KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: epayne on September 26, 2012, 08:43:00 PM
-
Haven't been on this site in years but I'm back. Registered now too. Hope this is the right forum.
I've tried to quit 2 or 3 times because someone else asked me to do it. Never gotten past the 2 week mark. Miserable failure every time.
So here I am now, just me. This time, I want to quit. ME. This isn't for my beautiful fiance. It isn't for my mom and dad. It isn't for my unborn children. It's for me.
I'm tired of being chained to the stupid can. I'm tired of planning my day around it. I'm tired of the cravings. I'm tired of thinking about it. I just want to put it in the past.
I'm gonna order some fakes once this is posted. Bacc Off is the only thing available locally and I've never had much use for it. It's like a lump of clay took a shit in a can.
I'm not ready to start my official quit yet because I know cold turkey won't work. I feel like the fakes will be my ticket if I can find anything at all better than Bacc-Off. This may not count as true, 100%, pure-D quitting but it's a start.
I know now that I want this, it will work. I'm open to criticism, comments, anything. Doesn't matter if you're planning like me, in the process, or a badass who whooped the habit and never looked back.
Thanks
--Eric
-
If you are not using nicotine, you are quit. The fake stuff is fine - no nic.
So, you can take your fake dip, and head on up to the upper left hand corner of this page and click on the salmon-colored "Welcome Center" to learn how to post roll.
If you are quit, post roll now, not tomorrow.
-
Congratulations on making that decision. It is the best decision you could ever make. I tried to quit a few times in the past and always failed but ,I was always quitting for all the wrong reasons. I'm on day 8 this time and I'm not looking back. The craves are awful and the fog
Sucks but it's all worth it to finally be free of the can. If you need any help at all or just someone to vent to, just pm me. Anytime. I quit with you!!!
-
If you are not using nicotine, you are quit. The fake stuff is fine - no nic.
So, you can take your fake dip, and head on up to the upper left hand corner of this page and click on the salmon-colored "Welcome Center" to learn how to post roll.
If you are quit, post roll now, not tomorrow.
Thanks man. I'm not quit yet. Ordered my fakes. It will be saturday before they get here. I'm scared that if I try without them, I'll muck it all up from the get go. I'll officially start my quit here on the site once I have artificial stuff to fall back on.
This probably sounds half assed, like, "This guy doesn't really mean it. Scared without his fakes..." But I do. I just can't take another failure and I know the fakes are my solid path. So I'll wait patiently for them to arrive.
On the brighter side of things, I couldn't help but notice how awesome this emoticon is: 'boob' , and I've got my best friend on board with this quitting thing too. Seems fair since he introduced me to the shit can in the first place lol
-
If you are not using nicotine, you are quit. The fake stuff is fine - no nic.
So, you can take your fake dip, and head on up to the upper left hand corner of this page and click on the salmon-colored "Welcome Center" to learn how to post roll.
If you are quit, post roll now, not tomorrow.
Thanks man. I'm not quit yet. Ordered my fakes. It will be saturday before they get here. I'm scared that if I try without them, I'll muck it all up from the get go. I'll officially start my quit here on the site once I have artificial stuff to fall back on.
This probably sounds half assed, like, "This guy doesn't really mean it. Scared without his fakes..." But I do. I just can't take another failure and I know the fakes are my solid path. So I'll wait patiently for them to arrive.
On the brighter side of things, I couldn't help but notice how awesome this emoticon is: 'boob' , and I've got my best friend on board with this quitting thing too. Seems fair since he introduced me to the shit can in the first place lol
Hey.
Been here before? What's your old name? We take that shit pretty serious around here.
Now...said that...why the FUCK do you want to wait to be FREE?
Fuck that. Flush your shit now. The fake stuff will come, but you still have to QUIT.
Unless you think you can't...or you're a Sally...what's your move?
-
Your title is "here goes nothing..."
Wrong state of mind, sir.
Quit right now and say "here goes everything I'm gaining by taking back my life."
I would give you a list right now that says how important it is to quit, but its my list. And you can't have it, especially when you're still eating nicotine.
Make your own list, when you decide to quit..... 'archer'
-
If you are not using nicotine, you are quit. The fake stuff is fine - no nic.
