KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: NeonPanther on December 04, 2013, 05:08:00 PM
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, 1st time posting.
I have one quick questions then I'll get to my intro.
I am done dipping, been over 60 days since I have had tobacco in my mouth. I am tapering off nicotine gum and set to quit all nicotine Dec 31. I am worried about the oral fixation aspect. I think that's part of why the gum has worked so well. I was wondering if anyone knows of a regular, non nicotine gum that is as... substancial as nicotine gum. Ive tried everything on the counter from Double mint to Wrigles, they are all just thin and slippery. I don't even know how to explain it. Anyway I expect I'll be chewing gum for a while so I'm looking for something similar to nicotine gum, with out the nicotine. Thanks!
Into:
I joined the Army in 2009. Never used tobacco in my life... Peer preassure, bordom, homesickness, bordom... who knows, I started dipping. Been trying to quit since I got home in 2011. Cope Wintergreen longcut was the only thing I could handle the flavor of.
Addiction is a crazy thing 'bang head' . Dip. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like the bits of tobbaco all over my mouth and stuck in my teeth. Doesn't even make me feel good. No energy, tired, just crappy and lazy. More dip will fix that right? Nope, just makes me dizzy and nauseous. I finally got to the point where I hated dip, everything about it.
But I'd buy another can. Better make it 2, you get a discount that way.
That craving... The craving hits and makes you forget all that. Not forget, agrue with it. "It makes you feel good", the craving tells me. "You need it.... You love it :wub: ."
Hope this sounds familiar... Maybe I'm as crazy as I think I am. 'winker'
I have tried cold turkey countless times in the last 2 years. Made it 22 days once...
I have not had a dip over 2 months, thanks to nicotine gum, and finally wanting to quit more than I want a dip. They sayI am tapering off the gum now and doing well. I set out a daily schedule, with nicotine doseage totals and what time to have a peice. I'm sticking to it. Unless I don't feel the need for a peice. I'll skip it and try to make it til the next peice is due. This is happening more frequently and I like it. :D
The real difference this time is that I know I'm done with tobacco. I quit going into the gas stations where I buy dip for about a month. All the clerks know you, they just grab a can for you with out a word. When I finally did go back in I told all my clerks that I quit. And if I ever ask for a can, not to sell it to me :D They have all been supportive so that's pretty cool. I quit drinking, cause what's better than a dip once you have a nice buzz going? And after 2 weeks with out a dip, a little buzz is all it takes to get me walking to the gas station for another can. Or 2, costs less that way. I have done lots of other little things, things I avoid, or have totally cut out of my life as well. A supportive wife that can not take the irrational grumpiness (to put it mildly) personally. And working out. And eating better. Honestly my whole lifestyle has changed and dip just doesn't fit anywhere in the way I want to live anymore.
Anyway. I know I'm done dipping. LoL yea right. There's alot more to it than that and all you sucessful quitters know that. But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
-
Hi everyone! Long time lurker, 1st time posting.
I have one quick questions then I'll get to my intro.
I am done dipping, been over 60 days since I have had tobacco in my mouth. I am tapering off nicotine gum and set to quit all nicotine Dec 31. I am worried about the oral fixation aspect. I think that's part of why the gum has worked so well. I was wondering if anyone knows of a regular, non nicotine gum that is as... substancial as nicotine gum. Ive tried everything on the counter from Double mint to Wrigles, they are all just thin and slippery. I don't even know how to explain it. Anyway I expect I'll be chewing gum for a while so I'm looking for something similar to nicotine gum, with out the nicotine. Thanks!
Into:
I joined the Army in 2009. Never used tobacco in my life... Peer preassure, bordom, homesickness, bordom... who knows, I started dipping. Been trying to quit since I got home in 2011. Cope Wintergreen longcut was the only thing I could handle the flavor of.
Addiction is a crazy thing 'bang head' . Dip. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like the bits of tobbaco all over my mouth and stuck in my teeth. Doesn't even make me feel good. No energy, tired, just crappy and lazy. More dip will fix that right? Nope, just makes me dizzy and nauseous. I finally got to the point where I hated dip, everything about it.
But I'd buy another can. Better make it 2, you get a discount that way.
That craving... The craving hits and makes you forget all that. Not forget, agrue with it. "It makes you feel good", the craving tells me. "You need it.... You love it :wub: ."
Hope this sounds familiar... Maybe I'm as crazy as I think I am. 'winker'
I have tried cold turkey countless times in the last 2 years. Made it 22 days once...
I have not had a dip over 2 months, thanks to nicotine gum, and finally wanting to quit more than I want a dip. They sayI am tapering off the gum now and doing well. I set out a daily schedule, with nicotine doseage totals and what time to have a peice. I'm sticking to it. Unless I don't feel the need for a peice. I'll skip it and try to make it til the next peice is due. This is happening more frequently and I like it. :D
The real difference this time is that I know I'm done with tobacco. I quit going into the gas stations where I buy dip for about a month. All the clerks know you, they just grab a can for you with out a word. When I finally did go back in I told all my clerks that I quit. And if I ever ask for a can, not to sell it to me :D They have all been supportive so that's pretty cool. I quit drinking, cause what's better than a dip once you have a nice buzz going? And after 2 weeks with out a dip, a little buzz is all it takes to get me walking to the gas station for another can. Or 2, costs less that way. I have done lots of other little things, things I avoid, or have totally cut out of my life as well. A supportive wife that can not take the irrational grumpiness (to put it mildly) personally. And working out. And eating better. Honestly my whole lifestyle has changed and dip just doesn't fit anywhere in the way I want to live anymore.
Anyway. I know I'm done dipping. LoL yea right. There's alot more to it than that and all you sucessful quitters know that. But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
Welcome to the site. Few things though.
First, this is a non-nicotine site. By using the gum, you are prolonging the nicotine in your system. When you finally do stop using the gum, what do you think is going to happen? Best thing for you to do is to stop using the gum immediately, flush it (if you can) or throw it away. This site is full of quitters who have gone cold turkey successfully. When the 31st comes around, you realize that you will go cold turkey then right. Forget the tobacco aspect of it. The nicotine is what you are addicted to, and right now that addiction is tricking you into wasting more of your money on NRT. The fact is, NRT's aren't proven a successful quit tool. It may work for some, but in the end, you have still been supplying your body nicotine when it wants it, only not in the form of tobacco, but in the form of gum.
Secondly, you can't always say that you will quit tomorrow because tomorrow will never come right. If you say I will quit tomorrow, then it's tomorrow and you say I will quit tomorrow. Quit right now. Get rid of your stash, post roll in the March group and don't use nicotine for the rest of the day. Sounds simple right. That's all we ask here. One day at a time. If you are willing to do that, I will stand by you, and fight with you as much as you need it. But only if quit with the NRT.
If that doesn't sound like a good option to you, then I say maybe this site is not for you and good luck in your attempt. When you are ready to quit, quit, we will be here.
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, 1st time posting.
I have one quick questions then I'll get to my intro.
I am done dipping, been over 60 days since I have had tobacco in my mouth. I am tapering off nicotine gum and set to quit all nicotine Dec 31. I am worried about the oral fixation aspect. I think that's part of why the gum has worked so well. I was wondering if anyone knows of a regular, non nicotine gum that is as... substancial as nicotine gum. Ive tried everything on the counter from Double mint to Wrigles, they are all just thin and slippery. I don't even know how to explain it. Anyway I expect I'll be chewing gum for a while so I'm looking for something similar to nicotine gum, with out the nicotine. Thanks!
Into:
I joined the Army in 2009. Never used tobacco in my life... Peer preassure, bordom, homesickness, bordom... who knows, I started dipping. Been trying to quit since I got home in 2011. Cope Wintergreen longcut was the only thing I could handle the flavor of.
Addiction is a crazy thing 'bang head' . Dip. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like the bits of tobbaco all over my mouth and stuck in my teeth. Doesn't even make me feel good. No energy, tired, just crappy and lazy. More dip will fix that right? Nope, just makes me dizzy and nauseous. I finally got to the point where I hated dip, everything about it.
But I'd buy another can. Better make it 2, you get a discount that way.
That craving... The craving hits and makes you forget all that. Not forget, agrue with it. "It makes you feel good", the craving tells me. "You need it.... You love it :wub: ."
Hope this sounds familiar... Maybe I'm as crazy as I think I am. 'winker'
I have tried cold turkey countless times in the last 2 years. Made it 22 days once...
I have not had a dip over 2 months, thanks to nicotine gum, and finally wanting to quit more than I want a dip. They sayI am tapering off the gum now and doing well. I set out a daily schedule, with nicotine doseage totals and what time to have a peice. I'm sticking to it. Unless I don't feel the need for a peice. I'll skip it and try to make it til the next peice is due. This is happening more frequently and I like it. :D
The real difference this time is that I know I'm done with tobacco. I quit going into the gas stations where I buy dip for about a month. All the clerks know you, they just grab a can for you with out a word. When I finally did go back in I told all my clerks that I quit. And if I ever ask for a can, not to sell it to me :D They have all been supportive so that's pretty cool. I quit drinking, cause what's better than a dip once you have a nice buzz going? And after 2 weeks with out a dip, a little buzz is all it takes to get me walking to the gas station for another can. Or 2, costs less that way. I have done lots of other little things, things I avoid, or have totally cut out of my life as well. A supportive wife that can not take the irrational grumpiness (to put it mildly) personally. And working out. And eating better. Honestly my whole lifestyle has changed and dip just doesn't fit anywhere in the way I want to live anymore.
Anyway. I know I'm done dipping. LoL yea right. There's alot more to it than that and all you sucessful quitters know that. But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
Oh man, the pandora box you're opening up...
Spit out the gum. Is December 31st some magical date to which you'll be cured? Start now, post up and quit. You're in the army, so mental toughness shouldn't be an issue. That's what it's going to take buddy.
As far as gum, any worked, atomic fireballs helped a lot of guys here. Drink lots of water, get some cranberry juice and get to it
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, 1st time posting.
I have one quick questions then I'll get to my intro.
I am done dipping, been over 60 days since I have had tobacco in my mouth. I am tapering off nicotine gum and set to quit all nicotine Dec 31. I am worried about the oral fixation aspect. I think that's part of why the gum has worked so well. I was wondering if anyone knows of a regular, non nicotine gum that is as... substancial as nicotine gum. Ive tried everything on the counter from Double mint to Wrigles, they are all just thin and slippery. I don't even know how to explain it. Anyway I expect I'll be chewing gum for a while so I'm looking for something similar to nicotine gum, with out the nicotine. Thanks!
Into:
I joined the Army in 2009. Never used tobacco in my life... Peer preassure, bordom, homesickness, bordom... who knows, I started dipping. Been trying to quit since I got home in 2011. Cope Wintergreen longcut was the only thing I could handle the flavor of.
Addiction is a crazy thing 'bang head' . Dip. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like the bits of tobbaco all over my mouth and stuck in my teeth. Doesn't even make me feel good. No energy, tired, just crappy and lazy. More dip will fix that right? Nope, just makes me dizzy and nauseous. I finally got to the point where I hated dip, everything about it.
But I'd buy another can. Better make it 2, you get a discount that way.
That craving... The craving hits and makes you forget all that. Not forget, agrue with it. "It makes you feel good", the craving tells me. "You need it.... You love it :wub: ."
Hope this sounds familiar... Maybe I'm as crazy as I think I am. 'winker'
I have tried cold turkey countless times in the last 2 years. Made it 22 days once...
I have not had a dip over 2 months, thanks to nicotine gum, and finally wanting to quit more than I want a dip. They sayI am tapering off the gum now and doing well. I set out a daily schedule, with nicotine doseage totals and what time to have a peice. I'm sticking to it. Unless I don't feel the need for a peice. I'll skip it and try to make it til the next peice is due. This is happening more frequently and I like it. :D
The real difference this time is that I know I'm done with tobacco. I quit going into the gas stations where I buy dip for about a month. All the clerks know you, they just grab a can for you with out a word. When I finally did go back in I told all my clerks that I quit. And if I ever ask for a can, not to sell it to me :D They have all been supportive so that's pretty cool. I quit drinking, cause what's better than a dip once you have a nice buzz going? And after 2 weeks with out a dip, a little buzz is all it takes to get me walking to the gas station for another can. Or 2, costs less that way. I have done lots of other little things, things I avoid, or have totally cut out of my life as well. A supportive wife that can not take the irrational grumpiness (to put it mildly) personally. And working out. And eating better. Honestly my whole lifestyle has changed and dip just doesn't fit anywhere in the way I want to live anymore.
Anyway. I know I'm done dipping. LoL yea right. There's alot more to it than that and all you sucessful quitters know that. But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
Oh man, the pandora box you're opening up...
Spit out the gum. Is December 31st some magical date to which you'll be cured? Start now, post up and quit. You're in the army, so mental toughness shouldn't be an issue. That's what it's going to take buddy.
As far as gum, any worked, atomic fireballs helped a lot of guys here. Drink lots of water, get some cranberry juice and get to it
Dont punish yourself any longer than you have to. Flush the gum. Flush the nic and get to it....TODAY. Tomorrow never comes.
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Blah, blah I am going to quit so in so. (didnt happen)
Blah, blah I am going to quit so in so. (didnt happen)
Blah, blah I am going to quit so in so. (didnt happen)
Blah, blah I am going to quit so in so. (didnt happen)
Blah, blah I am going to quit so in so. (didnt happen)
What do you mean I have cancer Doc????
Damn I should of stopped waiting for tomorrow to quit. Now it's too late!!!
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Hope you are getting at what people are saying. We have seen it over and over where an addict says they are quitting the drug in 'such' time and that time never arrives.
the best way is to end it today. stop feeding yourself that drug, in whatever form you use, and get clean now.
then use this site for its support, for its knowledge, for its members, for its brothers and sisters.
stop wasting time, money and possibly your health (yes your health), and QUIT NOW.
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, 1st time posting.
I have one quick questions then I'll get to my intro.
I am done dipping, been over 60 days since I have had tobacco in my mouth. I am tapering off nicotine gum and set to quit all nicotine Dec 31. I am worried about the oral fixation aspect. I think that's part of why the gum has worked so well. I was wondering if anyone knows of a regular, non nicotine gum that is as... substancial as nicotine gum. Ive tried everything on the counter from Double mint to Wrigles, they are all just thin and slippery. I don't even know how to explain it. Anyway I expect I'll be chewing gum for a while so I'm looking for something similar to nicotine gum, with out the nicotine. Thanks!
Into:
I joined the Army in 2009. Never used tobacco in my life... Peer preassure, bordom, homesickness, bordom... who knows, I started dipping. Been trying to quit since I got home in 2011. Cope Wintergreen longcut was the only thing I could handle the flavor of.
Addiction is a crazy thing 'bang head' . Dip. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like the bits of tobbaco all over my mouth and stuck in my teeth. Doesn't even make me feel good. No energy, tired, just crappy and lazy. More dip will fix that right? Nope, just makes me dizzy and nauseous. I finally got to the point where I hated dip, everything about it.
But I'd buy another can. Better make it 2, you get a discount that way.
That craving... The craving hits and makes you forget all that. Not forget, agrue with it. "It makes you feel good", the craving tells me. "You need it.... You love it :wub: ."
Hope this sounds familiar... Maybe I'm as crazy as I think I am. 'winker'
I have tried cold turkey countless times in the last 2 years. Made it 22 days once...
I have not had a dip over 2 months, thanks to nicotine gum, and finally wanting to quit more than I want a dip. They sayI am tapering off the gum now and doing well. I set out a daily schedule, with nicotine doseage totals and what time to have a peice. I'm sticking to it. Unless I don't feel the need for a peice. I'll skip it and try to make it til the next peice is due. This is happening more frequently and I like it. :D
The real difference this time is that I know I'm done with tobacco. I quit going into the gas stations where I buy dip for about a month. All the clerks know you, they just grab a can for you with out a word. When I finally did go back in I told all my clerks that I quit. And if I ever ask for a can, not to sell it to me :D They have all been supportive so that's pretty cool. I quit drinking, cause what's better than a dip once you have a nice buzz going? And after 2 weeks with out a dip, a little buzz is all it takes to get me walking to the gas station for another can. Or 2, costs less that way. I have done lots of other little things, things I avoid, or have totally cut out of my life as well. A supportive wife that can not take the irrational grumpiness (to put it mildly) personally. And working out. And eating better. Honestly my whole lifestyle has changed and dip just doesn't fit anywhere in the way I want to live anymore.
Anyway. I know I'm done dipping. LoL yea right. There's alot more to it than that and all you sucessful quitters know that. But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
Oh man, the pandora box you're opening up...
Spit out the gum. Is December 31st some magical date to which you'll be cured? Start now, post up and quit. You're in the army, so mental toughness shouldn't be an issue. That's what it's going to take buddy.
As far as gum, any worked, atomic fireballs helped a lot of guys here. Drink lots of water, get some cranberry juice and get to it
Dont punish yourself any longer than you have to. Flush the gum. Flush the nic and get to it....TODAY. Tomorrow never comes.
Nicotine gum sucks ass. I once tried to quit thinking I would chew nic gum. I hated it and would chew more pieces at a time. Finally, I spent so much extra money, "Quitting", I realized the pharmaceutical company duped me. I was still getting my fix and paying soooo much more for it.
I know you feel like you are successful this time but you are set up to fail on December 31st. Why? You are still ingesting nicotine. It not the oral fixation so much as it is the addiction to nicotine. Its working because you are using.
You want to have success this is the formula. Don't set a date. Just take action now. Get everything nicotine and flush it! You failed before because addicts can let themselves down. You can cave on a promise to yourself so you do. We all have.
You must want to quit. You must want to be a man of your word and you must have accountability to keep your head on straight when a craving comes.
December 31st? Why not January 2. New Years will be a big temptation and you wouldn't want to fail. Oh wait what about after St. Patricks day. Drinking day, I caved once when I was drinking so maybe you should set the day for June. Wait July 4th is coming and nothing like a buzz watching fireworks. Hell summer will almost be over after that so I'll do quit after Labor day.
You get my point. You will crave and have triggers today, tomorrow or whenever. It is very symbolic to destroy what you expected to consume. It is a war and the best attack is a surprise one.
Get rid of the gum now. Post roll "Neon Panther Day 1" Everyone on that list promised not to ingest tobacco today. If they can do it cold turkey you can too.
Don't let nicotine enslave you for one more moment. Keep your money and tell nicotine its finally over! I love posting roll, today is my 631st day giving US tobacco, and nicotine one of these.... 'Finger'
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Thanks for your feed back and suggestions.
I will take a video of me putting every piece of gum I have in the toilet, and flushing it and post it as proof, IF you can give me a solution to the only problem with quitting that I will not tolerate.
How do you manage the irrational anger? That just builds. And every stupid little thing piles onto. And sitting there, thinking about how stupid and irrational that anger is just makes you more and more angry...
I am not an angry person. At all. I guarantee if you asked 90% of people that know me they would tell you they have never seen me angry.
I never rose my voice in anger to my wife or children before trying to quit. I never stormed out of the house, slamming the back door so hard the whole house shakes. And punching a tree and breaking my hand. And all from irrational nicotine fueled rage. It happened once. I will never let it happen again.
The amount of dip I was using.... a can and a half, 2 cans A DAY. I'd put 4 times more dip in my mouth than some of my friends. top and bottom. retarded.
I'm a nurse, I deal with substance abuse patients often, and I volunteered at a drug rehab for a long time as well. Some people have the fortitude to quit cold turkey. Not everyone does. Even non addicts have to be tapered off some substances. That's the way the human body works.
I have had 4mg of nicotine today. You can tell me I'm still a slave to the poison. I know I'm not. I know what being enslaved to nicotine felt like. It's not that way anymore. I am in control, and gain more control every day.
And you know what... I could toss it out now and be done with it. But I can't guarantee I can cope with that anger. I won't let the nicotine control me ever again, whether it be from the drive to dip, or the rage from not dipping. Every day is still a fight. But this way, every day, I stomp out a little bit of nicotineÂ’s hold, and I get stronger. I only carry enough with me to follow my schedule. I don't chew a piece based on cravings. Fuck the cravings. I can FINALLY fight that. I chew a piece on a set schedule to taper off the retarded amount of nicotine I was using, and finally be free of this.
I understand this is a nicotine free site. If you can help me not get retard-o-rage then I will dump the gum today. I will not be a grouchy asshole and ruin my familyÂ’s entire holiday season.
If not I'll be back on December 25th. My last scheduled dose of gum is on Christmas Eve. I didn't plan that, I made the schedule based off of the amount I was dipping, and the uncontrolled amount of gum I was chewing "Trying" to quit. It's based off of the time it would take to taper off in a controlled manner. That last week is "Emergency gum only, 2mg per day MAX" verbatim from my quit calendar.
Some people have the fortitude to quit cold turkey. Some do not.
You canÂ’t tell me thereÂ’s no proof stop-smoking aids help people quit. I have seen it help in my own patients. Furthermore, IÂ’m the proof. IÂ’m done with dip. And every day I am more certain of it.
Think of it this way; some people are afraid of heights. Some are so afraid they could never repel off a cliff, no matter what the motivation. Others have the will to overcome that fear, to get harnessed up and get over the edge and straight to the bottom. IÂ’m saying thereÂ’s a staircase. People who canÂ’t make the leap can still get to the same destination. I think you are hurting just as many people as you are helping by telling them cold turkey is the only way.
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Long time lurker...do you remember reading anyone else was using nic gum to ween off??? Or do think you're the only one who thought of that? I question your lukrking skills.
You gotta realize you're not just a dip addict, you're a NICOTINE addict. Until you cut the ties completely, you haven't quit shit .
Throw out the gum and move your quit date to December 4th.
The best time to quit is today. The worst time to quit is tomorrow.
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How do you manage the irrational anger? That just builds. And every stupid little thing piles onto. And sitting there, thinking about how stupid and irrational that anger is just makes you more and more angry...
I exercise, work out, come to chat, phone a fellow quitter and yell at them. Or when I am really really pissed off beyond repair I hit the heavy bag until my temper tantrum is done.
I would throw myself to the floor kicking in screaming like a spoiled four year old brat but that might not be a good vent.
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Long time lurker...do you remember reading anyone else was using nic gum to ween off??? Or do think you're the only one who thought of that? I question your lukrking skills.
You gotta realize you're not just a dip addict, you're a NICOTINE addict. Until you cut the ties completely, you haven't quit shit .
Yep, I have. Read my last post.
There is always more than one path to a destination. I never said I have quit.
There's really no point in arguing with you all. I came for some suggestions about the oral fixation. Thanks to you who offered feedback. I will put it to good use.
To all of you that say cold turkey is the ONLY way out, I applaud your strength and will. I did not have it. I envy it. But I whole heartedly disagree. I will follow my plan thru. I will be successful this time. And when I am nicotine free, I will be back, as an advocate for a controlled quit. I will be the proof. As this is a no nicotine forum, I will not post again until I have quit. I agree, I havenÂ’t quit shit. But I have gone from 2 cans a day to 10mg of nicotine in 24 hours, when I say, by my schedule, not when the craving tells me.
To all of you who respond with nothing butÂ… unhelpful remarks. IsnÂ’t this forum here to help people quit? Why would an alcoholic ever go to a 2nd AA meeting if people said things like what you are saying?
No wonder so many of the new quits never make a 2nd post.
I will be back though. IÂ’ll keep reading your replyÂ’s and apply your feedback. I wonÂ’t post again till I have quit and I will be back.
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Thanks for your feed back and suggestions.
I will take a video of me putting every piece of gum I have in the toilet, and flushing it and post it as proof, IF you can give me a solution to the only problem with quitting that I will not tolerate.
How do you manage the irrational anger? That just builds. And every stupid little thing piles onto. And sitting there, thinking about how stupid and irrational that anger is just makes you more and more angry...
I am not an angry person. At all. I guarantee if you asked 90% of people that know me they would tell you they have never seen me angry.
I never rose my voice in anger to my wife or children before trying to quit. I never stormed out of the house, slamming the back door so hard the whole house shakes. And punching a tree and breaking my hand. And all from irrational nicotine fueled rage. It happened once. I will never let it happen again.
The amount of dip I was using.... a can and a half, 2 cans A DAY. I'd put 4 times more dip in my mouth than some of my friends. top and bottom. retarded.
I'm a nurse, I deal with substance abuse patients often, and I volunteered at a drug rehab for a long time as well. Some people have the fortitude to quit cold turkey. Not everyone does. Even non addicts have to be tapered off some substances. That's the way the human body works.
I have had 4mg of nicotine today. You can tell me I'm still a slave to the poison. I know I'm not. I know what being enslaved to nicotine felt like. It's not that way anymore. I am in control, and gain more control every day.
And you know what... I could toss it out now and be done with it. But I can't guarantee I can cope with that anger. I won't let the nicotine control me ever again, whether it be from the drive to dip, or the rage from not dipping. Every day is still a fight. But this way, every day, I stomp out a little bit of nicotineÂ’s hold, and I get stronger. I only carry enough with me to follow my schedule. I don't chew a piece based on cravings. Fuck the cravings. I can FINALLY fight that. I chew a piece on a set schedule to taper off the retarded amount of nicotine I was using, and finally be free of this.
I understand this is a nicotine free site. If you can help me not get retard-o-rage then I will dump the gum today. I will not be a grouchy asshole and ruin my familyÂ’s entire holiday season.
If not I'll be back on December 25th. My last scheduled dose of gum is on Christmas Eve. I didn't plan that, I made the schedule based off of the amount I was dipping, and the uncontrolled amount of gum I was chewing "Trying" to quit. It's based off of the time it would take to taper off in a controlled manner. That last week is "Emergency gum only, 2mg per day MAX" verbatim from my quit calendar.
Some people have the fortitude to quit cold turkey. Some do not.
You canÂ’t tell me thereÂ’s no proof stop-smoking aids help people quit. I have seen it help in my own patients. Furthermore, IÂ’m the proof. IÂ’m done with dip. And every day I am more certain of it.
Think of it this way; some people are afraid of heights. Some are so afraid they could never repel off a cliff, no matter what the motivation. Others have the will to overcome that fear, to get harnessed up and get over the edge and straight to the bottom. IÂ’m saying thereÂ’s a staircase. People who canÂ’t make the leap can still get to the same destination. I think you are hurting just as many people as you are helping by telling them cold turkey is the only way.
Ok, you say you are a nurse and deal with substance abuse patients. Ask yourself does this make sense. Say you have a patient who has been snorting coke. Would it make sense for them to stop snorting coke, by starting to cook and inject it? No. All it would do is continue to feed the beast and keep their addiction strong.
Second, the reason you aren't nic raging now is YOU STILL HAVE NICOTINE IN YOUR SYSTEM. What's going to happen when you finally quit the gum? There is no weaning off. You know that as a med professional. Quit now. We'll be here to support you, hell you can yell and scream at me all you want. I sent you my number, whatever you need, but you've got to quit now.
