KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: mike2017a on October 29, 2018, 04:28:55 PM
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I wanted to link my old intro here (https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/qs_xtreme/mike2017a-t12461.html) for my reference and anyone who would like to read
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Hi All, i am on my Day 9 and I wanted to introduce myself. Been dipping Kodiak for 31 years, worked my way up from a dip a day to about 10 cans a week. For the last few years I spent most waking hours with a dip in. After all these years I have turned almost everything I do into a trigger to dip...eat, drive, work, relax, stress, watch tv, drink, not drink..etc. etc. One of the only non-triggering events for me is sleeping - absolutely ridiculous.
I stopped using for about 1 year, 20 years ago. That break ended with a night of drinking, being stressed, and being offered a dip followed by the thought of "why not have 1 dip, what could that hurt?". Well of course that led to full blown use almost immediately. Still cant understand how and why it is so powerful over me. One lesson learned from that experience is that I am powerless once it is back in my blood stream. This is valuable information to have, but it cost me another 20 years of being a slave to the shit.
As I have been sick of this habit for many years I am happy to have found this group and have been learning a lot on these pages. I have "quit" on my own before but that did not last, and I feel as if I had some kind of accountability element back then in my plan I may have remained quit. One of the things I have been reading about on here that has been especially helpful for me early on is being prepared. The cravings will come and being prepared to deal with them (by reaching out, keeping my word, staying connected, having substitutes, and avoiding certain situations when possible) is my best defense. I realize that this is easier to prepare for early on in my quit as I have been spending close to every waking hour thinking about not dipping. I know I need to stay more vigilant on being prepared with each passing day of my quit.
As of this day 9 I have been having plenty of ups and downs and dealing with all kinds of unfamiliar, unwanted, feelings and reactions, but the downs are starting to slowly decrease. I am very proud that I have been nic free for 9 days. I am so grateful to be part of this group and amazed by the dedication of all the other quitters on here. I am willing to help myself and anyone else stay quit. Thanks.
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Welcome. The formula is really simple - post your promise, keep your promise.
Of course, it's hard as hell, too.
Swap digits with some of your brothers in quit, get as active in your group as your schedule allows, reach out when your need help.
Proud to quit with you.
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Hi All, i am on my Day 9 and I wanted to introduce myself. Been dipping Kodiak for 31 years, worked my way up from a dip a day to about 10 cans a week. For the last few years I spent most waking hours with a dip in. After all these years I have turned almost everything I do into a trigger to dip...eat, drive, work, relax, stress, watch tv, drink, not drink..etc. etc. One of the only non-triggering events for me is sleeping - absolutely ridiculous.
I stopped using for about 1 year, 20 years ago. That break ended with a night of drinking, being stressed, and being offered a dip followed by the thought of "why not have 1 dip, what could that hurt?". Well of course that led to full blown use almost immediately. Still cant understand how and why it is so powerful over me. One lesson learned from that experience is that I am powerless once it is back in my blood stream. This is valuable information to have, but it cost me another 20 years of being a slave to the shit.
As I have been sick of this habit for many years I am happy to have found this group and have been learning a lot on these pages. I have "quit" on my own before but that did not last, and I feel as if I had some kind of accountability element back then in my plan I may have remained quit. One of the things I have been reading about on here that has been especially helpful for me early on is being prepared. The cravings will come and being prepared to deal with them (by reaching out, keeping my word, staying connected, having substitutes, and avoiding certain situations when possible) is my best defense. I realize that this is easier to prepare for early on in my quit as I have been spending close to every waking hour thinking about not dipping. I know I need to stay more vigilant on being prepared with each passing day of my quit.
As of this day 9 I have been having plenty of ups and downs and dealing with all kinds of unfamiliar, unwanted, feelings and reactions, but the downs are starting to slowly decrease. I am very proud that I have been nic free for 9 days. I am so grateful to be part of this group and amazed by the dedication of all the other quitters on here. I am willing to help myself and anyone else stay quit. Thanks.
yes you're right Mike2017a, what you said about all the triggers and the only non trigger being sleeping is absolutely ridiculous. No, arguing that. Problem is that most people on here (I know I'm one of them) can relate to that to a T. I wasn't a very good ninja....wife caught me frequently....but I didn't dip around her. But if she was gone for whatever reason....I would have a dip from dawn until midnight other than eating and, again, yes it's ridiculous. down right sickening to be honest. But hey, you're here, I'm here so we are changing our futures. Sure I wish I could have done so much sooner....heck I wish I'd never put that crap in my mouth but we can't cry over spilled milk and its better late than never for sure. You've made a good decision and I'm glad you're here. Post your promise first thing every day and keep your promise. That's all that it takes. You have a lot of resources here...take advantage/make use of them. They could save your quit (and therefore your life) one day.
