KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Bigbob on April 29, 2014, 12:14:00 PM
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Hey everyone I just joined this board. I'm a bit confused on how to use it tho and find a quit group. My immediate problem is that I am having extreme anxiety and get very dizzy. The world just looks so strange to me. Like my eyes are not processesing thing right. I don't know if my anxiety is causing the symptoms or the symptoms are causing the anxiety. The other kicker is I started to slow down my tobacco intake and the symptoms started. That was before I actually quit. Is this the " fog" I read about? Is it normal to have it his far along? I will be 5 weeks cold turkey on Thursday. Chewed a tin a day and all day long for about 5 years. Chewed for about 10 years total but I have only been real bad for. 5. Also smoked. It seems to be getting better. I had 3 days in a row I started to feel almost normal and now I'm on the second day of feeling aweful and dizzy again. This has me very scared. I do t know if it's withdrawal or a nother medical problem. My appetite has disappeared too. When I am going through a period of feeling decnt I can eat just fine. But when it gets bad, I can't make myself eat. Worth mentioning I quit drinking too on the same day. Didn't drink very heavy but I did drink frequently. A beer or two a night / every other. Ight. Can anyone give me some peace of mind and calm me down or point me in the right direction? Thanks
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BigBob,
I am 20 days into my quit and have experienced some of what you describe. First, I would recommend reading this site. Very good information here!!! I find this information on what to expect when you quit very helpful: What to expect when you quit (http://www.killthecan.org/your-quit/what-to-expect-when-you-quit-dipping/)
You quit one day at a time!! There have been moments where I was watching my watch and counting minutes.
Learn to HATE NICOTINE. Read up on the evil bitch that it is.
I will send you my cell number. Call or text me anytime.
Other more experienced members will certainly add to this.
STAY STRONG YOU HAVE THIS.
Posting Roll is the most important thing. Every day. Here is how you do it: How to post roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/)
Quitter123 Day - 20
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Hey everyone I just joined this board. I'm a bit confused on how to use it tho and find a quit group. My immediate problem is that I am having extreme anxiety and get very dizzy. The world just looks so strange to me. Like my eyes are not processesing thing right. I don't know if my anxiety is causing the symptoms or the symptoms are causing the anxiety. The other kicker is I started to slow down my tobacco intake and the symptoms started. That was before I actually quit. Is this the " fog" I read about? Is it normal to have it his far along? I will be 5 weeks cold turkey on Thursday. Chewed a tin a day and all day long for about 5 years. Chewed for about 10 years total but I have only been real bad for. 5. Also smoked. It seems to be getting better. I had 3 days in a row I started to feel almost normal and now I'm on the second day of feeling aweful and dizzy again. This has me very scared. I do t know if it's withdrawal or a nother medical problem. My appetite has disappeared too. When I am going through a period of feeling decnt I can eat just fine. But when it gets bad, I can't make myself eat. Worth mentioning I quit drinking too on the same day. Didn't drink very heavy but I did drink frequently. A beer or two a night / every other. Ight. Can anyone give me some peace of mind and calm me down or point me in the right direction? Thanks
Hey BB. Welcome and congrats on a great decision. 4 weeks on your own is bad ass. Every quitter seems to experience withdrawal differently with varying symptoms.
First off I would suggest you drink lots of water and exercise if you can. If the dizziness doesn't improve, do get it checked out. It could be blood pressure, withdrawal or something totally unrelated to quitting. Be honest with your doctor. If all checks out okay and it turns out to be nic withdrawal...all I can say is it will get better. Just grit your teeth, breath deep and camp out on this site. Once your through the fog, remember these early days as it will reinforce that you never want to go through that again.
Quit with you.
PM me if you need anything.
Doc-I am quit right now!
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Bob I'm not a medical professional and so this is just my opinion. I've been quit a little over 2 years now with the help if KTC and I've seen a lot of people quit and suffer from anxiety or other issues relating to our mental health. After 40+ years of addiction and depression, when I quit 2 things happened for me I needed to change my meds for anxiety and depression and after about 3 months I got to a point I was better than I had ever been in my life. In the wildcard section there is a thread on anxiety and depression. The thing to remember is that you have disrupted a main part of your life and reprogramming doesn't happen over night. Another point that I've noticed is that most of us have suffered from fear that our dipping was going to kill us and very often we feel we've waited too long. Then when we quit every mouth sore, sore throat, digestive problem that we get, we fear that our quit is to late. Don't be afraid to see a doctor and be completely open about everything. Especially the anxiety. Mental health which anxiety is a disorder of is nothing to hide or be ashamed of, you may just need a medication for a short time to level out your moods. Depending on your quit date I think your probably in the July 2014 quit group and posting your promise there daily and meeting others going through similar stages of quit and talking with them helps immensely. Pm me if you want my #.
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Thanks fellas. I'm starting to calm down a bit now. I defiantly have anxiety over the too little too late point. The biggest source of my anxiety is two fold. I feeling it's never gunna end, and my wife is due in a week with my first baby. I'm terrified that I'm gunna freak out and have a panic attack in the delivery room. I'll admit this will sound ridiculous coming from a tobacco user but I'm one of the. No gmo food, no pills type of guys so I'm also anxiou about having no choice but to take anxiety mess. I did see the doctor on day 8. I was so dizzy I thought I would fall over. I went to him to rule out vertigo or something else. He didn't run any test or anything and didn't seem surprised at all. He told me to try the patch. Reluctantly I tried it, had to do something it was unbearable. It took away the dizziness but it sent my anxiety through the roof. My heart pounded heard and fast, thought I was having a heart attack. I tried for three days, dropping g to th lower strength patches, the. Trying to put one on and take it off every once in a while. Finally I went back to cold turkey and the dizzy news came back. I was also greeted with the anxiety over weather or not I reset the clock by using the patch and had to start over. This is by far been the hardest thing iv ever delt with. Reading is site is definitely making me feel more at ease. Thank you all. And I'm sorry for the horrible grammar and spelling my fingers don't agree with an IPhone.
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BigBob, how much water are you drinking? I felt dizzy and anxious too, but the days I drank water by the gallon ( gallon and a half a few times) I felt better............or at least had to piss so much I forgot I was dizzy. Don't worry about what tomorrow brings, quit today and stay quit. Tomorrow will come and you can quit again then.
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BigBob, how much water are you drinking? I felt dizzy and anxious too, but the days I drank water by the gallon ( gallon and a half a few times) I felt better............or at least had to piss so much I forgot I was dizzy. Don't worry about what tomorrow brings, quit today and stay quit. Tomorrow will come and you can quit again then.
These fucking doctors that push NRT just piss me off to no end. BigBob I did not suffer from anxiety but I went through the vertigo thing for quite awhile. I cant tell you when but I can tell you that it WILL get better. Life on the other side of this addiction is awesome. You just have to tough it out long enough to find out for yourself. You can do this. Don't overthink it. Just know that you are healing and it might take awhile to undo all the damage. Be Strong for your new baby that is on its way. Heres to your child never knowing a Dad with shit in his lip.
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I have always been a big water drinker. Lately it has been hard because I get sick to my stomach and have a hard time eating and drinking when the anxiety and vertigo come on. I will try to keep ponding water. Thanks for the tip. Some days I do pound water and some days I just drink a fair amount. I guess the best way to qualify it is I have not seen yellow pee in years haha. Thanks a bunch for the support guys this site really is amazing. When I started googling these symptoms in the beginning, I turned a paper cut I to a tripe bypass. You start reading and by th time I was done I was convinced I was in heart failure, hypoglycemia, vertigo, and ear infection and a host of other things haha. So I stopped reading. The. I came here to lurk a bit and stopped because it was causing anxiety when I read a speech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants. I have here. Telling myself one day at a time for about 2 weeks. This is absolutely brutal. Can't wait to be on the other side. Never wanted something so bad in my life. Thanks again!
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I have always been a big water drinker. Lately it has been hard because I get sick to my stomach and have a hard time eating and drinking when the anxiety and vertigo come on. I will try to keep ponding water. Thanks for the tip. Some days I do pound water and some days I just drink a fair amount. I guess the best way to qualify it is I have not seen yellow pee in years haha. Thanks a bunch for the support guys this site really is amazing. When I started googling these symptoms in the beginning, I turned a paper cut I to a tripe bypass. You start reading and by th time I was done I was convinced I was in heart failure, hypoglycemia, vertigo, and ear infection and a host of other things haha. So I stopped reading. The. I came here to lurk a bit and stopped because it was causing anxiety when I read a speech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants. I have here. Telling myself one day at a time for about 2 weeks. This is absolutely brutal. Can't wait to be on the other side. Never wanted something so bad in my life. Thanks again!
If you really want this you need to read the welcome center, learn how to post roll and join your quit group. July 2014? (Depends on the date you quit) Make friends that you can lean on. This place works if you put in the effort and follow the rules.
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I will do just that, thanks again
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I will do just that, thanks again
BB you have the right attitude. You can do this and it will get less brutal. Get in here and drink some KoolAid with your "pond" water:).
Just focus on the now. You can control what you do now. You are just like me, an addict fighting off an addiction. We will win one day at a time.
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I will do just that, thanks again
BB you have the right attitude. You can do this and it will get less brutal. Get in here and drink some KoolAid with your "pond" water:).
Just focus on the now. You can control what you do now. You are just like me, an addict fighting off an addiction. We will win one day at a time.
I think you will be in July 2014. It depends on the day you quit.
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It was march Thursday march 27. I can't math what group does that make me haha
Edit: if I clicked on the link i guess i don't. Need to math. July it is
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I have always been a big water drinker. Lately it has been hard because I get sick to my stomach and have a hard time eating and drinking when the anxiety and vertigo come on. I will try to keep ponding water. Thanks for the tip. Some days I do pound water and some days I just drink a fair amount. I guess the best way to qualify it is I have not seen yellow pee in years haha. Thanks a bunch for the support guys this site really is amazing. When I started googling these symptoms in the beginning, I turned a paper cut I to a tripe bypass. You start reading and by th time I was done I was convinced I was in heart failure, hypoglycemia, vertigo, and ear infection and a host of other things haha. So I stopped reading. The. I came here to lurk a bit and stopped because it was causing anxiety when I read a speech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants. I have here. Telling myself one day at a time for about 2 weeks. This is absolutely brutal. Can't wait to be on the other side. Never wanted something so bad in my life. Thanks again!
Your brain is playing tricks on you.. Making you feel bad and subtly suggesting if only you took a dip you would feel much, much better. It's the nic bitch trying to get you to feed her.
Stop, relax take a deep breath. It will all pass and become less frequent. Not sure the craves ever go completely away from what I've read here, but they do become less frequent and intense.
When even I'm getting that crave feeling, I hop on the ktc web page and/or forum and read. One of the articles, peoples HOF or some vets intro post from their day 1 until current. You'll find everyone has gone thru this and knows what you are going thru.
peech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants.
I don't think there is a finish line to cross (until you die.) You and I will have to quit each and every day until we die. We have to remain vigilant each and every day. You read stories of people with hundreds of days under their belt who cave.
I'll quit with you today BigBob
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I have always been a big water drinker. Lately it has been hard because I get sick to my stomach and have a hard time eating and drinking when the anxiety and vertigo come on. I will try to keep ponding water. Thanks for the tip. Some days I do pound water and some days I just drink a fair amount. I guess the best way to qualify it is I have not seen yellow pee in years haha. Thanks a bunch for the support guys this site really is amazing. When I started googling these symptoms in the beginning, I turned a paper cut I to a tripe bypass. You start reading and by th time I was done I was convinced I was in heart failure, hypoglycemia, vertigo, and ear infection and a host of other things haha. So I stopped reading. The. I came here to lurk a bit and stopped because it was causing anxiety when I read a speech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants. I have here. Telling myself one day at a time for about 2 weeks. This is absolutely brutal. Can't wait to be on the other side. Never wanted something so bad in my life. Thanks again!
Your brain is playing tricks on you.. Making you feel bad and subtly suggesting if only you took a dip you would feel much, much better. It's the nic bitch trying to get you to feed her.
Stop, relax take a deep breath. It will all pass and become less frequent. Not sure the craves ever go completely away from what I've read here, but they do become less frequent and intense.
When even I'm getting that crave feeling, I hop on the ktc web page and/or forum and read. One of the articles, peoples HOF or some vets intro post from their day 1 until current. You'll find everyone has gone thru this and knows what you are going thru.
peech that said at 100 days you realize it isn't the finish line and I just about shit my pants.
I don't think there is a finish line to cross (until you die.) You and I will have to quit each and every day until we die. We have to remain vigilant each and every day. You read stories of people with hundreds of days under their belt who cave.
I'll quit with you today BigBob
It will get better. I guarantee it. Stay the course.
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thanks guys. I think I did the roll call correctly. I am a bit confused about how to navigate this site. Is the quite group just to do roll call? i don't see an area to just bullshit with the quite group. I really appreciate all the help guys. its crazy some days i really feel like i am starting to get on the other side of this and then yesterday and today have been pure hell on Earth. I am so emotionally exhausted with the way I feel i don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I have been chewing tooth picks and straws and gum like its going outta style. I think one thing that is hard to wrap my head aroundÂ… I have never herd of anyone going through this. granted I only know ex smokers and not many of them. And I have zero desire to have a chew. This manifest it self as anxiety and dizzines. there have been a few times were i said "Man id love to pack a lip" but it was very short and made me smile. i took it as a sign that i was getting closer to normal. This whole experience is northing like i expected it to be. I was ready for a will power battle just fighting a strong erge to chew. now I'm just trying to convince my self I am not going bonkers. Thanks again for all your help and advice already !
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thanks guys. I think I did the roll call correctly. I am a bit confused about how to navigate this site. Is the quite group just to do roll call? i don't see an area to just bullshit with the quite group. I really appreciate all the help guys. its crazy some days i really feel like i am starting to get on the other side of this and then yesterday and today have been pure hell on Earth. I am so emotionally exhausted with the way I feel i don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I have been chewing tooth picks and straws and gum like its going outta style. I think one thing that is hard to wrap my head aroundÂ… I have never herd of anyone going through this. granted I only know ex smokers and not many of them. And I have zero desire to have a chew. This manifest it self as anxiety and dizzines. there have been a few times were i said "Man id love to pack a lip" but it was very short and made me smile. i took it as a sign that i was getting closer to normal. This whole experience is northing like i expected it to be. I was ready for a will power battle just fighting a strong erge to chew. now I'm just trying to convince my self I am not going bonkers. Thanks again for all your help and advice already !
Hey there Bob! Glad you made a great choice. You aren't losing your mind. You are taking your life back. I won't add a lot of words of wisdom, as 1. I'm not a very wise man, and 2. You have some of the most powerhouse quitters on this site already serving as mentors to you. One of the great things about this really unique group you are part of is that you really develop a brotherhood with those that support you. Much like a group of soldiers in a war, you hold each other up and never, ever will let each other down.
But... I will say this... Your intro pisses me the fuck off at nicotine! Dude, here you are... A bright young guy that used nicotine for a fraction of the time I did (meaning you are a fraction of the dumb ass I am) and with all kinds of goodness ahead of you! A new addition to the family, a wife that I bet is on edge but still crazy excited, and nicotine is jacking with your head to the point of making you think you are bonkers. Fuck nicotine for robbing you of this really special time in your life!!!! Fuck it!
Rant over. You will never regret quitting. You will have pride and peace like you can't imagine. You won't be wasting $$ you could be saving for college for your kid. You won't be inviting cancer into your life. And your wife will be really proud of you. Plus you'll gain some friends on this board that will be lifelong. Some of the best men (and women) I've encountered in life are from this website. And some of them are supporting you. Remember... Our successes are all linked together, and there are no weak links.
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Hi Bob -
Hang in there you are close to things getting much better! You have some real strong people offering you support too- you are doing it! All I can say is to repeat that it helps to read all you can to learn about what you are fighting. Your situation will make more sense then. I know I had a pretty long fog like you are facing. The days of patches didn't help either. Now that's behind you and you are earning your freedom. You'll love it as it comes to you. And, reach out to others via "PM" or personal messages. Exchange phone numbers and basically network for accountability and support partners. Absolutely invaluable and very east to do here because we all face the same addiction. Glad you're here!
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Bob. Bob. Bob.
As someone who battled anxiety to the nth degree (read my intro if you have 5 hours), let me attempt to set your mind at ease.
First off. You're not going bonkers. You're re-wiring your brain and learning to deal with "life" without your crutch. It sucks, and it looks like you're one of the "lucky ones" who gets the anxiety bonus. I got that too. It blows, no way around it.
Something I really want to stress to you, is that anxiety is bred and manifested by your own thoughts. I know at times it seems you have no control over your thoughts, but you do.
Constantly analyzing yourself, worrying if your crazy, wondering when you will feel "normal" again, comparing yourself to others, fearing panic attacks, and being anxious about...anxiety are all counterproductive thoughts that you control. They are also all things I had to deal with. So take some comfort in knowing your not alone with your situation. I've walked the same path and am 696 days quit, and digging life.
I too HATED meds but used them as an assist to get me through some very tough times. Quitting is hard enough, doing it with one arm tied behind your back is damn near impossible. Don't be ashamed or afraid. Meds while taken with the guidance of a professional can be very helpful. It's the people who abuse the meds who create the horror stories you read about, putting fear into guys like you and me. Think of a diabetic who has to rely on insulin to help him function. There is no shame in that.
I could go on for days with everything I've learned about the anxiety part of quitting. Meds, exercise, some trips to a counselor, this site, and TIME were some of my best allies. I was my worst enemy. Along with my out of control thoughts I glorified chew, gave it waaay too much credit, blamed it for EVERY THING, and believed all the lies it told me. This is the perfect breeding ground for anxiety.
Explore all options to remain quit and control anxiety. Leave no stone unturned. I know right now it may seem like you will feel this way forever, but you won't. Think of this as a small window of suck in your life, because that's really what it is. If I felt that way forever, no way in hell I would still be quit right now.
I know this is some long shit, but this is a subject I really struggled with and always try to help others going through the same. I honestly feel I should write more as I have tons more to share. Feel free to hit me up anytime, if you have any questions. I'm here for you 27/7/365.
Quit on...
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Bob -
I had a very similar experience as you. I thought quitting was all going to be about to resist cravings and not dip, but it has also been a real mind fuck for me - anxiety, dizzyness, thinking I am going bonkers, throw me in the looney bin shit. I had to go to the doctor to get everything checked out to make sure I was not crazy. I went the first month or so without discovering this site and I wish I would have found it right away. Reading information here on KTC and posting roll was the only thing that really helped me.
Just remember it does get better, I am on day 79 now and my anxiety crazyness still comes and goes but it is much easier to handle. What helped me was to remember that we are not going to get better all at once, its not like a cold where we get better day by day, we have good days and then we have bad days. But the further you get the more good days you have and they get better and better - I promise.
I hope this helps. Read as much as you can, exercise helps, water helps, posting roll is a must.
I will quit with you today. Let me know if you need anything.
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Bob -
I had a very similar experience as you. I thought quitting was all going to be about to resist cravings and not dip, but it has also been a real mind fuck for me - anxiety, dizzyness, thinking I am going bonkers, throw me in the looney bin shit. I had to go to the doctor to get everything checked out to make sure I was not crazy. I went the first month or so without discovering this site and I wish I would have found it right away. Reading information here on KTC and posting roll was the only thing that really helped me.
Just remember it does get better, I am on day 79 now and my anxiety crazyness still comes and goes but it is much easier to handle. What helped me was to remember that we are not going to get better all at once, its not like a cold where we get better day by day, we have good days and then we have bad days. But the further you get the more good days you have and they get better and better - I promise.
I hope this helps. Read as much as you can, exercise helps, water helps, posting roll is a must.
I will quit with you today. Let me know if you need anything.
Good post.
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Guys I can't thank you all enough for posting I her and giving me advice. Today was a real roller coaster. Felt decent and felt horrible coming in waves all day. I have found that the busier I am the better it is in general. I came home form a long day at work and tried to clean up the house and brought wifeys car to the corner to vacuum and clean it all out. Gotta figure out how this baby seat thing works. I thought that this would be done with well before the baby came but it looks like I'm gunna have to sac up and use the tools your guys are giving me to tackle this.
I want to let you all know that you helped me out a lot today. Diesel I started reading ur intro and I get another page or two when I need to get away for a minute and have a brake at work. Real goofy reading that coming from another person. It is almost exactly what I am going threw. Down to the fact that I lurked and left because I was scared by others posting well into a quit about their troubles. Even weirder my real name is Craig, I live in michigan and I'm a diesel mechanic haha. I used everybody's words of wisdom when it got rough. I drank a shit load of water, I told myself out loud that feeling like this means that I am winning. When I get that feeling of anxiety about how long before I can say iv never felt so good, like I expected to after I quit, I put on the brakes and worry about today. I am one more day quit. Thank you all and please keep the words of wisdom coming.
I'm still not exactly sure how to get to know my quit group. Is that all through pm? Do I need to sign up for chat? I don't see anything but roll. (Which iv successfully muffed up both times , sry guys) in the quit group. Thanks again everyone
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Guys I can't thank you all enough for posting I her and giving me advice. Today was a real roller coaster. Felt decent and felt horrible coming in waves all day. I have found that the busier I am the better it is in general. I came home form a long day at work and tried to clean up the house and brought wifeys car to the corner to vacuum and clean it all out. Gotta figure out how this baby seat thing works. I thought that this would be done with well before the baby came but it looks like I'm gunna have to sac up and use the tools your guys are giving me to tackle this.
I want to let you all know that you helped me out a lot today. Diesel I started reading ur intro and I get another page or two when I need to get away for a minute and have a brake at work. Real goofy reading that coming from another person. It is almost exactly what I am going threw. Down to the fact that I lurked and left because I was scared by others posting well into a quit about their troubles. Even weirder my real name is Craig, I live in michigan and I'm a diesel mechanic haha. I used everybody's words of wisdom when it got rough. I drank a shit load of water, I told myself out loud that feeling like this means that I am winning. When I get that feeling of anxiety about how long before I can say iv never felt so good, like I expected to after I quit, I put on the brakes and worry about today. I am one more day quit. Thank you all and please keep the words of wisdom coming.
I'm still not exactly sure how to get to know my quit group. Is that all through pm? Do I need to sign up for chat? I don't see anything but roll. (Which iv successfully muffed up both times , sry guys) in the quit group. Thanks again everyone
Hang in there Bob/Craig. You're going to learn a lot about yourself. You may not like some of the findings, but it's necessary to re-find the real you.
You got this. Just keep grinding away, one day at a time.
Quit on...
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At the upper right of the screen you will see a link to your inbox. That's how to get to pm. You can also search for other quitters there. Or click on their name then select an option to pm them. It wi come together. Glad you are learning and feeling good about this decision to live free from the evil poison.
