KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: BubbaM on March 23, 2018, 09:51:00 AM
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This is the first time I have posted anything on this page. I have only used it for research about symptoms. I was chewing from high school and now I am 33 years old. So 15-18 years. It is time to quit. It is time to not be handcuffed by this drug. I feel that I need to say I am addicted in order to get my mind wrapped around the quit. My wife and I just had a new baby and I have 2 other girls. My family life is great. I am quitting so I can become a better christian, a better husband, father, family member. I am quitting for myself. It has been hell for the last 16 days. It does not feel like its getting better some days. But I need to keep pushing through. My withdrawal symptoms are terrible. I get sweaty, high anxiety, I am very emotional and start crying, depression, the blues, just to name a few. My doctor put me on Wellbrutrin and that ended up with me being in the hospital because it gave me some irrational thoughts about suicide. Thoughts not that I would ever go to that length but weird things like "that'd be a nice place to go and die". Well I got off that medication and I feel that made my withdrawal symptoms even worst. So now I am also getting this drug out of my system. They said it takes up to 4 or 5 days. So I have cried more in the last 3 days then I have probly my entire life. I know this post is depressive and blue but I do feel better. I just need to realize when my triggers are and how to best handle them. I need to learn to embrace the suck! because a few weeks from now or a few months from now I will feel better then I ever have before. Just as I am writing this I am feeling good. I hope everyone is doing well and God Bless. I do not know how many times I will post on here but I am giving it a shot.
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I do not know how many times I will post on here but I am giving it a shot.
Answer - Daily
Welcome, and congrats making it 16 days on your own - seriously.
A couple of corrections - first. you have never quit before this quit, only stopped temporarily to start again. Second, you should not quit to become a better Christian, a better husband, father, family member. You should quit because you want to be quit. Period. Don't quit for your loved ones, quit for yourself. That you are pleasing your loved ones is an added bonus.
One of the definitions of addicition is - persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.
That's harmful to both your health and your relationships. We know that nicotine is harmful to both our health and our relationships, yet we use(d) it anyway. So, going back to it despite what it does to our health and relationships is part of the addiction. That's why we need to quit because we want to be quit, and not quit to improve our health and relationships. Make sense?
Now, back to my suggestion that you post here daily.
Join your quit group, found here (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30505359/281/). Learn how to post roll, instructions are forund at the top of the quit group thread.
Posting roll is the key to our success, and it is the price of admission to this site. It's what keeps us quit.
Posting roll is a daily, solemn promise to ourselves, our quit group members, our supporters, and the entire KTC community that we will not use nicotine in any form for the rest of the day. Then, we make the same promise tomorrow. We quit one day at a time.
Please, join us and jump in with both feet. It's your best chance for staying quit.
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How do I join the quit group? and How do I post role. I looked at it and I am super confused. I am sorry I am trying to quit for myself. I get confused when everything is all wrapped up together. How do you differentiate quitting for yourself or your family and life in general? because you are trying to make everything better anyways.
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How do I join the quit group? and How do I post role. I looked at it and I am super confused. I am sorry I am trying to quit for myself. I get confused when everything is all wrapped up together. How do you differentiate quitting for yourself or your family and life in general? because you are trying to make everything better anyways.
How to post roll video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBoCAiiDNyg&feature=youtu.be)
How to post roll written directions (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/)
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How do you differentiate quitting for yourself or your family and life in general? because you are trying to make everything better anyways.
Great question without an easy answer. All I can talk about is what it means to me.
I have failed in my attempts to get away from nicotine many times in my life going back 30 years. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have failed. But, I can tell you that every one of those previous failures had one thing in common. I wasn't really committed. I was still romanticizing tobacco in my head. I was always making halfhearted attempts because it was what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. In essence, I was just going through the motions trying to make other people happy. Deep down, I didn't want to give up tobacco because I had convinced myself that I liked it. I was being selfish.
Fast forward to the Fall of 2017 and I found myself thinking more and more about quitting. There were very few people that even knew that I chewed. Nobody in my family knew and nobody at work knew. Only a handful of my friends and the workers at the Smoke Shop knew that I was addict. But, I was still thinking about stopping. And then one day I made the decision to give it up. Not because anybody was hounding me about it. I stopped because I wanted to stop. I didn't want to get mouth cancer, or damage my kidneys, or suffer from gum disease, etc. And I didn't want to put my family through hell if any of those things did happen to me. But, I also just wanted to stop. I just got tired of being an addict. I got tired of blowing all that money. And I got tired of sneaking around and lying about it. I can't really explain it. I just knew it was time.
You are the only one that can possibly answer that difficult question for yourself. But, don't overthink it. You found your way to KTC for a reason. I think you should start by thinking about why you came to KTC. You might find your answer right there. And sometimes you do quit for yourself because of the people you care about.
Good luck! I promise it will get easier if you stick with it.
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Don't worry about screwing up roll. Almost all of us screwed up roll at least a couple times when we were new. It's almost expected that a newbie will screw up roll in some way.
It's often said here - the only way to screw up roll is by not being on roll.
You'll catch on soon enough.
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I joined on day 16 of my quit. Here are 16 reasons I should have joined sooner!
1-I am able to post what I am feeling.
2-I am able to connect and build relationships with rad dudes!
3-I have backup digits if I ever hit a huge crave and need someone to talk to.
4-I get questions answered if I post. Or at least someone shows they care.
5-I am not driving my wife crazy talking about it to her!
6-Other people on KTC know exactly how IÂ’m feeling.
7-I am able to help other people.
8-Doctors have no idea about nicotine withdrawal. This site is spot on.
9-knowing that I am not alone with my addiction. Other people are struggling with me.
10-knowing what to expect. Timeframes are about spot on.
11-posting roll is actually fun. I look forward and try to say different things daily.
12-this website is frustrating to navigate for a reason! They want to waste your time! So you donÂ’t cave!
13-people actually read your shit. It may be 1 person or 3,000.
14-you make a promise to your boys that you will stay quit!
15-Any time of day people are here for you.
16-These dudes on here are bad ass quitters that I will strive to be like!
Day 37 and I feel way better. Today, I did get gloomy. Everything passes with time. I am feeling better now then I did the first few weeks. Everyday gets better.
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I joined on day 16 of my quit. Here are 16 reasons I should have joined sooner!
1-I am able to post what I am feeling.
2-I am able to connect and build relationships with rad dudes!
3-I have backup digits if I ever hit a huge crave and need someone to talk to.
4-I get questions answered if I post. Or at least someone shows they care.
5-I am not driving my wife crazy talking about it to her!
6-Other people on KTC know exactly how IÂ’m feeling.
7-I am able to help other people.
8-Doctors have no idea about nicotine withdrawal. This site is spot on.
9-knowing that I am not alone with my addiction. Other people are struggling with me.
10-knowing what to expect. Timeframes are about spot on.
11-posting roll is actually fun. I look forward and try to say different things daily.
12-this website is frustrating to navigate for a reason! They want to waste your time! So you donÂ’t cave!
13-people actually read your shit. It may be 1 person or 3,000.
14-you make a promise to your boys that you will stay quit!
15-Any time of day people are here for you.
16-These dudes on here are bad ass quitters that I will strive to be like!
Day 37 and I feel way better. Today, I did get gloomy. Everything passes with time. I am feeling better now then I did the first few weeks. Everyday gets better.
Good stuff Bubba.
Check you PM for my digits, please use them, I cant even tell you how many KTC members I have in my phone, and we do stay in contact.
Get active in your quit group, be a leader. I also encourage you to post support in other groups, same years as you, but also other years, you'll be pleasantly surprised and the support you'll get back.
Be safe and quit on! JB
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Day 38, started off pissed. Got better after I went for a walk. Took my oldest daughter to get soccer cleats and some socks and stuff. Then took the family to the circus. Circus went “ok” my wife said I looked down for most of the day. After circus I white knuckles drove home in a winter storm. Couldn’t get up the driveway or hills around our house. Somehow got in the driveway sideways. The whole time thinking I’m stressed and I need a D. Got inside and boom. Wife is Pissed at me and I cannot control my emotions. I had to go in the bedroom for a short cry. The cry was better then the first couple weeks. I still had some control. And I wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably. Wife I think doesn’t really understand all my emotions and it’s hard for her. If I were her it would be hard dealing with my dumbass too. Bros this shit is hard. I can’t stop thinking about dipping. But I am sticking to it. I have never made it this far. I need to start to learn that this is going to take time and it’s ok if I have emotions as long as I am not freaking out like I was the first few weeks. At home with the family now. I need to stop thinking I will be bored, and will have nothing to do. I can play with my kids or do the dishes. Or scoop snow.
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Getting better. Scooped snow. Trying to be positive the rest of the night. Wife still pissed. IÂ’m kinda happy that she is starting to care and is starting to understand this isnÂ’t a quick fix deal. She is my rock she will get it. Just gotta give her time.
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Shared your list of 16 on the intro page. That's great stuff - motivating, edifying, hope creating, just all around great stuff.
I'm sorry about yesterday but glad you didn't lean on the can.
Would love to ride shotgun with you
digits are in your inbox
xoxoxo
I love you bye
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Hang in there, brother. It takes time, but it will get much easier. I quit with you today. -Dave 686
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First off if I post on my intro that means I was struggling at some point through my day. Day started off alright. Scooped the driveway then took a walk. Then taking my shower toilet break. Feeling kinda down at that point. Got some pick me up by Athan! But was emotional and out of it at church and until about 2:45pm this afternoon. MissouriMike is a stone cold killer. Talked to this dude on KTC chat and he lifted me up. Taught me a few things about my brain and controlling my thoughts. After you do something like laundry, or dishes, or put
The kids to bed. I need to say out loud. I put my kids to bed! And it made me feel good! Bros, this helps, but you gotta say it out loud and at least once a day. The rest of the day I am going to hang at home. Take care of some stuff and then go to a dinner at my college that I went to. I might check in again after the night but I might not. If you donÂ’t hear anything from me then my night was super sweet! Right now feeling 100 times better then this morning. ItÂ’s all in GodÂ’s work! Meeting new people on KTC to help me out!
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Keep fighting the good fight brother! It gets better! Sounds like you have a very good thing going by reaching out to others. And you are right, God WILL pull you through!
Happy to QWYT
Day 105
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Night 39
Sharing some praise! God is Good! God is Real!
Brothers in quit, I am not shitting you but God spoke to me tonight. At our college baseball spring fling. I am on the fundraising board. The guest speaker. Is a deacon in the Catholic Church. I have been praying all day for god to show me a sign that everything will be ok.
Sure enough, the deacon closed with “My cleanup hitter is and always will be Jesus Christ!”
That same saying is one that I have used my whole life and have not heard anyone else say it.
When I was 19 I had it tattooed on my back left shoulder around a baseball. And the 1969 padres logo. “God is my cleanup hitter”
Pray! God may not give us instant healing but he will show you he is there. Faith is built and I was not a great believer until the last 39 days. I am building my faith with god!
What do you know. Tomorrow is my 40th day. And god will be by my side. How many people in the Bible wandered for 40 days and nights? He sent me a sign that he is here! He is with me!
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I get what your saying. At some point during my quit I was losing my mind I prayed many time for Jesus to help. One day was super hard praying breaking down asked for help. After praying Turned my phone on and was somehow on my wife's Google account with my sons baptism from 11 years ago I was like how can this be. I couldn't get there if I tried. my faith that day raised 10 fold I go to church more often feel close to god now. Some days were still tough but doable. Quit on bubba
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Tough day today but got through it. Very emotional and had high anxiety. After supper helped with my kids and then took a walk. All day praying to God for some mental relief and it showed up. I had an uplifting message from a Deacon I just met in my inbox. God was speaking through him. Answered a few prayers so now I can move on! Looking forward to tomorrow!
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......Tomorrow is my 40th day. And god will be by my side. How many people in the Bible wandered for 40 days and nights? He sent me a sign that he is here! He is with me!
This from JPT (had to save it because I knew I would want to whip it out in the future!):
Just Passing Through- Day 40....kinda Biblical. Sure, it didn't rain for 40 days straight, and I didn't have to wonder the desert for 40 years, or fast for 40 days as Jesus did; but in the context of the trials caused by/ during of all those things, it's a cool little milestone.
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Sorry guys I have got to stop posting on here. I sit here and obsess over it. ItÂ’s driving me crazy. I have to let go and let god work. This is whatÂ’s best for me.
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Did you know building relationships helps you heal? I am building my relationship with God. I am also calling whoever leaves numbers in my inbox when I need HELP. I have no shame, so if I need help and have your number I will call! It has been up and down up and down. Today was a win!
I woke up and still was in a terrible depressed mood. This quickly turned into Anger. After that my wife called and started crying. She said she didn't think it was going to be this hard for me to quit with how depressed and emotional I have been. Very high anxiety and was having super, super emotional episodes. I told myself I need some help from the doc. In order for my wife and family to survive. I went to the doc and they gave me some meds. No shame in that. Just need to be on them for 6 months is all. Low dose.
Crazy thing is I was talking to BrianB and he was talking up this Smokey Mountain stuff. Said it gets his mouth watering. I went and picked up some Smokey and what do you know. Day was like $100! The brain is a crazy thing. I have not done any fake chew and maybe thats what I was missing to fake out my brain once in awhile. If I go depressed mode again. I am going to pray and hit the Smokey!
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Keep on quitting Bubba. Ya, the fake dip has helped many get by the initial phase of quitting. Whatever it takes to keep tobacco out of your mouth.
Never Again For Any Reason!! You got this...
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Day 44...
Alright my intro title is terrible...my first quit was a joke...Did it by myself like 5 years ago...went for 3 weeks...then told myself if I keep a can in the garage, and just have a pinch when IÂ’m working outside, that will be ok...What do you know, I was thumb deep a day later after school.
Anyways, today has been the best day by far! Still a bit of anxiety but had a great day by the end. I keep telling myself that God is preparing me for something bigger! I played catch outside
With my daughter after school. Usually I would be nose deep in my phone. Spitting into a bottle. Little league practice pissed me off because this Dbag had a can in his back pocket. Come on bro. Dudes are 10, 11, 12 years old. What is it cool? By the way, chewing does not go a long with baseball. Baseball was created without any thought about chew.
My old high school football coach used to say “Tough Times Don’t Last, Tough People Do”......Oh by the way, I Love my wife Megan! After having a baby a month ago and then taking care of this crazy dude...She needs a vacation!
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Day 45
Pretty good day today. Was in a slight fog from 4pm till 8pm. But my quit is strong. With it being nice outside I was able to put up the trampoline for my daughters. Can have some repetitive thoughts but then I just start moving around and doing something.
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Morning day 46
This is truely one of the weirdest emotional experiences I have went through.
One day, I will look at a ball diamond and not think of chew! I will think of baseball and how wonderful the game is. The life lessons it teaches us. And the relationships I have built from it.
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Day 46
Awesome day! Probly helps that the weather was amazing. I woke up with a weird feeling but that went away right after I posted roll. Went to church. Sang with the family at church. Went for Sunday dinner. Then went to ball practice. I did go into a fog for a bit at practice. After that I went to school but had a Smokey Mountain on the way. After that I helped my wife with some stuff and was in a small fog for about 1hr. We got home and I played with my girls outside and never felt better the rest of the night. 3 days in a row baby! If I can tackle yesterday then I will be able to tackle today. ThatÂ’s how I have been taking every day when I wake up. One day at a time. Tomorrow is 47 and I want to take my wife out for drinks on 50. I am going exactly by the quit guidelines.
Anyhow, praise the lord! God is Good! I can conquer anything through him!
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Day 47
OCD thoughts had me today. Day started off great. Went to school. Then about 12:30pm the worry wart came knocking. Put me in a down and mad mood. Till about 8:30pm. It was tolerable. After school I went for a bike ride and it kinda kicked my ass. That probly doesnÂ’t help. On a positive not I prayed with my girls before bedtime tonight. And I love hearing my baby cueing for her mommy. Even if I had a so so not good day. I come home and have many things to be thankful for!
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Day 47
OCD thoughts had me today. Day started off great. Went to school. Then about 12:30pm the worry wart came knocking. Put me in a down and mad mood. Till about 8:30pm. It was tolerable. After school I went for a bike ride and it kinda kicked my ass. That probly doesnÂ’t help. On a positive not I prayed with my girls before bedtime tonight. And I love hearing my baby cueing for her mommy. Even if I had a so so not good day. I come home and have many things to be thankful for!
There's going to be good and bad for a while.
You'll learn to cope with everything without the mask of nicotine and it will get better!
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Day 49
Tough mental day. We had a field trip for school. I just had to supervise so my mind was wandering pretty bad. It wasnÂ’t a bad day just a tough day. By 5:30pm my brain flipped and I had the best night I have had. I felt like my old self.
I am sharing this because mental health is not a joke and maybe this will help somebody that is fighting the same fight as me. The doctor gave me 20 mg of Prozac. I am supposed to take half tablets for 2 weeks. At 2 weeks I have a check up with her and I am going to talk about still taking the half tablets which would be 10mg and not bumping to 20mg. I am also going to talk to doc about not getting another refill. This is all I am going to take. So roughly 60 days. I should be able to handle all of my stress and anxiety by then with eating better. Working out, and just being mentally strong.
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Day 50
Was up all night with the baby.
Morning was actually great at school. By mid-morning I was having some pretty bad anxiety. I just worked through it. By the time school was out till I went to bed I really had a great night. I felt like my old self!
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Day 51
I made it through a whole week of school without going home and having a panic attack! I did have some anxiety at school but I worked through everything. Next week at school should be even better!
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How do I get out of my own head? How do I stop thinking the same thing over and over? My anxiety builds...How do I stop it?
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The last 6 days I have had anxiety until about 4pm or 5pm. After that my brain flips and I have amazing nights. I need to try and be positive because I am starting to recover. Just taking longer then other people.
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How do I get out of my own head? How do I stop thinking the same thing over and over? My anxiety builds...How do I stop it?
“My cleanup hitter is and always will be Jesus Christ!”
I quit with you.
Rawls 1257
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Day 53
CanÂ’t complain, it was a great day at home with the family. Might be the best day so far.
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How in the heck do you go from having a great day yesterday to the mood IÂ’m into this morning...this is just mentally maddening.
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How in the heck do you go from having a great day yesterday to the mood IÂ’m into this morning...this is just mentally maddening.
This is a challenge, the Nic is challenging you. Testing your resolve. These are the most important days of your quit. YOU GOT THIS. Stay close to KTC and your support group. This has happened to all of us at one time or another during the quit. Stay strong, she will pounce on weaknesses.
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Day 54
Morning sucked. Afternoon way better, night time was awesome, got to relax and actually think. In about 5 minutes I am going to bed happy! I win today!
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Day 54
Morning sucked. Afternoon way better, night time was awesome, got to relax and actually think. In about 5 minutes I am going to bed happy! I win today!
Every day without nicotine is a win. You don't need nicotine for anything. I'm proud to win with you today!
Stranger999 day number 969. :)
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When all the fog has passed you will have become a case study in true grit, determination, and perseverance. Proud just to know you, privileged to be a part of your quit. Hard fought and won. No one has earned it more.
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Day 55
Best day so far. I did have a huge crave at school. Which is weird because I never chewed at school. Got my girls after school and everything was good. I did have a conversation with my wife about how I am kinda scared about the summer because I am not on a schedule like I am at school. Her response...”take one day at a time”.....priceless....ending the day relaxing and all my kids already in bed! Looking forward for tomorrow.
On a side note. With all the crap that I went through with this quit...I passed both of my college courses with AÂ’s. All nic free!! What what!! I am trying to add an endorsement on my teaching lisence.
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Day 55
Best day so far. I did have a huge crave at school. Which is weird because I never chewed at school. Got my girls after school and everything was good. I did have a conversation with my wife about how I am kinda scared about the summer because I am not on a schedule like I am at school. Her response...”take one day at a time”.....priceless....ending the day relaxing and all my kids already in bed! Looking forward for tomorrow.
On a side note. With all the crap that I went through with this quit...I passed both of my college courses with AÂ’s. All nic free!! What what!! I am trying to add an endorsement on my teaching lisence.
I just read through your intro. Your tough my dude!
I read some lines you write and think "yep, I know that one"
You will never regret quitting, but you'll always regret the moment you decide to cave. Never let that be a possibility again.
