KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Cole on September 04, 2013, 11:10:00 PM
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Hey all, my name is Cole and I've been dipping and chewing about 5 years now. Before that I had been a pack a day smoker for about 15 years. My father was a heavy smoker so I've been kissing the cradle robbing nic bitch since I was a child. It took a lot of trying with different methods over the years but none ever worked except for one. The day when I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired. After that day I was done with cigarets, but then the nic bitch came back a few years later. This time she came not in a box but a can and pouch.
So here I am, married in January and a baby on the way with all these thoughts in my head. What would happen to my wife and child if my addiction finally killed me. Yet again sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick of spit bottles, sick of dipping so much my lip is raw, sick of swallowing dip spit in a store, sick of all of it and then some. But most of all I'm sick of knowing that I am an addict. How disgusted I feel with myself when I think about how many years the nic bitch has had a hold of me.
Now as i sit here typing about the first day of the rest of my life, I know how hard it will be but I am resolute that I will not cave in to the nic bitch ever again. I am done with her and my hatred of all she has done to me will never leave my thoughts.
Day 1 here we go!
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Welcome aboard Cole. Let me get a few things said: First, being pissed is good motivation, but what's done is done. You just need to focus on not allowing nic to screw you again today. As pissed at the nic-bitch as you are, take a moment to smile as you flip her the bird. Second, you're gonna have to get used to being an addict... it's what you are. That ain't gonna change. Being a slave to that addiction WILL change.
The good news is that you just took off a very short leash, and you will get more comfortable with your new found freedom every damn day. This is hard stuff, but it DOES come down to you making choices, which means you CAN do this. Read everything you can on this site, and once you know what it means to post roll, head over to the December 2013 group and make yourself accountable.
Congrats on seeing the light.
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Welcome Cole, all the best to you as you start down the road! It's tough but will be worth it!
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Hey Cole!
Congrats on finally kicking the shit to the curb! I just kicked the shit 2 days ago, so I am with you. PM me anytime and stay focused and motivated!
Things will and are tough, but our brothers on here keep assuring us that in time, everything will be better than it was! That keeps me going!
Texas22
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Well Cole it appears that you have been doing a lot of reading around this site, good continue to read listen and learn.
I didn't see a roll post from you however. Roll is the single most important thing we do here. We post roll give our word that we will not use for this day only...hence where ODAAT one day at a time comes from. Do not focus on anything else but this day. We wake and repeat.
You should include your wife in this quit and show her the spouses section here so that she can help you and so she has tools to combat your mood change.
PM me if you need help or numbers...numbers are also tools for you to use during your quit get them exchange yours it spreads a network of accountability. You are an addict you need to slam the door.
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Do not focus on anything else but this day.
You should include your wife in this quit
You are an addict you need to slam the door.
Listen to Trauma.
One of my biggest fears is telling my wife and kid(s) that I have cancer, be it throat, pancreatic, lymphoma, tongue, etc., and that I'm sorry for being so weak, sorry for knowingly ingesting poison and risking it all.
Congrats on your decision and welcome. You'll be amazed at the support you are going to receive.
+1
ODAAT
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Get connected with your December quit group as soon as possible. The sooner you learn how to lean on each other, the more effective group you will have. Give and get phone numbers and use them often. Get to know one another. These people will save your life one day.
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Cole, Zam and Trauma have given you some pretty good, sound advice. I would take their words to heart as it is spot on as it pertains to your situation. Finally, welcome aboard the KTC quit train. Look in your upper right hand portion of this screen and you will see Inbox (1). Open it up and you will find a message from me (it is called a PM...private message) which has my telephone number. Call me if you need to vent, rage or just shoot the shit. I am available to talk to a fellow brother 24/7. Wayne
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Thanks wmcatty, I got it and will have to drop you a line some time. Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome. I got today's roll call down and taking it one day at a time.
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I will not cave in to the nic bitch ever again.
Lets work on this quit one day at a time my friend. Ever again is a long time and gives me a headache. Just worry about today and we'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
It's something how time slips away isn't it? I can't believe I gave 25 plus years to the poison. Well the important thing is we are done. One day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Never again for any reason and you can keep it. Need another number let me know. Glad to be quit with you...
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I will not cave in to the nic bitch ever again.
Lets work on this quit one day at a time my friend. Ever again is a long time and gives me a headache. Just worry about today and we'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
It's something how time slips away isn't it? I can't believe I gave 25 plus years to the poison. Well the important thing is we are done. One day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Never again for any reason and you can keep it. Need another number let me know. Glad to be quit with you...
Glad to have you quit Cole... way to post ROLL for Day 1. Concur, don't want to get ahead of yourself. I used to think that way. Edit that line to read.... "I will not cave in to the nic bitch today."
We quit ODAAT... One Day at a Time. That is the only way. We control today... we don't control the future. You can control not throwing a dip in you mouth today.
I quit today with you! You can do this brother! Stay quit today!
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What a great thing to have you come on board, but also to see so many brothers here giving you support and love. These very dudes have been instrumental in getting my head out of ass and into quitmode. Keep adding those plus ones in December and I will be right there posting support for you. Reach out and get to know some people here because when the time comes, and it will come, you're gonna need something between you and that pinch. Accountability + Unity = Quit
PM me if I can help in any way.
Peace
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Before long you will see that this was never a romance and you will learn how to hate the nic bitch.
That little bitch stole about $50,000 from me...