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Somewhere in you is a quitter. Reach deep and find this person, i would like to meet him. He's sure of himself. He realizes he doesn't need any nicotine to make it through the day, NEVER DID!
Right now the poison is talking for you. You love the poison more than anything. You are bound tied and gagged. All them addicts you work around, you are just like them. How about you do what you help others do. Take back your life! Stop believing the lies.
You will be surprised at how posting roll, determination and drive can get you through a day as a free man not living under the tyranny of nicotine.
If 1000's can do it you can. Your move!
You asked how to deal with anger. One second at a time my friend. Let's deal with really quitting first.
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Freedom is amazing and it's worth every moment of pain and anguish to achieve it. I chewed for 25 years bro. 2 cans a day easy. So much some days it would actually make me sick during my ginormous end 'o' the day celebratory dip. I understand your fear because that's what it is. Fear. And the rage? Damn. Yeah... I get it. You trash all your poison... Get some numbers... Create a lifeline... Create a rage group. Use it. Deal with the withdrawal and be the better you. I stopped cold on April 17 this year. Cold turkey. Pretty sure you can too bro. Are you willing to sacrifice to reach freedom? Really sacrifice? It's worth it and we can help you get there...
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Riddle me this Panther.... How do you handle it now?
Follow the bouncing ball with me and I will solve your dilemma.
1. Anger causes the release of fight or flight chemicals into your blood stream.
2. These chemicals immediately reduce the amount of nicotine in your blood.
3. Your " irritability / irrational anger " is in REALITY a crave caused by the removal of nicotine from your blood stream.
4.You go into withdrawal and then remedy it with nicotine. The withdrawl symptoms lift and you feel better.
The problem is you believe the nicotine helped you calm down. It doesn't.
Nicotine ONLY fixes the problems that it created in the first place.
The thing that made you angry in the first place still exists, your no better than before
What will cure the anger? Quit
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Panther, I am 16 days into my quit, 17 days from my last dip. I had planned to use the patch to help me quit hence the reason my last dip was 17 days ago but my addiction stopped 16 days ago. I went to Costco and spent $50 to get the 30 day package of planned poisoning. Used one patch when I found this site that advocated cold turkey. Woke up the next morning and thought WTF am I waiting for, just quit. So I dumped the patches and posted roll 16 days ago and every day since. I have tried the gum before and even did the Chantix which got me to quit for 2 months. You know what, I failed each time because I never thought of this problem like an addict. KTC has taught me that I am addicted to the Nic Bitch and there is only one way to kill her, one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time. I stopped worrying about the future without the bitch. I only focus my attention on her when she whispers in my brain, I then stomp her guts out and roll on. I will always be an addict, I accept this now, that is the difference. You sound like an intelligent guy, dump the crap and get on with life as a quitter. If you are worried about getting angry, come here and yell at us, go for a walk. Prep your spouse and family, tell them you might just get up and walk out for no apparent reason. I left the house 4 days into my quit without saying anything, just needed to move. Wife wondered where I went later but understood. She loves that I am a quitter.... :D
Whatever you decide, I wish you luck...........
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You aren't almost there, you are here, now. Stop poisoning yourself now.
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I won't add a lot Panther, as you can see our opinions on the subject are pretty clear. I will say though, why are you extending out a process that could be over in 72 Hrs. No matter what you may think, the physical withdrawal is such a small part of what it takes to be quit. Sure it takes guts to make it through the first few days, but it's really just the beginning. The psychological struggle is a day by day battle we all fight together.
Your really only delaying the beginning of the healing process by continuing to "ween" yourself off, you made it 22 days before? That means you've beaten the physical withdrawals before. You have to completely be ready to let go to be truly "quit". Maybe you aren't there yet, I know one thing though.....another few weeks sucking on nicotine gum isn't going to make any readier, that has to come from inside you.
Babies and puppies get "weened" off the mother's tit, if you want to escape nicotine you'll need to be a quitter.
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Hey brother, I get what you mean, I'm a marine and my life is stressful enough being an armory chief, and i was scared of taking it out on the ones i love, and planned to use the gum and all that junk, but i found this site, and I thank God they told me Cold Turkey or nothing. Its up to you man. these people arent actually being assholes, they are trying to save you from another day, week, month, year, of being addicted to the nic bitch. put the shit down, take your anger out on us, and reach out. I've almost caved, and i'm only on day 15, but they helped and stopped me. Hell, i want a dip right now, working 48 hours without seeing the fucking sun, but I know better. Once you Quit for real, you will feel amazing and incredibly proud of yourself.
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Long time lurker...do you remember reading anyone else was using nic gum to ween off??? Or do think you're the only one who thought of that?  I question your lukrking skills.
You gotta realize you're not just a dip addict, you're a NICOTINE addict. Until you cut the ties completely, you haven't quit shit .
Yep, I have. Read my last post.
There is always more than one path to a destination. I never said I have quit.
There's really no point in arguing with you all. I came for some suggestions about the oral fixation. Thanks to you who offered feedback. I will put it to good use.
To all of you that say cold turkey is the ONLY way out, I applaud your strength and will. I did not have it. I envy it. But I whole heartedly disagree. I will follow my plan thru. I will be successful this time. And when I am nicotine free, I will be back, as an advocate for a controlled quit. I will be the proof. As this is a no nicotine forum, I will not post again until I have quit. I agree, I havenÂ’t quit shit. But I have gone from 2 cans a day to 10mg of nicotine in 24 hours, when I say, by my schedule, not when the craving tells me.
To all of you who respond with nothing butÂ… unhelpful remarks. IsnÂ’t this forum here to help people quit? Why would an alcoholic ever go to a 2nd AA meeting if people said things like what you are saying?
No wonder so many of the new quits never make a 2nd post.
I will be back though. IÂ’ll keep reading your replyÂ’s and apply your feedback. I wonÂ’t post again till I have quit and I will be back.
Ok. I'll still be here, quit.
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Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Today. Now. Someone, somewhere, is having a sale on balls. Go get yourself a pair and then QUIT.
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I've talked with dr's. My step mom is a nurse. Weeining is used when cold turkey puts the patients life in danger.
Nic patches and nic gum is more of a gimmick. IMO If your life isn't at risk, cold turkey is the best.
Dude, 72 hours and the nicotine is out of your system. How are you going to handle the irrational rage and anger that will manifest around day 250 - 280? Did you know that the anger then can be worse than the 1st week?
Weening won't stop the rewire process. You're going to get angry. Your wife and family don't deserve your anger.
I got through it by being a dick here. If I raged, plenty of people stepped up to the plate for an irrational cage match. My wife and kids didn't get the brunt of my rage. They thought life was better with me nic free. I was a mess but took it out here.
You are stronger than you think. Just cocky on how to do it. Remember this, what you preach is theory and not fact. I used nic gum and it didn't do shit. I used kTC and I haven't caved in 631 days! .
If this was a wager, I would put money on KTC's way. Too much evidence of success. You aren't successful in quit. Dont get me wrong, I hope you're successful but the debate is cold turkey or weening. Cold turkey is best for addicts of anything if it doesn't put ones life in danger. I can't find any case where nicotine cessation killed a nicotine addict.
You're insistent on the gum, we had a guy preaching patches. Makes me wonder if sales quotas are down so find addicts to pimp you companies product.
Yeah if that's it, pimp your shit somewhere else!
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Ok, you say you are a nurse and deal with substance abuse patients. Ask yourself does this make sense. Say you have a patient who has been snorting coke. Would it make sense for them to stop snorting coke, by starting to cook and inject it? No. All it would do is continue to feed the beast and keep their addiction strong.
***Disclaimer: It can be difficult to discern the emotions behind text. I am not angry. I am not offended. I am not discouraged. You guys are honestly motivating the hell out of me. But I know that part of succeeding at escaping the hellish prison of addiction is a desire to help others escape too. I am going to successfully quit. I want to help others successfully quit too. This desire is the only reason this forum exists! Unfortunately I am fighting a different way than you. If you don't want to hear from me again til I am nicotine free, I will not post again until then. I have a few comments and then a description of my journey to finally be able to quit. To those that take the time to read this and give additional feedback, I sincerely thank you.***
I'm trying to be logical here... "Would it make sense for them to stop snorting coke, by starting to cook and inject it?" Of course not... But putting a narcotic addict on clean pharmaceutical narcotics, at CONTROLLED dosages, and titrating them off in a manner that manages their physical and mental dependence and withdrawal effects... can be the difference between life and death. And the difference between quitting and going back to their addiction.
They say only 33% of people will beat their addiction, 33% will spend their lives in and out of treatment and the other 33% will be killed by their addiction.
Come on now. Is this website here to help people quit? Someone finally crawls into this site, begging for help, and instead they get, "There is only one way to quit! If you can't do it that one and only way you can never succeed! Now leave until you are ready to do it OUR way."
Tobacco products are designed to be addictive in every possible aspect. Mentally, physically, physiologically and emotionally. Nicotine isn't the only addictive substance in tobacco products. Just one example; dip is PACKED with sodium, and for one reason. Sodium is an ESSENTIAL electrolyte for muscular and neurological function. From every heart beat, every breath, even to wiggle your toes, sodium is involved. Sodium is not in dip for flavor. It's there because the craving triggered by your body when it needs (or thinks it needs) sodium are transmitted and received by the exact receptors that... you guessed it, transmit and receive the message that your body sends when it thinks it needs more nicotine.
But Nicotine is the only addictive substance in the gum. A clean, controlled pharmaceutical dose. And every 5 days I take less. I fight to stay on my schedule. And I have fought to stick to it every day for the last 2 months. Do you think it's been easy?
"Studies have shown that moist snuff had between 4.7 and 24.3 milligrams per gram of tobacco, dry snuff had between 10.5 and 24.8 milligrams per gram of tobacco, and chewing tobacco had between 3.4 and 39.7 milligrams per gram of tobacco"
From: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/fact ... okeless#r4 (http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Tobacco/smokeless#r4)
Most major Manufacturers sell dip in 1.2oz cans, just a hair over 34 grams.
that's 357mg to 843.2 mg of Nicotine per can. I would easily have 1/4-1/3 a can in my mouth. Every damn time I dipped. Even on the low side that's about 120mg of nicotine. In one dip. Copenhagen is argued have the 3rd or 4th most nicotine of any brand. So I'm pretty sure I wasn't on the low side of this equation. Yea, you don't absorb every mg of nicotine... so lets just say I absorbed half of that. 60mg per dip. Say you dip 6-10+ times a day. So, 6 dips, 60mgs per dip, 240mg of nicotine per day. That's just an example.
I had 16mg of nicotine today.
I was easily getting over 500mg of Nicotine a day. When I first "tried" to quit with gum... The directions said take one 4mg piece every 2 hours. LOL yea right. Tried that, did nothing. I would chew the whole 10 pieces and it didn't do shit. So back to the gas station for another can. Oh, better buy two, cost's less that way. And how about some more gum between dips? Yes, you can abuse the gum and it will benefit you nothing. I did that too.
I have dipped for 4 years. I have chewed gum as well as dipped for probably the last 8 to 10 months. I finally hit the rock bottom that made me decide to quit (I'll save that story for some other time.) So I quit. Again. Cold turkey. Again. No dip, no gum. I made it four days before I found myself walking out of the gas station with 2 more cans of dip. I took one normal person sized dip. It was in my mouth 2 minutes before I spit it out and dumped both cans down the toilet. Not because it felt bad. Because I finally wanted to quit more than my addiction wanted to dip. Someone said earlier that getting rid of your stash is a big part of the quit. I have dumped more full cans of dip out in toilets, trash cans and out car windows that I could guess over the last 2 years. Always came back. And that day was no different, 8 hours later, at the closest gas station on my way home from work. I bought 2 more cans and dipped again. Both of which got dumped out the window a few minutes later. Day after day I kept buying dip. I did stop wasting a little money and buying 1 can. Because every time I tossed out the whole can after my 1st dip.
Something really was different this time. I really, really wanted to quit. And my desire to quit wasn't wavering. But my willpower in the moment of those cravings always failed me.
This post is probably already TLDR for most of you. So long story short:
10 weeks ago, and the 4 years prior to that I was using several hundred milligrams of Nicotine a day.
I finally reached a point where my desire to quit was more powerful than my desire to dip. But I still kept going back.
So I made my plan to quit. I sat down. I wrote it down. I did the math. I set my daily dosages totals. I set specific times to chew the gum. I typed it up as a calendar, I have every day with the total dose and the times I will chew the gum. I have a copy in my pocket, on my kitchen wall, and with my wife. I have FOUGHT to stick to it. I am so determined, and for once my determination is not wavering. I even fought my own schedule, when I had no desire or urge for nicotine at a scheduled gum time, I would wait as long as I could before I chewed my next piece. This was usually the point where I start getting angry with the wife or kids, and I will not take that out on them. I pushed my times far enough apart that revised it last week with lower dosages and a much earlier quit day.
It is working. I will be successful. 500mg of nicotine every single day and all the other poison in dip just a few weeks ago. I have had 16mgs of nicotine today. That's all I will have today. My last gum was 2 hours ago. I will not chew more. Trying to credible info about the nicotine content of tobacco products put several pictures of cans of dip on my screen. A weeks ago that would have driven me to go buy a can without hesitation. Today I can deal with that urge, and bear it, and not give in. It's still there, it's here right now. Clawing at me. I want to dip. But today, I have the strength to say no. With a laundry list of reasons why the answer is no. It's not easy. It's fucking torture. But I will bear it. I have the same withdrawal symptoms, I fight through the same cravings as you have. But at a pace I can manage. In a manner that allows me to continue to be the Man, the husband and father I need to be. I still come home from work so grumpy some days I just get straight into bed so I don't lash out at my family. And lay there til 3 am, because I can't sleep either. And that whole fucking time the beast is whispering how much better I'll feel if I go shove a whole pack of gum in my mouth. Or better yet, just go buy another can of dip.(I am in fucking tears typing this.) But I don't give in. I finally have the strength to not give in. I don't know how to fight back yet, I don't know if you every can fight back. But I can finally just suffer through and resist it. I think every time I survive it, without giving in I think I get a little stronger. I hope so.
I do not have any delusions that the day I spit out my last piece of gum, I will suddenly be cured. I know this is a life long battle. I understand that. You all propose that cold turkey is the only possible 1st step. I concur that it is a great 1st step. For those of you that did it... I envy you. I commend everyone of you that made it through that hell. You have my greatest respect. I could not do it. But I will no longer accept failure, I will not let nicotine control me. I will quit.
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Hmmmmm, well that was a long read and I read it all. I will let the admins and mods determine what should be done with your posts and your quit method as applied to KTC.
However, this is my opinion. And mine only
KTC is a no nicotine site, why can't you respect that? Must you pry yourself into every discussion that doesn't fit your mold, must you be the ONE? I didn't bust into the nic gum forum and demand you quit cold turkey. I hope you do quit, I hope you are successful, I hope you are healthy for a very long time. I congratulate your quit, I just rather you not do it here. Once again, my opinion.
Mogul
Well now I read where yesterday you had 10 mg of nic and today you had 16. Hmmmm. That's not weening and now I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit.
BYE!
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But I will no longer accept failure, I will not let nicotine control me. I will quit.
If this were true... You'd already be quit. You're failing. It's controlling you. This is so sad man... You don't even see it. It's telling you that you can't do it and you're listening. At some point it's all cold turkey bro. You're going to go from some to none. Milligram levels don't matter. It's all excuses fed by your addiction. Why not do it now? Why not ACTUALLY take control? Stop being a slave.
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Dude. Just come back when you're 100% nic free. Of course there are different ways to quit.
However...
You know damn well this is a NO NIC, COLD TURKEY site. Coming in here preaching the virtues of nic gum, ain't gonna fly. Not today, not tomorrow and not a year from now.
It's not the Ktc way. Nobody is making you join the site and nobody is telling you that you cannot, but at least respect the principles of this site.
It's a COLD TURKEY site.
There's no wiggle room there. Don't go planting seeds that will never take root here. It's a waste or your time and harmful to our soil.
You go 100% nic free, come on back. But if you come back and provide support to others by recommending the use of nic gum and weening off, as opposed to cold turkey...there will be problems.
Nicorette.com is for that.
Killthecan.org is for cold turkey quitting. Don't forget where you're at.
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1st thank you all.
2nd Mogul, it was all the same day for me. Still awake. And it was all bullshit the nicotine was still whispering to me. You're right.
I promised not to Post again until day one.
Its 12:54 here so I guess that means I'm 54 minutes into day one.
This is the last time I will bring up nicotine quit BS aides.
You're all right. What the hell am I waiting for. I'm done waiting.
I QUIT! Dec 5th 2013.
And with your help I know I can make it through the bumpy road to come.
Really, thank you all. I needed to get some stupid shit off my chest, thanks for listening and calling me on my shit.
Good bye Nicotine.
I'll see the rest of you in the morning.
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1st thank you all.
2nd Mogul, it was all the same day for me. Still awake. And it was all bullshit the nicotine was still whispering to me. You're right.
I promised not to Post again until day one.
Its 12:54 here so I guess that means I'm 54 minutes into day one.
This is the last time I will bring up nicotine quit BS aides.
You're all right. What the hell am I waiting for. I'm done waiting.
I QUIT! Dec 5th 2013.
And with your help I know I can make it through the bumpy road to come.
Really, thank you all. I needed to get some stupid shit off my chest, thanks for listening and calling me on my shit.
Good bye Nicotine.
I'll see the rest of you in the morning.
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Way to grab yourself by the balls, man up, and quit! Now your acting like a bad ass quitter. My first post on this site was explaining how well the patch was working for me, i had only been on the patch for a day and thankfully I was called out and schooled. Embarrassed for being so stupid (I hadn't read enough before posting to know this was a completely nic free site) I pulled the patch off and replied in my intro of such. I am now on day 221 and with my promise posted every day I continue ODAAT and I do so completely nic free as do all the bad asses here. As far as the rage,,, I have brothers here that I used to get me through those times. You can do this!
Welcome to the brotherhood! I quit with you.
Erussell day 221
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Posted roll. I'm freaking giddy right now. I'm done. I know I said I've thrown my stash out so many times before. I never meant it before. This was so much different. I can't even explain it. Because I mean it with every fiber, with everything I am. I quit. I know this is the start. I know its gonna suck like hell, but I know I'm finally going to make it. I'm gonna embrace the suck and just add it to my arsenal of reasons to never look back. Gonna try to get a little sleep. Thanks again everyone. See you in the morning.
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Posted roll. I'm freaking giddy right now. I'm done. I know I said I've thrown my stash out so many times before. I never meant it before. This was so much different. I can't even explain it. Because I mean it with every fiber, with everything I am. I quit. I know this is the start. I know its gonna suck like hell, but I know I'm finally going to make it. I'm gonna embrace the suck and just add it to my arsenal of reasons to never look back. Gonna try to get a little sleep. Thanks again everyone. See you in the morning.
Freedom brother, smell it, taste it and feel it. My worst day quit is better than my best day with the poison. One day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Never again for any reason and you can keep it.
Way to suck up your pride and post up my friend. 8mg, 5mg, 10mg,, what does all that mean anyway? = SLAVERY IS WHAT IT MEANS! Need anything let me know.
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1st thank you all.
2nd Mogul, it was all the same day for me. Still awake. And it was all bullshit the nicotine was still whispering to me. You're right.
I promised not to Post again until day one.
Its 12:54 here so I guess that means I'm 54 minutes into day one.
This is the last time I will bring up nicotine quit BS aides.
You're all right. What the hell am I waiting for. I'm done waiting.
I QUIT! Dec 5th 2013.
And with your help I know I can make it through the bumpy road to come.
Really, thank you all. I needed to get some stupid shit off my chest, thanks for listening and calling me on my shit.
Good bye Nicotine.
I'll see the rest of you in the morning.
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Way to grab yourself by the balls, man up, and quit! Now your acting like a bad ass quitter. My first post on this site was explaining how well the patch was working for me, i had only been on the patch for a day and thankfully I was called out and schooled. Embarrassed for being so stupid (I hadn't read enough before posting to know this was a completely nic free site) I pulled the patch off and replied in my intro of such. I am now on day 221 and with my promise posted every day I continue ODAAT and I do so completely nic free as do all the bad asses here. As far as the rage,,, I have brothers here that I used to get me through those times. You can do this!
Welcome to the brotherhood! I quit with you.
Erussell day 221
Welcome! Glad you decided to join the pack. There really is no easy way to quit. You just gotta quit. And now you are doing that !
Eddie posted the truth below. Nicotine is a wicked monster. 221 days ago erussell came on this site talking about how he was gonna cut back on the patch. 200 days ago kc guy joined and asked, as one of his first questions, if he should throw out his last cans or keep them around as a reminder. 347 days ago I quit and posted about how much I missed my good friend the Kodiak bear.
Not a single one of these examples, looking back , makes any sense to any of us. Honestly, those comments are kinda funny but mostly sad and infuriating in retrospect. It is all the nicotine bs lies that our brains were conditioned to believe that led us to those backward thoughts. If you use this site, make contacts, reach out, let those with a higher day count help you through the rough days, and help others in your group (starting with posting roll every damn day first thing when you wake up) then you will beat this monster.
I saw where you posted some 33% stats. More nicotine bs lies. Dude, I read your intro front to back. Yep, nicotine has her nasty claws in you right now, but you sound like a man that succeeds at what he sets his mind to. Not someone that says... I think I'm gonna do 33% of my job today. Or... I'm gonna mow 33% of my yard. You sound like a man that is in life to win it. You've got some of the strongest quitters on this team posting in your intro. Read diesels intro. Read Mogols. Read eddies. Dude.... Get these guys numbers! Over the next few days or weeks these men will save your life. Get srans number, get jluds number... I could go on and on! These guys all know what you are feeling. The same bs all of us felt. And it is bs. A plant in a can set us down that miserable path. Pretty ridiculous when you think about it.
Congratulations on not letting a toxin control your life. 3 days and it is out of your system. You can do this. There is a 100% chance that you will succeed if you follow the ktc plan.
My number is in your inbox.
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Yea. I can't sleep, just re-reading this thread and feeling embarrassed as hell. I sincerely apologize. Who the hell am I to argue with any of you? You did it. You do it everyday, and I pop in like, "Hey I'm gonna quit some day, here's how." Jeeze...
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Yea. I can't sleep, just re-reading this thread and feeling embarrassed as hell. I sincerely apologize. Who the hell am I to argue with any of you? You did it. You do it everyday, and I pop in like, "Hey I'm gonna quit some day, here's how." Jeeze...
Take that humble hat off and put on your bad ass hat, cause that's what you are. Go read my intro if your board. You will see why I give the above advice.
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I couldn't put it into words, you said it perfectly.
srans: "When I threw the last can I had away and posted roll the chains fell off. I was bound no more."
Thanks for describing exactly what I experienced. I grabbed every piece of nic gum in the house, and as soon as I popped the 1st peice into that bowl I was free. I think I was quit the second I kicked off the covers, and got out bed with one motivation all nicotine will be destroyed. Every piece popping out was a quit. I poured that bowl in the toilet and knew I was free. I pissed on it like it has pissed on me every damn day, flipped it off and flushed it down the drain. I knew it was over. I know it has just begun.
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Yea. I can't sleep, just re-reading this thread and feeling embarrassed as hell. I sincerely apologize. Who the hell am I to argue with any of you? You did it. You do it everyday, and I pop in like, "Hey I'm gonna quit some day, here's how." Jeeze...
Take that humble hat off and put on your bad ass hat, cause that's what you are. Go read my intro if your board. You will see why I give the above advice.
Reading it now, I don't think I'm sleeping tonight anyway. 1st thing I notice is you had the where-with-all to pull of the patch after two posts. And not argue with successful people that are quit. For hours. While chewing more and more gum. 'bang head'
I read srans intro and hall of fame speech. There is one thing in common. Not in common, exactly the same, the quit. I quoted srans in my last post. You said: "Anyway I am done. There is no doubt in my mind that I am done. I just refuse to do it anymore! Doesn't change that this sucks though!! And that is actually helping I think! As I am pissed that I allowed myself to be this dependent on something that has no beneficial attribute to my life. I will get through it."
You both describe it with different words that all say the same thing. And it all describes exactly what I'm feeling. That tells me one thing. I'm FINALLY doing it right!
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Welcome to the party friend. You have my number in your inbox, and if you need anything give me a shout. Keep the quit strong.
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Yea. I can't sleep, just re-reading this thread and feeling embarrassed as hell. I sincerely apologize. Who the hell am I to argue with any of you? You did it. You do it everyday, and I pop in like, "Hey I'm gonna quit some day, here's how." Jeeze...
Take that humble hat off and put on your bad ass hat, cause that's what you are. Go read my intro if your board. You will see why I give the above advice.
Reading it now, I don't think I'm sleeping tonight anyway. 1st thing I notice is you had the where-with-all to pull of the patch after two posts. And not argue with successful people that are quit. For hours. While chewing more and more gum. 'bang head'
I read srans intro and hall of fame speech. There is one thing in common. Not in common, exactly the same, the quit. I quoted srans in my last post. You said: "Anyway I am done. There is no doubt in my mind that I am done. I just refuse to do it anymore! Doesn't change that this sucks though!! And that is actually helping I think! As I am pissed that I allowed myself to be this dependent on something that has no beneficial attribute to my life. I will get through it."
You both describe it with different words that all say the same thing. And it all describes exactly what I'm feeling. That tells me one thing. I'm FINALLY doing it right!
'clap'
I don't know how I missed the fun yesterday. Dude embrace the suck and be glad that you are taking this opportunity now rather than waiting decades like I did. One thing that cannot be disputed is the fact that if you follow the KTC plan and put everything you have into it you won't fail. You half-ass it, you'll be humping the can again.
wow! Just went and looked, you haven't posted roll yet. Get with it!
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Day 1, 6 hours 3 minutes NicBitch Free.
Not a wink of sleep. Reading intro's and HOF posts. I can't stop. I relate to everything I read. Brothers in quit. Absolutely.
I have come to understand that this intro is now my History of Quit. I no longer regret or feel embarrassed by my initial posts and intro. That was the nicotine fighting to keep it's final hold on me. Every reply from you all, quit now, theres cybermonday deals on balls, buy a pair and quit, why wait, now is the best time to quit, tomorrow never comes, grab your balls and man up... it just motivated the Quitter you all saw in me. That you all knew could do it. The nicotine bitch got scared. That long ass post before me took me like 3 hours... her final death cry.
Thank you Brothers for saving my Life. Thank you for loosening Nicotine's hold on me and fueling the motivation to rip her out of my heart and life for good. I could not have quit without you. Today, the best damn day I can remember in a long time, I am quit with you.
If you find the next NRT noobie before I do, suggest they read my intro.
