been too ashamed to admit my dependency on such a disguting thing. Ashamed was really the name of the game and although chewing did serve to satisfy my nicotine cravings, every time I did it, I felt guilty about doing so. "How can a smart guy like yourself justify killing yourself with this s**t every day when you have a familty and two small kids to take care of. Who going to take care of them when this s**t kills you because you were stupid.
Long story short (albeit not that short), I got caught by my wife (thank goodness) about 6 months ago. Admitted my problem in full to her and vowed to quit. 6 weeks later, my quit failed when I reunited with a buddy for a fishing trip in WY that I hadn't seen in years.....and who also happends to be addicted to the can. Couldn't bring myself (again due to being ashamed) to admit to my wife that I failed, so went back to my secret habit which (surpise surprise) only has gotten work over the last 6 months. 6 month ago when I "quit" I had visited this site, but negelectd to sign up...wish I had now. Truth be told, in normal day to day life I haven't had much trouble kicking the habit for a few weeks. I usually have at least one family trip a year in which I leave the can behind for about two weeks...and it really isn't that bad. Even when I've "quit" in the past once I get past the "fog" of the first few days, it's not something that nags me as much as I would have expected. However, after a few weeks I always seem to convince myself that "see quitting isn't so hard....I'll just go back for a little bit and then quit for good later.
But as those of you reading this know, this is just a dellusion and in my experience, my addition only get's worse each time a "quit" fails. 6 months ago, my dentist observed (for the first time) obvious oral damage in the form of receeding gums and tooth enamel errosion just above the gumline. Additionally, I noticed (For the first time) a very small painless white spot on my gums. In my mind, if it's not too late already, this is my last chance to quit if I wish to avoid some very serious (potentially deadly) side effects.
I owe it to my wife and kids (and above all, myself) to ditch this habit once and for all.
I'm ready, and I'm currently at Day 1 (24 hours). Foggy as hell, but drinking my cranberry juice and looking foward to a future with this crap.
Haven't quite figured out yet how to post roll call (or tell whom in my quit group hasn't posted) but I'm sure you folks will help me out.
-Jeff
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Hello all.
Allow me to introduce myself to the community, and the April 2014 Pre HOF quit group. I'm a 35 year old engineer in Phoenix, AZ and have had enough of this stuff. Hence, here I am
I battled addiction to Kodiak off and on for the last 15 years or so. What started as very infrequent use in high school 15 years ago became (after 3 years off never touching the stuff) a more serious habitual use in my last year of college. Over the next few years, my on and off habit morphed from a can every week to a can every few days (to today's 2 cans a day). I successfully (albeit temporarily) quit again shortly before meeting my wife 7 years ago. I was clean for almost two years and then made the fateful mistake of going back to the bear after my daughter was born almost 4 years ago. No excusses, but I apparently felt that the can was the only solution to the stress associated with having a newborn (today my kids are 2 and 3 years old).
The last 3 years have seen my habit grow to a serious problem where I would now regularly double or even tripple dip (3 pinches at a time) as many as 5-6 times a day. As had always been the case, this was a habit that I performed in total secrecy with no knowledge by my family, as I had been too ashamed to admit my dependency on such a disguting thing. Ashamed was really the name of the game and although chewing did serve to satisfy my nicotine cravings, every time I did it, I felt guilty about doing so. "How can a smart guy like yourself justify killing yourself with this s**t every day when you have a familty and two small kids to take care of. Who going to take care of them when this s**t kills you because you were stupid.
Long story short (albeit not that short), I got caught by my wife (thank goodness) about 6 months ago. Admitted my problem in full to her and vowed to quit. 6 weeks later, my quit failed when I reunited with a buddy for a fishing trip in WY that I hadn't seen in years.....and who also happends to be addicted to the can. Couldn't bring myself (again due to being ashamed) to admit to my wife that I failed, so went back to my secret habit which (surpise surprise) only has gotten work over the last 6 months. 6 month ago when I "quit" I had visited this site, but negelectd to sign up...wish I had now. Truth be told, in normal day to day life I haven't had much trouble kicking the habit for a few weeks. I usually have at least one family trip a year in which I leave the can behind for about two weeks...and it really isn't that bad. Even when I've "quit" in the past once I get past the "fog" of the first few days, it's not something that nags me as much as I would have expected. However, after a few weeks I always seem to convince myself that "see quitting isn't so hard....I'll just go back for a little bit and then quit for good later.
But as those of you reading this know, this is just a dellusion and in my experience, my addition only get's worse each time a "quit" fails. 6 months ago, my dentist observed (for the first time) obvious oral damage in the form of receeding gums and tooth enamel errosion just above the gumline. Additionally, I noticed (For the first time) a very small painless white spot on my gums. In my mind, if it's not too late already, this is my last chance to quit if I wish to avoid some very serious (potentially deadly) side effects.
I owe it to my wife and kids (and above all, myself) to ditch this habit once and for all.
I'm ready, and I'm currently at Day 1 (24 hours). Foggy as hell, but drinking my cranberry juice and looking foward to a future with this crap.
Haven't quite figured out yet how to post roll call (or tell whom in my quit group hasn't posted) but I'm sure you folks will help me out.
-Jeff
Welcome Jeff. There is enough in your post to keep my fingers busy for a couple hours but I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
First, click on the pink "Welcome Center" tab in the top left. That explains how to post roll, why we post roll and a ton of other information. Posting roll is the only requirement for this site. Each day, every damn day, you will post your name in April 2014 and let them know (and yourself) that you are promising not to be enslaved by the nic bitch that day. No nic in any form. Keep the promise for the day. Go to bed. Wake up next day, post another promise. All you have to do is keep your promise one day at a time (ODAAT).
We all have our failed quit stories. The truth is, those weren't quits. Even your two year stint wasn't a quit. Quits are permanent. Quit is saying "never again for any reason." ANY reason. Everybody on this site has stress of some sort or another. I have a 2.5 year old and a newborn. I'm stressed and tired. A lot. Here's one very very important lesson I've learned: 1 problem + nic = 2 problems. It's NEVER EVER EVER a solution. It's just another problem. The only thing it fixes is your craving for a dip. This my friend is nic slavery. We will help you break those chains today by quitting right along with you.
My motivation the first two weeks was I promised myself that if I was about to cave, I had to walk over to my two year old and tell him that a can of poison was more important to me than him. Thank God I wasn't that big of a shithead and I never had to pull that trigger. However, that's exactly what each one of us does to our family members when we use. Don't be a shithead, Jeff. Quit for yourself and let the good trickle down to your family. They'll appreciate it. Even though you're a "ninja-dipper" as we like to call em here, you still found ways to be apart from your family so you could dip.
As you go to battle, you will find you have so much more "free" time to spend with your wife and kids. They deserve it and so do you.
All right, enough is enough. Check your inbox in the top right corner of the screen. You have a message from me with my number. You're allowed to use it as long as you start posting your promise to stop letting nic whip you. I'm making that promise to myself, to you, and the other 20,000+ people on KTC. I'm quit, and I'm REALLY quit, today.
Jeremy
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Honestly, I only had time to scan the previous two posts...but I respect what your saying and agree with the response!
In summary...quit for YOU...This shit is hard...Read everything...Understand that you are giving you're F$@ING word to not dip TODAY...you are no more or less stupid/addicted/in denial/in control/stressed out/macho/etc than anyone else here.
Congrats on seeing the light. You will never regret quitting.....never. Contact me if you have questions.
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Hello all.Â
Allow me to introduce myself to the community, and the April 2014 Pre HOF quit group. I'm a 35 year old engineer in Phoenix, AZ and have had enough of this stuff. Hence, here I am
I battled addiction to Kodiak off and on for the last 15 years or so. What started as very infrequent use in high school 15 years ago became (after 3 years off never touching the stuff) a more serious habitual use in my last year of college. Over the next few years, my on and off habit morphed from a can every week to a can every few days (to today's 2 cans a day). I successfully (albeit temporarily) quit again shortly before meeting my wife 7 years ago. I was clean for almost two years and then made the fateful mistake of going back to the bear after my daughter was born almost 4 years ago. No excusses, but I apparently felt that the can was the only solution to the stress associated with having a newborn (today my kids are 2 and 3 years old).
The last 3 years have seen my habit grow to a serious problem where I would now regularly double or even tripple dip (3 pinches at a time) as many as 5-6 times a day. As had always been the case, this was a habit that I performed in total secrecy with no knowledge by my family, as I had been too ashamed to admit my dependency on such a disguting thing. Ashamed was really the name of the game and although chewing did serve to satisfy my nicotine cravings, every time I did it, I felt guilty about doing so. "How can a smart guy like yourself justify killing yourself with this s**t every day when you have a familty and two small kids to take care of. Who going to take care of them when this s**t kills you because you were stupid.
Long story short (albeit not that short), I got caught by my wife (thank goodness) about 6 months ago. Admitted my problem in full to her and vowed to quit. 6 weeks later, my quit failed when I reunited with a buddy for a fishing trip in WY that I hadn't seen in years.....and who also happends to be addicted to the can. Couldn't bring myself (again due to being ashamed) to admit to my wife that I failed, so went back to my secret habit which (surpise surprise) only has gotten work over the last 6 months. 6 month ago when I "quit" I had visited this site, but negelectd to sign up...wish I had now. Truth be told, in normal day to day life I haven't had much trouble kicking the habit for a few weeks. I usually have at least one family trip a year in which I leave the can behind for about two weeks...and it really isn't that bad. Even when I've "quit" in the past once I get past the "fog" of the first few days, it's not something that nags me as much as I would have expected. However, after a few weeks I always seem to convince myself that "see quitting isn't so hard....I'll just go back for a little bit and then quit for good later.
But as those of you reading this know, this is just a dellusion and in my experience, my addition only get's worse each time a "quit" fails. 6 months ago, my dentist observed (for the first time) obvious oral damage in the form of receeding gums and tooth enamel errosion just above the gumline. Additionally, I noticed (For the first time) a very small painless white spot on my gums. In my mind, if it's not too late already, this is my last chance to quit if I wish to avoid some very serious (potentially deadly) side effects.
I owe it to my wife and kids (and above all, myself) to ditch this habit once and for all.
I'm ready, and I'm currently at Day 1 (24 hours). Foggy as hell, but drinking my cranberry juice and looking foward to a future with this crap.
Haven't quite figured out yet how to post roll call (or tell whom in my quit group hasn't posted) but I'm sure you folks will help me out.
-Jeff
Welcome Jeff. There is enough in your post to keep my fingers busy for a couple hours but I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
First, click on the pink "Welcome Center" tab in the top left. That explains how to post roll, why we post roll and a ton of other information. Posting roll is the only requirement for this site. Each day, every damn day, you will post your name in April 2014 and let them know (and yourself) that you are promising not to be enslaved by the nic bitch that day. No nic in any form. Keep the promise for the day. Go to bed. Wake up next day, post another promise. All you have to do is keep your promise one day at a time (ODAAT).
We all have our failed quit stories. The truth is, those weren't quits. Even your two year stint wasn't a quit. Quits are permanent. Quit is saying "never again for any reason." ANY reason. Everybody on this site has stress of some sort or another. I have a 2.5 year old and a newborn. I'm stressed and tired. A lot. Here's one very very important lesson I've learned: 1 problem + nic = 2 problems. It's NEVER EVER EVER a solution. It's just another problem. The only thing it fixes is your craving for a dip. This my friend is nic slavery. We will help you break those chains today by quitting right along with you.