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Thanks. So is there a strategy behind it or do u just send random members of your group a pm and start to get to know them? Thanks everyone. The anxiety has me right on the edge today. Not over it but right on it. Going to my last scheduled checkup for the baby before the due date this afternoon. Wish me luck
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I wish you luck for the baby, but not on the quit. Luck has nothing to do with quitting like fuck, and you and I can do that ODAAT. I quit with you today, and blessings to your soon to be new family member!
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Bigbob
Check your inbox (upper right corner) I'm sure you've got mail!
If you don't, click on your inbox and go into PM System Settings and make sure you have the box checked that allows PM's from others.
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This was a good read. Don't know if you hit the chat room yet but that place is awesome.
Quitting sucks but being a slave to nicotine sucks more.
Stay quit.
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Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
-
I quit with you today BigBob. I also had the stomach shit. You are not alone brother. We got ya. Text me when it gets rough. We can txt eqch other the words Fuck Nic bqck and forth if need be. :)
-
Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
Keep at it today BiGBob... Stay focused on today. Your finish line is the end of the day. That is how we quit. ODAAT. Don't worry about tomorrow until that day comes.
When people say no finish line... They are getting ahead of themselves a little bit. They are referencing the decision they will need to make tomorrow and the day after.
The beauty and secret to keeping your word is that you don't need to decide about tomorrow today. You control your actions in this moment. Stay focused only on today. You can do this!
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Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
Keep coming here and writing. It is very therapeutic.
Also, keep reading. I know is sucks and is scary to read certain things. You are reading things that you don't want to hear, but they are things you MUST hear. I learned that lesson and now I'm preaching it because it's true.
You are not going to read, "On day X the fog will be gone. On day X your anxiety will fade. On day X your craves will end. And on Day X you will be all cured and never thing about dip again"
Why? Because there are no such X dates, and we will not lie to you. You're and addict trying to quit something you've been addicted to for years. The road is going to be bumpy, things are going to suck, you're going to struggle, you're going to feel like shit, you're going to be constipated and then shit your brains out for two hours. Like some genius on here once said, "things are gonna suck until they don't".
I'm sorry bro, but those are the facts.
Here are some other facts...
Keep fighting and things WILL get better. Keep quit each day and it's a small victory. Over time those small victories WILL add up and you will feel better. Right now you are clinging to the negative in what you are reading, I did the same it and it drug me down like a fucking anchor.
Hard as it may be, try to focus on some of the positive in what you read. Keep reading my intro, and you will see it become much more positive. If things didn't get better, my ass would have been out of here long ago. Just like we won't lie to you about how bad things can be, we aren't lieing when we tell you how awesome things will get.
I kicked to todays ASS. Lived a "normal" day and never even thought about dip. Fuck that shit. I don't need it and I never did. You just have to keep grinding. Get small, grind it out hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. Whatever you have to do to keep that shit out of your lip, do it!!!
keep you eye on the prize, bro. FREEDOM. That is what you should crave. Freedom from addiction, freedom from being controlled by poisonous weeds in a can, freedom from being a SLAVE. Get normal again!!!! You haven't been normal in years. Come home!!!! Embrace the journey instead of fearing it. I walked in your shoes and lived to dine on honeydew and drink the milk of paradise. It's not a mirage that keeps disappearing as you get closer. Freedom is REAL, feeling great again is REAL, KICKING ANXIETYS ASS IS REAL. I DID IT, and AM DOING IT. I was a pussy too. I was weak, I doubted myself, I went to counseling, I took meds, I cried, I funked, I was high one day and low the next, I was lost and crying in the corner in the fetal position like a cry baby little bitch. But I never gave up and I never caved, and neither will you. Like I said, there is no way in hell I would ever go through that shit again. I promised myself if I did get out of it, I would live life to the fullest, and I am. I will NEVER forget the pain I suffered to remain quit. I think I once said I would shoot fireworks out my ass if I ever felt "normal" again. Last 4th of July I shot an 80 shot roman candle out my bung hole.
As for anxiety, please do what you have to do to manage it. Go see a counselor, they will help. It feels good to spill your guts to someone and have them tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, what you are doing is right, your not going nuts and in fact you are one smart mother fucker for seeking help in the first place. It's one thing for me or someone else on here to tell you that, but it feels a hell of a lot better when you hear it from an educated professional. They will also give you techniques to help you manage your anxiety. Also I know you're anti meds, but there are some out there designed specifically to help with anxiety. Don't be to proud to use them.
Bottom line...you are going to get through this. Things are going to get easier, your anxiety is going to fade, you will eventually tell me I'm right, and one day you will offer advice to someone who is in the same boat you are in right now.
Don't focus so much on WHEN and IF all this will happen. Just look forward to when it will.
Quit on...
-
Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
Keep coming here and writing. It is very therapeutic.
Also, keep reading. I know is sucks and is scary to read certain things. You are reading things that you don't want to hear, but they are things you MUST hear. I learned that lesson and now I'm preaching it because it's true.
You are not going to read, "On day X the fog will be gone. On day X your anxiety will fade. On day X your craves will end. And on Day X you will be all cured and never thing about dip again"
Why? Because there are no such X dates, and we will not lie to you. You're and addict trying to quit something you've been addicted to for years. The road is going to be bumpy, things are going to suck, you're going to struggle, you're going to feel like shit, you're going to be constipated and then shit your brains out for two hours. Like some genius on here once said, "things are gonna suck until they don't".
I'm sorry bro, but those are the facts.
Here are some other facts...
Keep fighting and things WILL get better. Keep quit each day and it's a small victory. Over time those small victories WILL add up and you will feel better. Right now you are clinging to the negative in what you are reading, I did the same it and it drug me down like a fucking anchor.
Hard as it may be, try to focus on some of the positive in what you read. Keep reading my intro, and you will see it become much more positive. If things didn't get better, my ass would have been out of here long ago. Just like we won't lie to you about how bad things can be, we aren't lieing when we tell you how awesome things will get.
I kicked to todays ASS. Lived a "normal" day and never even thought about dip. Fuck that shit. I don't need it and I never did. You just have to keep grinding. Get small, grind it out hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. Whatever you have to do to keep that shit out of your lip, do it!!!
keep you eye on the prize, bro. FREEDOM. That is what you should crave. Freedom from addiction, freedom from being controlled by poisonous weeds in a can, freedom from being a SLAVE. Get normal again!!!! You haven't been normal in years. Come home!!!! Embrace the journey instead of fearing it. I walked in your shoes and lived to dine on honeydew and drink the milk of paradise. It's not a mirage that keeps disappearing as you get closer. Freedom is REAL, feeling great again is REAL, KICKING ANXIETYS ASS IS REAL. I DID IT, and AM DOING IT. I was a pussy too. I was weak, I doubted myself, I went to counseling, I tool meds, I cried, I funked, I was high one day and low the next, I was lost and crying in the corner in the fetal position like a cry baby little bitch. But I never gave up and I never in, and neither will you. Like I said, there is no way in hell I would ever do this shit again, and if I did get out of it, I would live life to the fullest, and I am. I will NEVER forget the pain I suffered to remain quit. I think I once said I would shoot fireworks out my ass if I ever felt "normal" again. Last 4th of July I shot an 80 shot roman candle out my bung hole.
As for anxiety, please do what you have to do to manage it. Go see a counselor, they will help. It feels good to spill your guts to someone and have them tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, what you are doing is right, your not going nuts and in fact you are one smart mother fucker for seeking help in the first place. It's one thing for me or someone else on here to tell you that, but it feels a hell of a lot better when you hear it from an educated professional. They will also give you techniques to help you manage your anxiety. Also I know you're anti meds, but there are some out there designed specifically to help with anxiety. Don't be to proud to use them.
Bottom line...you are going to get through this. Things are going to get easier, your anxiety is going to fade, you will eventually tell me I'm right, and one day you will offer advice to someone who is in the same boat you are in right now.
Don't focus so much on WHEN all this will happen. Just look forward to when it WILL.
Quit on...
BigBob
I'm not sure if you have access to a gym or health club, but I find that a good work out helps calm things down. I am by no means a health nut or gym rat, but I try to go daily, read USA today on my iPad while riding a stationary bike
I can't promise anything, but it works for me
This is by far the best intro I have been following since I joined 18 days ago!
We are all here for you! keep plowing through one day at a time!
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How's it going today BigBob? Keep reading, posting, and making friends. You are getting some great advice here from some quitters that really know their stuff- you are going to do it with such great help.
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My first visit to your thread BB but I just wanted to say congratulations on quitting and hang in there, man. I know it's rough. Today is my day 362 - I'm days away from one year.
But I remember having all kinds of crazy physical symptoms, terrible anxiety, unusual emotional reactions to things - crying, laughing, etc., and a haze of mental confusion and sadness and self-doubt and every other kind of misery.
I feel fine now but the first two or three or four months were just awful. I can remember sitting at my desk at work and just staring off into space because I couldn't comprehend what I was supposed to be doing for a few minutes. This happened a few times in the early days. I also had panic attacks that I thought were heart attacks and went to the doctor, terrified, not once but THREE TIMES.
And I've read comments here from early quitters like, "well, it's my Day 4, so the nicotine is now out of my body" but I don't believe it. I think it takes a long time for the body to flush out all the toxins and for the brain to get used to life without nicotine.
Going to the dentist and being very frank with him was helpful. So was getting a complete physical - my first in 11 years - after my heart attack scares. When both the dentist and the doctor said I'm healthy and normal and not to worry so much about the effects of tobacco now that I've quit using it, I felt a lot better.
You will too, in time. Best wishes. You are doing the best thing possible by quitting.
Edited to add:
By the way, if I've read correctly, you are about to become a father for the first time. I suspect that will help your quit greatly. First, you won't have the time to think about tobacco for a while. You are about to become very busy. Second, the love that your child will fill you with will change you forever, and the tobacco can forever be a part of your Previous Life Before Children. Never again.
Just some thoughts from the father of twins!
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Was up all last night. You know the drill. Couldn't fall asleep but I was closer to at peace than iv been all week. I started readings he book rdad suggested and so far it is helping. Not very far in yet tho. I woke up today, did some push-ups and told my self I was not going to let this live my life for me today. It has been the best day all week. I still have this body buzz thing going on and anxiety starts to come on. I just tell myself that that is my body wanting, not needing nicotine. And that I am just fine and will soon enjoy a better happier and calmer life. So far so good today guys. Again I can't thank you all enough for taking your time to walk with me and talk to off the ledge. My brothers will both be in town this weekend so hopefully that will keep me occupied and it will be a great weekend.
Oh.... Haha on a funny note. As I said yesterday was just terrible. I finally get to lay down in bed and throw on the tv and try to unwind a bit and not 2 minuts in, the fucking smoke alarm starts it's been ping to tell me change the battery. This is my first home, haven't been there long. Vaulted ceilings. I don't have a latter and I don't have a 9v battery. You. Have got to be kidding me haha classic "fuck my life" but I just started to laugh. It was one of those " what can you do moments" I had to get my ass out of bed to get a battery from the store and then build a very safe platform out of bar stools to get up there but I got it.
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Was up all last night. You know the drill. Couldn't fall asleep but I was closer to at peace than iv been all week. I started readings he book rdad suggested and so far it is helping. Not very far in yet tho. I woke up today, did some push-ups and told my self I was not going to let this live my life for me today. It has been the best day all week. I still have this body buzz thing going on and anxiety starts to come on. I just tell myself that that is my body wanting, not needing nicotine. And that I am just fine and will soon enjoy a better happier and calmer life. So far so good today guys. Again I can't thank you all enough for taking your time to walk with me and talk to off the ledge. My brothers will both be in town this weekend so hopefully that will keep me occupied and it will be a great weekend.
Oh.... Haha on a funny note. As I said yesterday was just terrible. I finally get to lay down in bed and throw on the tv and try to unwind a bit and not 2 minuts in, the fucking smoke alarm starts it's been ping to tell me change the battery. This is my first home, haven't been there long. Vaulted ceilings. I don't have a latter and I don't have a 9v battery. You. Have got to be kidding me haha classic "fuck my life" but I just started to laugh. It was one of those " what can you do moments" I had to get my ass out of bed to get a battery from the store and then build a very safe platform out of bar stools to get up there but I got it.
Watch out, I think you might have some good times during the weekend coming up. Sure, there will be rough spots, but you have a lot of proof you can handle them. And the good spots will be a well-deserved break- soak them up and enjoy the new, free life you are creating. Notice how it's nice not to have to re-dose all the time!
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soak them up and enjoy the new, free life you are creating. Notice how it's nice not to have to re-dose all the time!
QFT right there ^^^^^, I had a field trip and a little league game yesterday. A year ago I would have been looking for spots to ninja dip and hiding the can somewhere, yesterday I thought of dip once at the game, and quickly squashed it. The fucking freedom is amazing, and I quit with you today.
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...and then build a very safe platform out of bar stools to get up there but I got it.
Is that even possible??????????????
Quit with you Bob
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haha it was far from safe. DeskJockey I just now saw your post. Thanks for you advice. I am not excited at all about 3 or 4 months of this, but The only option is forward. no matter what it brings. Today had some ups and downs but all in all it was the best day this week. there is seldom more than 10 minutes that can pass without me thinking about my symptoms which is really annoying. this whole thing is just hard to wrap your head around. I don't have any desire to chew, I don't think about chewing or miss it at all. but I do have symptoms and i can't stop thinking about them.
Today was a win I believe on a few fronts. rdad sent me text just after i ate lunch. Asked how i was doing. I had a pretty good morning and right before lunch i had anxiety building. It comes on fast and furious and is hard to stop. I was really anxious the whole time and per usual had to force myself to eat. Side noteÂ…. My sex drive is in the shitter and so is my appetite. any of you guys dealing with or have dealt with that? I was able to remind myself of my promise this morning. and that is i will not let it live my life for me today. as i typed some of this to rdad i realized that I had just smacked down an attack that would have leveled me a few weeks ago. so I can view this as a small victory. I had several encounters with more mild anxiety and i felt like i was playing whack-a-mole all day. it would pop up and Id say "really man? your walking into home depot. your just fine and that bitch isn't gonna run your shit" I was able to stay pretty level headed (considering) all day. shy of about 4-5 tough times. the other symptom of the day was that my brain itches. It is a really odd sensation but i think it is replacing dizziness. at least i hope it is because i can deal with it a lot better haha. my brain just has this tingling feeling most of the day. and when it isn't tingling it is throbbing. usually along with the rest of my body.
I had what I believe is a pretty major epiphany today as well. they always say the first step to beating addiction is admitting there is a problem. addicts will make up crazy rationalizations to convince themselves they are in control. well, up to today and I'm still struggling with it, I refused to believe 100% that the way i feel is coming from withdrawal. That is why in my first post i mentioned that these symptoms started before i actually quite smoking. I was cutting back on chew and my brother in law convinced me to try one of them vape deals. so i did. It was a really low nic content one i guess ( i didn't know that) and i started wiggin the hell out a few days later. I also had a sinus infection and the flu. I started to get crazy shortness of breath and anxiety and it scared the shit out of me so i stopped everything all at once. Chew, smokes, booze, the whole nine. Today I realized that perhaps this is what they mean when they say you have to admit there is a problem. I would admit that i had a problem chewing. but i refused to admit these symptoms could be from the withdrawal. before today that saying seemed so ridiculous to me. a "No shit" saying but then i realize i am one of the slaves. It blows my mind that something this addictive is legal. all about the benjaminsÂ…
Thanks as always for the support and I am planning on bringing the hammer of thor along for some wild whack a mole. hope this weekend is my best yet.
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Freedom is as good as being a slave sux.
You are realizing the keys to being sucessful in your quit long term.
Ater today, Tomorrow will be another +1.
As long as you refuse to allow that whore to control your life, you refuse to let her to make you a statistic.
IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
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Freedom is as good as being a slave sux.
You are realizing the keys to being sucessful in your quit long term.
Ater today, Tomorrow will be another +1.
As long as you refuse to allow that whore to control your life, you refuse to let her to make you a statistic.
IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
Bigbob hope you are feeling a little better today. I see you posted roll and are getting active in the intros. Good job! That is how you strengthen your quit. Be a serious quitter and you will win!
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Thanks! Guys today. I didn't even have to use the ak... I gotta say it was a good day. I tackled a long drive to see my folks, were I'd usually have to get mentally prepared for the drama to come. I went to the mall that was busy as all hell. I can home and read some more of "freedom from nicotine" (which has been a very powerful tool for me thanks rdad). Up to that point in my day it was just ok. Had the throbbing body thing going on and had one pretty scary anxiety event at the end of the mall trip but it was the only one all day. Had very mild anxiety throught out the day but nothing compared to this past week. And then I forced myself to go mow the lawn for the first cut of the year. Man getting a sweat on really helped. Went out to eat some sushi with my brother and wife. Really small,dim, crowded place that Should have set a claustrophobic anxiety off but didn't. And I didn't think about anxiety or chew or anything other than out conversation the 2 hours I was gone. I needed today bad. Hoping that my days from here on will continue to get easier.
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Thanks! Guys today. I didn't even have to use the ak... I gotta say it was a good day. I tackled a long drive to see my folks, were I'd usually have to get mentally prepared for the drama to come. I went to the mall that was busy as all hell. I can home and read some more of "freedom from nicotine" (which has been a very powerful tool for me thanks rdad). Up to that point in my day it was just ok. Had the throbbing body thing going on and had one pretty scary anxiety event at the end of the mall trip but it was the only one all day. Had very mild anxiety throught out the day but nothing compared to this past week. And then I forced myself to go mow the lawn for the first cut of the year. Man getting a sweat on really helped. Went out to eat some sushi with my brother and wife. Really small,dim, crowded place that Should have set a claustrophobic anxiety off but didn't. And I didn't think about anxiety or chew or anything other than out conversation the 2 hours I was gone. I needed today bad. Hoping that my days from here on will continue to get easier.
I'm glad you had a good day and scored some victories. Who would have thought you could mow a lawn without dip! There are great things down the road for you. Freedom and a baby! Keep going. And keep the updates coming.
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Hey guys. Today was tolerable. But I am having a bitch of a time with anxiety still. The book really helped me while I was reading it but I'm having a hard time applying any of the wisdom. Seems at this point there should only be a few episodes a day if even that. And it should only last 3 minuts. But I'm am just getting straight hours of anxiety at a time that never really peak into a full fledged panic attack. Having a hard time reviewing what that means. Should I interpret this as a more and more triggers overcome and a victory? Or should I see it as I am having a hard time adjusting and I'm causing my own anxiety and not making progress at all? The worst of my anxiety comes from me still being dizzy and foggy. Outside in the sun I felt good. Even did a bit of fishing with my sister at a pond on our property today. As soon as I went inside and got In a dim room I started to get really anxious again. This is with a lot of family in a small place but the shutter of the celing fans, the throbing of my head and body, the dizziness. Then I get that anxious feeling. It doesn't stop when after 3 minutes it just kinda stays for hours sometimes. Even after a change of venue. It is either getting less intense or I am getting better at handling it because I wasn't as rattled as I have been. I do seem to be much better in general when I am at home. Including when sitting in "the chair". So I feel I have tackled most of the riggers at home but wife and I are laying in bed watching a movie right now and I just have this undertone of anxiety that I can't turn off. It does feel good to post here. To get something off my chest. Thanks for listening everyone. I do feel progress is being made but it's not in a hurry.
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Hey guys. Today was tolerable. But I am having a bitch of a time with anxiety still. The book really helped me while I was reading it but I'm having a hard time applying any of the wisdom. Seems at this point there should only be a few episodes a day if even that. And it should only last 3 minuts. But I'm am just getting straight hours of anxiety at a time that never really peak into a full fledged panic attack. Having a hard time reviewing what that means. Should I interpret this as a more and more triggers overcome and a victory? Or should I see it as I am having a hard time adjusting and I'm causing my own anxiety and not making progress at all? The worst of my anxiety comes from me still being dizzy and foggy. Outside in the sun I felt good. Even did a bit of fishing with my sister at a pond on our property today. As soon as I went inside and got In a dim room I started to get really anxious again. This is with a lot of family in a small place but the shutter of the celing fans, the throbing of my head and body, the dizziness. Then I get that anxious feeling. It doesn't stop when after 3 minutes it just kinda stays for hours sometimes. Even after a change of venue. It is either getting less intense or I am getting better at handling it because I wasn't as rattled as I have been. I do seem to be much better in general when I am at home. Including when sitting in "the chair". So I feel I have tackled most of the riggers at home but wife and I are laying in bed watching a movie right now and I just have this undertone of anxiety that I can't turn off. It does feel good to post here. To get something off my chest. Thanks for listening everyone. I do feel progress is being made but it's not in a hurry.
Dude, you've got some mighty strong quitters supporting you already. Men like rdad and diesel have given me a lot of strength and encouragement, so there isn't a lot that I can say other than... What you are experiencing is normal. And tolerable becomes normal which becomes good which becomes great which becomes bliss. But it all happens one day at a time. I read somewhere that there are no rainbows. Bullshit! One day at a time you will reach a great place. Don't focus on getting there.... It will happen when it is ready to happen.
You poisoned yourself for a lot of years. It will take time to deprogram and detox. Yeah, detox. You've poisoned your brain for years and now you are healing.
This is one of the best intro threads I've seen on here in a long time by the way. You are wise to journal this misery you are experiencing. In the near future when you read these posts you wrote you are gonna get mighty pissed at what nicotine took from you and did to you.
If I can ever help, let me know. If you have sny doubt about rainbows... Check almost anyone with a year quit under their belt and read their first and last post in their intro. Wastepanel or diesel are good examples. Srans. Erussell. Mike land. Wt57. There is a bright light ahead. One day at a time.
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Hey guys. Today was tolerable. But I am having a bitch of a time with anxiety still. The book really helped me while I was reading it but I'm having a hard time applying any of the wisdom. Seems at this point there should only be a few episodes a day if even that. And it should only last 3 minuts. But I'm am just getting straight hours of anxiety at a time that never really peak into a full fledged panic attack. Having a hard time reviewing what that means. Should I interpret this as a more and more triggers overcome and a victory? Or should I see it as I am having a hard time adjusting and I'm causing my own anxiety and not making progress at all? The worst of my anxiety comes from me still being dizzy and foggy. Outside in the sun I felt good. Even did a bit of fishing with my sister at a pond on our property today. As soon as I went inside and got In a dim room I started to get really anxious again. This is with a lot of family in a small place but the shutter of the celing fans, the throbing of my head and body, the dizziness. Then I get that anxious feeling. It doesn't stop when after 3 minutes it just kinda stays for hours sometimes. Even after a change of venue. It is either getting less intense or I am getting better at handling it because I wasn't as rattled as I have been. I do seem to be much better in general when I am at home. Including when sitting in "the chair". So I feel I have tackled most of the riggers at home but wife and I are laying in bed watching a movie right now and I just have this undertone of anxiety that I can't turn off. It does feel good to post here. To get something off my chest. Thanks for listening everyone. I do feel progress is being made but it's not in a hurry.
