KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Hartbkd31 on October 10, 2014, 05:24:00 PM
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Well for starters. I am a 33 year old father of 5 children. Husband to a saint of wife. I started dipping when I was in 7th grade. 1st dip Skoal Cherry at the old Middle School Dance, never got so fucking sick in my life. This halted my decision on every chewing Skoal Cherry again. Funny how that works, it's the brand not the chew excuse. I've been a dipper ever since. Kodiak to good ole worm dirt Copenhagen. Wake up dip in go to bed maybe I took it out. Fell asleep with a lot of dips in. Anyways I also have 3.5 years of sobriety from Alcohol, I've been able to kick that habit. As then I chose I didn't want my 3 sons (4 now and 1 daughter) to grow up with an alcoholic father. I used the excuse and mind-fucking of myself after that, that I need to have 1 vice, I have the right to chew seeing I don't drink or do drugs anymore. Same lame ass delusions I used when drinking. I've tried to quit dipping many times, always seem to go back realizing now I never had a support group to help me with that. This place hopefully will give me that edge. It came down to this time not my 4 boys, but look at my youngest kid my daughter and wanting to live. Wanting to be able to walk her down the Aisle when I'm sixty. (any early I may have to hurt someone lol). I'm not quitting for her, I'm quitting for me. So that I can enjoy those moments later in life with my grandchildren, my kids, and my wife. And not be hooked up to some machine pumping windex into my veins to kill cancer. See that first hand with my dad at age 53 throat cancer survivor. Mom breast cancer survivor. I don't want to be a esphogeal/stomach cancer victim. I need your guys help through this journey. And am Grateful today that I found KTC. I know how to live One Day At A Time, I hope that I can do it Killing The Can as well.
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Great intro, here for you the whole way.
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Hartbkd31,
Congratulations on your decision to quit, your story is similar to mine and other on this site.
First thing is to post roll in your quit group, each and every day! This is your daily promise to quit and is the cornerstone of the site.
Get active on the site, read everything and build a network of accountability. The more you put into the site the more you will get out of it.
Message me for my cell number (weird at first but then when you have 20 KTC numbers and check-in often, not weird)
Charles
Also Live Chat is great
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Nice intro, I love to hear the stories of other addicts. When I read them, even though we come from different places and different times, we all are very similar. This site is awesome for many reasons, but three are critical. First, every day you post roll and give your word. That's a good thing because your word means everything. Second, it keeps your mind on the addiction. At first this scared me a little because I wanted to escape the addiction, not think about it every day. However, just when you think you are in the clear, the nic bitch will flash you her titties and you need to be prepared to turn her down. Finally, you have people here going through exactly what you are. We quit together.
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Welcome to KTC. Read, read and then read more on here. Drink tons of water the next few days- it'll help flush your system of the poison and help with the fog. It's going to suck for a few days but it will be worth it.
Read this when you are ready for additional motivation: topic/1008847/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008847/1/#new)
Go here to learn how to post roll (#4) and read other important information: forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Quit one day at a time. That's how it's done.
You can do this. Quit with you.
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Welcome to KTC. Read, read and then read more on here. Drink tons of water the next few days- it'll help flush your system of the poison and help with the fog. It's going to suck for a few days but it will be worth it.
Read this when you are ready for additional motivation: topic/1008847/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008847/1/#new)
Go here to learn how to post roll (#4) and read other important information: forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Quit one day at a time. That's how it's done.
You can do this. Quit with you.
That was a heart sinking story. My greatest fear right there someone else had to live through and then pass away, because of the shit tobacco does to us. A dangerous drug that kills. Wow. Thanks for the share. I'll be sending a prayer for all of us bad ass quitters tonight. To give us all guidance and to help us all beat this killer addiction.
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Welcome to KTC. Read, read and then read more on here. Drink tons of water the next few days- it'll help flush your system of the poison and help with the fog. It's going to suck for a few days but it will be worth it.