My motivation the first two weeks was I promised myself that if I was about to cave, I had to walk over to my two year old and tell him that a can of poison was more important to me than him. Thank God I wasn't that big of a shithead and I never had to pull that trigger. However, that's exactly what each one of us does to our family members when we use. Don't be a shithead, Jeff. Quit for yourself and let the good trickle down to your family. They'll appreciate it. Even though you're a "ninja-dipper" as we like to call em here, you still found ways to be apart from your family so you could dip.
As you go to battle, you will find you have so much more "free" time to spend with your wife and kids. They deserve it and so do you.
All right, enough is enough. Check your inbox in the top right corner of the screen. You have a message from me with my number. You're allowed to use it as long as you start posting your promise to stop letting nic whip you. I'm making that promise to myself, to you, and the other 20,000+ people on KTC. I'm quit, and I'm REALLY quit, today.
Jeremy
Welcome to freedom brother. You can keep your freedom if you follow the KTC path. The groundwork is laid. If you need some digits hit me up.
Mike
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Jeff, thank you for sharing that great intro. You'll find it refreshing to know that many of us have walked in the same shoes as you. Mid-late 30's, young children, married, etc. We're also a bunch of ashamed and embarrassed master ninja dipping failures,...that last one "failures" referring to the numerous failed quits we've tried. Well, I'm THAT guy too... so thanks for making me look back at my former self. Yup, that's former self. I'm only 30 days into my quit and every day I promise myself, my family, and KTC that I will not be THAT guy again. Like my fellow quitters have already noted, you need to make that promise to yourself too. One thing I think may help in making that promise is to know that you're not quitting just some habit or some oral fixation,... you're proclaiming full on divorce with no prenup to your ADDICTION to nicotine. The way I see it, you've already accomplished 2 huge victories 1) you've quit for 24 hours, 2) welcome to KTC and 20,000 brothers and sisters who will promise to quit with you when you post roll and quit with us. Glad to have you on board.
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Welcome friend! From one jeff to another, you have found the right place to kick the bitch! I quit with you today!
Another Jeff
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Jeff my story is also very similar with a couple more times of getting caught by my wife and a few more years of embracing the can. Glad to have you join the mix and fight the daily battle. One big thing is you have to recognize your not dealing with a habit we are hard core addicts, every bit as much so as if our drug were heroin, cocaine or any other drug. It's also not something we get over, we are for life addicts. We learn to live our lives one day at a time ODAAT without our poison.
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Welcome. Now post your rolls you made a commitment to all of us here. We hold you to that commitment.
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Jeff my story is also very similar with a couple more times of getting caught by my wife and a few more years of embracing the can. Glad to have you join the mix and fight the daily battle. One big thing is you have to recognize your not dealing with a habit we are hard core addicts, every bit as much so as if our drug were heroin, cocaine or any other drug. It's also not something we get over, we are for life addicts. We learn to live our lives one day at a time ODAAT without our poison.
Sometimes this can be a hard pill to swallow. Take it ODAAT and you will be amazed what you are able to do in a short amount of time. Your mindset will completely change if you don't feed the NB any more.
You can do this brother and we're all here to help. Post roll, keep your promise. Nice and simple. Now get ready to do some battle.
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Jeff,
Nice job posting roll this morning. PM or text me if you need anything. Embrace the suck...because it's gonna suck....for awhile. Your body is purging the poison. You got QUIT man.
ZC.
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Day 5 Update -
Day 5 and the physical addiction is behind me. Not because this site say it takes 3 days, but I can actually feel it. All remnants of the fog are gone, and my general anxiety level is down a bit from Day 1. Only physical symptom left that I notice is an increased appetite. Where I used to sneak off for a dip, I now reach into my bag and drink a mini cranberry juice....or go hit the vending machine here at work, although I'm trying to avoid that as I started running again and am trying to trim up a bit. Either that or I just "embrace the suck" and wait until lunch. Regardless, snacking between meals really helps maintain the blood sugar and fight the craves.
Do I still think about chewing? All the time, but I have a better handle on it this time around. I learned several things from my previous failed attempts that have helped me with my quit:
One new thing implemented this time around was to identify and purge ever little physical shred of my past addiction from my life on Day 1. I addition to tossing out all cans, spitters, etc, I vacuumed out all that shit off the carpet in my car, and busted out the nasty smelling upholstery cleaning solvent to finally once and for all clean the spot under my seat where I used to wipe my hand. Nasty! Although largely symbolic, the next time I get a crave, the thought of messing up my car and having to clean it again just gives me one little extra layer of disincentive to cave. Although I'm having a fairly easy time now, that sort of little thing may make all the difference later. Along similar lines, thinking about asking my dentist about teeth whitening at my checkup in a few weeks. Although I drink lots of coffee, I bet they would still benefit from it, and having spent money to do it (which would be undone by caving) would provide another layer of protection for me.
Day 5 and darn quit today! ODAAT.
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Status Update -
Day 5 and the physical addiction is behind me. Not because this site say it takes 3 days, but I can actually feel it. All remnants of the fog are gone, and my general anxiety level is down a bit from Day 1. Only physical symptom left that I notice is an increased appetite. Where I used to sneak off for a dip, I now reach into my bag and drink a mini cranberry juice....or go hit the vending machine here at work, although I'm trying to avoid that as I started running again and am trying to trim up a bit. Either that or I just "embrace the suck" and wait until lunch. Regardless, snacking between meals really helps maintain the blood sugar and fight the craves.
Do I still think about chewing? All the time, but I have a better handle on it this time around. I learned several things from my previous failed attempts that have helped me with my quit:
One new thing implemented this time around was to identify and purge ever little physical shred of my past addiction from my life on Day 1. I addition to tossing out all cans, spitters, etc, I vacuumed out all that shit off the carpet in my car, and busted out the nasty smelling upholstery cleaning solvent to finally once and for all clean the spot under my seat where I used to wipe my hand. Nasty! Although largely symbolic, the next time I get a crave, the thought of messing up my car and having to clean it again just gives me one little extra layer of disincentive to cave. Although I'm having a fairly easy time now, that sort of little thing may make all the difference later. Along similar lines, thinking about asking my dentist about teeth whitening at my checkup in a few weeks. Although I drink lots of coffee, I bet they would still benefit from it, and having spent money to do it (which would be undone by caving) would provide another layer of protection for me.
Day 5 and darn quit today! ODAAT.
Nice job Jeff. Stay vigilant. The next week or so will present a different set of challenges than the physical cravings. Keep posting roll and keeping your promise and you'll get through it. You've got a good quit going, keep it up!
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Day 11 update -
Going to continue posting updates throughout the first 100 days just to serve as a little journal for those who may follow, to remind me how shitty this part is, and to serve as motivation to never go back.
A few slightly foggy days popped up last week, but in general things are clearing and each day gets a bit easier.
Physical Observations:
Tired, although how much can be attributed to the quit, my new exercise routine, or my little kids waking up throughout the night and jumping into bed with us is unknown.
Gums have a different "rough" feel to them than when I was dipping and are slightly more sensitive. Small white spot observed just before quit appears to have disappeared.
GI issues. Remembered lots of gas and being constipated on previous "pause". This time around have the opposite issue, although not sure home much is due to the quit, heavy antibiotic use a few weeks ago for a sinus infection, or the replacement of my normal lunches with salads. Might be all of the above, but definitely the predominant discomfort at the current time.
Sorry for the details.....but hey, it's for posterity.
Sleep / Body Aches and Stiffness. Most of this is probably due to the new exercise routine although I'm attributing the neck and back pain to a "different" kind of sleep. Not really having any sleep issues per se, but don't exactly wake up in the morning feeling "refreshed"...more like Jake Sulley waking up in the opening scene of Avatar. You know the quote.
Mental Observations:
Time Passing Slowly - Unlike what I remember from my past "pauses" time is really going by slowly with my quit. Previous times without nicotine it seemed like two weeks went by in a flash. With my quit, the days are just creeping by. Doesn't affect my resolve one bit, just an observation. Might just have been that in the past, I was always on two-week vacations.....when time tends to fly anyway. Helps to hear from my fellow quitters that this is a common side effect of the quit, although usually the slow time is expressed in hours or minutes, not days.
Crankiness, grumpiness, patience appear to have returned to a level just above my pre-nicotine norm.....roughly equivalent to the nicotine-induced anxiety while I was dipping...but this time just due to the stress of life and not so much the constant craving for a dip. Coming to grips with my nicotine-free stress and anxiety level is going to be a real learning experience for me. Still loosing my cool every once in a while but doing me best not to take it out on the fam. It's getting a bit better day by day.
Overall Observation. It's a fight, but doing well. Haven't really had any intense cravings yet as I've successfully worked through just about all of my normal triggers without nic and my subconscious appears to have given up on them to get nicotine. Not under any illusions though as I know there will some that sneak up on me in the future. Don't really feel like myself. The mind (and particularly the body) are noticeably shaken up. Not sure how much of all that is due to the quit or to the other things I mentioned above; antibiotics, new exercise routine (shit my quads hurt from the squats yesterday!), or modified diet.
Feel like shit, but balanced...very balanced. By that I mean that the mental "fork in the road" associated with my discomfort appears to now be equally weighted between the Nic Bitch (going back) and the new healthy me (going forward). That doesn't mean that my quit is hanging in the balance...no no, quite the opposite. What it means is that for the first time in a long time, I feel like the path to quitting and the path to going back carry the same difficulty level (for those of you battling out your first week of the quit, can you imagine that?...being as easy to stay quit as to go back?) Keep fighting my friends! Put another way, in the daily tug of war that ensues within my brain and body, the Bitch is loosing her grip and starting to slide.
Rambling on here, but wanted to get my feelings down in writing so that months/years from now I can look back on them. Despite the current state of affairs, have a feeling that my physical troubles and mental state are going to clear up in dramatic fashion here in the next few months. Truly believe that there will come a day in the near future where I will feel well rested, relaxed, strong (in physical shape),and in total control of myself. All the pieces may come together at the same time and that my friends will be truly enigmatic day. It will also be the unequivocal end of the Nic Bitch, as I'll be feeling so damn good that nothing she could possibly whisper in my ear is going to remotely rouse my attention. That my friends will be THE DAY.
Going to quit my way til that day comes and from that day on, one f'ing day at a time.
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Atta boy, keep fighting.
I am right along with you.
Total strangers, same day to start a quit.
your symptoms, are surprisingly similar to my own.
I start with a gall bladder removal surgery.
My bloating stomach, bathroom issues have been attributed to that, but who knows for sure.
Stay strong, keep the great attitude.
We are going to kick this habit.
It is too shitty to try and kick it twice.
Kick it hard, kick it right, one time!
K9
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Atta boy, keep fighting.
I am right along with you.
Total strangers, same day to start a quit.
your symptoms, are surprisingly similar to my own.
I start with a gall bladder removal surgery.
My bloating stomach, bathroom issues have been attributed to that, but who knows for sure.
Stay strong, keep the great attitude.
We are going to kick this habit.
It is too shitty to try and kick it twice.
Kick it hard, kick it right, one time!
K9
Gall bladder...ouch, I bet your abs hurt like hell. I can somewhat relate as I think my kids cracked a rib jumping on me....hurts like hell every time I cough. That two will pass eventually.
Keep on keeping on my friend.