You have some bad ass men supporting you, one of which being the illustrious Athan. Listen to them, lean on them, call/text them in your times of need. My digits are one PM away bro.
Glad I read this tonight. Thank you for helping strengthen my quit Bub!
Quit with you on day 114.
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Day 57
Pretty good day...
Had to run down to Omaha to get a blade for my pipe puller for my summer gig of installing sprinklers. Navigated traffic well. Stopped for supper outside of town about an hour from home. What do you know....my truck takes a crap...luckily we didnÂ’t break down on the interstate and we were in town by a dealer...well at least I got to drive home a 2018 truck with 22 Miles on it. We will worry about how much it will take to fix my truck later. For now, we are talking about the positives and I won the day! No Nic here!
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Day 58
Pretty good day! Had some thoughts thatÂ’s about all. Was in a great mood all day. Am starting to see the benefits of being quit! LetÂ’s keep this rolling!
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You are so rocking it. Very pleased you've been blogging it out (I stop to read your progress every day). Makes my heart soar to see a young father walk away from the nicotine.
You're doing wonders for yourself and your family. You're also light years ahead of me. Wish I had the wisdom to quit when I was a young man such as yourself.
Mad respect brother! Quit on!
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Day 59
I have been sleeping better. When I wake up in the mornings I usually have a freaky feeling. I think itÂ’s because thatÂ’s when I take my anxiety meds. I feel bad that I take them because I am getting a little help with the anxiety that I get. But I have been going to therapy and my therapist says that I shouldnÂ’t worry about taking meds because I have been chemically messing up my brain with nicotine for the last 18 years and I just need some help for a few months to level out the chemicals in my brain. Once I think about that I am usually pretty good to go for the day.
Anyways, today was super amazing. Started off with a walk. Then showered and took my 8 year old and my 3 year old to the Home Depot kids workshop. ItÂ’s on the first Saturday of every month and they make a little project that they can hammer and paint. ItÂ’s pretty cool. They made a little wind mill with a flower pot in it. They also gave them beans to plant in it. After that we took my 8 year old to soccer practice and I took my 3 year old to the park. She ran all over that place. It was awesome! For lunch we stopped at a local hot dog place that has been open for 40 years but is closing. I had some anxiety there but we were good. My wife and baby met us there for lunch. When we got home I was kinda stressed from my girls and the van door. I always think they are going to get stuck or caught and they donÂ’t. But I kinda lost it. My wife got pissed. I just sat down for a minute to catch my breath. Then we were good. An hour went by, I took my 8 year old to baseball practice and then I had practice after that with my older kids team. We had tacos for supper and now I am relaxing on the Couch. Life is getting to be amazing! I have earned this feeling. It has been a long road. And I am still going to fight head on!
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Day 59
I have been sleeping better. When I wake up in the mornings I usually have a freaky feeling. I think itÂ’s because thatÂ’s when I take my anxiety meds. I feel bad that I take them because I am getting a little help with the anxiety that I get. But I have been going to therapy and my therapist says that I shouldnÂ’t worry about taking meds because I have been chemically messing up my brain with nicotine for the last 18 years and I just need some help for a few months to level out the chemicals in my brain. Once I think about that I am usually pretty good to go for the day.
Anyways, today was super amazing. Started off with a walk. Then showered and took my 8 year old and my 3 year old to the Home Depot kids workshop. ItÂ’s on the first Saturday of every month and they make a little project that they can hammer and paint. ItÂ’s pretty cool. They made a little wind mill with a flower pot in it. They also gave them beans to plant in it. After that we took my 8 year old to soccer practice and I took my 3 year old to the park. She ran all over that place. It was awesome! For lunch we stopped at a local hot dog place that has been open for 40 years but is closing. I had some anxiety there but we were good. My wife and baby met us there for lunch. When we got home I was kinda stressed from my girls and the van door. I always think they are going to get stuck or caught and they donÂ’t. But I kinda lost it. My wife got pissed. I just sat down for a minute to catch my breath. Then we were good. An hour went by, I took my 8 year old to baseball practice and then I had practice after that with my older kids team. We had tacos for supper and now I am relaxing on the Couch. Life is getting to be amazing! I have earned this feeling. It has been a long road. And I am still going to fight head on!
Well done sir....
ODAAT
I quit with you today.
Rawls 1266
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I am starting to feel better. Starting to have better days. I understand I always need to keep my guard up. I understand that this is a problem I will have and need to always keep in my mind.
This is whatÂ’s on my mind...
When does this become a smaller problem? This is the only thing that I have thought about the last 62 days? When does this become smaller compared to the real problems that I have? Like having a newborn? Or paying bills? Or needed to get work done at school?
Sorry just venting this morning....IÂ’m not even having a bad morning...just needed to get that off my chest.
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I am starting to feel better. Starting to have better days. I understand I always need to keep my guard up. I understand that this is a problem I will have and need to always keep in my mind.
This is whatÂ’s on my mind...
When does this become a smaller problem? This is the only thing that I have thought about the last 62 days? When does this become smaller compared to the real problems that I have? Like having a newborn? Or paying bills? Or needed to get work done at school?
Sorry just venting this morning....IÂ’m not even having a bad morning...just needed to get that off my chest.
Tomorrow.
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Day 62
To be honest I kinda sulked in my quit today. I need to be happy and proud I have worked this hard! I donÂ’t know why I start to sulk thinking about chew. But I do. It will go away with time. Honestly it wasnÂ’t even that bad of a day. It was pretty darn good really!
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Day 63
Kind of a strange day. I woke up and went to school in a pretty good mood. I was on KTC prolly a little to much today and that got my mind racing pretty good. The Nic was in my head today. She was calling. Saying I needed to go back. Well, I am a fighter. I donÂ’t know where I got it because I have never been in a fight. It just must be a trait I got from my parents about never giving up or being a man of your word. I got home from school and had a panic attack. Or a little cry. I donÂ’t know what you call it. But to be honest. My brain is messed up right now sometimes. I need to try and live in the moment. I think or worry to much. ThatÂ’s not good for anything. Anyways, IÂ’m going to keep fighting. Eventually I will come out to the other side of the tunnel.
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Day 64
Just some thought I am having over my lunch break. I do find it refreshing to journal what I am feeling or just getting stuff off of my chest. Anyways, is my brain really healing this much slower compared to other people? Is it my mindset that I have? Every time I start thinking about dip I say "hell no" or my mind starts wandering to different places of why I should go back. Every time after a little while I say "hell no". So is my mind really healing slower? This might just be me but some dudes on here don't say anything. Why are they not reaching out for help? Are they stronger then me? Do they know how to control their mind better? Or is it because people feel uncomfortable talking about their problems? I cannot be the only one that still struggles day in and day out. Don't get me wrong. I have had some good days. I have had some bad days. The feeling the last couple of days has not been totally bad. I would just say its a sulking feeling. But kind of a sick feeling. Sick and tired or thinking about dip all day. Kinda like a beat down feeling. But that doesnt mean I am giving in. Because I am not. I am fighting One Day at a Time.
Well time to eat!
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Day 64
I am excited and anxious about this summer. I suppose itÂ’s because I feel like I will have a lot of down time. I will likely be able to keep myself busy fixing sprinklers and playing with my girls. I could even join a yoga class or hang with my neighbor!
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Just read this well documented chronicle of quit for the first time. It was awesome. I mean, this is one of the best personal journals out there and you can see your evolution from lost quitter to man on a mission. Keep doing this man, people are reading and you're reeling them onto your quit train in the process.
Oh, and I totally get your anxiety about the summer. I mean, is it even possible to mow the lawn with out a dip in? OF COURSE IT IS! That is the stupidest thing in the world to believe that you can't mow the lawn without a dip. And that's why we're addicts, because we think and now "thought" that way. You're a quitter now and when you do that yard work sans the dip, it is a glorious feeling brother. Glorious freedom at its finest.
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June Jackhammmers of Quit and Vets
I just wanted to post this. I have been going to therapy because “yes” I am messed up from this quit. My brain goes in multiple directions depending on the day. I find that KTC can at times really help me when I am struggling. I also find that KTC can hurt me. It sometimes will make me depressed or keep me thinking about dip and chew all day. Because I am on the forum 24/7.
First off, should I be on the forum all the time? I donÂ’t knowÂ…Someone can answer the questions for meÂ…I guess being on the forum all the time is better than being on chew all the time.
Alright, lets talk about when KTC really helps meÂ…(I are going to discuss the difference between Supporting and Policing.)
This is what I needÂ…
I need people to support meÂ…even when I am being irrational and saying that I want to go back to chewing. People should then give me the reasons why I should not chew. On the other hand, people should reach out and try to talk to me about it. Ask me why I am struggling? Why do you feel this way? When I ask a question, I need some answers. I need positive supportive answers. When we are positive with each other, reach out, and build relationships. If this happens then healing will happen. This is because we will feel like we are not alone in this. We all have enough time in our day to take 5-10 minutes to text or call a brother in quit. We all have time to be supportive and build some relationships. That is how I am going to heal, that is what KTC is about. Building relationships and healing.
Now its time for the Policing partÂ…
When KTC is negative and when people start Policing other people this creates “hiding” or “secrets” or “planned caves”. Listen, if a person is going to go back to tobacco, then they are going to go back to tobacco. Is it the best choice? “NO” but there is also nothing that we can do about it. Yes, you can get upset, start cussing, and call them stupid. However, what would really help is if we reached out. Gave them the pros and cons in a non-threating manner. Then let it be that person’s choice. Policing makes people not want to follow rules and makes people want to stand off and not participate.
I have been helping our month trying to get people to post roll earlier. Yes, this is a form of policing. When I do this, I am going to try to do it in a non-threating manner. I am just trying to get people to participate in the forum to their full potential. So even, I need to work on the policing part of this.
I would like our month, to focus on supporting each other and not policing each other. If we support each there then we are going to have a higher success rate for this quit. Then people will stick with KTC for longer periods of time.
With that being said, take some time every day. Send a text or call a brother. Let’s start building some relationships. Let’s support each other to stay “QUIT”!
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June Jackhammmers of Quit and Vets
I just wanted to post this. I have been going to therapy because “yes” I am messed up from this quit. My brain goes in multiple directions depending on the day. I find that KTC can at times really help me when I am struggling. I also find that KTC can hurt me. It sometimes will make me depressed or keep me thinking about dip and chew all day. Because I am on the forum 24/7.
First off, should I be on the forum all the time? I donÂ’t knowÂ…Someone can answer the questions for meÂ…I guess being on the forum all the time is better than being on chew all the time.
Alright, lets talk about when KTC really helps meÂ…(I are going to discuss the difference between Supporting and Policing.)
This is what I needÂ…
I need people to support meÂ…even when I am being irrational and saying that I want to go back to chewing. People should then give me the reasons why I should not chew. On the other hand, people should reach out and try to talk to me about it. Ask me why I am struggling? Why do you feel this way? When I ask a question, I need some answers. I need positive supportive answers. When we are positive with each other, reach out, and build relationships. If this happens then healing will happen. This is because we will feel like we are not alone in this. We all have enough time in our day to take 5-10 minutes to text or call a brother in quit. We all have time to be supportive and build some relationships. That is how I am going to heal, that is what KTC is about. Building relationships and healing.
Now its time for the Policing partÂ…
When KTC is negative and when people start Policing other people this creates “hiding” or “secrets” or “planned caves”. Listen, if a person is going to go back to tobacco, then they are going to go back to tobacco. Is it the best choice? “NO” but there is also nothing that we can do about it. Yes, you can get upset, start cussing, and call them stupid. However, what would really help is if we reached out. Gave them the pros and cons in a non-threating manner. Then let it be that person’s choice. Policing makes people not want to follow rules and makes people want to stand off and not participate.
I have been helping our month trying to get people to post roll earlier. Yes, this is a form of policing. When I do this, I am going to try to do it in a non-threating manner. I am just trying to get people to participate in the forum to their full potential. So even, I need to work on the policing part of this.
I would like our month, to focus on supporting each other and not policing each other. If we support each there then we are going to have a higher success rate for this quit. Then people will stick with KTC for longer periods of time.
With that being said, take some time every day. Send a text or call a brother. Let’s start building some relationships. Let’s support each other to stay “QUIT”!
Disagree with a number of things you said here on the "policing" front. Sure, resorting to name calling and other juvenile tactics is petty and, at most, a bit irritating. But at the end of the day, posting roll is the number 1 most important thing you do for your quit. Notice I said,..."important thing YOU do for YOUR quit." Furthermore, when you start getting other people on board your quit train, you start building accountability and over time you develop brotherhood. Part of being accountable is letting your quit brothers know you are quit. Why? because they depend on you being quit as much as you depend on them being quit. Its all about fostering that network; which is there to keep you quit. And at the end of the day, it's all about you being quit, and you wanting it.
So, I suggest you find that network of people who 1) give you some semblance of the support you crave and 2) hold your hand to the fire to uphold your quit (and theirs) at all costs.
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Alright, from about 12:45pm till 2:15pm I was having a panic attack, anxiety attack. Whatever you want to call it. When this is happening I am functioning out of the butt of my brain or the brain stem. This is the brains fight or flight area or mode. In order to get out of this mode or area of the brain you need to access your relationships. That is by either talking to someone face to face, relating to someone on the phone, looking at pictures on your phone of family. If you do this then you will stop functioning out of the butt of the brain and you will move your thought process up to the top of the brain. Your relationship area. These are just a few ways in order to get yourself out of the butt of your brain. I am not very good at this yet. As of why I cannot think at that point to call or look at pictures on my phone. At about 2:15pm Mambo from my June group recognized that I was struggling and gave me a call. He explain to me that he has been having some of the same issues and I need to be patient. Notice that we related on a topic and then I calmed down. It works. Do not be afraid to reach out and help somebody out. It will make us all stronger!
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Day 65
Afternoon-I am not going to lie, I am straight back into another bad mood. I donÂ’t understand what the problem is. Lately I keep asking myself if I can keep doing this? Can I keep this mental game going? Would I feel better if I started to chew? Is this pain worth it? Literally, thatÂ’s whatÂ’s going through my head. If I would have known how hard this was going to be, I donÂ’t know if I would have quit. Or I donÂ’t know if I would have ever started when I was younger. These ideas or thoughts will probly make vets on here upset. But I am just being honest. This sucks. Hopefully god will give me some mental relief tonight. Hopefully god will make my head heal faster so I donÂ’t have to endure any of this mental pain anymore.
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Day 65
Mental mind game. Mental relief came. What a sideshow I have become. But this sideshow is quit today. And will wake up early next morning and post a promise. A promise to be quit one more day. One day at a time.
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...When this is happening I am functioning out of the butt of my brain or the brain stem. This is the brains fight or flight area or mode. In order to get out of this mode or area of the brain you need to access your relationships. That is by either talking to someone face to face, relating to someone on the phone, looking at pictures on your phone of family. If you do this then you will stop functioning out of the butt of the brain and you will move your thought process up to the top of the brain. Your relationship area. ....
That is some VERY useful information. Never knew that. Another powerful tool. Gonna get mileage out of it.
Thanks for blogging it out faithfully. I'm sure a lot of folks will be reading your words for a long time.
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Day 66
SUCKS-wouldnÂ’t get out of bed because I was so depressed. Started crying to my wife. Got on KTC started ranting and raving. Was literally going bonkers and pissed because I didnÂ’t want to post roll. Not that I was going to go buy a can of dip but because I didnÂ’t want to post roll. I wanted to see I guess if I could make it without a promise. I eventually posted roll because a bunch of dudes started texting me. I took my daughter to soccer practice and started crying because all the support I was getting from complete strangers. Sometimes I just donÂ’t know what to think. Went to my LL game and that was a terrible game. Whole time I felt like I was dizzy and going to pass out. Now IÂ’m with my family. In a bit better spirits. I hope my night goes better. I will likely journal tonight how my night was. Here are my questions. Am I doing this to myself? Or is this all part of it? Why does this suck so much?
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I don't have the words.
I don't have the magic pill.
I do know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.....the whole site is pulling for you.
I correspond and text with quitters from all over the site. Everyone is following your plight. I hear they're even giving odds on you in Vegas (we got quitters there right now at the Trump towers).
I can't quit for you. I will quit with you. All day.
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Hey Bubba.
We haven't communicated a whole lot yet, so I dont want to step on your toes. But as an April 18 brother, i see you bud. It's obvious that your mental mind set isn't where you want it to be.
With that said, this is the only help I can try to give you. Keep in mind, I dont have every detail. Take what you want, leave the rest. Just wanna help if I can in any way.
Depression is a real thing. Therapists, doctors, they can help with this. But it all starts with you. Your outlook on things. Now, aside from waking up and feeling physically unwell, you control how positive or negative you want to be. If you want to be happy, optimistic, your going to be. If you want to be negative, pessimistic, thinking about how much you want a dip all day, your going to.
Me personally, with kids also, I see if I let this addiction take hold, they will be put through my bad decision. And the downward spiral starts. But this quit thing makes me feel positive and optimistic that maybe I fixed the problem before it took my life. More time with them, not dependent on anything. Winning.
I have days where maybe I'm grumpy or pissed at work, but I see them and the weight lifts. Then I think of my good decisions and it makes me feel good.
If there is so much more to the story and I dont understand, I apologize. I just hope that if you have the mental ability to choose how you view everyday when you wake up, I hope you find a way to choose happiness and optimism.
I'm quit with you on day 125. Hope your evening is filled with your families love. And it is mothers day weekend. Tell that nic bitch it's your wife's weekend, this weekend and everyone after. Not hers dammit.
Stay strong bro.
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Look, quit anxiety is a problem. Anxiety is a problem. Nicotine is a drug that you and almost all of us have used to self medicate and ease said problem. But at the end of the day, you have to remember this. Nicotine solves nothing. It fixes nothing. One problem + nicotine = 2 problems.
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Shift your focus, from quit to freedom. You are in a daily battle for freedom from your addiction. Don't post your days quit. Post your days free.
It might help.
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Night 66
Went a bit better. Had supper with some friends. Kids got to play. Got home and gave baths and put kids to bed. Now relaxing on couch. I do have some anxiety about tomorrow and what that will bring. I donÂ’t know why I get this anxiety about the future but I do. I feel itÂ’s because I donÂ’t want to feel depressed or cry anymore. ThatÂ’s where the anxiety really comes from. Is that I donÂ’t want to feel that way. Same thing when I have down time. ThatÂ’s why I worry about down time because thatÂ’s when I will get emotional. I talked to my wife tonight. Let her know a few more things about how I am feeling. She is good. She is under a lot of stress too with our new baby. I am starting to wonder if I do all this to myself? If I work myself up? I donÂ’t have all the answers. When I go into bad moods I need to start calling relatives. Or people I love! I just never think of it because I am functioning in the butt of my brain. So I need to try and teach myself When IÂ’m in the butt of the brain. Then I need to try and deep breath or something until I think to call someone. Easier said then done because I usually cannot think of anything when I am in the butt of the brain.
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Night 66
Went a bit better. Had supper with some friends. Kids got to play. Got home and gave baths and put kids to bed. Now relaxing on couch. I do have some anxiety about tomorrow and what that will bring. I donÂ’t know why I get this anxiety about the future but I do. I feel itÂ’s because I donÂ’t want to feel depressed or cry anymore. ThatÂ’s where the anxiety really comes from. Is that I donÂ’t want to feel that way. Same thing when I have down time. ThatÂ’s why I worry about down time because thatÂ’s when I will get emotional. I talked to my wife tonight. Let her know a few more things about how I am feeling. She is good. She is under a lot of stress too with our new baby. I am starting to wonder if I do all this to myself? If I work myself up? I donÂ’t have all the answers. When I go into bad moods I need to start calling relatives. Or people I love! I just never think of it because I am functioning in the butt of my brain. So I need to try and teach myself When IÂ’m in the butt of the brain. Then I need to try and deep breath or something until I think to call someone. Easier said then done because I usually cannot think of anything when I am in the butt of the brain.