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I wanted to use this space to document some notes for myself as reminders to the future quit me now that I am a bit less foggy.
Days 1 to 3 - On and off fevers and lots of sweating along with the chills and lack of appetite. Tried to sleep as much as I could because I didn't want to face the world. Took a day off work. Tried to think to the future, of not being a dipper and feeling better.
Days 4 to 9 - Found KTC and joined. Replacing a lot of my dipping time on the site reading and learning. So many others out there struggling through the same war. Physical symptoms have subsided. Non-stop psychological warfare in progress 99% of waking hours. Hardly a waking minute goes by when I am not thinking about dip in one shape or form. This is craziness! I feel like I should be in an asylum of some sort. Can't focus on anything, lots of wandering thoughts. Most of these days I have what feels like a weight or hole in my chest....some kind of depression-like symptom because I miss dipping. God do I miss it during my ritual dipping times (in the car, at work, after meals, before bed) which basically boils down to 12 hours a day with crap in my mouth. What a joke. Constantly wondering when it will get better. Sleeping more than normal. Going to bed earlier because I am not up dipping. Waking up earlier and forcing myself to sleep longer in the morning, just wasting time. Doing whatever I can to make the hours/days go by faster. Extremely distracted at work, productivity at work and outside of work plummeting to near zero. Avoiding coworkers as much as possible as my nerves are shot and I am so easily pissed off. I have plenty of energy and am well rested but don't have the motivation to do much. Skipping a lot of workouts. Eating bigger meals. Using gum, hard candy and toothpicks to get through waking hours. Bought some smokey mountain for the weekend and was hoping it would taste much more like dip. I only could keep it in for 20 minutes. My dips would go for 2 to 3 hours. So thankful for this site. It occupies much of my time and the feeling of accountability is keeping me quit day by day. Wondering about the future when the newness of the quit wears off, but for now it is helping get me through each day. Took the weekend off of booze for fear of letting my guard down. I haven't had a booze free weekend in many years. Actually did not miss the drink, kept myself busy running errands. I have a very addictive personality and my 3 big ones that I struggle to balance are dip, booze, and food. Now with dip out of the picture am curious on how the others will be impacted. So far its going better than expected but still eating too much. I couldn't booze without dip but I could dip without booze so I am not sure how this dynamic will be going forward. I am sure I would be in trouble without KTC.
Days 10 to 12 - Things are starting to get a little better. My concentration and focus is slowly improving. I am able to focus my thoughts for 10 to 15 minutes at a time which is a big improvement. That means I sometimes don't think about dip for 15 minutes which seems like a lifetime compared to the last 10 days. I am sure these are good signs of better things to come. Motivation is still lower than normal but slowly forcing myself back into workouts and feeling better after them. I used to reward myself with dip after workouts, now when my workout is done there is nothing to look forward to. Need to retrain my brain to realize the reward for working out is feeling better, not dipping. Wow does this sound dumb when its spelled out. On the subject of dumbness, I am realizing that eating has always been a race for me so I could get my after meal dip in. I still find myself eating way too fast even though there is no dip to be had after. Need to work on slowing down and enjoying meals rather than going savage on them. No reason to race through the meal to get to a toothpick or piece of gum. Still going to bed earlier but maybe that isn't a bad thing. Reaching out to more new members of KTC which really is helping me stay engaged with my quit and hopefully helping others in some way. Been getting extremely slap happy and laughing uncontrollably at times at stuff that normally isn't that funny. Almost feels like I am drunk. This is a much better feeling than the weight in my chest feeling that has been decreasing in frequency. I would estimate my mind is being occupied by the dip wars 90% of the time now which is significantly less than last week and I am very happy about this. For me it seems every minute not spent thinking about dipping is the most important thing.