-Jeff
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Day 14 - Two week update
Feeling pretty darn good. The list of triggers to beat down has been whittled down quite a bit:
Driving in my car - check
The usual times at work - check
Bathroom breaks at work or at home - check
When left alone at home to work on chores/projects - check
When Staying up to watch TV alone at night - check
Heck, when left alone to do anything - check
And an infrequent one that I beat back today - after visiting the dentist to get my teeth cleaned - check
Only triggers yet to beat down remains fishing/camping trips, but since those are few and far between these days with two little kids, I'll be fully qualified to crush them if they ever do get a chance to present themselves.
Really liking the whole KTC experience. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Meeting a whole bunch of great people here and the core portion of our April 2014 HOF group is starting to solidify. Spending more time on the site than I probably should be, but I look at it as an upfront investment in my quit, and thus far, the proof is in the results....I remain darn quit and more resolute than ever.
My only concern about the KTC experience is that participation in the forum (while strengthening my resolve) only serves to remind me of my addiction and dipping...something I would eventually (emphasis eventually, like years from now) like to forget about, if that's even possible. I know that I am and will always be an addict (I'm under no illusion there) so that me never be an option.
Additionally, the time spent away from my family dipping in the past has been replaced (and then some) by time here at KTC. I know the importance of this, especially so early in my quit, but at some point in the future I would like to be able to forget about dip all together. I'm fully aware that this is both a blessing and a curse. I was able to get to a point in past 'stoppages' where I went a day or more without even thinking about dip once. That was great and it's right where I want to be, but also lost with that memory was the 'why I quit' and the 'how hard it was to quit'....both of which resulted in me dropping my guard enough to let my addition convince me I could 'just go back for a bit' and 'quit again later'. Dangerous dangerous thought.
This go around....my actual quit, I come fully prepared with this knowledge, this experience, and the accountability that comes with participation at KTC. There is no option of failure here...only quit and staying quit. Just looking ahead in the years to come, a question arises: HOW to quit (or rather how will my quit evolve)? How does one keep his resolve (mainly his guard up) but reclaim his though and his life from nicotine? Some questions for the veterans are then, how do you strike a balance between your time commitment to your quit and your family? How do balance being resolute with letting it go 2,3,4 years after you started your quit?
I know it's not talked about much (and I can see why), but I've seen on some of the veteran thread accountability sheets where some vets 'decided to go solo' or 'take the training wheels off'. I wonder, does this mythical place really exist for a dip addict? One would like to think it does.
Fully aware that this is all hypothetical, philosophical thought and that the only thing that matters in my quit is the NOW, TODAY, but I couldn't help posing the question.
Sorry for all the rambling and crazy talk, but after two weeks without nicotine, my brain might actually be working again as designed.
So happy to be on this path, quit and resolute.
-Jeff (April 2014 HOF Resolute Bastards)
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Day 14 - Two week update
Feeling pretty darn good. The list of triggers to beat down has been whittled down quite a bit:
Driving in my car - check
The usual times at work - check
Bathroom breaks at work or at home - check
When left alone at home to work on chores/projects - check
When Staying up to watch TV alone at night - check
Heck, when left alone to do anything - check
And an infrequent one that I beat back today - after visiting the dentist to get my teeth cleaned - check
Only triggers yet to beat down remains fishing/camping trips, but since those are few and far between these days with two little kids, I'll be fully qualified to crush them if they ever do get a chance to present themselves.
Really liking the whole KTC experience. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Meeting a whole bunch of great people here and the core portion of our April 2014 HOF group is starting to solidify. Spending more time on the site than I probably should be, but I look at it as an upfront investment in my quit, and thus far, the proof is in the results....I remain darn quit and more resolute than ever.
My only concern about the KTC experience is that participation in the forum (while strengthening my resolve) only serves to remind me of my addiction and dipping...something I would eventually (emphasis eventually, like years from now) like to forget about, if that's even possible. I know that I am and will always be an addict (I'm under no illusion there) so that me never be an option.
Additionally, the time spent away from my family dipping in the past has been replaced (and then some) by time here at KTC. I know the importance of this, especially so early in my quit, but at some point in the future I would like to be able to forget about dip all together. I'm fully aware that this is both a blessing and a curse. I was able to get to a point in past 'stoppages' where I went a day or more without even thinking about dip once. That was great and it's right where I want to be, but also lost with that memory was the 'why I quit' and the 'how hard it was to quit'....both of which resulted in me dropping my guard enough to let my addition convince me I could 'just go back for a bit' and 'quit again later'. Dangerous dangerous thought.
This go around....my actual quit, I come fully prepared with this knowledge, this experience, and the accountability that comes with participation at KTC. There is no option of failure here...only quit and staying quit. Just looking ahead in the years to come, a question arises: HOW to quit (or rather how will my quit evolve)? How does one keep his resolve (mainly his guard up) but reclaim his though and his life from nicotine? Some questions for the veterans are then, how do you strike a balance between your time commitment to your quit and your family? How do balance being resolute with letting it go 2,3,4 years after you started your quit?
I know it's not talked about much (and I can see why), but I've seen on some of the veteran thread accountability sheets where some vets 'decided to go solo' or 'take the training wheels off'. I wonder, does this mythical place really exist for a dip addict? One would like to think it does.
Fully aware that this is all hypothetical, philosophical thought and that the only thing that matters in my quit is the NOW, TODAY, but I couldn't help posing the question.
Sorry for all the rambling and crazy talk, but after two weeks without nicotine, my brain might actually be working again as designed.
So happy to be on this path, quit and resolute.
-Jeff (April 2014 HOF Resolute Bastards)
Very thoughtful post brother. But I think you're forgetting one of the main ingredients in the KTC recipe. ODAAT.
One day at a time. Worry about 3 years from now, 3 years from now. Keep worrying about today and today only. 3 years will get here soon enough. Enjoy today for what it is. A day without shoving dog shit in your face.
Congrats on the quit and the obvious critical thinking you've put into it. Just remember to stay focused on the now. Enjoy and accomplish all the other stuff in life of course. But always utilize KTC on a day by day basis, to make sure you are quit of the NIC bitch.
Keep it simple.
-
Day 14 - Two week update
Feeling pretty darn good. The list of triggers to beat down has been whittled down quite a bit:
Driving in my car - check
The usual times at work - check
Bathroom breaks at work or at home - check
When left alone at home to work on chores/projects - check
When Staying up to watch TV alone at night - check
Heck, when left alone to do anything - check
And an infrequent one that I beat back today - after visiting the dentist to get my teeth cleaned - check
Only triggers yet to beat down remains fishing/camping trips, but since those are few and far between these days with two little kids, I'll be fully qualified to crush them if they ever do get a chance to present themselves.
Really liking the whole KTC experience. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Meeting a whole bunch of great people here and the core portion of our April 2014 HOF group is starting to solidify. Spending more time on the site than I probably should be, but I look at it as an upfront investment in my quit, and thus far, the proof is in the results....I remain darn quit and more resolute than ever.
My only concern about the KTC experience is that participation in the forum (while strengthening my resolve) only serves to remind me of my addiction and dipping...something I would eventually (emphasis eventually, like years from now) like to forget about, if that's even possible. I know that I am and will always be an addict (I'm under no illusion there) so that me never be an option.
Additionally, the time spent away from my family dipping in the past has been replaced (and then some) by time here at KTC. I know the importance of this, especially so early in my quit, but at some point in the future I would like to be able to forget about dip all together. I'm fully aware that this is both a blessing and a curse. I was able to get to a point in past 'stoppages' where I went a day or more without even thinking about dip once. That was great and it's right where I want to be, but also lost with that memory was the 'why I quit' and the 'how hard it was to quit'....both of which resulted in me dropping my guard enough to let my addition convince me I could 'just go back for a bit' and 'quit again later'. Dangerous dangerous thought.
This go around....my actual quit, I come fully prepared with this knowledge, this experience, and the accountability that comes with participation at KTC. There is no option of failure here...only quit and staying quit. Just looking ahead in the years to come, a question arises: HOW to quit (or rather how will my quit evolve)? How does one keep his resolve (mainly his guard up) but reclaim his though and his life from nicotine? Some questions for the veterans are then, how do you strike a balance between your time commitment to your quit and your family? How do balance being resolute with letting it go 2,3,4 years after you started your quit?
I know it's not talked about much (and I can see why), but I've seen on some of the veteran thread accountability sheets where some vets 'decided to go solo' or 'take the training wheels off'. I wonder, does this mythical place really exist for a dip addict? One would like to think it does.
Fully aware that this is all hypothetical, philosophical thought and that the only thing that matters in my quit is the NOW, TODAY, but I couldn't help posing the question.
Sorry for all the rambling and crazy talk, but after two weeks without nicotine, my brain might actually be working again as designed.
So happy to be on this path, quit and resolute.
-Jeff (April 2014 HOF Resolute Bastards)
Very thoughtful post brother. But I think you're forgetting one of the main ingredients in the KTC recipe. ODAAT.
One day at a time. Worry about 3 years from now, 3 years from now. Keep worrying about today and today only. 3 years will get here soon enough. Enjoy today for what it is. A day without shoving dog shit in your face.
Congrats on the quit and the obvious critical thinking you've put into it. Just remember to stay focused on the now. Enjoy and accomplish all the other stuff in life of course. But always utilize KTC on a day by day basis, to make sure you are quit of the NIC bitch.
Keep it simple.
Post roll every damn day and watch the 1's add up
Keep you word to said promise
If you have extra energy - pay it forward or backward
Rinse and Repeat
756 for 756 today and you'll see me here tomorrow if it is granted
Going solo - no thanks , it never worked before and why mess with a winning streak?
-
Yeah, I knew I was opening myself up to some criticism with that post, but that's okay. No worries fellas, you're going to see my name on roll every damn day. I appreciate the tough love though, it's what keeps us quit.
-
Yeah, I knew I was opening myself up to some criticism with that post, but that's okay. No worries fellas, you're going to see my name on roll every damn day. I appreciate the tough love though, it's what keeps us quit.
Good post. Emotion and instinct are not what will keep up quit....they actually work against us in the beginning. Hard ass logic and hard thought will keep us quit long term. When you think about it (really think about it like you are), there's no way nic makes sense.
BTW, the May12 sheet has "quitters going it alone" on it. That should not be interpreted as "quitters who graduated to solo quitting level!" It should be interpreted as "quitters who have apparently decided to take a lot of unnecessary risk."
Nice job stepping up in your group. That effort will make your quit strong like bull.
-
Yeah, I knew I was opening myself up to some criticism with that post, but that's okay. No worries fellas, you're going to see my name on roll every damn day. I appreciate the tough love though, it's what keeps us quit.
Good post. Emotion and instinct are not what will keep up quit....hard ass logic and hard thought will keep up quit long term. When you think hard about it, there's no way nic makes sense.
BTW, the May12 sheet has "quitters going it alone" on it. That should not be interpreted as "quitters who graduated to solo quitting level!" It should be interpreted as "quitters who have apparently decided to take a lot of unnecessary risk."
Nice job stepping up in your group. That effort will make your quit strong like bull.
you will find we have gone through many thoughts of our sheet. kept diligently through the 100+ days for posting roll everyday, after that we moved to a last time they posted where we all had access and we would still watch over each other. then people just forgot what gave them the success and start to drift away from the site. after certain number of days they vanish from said sheet....
are they still quit that is a question only they know. but I also know this. As I still am a 100% poster, it has worked and by staying here I have connected with new friends....so why disappear and turn a back on friends that helped me rid my life of a poison....well I cannot answer that, and I do not have to as I am going nowhere in the foreseeable future.