So, you can take your fake dip, and head on up to the upper left hand corner of this page and click on the salmon-colored "Welcome Center" to learn how to post roll.
If you are quit, post roll now, not tomorrow.
Thanks man. I'm not quit yet. Ordered my fakes. It will be saturday before they get here. I'm scared that if I try without them, I'll muck it all up from the get go. I'll officially start my quit here on the site once I have artificial stuff to fall back on.
This probably sounds half assed, like, "This guy doesn't really mean it. Scared without his fakes..." But I do. I just can't take another failure and I know the fakes are my solid path. So I'll wait patiently for them to arrive.
On the brighter side of things, I couldn't help but notice how awesome this emoticon is: 'boob' , and I've got my best friend on board with this quitting thing too. Seems fair since he introduced me to the shit can in the first place lol
Fake is fine but no reason to wait! If you want this, seeds or jerky or cat turd will work the same! You will fail if you don't have that total commitment. I failed hundreds of times I know what it takes to be successful and what leads to failure. This should feel very much different than other attempts. Waiting for any reason leaves you open for failure, it actually leaves the door open to totally change your mind. I relied on fake for 70 days, still have some but haven't touched it since day 90. Comments may seem harsh but we know the whole game real well, we are addicts too!!! I would at very least ask you to not come here with dip in your face.
You mentioned you'd been here before did you register in a different name? Read up and make the decision of how bad you want this! I came here with a quit plan and before I posted anything I moved my quit date up 11 days and quit every day since. I would ask you to reconsider waiting. That being said if you stick to your plan I quit with you when you do quit. Pm me when your quit!
-
Nolaq, I never registered before. Just lurked.
I dumped it all in the trash when i got to work this morning. It's gone. Shredded jerkey will buy me a couple of days until the fake gets here.
You guys are dicks and I respect you for it. Guess I'll go roll now
-
welcome to hell, good news is you've got company and you've got vets that can help you out along the way. stay quit
-
Nolaq, I never registered before. Just lurked.
I dumped it all in the trash when i got to work this morning. It's gone. Shredded jerkey will buy me a couple of days until the fake gets here.
You guys are dicks and I respect you for it. Guess I'll go roll now
This is one "dick" that is glad to be available to help! Your roll call post which is right on is your promise to stay nicotine free for the day and you will see we take that very serious. You need to work on getting a group of contacts (quitters you can call when you think you can't take it any longer or you need to vent). Your decision to quit will never be regretted.
-
Gonna blow the dust off of the old intro thread and broadcast some Sunday morning quit thoughts.
I'm the only one in the shop here today at work. For lack of anything better to do, I was cleaning out my toolbox and I ran across my trusty old mud jug thats been buried under some air tools in the bottom drawer. It wasn't just some coke bottle with some brown gunk in it. It was an aluminum Realtree energy drink bottle with a screw on cap. I was so proud of that bottle that I even engraved my name all over it with a dremel. I can't even begin to recall all the times I toted that thing around in my back pocket while working. Hell, I even took care of it. Every day before leaving work, I would rinse it out, add some soap, and screw the cap back on so it wouldn't stink.
I started thinking about that...
Spit.
Bottle.
Maintenance.
I gave a shit about a spit bottle enough that I cleaned it every day. A receptacle for my carcinogen tainted saliva got more attention than my coffee cup.
Then holy shit, I started thinking about all the other things that I neglected because of my filthy fucking addiction. And then I started thinking about how I used to spend so much time thinking about dip. I was always looking for an excuse to get outside and have one. I was sneaking them around the shop and out on the manufacturing floor. Spitting between the machines, only to have to crawl around in the space where I'd been spitting a week later. I spit in corners. I spit everywhere. Then it all came rushing back. Those feelings that culminated on September 26th, 2012 as I sat there in the living room. I had a cheek full of the bear shit, and I was still craving it. I remember when that hit me. It was like a fucking freight train.
*BAM*
I thought to myself, "Eric, you've got a pinch in, and you're craving the next pinch. What the fuck is wrong with you. Shouldn't the want have been satiated by that mess of cuts you just stuffed in?"
*BAM*
"Eric, you've been breaking your little '4 dips a day' rule for quite some time now. You've been craving more and more. You've been dipping more and more."
*BAM*
"Eric, you spend all your time thinking about the next pinch. You're now at a point where you're thinking about the next pinch while you've got one in."