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Great insights, Mike, keep up the good work
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Days 13 -16: Made it through my 2nd full weekend dip free. Honestly I think everyday is as challenging to quit as the next but weekends seem scarier just due to the increased amount of free time. Also I typically drink on weekends and I am always worried about letting my defenses down while imbibing. Had some drinks for the 1st time since my quit on Saturday. Dipping definitely crossed my mind a couple of times but I shut those thoughts out and remembered my promise. I leaned on the fake stuff quite a bit on Saturday. I have also found it helpful that I have told my family and friends about quitting, if for nothing else than not wanting to disappoint them in addition to myself. I had my 1st dip dream on day 13 and it was not fun. I never actually dipped in the dream but was on my way to the store to purchase some when I woke up. After I woke and realized it was a dream and I had not faltered I was elated and very energized that I am quit.
In general I am improving each day. The lows are not as low as they were even just a few days ago. The anxiety I was having is almost gone which I am very thankful for. My motivation to workout is getting a little better but still not back to where it needs to be. Been eating too fast and too much still and soon I am going to have to stop cutting myself so much slack on that. There has been a substantial improvement in focus. I am no longer distracted thinking about the evil dip constantly. I would estimate that I am distracted by dip thoughts about 70% of my waking time. Still a lot, but so much less than the past couple weeks. All in all I am very glad to be quit and to be improving in several areas day by day. I went to see a movie last weekend for the 1st time without a dip since who knows when. I somehow made it through the whole movie. Who would have thought that possible a couple weeks ago? Some of these "firsts" are down right comical/sad. I prefer to look at the comical side of it and try to stay upbeat since the quitting is hellish enough on all of us.
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Congrats, Mike! Quitting with you, bud.
That's true about telling the family - it really helps - I told the Mrs. who told the kids so now there is no turning back
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Day 17-24:
The good: Thinking about dip less often. Getting more focus back which is leading to more time to spend on things other than thinking about quitting. Exercising more often. Less guilt about damaging my health, sores in my mouth, dying young, and hurting my family/friends. I noticed that I am not waking up thinking about dip 1st thing. I am not even sure how many days this has been going on for, but realizing it is an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time I woke up and dip was not my 1st thought. This is what a piece of freedom feels like and I want more. Over the Thanksgiving a couple of family members commented on how much more talkative and happy I seemed. This felt good and was a direct result of not being preoccupied with hiding my current dip or plotting my next dip or having to sneak off. Again, this is what freedom feels like. I have been reading great bits of wisdom and advice all over KTC that has been extremely helpful in keeping me quit.
The bad: Eating too much. Using too much of my new found free time snacking. Regret for all the time I wasted as a user. Still having craves, had one bad one over the weekend during some free time. Free time for me seems to be the hardest, this is when my craves hit but I have been staying prepared for them.
Looking at what I have typed I have to say my life is so much better than it was a few weeks ago. Despite the challenges, and they are difficult, the good outweighs the bad 1000 times. It is important to remind myself of this during the crave times.
As for substitutes I am still using just about anything under the sun: toothpicks, hard candy, gum, seeds, and the fake. The fake has been occupying my thoughts alot. I only use it on weekends for whatever reason. I have tried 4 flavors of SMC (wintergreen, straight, classic, grape) and wintergreen Bacc-off. None are even close in taste/texture to my old friend Kodiak wintergreen. Where I live you can get none of these easily so I have been ordering. I have an order in for Jake's mint in various flavors and I am hoping that might come closer but not holding out much hope. I have no idea why I care so much about this but I do.
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Day 17-24:
The good: Thinking about dip less often. Getting more focus back which is leading to more time to spend on things other than thinking about quitting. Exercising more often. Less guilt about damaging my health, sores in my mouth, dying young, and hurting my family/friends. I noticed that I am not waking up thinking about dip 1st thing. I am not even sure how many days this has been going on for, but realizing it is an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time I woke up and dip was not my 1st thought. This is what a piece of freedom feels like and I want more. Over the Thanksgiving a couple of family members commented on how much more talkative and happy I seemed. This felt good and was a direct result of not being preoccupied with hiding my current dip or plotting my next dip or having to sneak off. Again, this is what freedom feels like. I have been reading great bits of wisdom and advice all over KTC that has been extremely helpful in keeping me quit.