-
Day 14 - Two week update
Feeling pretty darn good. The list of triggers to beat down has been whittled down quite a bit:
Driving in my car - check
The usual times at work - check
Bathroom breaks at work or at home - check
When left alone at home to work on chores/projects - check
When Staying up to watch TV alone at night - check
Heck, when left alone to do anything - check
And an infrequent one that I beat back today - after visiting the dentist to get my teeth cleaned - check
Only triggers yet to beat down remains fishing/camping trips, but since those are few and far between these days with two little kids, I'll be fully qualified to crush them if they ever do get a chance to present themselves.
Really liking the whole KTC experience. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Meeting a whole bunch of great people here and the core portion of our April 2014 HOF group is starting to solidify. Spending more time on the site than I probably should be, but I look at it as an upfront investment in my quit, and thus far, the proof is in the results....I remain darn quit and more resolute than ever.
My only concern about the KTC experience is that participation in the forum (while strengthening my resolve) only serves to remind me of my addiction and dipping...something I would eventually (emphasis eventually, like years from now) like to forget about, if that's even possible. I know that I am and will always be an addict (I'm under no illusion there) so that me never be an option.
Additionally, the time spent away from my family dipping in the past has been replaced (and then some) by time here at KTC. I know the importance of this, especially so early in my quit, but at some point in the future I would like to be able to forget about dip all together. I'm fully aware that this is both a blessing and a curse. I was able to get to a point in past 'stoppages' where I went a day or more without even thinking about dip once. That was great and it's right where I want to be, but also lost with that memory was the 'why I quit' and the 'how hard it was to quit'....both of which resulted in me dropping my guard enough to let my addition convince me I could 'just go back for a bit' and 'quit again later'. Dangerous dangerous thought.
This go around....my actual quit, I come fully prepared with this knowledge, this experience, and the accountability that comes with participation at KTC. There is no option of failure here...only quit and staying quit. Just looking ahead in the years to come, a question arises: HOW to quit (or rather how will my quit evolve)? How does one keep his resolve (mainly his guard up) but reclaim his though and his life from nicotine? Some questions for the veterans are then, how do you strike a balance between your time commitment to your quit and your family? How do balance being resolute with letting it go 2,3,4 years after you started your quit?
I know it's not talked about much (and I can see why), but I've seen on some of the veteran thread accountability sheets where some vets 'decided to go solo' or 'take the training wheels off'. I wonder, does this mythical place really exist for a dip addict? One would like to think it does.
Fully aware that this is all hypothetical, philosophical thought and that the only thing that matters in my quit is the NOW, TODAY, but I couldn't help posing the question.
Sorry for all the rambling and crazy talk, but after two weeks without nicotine, my brain might actually be working again as designed.
So happy to be on this path, quit and resolute.
-Jeff (April 2014 HOF Resolute Bastards)
Very thoughtful post brother. But I think you're forgetting one of the main ingredients in the KTC recipe. ODAAT.
One day at a time. Worry about 3 years from now, 3 years from now. Keep worrying about today and today only. 3 years will get here soon enough. Enjoy today for what it is. A day without shoving dog shit in your face.
Congrats on the quit and the obvious critical thinking you've put into it. Just remember to stay focused on the now. Enjoy and accomplish all the other stuff in life of course. But always utilize KTC on a day by day basis, to make sure you are quit of the NIC bitch.
Keep it simple.
Good post, and good response.
-
Peters....
Great quit going on brother. 2 weeks+. It's pure freedom. Keep cranking, grinding, enduring and let the quit build on itself one day at a time. Carpe diem! Seize the day and QLF!
ZC.
-
Day 20 Update
Feeling really good. All physical symptoms have subsided and I have my body back. In continuing with my somewhat philosophical quit diary, here's some food for thought for those taking on more drastic lifestyle changes in concurrence with their quits.
I started my quit at the same as I started exercising again (after a 6 month hiatus) so a few notes about that in retrospect.
Although it's working out great for me, I could see a few pitfalls with doing this. First, battling the early physical symptoms of quit is all that much harder when you're whole freaking body hurts from the shock of a new exercise routine. Coupled with tiredness that ensures from the workouts, it really gives you both a physical and mental beating to be dealing with both at the same time. More power to you if you can power through both, but if you're unsure, proceed with caution.
The second pitfall I could see with this approach is that one's exercise routine is somewhat of a co-quitter with you (correlated with your quit). If your exercise routine should falter, I could see it being a potential trigger, or at least weakening the support system of your resolve. I could imagine a scenario where you give up working out and the Bitch starts whispering in your ear "Nice try, you gave it all you had, but you couldn't hack it, why not come back and snuggle up with me for a bit while you regroup?" Having contemplated this potential outcome of my dual workout / quit strategy in advance. I can easily respond to her with "F THAT SHIT, BITCH!. Doesn't matter what happens to my exercise routine...I ain't coming back!".
But just in case.....I signed up for an 8K race with my wife....to reinforce my quit reinforcer. Multiple layers of quit protection folks....that's how I'm rolling. I'm a freaking addict and I don't trust myself, so along with the accountability I'm building with my fellow quitters here, I'm beefing up the perimeter of my quit fortress.
All that being said, I will say (for any of you new quitters out there) that going for quick run is an excellent way to beat a crave. In addition to calming your mind and wearing both you and the Nic Bitch out, it may also help you get some more sleep in the initial part of your quit.
Quitting on, folks, and wearing the Bitch out a little more every day.
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, always will be, but now I have a new, predominant addiction. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, but now I have a new, predominant addition. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Folks...this is what we should call a "Fuckin' A- Quit." When you read the words, you should jump out of your chair and yell "Fuckin' A-!" in support of this man and his quit. Dead solid quit bro!
ZC
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.Â
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, but now I have a new, predominant addition. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Folks...this is what we should call a "Fuckin' A- Quit." When you read the words, you should jump out of your chair and yell "Fuckin' A-!" in support of this man and his quit. Dead solid quit bro!
ZC
FUCKIN' A!
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.Â
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, but now I have a new, predominant addition. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Folks...this is what we should call a "Fuckin' A- Quit." When you read the words, you should jump out of your chair and yell "Fuckin' A-!" in support of this man and his quit. Dead solid quit bro!
ZC
FUCKIN' A!
Its getting easier bro, you know why? You've excepted that failure is not an option. The brain is recovering. At this point your going to have some good days with some occasional questionable days. Cherish the good, sharpen your tools and be prepared for whatever comes around the corner.
You've demonstrated all the characteristics of a serious quitter. Determination, drive and integrity. Freedom and dignity is your reward. I don't see one reason you can't wake up tomorrow and repeat. Congrats..
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.Â
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, but now I have a new, predominant addition. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Folks...this is what we should call a "Fuckin' A- Quit." When you read the words, you should jump out of your chair and yell "Fuckin' A-!" in support of this man and his quit. Dead solid quit bro!
ZC
FUCKIN' A!
Its getting easier bro, you know why? You've excepted that failure is not an option. The brain is recovering. At this point your going to have some good days with some occasional questionable days. Cherish the good, sharpen your tools and be prepared for whatever comes around the corner.
You've demonstrated all the characteristics of a serious quitter. Determination, drive and integrity. Freedom and dignity is your reward. I don't see one reason you can't wake up tomorrow and repeat. Congrats..
I hereby certify you as an official "nic bitch slayer".
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.Â
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, but now I have a new, predominant addition. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Folks...this is what we should call a "Fuckin' A- Quit." When you read the words, you should jump out of your chair and yell "Fuckin' A-!" in support of this man and his quit. Dead solid quit bro!
ZC
FUCKIN' A!
Its getting easier bro, you know why? You've excepted that failure is not an option. The brain is recovering. At this point your going to have some good days with some occasional questionable days. Cherish the good, sharpen your tools and be prepared for whatever comes around the corner.
You've demonstrated all the characteristics of a serious quitter. Determination, drive and integrity. Freedom and dignity is your reward. I don't see one reason you can't wake up tomorrow and repeat. Congrats..
I hereby certify you as an official "nic bitch slayer".
I love this post.
-
Thanks folks for all of the support. Your praise helps me reaffirm that I'm on the right path and helps strengthen my quit. I am quit with all of you today!
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, always will be, but now I have a new, predominant addiction. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Oh hell yeah buddy it does seem like we might be on the same day of our quit or something!! I see what you are talking about now lol. Way to go! Keep up the good work. Re-fuel on these good days and continue to not let failure be an option! 'oh yeah'
-
Day 25 Update
Oh man, life is starting to get better.Â
After a month of getting back into a solid exercising routine, the pain in my poor joints/muscles is subsiding and the status of my exercise routine is starting to catch up to that of my quit. My body and my quit are both getting stronger by the day and I'm pretty much on cruise control. Both are solid, comfortable, and just part of my daily routine.
My patience / temperament is also improving a little each day. Once upon a time....like 15 years ago before I had ever dipped.....people used to tell me that I was like a rock, who had infinite patience, no outwards signs of anxiety, and absolutely no temper whatsoever. In short, I was always calm and optimistic. Over the last few years, I had come to 'realize' that perhaps I WAS anxiety-ridden (like certain members of my family who will remain nameless), that I HAD a temper, and that I was an eternal pessimist. To what extent this is true and to what extent this was just part of what nicotine and my addiction to nicotine did to me has yet to be fully revealed. However, it's starting to appear that I may actually get back to that pre-dip ideal outlook on life that I had come (correction - distorted by nicotine) into believing was only a figment of my imagination. Lost in memory over time.
Sure I still get irrationally agitated over little things from time to time, but hey, I'm a newbie quitter at only 25 days. My brain is still early in the process of figuring out how to deal with life without the 'support' of an instant drug fix. While I have a long way to go, I definitely feel like I am operating with a lower daily anxiety level that I have been in a very long time, and it feels pretty damn good.
Not only do I feel like I'm winning the war, but I'm getting hit with the occasional 'flashback' of my former life before nicotine went and fucked it all up....only it's no longer a flashback, but rather a new and entirely authentic experience.....a piece of my life that I have definitively taken back......and these experiences have become my quit fuel. Am I still an addict?...you bet, always will be, but now I have a new, predominant addiction. I'm addicted to MYQUIT and I won't stop 'using' my quit until I get my WHOLE life back.
Before, I was on my knees, with only an early death to look forward to..
Then, my KTC brothers helped me pick up the sword and pry myself off the ground with it.
Now, I am on my feet. Still weak, but with sword in hand....ready to defend myself again the bitch.
Someday I will I be a goddamned certified nic bitch slayer.
ODAAT til' that day come.
Oh hell yeah buddy it does seem like we might be on the same day of our quit or something!! I see what you are talking about now lol. Way to go! Keep up the good work. Re-fuel on these good days and continue to not let failure be an option! 'oh yeah'
Little taste of the good life....guard it like a MF'r. ODAAT! Gettin' a glimpse that it will not always be an hourly struggle. Quit on!
-
Day 35 Update
My, how the worm has turned. Barely thinking about dip anymore and haven't had a single crave in over a week now. This is good stuff right here.
On the way home from the gym yesterday after work, saw a dude in a pickup truck in front of me unload a mouthful of poison juice on the pavement while stopped at a red light......made me sick, actually. What used to be longing for the NB has turned to solid disgust. Man that shit is nasty. I really was that guy for all those years?....what a waste. I officially hate the Bitch now.
First running race in 17 years coming up on Sunday (8k) and as ready as I'm going to be with only one month of training under my belt. Regardless, gonna imagine I'm stomping the Nic Bitch every step of the way....might just drop my time by a few minutes.