I do have one regret. That I didn't post long ago. I have had this website bookmarked on my laptop for probably close to 2 years... I even had my wife read the Spouse Support page. Back then it was nothing more than a manipulative excuse to be an asshole. I said long time lurker, but I got nothing from it. I'd try to quit, stop by, look at a post or two and think, they're doing it. So I can too. Then be back in a can a few hours, or days later. I know now that I could not possibly apply anything I may have thought I learned because everything I read was by people that had already quit for people that had already quit. I don't think I ever bothered to read an introduction...
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Go post roll brother, youre in March 2014
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Yea. I can't sleep, just re-reading this thread and feeling embarrassed as hell. I sincerely apologize. Who the hell am I to argue with any of you? You did it. You do it everyday, and I pop in like, "Hey I'm gonna quit some day, here's how." Jeeze...
Take that humble hat off and put on your bad ass hat, cause that's what you are. Go read my intro if your board. You will see why I give the above advice.
Reading it now, I don't think I'm sleeping tonight anyway. 1st thing I notice is you had the where-with-all to pull of the patch after two posts. And not argue with successful people that are quit. For hours. While chewing more and more gum. 'bang head'
I read srans intro and hall of fame speech. There is one thing in common. Not in common, exactly the same, the quit. I quoted srans in my last post. You said: "Anyway I am done. There is no doubt in my mind that I am done. I just refuse to do it anymore! Doesn't change that this sucks though!! And that is actually helping I think! As I am pissed that I allowed myself to be this dependent on something that has no beneficial attribute to my life. I will get through it."
You both describe it with different words that all say the same thing. And it all describes exactly what I'm feeling. That tells me one thing. I'm FINALLY doing it right!
'clap'
I don't know how I missed the fun yesterday. Dude embrace the suck and be glad that you are taking this opportunity now rather than waiting decades like I did. One thing that cannot be disputed is the fact that if you follow the KTC plan and put everything you have into it you won't fail. You half-ass it, you'll be humping the can again.
wow! Just went and looked, you haven't posted roll yet. Get with it!
Maybe I did something wrong... I posted in Pre HOF March 2014 Roll Call, Quit Dates 11/22/2013 - 12/22/2013
On page 2 between Texas22 and Erussell
My name is Aaron, I promised: Aaron - 1 No more poison. No more excuses. I quit!
I'll use my screen name from now on, sorry.
*Edited Aaron to NeonPanther on the roll call, sorry about that.
*Double edit, I was in the support from other quitters, I think I fixed it. Sorry again.
*Triple edit. My edit on the roll call doesnt carry over, should I just Post again?
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I see you in there bud. And yea, use your screen name when posting roll. but again, good on you.
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Kk, sorry the lack of sleep may be effecting me. Gotta pry myself off KTC, time to get ready for work.
Thank you all so much for the PM's and the phone numbers, I'll get back to you in a couple hours, I really hope the chat works on my work computer... Govmnt Comp might block it. We'll see!
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It shouldnt block. At least i know NMCI doesn't.
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Atta boy Panther. Don't worry about your past post or past attempts or anything in the past.
It's over.
Focus on today. That's all that matters. You cut the ties and its time get on with the quit.
We are here for you, bro.
You fucked up roll and can't sleep...right on track my friend.
Holla if you need me, and welcome!!!
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Panther congratulations, you are doing the right thing now. I had been trying gum prior to my jumping in here, too. Now, a month and a half later, I"m understanding more about why the gum doesn't help really.
Just get through what you have to get through up front here, and you'll be so glad it's done. The guys here will get you through it.
You seem like you have the right stuff to make it, now just use the heck out of this site and you'll make it through!
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Well this was an inspirational read.
Great job Panther!
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I'm sending you a PM. Check it. We are here for the good and bad times.
You don't want to fail and you won't. This program is about honesty and accountability.
If you are a man of your word, and post roll every "Today". You can't fail.
Now for oral fixations. No nicotine. Everyone does something to work on it. Fake dip, gum, atomic fireballs. I did gummy worms.
Anger: Stay close to the site. Read, Read, Write and Read. This is therapy. Drama here is better than reality TV and it sure teaches the addict a thing or two.
Over emphasize the love and appreciation for family. Smile and say thank you. Kiss your wife and tell her she doesn't deserve your withdrawl symptoms but you couldn't do this without her around. Pay compliments, express gratitude. Have her read this... Spousal support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/) Get her prepared and tell her your greatest worry is your relationship and attitude around the people that matter most. Ask her to make you aware when you are on edge. She should let you take a time out and come to KTC. She will request you to get on the site.
Then when you are about to blow a gasket, go into chat or post something and pick a fight. I promise you there is someone out there that will get into the cage and cyber fight. It is really good to do when you feel like exploding.
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So many PMÂ’s Phone calls and texts. God must be pullinÂ’ some strings for me cause I just got unlimited calls and texts plan on the cell 3 days ago. Gettin things ready for me to keep the quit strong. Every person who PMÂ’d me I believe PMed back and included my name and number right? Thanks for the amazing support!
What I know today, Dizzy, tired, foggy, constipated, keep reaching into the pocket I kept my poison in without even thinking about it. When my fingers find nothing there, there is what I can only call a despair craving. That desparate desire just behind and above your belly button. I stomp it out. It feels good, but I know everyday wont be this way.
I swear the nicotine knows it has lost. Never had anthing close to the strength and these kind of symptoms before. You have Lost.
I know I did the easiest impossible thing I have ever done last night. I listened to all of you, in your own ways, say You CAN quit, So Quit right now. Over and over. It built like a fire of desire. It took several hours and argumentitive postsAnd then I heard my own inner voice, a voice that for as long as I can remember had only spewed the addictive lies to keep me enslaved to nicotine. It was my voice alone. it was filled with determination.
I CAN DO IT. RIGHT NOW! And you better believe I listened.
The Quit is not a time, a date, not an event you can schedule. Trying to quit like this is like pointlessly clawing at the walls of the toxic womb addiction traps us in. Clawing till your nails fall off and your're down to bare bone. And then keep clawing. I did it. Look at my posts only 24 hours ago.
My quit was an earth shaking, life altering experience. Like up right there with the births of my children. Weeping with the knowledge that the poison swirling down and out of the toilet was out of my life and the miracle of knowing it was over.
My quit was a fucking rebirth. An inferno of Self Confidence, Faith and Believing in Myself, for the first time I in as long as I can remember, Collided with the fact that I have hated everything about dipping for so long. My hate didn't matter, the Nic Bitch always pulled me back. Which Collided with the knowelege that I just discovered KTC filled people going through EXACTLY what I'm going through and working to stay quit together. That conflagration burst forth from the Toxic Womb of the Nicotine Bitch in the form of a Badass Nuclear Phoenix of QUIT!!!!
You may think itÂ’s the sleep deprivation setting in, or the fog. And too much Sci-Fi/Fantasy. YouÂ’d be wrong. The quit is that awesome. ItÂ’s a Badass Nuclear Pheonix of awesome.
Worktowin PM’d me and said “Finding this site is like hitting triple 7s” He found out I live in the Vegas Vicinity... I was responding to his PM and others and, when I realized what I have to say I want to say to you all. Thus this post.
Finding KTC is hitting the 7-7-7 Jackpot of Quit.
Quiting and Living KTC is the Megabucks of Quit.
Still Day 1. 15 Hours 15 Minutes along. I am Quit.
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So many PMÂ’s Phone calls and texts. God must be pullinÂ’ some strings for me cause I just got unlimited calls and texts plan on the cell 3 days ago. Gettin things ready for me to keep the quit strong. Every person who PMÂ’d me I believe PMed back and included my name and number right? Thanks for the amazing support!
What I know today, Dizzy, tired, foggy, constipated, keep reaching into the pocket I kept my poison in without even thinking about it. When my fingers find nothing there, there is what I can only call a despair craving. That desparate desire just behind and above your belly button. I stomp it out. It feels good, but I know everyday wont be this way.
I swear the nicotine knows it has lost. Never had anthing close to the strength and these kind of symptoms before. You have Lost.
I know I did the easiest impossible thing I have ever done last night. I listened to all of you, in your own ways, say You CAN quit, So Quit right now. Over and over. It built like a fire of desire. It took several hours and argumentitive postsAnd then I heard my own inner voice, a voice that for as long as I can remember had only spewed the addictive lies to keep me enslaved to nicotine. It was my voice alone. it was filled with determination.
I CAN DO IT. RIGHT NOW! And you better believe I listened.
The Quit is not a time, a date, not an event you can schedule. Trying to quit like this is like pointlessly clawing at the walls of the toxic womb addiction traps us in. Clawing till your nails fall off and your're down to bare bone. And then keep clawing. I did it. Look at my posts only 24 hours ago.
My quit was an earth shaking, life altering experience. Like up right there with the births of my children. Weeping with the knowledge that the poison swirling down and out of the toilet was out of my life and the miracle of knowing it was over.
My quit was a fucking rebirth. An inferno of Self Confidence, Faith and Believing in Myself, for the first time I in as long as I can remember, Collided with the fact that I have hated everything about dipping for so long. My hate didn't matter, the Nic Bitch always pulled me back. Which Collided with the knowelege that I just discovered KTC filled people going through EXACTLY what I'm going through and working to stay quit together. That conflagration burst forth from the Toxic Womb of the Nicotine Bitch in the form of a Badass Nuclear Phoenix of QUIT!!!!
You may think itÂ’s the sleep deprivation setting in, or the fog. And too much Sci-Fi/Fantasy. YouÂ’d be wrong. The quit is that awesome. ItÂ’s a Badass Nuclear Pheonix of awesome.
Worktowin PM’d me and said “Finding this site is like hitting triple 7s” He found out I live in the Vegas Vicinity... I was responding to his PM and others and, when I realized what I have to say I want to say to you all. Thus this post.
Finding KTC is hitting the 7-7-7 Jackpot of Quit.
Quiting and Living KTC is the Megabucks of Quit.
Still Day 1. 15 Hours 15 Minutes along. I am Quit.
well done Neon, now just keep that head down, pushing ahead one day at a time.
Remember that the small burning fire fed just right will last a very long time, so don't throw everything on at once and burn out, We do take this every 1 day and they will add up over time but you need that energy to fight.
And when you feel that fire burn too low, we are here to help, so never feel like it is a weakness when you reach out but instead think of it as wise as there are tons of people here with the experience that are willing to help at the drop of a hat.
I quit right beside you today. yell if you ever need.
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So many PMÂ’s Phone calls and texts. God must be pullinÂ’ some strings for me cause I just got unlimited calls and texts plan on the cell 3 days ago. Gettin things ready for me to keep the quit strong. Every person who PMÂ’d me I believe PMed back and included my name and number right? Thanks for the amazing support!
What I know today, Dizzy, tired, foggy, constipated, keep reaching into the pocket I kept my poison in without even thinking about it. When my fingers find nothing there, there is what I can only call a despair craving. That desparate desire just behind and above your belly button. I stomp it out. It feels good, but I know everyday wont be this way.
I swear the nicotine knows it has lost. Never had anthing close to the strength and these kind of symptoms before. You have Lost.
I know I did the easiest impossible thing I have ever done last night. I listened to all of you, in your own ways, say You CAN quit, So Quit right now. Over and over. It built like a fire of desire. It took several hours and argumentitive postsAnd then I heard my own inner voice, a voice that for as long as I can remember had only spewed the addictive lies to keep me enslaved to nicotine. It was my voice alone. it was filled with determination.
I CAN DO IT. RIGHT NOW! And you better believe I listened.
The Quit is not a time, a date, not an event you can schedule. Trying to quit like this is like pointlessly clawing at the walls of the toxic womb addiction traps us in. Clawing till your nails fall off and your're down to bare bone. And then keep clawing. I did it. Look at my posts only 24 hours ago.
My quit was an earth shaking, life altering experience. Like up right there with the births of my children. Weeping with the knowledge that the poison swirling down and out of the toilet was out of my life and the miracle of knowing it was over.
My quit was a fucking rebirth. An inferno of Self Confidence, Faith and Believing in Myself, for the first time I in as long as I can remember, Collided with the fact that I have hated everything about dipping for so long. My hate didn't matter, the Nic Bitch always pulled me back. Which Collided with the knowelege that I just discovered KTC filled people going through EXACTLY what I'm going through and working to stay quit together. That conflagration burst forth from the Toxic Womb of the Nicotine Bitch in the form of a Badass Nuclear Phoenix of QUIT!!!!
You may think itÂ’s the sleep deprivation setting in, or the fog. And too much Sci-Fi/Fantasy. YouÂ’d be wrong. The quit is that awesome. ItÂ’s a Badass Nuclear Pheonix of awesome.
Worktowin PM’d me and said “Finding this site is like hitting triple 7s” He found out I live in the Vegas Vicinity... I was responding to his PM and others and, when I realized what I have to say I want to say to you all. Thus this post.
Finding KTC is hitting the 7-7-7 Jackpot of Quit.
Quiting and Living KTC is the Megabucks of Quit.
Still Day 1. 15 Hours 15 Minutes along. I am Quit.
Awesome neon! Get smokey mountain fake chew at Walmart. It's saved my ass. We are in this'd hit together bro.
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Welcome to the fun Neon, happy to see our words sank in. Now remember all that fire and vitriol you just posted when that massive crave hits and you want that cat turd in your lip. The Nic Bitch is crafty and will try all kinds of different ways to get you to cave. I am only on Day 17 now and its a roller coaster. Yesterday was awesome, today not as much, had a ton of craves. But I didn't give in and I am still quit. I think for me what KTC has taught me is patience with my quit and that I am an addict. It has changed my approach, I no longer worry about a life without Cope, I only worry about staying Nic free for the day, hence the patience and the addict mentality. You need anything give a shout.
I quit with you today!
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Get to the gym, sip water all day. And hold on tight.
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Proud to quit with you today.
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Good job Neon and continue to keep the fire burning inside! this will help you get through these next few weeks! keep a leave head, not cocky, BUT CONFIDENT! PM me anytime and keep on with the Quit one day at a time. Keep posting your name under mine everyday so I can hold you accountable and you do the same to me!
Texas22 - 95 Days QUIT! 'oh yeah'
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You are doing this! Wake up. Post roll. Keep word. It is almost out if your system. You are doing this!
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I'm awake! Posted Roll, reading the guide to do it from my phone now. Rough night, really didn't wanna get out of bed, then my sweet wife let me way over sleep.
I'm here, I'm Quit today. I'm keeping my phone in the pocket I used to keep the poison in. Now when my hand reached for the poison, with out my permission, with out a thought, it's reaching for my Badass Quitters.
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I'm awake! Posted Roll, reading the guide to do it from my phone now. Rough night, really didn't wanna get out of bed, then my sweet wife let me way over sleep.
I'm here, I'm Quit today. I'm keeping my phone in the pocket I used to keep the poison in. Now when my hand reached for the poison, with out my permission, with out a thought, it's reaching for my Badass Quitters.
Awesome post my friend. Quit with you.
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I'm awake! Posted Roll, reading the guide to do it from my phone now. Rough night, really didn't wanna get out of bed, then my sweet wife let me way over sleep.
I'm here, I'm Quit today. I'm keeping my phone in the pocket I used to keep the poison in. Now when my hand reached for the poison, with out my permission, with out a thought, it's reaching for my Badass Quitters.
Awesome post my friend. Quit with you.
As your finding Out my friend. This is not impossible. One day at a time. That's all you have to worry about. Glad to be quit with you.
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I'm awake! Posted Roll, reading the guide to do it from my phone now. Rough night, really didn't wanna get out of bed, then my sweet wife let me way over sleep.
I'm here, I'm Quit today. I'm keeping my phone in the pocket I used to keep the poison in. Now when my hand reached for the poison, with out my permission, with out a thought, it's reaching for my Badass Quitters.
Awesome post my friend. Quit with you.
As your finding Out my friend. This is not impossible. One day at a time. That's all you have to worry about. Glad to be quit with you.
Damn Panther,
I just got done reading all the pages of your intro. You made a complete 180 in the right direction! These vets here know what the fuck they are talking about. Lets follow their lead and quit every day together! Way to go brother. I'm in your March group and I am proud to be Quit with you TODAY!
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Glad to see you here Panther.
Make it happen. You can do it.
feel free to Pm me with anything
sM
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I'm awake! Posted Roll, reading the guide to do it from my phone now. Rough night, really didn't wanna get out of bed, then my sweet wife let me way over sleep.
I'm here, I'm Quit today. I'm keeping my phone in the pocket I used to keep the poison in. Now when my hand reached for the poison, with out my permission, with out a thought, it's reaching for my Badass Quitters.
Awesome post my friend. Quit with you.
As your finding Out my friend. This is not impossible. One day at a time. That's all you have to worry about. Glad to be quit with you.
Damn Panther,
I just got done reading all the pages of your intro. You made a complete 180 in the right direction! These vets here know what the fuck they are talking about. Lets follow their lead and quit every day together! Way to go brother. I'm in your March group and I am proud to be Quit with you TODAY!
Great job.
Never forget Day 1 brother.
ODAAT and NAFAR or anyone.
Cheers.
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The only thing impossible about quitting is quitting alone. That means there is only accountability between me and my addiction. And that bitch beats me every time.
The QUIT is final. I take accountability with myself daily. I proclaim it on Roll Call.
I'm sitting in the airport right now. I fly twice a month at least. First time since I started dipping that I'm not in the john with a mouth full of poisonous shit.
I'm stilling in my terminal, waiting for my flight, which is delayed for 2 more hours. There is a part of me that is begging to find some poison and a stall.
2 days ago I would have listened with out hesitation.Today I am confidently in my will and resolve. The QUIT is final.
Do your worst NicBitch. I'll be here with my KTC Badass Quitters on my phonehand and a cheekful of atomic fireballs. 2 days ago I won. I made a 24 hour oath today, I will never break a promise because of you again.
****Been meaning to ask what are ODAAT and NAFAR? Army has my brain packed with acronyms but I think I can fit 2 more. :D***
Cheers.
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Former Air Force here... You can fit these two in. They are the best!
ODAAT = One day at a time. I didn't truly understand this early in my quit. I'm 198 days in now and I get it much more now. Like you, I was determined this was FOREVER and I I was DONE. I wanted to claim it. I felt constricted by ODAAT. I get it now though much more. Not every day is like "I've seen the light!" day. Some days are hard. Or you just get a case of the "fuckits". Those are the days I'm thankful I do this quit every single day... ODAAT.
NAFAR = Never again, for ANY reason! It's a personal favorite and I cling to it.
index.php?showtopic=8973 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=8973)
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Former Air Force here... You can fit these two in. They are the best!
ODAAT = One day at a time. I didn't truly understand this early in my quit. I'm 198 days in now and I get it much more now. Like you, I was determined this was FOREVER and I I was DONE. I wanted to claim it. I felt constricted by ODAAT. I get it now though much more. Not every day is like "I've seen the light!" day. Some days are hard. Or you just get a case of the "fuckits". Those are the days I'm thankful I do this quit every single day... ODAAT.
NAFAR = Never again, for ANY reason! It's a personal favorite and I cling to it.
index.php?showtopic=8973 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=8973)
One day at a time is why I know I quit forever this time. Forever is 24 hours. That's all I have to handle. I can do that. With Everyone I quit with. I can't do it alone. But I quit with you and we can do it together.
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Former Air Force here... You can fit these two in. They are the best!
ODAAT = One day at a time. I didn't truly understand this early in my quit. I'm 198 days in now and I get it much more now. Like you, I was determined this was FOREVER and I I was DONE. I wanted to claim it. I felt constricted by ODAAT. I get it now though much more. Not every day is like "I've seen the light!" day. Some days are hard. Or you just get a case of the "fuckits". Those are the days I'm thankful I do this quit every single day... ODAAT.
NAFAR = Never again, for ANY reason! It's a personal favorite and I cling to it.
index.php?showtopic=8973 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=8973)
One day at a time is why I know I quit forever this time. Forever is 24 hours. That's all I have to handle. I can do that. With Everyone I quit with. I can't do it alone. But I quit with you and we can do it together.
I gotta say that I have been watching this thread and reading it to see what path NeonPanther would take. I'm not going to lie. I didn't post at first because I thought for sure you were one of those dudes that always puts off quitting to some random date in the future.
But you have stepped up. I'm quit with you today brother. Keep adding up those +1's. Let's roll.
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One day at a time is why I know I quit forever this time. Forever is 24 hours. That's all I have to handle. I can do that. With Everyone I quit with. I can't do it alone. But I quit with you and we can do it together.
I'm proud of you brother. Keep it up and soak it all in. as they've been saying, drink the Kool aide. Im freakin chuggin it! I'm proud to stay quit with you, and you've got my #. Never hesitate to use it, or any of ours. There will be tough days ahead. Ive been having some. not just days where you want dip, days where your wife is upset and you've got the rage inside, days where you dont know what to do with yourself. I like that you say forever is 1daat, 24 hours, you're getting the message. make that promise for that day, and tomorrow is a different matter. be glad when you wake up feeling hung over like I do in the mornings, because it means youre still beating this shit, and its trying to do something to get you back.
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Former Air Force here... You can fit these two in. They are the best!
ODAAT = One day at a time. I didn't truly understand this early in my quit. I'm 198 days in now and I get it much more now. Like you, I was determined this was FOREVER and I I was DONE. I wanted to claim it. I felt constricted by ODAAT. I get it now though much more. Not every day is like "I've seen the light!" day. Some days are hard. Or you just get a case of the "fuckits". Those are the days I'm thankful I do this quit every single day... ODAAT.
NAFAR = Never again, for ANY reason! It's a personal favorite and I cling to it.
index.php?showtopic=8973 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=8973)
One day at a time is why I know I quit forever this time. Forever is 24 hours. That's all I have to handle. I can do that. With Everyone I quit with. I can't do it alone. But I quit with you and we can do it together.
I gotta say that I have been watching this thread and reading it to see what path NeonPanther would take. I'm not going to lie. I didn't post at first because I thought for sure you were one of those dudes that always puts off quitting to some random date in the future.
But you have stepped up. I'm quit with you today brother. Keep adding up those +1's. Let's roll.
Yea KC I thought he would be one if those guys that had all the reasons why the KTC system was flawed. Nope this guy wants to quit bad, I can sense it. I am quitting with this guy!
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Neon,
Way to hit the quit with a head full of steam. Blast away as hard as you can for as long as you can. Then, let's settle into the paced marathon that quitting is. We shall enjoy this more determined jogging pace for some time. Eventually we shall have a casual beach stroll of daily quit. With seagulls and gentle waves. One day we won't have to keep looking over our shoulder..every five minutes. All will be well. But for now, smash the fuck out of nicotine and don't look back. Chuck Norris style.
Grizzfall
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I smell a quitter...
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I didn't post at first because I thought for sure you were one of those dudes that always puts off quitting to some random date in the future. Â
But you have stepped up. I'm quit with you today brother. Keep adding up those +1's. Let's roll.
Dude. I WAS. But you guys finally made me understand that is a simple decision. You Quit and its done. I thank God for you all. For leading me to this site. For keeping my head on straight while I read post after post telling me I could do it. For letting me believe your words and ignore addictions lies long enough to Quit. I am quit with you all today.
I'm sitting it bathroom stall at Army right now. I have friends with pockets full of poison. All I'd have to do is ask. I have never been in this stall with out poison here with me. Til today. Today, instead of being a slave to the poison, I have a mouth on fire from a couple atomic fireballs. I hold tight to my phone, reading of the 24 hour triumphs of my quit brothers and sisters. I was just re-reading my own intro thread. Every time I read one of you say "I am quit with you today" I know I WILL make it through today. 24 hours to go. I am not alone. I am QUIT with you all today.
Day 3 looks to be the roughest so far, I have over a dozen people that I won't hesitate to call. Who are probably going to be calling and texting their support as soon as they see this. I will keep my promise. Together we can do it.
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I didn't post at first because I thought for sure you were one of those dudes that always puts off quitting to some random date in the future. Â
But you have stepped up. I'm quit with you today brother. Keep adding up those +1's. Let's roll.
Dude. I WAS. But you guys finally made me understand that is a simple decision. You Quit and its done. I thank God for you all. For leading me to this site. For keeping my head on straight while I read post after post telling me I could do it. For letting me believe your words and ignore addictions lies long enough to Quit. I am quit with you all today. I owe you my life. Lets go help some others save their's.
It's amazing what you can do once you get your attitude right and put your mind to it. Keep your foot on the bitches throat.
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Your on day 3 aaron. You know what 3 days means to us. It means for 3 days you have not went down to the corner store and spent your hard earned money on a filthy disgusting can of dirt. For 3 days you have been taking your dignity and freedom back. For 3 days you have demonstrated you love your family, friends and yourself more than the poison. 3 days means you can make it 4.
I say me and u finish today off and wake up tomorrow posting roll and staying quit for another. Proud of you Aaron,, you got this.
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Your on day 3 aaron. You know what 3 days means to us. It means for 3 days you have not went down to the corner store and spent your hard earned money on a filthy disgusting can of dirt. For 3 days you have been taking your dignity and freedom back. For 3 days you have demonstrated you love your family, friends and yourself more than the poison. 3 days means you can make it 4.
I say me and u finish today off and wake up tomorrow posting roll and staying quit for another. Proud of you Aaron,, you got this.
Nice job Aaron! 3'days of quitting is great brother. Keep at it today. I will join you all and finish this day quit!
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I am only 140 days into my quit but I seem to have a handle on whom will stay quit vs the one's that will come on here for a few days and then go back to the bitch.
You my friend, are a quitter.
QLF!
Here is a brief timeline on how my quit is going, I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I made it for another new quitter and he seemed to like it.
"3 days is something to be proud of. The nic is out of your system so it's all fun and games now...right? Well F...guess what? Your body is use to living with nic and now it's mad and is about to really fight you.
The good news is that you understand how to use your tools and you have some good fight in you. The better news is that it gets so much easier very quickly. Now, I realize that "quickly" is a very relative term- as when you are suffering minute to minute, 5 or 6 weeks seem like 100 years. In reality, 5 or 6 weeks is not a very long time.
Keep in mind, I am no expert and I am just going off of what I have experienced the past 140 days. My "suck scale" looked something like this:
Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.
Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day
Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.
Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.
Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.
Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.
Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!
Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.
Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".
Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.
Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.
Day 100-135: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.
Day 136: Rough patch at work this week. Just found out that we are closing our Sleep Division (I'm in Medical Sales). I make about 50% of my commission in sleep so I have no idea what I am going to do.
I took my wife to a nice dinner and explained it to her. We are both freaking out. I also drank about 6 Martinis and for about a 5 minute period, I told myself I was going to get a can on the way home. Who cares at this point...right?
I got up, went to the bathroom, got my tools in order and said fuck off Nic Bitch....I may be willing to screw myself right now but not everyone who has helped me. I put my big boy pants on and went home.
Minny and his 1+1= 2 theory kept ringing in my head.