Dude, you've got some mighty strong quitters supporting you already. Men like rdad and diesel have given me a lot of strength and encouragement, so there isn't a lot that I can say other than... What you are experiencing is normal. And tolerable becomes normal which becomes good which becomes great which becomes bliss. But it all happens one day at a time. I read somewhere that there are no rainbows. Bullshit! One day at a time you will reach a great place. Don't focus on getting there.... It will happen when it is ready to happen.
You poisoned yourself for a lot of years. It will take time to deprogram and detox. Yeah, detox. You've poisoned your brain for years and now you are healing.
This is one of the best intro threads I've seen on here in a long time by the way. You are wise to journal this misery you are experiencing. In the near future when you read these posts you wrote you are gonna get mighty pissed at what nicotine took from you and did to you.
If I can ever help, let me know. If you have sny doubt about rainbows... Check almost anyone with a year quit under their belt and read their first and last post in their intro. Wastepanel or diesel are good examples. Srans. Erussell. Mike land. Wt57. There is a bright light ahead. One day at a time.
It gets better.....so much better, but it's gonna take some time. Quit with you today and every damn day!! You will do this
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Thanks guys. Anxiety is gone. I think I just needed to hear again that it gets better and I'm not crazy. I can't wait to pay back to this community what you all are giving me one day.
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Thanks guys. Anxiety is gone. I think I just needed to hear again that it gets better and I'm not crazy. I can't wait to pay back to this community what you all are giving me one day.
Right now just focus on yourself. You are serious about this. That's what it takes. Quitting is not for sissies! We just want you to stay quit so you can find out the truth for yourself. Quitting with us everyday is all we want!
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Thanks guys. Anxiety is gone. I think I just needed to hear again that it gets better and I'm not crazy. I can't wait to pay back to this community what you all are giving me one day.
Right now just focus on yourself. You are serious about this. That's what it takes. Quitting is not for sissies! We just want you to stay quit so you can find out the truth for yourself. Quitting with us everyday is all we want!
rdad's right. Get yourself through this. That's all it takes. Plenty of time to give back, but you gotta get through it first. If you read other's intros, you will find plenty of guys that end up taking a while fighting the fog... I know when I was thinking it had been a long time for me, I had a quit-group bro (Big Russ) who was almost always in the same symptoms. Worktowin and Jayhawk also reached out and said they had pretty long fogs. It helped me to read their threads.
Your brain and body are rewiring, it takes some time. But I can tell you it does get better, and those who have been quit longer will tell you, uniformly, that it gets so much better as you are free longer. Keep focus on 1) developing and learning your tooks for a successful quit, and 2) enjoying the good feelings that you have already earned, noticing how the bad ones always leave.
I'm quit with you Bigbob!
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Thanks guys. Anxiety is gone. I think I just needed to hear again that it gets better and I'm not crazy. I can't wait to pay back to this community what you all are giving me one day.
Right now just focus on yourself. You are serious about this. That's what it takes. Quitting is not for sissies! We just want you to stay quit so you can find out the truth for yourself. Quitting with us everyday is all we want!
rdad's right. Get yourself through this. That's all it takes. Plenty of time to give back, but you gotta get through it first. If you read other's intros, you will find plenty of guys that end up taking a while fighting the fog... I know when I was thinking it had been a long time for me, I had a quit-group bro (Big Russ) who was almost always in the same symptoms. Worktowin and Jayhawk also reached out and said they had pretty long fogs. It helped me to read their threads.
Your brain and body are rewiring, it takes some time. But I can tell you it does get better, and those who have been quit longer will tell you, uniformly, that it gets so much better as you are free longer. Keep focus on 1) developing and learning your tooks for a successful quit, and 2) enjoying the good feelings that you have already earned, noticing how the bad ones always leave.
I'm quit with you Bigbob!
ODAAT BigBob! Focus on today only. Put all your effort into being quit today.
When you hear yourself say... "I can't wait until ...." --- take a pause, a long breath and then remind yourself to stay in the moment. ODAAT. Sometimes it is one minute, one hr...
A lot of anxiety I have had stemmed from trying to be fixed NOW... or thinking I had to be fixed NOW. Once I accepted that it would take time and that it was ok to be a little messed up today (as long as I was quit) then I was able to manage my day better.
You can and are doing this. You are a free man today. Quit with you all day long.
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Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
Bob, grit your teeth some more brother...you are winning. Getting the shit kicked out of you but still winning. Never apologize for writing too much on here. It is probably helping you as much as anything.
You are an emotional mess. That's understandable, you are at many crossroads in your life. Crying is a good release so don't sweat it. Besides, women love it...it shows your feminine side:).
I think you need to practice deep breathing and relaxation when you feel the anxiety building. You should definitely seek some help to get over this hurdle. A counselor, meds, whatever. It doesn't have to be forever. Also, it is a fact that exercise helps your brain cope, eg. you felt better after your walk.
Also, STOP READING DIESEL'S SHIT! Find someone more uplifting to follow.
Although there isn't a finish line, this does get easier with time. You are healing.
I'm proud of you. You have gutted out some tough shit to be quit. Get the help you need and use this site to vent and for support.
Just try to remember that nic will not help any of this. Breath brother breath. Slow deep breaths. Take some time. You got this.
That baby is lucky not to have a tard dad with a lip full of dog shit.
PM me if you want to talk.
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
You will never have to relive the hell of the last 40 days ever again. Because you are quit! The days will keep getting better, Bob. One day at a time! Well done!
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
You will never have to relive the hell of the last 40 days ever again. Because you are quit! The days will keep getting better, Bob. One day at a time! Well done!
Good job. Soon tobacco will absolutely repulse you. You need to carry an unmatched disdain for tobacco/nicotine so that when you see users you can actually see them dying before your very eyes. The users out there are killing themselves and they don't even realize it. Glad you're no longer one of them. Let's work hard every damn day to ensure that you stay on this side of the proverbial suicide on the installment plan fence.
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
You will never have to relive the hell of the last 40 days ever again. Because you are quit! The days will keep getting better, Bob. One day at a time! Well done!
Good job. Soon tobacco will absolutely repulse you. You need to carry an unmatched disdain for tobacco/nicotine so that when you see users you can actually see them dying before your very eyes. The users out there are killing themselves and they don't even realize it. Glad you're no longer one of them. Let's work hard every damn day to ensure that you stay on this side of the proverbial suicide on the installment plan fence.
Well done BigBob! 40 days quit is outstanding! You owned it today. Proud to be quit with you today!
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
You will never have to relive the hell of the last 40 days ever again. Because you are quit! The days will keep getting better, Bob. One day at a time! Well done!
Good job. Soon tobacco will absolutely repulse you. You need to carry an unmatched disdain for tobacco/nicotine so that when you see users you can actually see them dying before your very eyes. The users out there are killing themselves and they don't even realize it. Glad you're no longer one of them. Let's work hard every damn day to ensure that you stay on this side of the proverbial suicide on the installment plan fence.
Well done BigBob! 40 days quit is outstanding! You owned it today. Proud to be quit with you today!
Big rob, just like everybody else has said, stick with it and stay on this site. You have done a great job writing your thoughts out. Keep it up. It is a great reference for when life starts it suck a little...proud to quit with you today
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thanks guys. your all really making this a lot easier on me. yesterday afternoon was actually pretty calm. I brought my brother out to eat some bbq and dropped him off at the airport. I was able to almost forget there was a problem for about 2 hours. a few hot flashes and quickly passing dizzy spells but I got through them quickly. I ate till i was too full and even had me a cold beer. I have lost just under 20 lbs. since this started so i was glad.
Today has probably been the best day so far. I felt like i was living life today instead of grinding minutes away. The dizziness and tingling and all matter of weird physical things was there all day, but it was much less intense than it has been. More importantly, I was able to not care so much about it. went and got my haircut and the broad smelt like a chimney. I started to get bad anxiety coming on so i distracted myself by shooting the shit with her. that was the only time i had to really buckle down to fight it off today. the rest of the day it was just there co existing with my day. Derk40 I though about what you said ( as well as everyone else). If I'm a bit messed up today thats ok as along as i was quit. I tried to treat it like a bad hangover. today I am proud to be quit for the first time since this started. Quitting is the only option and has been since i made the decision, but today i could say "that a boy" to myself and smile a little bit. Also, I miscounted, today is 40 days not the 36 i thought it was.
Thanks again everyone for giving me your time and advice this far. Doc I did have to stop reading diesels intro. I havent read anymore since I had my little brake down. seem to be able to weather the storm better not knowing about possible bad times to come. I did read ( well almost done) freedom from nicotine:the journey home and even sent the link to a few friends. Good read and helped a lot to put my mind at ease. Ima keep writing and hope you will all keep helping.
You will never have to relive the hell of the last 40 days ever again. Because you are quit! The days will keep getting better, Bob. One day at a time! Well done!
Good job. Soon tobacco will absolutely repulse you. You need to carry an unmatched disdain for tobacco/nicotine so that when you see users you can actually see them dying before your very eyes. The users out there are killing themselves and they don't even realize it. Glad you're no longer one of them. Let's work hard every damn day to ensure that you stay on this side of the proverbial suicide on the installment plan fence.
Well done BigBob! 40 days quit is outstanding! You owned it today. Proud to be quit with you today!
Big rob, just like everybody else has said, stick with it and stay on this site. You have done a great job writing your thoughts out. Keep it up. It is a great reference for when life starts it suck a little...proud to quit with you today
Dude, you are 40 days quit. Do you realize how F'in awesome that is? How much work you've put into your quit this far. The chaos that is the road you have traveled to get to this point? Do you realize all this? Short answerÂ…I'm sure you do. And because of that you know that for every +1 in the win column you chalk up, the further away from Day 1 you get.
I know this is true for me, maybe it is for you too, but I cannot even imagine having to post roll next morning and put a #1 next to my name. Totally unimaginable to me in this very moment. Tomorrow when I post my +1, it will be even more unimaginable.
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Guys today was fucking rough. Last night, on top of my usual wake up every hour when the wife pisses, I got up at 3:00 am and shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. horrible stomach ache. I thought maybe this was a sign things are starting to turn up as i have been super constipated. ok so no sleepÂ… thats nothing new at this point.
on the way to work I told my self out loud that I own this, I am in control, I can do this. Ya, know give my self a pep rally. I eat a few bananas for breakfast and the my eyes seemed like they were seeing the world a little closer to normal. hell i have even started to pray on the way to work, and I am not religious at all.
work sucked ass. I wasn't as dizzy intensity wise as i have been the last few days but it was just a constant body buzz and slight dizziness for most of the day. I hopped on here briefly and saw i had some pm's with phone numbers and encouraging words and i felt so supported and blessed. I was very excited to get home and put the numbers in my phone and get to meet some of you a little closer. start weaving my accountability web. I don't work to fast on my phone so i thought it could wait. and then i started reading a bit farther into diesels intro. got to a part about not reading a certain HOF speech because it scared him. Then a comment came from some one along the lines of " there is no finish line, there is no rainbows" and the panic struck me even harder than it already was. It seems I keep coming across all these catch 22's. Live one day at a time is helping but on the other hand it is encouraged to read all i can on this site and coming across people way farther than I am wigging out, or people saying their is no finish line, forces the thought of the future. I am horrified that that means that this never ends. That i am going to feel like this for ever. And it so hard to not think about it. I felt so much better this past weekend than i have this week. and it started as soon as i walked into a certain office at my shop. that was monday at 1:00 ish. it has not stopped since. then a few weekends ago i was feeling a bit better. got that feeling that i was on the down swing of this again. the old lady wanted to see a movie. I agreed. about 20 minutes in, out of no wear, my heart started pounding and i could not breath. had to go sit in the bathroom and play solitaire on my phone for 30 minutes to try to take my mind off it. but it seems like its 1 step forward and 3 back sometimes.
as the day goes on, I am counting time till 3:00 when my wife is picking me up early for what is possibly the last baby check up at the doctors before he is due on the 9th. I am looking forward to it because she is my best friend and my rock and always makes me feel better. this is wear the story gets embarrassing and leads to another catch 22. I get in her car and she sees my face, knows it was a rough day and says " I love,you how was your day?" I was un able to speak for about 30 seconds to a minute and than i started to ball my eyes out like i haven't since i was a child. I'm talking, can't catch my breath, making ridiculous faces, the whole nine yards man. I could not control it it just came out. i forced myself to eat half a chicken sandwich and then it happened again halfway to the dr. office. The second time i could identify at least were exactly it came from. I was telling wife about something diesel said. He wrote something along the lines of he doesn't know how a person can forget how bad this is and start to chew again. said if he ever gets through this that he would be the happiest person in the world and live life to the fullest. that is exactly how I feel and I can't even verbalize how bad I want to be done with this. I am so overwhelmed I can't comprehend it. so now I feel like a huge pussy, I am far from the crying type, And this is right in front of wife ready to shit out a kid any day now. She needs my problems as much as a dose of the clap. and my confidence is in the shitter. One of the biggest identifiable sources of my anxiety is not being able to be there for her like i should be. having an anxiety attack in the delivery room. her having to deal with me feeling like this and not cleaning the house and taking the stress of her like i should. but all that makes the problem worse.
I pulled myself together long enough to get through the Dr. apt and then we drive down to the city. Wife had to pic up a test grade and talk to the prof at school. I drove around the city for about 20-30 minutes while she was in there and i felt a bit more comfort. I was able to sit there and think about life while looking at some cool buildings to break up my thoughts. on the way home i had wife drop me off at the front of the sub and I walked the rest of the way in to try to see if that would help. While i was walking i did fell better but as soon as i was done it was back to anxiety and dizziness. I have been taking this stuff called Rescue Remedy that some flower potion stuff for anxiety and another chewable thing that is supposed to be a natural anxiety relief thing. I do believe it helps but it seems an hour after an episode starts it calms down, I'm not sure if i can give them the credit or the time past.
that brings you up to now. took a bath and i feel half ways decent. not over the line, just right on it. thanks a ton for the support everyone. I am sorry for writing a book on my days events but it made me feel better to write it down so I did. At this point I am going to make an appointment to talk to somebody and I am not jumping to using medicine but my mind is warming up to it. anything that will makes this pass. at the very least maybe talking to someone will help me deal with the feelings. And here anther fun catch 22Â… I have anxiety about that. Anxious over the possibility of pills, anxious over even finding someone to talk to. I had to switch insurance, i moved about a ear ago. i don't have a primary health care dr. and i think i need to see him/her to get a referral for insurance to cover it, then go see them. shit its a week out before it even happens with all that hullabaloo. thanks for sticking along for this ride guys. I am falling apart. nic is not an option. I will not cave. But I am having a terrible time.
Bob, grit your teeth some more brother...you are winning. Getting the shit kicked out of you but still winning. Never apologize for writing too much on here. It is probably helping you as much as anything.
You are an emotional mess. That's understandable, you are at many crossroads in your life. Crying is a good release so don't sweat it. Besides, women love it...it shows your feminine side:).
I think you need to practice deep breathing and relaxation when you feel the anxiety building. You should definitely seek some help to get over this hurdle. A counselor, meds, whatever. It doesn't have to be forever. Also, it is a fact that exercise helps your brain cope, eg. you felt better after your walk.
Also, STOP READING DIESEL'S SHIT! Find someone more uplifting to follow.
Although there isn't a finish line, this does get easier with time. You are healing.
I'm proud of you. You have gutted out some tough shit to be quit. Get the help you need and use this site to vent and for support.
Just try to remember that nic will not help any of this. Breath brother breath. Slow deep breaths. Take some time. You got this.
That baby is lucky not to have a tard dad with a lip full of dog shit.
PM me if you want to talk.
My shit? I went through the exact same thing he is going through and was trying to help him.
I'm 702 days quit and beat both depression and anxiety. But go find someone more uplifting?
I'll leave well enough alone here, but I will say my story does have a happy ending if you keep reading...
Quit on...
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Hey guys. Today was tolerable. But I am having a bitch of a time with anxiety still. The book really helped me while I was reading it but I'm having a hard time applying any of the wisdom. Seems at this point there should only be a few episodes a day if even that. And it should only last 3 minuts. But I'm am just getting straight hours of anxiety at a time that never really peak into a full fledged panic attack. Having a hard time reviewing what that means. Should I interpret this as a more and more triggers overcome and a victory? Or should I see it as I am having a hard time adjusting and I'm causing my own anxiety and not making progress at all? The worst of my anxiety comes from me still being dizzy and foggy. Outside in the sun I felt good. Even did a bit of fishing with my sister at a pond on our property today. As soon as I went inside and got In a dim room I started to get really anxious again. This is with a lot of family in a small place but the shutter of the celing fans, the throbing of my head and body, the dizziness. Then I get that anxious feeling. It doesn't stop when after 3 minutes it just kinda stays for hours sometimes. Even after a change of venue. It is either getting less intense or I am getting better at handling it because I wasn't as rattled as I have been. I do seem to be much better in general when I am at home. Including when sitting in "the chair". So I feel I have tackled most of the riggers at home but wife and I are laying in bed watching a movie right now and I just have this undertone of anxiety that I can't turn off. It does feel good to post here. To get something off my chest. Thanks for listening everyone. I do feel progress is being made but it's not in a hurry.
I recommend reading diesel's intro from the beginning. He and wt57 had difficulties with anxiety on a larger scale then most. I think both took medication to help.
You may need a doctors opinion. All quilters for the most part experience anxiety to some degree. Mine was in short bursts and went away after 40 days or so.
Bottom line, do what you need to keep the poison out. That is definitely not the answer. Remember everything your going through is because of it.
Your working on a new you. Keep building, your going to like the new bob. Quit with you today.
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Diesel I hope I did not offend you man. That is the farthest thing from what I ment to do. You have been a HUGE asset. I stopped reading just about all the intros. I needed a mental brake from anything stressing me out. I can't wait to finish reading it and I can't thank you enough for your hopefully ongoing support. Just need to get a few calm days under my belt so I don't read to far into every bad detail of everyone's story and fly off into another panic attack.
Hope everyone has a great day. It's pouring rain here, left my window of the truck open and my ass is soaked. But I'm quit and going to have a good day.
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BigBob, I am on Day 34, and I have anxious days still. Today I feeling like I am buzzing, like I want to run as far as I can before I drop, but instead have to sit at my desk. I'll have 2-3 days a week like this as of now, which beats all day everyday when I first quit. I fully expect it will be like this for another 7-8 months, but I quit for today and that is all I can do for today.
I was at another one of my son's ball games last night, and the simple fact I could talk to the other parents and coaches w/o concealing a plug or ninja spitting is so refreshing to me. I'll be going out of town for the first time in 6 months Friday, and not having to plan stops of dips or to empty out spitters, or where to hide a 5 can log of Skoal in the luggage is another freedom that is just plain wonderful.
I quit with you today Bob. And Diesel will be fine, he is a bad-ass from Michigan, and we have huge balls here.
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Diesel I hope I did not offend you man. That is the farthest thing from what I ment to do. You have been a HUGE asset. I stopped reading just about all the intros. I needed a mental brake from anything stressing me out. I can't wait to finish reading it and I can't thank you enough for your hopefully ongoing support. Just need to get a few calm days under my belt so I don't read to far into every bad detail of everyone's story and fly off into another panic attack.
Hope everyone has a great day. It's pouring rain here, left my window of the truck open and my ass is soaked. But I'm quit and going to have a good day.
Don't think we have to worry about offending Diesel. He's got pretty tough skin and is a bad ass quitter.
I was just saying to not read "his shit" until you get a handle on the anxiety. In other words...don't keep doing something that is eating you up.
BTW Diesel...I love your story. Especially the ending.
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Let's go Bigbob knock another day down here. I'm quitting with you today. Go post in my class - jan 14 killers- and I'll be posting in yours. You are getting advice from some of the baddest quitters around and are gonna rock this. Today's all you have to get through.
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Diesel I hope I did not offend you man. That is the farthest thing from what I ment to do. You have been a HUGE asset. I stopped reading just about all the intros. I needed a mental brake from anything stressing me out. I can't wait to finish reading it and I can't thank you enough for your hopefully ongoing support. Just need to get a few calm days under my belt so I don't read to far into every bad detail of everyone's story and fly off into another panic attack.
Hope everyone has a great day. It's pouring rain here, left my window of the truck open and my ass is soaked. But I'm quit and going to have a good day.
Don't think we have to worry about offending Diesel. He's got pretty tough skin and is a bad ass quitter.
I was just saying to not read "his shit" until you get a handle on the anxiety. In other words...don't keep doing something that is eating you up.
BTW Diesel...I love your story. Especially the ending.
All good. I though you were clowning me.
Bob, do whatever it takes to keep quit and manage your anxiety.
Quit with both you dill holes, today.
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There was a lot of positive stuff I wanted to write yesterday. I had the best day yet yesterday. Iv said that 3 days in a row, hopefully a 4th today. Have some positive observations and yada yada... But wife started having contractions and they got down to 5 minutes apart. I thought it was baby time. The anxiety was strong but I just reminded myself that I'm pretty sure your supposed to be anxious when you about to have a baby. Baby did not come yet but due date is tomorrow. Instead of spending a lot of time on here I cleaned the house like a madman and packed more shit into my backpack I carry incase I get the call. I can't believe how well I handled it compared to a few weeks ago. I would have passed out. Anyways, I'll keep you all up to date. I'm hoping today is the day. I can't wait to me the little guy. Please do offer some words or encouragement and wisdom so I can come here and chill out if shit gets intense. She is going all natural... I'm assuming it's gunna get intense.
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Brother, the birth of my oldest son started out anxious, became the worst day in my life seeing my wife in that much pain, and BAM, the best day of my life, only tied with the birth of my second son. Your life is going to change 180 degrees starting today and tomorrow, and you being quit is a tribute to you, your wife, and new child.
I am proud to be quit with you today, and may God bless you and your family.
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There was a lot of positive stuff I wanted to write yesterday. I had the best day yet yesterday. Iv said that 3 days in a row, hopefully a 4th today. Have some positive observations and yada yada... But wife started having contractions and they got down to 5 minutes apart. I thought it was baby time. The anxiety was strong but I just reminded myself that I'm pretty sure your supposed to be anxious when you about to have a baby. Baby did not come yet but due date is tomorrow. Instead of spending a lot of time on here I cleaned the house like a madman and packed more shit into my backpack I carry incase I get the call. I can't believe how well I handled it compared to a few weeks ago. I would have passed out. Anyways, I'll keep you all up to date. I'm hoping today is the day. I can't wait to me the little guy. Please do offer some words or encouragement and wisdom so I can come here and chill out if shit gets intense. She is going all natural... I'm assuming it's gunna get intense.
Way to go Bob. You are winning!
Bring that baby in the world with a nic free daddy!
Quit with you!
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What a great time you have coming up- and what a gift to your family being a non-user now!
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What a great time you have coming up- and what a gift to your family being a non-user now!