Quitting on.
-
Day 35 Update
My, how the worm has turned. Barely thinking about dip anymore and haven't had a single crave in over a week now. This is good stuff right here.
On the way home from the gym yesterday after work, saw a dude in a pickup truck in front of me unload a mouthful of poison juice on the pavement while stopped at a red light......made me sick, actually. What used to be longing for the NB has turned to solid disgust. Man that shit is nasty. I really was that guy for all those years?....what a waste. I officially hate the Bitch now.
First running race in 17 years coming up on Sunday (8k) and as ready as I'm going to be with only one month of training under my belt. Regardless, gonna imagine I'm stomping the Nic Bitch every step of the way....might just drop my time by a few minutes.
Quitting on.
Excellent, run hard Sunday!
-
Day 35 Update
My, how the worm has turned. Barely thinking about dip anymore and haven't had a single crave in over a week now. This is good stuff right here.Â
On the way home from the gym yesterday after work, saw a dude in a pickup truck in front of me unload a mouthful of poison juice on the pavement while stopped at a red light......made me sick, actually. What used to be longing for the NB has turned to solid disgust. Man that shit is nasty. I really was that guy for all those years?....what a waste. I officially hate the Bitch now.
First running race in 17 years coming up on Sunday (8k) and as ready as I'm going to be with only one month of training under my belt. Regardless, gonna imagine I'm stomping the Nic Bitch every step of the way....might just drop my time by a few minutes.
Quitting on.
Excellent, run hard Sunday!
The world record 8k is 20 19. I have been trying to break it for a year now. If i can get 2 more miles in 20 minutes then I'm getting right now I'll be close.
Maybe you can take it. It's only 4 05 a mile. Have a great run my friend. Quit with you today.
-
Day 35 Update
My, how the worm has turned. Barely thinking about dip anymore and haven't had a single crave in over a week now. This is good stuff right here.Â
On the way home from the gym yesterday after work, saw a dude in a pickup truck in front of me unload a mouthful of poison juice on the pavement while stopped at a red light......made me sick, actually. What used to be longing for the NB has turned to solid disgust. Man that shit is nasty. I really was that guy for all those years?....what a waste. I officially hate the Bitch now.
First running race in 17 years coming up on Sunday (8k) and as ready as I'm going to be with only one month of training under my belt. Regardless, gonna imagine I'm stomping the Nic Bitch every step of the way....might just drop my time by a few minutes.
Quitting on.
Excellent, run hard Sunday!
The world record 8k is 20 19. I have been trying to break it for a year now. If i can get 2 more miles in 20 minutes then I'm getting right now I'll be close.
Maybe you can take it. It's only 4 05 a mile. Have a great run my friend. Quit with you today.
Congrats on 35 days! I'm gonna hate the NIC B right Long with ya today. Funny when you see how dumb we once looked with face full of garbage. No more my friend. We R free men. We R quit today. Good luck in your run this weekend! Quit on!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.
I sail on with you, one day at time.
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Claws! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
dang. good catch rdad. you guys must be English majors!!!!!! ----new group name subtitle possibility for May!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
Oops, You're off the hook Claws. I now see it was Ammo that likes Lionel!
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
Oops, You're off the hook Claws. I now see it was Ammo that likes Lionel!
OH OH SAIL ON . . . HONEY . . . GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!
'Sing and Drink'
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
Oops, You're off the hook Claws. I now see it was Ammo that likes Lionel!
OH OH SAIL ON . . . HONEY . . . GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!
'Sing and Drink'
That's cause he's EEEEEAAAAZZZZYYYY.....Easy like Sunday morning...
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
Oops, You're off the hook Claws. I now see it was Ammo that likes Lionel!
OH OH SAIL ON . . . HONEY . . . GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!
'Sing and Drink'
That's cause he's EEEEEAAAAZZZZYYYY.....Easy like Sunday morning...
Oh man....you guys are brutal. You'd think I just posted something titled....'an ode to my girl....' or something like that....actually.......wait a minute.....up next......
-
I realized that today, being day 36 of my quit, marks the longest I've been without nicotine polluting my body in almost 4 years. My last 'stoppage', having failed at 5 weeks and well before I had become part of the KTC family, seemed a whole lot tougher than my new reality, my quit. Now I know why. Some people can go it alone and I get that. My hat goes off to them if they are successful, but it hasn't and doesn't work for me. THIS works.
In some ways, I feel like I'm in uncharted territory right now....like a small sail boat upon the open ocean sailing out of a huge, black storm into sunny, calm, open water. The sea extends to the horizon in all directions, and I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't really know where to go here other than to stay the course, which is what I will do. The only certainty is that there is no going back. The thunderous dark clouds that lie behind me and the equally dark memories of what lie within compel me to push onward, into the unknown.
One day at time, I'm going to put a little bit more distance between me and that storm. I'm not exactly sure what is in front of me, but I have this tiny, growing feeling that I know this place up ahead.....like I may have actually been there before, a long time ago. Perhaps it's my former life, welcoming me back, or a new place that is similar, but carries with it a few scars of battling the storm and the pride of conquering one of the hardest challenges life has ever thrown at me....one tiny day at a time.
I know it's a little early in my quit for such philosophical ramblings, but it's how I feel. I can only image what I'll feel a year from now.....but I'll let you know then too.
Thanks to all my fellow quitters who have and continue to make it happen for me. Whether you interact here with me or not you posting, stories, and experiences provide for structure in my quit. You are the gentle breeze that fills my sails and my sextant when I get lost on this open ocean journey of mine.Â
I sail on with you, one day at time.
You beautiful sentimental resolute bastard you!
'cry'
I hear Lionel Richie somewhere singing Sail On!
Go man go! Quitting with you!
You and slug.go should get together to watch Ellen and eat bon bons.
Seriously though....
That's beautiful man, enjoy each day of your new freedom!
That's Weird Ammo! I could have sworn I heard "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Maiden playing! 'oh yeah' PS. Keep going peters. You are rocking this voyage!
Oops, You're off the hook Claws. I now see it was Ammo that likes Lionel!
OH OH SAIL ON . . . HONEY . . . GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!
'Sing and Drink'
That's cause he's EEEEEAAAAZZZZYYYY.....Easy like Sunday morning...
Oh man....you guys are brutal. You'd think I just posted something titled....'an ode to my girl....' or something like that....actually.......wait a minute.....up next......
Seriously I loved it and I just listened to the Commodores do that song on Youtube. It is one of my favorites from the 70's!
However, if you are going to call us sexy breezes up your skirt or whatever you said, you gotta expect a little chop bustin' is coming your way!
Keep it going ODAAT!
Quit with you again!
-
Your doing great bro. I liked your post yesterday and I wanted to comment on your "uncharted territory" comment.... I would argue that the charts are well established and clear. They are KTC charts and those before you have laid the track line for success. You have been on track and owning your quit for 37 days.
I get what your saying and I was there when I could not believe I had been quit for XX days. Then 1 day that thought just left my mind. It was like a light switch clicked on.
Remember this, all we are worrying about is today. Number of days quit don't matter. You know the territory... You quit yesterday and it is the same today. The recipe and territory is well known and you are working the KTC playbook. You are not a fish out of water. It is really simple when you break it down... Wake up, Post roll, honor your word, repeat next day. Don't worry about the past, the future... Just today. Doing that and accepting you only control today will help you focus your quit and will make you live a better life. Live in this moment.
Don't overthink this... Slow it down and keep it simple.
And you are not alone on that boat of yours... you have thousands of quitters sitting there with you.
Proud to be quit with you today. QLF ODAAT.
-
Some serious quit going on here. Peters isn't playing. He came for one reason. QUIT!!!
One day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Never again for any reason and you can keep it. Quit with you today.
-
We have storms behind and storms ahead, but the sun is always shining. Even if you can't see it, it's still and will always be there. I find solace in that. storms are temporary, the sun is permanent.. well, for a few billion more years anyway
-
So I find myself camping with my two best friends from high school. Then I notice something.....there is a big ol' fatty in my front lip and I'm standing over a sink spitting that think brown juice and watching it slide down the drain. What the fuck! How did this shit get in my mouth!? I'm on day 37 and I have a whole backup plane in place if I ever get soft. My phone is loaded with KTC numbers....why in the hell didn't I call any of them. Shit.....I caved! How could this have happend. Maybe I can pretend like it didn't happen and post roll tommorrow....no, I can't. I gave these guys my word. I have to go back to day 1....FUCK! I start to cry and my tears fall into the sink, mixing with the brown poison juice.
Wait a minute...what is a sink doing in the woods?...I'm dreaming!....I wake up. It's 4:00 in the morning and I just had the worst most vivid dip dream ever.....but I'm here and I didn't cave. My heart slows down and I lay back down. F, that was intense!
So I'm floating along in my calm seas and the bitches comes up out of now where like fucking Jaws and rocks my world. Good thing I had my trusty KTC engraved bitch smacking boat oar by my side....and whacked her right in the nose. Back to the deep you bitch. I'm sure we'll meet again, but I'll be ready for.
You new quitters out there....not to sound all hommie-ish and all, but the bitch ain't playin'. She's out there, lurking and ready to strike the instant you let your guard down. Stay frosty and quit hard.
-
So I find myself camping with my two best friends from high school. Then I notice something.....there is a big ol' fatty in my front lip and I'm standing over a sink spitting that think brown juice and watching it slide down the drain. What the fuck! How did this shit get in my mouth!? I'm on day 37 and I have a whole backup plane in place if I ever get soft. My phone is loaded with KTC numbers....why in the hell didn't I call any of them. Shit.....I caved! How could this have happend. Maybe I can pretend like it didn't happen and post roll tommorrow....no, I can't. I gave these guys my word. I have to go back to day 1....FUCK! I start to cry and my tears fall into the sink, mixing with the brown poison juice.
Wait a minute...what is a sink doing in the woods?...I'm dreaming!....I wake up. It's 4:00 in the morning and I just had the worst most vivid dip dream ever.....but I'm here and I didn't cave. My heart slows down and I lay back down. F, that was intense!
So I'm floating along in my calm seas and the bitches comes up out of now where like fucking Jaws and rocks my world. Good thing I had my trusty KTC engraved bitch smacking boat oar by my side....and whacked her right in the nose. Back to the deep you bitch. I'm sure we'll meet again, but I'll be ready for.
You new quitters out there....not to sound all hommie-ish and all, but the bitch ain't playin'. She's out there, lurking and ready to strike the instant you let your guard down. Stay frosty and quit hard.
watch that Siren Song, it can be very alluring to those out sailing along.
but every time it leads down the wrong path.
Instead keep giving your word one day at a time and stay on the path you are here.....it leads to freedom and much more
quitting right beside you today...
-
Day 40
Just a little bit of unsolicited boasting here first. My wife and I ran our first running race (hers ever and mine in 17 years) after just a month and a half of exercise. It was an 8K dirt course with 687 participants. I finished in 35:31 in 30th place (25th out of 250 guys and 3rd in my age group), her in 41:22 in 93rd place (29th out of 437 girls and 4th in her age group). It was awesome and a great experience on several levels, except of course for the fact that I got beat by 6 girls....two of them under the age of 16.......oh well I'm no spring chicken any more and there is always room for improvement.