Day 137-138: Guard held high and in for the long run. Weird dip dream last night. I just remember feeling panicky because I needed some SM and couldn't find any at any store. I woke up and was fine. It is funny as I haven't used SM since my first week of quit.
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4 days bro, good job. Nic is out of your system now so its all mind games at this point. Remember that any thing in life can be relearned. This is your time to relearn how to live free. You can do it. Hang tough. And enjoy the accomplishment that felt impossible 4 days ago.
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4 days bro, good job. Nic is out of your system now so its all mind games at this point. Remember that any thing in life can be relearned. This is your time to relearn how to live free. You can do it. Hang tough. And enjoy the accomplishment that felt impossible 4 days ago.
Neon, bro, this is NOT the person to listen to for advice or any kind of pat on the back. This "quitter" is on his 3rd day 1 this year.
He is weak.
He has zero credibility.
He is NOT an example.
He has NO advice worthy of your badass quit.
Ignore him. Every other cat who has posted on your intro is a true quitter. They are your example. Read Jake's intro as a "what not to do" as a quitter. Don't let his weakness taint you.
Rock on brother...
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4 days bro, good job. Nic is out of your system now so its all mind games at this point. Remember that any thing in life can be relearned. This is your time to relearn how to live free. You can do it. Hang tough. And enjoy the accomplishment that felt impossible 4 days ago.
Neon, bro, this is NOT the person to listen to for advice or any kind of pat on the back. This "quitter" is on his 3rd day 1 this year.
He is weak.
He has zero credibility.
He is NOT an example.
He has NO advice worthy of your badass quit.
Ignore him. Every other cat who has posted on your intro is a true quitter. They are your example. Read Jake's intro as a "what not to do" as a quitter. Don't let his weakness taint you.
Rock on brother...
Acountability is calling bullshit when it rears its muppet face looking all innocent and such. Applejack is accountable to himself, this sites integrity, and Mr. Neon...to you. Be proud he is on your team.
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Neon - your first weekend of freedom! I doubt that it was the best weekend ever, but on Monday morning you should feel damn proud of your accomplishment! You built a great team of quitters to back you up, and your daily word will guide you through today.
Well done!
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Neon - your first weekend of freedom! I doubt that it was the best weekend ever, but on Monday morning you should feel damn proud of your accomplishment! You built a great team of quitters to back you up, and your daily word will guide you through today.
Well done!
Lot of good quit going on here. As we texted this weekend It was clear your whole out look has changed since your first post. Proud of you Aaron. There has been a lot happen at ktc this last week, but people like you are why i'm still here brother. Watching you take your life back and winning is inspirational to say the least. Keep on keepen on my friend. Damn proud to be quit with you.
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Neon - your first weekend of freedom! I doubt that it was the best weekend ever, but on Monday morning you should feel damn proud of your accomplishment! You built a great team of quitters to back you up, and your daily word will guide you through today.
Well done!
Lot of good quit going on here. As we texted this weekend It was clear your whole out look has changed since your first post. Proud of you Aaron. There has been a lot happen at ktc this last week, but people like you are why i'm still here brother. Watching you take your life back and winning is inspirational to say the least. Keep on keepen on my friend. Damn proud to be quit with you.
NeonPanther,,,,,, you came here of one opinion, saw this works, changed your mind to conform to a proven program, and then got on the program! Simply bad ass....... This is a man that wants to quit! I am proud to be a part of your quit! Erussell 224
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Man you guys are AWESOME! Thanks for all the motivation and support. Thanks for all the texts checking in to see how I'm doing. Thanks for helping me survive this last weekend.
I think I may have ODed on Atomic fireballs. My mouth is a painful swollen mess of agony. But it's worth it. The fog is lifting, I think most of what is left is just sleep deprivation. Sounds like soon I'll go from no sleep to oversleeping. Can't wait for that. :D Today has been pretty mellow, think it's going to be a pretty easy+1 but I'll keep vigilant, I made a promise today. It's a promise that I have kept every day, since the 1st day I made it. It the most humbling way, I am so proud of myself... If that even makes sense.
I appreciate you all. This KTC community is some Badass life savers. I couldn't do it with out you, and I am so so so happy to finally be quit with you.
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Man you guys are AWESOME! Thanks for all the motivation and support. Thanks for all the texts checking in to see how I'm doing. Thanks for helping me survive this last weekend.
I think I may have ODed on Atomic fireballs. My mouth is a painful swollen mess of agony. But it's worth it. The fog is lifting, I think most of what is left is just sleep deprivation. Sounds like soon I'll go from no sleep to oversleeping. Can't wait for that. :D Today has been pretty mellow, think it's going to be a pretty easy+1 but I'll keep vigilant, I made a promise today. It's a promise that I have kept every day, since the 1st day I made it. It the most humbling way, I am so proud of myself... If that even makes sense.
I appreciate you all. This KTC community is some Badass life savers. I couldn't do it with out you, and I am so so so happy to finally be quit with you.
OD'ing on fireballs is not possible.
I Tried.
Pretty sure I broke a tooth or two in the process.
Still worth it. Day 1,051, still chomping fireballs as needed. Still clean as can be.
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Man you guys are AWESOME! Thanks for all the motivation and support. Thanks for all the texts checking in to see how I'm doing. Thanks for helping me survive this last weekend.
I think I may have ODed on Atomic fireballs. My mouth is a painful swollen mess of agony. But it's worth it. The fog is lifting, I think most of what is left is just sleep deprivation. Sounds like soon I'll go from no sleep to oversleeping. Can't wait for that. :DÂ Today has been pretty mellow, think it's going to be a pretty easy+1 but I'll keep vigilant, I made a promise today. It's a promise that I have kept every day, since the 1st day I made it. It the most humbling way, I am so proud of myself... If that even makes sense.
I appreciate you all. This KTC community is some Badass life savers. I couldn't do it with out you, and I am so so so happy to finally be quit with you.
OD'ing on fireballs is not possible.
I Tried.
Pretty sure I broke a tooth or two in the process.
Still worth it. Day 1,051, still chomping fireballs as needed. Still clean as can be.
Atomic fireballs are my bitch!
Odd... For the most part, during the days I have NO problem squishing the li'l pissant craves that come my way. Late at night... Different story. My wife is an early to bed gal, I'm not even close. This was dip-a-palooza for me for YEARS. Like, our entire marriage... 20 years. Even at 237 days this time of the evening is something I'm very careful with. A good book and my atomic fireballs... Damn. That sounds a li'l ghey. Anyway... You're rockin' it man. Pm me if you'd like another number bro!
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Man you guys are AWESOME! Thanks for all the motivation and support. Thanks for all the texts checking in to see how I'm doing. Thanks for helping me survive this last weekend.
I think I may have ODed on Atomic fireballs. My mouth is a painful swollen mess of agony. But it's worth it. The fog is lifting, I think most of what is left is just sleep deprivation. Sounds like soon I'll go from no sleep to oversleeping. Can't wait for that. :DÂ Today has been pretty mellow, think it's going to be a pretty easy+1 but I'll keep vigilant, I made a promise today. It's a promise that I have kept every day, since the 1st day I made it. It the most humbling way, I am so proud of myself... If that even makes sense.
I appreciate you all. This KTC community is some Badass life savers. I couldn't do it with out you, and I am so so so happy to finally be quit with you.
OD'ing on fireballs is not possible.
I Tried.
Pretty sure I broke a tooth or two in the process.
Still worth it. Day 1,051, still chomping fireballs as needed. Still clean as can be.
Atomic fireballs are my bitch!
Odd... For the most part, during the days I have NO problem squishing the li'l pissant craves that come my way. Late at night... Different story. My wife is an early to bed gal, I'm not even close. This was dip-a-palooza for me for YEARS. Like, our entire marriage... 20 years. Even at 237 days this time of the evening is something I'm very careful with. A good book and my atomic fireballs... Damn. That sounds a li'l ghey. Anyway... You're rockin' it man. Pm me if you'd like another number bro!
Dude...I just had an image of a guy reading "50 shades of Gray" while sucking on an atomic fireball.
:channing:
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Man you guys are AWESOME! Thanks for all the motivation and support. Thanks for all the texts checking in to see how I'm doing. Thanks for helping me survive this last weekend.
I think I may have ODed on Atomic fireballs. My mouth is a painful swollen mess of agony. But it's worth it. The fog is lifting, I think most of what is left is just sleep deprivation. Sounds like soon I'll go from no sleep to oversleeping. Can't wait for that. :DÂ Today has been pretty mellow, think it's going to be a pretty easy+1 but I'll keep vigilant, I made a promise today. It's a promise that I have kept every day, since the 1st day I made it. It the most humbling way, I am so proud of myself... If that even makes sense.
I appreciate you all. This KTC community is some Badass life savers. I couldn't do it with out you, and I am so so so happy to finally be quit with you.
OD'ing on fireballs is not possible.
I Tried.
Pretty sure I broke a tooth or two in the process.
Still worth it. Day 1,051, still chomping fireballs as needed. Still clean as can be.
Atomic fireballs are my bitch!
Odd... For the most part, during the days I have NO problem squishing the li'l pissant craves that come my way. Late at night... Different story. My wife is an early to bed gal, I'm not even close. This was dip-a-palooza for me for YEARS. Like, our entire marriage... 20 years. Even at 237 days this time of the evening is something I'm very careful with. A good book and my atomic fireballs... Damn. That sounds a li'l ghey. Anyway... You're rockin' it man. Pm me if you'd like another number bro!
Dude...I just had an image of a guy reading "50 shades of Gray" while sucking on an atomic fireball.
:channing:
THAT'S JUST WRONG!!
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Mogul. The last time you posted on my wall you called me a liar and said, "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
I was laying in bed, thinking about all the posts during the day. There was like this raging fire of quit, but the addiction just wanted me to stay in bed. Couldn't sleep, so I logged on to KTC from my phone to see what feedback awaited me.
Mogul- "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
Applejack- "You're failing. It's controlling you. This is so sad man... You don't even see it. It's telling you that you can't do it and you're listening."
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the final brick of sense I need to have slapped across my addiction addled mind. I kicked off the covers, threw out the stash, quit and posted roll.
So I'm not gonna lie, my feelings are a bit hurt that it took Channing Tatum, half nude reading 50 shades of grey while sucking an atomic fireball to get you to post on my page again. :D
Congratulations on 40 tomorrow man. And sincerely, thank you for saving my life.
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Mogul. The last time you posted on my wall you called me a liar and said, "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
I was laying in bed, thinking about all the posts during the day. There was like this raging fire of quit, but the addiction just wanted me to stay in bed. Couldn't sleep, so I logged on to KTC from my phone to see what feedback awaited me.
Mogul- "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
Applejack- "You're failing. It's controlling you. This is so sad man... You don't even see it. It's telling you that you can't do it and you're listening."
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the final brick of sense I need to have slapped across my addiction addled mind. I kicked off the covers, threw out the stash, quit and posted roll.
So I'm not gonna lie, my feelings are a bit hurt that it took Channing Tatum, half nude reading 50 shades of grey while sucking an atomic fireball to get you to post on my page again. :D
Congratulations on 40 tomorrow man. And sincerely, thank you for saving my life.
Neo... Lovin' your attitude man.
Rock on...
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Mogul. The last time you posted on my wall you called me a liar and said, "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
I was laying in bed, thinking about all the posts during the day. There was like this raging fire of quit, but the addiction just wanted me to stay in bed. Couldn't sleep, so I logged on to KTC from my phone to see what feedback awaited me.
Mogul- "I don't trust you. Get out of my face or post roll and quit. "
Applejack- "You're failing. It's controlling you. This is so sad man... You don't even see it. It's telling you that you can't do it and you're listening."
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the final brick of sense I need to have slapped across my addiction addled mind. I kicked off the covers, threw out the stash, quit and posted roll.
So I'm not gonna lie, my feelings are a bit hurt that it took Channing Tatum, half nude reading 50 shades of grey while sucking an atomic fireball to get you to post on my page again. :D
Congratulations on 40 tomorrow man. And sincerely, thank you for saving my life.
Neo... Lovin' your attitude man.
Rock on...
h
Yep. Just catching up on your quit. Keep at it ODAAT brother. Keep your eye on the prize. Prize is staying quit ADD!
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So, I'm having a significant amount of oral discomfort, like havent had a solid meal in 4 days cause food hurts too much. I know this is normal with the quit. According to the internet I could have AIDS/HIV, Cancer, or Meningitis!
I know I don't have AIDS/HIV or Meningitis, we're all concerned about cancer, but I'm fairly certian I don't have that either. Knock on wood.
I made it a week. 7 days. I physically feel like shit. I mentally feel like shit. I'm having great difficulty taking shits. Haven't fallen asleep before 1:30-2:00 am since I quit. Then I get a power hour of sleep and then it's toss and turn in a pool of my own sweat til at get up at 6. Last night my body wanted some poison really badly. Was pretty grumpy but was able to focus the rage on staying quit rather than taking it out on my family.
All that aside and it's amazing. I didn't give in last night. I counld't have done that 7 days ago. My brain is sucking right now so I can't really explain how, when eveything feels so bad, I feel so good. It's awesomely difficult. Thanks for all your help and support!
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Neon, Wow, I was reading that and I honestly don't remember writing that. I believe you now, you are on your way to freedom. Let me say to you too, don't worry about your mouth. If it was cancer you would know it. I think many here worry about it needlessly. I have had cancer, surgery cured it, but it was a big scare. After going to an oncologist and seeing what all goes on there, I can say that we as Americans have a good handle on cancer. We haven't cured it but we have beaten it if it is caught early. Therefore, go see a doctor at your earliest scare and get the facts. I do, still to this day. I have now had 4 surgeries, mostly minor, but only the first was cancer.
The fog, the headaches, the 2 month sore throat, and now the inability for my eyes to focus properly have all made me think it could be cancer. However, I know better. It is my body adjusting to no nicotine. Still after 41 days my body is adjusting. It's not like a hangover that goes away with a few advil and a good nights sleep.
Stay quit, keep being a winner. Im on your side and I understand what you are going through.
Mogul
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So, I'm having a significant amount of oral discomfort, like havent had a solid meal in 4 days cause food hurts too much. I know this is normal with the quit. According to the internet I could have AIDS/HIV, Cancer, or Meningitis!
I know I don't have AIDS/HIV or Meningitis, we're all concerned about cancer, but I'm fairly certian I don't have that either. Knock on wood.
I made it a week. 7 days. I physically feel like shit. I mentally feel like shit. I'm having great difficulty taking shits. Haven't fallen asleep before 1:30-2:00 am since I quit. Then I get a power hour of sleep and then it's toss and turn in a pool of my own sweat til at get up at 6. Last night my body wanted some poison really badly. Was pretty grumpy but was able to focus the rage on staying quit rather than taking it out on my family.
All that aside and it's amazing. I didn't give in last night. I counld't have done that 7 days ago. My brain is sucking right now so I can't really explain how, when eveything feels so bad, I feel so good. It's awesomely difficult. Thanks for all your help and support!
Right on track. The bitch is gonna play all sorts of tricks on you to try and get you back.
Do whatever it takes to keep turning her away.
Each time you do you break her spirit a tiny bit while building your own.
Especially in the beginning she has spirit for days, while you may feel at times you have none. But you do. You just gotta keep mustering it up. You have trouble finding it, come here and we will help you dig deep.
Great work making it a week, keep it going. You got this shit!!!
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I'm glad you did say it Mogul, it was the kick in the ass 'arse' I needed!
My Spirit is strong that's what I was trying to say. Yea everything sucks, yea I'm suffering right now, but this time, instead of being an excuse to turn back to the poison, the suck is just more fuel on the fire of reasons to never, ever touch nicotine again!
You guys rock, thanks for all the support, and thanks for quitting with me!
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the inability for my eyes to focus properly
^
THAT
I'm on my second brand- new pair of contacts in 7 days. I thought it was my contacts lol!
I like to understand the medical reasoning, or at least have some sort of an explanation for the symptoms I'm experiencing, so I decided to do some research on Nicotine withdrawals. I'm typing up findings; I think it might be helpful for others here. Reading thru some of this stuff... Nicotine/Tobacco is unbelievably terrible for the human body. Remember how I was advocating for using the gum? Yea, just reading a study on how NRTs, have been found to be linked to multiple terrifying health conditions, but NRTs have been directly linked to Hyperinsulinemia, a precursor to Type II Diabetes.
Symptoms I am researching;
Cravings
Mood related (anxiety, irritability, restlessness, depression, frustration, anger)
The fog/difficulty concentrating
Insomnia
Constipation/diarrhea.
Increased Appetite
Oral Symptoms
Visual Symptoms
If you have any other symptoms and you care you know more about why, let me know. I have access to a huge Online Medical library through the VA so I can try to find more in-depth information than what you might get from yahoo.answers :D
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the inability for my eyes to focus properly
^
THAT
I'm on my second brand- new pair of contacts in 7 days. I thought it was my contacts lol!
I like to understand the medical reasoning, or at least have some sort of an explanation for the symptoms I'm experiencing, so I decided to do some research on Nicotine withdrawals. I'm typing up findings; I think it might be helpful for others here. Reading thru some of this stuff... Nicotine/Tobacco is unbelievably terrible for the human body. Remember how I was advocating for using the gum? Yea, just reading a study on how NRTs, have been found to be linked to multiple terrifying health conditions, but NRTs have been directly linked to Hyperinsulinemia, a precursor to Type II Diabetes.
Symptoms I am researching;
Cravings
Mood related (anxiety, irritability, restlessness, depression, frustration, anger)
The fog/difficulty concentrating
Insomnia
Constipation/diarrhea.
Increased Appetite
Oral Symptoms
Visual Symptoms
If you have any other symptoms and you care you know more about why, let me know. I have access to a huge Online Medical library through the VA so I can try to find more in-depth information than what you might get from yahoo.answers :D
Welcome to the suck, sucks so bad you only do it once. I will never forget the insomnia and burning eyes. Not sure when exactly I snapped out of it, but it gets better....
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So, I'm having a significant amount of oral discomfort, like havent had a solid meal in 4 days cause food hurts too much. I know this is normal with the quit. According to the internet I could have AIDS/HIV, Cancer, or Meningitis!
I know I don't have AIDS/HIV or Meningitis, we're all concerned about cancer, but I'm fairly certian I don't have that either. Knock on wood.
I made it a week. 7 days. I physically feel like shit. I mentally feel like shit. I'm having great difficulty taking shits. Haven't fallen asleep before 1:30-2:00 am since I quit. Then I get a power hour of sleep and then it's toss and turn in a pool of my own sweat til at get up at 6. Last night my body wanted some poison really badly. Was pretty grumpy but was able to focus the rage on staying quit rather than taking it out on my family.
All that aside and it's amazing. I didn't give in last night. I counld't have done that 7 days ago. My brain is sucking right now so I can't really explain how, when eveything feels so bad, I feel so good. It's awesomely difficult. Thanks for all your help and support!
Let me check my list:
Oral discomfort
Irritability
Inability to take a dump
Inability to sleep
Yep, you are right on track of becoming a quitter.
Hell, I will quit with you again today.
It does get so much better, hang in there.
-
Neon, Wow, I was reading that and I honestly don't remember writing that. I believe you now, you are on your way to freedom. Let me say to you too, don't worry about your mouth. If it was cancer you would know it. I think many here worry about it needlessly. I have had cancer, surgery cured it, but it was a big scare. After going to an oncologist and seeing what all goes on there, I can say that we as Americans have a good handle on cancer. We haven't cured it but we have beaten it if it is caught early. Therefore, go see a doctor at your earliest scare and get the facts. I do, still to this day. I have now had 4 surgeries, mostly minor, but only the first was cancer.
The fog, the headaches, the 2 month sore throat, and now the inability for my eyes to focus properly have all made me think it could be cancer. However, I know better. It is my body adjusting to no nicotine. Still after 41 days my body is adjusting. It's not like a hangover that goes away with a few advil and a good nights sleep.
Stay quit, keep being a winner. Im on your side and I understand what you are going through.
Mogul
Good thing you're not a pilot or something like that with all those symptoms.... 'crackup'
-
Yes, it does get better. And yes, when I first quit I had trouble with my vision. I had just gotten a new pair of glasses too! I went back to the eye doctor and she told me to wait a bit. I did and yes, it did clear up.
You will be fine, but it is going to suck pretty bad for a while.
-
Neon, Wow, I was reading that and I honestly don't remember writing that. I believe you now, you are on your way to freedom. Let me say to you too, don't worry about your mouth. If it was cancer you would know it. I think many here worry about it needlessly. I have had cancer, surgery cured it, but it was a big scare. After going to an oncologist and seeing what all goes on there, I can say that we as Americans have a good handle on cancer. We haven't cured it but we have beaten it if it is caught early. Therefore, go see a doctor at your earliest scare and get the facts. I do, still to this day. I have now had 4 surgeries, mostly minor, but only the first was cancer.Â
The fog, the headaches, the 2 month sore throat, and now the inability for my eyes to focus properly have all made me think it could be cancer. However, I know better. It is my body adjusting to no nicotine. Still after 41 days my body is adjusting. It's not like a hangover that goes away with a few advil and a good nights sleep.Â
Stay quit, keep being a winner. Im on your side and I understand what you are going through.Â
Mogul
Good thing you're not a pilot or something like that with all those symptoms.... 'crackup'
You funny, vewwy vewwy funnie. haha like haha.
-
So, I'm having a significant amount of oral discomfort, like havent had a solid meal in 4 days cause food hurts too much. I know this is normal with the quit. According to the internet I could have AIDS/HIV, Cancer, or Meningitis!
I know I don't have AIDS/HIV or Meningitis, we're all concerned about cancer, but I'm fairly certian I don't have that either. Knock on wood.
I made it a week. 7 days. I physically feel like shit. I mentally feel like shit. I'm having great difficulty taking shits. Haven't fallen asleep before 1:30-2:00 am since I quit. Then I get a power hour of sleep and then it's toss and turn in a pool of my own sweat til at get up at 6. Last night my body wanted some poison really badly. Was pretty grumpy but was able to focus the rage on staying quit rather than taking it out on my family.
All that aside and it's amazing. I didn't give in last night. I counld't have done that 7 days ago. My brain is sucking right now so I can't really explain how, when eveything feels so bad, I feel so good. It's awesomely difficult. Thanks for all your help and support!
Let me check my list:
Oral discomfort
Irritability
Inability to take a dump
Inability to sleep
Yep, you are right on track of becoming a quitter.
Hell, I will quit with you again today.
It does get so much better, hang in there.
To me it sounds like you are on track. This is a dramatic change going from a weak person enslaved to nicotine to a bad a$$ quitter.
If you weren't all in you would be typing something like... 1 week down and this quittin thing is a breeze. It is not ez and not for the weak. You can get thru this time. We all had to power thru this period.
When I read that you are in a battle then I know your going to fight today. In time things get better but you don't heal over night. Years of abuse takes time to heal. Remember this time and vow to not repeat it again.
Stay quit today brother.
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
:wub:
And that is how it works folks. It's really that simple.
You either CHOOSE to stay quit or you CHOOSE to fail. either way it's your CHOICE.
This place just gives you what you need to CHOOSE to stay quit.
-
I smell a quitter! Too much good stuff going on here for me to quote any one thing. NP you are living it. Hit me up if you want anything.
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
To say I'm happy to help isn't quite enough.
It's satisfying. Deeply. Love to see your wins bro!
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
The Rainbow tailed Avatar has me questioning the "Heterosexual kind of love"...lol...
Strong quit you have going on there brother. I am proud of you.
-
iiiiiiBravo!!!!!!
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
To say I'm happy to help isn't quite enough.
It's satisfying. Deeply. Love to see your wins bro!
Applejack!!! Thanks again man :P
As for the Rainbow, my little sister designed that Neon Beast to commemorate my Quit. I picked the name NeonPanther out of nowhere. Just wanted to register so I could ask a question, get an answer and most likely never return... like a deceitful, dishonest addict. Which is exactly what I was 13 days ago. Now, I wear my rainbow spangled NeonPanther as a Badge of Honor! :D
On a side note, as a Christian, and believer of the Bible, the Rainbow is a representation of Gods promise to Noah after the flood. So I guess my flowing rainbow mane and tail are a representation of my daily promise to Quit! 'oh yeah'
-
But I'm following my plan, and I've never felt as good about successfully quitting as I have for the last several weeks.
I pulled this ^^^ from from your first words at ktc. I read your intro again just for kicks. Your first words will always be a good read. How do you feel now about the plan you had before you came to ktc? (Rhetorical question).
Now you have a plan my friend. I really like this new plan. Damn glad to be quit with you.
-
Day 10.
Who the hell am I?!?
I don't know who the hell I am anymore!
Definitely not the same guy I was 11 days ago...
And it is Amazing!!! So was getting 9 hours of solid sleep last night.
Really going to try to make a decent post about what is going on at this point of my quit, but I have this weird thing going on with my body and mind right now, like a motivation to get some shit done. Like actual energy, and a honey do list like 2 years long the poison always told me could wait. So I'm off to Lowes!
I do need to say this, Applejack, thank you so much for taking my call on Thursday. It was the difference between staying quit and caving. I have every KTC member who I have swapped #'s with in their own special Badass Group on my phone, Applejack was an alphabetical 1st so that's who I called, but it is amazing to know I have over a dozen more #'s for people that would have done the EXACT same thing. I know if I need to make a call, and I choose not to, it's exactly the same as CHOOSING to cave. I choose to keep my promise today, and everyday. In a really sober, manly, mostly heterosexual, badass quitter kind of way, I love you guys!
To say I'm happy to help isn't quite enough.
It's satisfying. Deeply. Love to see your wins bro!
Applejack!!! Thanks again man :P
As for the Rainbow, my little sister designed that Neon Beast to commemorate my Quit. I picked the name NeonPanther out of nowhere. Just wanted to register so I could ask a question, get an answer and most likely never return... like a deceitful, dishonest addict. Which is exactly what I was 13 days ago. Now, I wear my rainbow spangled NeonPanther as a Badge of Honor! :D
On a side note, as a Christian, and believer of the Bible, the Rainbow is a representation of Gods promise to Noah after the flood. So I guess my flowing rainbow mane and tail are a representation of my daily promise to Quit! 'oh yeah'
Awesome, a new quitter made a support call.
This is a strong and serious quitter. Watch this one's journey, its going to be inspiring.
-
Man, having a shitty day, actually several shitty days... Funny how the Nic Bitch rears her ugly head right when things feel toughest.
Day 13 Questioning, my sanity. But not my Quit.
