KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: eafman on July 02, 2011, 10:40:00 PM
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I too am glad that this forum exists for people like me and you to quit the addiction. To share the pain and support accountability.
I've been chewing tobacco since 1980 when I tried it in band practice. Heck of a rush the first few times. Never looked back however, during the years I have made several attempts at a quit that ultimately ended in a cave. The second time lasted a long time, only to have stress, tiredness, and an instant weak moment to cave to a co-worker. Recently, as I have worked myself back into competitive cycling again, I have really gained the desire to quit. For GOOD!. Funny how God works as I ended up in a bike crash which left me broken ribs and a Titanium encapsulated collar bone.
After getting back from my first return visit to the Dr on Thursday, there was some concern regarding how fast the bones were mending and the question was again asked if I used tobacco. I claimed NO, but received a severe lecture about the impact of nicotine on bone healing. And how I wasn't going to heal if I didn't stop chewing. (How did he know that?) Despite my growing desire to quit and his severe lecture including phrases like " No more racing, no more being an athlete, possible disability, etc. etc. etc ." it took me almost a day and a half to dump the shit down the toilet. Even then I caved once, ran to the store, bought a can, and had a dip proceeded by dumping the second can down the toilet that evening. So my official final QUIT is July 1, 2011 at 9:00 Eastern.
This is it, I give you my word that I will not dip today, deal with tomorrow as they come, post roll call, and support others as addicted as I that they may also overcome this addiction. This time will be different as I am going to DO! and listen to others that have made it through to the better life. Look forward to the journey.
regards
eafman
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I too am glad that this forum exists for people like me and you to quit the addiction. To share the pain and support accountability.
I've been chewing tobacco since 1980 when I tried it in band practice. Heck of a rush the first few times. Never looked back however, during the years I have made several attempts at a quit that ultimately ended in a cave. The second time lasted a long time, only to have stress, tiredness, and an instant weak moment to cave to a co-worker. Recently, as I have worked myself back into competitive cycling again, I have really gained the desire to quit. For GOOD!. Funny how God works as I ended up in a bike crash which left me broken ribs and a Titanium encapsulated collar bone.
After getting back from my first return visit to the Dr on Thursday, there was some concern regarding how fast the bones were mending and the question was again asked if I used tobacco. I claimed NO, but received a severe lecture about the impact of nicotine on bone healing. And how I wasn't going to heal if I didn't stop chewing. (How did he know that?) Despite my growing desire to quit and his severe lecture including phrases like " No more racing, no more being an athlete, possible disability, etc. etc. etc ." it took me almost a day and a half to dump the shit down the toilet. Even then I caved once, ran to the store, bought a can, and had a dip proceeded by dumping the second can down the toilet that evening. So my official final QUIT is July 1, 2011 at 9:00 Eastern.
This is it, I give you my word that I will not dip today, deal with tomorrow as they come, post roll call, and support others as addicted as I that they may also overcome this addiction. This time will be different as I am going to DO! and listen to others that have made it through to the better life. Look forward to the journey.
regards
eafman
This is some good shit right here eafman....glad to be quit with you....PM me if you need a number or anything.....let's do this!
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Holy crap in a bucket! Welcome aboard bro. Sounds like you got a path. Get involved and get to know the folks here. The more you know, the more you read, the safer your quit will be.
Like the Captain said, reach out if there is anything you need. Glad to quit with you.
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Great story of how you arrived at this point and your decision to quit. It's interesting how these moments reveal themselves.
You can do this. Stay quit today and soon you will be back on the bike tearing up the roads.
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Eafman,
Anything I can do to help---let me know. You'll be back on that cycle before you know it. This quit will heal you in many ways, but only if you quit today--ONE DAY AT A TIME!
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I'm here with you brother.
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Welcome aboard eafman. You are making a great choice. The first few days are the worst, and every day that passes without you poisoning yourself gets better.
You've made a commitment, now stick to it. You can do this!
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Eafman: Welcome aboard the quitters site that makes quitting possible, a little kick in the ass occasionally helps! One day at a time, makes you a successful nic free quithead! Nico
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If you can give your word and keep it, go over to the October 2011 HOF Class, post roll and make your promise to keep quit today.