I can't relate to your situation, but I know that "butt of the brain" state of mind. Just take it slow, take deep breaths and try to be the best version of yourself every day. I guarantee that the nicotine free version of yourself is the best version for your wife and children. I can't tell you what's going to help your anxiety but I'll throw some prayers your way and my number is in your inbox, feel free to use it if you just want to vent about anything. Good decision today making your promise and sticking to it. Wake up tomorrow, curb stomp your anxiety and do it all over again. Anybody can quit for one day and that's all you need to do.
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I have to get this off my chest. I wake up to another day. Make another promise. And I am down and pissed because I have to go through another day of complete mental torture. I try and be positive, but my outlook sucks today. I swear after this I will try and be positive but when does this stop. When can a guy get a day to be free from worry and free from being negative. I know a lot of you have said I need to have a positive outlook. What happens when you canÂ’t get out of that mode? And IÂ’m here slogging along. One day at a time.
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Check your inbox.....I quit today too, day 120....it gets much much better, hang tight, ODAAT......read my intro, my dumb ass behavior will make you feel better.....you ain't alone
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Day 67
Woke up this morning. Went for a walk. Took a shower. Then started thinking about how I could end this and not feel the pain I feel. DonÂ’t worry. I talked to my wife about it. And IÂ’m not going to do anything drastic. I have to much to be thankful for and doing what I was thinking would be a selfish move. After church there was no relief. I started sobbing drastically after we got home. My wife wanted me to take the meds the doctor gave me and I refused. I went for a walk sobbing uncontrollably. My mom came and picked me up. My mom and Dad tried talking some sense into me. Told me to take meds. And if this mental health stuff keeps up then I need to go back to chewing. I took the meds. But I was basically sleeping the entire afternoon. I have been trying to find someone to talk to because my family seems like they are sick of it. I donÂ’t really know what to do or where to even begin. I have never cried like I did this morning. And I donÂ’t know why I did.
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Day 67
When is this over. When am I happy to be around my family. When does my brain flip a switch and be happy. It is wearing on me. The pain of being depressed. It is starting to feel like I will never change. And I will always feel this way. I know I love my family. But I withdrawal from them constantly. ItÂ’s not their fault. My girls have seen me crying now. I hope they are to young to remember as they get older.
My biggest problem is my mindset and my out look on life. People say that you need to be positive. Right now that is very hard for me to do.
I am Hungry and I am going to take one of my girls on a walk. Hopefully my brain will become happy.
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Can I wake up happy tomorrow? Can I have a good day tomorrow?
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Yeh, you need to go read my day 78 and 86.....your experience right now is not special.....hell, it's not even different.....par for the course bro.....take your meds if you think that helps, sleep the day away if need be.....but you need to keep talking about it and continue posting and continue promising every day. Its gonna pass gotta be patient, keep crying it out, it wont hurt ya one bit.....hang in there bro.....read what Kybo said on my Day 86 too
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Can I wake up happy tomorrow? Can I have a good day tomorrow?
Yes.
You are winning. Winning isnÂ’t always easy. If it were, everyone would win.
Bro, take a breath. Look at your beautiful family. Focuscof them. When your mind goes to bad places, stop thinking about you and get on here and reach out to help someone else.
I’ve seen dozens of guys suffer from anxiety issues in my time here. They will all promise that it gets better. Let your doctor help you through the pharma issues, but let us help you with the “head games”. Nicotine is a nasty fuck. You will get better.
Smell the flowers. Eat some bacon. Have crazy sweaty sex with your hot wife. Life is good. Trust me.
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A hyper focus on self isn't healthy. Worktowin is right about helping others. Is there a habitat for humanity in your community? Something, anything to turn your focus from yourself and wallowing in self pity.
I quit with you today.
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Bubba, we all with you brother. Funny part, trying to help you helps me too....Athan and Worktowin are correct
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Bubba, just read through your intro tonight. You have gotten great advice from some pretty great quitters already. Just know that you are NOT alone. So many people go through anxiety and depression on this journey (I certainly did!) And it sucks because the route to recovery is not a straight path - oh no, it takes us through many peaks and many valleys. And it does get emotionally exhausting at times. I vividly remember thinking in my 50s..."will I ever feel 'normal' again?" and "what if I permanently screwed up my brain and I will always have this awful feeling that life will never be "as good" again?" I am here to tell you that the journey will get easier - the funks will become further apart. It is a slow process, but it will go away. Day 662 and I still get massive craves out of left field - but they pass. They annoy me more than anything. But the emptiness that nicotine created in me - is gone.
We are just asking for you to trust us on this - and to keep pressing on.
Prayers going up for strength and stamina!
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Day 68
Well took a walk, was super depressed from when I woke up basically the whole day. I went to school. But I was having some pretty nasty thoughts. Listen guys, this is not like me. I am the typical rock for my family. I had to leave work, hit the therapist. Then my parents wouldnÂ’t let me be by myself. I got in touch with a psychiatrist from my therapist. He let me know I should kick the Prozac because it was obviously making me even more depressed and not thinking right. I am meeting with him Wednesday. I am sure they will want me to go on some other kind of medication. I am going to try and not be on anything. Or get something that I could take on an as need bases just so my parents and wife are at ease.
I was not in great spirits until about 6pm. Went to my little league game. We won 9-5. My family wonÂ’t let me work tomorrow. Because they are worried about me. So I am going to hang with my dad. I could use some Dad time. I am sure we will have a few projects to take care of. I need to stay positive and look at the positive things in my life. There are a lot of them!
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Day 68
Well took a walk, was super depressed from when I woke up basically the whole day. I went to school. But I was having some pretty nasty thoughts. Listen guys, this is not like me. I am the typical rock for my family. I had to leave work, hit the therapist. Then my parents wouldnÂ’t let me be by myself. I got in touch with a psychiatrist from my therapist. He let me know I should kick the Prozac because it was obviously making me even more depressed and not thinking right. I am meeting with him Wednesday. I am sure they will want me to go on some other kind of medication. I am going to try and not be on anything. Or get something that I could take on an as need bases just so my parents and wife are at ease.
I was not in great spirits until about 6pm. Went to my little league game. We won 9-5. My family wonÂ’t let me work tomorrow. Because they are worried about me. So I am going to hang with my dad. I could use some Dad time. I am sure we will have a few projects to take care of. I need to stay positive and look at the positive things in my life. There are a lot of them!
There are a lot of them. They are all around you.
You are winning. Keep the faith.
Trust your doctors. And trust that this is not the new you. Because this is not the new you.
Fuck nicotine.
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Day 69
Woke up, went for a walk run, swimdad has been telling me I need to get my heart rate up. So I did. After the run I was in a weird mood. Pretty depressed. DidnÂ’t want to get up. My dad came over to help me out. Because of all the shit I have been going through lately. Big Poppa Pump (Dad) got me going and we went to his house and had some breakfast with Mom. Then we went and mowed at the ballparks. I forgot how much I loved doing this! After that went to lunch with my parents and then I mowed my dads house for him. Then my house. Then picked up my oldest daughter and went with my family to take her to practice and out to eat. Today I had thoughts about chewing but they were not as overwhelming. I had a pretty sweet day! Love getting to spend time with my parents!
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You're winning BubbaM! I quit with you today all day long!!
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Winning, keep it up bro
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How u doing Bubs?
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Psychiatrist told me I have to take the rest of the week off. He said that he wants me to take this med for 5 nights in order to help me sleep and rest my mind. I was pretty tired this morning as well and took awhile getting going. The med is seroquel. I am assuming from what he said this is going to be these 5 days and then as needed after that if I havenÂ’t been sleeping. I understand I need to get some good sleep. Which I did last night. I didnÂ’t wake up at all. Hopefully in 5 days I will start to be rested and have some more energy. I need to trust what my doctor says. He also gave me some anxiety medication I can use as an as needed. I have been running the last 3 days in the morning. For about 20-30 minutes and that could be kicking my butt too. Because I have to run walk. It takes it out of me.
As long as my meds are as needed I feel a lot better because then I can work through the anxiety and depression on my own. One foot in front of the other. Because my world is kinda upside down right now. And one day at a time.
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Hang in there dude, you are doing awesome!
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Reading your quit, helps my quit. Theres gonna be a day, mark my words, where you look back and say "I'm SO happy I stayed quit, because of this feeling"
And then there will be another feeling like that, and another, and another...its gonna snowball and the good days will start to smash the bad days. Staying quit with you Bub.
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Sitting on the couch relaxing. Everyday, I just need to take one day at a time. My mornings have been rough and then my day will slowly get better. Obviously filled with irrational thoughts a lot. About dipping and other things. But today it was manageable. Tomorrow, one foot infront of the other. One day at a time! Minutes or hours if need be! Remember, God will give you enough strength to get you through. He will not break you. But he will get you through any situation and make you stronger!
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Sitting on the couch relaxing. Everyday, I just need to take one day at a time. My mornings have been rough and then my day will slowly get better. Obviously filled with irrational thoughts a lot. About dipping and other things. But today it was manageable. Tomorrow, one foot infront of the other. One day at a time! Minutes or hours if need be! Remember, God will give you enough strength to get you through. He will not break you. But he will get you through any situation and make you stronger!
My mornings always were worse, too. It was hard some days to get out of bed - but you have to fake it til you make it sometimes. Getting ample sleep is so key and will cure a lot that ails you.
Feel free to post in the anxiety and depression thread here (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1009791/277/). We would love to have you join us!
Proud of you, Bubba. ODAAT.
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DidnÂ’t work out this morning but that is ok because I cannot wake up for the life of me. This medication knocks me out. My wife is upset about it but understands there is nothing that I can do about it. ItÂ’s what the doctor wants me to do. I got 3 more days of this. I told my dad that he needs to come over and try to get me going in the morning. I am going to have to talk to my wife tonight because she wants to go out of town in the morning. Which is ok. But I am going to need her to be patient Incase I canÂ’t get going. My mood isnÂ’t down but isnÂ’t up. I just have questions circling in my head. How about this one...If I have just one will I get mind messed us like I am right now? Good lord, I just donÂ’t want to live in fear. I want to live peacefully!
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How about this one...If I have just one ...
Talked to Mike just this afternoon about that very thing right there. I'm so far passed it that I question whether or not I was really an addict. Then I come here and read what you're going through, or the 100 reasons to quit dipping, or what Kid Riot posted today and ALL of it resonates with me. I have to answer, yeah, I'm an addict alright. Never Again For Any Reason.
Keep blogging it out. You're helping folks as you help yourself. Maybe if Autseed would have come here and read your journey he'd be quit right now...
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How about this one...If I have just one ...
Talked to Mike just this afternoon about that very thing right there. I'm so far passed it that I question whether or not I was really an addict. Then I come here and read what you're going through, or the 100 reasons to quit dipping, or what Kid Riot posted today and ALL of it resonates with me. I have to answer, yeah, I'm an addict alright. Never Again For Any Reason.
Keep blogging it out. You're helping folks as you help yourself. Maybe if Autseed would have come here and read your journey he'd be quit right now...
Just one....
OMG... that sounds amazing (sarcasm.) I'd love to turn back the hands of time 1,972 days and completely restart what I went through to get here (sarcasm.) I'd love to go back to day 16 and wake up crying and sweating and shaking and not knowing if I want to continue living (sarcasm.) It sounds great to have dreams (nightmares) again about caving and letting my bros down (sarcasm.)
Just one is a joke. Nicotine is a lie. There is no "just one". Just one for me? NO THANKS.
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Had an up and down day, going home and complete panic sets in. What will I do this weekend? How will I occupy my time? Why in the crap do I get anxiety or nervous about this crap. Well...at least I know I will sleep at night. What do I need to do to feel normal again? People say in order to get better you need to stop trying to get better. How does that happen? Why the crap do I panic all the time? And when am I going to start coping with everyday life? I want to return to work on Monday!
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I am on day 73. The doctor put me on seroquil and told me I need to get 5 nights of good sleep. Well I am getting good sleep but I find it very hard to wake up in the mornings and get motivated. I guess you could say I have the feeling of depression and cannot kick it. It kicks out later in the day. I feel like I have never had anxiety or depression. Is all of this going to go away eventually. Someone needs to say yes. If it doesnÂ’t I am going to go nuts. You make a smart decision to quit chewing and then you get whacked in the face with this. I need to feel like I can work and function again like a normal adult.
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I am on day 73. The doctor put me on seroquil and told me I need to get 5 nights of good sleep. Well I am getting good sleep but I find it very hard to wake up in the mornings and get motivated. I guess you could say I have the feeling of depression and cannot kick it. It kicks out later in the day. I feel like I have never had anxiety or depression. Is all of this going to go away eventually. Someone needs to say yes. If it doesnÂ’t I am going to go nuts. You make a smart decision to quit chewing and then you get whacked in the face with this. I need to feel like I can work and function again like a normal adult.
Yes
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How bout "just none"
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Quote of the day...Once you get the addiction out of you...you should be good...Say What? An addiction can leave? News to me...
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I am not trying to be a prick...but we have to stop trying other drugs to take the place of what we lost. I know...easier said then done...we have to work through it...day by day...one day at a time...I am on seroquil because the psychiatrist said I need 5 good days of sleep. I got lorazepam for panic attacks... the only thing I am using is The seroquil because I wasnÂ’t sleeping at all. After Sunday night I am going to call and get off the stuff. I needed the sleep but with my situation there is no magic pill to take. No drink, no supplement. Just hard work and getting my shit straight. One day at a time.
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I am not trying to be a prick...but we have to stop trying other drugs to take the place of what we lost. I know...easier said then done...we have to work through it...day by day...one day at a time...I am on seroquil because the psychiatrist said I need 5 good days of sleep. I got lorazepam for panic attacks... the only thing I am using is The seroquil because I wasnÂ’t sleeping at all. After Sunday night I am going to call and get off the stuff. I needed the sleep but with my situation there is no magic pill to take. No drink, no supplement. Just hard work and getting my shit straight. One day at a time.
You are 100% correct Bubba. You are going to get through this suck my man. And your going to be THAT much stronger because of it. You've come all this way already, no way would throwing it all away help anything that your going through.
You are strong enough to get through all of these problems with just your own bad ass self. You dont need meds. Make up your mind about how you feel or what you wanna do and go for it. Proud to quit with you today.
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I just donÂ’t understand...why can I not be happy and in a good mood...does anybody else feel the same way...I cannot get excited about anything...when does this change for me? IÂ’ve been going one day at a time. When do I stop contemplating going back to chewing? Has anybody ever quit even if they didnÂ’t know if they wanted too? Everyday I just tell myself one day at a time. Tomorrow will get better. When is better? Was it the right time for me to quit? Is there a right time?
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No right time other than today, Rome not built in a day. Just as you quit one day at a time, enjoy it one day at a time. Stop looking in the future, enjoy the quit in the present because this is all you can control today. Patience, nobody can tell you when, you'll know it when it happens, and it will happen and you'll share it with vets and some other poor newbie bastard that's suffering through the suck as we all have. Keep hanging tough.
PS- Sleep was my biggest issue.
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Alright, now my wife is talking about looking at depression and anxiety treatment centers for me to go to. What the hell is going on with my life. I feel like this is all spiraling out of control. When do I get a handle on this shit. All I do is pray. And pray and pray. For strength to get through the day. I need help guys. Or support. I donÂ’t know where to begin.
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I want to apologize if I make anybody mad. I post all my problems, some people like it. Some donÂ’t. When I am posting on here I am posting with a sense of panic because ThatÂ’s exactly how I feel. I have been operating out of fear for the last 74 days. I canÂ’t tell you why that is but thatÂ’s how I have been operating. I am trying to turn the corner. I just feel like that last 74 days have been the hardest in my life. I donÂ’t have any answers. I have a million questions. I go to therapy, now I have a psychiatrist and they tell me that chew was my crutch to deal with everyday life. Now I am without that. And I am fully lost. My life has been turned upside down. I am afraid of losing my job and my family over this. We are still a young family. We have been married 10 years. Never did I think that we would be dealing with my mental breakdown.
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I want to apologize if I make anybody mad. I post all my problems, some people like it. Some donÂ’t. When I am posting on here I am posting with a sense of panic because ThatÂ’s exactly how I feel. I have been operating out of fear for the last 74 days. I canÂ’t tell you why that is but thatÂ’s how I have been operating. I am trying to turn the corner. I just feel like that last 74 days have been the hardest in my life. I donÂ’t have any answers. I have a million questions. I go to therapy, now I have a psychiatrist and they tell me that chew was my crutch to deal with everyday life. Now I am without that. And I am fully lost. My life has been turned upside down. I am afraid of losing my job and my family over this. We are still a young family. We have been married 10 years. Never did I think that we would be dealing with my mental breakdown.
74 days of winning.
Bro IÂ’m not going to pretend to know or understand what you are dealing with. But I will tell you this... you are winning a big fight. If you tweak your mentality to focus on the fact that you are winning rather than the pain you are experiencing, I believe youÂ’ll find this battle to be easier. Again, IÂ’m no doctor or therapist, but IÂ’m my experience few of them understand what quitting is like. It fucking sucks. Winning is sweet. Focus on how sweet winning is when you start panicking. DonÂ’t focus on the suck.
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Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
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I want to apologize if I make anybody mad. I post all my problems, some people like it. Some donÂ’t. When I am posting on here I am posting with a sense of panic because ThatÂ’s exactly how I feel. I have been operating out of fear for the last 74 days. I canÂ’t tell you why that is but thatÂ’s how I have been operating. I am trying to turn the corner. I just feel like that last 74 days have been the hardest in my life. I donÂ’t have any answers. I have a million questions. I go to therapy, now I have a psychiatrist and they tell me that chew was my crutch to deal with everyday life. Now I am without that. And I am fully lost. My life has been turned upside down. I am afraid of losing my job and my family over this. We are still a young family. We have been married 10 years. Never did I think that we would be dealing with my mental breakdown.
Brother I feel you man, my first breakdown was 6 months into my marriage. It has not been easy on my wife. But my death would be harder, not having me around to see our children graduate college, our grandchildren be born would be harder, watching me struggle on my death bed for potentially years with what makes me, me disappearing by the day would be harder. She understands that and she understands its worth it because she saw what happened when I brought my crutch back, because I wasn't as strong as you the first time, I didn't have the tools you have the first time, and I caved and I can assure you, they come back as soon as you try to take that crutch away again and you'll eventually have to, because you don't wanna live like a hunched over bitch forever, you wanna stand tall with no crutch needed walk wherever you go proud instead of defeated. Your wife needs to understand and I'm sure she does just because while it seems to suck right now, it'll get better. IT GETS BETTER...And I can't tell you it'll be better tomorrow or next week or next month but eventually the good days will come back, hell it starts with the good hours bro. It really does. Then once you go through enough shit days with good hours mixed in you get a couple good days here and there. and then pretty soon the good days outweigh the bad.
You can't focus on the bad bro...I know its hard not to. But today you're gonna have a couple good hours, shit you might only get a couple good minutes...but thats what you need to see...You focus on the suck all you see is suck...You focus on the WIN, no matter how little they may seem...pretty soon its hard to even notice the suck. It's just like W2W was saying Bro.
I believe in you bro, you're kicking ass.
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Day 75
Just an update. I need to vent and get some stuff off my chest. Its about 2:00pm. I am back at school today. I am fighting obsessive thoughts all day long. I try and keep my mind busy and work all day. Just like I have the past week. The part that scares me is that my brain is starting to plan going back to chewing again. What I am going to say to my family members. What I am going to say to my parents. What I am going to say to you guys. I feel like this is why I had a mental breakdown. It was because my brain or my mind is planning these things. But I know what is right and wrong and what I should do and should not do. After all it is a choice. Why is it that this path is hard for me? I feel that a lot of the people that I am quitting with might be having an easier time. And or they are happy about their quit. I guess I am not there yet. As my days go on. Sometimes I feel it is harder to stay quit then it was the first few weeks. This should not become harder. It should become easier. Does not help that yesterday was an all time low for me. I was stuck inside at home all day and cried. I cried a lot. This is getting to be draining but today is a glimmer of hope. Other then the whole my mind is planning to go back to chewing bit. I do not really know how to take that or what to think about it. It is hard to say. Maybe other people are not having an easier time then me. Maybe the just don't talk about it. Right now I am sweating for some reason. I do not know if it is hot in here or if I am just beginning to freak out. I have started to work out. I have started to run every other morning. It is a run/walk. I try and go as long as I can, then I walk a bit. Mentally I am drained. I just feel it is a miracle that I have made it this far.