Read this when you are ready for additional motivation: topic/1008847/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008847/1/#new)
Go here to learn how to post roll (#4) and read other important information: forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Quit one day at a time. That's how it's done.
You can do this. Quit with you.
That was a heart sinking story. My greatest fear right there someone else had to live through and then pass away, because of the shit tobacco does to us. A dangerous drug that kills. Wow. Thanks for the share. I'll be sending a prayer for all of us bad ass quitters tonight. To give us all guidance and to help us all beat this killer addiction.
Glad you posted up in January. Look forward to getting to know you. Stay quit!
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Welcome to KTC. Read, read and then read more on here. Drink tons of water the next few days- it'll help flush your system of the poison and help with the fog. It's going to suck for a few days but it will be worth it.
Read this when you are ready for additional motivation: topic/1008847/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008847/1/#new)
Go here to learn how to post roll (#4) and read other important information: forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Quit one day at a time. That's how it's done.
You can do this. Quit with you.
That was a heart sinking story. My greatest fear right there someone else had to live through and then pass away, because of the shit tobacco does to us. A dangerous drug that kills. Wow. Thanks for the share. I'll be sending a prayer for all of us bad ass quitters tonight. To give us all guidance and to help us all beat this killer addiction.
Glad you posted up in January. Look forward to getting to know you. Stay quit!
You've got this. Everyday you're desire to quit has to outweigh your craves. So to feed your desire read here as much as you can. Hall of Fame Speeches, Welcome Center, and Intros. Learn to hate your addiction.
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Already lovin' this group. Get a text for a wake up call, reminding me to post roll. Love it that we all are here to hold each other accountable. Didn't get it in until after I coached my son's youth football game. Almost shoved the refs head directly up his ass, little irritable this morning. Was irritable and anxious until I posted roll. Feel a helluva lot better. Thanks brothers for keeping me accountable this morning.
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Already lovin' this group. Get a text for a wake up call, reminding me to post roll. Love it that we all are here to hold each other accountable. Didn't get it in until after I coached my son's youth football game. Almost shoved the refs head directly up his ass, little irritable this morning. Was irritable and anxious until I posted roll. Feel a helluva lot better. Thanks brothers for keeping me accountable this morning.
You got it. Roll call is your daily pill.
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More than roll the wake up calls are what you need...talk to them early and often....it's Important. They'll keep you on roll. Hold yourself accountable to quit with your brothers...or sisters and it will resolve your uit with yourself.....they don't need tht shit.....neither do you. Oh and welcome to KTC, get In a good chat group!!
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More than roll the wake up calls are what you need...talk to them early and often....it's Important. They'll keep you on roll. Hold yourself accountable to quit with your brothers...or sisters and it will resolve your uit with yourself.....they don't need tht shit.....neither do you. Oh and welcome to KTC, get In a good chat group!!
It's not easy, but so very worth it! Stay strong!
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I'm going to use this as my journal/update of my quit.
Day 9: Doing okay, the fog that settled on day four is back not as bad, but none the least is back. Last 2-3 Days I have had the worst Muscle Tension/Cramping/Spasms all over my back, chest, legs, shoulders, arm, Just about fucking everywhere except my Cock. Horrible Tension Headaches. This period of time Sucks, but I'm going to continue fighting, because I see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Really haven't had any strong urges so to say. The biggest bitch is that I feel like I was working out with Ronnie Coleman and was trying to lift what he lifted. Feel like I got hit by a Fucking Mack Truck. Going to continue to drink massive amounts of water, post roll, and use my quit team. As the say in other programs, "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for nicotine is a subtle foe. We are not cured of Nicotine use. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." I changed only two words (Nicotine being the only one added) in there, but the saying applies to us as well.
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^^^^^^ its a good idea to write these things down so you don't forget those early days and how much they suck. quit with you
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Day of Tension and Muscle Spasm
And the Mind Games that Nic Bitch plays.