But why I mention it here. Somewhere in the vicinity of mile 3, pushing, sweating, and panting like a little Taliban bitch in the middle of a water-boarding session....I actually spaced out for a few strides to think about my KTC experience and my quit buddies. I thought, I am proud of them, and they would be proud of me. In that moment, the race was like the very essence of my quit. I'd been here before, many years ago, but now found my self fighting much harder than I ever thought I would have to.....or even knew I could, but doing it...and killing it...none the less. Just like my quit, my race was a feat that constantly hung in the balance. On one hand every cell in my body was screaming "I'm tired, I want to stop, I want out, I want to give up". Just like with my quit, there were only two options: Easy - side with weakness and take the comfortable path, or Hard - side with strength and push on down the difficult, but correct path. And just like my quit......I had to keep pushing, every single step of the way, one step at a time......for to stop just once and it would be all over.
Like any race, an 8K is nothing more than the summation of many single steps, each one no more or less important than the ones that preceded it, and each one entirely uninfluenced by the future steps yet to be taken. You don't successfully rock a race thinking about each of the hundreds of steps you need to take coming up....you do it by focusing on the very step you're taking at the moment....one step at a time. The cumulative effect of just a little extra push each step of the way, when measured against the race as whole, is where the race is won.
Anyone who's ever competed in an endurance event, and done so at a level that pushes their physical limits to the breaking point, knows that there is always an enigmatic moment somewhere in the last half in the race where you realize that YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT. It may have been a real bitch getting to that point, and there may be plenty of difficulty ahead...but the decision has been made, the accomplishment it real, and there is absolutely no stopping, no going back. You're KILLING it, and you're WINNING.
Just one more 'step' in the TAKING-MY-LIFE-BACK K race today with the full realization that I AM GOING TO MAKE IT...starting with this step right here.
-
Day 40
Just a little bit of unsolicited boasting here first. My wife and I ran our first running race (hers ever and mine in 17 years) after just a month and a half of exercise. It was an 8K dirt course with 687 participants. I finished in 35:31 in 30th place (25th out of 250 guys and 3rd in my age group), her in 41:22 in 93rd place (29th out of 437 girls and 4th in her age group). It was awesome and a great experience on several levels, except of course for the fact that I got beat by 6 girls....two of them under the age of 16.......oh well I'm no spring chicken any more and there is always room for improvement.
But why I mention it here. Somewhere in the vicinity of mile 3, pushing, sweating, and panting like a little Taliban bitch in the middle of a water-boarding session....I actually spaced out for a few strides to think about my KTC experience and my quit buddies. I thought, I am proud of them, and they would be proud of me. In that moment, the race was like the very essence of my quit. I'd been here before, many years ago, but now found my self fighting much harder than I ever thought I would have to.....or even knew I could, but doing it...and killing it...none the less. Just like my quit, my race was a feat that constantly hung in the balance. On one hand every cell in my body was screaming "I'm tired, I want to stop, I want out, I want to give up". Just like with my quit, there were only two options: Easy - side with weakness and take the comfortable path, or Hard - side with strength and push on down the difficult, but correct path. And just like my quit......I had to keep pushing, every single step of the way, one step at a time......for to stop just once and it would be all over.
Like any race, an 8K is nothing more than the summation of many single steps, each one no more or less important than the ones that preceded it, and each one entirely uninfluenced by the future steps yet to be taken. You don't successfully rock a race thinking about each of the hundreds of steps you need to take coming up....you do it by focusing on the very step you're taking at the moment....one step at a time. The cumulative effect of just a little extra push each step of the way, when measured against the race as whole, is where the race is won.
Anyone who's ever competed in an endurance event, and done so at a level that pushes their physical limits to the breaking point, knows that there is always an enigmatic moment somewhere in the last half in the race where you realize that YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT. It may have been a real bitch getting to that point, and there may be plenty of difficulty ahead...but the decision has been made, the accomplishment it real, and there is absolutely no stopping, no going back. You're KILLING it, and you're WINNING.
Just one more 'step' in the TAKING-MY-LIFE-BACK K race today with the full realization that I AM GOING TO MAKE IT...starting with this step right here.
This is the good stuff here! A new outlook... positive changes... better health. Badass man
-
Day 40
Just a little bit of unsolicited boasting here first. My wife and I ran our first running race (hers ever and mine in 17 years) after just a month and a half of exercise. It was an 8K dirt course with 687 participants. I finished in 35:31 in 30th place (25th out of 250 guys and 3rd in my age group), her in 41:22 in 93rd place (29th out of 437 girls and 4th in her age group). It was awesome and a great experience on several levels, except of course for the fact that I got beat by 6 girls....two of them under the age of 16.......oh well I'm no spring chicken any more and there is always room for improvement.
But why I mention it here. Somewhere in the vicinity of mile 3, pushing, sweating, and panting like a little Taliban bitch in the middle of a water-boarding session....I actually spaced out for a few strides to think about my KTC experience and my quit buddies. I thought, I am proud of them, and they would be proud of me. In that moment, the race was like the very essence of my quit. I'd been here before, many years ago, but now found my self fighting much harder than I ever thought I would have to.....or even knew I could, but doing it...and killing it...none the less. Just like my quit, my race was a feat that constantly hung in the balance. On one hand every cell in my body was screaming "I'm tired, I want to stop, I want out, I want to give up". Just like with my quit, there were only two options: Easy - side with weakness and take the comfortable path, or Hard - side with strength and push on down the difficult, but correct path. And just like my quit......I had to keep pushing, every single step of the way, one step at a time......for to stop just once and it would be all over.Â
Like any race, an 8K is nothing more than the summation of many single steps, each one no more or less important than the ones that preceded it, and each one entirely uninfluenced by the future steps yet to be taken. You don't successfully rock a race thinking about each of the hundreds of steps you need to take coming up....you do it by focusing on the very step you're taking at the moment....one step at a time. The cumulative effect of just a little extra push each step of the way, when measured against the race as whole, is where the race is won.
Anyone who's ever competed in an endurance event, and done so at a level that pushes their physical limits to the breaking point, knows that there is always an enigmatic moment somewhere in the last half in the race where you realize that YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT. It may have been a real bitch getting to that point, and there may be plenty of difficulty ahead...but the decision has been made, the accomplishment it real, and there is absolutely no stopping, no going back. You're KILLING it, and you're WINNING.
Just one more 'step' in the TAKING-MY-LIFE-BACK K race today with the full realization that I AM GOING TO MAKE IT...starting with this step right here.
This is the good stuff here! A new outlook... positive changes... better health. Badass man
Okay, I'm getting out the kryptonite. You're superman on this running thing. 25th out of 250 with only 6 weeks of prep? Nice work. And I like the added metaphor of comparing our quits to a race. It's the same. Step after step after step...the only way to succeed. Thanks for sharing this. Keep that great quit going, and congrats on Day 40.
ZC
-
Day 40
Just a little bit of unsolicited boasting here first. My wife and I ran our first running race (hers ever and mine in 17 years) after just a month and a half of exercise. It was an 8K dirt course with 687 participants. I finished in 35:31 in 30th place (25th out of 250 guys and 3rd in my age group), her in 41:22 in 93rd place (29th out of 437 girls and 4th in her age group). It was awesome and a great experience on several levels, except of course for the fact that I got beat by 6 girls....two of them under the age of 16.......oh well I'm no spring chicken any more and there is always room for improvement.
But why I mention it here. Somewhere in the vicinity of mile 3, pushing, sweating, and panting like a little Taliban bitch in the middle of a water-boarding session....I actually spaced out for a few strides to think about my KTC experience and my quit buddies. I thought, I am proud of them, and they would be proud of me. In that moment, the race was like the very essence of my quit. I'd been here before, many years ago, but now found my self fighting much harder than I ever thought I would have to.....or even knew I could, but doing it...and killing it...none the less. Just like my quit, my race was a feat that constantly hung in the balance. On one hand every cell in my body was screaming "I'm tired, I want to stop, I want out, I want to give up". Just like with my quit, there were only two options: Easy - side with weakness and take the comfortable path, or Hard - side with strength and push on down the difficult, but correct path. And just like my quit......I had to keep pushing, every single step of the way, one step at a time......for to stop just once and it would be all over.Â
Like any race, an 8K is nothing more than the summation of many single steps, each one no more or less important than the ones that preceded it, and each one entirely uninfluenced by the future steps yet to be taken. You don't successfully rock a race thinking about each of the hundreds of steps you need to take coming up....you do it by focusing on the very step you're taking at the moment....one step at a time. The cumulative effect of just a little extra push each step of the way, when measured against the race as whole, is where the race is won.
Anyone who's ever competed in an endurance event, and done so at a level that pushes their physical limits to the breaking point, knows that there is always an enigmatic moment somewhere in the last half in the race where you realize that YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT. It may have been a real bitch getting to that point, and there may be plenty of difficulty ahead...but the decision has been made, the accomplishment it real, and there is absolutely no stopping, no going back. You're KILLING it, and you're WINNING.
Just one more 'step' in the TAKING-MY-LIFE-BACK K race today with the full realization that I AM GOING TO MAKE IT...starting with this step right here.
This is the good stuff here! A new outlook... positive changes... better health. Badass man
Okay, I'm getting out the kryptonite. You're superman on this running thing. 25th out of 250 with only 6 weeks of prep? Nice work. And I like the added metaphor of comparing our quits to a race. It's the same. Step after step after step...the only way to succeed. Thanks for sharing this. Keep that great quit going, and congrats on Day 40.
ZC
Thanks, and I swear I'm not making it up......see for yourself
http://results.active.com/events/lost-d ... -2/8k-run/ (http://results.active.com/events/lost-dutchman-marathon--2/8k-run/)
But I think my legs are honestly about to fall off though.
-
Day 50
As usual with my intro page posts, a bit wordy and philosophical, but thought I'd share anyway. Some light reading material if you're bored this lovely Friday.
Last night I learned that there can actually be two kids of dip dreams: The traditional nightmare-style 'dipmare' we usual refer to here, or another more positive, quit-reinforcing kind. The one I had last night was of the later variety.
So in dip dream 2.0, I'm rummaging through junk in the garage and happen to come across a can of Kodiak, one I must have squirrelled away long ago and forgotten about....and of course missed in my day 1 round up. I shake it, it's not empty. Decision time. For a minute I think "I'll just put this aside", then I change my mind and realize that I need to flush it right away. As I'm dumping the can in the toilet, I realize suddenly that there is a dip in my mouth. " Ah shit, not again!" I think. I start to panic, but only for a split second this time. KTC, my quit, my resolve don't count for anything here in this dream space as it's not really me that's in control of my dream, but rather my subconscious. But something funny happens. Even inside of my dream, with my subconscious completely in the driver's seat, I think "a real dip in my mouth?....that is NOT possible".
At that point in the dream I notice that the taste of this dip is different. It's sweet and definitely not Tobacco. "Oh, it's only a fake mint dip that I have in. No problem. I didn't cave" I think. My dream continues on, finding more stashed cans and dumping/flushing each of them. Emotionless, without a thought. Eventually it transitions to spitting out my fake dip but not being able to get it all out and I seem to keep finding and pulling out strands of fake dip in my mouth through the rest of my dream. Even though I know it's fake, I find it disgusting.
That's all I can remember as my mind must have moved on to something else in dreamland. Another place were my subconscious could operate with impunity against my conscious will.