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I just asked my Dad if I could go back to chewing because I want my life to be back to normal. He said its my choice. He would not be disappointed. That is where I am at. I do not know what to do anymore. My mind keeps flicking back and forth.
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I just asked my Dad if I could go back to chewing because I want my life to be back to normal. He said its my choice. He would not be disappointed. That is where I am at. I do not know what to do anymore. My mind keeps flicking back and forth.
No offense bro...but that'd be pretty dumb. Talk to a doc, get on the right meds, keep trying med's until you find the right med. Talk to the therapist until maybe you can get off the meds. Take some suppliments that help. Magnesium and lemon balm leaf help me.
If you have to be on meds the rest of your life...at least they wont kill you like dip will.
You are going to quit dipping eventually. You're gonna go through the same thing then as you are now except then you'll have to deal with it for an extra 75 days that you've already made it through.
I can't stress enough...Go talk to your doc. Get on the right meds.
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I am getting off all the meds. I am going to give it a few days. I am going to see how I feel then. I have had a pretty bad experience with meds the last 3 meds I have taken. If there is stuff I need to handle it looks like I will handle it on my own. If I canÂ’t sleep, I will get some Tylenol pm or zzzquil. ThatÂ’s the plan as of right now.
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Your still here. Fighting. That's amazing. But you dont understand just how bad ass you've been this whole time Bubba. Do you realize others in your shoes probably would have caved by now? But not you. Your stronger than that.
I just want you to hear it from the other side, I dont see you as weak, I see a really tough ass man making the right decision day in and day out, even when you think you dont want to. Deep down you really do, and you know that, that's why your still quit. And will be staying that way.
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Day 76
Alright, morning started off pretty good. The day got rolling and I have some pretty drastic mood swings. I cannot tell you why but I do. I am going to assume its because I have been putting all these meds into my body. I need to give this a few days and let my body level out. Need to try and get some good sleep tonight and then go from there. I feel a lot of people are getting sick of me on KTC. I had one person that I look up to explain to me that he believes I am a sympathy junkie. And that I am addicted to the social media experience on KTC. He very well could be correct. I am not denying anything. I did not want to mention his name just to keep it private. But I do kind of understand where he is coming from. I feel like I am in this loop of feeling sorry for myself and not really being able to heal myself all together. I mean I am still contemplating going back to the poison. The thing that I do realize is that I would not say this second or this day or even tomorrow for that matter is a good time for me to go back to chewing. I obviously has some issues that I am trying to figure out. I do not believe that today is a great day to see if chew will solve my issues. Sometimes I love the battle to say no. Sometimes my body cannot handle the battle to say no.
With all of this being said. I feel maybe I do need to take some time off of KTC. Just to kind of get my barometric pressure adjusted right. And to see if I truly want to do this. Dudes, I am not saying that I am going back in the next couple days to the chew. I am just saying that I likely need a few days for self reflection and self regulation. Hell maybe I will be rejuvenated after a few days. Or maybe I will find the answers that I am looking for by myself. Because all I have done the last 76 days is look for answers on here and read and read and read and PM people looking for answers. Maybe the answers are right in front of me. Maybe I just need to go about my day and see how my moods are without KTC and without Chew. I feel sometimes I make a promise and I am a man of my word and that is the only reason why I am quit. Not because it is my choice. I want to see what I want to do. And it would be good for me to take a day or two away from the site. This is not a planned cave. This is not me telling you I am going to give up. It is me trying to discover what I need to discover in myself. Without any attention from the KTC community. I am going to try and stay away for at least 2 days. I may not be able to. Obviously you would find out if I cant. Because I would be back on my intro posting about my day.
By the way, with whatever happens to me in the future. I do respect everyone on KTC and I do respect every bodies time. We are all addicts and we all have our own choices to make. I cannot feel bad if I let people down. and People cannot feel bad if they let me down.
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Afternoon day 76
This shouldnÂ’t be this dam hard. Why the crap do I obsess over this. I shouldnÂ’t have to reach out and cry about this every dam day. I am not going to the doctor I am not taking anymore
Meds. My act needs to get together. My hardest time are my down times and my mind starts wandering. It is crap. I pray and I breath deep and I try to focus on other things. I have to come outside everyday after work and sit on the step. Then I get on here and start freaking out. I donÂ’t post in my month anymore so guys donÂ’t think IÂ’m looney. Or so people donÂ’t complain about my complaining. I post in my mind ntronnow because not everybody looks at them. I am still giving up KTC for a few days. Maybe thatÂ’s the problem. Then I freaking obsess over this crap. Maybe then I will find some hobbies or fun things to do rather then cry like a baby all the time on here. IÂ’m pissed more then anything. Pissed I canÂ’t chew today. Pissed that chew can kill me. Pissed that I am not a strong dude and can just let shit slide off my shoulder. I just want to start cussing. I freaking seriously believed that nothing bad would ever happen to me. I kept chewing
And chewing and chewing. Now IÂ’m so addicted I want to keep chewing. I canÂ’t even relax after work now because I am so addicted that my mind only wants one thing.
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DO NOT stop taking your meds without discussing it with your doctor first. I cannot stress this enough
DO NOT stop taking your meds without discussing it with your doctor first.
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You can stop. I'm not saying don't stop. But you HAVE to talk to your doctor about it before hand. There are some drugs that you HAVE to be taken off slowly, or replaced by another for a couple doses. Do Not stop taking your medication prior to discussing it with your doctor first.
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You can stop. I'm not saying don't stop. But you HAVE to talk to your doctor about it before hand. There are some drugs that you HAVE to be taken off slowly, or replaced by another for a couple doses. Do Not stop taking your medication prior to discussing it with your doctor first.
Bubba,
I don't know you from Adam, but I do know James. I also know GoneCruisin, and Mike from AB, and a lot of other great quitters that have had a hell of a time with anxiety. Some used meds short term, some need them forever. Some didn't use them at all. There is no stigma with getting some help. This isn't your fault, but whatever road you go down - you need to full on believe in and rely on... and give that road a chance.
And, again, you MUST get in a winning frame of mind. You have got to start winning mentally. Right now, your posts don't sound like you are winning, they sound like you are wearing out after a 70+ day fight. Stop and smell the roses and if even for a second realize that you are winning a gigantic battle. Oh, one more thing, no more talk of caving and asking your parents if it is OK to cave. We don't talk like losers around these parts. We are winners, and by God we act like it.
You can do this bro.
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DonÂ’t even know how to feel. At my daughters ball game and I swear you notice everyone dipping. IÂ’m not craving. Just saying, man I hope that dude isnÂ’t swallowing. IÂ’m not judging IÂ’m just saying I hope he is smart enough to spit. Even thatÂ’s not smart. His little dude can play too. IÂ’ve thrown BP to him and he has whacked me in the nuts. Kids a little lefty and can hit some ropes.
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This is some powerful testimony, brother. I read some of your journal early on, but I haven't been back for awhile. And after what I read this morning I have to say that I am super proud of you. You are one tough dude to still be standing tall.
My advice to you is to stop comparing your quit to everyone else's quit. This is your journey, not theirs. Some of us are just destined to travel a different path. Some paths are easy, and some are more difficult. We don't always get to choose which path we travel. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help along the way.
I have had my struggles too. I am 137 days quit today and I feel pretty damn good. But, I still occasionally find myself talking out loud to a dead friend of mine. I have no fucking idea why I do it. I swear I have no control over it. It usually happens when I am completely exhausted and trying to push through to finish whatever physical task I am working on. For whatever reason it just sometimes feels like he is there with me trying to encourage me to keep moving forward. I have analyzed the shit out of it in my down time. I seriously think it is just my permanently altered subconscious trying to help me through the day. But, who knows? I am to the point where I don't really care whether I am talking to myself or to the ghost of Christmas past or to the Easter bunny. All I care about is that I am adding one more day to my day count.
I am not going to pretend to have any answers for you. All I can do is share the things that have worked for me. And the number one thing that has worked for me has been to just stay busy. I have learned that idle time is my enemy. As long as I am doing something, my addict brain seems to leave me alone. And the more physical that something is, the better it seems to distract me. Exercise and hard physical labor have kept me on my road to recovery. I have also pretty much changed everything about my daily routines to eliminate as many triggers as possible. Shit, I even bought a new truck yesterday because the old one was still kind of a little trigger for me every once in awhile. I have committed myself to doing whatever it takes to stay quit.
Reading your journal this morning has strengthened my quit. It takes a real man to share his struggles. Thank you. I am proud to quit with you today.
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I feel it has helped me to stay away from KTC. I feel that I obsess and then ruminate over my thoughts if I am on KTC to much throughout the day. I will likely post roll in the morning or have someone get me a text pickup. If I am not on the site all the time then I am not always thinking about chew and then I can live a bit. I do not know if this makes sense to any of you but it does to me. I am still searching for who I want to be as a person. How do I want to be known from people? Not in a performance based setting but in a relationship based setting. What do I want people to remember me by. I am kinda on a journey of self-discovery. If that makes any sense. I am going to try like dam not to be on the site all the time today and throughout the weekend. I just get on here and start reading and start ruminating over things that I should not worry about. I have started getting better at running. I have only been drinking water throughout the day. I have an occasional none caffeinated pop if we go out to eat. I do not really worry about what I am eating. I can just tell that my portions are not as big as they used to be. I have been working out for the last however many days and I feel my pants getting loose.
Most people love remembering their day count. I feel when I say my day count in the morning that it can get me down and depressed. I cannot tell you why. I feel it is because at first it was hard for me and it would get me down right away in the morning and then I would not be able to snap out of it. If I could forget my day count that would be great. Because then I wouldn't ruminate on that.
I have been going to a lot of therapy sessions and they have been telling me that when I am wanting chew that could mean I am feeling a certain feeling. Like I hate this, or this sucks, or I am mad. Because I would mask all of my feelings with nicotine then it would make me happy. This idea does make a bit of sense to me so I am going with it. When I get a craving or an urge I need to realize I could just be mad or sad about something.
By the way the last day that I went crazy in my quit group. I was actually mad at first but then I kept going and I was making myself laugh. I had a good time posting what I posted. It put me in a good mood.
Anyhow, I am hoping that I am going to be able to start handling myself better now. I am hoping that getting off the meds will not make me have such drastic mood swings. I have also came to the conclusion that forever is to big of a word for me. Some guys on here just lose it and start talking about forever and you can never chew again. Well, with me, forever is to big of a word. It freaks me out way too much. So when I wake up, I go for a run, and Hopefully day by day I will wake up and fight, wake up and say if I can beat yesterday, I can beat today. Forever is just to much for me and I hope you understand that. However I need to start learning to live One Day at a time. That is not as scary to me.
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Hey Bubba... I've been reading your posts here and I just wanted to share my congrats and mad respect for you while you are working through this. I can't possibly offer anything in the way of advise that the other bad asses on here have done so well at. But I want you to know that you have inspired me and I am here for you if you need anything. My work requires me to be on call 24x7 so I'm going to PM you my digits, if you need to text or chat or call someone, know I'll be there with you, anytime you may need. It will get better, there is no other option. Stay strong in your quit and know that we are all here quitting with you brother!
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One day at a time is all we can do, Bubba. Proud to be quick with you every day. Just keep posting those promises.
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Your attitude is changing. Your starting to figure things out. I hear the day count getting you down thing. It rang true for me too for a while. But just like you said. Live one day at a time. Appreciate today's number, because it's the last time you'll have it brother. 138 for me, I think, man 1138 would be cooler, but after more thought, 138 is just fine. I ate lunch with my family, and get to hang all day with them doing whatever we want. Doesnt matter what the number is, it's the fact that today is good. I hope yours is too man. Quit with you bub.
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I feel it has helped me to stay away from KTC. I feel that I obsess and then ruminate over my thoughts if I am on KTC to much throughout the day. I will likely post roll in the morning or have someone get me a text pickup. If I am not on the site all the time then I am not always thinking about chew and then I can live a bit. I do not know if this makes sense to any of you but it does to me. I am still searching for who I want to be as a person. How do I want to be known from people? Not in a performance based setting but in a relationship based setting. What do I want people to remember me by. I am kinda on a journey of self-discovery. If that makes any sense. I am going to try like dam not to be on the site all the time today and throughout the weekend. I just get on here and start reading and start ruminating over things that I should not worry about. I have started getting better at running. I have only been drinking water throughout the day. I have an occasional none caffeinated pop if we go out to eat. I do not really worry about what I am eating. I can just tell that my portions are not as big as they used to be. I have been working out for the last however many days and I feel my pants getting loose.
Most people love remembering their day count. I feel when I say my day count in the morning that it can get me down and depressed. I cannot tell you why. I feel it is because at first it was hard for me and it would get me down right away in the morning and then I would not be able to snap out of it. If I could forget my day count that would be great. Because then I wouldn't ruminate on that.
I have been going to a lot of therapy sessions and they have been telling me that when I am wanting chew that could mean I am feeling a certain feeling. Like I hate this, or this sucks, or I am mad. Because I would mask all of my feelings with nicotine then it would make me happy. This idea does make a bit of sense to me so I am going with it. When I get a craving or an urge I need to realize I could just be mad or sad about something.
By the way the last day that I went crazy in my quit group. I was actually mad at first but then I kept going and I was making myself laugh. I had a good time posting what I posted. It put me in a good mood.
Anyhow, I am hoping that I am going to be able to start handling myself better now. I am hoping that getting off the meds will not make me have such drastic mood swings. I have also came to the conclusion that forever is to big of a word for me. Some guys on here just lose it and start talking about forever and you can never chew again. Well, with me, forever is to big of a word. It freaks me out way too much. So when I wake up, I go for a run, and Hopefully day by day I will wake up and fight, wake up and say if I can beat yesterday, I can beat today. Forever is just to much for me and I hope you understand that. However I need to start learning to live One Day at a time. That is not as scary to me.
In the end, it's you and God.
No nicotine.
No KTC.
No wife.
No kids.
No family.
You
and God.
You came into this world alone.
You leave it alone.
God sends you here.
God receives you.
Nothing else matters.
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I feel it has helped me to stay away from KTC. I feel that I obsess and then ruminate over my thoughts if I am on KTC to much throughout the day. I will likely post roll in the morning or have someone get me a text pickup. If I am not on the site all the time then I am not always thinking about chew and then I can live a bit. I do not know if this makes sense to any of you but it does to me. I am still searching for who I want to be as a person. How do I want to be known from people? Not in a performance based setting but in a relationship based setting. What do I want people to remember me by. I am kinda on a journey of self-discovery. If that makes any sense. I am going to try like dam not to be on the site all the time today and throughout the weekend. I just get on here and start reading and start ruminating over things that I should not worry about. I have started getting better at running. I have only been drinking water throughout the day. I have an occasional none caffeinated pop if we go out to eat. I do not really worry about what I am eating. I can just tell that my portions are not as big as they used to be. I have been working out for the last however many days and I feel my pants getting loose.
Most people love remembering their day count. I feel when I say my day count in the morning that it can get me down and depressed. I cannot tell you why. I feel it is because at first it was hard for me and it would get me down right away in the morning and then I would not be able to snap out of it. If I could forget my day count that would be great. Because then I wouldn't ruminate on that.
I have been going to a lot of therapy sessions and they have been telling me that when I am wanting chew that could mean I am feeling a certain feeling. Like I hate this, or this sucks, or I am mad. Because I would mask all of my feelings with nicotine then it would make me happy. This idea does make a bit of sense to me so I am going with it. When I get a craving or an urge I need to realize I could just be mad or sad about something.
By the way the last day that I went crazy in my quit group. I was actually mad at first but then I kept going and I was making myself laugh. I had a good time posting what I posted. It put me in a good mood.
Anyhow, I am hoping that I am going to be able to start handling myself better now. I am hoping that getting off the meds will not make me have such drastic mood swings. I have also came to the conclusion that forever is to big of a word for me. Some guys on here just lose it and start talking about forever and you can never chew again. Well, with me, forever is to big of a word. It freaks me out way too much. So when I wake up, I go for a run, and Hopefully day by day I will wake up and fight, wake up and say if I can beat yesterday, I can beat today. Forever is just to much for me and I hope you understand that. However I need to start learning to live One Day at a time. That is not as scary to me.
In the end, it's you and God.
No nicotine.
No KTC.
No wife.
No kids.
No family.
You
and God.
You came into this world alone.
You leave it alone.
God sends you here.
God receives you.
Nothing else matters.
Love how Irish broke that down. We can't quit for you brother. You need to quit yourself - one day at a time.
I will hit 1,000 days within a week. I'm still addicted. I wake up sometimes and I think I caved because I dreamed about caving in my sleep. After so many days of this I have just accepted that I'm never going to be cured. I'm an addict and I always will be. But I still wake up every morning and I can still make choices. I choose not to use nicotine today! Hang in there brother! You can do this!
-
Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
This is my question, I have been pondering this for awhile. I am going to ask the question but not check back till later tonight. I need to go enjoy the day with my family. If nicotine is the same type of drug as lorazepam am I making the healing process take longer if I take that drug? I have not taking that for a few weeks, but if I get overly emotional I am supposed to take it. Please give me your thoughts or ideas. Enjoy your day!
-
Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
This is my question, I have been pondering this for awhile. I am going to ask the question but not check back till later tonight. I need to go enjoy the day with my family. If nicotine is the same type of drug as lorazepam am I making the healing process take longer if I take that drug? I have not taking that for a few weeks, but if I get overly emotional I am supposed to take it. Please give me your thoughts or ideas. Enjoy your day!
Saying that nicotine and lorazepam are both anxiolytics mean that they both can reduce anxiety. But they're not really the same kind of drug-- nicotine is an alkaloid, while lorazepam is a benzodiazepine. They work in different ways, by affecting different parts of the cells in your brain. I don't know that there's any way to say definitively, but my suspicion would be that using lorazepam as needed is not going to be a major disruption in the healing process.
But even more importantly, you gotta keep yourself healthy and in a good place mentally! If your doctor has recommended taking lorazepam when things get tough as a part of helping you be your healthiest self, then you should heed that advice. Plus, I would think that improved emotional state would be helpful for staying strong in your quit!
Stay strong brother, we're all here for you! Hope you have a great memorial day.
-
Night 39
Sharing some praise! God is Good! God is Real!
Brothers in quit, I am not shitting you but God spoke to me tonight. At our college baseball spring fling. I am on the fundraising board. The guest speaker. Is a deacon in the Catholic Church. I have been praying all day for god to show me a sign that everything will be ok.
Sure enough, the deacon closed with “My cleanup hitter is and always will be Jesus Christ!”
That same saying is one that I have used my whole life and have not heard anyone else say it.
When I was 19 I had it tattooed on my back left shoulder around a baseball. And the 1969 padres logo. “God is my cleanup hitter”
Pray! God may not give us instant healing but he will show you he is there. Faith is built and I was not a great believer until the last 39 days. I am building my faith with god!
What do you know. Tomorrow is my 40th day. And god will be by my side. How many people in the Bible wandered for 40 days and nights? He sent me a sign that he is here! He is with me!
The anxiety and panic gets better bro. IÂ’m promising you it does...just be strong for you and make your request known to God! My story is somewhat similar, but I am at 132 days free and the anxiety, panic and emotions are controlled for the most part. Sometimes my brain tries to highjack me, but I shut it down! This takes time just let God do is work man.... trouble suffering is just your walk towards the blessings coming. Do it for you man! And obviously give the big man the glory!
Romans 12:2
Stay strong! The future you is a beast!
-
Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
This is my question, I have been pondering this for awhile. I am going to ask the question but not check back till later tonight. I need to go enjoy the day with my family. If nicotine is the same type of drug as lorazepam am I making the healing process take longer if I take that drug? I have not taking that for a few weeks, but if I get overly emotional I am supposed to take it. Please give me your thoughts or ideas. Enjoy your day!
Saying that nicotine and lorazepam are both anxiolytics mean that they both can reduce anxiety. But they're not really the same kind of drug-- nicotine is an alkaloid, while lorazepam is a benzodiazepine. They work in different ways, by affecting different parts of the cells in your brain. I don't know that there's any way to say definitively, but my suspicion would be that using lorazepam as needed is not going to be a major disruption in the healing process.