Ya Bob, Enjoy this time. It is the best! Mine are out of the house now but I still remember and think about their births all the time. Wait till you get to hold him/her for first time! So awesome. And the best thing is you are doing this as a clean new Dad! Im excited for you and am glad you are having some better days! :D
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Thanks guys! Ok so I think I am in the "tolerable" stage of this. My dizziness has slowed down a lot. the anxiety is still alive and well but it too has slowed down. none of my symptoms are 100% of the time anymore. I was thinking back to just how bad it was a few weeks ago. I was barely capable of rational thought at times. Now, at times It gets quite difficult to handle and get myself calmed down, but it is not constant. For that, I am extremely relived. as long as I stay busy and positive I can get an hour or two at a time without thinking about the bad stuff at all. It is usually only 1 or 2 hours of the day that i really struggle hard.
My concentration sucks ass. I know this is not unique to me. It actually makes me laugh at times. its as though my thoughts are on a conveyor belt moving briskly across my mind. if i don't say what they are before they get to the other side they are gone haha. it only seems to happen when I am talking to someone though. I have, for the most part moved away from the constipated phase and on to the shit my brains out once a day phase. That may have to do with my appetite starting to come back. At times its back with a vengeance. after I am home and settled in my chair I start to get some really bad munchies.
MY eyes are starting to work for me again and not see everything so different. at times I'm foggy but nothing like it was. That was a major contributor to my anxiety so I am glad. Man that fog was just unreal.
my dreams are still pretty crazy. I have had two nights when I woke up in the middle of the night ashamed of myself and so let down because i had very vivid dreams that i caved. I think it is a good sign that even in my dream I was very upset with myself. the thought of "big bob- day 1, no nic today" is unimaginable. sleep is still pretty irregular. it takes a while to fall a sleep. I get up quite a few times during the night. Some days i wake up and feel like i got no sleep. some days i wake up and I feel pretty well rested. i sweat a lot when i sleep still, but not enough to be soaked.
I think one of the biggest things that has changed this week is a whole lot of acceptance. I accept that I am a nic junkie and can never have any again. this was made certain in my brain while watching oceans 11. Seeing a Character puffing on a cigar. I started to romanticize it and got excited about the nicer weather and cigar time. Then I pulled the E brake. as if grabbing a spinning record at a party in my mind, Said " what the fuck is wrong with your?" after the worst 43 days in your life? Its amazing how that bitch can infiltrate our brains. Next up is accepting that this sucks balls, and will probably continue to suck balls for a while. perhaps a longer while than I anticipated. I guess Ill try to make lemonade and hope that I will feel great and happy as ever sooner than later.
An interesting note that I don't know were else to put.. I don't know if it is because my relief that I am not crazy, or the lack of nicotine, but I noticed that I listen to a lot more songs. Not that I hear them, I listen to them. I have been a musician for a long time and I never noticed this. A song came on the radio the other day and I listened to it while driving, but I realized I had not really let the words register with me and hear the song like that in years. then It happened with a few other songs. I find that I used to have the radio on just for background noise. I couldn't tell you more than 5 words to a song released in the last decade. So that was a cool discovery, be it coincidence, a byproduct of my emotional state, nicotine abstinenceÂ… whatever.
No baby yet. I am very anxious about it. both in a good and bad way. today is the due date. Hope he comes this weekend. It is a pretty big stressor. I just want to use what I learned here to help wifeÂ…and meÂ… grind it out one minute at a time if need be, and meet me new fishing buddy. Reminding myself that I will be anxious, but the happiest day of my life is on the other side.
thanks for listening guys! more than anything I think i need this post as a manifesto of sorts. Now that I have committed this to the intro I have no other choice but to recognize things are getting better, even when my anxiety gets high and I feel I have made no progress.
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Thanks guys! Ok so I think I am in the "tolerable" stage of this. My dizziness has slowed down a lot. the anxiety is still alive and well but it too has slowed down. none of my symptoms are 100% of the time anymore. I was thinking back to just how bad it was a few weeks ago. I was barely capable of rational thought at times. Now, at times It gets quite difficult to handle and get myself calmed down, but it is not constant. For that, I am extremely relived. as long as I stay busy and positive I can get an hour or two at a time without thinking about the bad stuff at all. It is usually only 1 or 2 hours of the day that i really struggle hard.
My concentration sucks ass. I know this is not unique to me. It actually makes me laugh at times. its as though my thoughts are on a conveyor belt moving briskly across my mind. if i don't say what they are before they get to the other side they are gone haha. it only seems to happen when I am talking to someone though. I have, for the most part moved away from the constipated phase and on to the shit my brains out once a day phase. That may have to do with my appetite starting to come back. At times its back with a vengeance. after I am home and settled in my chair I start to get some really bad munchies.
MY eyes are starting to work for me again and not see everything so different. at times I'm foggy but nothing like it was. That was a major contributor to my anxiety so I am glad. Man that fog was just unreal.
my dreams are still pretty crazy. I have had two nights when I woke up in the middle of the night ashamed of myself and so let down because i had very vivid dreams that i caved. I think it is a good sign that even in my dream I was very upset with myself. the thought of "big bob- day 1, no nic today" is unimaginable. sleep is still pretty irregular. it takes a while to fall a sleep. I get up quite a few times during the night. Some days i wake up and feel like i got no sleep. some days i wake up and I feel pretty well rested. i sweat a lot when i sleep still, but not enough to be soaked.
I think one of the biggest things that has changed this week is a whole lot of acceptance. I accept that I am a nic junkie and can never have any again. this was made certain in my brain while watching oceans 11. Seeing a Character puffing on a cigar. I started to romanticize it and got excited about the nicer weather and cigar time. Then I pulled the E brake. as if grabbing a spinning record at a party in my mind, Said " what the fuck is wrong with your?" after the worst 43 days in your life? Its amazing how that bitch can infiltrate our brains. Next up is accepting that this sucks balls, and will probably continue to suck balls for a while. perhaps a longer while than I anticipated. I guess Ill try to make lemonade and hope that I will feel great and happy as ever sooner than later.
An interesting note that I don't know were else to put.. I don't know if it is because my relief that I am not crazy, or the lack of nicotine, but I noticed that I listen to a lot more songs. Not that I hear them, I listen to them. I have been a musician for a long time and I never noticed this. A song came on the radio the other day and I listened to it while driving, but I realized I had not really let the words register with me and hear the song like that in years. then It happened with a few other songs. I find that I used to have the radio on just for background noise. I couldn't tell you more than 5 words to a song released in the last decade. So that was a cool discovery, be it coincidence, a byproduct of my emotional state, nicotine abstinenceÂ… whatever.
No baby yet. I am very anxious about it. both in a good and bad way. today is the due date. Hope he comes this weekend. It is a pretty big stressor. I just want to use what I learned here to help wifeÂ…and meÂ… grind it out one minute at a time if need be, and meet me new fishing buddy. Reminding myself that I will be anxious, but the happiest day of my life is on the other side.
thanks for listening guys! more than anything I think i need this post as a manifesto of sorts. Now that I have committed this to the intro I have no other choice but to recognize things are getting better, even when my anxiety gets high and I feel I have made no progress.
Awesome stuff. That is so great for you to greet your newborn a new man yourself. Best of luck on this day for you. I'd love to compare notes on the constipation thing (talk shit I guess) it feels like i swallowed a balloon and i on day18. but another time would be more appropriate. Enjoy this blessed day and best of luck k to you and yours.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
What a great day man! Look forward to an update!
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
What a great day man! Look forward to an update!
Yes enjoy this day and keep us posted! Quitting with you today Bigbob!
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
What a great day man! Look forward to an update!
Yes enjoy this day and keep us posted! Quitting with you today Bigbob!
congrats BogBob!!! You can be real proud of yourself making it thru those horrible brain-games on top of the anxiety of having a baby. Nic free dad, way to go!!!!!!
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
What a great day man! Look forward to an update!
Yes enjoy this day and keep us posted! Quitting with you today Bigbob!
congrats BogBob!!! You can be real proud of yourself making it thru those horrible brain-games on top of the anxiety of having a baby. Nic free dad, way to go!!!!!!
Goddamn papa! Keep us posted! Stay fucking quit and take care of your family. This is pretty f-ing exciting! I don't even know you, but you are my brother.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
What a great day man! Look forward to an update!
Yes enjoy this day and keep us posted! Quitting with you today Bigbob!
congrats BogBob!!! You can be real proud of yourself making it thru those horrible brain-games on top of the anxiety of having a baby. Nic free dad, way to go!!!!!!
Goddamn papa! Keep us posted! Stay fucking quit and take care of your family. This is pretty f-ing exciting! I don't even know you, but you are my brother.
Bob congrats. One of my biggest regrets is having a dip in my mouth during the birth of all 3 of my kids. You're doing it the right way. Congrats again and proud to be quit with you.
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
Bob, glad everything is looking up and that Diesel doesn't hate us (or at least you). Hope everything went well with "your new little fishing buddy".
Congrats man. Breath in the freedom. You are a dad!
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It's 3:00 am, water just broke. Holy shit boys, it's game time/ wish me luck.
Bigbob! Con-grat-u-eff-ing-la-tions.
But this, like your quit, isn't luck. You're going to own this and be the best, most supportive husband and father.
Proud to quit with you today.
Best wishes to you and especially mom, Big Bob. Be strong for her and try not to look "down there" too often. It's some scary shit down there.
Bob, glad everything is looking up and that Diesel doesn't hate us (or at least you). Hope everything went well with "your new little fishing buddy".
Congrats man. Breath in the freedom. You are a dad!
I only hate nicotine...and a guy named gooch.
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
Nicotine won't help your wife deliver that baby. We will be thinking about you and your family. Let us know when you can. Focus on being strong for your wife.
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
Nicotine won't help your wife deliver that baby. We will be thinking about you and your family. Let us know when you can. Focus on being strong for your wife.
Hang strong BigBob! This is a big day. It will be especially nice doing it nic free... a clear mind does wonders. Prayers out to you and the wife. Keep us posted!
Quit with you today!
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
Nicotine won't help your wife deliver that baby. We will be thinking about you and your family. Let us know when you can. Focus on being strong for your wife.
Hang strong BigBob! This is a big day. It will be especially nice doing it nic free... a clear mind does wonders. Prayers out to you and the wife. Keep us posted!
Quit with you today!
Hang in there, BB. Praying for you and your family.
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
Nicotine won't help your wife deliver that baby. We will be thinking about you and your family. Let us know when you can. Focus on being strong for your wife.
Hang strong BigBob! This is a big day. It will be especially nice doing it nic free... a clear mind does wonders. Prayers out to you and the wife. Keep us posted!
Quit with you today!
Hang in there, BB. Praying for you and your family.
You are about to experience one of the biggest moments in life. As a free man. That, Bob, should make you damn proud.
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We are about 30 hour in and finally abandoned the natural path. It just wasn't happening. They moved us to the delivery and labor. We were in a seperate area just for natural births. This has been absolutely terrible. Like you guys said, I feel helpless. She is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. She has agreed to an epi and they will hopefully give it to her within the hour. My heart is beating through my chest and has been on and off for 30 hours. I want to throw up. I im on the third day with 4 hours sleep total. I'm being strong for her and she is being a fucking tiger. I can't believe she is holding up this well. I though I could handle the anxiety myself but at this point I am an absolute wreck. This entire experience has been completely ruined. I called after malts post about taping to someone, and I couldn't find an point for weeks anywhere. Guess I'm gunna have to try harder. This roller coaster sucks ass I wont off so bad. Help me pull it together guys. I'm sure when that little bastard decides to come I will have a post with an entirely different tone but right now I'm a shit show
Nicotine won't help your wife deliver that baby. We will be thinking about you and your family. Let us know when you can. Focus on being strong for your wife.
Hang strong BigBob! This is a big day. It will be especially nice doing it nic free... a clear mind does wonders. Prayers out to you and the wife. Keep us posted!
Quit with you today!
Hang in there, BB. Praying for you and your family.
You are about to experience one of the biggest moments in life. As a free man. That, Bob, should make you damn proud.
First off. Best wishes for Mom and Baby.
Secondly, when the baby is born and all is well...
Go. To. The. Doctor. They will help you.
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He is here, he is healthy and he is perfect. Mom was a rawkstar. Dad is still quit and didn't have a heart attack. I will post more a bit later. Thanks brothers
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Co ngraduations and best wishes for your new family bob. Proud to be quit with you today
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Co ngraduations and best wishes for your new family bob. Proud to be quit with you today
Born on mother's day. That's pretty cool! Congrats! Glad everything is well.
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Co ngraduations and best wishes for your new family bob. Proud to be quit with you today
Born on mother's day. That's pretty cool! Congrats! Glad everything is well.
Congratulations Bob! Take a deep breath and get ready to enjoy life in a new way!
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Co ngraduations and best wishes for your new family bob. Proud to be quit with you today
Born on mother's day. That's pretty cool! Congrats! Glad everything is well.
Congratulations Bob! Take a deep breath and get ready to enjoy life in a new way!
Congrats BigBob! Great news. Enjoy this day my friend! Quit with you all day long.
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He is here, he is healthy and he is perfect. Mom was a rawkstar. Dad is still quit and didn't have a heart attack. I will post more a bit later. Thanks brothers
Congrats Bob! Glad to hear mom and baby are happy and healthy. And you're a rockstar for staying quit and being strong for them. Proud to be quit with you today.
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He is here, he is healthy and he is perfect. Mom was a rawkstar. Dad is still quit and didn't have a heart attack. I will post more a bit later. Thanks brothers
Congrats Bob! Glad to hear mom and baby are happy and healthy. And you're a rockstar for staying quit and being strong for them. Proud to be quit with you today.
Awesome. Congrats to you and your family!!!
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He is here, he is healthy and he is perfect. Mom was a rawkstar. Dad is still quit and didn't have a heart attack. I will post more a bit later. Thanks brothers
Congrats Bob! Glad to hear mom and baby are happy and healthy. And you're a rockstar for staying quit and being strong for them. Proud to be quit with you today.
Awesome. Congrats to you and your family!!!
Great new! Congrats and best wishes for you, mrs Bigbob, and Little Bigbob!
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He is here, he is healthy and he is perfect. Mom was a rawkstar. Dad is still quit and didn't have a heart attack. I will post more a bit later. Thanks brothers
Way to go BOB! Congrats to you and the proud mother!
Enjoy!
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Congratulations to you and your family Bob!
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Congrats BigBOB!!!!!. My hat is off to Momma. God bless you, Your wife your child.
I QUIT with you today!!!!
Quitter123
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Damn big rob... I got goosebumps reading your post about heading to your last baby doctor appointment. You are inspirationinal in the way you talk man. I F'ing quit with you all day.
Look at that little boy of yours... Look at him... Now imagine him tossing a fatty wad of skoal/cope in his little lips... Yeah.. pissed you off didn't it... You know what to do brother.. QLF , be a good example to that little guy!
Congrats..
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Damn big rob... I got goosebumps reading your post about heading to your last baby doctor appointment. You are inspirationinal in the way you talk man. I F'ing quit with you all day.
Look at that little boy of yours... Look at him... Now imagine him tossing a fatty wad of skoal/cope in his little lips... Yeah.. pissed you off didn't it... You know what to do brother.. QLF , be a good example to that little guy!
Congrats..
What he said ^^^^^!
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Thanks for all the inspiration and kind words guys. That little shit is absolutely perfect. When he came out, I felt every emotion a man knows, and to its full extent, for a split second. Just wild! I was in love, I was terrified, I was excited. All he does is eat shit and scream, but I am convinced he does that better than any baby ever did before him. So much went wrong during the whole experience and so many stresses, I thought I was going to loose my mind. Water under the bridge now but It shook me up pretty good. The wife said she didn't even notice, so I guess I put on a decent enough face. She was just amazing tho. 30 straight hours with no meds before progress just stopped and she agreed to let modern medicine help out. 6-8- hours after that, baby came out.
came home yesterday and it seems the fog is back pretty thick at times. I was hoping that was all done with. Anxiety is still very high. I made an appt. today to see a doctor and get checked out. I think, like you guys said, It will feel good to have him tell me i don't have cancer and I am not going crazy. I'm going to talk to him about something to take the edge of this anxiety too. The bitch of it is I can't get in to see anyone for another 3 weeks. made the apt. anyways. Im gonna call up the dentist and make an apt there too.
was really having a ruff time this morning. just could not get my mind to focus on anything other than my heart pounding and my head being in the clouds. went and did a few pull ups, did a few pushups, took a bath. still felt awful. Realized i have not slept in a week so moma, baby and I laid down for a mid morning nap. I didn't fall a sleep but got a bit of rest and just starred at offspring for about two hours. I when I was getting him to fall asleep I was just telling him about all the plans we have for fishing and hunting and building race cars and all the fun stuff I was going to teach him about life. I came to the realization that I wasn't shitting anybody. He is going to be the one teaching me about life isn't he? After the nap I made wife some breakfast and decided i needed to mow the lawn. thought a good sweet would help out. it didÂ… until work called me. I kind of own the place so its hard to get away for even a day. it was stressful, i had to stop in for a couple hours and get some problems and planing resolved. in hind sight it wasn't the worst thing because it kept my mind busy for a while. home now and waiting on a few visitors. Still anxious but tolerable.
some new symptom I seem to be getting are hot flashes and a randomly soar throat. Im hoping the soar throat is unrelated. But the hot flashes Im sure are withdrawal induced.
side note: I have had this weird thing for about a year now. When I am eating. sometimes it feels like food gets stuck halfway down. It went all the way down and i feel like i need to burn, but i can neither burp or breath. a few times this has got bad enough that i started to panic out really bad and thought it was the end cuz i was alone. And then ill be able to get a gulp of water down and it will go away. scary shit tho. anyone else ever have that? I can't eat anything without having a glass of water with me to wash it down in case it happens. seems to get better if I am conscious about chewing it up real good and eating a lot slower than my usual method of inhaling food.
Some more of whats going onÂ… I seem to be very reminiscent the last couple weeks. I don't really think it was because the baby was coming either. Just thinking a lot about old times and childhood and what not. I am having a lot of revelations and deep thinking as well.
I used to be big into sitting down to one good thought, i guess i just let a busy life style do away with it. Its nice to do some soul searching. Diesel told me id learn a lot and I am seeing that but I don't know what I have learned yet. I do know that it was learned but I am not sure what it is haha. kind of a answer to a question I don't know yet type of deal. babes screaming got to go guys. I am going to print this whole thread off and carry it with me. just start using this as my diary here. feels good to get this stuff out. I am quit another day boys, and tomorrow I will do the same.
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Bigbob i quit with you today!!! ODAAT. You are a badass quitter! Welcome to the no sleep zone lol. Worth it. Absolutely worth it.
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Thanks for all the inspiration and kind words guys. That little shit is absolutely perfect. When he came out, I felt every emotion a man knows, and to its full extent, for a split second. Just wild! I was in love, I was terrified, I was excited. All he does is eat shit and scream, but I am convinced he does that better than any baby ever did before him. So much went wrong during the whole experience and so many stresses, I thought I was going to loose my mind. Water under the bridge now but It shook me up pretty good. The wife said she didn't even notice, so I guess I put on a decent enough face. She was just amazing tho. 30 straight hours with no meds before progress just stopped and she agreed to let modern medicine help out. 6-8- hours after that, baby came out.
came home yesterday and it seems the fog is back pretty thick at times. I was hoping that was all done with. Anxiety is still very high. I made an appt. today to see a doctor and get checked out. I think, like you guys said, It will feel good to have him tell me i don't have cancer and I am not going crazy. I'm going to talk to him about something to take the edge of this anxiety too. The bitch of it is I can't get in to see anyone for another 3 weeks. made the apt. anyways. Im gonna call up the dentist and make an apt there too.
was really having a ruff time this morning. just could not get my mind to focus on anything other than my heart pounding and my head being in the clouds. went and did a few pull ups, did a few pushups, took a bath. still felt awful. Realized i have not slept in a week so moma, baby and I laid down for a mid morning nap. I didn't fall a sleep but got a bit of rest and just starred at offspring for about two hours. I when I was getting him to fall asleep I was just telling him about all the plans we have for fishing and hunting and building race cars and all the fun stuff I was going to teach him about life. I came to the realization that I wasn't shitting anybody. He is going to be the one teaching me about life isn't he? After the nap I made wife some breakfast and decided i needed to mow the lawn. thought a good sweet would help out. it didÂ… until work called me. I kind of own the place so its hard to get away for even a day. it was stressful, i had to stop in for a couple hours and get some problems and planing resolved. in hind sight it wasn't the worst thing because it kept my mind busy for a while. home now and waiting on a few visitors. Still anxious but tolerable.
some new symptom I seem to be getting are hot flashes and a randomly soar throat. Im hoping the soar throat is unrelated. But the hot flashes Im sure are withdrawal induced.
side note: I have had this weird thing for about a year now. When I am eating. sometimes it feels like food gets stuck halfway down. It went all the way down and i feel like i need to burn, but i can neither burp or breath. a few times this has got bad enough that i started to panic out really bad and thought it was the end cuz i was alone. And then ill be able to get a gulp of water down and it will go away. scary shit tho. anyone else ever have that? I can't eat anything without having a glass of water with me to wash it down in case it happens. seems to get better if I am conscious about chewing it up real good and eating a lot slower than my usual method of inhaling food.
Some more of whats going onÂ… I seem to be very reminiscent the last couple weeks. I don't really think it was because the baby was coming either. Just thinking a lot about old times and childhood and what not. I am having a lot of revelations and deep thinking as well.
I used to be big into sitting down to one good thought, i guess i just let a busy life style do away with it. Its nice to do some soul searching. Diesel told me id learn a lot and I am seeing that but I don't know what I have learned yet. I do know that it was learned but I am not sure what it is haha. kind of a answer to a question I don't know yet type of deal. babes screaming got to go guys. I am going to print this whole thread off and carry it with me. just start using this as my diary here. feels good to get this stuff out. I am quit another day boys, and tomorrow I will do the same.
Congrats bro! Great news. I remember being in a fog when my kids were born. Be strong today. This is a stressful time but you can do it! You can handle all this and remain quit. I know you can. I know you can do it.... Because you are doing it!
Try to relax as best you can and don't worry. You are doing fine. Make sure you take care of the wife. Remember, Liittle things go a long way!
Good call going to the doc! Reach out if you need anything! Proud to be quit with you today.