*BAM*
"Eric, think of all the things you've missed out on and decided against because you didn't have enough dips in your little daily dip quota."
*BAM*
"Eric, this little hollow disc controls your life. It makes you feel like a man when you look at it. You're proud of your 'skaol rings'. You plan everything around it. You worship this can. You're an addict."
And then I realized what I was becoming. I was turning into one of those guys that chews 3 cans a day until he's 55 and then promptly dies of having cancer in everything in his head and neck. It was happening slowly, but it was sure as fuck happening. I didn't want to be that guy. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready to quit.
It was at that point that I started contemplating all my previous half hearted, worthless attempts at stopping. My fiance had asked me to more than once. Every time she asked me to I'd give it a lousy go and fail within a week. What's different about this one?
"Holy shit, this time I want to quit. I've always told everyone I could and would quit when I was ready to."
And I had. I'd been telling my loved ones that for years. When I wanted to quit, I would quit. I even told them it would be easy. So I googled up how to quit dip just like I had done before. I clicked into KTC just like I had done before. I started reading just like I had done before. Then I realized how familiar this all was. Every failed attempt at stopping before had started this way. Something had to be different this time, or it would be the same old weak tea where I fuck it up within a week.
"Eric, maybe you should join this time. There's a ton of great info on this site, maybe there's really something to being a part of their community..."
So I joined. Then I waltzed my happy ass up in here and tossed up this intro. I've spent a lot of time here in the intro section since joining, and I can tell you now that my intro reminds me of a lot of the guys that I've seen come in, puke up an intro that speaks of fairy tale tomorrow quits, and then bail never to be seen again. I would have been one of those guys too, had NOLAQ not challenged me and called me a "Sally." If I had waited until that smokey mountain I ordered showed up, I would have fallen in love with the death weed all over again that weekend. I bit the bullet and dumped it that next morning, because I couldn't stand the idea of being a "Sally." I couldn't take that. I mulled it over in my head and it made me so fucking mad I had no choice.
So that's what I've been thinking about this morning: How close I came to being one of those post-'n'-roast guys that shits out an intro with his glourious dreams of the planned quit, and then never shows up again. Fuck that. Fuck dip. Fuck cancer. I can never resign myself again to letting ANYTHING control my life the way that can did. I cherish this freedom too much. I can work harder. I can run farther. I can sleep whenever I want. I can kiss my beautiful fiance whenever I want. I can eat whenever I want. All becuase I don't have to think about stuffing my gullet with chaw all the god damned time. All because of this site.
Damn, I love being quit.
-
Gonna blow the dust off of the old intro thread and broadcast some Sunday morning quit thoughts.
I'm the only one in the shop here today at work. For lack of anything better to do, I was cleaning out my toolbox and I ran across my trusty old mud jug thats been buried under some air tools in the bottom drawer. It wasn't just some coke bottle with some brown gunk in it. It was an aluminum Realtree energy drink bottle with a screw on cap. I was so proud of that bottle that I even engraved my name all over it with a dremel. I can't even begin to recall all the times I toted that thing around in my back pocket while working. Hell, I even took care of it. Every day before leaving work, I would rinse it out, add some soap, and screw the cap back on so it wouldn't stink.
I started thinking about that...
Spit.
Bottle.
Maintenance.
I gave a shit about a spit bottle enough that I cleaned it every day. A receptacle for my carcinogen tainted saliva got more attention than my coffee cup.
Then holy shit, I started thinking about all the other things that I neglected because of my filthy fucking addiction. And then I started thinking about how I used to spend so much time thinking about dip. I was always looking for an excuse to get outside and have one. I was sneaking them around the shop and out on the manufacturing floor. Spitting between the machines, only to have to crawl around in the space where I'd been spitting a week later. I spit in corners. I spit everywhere. Then it all came rushing back. Those feelings that culminated on September 26th, 2012 as I sat there in the living room. I had a cheek full of the bear shit, and I was still craving it. I remember when that hit me. It was like a fucking freight train.
*BAM*
I thought to myself, "Eric, you've got a pinch in, and you're craving the next pinch. What the fuck is wrong with you. Shouldn't the want have been satiated by that mess of cuts you just stuffed in?"