But even more importantly, you gotta keep yourself healthy and in a good place mentally! If your doctor has recommended taking lorazepam when things get tough as a part of helping you be your healthiest self, then you should heed that advice. Plus, I would think that improved emotional state would be helpful for staying strong in your quit!
Stay strong brother, we're all here for you! Hope you have a great memorial day.
So, Koba is right in that nicotine and lorazepam are different drugs, different classes and work differently in the body, affecting different receptors. The therapeutic effect, however, has some similarity and that being short-term anxiety relief. Lorazepam, and other benzos are used for short-term relief of anxiety, however, if you require long-term or more chronic relief, the treatment of choice are antidepressants, and most commonly seretonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Celexa, Lexapro, Zoloft, etc. Moving on from Steak the R.Ph.
To your question, are you making the healing process longer by substituting the anxiolytic properties of lorazepam in place of nicotine. My impression (which is purely my impression and is as good as the next guy's), based on all that you've written is that you have some sort of mental health issue, like anxiety or depression. You've self medicated with nicotine to aid with whatever is causing that and now that you're close to 3 months removed from nicotine, you're dealing with a root issue at hand.
You keep blaming nicotine for your anxiety/depression, like quitting nicotine is the reason you have anxiety and depression. Thing is, if you were popping lorazepam instead of dipping and then suddenly stopped the lorazepam, you'd be blaming lorazepam for your anxiety and depression. The nicotine is out of your system now ...you gotta stop romancing it like it's going to solve your problems, when its actually going to kill you. Difference between lorazepam and nicotine, is that lorazepam (when used under the direction of a physician) is safer. So, treat the anxiety. Treat the depression. Drugs to treat that stuff take 3-4 weeks to get a therapeutic effect and a similar amount of time for side effects to wane.
Time to man up and face the music. Treat the underlying issue and not the symptom
-
Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
This is my question, I have been pondering this for awhile. I am going to ask the question but not check back till later tonight. I need to go enjoy the day with my family. If nicotine is the same type of drug as lorazepam am I making the healing process take longer if I take that drug? I have not taking that for a few weeks, but if I get overly emotional I am supposed to take it. Please give me your thoughts or ideas. Enjoy your day!
Saying that nicotine and lorazepam are both anxiolytics mean that they both can reduce anxiety. But they're not really the same kind of drug-- nicotine is an alkaloid, while lorazepam is a benzodiazepine. They work in different ways, by affecting different parts of the cells in your brain. I don't know that there's any way to say definitively, but my suspicion would be that using lorazepam as needed is not going to be a major disruption in the healing process.
But even more importantly, you gotta keep yourself healthy and in a good place mentally! If your doctor has recommended taking lorazepam when things get tough as a part of helping you be your healthiest self, then you should heed that advice. Plus, I would think that improved emotional state would be helpful for staying strong in your quit!
Stay strong brother, we're all here for you! Hope you have a great memorial day.
So, Koba is right in that nicotine and lorazepam are different drugs, different classes and work differently in the body, affecting different receptors. The therapeutic effect, however, has some similarity and that being short-term anxiety relief. Lorazepam, and other benzos are used for short-term relief of anxiety, however, if you require long-term or more chronic relief, the treatment of choice are antidepressants, and most commonly seretonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Celexa, Lexapro, Zoloft, etc. Moving on from Steak the R.Ph.
To your question, are you making the healing process longer by substituting the anxiolytic properties of lorazepam in place of nicotine. My impression (which is purely my impression and is as good as the next guy's), based on all that you've written is that you have some sort of mental health issue, like anxiety or depression. You've self medicated with nicotine to aid with whatever is causing that and now that you're close to 3 months removed from nicotine, you're dealing with a root issue at hand.
You keep blaming nicotine for your anxiety/depression, like quitting nicotine is the reason you have anxiety and depression. Thing is, if you were popping lorazepam instead of dipping and then suddenly stopped the lorazepam, you'd be blaming lorazepam for your anxiety and depression. The nicotine is out of your system now ...you gotta stop romancing it like it's going to solve your problems, when its actually going to kill you. Difference between lorazepam and nicotine, is that lorazepam (when used under the direction of a physician) is safer. So, treat the anxiety. Treat the depression. Drugs to treat that stuff take 3-4 weeks to get a therapeutic effect and a similar amount of time for side effects to wane.
Time to man up and face the music. Treat the underlying issue and not the symptom
IÂ’ve been in pretty good spirits. I have been having pretty good days. Trying to keep busy and not dwell on stuff. I have not taken any meds. I have just been working out and drinking water and taking Z Sleep. ItÂ’s the tablet form of Zzzquil. I feel the meds were messing with my brain more. Making me down. There is no magic pill for me here. Just me proving to myself that I can live without chew! That I can golf and fish and still love baseball without it.
-
Hey Bubba, I've been thinking. The way this intro reads, especially when you say things like "just one" it sounds like (for you) the experience of quitting nicotine has given you a ton of anxiety and depression. However, I think there is a different angle here, one that most of us are familiar with, and that is the self-medicating component of nicotine addiction. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - like Lorazepam. Most of us have self-medicated with nicotine for years. But when you remove your maintenance drug for anxiety, you're still left with the anxiety and/or depression. You're 70+ days in and there is no nicotine in your system, so you're left with the anxiety and depression - and probably the first time you've ever had to face that head on without nicotine as a crutch. Anyhow, I think this explains why you feel this way so long after having killed the can.
Oh, and that comment about taking out the "addiction" in you. This is 100% true.
I am an addict. I'll always be an addict. Today I sit at 1622 days quit and I am no longer an addicted addict. In other words, I am an addict, but I am not addicted. And this is why I post roll every day like my life depends on it ...because it does.
This is my question, I have been pondering this for awhile. I am going to ask the question but not check back till later tonight. I need to go enjoy the day with my family. If nicotine is the same type of drug as lorazepam am I making the healing process take longer if I take that drug? I have not taking that for a few weeks, but if I get overly emotional I am supposed to take it. Please give me your thoughts or ideas. Enjoy your day!
Saying that nicotine and lorazepam are both anxiolytics mean that they both can reduce anxiety. But they're not really the same kind of drug-- nicotine is an alkaloid, while lorazepam is a benzodiazepine. They work in different ways, by affecting different parts of the cells in your brain. I don't know that there's any way to say definitively, but my suspicion would be that using lorazepam as needed is not going to be a major disruption in the healing process.
But even more importantly, you gotta keep yourself healthy and in a good place mentally! If your doctor has recommended taking lorazepam when things get tough as a part of helping you be your healthiest self, then you should heed that advice. Plus, I would think that improved emotional state would be helpful for staying strong in your quit!
Stay strong brother, we're all here for you! Hope you have a great memorial day.
So, Koba is right in that nicotine and lorazepam are different drugs, different classes and work differently in the body, affecting different receptors. The therapeutic effect, however, has some similarity and that being short-term anxiety relief. Lorazepam, and other benzos are used for short-term relief of anxiety, however, if you require long-term or more chronic relief, the treatment of choice are antidepressants, and most commonly seretonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Celexa, Lexapro, Zoloft, etc. Moving on from Steak the R.Ph.
To your question, are you making the healing process longer by substituting the anxiolytic properties of lorazepam in place of nicotine. My impression (which is purely my impression and is as good as the next guy's), based on all that you've written is that you have some sort of mental health issue, like anxiety or depression. You've self medicated with nicotine to aid with whatever is causing that and now that you're close to 3 months removed from nicotine, you're dealing with a root issue at hand.
You keep blaming nicotine for your anxiety/depression, like quitting nicotine is the reason you have anxiety and depression. Thing is, if you were popping lorazepam instead of dipping and then suddenly stopped the lorazepam, you'd be blaming lorazepam for your anxiety and depression. The nicotine is out of your system now ...you gotta stop romancing it like it's going to solve your problems, when its actually going to kill you. Difference between lorazepam and nicotine, is that lorazepam (when used under the direction of a physician) is safer. So, treat the anxiety. Treat the depression. Drugs to treat that stuff take 3-4 weeks to get a therapeutic effect and a similar amount of time for side effects to wane.
Time to man up and face the music. Treat the underlying issue and not the symptom
IÂ’ve been in pretty good spirits. I have been having pretty good days. Trying to keep busy and not dwell on stuff. I have not taken any meds. I have just been working out and drinking water and taking Z Sleep. ItÂ’s the tablet form of Zzzquil. I feel the meds were messing with my brain more. Making me down. There is no magic pill for me here. Just me proving to myself that I can live without chew! That I can golf and fish and still love baseball without it.
Hey bubba no sugar coating here. Man up grab your sack and get it done. Hell I dipped 38 years been quit over 3 years now and I still get cravings but you know what I hate that shit and what it has done to me all those years. It damn sure not gonna help you with any of your symptoms. You must take control and realize youÂ’re having these problems now because you chose to dip. If you think being away from the sites gonna keep you from thinking about dip, let me know how that goes. Post your promise early every damn morning and let your brain Rewire itself and also realize you are living a normal life now and thatÂ’s part of the problem, you really donÂ’t know yet, what normal is supposed to be....for myself and so many more on here itÂ’s wonderful! Quit on
-
Went fishing today...still had some fun...after I didnÂ’t know how to feel... got some lunch and all was good...just retraining myself that life is good without!
-
Feeling uneasy this AM. I canÂ’t tell you why. Spirits have been up lately. I think itÂ’s because I am tentative to feel good because I was feeling so shifty before. Does that make sense? Has anyone else felt this way? Maybe I just need to remember thatÂ’s its just emotions I am feeling, and not
The urge to chew. Because if I was any emotion I was putting the cat shit in my mouth.
-
Maybe I just need to remember thatÂ’s its just emotions I am feeling, and not the urge to chew. ...
That right there is what we call an epiphany. And it's a major step in the right direction. Huge. Game changing. Rock on warrior of quit.
-
Feeling weird, I feel itÂ’s because it is the first Day or summer vacation. I get worried about having enough to do. I just think itÂ’s nerves. Feelings that I havenÂ’t felt in a long time. I worry a bit. Worry that I will enjoy the summer. I am sure the summer is going to fly by. I actually will have a lot to do between fixing sprinklers, a college class I am taking and vacations. If anybody else gets these feelings or did let me know. Just wondering if it is normal? I talk to a lot of guys that are quit and a lot that that have quit and start back up. I guess it just scares me. Then worrying about if I can stay quit in the future. When I have those thoughts I just tell myself ODAAT!
-
I do pretty well when I am busy and have stuff to do. When I have a few down hours. Man I can start to lose my mind. I have been getting better at realizing there are a few things I can do to relax now. I meditate, I like sitting on my front step or back patio. I like playing with my kids. But alone time can be hard. Just Gotta remember there is things I can do. ODAAT...
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I donÂ’t know how to describe how I am feeling...weird? Nervous? I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s anxiety...I really donÂ’t think it is...I broke down for a few minutes after describing to my wife how I was feeling. I am tearing up right now typing...just had a meeting at my district building about a free trip I get to go on by myself in July to colonial Williamsburg. The only thought in my stupid head is man that trip would be super good if I could dip. Man I donÂ’t know what the heck is going on. I have been doing super good lately with my emotions. I still can tell this is different. I am not fully going bat shit crazy. I feel this would have been a lot easier if I wouldnÂ’t have touched the meds. The meds I feel made me go crazy. Now I feel I am getting normal emotions from getting off dip. And itÂ’s not about how bad I have struggled but about this journey. Dammit IÂ’m still crying. At points I just wish I had someone that was exactly like me. Went the same journey as me so I could talk to them. But thatÂ’s not what this is about. ItÂ’s up to me. ItÂ’s my choice to put shit in my mouth or not. I can put seeds, gum, jolly ranchers, fake dip. But not cat shit. The last couple days I have started feeling bad about using fake again for some reason. That doesnÂ’t matter either. Just as long as itÂ’s not cat shit that can kill me. I am feeling better now. I wasnÂ’t even really that down. I just was feeling an emotion. When I struggle it is when I donÂ’t know what emotion I am feeling. I think I was nervous? Scared? After all the meeting was about the future and the future freaks me out! Alright IÂ’m done. Going to go cook pork chops on the grill and then go to LL. Thanks
ODAAT!
No more obsessing tonight! Go to baseball and have fun!
-
I donÂ’t know how to describe how I am feeling...weird? Nervous? I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s anxiety...I really donÂ’t think it is...I broke down for a few minutes after describing to my wife how I was feeling. I am tearing up right now typing...just had a meeting at my district building about a free trip I get to go on by myself in July to colonial Williamsburg. The only thought in my stupid head is man that trip would be super good if I could dip. Man I donÂ’t know what the heck is going on. I have been doing super good lately with my emotions. I still can tell this is different. I am not fully going bat shit crazy. I feel this would have been a lot easier if I wouldnÂ’t have touched the meds. The meds I feel made me go crazy. Now I feel I am getting normal emotions from getting off dip. And itÂ’s not about how bad I have struggled but about this journey. Dammit IÂ’m still crying. At points I just wish I had someone that was exactly like me. Went the same journey as me so I could talk to them. But thatÂ’s not what this is about. ItÂ’s up to me. ItÂ’s my choice to put shit in my mouth or not. I can put seeds, gum, jolly ranchers, fake dip. But not cat shit. The last couple days I have started feeling bad about using fake again for some reason. That doesnÂ’t matter either. Just as long as itÂ’s not cat shit that can kill me. I am feeling better now. I wasnÂ’t even really that down. I just was feeling an emotion. When I struggle it is when I donÂ’t know what emotion I am feeling. I think I was nervous? Scared? After all the meeting was about the future and the future freaks me out! Alright IÂ’m done. Going to go cook pork chops on the grill and then go to LL. Thanks
ODAAT!
No more obsessing tonight! Go to baseball and have fun!
There are a lot more people on this site than you think that are going through all the same things you are. I am always a PM away Bubba, you know that. Stay strong, this shit isn't easy to kick man. I've quit a lot of things and nothing compares to quitting dip. You have to remember how strong you are to make it this far.
-
I donÂ’t know how to describe how I am feeling...weird? Nervous? I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s anxiety...I really donÂ’t think it is...I broke down for a few minutes after describing to my wife how I was feeling. I am tearing up right now typing...just had a meeting at my district building about a free trip I get to go on by myself in July to colonial Williamsburg. The only thought in my stupid head is man that trip would be super good if I could dip. Man I donÂ’t know what the heck is going on. I have been doing super good lately with my emotions. I still can tell this is different. I am not fully going bat shit crazy. I feel this would have been a lot easier if I wouldnÂ’t have touched the meds. The meds I feel made me go crazy. Now I feel I am getting normal emotions from getting off dip. And itÂ’s not about how bad I have struggled but about this journey. Dammit IÂ’m still crying. At points I just wish I had someone that was exactly like me. Went the same journey as me so I could talk to them. But thatÂ’s not what this is about. ItÂ’s up to me. ItÂ’s my choice to put shit in my mouth or not. I can put seeds, gum, jolly ranchers, fake dip. But not cat shit. The last couple days I have started feeling bad about using fake again for some reason. That doesnÂ’t matter either. Just as long as itÂ’s not cat shit that can kill me. I am feeling better now. I wasnÂ’t even really that down. I just was feeling an emotion. When I struggle it is when I donÂ’t know what emotion I am feeling. I think I was nervous? Scared? After all the meeting was about the future and the future freaks me out! Alright IÂ’m done. Going to go cook pork chops on the grill and then go to LL. Thanks
ODAAT!
No more obsessing tonight! Go to baseball and have fun!
There are a lot more people on this site than you think that are going through all the same things you are. I am always a PM away Bubba, you know that. Stay strong, this shit isn't easy to kick man. I've quit a lot of things and nothing compares to quitting dip. You have to remember how strong you are to make it this far.
Bubba I have been there. Hell I still feel overwhelmed like that all the time.
Rawls told me this, shortly after my life imploded....
“In order to make the best wine you need to crush the grapes beyond recognition. God wants to make a fine wine out of you, in order to do so, he needs to crush you.”
Surrender to to him and begin to let our Father be a Father. Where there is light there can be no darkness.
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Is there a funk in the 90Â’s. IÂ’m not that down, just kinda bored. I have just been laying around this morning and man. Not feeling terrible but just weird again. Maybe I just need to start my day and stop laying around. Get off KTC and go out and enjoy this gloomy rainy day. But seriously...anybody else feel this way?
-
Thinking out load, so your telling me that if you keep posting a promise, but you really want to dip, or you really want to cave. Then after time those feelings would go away? If you posted a promise daily and kept to it? DonÂ’t you love my mind?
-
Thinking out load, so your telling me that if you keep posting a promise, but you really want to dip, or you really want to cave. Then after time those feelings would go away? If you posted a promise daily and kept to it? DonÂ’t you love my mind?
Posting gives everyone your word for the day. If your word is worth a shit, youÂ’ll keep your word. YouÂ’ve already seen how much help people will give daily to help you keep your word.
Healing takes time. And that is what this process is... healing. In time things get better. When? Everyone is different. But there are turning points along the way. This will not be a constant fight. There will be peace ahead. But your job isnÂ’t to try to get there. It is to keep your word today.
Does that help?
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Thinking out load, so your telling me that if you keep posting a promise, but you really want to dip, or you really want to cave. Then after time those feelings would go away? If you posted a promise daily and kept to it? DonÂ’t you love my mind?
Posting gives everyone your word for the day. If your word is worth a shit, youÂ’ll keep your word. YouÂ’ve already seen how much help people will give daily to help you keep your word.
Healing takes time. And that is what this process is... healing. In time things get better. When? Everyone is different. But there are turning points along the way. This will not be a constant fight. There will be peace ahead. But your job isnÂ’t to try to get there. It is to keep your word today.
Does that help?
Yea your good...I am probly in a small funk...teared up once...but dunks or weird moods now are not destroying my days...I can survive and function...I may keep working to stay busy...because I still donÂ’t like downtime...That will come too...
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Thinking out load, so your telling me that if you keep posting a promise, but you really want to dip, or you really want to cave. Then after time those feelings would go away? If you posted a promise daily and kept to it? DonÂ’t you love my mind?
Posting gives everyone your word for the day. If your word is worth a shit, youÂ’ll keep your word. YouÂ’ve already seen how much help people will give daily to help you keep your word.
Healing takes time. And that is what this process is... healing. In time things get better. When? Everyone is different. But there are turning points along the way. This will not be a constant fight. There will be peace ahead. But your job isnÂ’t to try to get there. It is to keep your word today.
Does that help?
Yea your good...I am probly in a small funk...teared up once...but dunks or weird moods now are not destroying my days...I can survive and function...I may keep working to stay busy...because I still donÂ’t like downtime...That will come too...
Bro you have really come a long way. YouÂ’ve fought like hell. YouÂ’ve had to rewire a lot of your brain. But you are figuring it out and you are winning. Even in the midst of the struggles that remain, I hope you feel 10Â’ tall. You should.
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As many of you know I can tend to be a negative person. I have found that out. I also struggle to
Move on from things. My mind tends to move in the direction of, your quitting because you havenÂ’t lived any of your life without it. And my mind tend to say, just quit for a year, see how you feel then. My mind is a crazy place. I am hoping that I learn to live without and that my mind will finally settle with one day at a time and IÂ’m not touching it again. See when I quit it wasnÂ’t planned. I woke up seen some sores in my mouth and said IÂ’m done. Prior to that it was ah move it around. Everything will be alright. My mind comes up with everything to throw at me. Or I do it myself. Bubba you just drank to much pop. ItÂ’s ok. You can dip. I am letting you know. I am doing my best everyday. I donÂ’t know what the future will bring. ODAAT.
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Outsider observation:
Do you still feel like chewing is a good thing? Does the thought of it sound like a good idea? You speak of "just quitting for a year" and seem to romanticize dip.
Your doing something right because your still quit. I hope deep down in my soul that your brain constantly reminds you that it will kill you. Not put a sore in your mouth, not make your breath stink. Kill. Dead. See ya kids. See ya wife. Have fun without me. I chose dip over you.
I dont know why of all the intros I'm compelled to write on yours. But I wish you well man. Keep going.
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Outsider observation:
Do you still feel like chewing is a good thing? Does the thought of it sound like a good idea? You speak of "just quitting for a year" and seem to romanticize dip.