-
Thanks for all the inspiration and kind words guys. That little shit is absolutely perfect. When he came out, I felt every emotion a man knows, and to its full extent, for a split second. Just wild! I was in love, I was terrified, I was excited. All he does is eat shit and scream, but I am convinced he does that better than any baby ever did before him. So much went wrong during the whole experience and so many stresses, I thought I was going to loose my mind. Water under the bridge now but It shook me up pretty good. The wife said she didn't even notice, so I guess I put on a decent enough face. She was just amazing tho. 30 straight hours with no meds before progress just stopped and she agreed to let modern medicine help out. 6-8- hours after that, baby came out.
came home yesterday and it seems the fog is back pretty thick at times. I was hoping that was all done with. Anxiety is still very high. I made an appt. today to see a doctor and get checked out. I think, like you guys said, It will feel good to have him tell me i don't have cancer and I am not going crazy. I'm going to talk to him about something to take the edge of this anxiety too. The bitch of it is I can't get in to see anyone for another 3 weeks. made the apt. anyways. Im gonna call up the dentist and make an apt there too.
was really having a ruff time this morning. just could not get my mind to focus on anything other than my heart pounding and my head being in the clouds. went and did a few pull ups, did a few pushups, took a bath. still felt awful. Realized i have not slept in a week so moma, baby and I laid down for a mid morning nap. I didn't fall a sleep but got a bit of rest and just starred at offspring for about two hours. I when I was getting him to fall asleep I was just telling him about all the plans we have for fishing and hunting and building race cars and all the fun stuff I was going to teach him about life. I came to the realization that I wasn't shitting anybody. He is going to be the one teaching me about life isn't he? After the nap I made wife some breakfast and decided i needed to mow the lawn. thought a good sweet would help out. it didÂ… until work called me. I kind of own the place so its hard to get away for even a day. it was stressful, i had to stop in for a couple hours and get some problems and planing resolved. in hind sight it wasn't the worst thing because it kept my mind busy for a while. home now and waiting on a few visitors. Still anxious but tolerable.
some new symptom I seem to be getting are hot flashes and a randomly soar throat. Im hoping the soar throat is unrelated. But the hot flashes Im sure are withdrawal induced.
side note: I have had this weird thing for about a year now. When I am eating. sometimes it feels like food gets stuck halfway down. It went all the way down and i feel like i need to burn, but i can neither burp or breath. a few times this has got bad enough that i started to panic out really bad and thought it was the end cuz i was alone. And then ill be able to get a gulp of water down and it will go away. scary shit tho. anyone else ever have that? I can't eat anything without having a glass of water with me to wash it down in case it happens. seems to get better if I am conscious about chewing it up real good and eating a lot slower than my usual method of inhaling food.
Some more of whats going onÂ… I seem to be very reminiscent the last couple weeks. I don't really think it was because the baby was coming either. Just thinking a lot about old times and childhood and what not. I am having a lot of revelations and deep thinking as well.
I used to be big into sitting down to one good thought, i guess i just let a busy life style do away with it. Its nice to do some soul searching. Diesel told me id learn a lot and I am seeing that but I don't know what I have learned yet. I do know that it was learned but I am not sure what it is haha. kind of a answer to a question I don't know yet type of deal. babes screaming got to go guys. I am going to print this whole thread off and carry it with me. just start using this as my diary here. feels good to get this stuff out. I am quit another day boys, and tomorrow I will do the same.
Congrats bro! Great news. I remember being in a fog when my kids were born. Be strong today. This is a stressful time but you can do it! You can handle all this and remain quit. I know you can. I know you can do it.... Because you are doing it!
Try to relax as best you can and don't worry. You are doing fine. Make sure you take care of the wife. Remember, Liittle things go a long way!
Good call going to the doc! Reach out if you need anything! Proud to be quit with you today.
Congratulations Bob.
-
Thanks for all the inspiration and kind words guys. That little shit is absolutely perfect. When he came out, I felt every emotion a man knows, and to its full extent, for a split second. Just wild! I was in love, I was terrified, I was excited. All he does is eat shit and scream, but I am convinced he does that better than any baby ever did before him. So much went wrong during the whole experience and so many stresses, I thought I was going to loose my mind. Water under the bridge now but It shook me up pretty good. The wife said she didn't even notice, so I guess I put on a decent enough face. She was just amazing tho. 30 straight hours with no meds before progress just stopped and she agreed to let modern medicine help out. 6-8- hours after that, baby came out.
came home yesterday and it seems the fog is back pretty thick at times. I was hoping that was all done with. Anxiety is still very high. I made an appt. today to see a doctor and get checked out. I think, like you guys said, It will feel good to have him tell me i don't have cancer and I am not going crazy. I'm going to talk to him about something to take the edge of this anxiety too. The bitch of it is I can't get in to see anyone for another 3 weeks. made the apt. anyways. Im gonna call up the dentist and make an apt there too.
was really having a ruff time this morning. just could not get my mind to focus on anything other than my heart pounding and my head being in the clouds. went and did a few pull ups, did a few pushups, took a bath. still felt awful. Realized i have not slept in a week so moma, baby and I laid down for a mid morning nap. I didn't fall a sleep but got a bit of rest and just starred at offspring for about two hours. I when I was getting him to fall asleep I was just telling him about all the plans we have for fishing and hunting and building race cars and all the fun stuff I was going to teach him about life. I came to the realization that I wasn't shitting anybody. He is going to be the one teaching me about life isn't he? After the nap I made wife some breakfast and decided i needed to mow the lawn. thought a good sweet would help out. it didÂ… until work called me. I kind of own the place so its hard to get away for even a day. it was stressful, i had to stop in for a couple hours and get some problems and planing resolved. in hind sight it wasn't the worst thing because it kept my mind busy for a while. home now and waiting on a few visitors. Still anxious but tolerable.
some new symptom I seem to be getting are hot flashes and a randomly soar throat. Im hoping the soar throat is unrelated. But the hot flashes Im sure are withdrawal induced.
side note: I have had this weird thing for about a year now. When I am eating. sometimes it feels like food gets stuck halfway down. It went all the way down and i feel like i need to burn, but i can neither burp or breath. a few times this has got bad enough that i started to panic out really bad and thought it was the end cuz i was alone. And then ill be able to get a gulp of water down and it will go away. scary shit tho. anyone else ever have that? I can't eat anything without having a glass of water with me to wash it down in case it happens. seems to get better if I am conscious about chewing it up real good and eating a lot slower than my usual method of inhaling food.
Some more of whats going onÂ… I seem to be very reminiscent the last couple weeks. I don't really think it was because the baby was coming either. Just thinking a lot about old times and childhood and what not. I am having a lot of revelations and deep thinking as well.
I used to be big into sitting down to one good thought, i guess i just let a busy life style do away with it. Its nice to do some soul searching. Diesel told me id learn a lot and I am seeing that but I don't know what I have learned yet. I do know that it was learned but I am not sure what it is haha. kind of a answer to a question I don't know yet type of deal. babes screaming got to go guys. I am going to print this whole thread off and carry it with me. just start using this as my diary here. feels good to get this stuff out. I am quit another day boys, and tomorrow I will do the same.
Congrats bro! Great news. I remember being in a fog when my kids were born. Be strong today. This is a stressful time but you can do it! You can handle all this and remain quit. I know you can. I know you can do it.... Because you are doing it!
Try to relax as best you can and don't worry. You are doing fine. Make sure you take care of the wife. Remember, Liittle things go a long way!
Good call going to the doc! Reach out if you need anything! Proud to be quit with you today.
Congratulations Bob.
Honestly, I'm speechless. I don't remember the last time I was speechless. Dude, you are gonna be do glad that you wrote all of this down.
And yes, I had the eating food tight esophagus omg I'm gonna die thing. Chew everything better. Avoid cold chicken breast, pork tenderloin, angel food cake, and cold rice.
Ignore the "Symptoms" and enjoy junior. But not cold rice!
Thanks for sharing!
-
Thanks for all the inspiration and kind words guys. That little shit is absolutely perfect. When he came out, I felt every emotion a man knows, and to its full extent, for a split second. Just wild! I was in love, I was terrified, I was excited. All he does is eat shit and scream, but I am convinced he does that better than any baby ever did before him. So much went wrong during the whole experience and so many stresses, I thought I was going to loose my mind. Water under the bridge now but It shook me up pretty good. The wife said she didn't even notice, so I guess I put on a decent enough face. She was just amazing tho. 30 straight hours with no meds before progress just stopped and she agreed to let modern medicine help out. 6-8- hours after that, baby came out.
came home yesterday and it seems the fog is back pretty thick at times. I was hoping that was all done with. Anxiety is still very high. I made an appt. today to see a doctor and get checked out. I think, like you guys said, It will feel good to have him tell me i don't have cancer and I am not going crazy. I'm going to talk to him about something to take the edge of this anxiety too. The bitch of it is I can't get in to see anyone for another 3 weeks. made the apt. anyways. Im gonna call up the dentist and make an apt there too.
was really having a ruff time this morning. just could not get my mind to focus on anything other than my heart pounding and my head being in the clouds. went and did a few pull ups, did a few pushups, took a bath. still felt awful. Realized i have not slept in a week so moma, baby and I laid down for a mid morning nap. I didn't fall a sleep but got a bit of rest and just starred at offspring for about two hours. I when I was getting him to fall asleep I was just telling him about all the plans we have for fishing and hunting and building race cars and all the fun stuff I was going to teach him about life. I came to the realization that I wasn't shitting anybody. He is going to be the one teaching me about life isn't he? After the nap I made wife some breakfast and decided i needed to mow the lawn. thought a good sweet would help out. it didÂ… until work called me. I kind of own the place so its hard to get away for even a day. it was stressful, i had to stop in for a couple hours and get some problems and planing resolved. in hind sight it wasn't the worst thing because it kept my mind busy for a while. home now and waiting on a few visitors. Still anxious but tolerable.
some new symptom I seem to be getting are hot flashes and a randomly soar throat. Im hoping the soar throat is unrelated. But the hot flashes Im sure are withdrawal induced.
side note: I have had this weird thing for about a year now. When I am eating. sometimes it feels like food gets stuck halfway down. It went all the way down and i feel like i need to burn, but i can neither burp or breath. a few times this has got bad enough that i started to panic out really bad and thought it was the end cuz i was alone. And then ill be able to get a gulp of water down and it will go away. scary shit tho. anyone else ever have that? I can't eat anything without having a glass of water with me to wash it down in case it happens. seems to get better if I am conscious about chewing it up real good and eating a lot slower than my usual method of inhaling food.
Some more of whats going onÂ… I seem to be very reminiscent the last couple weeks. I don't really think it was because the baby was coming either. Just thinking a lot about old times and childhood and what not. I am having a lot of revelations and deep thinking as well.
I used to be big into sitting down to one good thought, i guess i just let a busy life style do away with it. Its nice to do some soul searching. Diesel told me id learn a lot and I am seeing that but I don't know what I have learned yet. I do know that it was learned but I am not sure what it is haha. kind of a answer to a question I don't know yet type of deal. babes screaming got to go guys. I am going to print this whole thread off and carry it with me. just start using this as my diary here. feels good to get this stuff out. I am quit another day boys, and tomorrow I will do the same.
Congrats bro! Great news. I remember being in a fog when my kids were born. Be strong today. This is a stressful time but you can do it! You can handle all this and remain quit. I know you can. I know you can do it.... Because you are doing it!
Try to relax as best you can and don't worry. You are doing fine. Make sure you take care of the wife. Remember, Liittle things go a long way!
Good call going to the doc! Reach out if you need anything! Proud to be quit with you today.
Congratulations Bob.
Congrats on the little man Bob.
You are winning, so relax, breath it in and enjoy the little guy.
The fog will come and go for a while. The sore throat may just be the time of the year...allergies and pollen.
I've got a buddy, never chewed in his life, and he has the swallowing issue you do. He has had gastric reflux for some time and it is scarring of his esophagus. That causes the tube you swallow your food through to be constricted. It can be treated by stretching it out. Not sure if that is your problem but you should definitely discuss that with the doctor as well.
I know when my children were born I was as emotional as a 13 year old girl for a while. I think be introspective comes with the territory.
Keep using this thread as therapy and stay quit. You've got this.
Quit with you.
-
You ok, Big B? Little guy keeping you busy? Keep us posted
Quit on...
-
Hey guys, its been a busy week. Wanted to get on here and write a bit, but every second of my time is already accounted for now haha. Not only does the boy take a lot of my time, I am in construction and we just moved onto our first job of the year and running my crew is very time consuming. this is going to be an unorganized mess of thoughts just to get em down.
I have found that keeping to busy to think about feeling like shit is a big help. The last few days I come home and work on my garden (turning my whole backyard into a suburban farm), until jeopardy comes on, then take over the boy. get to bed pretty early, as I am up every 2 hours. you can set your watch to it.
lets start with today. today could almost pass as a "normal" day. "normal" but different kinda. hard to explain, but i have a feeling i don't have to. The anxiety today has been a breeze. only 2-3 brief spots in the day that i had any anxiety at all and it was quick to pass. that said, I am just sitting down in my chair with no immediate task to occupy me and that is generally when it is the worst. So my "normal" day was an absolutely terrible day, but i felt fine about it for the most part. One of those daysÂ… I was a buck short all damn day and it wouldn't end. I was pissed off and frustrated for the vast majority of the day and I handled it fine, without a chew. I did however have a lot of "time to chew" moments today. I haven't really gotten them up to this point. but today I pulled into 7-11 and my brain just had that trigger that happens right before i grab a tin. hop in the car and had the trigger like id reach for the dash and shake 6 empty tins till i found one of the full ones. it is just a split second feeling tho and then goes away. interesting. anyways. got today covered i think.
let Tarantino this. start at today and go back to the beginning. After the baby came I was a mess for a few days. such a sinking horrible feeling in my chest constantly, dizzy as all hell. just back to square one. the more slept i got and the more days that past, the better it got for the most part. as it has been from the beginning tho, it is not linear. had a good day, then this weekend, think it was saturday, I wanted to go work on my yard, and i was so dizzy and foggy i could barely get around my house. had to sit my ass in my chair pretty much all day. anxiety has been a real issue all week until today. It has not been paralyzing as it was a few weeks ago, or when the baby was first born, but its been there. It is getting better big picture wise, just good days and bad.
yesterday, I spent half the day on a tree clearing machine, and the other half on a bulldozer and it was a day i have been dreading since well before i quit. how was i to handle a day on a machine without a chew? its been 10 years since i have done it. chew goes in at 6 am and stays there till lunch. goes back in until i get home, sometimes around 8-9:00 and only comes out to eat. goes back in before i get in the shower and comes out to sleep. the only time other than that i didn't chew, was if i stopped to change dips and capitalize on a smoke brake, or if i needed to slam a few beers ( sometimes not even then) that was my summer schedule. I thought the day was just gonna suck ass. so I wake up and head out the door. hoped on my machine armed with a bag of sunflower seeds and empty tic-tac container full of tooth picks. fired that bitch up and it was about 10:00 before I realized i hadn't thought about chew yet and I hadnt had more than a few mint burst of anxiety. I was proud of myself and smiled. anxiety came and went throughout yesterday but I made it through.
one of the days this weekend, maybe fridayÂ… father in law was over and i was feeling ok. we have not had a glass of scotch yet to celebrate the baby. so I made the executive decision to do so. thought lets get this out of the way. i made it through a beer on 3 occasions so far. lets try scotch. Boys, i love my scotchÂ…and i love my chew and smoke right after a nice scotch. so I have about 3 fingers, and we enjoyed some conversation about the future with the boy and all that. Im the type of guy who celebrates everything over a scotch. after her left I sat in my chair and my head started pounding and my anxiety went through the roof I was holding the boy and wife asked if i wanted her to take him. She base learned my face and deep breaths when it happens. I new it was gonna happen and told myself and the wife " I got this". And got this i did. it was a rough 10 minutes or so but it passed and I concurred another avenue of life without the filthy shit.
That filthy shitÂ… lets run with that. I was day dreaming a bit a week or so ago. was thinking about emailing one of my good buddies, that e book "freedom from nicotine" I have been on his ass a bit about quitting. he and i have both been quitting for 10 years, you know how that goes. and I got to thinking about going to the bar and smoking and sitting out back and having a cigar with my scotchÂ… i don't know why cigars are the hardest thing to wrap my head around never having again. chew.. sureÂ… smokesÂ… sure but that big ass cigar still makes me crave it. funny thing is I only smoke about 5 cigars a year tops. My brain does that, well we will see. maybe in a year or two you can have you that stogy. and then without me consciously promoting it, my brain said that filthy shit can stay right the hell out of my system. if the flavor of a cigar is the only thing i have to do without then no problem. if my thought process had a face it would have looked disgusted at the idea of any tobacco/nicotine product every coming near me again. after everything i have/am going throughÂ… never again.
there is a lot of other stuff i told myself i needed to write down but i can't remember any of them. assorted thought below before i get out of here.
appetite is back 200%. normal until about 5:00pm and then i can't stop eating. especially mid night snacks. every time the boy wakes up i will go and make an entire bag of chips/cady/crackers/etc. my bitch.
shitting is still hit or miss. sometimes soft serve, sometimes poop soup, and sometimesÂ…like last night and this morningÂ… not at all. constipated as hell with a lot of pain to go along.
pissed off all the time. not really pissed tho just frustrated as all hell. I handle it well but I'm so irritable sometimes. Me and wifey just laugh at it because it is never directed at here. I know exactly what is happening and i don't loose my temper i just go off an a rant and i am pissed yet laughing at the same time if you know what i mean.
and of course the familyÂ… we are great. thanks for all the thought and kind words guys. I am blown away that people i have never met can take such a genuine interest in me, my family and the success of my quite. I am passed the emotional mess stage of the quit ( at least i hope so) but it still touches me and humbles me. thanks so much. The boy is perfect. We are all learning and bring to figure out how this works and how we can get along. last night he projectile vomitted all over me and my chair. i get us all cleaned up and laugh it off. sit down and feed him what he just tossed upÂ… happened again. it was like old faithful man haha. i thought that only happened in the movies. at least 10'' range and I'm guessing 10psi. good for him, that is my boy if your gonna blow chunks do it the best you can right? I am so happy to have such a great little family and so excited about the journey we just started. I feel like everything in my life before this was just there to prepare me for my real life that started last sunday. I was cuddling him in bed the other night while moma was moving all the baby supplies from the living room to the bed room. I just had this feeling that holding him was the most important work i have done in life to date. feeding and changing diapers and all that was the most important thing i have ever done. looking at him even a 3am and exhausted gives life a meaning i didn't know could be there. I feel like i just joined a new club that was always there but i never knew about. kinda like Tortuga for my pirate fans out there. Place you can't find unless you already know were it is. I went to dairy queen with the boy and wife and older fella ( I'm 26, he's probably 45-50) looked over my should when i was rocking his car seat and smiled. Iknew everything he felt with that smile. it was a small split second in both our lives that meant a lot to both of us but a week ago i never would have picked up on. pretty awesome. ok wife is giving me the look, and if any of you are still reading thanks bunch gotta go.
-
Hey guys, its been a busy week. Wanted to get on here and write a bit, but every second of my time is already accounted for now haha. Not only does the boy take a lot of my time, I am in construction and we just moved onto our first job of the year and running my crew is very time consuming. this is going to be an unorganized mess of thoughts just to get em down.
I have found that keeping to busy to think about feeling like shit is a big help. The last few days I come home and work on my garden (turning my whole backyard into a suburban farm), until jeopardy comes on, then take over the boy. get to bed pretty early, as I am up every 2 hours. you can set your watch to it.
lets start with today. today could almost pass as a "normal" day. "normal" but different kinda. hard to explain, but i have a feeling i don't have to. The anxiety today has been a breeze. only 2-3 brief spots in the day that i had any anxiety at all and it was quick to pass. that said, I am just sitting down in my chair with no immediate task to occupy me and that is generally when it is the worst. So my "normal" day was an absolutely terrible day, but i felt fine about it for the most part. One of those daysÂ… I was a buck short all damn day and it wouldn't end. I was pissed off and frustrated for the vast majority of the day and I handled it fine, without a chew. I did however have a lot of "time to chew" moments today. I haven't really gotten them up to this point. but today I pulled into 7-11 and my brain just had that trigger that happens right before i grab a tin. hop in the car and had the trigger like id reach for the dash and shake 6 empty tins till i found one of the full ones. it is just a split second feeling tho and then goes away. interesting. anyways. got today covered i think.
let Tarantino this. start at today and go back to the beginning. After the baby came I was a mess for a few days. such a sinking horrible feeling in my chest constantly, dizzy as all hell. just back to square one. the more slept i got and the more days that past, the better it got for the most part. as it has been from the beginning tho, it is not linear. had a good day, then this weekend, think it was saturday, I wanted to go work on my yard, and i was so dizzy and foggy i could barely get around my house. had to sit my ass in my chair pretty much all day. anxiety has been a real issue all week until today. It has not been paralyzing as it was a few weeks ago, or when the baby was first born, but its been there. It is getting better big picture wise, just good days and bad.
yesterday, I spent half the day on a tree clearing machine, and the other half on a bulldozer and it was a day i have been dreading since well before i quit. how was i to handle a day on a machine without a chew? its been 10 years since i have done it. chew goes in at 6 am and stays there till lunch. goes back in until i get home, sometimes around 8-9:00 and only comes out to eat. goes back in before i get in the shower and comes out to sleep. the only time other than that i didn't chew, was if i stopped to change dips and capitalize on a smoke brake, or if i needed to slam a few beers ( sometimes not even then) that was my summer schedule. I thought the day was just gonna suck ass. so I wake up and head out the door. hoped on my machine armed with a bag of sunflower seeds and empty tic-tac container full of tooth picks. fired that bitch up and it was about 10:00 before I realized i hadn't thought about chew yet and I hadnt had more than a few mint burst of anxiety. I was proud of myself and smiled. anxiety came and went throughout yesterday but I made it through.
one of the days this weekend, maybe fridayÂ… father in law was over and i was feeling ok. we have not had a glass of scotch yet to celebrate the baby. so I made the executive decision to do so. thought lets get this out of the way. i made it through a beer on 3 occasions so far. lets try scotch. Boys, i love my scotchÂ…and i love my chew and smoke right after a nice scotch. so I have about 3 fingers, and we enjoyed some conversation about the future with the boy and all that. Im the type of guy who celebrates everything over a scotch. after her left I sat in my chair and my head started pounding and my anxiety went through the roof I was holding the boy and wife asked if i wanted her to take him. She base learned my face and deep breaths when it happens. I new it was gonna happen and told myself and the wife " I got this". And got this i did. it was a rough 10 minutes or so but it passed and I concurred another avenue of life without the filthy shit.