I think the worst is the constant tension, which is making the anxiety worse. I'm literally having muscle spasm throughout my back, chest, stomach, breastbone (sternum). Sternum is the one freaking me and heightening my anxiety. Freaking out going oh fucking great going to have a heart attack now that I'm quit. See the game the Nic Bitch is playing, the bitch is trying to use reverse fucking psychology. The bitch is trying to tell me that if I use a dip I won't die of a heart attack, and if I stay quit I will. The Bitch is a fucking manipulating little shithead. NicBitch will tell you anything and I mean anything to try to get a dip/nicotine in you. That's why I am hugging this site and my text group. So I can throw the crazy shit at you guys to help me see through the Bullshit of the NicBitch. That's why our tools are important, so all of the VETS can help us see through the Bullshit NicBitch is telling us. So if they say something that pisses you off deal with it, their trying to save your fucking life. They want you to succeed as well, because it gives them hope and it forces them everytime a newbie comes in to remember where they came from. Nicotine is cunning, baffling, and fucking powerful.
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Day of Tension and Muscle Spasm
And the Mind Games that Nic Bitch plays.
I think the worst is the constant tension, which is making the anxiety worse. I'm literally having muscle spasm throughout my back, chest, stomach, breastbone (sternum). Sternum is the one freaking me and heightening my anxiety. Freaking out going oh fucking great going to have a heart attack now that I'm quit. See the game the Nic Bitch is playing, the bitch is trying to use reverse fucking psychology. The bitch is trying to tell me that if I use a dip I won't die of a heart attack, and if I stay quit I will. The Bitch is a fucking manipulating little shithead. NicBitch will tell you anything and I mean anything to try to get a dip/nicotine in you. That's why I am hugging this site and my text group. So I can throw the crazy shit at you guys to help me see through the Bullshit of the NicBitch. That's why our tools are important, so all of the VETS can help us see through the Bullshit NicBitch is telling us. So if they say something that pisses you off deal with it, their trying to save your fucking life. They want you to succeed as well, because it gives them hope and it forces them everytime a newbie comes in to remember where they came from. Nicotine is cunning, baffling, and fucking powerful.
There are going to be low points. But you are able to regonize and adapt to those "tricks". Keep up with the water, the more the better, keep flushing that shit out.
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Day 15. Today for some odd reason was probably the hardest day I've had. Work I was dealing with Insurance Agents and Forensic Accountants on theft from a previous employee. The stress was just mounting and mounting and fucking mounting. I had a football camp that my kids were invited to that featured MN Viking players. Once in a lifetime. I had my first Anxiety Attack that I've had since I was getting married and my then to be wife was pregnant with our first child 9 years ago. I left came home with two of my children the environment was just to much for me. Stress caused anxiety, because for 22 years I medicated myself with a substance that "helped me deal with it" The fuck it did. It made it worse, why? Because I refused to learn coping skills for stress instead I used nicotine mostly, but other chemicals as well. Last 3.5 years strictly nicotine. Stress is a fucking bitch. I will tell you that. But what is a bigger bitch. With all this going on all the stress of my day, the anxiety attack and all. What does my addiction to nicotine tell me. The NicBitch tells me to go have a smoke or a chew and this will all go away. How in the fuck will this all go away with using that?? It won't. It will only make my problems worse and I will not learn how to develop proper techniques to deal with adversity and stress. Relying on a chemical to get me through it instead. Not Today Bitch, Not Today.