Repeat the same tomorrow . . . . and the next day . . . .
You can do this!! How do I know? 251 days ago I made the same decision.
It'll be tough at the beginning, but you'll never regret it. Being quit is being free; there's no better feeling!
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Thanks for the support. Made roll call twice. I'll do it tomorrow to. My choice is to Quit today ;-)
trying to keep occupied, 4th of July maybe light some fireworks!
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That's awesome bro. Keep it up. I'll quit with you tomorrow. I'm sure we can find a few other patriotic knuckleheads willing to quit tomorrow as well.
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I don't know if I am posting this for myself or for every other quitter or both. I will assume both for now.
Here I am, still quit, working my way through the last half of day three. No sleep last night, at times shaky, sweaty, with my ADD in full swing. For those that are with me at this stage of the game, the site works.
Simple things like Sparring with KilltheKodiak, Col No Cope and others online helped me over the craves. Furthermore, I am glad I have numbers, What my brothers reallogansmith and wastepanel may not realize is by letting me watch their back, they were watching mine. Thanks.
I will say that other than being more tired today, I do feel slightly better. I am not on the constant verge of jumping down the throat of everyone that can't read my mind.
Another 8 hours and I will be quit for another full day.
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Way to go eafman. You've made the right decision to quit. Just like you are addicted to ridding, become addicted to quitting. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
Ps I'm an avid cyclist as well. Just for exercise, recreation, meditation. I'm nowhere near pro, but I love the sport.
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Congrats...like biking, this is one day at a time.
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Finishing up day 5. The initial buzz or feeling of withdrawals have subsided. I find myself not totally focused on my next dip. The periodic cravings have not stopped, but I am finding that it really only takes a minute or two for them to pass.
Not sure if this is the fog or not but honestly, can't keep a whole thought together. Probably couldn't finish dialing my home number in an emergency ;-).
Still Quit and Staying that way! Thanks Quit Octobers and KTC.
Moe Show us you mean it one day at a time.
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Finishing up day 5. The initial buzz or feeling of withdrawals have subsided. I find myself not totally focused on my next dip. The periodic cravings have not stopped, but I am finding that it really only takes a minute or two for them to pass.
Not sure if this is the fog or not but honestly, can't keep a whole thought together. Probably couldn't finish dialing my home number in an emergency ;-).
Still Quit and Staying that way! Thanks Quit Octobers and KTC.
Moe Show us you mean it one day at a time.
Good to hear.
Day 8 for me, and although the physical withdrawal effects have subsided, the craves still are there and are a motherfucker at times.
Staying strong for eafman and all my fellow Octoberquitters
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Day 15 and a brand new day. This is a pretty screwed up story, I am logging in here, as this will be interesting to look back upon, and useful for others as something probably not to do. The Risk/Reward ratio is not, and I mean NOT worth it.
I will be the first to admit that I am edgy and very distracted with the quit. Each day I feel a little better but in some ways worse as I work through the issues of not having nicotine in my blood for the first time in 30 yrs. I have also had some other changes in my life that started with a new years resolution with my wife. I have lost almost 80 lbs since then and have regained (well, a little exaggeration) my athletic endurance that I had when I was in college. Per my wife I am ADD, won't disagree, and quitting in her eyes has exaggerated that. In fact that is all she has been talking about the last several days. My wife and I are in healthy midlife and with all the changes, the question of the itch has come up. The answer is NO and never will be.
This morning, probably the calmest mornings in a LONG time, my wife lost it with me. She "can't handle" my anxiety and nervousness, is convinced that something is wrong and believes that I am leaving, cheating, or anything and everything along those lines. She started to go off on how since I quit I have acted strange and she doesn't like it blah, blah, blah. I have been unable to explain to her what it is like and what I am feeling. I guess being addicted to chocolate isn't the same thing and not a good correlation. So without making a huge scene, I stood up and said I CAVE!, grabbed my wallet, keys and headed out the door. You see I had instantly come up with this GREAT plan. Initially, I was close about ready to cave out of anger, that quickly distorted into I was gonna fake dipping again and make my wife think all was well again. (FLAME ON!!!! I deserve it). I HAD WORKED TOO HARD TO CAVE AND IT WASN'T GOING TO PART OF MY PLAN.