The bad: Eating too much. Using too much of my new found free time snacking. Regret for all the time I wasted as a user. Still having craves, had one bad one over the weekend during some free time. Free time for me seems to be the hardest, this is when my craves hit but I have been staying prepared for them.
Looking at what I have typed I have to say my life is so much better than it was a few weeks ago. Despite the challenges, and they are difficult, the good outweighs the bad 1000 times. It is important to remind myself of this during the crave times.
As for substitutes I am still using just about anything under the sun: toothpicks, hard candy, gum, seeds, and the fake. The fake has been occupying my thoughts alot. I only use it on weekends for whatever reason. I have tried 4 flavors of SMC (wintergreen, straight, classic, grape) and wintergreen Bacc-off. None are even close in taste/texture to my old friend Kodiak wintergreen. Where I live you can get none of these easily so I have been ordering. I have an order in for Jake's mint in various flavors and I am hoping that might come closer but not holding out much hope. I have no idea why I care so much about this but I do.
Rock solid, buddy. I think the level of introspection you're bringing is great, and I fully encourage you to keep it up. Quitting is a process and part of that process includes understanding all of the ways nicotine had control over your life and what you're doing to take back that control.
Don't sweat the snacking too much. Right now, your #1 focus is on being quit and doing whatever it takes to stay that way. Sometimes you get tired of leaning on substitutes like gum and toothpicks. If housing a bag of cool ranch doritos sounds more appealing - go for it. Whatever it takes to keep quit. Eventually, you will begin to equalize and then you can focus on maintaining a better diet.
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Nice work Mike! Keep it up man.
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Day 32 for me. Still going through ups and downs and coming to the realization that there will always be ups and downs with this, but hoping for less downs as the quit time builds. Day 31 was a rough day for me where I was thinking about/missing the Kodiak throughout the day. It was weird because I haven't had my thoughts that consumed by it for that length of time in a couple of weeks and was thinking I was past that part. I am understanding that I must be ready with my tools at any time, these attacks can happen no matter how good or bad things have been going. I seem to be doing well handling most of my triggers other than what I will call boredom or sitting around watching tv. This is my biggest challenge and when I think about dip the most. Its what I call the "passing the time" dips that I am missing. Happy to say on this day 32 I am feeling much better.
I am still heavily using all of the substitutes - toothpicks, gum, candy, and fake. Sometimes I wonder if, in the ultimate irony, my jaw might fall off from the overuse of these. I tried my umpteenth brand of the fake, Hooch, and this one seems like the closest substitute so far, even though it is not very close at all. Nothing seems to come close to the taste that I became addicted to. Anyway its better than using, and I am mostly only using fake on the weekends so not a ton.
I have been spending a ton of time reading on this site and can't stress enough how much helpful, reassuring, inspiring, information there is out here. Reading intros, HOF speeches, and quit groups - the amount of information is unbelievable and is great info to have to stay quit. I have been reaching out to more members and that definitely keeps me quit and maybe helps them also. I have been telling more friends about my quit and they have all been supportive. My favorite reaction is the old "No shit, its about time you moron! You aren't a teenager anymore. How the hell could you have been doing this for so long". Of course reactions like this come from the non-addict friends. They are funny/sad/true all at the same time. I told my parents also - I hesitated to tell them for a bit as I wanted to be more sure of myself before I did and not risk disappointing them. My mom said she had just been praying about me quitting the past week and my Dad's voice sounded as happy as I have heard it in a while. I started dipping way back as a 13 yr old living with my parents and like most 13 year old's was a terrible ninja so they have been aware of my use since the beginning. Later in life I was only a ninja at work and in front of my parents. I got to the point were I did it openly in front of anyone and could care less, except for my parents and work (for fear of being asked to stop) where I became a ninja because god knows I couldn't just stop during those times.. I am very proud that I have been able to share my quit with my parents and I am happy they have one less thing to worry about.
I told my cousin about my quit. He also is a Kodiak addict who quit, while using this site some years ago. In fact he told me about this site years ago when he quit but I wasn't interested at the time. Seeing him successfully quit I kept that info in the back of my mind for the last several years and when I was ready to quit looked up this site. We talked for a bit about the site. He stopped using the site after a year or so but remains quit. He said he learned many things on here and the biggest one was that he is an addict and he can never ever have just one again. I agree that this is the most important advice to heed for me. I can never have just one again. When he 1st quit all I could think too myself was that he was making it look so easy. He never seemed phased by it. I brought that up with him and he said he was going crazy so that made me feel a little more normal. He also said how it was hard to stay quit when I was dipping around him which made me feel like a real dick. That thought didn't even cross my mind back in the day and now I am uber aware of triggers like that.