That filthy shitÂ… lets run with that. I was day dreaming a bit a week or so ago. was thinking about emailing one of my good buddies, that e book "freedom from nicotine" I have been on his ass a bit about quitting. he and i have both been quitting for 10 years, you know how that goes. and I got to thinking about going to the bar and smoking and sitting out back and having a cigar with my scotchÂ… i don't know why cigars are the hardest thing to wrap my head around never having again. chew.. sureÂ… smokesÂ… sure but that big ass cigar still makes me crave it. funny thing is I only smoke about 5 cigars a year tops. My brain does that, well we will see. maybe in a year or two you can have you that stogy. and then without me consciously promoting it, my brain said that filthy shit can stay right the hell out of my system. if the flavor of a cigar is the only thing i have to do without then no problem. if my thought process had a face it would have looked disgusted at the idea of any tobacco/nicotine product every coming near me again. after everything i have/am going throughÂ… never again.
there is a lot of other stuff i told myself i needed to write down but i can't remember any of them. assorted thought below before i get out of here.
appetite is back 200%. normal until about 5:00pm and then i can't stop eating. especially mid night snacks. every time the boy wakes up i will go and make an entire bag of chips/cady/crackers/etc. my bitch.
shitting is still hit or miss. sometimes soft serve, sometimes poop soup, and sometimesÂ…like last night and this morningÂ… not at all. constipated as hell with a lot of pain to go along.
pissed off all the time. not really pissed tho just frustrated as all hell. I handle it well but I'm so irritable sometimes. Me and wifey just laugh at it because it is never directed at here. I know exactly what is happening and i don't loose my temper i just go off an a rant and i am pissed yet laughing at the same time if you know what i mean.
and of course the familyÂ… we are great. thanks for all the thought and kind words guys. I am blown away that people i have never met can take such a genuine interest in me, my family and the success of my quite. I am passed the emotional mess stage of the quit ( at least i hope so) but it still touches me and humbles me. thanks so much. The boy is perfect. We are all learning and bring to figure out how this works and how we can get along. last night he projectile vomitted all over me and my chair. i get us all cleaned up and laugh it off. sit down and feed him what he just tossed upÂ… happened again. it was like old faithful man haha. i thought that only happened in the movies. at least 10'' range and I'm guessing 10psi. good for him, that is my boy if your gonna blow chunks do it the best you can right? I am so happy to have such a great little family and so excited about the journey we just started. I feel like everything in my life before this was just there to prepare me for my real life that started last sunday. I was cuddling him in bed the other night while moma was moving all the baby supplies from the living room to the bed room. I just had this feeling that holding him was the most important work i have done in life to date. feeding and changing diapers and all that was the most important thing i have ever done. looking at him even a 3am and exhausted gives life a meaning i didn't know could be there. I feel like i just joined a new club that was always there but i never knew about. kinda like Tortuga for my pirate fans out there. Place you can't find unless you already know were it is. I went to dairy queen with the boy and wife and older fella ( I'm 26, he's probably 45-50) looked over my should when i was rocking his car seat and smiled. Iknew everything he felt with that smile. it was a small split second in both our lives that meant a lot to both of us but a week ago i never would have picked up on. pretty awesome. ok wife is giving me the look, and if any of you are still reading thanks bunch gotta go.
Congrats Bob. You are now just fucked up because you're a dad with an infant son. Your quit is nearly normal.
I quit with you, you wordy fukr.
-
Hey guys, its been a busy week. Wanted to get on here and write a bit, but every second of my time is already accounted for now haha. Not only does the boy take a lot of my time, I am in construction and we just moved onto our first job of the year and running my crew is very time consuming. this is going to be an unorganized mess of thoughts just to get em down.
I have found that keeping to busy to think about feeling like shit is a big help. The last few days I come home and work on my garden (turning my whole backyard into a suburban farm), until jeopardy comes on, then take over the boy. get to bed pretty early, as I am up every 2 hours. you can set your watch to it.
lets start with today. today could almost pass as a "normal" day. "normal" but different kinda. hard to explain, but i have a feeling i don't have to. The anxiety today has been a breeze. only 2-3 brief spots in the day that i had any anxiety at all and it was quick to pass. that said, I am just sitting down in my chair with no immediate task to occupy me and that is generally when it is the worst. So my "normal" day was an absolutely terrible day, but i felt fine about it for the most part. One of those daysÂ… I was a buck short all damn day and it wouldn't end. I was pissed off and frustrated for the vast majority of the day and I handled it fine, without a chew. I did however have a lot of "time to chew" moments today. I haven't really gotten them up to this point. but today I pulled into 7-11 and my brain just had that trigger that happens right before i grab a tin. hop in the car and had the trigger like id reach for the dash and shake 6 empty tins till i found one of the full ones. it is just a split second feeling tho and then goes away. interesting. anyways. got today covered i think.
let Tarantino this. start at today and go back to the beginning. After the baby came I was a mess for a few days. such a sinking horrible feeling in my chest constantly, dizzy as all hell. just back to square one. the more slept i got and the more days that past, the better it got for the most part. as it has been from the beginning tho, it is not linear. had a good day, then this weekend, think it was saturday, I wanted to go work on my yard, and i was so dizzy and foggy i could barely get around my house. had to sit my ass in my chair pretty much all day. anxiety has been a real issue all week until today. It has not been paralyzing as it was a few weeks ago, or when the baby was first born, but its been there. It is getting better big picture wise, just good days and bad.
yesterday, I spent half the day on a tree clearing machine, and the other half on a bulldozer and it was a day i have been dreading since well before i quit. how was i to handle a day on a machine without a chew? its been 10 years since i have done it. chew goes in at 6 am and stays there till lunch. goes back in until i get home, sometimes around 8-9:00 and only comes out to eat. goes back in before i get in the shower and comes out to sleep. the only time other than that i didn't chew, was if i stopped to change dips and capitalize on a smoke brake, or if i needed to slam a few beers ( sometimes not even then) that was my summer schedule. I thought the day was just gonna suck ass. so I wake up and head out the door. hoped on my machine armed with a bag of sunflower seeds and empty tic-tac container full of tooth picks. fired that bitch up and it was about 10:00 before I realized i hadn't thought about chew yet and I hadnt had more than a few mint burst of anxiety. I was proud of myself and smiled. anxiety came and went throughout yesterday but I made it through.
one of the days this weekend, maybe fridayÂ… father in law was over and i was feeling ok. we have not had a glass of scotch yet to celebrate the baby. so I made the executive decision to do so. thought lets get this out of the way. i made it through a beer on 3 occasions so far. lets try scotch. Boys, i love my scotchÂ…and i love my chew and smoke right after a nice scotch. so I have about 3 fingers, and we enjoyed some conversation about the future with the boy and all that. Im the type of guy who celebrates everything over a scotch. after her left I sat in my chair and my head started pounding and my anxiety went through the roof I was holding the boy and wife asked if i wanted her to take him. She base learned my face and deep breaths when it happens. I new it was gonna happen and told myself and the wife " I got this". And got this i did. it was a rough 10 minutes or so but it passed and I concurred another avenue of life without the filthy shit.
That filthy shitÂ… lets run with that. I was day dreaming a bit a week or so ago. was thinking about emailing one of my good buddies, that e book "freedom from nicotine" I have been on his ass a bit about quitting. he and i have both been quitting for 10 years, you know how that goes. and I got to thinking about going to the bar and smoking and sitting out back and having a cigar with my scotchÂ… i don't know why cigars are the hardest thing to wrap my head around never having again. chew.. sureÂ… smokesÂ… sure but that big ass cigar still makes me crave it. funny thing is I only smoke about 5 cigars a year tops. My brain does that, well we will see. maybe in a year or two you can have you that stogy. and then without me consciously promoting it, my brain said that filthy shit can stay right the hell out of my system. if the flavor of a cigar is the only thing i have to do without then no problem. if my thought process had a face it would have looked disgusted at the idea of any tobacco/nicotine product every coming near me again. after everything i have/am going throughÂ… never again.
there is a lot of other stuff i told myself i needed to write down but i can't remember any of them. assorted thought below before i get out of here.
appetite is back 200%. normal until about 5:00pm and then i can't stop eating. especially mid night snacks. every time the boy wakes up i will go and make an entire bag of chips/cady/crackers/etc. my bitch.
shitting is still hit or miss. sometimes soft serve, sometimes poop soup, and sometimesÂ…like last night and this morningÂ… not at all. constipated as hell with a lot of pain to go along.
pissed off all the time. not really pissed tho just frustrated as all hell. I handle it well but I'm so irritable sometimes. Me and wifey just laugh at it because it is never directed at here. I know exactly what is happening and i don't loose my temper i just go off an a rant and i am pissed yet laughing at the same time if you know what i mean.
and of course the familyÂ… we are great. thanks for all the thought and kind words guys. I am blown away that people i have never met can take such a genuine interest in me, my family and the success of my quite. I am passed the emotional mess stage of the quit ( at least i hope so) but it still touches me and humbles me. thanks so much. The boy is perfect. We are all learning and bring to figure out how this works and how we can get along. last night he projectile vomitted all over me and my chair. i get us all cleaned up and laugh it off. sit down and feed him what he just tossed upÂ… happened again. it was like old faithful man haha. i thought that only happened in the movies. at least 10'' range and I'm guessing 10psi. good for him, that is my boy if your gonna blow chunks do it the best you can right? I am so happy to have such a great little family and so excited about the journey we just started. I feel like everything in my life before this was just there to prepare me for my real life that started last sunday. I was cuddling him in bed the other night while moma was moving all the baby supplies from the living room to the bed room. I just had this feeling that holding him was the most important work i have done in life to date. feeding and changing diapers and all that was the most important thing i have ever done. looking at him even a 3am and exhausted gives life a meaning i didn't know could be there. I feel like i just joined a new club that was always there but i never knew about. kinda like Tortuga for my pirate fans out there. Place you can't find unless you already know were it is. I went to dairy queen with the boy and wife and older fella ( I'm 26, he's probably 45-50) looked over my should when i was rocking his car seat and smiled. Iknew everything he felt with that smile. it was a small split second in both our lives that meant a lot to both of us but a week ago i never would have picked up on. pretty awesome. ok wife is giving me the look, and if any of you are still reading thanks bunch gotta go.
Congrats Bob. You are now just fucked up because you're a dad with an infant son. Your quit is nearly normal.
I quit with you, you wordy fukr.
Glad your hanging tough Big B. Keep it up.
Also keep updating me on your shit consistency. I'm keeping a journal.
Quit on...
-
Hey guys, its been a busy week. Wanted to get on here and write a bit, but every second of my time is already accounted for now haha. Not only does the boy take a lot of my time, I am in construction and we just moved onto our first job of the year and running my crew is very time consuming. this is going to be an unorganized mess of thoughts just to get em down.
I have found that keeping to busy to think about feeling like shit is a big help. The last few days I come home and work on my garden (turning my whole backyard into a suburban farm), until jeopardy comes on, then take over the boy. get to bed pretty early, as I am up every 2 hours. you can set your watch to it.
lets start with today. today could almost pass as a "normal" day. "normal" but different kinda. hard to explain, but i have a feeling i don't have to. The anxiety today has been a breeze. only 2-3 brief spots in the day that i had any anxiety at all and it was quick to pass. that said, I am just sitting down in my chair with no immediate task to occupy me and that is generally when it is the worst. So my "normal" day was an absolutely terrible day, but i felt fine about it for the most part. One of those daysÂ… I was a buck short all damn day and it wouldn't end. I was pissed off and frustrated for the vast majority of the day and I handled it fine, without a chew. I did however have a lot of "time to chew" moments today. I haven't really gotten them up to this point. but today I pulled into 7-11 and my brain just had that trigger that happens right before i grab a tin. hop in the car and had the trigger like id reach for the dash and shake 6 empty tins till i found one of the full ones. it is just a split second feeling tho and then goes away. interesting. anyways. got today covered i think.
let Tarantino this. start at today and go back to the beginning. After the baby came I was a mess for a few days. such a sinking horrible feeling in my chest constantly, dizzy as all hell. just back to square one. the more slept i got and the more days that past, the better it got for the most part. as it has been from the beginning tho, it is not linear. had a good day, then this weekend, think it was saturday, I wanted to go work on my yard, and i was so dizzy and foggy i could barely get around my house. had to sit my ass in my chair pretty much all day. anxiety has been a real issue all week until today. It has not been paralyzing as it was a few weeks ago, or when the baby was first born, but its been there. It is getting better big picture wise, just good days and bad.
yesterday, I spent half the day on a tree clearing machine, and the other half on a bulldozer and it was a day i have been dreading since well before i quit. how was i to handle a day on a machine without a chew? its been 10 years since i have done it. chew goes in at 6 am and stays there till lunch. goes back in until i get home, sometimes around 8-9:00 and only comes out to eat. goes back in before i get in the shower and comes out to sleep. the only time other than that i didn't chew, was if i stopped to change dips and capitalize on a smoke brake, or if i needed to slam a few beers ( sometimes not even then) that was my summer schedule. I thought the day was just gonna suck ass. so I wake up and head out the door. hoped on my machine armed with a bag of sunflower seeds and empty tic-tac container full of tooth picks. fired that bitch up and it was about 10:00 before I realized i hadn't thought about chew yet and I hadnt had more than a few mint burst of anxiety. I was proud of myself and smiled. anxiety came and went throughout yesterday but I made it through.
one of the days this weekend, maybe fridayÂ… father in law was over and i was feeling ok. we have not had a glass of scotch yet to celebrate the baby. so I made the executive decision to do so. thought lets get this out of the way. i made it through a beer on 3 occasions so far. lets try scotch. Boys, i love my scotchÂ…and i love my chew and smoke right after a nice scotch. so I have about 3 fingers, and we enjoyed some conversation about the future with the boy and all that. Im the type of guy who celebrates everything over a scotch. after her left I sat in my chair and my head started pounding and my anxiety went through the roof I was holding the boy and wife asked if i wanted her to take him. She base learned my face and deep breaths when it happens. I new it was gonna happen and told myself and the wife " I got this". And got this i did. it was a rough 10 minutes or so but it passed and I concurred another avenue of life without the filthy shit.
That filthy shitÂ… lets run with that. I was day dreaming a bit a week or so ago. was thinking about emailing one of my good buddies, that e book "freedom from nicotine" I have been on his ass a bit about quitting. he and i have both been quitting for 10 years, you know how that goes. and I got to thinking about going to the bar and smoking and sitting out back and having a cigar with my scotchÂ… i don't know why cigars are the hardest thing to wrap my head around never having again. chew.. sureÂ… smokesÂ… sure but that big ass cigar still makes me crave it. funny thing is I only smoke about 5 cigars a year tops. My brain does that, well we will see. maybe in a year or two you can have you that stogy. and then without me consciously promoting it, my brain said that filthy shit can stay right the hell out of my system. if the flavor of a cigar is the only thing i have to do without then no problem. if my thought process had a face it would have looked disgusted at the idea of any tobacco/nicotine product every coming near me again. after everything i have/am going throughÂ… never again.
there is a lot of other stuff i told myself i needed to write down but i can't remember any of them. assorted thought below before i get out of here.
appetite is back 200%. normal until about 5:00pm and then i can't stop eating. especially mid night snacks. every time the boy wakes up i will go and make an entire bag of chips/cady/crackers/etc. my bitch.
shitting is still hit or miss. sometimes soft serve, sometimes poop soup, and sometimesÂ…like last night and this morningÂ… not at all. constipated as hell with a lot of pain to go along.
pissed off all the time. not really pissed tho just frustrated as all hell. I handle it well but I'm so irritable sometimes. Me and wifey just laugh at it because it is never directed at here. I know exactly what is happening and i don't loose my temper i just go off an a rant and i am pissed yet laughing at the same time if you know what i mean.
and of course the familyÂ… we are great. thanks for all the thought and kind words guys. I am blown away that people i have never met can take such a genuine interest in me, my family and the success of my quite. I am passed the emotional mess stage of the quit ( at least i hope so) but it still touches me and humbles me. thanks so much. The boy is perfect. We are all learning and bring to figure out how this works and how we can get along. last night he projectile vomitted all over me and my chair. i get us all cleaned up and laugh it off. sit down and feed him what he just tossed upÂ… happened again. it was like old faithful man haha. i thought that only happened in the movies. at least 10'' range and I'm guessing 10psi. good for him, that is my boy if your gonna blow chunks do it the best you can right? I am so happy to have such a great little family and so excited about the journey we just started. I feel like everything in my life before this was just there to prepare me for my real life that started last sunday. I was cuddling him in bed the other night while moma was moving all the baby supplies from the living room to the bed room. I just had this feeling that holding him was the most important work i have done in life to date. feeding and changing diapers and all that was the most important thing i have ever done. looking at him even a 3am and exhausted gives life a meaning i didn't know could be there. I feel like i just joined a new club that was always there but i never knew about. kinda like Tortuga for my pirate fans out there. Place you can't find unless you already know were it is. I went to dairy queen with the boy and wife and older fella ( I'm 26, he's probably 45-50) looked over my should when i was rocking his car seat and smiled. Iknew everything he felt with that smile. it was a small split second in both our lives that meant a lot to both of us but a week ago i never would have picked up on. pretty awesome. ok wife is giving me the look, and if any of you are still reading thanks bunch gotta go.
Congrats Bob. You are now just fucked up because you're a dad with an infant son. Your quit is nearly normal.
I quit with you, you wordy fukr.
Glad your hanging tough Big B. Keep it up.
Also keep updating me on your shit consistency. I'm keeping a journal.
Quit on...
Keep "logging" your quit Bigbob you'll be glad to look back at how things progress and the stuff you never want to face again. The Mind tends to forget the bad stuff so log it all in.
-
Hey guys, its been a busy week. Wanted to get on here and write a bit, but every second of my time is already accounted for now haha. Not only does the boy take a lot of my time, I am in construction and we just moved onto our first job of the year and running my crew is very time consuming. this is going to be an unorganized mess of thoughts just to get em down.
I have found that keeping to busy to think about feeling like shit is a big help. The last few days I come home and work on my garden (turning my whole backyard into a suburban farm), until jeopardy comes on, then take over the boy. get to bed pretty early, as I am up every 2 hours. you can set your watch to it.
lets start with today. today could almost pass as a "normal" day. "normal" but different kinda. hard to explain, but i have a feeling i don't have to. The anxiety today has been a breeze. only 2-3 brief spots in the day that i had any anxiety at all and it was quick to pass. that said, I am just sitting down in my chair with no immediate task to occupy me and that is generally when it is the worst. So my "normal" day was an absolutely terrible day, but i felt fine about it for the most part. One of those daysÂ… I was a buck short all damn day and it wouldn't end. I was pissed off and frustrated for the vast majority of the day and I handled it fine, without a chew. I did however have a lot of "time to chew" moments today. I haven't really gotten them up to this point. but today I pulled into 7-11 and my brain just had that trigger that happens right before i grab a tin. hop in the car and had the trigger like id reach for the dash and shake 6 empty tins till i found one of the full ones. it is just a split second feeling tho and then goes away. interesting. anyways. got today covered i think.
let Tarantino this. start at today and go back to the beginning. After the baby came I was a mess for a few days. such a sinking horrible feeling in my chest constantly, dizzy as all hell. just back to square one. the more slept i got and the more days that past, the better it got for the most part. as it has been from the beginning tho, it is not linear. had a good day, then this weekend, think it was saturday, I wanted to go work on my yard, and i was so dizzy and foggy i could barely get around my house. had to sit my ass in my chair pretty much all day. anxiety has been a real issue all week until today. It has not been paralyzing as it was a few weeks ago, or when the baby was first born, but its been there. It is getting better big picture wise, just good days and bad.
yesterday, I spent half the day on a tree clearing machine, and the other half on a bulldozer and it was a day i have been dreading since well before i quit. how was i to handle a day on a machine without a chew? its been 10 years since i have done it. chew goes in at 6 am and stays there till lunch. goes back in until i get home, sometimes around 8-9:00 and only comes out to eat. goes back in before i get in the shower and comes out to sleep. the only time other than that i didn't chew, was if i stopped to change dips and capitalize on a smoke brake, or if i needed to slam a few beers ( sometimes not even then) that was my summer schedule. I thought the day was just gonna suck ass. so I wake up and head out the door. hoped on my machine armed with a bag of sunflower seeds and empty tic-tac container full of tooth picks. fired that bitch up and it was about 10:00 before I realized i hadn't thought about chew yet and I hadnt had more than a few mint burst of anxiety. I was proud of myself and smiled. anxiety came and went throughout yesterday but I made it through.
one of the days this weekend, maybe fridayÂ… father in law was over and i was feeling ok. we have not had a glass of scotch yet to celebrate the baby. so I made the executive decision to do so. thought lets get this out of the way. i made it through a beer on 3 occasions so far. lets try scotch. Boys, i love my scotchÂ…and i love my chew and smoke right after a nice scotch. so I have about 3 fingers, and we enjoyed some conversation about the future with the boy and all that. Im the type of guy who celebrates everything over a scotch. after her left I sat in my chair and my head started pounding and my anxiety went through the roof I was holding the boy and wife asked if i wanted her to take him. She base learned my face and deep breaths when it happens. I new it was gonna happen and told myself and the wife " I got this". And got this i did. it was a rough 10 minutes or so but it passed and I concurred another avenue of life without the filthy shit.
That filthy shitÂ… lets run with that. I was day dreaming a bit a week or so ago. was thinking about emailing one of my good buddies, that e book "freedom from nicotine" I have been on his ass a bit about quitting. he and i have both been quitting for 10 years, you know how that goes. and I got to thinking about going to the bar and smoking and sitting out back and having a cigar with my scotchÂ… i don't know why cigars are the hardest thing to wrap my head around never having again. chew.. sureÂ… smokesÂ… sure but that big ass cigar still makes me crave it. funny thing is I only smoke about 5 cigars a year tops. My brain does that, well we will see. maybe in a year or two you can have you that stogy. and then without me consciously promoting it, my brain said that filthy shit can stay right the hell out of my system. if the flavor of a cigar is the only thing i have to do without then no problem. if my thought process had a face it would have looked disgusted at the idea of any tobacco/nicotine product every coming near me again. after everything i have/am going throughÂ… never again.
there is a lot of other stuff i told myself i needed to write down but i can't remember any of them. assorted thought below before i get out of here.
appetite is back 200%. normal until about 5:00pm and then i can't stop eating. especially mid night snacks. every time the boy wakes up i will go and make an entire bag of chips/cady/crackers/etc. my bitch.
shitting is still hit or miss. sometimes soft serve, sometimes poop soup, and sometimesÂ…like last night and this morningÂ… not at all. constipated as hell with a lot of pain to go along.
pissed off all the time. not really pissed tho just frustrated as all hell. I handle it well but I'm so irritable sometimes. Me and wifey just laugh at it because it is never directed at here. I know exactly what is happening and i don't loose my temper i just go off an a rant and i am pissed yet laughing at the same time if you know what i mean.
and of course the familyÂ… we are great. thanks for all the thought and kind words guys. I am blown away that people i have never met can take such a genuine interest in me, my family and the success of my quite. I am passed the emotional mess stage of the quit ( at least i hope so) but it still touches me and humbles me. thanks so much. The boy is perfect. We are all learning and bring to figure out how this works and how we can get along. last night he projectile vomitted all over me and my chair. i get us all cleaned up and laugh it off. sit down and feed him what he just tossed upÂ… happened again. it was like old faithful man haha. i thought that only happened in the movies. at least 10'' range and I'm guessing 10psi. good for him, that is my boy if your gonna blow chunks do it the best you can right? I am so happy to have such a great little family and so excited about the journey we just started. I feel like everything in my life before this was just there to prepare me for my real life that started last sunday. I was cuddling him in bed the other night while moma was moving all the baby supplies from the living room to the bed room. I just had this feeling that holding him was the most important work i have done in life to date. feeding and changing diapers and all that was the most important thing i have ever done. looking at him even a 3am and exhausted gives life a meaning i didn't know could be there. I feel like i just joined a new club that was always there but i never knew about. kinda like Tortuga for my pirate fans out there. Place you can't find unless you already know were it is. I went to dairy queen with the boy and wife and older fella ( I'm 26, he's probably 45-50) looked over my should when i was rocking his car seat and smiled. Iknew everything he felt with that smile. it was a small split second in both our lives that meant a lot to both of us but a week ago i never would have picked up on. pretty awesome. ok wife is giving me the look, and if any of you are still reading thanks bunch gotta go.