Luckily, I already posted roll and I ultimately realized I couldn't cave today, I could not upturn my value on what my word meant. My dip would have to wait till tomorrow if the feeling persisted. Kept thinking to myself, 15 days, have some good friends now at KTC hate to let them down, FUCK!!!! hate to let myself down. Went to text them and realized didn't have cell phone with me. Before I knew it, I was in the store so bought a can for tomorrow, and then bought some jerky. Exited store, emptied can in trash, put can in trash. Opened beef jerky and chewed entire bag.
Got home, found out that no matter how hard I tried to fake being high on nicotine, it didn't work. Realized that my wife was actually glad I didn't start dipping again. And then realized that I am really the one that is fucked up and need to sit down, take a chill pill, and keep posting roll every fucking morning, first thing. Have since started to repair damage to wife.
FOLKS reading this, the NIC bitch is cunning and powerful. She knows me better than I do. While only I can make the decision to quit, I remain QUIT because of what and who is here on these pages. I would like to thank the veteran quitters that continue to contribute for making sure that it doesn't get pilfered by us newbies. Giving our word on roll call is vital. Don't give your word if you don't mean it. The value of the word saved my life today.
I will remain quit today because of it being so highly regarded here. I vow to not let it be diluted.
Thanks
I Quit!
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Day 15 and a brand new day. This is a pretty screwed up story, I am logging in here, as this will be interesting to look back upon, and useful for others as something probably not to do. The Risk/Reward ratio is not, and I mean NOT worth it.
I will be the first to admit that I am edgy and very distracted with the quit. Each day I feel a little better but in some ways worse as I work through the issues of not having nicotine in my blood for the first time in 30 yrs. I have also had some other changes in my life that started with a new years resolution with my wife. I have lost almost 80 lbs since then and have regained (well, a little exaggeration) my athletic endurance that I had when I was in college. Per my wife I am ADD, won't disagree, and quitting in her eyes has exaggerated that. In fact that is all she has been talking about the last several days. My wife and I are in healthy midlife and with all the changes, the question of the itch has come up. The answer is NO and never will be.
This morning, probably the calmest mornings in a LONG time, my wife lost it with me. She "can't handle" my anxiety and nervousness, is convinced that something is wrong and believes that I am leaving, cheating, or anything and everything along those lines. She started to go off on how since I quit I have acted strange and she doesn't like it blah, blah, blah. I have been unable to explain to her what it is like and what I am feeling. I guess being addicted to chocolate isn't the same thing and not a good correlation. So without making a huge scene, I stood up and said I CAVE!, grabbed my wallet, keys and headed out the door. You see I had instantly come up with this GREAT plan. Initially, I was close about ready to cave out of anger, that quickly distorted into I was gonna fake dipping again and make my wife think all was well again. (FLAME ON!!!! I deserve it). I HAD WORKED TOO HARD TO CAVE AND IT WASN'T GOING TO PART OF MY PLAN.
Luckily, I already posted roll and I ultimately realized I couldn't cave today, I could not upturn my value on what my word meant. My dip would have to wait till tomorrow if the feeling persisted. Kept thinking to myself, 15 days, have some good friends now at KTC hate to let them down, FUCK!!!! hate to let myself down. Went to text them and realized didn't have cell phone with me. Before I knew it, I was in the store so bought a can for tomorrow, and then bought some jerky. Exited store, emptied can in trash, put can in trash. Opened beef jerky and chewed entire bag.
Got home, found out that no matter how hard I tried to fake being high on nicotine, it didn't work. Realized that my wife was actually glad I didn't start dipping again. And then realized that I am really the one that is fucked up and need to sit down, take a chill pill, and keep posting roll every fucking morning, first thing. Have since started to repair damage to wife.
FOLKS reading this, the NIC bitch is cunning and powerful. She knows me better than I do. While only I can make the decision to quit, I remain QUIT because of what and who is here on these pages. I would like to thank the veteran quitters that continue to contribute for making sure that it doesn't get pilfered by us newbies. Giving our word on roll call is vital. Don't give your word if you don't mean it. The value of the word saved my life today.