I continue to deal with the ups and downs but am very happy and proud to be quit - those permanent good feelings far outweigh the temporary crave/frustrating/annoyed times.
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Wow dude youÂ’re killing this! Damn proud to be quitting with you! Dipped 38 years myself 1075 days later never felt any better. Quit on. My numbers a pm away. Wait till the new normal hits you. If like me you never knew what normal was since I started dipping into at 12.
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Thanks Pab! Love seeing success stories like yours, helps to see it can and IS being done. 1000 plus days is amazing! You are right, i am like you in that I never really had much of a normal as an adult. I am getting my new normal in pieces and loving it while it lasts. I am excited to keep it going and keep experiencing longer periods of the new normal.
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Thanks Pab! Love seeing success stories like yours, helps to see it can and IS being done. 1000 plus days is amazing! You are right, i am like you in that I never really had much of a normal as an adult. I am getting my new normal in pieces and loving it while it lasts. I am excited to keep it going and keep experiencing longer periods of the new normal.
The way I look at it there were a lot more downs than ups when I did dip! Now way more ups than downs! Loving the quit life ODAAT!
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Day 44 update, things are going very well. I am going longer periods of time without thinking about dip. I can say that the cravings I experience are no where near as intense as they were before. Now when I get a crave I stick a toothpick or piece of gum in my mouth and it goes away quickly. I get slightly stronger cravings on weekends and during down times and for those I am using the fake. In general the fake still falls short of what I remember kodiak tasting like but it is becoming less of a concern for me. That is something that truly made me angry early on - the damn taste of fake tobacco. Dumb. I a I went overboard a few weeks ago and over ordered fake so I have many varieties of Hooch (my preference), SMC, and Jake's around. I was a Kodiak wintergreen user and I have found surprisingly that wintergreen is the flavor I like least. I am still at the point where once in a while I will realize dip hasn't popped into my mind in 3 or 4 hours and I am amazed by that short amount of "freedom". Sometimes the thought crosses my mind that I need to be thinking about dip more often to stay quit, almost like if I don't keep it in the forefront of my mind I will relapse. This is some pretty jacked up logic. I am keeping my guard up and not getting cocky about my short term success as I had a bad day a couple of weeks ago and know that another one could come back at any time.
I had my 2nd dip dream and I felt the most amount of guilt possible. I didn't make the choice to dip in the dream it just started with me dipping in the dream and I could not understand why. I spit it out and felt terrible. If this felt this bad in the dream I can not imagine what it would feel like in real life and I won't let that happen. I was around a couple of cousins that dip at a holiday party and was not tempted in the least. That surprised me, in a good way. I really haven't been around many dippers since I quit because most of my buddies never dipped or quit along time ago. I told them that I quit. Really I have been telling anyone and everyone that I quit and that has been helpful. Takes more options of caving off the table.
I am still spending many, many hours on KTC a week reading, quit groups, intros, hall of fame, everything. For me, I can't get enough of all of our stories, shared experiences, advice, triumphs, and even failures. There are so many of us addicts going through very similar things and winning. We are not alone and we can succeed. I am also learning from what I see from those that have failed. Up until 44 days ago I really thought I would be dipping until the day I died and I accepted that as my reality. No more. What a difference a mindset can make. It has and is a difficult process getting that mindset to change but I can say that mine is changing and it feels great. Well worth the pain for this reward.
If anyone considering/trying quitting is reading this, quit now. Get to work on changing your mindset. Everyday matters. The sooner you start the process the sooner you will realize its worth and find a happier life.
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Mike,
You are doing a great job with your quit but remember not to let your guard down.
You need to quickly change your focus to something else when you think about dipping.
You also need to be aware that when you approach major milestones like 50, 100 days etc, when you think things should be getting easier, they instead get harder. You will feel pangs of want. Ignore those pangs, change your focus and soldier on.
Just giving your fair warning.
I quit with you today. Dundippin day 827.
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Thanks for the heads up Dun! I appreciate all the warnings and advice and know I can never hear it enough. I went back after about a year quit many years ago so I understand the complacency factor with time passing. Proud to be quit with you.