Congrats Bob. You are now just fucked up because you're a dad with an infant son. Your quit is nearly normal.
I quit with you, you wordy fukr.
Glad your hanging tough Big B. Keep it up.
Also keep updating me on your shit consistency. I'm keeping a journal.
Quit on...
Keep "logging" your quit Bigbob you'll be glad to look back at how things progress and the stuff you never want to face again. The Mind tends to forget the bad stuff so log it all in.
I've got a "poop chart" for my clients to identify color and consistency. Might come in handy here.
-
diesel let the record show that today they were soft but in less than 3 pieces per dump. sink right to the bottom and are a pale light brown.
sorry the last few post have insanely long, but Brett you are right. I have came back and read this intro start to finish 10 plus times and as long and unorganized as some of the post are, and despite the autocorrect field day that make some of this pretty hard to understand, it helps A TON.
today started out great. work was going great. I even thought to myself, this is too much like fun. Being out in the field again on a beautiful day, the crew working great together and work getting done fast. this is a tree clearing job I am on. And then we sent a tree into a high voltage power line. I thought it was the end boy. Aint never seen or heard anything like that in all my days. lighting 50 feet in each direction, tree caught fire. I am directly below the sum bitchÂ… Stressful as hell. No one was hurt thank God. extremely stressful. threw it all, no dizziness. almost no anxiety all day. great mood considering.
funny side note. one of my guys left his smokes in the machine I was running that is now under the power lines. he was bitching that he wanted to go get his pack after an hour went by still waiting for the clean up crew. I saidÂ… see how much of nicotines bitch you are?Â… he replied, "oh I am her bitch, and its worth each of the 340,000 volts." walked his ass over there and got his smokes. I got to thinking that he didn't know how true that was. he is her bitch and that was me 57 days ago. I am quite another day and you were right, I gets better. Good night guys.
-
diesel let the record show that today they were soft but in less than 3 pieces per dump. sink right to the bottom and are a pale light brown.
sorry the last few post have insanely long, but Brett you are right. I have came back and read this intro start to finish 10 plus times and as long and unorganized as some of the post are, and despite the autocorrect field day that make some of this pretty hard to understand, it helps A TON.
today started out great. work was going great. I even thought to myself, this is too much like fun. Being out in the field again on a beautiful day, the crew working great together and work getting done fast. this is a tree clearing job I am on. And then we sent a tree into a high voltage power line. I thought it was the end boy. Aint never seen or heard anything like that in all my days. lighting 50 feet in each direction, tree caught fire. I am directly below the sum bitchÂ… Stressful as hell. No one was hurt thank God. extremely stressful. threw it all, no dizziness. almost no anxiety all day. great mood considering.
funny side note. one of my guys left his smokes in the machine I was running that is now under the power lines. he was bitching that he wanted to go get his pack after an hour went by still waiting for the clean up crew. I saidÂ… see how much of niftiness bitch you are?Â… he replied, "oh I am her bitch, and its worth each of the 340,000 volts." walked his ass over there and got his smokes. I got to thinking that he didn't know how true that was. he is her bitch and that was me 57 days ago. I am quite another day and you were right, I gets better. Good night guys.
BigBadBob, I see a true bad assed quitter emerging!
The cocoon will soon open and you, my special butterfly, will emerge quit!
Keep it up. You are winning
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diesel let the record show that today they were soft but in less than 3 pieces per dump. sink right to the bottom and are a pale light brown.
sorry the last few post have insanely long, but Brett you are right. I have came back and read this intro start to finish 10 plus times and as long and unorganized as some of the post are, and despite the autocorrect field day that make some of this pretty hard to understand, it helps A TON.
today started out great. work was going great. I even thought to myself, this is too much like fun. Being out in the field again on a beautiful day, the crew working great together and work getting done fast. this is a tree clearing job I am on. And then we sent a tree into a high voltage power line. I thought it was the end boy. Aint never seen or heard anything like that in all my days. lighting 50 feet in each direction, tree caught fire. I am directly below the sum bitchÂ… Stressful as hell. No one was hurt thank God. extremely stressful. threw it all, no dizziness. almost no anxiety all day. great mood considering.
funny side note. one of my guys left his smokes in the machine I was running that is now under the power lines. he was bitching that he wanted to go get his pack after an hour went by still waiting for the clean up crew. I saidÂ… see how much of niftiness bitch you are?Â… he replied, "oh I am her bitch, and its worth each of the 340,000 volts." walked his ass over there and got his smokes. I got to thinking that he didn't know how true that was. he is her bitch and that was me 57 days ago. I am quite another day and you were right, I gets better. Good night guys.
BigBadBob, I see a true bad assed quitter emerging!
The cocoon will soon open and you, my special butterfly, will emerge quit!
Keep it up. You are winning
I will note that's as "mushy 3 plopper".
Keep up the good work, BB!!! I can see you improving each day.
And don't electrucute yourself.
Quit on...
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Keep kicking ass Bigbob. You are doing an amazing quit and an inspiration to us all. How is lil BigBob?
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Hey enjoy all you can of the holiday weekend with the family BigBob- Keep to your quit plan, and keep finding the good in how quitting is serving your life!
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
-
hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
^^^ from his first day this guy was a key to me learning how to really enjoy the good of the quit, much earlier than I expected. Listen up, he's right! you got this, and it really does feel good doesn't it?!? The daily roll post is one little consistent change and so much else in life starts getting so danged great!
-
hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
^^^ from his first day this guy was a key to me learning how to really enjoy the good of the quit, much earlier than I expected. Listen up, he's right! you got this, and it really does feel good doesn't it?!? The daily roll post is one little consistent change and so much else in life starts getting so danged great!
Keep grinding BB. One little victory at a time, my friend. That's the key.
Keep up the good work.
Quit on...
-
hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
^^^ from his first day this guy was a key to me learning how to really enjoy the good of the quit, much earlier than I expected. Listen up, he's right! you got this, and it really does feel good doesn't it?!? The daily roll post is one little consistent change and so much else in life starts getting so danged great!
Keep grinding BB. One little victory at a time, my friend. That's the key.
Keep up the good work.
Quit on...
Quick post before bed guys. Today was a really good day. Felt like a new man. Still spent a lot of time thinking about my quit but not craving. About 5 minuts worth of anxiety today and it is very mild. Last. Night before bed I started thinking about dipping and then I realized if I focused I noticed my head throbing slightly and my heart beating slightly faster. All the crave symptoms but it was extremely mild. Not sure if it is just a trigger I have already encountered or what but it was a nice change of pace. I have started to read more on this site as well now that every word i read doesn't out me over the edge. Diesel, man I hate to constantly be calling u out, ur gunna think ima stalker, but I read some words of wisdom u wrote about ur quit is like a garden. Arm hanging out of your 5ton dozer haha. So well written. I thought about that today from the seat of my 45 ton dozer. You guys are all so kick ass. Can't thank you all enough for getting me this far.
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hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
^^^ from his first day this guy was a key to me learning how to really enjoy the good of the quit, much earlier than I expected. Listen up, he's right! you got this, and it really does feel good doesn't it?!? The daily roll post is one little consistent change and so much else in life starts getting so danged great!
Keep grinding BB. One little victory at a time, my friend. That's the key.
Keep up the good work.
Quit on...
Quick post before bed guys. Today was a really good day. Felt like a new man. Still spent a lot of time thinking about my quit but not craving. About 5 minuts worth of anxiety today and it is very mild. Last. Night before bed I started thinking about dipping and then I realized if I focused I noticed my head throbing slightly and my heart beating slightly faster. All the crave symptoms but it was extremely mild. Not sure if it is just a trigger I have already encountered or what but it was a nice change of pace. I have started to read more on this site as well now that every word i read doesn't out me over the edge. Diesel, man I hate to constantly be calling u out, ur gunna think ima stalker, but I read some words of wisdom u wrote about ur quit is like a garden. Arm hanging out of your 5ton dozer haha. So well written. I thought about that today from the seat of my 45 ton dozer. You guys are all so kick ass. Can't thank you all enough for getting me this far.
Your winning Bobby! Keep thinking about your quit. The point isn't to forget about it but to control it. Which you are beginning to do. Congratulations!
QLF with you!
-
hope you all had a great holiday weekend! I am very anxious and a little foggy today. Kind of a bummer but I keep reminding myself hope much better it has gotten. hell I could not get in the car without having calm meditation music on my phone and deep breathing exercises to keep me from a full blown panic attack. Now it bearly bothers me at all. Today tho has been tough all around. it Is what it is i guess. I read on here once that us addicts have a lot to atone for. I can finally view feeling like shit as paying my toll to freedom. There have been several times since my last post that I have not only felt fine, but felt so much more at peace and calm than I have in so long I can't remember. yesterday I had a bbq with my folks. had a few drinks. even with the first little buzz Iv got since i quit, I was fine. BBQ, talking with my old man, cold beer in hand, didn't think about chew the whole afternoon Â…WHAT!? I guess there is life after chew after all. only time i thought about chew yesterday was when is said to myself "Im doing all this and not feigning at all, bad ass". SeemsI went from feeling like shit 100% of the time. to having the random 5 minutes of feeling ok. then a few hours. I am almost up to entire days sometimes that I feel ok. There have even been a few times that i have felt great. short lived and far between but it happens.
The boy is 2 weeks old yesterday and doing great. I am at day 60 and doing pretty well over all. Staying positive, Staying busy and staying quit.
Sounds to me like you are winning, BB. Embrace the times you feel like shit so you will never put yourself through that again. Also, enjoy the times you don't feel like shit...that's the new you. You are like a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis for the first time and figuring out that you have wings. As long as you leave behind that dumbass, tobacco chewing caterpillar for good, you will soon be flying in the warm summer air of freedom.
Keep up the good work BB.
Enjoy that little man. I am envious of you not having to hide or explain what that shit in your lip is to him.
Well done and congrats on 61 days! You are making great memories. Keep at it today BigBob. ODAAT. Quit with you all day.
Nice work! You are have a great quit going on - quite a change from your first post. It will keep getting better. Enjoy the baby. Quit with you today!
It is so great to see you feeling a little better all the time. Its a long climb into the light, but so worth it. I am so happy for you and proud to be quit with you everyday!
^^^ from his first day this guy was a key to me learning how to really enjoy the good of the quit, much earlier than I expected. Listen up, he's right! you got this, and it really does feel good doesn't it?!? The daily roll post is one little consistent change and so much else in life starts getting so danged great!
Keep grinding BB. One little victory at a time, my friend. That's the key.
Keep up the good work.
Quit on...
Quick post before bed guys. Today was a really good day. Felt like a new man. Still spent a lot of time thinking about my quit but not craving. About 5 minuts worth of anxiety today and it is very mild. Last. Night before bed I started thinking about dipping and then I realized if I focused I noticed my head throbing slightly and my heart beating slightly faster. All the crave symptoms but it was extremely mild. Not sure if it is just a trigger I have already encountered or what but it was a nice change of pace. I have started to read more on this site as well now that every word i read doesn't out me over the edge. Diesel, man I hate to constantly be calling u out, ur gunna think ima stalker, but I read some words of wisdom u wrote about ur quit is like a garden. Arm hanging out of your 5ton dozer haha. So well written. I thought about that today from the seat of my 45 ton dozer. You guys are all so kick ass. Can't thank you all enough for getting me this far.
Your winning Bobby! Keep thinking about your quit. The point isn't to forget about it but to control it. Which you are beginning to do. Congratulations!
QLF with you!
Dude..if I see some dude rolling through SC Shores in a 5 ton dozer, I'm going to have to call the Authorities. Lol.
Seriously keep stringing together those +1's and only good things will happen.
Quit on...
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St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
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St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
I like the meatballs with the berries at IKEA. Good job. Keep up the strong quit.
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Thanks for the inspiration bud, I quit with you every day!
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St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
Down river...might as well be from Ohio. Lol.
Keep up the good work. Sound like you got a good groove going.
-
St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
Down river...might as well be from Ohio. Lol.
Keep up the good work. Sound like you got a good groove going.
YES! You ARE Quit Like Fuck! I love it! Congrats on the Ikea assembly.
-
St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
Down river...might as well be from Ohio. Lol.
Keep up the good work. Sound like you got a good groove going.
YES! You ARE Quit Like Fuck! I love it! Congrats on the Ikea assembly.
Wow the Ikea assembly is a great win! You're getting it all together- doc, dentist, gums, ikea--- this quit like fuck seems to work good for you! ha! great to see!
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hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. It has been pretty smooth sailing the last week or two. starting to get pretty tough again tho. pretty foggy and anxious. really sucks but its better than the original fog by a long shot. Hope it passes soon. I guess this is the anxiety they speak of around day 70.
doctor defiantly felt good. Haven't been to the doc in years. told me to try zantac for the swallow /reflux thing and see if it helps. at that that time i hadn't had any anxiety to speak of for 2 weeks so we decided against meds for the time being.
big picture. this is WAY easier than it started out to be. still sucks ass at times but i guess it comes with the territory. thanks for the help and encouragement everyone. just wanted to update the intro a bit.
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hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. It has been pretty smooth sailing the last week or two. starting to get pretty tough again tho. pretty foggy and anxious. really sucks but its better than the original fog by a long shot. Hope it passes soon. I guess this is the anxiety they speak of around day 70.
doctor defiantly felt good. Haven't been to the doc in years. told me to try zantac for the swallow /reflux thing and see if it helps. at that that time i hadn't had any anxiety to speak of for 2 weeks so we decided against meds for the time being.
big picture. this is WAY easier than it started out to be. still sucks ass at times but i guess it comes with the territory. thanks for the help and encouragement everyone. just wanted to update the intro a bit.
Stay tough man power or ride through any discomfort. You got this all coming together!
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hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. It has been pretty smooth sailing the last week or two. starting to get pretty tough again tho. pretty foggy and anxious. really sucks but its better than the original fog by a long shot. Hope it passes soon. I guess this is the anxiety they speak of around day 70.
doctor defiantly felt good. Haven't been to the doc in years. told me to try zantac for the swallow /reflux thing and see if it helps. at that that time i hadn't had any anxiety to speak of for 2 weeks so we decided against meds for the time being.
big picture. this is WAY easier than it started out to be. still sucks ass at times but i guess it comes with the territory. thanks for the help and encouragement everyone. just wanted to update the intro a bit.
Stay tough man power or ride through any discomfort. You got this all coming together!
Keep at it today BigBob! Know this... You will have spells where it is great and you will have spells where you hit a funk. Life has its ups and downs. You are dealing with life now without nicotine and that is a pretty damn good thing. For me, for days when I am in a bit of a funk ... knowing that I am giving the nic B the 'Finger' actually provides me with a bit of a lift.
Hold true to your word, use your tools for both the good days and bad days. Nicotine nver helped you during any of this... it only makes you a slave. You are winning today brother. I am quit with you all day long.
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hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. It has been pretty smooth sailing the last week or two. starting to get pretty tough again tho. pretty foggy and anxious. really sucks but its better than the original fog by a long shot. Hope it passes soon. I guess this is the anxiety they speak of around day 70.
doctor defiantly felt good. Haven't been to the doc in years. told me to try zantac for the swallow /reflux thing and see if it helps. at that that time i hadn't had any anxiety to speak of for 2 weeks so we decided against meds for the time being.
big picture. this is WAY easier than it started out to be. still sucks ass at times but i guess it comes with the territory. thanks for the help and encouragement everyone. just wanted to update the intro a bit.
Stay tough man power or ride through any discomfort. You got this all coming together!
Keep at it today BigBob! Know this... You will have spells where it is great and you will have spells where you hit a funk. Life has its ups and downs. You are dealing with life now without nicotine and that is a pretty damn good thing. For me, for days when I am in a bit of a funk ... knowing that I am giving the nic B the 'Finger' actually provides me with a bit of a lift.
Hold true to your word, use your tools for both the good days and bad days. Nicotine nver helped you during any of this... it only makes you a slave. You are winning today brother. I am quit with you all day long.
Bigbob, you are a different man than the one that started this thread. You are now a badass quit role model father.
Quit on brother.
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hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. It has been pretty smooth sailing the last week or two. starting to get pretty tough again tho. pretty foggy and anxious. really sucks but its better than the original fog by a long shot. Hope it passes soon. I guess this is the anxiety they speak of around day 70.
doctor defiantly felt good. Haven't been to the doc in years. told me to try zantac for the swallow /reflux thing and see if it helps. at that that time i hadn't had any anxiety to speak of for 2 weeks so we decided against meds for the time being.
big picture. this is WAY easier than it started out to be. still sucks ass at times but i guess it comes with the territory. thanks for the help and encouragement everyone. just wanted to update the intro a bit.
Stay tough man power or ride through any discomfort. You got this all coming together!
Keep at it today BigBob! Know this... You will have spells where it is great and you will have spells where you hit a funk. Life has its ups and downs. You are dealing with life now without nicotine and that is a pretty damn good thing. For me, for days when I am in a bit of a funk ... knowing that I am giving the nic B the 'Finger' actually provides me with a bit of a lift.
Hold true to your word, use your tools for both the good days and bad days. Nicotine nver helped you during any of this... it only makes you a slave. You are winning today brother. I am quit with you all day long.
Bigbob, you are a different man than the one that started this thread. You are now a badass quit role model father.
Quit on brother.
Man, what Doc said above is the truth! You have come A LONG WAY. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, forgot how shitty it was in the beginning. I never want you to have to go through that again!
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Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
-
Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
Great attitude. This was a nice read.
-
Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
Great attitude. This was a nice read.
Congrats Bigboob.
-
Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
Great attitude. This was a nice read.
Congrats Bigboob.
Quit on you're building a great quit!
-
Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
Great attitude. This was a nice read.
Congrats Bigboob.
Quit on you're building a great quit!
Your transformation has been awesome to witness. Keep going.
-
Hey everyone! Hope everyone had a good fathers day/weekend. I have not been as active here as i would like to be lately. Things are getting a lot better for me, but I have to keep my self busy all the time ( posting roll every damn day and keeping up on text messages to some of you tho). started to work on the old house, finish off my bare studs garage, bigger garden yada yada yada. It feels good to get so much more shit done then i ever have before. It is so liberating to tackle life without chew, one challenge at a time now that the challenges are manageable. I have read a few of the new guys intros and to see the advice you champion quitters are offering is awesome. I now understand what you mean when your give tough love, I can see the addict speak, I have no tolerance for half ass quitters, I finally see myself as quit.
I still have some really tough days but they continue to suck less as time goes by. Last week was really hard. the whole week. but i keep trucking. I carry my bag of quit proudly when it gets hard. I view the challenges as a time when me and nicotine get to roll up our sleeves and go toe to to toe. I smile when i tape up because I know now, no matter how long ( minutes to days) the hard times last, I am coming out the other side quitter (quitter? what the hell sure..) than I started.
a few weeks back i posted about a really tough time i had when family was in town and we all went to one properties and I was freaking out. the fan shutter, was making me dizzy, I couldn't eat, i couldn't look anyone in the eye etc. for fathers day we went to the same spot, had the same food, and i felt great. even if u take out being a new father, and a very proud one at that, i just felt really good to be alive, and there with my family. this week is shaping up to be a good one. one day at a time i am happy to quit with you guys. thanks for the on going support you guys are great!
Great attitude. This was a nice read.
Congrats Bigboob.
Quit on you're building a great quit!
Your transformation has been awesome to witness. Keep going.
You da Man, BB!!! Rock out with your cock out!!!
Quit on...
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How's things BB?
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How's things BB?
Lets get an update BB. How's the little guy?
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Your intro has gotten a little dusty BB! Belated happy HOF day. That's quite an accomplishment from the total wreck you were in the beginning! Congrats!
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Hey guys I am sorry I have been MIA. life is extremely busy! the baby boy is the best thing that ever happened to me. God damn i love that little shit. he is coming up on 3 months old pretty soon! just as good a baby as i could have asked for. lost of friends had babes right at the same time, and its amazing how much better my kid is in every way. I am gonna be that obnoxious and overly proud parent in the hockey stands pretty soon. the one everyone hates. but fuck them haha.
wife started a business out of the house and is rally doing well. she makes vinyl decals and sticks them to things like tumblers, water bottles, t shirts, shit like that. she also wen track to her job outside the house which we are hoping she can quit and do her own business full time pretty soon. law school starts back up in 2-3 weeks and i start a big tree clearing job about the same time.
My quit is strong as ever and gaining power everyday. I am on a cycle of about 7-10 days now were i feel pretty damn good, only thinking about the quit a few times a day and not very long at all. then i will have 2-4 days that kind of suck a bit. little anxious, little dizzy, head and heart ponding type shit but SOOOO much easier than it was.
I look back to the absolute shit show that was the first month or so of my quit and i am amazed. I still can not bring my brain to believe that a person can feel like that. I was barely capable of rational thought at times. the room spun constantly, heart beat through my chest and the anxiety was like that moment when you tilt your chair back and you go to far and you think ur gonna fall on your ass. just the feeling didn't stop for about 2 months. you all helped me through the toughest time in my life fellas and i am forever grateful. I am so much better now. I have accepted that i am going to have bad days and my brain immediately tries to find something good to say when i star to feel like shit. "find the good in the quit" sage advice. I often smile and compare my quite to diesels garden. I don't think I'm in the dozer tearing shit up just yet but I got one hell of a rototiller.
Thanks again guys, when work settles down a bit id like to start greeting the new guys and be a bit more active on the sight. I am posting roll every morning still with no end in sight. I started to become more active in my group and made some more friends. and still shoot text to quite a few guys every few days. I won't let it be so long till my next into update. take it easy guys!