*BAM*
"Eric, you've been breaking your little '4 dips a day' rule for quite some time now. You've been craving more and more. You've been dipping more and more."
*BAM*
"Eric, you spend all your time thinking about the next pinch. You're now at a point where you're thinking about the next pinch while you've got one in."
*BAM*
"Eric, think of all the things you've missed out on and decided against because you didn't have enough dips in your little daily dip quota."
*BAM*
"Eric, this little hollow disc controls your life. It makes you feel like a man when you look at it. You're proud of your 'skaol rings'. You plan everything around it. You worship this can. You're an addict."
And then I realized what I was becoming. I was turning into one of those guys that chews 3 cans a day until he's 55 and then promptly dies of having cancer in everything in his head and neck. It was happening slowly, but it was sure as fuck happening. I didn't want to be that guy. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready to quit.
It was at that point that I started contemplating all my previous half hearted, worthless attempts at stopping. My fiance had asked me to more than once. Every time she asked me to I'd give it a lousy go and fail within a week. What's different about this one?
"Holy shit, this time I want to quit. I've always told everyone I could and would quit when I was ready to."
And I had. I'd been telling my loved ones that for years. When I wanted to quit, I would quit. I even told them it would be easy. So I googled up how to quit dip just like I had done before. I clicked into KTC just like I had done before. I started reading just like I had done before. Then I realized how familiar this all was. Every failed attempt at stopping before had started this way. Something had to be different this time, or it would be the same old weak tea where I fuck it up within a week.
"Eric, maybe you should join this time. There's a ton of great info on this site, maybe there's really something to being a part of their community..."
So I joined. Then I waltzed my happy ass up in here and tossed up this intro. I've spent a lot of time here in the intro section since joining, and I can tell you now that my intro reminds me of a lot of the guys that I've seen come in, puke up an intro that speaks of fairy tale tomorrow quits, and then bail never to be seen again. I would have been one of those guys too, had NOLAQ not challenged me and called me a "Sally." If I had waited until that smokey mountain I ordered showed up, I would have fallen in love with the death weed all over again that weekend. I bit the bullet and dumped it that next morning, because I couldn't stand the idea of being a "Sally." I couldn't take that. I mulled it over in my head and it made me so fucking mad I had no choice.
So that's what I've been thinking about this morning: How close I came to being one of those post-'n'-roast guys that shits out an intro with his glourious dreams of the planned quit, and then never shows up again. Fuck that. Fuck dip. Fuck cancer. I can never resign myself again to letting ANYTHING control my life the way that can did. I cherish this freedom too much. I can work harder. I can run farther. I can sleep whenever I want. I can kiss my beautiful fiance whenever I want. I can eat whenever I want. All becuase I don't have to think about stuffing my gullet with chaw all the god damned time. All because of this site.
Damn, I love being quit.
Most excellent thoughts. I love it when someone so clearly expresses his hatred for dip. Never again. Not once.
Well done!
-
Gonna blow the dust off of the old intro thread and broadcast some Sunday morning quit thoughts.
I'm the only one in the shop here today at work. For lack of anything better to do, I was cleaning out my toolbox and I ran across my trusty old mud jug thats been buried under some air tools in the bottom drawer. It wasn't just some coke bottle with some brown gunk in it. It was an aluminum Realtree energy drink bottle with a screw on cap. I was so proud of that bottle that I even engraved my name all over it with a dremel. I can't even begin to recall all the times I toted that thing around in my back pocket while working. Hell, I even took care of it. Every day before leaving work, I would rinse it out, add some soap, and screw the cap back on so it wouldn't stink.
I started thinking about that...
Spit.
Bottle.
Maintenance.
I gave a shit about a spit bottle enough that I cleaned it every day. A receptacle for my carcinogen tainted saliva got more attention than my coffee cup.
Then holy shit, I started thinking about all the other things that I neglected because of my filthy fucking addiction. And then I started thinking about how I used to spend so much time thinking about dip. I was always looking for an excuse to get outside and have one. I was sneaking them around the shop and out on the manufacturing floor. Spitting between the machines, only to have to crawl around in the space where I'd been spitting a week later. I spit in corners. I spit everywhere. Then it all came rushing back. Those feelings that culminated on September 26th, 2012 as I sat there in the living room. I had a cheek full of the bear shit, and I was still craving it. I remember when that hit me. It was like a fucking freight train.