Powerful shit.....of the positive variety. I always felt like my quit and my resolve were strong before, but never did I think my firewall against the bitch could extend into my subconscious. Wow, that is a feeling that is hard to describe. Anyone else ever experiences something similar? I can think of a whole bunch of dreams I've had in the past where I did things that I my conscious would never allow for in real life, but that's because (at least in my experience) conscious thought never really seemed to exist before in my dreams. It's like it was just switched off, not even there, not at my disposal, didn't even exist. Not sure if that's normal, but that usually how my dream go anyway (when evaluated in hindsight)
What's even more funny is that I don't even know what fake mint dip even tastes like....never had it, never used seeds or the fake stuff. If I had to guess this little snippet of dream came from reading Ginet's post about picking up some Smokey Mountain the other day, but who knows.
Anyway, rambling on. Hard to explain, but this dream elicited a new feeling on confidence in my quit. Over the past 50 days I've been die hard in my resolve to quit, but having faltered in my attempts to quit before (before I joined KTC) and knowing my human weaknesses, there was always this tiny little thought in the back of my head that occasionally cast a shred of doubt over whether I will truly succeed this time. That thought, that last little holdout of self doubt just got squashed.
I CAN do this. I AM doing this. I am QUIT and I am WINNING!
I once used the analogy of being in a tug of war with the nic bitch to compare the strength of my quit to the strength of her pull. She's no longer evenly matched with me, or even just slightly losing her grip. She done slipped, fell down, and is now getting dragged through the mud. Sure, she's still kicking and pulling, so I can't let go of the rope, but she's done for.
-
Hey there. Guess who has two thumbs and is quitting with you! yep, this girl!
Keep quitting like fuck friend!
G
-
Day 50
As usual with my intro page posts, a bit wordy and philosophical, but thought I'd share anyway. Some light reading material if you're bored this lovely Friday.
Last night I learned that there can actually be two kids of dip dreams: The traditional nightmare-style 'dipmare' we usual refer to here, or another more positive, quit-reinforcing kind. The one I had last night was of the later variety.
So in dip dream 2.0, I'm rummaging through junk in the garage and happen to come across a can of Kodiak, one I must have squirrelled away long ago and forgotten about....and of course missed in my day 1 round up. I shake it, it's not empty. Decision time. For a minute I think "I'll just put this aside", then I change my mind and realize that I need to flush it right away. As I'm dumping the can in the toilet, I realize suddenly that there is a dip in my mouth. " Ah shit, not again!" I think. I start to panic, but only for a split second this time. KTC, my quit, my resolve don't count for anything here in this dream space as it's not really me that's in control of my dream, but rather my subconscious. But something funny happens. Even inside of my dream, with my subconscious completely in the driver's seat, I think "a real dip in my mouth?....that is NOT possible".
At that point in the dream I notice that the taste of this dip is different. It's sweet and definitely not Tobacco. "Oh, it's only a fake mint dip that I have in. No problem. I didn't cave" I think. My dream continues on, finding more stashed cans and dumping/flushing each of them. Emotionless, without a thought. Eventually it transitions to spitting out my fake dip but not being able to get it all out and I seem to keep finding and pulling out strands of fake dip in my mouth through the rest of my dream. Even though I know it's fake, I find it disgusting.
That's all I can remember as my mind must have moved on to something else in dreamland. Another place were my subconscious could operate with impunity against my conscious will.
Powerful shit.....of the positive variety. I always felt like my quit and my resolve were strong before, but never did I think my firewall against the bitch could extend into my subconscious. Wow, that is a feeling that is hard to describe. Anyone else ever experiences something similar? I can think of a whole bunch of dreams I've had in the past where I did things that I my conscious would never allow for in real life, but that's because (at least in my experience) conscious thought never really seemed to exist before in my dreams. It's like it was just switched off, not even there, not at my disposal, didn't even exist. Not sure if that's normal, but that usually how my dream go anyway (when evaluated in hindsight)
What's even more funny is that I don't even know what fake mint dip even tastes like....never had it, never used seeds or the fake stuff. If I had to guess this little snippet of dream came from reading Ginet's post about picking up some Smokey Mountain the other day, but who knows.
Anyway, rambling on. Hard to explain, but this dream elicited a new feeling on confidence in my quit. Over the past 50 days I've been die hard in my resolve to quit, but having faltered in my attempts to quit before (before I joined KTC) and knowing my human weaknesses, there was always this tiny little thought in the back of my head that occasionally cast a shred of doubt over whether I will truly succeed this time. That thought, that last little holdout of self doubt just got squashed.
I CAN do this. I AM doing this. I am QUIT and I am WINNING!
I once used the analogy of being in a tug of war with the nic bitch to compare the strength of my quit to the strength of her pull. She's no longer evenly matched with me, or even just slightly losing her grip. She done slipped, fell down, and is now getting dragged through the mud. Sure, she's still kicking and pulling, so I can't let go of the rope, but she's done for.
After years of abusing our bodies and mind, we are quitting and healing ODAAT.
Quittin' with You today.
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Beautiful update Peters. I sense the strong quitter in you and know that you will be around here for a long time. I quit with ya bro.
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Proud to quit with you Jeff. The previous caves (especially after extended breaks) have made us stronger, more aware that we have to stay alert. Loved the message how it's different this time, because it is. Screw the self doubt nicotine created. We own our quit and there is no room for her shenanigans.
Keep it up bud.
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Day 50
As usual with my intro page posts, a bit wordy and philosophical, but thought I'd share anyway. Some light reading material if you're bored this lovely Friday.
Last night I learned that there can actually be two kids of dip dreams: The traditional nightmare-style 'dipmare' we usual refer to here, or another more positive, quit-reinforcing kind. The one I had last night was of the later variety.
So in dip dream 2.0, I'm rummaging through junk in the garage and happen to come across a can of Kodiak, one I must have squirrelled away long ago and forgotten about....and of course missed in my day 1 round up. I shake it, it's not empty. Decision time. For a minute I think "I'll just put this aside", then I change my mind and realize that I need to flush it right away. As I'm dumping the can in the toilet, I realize suddenly that there is a dip in my mouth. " Ah shit, not again!" I think. I start to panic, but only for a split second this time. KTC, my quit, my resolve don't count for anything here in this dream space as it's not really me that's in control of my dream, but rather my subconscious. But something funny happens. Even inside of my dream, with my subconscious completely in the driver's seat, I think "a real dip in my mouth?....that is NOT possible".
At that point in the dream I notice that the taste of this dip is different. It's sweet and definitely not Tobacco. "Oh, it's only a fake mint dip that I have in. No problem. I didn't cave" I think. My dream continues on, finding more stashed cans and dumping/flushing each of them. Emotionless, without a thought. Eventually it transitions to spitting out my fake dip but not being able to get it all out and I seem to keep finding and pulling out strands of fake dip in my mouth through the rest of my dream. Even though I know it's fake, I find it disgusting.
That's all I can remember as my mind must have moved on to something else in dreamland. Another place were my subconscious could operate with impunity against my conscious will.
Powerful shit.....of the positive variety. I always felt like my quit and my resolve were strong before, but never did I think my firewall against the bitch could extend into my subconscious. Wow, that is a feeling that is hard to describe. Anyone else ever experiences something similar? I can think of a whole bunch of dreams I've had in the past where I did things that I my conscious would never allow for in real life, but that's because (at least in my experience) conscious thought never really seemed to exist before in my dreams. It's like it was just switched off, not even there, not at my disposal, didn't even exist. Not sure if that's normal, but that usually how my dream go anyway (when evaluated in hindsight)
What's even more funny is that I don't even know what fake mint dip even tastes like....never had it, never used seeds or the fake stuff. If I had to guess this little snippet of dream came from reading Ginet's post about picking up some Smokey Mountain the other day, but who knows.
Anyway, rambling on. Hard to explain, but this dream elicited a new feeling on confidence in my quit. Over the past 50 days I've been die hard in my resolve to quit, but having faltered in my attempts to quit before (before I joined KTC) and knowing my human weaknesses, there was always this tiny little thought in the back of my head that occasionally cast a shred of doubt over whether I will truly succeed this time. That thought, that last little holdout of self doubt just got squashed.
I CAN do this. I AM doing this. I am QUIT and I am WINNING!
I once used the analogy of being in a tug of war with the nic bitch to compare the strength of my quit to the strength of her pull. She's no longer evenly matched with me, or even just slightly losing her grip. She done slipped, fell down, and is now getting dragged through the mud. Sure, she's still kicking and pulling, so I can't let go of the rope, but she's done for.
Great job, brother! Now you might want to post Day 1 at the Killthemescalero.org site. :P
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Day 50
As usual with my intro page posts, a bit wordy and philosophical, but thought I'd share anyway. Some light reading material if you're bored this lovely Friday.
Last night I learned that there can actually be two kids of dip dreams: The traditional nightmare-style 'dipmare' we usual refer to here, or another more positive, quit-reinforcing kind. The one I had last night was of the later variety.Â
So in dip dream 2.0, I'm rummaging through junk in the garage and happen to come across a can of Kodiak, one I must have squirrelled away long ago and forgotten about....and of course missed in my day 1 round up. I shake it, it's not empty. Decision time. For a minute I think "I'll just put this aside", then I change my mind and realize that I need to flush it right away. As I'm dumping the can in the toilet, I realize suddenly that there is a dip in my mouth. " Ah shit, not again!" I think. I start to panic, but only for a split second this time. KTC, my quit, my resolve don't count for anything here in this dream space as it's not really me that's in control of my dream, but rather my subconscious. But something funny happens. Even inside of my dream, with my subconscious completely in the driver's seat, I think "a real dip in my mouth?....that is NOT possible".Â
At that point in the dream I notice that the taste of this dip is different. It's sweet and definitely not Tobacco. "Oh, it's only a fake mint dip that I have in. No problem. I didn't cave" I think. My dream continues on, finding more stashed cans and dumping/flushing each of them. Emotionless, without a thought. Eventually it transitions to spitting out my fake dip but not being able to get it all out and I seem to keep finding and pulling out strands of fake dip in my mouth through the rest of my dream. Even though I know it's fake, I find it disgusting.
That's all I can remember as my mind must have moved on to something else in dreamland. Another place were my subconscious could operate with impunity against my conscious will.
Powerful shit.....of the positive variety. I always felt like my quit and my resolve were strong before, but never did I think my firewall against the bitch could extend into my subconscious. Wow, that is a feeling that is hard to describe. Anyone else ever experiences something similar? I can think of a whole bunch of dreams I've had in the past where I did things that I my conscious would never allow for in real life, but that's because (at least in my experience) conscious thought never really seemed to exist before in my dreams. It's like it was just switched off, not even there, not at my disposal, didn't even exist. Not sure if that's normal, but that usually how my dream go anyway (when evaluated in hindsight)
What's even more funny is that I don't even know what fake mint dip even tastes like....never had it, never used seeds or the fake stuff. If I had to guess this little snippet of dream came from reading Ginet's post about picking up some Smokey Mountain the other day, but who knows.
Anyway, rambling on. Hard to explain, but this dream elicited a new feeling on confidence in my quit. Over the past 50 days I've been die hard in my resolve to quit, but having faltered in my attempts to quit before (before I joined KTC) and knowing my human weaknesses, there was always this tiny little thought in the back of my head that occasionally cast a shred of doubt over whether I will truly succeed this time. That thought, that last little holdout of self doubt just got squashed.Â
I CAN do this. I AM doing this. I am QUIT and I am WINNING!
I once used the analogy of being in a tug of war with the nic bitch to compare the strength of my quit to the strength of her pull. She's no longer evenly matched with me, or even just slightly losing her grip. She done slipped, fell down, and is now getting dragged through the mud. Sure, she's still kicking and pulling, so I can't let go of the rope, but she's done for.