We bought a car, 2000 Lexus RX 300 for 4800 about 4 months ago as a commuter vehicle, just to get me to and from work. Private Party 'bang head' they had it all detailed and buffed up, sparkling and spotless. That will be a warning sign in the future. I am not very mechanical, like on a 1-10 scale maybe a 5 in knowledge and a 3 in hands on... I usually make things worse… Anyway last Thursday morning, made 2 turns on the way to work and on the 3rd, POW! No more power steering. Took it to the mechanic on my lunch break, P.S. Pump is toast, and the “Steering Gear” may be bad too, won’t know till they get it open, (make that 5 in knowledge a 3, I have no clue…). Anyway, have a good friend who is a Volkswagen Mechanic, and he says he can do it for less, so he put a new pump in over the weekend. Long story short, apparently everything steering is pretty much toast, all the racks and gears and even the pinions! So we are looking at $1500-1800 even with my friend doing it. Plus he finds that although the timing belt is pretty new, it was installed incorrectly and is wearing badly or something, there is an oil leak somewhere on the engines, and we already knew it had some break issues, but they all need to be completely replaced too, so $400more. I just want to Ninja rig it to steer for long enough to trade it in on a Huffy or something…
To add to our financial woes, my dumbass couldnÂ’t control my clicking finger and blew like over a grand on Cyber Monday, (not all on myselfÂ…) so I have been calling to see what I can return, and of course everything has restocking fees, like 20-25%... I just hate money. Of course the wife is upset, we got a little carried away Christmas wise, and that just makes me more upset, and being on day 13 isnÂ’t doing anything to improve my mood. We are very much live within our means people, we try to avoid debt at all cost, and we have been diligently saving for a down payment on new house. We have had our eye on one for a few months. ItÂ’s a foreclosure, fixer upper, but we could make it a kickass home. We were looking at it for like the 5th time and we noticed the kitchen sink leaking underneath into the cupboard, which our Agent reported to the bankÂ’s Agent so it was it was taken off the market for several weeks while they made some. They JUST relisted it, and during the repairs, they tore out all the carpet and are now offering a carpet allowance as well soÂ… We literally have just enough to get it and fix things to make it livable, so this car crap couldnÂ’t have come at a worse time.
Alright, venting over. Back to why we are here. So while IÂ’m pondering all the above crap, of course the nic-bitch is whispering how much better IÂ’ll feel if I caveÂ…. I feel a little bit insane because, that shit is me, telling me to dip. And simultaneously I know itÂ’s the STUPIDEST thing I could possibly doÂ…
I dipped for about 4 years, used NRT for probably over a year, while still dipping. I did some mathematical estimations, $12,000-14,000. TWELVE to FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know many of you have numbers even higher than that, but that is enough to fix the car and fix up the new house, with a savings left over for security. Oh and I could have paid for that cyber Monday laptop tooÂ… Oh, that doesnÂ’t even include the gum. I donÂ’t careÂ… IÂ’m just screaming in my head right nowÂ…
“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO MY HEAD AND TELL ME I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DIP? I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DRIVE TO THE STORE, WASTE MORE OF THE MONEY I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR, AND PUT A DISCUSTING SMELLING, HORRIBLE TASTING, WAD OF POISON DRIPPING, TERRIBLE TASTING SHIT IN MY MOUTH??? I WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY FINANCIAL DIFFICULTYS BY WASTING MORE OF MY MONEY, ON YOU?
OhÂ…
Maybe youÂ’re rightÂ…
I know IÂ’ll feel better when IÂ’m spending every spare cent on testing supplies and medications for the diabetes you gave me.
And IÂ’ll enjoy buying the medications, and paying for DrÂ’s visits, surgeries, and chemo/radiation therapy for the cancer you gave me.
And all the money on heart and other cardiovascular issues because you cause every vein in my body to shrivel up and die!
And I will feel so much better when my last pennies are spent on my funeral, when I die, long before my time, remembering all the great times I had sneaking away to have a dip.
And how all the hours spent waiting at DoctorsÂ’ offices, and laying in hospital beds and waiting in lines at pharmacies, were such a better use of my time than spending that time with my family.
OhÂ… wait a second...
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
YOU LOSE.
-
Nice Panther! Good venting. Keep it up man. I'm lockstep right next to you buddy.
-
Man, having a shitty day, actually several shitty days... Funny how the Nic Bitch rears her ugly head right when things feel toughest.
Day 13 Questioning, my sanity. But not my Quit.
We bought a car, 2000 Lexus RX 300 for 4800 about 4 months ago as a commuter vehicle, just to get me to and from work. Private Party 'bang head' they had it all detailed and buffed up, sparkling and spotless. That will be a warning sign in the future. I am not very mechanical, like on a 1-10 scale maybe a 5 in knowledge and a 3 in hands on... I usually make things worse… Anyway last Thursday morning, made 2 turns on the way to work and on the 3rd, POW! No more power steering. Took it to the mechanic on my lunch break, P.S. Pump is toast, and the “Steering Gear” may be bad too, won’t know till they get it open, (make that 5 in knowledge a 3, I have no clue…). Anyway, have a good friend who is a Volkswagen Mechanic, and he says he can do it for less, so he put a new pump in over the weekend. Long story short, apparently everything steering is pretty much toast, all the racks and gears and even the pinions! So we are looking at $1500-1800 even with my friend doing it. Plus he finds that although the timing belt is pretty new, it was installed incorrectly and is wearing badly or something, there is an oil leak somewhere on the engines, and we already knew it had some break issues, but they all need to be completely replaced too, so $400more. I just want to Ninja rig it to steer for long enough to trade it in on a Huffy or something…
To add to our financial woes, my dumbass couldnÂ’t control my clicking finger and blew like over a grand on Cyber Monday, (not all on myselfÂ…) so I have been calling to see what I can return, and of course everything has restocking fees, like 20-25%... I just hate money. Of course the wife is upset, we got a little carried away Christmas wise, and that just makes me more upset, and being on day 13 isnÂ’t doing anything to improve my mood. We are very much live within our means people, we try to avoid debt at all cost, and we have been diligently saving for a down payment on new house. We have had our eye on one for a few months. ItÂ’s a foreclosure, fixer upper, but we could make it a kickass home. We were looking at it for like the 5th time and we noticed the kitchen sink leaking underneath into the cupboard, which our Agent reported to the bankÂ’s Agent so it was it was taken off the market for several weeks while they made some. They JUST relisted it, and during the repairs, they tore out all the carpet and are now offering a carpet allowance as well soÂ… We literally have just enough to get it and fix things to make it livable, so this car crap couldnÂ’t have come at a worse time.
Alright, venting over. Back to why we are here. So while IÂ’m pondering all the above crap, of course the nic-bitch is whispering how much better IÂ’ll feel if I caveÂ…. I feel a little bit insane because, that shit is me, telling me to dip. And simultaneously I know itÂ’s the STUPIDEST thing I could possibly doÂ…
I dipped for about 4 years, used NRT for probably over a year, while still dipping. I did some mathematical estimations, $12,000-14,000. TWELVE to FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know many of you have numbers even higher than that, but that is enough to fix the car and fix up the new house, with a savings left over for security. Oh and I could have paid for that cyber Monday laptop tooÂ… Oh, that doesnÂ’t even include the gum. I donÂ’t careÂ… IÂ’m just screaming in my head right nowÂ…
“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO MY HEAD AND TELL ME I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DIP? I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DRIVE TO THE STORE, WASTE MORE OF THE MONEY I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR, AND PUT A DISCUSTING SMELLING, HORRIBLE TASTING, WAD OF POISON DRIPPING, TERRIBLE TASTING SHIT IN MY MOUTH??? I WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY FINANCIAL DIFFICULTYS BY WASTING MORE OF MY MONEY, ON YOU?
OhÂ…
  Maybe you’re right…
        I know I’ll feel better when I’m spending every spare cent on testing supplies and medications for the diabetes you gave me.
            And I’ll enjoy buying the medications, and paying for Dr’s visits, surgeries, and chemo/radiation therapy for the cancer you gave me.
               And all the money on heart and other cardiovascular issues because you cause every vein in my body to shrivel up and die!
                   And I will feel so much better when my last pennies are spent on my funeral, when I die, long before my time, remembering all the great times I had sneaking away to have a dip.
                        And how all the hours spent waiting at Doctors’ offices, and laying in hospital beds and waiting in lines at pharmacies, were such a better use of my time than spending that time with my family.
OhÂ… wait a second...
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
YOU LOSE.
Well done bro. The last thing you need is another problem! The finances will work their way thru. They are not permanent problems. Hang in there. Keep fighting for your quit today... you are winning that war today!
I join you in telling the nic b to F off! QLF!
-
Man, having a shitty day, actually several shitty days... Funny how the Nic Bitch rears her ugly head right when things feel toughest.
Day 13 Questioning, my sanity. But not my Quit.
We bought a car, 2000 Lexus RX 300 for 4800 about 4 months ago as a commuter vehicle, just to get me to and from work. Private Party 'bang head' they had it all detailed and buffed up, sparkling and spotless. That will be a warning sign in the future. I am not very mechanical, like on a 1-10 scale maybe a 5 in knowledge and a 3 in hands on... I usually make things worse… Anyway last Thursday morning, made 2 turns on the way to work and on the 3rd, POW! No more power steering. Took it to the mechanic on my lunch break, P.S. Pump is toast, and the “Steering Gear” may be bad too, won’t know till they get it open, (make that 5 in knowledge a 3, I have no clue…). Anyway, have a good friend who is a Volkswagen Mechanic, and he says he can do it for less, so he put a new pump in over the weekend. Long story short, apparently everything steering is pretty much toast, all the racks and gears and even the pinions! So we are looking at $1500-1800 even with my friend doing it. Plus he finds that although the timing belt is pretty new, it was installed incorrectly and is wearing badly or something, there is an oil leak somewhere on the engines, and we already knew it had some break issues, but they all need to be completely replaced too, so $400more. I just want to Ninja rig it to steer for long enough to trade it in on a Huffy or something…
To add to our financial woes, my dumbass couldnÂ’t control my clicking finger and blew like over a grand on Cyber Monday, (not all on myselfÂ…) so I have been calling to see what I can return, and of course everything has restocking fees, like 20-25%... I just hate money. Of course the wife is upset, we got a little carried away Christmas wise, and that just makes me more upset, and being on day 13 isnÂ’t doing anything to improve my mood. We are very much live within our means people, we try to avoid debt at all cost, and we have been diligently saving for a down payment on new house. We have had our eye on one for a few months. ItÂ’s a foreclosure, fixer upper, but we could make it a kickass home. We were looking at it for like the 5th time and we noticed the kitchen sink leaking underneath into the cupboard, which our Agent reported to the bankÂ’s Agent so it was it was taken off the market for several weeks while they made some. They JUST relisted it, and during the repairs, they tore out all the carpet and are now offering a carpet allowance as well soÂ… We literally have just enough to get it and fix things to make it livable, so this car crap couldnÂ’t have come at a worse time.
Alright, venting over. Back to why we are here. So while IÂ’m pondering all the above crap, of course the nic-bitch is whispering how much better IÂ’ll feel if I caveÂ…. I feel a little bit insane because, that shit is me, telling me to dip. And simultaneously I know itÂ’s the STUPIDEST thing I could possibly doÂ…
I dipped for about 4 years, used NRT for probably over a year, while still dipping. I did some mathematical estimations, $12,000-14,000. TWELVE to FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know many of you have numbers even higher than that, but that is enough to fix the car and fix up the new house, with a savings left over for security. Oh and I could have paid for that cyber Monday laptop tooÂ… Oh, that doesnÂ’t even include the gum. I donÂ’t careÂ… IÂ’m just screaming in my head right nowÂ…
“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO MY HEAD AND TELL ME I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DIP? I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DRIVE TO THE STORE, WASTE MORE OF THE MONEY I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR, AND PUT A DISCUSTING SMELLING, HORRIBLE TASTING, WAD OF POISON DRIPPING, TERRIBLE TASTING SHIT IN MY MOUTH??? I WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY FINANCIAL DIFFICULTYS BY WASTING MORE OF MY MONEY, ON YOU?
OhÂ…
Maybe youÂ’re rightÂ…
I know IÂ’ll feel better when IÂ’m spending every spare cent on testing supplies and medications for the diabetes you gave me.
And IÂ’ll enjoy buying the medications, and paying for DrÂ’s visits, surgeries, and chemo/radiation therapy for the cancer you gave me.
And all the money on heart and other cardiovascular issues because you cause every vein in my body to shrivel up and die!
And I will feel so much better when my last pennies are spent on my funeral, when I die, long before my time, remembering all the great times I had sneaking away to have a dip.
And how all the hours spent waiting at DoctorsÂ’ offices, and laying in hospital beds and waiting in lines at pharmacies, were such a better use of my time than spending that time with my family.
OhÂ… wait a second...
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
YOU LOSE.
Damn! I love me a good rant!!
Rock on brother. Life throws poo at you. That's just how it is. Dipping was a retarded way to cope with a problem that dip can't do anything to fix! Keep your head up man...
-
Yep...sounds like you're doing everything right, Neon!!! You're in the stage I call NUTS. It is a technical term. Quit on!!!
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!
You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!
You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!
When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.
We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.
'Finger'
If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!
You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!
When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.
We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.
'Finger'
If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!
You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!
You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!
When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.
We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.
'Finger'
If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!
You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!
Great job NP. I'm hating the poison right with you. I hated it this morning and at noon. I kept on hating it through dinner and right now I hate it just the same. Let me make a list of things it's done for us.
I'm sorry I got nothing! Keep that quit strong,,, feed the hate. I'll keep hating it right along with you.
-
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.
PB
That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!
You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!
When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.
We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.
'Finger'
If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!
You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!
Great job NP. I'm hating the poison right with you. I hated it this morning and at noon. I kept on hating it through dinner and right now I hate it just the same. Let me make a list of things it's done for us.
I'm sorry I got nothing! Keep that quit strong,,, feed the hate. I'll keep hating it right along with you.
I hate it too!
-
'help' Attention all BadAss Quitters! 'help'
Steakbomb18 and I are putting together a Medical Explanation about... Tobacco and the Human, with or without Nicotine.
At this point our goal is to provide a medical explaination, in layperson terms about what nicotine does in your body, to your body, and what your body does without it. The goal being to help explain the following withdrawal symptoms:
Powerful Cravings
Physical- restlessness, anxiety, insomnia
Mood- anxiety, irritability, depressed mood, frustration, anger
The Fog - difficulty concentrating
Oral Pain/Sores
Visual disturbances/difficulty focusing
Increased Appetite
Constipation*Diarrhea/Gas/GI pain/cramping
*Edited with your input, keep it coming, thanks!
Basically, wanted to ask you, what questions do you have and what you want to know? Are you having other withdrawal symptoms that aren't listed above? Have you found any remedies or anything that seems to help with a specific symptom? Please PM me or post here, with a quote to this message so it doesnÂ’t get buried. Or for people who have been here longer than me, if there is somewhere to post this where it will be seen by more people? If so, please let me know.
Disclaimer, I am a Licensed Nurse in the States of Nevada, Utah and Texas. I like being a nurse so at this point, legally, I think I'm supposed to say something like, "I cannot offer any diagnosisÂ’s, or care for your personal conditions, nor can I offer any medical advice. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please dial 911 or arrange for transport to the nearest E.R."
That being said, if a friend, especially a BadAss Quitter friend came to me with a question, I would not hesitate to share any knowledge I might have, or can find in thick medical references books, regarding their question. IÂ’m also happy to tell friends to quit asking me questions and to get their asses to the E.R when they need to. 'crackup'
Steak is a Pharmacist, I think legally he can do, and some answer, some thing and other stuff, and and even do things! But I do not speak for him, I will leave his disclaimers to him :D
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Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
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Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
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Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P
Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!
-
Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P
Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!
41 days???? Damn that went by fast. Maybe not for you but for me, I would have guessed 2 - 3 weeks.
Nice work day after day. When you quit, you just quit and followed the plan. Very pleased to see success here. Thanks for contributing to the KTC Brothers.
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Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P
Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!
41 days???? Damn that went by fast. Maybe not for you but for me, I would have guessed 2 - 3 weeks.
Nice work day after day. When you quit, you just quit and followed the plan. Very pleased to see success here. Thanks for contributing to the KTC Brothers.
Proud of you neon! Continue ODAAT and NAFAR! 41 is a huge win!
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Strong fight in you brother. I'm proud of you.
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I like seeing this thread on the front page, You are doing well bro and I am glad to see your involvement! You have a good quit going.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
Damn man, I hate reading this today.
I think you did a good job on the How it happened but I would like for you to think through how you will do it differently this time to avoid that?
You need this planned very well; making it to 100 is a milestone and there are days after 100 that are harder than the first 100 are.
Do this right this time.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
Did you continue to post roll with that shit in your system?
-
Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!
I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html)
Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P
Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!
So, what changed from this post on the 14th to the bullshit that occured on the 15th.
Your resolve and your character is what.
You got drunk. Big fuking deal. Were you really that curious to see how soft those little pink panties were on your sac when you slipped em on? Did you let the nic bitch pull them all the way down or did you just let her pull them over to the side when she bent you over and had her way with you?
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I just looked and you were posting up false quit days while you were enjoying that cave. Inexcusable bro. What have you learned here? This is your life man... Be true to it.
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You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.
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You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.
hey Neon,
If you posted with the poison in your mouth...Shame on You!
If you cannot be honest with yourself, then your life will be one big lie.
What you do today determines your character for tomorrow. Grow a pair.
You're gonna have to use the tools here.
You're gonna have to quit ODAAT.
Drinking and smoking killed all of my mom's family. None collected Social Security.
Drinking kills the bodies ability to fight and helps Nicotine kill with cancer.
The KTC way allows us addicts to control our addictions ODAAT.
The KTC tools give us the power to say NAFAR.
I have quit 608 days straight after 30 years of poison abuse.
What is your excuse?
What is your decision?
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You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.
Oh, and P.S., this makes you a fucking liar!
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Just buzzed over your thread and saw that one of my cornermen posted in your thread on the Jan 15th and you just let him do it. NOT KEWL at all. You have had a ton of support from this site and poof tossed out all the tools just to get dry humped. Damn man haven't you seen the ScoDaddy Theorem which states
1 problem + nicotine=2 problems
This is such an easy theorem.
So today you have multiple problems one you lied to us and yourself...addict behavior. the thing with addict behavior is that once it is identified and acknowledged by the individual it shall never again be used as an excuse or a crutch.
You have nicotine in your system so now you have that battle.
Trying to make it right with your supporters oh god don't know how you will do that. Prolly should jump on your phone and start trying to mend the fences.
Posting roll while using is the worst thing you can do here.
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NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that
NeonPanther - caved -
Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?
-
Just buzzed over your thread and saw that one of my cornermen posted in your thread on the Jan 15th and you just let him do it. NOT KEWL at all. You have had a ton of support from this site and poof tossed out all the tools just to get dry humped. Damn man haven't you seen the ScoDaddy Theorem which states
1 problem + nicotine=2 problems
This is such an easy theorem.
So today you have multiple problems one you lied to us and yourself...addict behavior. the thing with addict behavior is that once it is identified and acknowledged by the individual it shall never again be used as an excuse or a crutch.
You have nicotine in your system so now you have that battle.
Trying to make it right with your supporters oh god don't know how you will do that. Prolly should jump on your phone and start trying to mend the fences.
Posting roll while using is the worst thing you can do here.
PS
Enjoy the suck. You deserve it. I hope it really sucks. Maybe you will remember this in the future.
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NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that
NeonPanther - caved -
Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?
I can't trust you and you are not even in my group. If you want to hug it out after you lie go elsewhere, this is for quitters, not tryers. 'Finger'
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NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that
NeonPanther - caved -
Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?
I can't trust you and you are not even in my group. If you want to hug it out after you lie go elsewhere, this is for quitters, not tryers. 'Finger'
Now that just plain fucking sucks dude!
ABCs of quit not practiced
Accountability
Brotherhood
Commitment
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
-
One more thing change your banner from hardcore bastard to PUSS ASS BITCH or something along those lines
-
I don't want to pile on you, the veterans are doing just fine giving you the ass whupping you deserve, but I just want to say, as a member of March your former quit group, that, for me, it really just sucks to see this.
We've had a few other cavers in our group, every group has them, but you were one of the stalwarts, you were farther on than I am.... it's hard to explain, but it's much easier to see someone cave that wasn't as far along as you then it is to see someone with more days under their belt..... It's pretty fucking scary to be honest with you.
So, your cave shook my confidence but at the same time, it fed my resolve, I won't let this happen to me.
I'll miss you posting roll with the Iron Men, Neon. I wish you the best hope that you can get your shit together QUIT, not just stop. I'll be here if you need anything.
Jeff
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
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I am only 140 days into my quit but I seem to have a handle on whom will stay quit vs the one's that will come on here for a few days and then go back to the bitch.
You my friend, are a quitter.
QLF!
Here is a brief timeline on how my quit is going, I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I made it for another new quitter and he seemed to like it.
"3 days is something to be proud of. The nic is out of your system so it's all fun and games now...right? Well F...guess what? Your body is use to living with nic and now it's mad and is about to really fight you.
The good news is that you understand how to use your tools and you have some good fight in you. The better news is that it gets so much easier very quickly. Now, I realize that "quickly" is a very relative term- as when you are suffering minute to minute, 5 or 6 weeks seem like 100 years. In reality, 5 or 6 weeks is not a very long time.
Keep in mind, I am no expert and I am just going off of what I have experienced the past 140 days. My "suck scale" looked something like this:
Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.
Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day
Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.
Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.
Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.
Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.
Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!
Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.
Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".
Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.
Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.
Day 100-135: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.
Day 136: Rough patch at work this week. Just found out that we are closing our Sleep Division (I'm in Medical Sales). I make about 50% of my commission in sleep so I have no idea what I am going to do.
I took my wife to a nice dinner and explained it to her. We are both freaking out. I also drank about 6 Martinis and for about a 5 minute period, I told myself I was going to get a can on the way home. Who cares at this point...right?
I got up, went to the bathroom, got my tools in order and said fuck off Nic Bitch....I may be willing to screw myself right now but not everyone who has helped me. I put my big boy pants on and went home.
Minny and his 1+1= 2 theory kept ringing in my head.
Day 137-138: Guard held high and in for the long run. Weird dip dream last night. I just remember feeling panicky because I needed some SM and couldn't find any at any store. I woke up and was fine. It is funny as I haven't used SM since my first week of quit.
Fuck dude...you ruined my 100% correct record of calling people's quit.
I had you down as a winner...
I want to go back and see what day you were on when you caved but I'm not sure your deserve anymore of my time.
I can forgive a cave but integrity is the most important thing in the world to me. You lost this when you posted roll with nic in you.
I too don't want to see you posting much on here except explaining how you will succeed the next time you feel like caving. Besides that, your posts should only be in roll call.
I am still pulling for you and you have my cell, if I were you...I would start texting all your supporters one on one.
-
NeonPanther: I am impressed with your quit. You make a decision and you go for it. Way to inspire and lead the charge to freedom. Nicotine fears you now.Â
Keep quitting each and every damn day!
Neon-- you have some explaining to do to our March group. I read this the other day and thought to myself...mthomas is 100% right...Neon is doing all the right things. Now, that thought just hurts. We need to be here for each other and everyone from our group that caves, hurts the group. With that said, If anyone else is in the March Iron Men and has caved but still posts roll...you need to come out now. It's going to hurt but better now than later.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
I've feel like I've been punched in the stomach. If you lined up 50 quitters and told me one of them caved. If you were in the line up, Neon, you would be one of the last I would pick to be the caver.
I really thought you hated the bitch. Maybe you do but she still has you in chains. You would risk you life, family, job on her. For what.
Didn't you see the light? Didn't you learn the course of battle? Yes you chose to do these things. You chose the addicted mind and can humped your mistress while blowing her brother alcohol.
It doesn't hurt my quit. It reminds me that listening to the addicted mind and action on impulse is dangerous. It reminds me that some will fail that shouldn't.
You chose? You only think you chose. You are still nicotines bitch. Talk a great game but you glamorized her enough to put what you really value on the alter.
She along with your addiction to her forced you to be a liar. If you lie and deceive, your addiction will fester and control you.
Honesty. 1st step to really quitting. I honestly and sick of this, I honestly don't want to do this crap anymore. I will be honest about it. No show, just go and do this.
Humility. 2nd step: Ask for help and use the support!
KTC is a guarantee. Even though you are an addict. You broke the KTC plan. You want to quit. Then quit.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
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A NeonPanther -49- Quit for Humpday! cant beleive i said that
NeonPanther -Nicotine 48 Alcohol 6- Amazing 3 day weekend with the family, freedom is splended! I promise to make today +1!
NeonPanther -47 nicotine 5 alchohol- Amazing 3 day weekend with the fam. 0 time for nic today!
NeonPanther -46- not today!
NeonPanther -45- thanks for the call Erussel! Non-stop family fun today, sunburned and feeling awesome. No way I'm letting nic interfere today!
NeonPanther -44- I promise to take it ODAAT!
Weak and Addicted I can understand, but this hypocrisy and dishonesty?!
I don't know man. I think I am just going to move on.
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact
Winter Green
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact
Winter Green
This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis. The bigger failure is not the cave, but the lack of honor. Anyone else who has secretly caved should either come clean now or just slink away in silence. This is like someone spiking my water with nicotine. Brotherhood + Accountability = Success This equation doesn't work if there is no honor. How can this program work without trust?
-
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
I don't believe in sugar coating so I'll say it. Be gone by your own doing or Admin vote. Please.
-
1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact
Winter Green
This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis. The bigger failure is not the cave, but the lack of honor. Anyone else who has secretly caved should either come clean now or just slink away in silence. This is like someone spiking my water with nicotine. Brotherhood + Accountability = Success This equation doesn't work if there is no honor. How can this program work without trust?
Dude. Seek help. The help you need is beyond the scope of this forum. Telling everyone on KTC. that you are quit when you know that to be a lie... Really? I don't see how you could ever recover and be an asset to a new quit group. They would always question everything you say or post. You would only make their quit that much more difficult having you present among them.
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He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
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1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.
I caved.
I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.
For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.
I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.
I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.
I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....
Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.
Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!
I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!
Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.
Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.
Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.
One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."
I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...
Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!
Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.
The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.
It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.
Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!
Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.
What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??
PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.
You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.
You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.
A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'
Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.
People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact
Winter Green
This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis. The bigger failure is not the cave, but the lack of honor. Anyone else who has secretly caved should either come clean now or just slink away in silence. This is like someone spiking my water with nicotine. Brotherhood + Accountability = Success This equation doesn't work if there is no honor. How can this program work without trust?
Dude. Seek help. The help you need is beyond the scope of this forum. Telling everyone on KTC. that you are quit when you know that to be a lie... Really? I don't see how you could ever recover and be an asset to a new quit group. They would always question everything you say or post. You would only make their quit that much more difficult having you present among them.