*BAM*
I thought to myself, "Eric, you've got a pinch in, and you're craving the next pinch. What the fuck is wrong with you. Shouldn't the want have been satiated by that mess of cuts you just stuffed in?"
*BAM*
"Eric, you've been breaking your little '4 dips a day' rule for quite some time now. You've been craving more and more. You've been dipping more and more."
*BAM*
"Eric, you spend all your time thinking about the next pinch. You're now at a point where you're thinking about the next pinch while you've got one in."
*BAM*
"Eric, think of all the things you've missed out on and decided against because you didn't have enough dips in your little daily dip quota."
*BAM*
"Eric, this little hollow disc controls your life. It makes you feel like a man when you look at it. You're proud of your 'skaol rings'. You plan everything around it. You worship this can. You're an addict."
And then I realized what I was becoming. I was turning into one of those guys that chews 3 cans a day until he's 55 and then promptly dies of having cancer in everything in his head and neck. It was happening slowly, but it was sure as fuck happening. I didn't want to be that guy. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready to quit.
It was at that point that I started contemplating all my previous half hearted, worthless attempts at stopping. My fiance had asked me to more than once. Every time she asked me to I'd give it a lousy go and fail within a week. What's different about this one?
"Holy shit, this time I want to quit. I've always told everyone I could and would quit when I was ready to."
And I had. I'd been telling my loved ones that for years. When I wanted to quit, I would quit. I even told them it would be easy. So I googled up how to quit dip just like I had done before. I clicked into KTC just like I had done before. I started reading just like I had done before. Then I realized how familiar this all was. Every failed attempt at stopping before had started this way. Something had to be different this time, or it would be the same old weak tea where I fuck it up within a week.
"Eric, maybe you should join this time. There's a ton of great info on this site, maybe there's really something to being a part of their community..."
So I joined. Then I waltzed my happy ass up in here and tossed up this intro. I've spent a lot of time here in the intro section since joining, and I can tell you now that my intro reminds me of a lot of the guys that I've seen come in, puke up an intro that speaks of fairy tale tomorrow quits, and then bail never to be seen again. I would have been one of those guys too, had NOLAQ not challenged me and called me a "Sally." If I had waited until that smokey mountain I ordered showed up, I would have fallen in love with the death weed all over again that weekend. I bit the bullet and dumped it that next morning, because I couldn't stand the idea of being a "Sally." I couldn't take that. I mulled it over in my head and it made me so fucking mad I had no choice.
So that's what I've been thinking about this morning: How close I came to being one of those post-'n'-roast guys that shits out an intro with his glourious dreams of the planned quit, and then never shows up again. Fuck that. Fuck dip. Fuck cancer. I can never resign myself again to letting ANYTHING control my life the way that can did. I cherish this freedom too much. I can work harder. I can run farther. I can sleep whenever I want. I can kiss my beautiful fiance whenever I want. I can eat whenever I want. All becuase I don't have to think about stuffing my gullet with chaw all the god damned time. All because of this site.
Damn, I love being quit.
Most excellent thoughts. I love it when someone so clearly expresses his hatred for dip. Never again. Not once.
Well done!
'clap'
Well done ! Always remember why you are here.
STAY QUIT
Greg
-
Gonna blow the dust off of the old intro thread and broadcast some Sunday morning quit thoughts.
I'm the only one in the shop here today at work. For lack of anything better to do, I was cleaning out my toolbox and I ran across my trusty old mud jug thats been buried under some air tools in the bottom drawer. It wasn't just some coke bottle with some brown gunk in it. It was an aluminum Realtree energy drink bottle with a screw on cap. I was so proud of that bottle that I even engraved my name all over it with a dremel. I can't even begin to recall all the times I toted that thing around in my back pocket while working. Hell, I even took care of it. Every day before leaving work, I would rinse it out, add some soap, and screw the cap back on so it wouldn't stink.
I started thinking about that...
Spit.
Bottle.
Maintenance.
I gave a shit about a spit bottle enough that I cleaned it every day. A receptacle for my carcinogen tainted saliva got more attention than my coffee cup.