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Day 15. Today for some odd reason was probably the hardest day I've had. Work I was dealing with Insurance Agents and Forensic Accountants on theft from a previous employee. The stress was just mounting and mounting and fucking mounting. I had a football camp that my kids were invited to that featured MN Viking players. Once in a lifetime. I had my first Anxiety Attack that I've had since I was getting married and my then to be wife was pregnant with our first child 9 years ago. I left came home with two of my children the environment was just to much for me. Stress caused anxiety, because for 22 years I medicated myself with a substance that "helped me deal with it" The fuck it did. It made it worse, why? Because I refused to learn coping skills for stress instead I used nicotine mostly, but other chemicals as well. Last 3.5 years strictly nicotine. Stress is a fucking bitch. I will tell you that. But what is a bigger bitch. With all this going on all the stress of my day, the anxiety attack and all. What does my addiction to nicotine tell me. The NicBitch tells me to go have a smoke or a chew and this will all go away. How in the fuck will this all go away with using that?? It won't. It will only make my problems worse and I will not learn how to develop proper techniques to deal with adversity and stress. Relying on a chemical to get me through it instead. Not Today Bitch, Not Today.
Yep. 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems
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Day 15. Today for some odd reason was probably the hardest day I've had. Work I was dealing with Insurance Agents and Forensic Accountants on theft from a previous employee. The stress was just mounting and mounting and fucking mounting. I had a football camp that my kids were invited to that featured MN Viking players. Once in a lifetime. I had my first Anxiety Attack that I've had since I was getting married and my then to be wife was pregnant with our first child 9 years ago. I left came home with two of my children the environment was just to much for me. Stress caused anxiety, because for 22 years I medicated myself with a substance that "helped me deal with it" The fuck it did. It made it worse, why? Because I refused to learn coping skills for stress instead I used nicotine mostly, but other chemicals as well. Last 3.5 years strictly nicotine. Stress is a fucking bitch. I will tell you that. But what is a bigger bitch. With all this going on all the stress of my day, the anxiety attack and all. What does my addiction to nicotine tell me. The NicBitch tells me to go have a smoke or a chew and this will all go away. How in the fuck will this all go away with using that?? It won't. It will only make my problems worse and I will not learn how to develop proper techniques to deal with adversity and stress. Relying on a chemical to get me through it instead. Not Today Bitch, Not Today.
Yep. 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems
Caved but supposedly coming back tonight to answer the questions.
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Day 15. Today for some odd reason was probably the hardest day I've had. Work I was dealing with Insurance Agents and Forensic Accountants on theft from a previous employee. The stress was just mounting and mounting and fucking mounting. I had a football camp that my kids were invited to that featured MN Viking players. Once in a lifetime. I had my first Anxiety Attack that I've had since I was getting married and my then to be wife was pregnant with our first child 9 years ago. I left came home with two of my children the environment was just to much for me. Stress caused anxiety, because for 22 years I medicated myself with a substance that "helped me deal with it" The fuck it did. It made it worse, why? Because I refused to learn coping skills for stress instead I used nicotine mostly, but other chemicals as well. Last 3.5 years strictly nicotine. Stress is a fucking bitch. I will tell you that. But what is a bigger bitch. With all this going on all the stress of my day, the anxiety attack and all. What does my addiction to nicotine tell me. The NicBitch tells me to go have a smoke or a chew and this will all go away. How in the fuck will this all go away with using that?? It won't. It will only make my problems worse and I will not learn how to develop proper techniques to deal with adversity and stress. Relying on a chemical to get me through it instead. Not Today Bitch, Not Today.
Yep. 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems
Caved but supposedly coming back tonight to answer the questions.
Young cocky ass. He will quit when he is on his knees. Until then, he feels that acting tough vs asking for help and learning the steps...Sorry guys. Prove me wrong but I don't see much success with 20 somethings. They are trying to prove something. 30's they don't want to die. 40's, we just suck it up and admit we are weak.
Until a person admits they are helpless and need help...they are fucked. IMO..
The cocky fail because they hide fault. The humble win because they improve and ask how to improve.
I'm a 22 year nic addict. I didn't quit until I realized my addiction. Not only realized it but understood that addiction was more powerful than my willpower.
I still have so much to learn but nicotine...as long as I post roll and keep my word..I am quit.