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congrats on the new little one and way to go on keeping the quit. I am on day six and have tried many times in the past 30 yrs to quit but never made it. I think what made it easier for me this time is that I gave up drinking soda about a week and a half before I started to cut back on the amount I chewed daily. I was a can a day grizzley long cut strait a lot less than my 2 cans a day cope many years ago. I am still soda free and still keeping the quit going. I seemed to have more bad days when I was cutting back than now when actually quit. with the exception of yesterday bad headache and stomach turning. Other days not to bad, slurred speech blurred vision and shakes for a few minutes. But I found a way to beat all that right away when I feel it coming I have several cans of jerky chew all just shredded jerky and I put in a pinch of that and in a few minutes I have tricked the mind. Now I know that eventually I will have to quit doing that also and get used to having nothing in the lip, but for now it really helps and since I love jerky (who doesn't) it keeps me from snacking so much which helps cause I'm sure I am like everyone else who is quit got the major munchies going on. I have tried the imitation stuff before and it didn't work. So if you are drinking soda's try stopping that and see if it helps any. I read it some where maybe even here not sure that drinking soda while trying to quit is not good. Keep it up and enjoy the new little one, wish mine were still small.
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congrats on the new little one and way to go on keeping the quit. I am on day six and have tried many times in the past 30 yrs to quit but never made it. I think what made it easier for me this time is that I gave up drinking soda about a week and a half before I started to cut back on the amount I chewed daily. I was a can a day grizzley long cut strait a lot less than my 2 cans a day cope many years ago. I am still soda free and still keeping the quit going. I seemed to have more bad days when I was cutting back than now when actually quit. with the exception of yesterday bad headache and stomach turning. Other days not to bad, slurred speech blurred vision and shakes for a few minutes. But I found a way to beat all that right away when I feel it coming I have several cans of jerky chew all just shredded jerky and I put in a pinch of that and in a few minutes I have tricked the mind. Now I know that eventually I will have to quit doing that also and get used to having nothing in the lip, but for now it really helps and since I love jerky (who doesn't) it keeps me from snacking so much which helps cause I'm sure I am like everyone else who is quit got the major munchies going on. I have tried the imitation stuff before and it didn't work. So if you are drinking soda's try stopping that and see if it helps any. I read it some where maybe even here not sure that drinking soda while trying to quit is not good. Keep it up and enjoy the new little one, wish mine were still small.
This threads a good read Bigbob. Congrats on the baby. You mention the horror shit show that was the 1st month of your quit, strikes a chord with me. I'm @ day 44 after a 34 year love affair with the nic bitch, but didn't find this site until the 23 or 24 day into my quit. Doing it solo for those first 20 days was not a pretty site around the Old ES homestead... Mrs Enough was ready to wring my neck more than a few times but ... isn't it amazing how time is healing those wounds. Guard your quit...feeling all proud about the birth of one of my kids is how I fugged up 25 years ago. Sultan Proud to quit with you.
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Hope your feeling better EnoughSnuff! this quit business is no joke. day 136 right now. Good days and bad days but i could never imagine this point in my quite 100 days ago. Life is good, my family is healthy and my bills are paid. hope everyone still following along had a good weekend. No real update to give other than its getting easier and easier. everyday new challenges, some i barely notice and some quite difficult but i keep on keeping on. have a good one guys!
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copy and past I put in my group tonight after a guy caved. he was one day before me on the quit calendar and i used him to remember my day, what an inconsiderate prick.
Quick story for you guys semi relatedÂ… I have been super cravey lately. I have a new employee who just started today. He fired up a smoke while we drove to the job. as soon as the smoke hit my nose it was like the movie finding Nemo when the shark smells blood haha. usually makes me sick but for some reason i wanted a smoke, a chew, a cigar and id lube up a hookah and sit on the bitch. I stuck to my guns and we fired up a convo on quitting. he told me a story about his dad having a hole in his throat and him having to clean it out. also a few other family members dieing of cancer. he literally told me the next sentence that he knew it was fucked up, but that was not enough to motivate him. I just shook my head an laughed. I try not to mount my high horse of quit to much because its usually a waste of breathÂ… but i dropped knowledge on homeboy. talking about he was gonna do this and gonna do that and maybe one day. i explained why patches don't work, how addiction works, and why he was a pussy, and what a twat he sounded like. he wasn't offended but i think he was embarrassed for the fact that he smoked/chewedÂ… until about 15 minutes later when he lit up another. at this point i realized that everything i had just said wasn't for him, it was for myself to hear it. what ever the case. another day in the books fellas. glad to be quit with you for another day. see ya in the morning.
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copy and past I put in my group tonight after a guy caved. he was one day before me on the quit calendar and i used him to remember my day, what an inconsiderate prick.
Quick story for you guys semi relatedÂ… I have been super cravey lately. I have a new employee who just started today. He fired up a smoke while we drove to the job. as soon as the smoke hit my nose it was like the movie finding Nemo when the shark smells blood haha. usually makes me sick but for some reason i wanted a smoke, a chew, a cigar and id lube up a hookah and sit on the bitch. I stuck to my guns and we fired up a convo on quitting. he told me a story about his dad having a hole in his throat and him having to clean it out. also a few other family members dieing of cancer. he literally told me the next sentence that he knew it was fucked up, but that was not enough to motivate him. I just shook my head an laughed. I try not to mount my high horse of quit to much because its usually a waste of breathÂ… but i dropped knowledge on homeboy. talking about he was gonna do this and gonna do that and maybe one day. i explained why patches don't work, how addiction works, and why he was a pussy, and what a twat he sounded like. he wasn't offended but i think he was embarrassed for the fact that he smoked/chewedÂ… until about 15 minutes later when he lit up another. at this point i realized that everything i had just said wasn't for him, it was for myself to hear it. what ever the case. another day in the books fellas. glad to be quit with you for another day. see ya in the morning.
Fuck that guy.
There's a TON of assholes out there smoking, dipping, hookaing, vaping, etc...Hell, we used to be a part of that group.
I remember I was dipping once at a home poker game in my buddy's basement. One of the guys there said to me, "you should quit that shit, I heard it has fiberglass in it. That stuff will kill you".
My response..."fuck it, what won't kill you nowadays"
I didn't want to hear any lecture from that asshole. All I cared about was ME. I chewed and fuck anybody who didn't.
Now that I'm quit, I feel the same way. I'm quit and fuck anybody who's not.
I saw two Dads dipping today at my sons football practice. Fuck em. They could live to be 100 and I could stroke out at 50...I still wouldn't care because I didn't quit because of them or for them. I quit because I wanted to.
Anything anyone else does, does not affect me.
Fuck em.
Quit on...
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Thanks for the intro and inspiration. Much Respect Bigbob!
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copy and past I put in my group tonight after a guy caved. he was one day before me on the quit calendar and i used him to remember my day, what an inconsiderate prick.
Quick story for you guys semi relatedÂ… I have been super cravey lately. I have a new employee who just started today. He fired up a smoke while we drove to the job. as soon as the smoke hit my nose it was like the movie finding Nemo when the shark smells blood haha. usually makes me sick but for some reason i wanted a smoke, a chew, a cigar and id lube up a hookah and sit on the bitch. I stuck to my guns and we fired up a convo on quitting. he told me a story about his dad having a hole in his throat and him having to clean it out. also a few other family members dieing of cancer. he literally told me the next sentence that he knew it was fucked up, but that was not enough to motivate him. I just shook my head an laughed. I try not to mount my high horse of quit to much because its usually a waste of breathÂ… but i dropped knowledge on homeboy. talking about he was gonna do this and gonna do that and maybe one day. i explained why patches don't work, how addiction works, and why he was a pussy, and what a twat he sounded like. he wasn't offended but i think he was embarrassed for the fact that he smoked/chewedÂ… until about 15 minutes later when he lit up another. at this point i realized that everything i had just said wasn't for him, it was for myself to hear it. what ever the case. another day in the books fellas. glad to be quit with you for another day. see ya in the morning.
Fuck that guy.
There's a TON of assholes out there smoking, dipping, hookaing, vaping, etc...Hell, we used to be a part of that group.
I remember I was dipping once at a home poker game in my buddy's basement. One of the guys there said to me, "you should quit that shit, I heard it has fiberglass in it. That stuff will kill you".
My response..."fuck it, what won't kill you nowadays"
I didn't want to hear any lecture from that asshole. All I cared about was ME. I chewed and fuck anybody who didn't.
Now that I'm quit, I feel the same way. I'm quit and fuck anybody who's not.
I saw two Dads dipping today at my sons football practice. Fuck em. They could live to be 100 and I could stroke out at 50...I still wouldn't care because I didn't quit because of them or for them. I quit because I wanted to.
Anything anyone else does, does not affect me.
Fuck em.
Quit on...
Caveats suck. At this point, you don't do that to brothers, much less to yourself and your family. Proud to quit with you Bob.
As for the smoker... Until you are ready to quit, you don't quit. We all did that shit. Justified... Something's gonna kill us. Well, Bob, nicotine took a lot from everyone of us. And you and I are DONE giving!
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copy and past I put in my group tonight after a guy caved. he was one day before me on the quit calendar and i used him to remember my day, what an inconsiderate prick.
Quick story for you guys semi relatedÂ… I have been super cravey lately. I have a new employee who just started today. He fired up a smoke while we drove to the job. as soon as the smoke hit my nose it was like the movie finding Nemo when the shark smells blood haha. usually makes me sick but for some reason i wanted a smoke, a chew, a cigar and id lube up a hookah and sit on the bitch. I stuck to my guns and we fired up a convo on quitting. he told me a story about his dad having a hole in his throat and him having to clean it out. also a few other family members dieing of cancer. he literally told me the next sentence that he knew it was fucked up, but that was not enough to motivate him. I just shook my head an laughed. I try not to mount my high horse of quit to much because its usually a waste of breathÂ… but i dropped knowledge on homeboy. talking about he was gonna do this and gonna do that and maybe one day. i explained why patches don't work, how addiction works, and why he was a pussy, and what a twat he sounded like. he wasn't offended but i think he was embarrassed for the fact that he smoked/chewedÂ… until about 15 minutes later when he lit up another. at this point i realized that everything i had just said wasn't for him, it was for myself to hear it. what ever the case. another day in the books fellas. glad to be quit with you for another day. see ya in the morning.
Fuck that guy.
There's a TON of assholes out there smoking, dipping, hookaing, vaping, etc...Hell, we used to be a part of that group.
I remember I was dipping once at a home poker game in my buddy's basement. One of the guys there said to me, "you should quit that shit, I heard it has fiberglass in it. That stuff will kill you".
My response..."fuck it, what won't kill you nowadays"
I didn't want to hear any lecture from that asshole. All I cared about was ME. I chewed and fuck anybody who didn't.
Now that I'm quit, I feel the same way. I'm quit and fuck anybody who's not.
I saw two Dads dipping today at my sons football practice. Fuck em. They could live to be 100 and I could stroke out at 50...I still wouldn't care because I didn't quit because of them or for them. I quit because I wanted to.
Anything anyone else does, does not affect me.
Fuck em.
Quit on...
Caveats suck. At this point, you don't do that to brothers, much less to yourself and your family. Proud to quit with you Bob.
As for the smoker... Until you are ready to quit, you don't quit. We all did that shit. Justified... Something's gonna kill us. Well, Bob, nicotine took a lot from everyone of us. And you and I are DONE giving!
One day at a time- it keeps getting better. Eventually the enemy becomes thinking you have it licked. Good to get these little challenges along the way, win over them, and take some time to feel the "ahh" of victory. That is actually reprogramming your mind to that of a healthy perspective. Way to go!
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Hey bro, HUGE congrats on the 2nd floor! You've had an interesting run since HOF ... people shitting on your forestry equipment just an example. Through that, rock solid in your quit! Proud to call you my July DD brother!
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Hey bro, HUGE congrats on the 2nd floor! You've had an interesting run since HOF ... people shitting on your forestry equipment just an example. Through that, rock solid in your quit! Proud to call you my July DD brother!
200, already??? Dang Big B, your killing this shit.
Congrats and keep it rolling!!!
Quit on...
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Hey bro, HUGE congrats on the 2nd floor! You've had an interesting run since HOF ... people shitting on your forestry equipment just an example. Through that, rock solid in your quit! Proud to call you my July DD brother!
200, already??? Dang Big B, your killing this shit.
Congrats and keep it rolling!!!
Quit on...
You have come so far since the beginning Big Bob! Your quit is an inspiration. From hell to a semblance of peace. Congrats!
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Hey bro, HUGE congrats on the 2nd floor! You've had an interesting run since HOF ... people shitting on your forestry equipment just an example. Through that, rock solid in your quit! Proud to call you my July DD brother!
200, already??? Dang Big B, your killing this shit.
Congrats and keep it rolling!!!
Quit on...
You have come so far since the beginning Big Bob! Your quit is an inspiration. From hell to a semblance of peace. Congrats!
Bigbob - Good to be quit with you. It is great to see you confront all the shit you have in the past and still be quit.
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Hey boys thanks for the 200 props! I know its been a while since i blew the spider webs off this intro. I have wanted to post this so many times but ever time i want to i have a bad day. Almost like a sign to hold off and not jinx myself.
quick update for you all. I am on day 234 and i finally got my dozer. Im going through the field of quit fucking shit right up Caterpillar style. and this is despite a lot of "life" (as one quite brother puts it) happening to me in the last few months. I no longer think i'm crazy haha. I have about 2-3 days a month that are really tough anxiety wise. it comes out of the blue and for no distinguishable reason. starts with about a 1 minute long panic attack and then about 2 days of general anxiety. today was one such day. foggy too which was goofy that hasn't happened in a while but fuck it i can handle once a month issues. Its the first time the snow flies here and I'm sure the change of season might have something to do with it. Craves a plenty but i have no actually desire to go and get a tin if that makes sense.
so now for the "life" that has happened. I think i covered the first part in here some were but just to bring the memories back. I run a construction company. 3rd generation family to run it.
-Had some body brake into my yard and steal my f250, loaded with multiple thousands of dollars worth
of batteries out of the machinery. Recovered the truck not the batteries.
-Then I had to put our dog down. He (bob) was a good old golden retriever and the first pet my wife and i shared. rescued him at an old age and we new it would come sooner than later.
-Then we got a new rescue. Bear a golden doodle. he is 4 and a great edition to the family
-then I went straight "jet blue" at the afore mentioned job. told my whole family to kiss my ass and quite. mind you i have a wife in law school, and a 6 month old at home. needless to say it was life changing. one of those 30 seconds of life you never expected to happen but instantly change the course of your life forever. I have since enrolled in school for january and got a job at a bitchen high class bar opening this week. i gave my family till the end of the year to get them going and I'm out.
-somewere in there i forgot to mention a day i showed up to a job sight and somebody had taken a shit on the seat of my whole tree chipper. but only after spray painting some freshly painted machines with all kinds of shit.
All the while the nic bitch calling but thanks to you all i kicked her In the teeth river dance style. I am excited about my new life and my quit. WIfe runs a company out of the house making vinyl decals for coffee mugs and other drink wear. ( I'm bring to get a fe quit like fuck mugs btw) and her little business has taken off way beyond our expectations. it helps to take the stress of me leaving my job.
last but not least is my son. He is fucking perfect. every day i see him i am amazed. grows so fast and so damn smart. I can't believe i am responsible for something so good. the little bastard scoots all around th house and is standing by himself if u give hi something to hold onto. before i know it we will be fishing and hunting together. and the little man will never now i ever chewed. thanks again for all the support guys! ill keep you posted
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Good Stuff BigBob!
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Hey boys thanks for the 200 props! I know its been a while since i blew the spider webs off this intro. I have wanted to post this so many times but ever time i want to i have a bad day. Almost like a sign to hold off and not jinx myself.
quick update for you all. I am on day 234 and i finally got my dozer. Im going through the field of quit fucking shit right up Caterpillar style. and this is despite a lot of "life" (as one quite brother puts it) happening to me in the last few months. I no longer think i'm crazy haha. I have about 2-3 days a month that are really tough anxiety wise. it comes out of the blue and for no distinguishable reason. starts with about a 1 minute long panic attack and then about 2 days of general anxiety. today was one such day. foggy too which was goofy that hasn't happened in a while but fuck it i can handle once a month issues. Its the first time the snow flies here and I'm sure the change of season might have something to do with it. Craves a plenty but i have no actually desire to go and get a tin if that makes sense.
so now for the "life" that has happened. I think i covered the first part in here some were but just to bring the memories back. I run a construction company. 3rd generation family to run it.
-Had some body brake into my yard and steal my f250, loaded with multiple thousands of dollars worth
of batteries out of the machinery. Recovered the truck not the batteries.
-Then I had to put our dog down. He (bob) was a good old golden retriever and the first pet my wife and i shared. rescued him at an old age and we new it would come sooner than later.
-Then we got a new rescue. Bear a golden doodle. he is 4 and a great edition to the family
-then I went straight "jet blue" at the afore mentioned job. told my whole family to kiss my ass and quite. mind you i have a wife in law school, and a 6 month old at home. needless to say it was life changing. one of those 30 seconds of life you never expected to happen but instantly change the course of your life forever. I have since enrolled in school for january and got a job at a bitchen high class bar opening this week. i gave my family till the end of the year to get them going and I'm out.
-somewere in there i forgot to mention a day i showed up to a job sight and somebody had taken a shit on the seat of my whole tree chipper. but only after spray painting some freshly painted machines with all kinds of shit.
All the while the nic bitch calling but thanks to you all i kicked her In the teeth river dance style. I am excited about my new life and my quit. WIfe runs a company out of the house making vinyl decals for coffee mugs and other drink wear. ( I'm bring to get a fe quit like fuck mugs btw) and her little business has taken off way beyond our expectations. it helps to take the stress of me leaving my job.
last but not least is my son. He is fucking perfect. every day i see him i am amazed. grows so fast and so damn smart. I can't believe i am responsible for something so good. the little bastard scoots all around th house and is standing by himself if u give hi something to hold onto. before i know it we will be fishing and hunting together. and the little man will never now i ever chewed. thanks again for all the support guys! ill keep you posted
Awesome recap bro ... thanks for sharing. As always, QFL with you every damn day, proud to call you a "DD" brother! Do the DD's get discounts on mugs?
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One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!
'clap'
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One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!
'clap'
I cant believe its been a year already. How you feeling now BigBob? You were a freaking wreck in the beginning. Huge Congratulations on a big milestone! Very proud of you.
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One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!
'clap'
I cant believe its been a year already. How you feeling now BigBob? You were a freaking wreck in the beginning. Huge Congratulations on a big milestone! Very proud of you.
Wreck to win. After win. After win. Congratulations sir - you are what this site is all about.
365 wins in a row!
-w2w
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Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.
The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.
eta day 608
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Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.
The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.
eta day 608
Man you've gone thru a lot since joining this site. A lot of good. A lot of bad. But man you are an inspiration.
Thanks for the update.
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Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.
The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.
eta day 608
Man you've gone thru a lot since joining this site. A lot of good. A lot of bad. But man you are an inspiration.
Thanks for the update.
Yeah, thanks for the update BigBob. Congrats on your growing family! I am so happy that you made it through all that early shit and are still here with us.
Jerry.
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Boys it's been an honer to post with U this long. I keep fighting my Demons and they keep winning. I fly out of state in the morning for at least a month stay in a rehab facility. Drugs. Liquor, tobacco... didn't even fall off the wagon I burned it to the ground. Farewell my friends and good like on your own paths
Well, sometime over the weekend the demons caught up with BigBob after day 1,143 ... as that was his last official post Friday before dropping the bomb above last night. How the hell someone gets well past a comma and still folds is beyond me. I can tell you the blatantly obvious things though:- He started missing days here and there, with little remorse.
- He started posting later and later in the day ... again, with little remorse.
- Days missed started to get strung together, with little remorse.
Sound familiar? Tough to fight demons when you choose to do so alone. Embrace brotherhood by all means, but you damn sure better embrace accountability along with it ... it's what keeps you quit if shit hits the fan.
You have zero accountability? You've already lost.
I hope you find the help you need in rehab bud.
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Boys it's been an honer to post with U this long. I keep fighting my Demons and they keep winning. I fly out of state in the morning for at least a month stay in a rehab facility. Drugs. Liquor, tobacco... didn't even fall off the wagon I burned it to the ground. Farewell my friends and good like on your own paths
Well, sometime over the weekend the demons caught up with BigBob after day 1,143 ... as that was his last official post Friday before dropping the bomb above last night. How the hell someone gets well past a comma and still folds is beyond me. I can tell you the blatantly obvious things though:- He started missing days here and there, with little remorse.
- He started posting later and later in the day ... again, with little remorse.
- Days missed started to get strung together, with little remorse.
Sound familiar? Tough to fight demons when you choose to do so alone. Embrace brotherhood by all means, but you damn sure better embrace accountability along with it ... it's what keeps you quit if shit hits the fan.
You have zero accountability? You've already lost.
I hope you find the help you need in rehab bud.
Well, ain't that a reality punch to the nuts!?!
1,100+ days and caved willingly.
You're never cured boys and girls.
Never.
Own it and be accountable every day.
That's your freedom right there...
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Anybody else looking in here just know this isn't the way to be quit. This guy knew he was going to do this. The guys in his group know the "demons" that he speaks of, but hell using tobacco again is just another problem on top of whatever he faces. Not all of us are perfect individuals with all of the vices in check, but if we are here and we are saying we are quit we better be quit. There is too much at stake here. Most of us don't have second chances... I hope he finds his way back from this but it will be tough... Be quit folks!!!
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Seriously? Damn. Man past comma we all still know we aren't cured. But if you have been truly quit for 1000 days +, then you know craves still exist and it takes very little effort to put them aside. Only way a crave has any power is if we meditate on it and give it an open door to come in. Lock the door. Throw away the key.
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Nicotine is one big lie.
After 1,000 days there is no excuse for this. It makes me sick to know that new guys that are really struggling are reading this and thinking..."damn this must be impossible. A cave after 1,000 days? It must never get better."
Well it does. A lot. This is pathetic. Post roll everyday and this is a fuckin cakewalk after 1,000. Or you can do it the BigBob way.
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Nicotine is one big lie.
After 1,000 days there is no excuse for this. It makes me sick to know that new guys that are really struggling are reading this and thinking..."damn this must be impossible. A cave after 1,000 days? It must never get better."
Well it does. A lot. This is pathetic. Post roll everyday and this is a fuckin cakewalk after 1,000. Or you can do it the BigBob way.
Makes me wonder if he was really ever quit?
Yes.. Any one can fall.
But, at one point... I quit peeing in my pants.
I also quit sucking a nipple...kinda?
I quit blaming other people.
I started reading and learning.
I ask for accountability.
KTC has helped me replace Who I was.. ODAAT.
It's hard to go back...
Let's keep moving forward.
Bigbob...... Maybe You just stopped.
I can see the chair.
I can research the chair.
I can see other people sit in the chair.
I can touch the chair.
I can go to college and learn about the chair.
I can go to seminary on the chair.
I can talk about the chair.
I can preach to crowds about the chair.
I can sit in the chair.
But.....
At some point I have to Trust the chair.
I have to pick my feet up.
And "believe" in the chair.
All can escape the lie.
All can find the truth.. And be set free.
I quit with you... And all.
Rawls 912