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Day 81, haven't thought about updating anything here in quite a while which I guess has been a good thing. Things are going very well with my quit overall. Yesterday and today have really sucked so I wanted to document. In all honesty I have no idea if this has anything to do with quitting nicotine or if it is just regular life. I have some crap going on in different areas of my life (work is crazy, some family issues, and am having a major renovation done at my house while I live at my in-laws house). It may just be the combination of all this nonsense at once but I have been seeing red for a good part of yesterday and this morning so far. I snapped at my wife twice yesterday and once at a coworker which is extremely unusual. I am not the type of person that easily gets pissed, I am pretty easy going in all aspects of life. I can't remember being this pissed in many years. I was also surprised to wake up still pre-occuppied with anger and some anxiety. I would have thought a sleep would have helped more. As I write this I am starting to feel a bit better so hopefully today will get back to normal.
The thought of dipping to "relieve" this anger/anxiety has crossed my mind a few times. I am proud that I have quickly shut those thoughts out of my head and said to myself that there is no way I am going back to that crap. I am happy that my defenses against the bitch are stronger than the temptation even when I am at a weak point. I have been trying some of the usual methods to help get past this - exercise, deep breaths, water. Strangely enough (or maybe not) posting my support to fellow quitters this morning has brought me some relief and I will take it anyway I can get it. Thanks KTC!
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Day 81, haven't thought about updating anything here in quite a while which I guess has been a good thing. Things are going very well with my quit overall. Yesterday and today have really sucked so I wanted to document. In all honesty I have no idea if this has anything to do with quitting nicotine or if it is just regular life. I have some crap going on in different areas of my life (work is crazy, some family issues, and am having a major renovation done at my house while I live at my in-laws house). It may just be the combination of all this nonsense at once but I have been seeing red for a good part of yesterday and this morning so far. I snapped at my wife twice yesterday and once at a coworker which is extremely unusual. I am not the type of person that easily gets pissed, I am pretty easy going in all aspects of life. I can't remember being this pissed in many years. I was also surprised to wake up still pre-occuppied with anger and some anxiety. I would have thought a sleep would have helped more. As I write this I am starting to feel a bit better so hopefully today will get back to normal.
The thought of dipping to "relieve" this anger/anxiety has crossed my mind a few times. I am proud that I have quickly shut those thoughts out of my head and said to myself that there is no way I am going back to that crap. I am happy that my defenses against the bitch are stronger than the temptation even when I am at a weak point. I have been trying some of the usual methods to help get past this - exercise, deep breaths, water. Strangely enough (or maybe not) posting my support to fellow quitters this morning has brought me some relief and I will take it anyway I can get it. Thanks KTC!
Life's full of stress, is it not?
I completely get that feeling of - aw screw it, just go back to the dip and this stress will go away.
Except, we both know it won't. When I had a real stressful time, caught between about 5 things, I just went outside and let out the biggest AUGGGHHHH!!!!!!! and then realized that did help. Chew the shit outta some gum. Chomp on that stuff like you hate it. Use a stress ball or tennis ball and squeeze the crap outta it.
But know this. Your house will get done. Your work will settle down, life will get smoother. And you will still be quit. You will make it through this and it will make you stronger. Cuz thats what life does.
IQWYT, DonkeyMN 359
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Day 81, haven't thought about updating anything here in quite a while which I guess has been a good thing. Things are going very well with my quit overall. Yesterday and today have really sucked so I wanted to document. In all honesty I have no idea if this has anything to do with quitting nicotine or if it is just regular life. I have some crap going on in different areas of my life (work is crazy, some family issues, and am having a major renovation done at my house while I live at my in-laws house). It may just be the combination of all this nonsense at once but I have been seeing red for a good part of yesterday and this morning so far. I snapped at my wife twice yesterday and once at a coworker which is extremely unusual. I am not the type of person that easily gets pissed, I am pretty easy going in all aspects of life. I can't remember being this pissed in many years. I was also surprised to wake up still pre-occuppied with anger and some anxiety. I would have thought a sleep would have helped more. As I write this I am starting to feel a bit better so hopefully today will get back to normal.