Your doing something right because your still quit. I hope deep down in my soul that your brain constantly reminds you that it will kill you. Not put a sore in your mouth, not make your breath stink. Kill. Dead. See ya kids. See ya wife. Have fun without me. I chose dip over you.
I dont know why of all the intros I'm compelled to write on yours. But I wish you well man. Keep going.
Yes Mack, my mind mulls all the information you stated just like yesterday I thinking romantically about dip and then started to tear up because that is selfish to think that way. I have lived a fairly selfish life so far.
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Hey there have been reading your intro should have contacted you sooner. I quit chew to mostly help with anxiety. I had anxiety issue before I quit tobacco. For some people its not the same eventually it got better for me but was just not myself started going to tharipist with anxiety there is underling issues that need resolved I'm hitting them head on lately and its spiking my anxiety but I will never dip. All the effort it took me to get here couldn't throw that out. I think it takes along time for the brain to rewire. I found that I'm a people pleaser have hard time saying no to others and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Just know those things is easy finding the reason we are the way we are is hard and and changing how we think of our selves and others and respond harder yet. Im changing myself and without my nic crutch its tough I've had issues at home and work at the same time and my body still wants this crap over year later. Just wonna say I understand but I wish I didn't lol
Ask for help cause I do get it I'm living it but I'm getting better
Jmckay 421
Ps keep that shit out of your mouth
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Just an FYI, I am going back to the town we moved away from today. We are going to see some old friends but itÂ’s going to be hard for me. My family was not very welcomed and we both had coaching and teaching jobs that were very stressful for a number of different reasons. I have not been back there in 2 years. There is going to be a lot of emotions and thoughts running through my head today! IÂ’m not going to say itÂ’s going to be a bad day...But I am going to grow and make the best of it. It is good for me to face this.
Also, I have to admit this. I donÂ’t know if I lied. For the past 8 years I dipped whenever I got stressed. And that was at school. At first I would take a walk. Then it escalated into ninja dipping where ever. Before I quit I realized I was dipping to much and totally stoped at school. That was for 2-3 weeks before I quit. I know I have lied to other people at school if they asked if I dipped there. After I told them I quit they asked. For some reason I had to get this off my chest.
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Struggling emotionally right now. I feel it will pass. Just facing some hard things today for me. Walked the field I used to coach on. Brought out some strong emotions and tears. Put my heart and soul into that field and coaching. Guess I was doing to for the wrong reasons. ME! Selfish ME! Should of been about building stronger relationships and not just trying to win. DonÂ’t get me wrong, I did some great things with kids. But my mind probly wasnÂ’t in the right place.
I donÂ’t know how or why I have made it this long. I am no bullshit, I donÂ’t sugar coat how I am feeling. The only reason I donÂ’t use is because I have posted roll and I keep my word that day. I feel like I am just waiting for the opportunity not to post roll. Waiting for a good enough excuse. If there is one. As you can tell, I am a man divided. Healing sucks. Quitting sucks. Starting to chew sucks at a young age. I was happy, I was a happy 15 year old kid. Then I decided to put some shit in my mouth. Was still happy after that. Now IÂ’m sad. Sad of feeling like this.
It will pass, it will pass. Days will get better. Just slogging along today.
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Well pricks! 94 was a doozy! But I am home. I am clean. I have won! This shit is an emotional roller coaster when you finally realize that you have always solved your problems with nicotine. Or always went there for stress. You have to excuse my crazy ass posting sometimes because that is how I get through my emotional times. When they happen. Man, I get emotional but way easier to control. And it has been for a reason lately. I can tell you what it is about. Today I got emotional because I went back to the town we moved to and I had a lot of hard feelings about it. First time back in 2 years. To be honest, I think I got some closure. Within time, I feel if I keep posting promises, I will begin to feel normal, and relax, and not think about dip every dam hour!
Athan-I read something you wrote about being a ditch digger. And how you would still be dipping if you were a ditch digger. YOU KNOW WHAT! I AM A DITCH DIGGER. I install sprinklers in the summer and dig holes all dam day. This may be possible to do. To stay quit. ODAAT!
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Alright, I am going on vacation next week and should be ok because I should have cell service. Also, I havenÂ’t had any therapy the last few weeks because my therapist is on vacation and then IÂ’m going on vacation. So if I lean on boards a bit more I am sorry. Here are my thoughts.
-Why is my only topic of conversation about quitting. I tell everyone and I canÂ’t stop myself. Am I looking for attention? I get freaked about that because Rham said thatÂ’s what he did on his first
Quit. Answer as you may...
-I feel like I have been doing better, even yesterday I lost it a bit but it is controllable. To me, this is just to me, donÂ’t take this wrong. I feel that my brothers are doing better? Or able to move on quicker? Or just better at the quitting thing? Answer as you may...
Expectations! I know, I need to lose them. I think I have started to let go of them and thatÂ’s why I am doing better from day to day.
Anyways Mambo and Mariners, you guys deserve 100! I hope your enjoy your day!
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The 90Â’s have been well...annoying. Always whispers in my ears. But not making days totally worthless. The 80Â’s were exciting fun actually had a good mindset. Why do the 90Â’s suck but not that bad? 90Â’s make me
Question things a lot? Why?
90Â’s are dumb. 90Â’s are boring. Maybe this is boring? Maybe I need a vacation...man...is it just me or am I the only one still complaining about this shit...
Anxiety has been way better. Can manage it. Starts in morning if it comes. I think because I am unsure about the day.
Lately here is my problem, I have been running myself ragged just trying to stay busy so I donÂ’t have downtime. Is that normal? My wife has really been noticing it.
Been on KTC a lot lately? Is that normal? I probly have the highest usage on the site.
Answer all questions if you respond. Not just one.
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Alright, I knew this was coming. Just didnÂ’t expect me to get upset and sad about it. My aunt passed away tonight. She had a bacterial infection for some time and hospice was called in. I spent a lot of time with her in my middle school years. Then they moved away when they retired. I just had a lot of good memories come back from my childhood. The hardest part tonight was praying with my girls before bed and praying to God that she has a safe trip to Heaven! My 3 year
old didnÂ’t really understand. But my 8 year old knew why daddy was upset about praying for that. Aunt Lonnie, I hope to see you one day again! I will keep you in our prayers and I will keep your family in our prayers!
By the way...her son Jimmy is a bad ass quitter that did it on his own! Going to be good to see him because I had a nice conversation with him like 2 months ago about quitting!
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Alright, I knew this was coming. Just didnÂ’t expect me to get upset and sad about it. My aunt passed away tonight. She had a bacterial infection for some time and hospice was called in. I spent a lot of time with her in my middle school years. Then they moved away when they retired. I just had a lot of good memories come back from my childhood. The hardest part tonight was praying with my girls before bed and praying to God that she has a safe trip to Heaven! My 3 year
old didnÂ’t really understand. But my 8 year old knew why daddy was upset about praying for that. Aunt Lonnie, I hope to see you one day again! I will keep you in our prayers and I will keep your family in our prayers!
By the way...her son Jimmy is a bad ass quitter that did it on his own! Going to be good to see him because I had a nice conversation with him like 2 months ago about quitting!
My sympathies on your loss Bubba. It sounds like your aunt likely knew the challenge that quitting really is. And I bet that she was proud of her son for winning at this challenge. The best way for you to honor her memory would be to continue that familial quit win chain.
Be proud of what youÂ’ve accomplished sir.
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Approaching the HOF I am hesitant to write a HOF Speech. Various reasons, I am not looking for sympathy, but I am way better but the confidence to stay quit is not their yet. Forever is a fear for me, I hate the word. I got to get used to it. I donÂ’t want to let people down. Even though I would be letting myself down the most. These are a few reasons. If I think of some more I will put them down. I have been getting better because I am not
Trying to get better. When I need to cry I cry. If I need to get mad I get mad. I still donÂ’t know if I have just thoughts our cravings all the time. But they are way easier to handle. Today is one day at a time and tomorrow is tomorrow. CanÂ’t worry about it. ThatÂ’s partly the reason why I donÂ’t want to write a HOF Speech right now. Because tomorrow is tomorrow. And anything in the future dealing with quitting make me go crazy inside. But thing are better!
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Approaching the HOF I am hesitant to write a HOF Speech. Various reasons, I am not looking for sympathy, but I am way better but the confidence to stay quit is not their yet. Forever is a fear for me, I hate the word. I got to get used to it. I donÂ’t want to let people down. Even though I would be letting myself down the most. These are a few reasons. If I think of some more I will put them down. I have been getting better because I am not
Trying to get better. When I need to cry I cry. If I need to get mad I get mad. I still donÂ’t know if I have just thoughts our cravings all the time. But they are way easier to handle. Today is one day at a time and tomorrow is tomorrow. CanÂ’t worry about it. ThatÂ’s partly the reason why I donÂ’t want to write a HOF Speech right now. Because tomorrow is tomorrow. And anything in the future dealing with quitting make me go crazy inside. But thing are better!
100 isn't the end, and for me wasn't even the first mental milestone. I won't tell you when I reached that, but it isn't far off. I didn't write my HOF until after 100. I needed to feel like I was winning instead of fighting. When that day comes, and it will, then you should think about writing a speech. Until then, keep doing what you are doing.
Look back at where you where. There are signs of winning starting to emerge. You'll get there. I promise.
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Congrats on 100 days quit Bubba! I want you to know that there are better days ahead for sure.
keep fighting the good fight. Proud to be quit with you!
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Congrats on 100 days quit Bubba! I want you to know that there are better days ahead for sure.
keep fighting the good fight. Proud to be quit with you!
Bubba, proud as hell to quit with you today, brutha. Congrats on a day that you should feel 10' tall. Keep it up, better days ahead.
You are the man!
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Approaching the HOF I am hesitant to write a HOF Speech. Various reasons, I am not looking for sympathy, but I am way better but the confidence to stay quit is not their yet. Forever is a fear for me, I hate the word. I got to get used to it. I donÂ’t want to let people down. Even though I would be letting myself down the most. These are a few reasons. If I think of some more I will put them down. I have been getting better because I am not
Trying to get better. When I need to cry I cry. If I need to get mad I get mad. I still donÂ’t know if I have just thoughts our cravings all the time. But they are way easier to handle. Today is one day at a time and tomorrow is tomorrow. CanÂ’t worry about it. ThatÂ’s partly the reason why I donÂ’t want to write a HOF Speech right now. Because tomorrow is tomorrow. And anything in the future dealing with quitting make me go crazy inside. But thing are better!
Bubba, stick it out. There is a reason we say just ONE DAY AT A TIME. Because forever is too much. And it never happens, anyway, we only have today.
But here is a promise: If you keep racking up the +1s and stick to this, one day you will be okay with the thought of "forever." In fact, you will embrace it. You will celebrate it. Because nicotine will have finally lost its grip on you. It takes time though. Be patient with the process and be patient with yourself.
You have to really learn to HATE nicotine (read, read and read some more!) - and once you get there - you will stop romanticizing its delivery systems. I am nearing the 7th floor and I still have moments where I really crave a cigarette...but I no longer feel like I'm depriving myself by no longer smoking.
Congrats on your HUNDO today. And write your HOF whenever it feels right.
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Today, I woke up scared...scared of not going to be able to make it. I donÂ’t feel like crap. I am not down. Just woke up scared. I love my family. Love my kids. I want to be around. Once again this forever word is daunting. I have read a few things in the last few days. About people hitting the comma. I donÂ’t know why this image of nicotine in my head still sometimes makes everything better. Even tho I keep telling myself, everytime that it will kill me. I guess just repeated. And repeated repetition of telling myself it will kill me. Then maybe my head will stop believe it would make a few activities that I do better. For the love of the good lord. I have made it this long and have almost done everything I want to do without it. Everyday I keep saying no I am adding time to my life. ThatÂ’s how I am starting to gather this in my head. If the day comes where a dumb decision is made or I canÂ’t handle a stressful situation. Well we will handle that when it comes. Today ODAAT.
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I got this out of the way so we can go have fun on vacation!
June Jackhammers! I do not have words to describe what you guys mean to me. This has been a struggle for me and you all know that. Thanks for putting up with me! I feel I was looking for an easy way out. So I turned to my doctors for help. The few months during that I have no idea how this quit survived. I feel meds made me worse. They made my emotional outbursts hard to bare. I took 3 different meds directed by my doctors. I feel they meant well. But they have never studied nicotine addiction and withdrawal. The best thing for a person is to just drink water and get quality sleep. If you can work out, then work out. I am still scared of the future. Now that I have I made it this long and I know the path to quit. My mind keeps telling me that I can go back. It wonÂ’t be a big deal. Like Rham said. For my 18 years of use I have never lived a day without my pacifier. Especially when I am struggling with stress. ThatÂ’s what it all stems from, is stress and how we handle it. ThatÂ’s why people struggle to quit. Because people always want to feel happy. As do I. But I am starting to realize that being a real man means you deal with shit on your own. You can pray, exercise, or talk to loved ones. I have also been going to therapy. There was a lot of crap in my life that I pushed aside that I feel contributed to these outbursts too. Well I am starting to gain pride in myself that I am meeting these things head on! I have already conquered a few! Anyways, time to wrap this up and enjoy 100 and enjoy vacation! I am going to try and stay around. I will still have trials and tribulations that I will need someone there for me. Make sure you pick up the phone. I lean on you guys when I need to vent or cry or just yell! I wish I could meet all of you in my lifetime. No promises from me here just ODAAT for awhile!
Bump!
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I suggest you read Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." Just replace "dipping" with "smoking" in your head because it is all about nicotine anyway. Nicotine does not relieve stress. It is a stimulant, in fact, it doesn't relax us at all. Nicotine creates the stressful feeling and then it momentarily relieves it when we dip or smoke - only to create the stressful feeling again as it leave our bodies. And around and around we go. And for years, we mistakenly figured that it was this wonder stress reliever. As my signature says...that is like saying wearing uncomfortable shoes must relieve pain - because every time I take them off, the pain goes away.
Quitting is still difficult to you because you still think that you are depriving yourself of things because you no longer dip. Think of this: people who have never dipped don't seem to feel deprived by not dipping. Because it's a lie, Bubba - right now your battle isn't about medication or stress or sleep or anything like that...it is about changing how you view nicotine and what you think it does for you. Because it does NOTHING for you. Once that really sinks in, all of this gets so much easier.
Consider picking up Mr. Carr's book. It really helped me in this area.
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If the day comes where a dumb decision is made or I canÂ’t handle a stressful situation. Well we will handle that when it comes.
Come on Bubba, you're better than this. This isn't how a 100+ day quitter thinks. You are quit for today. As long as you post roll, dammit you are quit for that day. There is no what if. There is no worrying about tomorrow, there is no worry about anything other than right now. and you know this, because this entire intro has been supported by people trying to keep you on the straight and narrow. For some reason, you seem to continue down you're own path rather than crossing the track and riding the quit train we're all on. It's like you're fighting it; stop fighting it and man the F' up. Take the bull by its horns and be confident in your quit.
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If the day comes where a dumb decision is made or I canÂ’t handle a stressful situation. Well we will handle that when it comes.
Come on Bubba, you're better than this. This isn't how a 100+ day quitter thinks. You are quit for today. As long as you post roll, dammit you are quit for that day. There is no what if. There is no worrying about tomorrow, there is no worry about anything other than right now. and you know this, because this entire intro has been supported by people trying to keep you on the straight and narrow. For some reason, you seem to continue down you're own path rather than crossing the track and riding the quit train we're all on. It's like you're fighting it; stop fighting it and man the F' up. Take the bull by its horns and be confident in your quit.
I get what your saying Steak, it usually helps me to say whatever is on my mind. Confidence varies in people. My is beginning to build. I am beginning to fully understand the true meaning of this place! People recover differently, and it helps me to say whatever is on my mind. I just choose to put Anything and everything on my intro. I have actually been reaching out and helping other quitters. One has said he likes my intro page because He can relate!
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I suggest you read Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." Just replace "dipping" with "smoking" in your head because it is all about nicotine anyway. Nicotine does not relieve stress. It is a stimulant, in fact, it doesn't relax us at all. Nicotine creates the stressful feeling and then it momentarily relieves it when we dip or smoke - only to create the stressful feeling again as it leave our bodies. And around and around we go. And for years, we mistakenly figured that it was this wonder stress reliever. As my signature says...that is like saying wearing uncomfortable shoes must relieve pain - because every time I take them off, the pain goes away.
Quitting is still difficult to you because you still think that you are depriving yourself of things because you no longer dip. Think of this: people who have never dipped don't seem to feel deprived by not dipping. Because it's a lie, Bubba - right now your battle isn't about medication or stress or sleep or anything like that...it is about changing how you view nicotine and what you think it does for you. Because it does NOTHING for you. Once that really sinks in, all of this gets so much easier.
Consider picking up Mr. Carr's book. It really helped me in this area.
Would that be at any library? Or am I better off on amazon or google?
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You are a good man, my friend... keep pounding.
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IÂ’ve put this in here several times. You need to start recognizing and celebrating that you are winning. Fighting for 103 days is exhausting. If you take a few minutes to reflect and smile and remember that this is 103 straight days of win in a row, negative starts turning to positive. Try it Bubba. Winning feels good.
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IÂ’ve put this in here several times. You need to start recognizing and celebrating that you are winning. Fighting for 103 days is exhausting. If you take a few minutes to reflect and smile and remember that this is 103 straight days of win in a row, negative starts turning to positive. Try it Bubba. Winning feels good.
I am agreeing with you, Vacation was amazing with my family. Had a few ups and downs but more ups! Everything is getting easier to handle. I am beginning to live life again! ODAAT! I want to thank everyone for all of your support! Without this place I wouldnÂ’t be able to do it!
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I suggest you read Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." Just replace "dipping" with "smoking" in your head because it is all about nicotine anyway. Nicotine does not relieve stress. It is a stimulant, in fact, it doesn't relax us at all. Nicotine creates the stressful feeling and then it momentarily relieves it when we dip or smoke - only to create the stressful feeling again as it leave our bodies. And around and around we go. And for years, we mistakenly figured that it was this wonder stress reliever. As my signature says...that is like saying wearing uncomfortable shoes must relieve pain - because every time I take them off, the pain goes away.
Quitting is still difficult to you because you still think that you are depriving yourself of things because you no longer dip. Think of this: people who have never dipped don't seem to feel deprived by not dipping. Because it's a lie, Bubba - right now your battle isn't about medication or stress or sleep or anything like that...it is about changing how you view nicotine and what you think it does for you. Because it does NOTHING for you. Once that really sinks in, all of this gets so much easier.
Consider picking up Mr. Carr's book. It really helped me in this area.
Would that be at any library? Or am I better off on amazon or google?
Not sure if it is at the library or not. Probably, because it has been a top seller for years. Google Allen Carr and it will come up. Hell, pm me your address and I will personally drive to Barnes and Noble and buy it and mail it to you. I will. Because I am rooting for you, friend, and I want this quit to be your last quit and the struggle to lessen.
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Flip I will check it out. I will get it here in the future.
Days are better, way better, itÂ’s more of longings or just thoughts about dipping. Like when my days are boring or the same. Then I start thinking more about it. And itÂ’s not like IÂ’m going to go buy a can. I feel I have proven to myself now that if I post roll I am good for the day. But if I am not busy or around certain people or things, then I will think about it a lot more. Is this normal? I would say yes. My dad told me when he quit smoking it took him about a year before the thoughts would go away for some time.
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Flip I will check it out. I will get it here in the future.
Days are better, way better, itÂ’s more of longings or just thoughts about dipping. Like when my days are boring or the same. Then I start thinking more about it. And itÂ’s not like IÂ’m going to go buy a can. I feel I have proven to myself now that if I post roll I am good for the day. But if I am not busy or around certain people or things, then I will think about it a lot more. Is this normal? I would say yes. My dad told me when he quit smoking it took him about a year before the thoughts would go away for some time.
Those thoughts you have... reminders that you are winning.
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Flip I will check it out. I will get it here in the future.
Days are better, way better, itÂ’s more of longings or just thoughts about dipping. Like when my days are boring or the same. Then I start thinking more about it. And itÂ’s not like IÂ’m going to go buy a can. I feel I have proven to myself now that if I post roll I am good for the day. But if I am not busy or around certain people or things, then I will think about it a lot more. Is this normal? I would say yes. My dad told me when he quit smoking it took him about a year before the thoughts would go away for some time.