I will remain quit today because of it being so highly regarded here. I vow to not let it be diluted.
Thanks
I Quit!
Good fucking job eaf, I will have to look for the link but be careful of the 2 weeks craves... There isn't a specific number around 2 weeks but sometime around there sometimes there is known to have a massive crave on a day, be careful. It might be that one you just mentioned or might be today, tommorow or the next.
Just be ready and im quit with ya
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Day 15 and a brand new day. This is a pretty screwed up story, I am logging in here, as this will be interesting to look back upon, and useful for others as something probably not to do. The Risk/Reward ratio is not, and I mean NOT worth it.
I will be the first to admit that I am edgy and very distracted with the quit. Each day I feel a little better but in some ways worse as I work through the issues of not having nicotine in my blood for the first time in 30 yrs. I have also had some other changes in my life that started with a new years resolution with my wife. I have lost almost 80 lbs since then and have regained (well, a little exaggeration) my athletic endurance that I had when I was in college. Per my wife I am ADD, won't disagree, and quitting in her eyes has exaggerated that. In fact that is all she has been talking about the last several days. My wife and I are in healthy midlife and with all the changes, the question of the itch has come up. The answer is NO and never will be.
This morning, probably the calmest mornings in a LONG time, my wife lost it with me. She "can't handle" my anxiety and nervousness, is convinced that something is wrong and believes that I am leaving, cheating, or anything and everything along those lines. She started to go off on how since I quit I have acted strange and she doesn't like it blah, blah, blah. I have been unable to explain to her what it is like and what I am feeling. I guess being addicted to chocolate isn't the same thing and not a good correlation. So without making a huge scene, I stood up and said I CAVE!, grabbed my wallet, keys and headed out the door. You see I had instantly come up with this GREAT plan. Initially, I was close about ready to cave out of anger, that quickly distorted into I was gonna fake dipping again and make my wife think all was well again. (FLAME ON!!!! I deserve it). I HAD WORKED TOO HARD TO CAVE AND IT WASN'T GOING TO PART OF MY PLAN.
Luckily, I already posted roll and I ultimately realized I couldn't cave today, I could not upturn my value on what my word meant. My dip would have to wait till tomorrow if the feeling persisted. Kept thinking to myself, 15 days, have some good friends now at KTC hate to let them down, FUCK!!!! hate to let myself down. Went to text them and realized didn't have cell phone with me. Before I knew it, I was in the store so bought a can for tomorrow, and then bought some jerky. Exited store, emptied can in trash, put can in trash. Opened beef jerky and chewed entire bag.
Got home, found out that no matter how hard I tried to fake being high on nicotine, it didn't work. Realized that my wife was actually glad I didn't start dipping again. And then realized that I am really the one that is fucked up and need to sit down, take a chill pill, and keep posting roll every fucking morning, first thing. Have since started to repair damage to wife.
FOLKS reading this, the NIC bitch is cunning and powerful. She knows me better than I do. While only I can make the decision to quit, I remain QUIT because of what and who is here on these pages. I would like to thank the veteran quitters that continue to contribute for making sure that it doesn't get pilfered by us newbies. Giving our word on roll call is vital. Don't give your word if you don't mean it. The value of the word saved my life today.
I will remain quit today because of it being so highly regarded here. I vow to not let it be diluted.
Thanks
I Quit!
Great work in handling your business like a man and keeping your word.
When the world shits on us, we can either cower like little bitches and find "relief" in snuff or we can stand up, be counted, and sack up and say "Fuck you. Bring it. I'm still here."
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Every day you make a commitment and honor it is a good day. Your story perfectly illustrates how having excellent quit 99% of the time is not enough. Only 100% quit gets one past the nic bitch.
Well done sir.
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Nice work, man. Thanks for letting us know and honoring your promise. We all need to continue to recognize the value of posting roll and honoring our daily promise to not use nicotine.
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Day 15 and a brand new day. This is a pretty screwed up story, I am logging in here, as this will be interesting to look back upon, and useful for others as something probably not to do. The Risk/Reward ratio is not, and I mean NOT worth it.