The thought of dipping to "relieve" this anger/anxiety has crossed my mind a few times. I am proud that I have quickly shut those thoughts out of my head and said to myself that there is no way I am going back to that crap. I am happy that my defenses against the bitch are stronger than the temptation even when I am at a weak point. I have been trying some of the usual methods to help get past this - exercise, deep breaths, water. Strangely enough (or maybe not) posting my support to fellow quitters this morning has brought me some relief and I will take it anyway I can get it. Thanks KTC!
Life's full of stress, is it not?
I completely get that feeling of - aw screw it, just go back to the dip and this stress will go away.
Except, we both know it won't. When I had a real stressful time, caught between about 5 things, I just went outside and let out the biggest AUGGGHHHH!!!!!!! and then realized that did help. Chew the shit outta some gum. Chomp on that stuff like you hate it. Use a stress ball or tennis ball and squeeze the crap outta it.
But know this. Your house will get done. Your work will settle down, life will get smoother. And you will still be quit. You will make it through this and it will make you stronger. Cuz thats what life does.
IQWYT, DonkeyMN 359
Thanks man, I needed to hear that.
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Congratulations on 100 days of freedom man!
This is only the beginning, and it will be a tough next 100... but you will soon see how much better it gets!
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Congratulations on 100 days of freedom man!
This is only the beginning, and it will be a tough next 100... but you will soon see how much better it gets!
Congratulations Mike! YouÂ’re doing great. More and more freedom awaits my friend. Keep on doing what youÂ’re doing
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Day 166 and haven't posted in here in about 3 months and honestly that is because things are going great. Still have occasional dip thoughts but they are quickly crushed. I wanted to document a couple of things from over the past 3 months.
Haven't had a dip dream in a long while, but did have a dream that I missed posting roll. I felt just as bad as I did when I had a dip dream in the past. This is telling me how committed I am to the KTC way and my quit brothers.
Been having dreams nightly, most nights more than one. For most my life I have gone months and years without remembering any dreams. For the past couple of months I have been having very vivid and mostly realistic dreams, both good dreams and bad ones. A lot of times during the day I think about the dream from the prior night and it takes me a good minute to remember that it was a dream and not real life. Not sure if this has anything to do with quitting or brain rewiring but wanted to document for future reference.
Spring/summer is approaching if the weather allows it. I often think about certain summer activities that I will be experiencing for the 1st time dip free. I know its not rational to worry about these things coming in the future and I will take it ODAAT, but it doesn't stop the thoughts from floating through my mind here and there. I hate the fact that I spend time thinking about these future events. I read something today that I have pasted below that really speaks to how I want to handle these future activities.
Always loved fishing and playing softball with a dip. When I quit some 3+ years ago didnÂ’t think it would be possible to do either without dip. I thought to myself, IÂ’ve let tobacco stop me from doing a lot of things itÂ’s time for me to grab my sack, man up and show this piece of shit whoÂ’s the boss. Got my SM chew, gum headed out, had problems first couple of times, talked to my brothers on here some and now it very seldom is on my mind. You see I learned to hate the shit that was controlling my life. Life is so much better without the bitch! Learn to hate here, quit the romance and be the man or woman you were meant to be. Damn proud to be quitting with you all today!
Pab
I saw this posted in July today. This really speaks to me and thought I would copy it in here in case it may help anyone else. We / I are still going through a lot of firsts with not having been through a full year or a spring/summer. This weighs on my mind as there are so many summer activities that I closely associate with dip and this will be the summer of breaking those associations, same way I have been breaking them the past 5 months. I think the attitude Pab talks about will be essential for me this summer; remembering what dip stopped me from doing, what it took away from me, and me being the one in control from now on. That romancing shit still creeps into my head every now and then when I think about summer stuff. I still need to see this stuff and to be ready to face these firsts. Thanks for putting this out there Pab!
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We all make decisions in life. So good, some bad. Most of us are here because we made the bad decision many years ago to put that poison in our mouth. Now for me one of the best decisions I make daily is posting my promise every morning to not use nicotine. We choose a spouse to spend our life with. Sometimes we make stupid decisions again and screw up or they screw up and it leads to a divorce. We make a decision when we are young, finish school go to college, drop out start to work, the last usually donÂ’t work out well but itÂ’s your decision. Now youÂ’re older you have all your brothers and sisters here at ktc, itÂ’s your decision with all of this support how could you not make the right one. Quit on