Those thoughts you have... reminders that you are winning.
Bubba, there is a free online book by John Polito called Freedom from Nicotine, The Journey Home. It really helped me in my early quit. You are doing great. Hang in there. It gets so much better!
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Rainy day quit, just letting you know I had an appointment with the psychiatrist. He wanted to get me on meds because I have small emotional outbursts. I said no, I understand my brain is healing from this still. I have been doing great things with my family and kids. Sometimes I get emotional. Is this normal? YES! Because I am not numbing my body.
There is one thing I need to admit, sometimes I feel bad about this but I have a panic bag. It usually goes everywhere with me. In it I have seeds, gum, jolly ranchers, mints, fake dip, and lorazepam. I havenÂ’t used the meds in a very long time. My next hurdle is not taking the bag everywhere. Or taking something out of the bag. One at a time. Thoughts?
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Rainy day quit, just letting you know I had an appointment with the psychiatrist. He wanted to get me on meds because I have small emotional outbursts. I said no, I understand my brain is healing from this still. I have been doing great things with my family and kids. Sometimes I get emotional. Is this normal? YES! Because I am not numbing my body.
There is one thing I need to admit, sometimes I feel bad about this but I have a panic bag. It usually goes everywhere with me. In it I have seeds, gum, jolly ranchers, mints, fake dip, and lorazepam. I havenÂ’t used the meds in a very long time. My next hurdle is not taking the bag everywhere. Or taking something out of the bag. One at a time. Thoughts?
I have my panic bag too, But I basically use it as a mini purse now, just a cvs pharmacy plastic bag and it has inhaler, allegra, my escitalopram, my lorazepam, multi vitimin, fish oil pill, abriva for when that face herpes pops up, a razor and a bottle of shaving cream, a tooth brush and toothpaste, can of fake dip, never leave the house without it, its always either in my truck when I'm out and about, in my office at work or in my bathroom at home. You just start distancing yourself from it but I don't see anything wrong with having it, I used to damn near carry it with me for the first few weeks. And now as long as its in the truck when I'm at a restaurant or going for a hike or whatever I don't need it near me. A lot of the time now I actually am even leaving it at home, at least when I'm not staying long somewhere, grocery store, post office, gas etc etc. But whatever keeps you feeling good, who cares. If you gotta strap that thing around your waste and have it touching you at all times of the day and that makes you feel safe...then do it. Doesn't effect anyone else.
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Thursday! Freaking kidding me! Working all day in the rain! Then I get a text that a dude I have been talking to caved! What? What do you mean? Did the dip in your lip help at all? IÂ’m the one that should cave? There is no medical conditions that is causing me to quit. Dammit! DonÂ’t get me wrong! The point of this is to reach out and help people! Then they cave! That doesnÂ’t help my quit. This is the 2nd dude who I have been talking to that decides itÂ’s cool to chew. Help people it will help your quit! Seriously? WhoÂ’s idea was this? How about I help no one on the rainy Thursday! When I am digging holes in the muddy earth. Great idea! Join a website that you post a promise and help people, BUT, they donÂ’t have to post or keep a promise! BS! I could keep going on and on. I will leave it at that.
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Thursday! Freaking kidding me! Working all day in the rain! Then I get a text that a dude I have been talking to caved! What? What do you mean? Did the dip in your lip help at all? IÂ’m the one that should cave? There is no medical conditions that is causing me to quit. Dammit! DonÂ’t get me wrong! The point of this is to reach out and help people! Then they cave! That doesnÂ’t help my quit. This is the 2nd dude who I have been talking to that decides itÂ’s cool to chew. Help people it will help your quit! Seriously? WhoÂ’s idea was this? How about I help no one on the rainy Thursday! When I am digging holes in the muddy earth. Great idea! Join a website that you post a promise and help people, BUT, they donÂ’t have to post or keep a promise! BS! I could keep going on and on. I will leave it at that.
Your rage is 100% justified, Bubba. At KTC, all that we have is our word. We give it, we keep it. Not everyone wants to win bro... unfortunately some people do not honor their word. I cannot and will not defend that, but I will promise you this - I gave my word this morning, and by God I will keep it today.
I'm still honored to quit with you.
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Thursday! Freaking kidding me! Working all day in the rain! Then I get a text that a dude I have been talking to caved! What? What do you mean? Did the dip in your lip help at all? IÂ’m the one that should cave? There is no medical conditions that is causing me to quit. Dammit! DonÂ’t get me wrong! The point of this is to reach out and help people! Then they cave! That doesnÂ’t help my quit. This is the 2nd dude who I have been talking to that decides itÂ’s cool to chew. Help people it will help your quit! Seriously? WhoÂ’s idea was this? How about I help no one on the rainy Thursday! When I am digging holes in the muddy earth. Great idea! Join a website that you post a promise and help people, BUT, they donÂ’t have to post or keep a promise! BS! I could keep going on and on. I will leave it at that.
Your rage is 100% justified, Bubba. At KTC, all that we have is our word. We give it, we keep it. Not everyone wants to win bro... unfortunately some people do not honor their word. I cannot and will not defend that, but I will promise you this - I gave my word this morning, and by God I will keep it today.
I'm still honored to quit with you.
You can't save the world, if they don't want to be saved.
Now you know what it feels like to be shite upon.
Don't shite on others. That's all I got.
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Still have thoughts about dip. They are not overwhelming like before. The thought is usually like... would I dip now if I could? It would be nice now? Why am I down now? Man IÂ’m happy now it would be a good time for a dip? Man that pisses me off, I wanna dip? Then I just quietly remind myself that I am not dipping today!
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As you can tell I journal a lot. I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s a good or bad thing. I say whatÂ’s on my mind then I try and move on with my day. Been doing pretty good lately. I just want to talk about the goofy moods or weird moods I can get in. Usually in the morning or when I am by myself. ItÂ’s like I start having pity parties but for short stretches. I have them more when I wake up and am laying around and have nothing to do for a bit. ItÂ’s like I donÂ’t know how to occupy my time and then my mind starts racing or wandering. Or if I have any kind of dream then I wake up and donÂ’t know how to handle it. I have been dreaming a lot lately and I donÂ’t know why? ItÂ’s been weird because I have never dreamed this much before. Anybody got any thoughts on anything I said let me know!
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As you can tell I journal a lot. I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s a good or bad thing. I say whatÂ’s on my mind then I try and move on with my day. Been doing pretty good lately. I just want to talk about the goofy moods or weird moods I can get in. Usually in the morning or when I am by myself. ItÂ’s like I start having pity parties but for short stretches. I have them more when I wake up and am laying around and have nothing to do for a bit. ItÂ’s like I donÂ’t know how to occupy my time and then my mind starts racing or wandering. Or if I have any kind of dream then I wake up and donÂ’t know how to handle it. I have been dreaming a lot lately and I donÂ’t know why? ItÂ’s been weird because I have never dreamed this much before. Anybody got any thoughts on anything I said let me know!
Wake up your wife and have some crazy hot wild wake up sex. YouÂ’ll forget all about your weird dreams or bummed out mood. Works 100% of the time.
Trust me on this one Bubba.
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As you can tell I journal a lot. I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s a good or bad thing. I say whatÂ’s on my mind then I try and move on with my day. Been doing pretty good lately. I just want to talk about the goofy moods or weird moods I can get in. Usually in the morning or when I am by myself. ItÂ’s like I start having pity parties but for short stretches. I have them more when I wake up and am laying around and have nothing to do for a bit. ItÂ’s like I donÂ’t know how to occupy my time and then my mind starts racing or wandering. Or if I have any kind of dream then I wake up and donÂ’t know how to handle it. I have been dreaming a lot lately and I donÂ’t know why? ItÂ’s been weird because I have never dreamed this much before. Anybody got any thoughts on anything I said let me know!
Wake up your wife and have some crazy hot wild wake up sex. YouÂ’ll forget all about your weird dreams or bummed out mood. Works 100% of the time.
Trust me on this one Bubba.
Haha thatÂ’s funny, have a 3 month year old baby. And 2 other kids. Not much of that going on. We have a pretty conservative relationship.
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As you can tell I journal a lot. I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s a good or bad thing. I say whatÂ’s on my mind then I try and move on with my day. Been doing pretty good lately. I just want to talk about the goofy moods or weird moods I can get in. Usually in the morning or when I am by myself. ItÂ’s like I start having pity parties but for short stretches. I have them more when I wake up and am laying around and have nothing to do for a bit. ItÂ’s like I donÂ’t know how to occupy my time and then my mind starts racing or wandering. Or if I have any kind of dream then I wake up and donÂ’t know how to handle it. I have been dreaming a lot lately and I donÂ’t know why? ItÂ’s been weird because I have never dreamed this much before. Anybody got any thoughts on anything I said let me know!
Wake up your wife and have some crazy hot wild wake up sex. YouÂ’ll forget all about your weird dreams or bummed out mood. Works 100% of the time.
Trust me on this one Bubba.
Haha thatÂ’s funny, have a 3 month year old baby. And 2 other kids. Not much of that going on. We have a pretty conservative relationship.
Well shit thats part of the problem bro, you gotta make that a priority, your life doesn't end just cause a few new ones began. Treat that girl to a date night, wine and dine her like you guys are on your 4th date and you're hoping to get it in! Trust me, a date night every week to every other week is a lot cheaper than marriage counseling or divorce. You drop the kids off at grandma's and treat yo self and yo wife.
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As you can tell I journal a lot. I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s a good or bad thing. I say whatÂ’s on my mind then I try and move on with my day. Been doing pretty good lately. I just want to talk about the goofy moods or weird moods I can get in. Usually in the morning or when I am by myself. ItÂ’s like I start having pity parties but for short stretches. I have them more when I wake up and am laying around and have nothing to do for a bit. ItÂ’s like I donÂ’t know how to occupy my time and then my mind starts racing or wandering. Or if I have any kind of dream then I wake up and donÂ’t know how to handle it. I have been dreaming a lot lately and I donÂ’t know why? ItÂ’s been weird because I have never dreamed this much before. Anybody got any thoughts on anything I said let me know!
Wake up your wife and have some crazy hot wild wake up sex. YouÂ’ll forget all about your weird dreams or bummed out mood. Works 100% of the time.
Trust me on this one Bubba.
Haha thatÂ’s funny, have a 3 month year old baby. And 2 other kids. Not much of that going on. We have a pretty conservative relationship.
Well shit thats part of the problem bro, you gotta make that a priority, your life doesn't end just cause a few new ones began. Treat that girl to a date night, wine and dine her like you guys are on your 4th date and you're hoping to get it in! Trust me, a date night every week to every other week is a lot cheaper than marriage counseling or divorce. You drop the kids off at grandma's and treat yo self and yo wife.
3 kids... you donÂ’t sound very virginal to me Bubba!
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Alright, just letting you know how I am doing on this Sunday morning. I am getting some anxiety about driving to this funeral and attending. First time I have dealt with a death without nicotine. Usually I would light up a smoke after. Like I was rewarding myself for something.
Secondly, in August my wife starts Vball practice. During this time I am in charge of the kids. I always hated this time because I always wanted to just sit in the couch and chew and not watch
The kids. This is giving me some anxiety. When I think back to a few years ago I was actually depressed or anxious about this all the time. I hate being stuck at my house with the kids. Even when I was chewing I hated this time. I love my kids. I just feel trapped during this time.
Ok, wish me luck, IÂ’m going to church and then going to hit the rode to this funeral.
Just an update, Church was a mess for me. I cried a lot today. Does this emotional madness ever stop? Why do I cry some days now? Is my brain still messed up? I donÂ’t feel depressed at all. I either cry when I am anxious or when I started thinking about my aunt. Or when I cannot stop thinking about dip.
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Mount the woman Bubba....mount her
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Funeral today went good. Good service. Very nice all the way around. I actually reacted a lot better then I thought I would. It is kinda nice knowing I am not a pussy and numbing my body anymore. Starting to feel real man emotions. I usually just look at my dad or cousin Jimmy and see how strong they are for quitting smokes and chew. My dad lost his sister and my cousin his mother. Neither showing emotions just tough mother fuckers. Who lead very respectful lives and raise great families. I want to be that strong one day. I want to be a bad ass mother fucker who doesnÂ’t need shit in their body to deal with their emotions.
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As I wake up on this Friday morning I am journaling because of my quit groups train conductors message today. It is about staying on the site and helping people and if your bored you should stay. The thought has passed my mind many times to leave now. Because the thoughts of tobacco have not left. I am thinking that the site makes me think about it a lot. I post on here now and donÂ’t even post about my family on social media anymore.
I always still look at other people who are using and say. They are, they are, they are old and still alive. That always passes through my brain when I see people using.
I am pretty good when something exciting is happening. Examples, vacations, hanging with family friends. It is the boring day to day activities that give me trouble. Just boring.
I am also sick of always keeping myself busy when I am at home. I am afraid of downtime from the past experiences I have had with this. I find things to do, to find things to do.
What is my next step in this healing process?
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As I wake up on this Friday morning I am journaling because of my quit groups train conductors message today. It is about staying on the site and helping people and if your bored you should stay. The thought has passed my mind many times to leave now. Because the thoughts of tobacco have not left. I am thinking that the site makes me think about it a lot. I post on here now and donÂ’t even post about my family on social media anymore.
I always still look at other people who are using and say. They are, they are, they are old and still alive. That always passes through my brain when I see people using.
I am pretty good when something exciting is happening. Examples, vacations, hanging with family friends. It is the boring day to day activities that give me trouble. Just boring.
I am also sick of always keeping myself busy when I am at home. I am afraid of downtime from the past experiences I have had with this. I find things to do, to find things to do.
What is my next step in this healing process?
Exactly what youÂ’ve been advised. YouÂ’ve fought like hell and are getting better. It is time to pay it forward. Pick a new person or 2 each month that you can help. Walk with them to acwinning journey. The focus will move from your struggle to theirs and the feeling of winning will solidify.
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Alright, I have had a shit pie last couple days. Just wanted to tell you about it. It is thoughts that I deal with mostly. Then eventually after awhile I will crack in some way. If that means I cry or yell or scream. ThatÂ’s what happens. BUT, my outburst are only for a few minutes and not like before, where the entire day was ruined. I also feel I am frustrated because I keep keeping myself busy all the time. Need to stop working so much and spend time with the family.
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Alright, IÂ’m going to be laying down some deep shit because I donÂ’t got therapy till the 1st of August. Alright, I obviously believe in god. Lately church has been tough because I have just been teary eyed and crying. Been the last 2 weeks. But thatÂ’s when my aunt passed away. The next Sunday my 8 year old wanted to light a candle for my aunt. That just got me. I am not anxious or nervous about church. Just talking about how it hasnÂ’t been good lately. I just want to build my relationship with god and not get teary eyed tomorrow! What you think big man? Give me the strength to get through a mass?
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As I keep going to church with my family, it is where I would go when this quit thing was very hard. I would go pray and I would go talk to our father. When I think about all of this and how far I have come it is overwhelming. Not in a bad way. I donÂ’t tear up because I am mad. ItÂ’s more of wow I have come this far and it was with the help of my god. Because with the hell I was going through, it couldnÂ’t have been anything else. This journey for me is not just about quitting dip, itÂ’s about a lot of things. No man would have struggled over this much if it was just chew. I was obviously masking a lot of stuff behind it. I would say this journey is about chewing, finding my faith, or building my faith, asking myself what kind of father do I want to be? What do I want to be remembered as...as a human? And what is life really about? This journey is starting to bring me full circle. I am starting to remember more things from my childhood and lessons my parents have taught me. So as I sit in church and cury, itÂ’s because I donÂ’t know how to handle everything that is coming at me at one time. Just get an overwhelming feeling. How is god this good? How can I be blessed with such a beautiful family? How does he always make everything better with time?
Reach out, journal, text, talk....
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You are already finding out that this journey that started out as a means of quitting nicotine is going to lead to so many positive changes in yourself and in your life. Proud of you, Bubba - you are doing great!
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As I wake up in the morning. Had a wonderful night tenting in the backyard with my girls. I go for a run. Talk to the wife. I realize, that yes I have come a long way. But, I still have this empty feeling in my body or my brain. Like I posted a loved one. I have been talking to Missouri Mike about this and he said that it take awhile for your body to start producing the happy feel good chemicals again on its own. ThatÂ’s why I am still here. ThatÂ’s why I still struggle a little bit from time to time. I cannot always have my life be exciting and adventurous. I cannot go on vacations year round. The times I feel the worse are when life is boring or I have to wake up and go to work. For now, the constant reminder of KTC day to day is what I need. Does it suck waking up and the first thing that comes to your mind is that you canÂ’t chew. Yes, but itÂ’s something that any human body will get used to over time. If I didnÂ’t have this place to vent or journal I donÂ’t know what I would do. Thanks, DramaBubba out, going to hit the shower then go to work.
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Thanks for letting me bitch and complain here. Expectations suck, I feel thatÂ’s another main reason thatÂ’s I have struggled so much. I was always like. I be good in a week. Next week I will be good. LetÂ’s go to the doctor. They will give me something and then I wonÂ’t go crazy. Not going to lie. The meds fucked me up more. Mentally and physically. I didnÂ’t start getting back on my feet until I said fuck the meds. Now we are here. I always remind myself that I am doing great and forget about expectations of getting better.
Today, for the last 3 or 4 days I wake up. Not in a terrible mood, but just uneasy and kinda feel weird. I feel like I want to cry. Some days I do some days I donÂ’t. If I cry my t happens for about 3-5 mins then my day starts. I try not to think anything of it and move on. I canÂ’t tell you why I am crying now. About a month ago there was a reason. Happy, sad, mad, scared. Now itÂ’s just weird. Like my brain is just repairing itself day by day. Now by 1 or 2 pm in the day. I have been in super great moods and itÂ’s like my brain flips into living mode again.
Anyways, I made a promise today and will go enjoy being with my family and eating some good food. Might have a beer or 2. Crying or no crying. The day will be good.
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Thanks for letting me bitch and complain here. Expectations suck, I feel thatÂ’s another main reason thatÂ’s I have struggled so much. I was always like. I be good in a week. Next week I will be good. LetÂ’s go to the doctor. They will give me something and then I wonÂ’t go crazy. Not going to lie. The meds fucked me up more. Mentally and physically. I didnÂ’t start getting back on my feet until I said fuck the meds. Now we are here. I always remind myself that I am doing great and forget about expectations of getting better.
Today, for the last 3 or 4 days I wake up. Not in a terrible mood, but just uneasy and kinda feel weird. I feel like I want to cry. Some days I do some days I donÂ’t. If I cry my t happens for about 3-5 mins then my day starts. I try not to think anything of it and move on. I canÂ’t tell you why I am crying now. About a month ago there was a reason. Happy, sad, mad, scared. Now itÂ’s just weird. Like my brain is just repairing itself day by day. Now by 1 or 2 pm in the day. I have been in super great moods and itÂ’s like my brain flips into living mode again.
Anyways, I made a promise today and will go enjoy being with my family and eating some good food. Might have a beer or 2. Crying or no crying. The day will be good.
Happy Independence Day Bubba... in more ways than just the obvious.
????????
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I get it now, I understand why vets help out. I am not saying it is bad. Just the truth. After the HOF interest in their groups forum really drops off. Vets then want to build relationships and stay quit. They believe in this place. ThatÂ’s why they stay. Some people post and ghost. Which is ok. As long as you post a daily promise. Other vets need more involvement. They maybe will maybe wonÂ’t, admit that if they didnÂ’t have this place and werenÂ’t able to talk to newbies. They would be back on the wagon. Thumb deep. I am starting to understand this community. I have been trying to help newbies. I hope after awhile I will be able To post and ghost. So that I can forget about dip the rest of the day.
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I get it now, I understand why vets help out. I am not saying it is bad. Just the truth. After the HOF interest in their groups forum really drops off. Vets then want to build relationships and stay quit. They believe in this place. ThatÂ’s why they stay. Some people post and ghost. Which is ok. As long as you post a daily promise. Other vets need more involvement. They maybe will maybe wonÂ’t, admit that if they didnÂ’t have this place and werenÂ’t able to talk to newbies. They would be back on the wagon. Thumb deep. I am starting to understand this community. I have been trying to help newbies. I hope after awhile I will be able To post and ghost. So that I can forget about dip the rest of the day.