How many times did we text one another? Nearly everyday for awhile and several times a day for a good bit. We talked on the phone. Yet you lie strait to my face. On your text today when you admitted to your cave somehow I missed the fact you had been posting while using. I can take a lot, a hell of a lot,,,, but posting while using ain't one of them. I would literally slam my dick in the door before I would go against my word to this band of brothers and sisters. It's the very fabric that makes this work. Really hope you quit,,, I really do,,,, however there are other quit sites that would likely suit you better, I would suggest you go join one of those, best of luck neon. Erussell 268
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He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
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You obviously did not learn anything. Your post is full of BS. You sound like an addict telling a loved one what they know needs to happen but you never follow thru with. Empty promises. A lot of garbage that I am not buying.
Now I see someone posted on your thread... "I wonder how many other people are posting using while using." That really chaps my a$$. The answer to that fine quitter is.... It better be ZERO!!!
You messed up got hammered and caved.... It happens I guess. But then you decided to crap on the site and everyone here by posting roll while stuffing your face. That my friend is inexcusable.
What a waste of a good quit.
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He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
I'm going to go against the grain on this one.
He has called everyone of his supporters, whom he has a contact number for.
He is in true pain and remorseful and made a big fucking mistake and lost his integrity(which is huge to me).
I told him to stay off the intro's and just post roll every day. Action...not words...
I read people, I make a living doing it and I am good at it. He should get one more chance and I will stand by him on it. If I'm wrong, it's on me but lets not ban him.
Trust me on this one brother.
Greg
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Quitsmokeless has a home for this liar, send him packing. Roll is sacred, period. I hope you do quit but I can never trust you again.
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He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
Sorry I am a very slow typist I have been working on this since I got of work.
What happened?
On Wednesday January 15th I chose to get drunk. I chose to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. My wife could tell I was drinking again and was upset, so I chose to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday January 16th, I chose to stop and buy a can and dip. After passing out, and waking up 30 minutes late for work, I chose to post roll as soon as I got to a computer. I told myself if I counted that drunk dip as caving, if I accepted defeat that I would give up and fail. I had made it 42 days, I knew what to do, I could overcome this mistake. Alone. It was an addicts lies, to myself and all of you, to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I made it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, telling myself I was succeeding. Tuesday afternoon I started craving, went straight to the nearest 7-11 and bought another can. Dipped and dumped it. Then I stopped on the way to work and dipped again this morning. Then posted roll.
What happened? I chose to make repeatedly bad decisions, I chose to drink, I chose to ignore all the people that have extended their support, and not ask for their help. I chose to cave and I chose to lie to all of you about it for a week, while posting roll. Then dip again.
Why did it happen?
Alcohol and Nicotine have always gone hand in hand for me. My 1st dip was while drunk, and when I started I only dipped while drinking. If told myself if I only dipped when I was drinking, I must not be getting addicted. But it wasn't long before I was dipping every chance I could, drunk or not. I would dip with out drinking, but I never drank without dipping.
I when I quit nicotine on December 5th, and chose not to quit drinking. I ignored the warnings on the site to not drink. I have probably drank at least one to four times a week since I quit.
Over the last 2 weeks, I chose to wallow in a pointless, very depressed funk. I let normal life issues like car repairs and other finances and anything and everything overwhelm and drag me down.
I chose to stop taking responsibility for my quit. I posted roll when it was convenient, when I finally remembered or when one of my supporters would text and ask where the heck I was and why I hadn't posted roll. And the whole time I was choosing these bad decisions, I chose not to ask for help or seek support.
What are you doing differently to insure that it will not happen that way again?
The first think I am going to do differently is not use my failure as an excuse to give up. Admitting that I caved was harder than hell. If I didn't desperately want to Quit I couldn't have done it. I will not let my decisions this day be for nothing.
I am going to make my Quit my number one priority, and I am going to include God this time. Whether you believe in God or not, I do, and I hope you can respect this. Every morning when I wake up, it's straight to my knees in prayer and then straight here post roll. I will focus daily on protecting my quit at all costs.
I have been depressed for a very long time. The last few weeks have been far worse, I don't know if the depression I was experiencing is a normal part of the quitting, or if I have real clinical depression. I really do not want pills or a therapist, but if it comes to that I will. For now I hope I can keep it at bay with fitness. Which is another recommendation for new quitters that I ignored... Went on 2 hikes and a bike ride over this 3 day weekend and felt so much better mood-wise. I sold my best rifle last week to buy a mountain bike. It is my favorite outdoor activity, but I haven't had a bike in over a decade. So, after I post roll, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour before work. After work, at least 1h30m – 2h ride. If I continue to suffer from mood issues, I will speak to a professional.
Alcohol is not an excuse, the alcohol didn't make me cave. But it has no place in the life of the man I want to be. Not now, not at day 100, not ever. Some of you can drink and stay quit. I don't want alcohol in my life and I won't risk it again. Today is 7 days without alcohol. Not today.
I have reached out via call or text in previous times of need. It is so simple, and has always been very positive. Instead I chose to deal with things alone, my way. I won't make that mistake again. I have a phone full of #'s for people, that even after this, are supporting me. I will reach out to them at the 1st sign of trouble. And before trouble ever arises.
I will be more active on this site, not just posting roll and not looking at the site again for 24 hours. For now I will read quietly and keep in touch with those of you that somehow still think I am worth supporting. When I have earned it, I will continue to expand my support base and offer support in-turn. I hope to continue to give and get phone numbers. Every new name I add to my support group is one more person I am determined not to let down. Sending the text to all the people that have given me their numbers today, to tell them that I chose to cave. There are no words for how hard that was, I never, ever want to do that again.
I have never met any of you in person, and I came here preaching my way! Yet you all chose to set me straight and throw out a lifesaver. You told me I could reach it, you told me I could save myself. I chose to grab it and quit. You pulled me aboard the KTC life raft and saved me. You gave me everything I needed to be free. You offered me support and brotherhood. After 42 days... with no explanation I chose to throw it all away and dive back off the boat? Then I chose to lie to you about it? What?!? I cannot believe myself. I can't apologize for this. I don't deserve to be here or any of your support. You quit or die. I chose death. I don't deserve a second chance, but I really, really want to live.
I think a vote is fair. If you want me gone I will not press the issue. I made my choices and I will have to live with the consequences.
NeonPanther Nicotine Day 1- Alcohol day 7
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He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
Sorry I am a very slow typist I have been working on this since I got of work.
What happened?
On Wednesday January 15th I chose to get drunk. I chose to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. My wife could tell I was drinking again and was upset, so I chose to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday January 16th, I chose to stop and buy a can and dip. After passing out, and waking up 30 minutes late for work, I chose to post roll as soon as I got to a computer. I told myself if I counted that drunk dip as caving, if I accepted defeat that I would give up and fail. I had made it 42 days, I knew what to do, I could overcome this mistake. Alone. It was an addicts lies, to myself and all of you, to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I made it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, telling myself I was succeeding. Tuesday afternoon I started craving, went straight to the nearest 7-11 and bought another can. Dipped and dumped it. Then I stopped on the way to work and dipped again this morning. Then posted roll.
What happened? I chose to make repeatedly bad decisions, I chose to drink, I chose to ignore all the people that have extended their support, and not ask for their help. I chose to cave and I chose to lie to all of you about it for a week, while posting roll. Then dip again.
Why did it happen?
Alcohol and Nicotine have always gone hand in hand for me. My 1st dip was while drunk, and when I started I only dipped while drinking. If told myself if I only dipped when I was drinking, I must not be getting addicted. But it wasn't long before I was dipping every chance I could, drunk or not. I would dip with out drinking, but I never drank without dipping.
I when I quit nicotine on December 5th, and chose not to quit drinking. I ignored the warnings on the site to not drink. I have probably drank at least one to four times a week since I quit.
Over the last 2 weeks, I chose to wallow in a pointless, very depressed funk. I let normal life issues like car repairs and other finances and anything and everything overwhelm and drag me down.
I chose to stop taking responsibility for my quit. I posted roll when it was convenient, when I finally remembered or when one of my supporters would text and ask where the heck I was and why I hadn't posted roll. And the whole time I was choosing these bad decisions, I chose not to ask for help or seek support.
What are you doing differently to insure that it will not happen that way again?
The first think I am going to do differently is not use my failure as an excuse to give up. Admitting that I caved was harder than hell. If I didn't desperately want to Quit I couldn't have done it. I will not let my decisions this day be for nothing.
I am going to make my Quit my number one priority, and I am going to include God this time. Whether you believe in God or not, I do, and I hope you can respect this. Every morning when I wake up, it's straight to my knees in prayer and then straight here post roll. I will focus daily on protecting my quit at all costs.
I have been depressed for a very long time. The last few weeks have been far worse, I don't know if the depression I was experiencing is a normal part of the quitting, or if I have real clinical depression. I really do not want pills or a therapist, but if it comes to that I will. For now I hope I can keep it at bay with fitness. Which is another recommendation for new quitters that I ignored... Went on 2 hikes and a bike ride over this 3 day weekend and felt so much better mood-wise. I sold my best rifle last week to buy a mountain bike. It is my favorite outdoor activity, but I haven't had a bike in over a decade. So, after I post roll, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour before work. After work, at least 1h30m – 2h ride. If I continue to suffer from mood issues, I will speak to a professional.
Alcohol is not an excuse, the alcohol didn't make me cave. But it has no place in the life of the man I want to be. Not now, not at day 100, not ever. Some of you can drink and stay quit. I don't want alcohol in my life and I won't risk it again. Today is 7 days without alcohol. Not today.
I have reached out via call or text in previous times of need. It is so simple, and has always been very positive. Instead I chose to deal with things alone, my way. I won't make that mistake again. I have a phone full of #'s for people, that even after this, are supporting me. I will reach out to them at the 1st sign of trouble. And before trouble ever arises.
I will be more active on this site, not just posting roll and not looking at the site again for 24 hours. For now I will read quietly and keep in touch with those of you that somehow still think I am worth supporting. When I have earned it, I will continue to expand my support base and offer support in-turn. I hope to continue to give and get phone numbers. Every new name I add to my support group is one more person I am determined not to let down. Sending the text to all the people that have given me their numbers today, to tell them that I chose to cave. There are no words for how hard that was, I never, ever want to do that again.
I have never met any of you in person, and I came here preaching my way! Yet you all chose to set me straight and throw out a lifesaver. You told me I could reach it, you told me I could save myself. I chose to grab it and quit. You pulled me aboard the KTC life raft and saved me. You gave me everything I needed to be free. You offered me support and brotherhood. After 42 days... with no explanation I chose to throw it all away and dive back off the boat? Then I chose to lie to you about it? What?!? I cannot believe myself. I can't apologize for this. I don't deserve to be here or any of your support. You quit or die. I chose death. I don't deserve a second chance, but I really, really want to live.
I think a vote is fair. If you want me gone I will not press the issue. I made my choices and I will have to live with the consequences.
NeonPanther Nicotine Day 1- Alcohol day 7
Did you post roll while using?
-
He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
Sorry I am a very slow typist I have been working on this since I got of work.
What happened?
On Wednesday January 15th I chose to get drunk. I chose to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. My wife could tell I was drinking again and was upset, so I chose to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday January 16th, I chose to stop and buy a can and dip. After passing out, and waking up 30 minutes late for work, I chose to post roll as soon as I got to a computer. I told myself if I counted that drunk dip as caving, if I accepted defeat that I would give up and fail. I had made it 42 days, I knew what to do, I could overcome this mistake. Alone. It was an addicts lies, to myself and all of you, to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I made it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, telling myself I was succeeding. Tuesday afternoon I started craving, went straight to the nearest 7-11 and bought another can. Dipped and dumped it. Then I stopped on the way to work and dipped again this morning. Then posted roll.
What happened? I chose to make repeatedly bad decisions, I chose to drink, I chose to ignore all the people that have extended their support, and not ask for their help. I chose to cave and I chose to lie to all of you about it for a week, while posting roll. Then dip again.
Why did it happen?
Alcohol and Nicotine have always gone hand in hand for me. My 1st dip was while drunk, and when I started I only dipped while drinking. If told myself if I only dipped when I was drinking, I must not be getting addicted. But it wasn't long before I was dipping every chance I could, drunk or not. I would dip with out drinking, but I never drank without dipping.
I when I quit nicotine on December 5th, and chose not to quit drinking. I ignored the warnings on the site to not drink. I have probably drank at least one to four times a week since I quit.
Over the last 2 weeks, I chose to wallow in a pointless, very depressed funk. I let normal life issues like car repairs and other finances and anything and everything overwhelm and drag me down.
I chose to stop taking responsibility for my quit. I posted roll when it was convenient, when I finally remembered or when one of my supporters would text and ask where the heck I was and why I hadn't posted roll. And the whole time I was choosing these bad decisions, I chose not to ask for help or seek support.
What are you doing differently to insure that it will not happen that way again?
The first think I am going to do differently is not use my failure as an excuse to give up. Admitting that I caved was harder than hell. If I didn't desperately want to Quit I couldn't have done it. I will not let my decisions this day be for nothing.
I am going to make my Quit my number one priority, and I am going to include God this time. Whether you believe in God or not, I do, and I hope you can respect this. Every morning when I wake up, it's straight to my knees in prayer and then straight here post roll. I will focus daily on protecting my quit at all costs.
I have been depressed for a very long time. The last few weeks have been far worse, I don't know if the depression I was experiencing is a normal part of the quitting, or if I have real clinical depression. I really do not want pills or a therapist, but if it comes to that I will. For now I hope I can keep it at bay with fitness. Which is another recommendation for new quitters that I ignored... Went on 2 hikes and a bike ride over this 3 day weekend and felt so much better mood-wise. I sold my best rifle last week to buy a mountain bike. It is my favorite outdoor activity, but I haven't had a bike in over a decade. So, after I post roll, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour before work. After work, at least 1h30m – 2h ride. If I continue to suffer from mood issues, I will speak to a professional.
Alcohol is not an excuse, the alcohol didn't make me cave. But it has no place in the life of the man I want to be. Not now, not at day 100, not ever. Some of you can drink and stay quit. I don't want alcohol in my life and I won't risk it again. Today is 7 days without alcohol. Not today.
I have reached out via call or text in previous times of need. It is so simple, and has always been very positive. Instead I chose to deal with things alone, my way. I won't make that mistake again. I have a phone full of #'s for people, that even after this, are supporting me. I will reach out to them at the 1st sign of trouble. And before trouble ever arises.
I will be more active on this site, not just posting roll and not looking at the site again for 24 hours. For now I will read quietly and keep in touch with those of you that somehow still think I am worth supporting. When I have earned it, I will continue to expand my support base and offer support in-turn. I hope to continue to give and get phone numbers. Every new name I add to my support group is one more person I am determined not to let down. Sending the text to all the people that have given me their numbers today, to tell them that I chose to cave. There are no words for how hard that was, I never, ever want to do that again.
I have never met any of you in person, and I came here preaching my way! Yet you all chose to set me straight and throw out a lifesaver. You told me I could reach it, you told me I could save myself. I chose to grab it and quit. You pulled me aboard the KTC life raft and saved me. You gave me everything I needed to be free. You offered me support and brotherhood. After 42 days... with no explanation I chose to throw it all away and dive back off the boat? Then I chose to lie to you about it? What?!? I cannot believe myself. I can't apologize for this. I don't deserve to be here or any of your support. You quit or die. I chose death. I don't deserve a second chance, but I really, really want to live.
I think a vote is fair. If you want me gone I will not press the issue. I made my choices and I will have to live with the consequences.
NeonPanther Nicotine Day 1- Alcohol day 7
Did you post roll while using?
Yes.
-
He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
Sorry I am a very slow typist I have been working on this since I got of work.
What happened?
On Wednesday January 15th I chose to get drunk. I chose to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. My wife could tell I was drinking again and was upset, so I chose to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday January 16th, I chose to stop and buy a can and dip. After passing out, and waking up 30 minutes late for work, I chose to post roll as soon as I got to a computer. I told myself if I counted that drunk dip as caving, if I accepted defeat that I would give up and fail. I had made it 42 days, I knew what to do, I could overcome this mistake. Alone. It was an addicts lies, to myself and all of you, to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I made it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, telling myself I was succeeding. Tuesday afternoon I started craving, went straight to the nearest 7-11 and bought another can. Dipped and dumped it. Then I stopped on the way to work and dipped again this morning. Then posted roll.
What happened? I chose to make repeatedly bad decisions, I chose to drink, I chose to ignore all the people that have extended their support, and not ask for their help. I chose to cave and I chose to lie to all of you about it for a week, while posting roll. Then dip again.
Why did it happen?
Alcohol and Nicotine have always gone hand in hand for me. My 1st dip was while drunk, and when I started I only dipped while drinking. If told myself if I only dipped when I was drinking, I must not be getting addicted. But it wasn't long before I was dipping every chance I could, drunk or not. I would dip with out drinking, but I never drank without dipping.
I when I quit nicotine on December 5th, and chose not to quit drinking. I ignored the warnings on the site to not drink. I have probably drank at least one to four times a week since I quit.
Over the last 2 weeks, I chose to wallow in a pointless, very depressed funk. I let normal life issues like car repairs and other finances and anything and everything overwhelm and drag me down.
I chose to stop taking responsibility for my quit. I posted roll when it was convenient, when I finally remembered or when one of my supporters would text and ask where the heck I was and why I hadn't posted roll. And the whole time I was choosing these bad decisions, I chose not to ask for help or seek support.
What are you doing differently to insure that it will not happen that way again?
The first think I am going to do differently is not use my failure as an excuse to give up. Admitting that I caved was harder than hell. If I didn't desperately want to Quit I couldn't have done it. I will not let my decisions this day be for nothing.
I am going to make my Quit my number one priority, and I am going to include God this time. Whether you believe in God or not, I do, and I hope you can respect this. Every morning when I wake up, it's straight to my knees in prayer and then straight here post roll. I will focus daily on protecting my quit at all costs.
I have been depressed for a very long time. The last few weeks have been far worse, I don't know if the depression I was experiencing is a normal part of the quitting, or if I have real clinical depression. I really do not want pills or a therapist, but if it comes to that I will. For now I hope I can keep it at bay with fitness. Which is another recommendation for new quitters that I ignored... Went on 2 hikes and a bike ride over this 3 day weekend and felt so much better mood-wise. I sold my best rifle last week to buy a mountain bike. It is my favorite outdoor activity, but I haven't had a bike in over a decade. So, after I post roll, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour before work. After work, at least 1h30m – 2h ride. If I continue to suffer from mood issues, I will speak to a professional.
Alcohol is not an excuse, the alcohol didn't make me cave. But it has no place in the life of the man I want to be. Not now, not at day 100, not ever. Some of you can drink and stay quit. I don't want alcohol in my life and I won't risk it again. Today is 7 days without alcohol. Not today.
I have reached out via call or text in previous times of need. It is so simple, and has always been very positive. Instead I chose to deal with things alone, my way. I won't make that mistake again. I have a phone full of #'s for people, that even after this, are supporting me. I will reach out to them at the 1st sign of trouble. And before trouble ever arises.
I will be more active on this site, not just posting roll and not looking at the site again for 24 hours. For now I will read quietly and keep in touch with those of you that somehow still think I am worth supporting. When I have earned it, I will continue to expand my support base and offer support in-turn. I hope to continue to give and get phone numbers. Every new name I add to my support group is one more person I am determined not to let down. Sending the text to all the people that have given me their numbers today, to tell them that I chose to cave. There are no words for how hard that was, I never, ever want to do that again.
I have never met any of you in person, and I came here preaching my way! Yet you all chose to set me straight and throw out a lifesaver. You told me I could reach it, you told me I could save myself. I chose to grab it and quit. You pulled me aboard the KTC life raft and saved me. You gave me everything I needed to be free. You offered me support and brotherhood. After 42 days... with no explanation I chose to throw it all away and dive back off the boat? Then I chose to lie to you about it? What?!? I cannot believe myself. I can't apologize for this. I don't deserve to be here or any of your support. You quit or die. I chose death. I don't deserve a second chance, but I really, really want to live.
I think a vote is fair. If you want me gone I will not press the issue. I made my choices and I will have to live with the consequences.
NeonPanther Nicotine Day 1- Alcohol day 7
Did you post roll while using?
Yes.
Oh man..... When I read your text earlier I was at work. A cave I can understand. I have been there and refuse to judge it. But posting role while chewing is unreal. I am disappointed. I have followed your quit, and this made me think about caving. I will not cave. But it reminded me that it is easy to do if you are not commited. You have to be 100%. Or you will fail. I can't trust your word now and I am a believer in giving a caver a second chance. Some of our best leaders are retreads. But a liar is different. We have no room for that here. Most people who cave at least have the decency to leave until they are quit again! You showed us that our brotherhood means shit to you!
-
He hasn't come back to say a thing I am w evil i would like admin to call for a vote caves are one thing out right lies about being nicotine free are another. We absolutely can not lower the bar it is too dangerous to everyone involved.
Its not the first time its happened. A few months ago it happened with a guy I wont name here, and the admins let it go. They basically said they don't wanna shut a guy out in the cold, or leave him without a lifeline. So he's still here as far as I know.
Sorry I am a very slow typist I have been working on this since I got of work.
What happened?
On Wednesday January 15th I chose to get drunk. I chose to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. My wife could tell I was drinking again and was upset, so I chose to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday January 16th, I chose to stop and buy a can and dip. After passing out, and waking up 30 minutes late for work, I chose to post roll as soon as I got to a computer. I told myself if I counted that drunk dip as caving, if I accepted defeat that I would give up and fail. I had made it 42 days, I knew what to do, I could overcome this mistake. Alone. It was an addicts lies, to myself and all of you, to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I made it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, telling myself I was succeeding. Tuesday afternoon I started craving, went straight to the nearest 7-11 and bought another can. Dipped and dumped it. Then I stopped on the way to work and dipped again this morning. Then posted roll.
What happened? I chose to make repeatedly bad decisions, I chose to drink, I chose to ignore all the people that have extended their support, and not ask for their help. I chose to cave and I chose to lie to all of you about it for a week, while posting roll. Then dip again.
Why did it happen?
Alcohol and Nicotine have always gone hand in hand for me. My 1st dip was while drunk, and when I started I only dipped while drinking. If told myself if I only dipped when I was drinking, I must not be getting addicted. But it wasn't long before I was dipping every chance I could, drunk or not. I would dip with out drinking, but I never drank without dipping.
I when I quit nicotine on December 5th, and chose not to quit drinking. I ignored the warnings on the site to not drink. I have probably drank at least one to four times a week since I quit.
Over the last 2 weeks, I chose to wallow in a pointless, very depressed funk. I let normal life issues like car repairs and other finances and anything and everything overwhelm and drag me down.
I chose to stop taking responsibility for my quit. I posted roll when it was convenient, when I finally remembered or when one of my supporters would text and ask where the heck I was and why I hadn't posted roll. And the whole time I was choosing these bad decisions, I chose not to ask for help or seek support.
What are you doing differently to insure that it will not happen that way again?
The first think I am going to do differently is not use my failure as an excuse to give up. Admitting that I caved was harder than hell. If I didn't desperately want to Quit I couldn't have done it. I will not let my decisions this day be for nothing.
I am going to make my Quit my number one priority, and I am going to include God this time. Whether you believe in God or not, I do, and I hope you can respect this. Every morning when I wake up, it's straight to my knees in prayer and then straight here post roll. I will focus daily on protecting my quit at all costs.
I have been depressed for a very long time. The last few weeks have been far worse, I don't know if the depression I was experiencing is a normal part of the quitting, or if I have real clinical depression. I really do not want pills or a therapist, but if it comes to that I will. For now I hope I can keep it at bay with fitness. Which is another recommendation for new quitters that I ignored... Went on 2 hikes and a bike ride over this 3 day weekend and felt so much better mood-wise. I sold my best rifle last week to buy a mountain bike. It is my favorite outdoor activity, but I haven't had a bike in over a decade. So, after I post roll, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour before work. After work, at least 1h30m – 2h ride. If I continue to suffer from mood issues, I will speak to a professional.
Alcohol is not an excuse, the alcohol didn't make me cave. But it has no place in the life of the man I want to be. Not now, not at day 100, not ever. Some of you can drink and stay quit. I don't want alcohol in my life and I won't risk it again. Today is 7 days without alcohol. Not today.
I have reached out via call or text in previous times of need. It is so simple, and has always been very positive. Instead I chose to deal with things alone, my way. I won't make that mistake again. I have a phone full of #'s for people, that even after this, are supporting me. I will reach out to them at the 1st sign of trouble. And before trouble ever arises.
I will be more active on this site, not just posting roll and not looking at the site again for 24 hours. For now I will read quietly and keep in touch with those of you that somehow still think I am worth supporting. When I have earned it, I will continue to expand my support base and offer support in-turn. I hope to continue to give and get phone numbers. Every new name I add to my support group is one more person I am determined not to let down. Sending the text to all the people that have given me their numbers today, to tell them that I chose to cave. There are no words for how hard that was, I never, ever want to do that again.
I have never met any of you in person, and I came here preaching my way! Yet you all chose to set me straight and throw out a lifesaver. You told me I could reach it, you told me I could save myself. I chose to grab it and quit. You pulled me aboard the KTC life raft and saved me. You gave me everything I needed to be free. You offered me support and brotherhood. After 42 days... with no explanation I chose to throw it all away and dive back off the boat? Then I chose to lie to you about it? What?!? I cannot believe myself. I can't apologize for this. I don't deserve to be here or any of your support. You quit or die. I chose death. I don't deserve a second chance, but I really, really want to live.
I think a vote is fair. If you want me gone I will not press the issue. I made my choices and I will have to live with the consequences.
NeonPanther Nicotine Day 1- Alcohol day 7
Did you post roll while using?
Yes.
Posting while using. Oh boy....
I've been quit 599 days but there is still one thing that flips my stomach, and that's a cave.
Some say their quit is strengthened when someone caves. Mine is not.
When I read of a cave it gets my mind wondering...."I wonder if they liked it?". "I wonder if they felt "better" about things?". " I wonder if it did what they thought it would do for them?'. "I wonder if they got sick when they put it in?" Etc...
I know the answers to all the "wonders", it's NO.
I was close with a guy early on who caved after about a month. He said he was sitting in his truck with a can of dip on one leg, a pistol on the other, and the number of his old drug dealer punched in his cell, and that hitting send meant he could have an 8 ball of coke in 15 minutes. He chose the dip.
I asked him, "was it worth it"? He said no, and was very insistent that I NEVER cave. Yet, he said he was giving up and I never heard from him again, despite some texts and pm's.
I sometimes wonder what happened to him, especially after someone else caves.
I fucking HATE wondering.
Right now I'm wondering if lite might be the site for you.