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Hey Cole you gotta get out of this one sided disaster of a relationship. Not only will the nic bitch steal your money. But she will kill you too. Screw that. Welcome to FREEDOM.
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Well the nic bitch has been nippin at my heels but I just kick her in the teeth lol. A few mood swings but nothing I can't handle. I have to say finding KTC is a godsend. Just knowing everyone here has been through it all as well just brings a really good feeling of support and optimism.
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Well the nic bitch has been nippin at my heels but I just kick her in the teeth lol. A few mood swings but nothing I can't handle. I have to say finding KTC is a godsend. Just knowing everyone here has been through it all as well just brings a really good feeling of support and optimism.
exercise will help any mood swings.. it's vital early on. It will make you tired, and sleep good.. peace
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Day 6 and today was a whopper.
08:00 Start out the day with walking piece of human garbage. Cole the garbage man takes hold of human garbage and drags it kicking, screaming, and cursing off the property to the gutter curb where garbage goes. Said garbage decides to spit on me. I then proceed to taser Mr. Garbage until he folds up like a sack of shit whimpering. Hmmmm hepatitis B vaccine good but battery pack running low, time to move on. 'Finger'
09:05 Second piece of human garbage (who remains unidentified) stealthily walks up to handicap ramp outside of North entry door and proceeds to defecate on ramp. Mind you this is broad daylight and the entry is 20 feet away from the busiest of rail stations as well as it being within view of all, especially those using the entry. None the less he was not spotted, but merely discovered by what he had left behind. The smell of which could not be confused with any other than the stink of human garbage shit.
10:00 Human piece of garbage #3 comes to roost. Mr. Garbage seems to think there is a amendment in our constitution that grants all men, human and garbage alike the constitutional inalienable right to take a dump in anyone's restroom, especially if it is not his. As I inform Mr. Garbage that his crack induced delusion does not entitle him to shit in our lobby, Mr. Garbage becomes a constitutional lawyer. "I have rights" he screams, as the sweat pours from his oh so classy wife beater tee. Well I already have a dose of human garbage spit so what's some human garbage sweat. Alas as I drag Mr. Garbage away his screams of "don't hit me" were found to be of amusement to those watching, but not as amusing as his reaction to being thrown out of the North entry and stepping in the still wet droppings of human garbage #2. 'crackup'
The rest of the day was filled four letter words and miserable people all with something to bitch and gripe about as well as having to hear 30 times a day "I'm gonna piss on myself". Mind you that a tobacco shop is just 60 short seconds away and the nic bitch was singing her song like a seren. I still didn't budge and have no intention too. If I can deal with the scum of the Earth all day long and not pack my face with some ASS tasting poison then nothing is going to. 'oh yeah'
edited to "ASS tasting poison"
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Day 6 and today was a whopper.
08:00 Start out the day with walking piece of human garbage. Cole the garbage man takes hold of human garbage and drags it kicking, screaming, and cursing off the property to the gutter curb where garbage goes. Said garbage decides to spit on me. I then proceed to taser Mr. Garbage until he folds up like a sack of shit whimpering. Hmmmm hepatitis B vaccine good but battery pack running low, time to move on. 'Finger'
09:05 Second piece of human garbage (who remains unidentified) stealthily walks up to handicap ramp outside of North entry door and proceeds to defecate on ramp. Mind you this is broad daylight and the entry is 20 feet away from the busiest of rail stations as well as it being within view of all, especially those using the entry. None the less he was not spotted, but merely discovered by what he had left behind. The smell of which could not be confused with any other than the stink of human garbage shit.
10:00 Human piece of garbage #3 comes to roost. Mr. Garbage seems to think there is a amendment in our constitution that grants all men, human and garbage alike the constitutional inalienable right to take a dump in anyone's restroom, especially if it is not his. As I inform Mr. Garbage that his crack induced delusion does not entitle him to shit in our lobby, Mr. Garbage becomes a constitutional lawyer. "I have rights" he screams, as the sweat pours from his oh so classy wife beater tee. Well I already have a dose of human garbage spit so what's some human garbage sweat. Alas as I drag Mr. Garbage away his screams of "don't hit me" were found to be of amusement to those watching, but not as amusing as his reaction to being thrown out of the North entry and stepping in the still wet droppings of human garbage #2. 'crackup'
The rest of the day was filled four letter words and miserable people all with something to bitch and gripe about as well as having to hear 30 times a day "I'm gonna piss on myself". Mind you that a tobacco shop is just 60 short seconds away and the nic bitch was singing her song like a seren. I still didn't budge and have no intention too. If I can deal with the scum of the Earth all day long and not pack my face with some sweet tasting poison then nothing is going to. 'oh yeah'
Way to stay quit bro! Early days are tough you powered thru this one like a champ.
Cole... when I read this story of your day... It makes me laugh. Not sure what you do exactly, but this is one of those days that you will look back on and never forget.
The key is you stayed quit. Forget about the nic B and her whispering siren BS. She has nothing for you. She would not have prevented these 3 clowns from doing what they did, or help you get thru your day. She is a loser.
Also, you said "sweet tasting"... really bro??? More like a$$ tasting.
Keep battling. You got this. Keep that garbage out of your pie hole today. QLF!
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I am right there with you.
My temper is still so out of control that it's not funny.
Last week I was carrying in the groceries and one of the sacks tore and spilled the contents onto the ground.
I went "off" and proceeded to take all the sacks out of the car and beat the shit out of them, in the front yard, food and all, for all the neighbors to see.
I seriously hope to get a handle on this part quickly.