Then holy shit, I started thinking about all the other things that I neglected because of my filthy fucking addiction. And then I started thinking about how I used to spend so much time thinking about dip. I was always looking for an excuse to get outside and have one. I was sneaking them around the shop and out on the manufacturing floor. Spitting between the machines, only to have to crawl around in the space where I'd been spitting a week later. I spit in corners. I spit everywhere. Then it all came rushing back. Those feelings that culminated on September 26th, 2012 as I sat there in the living room. I had a cheek full of the bear shit, and I was still craving it. I remember when that hit me. It was like a fucking freight train.
*BAM*
I thought to myself, "Eric, you've got a pinch in, and you're craving the next pinch. What the fuck is wrong with you. Shouldn't the want have been satiated by that mess of cuts you just stuffed in?"
*BAM*
"Eric, you've been breaking your little '4 dips a day' rule for quite some time now. You've been craving more and more. You've been dipping more and more."
*BAM*
"Eric, you spend all your time thinking about the next pinch. You're now at a point where you're thinking about the next pinch while you've got one in."
*BAM*
"Eric, think of all the things you've missed out on and decided against because you didn't have enough dips in your little daily dip quota."
*BAM*
"Eric, this little hollow disc controls your life. It makes you feel like a man when you look at it. You're proud of your 'skaol rings'. You plan everything around it. You worship this can. You're an addict."
And then I realized what I was becoming. I was turning into one of those guys that chews 3 cans a day until he's 55 and then promptly dies of having cancer in everything in his head and neck. It was happening slowly, but it was sure as fuck happening. I didn't want to be that guy. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready to quit.
It was at that point that I started contemplating all my previous half hearted, worthless attempts at stopping. My fiance had asked me to more than once. Every time she asked me to I'd give it a lousy go and fail within a week. What's different about this one?
"Holy shit, this time I want to quit. I've always told everyone I could and would quit when I was ready to."
And I had. I'd been telling my loved ones that for years. When I wanted to quit, I would quit. I even told them it would be easy. So I googled up how to quit dip just like I had done before. I clicked into KTC just like I had done before. I started reading just like I had done before. Then I realized how familiar this all was. Every failed attempt at stopping before had started this way. Something had to be different this time, or it would be the same old weak tea where I fuck it up within a week.
"Eric, maybe you should join this time. There's a ton of great info on this site, maybe there's really something to being a part of their community..."
So I joined. Then I waltzed my happy ass up in here and tossed up this intro. I've spent a lot of time here in the intro section since joining, and I can tell you now that my intro reminds me of a lot of the guys that I've seen come in, puke up an intro that speaks of fairy tale tomorrow quits, and then bail never to be seen again. I would have been one of those guys too, had NOLAQ not challenged me and called me a "Sally." If I had waited until that smokey mountain I ordered showed up, I would have fallen in love with the death weed all over again that weekend. I bit the bullet and dumped it that next morning, because I couldn't stand the idea of being a "Sally." I couldn't take that. I mulled it over in my head and it made me so fucking mad I had no choice.
So that's what I've been thinking about this morning: How close I came to being one of those post-'n'-roast guys that shits out an intro with his glourious dreams of the planned quit, and then never shows up again. Fuck that. Fuck dip. Fuck cancer. I can never resign myself again to letting ANYTHING control my life the way that can did. I cherish this freedom too much. I can work harder. I can run farther. I can sleep whenever I want. I can kiss my beautiful fiance whenever I want. I can eat whenever I want. All becuase I don't have to think about stuffing my gullet with chaw all the god damned time. All because of this site.
Damn, I love being quit.
Most excellent thoughts. I love it when someone so clearly expresses his hatred for dip. Never again. Not once.
Well done!
'clap'
Well done ! Always remember why you are here.
STAY QUIT
Greg
Quit Wood Like Fuck. :wood
-
Gonna blow the dust off of the old intro thread and broadcast some Sunday morning quit thoughts.
I'm the only one in the shop here today at work. For lack of anything better to do, I was cleaning out my toolbox and I ran across my trusty old mud jug thats been buried under some air tools in the bottom drawer. It wasn't just some coke bottle with some brown gunk in it. It was an aluminum Realtree energy drink bottle with a screw on cap. I was so proud of that bottle that I even engraved my name all over it with a dremel. I can't even begin to recall all the times I toted that thing around in my back pocket while working. Hell, I even took care of it. Every day before leaving work, I would rinse it out, add some soap, and screw the cap back on so it wouldn't stink.