-
Well rickddd the one u were referring to has made his statement he caved and yes it sucked but he did not post roll while using. Mr neon I couldn't read all the way through your full post it wreaked of addict speak the same addict speak I used in the past when I got busted for dipping by my loved ones. I found this site 283 days ago and got a crash course in tobacco 101 the same one that is offered to every new quitter here some get it offered by rougher vets some by softer point is if you do nothing w the teachings then you are not quit u are just stopped. IMO you have not transformed yourself you just hid in plain sight your spots came through when you got pushed. We all have our stories we all have our issues but those that know me here know I have remained quit through some of the biggest obstacles I have ever faced know why because I am here doing it the KTC way. Giving our promise and posting roll is the corner stone of the site our word with that is sacred. Caves rattle people even those w the strongest resolve but lying about being quit and posting roll is not tolerated. A person who does that cheapens the site and endangers others who may be quit but haven't gotten a complete handle on it. Same way a cancer cell starts the cell gets mutated and effects others around it and poof full blown cancerous mass that needs to be cut out. I know this site and I know admin and the mods are looking at this thread and I don't envy their position they will do what's right I will respect it.
As for u Mr Neon you prolly should get a check up from the neck up. I also hope that this incident has rocked you to the core and you now see what addiction is even though your poison is legal.
Trauma out
-
Well rickddd the one u were referring to has made his statement he caved and yes it sucked but he did not post roll while using. Mr neon I couldn't read all the way through your full post it wreaked of addict speak the same addict speak I used in the past when I got busted for dipping by my loved ones. I found this site 283 days ago and got a crash course in tobacco 101 the same one that is offered to every new quitter here some get it offered by rougher vets some by softer point is if you do nothing w the teachings then you are not quit u are just stopped. IMO you have not transformed yourself you just hid in plain sight your spots came through when you got pushed. We all have our stories we all have our issues but those that know me here know I have remained quit through some of the biggest obstacles I have ever faced know why because I am here doing it the KTC way. Giving our promise and posting roll is the corner stone of the site our word with that is sacred. Caves rattle people even those w the strongest resolve but lying about being quit and posting roll is not tolerated. A person who does that cheapens the site and endangers others who may be quit but haven't gotten a complete handle on it. Same way a cancer cell starts the cell gets mutated and effects others around it and poof full blown cancerous mass that needs to be cut out. I know this site and I know admin and the mods are looking at this thread and I don't envy their position they will do what's right I will respect it.
As for u Mr Neon you prolly should get a check up from the neck up. I also hope that this incident has rocked you to the core and you now see what addiction is even though your poison is legal.
Trauma out
X2 every word posted above.
-
Well rickddd the one u were referring to has made his statement he caved and yes it sucked but he did not post roll while using. Mr neon I couldn't read all the way through your full post it wreaked of addict speak the same addict speak I used in the past when I got busted for dipping by my loved ones. I found this site 283 days ago and got a crash course in tobacco 101 the same one that is offered to every new quitter here some get it offered by rougher vets some by softer point is if you do nothing w the teachings then you are not quit u are just stopped. IMO you have not transformed yourself you just hid in plain sight your spots came through when you got pushed. We all have our stories we all have our issues but those that know me here know I have remained quit through some of the biggest obstacles I have ever faced know why because I am here doing it the KTC way. Giving our promise and posting roll is the corner stone of the site our word with that is sacred. Caves rattle people even those w the strongest resolve but lying about being quit and posting roll is not tolerated. A person who does that cheapens the site and endangers others who may be quit but haven't gotten a complete handle on it. Same way a cancer cell starts the cell gets mutated and effects others around it and poof full blown cancerous mass that needs to be cut out. I know this site and I know admin and the mods are looking at this thread and I don't envy their position they will do what's right I will respect it.
As for u Mr Neon you prolly should get a check up from the neck up. I also hope that this incident has rocked you to the core and you now see what addiction is even though your poison is legal.
Trauma out
X2 every word posted above.
Read Grizzhasclaws post below.... "This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis."
Using and posting roll eats at the fabric of this site.
I believe there should be zero tolerance for this.
We are a web based community. If your word at roll is no good... then this site is no good.
If it were up to me... I would wish you good luck in your quit elsewhere.
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Well rickddd the one u were referring to has made his statement he caved and yes it sucked but he did not post roll while using. Mr neon I couldn't read all the way through your full post it wreaked of addict speak the same addict speak I used in the past when I got busted for dipping by my loved ones. I found this site 283 days ago and got a crash course in tobacco 101 the same one that is offered to every new quitter here some get it offered by rougher vets some by softer point is if you do nothing w the teachings then you are not quit u are just stopped. IMO you have not transformed yourself you just hid in plain sight your spots came through when you got pushed. We all have our stories we all have our issues but those that know me here know I have remained quit through some of the biggest obstacles I have ever faced know why because I am here doing it the KTC way. Giving our promise and posting roll is the corner stone of the site our word with that is sacred. Caves rattle people even those w the strongest resolve but lying about being quit and posting roll is not tolerated. A person who does that cheapens the site and endangers others who may be quit but haven't gotten a complete handle on it. Same way a cancer cell starts the cell gets mutated and effects others around it and poof full blown cancerous mass that needs to be cut out. I know this site and I know admin and the mods are looking at this thread and I don't envy their position they will do what's right I will respect it.
As for u Mr Neon you prolly should get a check up from the neck up. I also hope that this incident has rocked you to the core and you now see what addiction is even though your poison is legal.
Trauma out
X2 every word posted above.
Read Grizzhasclaws post below.... "This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis."
Using and posting roll eats at the fabric of this site.
I believe there should be zero tolerance for this.
We are a web based community. If your word at roll is no good... then this site is no good.
If it were up to me... I would wish you good luck in your quit elsewhere.
Not trying over step my bounds, but to add to it, this is a quote from doc2quitforgood: "These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving."
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Well rickddd the one u were referring to has made his statement he caved and yes it sucked but he did not post roll while using. Mr neon I couldn't read all the way through your full post it wreaked of addict speak the same addict speak I used in the past when I got busted for dipping by my loved ones. I found this site 283 days ago and got a crash course in tobacco 101 the same one that is offered to every new quitter here some get it offered by rougher vets some by softer point is if you do nothing w the teachings then you are not quit u are just stopped. IMO you have not transformed yourself you just hid in plain sight your spots came through when you got pushed. We all have our stories we all have our issues but those that know me here know I have remained quit through some of the biggest obstacles I have ever faced know why because I am here doing it the KTC way. Giving our promise and posting roll is the corner stone of the site our word with that is sacred. Caves rattle people even those w the strongest resolve but lying about being quit and posting roll is not tolerated. A person who does that cheapens the site and endangers others who may be quit but haven't gotten a complete handle on it. Same way a cancer cell starts the cell gets mutated and effects others around it and poof full blown cancerous mass that needs to be cut out. I know this site and I know admin and the mods are looking at this thread and I don't envy their position they will do what's right I will respect it.
As for u Mr Neon you prolly should get a check up from the neck up. I also hope that this incident has rocked you to the core and you now see what addiction is even though your poison is legal.
Trauma out
X2 every word posted above.
Read Grizzhasclaws post below.... "This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis."
Using and posting roll eats at the fabric of this site.
I believe there should be zero tolerance for this.
We are a web based community. If your word at roll is no good... then this site is no good.
If it were up to me... I would wish you good luck in your quit elsewhere.
I agree with Derk. Roll is sacred, when I put my word down that is my pledge to everyone else that they can count on me when I see my brothers quit I know I don't have to do it alone, violate that by using while postings, violates everything that matters.
Neonpanther I want you quit, but I'm sorry to say it should not be here.
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Just had a chance to read this recent thread. My first reaction...there's this guy, Worktowin, who posts every day in the supporters section, "Quitting with NeonPanther and Jake Frawley." He never quits with anybody else, just those 2 guys, every damn day. Today it's just Jake Frawley. I felt really bad for Worktowin, he really was quitting hard with you. Then I recalled an earlier post from Doug P, a fellow former March quitter who caved. He came right out and said it...he caved. Didn't lie, didn't post roll while lying. Yea, he got some crap, but, he's back on the kool-aid and we're quitting with him.
What I don't get is how one CHOOSES to lie for 7 days in a row. I think you had the most supporters on the roll call every day, and you lied to them, March, and yourself 7 days in a row. Reconcile this piece. How will you be true to yourself, family, friends, KTC every damn day? How will you do that differently? You mention god, but what are you going to do...You. Get back on the train, earn our respect back, and over time maybe some of those people who quit with you every day will quit with you again. Maybe they won't, but at least you'll have a true quit for yourself.
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Moving on - unless you guys just like to rubber neck at gory accidents on the side of the road - this site is about honor and integrity which are obviously missing from a couple of ''cavers' recently
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Just had a chance to read this recent thread. My first reaction...there's this guy, Worktowin, who posts every day in the supporters section, "Quitting with NeonPanther and Jake Frawley." He never quits with anybody else, just those 2 guys, every damn day. Today it's just Jake Frawley. I felt really bad for Worktowin, he really was quitting hard with you. Then I recalled an earlier post from Doug P, a fellow former March quitter who caved. He came right out and said it...he caved. Didn't lie, didn't post roll while lying. Yea, he got some crap, but, he's back on the kool-aid and we're quitting with him.
What I don't get is how one CHOOSES to lie for 7 days in a row. I think you had the most supporters on the roll call every day, and you lied to them, March, and yourself 7 days in a row. Reconcile this piece. How will you be true to yourself, family, friends, KTC every damn day? How will you do that differently? You mention god, but what are you going to do...You. Get back on the train, earn our respect back, and over time maybe some of those people who quit with you every day will quit with you again. Maybe they won't, but at least you'll have a true quit for yourself.
Steak, just read your note and started to send you a pm, but hopefully neon will see this and it will trigger reflection. Because, contrary to popular belief, he did not call every member of his contact list. Thanks to the miracle of caller ID, I can see no Nevada calls on my phone this week. And we've texted several times.
First, don't worry about me. My track record of picking quitters to support that are men of their word is pretty high. A couple have caved and come back, including Jake. Those caves sting... as those of us that have bought into this site and it's values really hate to see people go down a path of destruction. That being said, this is the first person I've supported that caved and lied.
About 400 days ago there is little doubt that I was headed toward a heart attack. Plus, I was utterly miserable, living a sham. On paper, my life looked pretty sweet; in reality I was miserable. I joined this site and went all in, and am a different, happier, healthier man than I was a year ago.
In the process, I have made friends all over the us. Men and women that are the real deal - a common theme is that addicts go all in on everything we do. Some of the most quality people I've ever encountered in life have been through this site. I post every day with about 20 men, and the thought of letting them down makes me sick. The thought of lying to them for 7 days is unimaginable and inexplicable. I've met a half dozen in person and can't imagine letting them down. Planning a trip to Vegas and was gonna invite neon for a drink or dinner. My schedule just opened up.
Neon had many, many of my contacts, and mine in his phone. He chose to pretend to buy into accountability brotherhood success for over a week and lie to us for a week. Today I quit just as hard as I do every day, but... One of the first posts in my thread from a man that hits 500 tomorrow was "I'll quit with you but I don't need any weakness in my quit". Take care of yourself first - and beware if any weakness. Betrayal stings, but there is a lesson we can all learn from these situations.
Good luck neon.
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I don't want to pile on you, the veterans are doing just fine giving you the ass whupping you deserve, but I just want to say, as a member of March your former quit group, that, for me, it really just sucks to see this.
We've had a few other cavers in our group, every group has them, but you were one of the stalwarts, you were farther on than I am.... it's hard to explain, but it's much easier to see someone cave that wasn't as far along as you then it is to see someone with more days under their belt..... It's pretty fucking scary to be honest with you.
So, your cave shook my confidence but at the same time, it fed my resolve, I won't let this happen to me.
I'll miss you posting roll with the Iron Men, Neon. I wish you the best hope that you can get your shit together QUIT, not just stop. I'll be here if you need anything.
Jeff
Ditto
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I have waited on responding to this issue but at the call of a couple of other quitters I feel compelled to weigh in at this time.
Quitting Nicotine is one of the hardest thing we need to do as a human. Therefore in order to quit one must have the mental make up to follow a process in order to complete the task. This process includes going through the physical withdraws, dealing with all of the symptoms (sometimes real other times imagined) and mind games that occur.
Now we try and educate those who want to quit by telling them our stories. By giving them all that we know, showing them what we went through, whether in picture or in word. This is done in our hopes that it gets through to the person wanting to quit and becomes a part of the make up. I believe this was starting to infuse into the one in this thread.
Caving - ok it did happen. This is not the issue. It happened and it looks like the 3 questions to educate oneself and to have it in paper to help others was done. Again we are human fighting a life or death situation so repeating this is not the issue.
The issue is more so directed to the other parts of the make up of this person and the one, what I consider the highest, rule for this site....and that is the lack of honor displayed for 1 week as a user was posting that he was not using. This to me goes against all things in a person. If one cannot hold one's own Integrity in such a way where he has to lie to others, well to me that person does have deeper issues than just quitting nicotine and may have to look at other different places to help in all that is needed.
I know this has occurred before and there were actions taken against said members. I also know that each situation may be seen as different by the leadership. And I believe this issue is under discussion at this time (if not it probably should be as to its effect on the membership and the basis for the site).
that is all for this matter that I will say at this time.
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I don't feel Neon should be offered a pass just because he is being quiet posting roll and is sorry. The long winded apology sounded to me like the same one I gave time and time again when I said I was going to quit then went ninja but that was prior to me joining the site. When I joined the site it was clear to me what was expected of me. Posting roll while nicotine is coursing through your veins is not acceptable. I know this is not my decision just my .02
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I don't feel Neon should be offered a pass just because he is being quiet posting roll and is sorry. The long winded apology sounded to me like the same one I gave time and time again when I said I was going to quit then went ninja but that was prior to me joining the site. When I joined the site it was clear to me what was expected of me. Posting roll while nicotine is coursing through your veins is not acceptable. I know this is not my decision just my .02
Brotherhood + accountability = success
Keeping quiet makes it difficult to build brotherhood. Part of this site, part of building a toolbox, is building a team forward and backward. So, quitting in a vacuum seems unorthodox to this site.
Chewing while posting makes it difficult to know if any future postings are real or masked by nicotine. Can you be trusted? How could this be answered with a "yes?" The fabric of this site is trust. A chain of very strong links of trust. I can't have any weak links in my chain neon. I just can't - this fight is too hard. This behavior is detrimental to the core values of success on ktc. It is detrimental to my quit. And I cannot support it.
Success without these traits is not possible on this site. I am surprised there has not been a more vocal outpouring of concern about your actions this week. Because I, a pretty calm member that types in the intros frequently, am mad as hell that you lied to us for a week and are now taking a quiet approach, while other members that have done the exact same thing felt a fury of anger when they fessed up. I understand why you are being passive, but I don't support your earlier actions or passive approach now.
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I love the passion in this thread. Quitters who take quitting seriously. I am glad every damn one of you that are disgusted with this crap are on my side. I quit today. I damn well mean it.
Invest your time wisely men. We have serious business ahead of us. The nic bitch does not stand a chance.
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Hmmm 1045 to post roll Neon I don't know you are posting at all its great you are sorry and figured it out problem is you figured it out too late.
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I don't feel Neon should be offered a pass just because he is being quiet posting roll and is sorry. The long winded apology sounded to me like the same one I gave time and time again when I said I was going to quit then went ninja but that was prior to me joining the site. When I joined the site it was clear to me what was expected of me. Posting roll while nicotine is coursing through your veins is not acceptable. I know this is not my decision just my .02
Brotherhood + accountability = success
Keeping quiet makes it difficult to build brotherhood. Part of this site, part of building a toolbox, is building a team forward and backward. So, quitting in a vacuum seems unorthodox to this site.
Chewing while posting makes it difficult to know if any future postings are real or masked by nicotine. Can you be trusted? How could this be answered with a "yes?" The fabric of this site is trust. A chain of very strong links of trust. I can't have any weak links in my chain neon. I just can't - this fight is too hard. This behavior is detrimental to the core values of success on ktc. It is detrimental to my quit. And I cannot support it.
Success without these traits is not possible on this site. I am surprised there has not been a more vocal outpouring of concern about your actions this week. Because I, a pretty calm member that types in the intros frequently, am mad as hell that you lied to us for a week and are now taking a quiet approach, while other members that have done the exact same thing felt a fury of anger when they fessed up. I understand why you are being passive, but I don't support your earlier actions or passive approach now.
Low, very low and obviously dishonorable. Addiction is a nasty beast. Addiction can turn people into liars, cheaters, and thieves. Addiction evens leads some to murder. Let us not forget what we are dealing with here. Nicotine is every bit as addictive as meth, crack, heroin and so on. Neon Panther committed a very dishonorable act and spit in the face of this site and all of its members. I completely understand the anger, frustration and disappointment.
HOWEVER.......................................................
He then did the honorable thing and admitted to it. He has taken full responsibility and accountability for his actions. He seeks forgiveness and a second chance. He could have disappeared and started a new account. He didnt. And that says something. There is a guy deep down that wants to change. As they say, most addicts must hit a real "low" before they can finally make a change and turn things around.
Panther, I hope this is that bottom for you. I don't know you, but I know your struggle. I do know one other thing, you have lost the support of some powerhouse quitters and for that I feel sorry for you. They could have made your quit so much easier for you.
But all is not lost. Time has a funny way of healing things. Post roll religiously, and keep your word. If you don't have your word you dont have anything. These are not invisible strangers behind a screen name. These are men and women that struggle with the same addiction that you do. They are fighting right beside you, and some are willing to help you. Are you willing to help others? Helping is honorable. If you want to be a person of honor and intergrity, than make conscious daily efforts to do things that are honorable. Force it if you have to. Eventually, you can become the person you want to be.
One day at a time.
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I'm have been running through what to say or how to respond to everyone, I'm not following a strategy to post roll and stay silent.I'm not trying to think of what is the right thing to say, or figure out what you want to hear. I don't know what to say because I feel I have no right to speak to any of you, but many of you clearly want a response. I have no case to argue. Not one of you has said anything I disagree with.
You are all correct. I chose to cave and lie about it, for seven days. I am completely unworthy of your trust. My entire life dipping was a lie. Only 5 people ever knew I dipped. I dipped for 2 years before my wife caught me for the 1st time. My cave was the same extreme dishonesty.
These last 4 days have been hell, but I deserve every second of it. In the supreme selfishness of my choices and dishonesty, I never once considered how much this would effect anyone else. I am overwhelmed by how many people I have hurt, and how many quits I have shaken. I have betrayed all of you and this brotherhood. How can I possibly apologize? I cannot express the remorse I feel for this.
When I chose to cave and to lie about it, I completely cut myself off from all support. I think the only redeeming factor that I can ask you to consider in your decision to allow me to stay here, is that I alone made the choice to come clean. I did not get caught. I didn't have any help. I was falling back into the void of addiction and death. I chose honesty and life. I had to do it alone. It took every scrap of my integrity, and it was the hardest thing I can ever remember doing.
That being said I am just one person. I will not risk further damaging this brotherhood or anyone's quit. I have only remained because I desperately want to stay quit. I tasted success every day for 42 days. I know what is possible and I will not give that up. The admins have not stepped in, but this is between me and each of you. To this point I feel the majority of you want me gone. If the majority of you can not abide me posting roll, and quitting here. I will not post again. I don't expect much support but I ask that you not purposely fight against me. I am unworthy of your trust and support, but for what it's worth, I promise today, and I will promise every day to never lie on this site, or to any of you again.
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I'm have been running through what to say or how to respond to everyone, I'm not following a strategy to post roll and stay silent.I'm not trying to think of what is the right thing to say, or figure out what you want to hear. I don't know what to say because I feel I have no right to speak to any of you, but many of you clearly want a response. I have no case to argue. Not one of you has said anything I disagree with.
You are all correct. I chose to cave and lie about it, for seven days. I am completely unworthy of your trust. My entire life dipping was a lie. Only 5 people ever knew I dipped. I dipped for 2 years before my wife caught me for the 1st time. My cave was the same extreme dishonesty.
These last 4 days have been hell, but I deserve every second of it. In the supreme selfishness of my choices and dishonesty, I never once considered how much this would effect anyone else. I am overwhelmed by how many people I have hurt, and how many quits I have shaken. I have betrayed all of you and this brotherhood. How can I possibly apologize? I cannot express the remorse I feel for this.
When I chose to cave and to lie about it, I completely cut myself off from all support. I think the only redeeming factor that I can ask you to consider in your decision to allow me to stay here, is that I alone made the choice to come clean. I did not get caught. I didn't have any help. I was falling back into the void of addiction and death. I chose honesty and life. I had to do it alone. It took every scrap of my integrity, and it was the hardest thing I can ever remember doing.
That being said I am just one person. I will not risk further damaging this brotherhood or anyone's quit. I have only remained because I desperately want to stay quit. I tasted success every day for 42 days. I know what is possible and I will not give that up. The admins have not stepped in, but this is between me and each of you. To this point I feel the majority of you want me gone. If the majority of you can not abide me posting roll, and quitting here. I will not post again. I don't expect much support but I ask that you not purposely fight against me. I am unworthy of your trust and support, but for what it's worth, I promise today, and I will promise every day to never lie on this site, or to any of you again.
I do not want you to leave. I want you to remain quit. Staying here is your best chance. You stacked the deck against yourself and violated some serious trust. Many people will not forgive you. I don't blame them. They take their quits seriously and your actions harmed the very foundation of this site.
I forgive you. I forgive you because I am you. My addiction also made me a liar. I lied to my wife, my kids, my co-workers, my doctor, my dentist. I did anything and everything I could do to get my fix. I stayed at work late. I left ballgames and weddings early. I brought a spit bottle to Seasame street live. I read my kids speed books. I missed church. I even slept on the couch 100s of times just to get that last dip in. I put my addiction above everything in my life. Then I found this place.
You did not harm my quit, you strengthened it. You reminded me of what a selfish liar I used to be when I served the god of nicotine. You reminded me that we wrestle with a formidable opponent. I am nearing 400 days quit but even today I must remind myself that I am no closer to failure, (or success) than I was on day 4 or day 40. Addiction is forever. We fight this battle one day at a time. If you have promised not to use nicotine today NP, than I quit with you.
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I'm have been running through what to say or how to respond to everyone, I'm not following a strategy to post roll and stay silent.I'm not trying to think of what is the right thing to say, or figure out what you want to hear. I don't know what to say because I feel I have no right to speak to any of you, but many of you clearly want a response. I have no case to argue. Not one of you has said anything I disagree with.
You are all correct. I chose to cave and lie about it, for seven days. I am completely unworthy of your trust. My entire life dipping was a lie. Only 5 people ever knew I dipped. I dipped for 2 years before my wife caught me for the 1st time. My cave was the same extreme dishonesty.
These last 4 days have been hell, but I deserve every second of it. In the supreme selfishness of my choices and dishonesty, I never once considered how much this would effect anyone else. I am overwhelmed by how many people I have hurt, and how many quits I have shaken. I have betrayed all of you and this brotherhood. How can I possibly apologize? I cannot express the remorse I feel for this.
When I chose to cave and to lie about it, I completely cut myself off from all support. I think the only redeeming factor that I can ask you to consider in your decision to allow me to stay here, is that I alone made the choice to come clean. I did not get caught. I didn't have any help. I was falling back into the void of addiction and death. I chose honesty and life. I had to do it alone. It took every scrap of my integrity, and it was the hardest thing I can ever remember doing.
That being said I am just one person. I will not risk further damaging this brotherhood or anyone's quit. I have only remained because I desperately want to stay quit. I tasted success every day for 42 days. I know what is possible and I will not give that up. The admins have not stepped in, but this is between me and each of you. To this point I feel the majority of you want me gone. If the majority of you can not abide me posting roll, and quitting here. I will not post again. I don't expect much support but I ask that you not purposely fight against me. I am unworthy of your trust and support, but for what it's worth, I promise today, and I will promise every day to never lie on this site, or to any of you again.
I do not want you to leave. I want you to remain quit. Staying here is your best chance. You stacked the deck against yourself and violated some serious trust. Many people will not forgive you. I don't blame them. They take their quits seriously and your actions harmed the very foundation of this site.
I forgive you. I forgive you because I am you. My addiction also made me a liar. I lied to my wife, my kids, my co-workers, my doctor, my dentist. I did anything and everything I could do to get my fix. I stayed at work late. I left ballgames and weddings early. I brought a spit bottle to Seasame street live. I read my kids speed books. I missed church. I even slept on the couch 100s of times just to get that last dip in. I put my addiction above everything in my life. Then I found this place.
You did not harm my quit, you strengthened it. You reminded me of what a selfish liar I used to be when I served the god of nicotine. You reminded me that we wrestle with a formidable opponent. I am nearing 400 days quit but even today I must remind myself that I am no closer to failure, (or success) than I was on day 4 or day 40. Addiction is forever. We fight this battle one day at a time. If you have promised not to use nicotine today NP, than I quit with you.
This is a very interesting situation, a real dilemma. Trust is lost, sacred honor broken and so many feelings are near the surface on all sides. Should neon remain or leave? What is needed to demonstrate true remorse? What can be done to repair damage done? My concern is, does anything you do neon resolve the issue that lead you to going out and getting drunk? Avoiding situations is what started your problems. I was always really upset and remorseful when my wife caught me dipping. I'd look her in the face and lie, didn't even feel guilty I didn't want to face the inevitable decision. I didn't want to quit, I wasn't ready. Are you truly ready? Granted you came forth and admitted your cave and lying. That's a bold step. Finding ones self at the bottom has lasting memories. For me I used many things to avoid facing realities of life, dip was just one way of self medication. Until I found myself in that lowest of low positions I just added more ways to avoid facing reality. The bottom for me left 2 options, facing my addiction or ending my life. I didn't like either option. It took me 6 months to make a decision and begin the climb out.
It isn't my decision of what neons future here is. If it were. I'm not sure. Given a piece of rope in the bottom of the pit you have 2 options; use the rope to help pull yourself out or hang yourself. If you are Given the rope (chance) time will tell which you choose.
It's your turn, face ALL of your demons or you will keep running and falling till you find the bottom, if this wasn't it.
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I'm new here, I haven't seen the effects something like this, or any cave past the first few weeks for that matter, has on the community. But I do have an opinion which I hope you will take into account.
I don't see how anyone could look at that number next to your name and believe 100% that you are QUIT that day.
That is what scares me. This site, the sacredness of the roll, is built upon the foundation of a promise.
When May members look at that list of promises to give them strength, they will never be able to look at yours with confidence, ever. Am I wrong?
I'm a man of forgiveness, I believe people deserve second chances and that your words came from the heart of a man who wants to be QUIT. But this isn't just about you. Your integrity has been compromised in a place where your integrity is the one thing you must keep, for other's sake just as much as your own.
Something for you to ponder.
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I'm new here, I haven't seen the effects something like this, or any cave past the first few weeks for that matter, has on the community. But I do have an opinion which I hope you will take into account.
I don't see how anyone could look at that number next to your name and believe 100% that you are QUIT that day.
That is what scares me. This site, the sacredness of the roll, is built upon the foundation of a promise.
When May members look at that list of promises to give them strength, they will never be able to look at yours with confidence, ever. Am I wrong?