I will be the first to admit that I am edgy and very distracted with the quit. Each day I feel a little better but in some ways worse as I work through the issues of not having nicotine in my blood for the first time in 30 yrs. I have also had some other changes in my life that started with a new years resolution with my wife. I have lost almost 80 lbs since then and have regained (well, a little exaggeration) my athletic endurance that I had when I was in college. Per my wife I am ADD, won't disagree, and quitting in her eyes has exaggerated that. In fact that is all she has been talking about the last several days. My wife and I are in healthy midlife and with all the changes, the question of the itch has come up. The answer is NO and never will be.
This morning, probably the calmest mornings in a LONG time, my wife lost it with me. She "can't handle" my anxiety and nervousness, is convinced that something is wrong and believes that I am leaving, cheating, or anything and everything along those lines. She started to go off on how since I quit I have acted strange and she doesn't like it blah, blah, blah. I have been unable to explain to her what it is like and what I am feeling. I guess being addicted to chocolate isn't the same thing and not a good correlation. So without making a huge scene, I stood up and said I CAVE!, grabbed my wallet, keys and headed out the door. You see I had instantly come up with this GREAT plan. Initially, I was close about ready to cave out of anger, that quickly distorted into I was gonna fake dipping again and make my wife think all was well again. (FLAME ON!!!! I deserve it). I HAD WORKED TOO HARD TO CAVE AND IT WASN'T GOING TO PART OF MY PLAN.
Luckily, I already posted roll and I ultimately realized I couldn't cave today, I could not upturn my value on what my word meant. My dip would have to wait till tomorrow if the feeling persisted. Kept thinking to myself, 15 days, have some good friends now at KTC hate to let them down, FUCK!!!! hate to let myself down. Went to text them and realized didn't have cell phone with me. Before I knew it, I was in the store so bought a can for tomorrow, and then bought some jerky. Exited store, emptied can in trash, put can in trash. Opened beef jerky and chewed entire bag.
Got home, found out that no matter how hard I tried to fake being high on nicotine, it didn't work. Realized that my wife was actually glad I didn't start dipping again. And then realized that I am really the one that is fucked up and need to sit down, take a chill pill, and keep posting roll every fucking morning, first thing. Have since started to repair damage to wife.
FOLKS reading this, the NIC bitch is cunning and powerful. She knows me better than I do. While only I can make the decision to quit, I remain QUIT because of what and who is here on these pages. I would like to thank the veteran quitters that continue to contribute for making sure that it doesn't get pilfered by us newbies. Giving our word on roll call is vital. Don't give your word if you don't mean it. The value of the word saved my life today.
I will remain quit today because of it being so highly regarded here. I vow to not let it be diluted.
Thanks
I Quit!
This is good. This is really good Eaf. A great example of how important your promise is. If this happens again, and your wife is convinced that you're breaking your vows, tell her what you're going through and ask her if she wants you to start dipping. That should stop it.
I had the same exact blowup with my wife 2 weeks ago. I became too "nice." I was around too much. I must be hiding something. Nope - 2.5 months quit. that's why I changed for the better. That's why you're changing. It might not be the same type of change, but it will aways be for the better.
Proud to be quit with you.
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Good job Eaf! Way to keep the promise FIRST.
Our wives can easily think we are pulling away from them emotionally and hurting the relationship--but this is far from the truth, but from their perspective they think this is happening. I am constantly educating my wife on what I am going through. We have had similar arguments in the past 80 days, so I know where you are coming from. Keep educating her on what you are going through.
You got this!!!
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Thanks for the encouragement. I find that this morning things have improved greatly. For now there is a very comfortable peace and I have a great supporter in my quit. We did actually have good discussion later yesterday to work on her concerns.
After working through the funny stuff, we both agreed that:
1) She has NEVER seen me without nic on my blood
2) I can't remember myself without NIC. In fact, I don't even think I had hair on my balls when I started using.
Outside of the obvious issues of a miserable death, BOTH of us have faith that life will be better without NIC. Each day now we seem to see little glimps of good things to come. While I still feel different and not my normal, I do honestly feel better today, less hyper, and more level.
So Don't piss me off!!! Just kidding.
I am quit today, thanks to you