Writing is therapeutic. Helping others is even more so.
Eventually, you shift from thinking about your quit every day to thinking about your freedom every day. You shift your focus from what you lost to what you gained.
Never ever look back.
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I get it now, I understand why vets help out. I am not saying it is bad. Just the truth. After the HOF interest in their groups forum really drops off. Vets then want to build relationships and stay quit. They believe in this place. ThatÂ’s why they stay. Some people post and ghost. Which is ok. As long as you post a daily promise. Other vets need more involvement. They maybe will maybe wonÂ’t, admit that if they didnÂ’t have this place and werenÂ’t able to talk to newbies. They would be back on the wagon. Thumb deep. I am starting to understand this community. I have been trying to help newbies. I hope after awhile I will be able To post and ghost. So that I can forget about dip the rest of the day.
Glad our paths crossed Bubba ... Glad you were here when I landed here.
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Sorry, I am journaling, I donÂ’t care if you like it or not. Latley, I have been journaling in the morning. Well I donÂ’t know if I had a dip dream or not last night. This is how it went. We were traveling to Boston. I was nervous and wanted to dip but I didnÂ’t because I am quit. I did then dip fake dip called beaver dip. Then I woke up and was kinda craving for some reason and I posted role right away. Latley days have been pretty good I get some down moments. It is kind nice throughout the day I have friends from KTC that will text me, I like that, makes me feel like I have friends and that IÂ’m not alone all day in the struggle, not that itÂ’s a huge struggle. I just have thoughts that donÂ’t seem to go away for Awhile.
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Moutain stream - as the stream flows down the mountain there is a family of beavers. The beavers make a dam and a pond starts to fill up. Over time the pond leaves silt on the bottom of the pond. All the while the stream is creating a new path for itself. Empties a bit into the pond and now it is flowing around the pond.
A storm comes and the stream becomes uncontrollable for the beaver dam. It breaks. The beavers do not get upset. They just begin making their dam without worries. Their dam is finished and their pond starts to fill back up. All the while the new stream bed is flowing and digging a deeper channel because of the beavers.
Think of this analogy and compare it to your brain. We are creating new Nero-pathways in our brains. The longer we go without Nicotine the deeper we are creating our channel. The old channel will always be there. But over time our new channel will become the main channel. We have to keep building out dams. And keep the stream flowing in the new channel!
Thanks Dr. (My Therapist gave me this) thought I would share!
Also, I have been crying a lot lately about stuff. He said it is because my body is reacting to things now. My body is being moved in good ways. IÂ’m moved around my family and when I am at church. I am starting to Truly feel what emotions are!
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Some days itÂ’s like IÂ’m searching for something. Cannot tell you what but just searching. I guess yesterday could have been tough for me. All my family over for the babyÂ’s baptism. Just a lot of emotions running. ODAAT!
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Just journaling this morning. There could be some bitching. Could be some tears. We will see. Latley, with all of this last 4 months. I have noticed that my self-confidence is why down sense I quit. Before I used to be confident in everything that I did. Now I am not. I fee that itÂ’s because this whole thing brought me to my knees. I have never had this low of points during my life. I had 3-4 days in the last 4 months where I couldnÂ’t stop crying. I just feel that was medication induced. Sense I got off the crap the emotional part of me is getting better. But my confidence can be low. For example, if IÂ’m going for a drive. Or talking to someone new. I am just not my normal self. It is fine, I know that when god puts me on my knees and in a hole that, he will help me climb out. I also didnÂ’t realize that I was covering everything up. Some personal issues. Like not getting a few jobs I wanted. We basically ran away and moved because we didnÂ’t feel welcomed in the last town we lived in. We had a miscarriage 2 years ago that I didnÂ’t even feel or greave over. And just overall teaching in general is stressful man.
So when people read my stuff on here, or when you comment to yourself like, man this Bubba guy is a freak. Know that I had shit to handle. I donÂ’t know if I will be tobacco free for the rest of my life. But God lead me here. He wanted to give me a place to vent and be tobacco free ODAAT. He wanted me to live ODAAT for now. He put me on my knees, why? We will find out later. But IÂ’m guessing he is preparing me for whatÂ’s to come. The can confidence will eventually come back. The happy go lucky Bubba will come back. For now, I wake up and get that uneasy feeling. And thatÂ’s alright. God put me here. God will help me get out! ODAAT!
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Alright, big day...traveling out of town by myself! I am doing better then expected! A bit nervous but the excitement should carry me through! Getting on a plane and traveling! This trip is going to be good for me! ItÂ’s going to be fun and I deserve some relaxation! I am going to miss the shit out of my 3 girls and the wife! Love you girls! KTC you will hear from me. Likely sooner then later! Give me some prayers!
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Journal entry - Megan needs a break. I know she does. I just hope she doesnÂ’t lose her mind before she get some type of break. She has been very strong through all of this. She takes care of our kids. She takes care of me. She is amazing! The thing I worry about is that I donÂ’t know if I am ready to give her a break. I am still a bit hesitant to just stay home all of the time. I think these are normal feelings that will go away. I can tell that my personality is coming back slowly. And I am beginning to slowly gain confidence. ItÂ’s may take some more time. Morning still can suck. I donÂ’t understand why because I rarely used in the mornings. Journal done. Now I want to go explore! Go Merica!
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Just writing this morning, going to get this off my chest because I kind of freaked last night. I am out of town far away and I took some generic ZZZQUIL. I was in bed by 11pm. The next thing that I remember is that I am outside in the hotel hallway and I cannot find my phone. I must have sleep walked or something. My phone was on the other side of the hotel. And I didnÂ’t have a key into my room so I had to walk back down to the lobby to get in.
Waking up this morning I went for a run but feel a little groggy. I havenÂ’t taken that generic stuff in over a week. I donÂ’t know what the deal was. I am now using a fake chew this morning. I havenÂ’t used any fake in over a week too. For some reason it make me feel bad. Like I will jump right back into it. But I just use it every so often. Not that I am even craving but just say hmmm I will have one.
I was wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else with the sleep. Just
For some conversation. And also whatÂ’s your fake intake like?
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Kinda uneasy this morning. I really miss my wife and girls. Got off the phone with my girls and teared up a bit. It is tough being away from them. When you talk to people about nicotine addiction. People really donÂ’t understand. My wife does. She gets it now. Not being around her is hard. If you talk to someone about it, they kind of look at you funny. They donÂ’t understand that you have been fighting like fuck to stay clean. ItÂ’s everywhere, its legal. And in some states itÂ’s their cash crop. Not going to lie, mentally I donÂ’t wish this upon anyone. It can be great at times and Fucking suck the next. If I didnÂ’t have this place. If I didnÂ’t have a good support group at home. I wouldnÂ’t be here. I would have jumped back in. I am starting to see itÂ’s all a huge Fucking disaster. Big tobacco wants you hooked. Sometimes I think our governments want us hooked. To dumb us down so we donÂ’t pay attention to shit. So big business can make more money. Fuck it IÂ’m going to go enjoy the day. Just uneasy this morning. This too shall pass.
I just try and keep myself busy all day still. I can tell IÂ’m starting to wear myself out. If anyone has any suggestions on what to do let me know.
When your me, and your by yourself, and your traveling, what should I expect? I will have uneasy moments. I will also have good moments.
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Kinda uneasy this morning. I really miss my wife and girls. Got off the phone with my girls and teared up a bit. It is tough being away from them. When you talk to people about nicotine addiction. People really donÂ’t understand. My wife does. She gets it now. Not being around her is hard. If you talk to someone about it, they kind of look at you funny. They donÂ’t understand that you have been fighting like fuck to stay clean. ItÂ’s everywhere, its legal. And in some states itÂ’s their cash crop. Not going to lie, mentally I donÂ’t wish this upon anyone. It can be great at times and Fucking suck the next. If I didnÂ’t have this place. If I didnÂ’t have a good support group at home. I wouldnÂ’t be here. I would have jumped back in. I am starting to see itÂ’s all a huge Fucking disaster. Big tobacco wants you hooked. Sometimes I think our governments want us hooked. To dumb us down so we donÂ’t pay attention to shit. So big business can make more money. Fuck it IÂ’m going to go enjoy the day. Just uneasy this morning. This too shall pass.
I just try and keep myself busy all day still. I can tell IÂ’m starting to wear myself out. If anyone has any suggestions on what to do let me know.
When your me, and your by yourself, and your traveling, what should I expect? I will have uneasy moments. I will also have good moments.
YouÂ’ve come a long way. This is s great post. Nicotine is one big lie. But freedom is the reward. You are beginning to feel it. One day at a time Bubba.
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This is a gradual healing. I go through days of thinking about tobacco all day long. Then there are a few minutes or maybe 30 where you were engaged in something and your like “wow I didn’t think about it”. I am still having a tough time differentiating what the difference is between a crave and a thought. I have no fucking idea. When you think about it all day long are you craving it? Or you just mind fucked for that day? It is way easier then before. Slowly you get convinced that you don’t need the shit anymore. But it’s slow. Some days a crawl. I don’t have any expectations anymore. I’m not like I’ll be better in a month. Or a years. I just tell myself. Let’s do today. Let’s get to 200. Let’s get to 6 months. So on and so forth.
Journal done. Traveling home.
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One of my HS ballplayers from awhile back sent me. Facebook article on the MLB banning smokeless tobacco. Proud day when I can respond that I am 139 days quit and working on 140 tomorrow! ODAAT! Then I send him the KTC website info. Just so he knows how I quit. And am actively quitting. Day to day!
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Double WUPP time for 200, proud to be quit wit u
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I want my life to turn to some type of normal, I will keep praying...
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How many places do I have to go for help? This is a disaster...Better then days before but this shit doesnÂ’t go away...I have talked to my father at church...I have prayed...I have taken meds...I have started working out, eating better. One pop a day. Spending more time with loved ones. Done things I wouldnÂ’t have. Now I am searching for more bible study groups and thereÂ’s not anything out there. IÂ’m to the point where no one wants to help anymore. I just met with my therapist last week and he is gone for 2 weeks. Anybody I talk to on KTC thinks IÂ’m a psycho! Good thing I am mentally tough because I donÂ’t know how I havenÂ’t said fuck it and bought a can. The dentist even told me my gums are great. At 151 this shit needs to stop. I am posting and ghosting in the morning because KTC drives me fucking nuts. Nobody has struggled like this! Yes call me Special I am sick of it. Can you tell IÂ’m not handling stress very well?
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I wish I could help more! Lots of guys say things donÂ’t get better until after 200 days. You are so close. You are making your new normal and everything is going to level
Out. DonÂ’t rush it! No one is giving up on you! You have had LOTS of great days over the past 151 days. DonÂ’t focus on the negative. IÂ’ll quit with you tomorrow friend!
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I wish I could help more! Lots of guys say things donÂ’t get better until after 200 days. You are so close. You are making your new normal and everything is going to level
Out. DonÂ’t rush it! No one is giving up on you! You have had LOTS of great days over the past 151 days. DonÂ’t focus on the negative. IÂ’ll quit with you tomorrow friend!
150 was where things started improving for me. You arenÂ’t alone. GoneCruisin has a very similar road. HeÂ’s cruising now. Bubba IÂ’m honored to quit with you.
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Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.
I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!
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Day 214, keep it up bro
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Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.
I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!
Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.
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Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.
I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!
Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.
I run every other morning. Run walk. I don’t know how far but I am pretty sweaty when I am done. I’m guessing I run walk about 1 1/2 Miles or 2. I used to weigh close to 200. I am 5’6”. I am guessing I have lost like 10-15 lbs. I feel better physically. It’s just the mental side that has anything with me. I have been running and walking now sense day like 65. It has helped.
I guess the other positive thing that I have added is that I am going to become catholic. But there is also a church 2 houses away that I am joining a menÂ’s bible study and going to be volunteering more. Like helping with the yard work and anything else they need. On my last 3-4 depressive days I take my kids up there and ride bikes. I walked in and asked the pastor if I can help out and do a bible study. He said yes, for some reason that church reminds me of my childhood growing up. I donÂ’t care what anybody says. I can become catholic and still help out in that church too. There is nothing wrong with that. The Catholic Church doesnÂ’t do grill outs or family events too much. So this is a good step for me. I am sure my wife doesnÂ’t care. A bit more church activities is not bad for anyone!
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Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.
I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!
Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.
I run every other morning. Run walk. I don’t know how far but I am pretty sweaty when I am done. I’m guessing I run walk about 1 1/2 Miles or 2. I used to weigh close to 200. I am 5’6”. I am guessing I have lost like 10-15 lbs. I feel better physically. It’s just the mental side that has anything with me. I have been running and walking now sense day like 65. It has helped.
I guess the other positive thing that I have added is that I am going to become catholic. But there is also a church 2 houses away that I am joining a menÂ’s bible study and going to be volunteering more. Like helping with the yard work and anything else they need. On my last 3-4 depressive days I take my kids up there and ride bikes. I walked in and asked the pastor if I can help out and do a bible study. He said yes, for some reason that church reminds me of my childhood growing up. I donÂ’t care what anybody says. I can become catholic and still help out in that church too. There is nothing wrong with that. The Catholic Church doesnÂ’t do grill outs or family events too much. So this is a good step for me. I am sure my wife doesnÂ’t care. A bit more church activities is not bad for anyone!
Agree, keep up the good work! It keeps getting better!
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Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf
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Seriously have a light depression that doesnÂ’t seem to go away. Will go away for a few hours. During the day itÂ’s around a lot. Have thought about giving in a lot the past few days. Just need to make my promise in the morning and try and live in the moment. Try and battle this storm! The light depression really could go away!
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Read November 2017 motto today, "We will not lose an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can."
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I donÂ’t post a lot for several reasons.
Just wanna day here that getting to know you and you being a friend to me has helped me tremendously. We are at tough stages. You are a good dude... hang in there . Thanks for being a blessing to me
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I donÂ’t post a lot for several reasons.
Just wanna day here that getting to know you and you being a friend to me has helped me tremendously. We are at tough stages. You are a good dude... hang in there . Thanks for being a blessing to me
You brothers are winners. Keep winning. It gets so much better.
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I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
-
I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
-
I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.
The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to
Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.
-
I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.
The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to
Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.
IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.
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I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.
The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to
Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.
IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.
Brother, these people care for you! I think they have a point here. Being veterans, I am sure they can spot a cave from far away. You are a nice guy and you have helped a lot of people with their quits. I personally have found strength by reading how you fight severe symptoms. I am sure you would never want to go through that shit again! Let's not talk about ever stopping being nic-busters and stay quit forever.
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I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.
The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to
Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.
IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.
I've been, and still am, one of your biggest supporters. But we call bullshit when we see it, Bubba. And talking about quitting KTC isn't how this place works. And I'll type that wherever the fuck I wanna type that on KTC.
We quit as a team. We win together. We don't romanticize nicotine. We don't endorse or make excuses for people caving. People DIE from this shit (Traumagnet Julyt 2013), and they don't cave on the way to their eternal home. I've had friends on KTC lose jobs (KC_Guy from August 2013), go home to find their wife packed up her shit and took their special needs daughter out of the blue away from him (ERussell August 2013), friends who were literally freaking out with anxiety (Mike from AB, November 2013) and none of them caved... or talked about caving. They leaned on their brothers, and we all grew stronger.
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HeÂ’s not saying he doesnÂ’t want to remain quit. HeÂ’s merely putting his thoughts down and trying to get a grasp of the slippery rocks in life. I can relate. He is mentally tough dude and heÂ’s gonna stay quit and all that. We have to just talk through life with folks sometimes on here rather than immediately assuming that a rough patch someone has hit means they relapse. He is solid and this is not about him returning to a can... far as I know. And I do feel I know him well.
I can relate to some of the things he is saying.
Let people journal as they need, and offer support on those things. ItÂ’s not all related to the can, especially in this case
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I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.
I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?
I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.
Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.
I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.
I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.
"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC
You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.
Read this again Bubba.
He is spot on.
And telling him not to click on your intro is really goofy.
This is a support group. That's what we do here.
If you don't want people responding to your posts, well maybe you shouldn't be posting your pre-cave thoughts on an open forum.
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It just never stops with most of you guys. I share my feelings. That is what I do. It immediately goes to PRE-CAVE thoughts? Once again not everyone's quit is rainbows and unicorns.
Maybe I need to actually get shit off of my chest and say whats on my mind. I guess where I am coming from with thinking 2 or 3 years down the road is that searching other quit groups. That are older, Most groups are dead. Participation is dead and most people leave. Where they go I don't know?
I'm done posting in my intro because we have some trolls here that want you to quit with pooping skittles and you cant say whats on your actual mind. I am almost getting fed up with this stuff. Thanks Steak and Leo for the support! Man it has really helped me out along my way. Next time I will just text somebody that gives an actual shit.
I have to stop posting in my intro because it is not positive enough for Steak and Leo.
The End of BubbaM's introduction.
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You're welcome bro!
I'm stoked 'cause I thought you might take our support wrong and have a hissy fit.
Good on you brother.
Call me any time!!
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You're welcome bro!
I'm stoked 'cause I thought you might take our support wrong and have a hissy fit.
Good on you brother.
Call me any time!!
ODAAT! Take what you need and leave the rest. Maybe you should try writing positive shit, it actually helps the brain think positive. Around here rainbows and unicorns donÂ’t win. Put your big boy drawers on, take it as support because thatÂ’s what it was. The reason it came down like it did was because all of the ass patting donÂ’t do shit for anyone! Take what you need, leave the rest. Some day, when you get over your little mad spell you may want to thank these guys. Because what I read their trying to prevent a possible cave. Quit on!
Pab
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Not really the way I wanted my intro to end. But at the same time I believe it may be a good thing. I am done posting in my intro. This is the last post I will make. If I need to vent I will text or vent in my home month.
Steak - to be honest you never really helped me. In my opinion you help people who fit your bill of quit. I am not that person. The drill Sgt. type of mentality does not work with me. I am assuming its because I am an educator and I truly understand that everyone learns and feels things differently. Call me a pansy or a puss, whatever you want. I remember you texting me in my early days and you just kind of stopped because my attitude didn't change. NEWS FLASH, the attitude hasn't changed the whole time. But I am functioning daily now. I only have bad days and most of my days are not a total disaster.
Leo - your just an odd guy. You talk about addict talk a lot and I feel you actually have some knowledge with it. But your policing can be a turn off. Not saying you haven't helped because you have at times. Once again just remember that everyone is different. Your different from me. And I am different from you.
Pab - no idea where you come from most times. you basically just like to throw your 2 cents into things. I guess thanks.
Anyhow, I guess where I was coming from with my post yesterday was that I was just venting. I literally say anything that is on my mind. Some of you have a hard time with this. But a real man does not cover up his feelings and does not hide behind anything. I let it all out. Then it is off my mind. Also, when I was saying I was looking back at different years. It seems A LOT of people stop posting on KTC. A LOT of older groups only have about 2, 3, 4 people from the original group who are actually still posting. The other people go in the group who have day counts that don't match up. This is depressing to me and one reason why 2, 3, 4 years down the road I may stop posting.
I am also going to start posting and ghosting because looking at KTC all day does nothing for me but make me think about dip.
When I get bored I may post in my into just to make some of you mad. Because a lot of you just troll people and look for any little speck of weakness and then try and exploit it. Like you just did with me yesterday. So I may entertain the fact that you do this and throw you some fake bait once in awhile. Just to see you squeal! But that would not be very christian of me so we will see.
I did want to hit on the fact that yes, I have a negative attitude and perspective on this. It is slowly changing. I do not know what my hang up is but I have a hang up that I am trying to get over. Usually posting helps and then I move on. And I am never saying it is right to go back to nicotine. When I say I understand I am saying that some people just cannot handle stress or adversity. People who never go back are very very strong people who I feel are very mentally tough. Other people are not mentally tough at all.
Anyways. If I have anything else I will just edit this post. I know all of you will see this because all you do is surf KTC and comment on anything and everything. Anyways, Goodbye intro. It was a good negative piece of writing that I put together.
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'butt hurt'
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'butt hurt'
Toolbox...
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'butt hurt'
Toolbox...
Oh,oh,oh....
I'm good at this, Alex.
What is something guys with manicures don't own?
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Poof