Great job, brother! Now you might want to post Day 1 at the Killthemescalero.org site. :P
Solid quit. I like it.
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50 days man! Hell yeah!! It's great to be quit with you today Peters!
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Way to go Peters congrats on 50 and keep on logging your quit and kicking nic's ass! Indeed you ARE doing this- and well!
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Day 75
The last 25 days have been pretty calm. I've thought about dip from time to time, but not much, and not with any desire to go back. I don't crave it any more and the only time it enters my mind is when I'm alone and bored.....and I just brush it off. 75 days into my quit and I've conquered just about every trigger, and re-written the rules for just about every activity that used to be done with a disgusting brown load in my mouth. For the first time in a long time, I have regained control of my life from Nicotine, and it feels good. Calm seas here folks.
The first members of April are approaching the HOF and I'm very proud of our group. We lost about half of the original group getting this far but I feel like myself and many other members of the group did everything we possibly could to keep it together and save everyone whole could be saved. For every few folks that were lost, we pulled a few back from the edge, and the group is stronger for it now.
A quick shout out here to many of the vets and members of other pre-HOF quit groups that also helped save some of our members. Thanks, we owe you. and will help pay it forward to future groups.
There are some truly stellar guys and gals in our group and I am amazed at the character and level of commitment I've witnessed from a bunch of addicts....something I never would have expected when I first joined KTC. It's just proof that while Nicotine may have been a dark cloud over a chunk of our lives, take away the cloud and some really amazing stuff shines through. I love April like my family :wub: and am so proud to be a part of this group.
So steam ahead April quit train, and remember that the HOF isn't a destination, but rather just a signpost along the tracks of our quits that tells us we're up at speed and cruising along.....no stopping this train!
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Day 75
The last 25 days have been pretty calm. I've thought about dip from time to time, but not much, and not with any desire to go back. I don't crave it any more and the only time it enters my mind is when I'm alone and bored.....and I just brush it off. 75 days into my quit and I've conquered just about every trigger, and re-written the rules for just about every activity that used to be done with a disgusting brown load in my mouth. For the first time in a long time, I have regained control of my life from Nicotine, and it feels good. Calm seas here folks.
The first members of April are approaching the HOF and I'm very proud of our group. We lost about half of the original group getting this far but I feel like myself and many other members of the group did everything we possibly could to keep it together and save everyone whole could be saved. For every few folks that were lost, we pulled a few back from the edge, and the group is stronger for it now.
A quick shout out here to many of the vets and members of other pre-HOF quit groups that also helped save some of our members. Thanks, we owe you. and will help pay it forward to future groups.
There are some truly stellar guys and gals in our group and I am amazed at the character and level of commitment I've witnessed from a bunch of addicts....something I never would have expected when I first joined KTC. It's just proof that while Nicotine may have been a dark cloud over a chunk of our lives, take away the cloud and some really amazing stuff shines through. I love April like my family :wub: and am so proud to be a part of this group.
So steam ahead April quit train, and remember that the HOF isn't a destination, but rather just a signpost along the tracks of our quits that tells us we're up at speed and cruising along.....no stopping this train!
Congrats on 75 days. You should be proud bro. You are winning today. Keep at it ODAAT!
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This has been a rough week for April.
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
-
This has been a rough week for April.
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
-
This has been a rough week for April.Â
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.Â
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
And rest assured, gents, that for every cave that disheartens you, there's a small African country's worth of people that are fired up and inspired each day that you guys post roll, both in your group and in others as a show of support. Stay strong, quit on!
-
This has been a rough week for April.Â
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.Â
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
And rest assured, gents, that for every cave that disheartens you, there's a small African country's worth of people that are fired up and inspired each day that you guys post roll, both in your group and in others as a show of support. Stay strong, quit on!
I have thought about that. I like the way you worded it. I have learned that I am a bit of a cynical bastard these last few months. Basically the same theory, but I think of it in terms that some guys subconsciously crave the attention and support you get pre-HOF and the thought of being post HOF and transitioning to a focus of being a supporter of others and ultimately less attention directed to them personally creates that desire to fail and repeat. At least with serial cavers. I like your theory better, seems less cynical. Something I am going to work on to further improve myself on this journey. Maybe I just think about this stuff to much, or not enough. ODAAT today and everyday.
-
This has been a rough week for April.Â
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.Â
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
And rest assured, gents, that for every cave that disheartens you, there's a small African country's worth of people that are fired up and inspired each day that you guys post roll, both in your group and in others as a show of support. Stay strong, quit on!
I have thought about that. I like the way you worded it. I have learned that I am a bit of a cynical bastard these last few months. Basically the same theory, but I think of it in terms that some guys subconsciously crave the attention and support you get pre-HOF and the thought of being post HOF and transitioning to a focus of being a supporter of others and ultimately less attention directed to them personally creates that desire to fail and repeat. At least with serial cavers. I like your theory better, seems less cynical. Something I am going to work on to further improve myself on this journey. Maybe I just think about this stuff to much, or not enough. ODAAT today and everyday.
It's good to write your thoughts as you have them, and to respond to others. My thoughts about this all now is this is one strong group of quitters here that I count on reading something from at least one of you every day, and my own quit is beefed up a notch or more. Quit on guys!
The caves are disappointing- don't let it happen to you. Its really clear from what many long-term vets say-- keep posting, that's the key. Looking foward to seeing you guys all around here for a long time.
-
This has been a rough week for April.Â
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit. With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims? My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit. They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up. Just a theory anyway.Â
Whatever it is, it is disheartening. I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters. They are truly a resolute bunch. Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point. Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily). Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1. Not me. Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
And rest assured, gents, that for every cave that disheartens you, there's a small African country's worth of people that are fired up and inspired each day that you guys post roll, both in your group and in others as a show of support. Stay strong, quit on!
I have thought about that. I like the way you worded it. I have learned that I am a bit of a cynical bastard these last few months. Basically the same theory, but I think of it in terms that some guys subconsciously crave the attention and support you get pre-HOF and the thought of being post HOF and transitioning to a focus of being a supporter of others and ultimately less attention directed to them personally creates that desire to fail and repeat. At least with serial cavers. I like your theory better, seems less cynical. Something I am going to work on to further improve myself on this journey. Maybe I just think about this stuff to much, or not enough. ODAAT today and everyday.
It's good to write your thoughts as you have them, and to respond to others. My thoughts about this all now is this is one strong group of quitters here that I count on reading something from at least one of you every day, and my own quit is beefed up a notch or more. Quit on guys!
The caves are disappointing- don't let it happen to you. Its really clear from what many long-term vets say-- keep posting, that's the key. Looking foward to seeing you guys all around here for a long time.
Being one of the resolute bastards who has struggled this week, I really appreciated reading all of your thoughts on this and especially Peters for starting the discussion. I still have a hard time explaining to others why a website keeps me quit but this thread is a great example of it!
Quitting with you magnificent resolute bastards and our supporters again today!
AA
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This has been a rough week for April.�
I'm saddened by the loss of several quitters at this point in their quit.� With just weeks to go to the HOF, why does this time frame historically (according to the vets) claim so many cave victims?� My theory is that it suddenly dawns on people that the HOF isn't a finish line and rather is just a milestone in their quit.� They start entertaining the idea of 'forever' and their brains just go poof....and they give up.� Just a theory anyway.�
Whatever it is, it is disheartening.� I'm certainly not discouraged, nor does it seem are the bulk of my April quit brothers/sisters.� They are truly a resolute bunch.� Some folks may jump off, but there is no stopping the April quit train at this point.� Regardless, I'm still sad for those that lose their battle against the can (even if only momentarily).� Posting a new day 1 has got be a real BITCH.
I ain't going back to day 1.� Not me.� Not today.
We join this site for selfish reasons. To rid ourselves of this poison. Along the way we make friends and start to care about their freedom too. So yes Peters, I get sad and disheartened too. But in the end my quit is most important to ME. I'm proud every time that's it's not me posting a day 1 again.
And rest assured, gents, that for every cave that disheartens you, there's a small African country's worth of people that are fired up and inspired each day that you guys post roll, both in your group and in others as a show of support. Stay strong, quit on!
I have thought about that. I like the way you worded it. I have learned that I am a bit of a cynical bastard these last few months. Basically the same theory, but I think of it in terms that some guys subconsciously crave the attention and support you get pre-HOF and the thought of being post HOF and transitioning to a focus of being a supporter of others and ultimately less attention directed to them personally creates that desire to fail and repeat. At least with serial cavers. I like your theory better, seems less cynical. Something I am going to work on to further improve myself on this journey. Maybe I just think about this stuff to much, or not enough. ODAAT today and everyday.
It's good to write your thoughts as you have them, and to respond to others. My thoughts about this all now is this is one strong group of quitters here that I count on reading something from at least one of you every day, and my own quit is beefed up a notch or more. Quit on guys!
The caves are disappointing- don't let it happen to you. Its really clear from what many long-term vets say-- keep posting, that's the key. Looking foward to seeing you guys all around here for a long time.
Being one of the resolute bastards who has struggled this week, I really appreciated reading all of your thoughts on this and especially Peters for starting the discussion. I still have a hard time explaining to others why a website keeps me quit but this thread is a great example of it!
Quitting with you magnificent resolute bastards and our supporters again today!
AA
I use to let the cavers get to me. Not anymore! I thank them for all they've done for me. They make me stronger. All be damned if I'm going to fall down 4 flights of stairs to begin this battle again. When I read a retread I think wtf were you thinking. Congrats on starting this journey again. ;)
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Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
-
Congrats on the Hall of Fame!
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
Awesome job rocket boy. Proud of you. 'boob'
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Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
Awesome job rocket boy. Proud of you. 'boob'
Proud to reach 100 with you Jeff. Your story, commitment to stay quit, and dedication to the April Group has been an inspiration. Congratulations bud.
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
Awesome job rocket boy. Proud of you. 'boob'
Proud to reach 100 with you Jeff. Your story, commitment to stay quit, and dedication to the April Group has been an inspiration. Congratulations bud.
Damn fine job Peters! CONGRATS!
-
Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
Awesome job rocket boy. Proud of you. 'boob'
Proud to reach 100 with you Jeff. Your story, commitment to stay quit, and dedication to the April Group has been an inspiration. Congratulations bud.
Damn fine job Peters! CONGRATS!
Way to go peters!
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Hey, Hey look who's getting on the train! Congrats!
Great job! This is the first if many milestones. Congrats!
Congrats! Welcome aboard!
Congrats on hitting the HOF! Keep it rolling today bro!
Awesome job rocket boy. Proud of you. 'boob'
Proud to reach 100 with you Jeff. Your story, commitment to stay quit, and dedication to the April Group has been an inspiration. Congratulations bud.
Damn fine job Peters! CONGRATS!
Way to go peters!
Congrats on 100. Awesome job!
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Day 102
Thanks all for the HOF congratulations. If you would have asked me (at any time in the first 25 days) if I thought 100 days was going to go by quick, I would have laughed (more like cried). However, in hindsight they really did go by pretty quickly, especially the back half. I guess that means two things: 1.) That I've comfortably settled into my new life without nicotine and 2.) Not to get TOO comfortable so that I ensure I stay quit. Planning on enjoying 1.) and focusing on 2.) over the next 100 days. Thanks again to my fellow bastards and all those here at KTC that helped me out, and ensure I was able to reach this first milestone in my quit.