I started thinking about that...
Spit.
Bottle.
Maintenance.
I gave a shit about a spit bottle enough that I cleaned it every day. A receptacle for my carcinogen tainted saliva got more attention than my coffee cup.
Then holy shit, I started thinking about all the other things that I neglected because of my filthy fucking addiction. And then I started thinking about how I used to spend so much time thinking about dip. I was always looking for an excuse to get outside and have one. I was sneaking them around the shop and out on the manufacturing floor. Spitting between the machines, only to have to crawl around in the space where I'd been spitting a week later. I spit in corners. I spit everywhere. Then it all came rushing back. Those feelings that culminated on September 26th, 2012 as I sat there in the living room. I had a cheek full of the bear shit, and I was still craving it. I remember when that hit me. It was like a fucking freight train.
*BAM*
I thought to myself, "Eric, you've got a pinch in, and you're craving the next pinch. What the fuck is wrong with you. Shouldn't the want have been satiated by that mess of cuts you just stuffed in?"
*BAM*
"Eric, you've been breaking your little '4 dips a day' rule for quite some time now. You've been craving more and more. You've been dipping more and more."
*BAM*
"Eric, you spend all your time thinking about the next pinch. You're now at a point where you're thinking about the next pinch while you've got one in."
*BAM*
"Eric, think of all the things you've missed out on and decided against because you didn't have enough dips in your little daily dip quota."
*BAM*
"Eric, this little hollow disc controls your life. It makes you feel like a man when you look at it. You're proud of your 'skaol rings'. You plan everything around it. You worship this can. You're an addict."
And then I realized what I was becoming. I was turning into one of those guys that chews 3 cans a day until he's 55 and then promptly dies of having cancer in everything in his head and neck. It was happening slowly, but it was sure as fuck happening. I didn't want to be that guy. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready to quit.
It was at that point that I started contemplating all my previous half hearted, worthless attempts at stopping. My fiance had asked me to more than once. Every time she asked me to I'd give it a lousy go and fail within a week. What's different about this one?
"Holy shit, this time I want to quit. I've always told everyone I could and would quit when I was ready to."
And I had. I'd been telling my loved ones that for years. When I wanted to quit, I would quit. I even told them it would be easy. So I googled up how to quit dip just like I had done before. I clicked into KTC just like I had done before. I started reading just like I had done before. Then I realized how familiar this all was. Every failed attempt at stopping before had started this way. Something had to be different this time, or it would be the same old weak tea where I fuck it up within a week.
"Eric, maybe you should join this time. There's a ton of great info on this site, maybe there's really something to being a part of their community..."
So I joined. Then I waltzed my happy ass up in here and tossed up this intro. I've spent a lot of time here in the intro section since joining, and I can tell you now that my intro reminds me of a lot of the guys that I've seen come in, puke up an intro that speaks of fairy tale tomorrow quits, and then bail never to be seen again. I would have been one of those guys too, had NOLAQ not challenged me and called me a "Sally." If I had waited until that smokey mountain I ordered showed up, I would have fallen in love with the death weed all over again that weekend. I bit the bullet and dumped it that next morning, because I couldn't stand the idea of being a "Sally." I couldn't take that. I mulled it over in my head and it made me so fucking mad I had no choice.
So that's what I've been thinking about this morning: How close I came to being one of those post-'n'-roast guys that shits out an intro with his glourious dreams of the planned quit, and then never shows up again. Fuck that. Fuck dip. Fuck cancer. I can never resign myself again to letting ANYTHING control my life the way that can did. I cherish this freedom too much. I can work harder. I can run farther. I can sleep whenever I want. I can kiss my beautiful fiance whenever I want. I can eat whenever I want. All becuase I don't have to think about stuffing my gullet with chaw all the god damned time. All because of this site.
Damn, I love being quit.
Most excellent thoughts. I love it when someone so clearly expresses his hatred for dip. Never again. Not once.
Well done!
'clap'
Well done ! Always remember why you are here.
STAY QUIT
Greg
Quit Wood Like Fuck. :wood
Damn that's sexy.