I'm a man of forgiveness, I believe people deserve second chances and that your words came from the heart of a man who wants to be QUIT. But this isn't just about you. Your integrity has been compromised in a place where your integrity is the one thing you must keep, for other's sake just as much as your own.
Something for you to ponder.
These are some wise, wise words my friend.
The Welcome Center (and my good friend Loot) states:
Roll call is the most important thing you will do here. That one simple act will be what makes this quit different than any other attempt. Roll call, quite simply, is a promise to your brothers that you will be Nicotine Free for that day.
We require a simple “one day at a time” philosophy. Make roll call, concentrate on today and today only. We’ll work through the troubles of today with you. We’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Roll call will build accountability with your brothers. You know that the man next to you in line is going through or has dealt with the exact same things you are. Lean on the knowledge of those who have walked that road. Develop relationships with them and especially the guys in your home group. These people will save your life if you let them.
If you follow this simple advice you’ll be amazed. You have lied to, cheated on, and stole time from every single person you hold dear. You take roll call seriously, and you will find that total strangers will give your quit more accountability than any “real” person in your world.
If you want to quit, deep down, really want to quitÂ…roll call is the cornerstone you will build your quit house on. Be loyal to yourself, your group, and ultimately to QSX as a whole and you shall have the freedom you desire. Guaranteed.
Remember that old Seinfeld episode when he made the reservation for the rental car (only to find out that they didn't have any)?
Jerry: I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?
Rental Car Agent: We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Rental Car Agent: I think I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.
Roll call is just like that, and I don't know if Panther ever knew what it means to *hold* his quit.
Anybody can*make* a promise to stay quit, but only a quitter can *hold* this promise. A true quitter will make it his first priority to be quit. He will plan for it. He will live it. It's not always easy, but it is simple.
Honestly, I fucking hate when anybody soils this site. I'm torn up by it. And Panther may not be worth another look...
But what if he is?
Don't we all deserve to be quit?
Panther was a doosh. He lied to, cheated on, and stole time from every single person
here. Most importantly, he did it to himself. He didn't respect himself. Roll starts and ends with a promise to yourself.
I truly hope that he gets his head on straight. I truly hope that he realizes what he has to do to get beyond this. I truly hope he can be quit. I truly hope he shows some intestinal fortitude and becomes the most badass quitter the world has ever seen.
But I can't control that.
Panther, you came here for extreme help. You forfeited your first round splendidly. Get up, dust yourself off, and be free. Fuck the noise and do everything in your power to be quit from this moment on. Own your mistake. Learn from it. Grow.
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I don't see how anyone could look at that number next to your name and believe 100% that you are QUIT that day.
When May members look at that list of promises to give them strength, they will never be able to look at yours with confidence, ever. Am I wrong?
No you are not wrong.
But I think you can still look at your May brothers and know they are quit with you. You will see my name in support and know I am quit with you.
Aaron messed up big time. He will never regain trust with a lot of people. It will take a long time with others. He screwed this up for himself but this brotherhood is still alive. It doesn't stop with his transgression. You can look at your May +1's and believe. You can read HOF speeches and believe. You can believe all the dudes hitting their commas. This still works.
Personally I am with Neon. I am quit with him today. I will quit with him tomorrow. I will look at his +1 and believe that he is quit. His cave did not hurt my quit. It reminded me that you can never let your guard down.
I know many want Aaron gone. That is their opinion and they are entitled. I don't want him gone. That is my opinion and I am entitled.
PB
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I know for a fact of a couple of things: 1. Addicition is a bitch and 2. this too shall pass. You need to do what will make your quit a success. Coming clean was big - you could have easily just quit posting and left it at a "simple cave" but you dug down deep and laid it all out there. If you want to succeed and you think staying here will do that dont let anyone talk you out of leaving. If you think this will just cause too much stress to an already stressful quit find what you need where you feel comfortable - and don't let anyone else tell you that is wrong either.
Personal experience has showed me (and i speak for me personally alone), my quit is my priority and everyone has to do it their way - we all follow the same lesson plan but each quit is unique. I had to leave the site for about 3 months to let some things die down but i knew i still needed support and found it elsewhere. Some told me to leave and some told me to stay......my quit couldn't stand anymore stress and i left but i kept support and i came back - as long as i do what i say, i'm always welcome.
You can re-earn the trust but it will take time and action. This too shall pass. None of us can judge. We do what we can do and we can learn from what others do.
I wish you strength and wisdom. As a fellow addict (not only from nicotine) I know making that amend is big. Keep your head up, get up off your knees and get back in the game......
My .02 cents though I'm not sure i'd pay for my opinion most of the time.
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What an interesting day.
Went to the gym a couple of times. Switched out a couple of faucets at home. Spent the afternoon at the museum with the wife looking at monets (not my thing). Went to a nice dinner. Then spent 30 minutes on the phone with Aaron (Neonpanther ). I was, and am, pissed at his actions. But I don't want the guy to die - he is a friend.
How glad am I that I'm not an admin or moderator right now?!?! Because... The cardinal rule of this site was broken. Yeah, he came back, admitted his mistake, and I can tell you that he understands the gravity of his mistake. He knows that he is quit now, and that he needs the support of this site to stay quit. He is all in. But... He broke the cardinal rule. Why?
This is where it gets shaky... The first go around, in talking with him, I get the impression that he quit as a team.... Some people quit for their kids. They fail. Some quit for their spouse. They fail. Some quit because they need to, but do it as a pack mentality. I think aaron was in this group on the first round. And that also explains the almost grief experience he is feeling now about letting us down. Truth he told, his failure didn't weaken me one bit - in fact it strengthened me. Cause I sure don't ever want to feel what he is going thru. No way I could do it. I guess what I'm saying is... He gets it. He knows what he did. He is quitting for himself now. He needs this site to beat a demon that he has been unable to beat until now. But now, he is quit.
I'm so glad I'm not an admin. I have a ton of respect for you guys. I did tell aaron, regardless of what happens, he has my number and he owes me the respect of calling me if he is ever in a situation where craves are extreme or caving is a likelihood. And he committed to keep that promise. I'm mad at him. I punched my brother in the stomach several times growing up. I bit my sister and pulled her hair. But I still loved them. Even when they lied and told dad I was the one that did something they did. So... I will support neon. But I understand and respect whatever decision is made on this site. You guys built a house of quit that I couldn't build on my own. I trust you completely.
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What an interesting day.
Went to the gym a couple of times. Switched out a couple of faucets at home. Spent the afternoon at the museum with the wife looking at monets (not my thing). Went to a nice dinner. Then spent 30 minutes on the phone with Aaron (Neonpanther ). I was, and am, pissed at his actions. But I don't want the guy to die - he is a friend.
How glad am I that I'm not an admin or moderator right now?!?! Because... The cardinal rule of this site was broken. Yeah, he came back, admitted his mistake, and I can tell you that he understands the gravity of his mistake. He knows that he is quit now, and that he needs the support of this site to stay quit. He is all in. But... He broke the cardinal rule. Why?
This is where it gets shaky... The first go around, in talking with him, I get the impression that he quit as a team.... Some people quit for their kids. They fail. Some quit for their spouse. They fail. Some quit because they need to, but do it as a pack mentality. I think aaron was in this group on the first round. And that also explains the almost grief experience he is feeling now about letting us down. Truth he told, his failure didn't weaken me one bit - in fact it strengthened me. Cause I sure don't ever want to feel what he is going thru. No way I could do it. I guess what I'm saying is... He gets it. He knows what he did. He is quitting for himself now. He needs this site to beat a demon that he has been unable to beat until now. But now, he is quit.
I'm so glad I'm not an admin. I have a ton of respect for you guys. I did tell aaron, regardless of what happens, he has my number and he owes me the respect of calling me if he is ever in a situation where craves are extreme or caving is a likelihood. And he committed to keep that promise. I'm mad at him. I punched my brother in the stomach several times growing up. I bit my sister and pulled her hair. But I still loved them. Even when they lied and told dad I was the one that did something they did. So... I will support neon. But I understand and respect whatever decision is made on this site. You guys built a house of quit that I couldn't build on my own. I trust you completely.
This is a tough situation to chime in on. Though I never posted roll while chewing, I did cave. And I remember distinctly the sick feeling in my gut when I had to face the brothers here who had invested in my quit! It is a feeling I hold close to me because it built my resolve. I am now close to most of them again and I work like hell to protect my quit and the support they give me. I know for a fact it was hard for them to trust me again but I think it has come back by my involvement and my resolve to be quit daily. These are relationships I have had to rebuild.
This can happen for you also Neon! The damage has been done. Some of it you can repair and some you cannot. You have to accept that and move on. It is up to you now to decide, will you be free or will you repeat the same classic mistakes? I know what you are feeling right now and though I do not like what you did, I respect you being honest. You were here long enough to know how your revelation would be received. And yet you still admitted to your lies. That takes grit.
I for one Will quit with you! If you choose freedom and fight for it then I will support you. I will also pay attention to your quit and hold you to a higher standard. We cannot blindly support each other. It will take time to rebuild trust, but I do not think it is lost forever! Hold your head and focus on your quit. Use the tools this site offers. And remember this place you are in. Some of us have to fall hard to understand, but now you have no excuse left. If you fail now it will be a blatant choice.
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Grace.
It's precious, man.
It is a profoundly undeserved gift.
I think you have been given some.
You'll never earn it or be able to pay it back BUT... You can work to be worthy of the sacrifice grace is.
Be worth it.
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It's up to you,,,,,, you decide,,, not us if your word counts. You said "That being said I am just one person. I will not risk further damaging this brotherhood or anyone's quit." Then don't! Stay or go is up to you! So the above statement is left solely up to you as well. Chose to stay, chose every day to keep your word and be a man of integrity, and you will strengthen not hurt our brotherhood!
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Bullshit to all this - you broke the cardinal rule of this site
Regardless of the which way the winds of acceptable failure blow there needs and must be a definitive line drawn here. Lie cheat steal - yeah we all did that before but this site is about honor, integrity, brotherhood and success.
First and foremost this site is about integrity and you dumped on that and now plead you case to remain - you need a quit site but not this one
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Some pretty interesting reactions to all this. Frankly I'm amazed at the amount of support still being offered.
I get that many of you invested in Neon. He was very active and vocal on the board. Unfortunately he also wasn't all in, either for himself or for the quit community here. Time will tell if he really does want to be a quitter (either here or elsewhere), though obviously several of you believe that already.
As someone without the personal investment in this case, I tend to side with C-Bird. How anyone can show up and post roll at KTC for more than a couple weeks and not learn what quitting is really about, what this site is all about?
Can Neon turn it around? Sure he can, he can be a serious quitter. But he will also always be the guy that lied on roll too. He is fortunate to have quitters in his corner still. But don't expect a lot of the longer term vets to be ok with this, this type of transgression tears at the fabric of KTC.
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Granted this cat Neon is a hot mess from what I have heard and read about him. He sounds to me like he needs more help than this site can offer.
And YES I know this decision is not mine to make and that it belongs in the hands of the Admin and Mods here. That being said.
I am w Cbird on this one there are plenty of things that fly around this site I feel there is great latitude given here at KTC we pretty much say fuck you to PC. BUT we do have one sacred rule and that is to not post while using. One rule,! and you broke it not once not twice but 7 times and on the 7th time you got it. You figured out it was bad...hmmm and from the sounds of it you only got it because your wife held your feet to the fire so possibly you wouldn't have come clean if those chain of events didn't happen.
"Your new found conscience"(LHG) is great for you but for the rest of us we get stuck with your crap. You may feel better but I don't. Especially after seeing a post from a newbie yesterday where he asks hmmm I wonder if these guys that are posting up big numbers are really quit. Its that tiny light under the door that we can not have here. That little bit of light can be enough to let her whisper to a few here. My people that I keep close to me have to know that my numbers are real, people who don't know me have to know those numbers are real I give my word EDD that I will not use for today only. Those +'1 have to mean something there CANNOT be a doubt.
I hope you find your way Neon I hope you have learned something you can build on. There are other sites out there that give participation ribbons this one is not. You can take your new lessons with you and share them with people on other sites. You can teach them about integrity brotherhood. The bar is set high for a reason because for many all other methods have failed this is the only one that has worked for me and I will defend KTC.
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I'm a forgiving person and a lot of my friends have given you a pass Aaron.
7 days you posted roll while using the poison. WTFlip. I've actually tried to think of some profound stuff to say, but I can't. Your beyond my expertise.
I would have excepted a cave with the three answers if you wouldn't of lied for 7 days. I can even somewhat understand a cave after the daily roll post. BUT, to post roll for 7 days with the poison in your pie hole. I think you even made a couple quotes during that period. Not real sure about that, but it definitely wouldn't surprise me at this point.
I respect my friends decisions to stick with you and it doesn't change my opinions of them in the least. My hat is off to them for helping you. I know you need it!
I don't know how this will ultimately end, but I know you do need to be looking at yourself with a magnifying glass, which I believe you are. I know you have sent out a lot of apologies and seem to be sincere. I do have a heart and want to see you stay quit, but can I help with that? I really don't know.
I'll end with this. There is some real good people that have hit your intro. Some of which I depend on daily. If they can offer you their support then who am I to leave them out in the cold. I never said that I would help my brothers part of the time, or when it looked easy. I will help my brothers when they need it.
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Why is there so much discussion about this issue? Neon posted roll while he was dipping. If you all recall, a few months ago it came to light that PaddyMac did the same thing. I was in chat late one night with Paddy and his conscious was eating him alive. He confided in me what he had done and wanted to know what I thought he should do. After discussing his actions at length with him on the phone, Paddy came clean with his quit group and the KTC community. For the first two or three days, one would have thought he assassinated a head of state from the reactions and name calling that were posted. I disagreed with the majority wanting to publicly castrate then hang him, but those reactions were mostly the result of anger. During that time, Paddy agreed to a self-imposed disciplinary plan that I formulated and we submitted it to Chewie for Administrations consideration. Among the various degrees of punishment that we proposed was an agreement to have Paddy banished for 100 days. Administration did not respond to us and Paddy was banished forever from the site the following day. Precedent was set and banishment from the site was punishment of the day. I still do not agree with the decision to banish him for life, but it is not my site nor was it my decision to make. It seems to me that what is good for the goose should be good for the gander. That is all I have to say on this matter, so let the cards fall where they mayÂ…and have a good, quit Sunday!
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Aaron/NeonPanther, I want you to quit and stay quit, I really do. I feel that way about anybody who comes to KTC or who has been here long before I. I also agree with what Its_Got2Happen said, which was basically, that after having gone on a 7-day bender/cave of addict behavior and deception, you came to your senses and fessed up. I can appreciate that.
What makes KTC unique (to me) is, simply put, this is a website. A virtual support group for those looking to quit nicotine. I have never met anyone in person and nobody has met me. All we know of each other is that we are nicotine addicts who have made a claim that we want to quit and/or stay quit. Beyond that all we know is what we post or what is in our profile. There are some who have PM's, texts, and telephone conversations. What I'm saying is, we have virtual relationships. So, the only pillar in which we can continue to build upon these relationships is our word. Our honor. And on that pillar we build trust. Virtually. I think this is why it is difficult for me and for others to get beyond the 7 day bender of lies. The virtual pillar of trust was destroyed. Here at KTC that trust is sacred to us, because it's the only thing we have that keeps our word true to one another in this virtual support group.
But, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. We can rebuild. Sometimes rebuilding is more difficult the second time around. Sometimes it takes more time. For me, know that I want you to rebuild and I want you to succeed.
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Why is there so much discussion about this issue? Neon posted roll while he was dipping.
* (Concerning Paddymac) For the first two or three days, one would have thought he assassinated a head of state from the reactions and name calling that were posted.
* Precedent was set and banishment from the site was punishment of the day.
* It seems to me that what is good for the goose should be good for the gander. That is all I have to say on this matter, so let the cards fall where they mayÂ…and have a good, quit Sunday!
X100 Hope you don't mind I highlighted my exact thoughts on this subject.
I will also add that while NP was posting roll while using, I was having nightmares about using and posting roll. In this thread, I have not seen any of the passion that KTC prides itself on. This site has its roots as QSX, the X stands for EXTREME. This thread reeks of lite and way too many here are willing to accept the fact that NP not only caved, but lied over and over by continuing to post roll while using. They are willing to pat him on the ass and say that it's ok, you will quit next time. FUCK THAT! IMHO, this would be different if it was a simple cave. This is not that situation. 7 days worth of lying and deception to a bunch of strangers on the internet. All we have is our word here. A cave certainly tarnishes our word, but lying for days obliterates any chance you can be trusted again. I certainly hope that you quit. I really do. It just can not be here.
This one incident has literally rocked my view of KTC. I was going to stop posting roll because it is obvious that with the nonchalant attitude that has been shown here, roll was not sacred to many anymore.
I used my tools, I reached out to my contacts and talked to several quitters that I respect highly. I was also contacted by many quitters (mostly Jackwagins but many were not) across the site. They all of course told me the same thing and I have had to change the way I look at things a bit. I am not going to get into that here, that is for a different thread....
I will gladly go into battle with anyone that is willing to battle everyday. I also have to trust that you are clean when you say you are clean. You have taken that option off the table for me.
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I have been reading this thread for the last few days but have thus far not put my 2 cents on a post as I felt there were plenty of people posting away. Now however, I think the drama is getting a bit overblown. I will not defend NP posting roll after caving, it is unacceptable, but none of us would have been the wiser if NP had not come clean. NP very easily could have changed the dates and said he caved leaving out the bit about lying and posting roll while using, he didn't. If NP felt bad enough to come clean and want to quit for real, is it right to cut him off from the lifeboat that is KTC? Ultimately we must all quit for ourselves and own our own quits, so someone else caving or lying about being quit should not effect ones quit in a negative way. Yes posting roll is the cornerstone of KTC, but if I found out everyone here was pulling a NP lie, though I would be crushed my quit would still come down to my personal integrity and honor. I would still be the only one who could choose if I would be quit or a slave. I understand the negative feelings when a fellow KTC member lets one down, but I also know I have had stoppages in the past only to fall into the trap again. I know I am not the only one to have dip dreams where I rationalize lying and +1ing in my dream...
No easy answers here, but in the big picture I WOULD NOT WANT TO REFUSE HELP TO ANYONE SUFFERING WITH THIS ADDICTION. Owning up to the cave and the lies is proof enough that NP wants to be quit, and wants to be part of the KTC community. Maybe someone should offer to pay for travel costs so they can look him in the eye when he says he wants to be quit...
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I hear what you are saying JB and Catty.
But there is something to be said for repentance. In my opinion, it is Panther's contrite attitude that makes the offense forgivable. If he came in barking like Enraged Thor after a cave, and saying,"well I am right, blah, blah, and it really wasn't a cave because blah, blah, " that would be different.
There is no doubt that what NP did was downright horrible. If I did anything like that I would not dare return to the site. You wouldn't have to kick me out. As I have said to many, even in the event that I caved, I would be gone. You wouldn't hear an admission or an apology. Nope, nothing. Poof, I would vanish. This is my last quit, this is my only quit.
I do not know the circumstances surrounding Paddymac. I must have tuned that one out?? But I do know and place great value on the power of forgiveness. As Worktowin said, glad it is not my call here.
Lastly, whatever is decided, life will go on, KTC will go on. There is drama surrounding ever cave story and every retread. Some more than others. Whatever the mods decide, there will be those that are against it, and those that are in favor. Regardless, I am here to quit, and quit I will remain. NeonPanther or no NeonPanther. If there are consequences to his actions, so be it. He will have to life with those.
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Grace.
It's precious, man.
It is a profoundly undeserved gift.
I think you have been given some.
You'll never earn it or be able to pay it back BUT... You can work to be worthy of the sacrifice grace is.
Be worth it.
Applejack that is gold. I like what you posted.
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Isn't there a story about throwing the first stone?
I forgive NP and he has my full support. If he is banned, I will still talk to him and support him as much as he needs. If he stays on I will do the same.
We have a couple that we are friends with and the husband cheated in their marriage. He came clean, got the skeletons out of the closet and through a lot of work, they have the strongest and most loving marriage I have ever seen. I am uncertain if I could ever forgive my wife of this but it did open my eyes to what forgiveness can do.
Aaron, I fully forgive you and I quit with you.
Greg
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
There's a boobie section?
and yes Lipizzaner...that's a crave and they are hard and most people can't quit...
Who's making you read NP's intro?
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
There's a boobie section?
and yes Lipizzaner...that's a crave and they are hard and most people can't quit...
Who's making you read NP's intro?
I won't read it anymore. But let me re-phrase my last post then.
Stop fucking moaning about his lying and wear it, or kick him off the site. Sitting around debating it is making you all look like cunts.
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
There's a boobie section?
and yes Lipizzaner...that's a crave and they are hard and most people can't quit...
Who's making you read NP's intro?
I won't read it anymore. But let me re-phrase my last post then.
Stop fucking moaning about his lying and wear it, or kick him off the site. Sitting around debating it is making you all look like cunts.
Look Rooky (Lippi) gonna let that one slide and chalk it up as you are rewiring and you didn't mean to make a generalized statement like anyone who posts in this thread is a cunt. Not kewl man not at all.
We have passion for this site and we want to maintain its integrity. Yes everyone has an opinion and yes anyone who wants to support NP can. I don't think anyone has really called anyone names in this debate. We all deal with our quit in our own ways. My bottom line is posting while using that is all we have here is our word. A cave I can get past although they sting I can move on with it and them. Look at who I support some have caved some have not. The cave is not the issue its using while posting that you are clean.
Like I have stated earlier my people have to believe that my days are real just like I have to believe that my corner men that I have surrounded myself with that their days are real also. Like SRANS said we can disagree on if we support NP but they will always be my corner men and I will always be theirs. I can also assure you these men are not CUNTS.
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
There's a boobie section?
and yes Lipizzaner...that's a crave and they are hard and most people can't quit...
Who's making you read NP's intro?
I won't read it anymore. But let me re-phrase my last post then.
Stop fucking moaning about his lying and wear it, or kick him off the site. Sitting around debating it is making you all look like cunts.
Look Rooky (Lippi) gonna let that one slide and chalk it up as you are rewiring and you didn't mean to make a generalized statement like anyone who posts in this thread is a cunt. Not kewl man not at all.
We have passion for this site and we want to maintain its integrity. Yes everyone has an opinion and yes anyone who wants to support NP can. I don't think anyone has really called anyone names in this debate. We all deal with our quit in our own ways. My bottom line is posting while using that is all we have here is our word. A cave I can get past although they sting I can move on with it and them. Look at who I support some have caved some have not. The cave is not the issue its using while posting that you are clean.
Like I have stated earlier my people have to believe that my days are real just like I have to believe that my corner men that I have surrounded myself with that their days are real also. Like SRANS said we can disagree on if we support NP but they will always be my corner men and I will always be theirs. I can also assure you these men are not CUNTS.
I gave an opinion that I think this thread is destructive, and got two replies from guys who tried to step on me like "why do you care" "go somewhere else". Well fuck that, those are the guys I was calling cunts. I like to use strong language when I am pissed off. I am pissed off all the time now.
So kick me off if I hurt your ears.
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CRIPES. Are we seriously going to drag these things on for this long? What else is there to be said that hasn't been said already? PLEASE let this thread die. Yes, I agree with "take what you need, leave the rest" but we don't need this noise to go on, and on, and on, and on.
Neon: head down, post roll everyday, and stay quit. If you really want to get your shit together, you've come to the right place. Otherwise, take a hike.
Everyone else: with all due respect, and there is a lot due, your energy is so much better spent somewhere else.
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I am very new to this site, and probably don't know shit.
What I do know is that when you join this site everyone says to read everything you can on the site.
Unfortunately, I have been reading this horrible fucking thread for several days.
It has been very destructive to my morale, and for the last couple days I have not just been having craves, I have been thinking about going to the chew store, how to pull it off, when I can chew without getting caught, how I can control it, how I will get away with it, all fucking day.
Is that what you guys consider craves? If that is a crave, then I am never going to make it. Its more like a fantasy than a crave.
Anyway, I wasn't feeling that in the first couple days, and I tend to believe it is because of this thread.
My two cents is shut the fuck up about neonpanther, delete this thread, and either kick him off the site or leave him the fuck alone.
Like the saying goes, "Take what you need, leave the rest." or something like that. Don't read the intros if they bother you go look at boobies in the boobie sections. Look around.
There's a boobie section?
and yes Lipizzaner...that's a crave and they are hard and most people can't quit...
Who's making you read NP's intro?
I won't read it anymore. But let me re-phrase my last post then.
Stop fucking moaning about his lying and wear it, or kick him off the site. Sitting around debating it is making you all look like cunts.
Look Rooky (Lippi) gonna let that one slide and chalk it up as you are rewiring and you didn't mean to make a generalized statement like anyone who posts in this thread is a cunt. Not kewl man not at all.
We have passion for this site and we want to maintain its integrity. Yes everyone has an opinion and yes anyone who wants to support NP can. I don't think anyone has really called anyone names in this debate. We all deal with our quit in our own ways. My bottom line is posting while using that is all we have here is our word. A cave I can get past although they sting I can move on with it and them. Look at who I support some have caved some have not. The cave is not the issue its using while posting that you are clean.
Like I have stated earlier my people have to believe that my days are real just like I have to believe that my corner men that I have surrounded myself with that their days are real also. Like SRANS said we can disagree on if we support NP but they will always be my corner men and I will always be theirs. I can also assure you these men are not CUNTS.
I gave an opinion that I think this thread is destructive, and got two replies from guys who tried to step on me like "why do you care" "go somewhere else". Well fuck that, those are the guys I was calling cunts. I like to use strong language when I am pissed off. I am pissed off all the time now.
So kick me off if I hurt your ears.
There is no need to appologize for a personal feeling or view. I feel that hate and rage will take you much further in this fight than worrying about others' feelings. This quit is about you. Do what you need to protect it. If that is calling out bullshit when you see it, fine. If that means calling out injustice, fine. If anyone is thin-skinned and hurt by something they read here, they should complete a: Hurt Feeling Report (http://www.digdang.com/image/hurt_feelings_form/4028/).
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'help' WHERE THE HELL IS THIS BOOBIE SECTION?!?!
I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE AND HAVEN'T FOUND IT!
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After consideration among the admins, by majority vote, the decision is to ban neon panther from our site. As always, this decision is not taken lightly and is done as a last resort.
Anyone that has figured out HOW to post roll has also been informed via reading, chat or pm, WHY we post roll and what it represents. The intentional continuation of adding days to a roll call while using is an absolute atrocity and is malicious in nature to the chief cornerstone upon which this site has been built. If there is a single offense that would warrant banning.....this is it.
A re-hashment of prior decisions is not warranted nor desired. As a group, the admins have never taken banishment lightly and have always made the best decisions possible as carried by the majority in each individual instance.